Cup of Harmony 60: Everything Thread

[Farfadillis]

To: The Monastic Football Association

From: The Farfadillis Football Association

Subject: The semi-final venue thing

Dear Monks,

It's the FFFF's president's 10-years-old daughter here. Daddy just left for the bathroom, and he won't be back soon by the smells of it. This is my chance to do something important (hehe!). It is a shame that you refuse to play in Kazamatsuri. I heard it's a beautiful country. Have you tried telling them to say sorry to you?

As for the safety, I don't think things will be serious. I mean, I don't think anything has happened in Kazamatsuri, has there? Everyone will be safe, I'm sure. I like that you don't want innocent people to be harmed, though!

As for the open letter, I skimmed through it. It is pretty boring, I would not worry. Who would even take the time to read that? Though I am reading all your letter and replying to it, so that might be me. But no, boring letter. I'm not reading it. Also, did you say you want to launch a full-scale military invasion on Kazamatsuri? That's wrong!

Also, is this a prank or something? You mentioned portals! Everybody knows those don't exist. It would be silly if they did. And how come you don't know money? Money is awesome! You can buy things with it! Just the other day I bought myself some ice-cream with it. Chocolate ice-cream. You should try it!

Also, I like the idea of you playing well. But why wouldn't you? That's an insult to yourselves and your opponents! Anyway, I agree. I can speak to my father too, though it seems he's asking me to call an ambulance now. Something about explosive diarrhea, apparently. Must be the food. I told him not to buy that extra large bag of Cholesterolls.

Also, isn't Kinitaria where Farfadillis won the AOCAF Cup?

Yours in... uhmm... who's Christ?

PD: Don't buy Cholesterolls.
PD2: We beat Kazamatsuri, too. I forgot to tell you that!

Mariana Miranda
FFFF President Sebastián Miranda's Daughter

FFFF President Sick; Daughter Takes Place

After an unfortunate twist of fate involving some Cholesterolls with extra cholesterol, it seems Sebastián Miranda will be out for a few weeks. As such, the unruly ruling that rules the FFFF has made his ten-year-old daughter the temporary president. Turns out nobody ever realized half of it was copied from the rules to inheriting the crown five hundred years ago. Nonetheless, the rules are the rules and Mariana Miranda will be leading the federation for now. Many people already consider her the second most competent president - second only to her father.

Also, this means all decisions she makes are official. It is unlikely to have much of an impact, however, considering how she's likely to be kept away from important matters until her father returns. In all reality, she won't make any changes. If she does, they won't have a large dimension.

[Kinitaria]

Semi-final result

The Archregimancy 2–1 Farfadillis
@ Midori-no-Kaza, Kizuma (allegedly)

Congratulations to the Monks, who are coming to Kinitaria for a shot at the Cup of Harmony title! Commiserations to the Farves, who'll have to face the one game no-one wants to play in, the bronze medal match.

Cut-off for the final will be in approximately 48 hours!

[Kazamatsuri]

Semifinal result

The Inevitable Syndicate 0-0 Gregoryisgodistan
2-1 after extra time
@ Central Stadium, Mi'ato

Which means the Final for the Cup of Harmony 60 will be contested between The Archregimancy and The Inevitable Syndicate (conspicuous definite articles there ... ) at Central Stadium, Mi'ato, while Gregoryisgodistan will stay behind in Kazamatsuri to play Farfadillis in the Sekine Memorial Stadium.

The matchups are as follows -

Cup of Harmony 60 - Final

The Archregimancy versus The Inevitable Syndicate
@ Central Stadium, Mi'ato, Kinitaria

Cup of Harmony 60 - Bronze medal match

Farfadillis versus Gregoryisgodistan
@ Sekine Memorial Stadium, Kizuna, Kazamatsuri

Be back in ... approximately 19 hours to bring you the bronze medal match!

