XI Winter Olympics - RP Thread

[Astyrian Olympics Delegation]

“Hello Neu Engollon!...And greetings to our viewers watching through our sister networks across Astyria, along with those regular international NETV subscribers. I’m Magda Wertauer and you’re in store for another Winter Olympics edition of the NETV Sports 7 Update. We are broadcasting live from Prescott, Electrum and looking at the home stretch of the well organized and run Winter Olympics.

We have seen triumphs and astounding success with the Astyrian Unified Delegation, as well as some huge disappointments and Herculean effort to no avail. Heartbreak builds character, right? Then we’ll show you some monumental Astyrian characters that have given it their all.

While there have been many athletes representing the region will also be taking home medals for their nations, some are truly representing the collaborative effort of this team. First of all, the men’s hockey team is a shining example of Astyrians coming together to form one juggernaut group determined to beat the odds. Hockey is one of those sports that comes to the forefront of most people’s minds when they think of the Winter Olympics. There is truly few events that capture the spirit of the games more than the showdown on ice, where men or women battle it out in such aggressive, quick fashion to take top honors.

The Astyrian men’s hockey team has taken every game they’ve played against opponents, but it remains to be seen whether they can ultimately overcome the pressure to get the gold, and also the physical limits that have seen some horrific injuries fell some of them. Vladimir Kusko, the Falkasian first line center, was knocked unconscious in the game against San Llera, due to a nasty shot by Raul Perrita. The trainer/medical team of Doc Lazarev and Sammy Deseaux were able to bring him around and get him off to the hospital. Other players have taken some knocks that might have sidelined lesser men, but these players, whether they be Neu Engollian, Falkasian, Aswickian, Rombergian or Gaul, have held strong and triumphed.
Their latest victory was tonight against a tough team from the Holy FSM Empire. Two goals, put into the net by Luka Görstler and Alain Coupin, saw the Astyrians sew up what had seemed to be a troublesome game, at least from the view of the first period.
By the second period, it was clear that the Astyrians were done being pushed around and were going to dominate the ice from that time onward. A lot of that push was again due to the Falkasians put in on the line by Coach Le Houne to drive the team to continue relentless attacks on the FSM goal. Later, we’ll watch footage and commentary with my colleague, Karl Demais, who was there in Vlad Kusko’s hospital room as they cheered on the Astyrians together.

Another combined Astyrian team that has gotten much less attention, but deserves much more is that of the men’s Nordic combined ski team.
Led by Falkasian top skier Valerian Larashenko and Neu Engollon’s Vincent Hudon, and ably anchored by fellow Neu Engollian Tom Pirscala and Nikolian Fabian Dziedzic, they locked up the gold with a jump of 105.8 and a time of 49:23.4, just narrowly beating the Taeshan team. For fans it was incredible to watch, for the uninitiated to Nordic combined skiing events, it was still pretty darn exciting.

Cross country men’s skiing for the Team Sprint. Some of these events are a bit of a mouthful, so hang with me. Another combined Astyrian team, this one consisting of only two skiiers...Once again, Valerian Larashenko, and the other member being Njall Ragnarssen of Glisandia. Larasenko and Ragnarssen will be taking home silvers. 11 seconds kept them from that gold. Eleven seconds as Ragnarssen couldn’t quite follow through and keep the slight lead given to him by his Falkasian teammate. We still should salute the effort these men put in.

Speaking of teams and Glisandians...Okay, I have no real great segue for the rest of these notable Astyrian victories, ha!...anyway...The Glisandian women’s Yukigassen team. That’s snowball fighting for those who haven’t been paying attention. Yes, really, it’s a sport. For whatever odd reason, the Glisandian women are great at it. A lot of commentary has been made that it might have to do with Glisandia’s central involvement in the Lorecian War, but that doesn’t seem to explain the performance of the Rombergian men’s team, from a nation that has such a martial position and should be naturally inclined to the sport. Again. The Glisandian women’s snowball fighting team went into the finals and were unable to bring away gold in an epic fight with host team, the Electrumite women. Silver medals it is then.
In a sport that is unheard of in Astyria, well...I think that will do just fine for most of us.

In short track speed skating men’s 1500 m, another Glisandian made news by heading into the finals, Niklas Henrikssen was able to nail down a time of 2:12.627.

Meanwhile, we saw Jason Mitchelson of Aswick and Jürgen Giamatti of Neu Engollon fall by the wayside in Men’s parallel Giant Slalom snowboarding while Jan Kolversson of the Yellow Star Republic made it through to the finals, eventually taking the silver while Transalpine boarder Schulz took the gold.

Ewa Jez of Nikolia missed out in the women’s version of the event, not moving on from the Quarterfinals.

In Neu Engollian news, we saw Oskar Costello get disqualified for the Men’s 500 meter in short track speed skating under some suspicious circumstances, while Vincent Hudon was not able to move on from the middle of the pack in Men’s Giant slalom Alpine Skiing and finally…

We watched the Falkasian four women team make the 4th spot in their runs today in bobsled, while the Aquitaynians made 6th and the Neu Engollians, 17th. It is a hotly contested event, for sure.

So, we will have more highlights when we come back. Thanks for staying tuned to NETV Sports 7 Update while we head for this sponsor break…”

[Electrum]

Day 14 cutoff

The speed skating pursuit events are just beginning to start.... Two weeks have passed, only two days remain. Just which teams will benefit from the last minute rush of medals?

[Bulgar Rouge]

ies://ciap.internal.bgr/1903/xK93618pz
Women's biathlon relay takes it to the podium

Karina Semerdzhieva (CIAP)

Prescott. Bulgar Rouge female biathletes took the silver at the 4x6 km relay after a contested and dramatic race in the Olympic complex of Prescott.

The relay team, consisting of Aleksandra Vasileva, Ivana Manolova, Karina Semerdzhieva and Daniela Marinova, kicked off to a slow start. Ivana Manolova opened the relay for our team with a good shooting round marking 5/5, but was trailing badly with more than a minute and a half behind the first athlete, effectively being 28th throughout most of her sprint. Little changed when Vasileva took over, marking an unimpressive 4/5 and keeping our team's position at 25th.

A great effort by Daniela Marinova managed to cut the difference to 37.7 seconds and elevate the team to 13th place. However, Marinova had visibly passed her physical limit when relaying to Semerdzhieva, delaying the transfer. Nobody could have predicted what was to come next, however.

