WC72 RP Thread

[Kernansquillec]

TOUGH DRAW GIVES KERS UPHILL BATTLE

Finally, the World Cup is back. It's the highlight of any Kernansquillecan's life (at least, until the next one comes). And once again the green and white nation will unite behind one group of 21 players who will try to once again achieve the heights of World Cup 57 when Kernansquillec reached the finals for the first - and so far only - time. While the previous attempt to reach World Cup 71 was a miserable failure with Gabby Indignu's side failing to win a single game during the return legs. Indignu paid for the failure with her job and was swiftly replaced by the KERFA with Harry Broudant coming in to fill the void.

Broudant's first competitive tournament was last year's Copa Rushmori. Ranked as mere underdogs, the Kers weren't expected to make much of a mark as Broudant seeked to rejuvenate the national side. However, what followed was arguably one of the highlights of the national team since it's formation. The team remained undefeated in normal and extra time throughout the tournament, falling only to World Cup runners-up Pasarga on penalties in the final. It was by far the best ever Copa performance by a Kernansquillecan team and the green and whites will be looking to bring that form into World Cup 72 qualifying.

However, the task is far from simple. Ranked 85th in the World the Kers are only the fourth seeds in Group 11, and the three teams seeded above them aren't just any old teams. Valladares are by far the favourites to seal direct qualification for the World Cup. Ranked 15th in the World they have a formidable side that should dominate the group. One team hopping to prevent Valladares from running away with top spot will be HopNation. With just fifteen places separating the two side in the rankings, the two games between the two are set to be massive six pointers. 44th ranked Bears Armed will also be hoping to mix it up with the top two seeds. All three teams are closely grouped together in the ranking and it is definitely going to be a three horsed race for qualification.

The task for Kernansquillec is one of quite a magnitude. While the top three are separated by just 29 places in the WCC rankings, Kernansquillec trail Bears Armed, the third seeds, by 41 places. The simple fact of gaining third place would be in itself a result. Anything higher than that would be in the realms of a miracle. But then again, Broudant did perform a mini-miracle at the Copa so Kernansquillecans fans may be able to hope still. Garifunya are the closest team to the Kers in the rankings with just 21 places between the two. Garifunya will definitely be out to upset the Kers and to finish above them. As if the group wasn't hard enough, newly crowned Baptism of Fire champions Panem also join the party as sixth seeds. Add to the mix Kumbhalgarh and former World Cup hosts, multiple Olympic champions, AOCAF runners up and World Cup bronze medalists (on three occasions) Krytenia and you have what has to be considered a group of death.

Kernansquillec will kick off their campaign at home against second seeds HopNation. Simply put, anything from this game would be a result. The green and whites will be hoping their opponents aren't quite match ready ahead of kick-off but hopes are slim. On paper at least the Kernansquillecans do have to quality to rival HopNation. The likes of Iris, Varano and Noupen know where the back of the net is while the defensive duo of Corren and Bloxam showed at the Copa Rushmori just have effective they are. Defensive midfield may be a bit of a week spot with Sara Blackwood returning to the starting XI despite not even being able to get on the bench for the Copa. Wing-backs Cressac and Gashotov may also struggle against quality opposition, even if they did a decent job in the Copa and will now have the experience of a successful international campaign. This World Cup may also be the one where new talent is blooded: Rennes' Agata De Luca makes the senior squad for the first time and is considered to have to potential to be a Kernansquillecan great. The New Southampton duo of Spijker and Snijder also join the senior team for the under 21s while Caren Findlay's younger sister, Rebecca Findlay, also graduated from the under 21s.

[Associated Godlands]

God Hates All Teams In The World Cup!!!

(OOC: It should be obvious that these are not my actual opinions)

After exhaustive research, Associated Godlands's Queen, Shirley Phelps-Roper, has concluded that God hates every nation participating in the World Cup. She has provided a reason why for each nation:

Part 1:

Valanora
This nation contains elves, and God hates elves.

Equestrian States
This nation contains ponies, and God hates ponies.

Osarius
This nation does not worship a deity, and God hates Athiests.

Pasarga
This nation frequently harbors God-hating radio personalities, and God hates God-hating radio personalities.

Polar Islandstates
This nation allows public nudity, which God hates.

The Holy Empire
This nation claims to be Holy, yet is is filled with Satan-worshiping trash.

The Holy Republican Empire
This nation also claims to be holy, but in reality they don't worship God.

Nephara
This nation is full of homosexual enablers, all hated by God.

Turori
This nation does not worship God as a deity.

Eura
More homosexual enablers.

Legalese
This nation claims to be "cultured," but in reality they are just unclean sinners.

Audioslavia
This nation seems to like bulls, and God hates bulls.

Felix
This nation has people with cat ears and God hates people with cat ears.

Vilita
This nation calls their leader "The Chosen One ," yet he was not chosen by God so God hates them.

Ko-oren
God hates hyphens.

Unified Sunrise Islands
The glow that God casts over the world is greater then any glow the sun could cast, and therefore the Unified Sunrise Islands are disrespecting Him.

Valladares
This nation's government "seems to favor Catholics," and all Catholiic priests molest children.

Farfadillis
God just hates this nation.

The Sarian
God hates nations that start with "The".

Barunia
Barunia seems to like suns, and the glow that God casts is way greater than any sun can, so Barunia is disrespecting God, which God hates.

The Royal Kingdom of Quebec
God hates Canadiens.

Mertagne
God hates nations that change their name.

And that's it for Part 1! Stay tuned for Part 2.

[Schottia]

SBCNEWS Online...
Sports special

The Rise of Female Players in The Schottic Game

---

Part Two

Earlier in the year, as part of our build up to the Di Bradini Cup in the Equestrian States, we published an article profiling some of the many young women emerging in the Schottic game. In addition to serving as an introduction to some so these players, the article also looked at some of the ramifications and the potential of organising the sport in this way. With the World Cup fast approaching we though that it was a good time to conclude that piece with the second and final instalment.

Four year ago, after the 'nil-pois' disaster, where Schottia managed to go through the entire qualifiers for World Cup 68 without picking up even a

Maximum Rovers' Lucy Curren

draw, the Sports Council had commissioned a report. The aim of this was to delve into what went wrong and how the team could improve in the future. Among the many issues highlighted in that report, there was the findings of the University of Handon sports scientist Dr. Donald Ferguson. Ferguson's previously unpublished paper which dated back two years, looked into the way that footballers trained in several nations around the world, recommending that men and women should train together at all levels in Schottic football. Given that Schottia's qualification group had been topped by Cassadaigua, a team consisting of only female players, Dr. Ferguson's report was read and his recommendations implemented in full.

With World Cup 72 fast approaching we are already beginning to see the first shoots of this new growth, as the national teams reap the benefits of the Integration Programme. Two years after Kim Coultan made her debut as a substitute against Ceni in the 62nd Cup of Harmony, we now have three women in the current squad. Furthermore, if the numbers we saw in the DBC squad are to be repeated, then in the future it looks like the numbers will be closer to 50-50. The potential for this, in virtually doubling the national talent pool may even be the difference that takes Schottia to future world cups.

Both the sides ranked above Schottia in the Group 15, Pasarga and Chiata, fielded female players in the last cycle. Additionally, Schottic fans will be very much aware of New Belfast Warriors midfielder Elisa Rivera, who is near certain to start for Port Christopher in what will be something of a derby match.

In this issue we will introduce another three young women who have been in the national set up at some level. Although not all of them will be household names at present, with any luck, they will be some of the individuals leading Schottia to glory in the years to come.


Kim Coultan, Jottar Kallsmudden
Of all the female players in the Schottia set-up, none will feel the weight of expectation more that Kim Coultan. There is probably no single player in the Schottic history who's rise to fame has been steeper or faster. Electing to go down a different route from many of her female contemporaries, Coultan skipped the Women's Super-League and signed straight for second tier side FC Dundee at the age of sixteen. At that time, when there was at most a smattering of young women playing in the men's league, it was a brave step. After forcing her way into the senior squad she went on to make a hand full of substitute appearances aged seventeen, where she impressed with her close ball control and vision.

Despite limited game time, Coultan was able to catch the eye of the Olympic selectors, who called her up to the women's U-23 side before the last Summer games. This was an important step for Coultan and through commanding a starting position in the midfield; she helped her side to the quarterfinals.

Returning to Dundee, she took on a much more active role, making sixteen appearances and scoring three times as she helped her side to the second division title. Coultan's three-season spell at Dundee came to an end shortly after this, moving to the Giants before she was able to grace the pitches of the Schottic Premier League. However, commenting on her time at the South Schottia club, Coultan claimed that the lowly semi-pro side made her the player that she is today.

"As a young girl, heading out during free periods at school to train in a muddy field on the side of wind swept hill is quite an experience. After having to ride some of the tackles that come your way in the lower leagues, it prepares you for anything. If your choice is dodge, or you have some six foot tall thug slice you in half, then you learn to dodge."
Coultan speaking before the Cup of Harmony in Ceni.

After joining Buyanese side Jottar Kallsmudden for a fee of 700,000, Coultan quickly established herself as a first team regular. Such was the impact made by the youngster, she was subsequently called up to the CoH squad, as we mentioned making her debut against Ceni. In her second season with the club she was handed the number ten jersey and the elevated status that went with it.

These days the young Handon born player is an established member of the senior squad and a key player for Schottia's DBC winning side. With a big future ahead of her, we are likely to see a lot more of the midfield-maestro.

Jenna Koemann, Ludogorets Markovsky Ladies
At twenty-four Koemann is the third, and oldest woman to be called up to the senior squad. Starting her career at Soessch Ladies, she left the North Island side to join Super-League champions Handon Ladies at the age of 20. By this stage Koemann already had most of the defences in the league running scared with her lightning pace and ferocious right footed strike.

Koemann competed in the same Olympic side as Kim Coultan, playing in the right-back position. For her too, this was a first taste of football on the world stage, and like her teammate, it was followed by a call up to the DBC squad. Unfortunately unlike Coultan, she was unable to make an impact at that level, and after moving out of the age bracket, she must have felt that her chance was gone.

However, after signing for Schottia's new MPL side Cornellians, Koemann was handed a life line in the mixed game, starting as left-back for the first half of the season. Again though, there was disappointment for her, as Cosumarite veteran Alexander Pearce was brought in, forcing her to the bench. Probably sensing that first team football was a must at this stage in her career, Koemann asked to be transfer listed, signing for Fleftic side Ludogorets Markovsky Ladies.

Despite the switch back to women's football, she has found Fleftic football to be a very high standard, with five of her teammates in the current Abanfleft squad. For Koemann, one of her crowning achievements will have been her extra-time winner in the SFA Cup final as her side defeated Rosenpfelblatz City Ladies 4-2 to lift the trophy, just days after her call up to the Schottia squad.

The biggest question is what next for Jenna Koemann? If she is able to force her way into manager Barry Gorman's first team plans then things could no doubt take off for her. However, if she isn't able to make it at this level, then there is a real danger she could slip back into obscurity. There will be many fans of the women's game cheering her on as her side bids to make the finals, and hoping that she is given the chance to show the world what she has to offer.

Lucy Curren, Maximum Rover
It's hard to miss the teenage striker on the pitch, with her porcelain skin and fiery red hair, there is not much excuse if her teammates can't pick her out with crosses. Not exactly in the same mould as many of the other young women in the Schottic game, Curren is a scrappy fighter, a poacher, and a ruthless finisher. All three of the women mentioned in this issue have had slightly differing routes to get to where they are today. This sets them apart a little form the player in the previous issue, who were all more typical academy products.

Curren's own career is centred mostly on the reserve leagues of the SPL, where she competed for Lammerton City. Having been affiliated with the club since the age of twelve, she played for one of the first sides in the country to have a coed academy. Her experience with the Premier League club won her the chance to represent her country at U-15 level. Curren occupied the loan-striker role in side's route to the last sixteen in Mastille.

No matter what level she has performed at, Curren has always been amongst the goals. It was this scoring form for the Lammerton City Reserves, which won her a move to Nepharum side Maximum Rovers. Although still waiting to make an impact in the first team, the transfer to a side in one of the world's top leagues was enough to have people take notice.

One such admirer was U-21's boss Jock Sonny, who saw enough in the player to call her us to his squad for their title defence in the Equestrian States. There, Curren will be desperately hoping she can take her chance and win some game time at that level.

With any luck things will only go up from here for Curren, and the Schottic fans will be treated to her no nonsense style of play in the near future.

[Recuecn]

Tremblay recognized some of the names: There was Skarosbrekka, from the Baptism of Fire. There was the Jeckish Union, a major player in international football. Then, of course, some unknowns: New West Guiana, an un-ranked team. Varmelle, a team ranked 140 places higher than Recuecn, but of whom Tremblay had never heard. Then Lymantatia, and Brenecia, both in the top 100, multiverse-wide. But none of those names jumped out at Tremblay. Instead, in his mind's eye, the name at the top of the list grew bigger and bigger, replacing all the other countries, while Recuecn shrunk down at the bottom, an over-powered under-dog.
Osarius.
Osarius.
Osarius.
Osarius.

Recuecn.
Recuecn would be playing against the two-time world champions, who looked to be hungry to knock the underlings out of their path on the way to a three-peat.

Tremblay was happy. Although he wouldn't say it out loud for money, he knew that Recuecn had no hope of even qualifying for the World Cup, let alone making it out of the group stage. He was just here to train the team, to get practice, so that they could come back next year and do better. And then better the year after that. The team had no international recognition--it had to be gained. The best way to gain it, as far as Tremblay could see, would be to play against the best in the world. And here was Recuecn's chance. Tremblay circled match-day 5--the home game against Osarius--on his calendar with a red sharpie.

In the locker room, Tremblay was positive and upbeat. "This is the chance of your life-times, boys," he told the team. "We're going to play the best there are. If we can make it close--tie it up--upset the world champions--you'll be famous. And you'll be sure to qualify. So as you pack your bags for our trip to the Jeckish Union, think ahead. Stay united, work together--the lessons we learned in the Baptism of Fire. Stay collected, keep cool, and get ready to get back up after you get pushed down. We're the under-dog, but let's show them that they're under-estimating us."

The team cheered.

"We'll show 'em, coach!"

"We got this!"

"There's a new power in multiverse football, and it's Recuecn!"

"We're gonna let 'em know, too!"

I'm getting better at this motivational speech thing, thought Tremblay. That wasn't that bad.

[Szavoda]

Carried on from here

Wake Falls, the following morning

Nick was already up when Katarina came out of her bedroom, wearing her bathrobe. Nick was drinking coffee whilst reading the paper at the kitchen table. Without looking up, he pointed towards a door.

“Bathroom is in there. The shower handle has been on the fritz recently, you've really got to pull the thingy.”
“OK, thanks.”

Katarina subtly ignored the white elephant in the room that was the occurrence between the two last night outside Katarina’s room. She hoped Nick would ignore it as well; she wasn't in the mood for big talk. True to word, the shower was difficult to operate, and it took a few minutes of tinkering to get the water the right temperature. She showered then returned to her bedroom where she changed – nothing too formal for their visit to Clyne Services; a pair of dark jeans, a t-shirt and a cardigan. She tied her hair in a loose pony-tail, and skipped on make-up. Actually, no, maybe a bit of foundation.

“Coffee’s under the machine, milk is in the fridge, sugar is in a little pot by the kettle.” Nick said as Katarina came into the kitchen. She gave her thanks and helped herself to a mug of coffee. It was cold in the flat, and she wrapped her hands around the mug for warmth.

“Yeah, sorry about the temperature. The heating takes a while to get going in the morning. I’ll get a guy in eventually. There’s muesli in the cupboard, and there’s some of the rye bread shit in the fridge I know you women like.”

Katarina smiled and rolled her eyes, before setting down her mug and taking out the box of muesli from the cupboard, before pouring a portion into bowl. She took it to the table and sat down, facing the windows which looked down into town. The first skiers from the village and around had arrived on buses and were making their towards the cable-car station at the opposite end of the town.

“You ever been skiing?” Nick asked as Katarina ate her muesli.
“No, though it’s something I’d like to try. It’s something the government really misses a trick on at home – we've got some decent mountains but not a single development. It could really boost tourism.”
“Yeah, but why got to shit Szavoda when you've got, like, the best country in the world next door?”
“Precisely.”
“When your arm and my leg heal up, I’ll take you skiing here, you’ll love it.”

The pair finished their breakfast and went down to the underground car-park, where Nick stored his car. Next to his blue sports car which they had driven down in, was a large, black SUV vehicle with darker windows. As they got into the sports car, Nick commented on the other vehicle.

“That’s Clyne Services standard issue. Your squad gets two of those, bullet-proof metal and glass, powerful under the hood and up to the neck in fancy gadgets. Damn entertaining to drive.”

“Did you ever serve with Clyne?”
“I did a few routine missions when I was a lot younger, I was more of a paperwork man. You would not believe how hard it is to bring weapons into Eura legally.”
“I can imagine. That’s why my people do what they do. The Eurans expect us to keep the massive Southern border free from weapons traffickers. Not to mention people, drugs, alcohol as well.”
“That’s one hell of a job. What, 100 people and 12 helicopters to keep 600km of border secure? Fucking impossible, I’d say.”

Nick drove the car out of the building, and after a short drive through the meandering streets of Wake Falls, they emerged onto the motorway which led directly to Hornchurch. The 6-million strong city slowly appeared on the horizon as they drove in, the agricultural land gradually morphing into the low-rise sprawl of one of Western Eura's biggest cities. The morning’s blue skies had been replaced by a shawl of grey clouds, and a speckle of rain covered the dash-board as they entered the city.

