World Bowl X (American Football): Everything Thread

[Bluth Corporation]

As Bluth Corporation prepared to make its second straight appearance in the World Bowl Semifinals, the international media was hounding head coach Arthur Miller about his team's upcoming opponent.

"Coach Miller, what do you think about Cassadaigua's roster?"

"It's good, it's deep, and it's gotten them this far. Their defensive back corps is especially strong, and it's amazing how they manage to have the best DBs in the world. I don't know what's in the water there, but it's one thing they do exceptionally well. Cain's got his work cut out for him, and I know he's working his ass off to prepare for it."

"Yes, but don't you notice anything a bit...strange...about it?"

"You mean the fact that they carry two placekickers and two punters, but no dedicated long snapper? Yeah, it's a bit weird, but it seems to be working for them."

"Coach, how dense are you going to be? They're almost exclusively women! Haven't you noticed that?"

"Yes, and? You asked me about something strange; but that's not it. Having four kickers is what's strange."

Realizing that they weren't getting anywhere, the press corps decided to start asking about Miller's game plan.

"Like I said before, Cain and, uh, Anton Chekhov, they've been in the film room every free moment they've had. No one's had much success against Cassadaigua's secondary, but if anyone can expose them Cain can."

"Heh...you said he's going to 'expose them'...heh..." laughed one reporter in the room. His colleagues couldn't stifle their giggles either, and Coach Miller just rolled his eyes.

"Offensively, they're nearly as potent as we are. We're probably not going to be able to shut them down, so we're going to have to turn it into a shootout. They've got the huge advantage on defense, and we've got a slight advantage on offense on paper, but even bigger when you remember that we've got Cain Wells on our side."

"Coach, what do you think is your team's greatest advantage?"

"The fact that we're still here in Yuki city. We haven't had to move, haven't had the stress of travel, and I think that'll work out in our favor. I expect we'll have to fight, but I expect we'll win. Both teams are going to have to show what they're made of--and they're both made of a hell of a lot--but we'll pull through in the end. This is our time, gentlemen! This is our time! We're not going to let them off the hook!"

[The Fanboyists]

The loss to Dancougar, well-played as it was, was still a loss.

No competitive young man or woman loses and feels good about it. Maarkus Daalhulm was no different, suffering from what some in Fanboyist sports referred to as "QB Guilt." What was this, one might ask?

Quite simply, even if the QB has no control over the outcome of a game, blame, and guilt, often tend to rest on them as the de-facto leaders of the team. "Coach and Quarterback" are bywords for team leadership, often enough. It didn't matter that the team leader here was a runningback; Maarkus felt it all the same.

He sighed, ran his fingers through his hair, just thinking. Then rested his head on his hand. Thinking, all the time. How to be better next year.

Because, truth was, the Vols really didn't have any reason to be ashamed; they'd handled Dancougar better than Newmanistan had, in any event; at least they'd made the hosts fight for the win, rather than just getting stifled from the word 'go.'

He stood up, and stepped out of the locker room, out into the Dancougaran night. The team had all agreed they'd stay to cheer on their last opponents and the Dagans the rest of the way; they'd all come to respect the Cassadagans at least, and had already had plenty for the Dancougarans (you don't become a gridiron superpower for no reason), and even, in some weird sense, had a sense of affection for both; the Dagans showed the kind of grit the Vols identified with, and well, let's be honest here, they liked how Dancougar played, which mostly involved running. They were all Fanboyists at heart, really. They liked a good running game and a good offensive line the same way other people like good wine.

So they'd stay. And as he walked out of the stadium, he ran into the other athlete who'd stayed abroad after their play was finished.

"Hey, Kate."

"Hey, Maark. I'm sorry abou--"

"Don' worry about it; we played as well as we could, but Dancougar was better, tonight. We'll just have to make sure they aren't better next time we meet them out there."

"Losing sucks anyway. I'm sorry you have to go through it."

Maarkus nodded. Even if he thought it was sort of silly, he could easily appreciate the sentiment. Solidarity, as it were.

Kathryn put an arm around him.

"Put a smile on; you've got another year to prepare. Another year, and you'll be able to catch the world by surprise. 'That Skraeling bastard' they'll say; 'Where the hell did he come from?'"

Maarkus choked a laugh. "Don't be coarse, woman!"

"Why not? Its my right! Do I need to get the Dagans to back me up? They all seemed to like me, while I was over there for the Lacrosse Championships."

"'Cause you're a girl," he retorted with a grin. "They love any woman that sticks it to the man, over there. Only there it's not figurative." They walked a little further, now in silence.

Looking up in the night sky; a starry sky, that, despite the city's lights, he said cheerfully to the sky and to the woman next to him:

"I love you."

"Aww. So sweet. Now let's go get something to drink."

"Amen."

[Sarzonia]

As Gregg Williams walked down the steps of the team's bus in front of the stadium in Kildare, his mind was swirling.

He'd spent hours poring over the game plan with his assistant coaches. He'd tried to find a way to take advantage of Dancougar's weaknesses. He realised he'd found a way in the teams' second meeting, but the opening loss to the Black Wings was also fresh on his mind.