Semerdzhieva took over and immediately began an aggressive sprint. Demonstrating remarkable physical condition and willingness to fight for the Fatherland, she made up for an enormous time difference. But the deciding component of the race was undoubtedly the shooting, where Semerdzhieva took down all of her targets in slightly less than 7 seconds. This helped her turn the course of the entire race, reaching the top trio that were separated by the rest of the competitors by a significant time margin.

Semerdzhieva broke into the top pack of the biathletes from Ficiscia, Ethane and Astyria, outrunning the first two in the final corridor. She was finished a mere 11.3 hundredths behind the Astyrian competitor, snatching the second medal for our small delegation at the Electrum Olympics. International media quickly caught her emotional finish, with tears running down her face - tears of joy that she made the Fatherland proud.

(CIAP)

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Hot chocolate was not a commodity one could easily find in Bulgar Rouge. If at all. The closest thing would be boza sweetened with sugar and synthetic chocolate aroma, usually available when chemical factories generated excess byproducts or had incorrectly been allocated more raw materials than planned. Karina was enjoying her really hot, really chocolate hot chocolate as much as she enjoyed her small victory. But the dark clouds were still growing over her.

The athlete dwelling was more than comfortable. Insulated from the freezing temperatures outside, fully packed with all kinds of delicious food, especially desserts and soft drinks that were never seen in Bulgar Rouge, well-lit and generally very cozy. It was luxury, even compared to the similarly-designed professional training bases back home; not to mention the spartan agricultural commune buildings. Even the furniture radiated a kind of personal warmth that would make any normal person relax and eventually fall asleep. But Karina was very far from that. Inside her there was chill, a kind of raw metallic anxiety that punctured every thought of relaxation and comfort she might generate.

This feeling was not new to her, but after this revelation by Panayot, it became much stronger. She, too, had her doubts about it. What if it's a lie ? What if it was his way to convince her not to defect, him being part of DSS ? What if he was not part of DSS, but still wanted to convince her not to run away because he knew what would happen to her if she decided to do it ? And what if it was true ? How could she get into C-57 ? How could she get out, with her parents ? Question after question were sawing Karina's mind, giving her no calm.

These were disrupted by a physical phenomenon that took her attention away from theoretical musings: someone knocked on the door.

"Get in."

The door opened, and Panayot's familiar face was there. "Do you have a minute ?" They had to go for a walk, away from the bugs and devices that probably littered the dwelling. She took the last gulp of her hot chocolate and got ready t go out with him.

"That was incredible."

"It was do or die. I have a bit more solid ground under my feet right now. At least for the moment."

"I'm glad you do, Kari. I'll help you with what you want to do when we go back to Bulgar Rouge."

"But why ?"

"Same reason I have always helped you. Ever since we first arrived in C-227 I knew that you wouldn't make it on your own, you looked terrible and sounded even worse. I've had plenty of dead colleagues and friends on my conscience. All dead because of my decision not to inform my corrupt superiors of certain events. I couldn't afford to see this happen again. And over time, you grew on me."

"You sound as if this will be the last time you help me."

"It might as well be."

Karina stood silent for a moment. "Tell me."

"I talked to Boyana. Don't worry, she suspects nothing, I was being vague. There is a way to get to C-57 without alarming half the country about our absence. There is a small resting station outside the commune, designed for lower Party members. It's atop a hill overlooking the vast expanses of the wheat fields, along with C-57 and a few other communes. It's also close to the border. The station is operated by BulgarTourist."

"And your plan is...?"

Panayot looked around and, for a moment, a thought passed through his mind that Karina herself could be DSS. But he quickly brushed that off.

"As lower Party members we can register for a stay at the station. From there, we run to C-57, find your parents and then go right across the border. I can break into the Communal Management Interface and delay the security updates to the mainframe enough to delay those NPLA patrols from arriving."

"But neither of us is a Party member."

"After what you did, I'm sure you already are. And I'm ready to guarantee my Party ticket on the relay tomorrow."

[Kriegiersien]

Freestyle Skiing — Women's Halfpipe — Final results in a

[Alphatheta]

NOVOSTI ATLETICO Live dall'Estero

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Back to International News Home || Back to Sports Home || Domestic Sports || International Sports || Hockey Central || Curling Central || Olympics Central || Search

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Women Hold Up Half The Medals

Olympic Highlights

Ice Hockey - Men’s: Round of 16
Quakmybush (QMB) 1–0 Alphatheta (APT)
Women's
Semifinals
The Holy FSM Empire (FSM) 0–3 Alphatheta (APT)

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Nordic Combined - Men’s Individual Large Hill/10 km
1 Lauro Tobias (APT) 113.8 00:45.6 20:18.9 21:04.5
9 Zoticus Di Stefano (APT) 113 00:48.8 23:46.5 24:35.3
18 Luka Schoettmer (APT) 101.1 01:36.4 24:01.4 25:37.8
41 Lanzo Giese (APT) 77.2 03:12.0 24:14.8 27:26.8
Men’s Team Large Hill/4×5 km
5 Luka Schoettmer/Teodosio Messmann/
Demetrio Von Grimmelshausen/Lysander Tresler (APT)
99.4 00:20.1 49:30.5 49:50.6

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Short Track Speed Skating - Women’s 1,000 m - Finals
2 Selma Chou (APT) 1:29.076

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Speed Skating - Men’s Team Pursuit - Round of 16
1 Lysander Tresler/Florian Fischer/Eric Nicodemo (APT) 3:42.05

Prescott, ETM MSK+7 10:54pm - It's not a rare thing at all to hear the men and women of Alphatheta repeating the old maxim that women hold up half the sky. The Winter Games are bearing out a similar tale, bringing a small surge of national pride beneath the occasional waves of crippling doubt caused by the odd bad result.

Medals On The Board

The patria has seen a modest but still-growing amount of success in Electrum this year. For the men's delegation, Gianni Abategiovanni found his way to a bronze in the Men’s 30 km Skiathlon (Cross-Country Skiing). Themistocles Messerli, Dionisie Anselmetti, Arkadios Acardi, and Zhong Mikhailov will be bringing home a silver medal for the Men’s 4×10 km Relay (Cross-Country Skiing), and Lauro Tobias recently earned the gold in the Men’s Individual Large Hill/10 km (Nordic Combined).