Mason Avenue, home of Clyne Services, was a typical urban Euran street: a wide, double-laned street, with high-density office blocks and apartment buildings on either side. Clyne Services’ building was particularly low-key, with only the indication of the occupants outside being the words Clyne Services imprinted on the marble décor outside. Nick swung the car round to the side of the building, which stood alone on its block, with garden space on either side. There was an underground car park similar to Nick’s apartment, and a large concrete barrier blocked the vehicle's entry to the car park. There was a small booth where a security guard sat, thumbing through a magazine. Nick waited for a second before pressing the horn on the steering wheel. The guard jumped into action, standing up and leaving his booth. He came round to Nick’s side and leant down to speak to the driver. They clearly recognised each other, exchanging a smile before speaking.

“Alright Nick? Haven’t seen you round here for a while.”
“Yeah, I've been on Scouting Ops in Szavoda for the last two months.”
“Uh-huh” the guard responded, before indicating to Katarina in the passenger seat “and who’s your lady-friend?”
“She…” he started as he rummaged through the side compartment “is a Szavda Army Captain, who I've identified as the perfect candidate for our new Ops Unit.”

Katarina smiled and offered her greetings in Euran, which was rudimentary at best. It was mandatory learning in schools in Szavoda, although Katarina had always found it difficult and had discarded it at the first opportunity. Nick and the guard continued to chat away in Euran, and before long, the guard returned to his booth and lowered the concrete barrier. They parked the car in between two of the same SUVs that Nick had in his own garage, and walked to the elevator.

The elevator took them to a lavishly decorated lobby area. The floors were marble, and had thick stone pillars at regular intervals. The main desk was at the far end of the lobby, looking out towards the door and Mason Avenue. A number of people offered their greetings to Nick as the pair walked towards the desk. The secretary at the desk gave him the same greeting; he was clearly popular around here. He handed over his ID card and the secretary scanned it.

“Nick O’Callaghan, checking in. We've got an appointment with Mark, I phoned earlier.”
“Yes, Mr O’Callaghan, we've got that in, in about 20 minutes. If you’d like to take a seat upstairs, Mr. Cross’ secretary will see you in.”
“Thanks so much.” Nick nodded and smiled.

He then led Katarina to another set of elevators which led directly to a single, large plan room with a set of chairs on one side. There was a single door at the other side, with a secretary sat at a glass table to one side. The pair took a seat and the secretary brought over a tray with a pot of coffee and a pair of cups. Nick poured himself a cup before offering one to Katarina, who declined. There was a set of windows off to the right, offering views into downtown Hornchurch, which was dominated by three imperious sky-scrapers.

“Mark Cross is the guy who runs the whole operation; you’ll like him, nice guy. Bit crazy though, but you get used to that.” Nick said as Katarina’s eyes scanned the horizon. “He served with the Euran army a while back, but grew disillusioned with the whole deal and went private. Instead of joining up with one of the bigger ones, he set up his own private one set on ‘personal, private protection’. That was 16 years ago.”
“Interesting. You never said how you ended up in the PMC business. Unless you were in the military, which, I mean, you clearly weren't, then it’s a weird business to end up in.”
“Wait, how can you tell I wasn't in the military?”
“It’s pretty clear. You’re far too polite to women, you have table manners, you’re single yet your apartment was messy enough for two, and you don’t have the technical nous to fix your own shower, which eliminates all but the most desk-bound military jobs.”
“Observant. You’re right; I never did serve in the forces. But, I did however, serve with the Police Force. I was a Detective with the Police Force in Bastion. Interesting occupation, but hard work and little reward. I did 6 years’ service, before joining a military consultancy firm who worked with your guys. The cash flow was a bit short, so I took on some work with Clyne to line my wallet, and then I thought, why not combine my two jobs and start scouting out potentials in Szavoda? I don’t have to move around the place, I get a substantial pay packet and all the perks that come with working with Clyne. Did I mention that Clyne owns one of the four Presidential suites at Bastion’s Metropolitan Hotel? Pretty fancy.”
“I'm sure it is…”

The door to their right clicked open. A man poked his head round the door. He was middle-aged, perhaps 50, perhaps less. He had long, swept-back hair, and he flashed a near-perfect smile to Nick. Nick stood first, before gesturing for Katarina to follow him. The man pushed the door further open, allowing the pair to enter the office.

The man, who introduced himself as Mark Cross, shook Katarina’s hand eagerly. “It’s a real pleasure to meet you Katarina, Nick has told me all about you.”
“Well it’s nice to be here, it’s quite the establishment you've got here.”
“It sure is. We charge a serious premium, because we provide a serious service. Of which I hope you’ll be a part of. But, before we talk shop, drink?”

Before Katarina could respond, the main turned on his heels and walked across the office space, where a large trolley sat, loaded to the brim with various bottles of all shapes and sizes. He flicked open a draw and placed three glasses on a tray.

“What can I get you? Whiskey, vodka, gin, vermouth, grappa, beer? I make a pretty decent cocktail, or, if you’re missing home, I've got some Szavda soft drinks. Fancy a Pzizz?”
“Give us a Pzizz then.”

Mark took the lurid yellow and pink can out of a cooler and chucked it to Katarina. Szavoda, whilst being known for being awful at many things, were particularly terrible at producing soft drinks. Whoever’s idea it was to market a lime and pineapple flavoured soft drink clearly didn't have taste buds, and it was known for giving an unusual burning sensation behind the eyes. But being a Szavda, Katarina had become immune to its strange taste.

“Gimme one of those as well Mark” Nick asked, boldly. Katarina intervened “Don’t, Nick. I can drink it because I'm resistant to the millions of chemicals inside, but this drink will tear up your insides. Advantage of being a Szavda, I guess.”

Nick laughed. Katarina had that certain cynical, dry sense of humour which typified the Szavda people. “I’ll take a beer instead, whatever you've got.”

Nick and Mark talked shop for a second, referencing a whole string of names and places which Katarina didn't recognise. They spoke freely and confidently in Euran, and Katarina struggled to keep up. Her Euran was better than most of her compatriots, what with her army unit spending a lot of time co-ordinating with Euran forces. Being a fluent Euran speaker was big money, as translators were always needed; Szavda was an infinitely more difficult language to learn than Euran.

After a minute Mark switched to Szavda so smoothly that it took a second for Katarina to zone back in and realised she was being addressed.

“So, Ms. Krevic, you've probably got a lot of questions, but I can assure you, working for Clyne is the perfect career opportunity. As I'm sure Nick will have told you, we don’t currently have any Szavdas on our role, despite over 40% of our business being operated in your country. As I'm sure you’re very aware, Eurans aren't the most liked people in Szavoda.”

Katarina nodded. There was a certain disdain amongst the Szavda people for the Eurans. Mostly out of jealousy, but add in some unfounded racial claims and you have a real distaste for Eurans among certain sections of Szavda society. Obviously, those with half a brain in government knew to keep the Eurans onside by constantly grovelling at their feet in hope of a pittance of aid.

“Yeah. When I was in University someone torched a Euran flag during the visit of the Euran ambassador. Real classy stuff.”
“I’m assuming that you have no anti-Euran sentiments that might, well, interfere?”
“No. Of course not, I’ve got not problems with you guys. My mother, on the other hand.”
“Not a fan is she?”
“That’s an understatement. She’d probably have a heart attack if she found out I was even contemplating working here.”
Mark smiled “It’s the older generations that are worst. Anyway, we pride ourselves at Clyne Services in treating our operatives just as well as treat our clients. We have full living quarters in the city, which are in good nick, and whilst on Operation, which can last anything from a few hours to several months, we provide full living expenses for our operatives, including accommodation, spending money, transport and importantly arms. We buy our arms from numerous suppliers across the region to ensure we have the widest and most up-to-date range of arms available.”
“Do your operatives see a lot of action?”

“Well, it depends what you define as ‘action’” Mark wheeled his chair to a series of filing cabinets in the corner of the room. He stood and opened the top draw, flicking through the folders until he plucked one out. He brought it back to the desk and opened it on the surface. He ran his finger down the page, before picking out a single statistic.

“Last year in operations, we discharged 766 rounds of live ammunition, recorded 17 causalities of OpFor. A lot of that spent ammunition came when a convoy of ours was ambushed near Azkara in Szavoda – some of the local miners didn't take too kindly to our client’s practices and decided they wanted to exact some revenge; attacked our client’s convoy with rifles and grenades. Took us an hour and forty minutes before we repelled them; police never showed.”

Katarina knew exactly who he was talking about: Euran mining magnate Chris Sherman. He owned large proportion of the mines in the coal and mineral rich area of Azkara in Eastern Szavoda, and was notorious for treating the workers like dirt. Suffice to say, he was not popular with the Szavda people. Even Katarina had to admit to disliking the man, but she’d keep that quiet.

Mark continued; he had a certain way with words that was particularly engaging. “We haven’t had a casualty on our side for close to four years, and that was in a passive car accident, as opposed to Operations. We take the utmost care in making sure our Operatives are as safe as possible when on Operations; after all, if our guys are safe, then our clients are safe.”

Katarina nodded in understanding. Mark continued on for some time, often with interjections from Nick, on various more technical elements of the job: routines, training, insurance, job benefits and boilerplate. After about 40 minutes of chat, Mark rose from his chair and took his jacket from the hanger behind him.

“That’s enough of the boring stuff, how about some lunch? On us. There’s a great place just round the block. And, to show you we’re not just a boys club, I’d like to invite two of our other female operatives, both part of our Szavda Operations Division, their mastery of your language is impressive. Two really nice girls, Lauren and Molly.”

“And not bad lookers, eh Mark?” Nick added jokingly
“Come on Nick, have a little respect.”
“Yep, sorry.” He smiled.
“Come on, we’ll meet them in the lobby and grab a car to get to the restaurant.”

[Associated Godlands]

God Hates All Teams In The World Cup!!!

(OOC: It should be obvious that these are not my actual opinions)

After exhaustive research, Associated Godlands's Queen, Shirley Phelps-Roper, has concluded that God hates every nation participating in the World Cup. She has provided a reason why for each nation:

Part 2:

Saintland
Finally, a nation that has seen the light. God likes this nation.

Kandorith
This nation has a false religious system, and God hates all false religious systems.

Blouman Empire
God hates the Blue Man Group, and while I am unsure whether this nation is affiliated with the Blue Man Group, God probably hates in anyway.

Falcus
God hates square flags.

Apox
God hates oxymorons.

Super-Llamaland
God hates un-sacrificial llamas.

San Jose Guayabal
God hates Nordic crosses.

Buyan
God hates nations whose denonym ends in -ese.

HopNation
God hates capital letters in the middle of words.

Yttribia
God hates impossible-to-pronounce names.

Star United States
Using the word "star" disrespects God, as He casts a glow no star can match. God hates those who disrespect Him.

Chiata
This is another nation that likes suns, but no sun could cast the glow that God does over humanity.

Gloriax
God hates Gloriax's flag.

Brenecia
This nation enables homosexuals, which God hates.

Kirisaki
God hates nations that change their name.

Sargossa
This nation has multi-spousal weddings, which God does not really approve of.

Nova Anglicana
This nation once seemed promising, but it has since strayed off course in their enabling of homosexuals.

The Royal Bangaray
God hates Latin mottos.

Gregoryisgodistan
This nation worships a false deity, which God hates.

Electrum
God hates the way of life of all people in Electrum.

And that's it for Part 2! Stay tuned for Part 3!

[Semarland]

“Florent who?!” spluttered probably most of the nation as they saw the Starting XI for the pre-qualification friendly vs Polaaskan.

The truth was, they were about to be amazed.

Only twenty years old, Florent had been brought up in a football family. His father, Steffaene, was half Mrevish and he had been a footballer playing in the lower leagues of Semarland and the pre-LFA leagues in Lindmark.

He was a robust defender and had hoped that Florent would be the same, but it instead of a big, hulking central defender, he got a little, wiry attacking midfielder.

He could not be more proud though. Florent started off at Steffaene’s final club, Aestahaade, and came through the academy there. Released at the end of his scholarship, Florent didn’t give up and was signed by Copenbrok Klub.

He was loaned to FC York and led them to promotion at just 18 years old. That season, Copenbrok were relegated from the Premarligaen. They rejected a 6M offer from York for him and then Florent led the tiny club back into the top flight.

Now Florent was shaking hands with the Polaa players. He looked up to see the smiling face of Piotr Karl, making his debut, and was thumped on the back in a friendly spirit by the tall defender.

Intimidating, was all he thought as he jogged to take his position on the field, behind Jakob Lindesfarne. Florent was named ahead of Marc Strand, who the nation expected to start, but Florent was going to prove why he should start ahead of him.

Looking to the stands, he spotted Steffaene, his father, and his sister Lourente. Both beaming, they waved at him and Florent could only manage a timid smile.

He was snapped out of it as the referee blew his whistle and it kicked off.

Twelve minutes later

He had the ball in a promising area. Looking to his left, he saw Abel Nkutu make a promising run and to his right Knut Svensson making overlapping. Instead of passing, he jinked past Karl and made a sumptuous chip over the head of Sol Arke towards Nkutu, who smacked it across goal for Jakob Lindesfarne to tap home.

Six minutes later

This time he was up against Arke. A little stepover was all it took for him to get past the opposition captain and his carefully placed shot ended up in the back of the net.

Half time – Semarland 3-1 Polaaskan

Florent had run Arke and Karl ragged in the first half. He was getting pats on the back from everyone. Even Tunde Ajayi, who Florent was sure he had never seen smiling in the training camp before, was praising him.

Florent was slightly disappointed when Jansen took him off, but he was delighted he had scored and got an assist on his debut.

Full time - Semarland 5-2 Polaaskan

---

It was a good morale boost for the Semars as they go into the tough Group 4 as they attempt to qualify for the 72nd World Cup. Jakob Lindesfarne opened the scoring on 12 minutes after poking home Abel Nkutu's cutback. Debutant Florent Marcssen slotted home a second six minutes later. Iiro Kaalikko reduced the deficit after flicking the ball past Blaise N'Zonzi on 34 minutes, but Abel Nkutu added a third six minutes before half time. Marc Lygaard headed home Jakob Poulsen's corner late in the second half, but target man Mikhailo Pettersen headed home a second for Polaaskan. Veteran right back Eirik Malsen slid home a fifth, completing the rout. The Semars face 337th ranked Helmon and Andreas Jansen is expected to still field a strong side. There are rumoured starts for Florent Marcssen and Abel Nkuna-Ybangwa as they both impressed, but Jakob Poulsen could start alongside Tunji Tunde. Marcel Labonne and Tipio Runen will miss this game due to injuries sustained in training.

Semarland - Blaise N'Zonzi; Rasmus Norregaard, Matjas Nordland (Matthias Karbruck 79), Jakob Lunds, Knut Svensson (Eirik Malsen 74); Abel Nkutu (Demba Cisse 69), Florent Marcssen (Marc Strand HT), Tunji Tunde (Jakob Poulsen 84), Diego Snow; Jakob Lindefarne, Marc Lygaard (Amos Nkuna-Ybangwa 74)

Goals
Lindesfarne 12’, Marcssen 18’, Nkutu 39’, Lygaard 71’, Malsen 89’ – Kaalikko 34’, Pettersen 76’

---

Starting XI v Helmon – M Valbuena; M Eiriksson, J Lunds, M Karbruck, E Malsen; D Cisse, F Marcssen, T Tunde, D Snow; M Lygaard, A Nkuna-Ybangwa

[OOC Note: Apologies for the rather poor RP, been short on time recently.]

[Free Republics]

Sister Polus's Thoughts

Hello, I am Sister Maria Polus, Housemistress of Tomlinson House at the Barjavel Academy at Republica and Instructor in Religious Studies and Latin at the Academy. Yes, I have left St. Hermione's on amiable terms and will start my new position at the most prestigious private preparatory boarding academy in the Holy Republican Empire when the new school year commences. Many eventful things have happened of late, so there is much for me to discuss at the moment.

I will begin by discussing the recent decision by the Supreme Court of the Holy Republican Empire to uphold the Emergency Powers Act, permitting God's Champion, Consul Reino Kulseth, to remain the unquestioned leader of the Empire for the duration of the current emergency. I assume that you are already familiar with the details of the case, but if you aren't, a wicked liar named Nova Hellstrom, a notorious harlot, filed a lawsuit against Consul Kulseth alleging that the Emergency Powers Act was unconstitutional. By a margin of 12 to 3, I am pleased to report, the Supreme Court rejected her specious arguments and recognized that God's Will trumps the laws of man, even Constitutions that have been in effect for several hundred years. The Federation Constitution is a barbarous relic from the Wicked Ages which protects the so-called "rights" of evildoers, liars and Satanas worshipers. The Court is right to consign it to the past where it belongs because the future belongs to Iesus Christus and His True Church.

Next, I wish to turn my attention to the events that recently took place in the town of Yellow Bay. Recently, a number of girls at the local government-run high school walked out of school in protest over their school's indecent dress code policy. Now, my viewers know that I am not one to advocate disobedience toward authority figures, but in this case I am willing to make an exception. These girls attend a school that was requiring them to wear inappropriate and overly revealing clothing to school. While these girls are not yet right with the Lord our God, their hearts are in the right place and they just want to be cool like the girls who attend the local True Church school and wear appropriate clothing. I am pleased to report that the school system in Yellow Bay has decided to adopt a uniform policy for girls only with a design that will be very similar to the one used by True Church schools. As it turns out, for once a protest actually led to positive change.