He knew Dancougar would make adjustments. He knew his had to be better than theirs. He'd had the team practice with loud death metal music blaring in the practice bubble. He'd asked Gavin Davis to practice a silent snap count. He told his team to ignore catcalls and other insults from the Dancougaran fans.

Even though he was working to borderline exhaustion trying to prepare his team to win the rubber match between the teams, he couldn't shake one feeling, a feeling he'd tried hard to suppress until or unless he'd helped the Stars bring home a World Bowl title.

Vindication.

He'd heard the whispers after the Stars failed to qualify for the previous World Bowl. Damn Qazoxian fuckups he'd said. Many of the players also pinned the blame on organisers failing to set up the standard pot system and creating the ultimate Group of Death. However, the internal lotus of control being what it was, he also owned up to mistakes he'd made along the way.

He felt he mishandled Ryan Clack. His predecessor Joe Gibbs was able to get the guy to cooperate and play as one part of a larger whole. Clack was unwilling to subvert himself for the greater good of the team. The naysayers harped on the team's 5-3 record. Frankly, they didn't give a flying fuck who the opponents were. The Stars should have at least qualified for the knockout stages, the wags said. No matter how tough the opponents, the Stars should have won.

Now, however, the Stars were not only in the knockout stages, they'd advanced to the semifinals for the second time in three World Bowls. Now the team was no longer looking like a one-hit wonder. They were starting to resemble what they'd thought they were all along: A solid team that has a legitimate shot to hold the World Bowl trophy aloft.

Still, Williams knew the real work lay ahead. They wouldn't even be paying attention to the action in Yuki City. They didn't care if Bluth Corporation or Cassadaigua won their semifinal match. All the Stars cared about was their match against the hosts. It was their rendezvous with history.

"Dancougar are the most storied franchise in World Bowl history," Williams said to anyone who would listen. It wasn't a way of offering an excuse if the Stars fell short. It was a simple acknowledgment of how difficult the climb would be. If the Stars advanced to the final, they would have taken the step few thought they could after a spectacular flameout in World Bowl IX. If they fell short, they knew they'd still have one more match left. Either way, they also knew they were playing with house money.

"It's going to be a fun ride, no matter where the train lets us off," Williams said to no one in particular as he walked toward the entrance to the stadium. He paid no attention to the fans clad in Black Wings regalia shouting, talking smack about the Stars and telling him how badly his team would be fucked that night. Without lube.

The time for talk was over. The time for action had begun.

Time has come today, went the old song. Can't put it off for another day.

[Dancougar]

The game kicked off in Bradford like any other, but there was a different kind of energy in the air. It wasn't because this was a World Bowl quarterfinal matchup. Many of the fans in attendance had watched the Wings play plenty of those. It also wasn't necessarily because the opposing team was the Newmanistan Rockets, a team Dancougar had all but owned on the gridiron ever since the tournament's inception. A chance to send the unbeaten Rockets home was a welcome challenge, but that alone couldn't explain why the crowd was anxious, excited, and madly vocal all at once. It was because they'd started to believe.

No one in the world would forgive the Black Wings for considering themselves underdogs, even in a rebuilding year or three. This was the nation, after all, that won three of the first six titles. They were virtually unassailable, reaching the semifinals in all six with a team built around tough defense and powerful running. When Dancougar welcomed the seventh tournament, fans were expecting the dynasty to be formally declared with a victory on home soil. But then they were beaten in the quarterfinals. Soon after, they lost their first game in Bradford. In the Babbage Islands and Qazox they once again failed to return to the semifinals, and despite qualifying with relative ease for World Bowl X, the air of invincibility was buried forever when Sarzonia blanked them 17-0. The Black Wings were still a very good team; no one would question that. But they were no longer on Olympus. The World Bowl title, once a common expectation, had become a lofty goal.

And at first glance, this team wasn't the one to reach it. All of the players from World Bowl IX and earlier were gone. No one on the current roster was older than 23 and the majority of them were still playing college ball. Lane Gallindo fumbled too much. Lucas Andara didn't give a hundred percent when blocking downfield. Enzo Fukada was weak on crossing routes. Few people could name more than a handful of players off the top of their head -- and that applies to fans and team staffs overseas as well as at home. But with results starting to roll in and the team in a position to return to the semifinals, people were starting to think that this was a calculated gamble by the Sports Ministry. Rather than throwing in the towel like they appeared to at the World Lacrosse Championships, where the team they sent was just good enough to lose in the first round of the knockouts, they'd sent a bunch of kids to the World Bowl who'd never even thought they'd get a chance at this level. They had something to prove.

They were as hungry as the teams which originally took the world by storm and established Dancougar as a gridiron powerhouse.