Although an overall decent standing so far, the men of the Alphathetan delegation as a whole have been more than pleased to hand it to the women. The women's delegation have certainly pulled a higher weight in medals. Frañseza Wirnhier and Selma Chou have both earned silver medals, in Women’s Individual Normal Hill/10 km (Nordic Combined) and Women’s 1,000 m (Short Track Speed Skating) respectively. In team sports, the Women's Curling team recently won gold, securing the nation's highest team medal.

"You really have to hand it to the girls," Yuliy Bach of the Luge and Short Track Speed Skating delegation told us with a laugh during an interview. "They've been consistently higher ranked in all the brackets than the men have been--and it shows in their medals. We're all honored to be here, obviously, but it's also such a privilege to be able to stand in front of the world and show how well our entire nation holds up the sky together."

Holding Breath For Hockey

With the men's team eliminated, all attention will be glued to the women's hockey gold medal match, where Vershina Wytropolis will be representing Alphatheta. All across the nation, fans have been coming out in droves to support the women's team abroad, even neglecting the most recent NZEL returns to watch the returns from Prescott instead.

To be fair, Alphatheta's representatives in the NZEL are also following Vershina's rise at the Olympics. Antipha United's captain, Žarko Császár, only wanted to speak with us about the Olympics in the most recent interview. "We've had a rough time of it as a nation in the international arena," Császár explained. "Watching the women of Vershina completely crush it last night in the semifinals--man. That was really something. It makes you proud to be part of the greater national team, you know? Part of something really amazing."

The unofficial hashtag of these Olympic games, '#mamagovorit,' have also been blowing up recently with support for the women's hockey team.

@vorotagreat: Vershina Wytropolis in top form again tonight; show the boys how it's done! #prescott2015 #mamagovorit

@notonptichy: You always hate to see Lukáš Tesarik and Zenit fall apart, but it's impossible not to keep bleeding green for Vershina! #playlikeagirl #mamagovorit

@padeniya009: Women's Curling led the way; Women's Hockey, bring it home! #2teams2golds #mamagovorit

@z_csaszar: Hearts and thoughts with the ladies in Prescott. Keep crushing it! #2teams2golds #prescott2015 #mamagovorit

Remember, you can keep up with all Alphathetan results and medal counts on the national sports newswire's dedicated XI Winter Olympics page, updated as often as news makes it through the firewall to our servers. If those firewalls are ever relaxed enough, of course.

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NZEL S26 || Metallurg Matochkingrad 4–0 Antipha United || Shakhter Ulyanovsk 4–3 Unitia City Wanderers || Avangard Oktyabrgrad 2–4 Partizan Belushya Guba || Lokomotiv Neznaemy 1–1 Torpedo Belushya Guba

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[Transalpine Republic]

Walking in the Forest

Walking in the forest,
We see the trees
surrounding us on both sides,
the sunlight shining through
the canopy to illuminate
meadows where wildflowers
proliferate and deer
frolic freely,

Walking in the forest,
We hear the birds
Chirping at us from both sides,
the crunch of the trail
against our feet,
the soft flow of the rivers
and the creeks besides us,

Walking in the forest,
We smell the smell of
pine and birch and cedar,
each aromatic in its own way,
we smell the lilac and the sage
and the lavender, which
calm us while we walk
in our solitude,

Walking in the forest,
We feel the cool forest air,
the wind blowing at our back,
spurring us on in our journey,
the leaves occasionally
falling from the trees
onto our backs,
the cool waters of the river
when we put our hand in it,

Walking in the forest,
we feel the solitude of being
with only the birds and the trees
and the flow of the river,
we feel the freedom of having
nothing to tell us what to do,
only following the trail
and where it leads us, not
following any other paths that
guide us off where we want to go,

Walking in the forest,
We feel the solitude and the freedom,
We feel the peace and the happiness.

[Liventia]

Olympics blackout ends, Liventians pleasantly surprised

Liventians were pleasantly surprised today to find that their national media's self-imposed Olympics blackout had come to an end.

The reporting restrictions, imposed since the opening ceremony, were designed to ensure less pressure on Liventia's Olympians, who number only 19 in Prescott.

And it seems to have worked, as Liventians opened their newspapers and turned on their televisions today to the news that the country's winter sports scene has not declined more than first feared, with three medals on the board including golds on day 13 for alpine skier Ryan Higgins in the giant slalom and Gabrielle Fresca – by one one-hundredth of a second – in the snowboard parallel giant slalom.

There was also further jubilation at the report of a silver medal having been won on day 10 by aerials freestyle skier Kathy Warwick.

The country, which hosted two winter Olympics and in them earned a total of 52 medals – 17 of them gold – has only entered the same 19 athletes at each of the last two events, leading to claims of a mismanagement in government sports policy and calls for Sport and Culture Secretary Hamish Peterson to resign.

With no further events involving Liventian athletes, the media blackout has been lifted to allow Liventians stress-free coverage of the final two days of competition, as well as the closing ceremony, at which Higgins will be the Liventian flagbearer.

[Felibriga]

His report almost complete, Dr. Tortosa couldn't help but smile. The alst two days have seen the completion of the program he started. Now the Commonwealth of Felibriga could be counted as one of those nations who have won a medal at the Olympics. Not only one, but 8, including 2 golds in Short Track Skating. Despite the setbacks, the kids had responded in the last couple of days and both Heloise and Segui have become the country new stars. He was fascinated by how those teenagers responded to the heavy pressure at the last minute. He remembered running to the track and lifting the small boy after he dominated the 500m race at the Ice Palace. He soon was joined by the rest of the team present and the organizers had to scort them back to the athletes zone, not before the team as a whole gave two laps around the rink with the gold medal winner in front of them.

Having telephoned the Prime Minister after that, he knew funds were going to be coming on the following days. That meant that he could keep another 2 or 3 or the foreign coaches, and that he could also begin planning for the next competition, whether it be another Winter edition, or better yet, the Summer Olympics. Yet, there were two more days of competitions, although only three Felibrigan athletes were left to compete. Thw pair of alpine skiers could only be expected to finish both of their runs in the slalom as fast as they could; which reminded him that he had to visit the slopes in the Transalpine Republic and evaluate if accomodations could be made for training there next season, in the hopes that more skiers (especially among Felibriga's elite) be enticed to give a try to competitive skiing.

The other one was Carelia Debarros, one of the pioneers among the reduced number of Felibriga's figure skaters. The girl had started skating when she was six and dueto her family's wealth, she could actually attend a private school outside the country, where she started to gain her skills, which her coach had recently said could only be improved. Despite being considered somewhat old for the sport at 22, she still had plenty of energy as she had proven in the team competition where she easily managed to be in the lead with that wonderful free program. He had went to saw her in training and was amazed she was fully in concentration, landing clean each jump she made.

