Cup of Harmony 60: Everything Thread

by **Zwangzug** » Wed Apr 23, 2014 10:38 am

Zwangzug had never lost a knockout match in the Cup of Harmony. Apparently, they weren't about to start in the Kratochvil era.

Adrian Smith had gotten the Bustards on the board, and despite Tullio's equalizer, Philipe Andro scored on seventy minutes to win the match for The Sarian. Not that it did them much good; they would have had to score even more to progress. Zwangzug, having no particular quarrel with their opposition, couldn't even enjoy the spite of dragging them down as well. If they were scoreboard-watching, it was only in the hope that they wouldn't be the worst team in the tournament. Even this hope was in vain.

Yet there was nothing to do but to watch the scoreboards, to admire some vestige of ability in the other teams when their own talent had deserted them. "Those Schiavones better make the all-tournament team," said Davi. "They don't have anybody!"

"They have, like, one player," said Nirav.

"Yeah, but she's from the Equestrian States, she's, you know, a..."

"What?"

"A goalkeeper," Davi sighed.

"Equestrian States?" Shula asked.

"Think so. Not following it, really," said Nirav.

"Huh. I didn't know they were still into that kind of thing. After the last one fell through."

"Did anyone really miss it, though?" asked Davi. "I mean, Vipin was supposedly one of the best defenders in the world, and he didn't even want to be there."

"You're just jealous that you didn't get to sign up," said Nirav.

"Doesn't matter," Davi shrugged. He probably had, indeed, been a better player than Vipin at the time. With defenders in short supply, though, nobody had made his case. The past was the past, and he was either magnanimous enough to put it aside and/or unwilling to give Nirav the satisfaction of looking correct.

Zwangzug were packing up, ready to put the tournament behind them. But then, Arlo burst into the room. His eyes cast about wildly before landing on Sara, and he sputtered, "Martina's gone."

"What?" Sara asked.

"You haven't heard from her? I thought she'd be with you?"

"When? No, I didn't--"

"She just told me there was something she had to do, there were things more important than football, and maybe she'd see me back in the FTC. I figured you'd know."

"Idiot. Not you, her..." Sara swore. "I have no idea. I haven't heard anything."

"Well, what do we do? And if coach says 'get the bleep out of here'--"

"Do you have any better ideas?"

No one spoke. It was impossible to believe anything could have happen to Martina--she belonged with them, she should have been first to shrug off the loss. Or maybe she should have been inconsolable, refusing to claim anything was more important than football and the disappointing team, inspiring them to be mature and deal with defeat whether she meant to or not.

But then, she would never have contented herself or her country with false modesty. All along, she'd said, Zwangzug didn't deserve to shrink back. If other countries had diacritics or odd dialects, they could too. If other players could score exciting late goals, her domestic clubmate could too. They knew she would not have stood aside just because dramatically making a stand was for other, bolder countries. If other players could take the risks of speaking out, never mind the threat of retaliation--never considering the risk of merely looking melodramatic, as if that was worse--then Martina would claim every right to do the same.

"There's a way," Shula whispered. "I can't promise anything, but there's a chance."

"What?" said Sara.

"Vipin."

"What about him? He's not here, he can't help."

"Davi's right. He never nominated himself." In spite of herself, she found herself smiling. "I did."

Cup of Harmony XI Nomination
Name: Martina Ruan
Team: Zwangzug
Position: Attacking midfielder (right)
Statistics: Playing in fifth World Cup cycle, third Cup of Harmony. Became regular starter in second CoH. Has scored 16 goals for national team.
Caps: Wears both FTC Mustangs and FTC Zombies caps, even owns some hats with earlier logos in the history of the Zombies franchise.
Domestic club: FTC United. Best finish: fourth in domestic league. Has played for the "Oxen" in two whole UICA matches, team lost on away goals.
Demographic information: Female, human. Ethnically mixed Ianix/Peridune. Linguistically competent in Descriptive English, also other weird Zwangzug dialects that probably won't help her communicate with potential teammates but also probably won't help her communicate with anyone else in Kinitaria, so there's that.
Achievements this tournament: Captained side to abject worst finish in entire field.
Off-field activities this tournament: Absolutely none to speak of whatsoever.
Is the nominee one of the most respected players in the multiverse: Almost certainly not.
Does the nominee have any skills to show off: Probably not, but then, left to her own devices off the field she certainly has no skills to show off either and will definitely not be making a scene.
Supporting documentation: We feel empowered to send this along, given that the limited and judicious Kinitar government has no reason to be closely monitoring the dialogues of our players and thus, it would be ridiculous to expect them to already know this. 1, 2