Surely Newmanistan had the answer. Anthony Murray had blossomed into one of the world's most efficient quarterbacks and they'd rolled over Barnettsville in the opening round. The team and its fans were already well-established in Bradford. But the sea of blue which had filled the stadium just a few days earlier started to melt into one of black. All of the casual fans who bought tickets expected to at least see the undefeated Rockets suddenly had a better reason to attend. They roared as the defense forced Murray to a three-and-out on the first drive. The Rockets were perhaps surprised by the renewed aggression in the Black Wing defense based on their form from the group stages. Once again, that was an adjustment made just before the tournament began. Dancougar's playing style, somewhat neutral and more balanced during qualifiers, was shifted decisively with the anticipation of greater offensive threats in the finals. It was that playing style which had served their predecessors so well, and midway through the first quarter, it resulted in the first points of the game. Murray's pass was picked off by speedy cornerback Justin Willingham, who returned it 38 yards for a touchdown. The quarterback had forced the throw in response to pressure from Fukada streaming through the middle on a delayed blitz.

The Rocket fans started to worry as Murray continued to struggle. Shawn Kinsella's performance was also problematic. No doubt he and his coaching staff had salivated over the game tape of Dancougar's opening round game against the Fanboyists in which Haanryk Stahlburg had just over 200 yards rushing, unheard-of numbers against a Black Wing defense. Kinsella ripped an early gainer of 24 before a penalty and a string of bad passes killed the drive, but aside from that, he was held in check throughout the game. In the meantime, quarterback Chad Billings put ten more points on the board for Dancougar. A field goal at the beginning of the second quarter and a 54-yard drive following another Murray interception made it 17-0. Newmanistan's players continued to push and try to exploit weaknesses in the Dancougar secondary, but Murray remained off target.

No one could figure out what the Rockets were doing wrong, and head coach Jeremy Thompson was among them. Murray cooled down and started connecting in the second half, but by then, the Wings had switched into conservative mode. Gallindo, instructed to wrap both hands around the ball and do nothing fancy, was sent out to kill the clock. The Rockets still had plenty of time to turn it around, but near the end of the third quarter, it became apparent that things just weren't going their way today. After a long drive stalled near the Dancougar 18, Thompson sent on his field goal unit to at least make it a two-possession game. Given the way his defense had swallowed up the Dancougar attack in the second half, a score could shift the momentum decisively. Patrick Marshall should never have missed from 35 yards away, but his holder bobbled the snap. He rushed his kick and pulled it to the left, giving Dancougar the ball and the chance to waste five minutes on a drive that resulted in a coffin-corner punt. Now in hurry up mode, Murray's accuracy degenerated again. At least the ball stayed out of the secondary's hands this time.

With the victory, Dancougar's days in their traditional home of Bradford were over. They would now travel north to Kildare to face Sarzonia, a team they'd already beaten once at home in this cycle. Surely they could do it again. The fans now believed they could do it. And maybe they were starting to believe it as well.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

There was something that traveling fans were trying to decipher while in Dancougar. Beyond the scheduling errors that affected two first-round matches and bullet train delays for thorough safety checks instated after the wreck in Lunarossa, a mysterious symbol had suddenly started appearing everywhere. It was in tabloids, spray-painted on walls and the sides of bridges, and scrawled on placards by disheveled old men who you'd normally hear crying "Repent, repent!" on the sidewalk. It was simple enough -- a circle with an inscribed pentagon, with an additional pentagon found inside that. But nobody knew what it meant. All that was known was that if you drew the symbol on the map of Dancougar, the points where the various shapes intersected corresponded almost exactly to ten bloody disasters which had occurred during the qualifying stages of the tournament.

Nothing had happened since then. The government had promised it would take all necessary steps to ensure the safety of the influx of tourists. For conspiracy theorists, the timing of the announcement and the consequent cessation of disasters was proof of a link between the government and the first ten. Reports of a military presence in each investigation further added to the suspicions.

It was enough to drive Frederick von Steuben mad. He never subscribed to those kinds of theories. There wasn't a trace of scientific thought or rigor to them. But ever since two of his former, and favorite, students had been killed while chasing down the death of World Cup of Hockey intern, he was starting to feel his own mortality. It had never occurred to him previously that his crazy inventions and their wild adventures could possibly bring them to any harm. After all, they were almost like the main characters in some fantastic tale that weaved together the existence of giant robots, star athletes, and sadistic entities beyond their control. Looking at the way things were now, the signs were not good. Dancougar seemed to be collapsing itself from the inside while at the same time reducing its international presence.

And he swore he'd seen the symbol before.

After tearing through old documents and records he'd compiled, he stumbled upon some old research from his undergraduate days. He was surprised he ever still had it. The notebooks themselves were barely holding together and some of his notes had faded, but he could still make them out as he thumbed through. There were all sorts of strange symbols in his books, each with different attributes and notes attached to them. Alchemy... he thought as he read it. Zat's right, I remember now. Eet vas for a heestory course. But zen vy vould zey make zees een ze country? Perhaps it was to coordinate some larger scheme an identify targets? But even so, it would just create a large doodle. Then maybe... a hidden message? Surely it had to be more complex than that if the concentrated power of Danchan's anons had already figured it out.