Still, judges have been showing some very different scores in the individual events and they could not be so confident on their chances. But Dr. Tortosa knew that if she managed to be among the top 6 after the short program, then they could be another medal in the making. After all, eight was not enough, was it?

[Astyrian Olympics Delegation]

Prescott General Hospital, Electrum

"Kiss me Enzo... Just do it already."

"God damnit! There's nothing on TV!" Kusko screamed, throwing the plastic remote across the room.

It hit the drywall next to the TV, scuffing the paint before plopping down to the tile floor below.

"Fuck..." The Falkasian whispered, realizing he now had no ability to change channels. "Crap! Crap! Crap!"

The sheets and blankets were flung off as he attempted to raise himself to a seated position. The vertigo came first, sending the world spinning, but ceased to stop him. Next came the nausea, and the general feeling of discontent from both his abdomen and bowels. This could be worse than I thought, he wondered to himself as he struggled through his body's rebellion.

Finally in a seated position but faring no better, he swung his legs out and over the side. Looking over, he mentally gauged the distance from his bed to where the remote lay inanimate on the floor. Maybe 10 or so steps, he measured. Only complication was the world, which seemed to be spinning at a rate much faster than ever the greatest drunken affair he had ever been a part of.

Why does this have to be so hard, he asked himself internally. All the medical shows on TV make it look so easy. Maybe if I found one of those shows I could figure out how to make all of this end so I can get back onto the ice. Where's the remote anyways?

He bounced his head around rapidly at first, but forcibly slowed his movements after his body's equilibrium threatened to give out and send him over. It wasn't on the bed stand. Nope, not on the desk by the window. Was it in his sheets? He turned on his heels slowly, having to brace himself on the mattress with both hands. A cursory search yielded nothing. Not there either.

Oh wait! There it was! He smiled, taking note of the remote laying on the floor at the base of the TV. How did it end up there? As he stood there , half bent-over, staring quizzically at the electronic device, the entire series of events slowly began to re-materialize through his mental haze.

"Shit..." he mumbled, taking stock of what just happened. "Doc was right... I'm hosed."

He sighed as the fog in his mind lifted further, providing a bit of clarity. The tell-tale sounds of ice hockey began to fill the space around him as he realized the TV was tuned to the local sports channel. A replay of some match from the previous day was on air. One he really didn't care about, seeing as both teams playing had already been bulldozed by his teammates. Soft sunlight filtered in through the room's windows; windows he hadn't even noticed since he'd been there.

"Know what? Remote can wait..." He reassured himself. "I can get it later. There's worse to watch than hockey. Now... task at hand."

Although he had become more lucid in mind, his body was still being ravaged by the physical effects of his injuries. His legs were shaking like the ground in Northern California in 1989, and his head was spinning as though he had severely over-indulged in some 190-proof grain alcohol from back home. The six inches or so differential he would have to surmount to get back into bed appeared an enormous hurdle to overcome, not too dissimilar from climbing a medical Everest. However, he was an athlete and athletes live to challenge themselves.

Vladimir inhaled and exhaled sharply, psyching himself up. With both hands firmly on the bed, he applied pressure and sure enough began to lift himself off the ground. The nausea rapidly returned and his stomach began to lurch violently into his mouth. No surrender, he commanded himself despite his body fighting against him every inch of the way. After what seemed like an eternity, he has over the lip of the bed and able to position his knee underneath and force himself on top of the covers.

Satisfied, he lay there enjoying a well-deserved reward. The job was not over however, as he rapidly began to kick his legs in an effort to rotate himself. Fortunately, the maneuver was effective and after a short time his head was once again cradled by a pile of soft pillows. He exhaled again.

That was tough. Mental note; visit the parapelegics' hospital in Falkasia and see how high the beds are. If they're too high, donate money to have them lowered.

The digital clock on the wall read 1400.

"About two hours until game time... guess I'll be expecting someone to come keep me company." He reminded himself. "Glad they didn't have to see that though..."

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Excerpt of Transcript from Astyrian Nation Team vs. Holy FSM Empire Commentary

Demais: What'd you think of that move right there?

Kusko: The goal? Or that hit?

Demais: The goal, of course. Beautiful shot, especially the way Coupin brought it up the near-boards and chipped it over the stick of [inaudible].

Kusko: He's always played aggressive along the near-boards there, but I have yet to see him lose a battle going into the corner. It was a purely defensive move he made... dump and chase, but in his case he succeeded in winning that chase too. The way he stick-handled through traffic and got it just between the goalie and post? That's something I've only been able to do twice in my career. Once against the Junior Crabbers in Volsk, and then once with the Ekaterine Thunderhawks against the real-time Crabbers.

Demais: A defensive failure then?

Kusko: I'd hardly call it that. They had our guys pretty well-tied up in the neutral zone and along the blue line, but once we got it in I think they had some difficulty adjusting to the fresh legs Le Houne cycled on. You can see it with the way Coupin was able to skirt around the D. They were clearly exhausted, so if anything it was a bad coaching decision. Should have switched the D-Pair and had some fresh legs the moment the puck left their zone, rather than keep them on for another 30 seconds or so. Beautiful stick work though... forehand, backhand, forehand, backhand, forehand, then a sudden flicky snapshot and just through the gap.

Demais: Pretty textbook low percentage shot. Bet if we opened up the rukebook, Coupin's face'll be right there!

Kusko: [Laughs] Maybe, or you'd see that one time Rossy scored on himself. He made the first save all well and good, but the puck got lost in his gear. Then we scrummed the net, and sure enough the puck trickled out. He made the second save ok too, but truth be told he wasn't good enough to make the save on his own shot. Fortunately we were killing the Sergeants pretty solidly, so one goal meant next to nothing...

End Excerpt

[Electrum]

Day 15 cutoff

Sorry for the Ace Attorney music, but its the last one. On the penultimate day, it is time for your athletes to give their closing argument and make their case for a medal...

[West Phoencia]

West Phoenician Figure Skater Princess Stephanie Bush-Sunbury was left in tears after failing to secure a spot in the top 24.

The number 1 Seed in West Phoenicia the Princess was at a loss for words at her failure.