by **Apox** » Wed Apr 23, 2014 10:45 am

Forged in Fire - Part Eighteen

Three months had passed since the rewriting of Apox, and that meeting, but finally a resolution had been reached, and the new Apox, shattered and broken but still together, could carry on. Jack Greybold had been instrumental in the process, and despite the fact that he’d, in effect shattered Apox and been the leader through civil war, his handling of the situation had been fantastic and his approval ratings had risen overall.

And so it was that Jack Greybold was stood outside the steps of Government House, with a large crowd gathered in the square outside, his speech being broadcast all over the nation. While he had had to make important speeches before, this was on a different scale. He was an active part of history here, one of the key parts. He would be remembered for how this entire affair worked out.

An aide was standing with him just inside the large doors to government house, waiting for the signal from the assorted TV crews and security members. Time passed slowly, Jack savoured the moment.

Suddenly there was action as the aide turned to him, simply saying:

“You’re up sir.” Jack nodded, and pushed the doors open, striding out to the stand in front of the assembled crowd. They roared, unnervingly loudly for Jack’s personal taste, but he managed to get over it. He held up his hands for silence, and, after what seemed like an age, he got it. He paused, letting the silence sink in across the gathered masses.

“People of Apox! Today marks one of the defining moments in our history. Today marks the day where we can celebrate in the fact that we have pulled our nation back, back from the precipice of anarchy and safe democracy in our proud land.” He paused to breathe, but they were already cheering again. The cheers died down.

“Today marks the first day in which a devolved, but still united Apox emerges back onto the world scene, ready to regain our place as a regional superpower. The devolved counties will experience freedom like never before, but we will still remain centrally governed in some areas, in the military, in foreign relations, in big business and the economy. However, the days of the all powerful central government are over, we are ushering in a new age!” Another roar from the crowd, and as it was dying down Jack started again.

“It is now you, the people, it is your responsibility to keep Apox heading in the right direction. The leaders in the counties must work together with the government here in Dwile and with the citizens of this country to usher in a new age of prosperity. We’ve come this far, we’ve got through the hardest times. Now we must work together to maintain this level and use it as a good springboard for the future! Thank you Apox!”

He walked off the stage to the sound of applause, briefly turning and raising his arms in recognition of the crowd’s applause, before heading back inside Government House. While it felt like a victory for Jack and the government, the hard work was only just beginning.

Fin

OOC: Well, it would appear that that's it for this RP line. If there's anyone who's been reading this mighty tome I seem to have compiled, I hope you've enjoyed it and thank you very much for reading!

by **Ko-oren** » Wed Apr 23, 2014 12:27 pm

Comeback

The Dragonflies secured a 1-0 win over Armakistan to get something much more important: a spot in the final 16 of the Cup of Harmony. It was an uphill battle to get here, even though most expected a walk in the park. After two miracle wins by the 'small' teams in the group, both Ko-oren and New Montreal States were looking at a 3-point gap between the established teams and the newcomers... with the newcomers in the lead. A 3-0 victory over the Paladins saw the Greenblues move up to third, just one point off of both Armakistan and HopNation. And that was the situation before the third matchday.

The Dragonflies took on Armakistan in a winner-takes-it-all game. A draw could go either way: Ko-oren and Armakistan could both qualify with HopNation screwing up against New Montreal States. To get that result out of the way: it was 1-1. Which meant that we had to win or face elimination. With that in mind, the 11 heroes entered Midori-no-kaze, with its cover back in place, and hopefully the earthquakes and storms would hold off for 2 hours. There was no cloud in sight as the two teams lined up for the national anthems, and the game started soon after.