The only possible explanations, then, were that either alchemy was real, the symbolism was coincidental, or that there were additional events unaccounted for or still to occur. As he reached the end of his notebook, he sincerely hoped it was option number two. After all, the last thing he wanted was for more people to die in accidents. Nobody wanted that. And if alchemy was real, then something sinister definitely was afoot. The double-pentagon pattern was a transmutation circle for creating philosopher's stones, for which the primary ingredients were living humans...

[Dancougar]

People who watch cartoons know where I'm going with this. For everyone else, there's a MD14 cutoff.

Semifinals
Sarzonia 10-7 Dancougar
Bluth Corporation 17-13 Cassadaigua

Tomorrow's final matches are set:

Third Place Game: (9) Dancougar v (3) Cassadaigua [Bradford]
WORLD BOWL X FINAL: (5) Sarzonia v (2) Bluth Corporation [Port Royal]

[Sarzonia]

For all the talk coming out of Dancougar's camp about the Black Wings and their lack of experience, the neophytes certainly gave Sarzonia's professional players all they could handle.

Fifty eight minutes into the match, the Black Wings had a 7-3 lead. They'd contained running back LoQuan Willard (16 carries, 47 yards, one lost fumble) and quarterback Gavin Davis (17-of-27, 198 yards and one interception) to that point. However, Willard and Davis had one last gasp in them.

On first-and-10 from their own 1, Davis hit H-back Clark Hennessey for a 29-yard gain. He got out of bounds to preserve time, then Davis spun around and pitched the ball to Willard. He ran the ball 20 yards, quickly going out of bounds to again preserve the clock and move the ball to midfield.

From there, Davis hit wide receiver Dave Coles for 18. This time, the Black Wings tackled Coles before he could get out of bounds. Davis raced up the field with his team and spiked the ball to stop the clock.

"OK, we're going to run 40-Trap-ISO-186," Davis said. "On four."

"On four? We've been running on one or two all game!" left tackle Tim Lacker said.

"I know. That's why I'm doing it on four this time. Ready? Go!"

Davis went up to the line and barked out the signals.

"Down! Blue 30, Blue 30, hut HUT!"

Straight away, the right defensive end jumped, making contact with Lacker. The whistle blew the play dead immediately as the yellow flag flew toward the line of scrimmage.

"Neutral zone infraction, defence. Five-yard penalty, replay first down."

When the Stars huddled up, Davis looked at Willard and said, "same play. 40-Trap ISO-186. On one. Ready? Go!"

The Stars got to the line, then Davis barked signals. He saw the Black Wings bunch toward Coles, who was his intended target. Davis made two fists and tapped his right wrist onto his left.

"Silver! Silver! Red 20, Red 20, Hut!"

The quick snap seemed to fool the Black Wings, but the audible to a running play really got them. Willard rumbled 27 yards to paydirt and a 10-7 lead. The Black Wings crowd, which had been vociferous in its support of its team and hostile toward their newfound rivals the Stars, were suddenly silent. After the ensuing kickoff gave the Black Wings the ball at their 27, coach Gregg Williams motioned safety Travis Werner over.

"Screw the prevent. Get after 'em."

"Got it, coach." Werner ran up to the defensive huddle and said, "Stunt left, tidal wave right."

"I thought we were playing prevent," linebacker Erik Vasquez said.

"Screw that," Horton said. "We're going to get after 'em."

The snap came and the Stars stunted to their left. However, that wasn't all. Vasquez looped around and blitzed from the right, while fellow safety Chris Horton inched up in the event the Black Wings quarterback felt the pressure and tried to get rid of the ball. Sure enough, he did, firing the pass toward his left. Horton saw the ball and snatched it out of the air. He quickly fell to the ground as fellow safety Werner ran over and raised his arms high in the air.

The Stars were going to the World Bowl final, just one tournament after missing the knockout stages for only the first time in their history. It didn't matter that they'd be playing one of the World Bowl's most consistently dominant teams in The Bluth Corporation. It didn't matter that they'd now be the decided underdog after having played as favourites in three straight knockout stage matches. It didn't matter that they'd likely don their away kits instead of the home navys.

What did matter was the team had finally earned its vindication. Williams could now put to rest the naysayers who said he failed in his first World Bowl. He could now say Qazoxian organising officials' conspiracy to deliberately keep the Stars from qualifying was no longer some fanciful dream, if that were the tact he'd chosen.

Now at 10-1, the Stars knew only one team had defeated their next opponents. However, it was a team that the Stars knew well. Their previous meeting, the Stars also knocked Arroza out. The task would certainly be difficult. That was a given. But for once, the Stars knew they were definitely playing with house money.

They also knew they could pose problems for Bluth Corporation. The Stars have not surrendered more than 13 points in any match in World Bowl X. Only the extremely attack-minded Sea Dragons of Andossa Se Mitrin Vega put up 13 points on the Stars after the opening 13-7 loss to Dancougar. And after that, only a surprisingly tough Toiletdonia side put up as many as 10 points on Sarzonia.