With this loss and her West Phoenician fellow Figure Skater Zara Christian placing 66th, West Phoenicia leaves the IX Winter Olympics failing to secure any medals.

[Ficiscia]

FNSN.fc OIympic Coverage: Looking Back Part I

The first part of our review of the Olympics brings you information about all the sports where nothing will change tomorrow, on the last day of the Games. Ficiscia is in the third spot on the medal tally, only behind the hosts, Electrum, and the wintersports powerhouse Transalpine Republic. Fighting the two for the top of the medal tally will not be possible anymore, but it looks good for the nation to remain in this spot, which is a more than respectable result for Ficiscia's first Winter Olympics. There were quite a few favourites scoring high and fulfilling expectations, yet also some who disappointed and some who surprised. We relive the XI Winter Olympics with you.

CURLING AND HOCKEY

Starting with the two ice team sports, which are unfortunately over earlier than expected for the Ficiscians. The curlers started strong, both making it through the preliminaries without trouble. The men had to give up one game, yet they won their group surpassing the team of Kelssek, expected strong by the experts but actually failing to make the KO round. The women's team even made it through a strong group, involving co-favourites Alphatheta, without losing a single game. In the RO16, Mapletish awaited the women while the men faced West Phoenicia who only qualified through the playoffs. While the men could overcome their opponents with a tight 5-4 victory, the women had to give up their game to Mapletish, losing 7-5. The young women's team will likely get one or two other chances, but of course they have to make the trials, which is never easy in this nation's strong curling scene. The men went on to beat Britonisea in a rematch and Neu Engollon in an incredibly strong and spectacular 9-5. Many spectators, and also Third Vatius Ianicevis, claimed this was the team's best match of the tournament, earning them a chance at gold. In the final game, they faced the hosts, Electrum. After a game in which they never really found a way into the match, they surrendered to the Electrumites after nine ends, earning them a silver medal and giving gold to the hosts.

In Ice Hockey, the Ficiscian star of the games was Decimius Vero who accumulated a total of six points in the same number of games. Ficiscia suffered only one loss - 1-0 against Britonisea - in a meaningless game at the end of the preliminaries and went on to beat Benjamin Mark with 2-0 in the Round of 16. Before the games, there was quite heavy criticism after a disappointing preparation with two losses against Ethane and Kaboomlandia, completed by an overtime win against Kyrjasmark. The Ficiscians went on to beat this team again in the Olympics with a convincing 6-0, but little did it help them in a quarterfinal battle against Oisinistan. They seemed tired just about 20 hours past the Benjamin Mark game, and eventually the score was 2-0 in favour of Oisinistan. The women didn't do better. A day after the meaningless 0-1 loss of the men against Britonisea, there was a much more meaningful rematch of the two nations in the women's Round of 16, and once again it went to Britonisea. The final result was 2-1, ending all medal hopes of the internationally unexperienced women's team.

SNOWBOARDING

This was one of our core competences, and it yielded medals - even though not always the expected ones. With three medals, it was also a little less than the predicted four to five. Ficiscia focused on its darling Joka Petterssenn before the Games, but the 17 year old Norja obviously couldn't handle the pressure. He also complained about the double work of competing in halfpipe and slopestyle on the same day and stated he won't compete in both events next time if they wouldn't be separated. Nevertheless, two halfpipe medals were won on the snowboard. Another young Norja did suprise us a little, even though many claimed they always knew she had it in her: Kristan Olassenn, famous also for being the girlfriend of hockey defender Harall Berjaman, won a gold medal in the women's halfpipe with a superb run. She showed us a back to back 900, which she hasn't done before, in the finals, a good example of how true champions can show their best when it counts. She was joined by silver medalist Gunarr Felsberr in the men's halfpipe and another silver in the parallel slalom. Livius Carus surprisingly won this one, overwhelmed by his success himself. The image of him sinking to his knees, kissing the snow and crying tears of joy after his last run against Sven Grünewald of the Transalpine Republic will be one of the big pictures of the Games in Ficiscian minds. Similar things can be said about Nille Viranen. Coming fourth in women's slopestyle did overwhelm the 16 year old in a cascade of feelings she could hardly control. "It's so incredible!" was all the youngest member of the delegation could say after the event, when interviewed by Tele Ficiscia. The interview certainly made Ficiscia love her even more than they already do.

[Kriegiersien]

Report of the referees after the Freestyle Skiing — Men's Ski Cross — Final.

In the race the Kriegiersien creaturesportsman, Skizombie75, dropped slowly down after an insignificant contact with Hussein Emad, and stopped moving, sliding into a safety net. The Kriegiersien officials then denied medical assistance and carried his corpse away themselves.
A Kriegiersien delegate, Robert Ridiculous, tried to bite (possibly a Zombie, too) one of our referees, after we refused to disqualify the other athletes in the final run, naming a jury member “Fucking Electrum puppet”. Before he had called him a “biased swine from Electrum, from whom one couldn't expect justice”, ignoring the clarification that the addressed referee wasn't from Electrum.
We suggest a ban for the Kriegiersien Freestyle Skiing team for the Olympics and next official competitions for 4 years.


Kriegiersien complaint about the Freestyle Skiing — Men's Ski Cross — Final

Our athlete, Skizombie75 was attacked irregular by every other athlete. The last brutal hit demotivated his motivator and he lost the control over his body. Despite clear evidence of the attacks that can be seen on the blurred recordings from these mobile phone of a spectator (attachment), the referees ignored the objections after the race without even looking at it and mocked our staff, fabricating stories of attacks by Robert Ridiculous, who is known as a well mannered, calm person.
We demand the disqualification of the other athletes, a gold medal for our team and dismissal of the referees.

[Astyrian Olympics Delegation]

Mt. Buckley Sliding Centre
Electrum

"The women didn't place," Karl mused. "I'm surprised they didn't even get consolation Bronze, with the way Johanna was trash-talking me!"

Yule's eyes grew wide as entered the bobsled, testing the fit of his pilot controls alongside his body. "Who are you and what did you do with Karl?"

Karl smiled, crossing his arms as he inspected the outside frame of Vympel Alfa, the four-man version of his and Yule's Vympel sled. "A Silver Medal, that's what."

"You were such a sour puss the other day, you know that?"

"Yea," he started, using a free hand to gentle brush an errant leaf from the nose cone of the sled, "But clearly all of my preparations paid off."

Yule popped his head out from inside the bobsled. The look on his face was not one of amusement.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I'm the one who did the driving! All you did was sit in the back and pray. I heard you! Don't think for a second I didn't."