This brings me to another point that needs to be made about the True Church. While organizations like Feministvs Sanctvsterra portray True Christians as tyrannical woman-haters who want to oppress women, actual women throughout the Holy Republican Empire support Consul Kulseth and are glad that the True Church has cleaned up this society. At one time, this nation had a hookup culture that was viciously misogynistic. Women were encouraged by the society to allow themselves to be used by men and then told that there was something wrong with them if they felt, after the fact, that they had been violated. Republican men used to deliberately get women drunk in bars, just to make them more agreeable so that they could have their way with them. In the bad old days, wives were forced to work soul-crushing jobs because their husbands were too selfish to support their wives like a good man. No, I'm not surprised when women tell me how pleased they are with the way in which Consul Kulseth is fixing this society, nor am I surprised that their husbands and sons frequently groan whenever this great man's name comes up. As I travel around this vast land, all I hear from women and girls everywhere is how great Consul Kulseth is and how he's bringing long-needed change. For once, women and girls seem hopeful of a better future, a future in which they will be free to live the fulfilled lives that God intended for them, as civilizing forces for men and boys, not their glorified chattel.

Unfortunately, not all of the news of late has been good. In particular, I am speaking of the island of Taiyou, where a fanatic named Wakiko Takahashi was recently elected their new colonial leader. In her victory speech, Mrs. Takahashi called for the "reincarnation" of some false goddess, a war of independence and referred to Republicans as "sub-human monsters." I wouldn't even use that phrase to describe Feministvs Sanctvsterra members because I recognize that they are just misguided brats who are suffering from the consequences of poor parenting. Let me be clear about one thing: The Taiyouese are not an independent nation and will never, ever, be an independent nation. They are a colony of the Empire and they should be thanking God that Consul Kulseth permits them to maintain their autonomy after all of the nonsense that this Wakiko-chan woman is pulling. She is just proving once again why women are the weaker sex and should not be permitted to hold positions of high political or ecclesiastical authority. God had his reasons when he prohibited us ladies from the priesthood and it is our duty to obey the Will of God without question or complaint.

Now, with that out of the way, I wish to turn to the story that is dominating the news at the moment. I, of course, am speaking about World Cup 72 Qualifying. The elves of Valanora and the evil talking horses of the Equestrian States won the rights to host the World Cup by default this time around, after nobody else put forward a bid. Since both of these nations have hosted multiple World Cups in the past, there was never any doubt that the WCC was going to accept their bid. Once again, 162 national teams have signed up for the World Cup, so the same qualifying format will be used once again. This means that there will be 20 groups of 8, with the group winners qualifying directly and the teams that finish second advancing to the Playoffs where half of them will falter and end up missing out on the World Cup. The Sanctii National Team has been drawn into Group 10 alongside The Sarian, former BoF champions Zenic, Milchama and a bunch of minnows. If you want to hear more about their group, be sure to read the Saintland Press's World Cup Qualifying Preview article. I will provide my thoughts on the Patriarch's long-overdue decision to excommunicate the Heretic King and anoint King Andreas as the new King of Saintland in a future edition of this video series.

As I am currently living in the Holy Republican Empire, I wish to discuss the Republian National Team. Under the leadership of Petrus Fadius, I am pleased to report, Koby Theodore and Kyle Bolton have prospered and become true gentlemen off of the pitch. I would dare to say that they are now as well behaved off the pitch as they are great players on the pitch. Mr. Fadius truly is a miracle worker. I'm sure we all remember just how dominant they were during last year's World Cup when they came within mere inches of upsetting mighty Osarius and becoming the World Cup champions. This is an amazing turnaround for a team that missed the World Cup finals entirely 2 years ago, under the mismanagement of Rule Theriault. Then again, maybe this isn't surprising given the overwhelming evidence that Theriault knowingly permitted his team to gamble on their own matches and probably even to throw several matches over the years. But fortunately all of that is now in the past and the Holy Republicans are now as dedicated to the sport as they are naturally talented.

Their first opponent of this World Cup will be Lons, whom they beat twice in World Cup 71 Qualifying. The opener will be played in Lons, where the home team lost by a 2 goals to 1 margin last year. Lons, of course, made their debut at the 56th Baptism of Fire where they competed in Schiavonia. They went 3-1-2 in a mediocre group and advanced despite finishing third in their group because 32 teams advanced out of the group stage at that edition of the BoF. They would manage an upset against Omerica in the Round of 32 before faltering against Czarch in the Round of 16. In World Cup 69 Qualifying, they would go 5-1-8 and manage an upset victory over Milchama. After missing out on a Cup of Harmony berth, they skipped World Cup 70 and returned last year to go 3-3-8. In the Holy Republican Empire, they lost by a 3 goals to nil margin. You can see them play the HRE at the MilaneseDome in Wortana but don't be surprised if the match is every bit as uncompetitive as it was last year. This year, they haven't even revealed their roster yet but if its anything like last year's, their team will be comprised of a bunch of mediocre players with unpronounceable names. They're the 5th best team in this group on paper, but I don't think Torisakia and maybe even Callagea might finish ahead of them.

The second opponent for the H.R.E. is the nation of Buyan. Buyan is an accomplished team that have proven themselves to be a quality side time and time again. Buyan debuted at the 54th Baptism of Fire, where they won their first 6 matches, including a Round of 16 victory over Ceni before battling The Sarian in a legendary BoF final. In the end, the match went to penalties and Alowysz Krupa scored the decisive penalty to give Buyan a 7 to 6 penalty shootout victory. While they had a slow start to World Cup 67 qualifying, going 3-1-4 in the first half of qualifying, Buyan came on strong in the second half, holding the heretical monks of The Archregimancy to a scoreless draw and ultimately finishing with an 8-2-6 record capped off by a victory on the final day of Qualifying that ended the Gregoryisgodistani hopes. Speaking of Gregoryisgodistan, it is the Will of God that they will never, ever, qualify for the World Cup and I'm sure that Farfadillis, Starblaydia, Polkopia, Furellum and Vettrera will see to it that they don't even make it to the playoffs this year. If they want to qualify for the World Cup, their only path is through Iesus Christus.

But let's get back to Buyan. After failing to qualify, they were invited to the 59th Cup of Harmony in Valanora. After losing their opening match 5-2 to The Royal Barangay, Buyan drew against West Angola and finished last in their group, failing to advance. The following year, they started off Qualifying red hot, upsetting United Gordonopia and Jeru FC in the first half and starting 5-2-0. They would attain the exact same record in the second half of Qualifying, finishing with 10 wins, 4 draws and no defeats, but second behind Gordonopia after the tiebreakers were applied. In the first round of the Playoffs, they convincingly defeated Thatius twice in a row to advance to a playoff against the talking horses of the Equestrian States. There, they picked up a goal to nil victory in the away leg before annihilating the talking animals by a 4 to 2 margin to qualify on their second attempt. In the World Cup finals, they lost to Osarius and Legalese in their first 2 matches in Legalese before picking up a win against the nation then known as the German American States. However, World Cup 69 Qualifying did not go as well for them. On the first matchday, they were upset by Kernansquillac and went on to draw 3 matches before the halfway point. While they would not lose any of their last 13 qualifying matches, they still finished 7-6-1, a point behind then-BoF champion United Eastedge following a last matchday draw against perennial top-10 team Audioslavia. United Eastedge would go on to lose a playoff against then-defending World Cup champions Vilita. Buyan's campaign at Cup of Harmony 61 began with a 3 to 1 victory over Cosumar. After a loss to West Angola, they would defeat Electrum to advance out of the group stage. However, they would lose by a goal to nil margin in the Round of 16 against the Archheretics.

When Buyan returned for yet another World Cup Qualifying attempt 2 years ago, they returned with a resounding 7 to nil victory over Paymina. They would lead their qualifying group throughout almost all of qualifying and clinch first place on the final day with a draw in spite of losses to Turori and Estope. While they began the World Cup proper with a loss to Pasarga, victories over Runtenbach (former the German American States) and San Jose Guayabal locked up second place in their group in San Jose Guayabal. That meant a Round of 16 match against the Polar Islandstates and a goal to nil loss. Last year, Buyan lost 2 matches in World Cup qualifying and were tied with the Talking Animal States and Kandorith going into the final day. Unfortunately, they had lost to both of those nations and the final day saw all 3 of them win, so Buyan finished third in their group and out of the World Cup despite finishing with the same number of points as the group winner. Invited to the Cup of Harmony, they defeated Electrum, Semarland and Walkany in the group stage and Polaaskan in the Round of 16 before falling to Valanora on penalties in the Quarterfinals. They come into this World Cup, however, as 2 time defending Esportivan champions and are managed by Apoxian Chris Maarsden and play a 4-5-1 formation. You can see Buyan play the H.R.E. in the second qualifying match at the Olympic Stadium in Baseton. If either team can sweep the 2 head to head matches, they would most likely win the group outright and head to the World Cup.

The third opponent that the Holy Republicans will face at this World Cup is Eastfield Lodge, a nation that preposterously claims to be more devout than Saintland and which has somehow fooled the Wicked Assembly into believing them. Eastfield Lodge is a nation run by followers of the Mahometan heresy who believe that a man named Mahomet is the son of a the moon god Allah and outrageously claim that all of the legitimate Prophets were Prophets not of the One True God but of this pagan moon god. They are one of the most wicked nations in the multiverse today, so it is no surprise that they are infamous for their inability to qualify for the World Cup.

Eastfield Lodge debuted in the 36th Baptism of Fire and have been famous for their mediocrity ever since. They played in the Krytenian half where their only opponent whom I've even heard of was Arkinesia. In this group, they would win 3 matches but lose 2. Despite finishing third, they qualified for the second round nonetheless and faced the Las Vegas Gamblers. They would win that match and beat another obscure opponent in the Krytenian Quarterfinals before faltering against Oberour Ar Moro in the Krytenian Semis, which were the equivalent of a modern Quarterfinals. Then, they finished a respectable 8-2-6 in their first Qualifying attempt, for World Cup 49 and even had a victory over Sportsgirls. However, they lost all 4 matches against Bears Armed and Starblaydia as the World Cup Finals fixtures, of that era, proved that they were simply better. Eastfield Lodge would be among the 48 teams invited to the Cup of Harmony in those days of old when the standards for earning an invite to the Cup of Harmony were much lower than they have been in recent years (OOC: Indeed, World Cup 49 featured 135 teams competing for 30 qualifying spots and 48 CoH spots and was not as heavily RPed as a modern World Cup.). In Pasarga, they would go 1-2-2, with their sole win coming against The Weegies, a nation primarily famous for their fluke upset of Polar Islandstates several years ago. The Weegies were actually a fixture in WCC tournaments at that time and had a half-respectable team that was ranked 64th going into that Cup of Harmony. Eastfield Lodge was ranked 74th, which is extremely high for a nation coming off their first qualifying campaign. Eastfield Lodge would also manage a draw against United Gordonopia, who wouldn't actually field a good team for another 14 World Cups or so (OOC: For those too new to remember, Gordonopia was one of the co-hosts of my first BoF and regularly qualified until he stopped entering World Cups a few cycles ago). Eastfield Lodge would not advance out of the group stage and would have to wait until World Cup 50 the following year.

World Cup 50 was the largest World Cup ever up to that point, featuring 15 groups of 11 because every World Cup in those days used a 15 group qualifying format. Although Eastfield Lodge opened with losses in their first 2 qualifying matches, they won their third and then faced Bears Armed on the 4th matchday. This time around, they managed to stun the Bears, beating them 3 goals to 2. A few days later, they would defeat Ad'ihan, the 14th ranked team at that time (OOC: And a puppet of Liventia, the other co-host of my first BoF), by a 4 to 1 margin. At the mid-way point, they were 6-1-3 and had gone 6-1-1 in their past 8 matches. Ultimately, they would lose to both Bears Armed and Ad'ihan in the second half of qualifying and finish 11-3-6, good for fourth in their group. Toward the end of the group stage, the World Cup would be beset by scandal and the World Cup Committee would hand out 80 point penalties to 10 nations, none of whom would had qualified anyway (OOC: Those were penalties for CTEing and I'm sure that did wonders for their position in the KPB rankings if they un-CTEd before the next World Cup). 2 of those teams were in Eastfield Lodge's group. Now ranked 57th, Eastfield Lodge were invited to the Cup of Harmony and opened with a 2 to nil victory over Milchama, followed by a 1-nil win against Dorian and Sonya, also known as the Sylvanaes Queendom (OOC: Another regular contender during the good old days when World Cups were numbered in the 60s ). Although they would lose to Somewhereistonia, Eastfield Lodge would win their group outright with 4 wins and a single defeat. In the Round of 32, they were drawn against Queer Poco el Mono Ara, who had beaten them in the previous year's CoH and they promptly lost to the future co-host of World Cup 58 once again. Remember, this is Eastfield Lodge we're talking about here. They can't win the big one.

World Cup 51 started promisingly for Eastfield Lodge, with a win and then they finally managed a draw against Queer Poco el Mono Ara. But, they promptly went on a cold streak and would be in 9th place in their 10 team group at the halfway point with a 2-2-5 record, including losses to Newmanistan and Jeru FC. Ultimately, they would finish 5th with a 6-5-7 record. Rather than a breakthrough, they had taken a dramatic step backward in their third World Cup Qualifying attempt. Invited back to the Cup of Harmony nonetheless, they won all 4 of their group stage matches by a 12 to 2 margin, including a 5 to nil victory against Milchama, but once again they would be eliminated in the first knockout round. The following year, they would go 12-7-3 in Qualifying, remaining in contention until the final day before ultimately finishing third after a final matchday draw. Ranked 47th going into Cup of Harmony 44, Eastfield Lodge would be drawn into a group in Valanora as Valanora and Delaclava elected to use a 32 team format. They would win 2 matches, including a 1 to nil victory over Rejistania, and draw their other match to win their Cup of Harmony group once again. Then, they would finally win a knockout round match at the expense of Unitopolis but when they ran into Pasarga in the Quarterfinals, they simply had no chance. While Pasarga was not the juggernaut that they are today until their breakthrough performance at the legendary World Cup 68, they were still good enough to decisively eliminate Eastfield Lodge from the Cup of Harmony.

Even after their strongest performance at the Cup of Harmony so far, Eastfield Lodge had a slow start to World Cup 53, losing 3 of their first 4 qualifiers and managing only a draw in the other. By the halfway point, their record was just 3-1-5. Although they would begin the second half with 2 wins, a 4 match losing streak ended their chances of a respectable performance in their fifth World Cup. In the end, they finished 7-2-9 and in 6th place. Then, they were left out of the Cup of Harmony altogether. They came back a year later for another attempt during World Cup 54. This was the famous two-tiered World Cup Qualifying campaign introduced by Cassadaigua and The Babbage Islands (OOC: When I first started out in the World Cup, Babbage was the #1 ranked team even though they never actually won the World Cup and Cassadaigua was a major IC rival of mine). The first round of this World Cup used a 30 group format with groups of 5 or 6. Eastfield Lodge was drawn into a 5 team group where the only other notable team was Eura, participating in their first World Cup. At the midway point, they were 3-1-0 and had just won 2 to nil in Eura. Eura wouldn't become a serious contender until World Cup 60 when they made a surprising run to the World Cup finals. In the end, Eastfield Lodge won their qualifying group with a 6-1-1 record. In the second round, called the Interzonal round, 60 teams participated in 10 groups of 6 with the top 3 qualifying for the World Cup. Eastfield Lodge ended up in a group in Queer Poco el Mono Ara and won their first 2 interzonal matches before losing to Qazox in their third match (OOC: Qazox was a major figure around here in the days when I was starting out but he was only really a serious contender in the American team sports tournaments). After that, they lost the rest of their matches and finished 2-0-3, in 5th place. Invited to the Cup of Harmony this time, they went 4-1-1 and won their group again. Their most notable opponent was Civil Citizenry, whom they beat in their first meeting and drew in the second. After a victory in the Round of 16, they were knocked out once again in the Quarterfinals.

World Cup 55 returned to the then-conventional 15 group format. Eastfield Lodge got off to a decent start this time around, drawing their opening match and defeating Astograth in their second. Although they would lose to Rejistania, Unibot and The Heretical Empire, they were 6-1-3 at mid-qual and 4th in their group. In the second half of qualifying, Eastfield Lodge started on a winning streak but then they lost to Unibot and their qualifying hopes looked bleak even after a draw against the Heretical Empire on the second to last matchday. With a matchday to go, the Heretical Empire had finished all 20 of their matches and was first with 43 points. Unibot was second with 39 points and Eastfield Lodge was sitting on 37. Rejistania had 36. Then a nation called the Blasphematic Fools stunned Unibot on the final matchday, Eastfield Lodge defeated Emagna by a 1 to nil margin and Eastfield Lodge were, somehow, in a World Cup. Their introduction to the World Cup Finals consisted of a 4 to 2 defeat to the Babbage Islands. After Kulverint crushed them 4 to nil on the second matchday, it was clear that they weren't making it out of the group stage in Delaclava. The Archheretics finished them off with a 4 to nil rout and Eastfield Lodge left the World Cup Finals. They have yet to return.

They returned for another Qualifying attempt the following year, but limped to a 6-3-5 finish in the first modern format World Cup Qualifying campaign. They were not invited to Cup of Harmony 48. Nor did they do any better in World Cup 57 Qualifying, where they went 2-4-2 in the first half to limp into the halfway point in 6th place. However, they had a hot streak in the second half of qualifying and somehow found their way tied for second place with a matchday to go and no matches left to play. Their record was 8-4-4, which was good enough in a qualifying group where Aguazul had won their first 15 matches. All they needed to advance to the playoffs was for Aguazul to complete an undefeated Qualifying campaign by defeating Tretskivucia. Aguazul, at that time, was as good as any team has ever been in the long history of the World Cup but somehow they managed to lose the final match and Tretskivucia finished second. Eastfield Lodge finished third. If that isn't God's Judgment, I don't know what is. Invited back to the Cup of Harmony, they once again won their group, going 3-1-0 this time in a group that contained Western Cuba (OOC: At one time, a giant in baseball and beach soccer) and Civil Citizenry. That earned them a second round match against Eura, which they lost 3 to nil. The next year's Qualifying campaign started better for them, as they managed a draw against Valanora in the first half and were actually in second place, with a 4-3-1 record, at the halfway point. Then, they had some struggles but a win over Valanora put them back into second place. Going into the last matchday, they had a 2 point lead for second place, sitting on 29 points. Valanora had locked up the group and only The Kangaroo Republic could knock them out of the playoffs. However, The Kangaroo Republic defeated Zona Azul on the final matchday and advanced to the playoffs. Eastfield Lodge was out of the World Cup yet again. Invited to the Cup of Harmony's Golden Edition, Eastfield Lodge opened with a loss against Gyatso-Kai. Then, they defeated the Union of Myanmar in their second match and it looked like they would make it out of the group stage again. However, Astograth's 4 to 2 win on the third and final matchday sent Eastfield Lodge home. In a span of 3 World Cups, they had fallen from a World Cup qualifier to a team that couldn't even make it out of the group stage of the Cup of Harmony.