The Armakistanis got the game under way, and immediately they noticed that they would have a hard time scoring tonight. So far, their offense managed to find the net in every single official game (!) and we are proud to be the first to withstand them. Who can blame them? They lost their head coach to the disasters that had been striking Kazamatsuri, and it is only natural that the team was struggling to focus on football. From the first minute the opponents looked tired and they seemed happy that they conceded only one goal after 90 minutes. Terathu was the excecutioner after 64 minutes, when Talmis found him in the box, with no defender nearby. The defender who could have been there to stop Terathu was Bell, who was so out of it he received a stupid red card after two minutes, which effectively cost his team a final 16 spot. Eregrent had to be taken off, but he was replaced by Bohanan, who made his first appearance for the national team (other than Market Cup appearances).

The deception for the Baptism of Fire bronze medal winners was complete now. They missed qualification for the World Cup after playoffs, but this would be their Cup of Harmony. An upset, a draw and they looked to go to the knockouts. But we spoilt it by jumping from third to first in one day. While HopNation deserves their second place after beating us, we can only hope that the Armakistanis are back next cycle, stronger than ever.

In the Round of 16, we see many teams that would not have been out of place in the World Cup Round of 16: Taeshan taking on the Archregimancy (whose winner will take on us or Astograth), Farfadillis (who will play HopNation), the Equestrian States, Apox, Kinitaria, the Inevitable Syndicate... of which none failed in the group stage. Except for Zwangzug, who won their World Cup qualification group, and now leave the Cup of Harmony with three losses.

Our team has not been looking good under pressure lately: both playoffs, the first Cup of Harmony game against HopNation. Several media have called the Dragonflies title contenders, and we just have to see whether the team is up to the task. With several new players, we can't say we have the quality to win the final, but it is always nice to know that other teams are as afraid of us as we are afraid of them.

Astograth is next, a team that we know virtually nothing about. Sure, we have played them in World Cup 58 (at least, its qualification) and we lost 8-3 altogether, but we have not really heard a lot about them recently. As for the Cup of Harmony, the team has been in hiding from the natural disasters, so we have yet to catch a glimpse of them. Their roster could be outdated, but judging from the list they submitted around the start of the qualification for World Cup 68, we have to look out for Arizmande, the team's natural leader, Ogara, the surprise on midfield, and both strikers, who perfectly complement each other. But beware: none of these players might actually have played in the Cup so far.

by **Brenecia** » Wed Apr 23, 2014 6:13 pm

http://www.patriotsown.net.bre/apox_coh
ON THE ROAD - PATRIOTS vs APOX

Morning lads, and have I got a report for you?!

Yeah. Yeah I do, that's sort of my job, innit?

So Brenecia, largely to the surprise of everyone, went into the last matchday needing precisely nothing. This, most reflected, was useful, given as our last match was against top seed Apox. Draw would be nice, though. Lineup released to Twitter as we're waiting in the stands - couple players being rested, but one of them's Bowyer so I'm not really concerned. Then again so's Chenoweth, so fuck it, we're all bricking. The Apoxian lineup is comparatively terrifying, but it was always gonna be, so nothing's really out of the ordinary. It's kind of flattering that properly good teams feel like they have to pull out their best to deal with us now.

The game starts slowly, which is good for us on account of it's time Tregajorran isn't spending jumping up and down on us - though the couple of times the ball is pelted long to him, Greig and Mortlock have just crowded him out of the game. Dimir and Quillisi are struggling, too, despite their brilliant names. The Patriot fans are starting to think that maybe we're getting the better of that match, and then after an Apox attack ends in a shot from Aurora that goes directly into Connell's chest, Connell fucking hoofs it in a brilliant nuanced bit of counter-attacking play (this is a lie) and Belco gets on the end of it, looks up, sees Bryson in a position to go one-on-two with the goalkeeper and last defender and fucking hell that's a gash lob and Etezadi belts it back up to our end of the pitch and that could be our only chance of the match.