Karl raised his hands defensively. "Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Hotshot Driver. If it wasn't for me, the terrified passenger in the back, you and I would both be part of a Falkasian pizza at the end of the track. Last time I checked, surviving the run is just as important as winning it!"

The Falkasian pilot shook his head dismissively. "Bullshit. I was drunk, Karl. DRUNK! I didn't get back to our room until like three hours before our first practice run. I didn't even get sober enough to walk until we were already making our way to the track. You think the brake is what saved us? Hardly... if it wasn't for me being so relaxed, I think we would have flipped going into that final corner. The ladies actually were up on two runners there yesterday..."

"You two want to stop bickering?" A deep voice commanded from behind them. "You're both on the same team. It doesn't matter which position is more important... without either of them you have an empty sled."

The Falkasian brakeman shrugged, unable to deny the point. "That's true."

Yule decided not to reply, instead returning his focus to applying the finishing touches to his sled controls.

"How are things feeling? Jan'll be up in a minute. He's dealing with a few last minute... uh... body image issues."

Karl attempted a poker face, but Yule exploded into hysterical laughing. Jan was rather well known for his irritable bowels, so it was no surprise that something as simple as travel would impact him that way. Despite being in Electrum for pushing two weeks now, he hadn't become accustomed to the water, food, or both. Fortunately dehydration wasn't an issue, but severe abdominal discomfort was. At times, the team felt bad for him, but at the same time, it was a cheap shot they bonded over.

"Controls feel fine," Yule replied, recovering from his hysteria. "The cords are freshly greased... Karl and I re-ran the entire rig to make sure it's on a hair-trigger. I've run this track around 15 times now, between our four timed runs and practice. That final turn is horrifying, but by now I should have enough twitch-memory to swing us through it."

Dimitri crossed his arms, twisting his torso left and right to stretch out his lower back. Every single day he was reminding of his age. The constant aches and pains brought about by even the most mundane of daily tasks took its toll. However, if he had all misgivings about his ability to keep up with his significantly younger teammates, they were not apparent. The experienced Olympic Athlete had been in this position many times before, and exuded an air of confidence that his partners appreciated. Then again, many of them saw him as a father figure which helped to ease the tension brought about by age difference anyways.

"I'm here guys... sorry," Jan announced as he cleared the last step on the ladder.

He was severely short of breath, and the redness of his face suggested he hadn't quite recovered from his earlier bout with Montezuma's Revenge. Stepping very tenderly, he made his way slowly to the sled before lifting himself inside. His movements were bow-legged, an obvious attempt to avoid certain areas which were likely irritated from over-use.

"Fit's fine," he declared, jumping out before any of his teammates had the opportunity to get a word in edgewise. "When are we going for our run?"

"Probably in the next couple minutes," Karl began, a bit perplexed by the other Falkasian's eagerness.

"Jan? Is everything... uh... ok?" Dimitri asked.

"Huh?" Jan spat, jerking his head to face the elder Olympian. "Oh? Oh yea... fine. Everything's fine. Never felt better."

He nodded rapidly, which if possible, somehow made his statement seem even less true.

Yule simply shook his head and nodded. "Hopefully he gets his ass screwed on straight before our final two runs tomorrow... Otherwise Karl, you and him are swapping spots and maybe we can use him as a jet booster..."

---

LANDRY’S ARENA
PRESCOTT, ELECTRUM

Sammy sat taking a break from preparing for the end of the game. He pulled out a cigarette from the pack. It was a Valley, probably the top brand in Neu Engollon. Typical of the ironic hubris of many health care workers, he smoked like a fiend when he could, knowing the full consequences of his actions. Knowing that being the hero of saving and resurrecting others, they couldn’t be that much of a burden on other health care workers when it came time to pay for their sin, yet still, he was putting himself in that position. He tapped the Valley a couple times on the side of the pack, then stuck the sienna colored end between his lips. He then pulled out a beat up metal lighter, flicking the wheel and bringing the flame up to the paper end. If you listened closely, you could hear that ‘fwwip’ sound as the rolled paper turned to instant ash. He took a long draw.

It was inevitable that he and Doc Lazarev would be scrambling afterwards to tend to all the injuries. The Astyrians had been fighting their way through the ranks of teams to get to the top, but it had taken a toll. Like a war’s wrath, they had struggled to patch up the troops to get them back in the fight. The closest he’d come was when the Ibex had to duke it out with the psychopaths of Gregoryisgodistan during two World Cups of Hockey.

Once again, he was binding up the Ibex, along with other Astyrians of the Unified team. Every opponent was putting it on the line to take out the Astyrians. Everyone. To the jeopardy of normal offensive strategy, they were banking seriously box time to snipe down the Astyrian players. With the adrenaline flowing through them, he was sure the guys weren’t aware of the price on their heads.
He knew though that Doc Lazarev and him were very aware of it and feeling the stress of each battle.

As he exhaled the bluish smoke, it took him another couple seconds to register that someone was standing a couple meters away.
He looked up to focus on the short, wiry shaggy brown haired and bearded young man. He looked like a Costenan surfer, but wore the typical winter gear of a Lorecian.
“Can I help ya with something?”

“I sorry. I wanted to be saying that I admire of your skill.”

They were standing outside a side door of the rink. Sammy had the door propped with a stone he’d found on a previous game day. He sat on a low stone wall that edged some plants he wouldn’t be able to identify to save his life. They didn't look like they'd been maintained in a while. This was a little seen back area of Landry's Arena.
“Um...thank you? You know I’m not a player...Right?”

“You are doctor. A healer. A trunner.”

“Trainer.”
“Yes. I know who you are.”

“Well, thank you. Who are you, might I ask, Sir? I know I’ve seen you around the Village.”
Sammy took another drag on the smoke.

“Yes. I am an athlete. An Astyrian. My name is Njall Ragnarssen. I am of Glisandia.”

“Ah. Cool. You won a medal, eh? Skiier?”

“Cross country ski. Yes. I won as part of team with Larashenko, the Falkasian. We got a sulfur...No, eh um, a silfur.”

“Softer. Sil-verr.”

“Yes, that one. Team Sprint.”

“Well congratulations. I’ll never know how that feels, but I’m sure it feels pretty good, no matter the color.”

“You deserve a gold, you do a lot of work for team.”

“Really, that’s all on Doc Lazarev. He’s the life saver. I just hand out bandages and lollipops.”