World Cup 59 featured 20 groups of 7, but even the smaller groups did nothing to help improve Eastfield Lodge's qualifying hopes. A 2-2-2 first half saw them limp into the halfway point 10 points behind Bostopia, who got out to a flawless start and even 5 points behind Taeshan. However, a 4-1-1 second half put them in second place going into the final matchday. Once again, they had a bye on the final day of Qualifying, but they still had a 1 point lead over Taeshan and a 3 point lead over Ossidiacqua. Bostopia had run away with the group. Then Taeshan defeated Luketopia on the final matchday and Eastfield Lodge finished third yet again. They were invited to the Cup of Harmony and were placed in a group in Liventia that featured Ko-oren, whom they beat on the first matchday 2 to 1. They would win the group with 2 wins and a draw, advancing to the Round of 16 against Yesopalitha and would take them to penalties. In the end, they barely won the shootout and advanced to a match against Darmen, who promptly eliminated them from the Cup of Harmony. Eastfield Lodge would start out the 60th World Cup with a victory over Liventia but would have a record of just 3-1-3 halfway through qualifying. World Cup 60 used a 24 groups of 8 format, the first of 3 World Cups that would use that qualifying format. Each of them used a different playoff format. Eastfield Lodge would ultimately win 8, draw 2 and lose 4 and would finish a distant third in their group behind Jeru FC and Michael VII, missing out on the Playoff Pods. They would not receive an invitation to the 52nd Cup of Harmony. World Cup 61 returned to the 20 groups format and Eastfield Lodge opened up qualifying, fittingly, with a loss to a minnow. A few days later, they were routed by Polar Islandstates followed by Kinitaria. After 4 matches, they had already lost 3. While they would win 3 matches straight, they would lose their final match of the first half to Milchama, who went into Eastfield Lodge and defeated them 4 goals to 1. Their second half started with 3 draws, including a draw against the Polarians. Then, they lost to Kinitaria. In the end, they would finish 6-4-6, a distant 4th behind Polar Islandstates, Milchama and Kinitaria and would, once again, be left out of the Cup of Harmony. World Cup 62 Qualifying opened for the Eastfielders with a match at Polar Islandstates, who beat them again. That set the tone for a dismal 2-1-4 first half and an eventual 4-5-5 finish, which placed them 5th in an 8 team group. They were not invited to the Cup of Harmony.

World Cup 63 was the first of the 3 marathon qualifying campaigns and the last World Cup before the debut of a team from the Kingdom of Saintland. Eastfield Lodge would open this one with 3 wins before faltering against the Archheretics. Later on, they would lose to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega. Andossa Se Mitrin Vega was particularly strong at that point in time, but always found a way to choke in the big matches. By the midway point, Eastfield Lodge remained alive, tied with Armed Bears for third, 4 points behind Andossa Se Mitrin Vega and 6 behind the Heretics. However, their 5-2-2 start was followed up by a 3-1-5 second half that resulted in a 5th place finish. They would receive an invite to the Cup of Harmony and would play in Taeshan. They managed just 2 draws in 5 matches and finished last in their group. World Cup 64 did not begin well for them, as they lost their first 3 qualifying matches. Even though they played well in their remaining 15 matches, including a 4 to 1 victory against Saugeais, they still finished a distant fifth, never seriously challenging Saugeais or the Sylvanaes Queendom. Even with their late turnaround, they were still not invited to Esportiva for the Esportivan Cup of Harmony. The 65th World Cup famously saw the debut of a nation then known as the Federation of Free Republics and it started particularly well for Eastfield Lodge, who defeated their first 3 opponents, 2 of whom where Chiata and the Greater Vakolicci Haven. While they lost to Jeru FC and drew against Eura and the Licentian Isles, Eastfield Lodge was 5-3-1 at the halfway point and just 4 points behind Eura, 5 behind the Licentians. While Eastfield Lodge would finish a respectable 11-4-3, their qualifying hopes died with their back to back losses to Eura and the Licentians. Eura won the group with a 16-1-1 record while the Licentians finished second and went on to kidnap many Sanctii women and children during the playoffs. They have yet to return to Saintland. Eastfield Lodge were invited to the 57th Cup of Harmony and opened with a 5 to 2 victory against the Royal Barangay of Sangti followed by a scoreless draw against Karditan and a loss to Jeruselem. A victory over Kalumba put them into second place going into their final matchday bye. Surprisingly, Karditan drew with Jeruselem and Eastfield Lodge made it out of the group stage for the first time in years, but Filopines made sure to take care of them in the Round of 16.

World Cup 66 was one of the most unique World Cups of recent years. Audioslavia and The Inevitable Syndicate hosted it and they elected to use a 30 groups of 6 format. Under this format, every result was magnified. Eastfield Lodge opened with a 4 to nil victory but fell to Mytannion on the second matchday. They won their next 3 matches and were suddenly 4-0-1 at the halfway point, just 2 points behind Mytannion for a spot in the World Cup. After winning on the 6th matchday, they just had to upset Mytannion on the 7th to be in first place and likely headed toward the World Cup. That did not happen, as they lost to Mytannion by a 2 to nil margin. Even though they won all 8 matches against opponents not named Mytannion and finished with their best result since World Cup 55, Mytannion dropped only 2 points in qualifying and ended up with the spot in the World Cup finals. They were invited to the Cup of Harmony and ended up playing in Falcus. After losing their opener to Taeshan 5 to 1, the Eastfielders beat the even more wicked Gregoryisgodistan in their second match. After a matchday 3 bye, they won their third match and went into the final matchday in second place, needing only a draw to advance to the knockout rounds. They beat Hutt River to finish second in their group. A matchup against then-BoF champions Welsh Cowboy resulted in a 4 to 2 Eastfielder victory. Welsh Cowboy were never the same again and disappeared shortly after this match (OOC: The last I remember of Welsh Cowboy was their being supportive of my Casaran host bid for WC67). In the Quarterfinals, Eastfield Lodge faced Milchama and managed to beat Milchama 5 to 3 just like they would have done in their glory days. In their first and only WCC semi-final to date, they faced Apox and played to a scoreless draw after 90 minutes. The penalty shootout ended in a 4 to 3 Apox victory. Andossa Se Mitrin Vega was their opponent for the Cup of Harmony final. ASMV were ranked #2 coming into the 66th World Cup cycle, but were stunned in qualifying. In the Cup of Harmony, they were the overwhelming favorite, but Saugeais stunned them 2 to nil in the other Semi. A furious Andossa Se Mitrin Vega team showed up and would leave with an 8 to 3 victory in one of the highest scoring matches in WCC history (OOC: Yes, I scorinated Eastfield Lodge's best WCC performance). Even their one Semi-Final appearance ended in embarrassing defeat for them.

As usual, whenever Eastfield Lodge performs too well, God knocks them down a peg once again. World Cup 67 was no exception, as they lost to Eura and Nephara and had a 4-1-3 first half to qualifying. Even though they played well down the stretch and finished 9-3-4, 3 points back of Nephara, the only reason they finished 3 points back was because Nephara lost to the Barangay on the last day of Qualifying. They would be left out of the 59th Cup of Harmony in Valanora. Still, they returned for their 20th World Cup Qualifying attempt in World Cup 68 and opened by defeating Olastor on the first day of qualifying. They drew Polar Islandstates yet again, during the period when the Polarians were not only #1 in the rankings, but also the defending champions. The Polar Islandstates era would come to an end in the Semifinals of World Cup 68 when the Republicans beat them, but they were still their usual selves during qualifying. The Polarians would beat Eastfield Lodge on the second matchday, but that was their only loss in the first half. They actually managed to beat the likes of Qazox, Kazamatsuri and New Wolfopolis as they won 6 of their first 7 and were in second at the halfway mark. The second half started the same way for them, but they weren't as good in the second half, finishing 10-1-3. That was still good enough for second place in their group, but they weren't a serious threat to overtake Polar Islandstates. In the playoffs, they stunned German American States in the away leg before losing the home leg. It came down to away goals and German American States had more away goals, so Eastfield Lodge was out of the World Cup once again but they had actually made a playoff for the first time. Even after making the playoffs for the first time, they were still left out of the Cup of Harmony. The following year, they ended up in a Polarian group again for the third 24 groups of 8 World Cup and the second straight to use that format. They started qualifying 3-2-0 this time around before losing to the Polarians again. Halfway through Qualifying, they were third, with a 4-2-1 record. Yttribia was just ahead of them by 2 points. A loss to Yttribia to open the second half, however, was the end of their hopes for World Cup 69. At this point, they went into a downward spiral losing 4 matches, winning just 2 and drawing the other match in the second half. Instead of contending for a spot in the playoffs, they finished a distant fourth and were left out of another Cup of Harmony.

The 70th World Cup started out on a slightly better note for Eastfield Lodge with a 5 to 1 victory over Abanhfleft but soon the losses started. Falcus and Legalese beat them. After the midway point, they had lost 3 out of 8 matches, winning the other 5, and were 4th in a 9 team group. Another second half collapse saw them finishing with a 7-3-6 record, 5th in a 9 team group. They were not invited to the Cup of Harmony. Last year, they would go 3-3-1 in the first half, again ending up in Legalese's group. While their final record of 7-3-4 was a slight improvement, they still finished 4th and did not seriously contend for a spot in the World Cup finals, nor did they end up in the Cup of Harmony.

Eastfield Lodge enters World Cup 72 ranked 75th and features an offensive minded team that uses a 4-1-2-3 formation. The Holy Republicans will be playing them at Lodger City Memorial Stadium on the third matchday. Lodger City Memorial is the larger of their 2 stadiums. Thomas Graham is the top scoring threat for these Mahometans. The return leg in the Empire will be played at True Church Stadium in Albertope.

The fourth opponent for the Holy Republicans is Callagea. Callagea enters this World Cup unranked and everything about them is a mystery with the exception of their location in the region of Sunalaya. This mystery team will be playing at the AllMartDome in Reco on the 11th matchday. Speaking of AllMart, I have to admit that they have a better selection than any store I've ever been in. Their school supplies section is especially extensive and puts to shame all of the school supply shops back home in Saintland and their prices are much better too. If you're ever in the Holy Republican Empire, be sure to shop at AllMart while you're here.

The fifth Holy Republican opponent is Cosumar. Cosumar is a nation in Atlantian Oceania that debuted back in World Cup 51 without entering the Baptism of Fire at all. Cosumar held Krytenia to a draw in their first ever WCC match and then held Aguazul to a draw in their second (OOC: Seriously? That's some luck for an unranked nation...). Then, they won their third match before their luck finally ran out. By the halfway mark, they were 2-3-4 and in 9th place in a 10 team group. In the end, they finished 9th with a 3-6-9 record. Cosumar received an invite to the Cup of Harmony, having impressed the hosts, and managed 2 draws in 4 matches, one of which was against Osarius. Yes, they actually managed a draw against the future World Cup 70 and 71 champions. Cosumar finally began to fulfill some of that promise in their second qualifying attempt, as they started 4-3-3 and managed a draw with Sarzonia. In the end, they would finish 10-4-8, good for 6th in their group. Ranked 92nd after their second qualifying attempt, Cosumar was invited to the Cup of Harmony again. This time, they lost their first 2 matches, but would manage a win in their third and final Cup of Harmony match of that cycle.

Cosumar's rise continued in World Cup 53, as they opened Qualifying with 3 wins in a row, culminating in a 4 to 3 victory at The Babbage Islands, not an easy feat. After 2 draws, including a draw against Bears Armed, they finally lost to Free Swiss States, of all nations. While they cooled off down the stretch, Cosumar still finished 8-4-6 and 5th in their 10 team group, from which 3 teams qualified because Rejistania was one of the 2 strongest third placed teams and 2 group winners were unable to participate in the World Cup finals. Cosumar was invited to the Cup of Harmony yet again, which used a 4 groups of 7 format. They won their first 4 matches, including matches against Queer Poco el Mono Ara and Mytannion and ultimately finished first in the group, having won 5 out of 6 matches. Cosumar defeated their Round of 16 opponent in extra time and then won their quarterfinal match to earn a spot in the semis. Their match against Churchma went to penalties, with Cosumar falling short. They would win the third place match 1 to nil against Cotdelapoms to finish third in their third Cup of Harmony. So far, Cosumar has yet to achieve a better finish at any WCC tournament.

Cosumar was placed in a group with Pasaraga, Bazalonia and 3 minnows for the first round of World Cup 54 qualifying. However, they began qualifying by drawing a minnow and then losing to one. At mid-qual, they were still 2-1-2 and second in their group, but every team in their group besides Pasarga was just 2 points behind them. Cosumar finally turned things around in the second half and easily finished second in their group, which was good enough to advance to the Interzonal round with a 5-3-2 record. The 9th matchday was the turning point, as they upset Pasarga while the minnow that was just 2 points behind them going into that matchday lost to another minnow and was eliminated. They were placed in the Delaclava Interzonal with the likes of Sorthern Northland and Nethertopia and promptly opened by losing matches to both of them. Then, they lost their third match as well and were presumably eliminated. After winning their next 2 matches, however, they were a fluke World Cup qualifier by winning a tiebreaker over Haginoia. They had managed just 24 points out of 15 matchdays in Qualifying, yet were somehow in the World Cup. They would lose 2 out of 3 World Cup finals matches, but pick up a draw against The Babbage Islands to finish better than Eastfield Lodge has ever finished at a World Cup finals.

Cosumar's group for World Cup 55 qualifying included quite a few nations of note. Among them were Valanora, Pasarga, Mangolana and Ko-oren. By the midway point, however, this group would be all but over. Valanora had 26 points in their first 10 matches. Cosumar had 25. Pasarga, with 19, was third. Then Valanora won 9 to nil at Cosumar. Valanora had scored more goals in one match than Cosumar had allowed in an entire half of qualifying. It looked like Pasarga had a chance of overtaking Cosumar for a moment, but Cosumar would eventually finish 16-2-2 with a 12 point lead over Pasarga. Their second World Cup finals saw Cosumar win a single match, against Al-Mumtaz, but still fail to make it out of the group stage. Cosumar lost twice against North Chicanan in World Cup 56 qualifying, but among their other 12 matches, they won 11 and drew 1. When North Chicanan were upset in their final match, Cosumar won the group by 2 points and advanced to the World Cup. They would finally make it out of the World Cup finals by winning their first 2 matches in Sorthern Northland, including their opener against Andossa Se Mitrin Vega. Then, they met the hosts in the Round of 16 and lost 4 to 2. Cosumar had qualified for 3 consecutive World Cups and had shown improvement in every World Cup cycle to that point.

The first 6 matches of World Cup 57 qualifying saw an absolutely dominant Cosumarite team that scored 23 goals and allowed just 2 as they won all of them. Although they would lose 4 to 1 against Kelssek, they still beat Osarius to finish off the first half of qualifying with 7 wins and 1 defeat. In the end, they would finish 13-1-2, with the second loss coming against Osarius on the final day of qualifying and run away with their group. They began their fourth consecutive World Cup finals with a draw against Bostopia and a loss to Astograth. Then, by some miracle, they beat co-hosts Sarzonia on the final day of the group stage and advanced. Jeru FC beat them 4 to 1 in the Round of 16. Cosumar followed that up with an undefeated first half of qualifying for World Cup 58, winning their first 8 matches by a 31 to 7 margin. Eventually, they would manage 11 consecutive wins before a draw against Gyatso-Kai ended their quest for perfection. They followed that up with another draw against Octinstine, but won 2 matches to move to 13-2-0 going into the final matchday. Then, Ipeland, who had yet to clinch a playoff berth, pulled off an upset over Cosumar on the final matchday of qualifying to do just that. Cosumar were once again drawn into a host group, this time with Queer Poco el Mono Ara, and managed a win and a draw in their first 2 matches before the hosts beat them to win the group. Cosumar still finished second and earned an opportunity to lose 4 to nil to the Babbage Islands in the Round of 16. World Cup 59 Qualifying proved to be a little more of a struggle for Cosumar, the first sign of the troubles that were to come for them. They did not lose a match in the first half of qualifying, but only won half of their matches. This left them second in a tight qualifying group looking up at Valladares, but with 19th Century Beards and Sarrbia just 1 and 2 points back, respectively. While Cosumar would win their final 6 matches and finish 9-3-0, this qualification proved more difficult than their previous ones had been. Their winning streak continued in the World Cup finals as they defeated Pasarga, Vilita and Gyatso-Kai to win their group in Vilita. In the Round of 16, they would lose for the 4th consecutive time, this time on penalties to Kagdazka and Pazhujebu.