The high flying Bluth Corporation might have a struggle, but the Stars also know they put up 17 points against a Cassadaigua team that had the best scoring defence among the World Bowl's 45 teams. They knew they'd have to rely on their offensive line opening up holes for Willard, even against eight-man and nine-man fronts. They knew they'd have to give Davis time to find receivers.

But that would be settled later on. Right now, they have to get back to work.

[F1-Insanity]

F1-Insanity returns home

F1-Insanity's premier football team landed at Father Mulcahey airport at around 2 PM Insanity time. The team was welcomed by a small crowd of enthusiastic fans. The Mulcaheys managed to win their group, eliminating Taeshan's Fitin' Falcons in the process. But there was a lot of confusion concerning the game played in the round of 16. First it was Osarius that was going to be the opponent, then later it was Vephrall, then Osarius again and finally Vephrall again. All these things contributed to a one day extension of the World Bowl and the final won't be played until tonight.

In the end, the team can be happy to have reached the last 8, in which the Mulcaheys were finally overwhelmed by the Bluth Corporation, in a game our team need not have lost in our opinion. It was a below mediocre performance by quarterback Mable and poor clock management that led to a 33-17 defeat. Bluth Corporation has meanwhile reached the World Bowl final where they will play Sarzonia. We wish them luck.

Statement by head coach Massey at Father Mulcahey airport
"We got closer, didn't we? Last 16 last time, last 8 this time. This way, I'm going to live to see us win the World Bowl! It was a rollercoaster ride being in this one. One day you have to play this team, and the next you're supposed to be playing somewhere else. So I gave my opinion on that and I stand by my statements. If that means other coaches, such as Vephrall's Pagliloe Cothasat won't shake my hand but instead choose to try and insult me, then so be it. Let them do so if they wish. They can call us names, say we bullied or threatened game officials and referees, but we don't care. All I did was give those refs a piece of my mind before the game. Is it my fault that they felt intimidated and handed us a few dodgy decisions? No it is not.
Anyway, I'm off to have dinner. See ya all next time!"

---------------------------------------------------------------

Neither the F1-Insanity football authorities nor the Vephrese Gridball Federation had any comment about said incident, rumours however suggest that Cothasat will not be holding on to his job, whereas Massey will (obviously).

[Bluth Corporation]

Quick Reactions

Bluth Corporation 17, Cassadaigua 13

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Cassadaigua           0   7   3   3   13
Bluth Corporation     7   0   3   7   17


Bluth Corporation

• All the predictions of a close game decided on the last possession proved true, as Bluth Corporation scored a touchdown with seventeen seconds to go to defeat Cassadaigua 17-13 and advance to its first-ever World Bowl final. Bluth Corporation took the lead early, but then faced deficits of 10-7 and 13-10 before it retook the lead with Cain Wells's 3-yard 4th-and-goal pass to Kyler Hayes in traffic.
• Yes, that's right: Down by three, with seventeen seconds to go and facing 4th-and-goal at the Cassadaiguan 3-yard-line, Arthur Miller opted to go for the win rather than settle for the safe, chip-shot field goal to tie. It was a brilliant play, as they lined up in field-goal formation but with Cain Wells taking the place of normal holder Henry Weber, and with Kyler Hayes in his usual spot on the field-goal team. The fake field goal attempt was executed perfectly, as Devin Shipley gave no hint he was going to pull up until Cain Wells suddenly got up and wasted no time finding Hayes for the score.
• With seventeen points, Bluth Corporation put up more than any other team has managed to so far in this World Bowl, and indeed those seventeen points in a single game were nearly half of what Cassadaigua allowed in their eight group stage games combined. This is as close as Cassadaigua's defense comes to an utter collapse.

Cassadaigua

• The Cassadaiguans may have a legitimate beef with the officiating crew. While it took a while before any of the Cassadaiguan team members or coaching staff realized Wells was in to hold for Shipley on the fake field goal, it seems that they might have caught it and realized something was up just in the nick of time. Whether or not Coach Connolly got the timeout off before the snap is probably too close to call, but the referees weren't even looking for one. The World Bowl Committee should perhaps consider instructing the referees in the future to keep an eye on coaches for timeouts on pivotal, potential game-winning or -tying field goal attempts.
• The Cassadaiguan defense had its worst outing of the World Bowl in their most important game, allowing seventeen points to Bluth Corporation. Yes, seven of those points were on that fake field-goal attempt, and yes, the Bluth Corporation offense was probably the best they faced the entire tournament; but good teams have their best games when they count most. We're still analyzing the film trying to figure out what went wrong, but at least initially it seems that Cain Wells had his most inspired game of his international career.
• Still, the Cassadaiguans played with heart, keeping it close and in fact taking and holding the lead for much of the game after giving up an opening-drive touchdown to Bluth Corporation. That Bluth Corporation was willing to risk it all on a trick play like they did is perhaps the biggest compliment that can be paid to Cassadaigua's national team.

[Bluth Corporation]

Bluth Corporation's World Bowl Semifinal matchup with Cassadaigua was a thriller, as the two teams went down to the wire for a shot at the World Bowl X title in Port Royal. The Cassadaiguan defense managed to hold Bluth Corporation until 20 points, but the 17 points they allowed was nevertheless the most the Cassadaiguans have given up in the entire tournament. Bluth Corporation, meanwhile, held the Cassadaiguan offense that had averaged over 30 points per game in the group stage to just 13.