It becomes clear we'll need another soon afterwards. Quillisi finally slips Carla Guilder properly and slides a superb pass to Redwood, his first meaningful touch of the game. Chartreuse sticks out a leg to intercept the pass and misses. Redwood flicks it to Tregajorran on the edge of the box who passes it back and he's past the back four and fuuuuck Redwood's slid it under Connell, we're 1-0 down from a move requiring more technique than our entire team even possesses.

Then again, our squad fights back a little - which is bloody fortunate. Snowden catches a long pass on his chest and knocks it past Hatem, slightly overcooks his touch but manages to cross the ball just before it crosses the line. Belconnen does get to it, but under pressure from Etezadi the header is fucking skied and hits a young child five seats across from me. Belco does at least look apologetic.

Sadly, Apox is evidently outraged by a small child falling the fuck over and they sodding score again, on the break too - once again it's on the left we're vulnerable because Spitfire's kind of shit defensively and Chartreuse is just kind of shit, and it's Lerryn with a cross to Tregajorran - headed hard but straight at Connell, who can't keep her hands on it. Greig scrambles it away, but Aurora cuts into the box and sweeps the ball into the net. Christ. Half-time whistle blows soon after.

So we're relying on Brenecia, a defensive team, to score twice in a half against Apox, who are, uh... a better defensive team. Hopes aren't high, which is about the time when the "WHO DO WE SING FOR/WE SING FOR PATRIOTS" chant gets trotted out - the universal sign of desperation. We do at least have about sixteen seperate drummers, which must've been interesting going through customs. The Patriots respond when Snowden, again, combines with Allbeck on the wing to lash in a beautiful cross. Bryson hits it first time and fucking hell, she skies it too. I stop singing "We sing for patriots" and start singing "SHOOT LOWER YOU CUNTS" which the players respond to less favourably. Apox knows how to shoot lower, it turns out, and Aurora nearly gets on the scoresheet again but Connell gets down well to smother the shot.

It's about now that the Brenecian fans know we're fucked, and then someone looks at the results of the other games and TIS are 2-1 up against Kalumba which means they top the group unless they concede two goals. Brenecia has a fine record against TIS, having played and lost three times, scoring once and conceding nine, and I don't think we can expect mercy just because we wear basically the same kits. Particularly if we trot out a performance like this one, where we're trying very hard and putting up a brilliant fight and are sadly let down by not being very good at actually shooting. I feel a bit more confident when Bryson lashes a ball in on goal from a promising position which Seabrooke does pretty well to save, then I feel less confident when I realise that's our first shot on target. And sod it, the rest of the match is just depressing because our finishing is terrible and we aren't making enough chances to squander any of them, let alone all of them. And Apox nearly make it three but Connell makes a tidy save to put Lerryn's shot over the bar, but it's just not changing. We're through to the second round. And against our next opponents? We're up against it.

See you next week. God willing, the week after. Realistically? Looking forward to heading home.

by **Jeru FC** » Thu Apr 24, 2014 12:24 am

Jeruselem Government News

Jeru FC will exist for now

The rumours around Jeru FC not existing beyond World Cup 68 are wrong. The Jeruselem FA have said Jeru FC will exist to World Cup 69. The future of the current team however is uncertain and most likely, there will be a new Jeru FC team which will look nothing like the old one. Due to some cost cutting measures, the current coach will be offered his job back since getting a new coach will mean the new coach will demand a higher renumeration package.

Current Jeruselem coach Princess Melody will move on and her position is being offered up to interested parties in Jeruselem. Melody will move into the Jeruselem FA in a important position. She isn't interested in managing Jeru FC for a 2nd time.

by **Kazamatsuri** » Thu Apr 24, 2014 4:32 am

Missive of the Celestial Empire

Divine Scribe
Sumizome-no-Inari-no-Kami - 墨染之稲荷神

An Open Letter to the Monastic Football Association

Sincere greetings from the Celestial Empire.