[The Inevitable Syndicate]

To: The Monastic Football Association
From: The Inevitable Football Association
Subject: Final Venue

Dear Monastic Football Association,

Greetings. Congratulations on your recent advancement to the finals of this most recent (for us, anyway) Cup of Harmony. I for one am very glad that you've consigned Farfadillis to the third-place playoff, given our undesirable record against them in recent times.

We are aware that you have refused to play various matches in Kazamatsuri, due to their spate of natural disasters at the moment, and have offered several alternatives in order to minimise the risk to us "mundies". I find that very commendable. While we have deep theological differences, I ask you to understand that, while not as severe, we have had many issues with the location of our games, since Kinitaria's quarter-final defeat. Every Syndicatian with an active travel visa in the country has had it dismissed, and the recent influx of football fans back into the country is proving a strain, even on our robust transport system.

This also means that there weren't any fans in Mi'ato for the Syndicate's Semi-Final game against the terrible nation of "Gregoryisgodistan". While our nations official stance is that we don't believe in a god, We certainly don't believe that an individual human being can exert so much control and cause so much despair amongst so many people.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic, and that's sure to be a discussion for another time. I want all of our football fans to be able to see the final of this game, and hopefully see the Syndicate's first win in a WCC-Sanctioned event. I also want to save a truck-load of money. As I understand it, you've been deliberately trying to lose, citing the tournament as a 'farce'. We at the IFA are completely fine with you playing to the worst of your ability - we know your actual game of forcing a win in alternate realities which matter more to you (for example, the one where every opponent The Dreamed Realm plays is made of an ethereal gas-cloud that changes colour based on it's mood). This works out well for us, as in this reality, we'd quite like to win.

But, in order to win, we do need access to The Holy Empire, to serve as a neutral, off site venue that isn't marred by politics and drama. I was forwarded a message that you sent to the FFFF from a sweet little girl, so I've had a read over the terms you've offered to other nations. If you were to offer these same terms, we would be happy to accept.

I cannot promise that nationals from the Syndicate would treat the realm that they are in with the utmost respect - even if the proof that The Dreamed Realm is capable of these things is dangled right within our faces. Some of the older Syndicatians are rather set in their ways, and would chalk up almost anything to 'advanced science'. I apologise in advance if, when and if you accept our your offer, they say or do something that offends you.

I've also been told to attach a message from the Atlantian Oceania Cartographic Institute, in the hope that it finds its way to whoever is running the show in the Dreamed Realm. It is below:

Dreamed Realm,

Our sincere thanks to your ancestors (or, yourselves, we're not sure on your lifespan) for giving the Ahlenfi people the Meteoricon all those years ago. If you weren't aware, the Meteoricon is a device which allows us to modulate the air and water systems that the Syndicate experiences, allowing us to tailor the weather to our own personal needs. This allows 100% perfect weather predicition for the nation, as we're the ones creating it. We haven't used it for malicious purposes, but one time roughly half a decade ago we did create a tsunami that levelled an entire portion of the country. We don't want to do it again - have you got a manual?

AOCI

I've not read it, so I hope whatever it is is resolved.

Thank you for your time, and I hope to receive word from you soon. I do hope you show those gas-clouds who's the boss,

Jasper Hewitt

IFA Chairman

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Gregoryisgodistan loses to The Inevitable Syndicate in extra time

Well, it was inevitable. The Foot Slaves' miracle run finally came to an end yesterday, losing to The Inevitable Syndicate 2-1 in extra time. For the third straight game, Gregoryisgodistan went to extra time with the score 0-0. We had a win against Jeru FC, then a penalty shootout win against Kalumba, but now it was time to lose, alas. In the 96th minute, Luke Mitchell put the Syndicate up 1-0 off a pass from Adam Willis. It looked like the Foot Slaves were down and out. However, in the 113th minute, David Tavel took Soccer Captain Laredo Potato down in the box for a penalty kick. The Foot Slaves celebrated, as they had a chance to level it, and indeed Soccer Captain Laredo Potato nailed it. It was 1-1.