“I know that tone, you Neu Engollians, you joke, but I know that you are being modest.”

“We’re working towards a goal, and yeh know, I think we’re almost there. Right now they’re in there beating the pulp out of the Oisinistanis. Which, if you ask me, doesn’t seem like too tough a job. They’re getting some back for the San Llera and Electrum games, which were much tougher and took a lot more skin. I get them to their goal, part of the team. So ya, if they win, I win. I don’t need a big Flavor Flav clock around my neck to tell me that...Er, no offense.”

“I take none of that fence.” Njall sat down, but didn’t reach for the smoke that Sammy offered. He smiled, fingering the silver medal around his neck,
“I can not tell the time though, nor do I feel like a rapper.” He nodded. “We get TV up there in the tundra wastelands, yes. You are right. You still share in the victory, but it still is not seeming to be right that you don’t get the same recognition.”

Sammy stood up and threw the butt down on the pavement.
“Look. Thanks for your righteous sentiment, Njall, but I’m good. I don’t need the bling. I know what we do. Every job has the behind the scenes guys and that helps the guys with the cameras on them do what they do. We know that when we sign up.” He looked at his watch, the second period would be up soon, give or take a few minutes. “Are you even here to watch the game or just to flash yer bling?”

“I will watch the game now. I got a ticket.”
With no expression, Njall held up the ticket. It was one of the ones issued to the Astyrian officials that they doled out to the team as needed. Some went unclaimed, but the hockey tickets were a hot item.

“Great. Well, I’ll see you in there then. Probably after...and around. Nice talking to ya, Njall.”

“And it was nice to meet you and be speaking with you, Samuel. Keep up your work that is good.”

“Uh huh.” Sammy felt like what he’d said didn’t really register, but he didn’t care. He did a half salute, casual wave, then kicked the rock from the door and went back in.

RP Credits go to Falkasia, Glisandia and Neu Engollon

[Electrum]

Day 16 cutoff

The final day of competition, and the largest day in terms of medals awarded: it's been great reading your roleplays, and we hope you look forward to the next Summer Olympiad at TBA!

[Astyrian Olympics Delegation]

LANDRY'S ARENA
PRESCOTT, ELECTRUM

"And so it ends..." Rossy mumbled angrily to himself under his breath.

A minute left and the Maplish scored to tie the game. It was a disaster. He should have had it. It was a simple enough play. Typical breakout from the offensive zone, carried past the blue line. He took notice of the puck carrier early, sveltely deking around Pavel Nechayev before carrying it in deep. As a goalie, he followed it into the corner and dropped to a half butterfly anticipating the cross-crease pass. Vaguely aware of the other players behind him, it came as a split-second decision to try and cheat on the pass. All it took was just a slight re-positioning for his pad to come unstuck from the post, and not a second later was it buried top shelf from just above the goal line.

Had it been his own teammate, he would have been solidly impressed and dumbfounded by a such a small-angle low percentage shot having gone in. Instead, he was embarrassed and inwardly ashamed. A rookie mistake, and from a goalie of his caliber, entirely unacceptable. It had probably cost him and his team the game too.

Le Houne had decided to take a chance on him, giving him the start instead of the usual Neu Engollian, Bassati. "Keep our opponents guessing," he had said to justify the move. Now he was throwing that opportunity away.

The horn blew, signalling the end of the third period. Pyanykh was still mentally kicking himself as he skated towards the bench.

"Don't worry about it," Pavel consoled him, slapping the back of his helmet. "We'll get them in OT. I ain't worried."

Rossy simply nodded, in too foul of a mood to make any sort of comment.

---

Coach Le Houne walked purposefully into the Astyrian locker room at Landry's with Assistant Coach Siegler in tow. Doc Lazarev and Sammy soon followed, their kits swinging, jumping in to find the worst cases they could patch up first. Le Houne ignored them as he put his steely eyes on each and every player in the main room. Geoff Siegler rounded up the stragglers from the side rooms and showers.

"HEY! Eyes up here! I know you jackals can all speak English, so don't even try to ignore me, ya?!..." He paused for a few beats. "You made it this far. I don't know if you've ever tasted gold. I know I haven't, but I also know that I can sure feel the vapors caressing my tongue tonight, as I never have before. We're that close." He pinched his fingers together in front of him. They were shaking a bit.

"That goddamn, cozzfickin' CLOSE! You all want to piss it all away...Make me regret coming out of retirement for this, missing all that old lady lovin'... I'm sure you guys think we can dump all the blame on Rossy here for letting that nugget slip in the net. Not even close to the mark there. It should never even have gotten that far. How many players does that puck gotta get through ta get ta him?! Were ya all twerbling on yer iPoodles ta yer sweeties while the Maplish crept up on our goal? Sure as hell seemed like it....

...We're fighting a war here, ya donkeys! You have been chopping down the enemy this whole time, battle after battle. Your blood is infused in that ice out there...Now...Suddenly, the Maplish come along and you all want to roll over and hope they rub your bellies all nice and soft...BUNCHA PIDDLING PUPPY DOGS!!" The old man mused for a few savored seconds,

"In case you haven't noticed that score board out there, and I truly think some of you haven't. It's not time to lose that warrior spirit just yet. Not time ta break out the bubbly and rinse away all yer bloody tears! Three periods down and it comes to do or die now. It's actually time to get the kick-ass in higher gear and shoot it out! Watch for mine and Geoff's signals, ya donkeys! You're gonna get out there and win for your countries, win for our region, and most of all...You're gonna win this once and for all so I can wear that big shiny gold medallion on my pearly chest rug while I'm lovin' my wrinkly old lady!! Now get out there and act like you were meant to be in THIS GAME!!"

Coach Le Houne raised his hands up and yelled gutturally along with the Astyrians, not realizing they were yelling to purge that last image out of their heads.
"GO GET EM, YOU ANIMALS!!"

---

Overtime. A fresh period. A new start. Pyanykh stepped onto the ice with renewed vigor. What might have happened in the Third Period no longer mattered. He and his team were here to win. While hardly a bad thing, he knew the Astyrians could have been sent home with the Silver by now. Or worse, with no medal at all.

The first step was to chew up the resurfaced ice. He hated it, with its perfect glossy sheen. That was only suitable for prissy figure skaters, not a goalie like him. The snow his skates scraped up he piled along the posts. Snow drifts liked to eat pucks, and would give him that extra split-second to seal any gaps if they opened.
He turned, satisfied, and faced center ice. The referee turned, first towards him and then to the other end. Back forward, he blinked and the puck was dropped.