At first it looked like it might be a long day for the Cassadaiguans, as Cain Wells took advantage of the loose coverage of the Cassadaiguan secondary to dink-and-dunk his team to an opening-drive touchdown, on an eight-yarder to Norman Shade running a crossing pattern. Wells said after the game, "We knew coming in that they couldn't afford to cover our receivers as tightly as they have other teams'--they're just too great of route runners, one shake and it's off to the races. So we kept them running shorter routes over the middle of the field, using the play-action fake to keep the linebackers up a bit, and picking up six to ten yards a pop." It worked well, as the scoring drive also took up ten minutes of game time.

But Cassadaigua came right back with a long touchdown drive of its own, culminating in a 3-yard run by Kristen Marshall that, with Emily Rutland's kick, tied the game right up. On that drive, Bluth Corporation DT Trey Reidford had trouble penetrating the Cassadaiguan O-line. "That guard they had, Swansea I think it was, that dude's fast. He didn't even have to double-team me, on that entire drive no matter where I wanted to go he got there first. I think he was in my head, and that's why they were able to run to their right so effectively. I got it figured out, but it took awhile."

Cassadaigua's score came with twelve minutes to go in the second quarter, and the rest of the quarter was a stalemate as neither team was able to progress much past midfield. Devin Shipley had a chance to put up a field goal as time expired in the half, but his 49-yard attempt was blocked just enough to send it a hair to the right, and it landed sailed harmlessly out the back of the end zone.

Ashley Harbers got a good return as she took the second-half kickoff to the Bluth Corporation 38 before finally being run out of bounds by James Mason, but once again the Bluth Corporation defense stiffened and only gave up a field goal, a 27-yarder that nevertheless gave Cassadaigua a 10-7 lead. The teams exchanged three-and-outs, then Bluth Corporation managed to put together another long drive that got down to the Cassadaigua 7. It looked like they were going to be able to score the touchdown easily, but after a pair of poorly-timed false-start penalties and a sack (the first of the playoffs given up by Bluth Corporation) at the hands of Todd Ashton Bluth Corporation suddenly found itself facing 4th-and-goal at the Cassadaiguan 19. In this situation, kicking the field goal was a no-brainer. Devin Shipley admitted later that he was a bit nervous for this attempt after the miss last time, but it didn't show as the football split the uprights for a 36-yard field goal that tied the game at 10 with five minutes to go in the third quarter.

On the ensuing drive, Cassadaigua marched right back down the field to retake the lead, as a 42-yard Rutland field goal made the score 13-10 with thirteen minutes and change left to play. It looked like the predictions before the game would come true: whichever team wound up with the ball last would win. Bluth Corporation looked to be driving to answer the score, but at the Cassadaigua 18 Sean Blakley fumbled after a vicious hit from Jennifer Carlton; Sarah Patten fell on it and Cassadaigua took over with eight minutes remaining.

Up by only three, the Cassadaiguans obviously wanted to score, but they also wanted to do it as slowly as possible. It looked like that was going to happen, as Stacie Powers looked like, well, Cain Wells as she marched her team downfield in a clinic of offensive playcalling and execution. With three minutes to go in the game, Powers threw a perfect pass to a wide-open Kourtney Dahlman in the end zone, and it looked like the final nail had been driven into Bluth Corporation's coffin.

But Dahlman wasn't so open after all. Speedster safety Chaz Livermore came, seemingly out of nowhere, and got to Dahlman just as the ball got there. They both went up for it, and two pairs of frantic hands could be seen struggling for the ball in the air and all the way to the ground. When they landed, they were piled up on top of each other and no one in the stands could see who had the football. The officials rushed in, and after twenty of the tensest seconds of the fans'--not to mention the players'--lives came the call: "The ruling on the field is an interception in the end zone. The ball was downed in the end zone by the intercepting player after the interception; by rule, then, this is a touchback. Bluth Corporation will have the ball starting on their own twenty-yard-line."

The shouts in the stands, from both sets of fans, was deafening as the Bluth Corporation offense rushed out determined to take advantage of this fortuitous opportunity. Cain Wells wasted no time getting his team down the field, and with under a minute to go they found themselves at the Cassadaiguan five-yard-line with a first down and goal to go. But the Cassadaiguans weren't going to just roll over, and they stopped two successive passes before allowing a two-yard run up the gut to set up 4th-and-goal at the Cassadaiguan three-yard-line. Everyone expected the conservative Arthur Miller to take the easy field goal here and play for overtime.