With the second 15 minutes of extra time up, the ref signaled that there were to be two minutes of stoppage before the shootout. Immediately, TIS went on the attack. Karl Cotrell passed it up to Tavel, and the Foot Slaves defense was way out of position. Prune Farmer 3818F was off his line, so only Grammar Enforcement Officer ZZNNKUMBYA stood between him and the goal. Tavel fired a shot and it looked like nobody had a play on it. Grammar Enforcement Officer ZZNNKUMBYA dove for it, realized he wasn't going to be able to legally reach it, and stretched out his arm to block it away. It was an obvious handball, and a clear red card. Indeed, Grammar Enforcement Officer ZZNNKUMBYA didn't even argue the call, walking off as soon as he got back to his feet. He didn't even wait for the card to come out of the ref's pocket.

It only had a slim chance of working, but that goal would have been the last play of the game and send the Foot Slaves to the third place game. Instead, they had a chance if Prune Farmer 3818F could stop the penalty shot. Jacob Pratt would take it with the game on the line. He aimed for the left post. Prune Farmer 3818F guessed right, but it made it just past his outstretched arms and into the back of the net. Immediately, the ref blew the whistle to end the game, not even bothering to have the Foot Slaves reset it from midfield. The Inevitable Syndicate was through to the final, while the Foot Slaves would be battling it out for the bronze with Farfadillis.

After the game, head coach Retired Soldier Commander Lieutenant Warlord McBurgerKing said, "We're disappointed we didn't get to the final. But we made it this far, and we came within a few seconds of forcing The Inevitable Syndicate to a penalty shootout. If that had happened, who knows what would have happened. Nobody expected us, a Pot 3 team, to make it this far. Now we have a shot at third place. At the very worst, we will finish fourth. This is one of the best sporting performances in Gregoryisgodistan history, no matter what happens tomorrow night. I'm proud of this team."

Needless to say, Grammar Enforcement Officer ZZNNKUMBYA will not be available off the bench due to being suspended for the red card. The World Cup Committee elected to suspend him for an additional game beyond the one normally reserved for red cards for "violating the integrity of the game," so he will miss the first qualifier for World Cup 69 as well. He will be eligible to participate in the Campeonato Esportiva because WCC suspensions do not carry over to regional competition.

[The Archregimancy]

To: The Inevitable Football Association
From: The Monastic Football Association
Subject: Final Venue

Dear The Inevitable Football Association

Thank you for your recent letter regarding the location of the Cup of Harmony Final.

As you note, we have been refusing of late to play our matches in Kazamatsuri due to the recent outbreak of dangerous and threatening natural disasters. Both our quarterfinal against Ko-oren and our semifinal against Farfadillis were played in the Imperial Hippodrome in the Holy Empire, though in the latter case we had to agree to give young Miss Miranda a year's supply of grape-flavoured bubblegum and a complete run of popular Starblaydi animated series My Ickle Horsie (apparently popular in some Ordinary Reality nations within a strange male subculture called 'brostallions' that we don't claim to understand) before she consented to move the match.

However, your request to move the final from Kinitaria to the Dreamed Realm presents us with more of a moral quandry, and - with regret - we must decline your well-intentioned but ultimately misguided offer.

The reasons for this are complex, and you may not agree with all of them, but I would assure you on behalf of the entire Monastic Football Association that they do not relate to the profound theological differences between our two nations - differences which you are honest enough to acknowledge openly. Indeed, we are delighted that you recently defeated the nation of Gregoryisgodistan, a nation whose megalomaniacal and pathologically sadistic leader rather puts our own theological differences in the shade, in the other semifinal. Better that we face a sane nation - even if they are officially God-denying atheists - rather than a nation led by an individual who believes himself to be a deity, and who seems to take pleasure out of killing his own citizens as painfully and unpleasantly as possible.