When World Cup 60 began, Cosumar had qualified for the past 6 World Cups and appeared more likely to make it past the Round of 16 than they were to fall short of qualification. However, they opened with a loss against Weatherdon that was the first sign that God had turned on them. While they won their next 3 matches, that winning streak came to a halt against the New Montreal States, who went into Cosumar and left with a 3 to 1 victory. At the midway point, they were 5-0-2 and second in their group, 4 points behind New Montreal States. After a draw against Weatherdon to open the second half, Salouf pulled off a major upset to catapult Megadia into a tie for second place with Cosumar. When they lost their 12th match of qualifying to the New Montreal States, it was now evident that Cosumar would have to win a playoff just to make it back to the World Cup. Even after they drew against Karditan, Megadia did not overtake Cosumar, so they ended up in the Playoff Pods. Their playoff opener was against Kagdazka and Pazhujebu, the same team that had beaten them on penalties in the previous World Cup's Round of 16. This time, Cosumar were 7 to 3 winners. This earned them a match against Vilita. Yes, somehow they had to beat 2 teams that had competed in the previous World Cup just to make it back to the tournament and it was against Vilita that the Cosumarite team faltered. A 2 to nil victory for the legendary Atlantian Oceanian power against the nation that appeared to be one of the top up and comers in the region left Cosumar out of the World Cup. Then, Cosumar was somehow left out of the Cup of Harmony as well.

Cosumar, nonetheless, returned for their 11th qualifying attempt hoping to prove that their failure the previous year had been a fluke. By the halfway point, they appeared to be well on their way toward a return to the World Cup. Cosumar had won 6 matches and drawn the other 2 in a group featuring the likes of Krytenia and the Equestrian States. Moreso, they had already won in Krytenia. Then, the collapse began. First, they drew against Bitternia. Then, the Equestrian States held them to a scoreless draw. After a 3 to nil loss to Hutt River on the 14th matchday, Krytenia led the group by 2 points and had played 1 fewer match than Cosumar. Krytenia expanded this lead to 5 points during Cosumar's bye and then locked up the group by defeating Cosumar. Now, the Equestrian States were a point ahead of Cosumar, but the Cosumarite team had 2 matches left while the talking horses had just 1 match to go. Cosumar would win both of their remaining matches to earn a spot in the playoffs, where they lost 1 to nil against Queer Poco el Mono Ara. Cosumar had now lost 2 consecutive playoffs and they weren't invited to that Cup of Harmony either.

Cosumar would win 5 of their first 7 matches the following year and would hold an 8-2-3 record after 13 matchdays. Coming into the final matchday, The Heretical Empire led the group with a perfect 13-0-0 record while Cosumar had 26 points, Falcus 25 and Western Cuba 23. On the final matchday, the Heretical Empire beat Western Cuba but Falcus won their match. Cosumar would have to win just to make the playoffs and they managed a 2 to nil win to finish 9-2-3. This set up a playoff against Osarius, which they won 1-nil to qualify for a World Cup. The Cosumarite return to the World Cup began with a loss to Legalese. This was followed by losses to the Heretical Empire and Valladares. They clearly were a shell of their former selves as they finished at the very bottom of their group with absolutely nothing to show for their 7th World Cup finals appearance.

Cosumar started off qualifying for the 63rd World Cup with 4 wins and a draw. Then, they lost to Sargossa. They bounced back to hold second place at the midway point with a 6-2-1 record. Then, they lost the first 2 matches of the second half of qualifying to 19th Century Beards and Gaveo. Cosumar started off the second half with a draw and 3 losses in their first 4 matches and ultimately finished 9-4-5, 6 points behind second place Sargossa. Again, they were left out of the Cup of Harmony as their decline began to accelerate. World Cup 64 saw a 5-0-4 start for Cosumar, leaving them in 5th place halfway through qualifying. That was where they would, ultimately, end up with a record of 9-1-8. Cosumar was now barely able to win more matches than they lost. While Cosumar would lose just 1 of their first 9 qualifying matches in the third and final marathon qualifying, they had 4 draws among those 9 matches and were still 5th at the halfway point. A hot streak left Cosumar in second place on the penultimate matchday and then they would win to clinch a second place finish in their group. However, due to an emergency (OOC: Meaning, of course, a CTE), they were unable to participate in the playoffs, so they were once again left out of the World Cup finals. No Cup of Harmony invite was forthcoming. Cosumar returned for World Cup 66 and started off with 2 wins in that abbreviated World Cup before Eura beat them at home. That was followed up by a loss to Boring Paradise and they limped into the halfway point third in a 6 team group. In the end, Cosumar finished 5-1-4, third in their group, and out of the World Cup. They were also left out of the Cup of Harmony, yet again.

Cosumar entered World Cup 67 having qualified for 1 World Cup out of the previous 7 and having been left out of 6 Cups of Harmony. Then, they somehow managed to be in first place halfway through qualifying after going 6-1-1 in the first half. That loss was to Apox, who was just a point back of them, but Cosumar's revival was unmistakable. While Cosumar managed a 2-3-3 record in the second half of qualifying and a distant fourth place finish, they had looked like the Cosumar of old for half of World Cup qualifying before that performance was revealed to be a mirage. They were, again, left out of the Cup of Harmony. Cosumar had another impressive start to qualifying in World Cup 68, winning 5 of their first 7 matches and drawing the other 2. This put them in serious playoff contention since the top 3 teams in each group made the playoffs under the unique system used in World Cup 68. Even then, Cosumar still managed to find a way to collapse in the second half, yet again, and miss the playoffs. They went 1-3-3 down the stretch and World Cup 68 failed to be a turning point for them as it was for so many other national teams. However, the 68th World Cup cycle was a turning point for them in one way as they were invited to the Cup of Harmony. They started off the tournament with a draw against Astograth and followed up with a victory over Yttribia. Although Farfadillis would knock them out on the final matchday of the group stage, Cosumar had impressed at the Cup of Harmony, the first sign that the nation then ranked 76th might actually turn it around.

World Cup 69 saw Cosumar in contention at the halfway point despite a 3-3-1 start. In a competitive group where Karditan, Hicana and Glaser were either tied with Cosumar or 2 points behind them in the case of Glaser, Cosumar appeared to have a chance. Wtih a strong second half, they might even be able to make it to the playoffs. 6 matchdays later, the Archheretics were running away with the group with 31 points, but Cosumar, Glaser and Karditan were all tied with 23. Hicana had 22. Those 4 teams were facing one another on the final day, which would determine who would advance to the playoffs. Shockingly, both of those matches ended in draws and Cosumar ended up in the playoffs on a tiebreaker with a 6-6-2 record. While Farfadillis beat them easily, Cosumar had at least made it to the playoffs. Invited to the Cup of Harmony, they opened the tournament with a 3 to 1 loss against Buyan, but bounced back with a 7 to 3 win against Electrum. While they lost to West Angola on the final matchday of the group stage, they had, once again, attained the experience that comes from participating in the Cup of Harmony.

They came into World Cup 70 with high hopes, but by the halfway point it was evident that Osarius and Super-Llamaland were going to run away with that group. Cosumar was a distant third with a 4-2-2 record. Then, they upset Super-Llamaland to open the second half and were still 4 points out. As qualifying played out, however, it looked like Super-Llamaland's collapse was opening a door for Cosumar until Cosumar's 3-3 draw against the Vakolicci on the second to last day. A demoralized Cosumarite team was crushed by Osarius as they finished 9-4-3. Invited back to the Cup of Harmony, Cosumar entered with the goal of making it out of the group stage. After a draw against a mediocre team from Devonta, their odds appeared doubtful but they beat Greater Watford and drew Apox to finish second and advance to a match against Starblaydia in the Round of 16. They eliminated the legendary Starblaydian team 3 to 1 and then did the same to Sandwich Territories in the Quarterfinals. However, Barunia proved too much for them in the Semis and they had to settle for an opportunity to beat Electrum in the third place match and match their best Cup of Harmony performance ever, from 17 years prior.

As they opened their qualifying campaign last year with 5 wins and a draw against Audioslavia while the Bulls struggled, it appeared that Cosumar was headed back to the World Cup. Halfway through qualifying, they led Audioslavia by 6 points. Even after they opened the second half with 2 draws, they still had a 5 point advantage with 5 to play. That was until they were upset by Sameba on the 11th matchday. This made their match against Audioslavia on the penultimate matchday a battle for first in the group. While Audioslavia has a reputation for losing World Cup finals, they managed to win this particular big match and take the lead. With 1 matchday to go, Audioslavia had 28 points, Cosumar 27 and Milchama 26. Audioslavia managed to defeat Milchama to lock up first place while Cosumar won their final match to prevent Sameba from stealing that spot in the playoffs. The spot in the playoffs was against an opponent known as the Holy Republican Empire. Even after a 1 to 1 draw in the Cosumarite leg, the Holy Republicans remained unfazed. They knew that Cosumar could not beat them in the Empire and that proved to be the case. Porvaldur Hinriksson's late goal off of a Koby Theodore assist gave the Holy Republicans a 1 to nil victory over Cosumar and a spot in the World Cup finals. Cosumar had to settle for another trip to the Cup of Harmony, where they would not make it out of the group stage after being upset by Zenic and Flardania. So far, they have yet to announce their roster for World Cup 72, but that are ranked 43rd at the moment and I expect that their roster will be revealed before too long. They'll play the Imperial Team on the 5th matchday in Republica at the Battle Hymn of the Empire Stadium and I will be in attendance at that match.

The 6th opponent for the Holy Republican National Team is Stellonia, who debuted at the recent Baptism of Fire. They narrowly advanced out of Group B with a win, a draw and a loss before losing to Emperor Pudu in the Round of 16. Txelemigte, their captain, recently gave an interview in which he claimed that they are going to win the World Cup. I wish to remind Mr. Txelemigte that pride is one of the seven deadly sins and that it is rather presumptuous for a nation that barely advanced out of the group stage of the Baptism of Fire to think that they have any chance of winning the World Cup. No national team has qualified for the World Cup in their first attempt in recent memory and only 2 that I can remember have qualified in their second attempt. Those 2 were Mizuyuki and Buyan. I don't think that Stellonia, who are ranked 279th in the latest rankings, are even remotely as good as those nations are. Regardless, we'll find out when the Holy Republicans visit Stellonia on the 6th matchday and when Stellonia has to contend with a crowd of 111 thousand Holy Republicans at the Soccer Palace in Petrograd on the penultimate matchday of World Cup Qualifying.

The final Holy Republican opponent is Torisakia, currently ranked 199th. They debuted back in World Cup 60 and drew United Gordonopia in their first match. However, even though they would later manage to pull off an upset in Gordonopia, they still finished just 4-3-7, which placed them 6th in a group of 8 teams. They were not invited to the Cup of Harmony and did not enter World Cup 61 or 62. Returning in World Cup 63, they finished 4-3-11 and never posed a serious threat to qualify. They would disappear again after World Cup 63 qualifying ended and return at World Cup 68 for their best World Cup qualifying performance. They were 5-2-5 with 2 matchdays to go and in the hunt for that final playoff spot under the World Cup 68 format. However, they lost their last 2 matches and finished 6th. World Cup 69 was a slightly different story for them as they opened with a win against Red Blackiland and were 3-3-2 at the halfway point. In the end, they finished 6-4-4, 4th in their group, but much closer to 5th than 3rd. They were not invited to the Cup of Harmony and did not return to the World Cup until this edition. According to our scouts, they are a defensive team that plays a 5-2-2-1 formation. Surprisingly, they have released their roster and appear likely to be slightly better than their 199th ranking would indicate. They will be playing at Nejan Stadium in Oldston on the 7th matchday and the HRE will be closing out World Cup Qualifying in Torisakia on the 14th matchday.

OOC: The remainder of this RP will be posted in the next post because I have exceeded the 60,000 character limit for a post

[Free Republics]

OOC: Please see the previous post for the bulk of this RP.

All things considered, the Holy Republican Empire are, on paper, the overwhelming favorites to win their group. But, it would be presumptuous to claim that they are going to win. If Petrus Fadius's team wishes to win, they will have to show up, work hard and remain in the good graces of God. If they can do all of that, they can qualify easily and they can go on to improve upon their past second and third placed finishes. If not, they may end up out of the World Cup finals and maybe even out of the Cup of Harmony entirely. I am Sister Maria Polus and I thank...

Actually, there is breaking news out of Hicana. Gregoryisgodistan has just decided to play God by wiping the nation of Hicana off of the map with nuclear weapons. This is an atrocity and one that the Royal Kingdom of Quebec should be held partially responsible for, given their decision to give nuclear weapons to this evil regime. I can only express my hope that the multiverse will soon stand up to Gregoryisgodistan in the only manner that is proportional and appropriate: by declaring war on them and uniting to eliminate this regime. As He died to make men holy, let us die to end Gregoryisgodistan. I am Sister Maria Polus and I thank you for watching.

[The Saint James Islands]

sports
|national football| |club football| |basketball| |rugby| |volleyball| |lacrosse| |tennis| |cycling| |golf|

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reliable and trustworthy | 18 september 2018

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world cup 72 qualifying preview: introducing the bootleg video game cup
ucn finds bootleg world cup video game as omerica gets drawn into a miracle group

Port-Alexandre, Philibiscostal – What is the one event in which rambling autocrats, football wars, raving dictatorial propaganda, exorbitant spending by the TAO and sentient ponies are to be expected? The World Cup, of course. Now with the added bonus of the Gregoryisgodistanis attempting to blow Hicana off the map and the “Holy Republican Empire” attempting to rile up everyone even further! Fun.

160 nations will compete for 30 coveted spots in the multiverse’s most prestigious sports tournament alongside hosts Valanora and the Equestrian States, all to be taken by the winners of the twenty groups and ten play-offs. That is, if the multiverse survives long enough to actually see a World Cup happen. Now with the groups and the schedule beyond any doubt, let the games begin!

the preparations
James-Alexandre Christopherson has survived his first ordeals as manager, but has lost five players to retirement in the process, including two of the Triad. Jan-Nikläs Rosenkränts of Royal Michaeltown fame now takes up the captain’s armband in place of the departing Mikaere Raia, while Intan Petera keeps charge over the goal. Nacional’s flirt with relegation last season is likely to put undue pressure on the back to perform, but a strong back line in the home games will likely keep pressure off Intan yet again.

In contrast to normal practice, Christopherson has opted to use two sets of squads: a more defensively oriented squad to keep from dropping points at home and a more attacking squad to seek out away results. From a historical perspective, this is not a bad move on Christopherson’s part. Omerica enjoyed mild successes at home under the more defensive 4-2-1-3, but failed to launch in away games as they once had under the defensively riskier 3-4-3.

damned statistics
Realising the power of statistics and mathematical modeling, the UCN Sports office has opted to try their hand at simulation. Using the latest KPB rankings and factoring in things like home pitch advantage, the preferred style of play each team uses and sheer luck, we have modelled 1400 Les Oiseaux games, half at home, half away and with 200 against every opponent. From there, we have come up with the odds of getting results against every other team at home and away.

Green represents a win, yellow a draw and red a loss. The percentage of simulated games that ended in a particular result are indicated at the end of each row. The picture the simulation paints is not a bad one, with three countries likely to present little resistance and the third-seed in the group within striking distance of us and even a win against second-seed Sargossa not being completely out of the question. The Holy Empire will predictably remain rather far out of Omerica’s reach, while San Lleran media’s boast about the possibility of an upset do not see a lot of vindication here.

Nonetheless, the oddities are notable. The bottom seeds stand a better chance against us in Omerica than they do in their own home stadium. The fifth seeds are apparently less likely to beat us in the Commonwealth than the sixth seeds, while the sixth seeds are less likely to beat us outside Omerica than the seventh seeds. Not to mention that Omerica seems to stand a better chance in away games against the top two seeds than in home games against them. With greater scale (say, a thousand simulated games), the oddities might vanish, but given the lack of time until the first games kick off and the sad and surprising lack of computing power here at the Philibiscostal office, that will have to remain a conjecture.

les oiseaux schedule:
MD1: @ United North States
MD2: @ San Llera
MD3: v Sargossa
MD4: @ Jeruselem
MD5: v Holy Empire
MD6: @ Viktoria
MD7: v Tumbra

MD8: v United North States
MD9: v San Llera
MD10: @ Sargossa
MD11: vs Jeruselem
MD12: @ Holy Empire
MD13: v Viktoria
MD14: @ Tumbra

group fourteen teams
The Holy Empire (Rank 4) are the first seeds in Omerica’s group this year and will likely pound in everyone’s faces as the goose-step their way to a group victory. Four-time multiverse champions and regular overachievers, their goalkeeper Jesús Metochites (insert lame “Jesus saves” jokes here) is a force of nature at the back and their total football philosophy will be right up the alley of Omerican fans that hate parking the bus, i.e. almost all of them. With a 56.24% chance of taking six points from their encounters with Omerica, don’t expect much and get ready for a beatdown.

Sargossa (Rank 38) will be the second seed and the miracle opponent that Omerica have been waiting for. Scraping the bottom of the barrel of Pot 2, we have a more than two-thirds chance of snatching at least one draw off Sargossa, with a nearly 40% of beating them at least once. With these odds, Omerica fans can rest easy, but remember that results are made on the pitch, not on paper. Be ready for an uphill fight for those points.

Jeruselem (Rank 59) is a good team, but results have been lacking recently. Heavily beaten into fourth by Filopines last qualifying cycle and knocked out of the Cup of Harmony in the group stage, Jeruselem will be vulnerable, having failed in their qualification attempts for the last three cycles. With the home game quite likely to get us some points and the away game a pure toss-up, Omerica’s odds of coming third in the group aren’t bad at all.

Omerica (Rank 76) are not that far off of Jeruselem in terms of statistical quality. Manager James-Alexandre Christopherson has taken some risks in terms of strategy, returning to the defensively weak, possession-based strategy of auld in away games and keeping the more defensively oriented 4-2-1-3 in home games to keep from dropping points at home. While the more defensive formation and the embarrassment of stray animals’ ability to do better in the Campionato Esportiva than our human players have not earned Christopherson the love of Omerican fans, from a cold and calculating perspective, this campaign cannot go nearly as wrong as the last.