Miller, stunningly, had other plans. With an itch to do something wonderful after years of international futility, Coach Miller was finally determined to win it here and now. He called a timeout, and gathered his team to explain the plan: "Here's what we're going to do, men. It's a fake field goal, and we're going to have our regular field goal unit out there--we've got to make them believe we're going to kick. Only thing is, we're going to make one substitution: Wells, you're holding in place of Weber. I know you're not used to this, but you've practiced before for contingencies and I'm confident you'll be able to pull it off; plus you're a better passer, and we're going to pass for the win. We've got to hope and pray they don't realize it's you out there, because I'm sure if they do they'll realize what we're up to, but just in case we're going to snap it fastfastfast. Hayes, you're going to break off and run a hook into the end zone, and Wells is going to find you and zip one your way. Just catch it and we're good to go."

Later, when asked whether they wondered if their coach had lost his mind a bit, the players unanimously insisted they had total faith in him. "He's gotten us this far, and he wouldn't use a gimmick unless he knew it would work. If a man like him wants to run a play like this, you have to think it's going to work--that's just the kind of coach he is," explained long snapper Terry Hobbs. Certainly, the players seemed to be running out with confidence, and they did a good job keeping Wells in the middle of the bunch running out to make it more difficult for the Cassadaiguans to notice him. But it took a bit longer to line up than Coach Miller had hoped, and the Cassadaiguan sideline saw Wells in the holder's spot and realized something was up. They tried to call a timeout, but whether it came before the snap or not is anyone's guess.

The fake itself was a thing of beauty. Devin Shipley's motion was absolutely unchanged, and he even followed through his kick as Wells pirouetted out of his way with the ball before looking upfield for Hayes. Wells was on his back foot a bit as he threw trying to get it over the defense, and it sailed high and a bit wide. It looked like it was going to bounce off of Hayes's fingertips for a moment, but somehow Hayes managed to stretch out and get his big strong hands solidly on the football, securing it against his chest as he fell to the ground for a touchdown.

The crowd, and the Bluth Corporation sideline, went absolutely ecstatic as the Cassadaiguans sank in dismay, realizing that Bluth Corporation's miraculous play had all but ended their hopes of a spot in the World Bowl finals. They had twelve seconds and one timeout left after Devin Shipley's kickoff sailed out of the end zone for a touchback, but all that meant was maybe three attempts at a Hail Mary. Three attempts they made, and all three fell incomplete as Cassadaigua fell to Bluth Corporation 17-13 in an epic thriller.

[Bluth Corporation]

IN A NUTSHELL

Bluth Corporation vs. Sarzonia

BACKGROUND: Bluth Corporation enters the finals coming off a 17-13 win over Cassadaigua in which they scored more points against Cassadaigua than any other team in World Bowl X and successfully converted a fake field goal attempt for a 3-yard touchdown pass to provide the final margin. Sarzonia, meanwhile, upset three-time champion and host Dancougar in a 10-7 win settled by a 99-yard touchdown drive. Bluth Corporation is the third place team from World Bowl IX, while both teams are making their first-ever appearance in a World Bowl final.

TEAM MATCHUP: Sarzonia is one of the most balanced teams in terms of offense vs. defense in the tournament, and they can put pressure on Bluth Corporation on both sides of the ball. When Bluth Corporation is on offense, however, with his quick release Cain Wells should be able to take advantage of Sarzonia's fairly standard 4-3 blitz packages for long gains; and once they start holding off that should open up the short passing game, with just enough running to keep the defense honest. When Sarzonia has the ball, the Bluth Corporation defense is going to have its hands full. Their small size makes them excellent pass rushers and defenders, but also makes them susceptible to a powerful running attack such as Sarzonia's. Sarzonia's ground proclivities also means this game can turn into one of ball control, and Cain Wells can't work his magic if he's on the sidelines. Bluth Corporation's best hope is to jump out to a fast lead and force Sarzonia to play catch-up.

INDIVIDUAL MATCHUP TO WATCH: Bluth Corporation front seven against the Sarzonian ground attack. Sarzonia's passing game, while hardly frightening, is potent enough that Bluth Corporation probably can't afford to run a lot of eight- and nine-in-the-box defensive alignments. If the base 4-3 can stop Sarzonia's running game enough to help the offense jump out to a lead, then Bluth Corporation should win as Sarzonia is forced to pass late. This is a game that is going to be decided in the trenches.

Final Prediction: Bluth Corporation 22, Sarzonia 19

[Dancougar]

On a day when both semifinals were decided in the final seconds, Dancougar was not to be one of the lucky last-moment winners. They played the game of their lives until late in the fourth quarter, when providence -- no, Gavin Davis -- decided that the game could only have one outcome. A 99-yard touchdown drive saw the previously effective Dancougar defense melt under pressure. Davis was perfect. He hit passes. He mixed his calls. And the help he got from halfback LoQuan Willard, who ripped a couple of big runs against a defense primed to stop Davis' passing attack, set the stage for one final defensive stand.

So the Stars were moving on and the Wings would have to tackle the Dagans in the third place game, another one they weren't favored to win. Then again, playing from the bottom half of the bracket, they hadn't been the favorites in any of the games so far. And they'd be back in Bradford, where they'd still only lost once in their history -- the rest of the country, it seemed, wasn't as kind. Sarzonia fans were already loading up the first train east to Port Royal, a regional express line which had been seemingly commandeered by fans wearing their colors.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Seems like they lost, but they'll at least come up with a top-four finish. Almost like the old days, huh?"