No, the reasons why we must refuse your offer - with regret - are as follows:

1) While we disapprove of holding the final in a nation undergoing an apparently violent political revolution, and whose government is led by militant atheist communists, at least the actions of this government are not threatening the entire fabric of their nation's reality. This will not be the first time WCC-sanctioned events have been held in unstable and/or violent nations, and the Archregimancy has previously had the displeasure of playing in such nations as Casari, Northern Bettia, and others. There is a key difference between an unstable political environment and an unstable reality, and the former is not enough of a reason in our minds to relocate the final.

2) Despite the militant atheism of the Kinitarian government, they have at no point threatened the Archregimancy's national team or the Monastic Football Association. This is in sharp contrast to Kazamatsuri, where certain individuals directly threatened us with unspecified action when we dared to expose one of their so-called deities' true character as a false nature demoness who was threatening her own reality in a vainglorious attempt to massage her own ego. We note your own problems regarding the cancellation of fan visas in Kinitaria, but straining your national transport system is not, we respectfully posit, in quite the same league of threat as potentially destroying an entire reality, and then threatening those who expose that unpalatable truth.

We would further note that your letter seems designed to flatter citizens of the Holy Empire rather than citizens of the Archregimancy. While an understandable error for mundies, we assure you that the Monastic Republic is a wholly separate self-governing entity, and that our lives of contemplative hesychastic prayer and the constant search for theosis mean that we pay little attention to issues involving the Atlantian Oceania Cartographic Institute or playing football matches against ethereal gas-clouds that change colour based on their mood. We are simple men of God.

We recognise that this letter will likely come as a disappointment to you, but we hope the final can still be played in something approaching a spirit of mutual respect. Having come this far in the tournament - to a stage where it would be pointless to try and go home early since we're forced to play in the final match anyway - we have decided to bow to God's mysterious and impenetrable will, and actually play to the best of our abilities.

Yours in Christ,

Fr. Alexander the Worldly +
MFA Diplomatic Liaison

[Kazamatsuri]

Cup of Harmony 60 - 3rd place match (Bronze medal match)

Farfadillis 2-1 Gregoryisgodistan
@ Sekine Memorial Stadium, Kizuna, Kazamatsuri

[Kinitaria]

Here it is, the moment you've all been waiting for...

Cup of Harmony 60 Final

The Archregimancy 1-0 The Inevitable Syndicate
@ Central Stadium, Mi'ato

Congratulations to the Monks, who carry off the Cup of Harmony trophy back to the Dreamed Realm! As for the Syndicate, well, better luck next time.

As my last act as co-host of this Cup of Harmony, I'd like to thank all the participants who have made this tournament a pleasure to host and their RPs a pleasure to read. Thanks also to my co-host, who performed a fantastic maiden WCC hosting job, and to the community who trusted us to deliver this tournament.

[The Archregimancy]

OOC: I stress the following is IC RP only. I am not seriously protesting against the hosts of a tournament I OOC'ly enjoyed, and I still expect to see official lists of CoH winners list the Archregimancy as the winners of CoH 60 (though perhaps with an asterix for "tournament win IC'ly declined")

Dear World Cup Committee,

Please find enclosed what remains of the trophy commemorating our 'victory' in Cup of Harmony 60, which we cannot accept.

We are so disgusted by your choice of hosts for this tournament, particularly by the outrageous threatening and (mundy) life-threatening behaviour of certain entities in Kazamatsuri, that we feel we must return the trophy rather than suggest that we in any way condone the choice of hosts by accepting it.

You will note that we have melted the trophy down into 30 pieces of silver. This is partially so you cannot award it to another nation following our refusal of the trophy. But it is of course the same fee received by Judas Iscariot for his betrayal of Jesus Christ, and one now universally recognised in popular culture as a symbol of what we believe is colloquially referred to as "selling out". Whether you choose to use it to purchase your own Field of Blood is your own decision.

We would, however, note that our preference is that it be donated to the poor; or perhaps to an orphanage.

Yours in disgusted outrage,

The Monastic Football Association