A team not to be worried about too much is San Llera (Rank 125), who come into the group from the middle of Pot 5. If they can’t even spell “Kai Eko” right (it’s six bloody letters), the odds of them winning a game against higher seeds are not exactly bankable wagers. With at least one win in the bag here according to our statistical modelling and two incredibly likely (we have a more than 50% chance to deny them a win according to our model), I like our odds here.

Tumbra (Rank 173) are near the top of Pot 6, but that’s not that important. With the odds of being denied a win just barely over 20%, we’re rather confident that this is wrapped up in the bag, so we’re not going to worry too much about this.

Viktoria (Rank 279)… The country is probably epitomised best by their coach’s mission statement of “[w]e’re here to be.” A park-the-bus-type side, they are not going to get any favours from Omerican players, who will likely take any measures they can to get past the back four, or fans, who will likely boo every blocked attempt and counterattack the team manages. The game was meant to be played by scoring goals, after all. Nonetheless, we are not too fussed, since all our other opposition seem to have gotten that message.

And then there’s the United North States (Rank 337), who are the only team from Pot 8 to not be unranked. But given their KPB ranking of a giant goose egg, it’s not really something to get worked up about. I doubt anyone will complain about near 1:1 odds to snatch six points, so we’re off to a good start facing them first instead of a top seed like we usually end up having to do.

Overall, per our model, 21 points should be a safe bet, with 27-30 within reach. If Les Oiseaux reach the upper end of that scale, a play-off berth is not at all out of the question. It should be safe to say that if we in fourth, Christopherson’s head will be on the line. If we finish more than about three points off of fourth, Christopherson is definitively finished.

the bootleg game
Enough of real life for now.

Apparently, a shady group in the Provence has been producing bootleg World Cup video games with all 162 participating countries programmed in. The rendering quality is crappy, the controls are incredibly awful and the legality of the office having the game is dubious at best, but the UCN Sports office will officially run an unofficial WC72 Bootleg Video Game Tournament.

162 reporters and editors working in the United Counties Network’s Philibiscostal office will play in the tournament, one for each participating country. Each player has been randomly assigned to a team, with Valanora (played by Kirakina Tiukaano) and the Equestrian States (played by Willem Kirkengard) automatically qualifying for the last 32 as World Cup hosts. To make the qualification process quicker and more exciting, each of the twenty qualifying groups, which will align with the actual World Cup groups, will be played as a Federation Cup-style knockout tournament, with the winners automatically qualifying for the World Cup and the runners-up qualifying for the play-offs. The winners of each play-off will also qualify for the full knockout World Cup.

The play-offs losers will head for the Cup of Harmony, alongside the third-place team in each group. The thirty qualifiers will elect two wild-cards (with the proviso that Omerica cannot be one of them), who will then play a knockout tournament to decide a Bootleg Video Game Cup of Harmony winner. The UCN Philibiscostal office will attempt to send the actual associations represented by the bootleg video game tournament winners a case of Omerican wine, because why not?

At the very least, the Bootleg Video Game Tournament will be a nice distraction if everything goes wrong in Les Oiseaux’s real life World Cup qualifying campaign.

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for your reading pleasure

• WC72 Challenge: pick your qualifiers for the final tournament ▶
• Live: Jüngeliig and Challenge Cup first round draw as it happens ▶
• Alliance hold slight lead over right-wing opposition as election year approaches ▶
• Volleyball’s Commonwealth Cup to expand to 64 teams for 2019 ▶

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Itiaia Mori 59▲ 50▼
Here we go again! Have a bit of faith, Les Oiseaux! We’ll be at the World Cup eventually.

UnitedPhillyForLife 41▲ 23▼
@Itiaia Mori: Fourth time’s a charm?

Elise Artoise 87▲ 1▼
Is it sad that I am embarrassed of my home Provence for that bootleg game?

Kirikina Tane 51▲ 7▼
San Llera, I have a message for you: say Haere Mai to pain, suckers!

Angelina Bastille 32▲ 9▼
@Elise Artoise: Not at all. All the shady things happen in the Provence, after all.

[San Llera]

Jon Lleranerus was having a pretty quiet day.

He had not yet yelled at any media about San Lleran spirit, nor had he publicly urinated on an Omerican flag. He guessed that he was just tired today. And when he came across an Omerican press release previewing his group, he didn't feel his usual pre-emptive anger for what it would say about San Llera. And it seemed to just be full of graphs he didn't completely understand.

That is, until he read, "San Lleran media's boast about the possibility of an upset do not see a lot of vindication here." Jon Lleranerus didn't know what "vindication" meant, but he got a bad feeling. He wasn't tired anymore. He then scrolled down to a paragraph devoted fully to San Llera. Now that was the respect his nation deserved!

"A team not to be worried about too much is San Llera."

Jon Lleranerus took a deep breath.

Just then, a slightly inebriated Paulo Masias and a slightly more inebriated Jan Capo stumbled into the hotel lobby, 45 minutes past curfew.

"What's up, coachy-coach?", slurred Capo. Lleranerus didn't answer. He just stared at him with the sharpness of a thousand daggers. "Oh no, he didn't see the press release, did he?" Capo suddenly snapped back into reality.

Lleranerus took another deep breath.

"Not worry about us?!! Not worry about us?!! Oh, you better worry about us!! You better worry that I'll come to your house and wring your neck! What are we to you, some joke? We'll show you! You're about to eat some San Lleran spirit!! We'll make you worry! We are San Llera!! We cannot be beaten!!" Lleranerus threw a vase. Capo and Masias ran off to their rooms, hoping to not take any of the brunt of his anger.

Lleranerus threw another vase.

5 minutes later

Enric Bou and Hector Fonda were in their hotel room when the outburst happened. Thank God. It seemed to be over.

Suddenly, they heard smoke alarms.

"He must have read the comments section."

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

OOC - see the Holy Empire roster for a detailed explanation of what's going on here.


World Cup 72
An oratorio by Jorge Handeles

ACT 1, SCENE 1

Overture


Chorus 'Let Us Now Celebrate Together'

Let us now celebrate together
That the World Cup doth dawn anew
Dawn, dawn, dawn anew; the World Cup doth dawn anew.
Let us then celebrate together
For the World Cup doth dawn anew.


Recitative 'On Our Laurels We Must Not Sit'
(Andres Daphopates as Tzimisces)

On our laurels we must not sit
As we prepare for this World Cup
Four trophies should not be considered enough
When the examples of Starblaydia
And Valanora doth present themselves to us


Duet 'Let Us Then Strive For More'
(Andres Daphopates as Tzimisces and Isaac Gemisto as Di Bradini)

Let us then strive for more
For more! For more!
Let us aim to win six World Cups!
More than any team before
Than any team before!
Six World Cups shall we strive to win
With this one as the fifth!
Victory shall we seek
As we then strive for more
Striving ever more, striving ever more


Recitative 'Is This Not Hubris?'
(Maria Chrysoberges)

Is this not hubris that our wondrous coaches
Do seek here our fifth World Cup?
Shall they yet be brought low by pride,
That humbler of the mighty everywhere?
I fear that upsets doth await
And that they might yet underestimate the opposition


Chorus 'Group Fourteen is Eminently Winnable'

Group Fourteen is emininently winnable
For unto us a fairly easy group has been given
Sargossa, 'tis true, must not be underestimated
But Jeruselem are surely not the force they once were
Omerica could prove tricky, but lack experience
And much the same could be said of San Llera
If we drop a point to Tumbra, we shall be disappointed
And to lose to Viktoria would be humiliating
The United North States are cannon fodder
Group Fourteen is emininently winnable
For unto us a fairly easy group has been given


Aria 'The Team Are Now Prepared'
(Miguel Lebournes)

The team are now prepar-ed
Prepar-ed, prepar-ed
The team are now prepar-ed
For anything on the field of play
For long range shots from might feet
For strange, deflected goals
For storms that drench the grassy pitch
For political upheavals
The team are now prepar-ed
Prepar-ed, prepar-ed
The team are now prepar-ed
For anything on the field of play

[Port Christopher]

World Cup Preview

You couldn't have scripted it supposing you'd tried; it was almost too perfect. Port Christopher's first ever World Cup Qualifiers and drawn in the same group as their Schottic cousins. Back in the Free Colony in Tyran, the Skots will be trying to laugh it of, dressing it up as just one more game as they try to stay calm and qualify. However, in Port Christopher, it will mean two derby matches where the players have nothing to lose.

About half of the Christopheran players are people who couldn't get a sniff at the Schottia squad, so they will be desperate to prove they can stand on their own two feet. The excitement, which swept the country as Port Christopher finished third in the Baptism of Fire, has kindled something very special in the West Pacific. There were few of us in the territory's media who would have predicted such a good run in the competition, but Jimmy Mitchel's men equipped themselves well. With Franz Müller's late goal sinking Hodife to secure the third-place play off win, the team were able to ensure that we went out on a high.

. . .

Looking towards the WC 72 qualifiers, the side are undoubtedly expecting to face much stiffer tests against more established sides. Vangaziland and Unranked Gnejs are likely to present lesser challenges, although with Port Christopher being so new to football at this level there are no games, which can be taken lightly. Sarrbia and Mangolana are two sides who straddle the worlds top 100.

Sarribia, a side who are better known for their exploits in beach football, are still a team to watch. The Palmettos will be buoyed by their recent run to the last sixteen of the Copa Rushmori last cycle. Mangolana are also a solid side, more than capable of springing an upset. The team finished fifth of eight in the qualifiers last time round (admittedly in a completive group) and will be keen to do better on this occasion.

Up at the sharp end of the group, the teams no doubt vying for the qualification and play off spots will be Schottia, Chiata, and Pasarga. Copa Rushmori Champions and the runners up at World Cup 71, second seeds the Wanderers will be a lot of people's favourites for the title. The side boast players such as Brigham's Dominik Mauer, Jorit van Kruistum of Hastmead Diamante, and they will be a force to be reckoned with. There is probably very little chance that Port Christopher can take anything out of this game, with a draw or a narrow win at the Willox St Stadium about the extent of any realistic aspirations.

Chiata, ranked 33rd in the world will be another uphill task. The side which features Willox Street Pirates' winger Brian Stewart, will be most people's pick to take second spot. Stewart has been outstanding for the Super-League champions this season, and if he is a reflection of the rest of the side's standard then both fixtures will be tough. With their current world standing just on the cusp of the top 32 teams, manager Rodney Walters will feel that a sold qualifying campaign should be enough to get his side there.

Port Christopher's final Group 15 opponents are the ones, which are likely to draw the crowds and pack out the bars. Until recently, in footballing terms, Port Christopher was merely a region of 66th ranked side Schottia. This match is obviously going to be difficult, both home and away, but it will surely be more daunting for them than it will us. With their entire media predicting two easy wins over us, that's exactly when upsets can take place. We already know that Players like Gary Corsie and Gaston Avelione, for all their ability, can be temperamental. With that in mind, if the midfield of Diego Bandos, Elisa Rivera and Miller Icacic, can get a grip of the game early on then anything is possible.

Realistically speaking, the bravest fans will be predicting fourth of fifth, with qualification probably out of our reach for the time being. That said, with a couple of good results here and there, there is every chance that Port Christopher can finish in the top half of the group.

[The Saint James Islands]

Via Damascus Stadium — St Paulus, Saintland

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Nova Anglicana, Flardania and the Sword Bloke had already fallen and with stoppage time approaching, it looked like San José Guayabal were destined to follow. The scoreboard simply read “Omerica 2–0 San José Guayabal”. Jean-Baptiste easily got a goal early on after a dumb mistake by Mattías Passarelli put the ball out for a corner, getting the ball off of a skilful Rosenkränts kick in the 19th minute. Not to mention when de Vrikt managed to get the ball from Rosenkränts after his fellow Black Dragon managed to volley around the Guayabalense defence. Intan was on top of his game, making two saves in the first half-hour of the game and coming back to save a penalty after Fito Zelaya was downed in the box by Mason.

Omerica would not let up the challenge on San José Guayabal, being all but through to face hosts of the friendly tournament. Rosenkränts was back in the box, challenging for a third goal. A hot-blooded Rudy Valencia on his tail, Abraham Terrazas seemed so close until Jan-Nikläs started seeing sod. Omerica’s third-most beloved forward (after Raia and Kostas, of course) tripped up by Valencia, the referee quickly pointed to the spot. An Omerica penalty in the dying moments of the game saw San José Guayabal’s fate sealed, with great approbation from the home crowd. The penalty itself was no trouble for Neama, easily getting past Terrazas, who dived to the left as Neama chipped the ball through the centre to make it 3–0. With that, the Guayabalense team attempted to pull one back in the little time that was left, but were quickly disappointed by Omerica’s ability to quickly park the bus and wait out for the whistle.

‘Twas an upset for the ages, one celebrated by the home crowd and the Omerican team. Archambault nodded in approval, smiling as the team left the pitch after their thrashing of San José Guayabal. The Guayabalense had been taught a lesson in their own game, with Omerica barely allowing San José Guayabal room to breathe. 3-4-3 really did seem like the natural Omerican formation after such a spectacular victory, but gambling unnecessarily would be stupid. Defense would have to remain a priority at home. The real risks needed to come in the away games.

A rematch was now in the works in the “True Church Open”. Omerica would either avenge their Cup of Harmony loss against Saintland and embarrass the hosts on home soil or fall out miserably. That was not important right now.

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James-Alexandre Christopherson’s office — Arena la Rouge, Philibiscostal

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James-Alexandre couldn’t stop laughing if he tried. “Fucking hilarious…”

“What is, James?”

“Oh, Ryan,” Christopherson said to his assistant with a slight laugh in his voice. “I didn’t expect to see you. I’m just listening to the reports of the San Lleran coach flipping his fucking shit over the UCN World Cup preview.”

“I don’t trust that UCN report, James,” Ryan said with slight hesitation.

“I’m afraid if might make the squad a bit complacent, yes,” Christopherson said after successfully holding back his laughter. “That is the last thing we fucking need. Nonetheless, it makes some bloody good points. We are in a relatively weak group. We don’t have a fucking chance against the top two teams, but we can finish in third if we put our minds to it.”

“Right,” Ryan said, nodding in approval.

“So did you hear about the Frosty oratorio that they’re doing this World Cup, Ryan? They’ve done the first part already and it’s pretty damn good.”

Ryan couldn’t help but question the mental state of his boss. “You realise they’re singing live during all the matches, James?”

“I’m damned well aware. I plan to take full advantage of that, Ryan.”

“And that they want seating for their entire orchestra and chorus behind the Frosty bench, right?”

“And you’re bringing this up to me why?” Christopherson queried with the utmost impatience.

Ryan started to get testy. Christopherson seemed to be outright ignoring him at this point and even Ryan couldn’t stand it. “Because I don’t know if we have enough room in Port Michael for them!”

“You don’t have to fucking yell, Ryan. Go take it up with the TAO.”

The utter unimportance of the situation started to grate on Ryan’s nerves like few things had before. “So who are we putting up in the first match, Christopherson?”

Christopherson was taken a bit aback. Ryan hadn’t called him by his surname for years. “Something must be wrong.”

“Just tell me who were putting on the goddamned pitch!” Ryan yelled.

“We’re resting our starting eleven for the game against San Llera, Ryan. We’re starting our substitutes. They need some practice before we can realistically expect them to perform under pressure in the big-name games. Plus, I don’t want to take any chances against San Llera.”

“Thank you, James,” Ryan said with a sign. “I’ll go let the press officers know and I’ll talk to the authorities in Port Michael about the chorus and orchestra.”

With that, Ryan left, slamming the door behind him. Whatever that was, it didn’t feel good. Christopherson was left alone to ponder exactly what could have made Ryan so testy, especially after a great win over San José Guayabal. Whatever it was, it would have to remain a mystery for the time being.

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Turanga ʻAhipula ʻo ʻOmerika
6 Jacques la Rouge Road
Port-Alexandre, Philibiscostal 18-A40
Commonwealth of Omerica

Official Press Release — Tuku Katipa Hoi ʻe Pieti

Qualifiers for the Seventy-Second World Cup
Omerica national team line-up vs United North States (away)

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Substitutes
GK — N^o 1: INTAN Petera
GK — N^o 25: John MARTIN
LD — N^o 2: Jean-Luc CHARPENTIER
CD — N^o 3: Marvin SESSIONS
RD — N^o 4: Victor MASON
LM — N^o 5: Ryan ANDSEN
CM — N^o 6: KAI Eko
CM — N^o 7: Karl ANGLESEY
RM — N^o 8: Tömas DE VRIKT
LF — N^o 9: NEAMA Iokua
ST — N^o 11: Jan-Nikläs ROSENKRÄNTS
RF — N^o 10: JEAN-BAPTISTE Couard

Starting eleven
GK — N^o 13: Stéphane ROUSSEAU
LD — N^o 14: Martin PALL
CD — N^o 15: Makara ʻO TOA
RD — N^o 16: Mikäel CHRISTOPHE – VICE-CAPTAIN
LM — N^o 17: Kairo KAMARANI
CM — N^o 18: William PARNELL – CAPTAIN
CM — N^o 19: Keone MAKAIO
RM — N^o 20: Ansel RYAN
LF — N^o 21: Red TYLER
ST — N^o 22: John PERCIVAL
RF — N^o 23: Ryan CASSIDY

[Chiata]

Chiata Times
Another Round

"Here we are again. Another shot at glory. A hope of actually getting something done. World Cup Qualifiers: you love them, you hate them, you play them. One matchday you lose terribly, the next you have to play with the same intensity as before. There's no choice, you have to pick yourselves up and continue on. If you can do that, you might find a little present at the end. You can also find a box of coal."

Those were the first emphatic words spoken by Rodney Walters, the now veteran commander of the Chiatan National Team, the Chiata Suns. Walters gave that response when asked about his thoughts about the upcoming World Cup 72 Qualifiers. His words ring true with stark clarity if you look into them. Nothing gets done if you lose heart after a game, that attitude can set you back without a hope of qualification. Being nice, we started with a few easy questions. Why did you decide to keep the same roster as last cycle?