"That was certainly more than we expected. But it's all right. It'll give the people something to celebrate before we make use of them."

Two men were sitting in a private train car with a few other officials and armed guards. They were heading west from Yuki City en route to Resembool, a town in Hazuki at which a few thousand of the nation's best and brightest were being gathered. Athletes, soldiers, pilots, politicians... the selection process had been ongoing for years, now.

"The king and his family, they should be on their way tomorrow, I take it?"

"We've done everything we can to get him out here without actually telling him what we're going to do. If he knew, he'd never go along with it."

"Well, then why don't we take this opportunity to reform the government? We're going to rebuild our entire society around ourselves, after all. It wouldn't hurt to start anew."

"We can't just do away with it. Even if there's only a few thousand people left, the nation will still need strong and immediate leadership. Only the king is capable of that."

The two were silent for awhile. The train veered to the right as they switched track. The line they were on would continue west and swing south into Grandborough, but they wanted to head north into more vacant territory.

"If we screw this up, we'll lose everything."

"We've been assured that the calculations are perfect. Immortality, my friend... it's finally ours."

[Dancougar]

And here's the final RP cutoff of World Bowl X. The winners are...

Third Place Game
Shin Jared Koeppel -- Bradford, Sullivan
Cassadaigua 10 - 3 Dancougar

WORLD BOWL X FINAL
Aclaf Stadium -- Port Royal, Juusenkitai
Bluth Corporation 20 - 10 Sarzonia

Congratulations to the new world champions, the Bluth Corporation!

Thanks to all participants for putting up with my nonsense, and we hope to see you again in World Bowl XI!

[Dancougar]

The World Bowl had ended a week earlier, and by now any lingering foreigners had drifted offshore. At last, the plan could proceed. The sun hadn't even come up yet in this part of the world, yet a handful of people were gathered in a field in the middle of the large complex which had been hastily erected to house the few thousand gathered in Resembool. Surrounding them were the various cabins and tents where the rest were all still asleep. They had no idea what was going on outside, but if all went according to plan, they would wake up to something extraordinary.

"The circle has been prepared, the sacrifices are in place, and once the stone is complete, we'll be able to make everyone here immortal." The circle was, of course, the pattern surrounding the country that had been constructed with ten sacrifices disguised as disasters. The stone they referred to was the philosopher's stone, an item which would give them the ability to circumvent the equivalence principle. The sacrifices needed to build the stone were the rest of the people in the country... it was a high price to pay, millions of people for one stone, but it was the only way.

"Yes, and as long as we're in the middle of the circle, we shouldn't be harmed by the transmutation," said one of the suits. Ensuring that all of this went smoothly required intense preparation because they were dealing with geometry on a massive scale, and even the slightest error would result in a rebound -- all the energy gathered for the reaction would bounce back into the alchemist performing it. In the worst case, they would also vanish along with the rest of the country they were sacrificing. It would be as if a neutron bomb fell. Only the people would be gone.

"I trust the calculations are accurate, Intern Steve?"

Intern Steve stood out in the field as the only person not dressed formally. He wore a simple robe and had his hair tied back in a ponytail. He smiled as he addressed his superiors. "Everything's been triple-checked," he said. "There won't be any mistakes like in the World Bowl."

"Glad to hear it," the suit replied. "That's behind us, now. That Dancougar will die today. From the ashes, a new one shall arise. As soon as you're ready, perform the transmutation!" At first, nothing happened, but then a faint glow appeared in the ground where Steve was standing. The glow began to expand and the ground began to shake. Dark clouds began to swirl overhead. "It's... it's happening!" the suit cried. A low, dull light filled in the sky far into the distance as the circle itself began to radiate, and the towns along it and just beyond were consumed instantly. Then the light began to close on the rest of the circle, drowning the nation in a sea of death. No one had time to cry out for help or even in pain.

Everything appeared to be going perfectly, when suddenly one of the suits in the field cried out in agony and fell to the ground. A few others followed. The first one looked around him in a panic and then heard the muffled screams of people in the cabins. He turned back to the center where Steve stood with his arms spread wide.

"I thought you said if we were all at the center, we wouldn't be harmed!!" he yelled. "You lied to us!"

"I haven't done anything!" Steve said. It was his great pleasure, as the last intern standing, to deliver the truth to his overbearing bosses. "All one of us in the center are just fine!"

"You... you basta---aaaaaaaaaaaah!!" The last of the suits was consumed.

Steve closed his eyes and could feel his own body starting to decompose. A massive eye had torn through the surface where he stood and he fell into it, laughing madly as he dissolved into a stream of molecules. "So this is the gate, then?!" he cackled. "Take it, then! I'll give up everything! And in exchange, the truth... the truth of everything...!!" Steve's earthly body vanished and the eye sank back into the ground as thunder and lightning crashed into the entire nation. The swirling clouds started to rise as the reaction finished, leaving nothing behind.

Dancougar was empty.