The Celestial Empire has always prided itself on its multiversal network of reliable informers; from the towering castles of Astograth to the football stadii of Zenic, our people are always on the lookout for information, mundane or otherwise; every single scrap goes into our Deity of Information Isshiki-no-Uka. I won't bore you to tears with the standard spiel on Celestial data collection, but I can exclusively reveal that the info is passed through the appropriate channels, and by some dodgy, screwy magic process, appears within the DoI's bladder in liquid form. While we appreciate Kirigiri-no-Mikoto, our liege, could have used a little more care - not to mention common sense and prudence - when devising this clearly ingenious and unique data collection method, rest assured that there is absolutely no cause for worry about our questionable data-collection methods - I can confirm that Uka is partial to regular bathroom breaks, and insists on taking one every two hours to relieve himself of his burden.

However, a few minutes ago (I am given to understand that a minute in the Celestial Empire equates to a day in the Mundane Planes) I was alerted to an unprecedented and thoroughly alarming happening - apparently our main data vat (which is to say, the DoI) has developed a serious leakage. Several panicked screams, full-throated bellows and a lot of broken ceramic data vats later, upon detailed inspection by the relevant authorities (namely Isshiki-no-Shinka, who is the only one amongst the Celestial Beings who can stand the stench of her brother's highly concentrated excrement), a severe case of infection was discovered, and said infection was subsequently discovered to have originated from a batch of particularly corrupted data originating from the Monastic Football Association. Kirigiri-no-Mikoto, thoroughly alarmed by the crisis on her hands, immediately ordered a Celestial Inquiry team to be dispatched to the Mundane Planes to discover the root source of said data.

A speedy sweep of all data originating from the Monastic Football Association later, our specialist team unearthed a press statement issued in the past Mundane Planes day that was confirmed to be the cause of the infection. Due to the DoI's unfortunate and excruciating malfunction, the corrupted data was manually deciphered by yours truly. A copy of the data was presented to Kirigiri-no-Mikoto herself for perusal at her leisure, a second copy made for analysis by our Data Department, and one last copy made available to the Celestial public.

I myself took time out from my hectic schedule to peruse the public copy, and was shocked and surprised at the unprofessional and thoroughly unfounded accusations made by the Monastic Football Association against my liege Kirigiri-no-Mikoto. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that my liege had put in an advance booking for Kazamatsuri to serve as her private playground in the duration of the Cup of Harmony 60, I would have put in a personal recommendation that the Kazamatsurian FA immediately evict the Archregimancy's team from their assigned lodgings and deport them to the Dreamed Realm through the use of an alternative transdimensional portal constructed by our Deity of Sorcery (DoS), or as inhabitants of the Mundane Plane are apt to put it, 'remove monks from premises. You are worst monk.' Apologies for the unbecoming language - but it should be noted that the standard of mundane language has been down the drain since the mid 18th century. I could find no better manner to express my outrage at the Monastic Football Association.

However, in the interest of transparency, my liege has ordered me to clarify the circumstances surrounding the Kazamatsurian 'crisis' through this open letter. I am loathe to explain the actions of Kirigiri-no-Mikoto and the Celestial Court to befuddled mortals and self-important monks, but I have sworn to obey my liege, and thus I am writing this letter to do so, with a healthy helping of disgust and scorn on the side. I apologise in advance for my snark, which will no doubt make several unwelcome cameos in the three paragraphs immediately following this.

Firstly, we reject the notion that Kazamatsuri is 'ill-suited' to host the Cup of Harmony 60. We fail to see the rationale behind your insinuations that a mere thunderstorm or two would render a dominion of the Celestial Empire - which falls under the protection of Kirigiri-no-Mikoto and her Celestial Court, might I add - unable to host a prestigious footballing competition devoted to orderly harmony. Rubble and debris scattered around Kazamatsuri can hardly serve as an impediment to movement given our celestial powers - in fact, only this morning I took a stroll through the ruins of Yuigahama and was pleasantly surprised at the wondrous sight of a bronze statue dedicated to my liege without a single scratch on it.