"I'm a strong believer in team chemistry. The longer a team is together, the more in tune the players are together. What's inheritably bad about almost any National Team is that they change wildly from competition to competition. I kept the squad together to keep the comradely alive and well. The crew has been through World Cup 71 Qualifying, Cup of Harmony 63, and Compatino Esportiva XIII together and have really meshed together. I would hate to tear them apart despite not bringing in any younger players."

Some interesting insight there. However, teams, National or Division III, have to be able to adapt. Committing to one squad and keeping with it can lead to problems down the road. Not bringing in any young players is practically suicide on the international side. Even if the team plays excellent and makes the World Cup, what about the next cycle? Anyway, ever onward. Do you think Mack Truex and the back line can repeat what they did last Qualifying and only allow four goals over fourteen games?

"That was something truly special there. Being the best defense is certainly a great honor for defensively minded Chiatans and we can only hope that the defense will step up and do it again. An often overlooked fact is that Truex is the only one responsible for the amazing achievement. The back five of Widman, Eastep, Carry, Martinez, and Webb all kept the ball far away from the goal. Of course, Truex still has amazing talent and the midfielders had a good possession game of their own. In my opinion, I doubt that we will be able to be the best defense this cycle, but I would love to be happily surprised."

We agree with Walters on this one, it is rather unlikely that the defense will only allow four goals this qualifying. We know the Suns have a superb defense, but what of the offense? All of the crucial games were 1-0 losses where the offense failed to score altogether. A 1-0 loss against Abanhfleft stopped us from clinching 1st place. A 1-0 loss to Turori knocked Chiata off 1st altogether. Not a single goal was scored in the 1-0 loss to Blouman Empire that ended Chiata at the playoffs. And yes, a 1-0 loss to Saintland in the Cup of Harmony cut the Suns off in the Quarter Finals. This begs the question, is there ANY attack up there?

"I know the strikers tend to get a lot of heat about not scoring, but they have a very tough job in our current set up. They only have three midfielders behind them to set plays up. Some teams, like our rivals, Carialus, have a honking five midfielders and three strikers. There have been plenty of games where the attack scored a single goal and we still won. Two Quarter Finals appearances in one cycle is nothing to scoff at, and we got there with Davis and Prince up front. You only need one goal to win if the defense allows none."

Many Chiatans love a good defensive showing and the Suns definitely delivered last Qualifying. However, the offense certainly needs a little help and should be given the most attention. Now for the last question. Chiata was placed in Group Fifteen. In order of seeding, there is Pasarga, Chiata, Schottia, Mangolana, Sarrbia, Port Christopher, Vangaziland, and Gnejs. Do we have a chance of breaking into the top 32, like the Suns did in their fabled World Cup 69 run?

"I think we have a fair chance, about the same as last cycle. To be frank, I thought we had Group 9 in the bag last Qualifying. Then BANG, we go 0-1-2 in the last matchday and playoffs and we find ourselves in the Cup of Harmony. I think we let up a little bit at the end and we simply can't do that. Anyway, I rather like our group. There's a big jump between Chiata and Schottia, so we should be able to at least get second. Should. Pasarga is where it gets scary. They are number two in the world and got to the Finals in World Cup 71 and look to bounce right back up. They will look to run right through some Esportivan nation. However, they had that attitude when we played them once before. Coincidently, it was in World Cup 69 in the Group Stage. We ended up defeating them and going to the knockout rounds. In a friendly with Osarius, we played ninety and only allowed one goal. We can play with the big dogs, it's just we need to stop cracking under the pressure. If we stick with what we know, keep with it, and pick ourselves up, Chiata should have a lot of 1-0's in our favor and a ticket to World Cup 72. Thankyou."

Thankyou, as well, Rodney Walters. Good luck as you travel to Vangaziland!

[Maklohi Vai]

"Hey brudda, you seen the group?"

"Ya, looks tough."

"No chance."

"Probably not. How many time we bin the four seed?"

"Four a long time, hahaha."

"Hahaha. Good one."

"So the future."

"Ya, I know. E pluribus, quattuor."

"Hahaha when you learn Latin?"

"Uncle Tomo was a scholar. Did work on ancient texts."

"That's interesting. What he do?"

"Lots of old text translations. Knew Latin, Greek, some others."

"Coulda spoken with Jesus?"

"Hahaha, maybe so brudda."

"Tell me, you got money on the boys?"

"No, no. They'll lose 5 or 6 to the top 3."

"Taeshan is close in rank though."

"Close by rank. Not by work. Boys have taken a load off."

"Ya, I know. Fourever, huh?"

"Hahaha it's always that. No matter. Even if we do well here."

"How you think we do?"

"7 losses. 2 to 1 win draw ratio or about there."

"Sounds fair. Best case I think we get to the middle stage, whatever they call it this year."

"Ya, I can see that. Don't think it will happen though."

"We can hope, brudda. Some day."

[Carialus]

Carialus Clairon

The internet is buzzing with statistics, opinions, and projections about the upcoming World Cup 72 Qualifying. Everywhere you look, the medias are sizing up their nation's chances at progressing forward. Last Qualifying, Carialus did better than ever before and exceeded most of the fans' expectations. The Comrades, a third seed, led the group for a while. Sadly, all good things must come to an end. In the climactic final matchday, Carialus lost to the Farfs. If they had one, they would have gone to the World Cup for the first time. By some miracle, a loss by Antoletia to be exact, the Comrades found themselves in the playoffs, dead last in the seeding. Who is there to gobble them up? The Royal Barangay, who else? As they had countless times before, the Comrades fell in a sweep against the Agilang Dilaw and ended up tracking mud into the Runner Cup once more.
The squad has remained intact since last campaign and it is hoped the Comrades can finally punch through. Many of the players are in their late thirties, with few still actually in their twenties. The pots have been set and the groups have been drawn, it is time for World Cup 72 Qualifying.

Group 7
Mertagne (20)
Blouman Empire (23)
Carialus (56)
Mathewsiania (86)
Szavoda (140)
Fhulghamous Peninsula (223)
Murovanka (304)
Augusticinia (UR)

The "top" seed is Mertagne, better known as The Calanian Union, better known as the Inevitable Syndicate. It's complicated. It has certainly been a long time since the Comrades played them, but there still is some anger from Carialites towards Mertagne. In World Cup 68 Qualifying, Carialus defeated them both legs and fell short of the wacky playoff system by two goal difference. Back then they were the Inevitable Syndicate. Carialus never played them in their Calanian Union phase. The close seed is Blouman Empire. Carialus played them in World Cup 69 Qualifying and the whooped us both times. If the two top nations get tangled up, hopefully Carialus can find an opportunity to sneak into a qualification or playoff spot. That same strategy is how Chiata got to the Round of 16 in World Cup 69. If dirty Chiatan pigs can do that, why not strong and brave Carialites? Directly behind Carialus is Mathewsiania. They are rather new to the international scene but have climbed the ranks alarmingly fast. They should be tough opposition, but still beatable. Szavoda is another nation climbing fast through the ranks. Despite their rank, Carialus should be weary of surprise from that side and should never go easy on them. Complying with the mandatory rule of having a nation in the group with an impossible to spell name is Fhulghamous Peninsula. Never played them, but Carialus are favored to win. Murovanka and Augusticinia are both to undeveloped to be a serious concern for the Comrades. Now for predictions? This time we will be optimistic. Mertagne/Calanian Union/Inevitable Syndicate will get bogged down by Blouman Empire. The Comrades will fend off Mathewsiania from behind and eventually surpass Mertagne. As always, cheer for the Comrades!

[Apox]

Gavin Hughes strode around the edge of the National Football Centre in the countryside outside Dwile, watching the squad he'd selected for the first two world cup qualifiers against Taeshan at home, then against 304th ranked, unknowns, Arabnesia, away. It was a pale, grey February morning, and a chill breeze peppered his face in the drizzle drifting about the complex. Generally, the kind of day which you'd much prefer to be indoors, if the option presented itself.

The national team was going through a bit of a period of transition at the moment, with long term stalwarts Tolgus Tregajorran, Ettie Seabrooke and Armando Quillisi all dropping from the starting line-up in christ knows how long for this season. He'd already received a bit of flak over the relegation of Tolgus to the bench - naturally as a longstanding fan favourite and instant goal machine, even at the age of 34 - people were reluctant to see him go. Regardless of what Tolgus actually thought, he'd agreed entirely with Gavin's suggestion when asked.

They were a bit rusty at the moment, the players, and still getting used to playing with each other, in the midst of their club seasons as they were. Jorge Guardia, his assistant manager at this level, had them taking part in a attackers vs defenders game at the moment, which had been largely dominated by Solomon Etezadi and the defenders - by god Etezadi was a brilliant player, and at 29, he was still as good as he'd ever been.

Eventually, Jorge decided it the entire exercise would be easier if Solomon was taken off for a bit, and so, 'Zadi swapped with the youthful Eurwen Raynerson and sat down on the bench in the hut on the other side of the field. Gavin was standing a few metres away, and called him over. Groaning slightly at getting up again, his mud splattered captain trotted over. He was a quiet man, reserved, preferring to lead on the field rather than with words, but that usually meant that when he spoke, his words were usually worth so much more.

"Alright guv?" Gavin addressed himself, continuing to watch the practise unfold,

"What do you make of this lot then?" he asked, as Alan Eustathios put in a remarkable save, to deny Corinna McKenna a goal.

"Asking me to pick the team then?" asked Solomon, a small grin etched on his face

"You know your opinion is valued 'Zadi, I have a fairly good idea already."

"Well, I dunno, a lot of new players in the squad at the minute. Alpha is brutally fast and skilful, as is Juquinho, though you already know that, if it were up to me they'd get a run out against Arabnesia. I guess it's just a case of finding the correct balance between using the youth and the experience really isn't it..." He was cut off by Kaj Aurora and Jorge Guardia getting involved in a bit of a shouting match over something. Solomon looked nervously at Gavin - as team mates and good friends, he was usually adept at calming her down. Gavin nodded, and he headed off to help Jorge out.

As it turned out, training stopped then anyway, and after debrief, the players headed off to get changed and relax a bit, before a final look over some footage of Taeshan playing later on that day, before the game tomorrow. Jorge and Gavin walked back to the main building slightly after the players, finalising game plans in their heads.

"I'd go with full strength against Taeshan boss, don't rotate, let's make a big impact," Jorge was saying, "Although you'll want to watch out for Adnan he's got a little ankle niggle, and he's gonna be key to our qualification hopes."

"Right, right, I get that, but what about Arabnesia. Who's been impressing you?"

"Alpha Gandhi, for one definitely, I'd start him. Perhaps chuck on Juquinho as well for his debut later on in the game. Eurwen Raynerson, she could get a debut as well, though you'll have to watch out, a mistake and her confidence is shot."

"Yeah, I saw that a bit in training today. I'll think it over," by this point they'd reached the back entrance to the complex, and they were about to head their separate ways. Gavin stopped Jorge before he could head off,

"Say, Jorge, what's this rumour about you courting offers from domestic teams." Jorge snorted.

"Oh yeah, that. Largely a load of tabloid nonsense. Had a couple of clubs send me emails, wondering if I might be interested. I've said no, but that's largely cos none of them were particularly upwardly mobile establishments. Bouldertown, Mona A.F.C, you know the like. I mean, I might have to start looking for an offer, you know, only one year left on the contract, board haven't given me anything about renewing, you don't want to stay too long in one place. What about you, you've been in the job the longest out of any manager, thought you'd got some offers by now."

"Me? No, not at the moment, though a couple of clubs have said to me, "look out", you know, with Big Ken leaving Barbury at the end of this season. Benzari is also said to be perhaps looking for a move. I dunno."

"Fair enough, I'll see you later anyway," said Jorge, and with that Gavin was alone, Jorge words ringing in his head '...you don't want to stay too long in one place...'

[Recuecn]

Gerald Firaut, Recuecn FC's star goalie and the national team's arguably famous player, is a leading figure on the field. However, he has a family life, too. Here he is at home with his wife Samantha.

"Will I need a tie, do you think?" asked Gerald.

"I don't know, do you go to anything fancy?" asked Samantha.

"Not any posh parties or anything. but we are representing the nation. And then, with all the cameras, you're never sure how good you're supposed to look normally."

"Well, I don't know then. Did you feel like you needed a tie in the Star United States?"

"No, but I was so busy thinking about everything else and it all went by so fast..."

"Well, you're going to be in the Jeckish Union for even less time than you were in the Star United States. So you probably won't need one."

"I wish you could just come along and decide for me. It would be so much easier."

"I wish I could come along too, darling. I'm going to miss you so much." Samantha leaned up on her tiptoes to give Gerald a quick kiss on the lips.

Gerald sighed. "It just feels so wrong to be away from you so much. You know it was hard enough during the season, but now, instead of getting a vacation and spending time with you, I'm off globe-trotting."

"we've talked about this before, honey," said Samantha. "You know how proud of you I am, and I wouldn't have you give up your football playing for the world! Besides, it's your job. This is just the same struggle every father has. Being the bread-winner means you have less time to spend with your family. But that doesn't make you a bad person."

"I'm not a father quite yet," said Gerald, smiling.

"Well, husband, then."

Gerald sighed again. "I suppose you're right, and it's sweet of you to try to be so encouraging, but if you could just come along..." Is one plane ticket really too expensive for them to afford?" Gerald kicked the foot of the bed on which the suitcase he was packing lay, then grabbed his toes in pain.

"It's not just a plane ticket--it's also lodging, food, tickets to the game--plus if they did it for me, they'd have to do it for all the players' wives and girlfriends."

Gerald shrugged. "I'm going to quit protesting, but I still don't agree," he said.

"And," added Samantha, "Jacques probably wants you concentrating on training and the game, not thinking about me all the time."

"Mr. Tremblay doesn't need to worry himself about what I worry myself about," said Gerald, crossly. "And anyways, I'll be thinking about you more if I can't have you with me."

Samantha pulled Gerald into a hug. "It's only a few days. You'll just have to make do and get along alone for a little bit, and then you can come back to me."

Gerald held her gently for a moment before breaking the embrace and letting go. He turned around and picked up the tie which he had laid on the bed earlier. "So did we decide to pack the tie or not?"

"Oh, go ahead and pack it. It doesn't take up any room in the suitcase."

[Polaaskan]

BREAKING NEWS
AFK SVETLAYA TOWN RELEASE 18 PLAYERS
Club also terminates the contracts of five others

After their worst season in history, it was unlikely that some of AFK Svetlaya Town’s players would get their contracts renewed at the end of the season.

But what fans didn’t expect though was that eighteen players, including six U21 players, would leave and five others get their contracts terminated with immediate effect.

The Svetlaya-Solnerskigrad-based club failed to win any of their 30 games in the second division this season, only earning four points thanks to four draws. Unsurprisingly, manager Yevgeny Rostrov was sacked at the end of the campaign but fans were extremely annoyed with chairman Karl-Radek Burstrom for not sacking him during the season.

Goalkeepers Vadim Hultman and Brede Lehne, right back Ikko Kiristrom, centre-backs Noah Zhivanevskaya, Thijs Lajunen, Jesper Goncharenko and Saulius Rosenberg, defensive midfielder Matias Brize, winger Martijn Aberg and strikers Roman Krasnaia, Andriy Tumanova and Maxim Wigdahl did not have their contracts renewed.

Left-back Finn Sorensen, central midfielder Niels Stojaspal, attacking midfielder Ragnar Iversen and strikers Eidur Kartashkov and Oskar Swoboda also had their contracts terminated early.

Young players Oleg Kristoffersen and Pietro Sapo were released at the end of their scholarships, whilst Steffan Iversen, Matias Pekstrom, Torre Tokarev and Dennis Knudsen also left after their deals expired.

There are only seven players under contract now, those being left-back Diedtmaar Bjornsson, defensive midfielder Nikolai Bronx, attacking midfielder Anders Nicklas and striker Vladimir Silvensson, plus three youngsters in goalkeeper Adam Rukovsky, defender Noah Sokolow and striker Sol Lepechin.

Despite the poor performances, fans were sad to see captain Vadim Hultman go, alongside Roman Krasnaia, Finn Sorensen and Matias Pekstrom who all performed well. They also wanted to see the contracts of Bjornsson, Nicklas and Silvensson terminated early.

Fan spokesman Bogdan Diemchuk told us: “What I don’t know and what we all want to know is why didn’t Burstrom sack Rostrov some point through the season.

It was clear we were not gonna win. It’s clear his tactics where absolute s**t. But it’s not clear why that imbecile didn’t sack the senile old bugger sooner.”

46 year old Burstrom has also announced his intentions to sell the club. The club’s training ground, Moskovskaya Park, has been sold to the local council with the club now set to train at their stadium, Eiko House.

According to sources, talks of a potential merger between Zelovzhnik Dynamo and the club are underway, with the two clubs merging to create a bigger club. Sources also say should this happen, a number of released players will return.

Director of football Eyvindur Jonsson has resigned, as has spokesman Henning Oklanik. Assistant manager Igor Holt, first team coaches Jonas Mallat and Julias Hammar, goalkeeping coach Wolfgang Stray, and physio Elias Samuelson were also fired.

37 year old David Revnik, previously first team coach at AIK Hjalliney, has been appointed as the club's temporary new manager as Burstrom either searches for a permanent one or merges with Zelovzhnik.

Jukka Hjelle, manager of Polaafinans, has also released a statement saying that the club’s finances is also under worry. They may have to sell some of their contract players and maybe even their stadium if the council money from the training ground isn’t enough to pay off debts.

Should the Zelovzhnik merger happen, it could be a lifesaver for both teams as Zelovzhnik also had a poor season and both teams are in need of a squad boost.

More to follow soon.