"Go time..." he whispered, flexing his back as the Maplish Center won the draw.
They failed to clear the neutral zone as Radovsky reached out and poked the puck away. It was picked up by Coupin who carried it through their opposing defense and into the offensive zone. Into the corner, he was taken out by a square hit to the side. The puck rolled off the boards, was picked up, and then skated across the blue back into the defensive zone.

Slapshot from the point. Drop! The puck deflected harmlessly off of his pads and into the corner. Movement behind the net. Turning, he caught glimpse of Pavel as he picked up the puck. Holding it for a second as he sized up the ice, he sent a powerful pass off the near boards and into the neutral zone. Coupin once again took possession and carried it in, crashing the net in an enormous spray of ice. A quick snapshot dumped the puck into the goalie's glove, forcing a whistle as both teams changed lines.
Faceoff in the far circle at the opposing end. The ref whistled, the players stacked up. With a flick of the wrist, the game was back on. Engollian Bojan Gavnic, who had replaced Vladimir Kusko as first line center following his concussion, won the draw easily. He backhanded it between his legs. As the puck slid towards the blue line, it was swept up by the outreached arm of Arno Reimsel.

Why was Le Houne playing his third defensive pair in conjunction with the first line? Whatever the reason, he had grown accustomed to trusting his adoptive coach's judgement.

Reimsel passed across ice. It was recovered by Yevgeniy with easy precision as he backpedaled along the near boards. Likely feeling the pressure, the Maplish winger, Paxton Damion, pressed the Falkasian hard. The move proved a bit too aggressive as he was forced out of position, resulting in Nechayev banking a sharp angle pass off the boards to himself as he spun around the defense. Not known for his offensive play, he nonetheless went full force at the net. Shifting his weight right, he moved the puck to the backhand as he abruptly stopped and sent snow everywhere. In one complete motion, he slammed the puck forward with a powerful slapshot from the external hash marks. The deep clunk of rubber-on-metal reverberated throughout the arena.

Rossy was already at the blue line when the goal horn sounded. Pavel, Yevgeniy's brother, jumped the boards quicker than an Olympic hurdler, nearly taking the goalie out in the process. Pyanykh had never seen a man move so quickly, let alone a hockey player at dead sprint. Nechayev was the first off by a longshot, clearing the offensive blue line before tackling his brother like a football player. He was quickly followed by the rest of the Astyrian team, who exploded out of the bench every which way they could like buckshot pellets from a shotgun.

"That's funny..." the goalie mused, smiling ear to ear, as he looked up at the jumbotron before being covered in the dogpile.

With 2:03 left in OT, the Astyrian Men's Hockey Team had won the Gold.

Collaborative RP courtesy of Falkasia and Neu Engollon. Thanks to the host for rockin it and all our opponents for being good sports.

[Sjovenia]

*SOCN Theme Plays*

"Hello Im Jesek Varget, we are so sorry to have missed coverage of the Olympic games for quite some time. As you viewers from Sjovenia know we recently had a Changing of Autarchs in Bitburg, Rhineland-Pfalz District, Sjovenia. Much of our coverage was taken out for the government mandated airing of the swearing in of Autarch Rûta Baldinotti, who was taking over command after Autarch Nilo Tabriz announced she would step down from her duties. Deeming them complete to her satisfaction, thus ending her 6 year term with 3 and a half years left. Autarch Rûta Baldinotti has apologized for the inconvenience. Recorded coverage can be seen on our website....In other news Figure Skater Hannah Finley made a grand debut and unlike some of our other young and new athletes, Hannah Finley took her competition out in a sweeping two program move.

Hannah Finley took to the rink dawning a traditional Slavian dress from Slavija Slovenska.....A Predominately red and black dress with white trimmings, Hannah Finley not only stunned the crowd for her fashion but by proving this young blood had a lot of heart and guts to bring home the Gold. That's correct ladies and gentlemen on her very first Olympic competition and debut, she took Gold. Let's take a look at the interview session."

"Hannah Finley, hi Jesek here, you must be excited!"

"Excited? I am just beyond like words at the moment!"

"Actions speak louder than words and body language is 70% of communication. We saw it on the big screen here when they announced you as the Gold medalist. You started to tear up. Very moving to see such a brand new athlete take Gold. It really does say that hard work pays off and if you can dream it you can definitely achieve it!"

"It definitely does Jesek, I'm just trying to stay humble and not too flashy about it. I am not very emotional but this is one of the few moments. I worked very hard for this and it paid off!"

"That is definitely correct!!! Is your boyfriend here?"

"Hum yes he's right here.." Hannah grabs Dima and pulls him over.

"Dima, you must be the proudest boyfriend right now how are you feeling?"

"I actually wasn't worried at all. I've been a little busy at the race track but i've had the chance to see Hannah at the rink and I knew she had it! She's an amazing skater."

"He's been really supportive for me and I'm the same way with him when it comes to him racing on the track!"

"Well thank you guys! Enjoy your night you two! That was Hannah Finley Olympic Gold Medalist, and Dima Valeri a Moto Obristan motorcycle rider...We hope to see all of the Olympic athletes at the Olympic Ball next week and shortly after on April 26th we hope to see all of our Nation's athletes at the Athletic Dinner and Dance! Im Jesek Varget signing off!"

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Lord Almighty Gregory was very busy and didn't have time to write a long letter to Abelino Greece. However, the situation with the Republican robots needed addressing, and the response was overdue. So he began to write.

From the Desk of Lord Almighty Gregory

To: Abelino Greece, Falatulu
From: Lord Almighty Gregory,Gregoryisgodistan

Dear Mr. Greece,

My apologies for the delayed response to your inquiry. We would be willing to provide you with up to 100 nuclear warheads to place pointing directly at Republica, to aid in your defense against the tyrant known as Dumpy O'Rumpy or whatever his real name is. These 100 nuclear warheads combined have the power to completely destroy the Free Republics should you choose to do so. We will be delivering them shortly - simply inform us of which military base you want us to land at and we will do so. Fortunately, our flight path does not take us over the Free Republics, so there will be no risk of us being forced to detonate them prematurely rather than deliver us to you.

Thank you, Death to Dumpy O'Rumpy, and good luck in your struggle with His Dumpiness.

Sincerely,

Lord Almighty Gregory