---

Starting XI v Albaie - T Petersen; V Semshov, S Arke, C Hogg, T Asker; L Karlstrom, I Mihaylov, R Bielvenstramm, J Pekarik; I Kaalikko, T Heinckel

[Gabbindon and The Liffan Isles]

The first thing Mrs Bennett noticed when she walked through the front door after a long day at work was the odd nature of her son, Jeremy. Usually, she wouldn't even get an acknowledgement of her presence from him, let alone her bag and coat being taken, a steaming cup of coffee and the offer of him cooking dinner, as we had done in this instance. After declining his offer to cook the family dinner (he had previously burned a trifle), she had to find out what he was up to. She got the usual "I'm just being a good son", but after her persistence it was revealed that he wanted her to buy tickets to a football World Cup qualifier. Then came the price: 4 clarts! She could buy a new pair of shoes for that much (if she could afford it). The answer was a straight no, and then the silent treatment from Jeremy resumed.

She didn't mention to her husband when he came home, but she later realised that this was a mistake, as Mr Bennett was Jeremy's new, and frankly easier, target. She heard the whole thing unwind from the kitchen: the 'buttering up' stage, the hinting stage and then the question. The answer was not in Mrs Bennett's favour either: it was an immediate yes. Men...

***

Jeremy was going to the game! He couldn't believe that he had been so lucky. The ten clarts it would cost for his and dad's tickets would have to be scraped up somehow, but Jeremy didn't really care. The only thing he cared about was the look on Ed and Dean's face when he broke them the news the next day at school. He could already see himself screaming his head off watching his favourite players, Chris Stone and David Ossen, and those superb northerners, Vladimir Dracassy and Alana Zarebelevski. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him: what if his friends at school quizzed him because he knew nothing? That could not happen...

***

Mrs Bennett couldn't sleep. Through the thin wall separating the master bedroom and Jeremy's bedroom she could hear her obsessed son muttering various football phrases. She had heard enough of it from her alternating with snores emitted from the mouth of her equally football mad husband. She could hear Jeremy now mumbling "Swan scored three hat tricks in a row last year", "our defence is looking solid", "Ooh, look, it will be tough to get past New Wolf's Zachary Nicholson", Leones Clean from Walking will humiliate us". She decided to let him get on with it...

***

Two people were very tired at the breakfast table the next morning, and Mr Bennett, who was completely oblivious to the on-goings of the previous night, was not one of them. Mrs Bennett was particularly grumpy, due to the complete lack of sleep, the annoying nature of her son the previous evening and the loss of her job (which she hadn't yet told her jolly husband) the previous afternoon. Such was the burning grogginess and hatred off fatigue running through her veins that she suddenly lashed out her son, causing her completely bewildered husband to throw cereal down himself and Jeremy to almost jump out of his chair with surprise.
"Why did you stay up till four a.m. keeping me awake last night, and why have you now wasted almost all of my last pay check!"
That last bit wasn't meant to come out. The rest of breakfast did not go well, to say the least...

***

Jeremy ended up being late for school, and half covered in freetios. He did not concentrate on Maths or Social Studies, as his mind was either on the upcoming football or the massive argument that had happened that morning. Consequently, he had received two neat detention slips, which had been chucked in the bin. He didn't care. His day did get any better at break either. His planned bragging had been met with the reply that they were going somewhere far better than the football and that his evening at the game would be nothing compared to what they were doing. Jeremy was determined to prove them wrong...

[Saintland]

King Andreas's Speech

My brethren in Christus,

Verily, verily, I say unto thee that today is the day when the prophecies began to be fulfilled. The Second Coming of our Lord and Savior, Iesus Christus, is imminent. Soon, the entire multiverse will convert to the True Church of Iesus Christus and bring about the thousand year Reign of Christus, the King of Kings. It is the dawning of a new era, an era in which all will be righteous and wickedness will cease to exist. In this new era, Satanas will be gradually defeated, building up to his ultimate defeat shortly after the conclusion of the 1000 year Reign of the Greatest of all Kings.

The clearest sign that we are in the last days before the Millennium is the recent event that took place in Hicana. The airforce of Gregoryisgodistan recently dropped five thousand nuclear bombs on the country of Hicana, killing every man, woman and child in that land. This atrocity was the first of the many events foretold in the prophecy of St. Ioannes nearly two thousand years ago. As God has revealed to the Patriarch of St. Petrus, these events are a sign that now is the time for the Armies of God to declare total war upon the forces of iniquity. Now is the time for the death that is the just wage of their wickedness to be delivered to those who have turned their backs upon the One True God. Now is the time for us to fight, so that all might know that Iesus Christus is arisen from the dead, that he died and came back to life to save the elect of God from our sins and that the True Church is exactly that: the True Church of Iesus Christus that he founded nearly two thousand years ago.

There are those who foolishly believe that the leader of Gregoryisgodistan is, as he preposterously claims, a god. But he recently stated that, and I quote, "Consul Kulseth is actively seeking the apocalypse to bring about his so-called Rapture." This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that the dictator of Gregoryisgodistan is unfamiliar with what the True Church actually teaches and therefore is clearly not an omniscient deity, no matter what he may claim. The Rapture is a notorious "pre-millennial" heresy that teaches that the righteous will be taken up to Caelum and that the wicked shall inherit the temporal realm. This could not be further from the truth. In fact, it is the wicked that shall be sent to the fires of Infernus so that this realm may be purified of all wickedness and the Purification will start when the Armies of the Lord descend upon Gregoryisgodistan and send a pathetic little sinner named Gregory to the fires of Infernus where he belongs!

However, our responsibility to purify this realm does not end with annihilating the nation of Gregoryisgodistan. Another pressing duty of ours is the elimination of abominations such as certain species that should never have existed in the first place. But it doesn't end there either. We need to purify every single nation in the multiverse and we need to purge all elements that refuse to be purified, that refuse to accept salvation. The time to "live and let live" is over. Now is the time to eliminate falsehood and impose Truth upon all and my Government will be committed to this struggle.

Another responsibility that we have at this time is the adoption of a new flag. Toward that aim, I have decided to adopt a new flag of my Kingdom to represent my reign. I have chosen to go for a simple flag design based upon the Cross of St. Andreas, my namesake. The stars on this flag represent the Apostles of Iesus Christus and Iesus Christus himself. The color scheme, however, is the same as the color scheme from our most recent flag.

The new flag of the Kingdom of Saintland

Finally, I wish to close tonight by discussing another matter of great importance. I speak, of course, of the upcoming World Cup 72. Tonight, we will face Zenic at Royal Stadium in the first match in our quest to return to the World Cup. I believe that this World Cup is the time when God will finally anoint a holy and righteous nation as the champion of international soccer. Now is the time when God will make it clear to all that He is real and that He never fails to come through for those who remain true to Him. May God continue to bless the Kingdom of Saintland! May God continue to bless the Holy Republican Empire! May God continue to bless the True Church! May God continue to bless all of you who stand by him! May the Will of God be done in this realm as it is in Caelum!

[Barunia]

The National Herald

Air Force Land Grab
The Minister for Defence was today forced to defend allegations the Barunian Air Force was looking to perform a land grab of prime real estate near the junction of Stirling Road and the new Trans-Barunia Highway, in Porthaven's eastern suburbs. The highway is due to open early next year, and works are being completed to connect and upgrade Stirling road to connect the highway to Porthaven. The project is expected to open up the surrounding area for development, with a submission already before to the Department of Housing, Planning, and Sustainability for rezoning the area as a new suburb.

Last night, a report leaked online and reporting to come from with the DHPS outlined a plan by the Barunian Air Force to acquire several square kilometres within the region, with the intent of building a military base. The move has brought anger from those who have purchased land in the area. Business owner John Liddle, who has purchased several hectares with the intention of building a traveller's hotel, said that a military base would destroy his business. "I've already planned for this, I paid good money for land back a bot from the road, so it would be quiet, a nice place to stay. Now the Air Force is just going to walk in and build a military flight path over my secluded spot." Mr Liddle said.

Asked about the allegations today, Minister for Defence Ron Armitage said that while the Air Force is considering building an air base on the Stirling road site, it was not the only avenue being explored. "I want to make this one thing clear," Mr Armitage said, "that for Porthaven, our nation's capital, to be adequately defended, we need to be able to meet any attacking force quickly. Currently, the nearest air base to Porthaven isn't even on this island; it's Mainfield Air Base on Tildos. It takes fifteen minutes for a plane launched from Mainfield to get to Porthaven. Tha air force is looking at how that time can be cut down, to better protect the people and institutions of our capital. The most viable option is to build an airfield closer to Porthaven. Where is still in the planning stage. What was submitted to the department of Planning was a request for reservation of a suitable plot of land, awaiting for our decision." Asked when a decision might be reached, Minister Armitage refused to comment further, only stating that the proposal was still in planning.

Planning Minister Gail Simons said that she was not aware of the report, but stated that the matter would be handed to the Public Service Professional Standards Bureau for investigation. The minister said that she was confident the investigation would show the leak did not originate from her department.
The Barunian Air Force did not return our calls.

Sport

Opening Night Nerves
With the first qualifier for World Cup 72 about to get under way, the word around the Barunia Suns camp is that things are a little jittery. Perhaps it's understandable after last week's 1-3 loss to San Jose Guayabal at Sun Stadium saw them surrender the Escudo Fraternal. After that game, coach Joric Ruskin said that while the Escudo was usually a chance for the team to shake loose some cobwebs, the performance had rattled some nerves. "A goal a game is not where we wanted to be, it's not the type of football we want to play. We do play an attacking brand of football, and we played that way, but it wasn't reflected in the scoreline. We just couldn't make the most of the scoring opportunities that we had. Maybe one game, that's ok, but over two it is a bit of a concern." It's the worst ever goal-scoring effort by a Barunian side in the Escudo Fraternal.

Also eating away at the Sun's confidence may be the knowledge that their first opponent for this World Cup campaign is Ceni, a team they faced in the previous Cup's qualification stage. The Suns will travel to Ceni for the opening match, and memories of a hard fought but ultimately fruitless 4-3 loss from last Cup will still haunt them. Add to the fact that Ceni are one of the group's real qualification contenders, and the Suns face a daunting prospect.

The only other real contender in the group is Kirisaki, probably more recognisable to readers as Mizuyuki, who the suns will meet in another away game during round 6. Also in the group are this cycle's Baptism of Fire runner-ups Emperor Pudu, middle-of-the-pack teams Vermark and Atrua, minnows Welcomzia and the unranked Ingla Terra, who Barunia will host at Sam Garcia Field after the Ceni match. With any luck, the Suns will be able to use the match to find their feet and settle some nerves, should they need it after the game against Ceni.

[Associated Godlands]

God Hates All Teams In The World Cup!!!

(OOC: It should be obvious that these are not my actual opinions)

After exhaustive research, Associated Godlands's Queen, Shirley Phelps-Roper, has concluded that God hates every nation participating in the World Cup. She has provided a reason why for each nation:

Part 3:

Cosumar
God hates all nations in Atlantian Oceania

Bears Armed
God hates bears, especially armed ones.

Ceni
God thinks that the people of Ceni are dirty heathens.

Kazamatsuri
God hates flags that aren't actually flags.

Starblaydia
God hates Simeone Di Bradini.

Antoletia
God hates the homosexual enablers that are the people of Antoletia.

Zenic
God hates Zenic's Minister of Commerce, Meredith Polanski, and He therefore hates all of Zenic.

Kalumba
God hates the shade of green on Kalumba's flag.

Sandwich Territories
God hates sandwiches.

Greater Watford
God hates Greater Watford's flag.

Jeru FC
God hates princesses.

Carialus
Carialus worships a false deity, which God hates.

Sameba
Sameba claims that its national religion is "Sameban Nationalism", which in reality is worship of Satan.

Jeruselem
God still hates princesses.

Boring Paradise
The only paradise is Heaven, and a) it isn't boring and b) you're not going there.

West Angola
God prefers East Angola.

Taeshan
God hates falcons.

Crystal Empire
God hates all ponies, crystal or not.

The Jeckish Union
The people of The Jeckish Union do not obey, and they will regret that come judgement day.

Schottia
God just hates everything about Schottia.

And with that, Part 3 is over! Stay tuned for Part 4.

[Britonisea]

Britannual News ^ONLINE

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The Broadcasters still arguing after one month.

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Country: Various, Britonisea.
Online Broadcast can be found at http://www.bitcnews.ns.bs

Jayce ROBINSON: Main Presenter
Boris BENCHEN: International Presenter

Jayce: Now we are on to your sports news. It has finally arrived, and the team from the Grand British Kingdom are finally competing in the competition after missing World Cup 71 to "improve" their game. That will only be confirmed when we are one of the top two spots at the end of the 14th Match-Day. Although there will be football matches in stadiums, there is also a football match, it seems, between all the broadcaster for hosting rights. We now go to Boris Bench, our International, Sports, Presenter. Boris, can you give me an update on what is going on here?


Boris: [Stands outside World Cup HQ] Yes, I can tell you what is happening between the World Cup board and the country of Britonisea. Well, we have UCRTV this time around, which means that a good amount of Football television will be going towards the UCRTV. However this is bad for other television corporations because them too would like to broadcast the football on their channels, more viewers, more money. At the moment, Britonisea and the rest of the commonwealth has only been granted 2 other channel to broadcast the football that will be played in countries like Aloquirbe and like Britonisea. But here is the problem, channels ANTba, BITC, BVC, Britannual, ESTV and TOMTV are all trying to broadcast the sports.

Jayce: What does that mean? Even if any of the channels show the football, doesn't that mean that all the people within that nation can see the sports, for example, Britannual. Britannual is a GBK wide channel, and so if sports is shown there, everyone will see it and it's fine. Also, I understand that other channels like ANTba would like to have more views, however they must realise that what they're getting now does separate themselves from other broadcasters within the Grand British Kingdom and also other broadcasters within the region. Why can't the board or Britonisea make the decision quickly and easily?

Boris: It is not as easy at it may look. To answer you first question, each broadcaster, other than the Britannual one you mentioned, are based in that nation and therefore it only shows in that nation, unfortunately. ANTba, the Aloquirbic Provider has been having trouble with the UCRTV after leaving the Conventian Union. And I guess if they're not granted the rights to watch the cup, they won't get there hands on any broadcast of the World Cup, which for them is a shame, eventhough nearly a quarter if not a quarter of the players in the national team are from Aloquirbe. BITC and BVC are both based in Britonisea and therefore they only show the Football in Britonisea. Yes, other nations can access the Football for those who has internet and are allowed access to BITC and BVC. But then, you have to think about those who don't have internet, or those who's nations blocked the BITC or BVC site, which is quite a few. ESTV, the Estoge national Broadcaster, is quite new after Estogium turned from North Britonisea to Estogium. Before, BITC and BVC was available in that country, however after full independence, that has been stopped. Finally TOMTV, Nightom's national Broadcaster has the same problem as Estogium, so it seems like Britonish Broadcasters and officials are the bad ones in this battle, after they cut the satellites and signals.

Jayce: Okay, and if you have forgotten, the next questions include "Why is it taking so long for the World Cup Board or Britonisea to make a quick decision on who is allowed to be showed the Cup, and also, why can't Britonisea reverse BITC/BVC being showed?" If Britonisea does the reverse and makes it able for the other countries to view the cup from their broadcasters, everything is fine! No?

Boris: It is taking long to make a decision, Jayce, because you need to think about the pros and the cons when speaking about ditching a whole nation and making them unable to see the world's biggest event. UCRTV is available in most, or all sorry, of these countries, however UCRTV is hidden from the public and therefore it is expected that the show ratings will be zero, and that would be a waste of time, really. Britonisea could reverse the transmission, a month ago. It is literally too late for that to be reversed now. Especially when the start of the World Cup is due to start very soon. There is literally no point of doing that because when they make the transmission, the World Cup would most likely be over, that's how bad the technology in this country is.

Jayce: I understand, we have a live Brittwit (Britonish Twitter) page. And #traceybeaker asks you, "Is there a chance that Britonisea won't get to see the World Cup happening at all?" So, Boris, I ask you, is there a chance of Britonisea not being able to broadcast the World Cup?

Boris: [Nods a no]. We will broadcast the show. Remember we have UCRTV, Britonisea's 6th largest television Corporation. Not to mention that UCRTV's headquarters is in Britonisea, which puts the nation at high advantage. UCRTV in Britonisea is not the same as in Aloquirbe, Nightom or Estogium. UCRTV in those countries is one of the channels you would on a rainy day when the satellite has gone wrong and you're so bored that you flick 500 channels upwards. Quite hidden. In Britonisea it is opposite. As far as I am concerned, the other commonwealth nations suffer while Britonisea once again gets the high glory.

Jayce: Aloquirbe is literally next to Ndaku, no? Can't we snatch something from them?

Boris: No. We can't. That would be illegal, and I am pretty sure they wouldn't like it if we started to tamper with there things.

Jayce: Finally, Boris, if you had to make the decision, what would you say?

Boris: Well, in my opinion, I believe that ANTba and ESTV should be given permission to show the football in each of the respected nations. In Nightom, UCRTV is known, it just isn't bigged up in the media. If TOMTV big up the UCRTV, Nightom would be fine. As previously said, Britonisea is in a secure position. I would give ANTba the rights because Aloquirbe is the kingdom's second most important nation, with the second biggest economy, and I think more money would be rolling in for the Aloquirbic government if the sports is shown in Aloquirbe. I also think that ESTV, in the Estoge Commonwealth, should be showed the event because they are an alone nation in the middle of nothing overshadowed by the big boss, Britonsiea. And there would be no chance of this country seeing the event if ESTV hasn't been given the rights. The only way there would be any chance is that the Estoge people get a link to some illegal website. Which is only available to those on the internet.

Jayce: It seems like a very sticky situation, thank you Boris.

Boris: Thanks.