It is with regret that I must inform you that your second point as to the nature of Kirigiri-no-Mikoto's divinity is, in mundane profanity, bollocks of the highest order. If you had cared enough about obtaining correct factual evidence and accordingly submitted a request for information to our Archives Department, the Deity of Information Storage (which is, coincidentally, the previously mentioned Isshiki-no-Shinka), I do not doubt that she would have been ecstatic in anticipation of correcting any misconceptions regarding our liege and dispatched the relevant information scrolls to the Archregimancy. At any rate, you would have been made aware that Kirigiri-no-Mikoto can trace her lineage back to the original Kiseki-no-michi Deity of Creation - Kirigiri-no-Tera herself. It is now evident, however, that the Monastic Football Association has got its priorities wrong - you should have put genealogical research before Irresponsible Accusations 101. I would recommend the author of the press release in question resign his billet with immediate effect in order to take remedial classes in genealogy here in the Celestial Empire. I must reiterate that Kirigiri-no-Mikoto is by no means 'some sort of jumped-up nature demon' or 'demonic spirit' as you suggest, and we in the Celestial Empire would take offence should you fail to retract your statements upon receipt of this open letter.

Thirdly, it is exceedingly regrettable that the Archregimancy's knowledge of deities and transdimensional multiple realities does not extend to the arcane magic of the Celestial Empire. We singularly reject your claim that there is only 'one true God'; the very fact that the Celestial Empire has seen the rise and fall of a veritable pantheon of deities is a solid refutation to that. You also make the suggestion that Kirigiri-no-Mikoto is 'not worthy of Ordinary Reality worship' - however, the holy scriptures of Kiseki-no-michi clearly state that the kami derive their power from their zealous worshippers residing in your so-called 'Ordinary Reality'. To put it in mathematical terms, the divine power of a Celestial Being is directly proportional to the number of worshippers said Celestial Being possesses in the Mundane Planes. In addition, we are of the opinion that the residents of the Dreamed Realm - whose populace is apparently solely composed of armchair specialists in deities and multiple realities - are hardly qualified to comment upon the transdimensional copying of Kazamatsuri, seeing as they have already failed spectacularly in their futile attempt to unravel the mysteries of the Celestial Empire. We have been reliably informed by the DoS that the incantation required to finalise the transdimensional copy is by no means volatile nor dangerous, requiring only the blood of an evil ayakashi and the pelt of a baby kitsune youkai. Irrational fearmongering from the Monastic Football Association notwithstanding, there has been no divine complaints of any sort registered with the Celestial Empire, and as such I am forced to conclude that the Monastic Republic is engaging in an evil scheme to blacken the name of Kirigiri-no-Mikoto - or as the 'mundies' would call it, a smear campaign.

It would be advisable for the Monastic Football Association to cease and desist, failing which decisive action will be taken to halt these blatantly outrageous and abominable accusations levelled against the Celestial Empire and its divine ruler, Kirigiri-no-Mikoto-Oomikami.

I remain, yours in divinity,

Sumizome-no-Inari-no-Kami
Divine Scribe
The Celestial Empire

by **Kazamatsuri** » Thu Apr 24, 2014 4:33 am

What kind of a name is Mailman 912JZNSUDU anyway?

That was the single thought running riot in his mind as he stood in the sterile, lifeless office within the deep bowels of Kizuna International Airport, staring at the mess of documents that had been put in front of him by a buffed-up immigration officer who looked like he snapped trees in half for fun. It wouldn't have surprised him if the man turned out to be a bouncer at some shady club by night.

He rubbed his eyes; he slapped his cheeks, with a vigorousness borne of hope and expectation, before refocusing his mind, concentrating on the job at hand.

He had a ballpoint pen in his hand. It was an ordinary, cheap pen; the type which would dry up if you dropped it once too often. He had seen many an address hastily scribbled on an envelope with this type of pen, in an inevitably shaky hand that betrayed fear, alarm and trepidation. Every single time he pushed his twice-broken spectacles up the bridge of his nose and squinted at a letter, trying in vain to make out the illegible squiggles that was meant to be an address, a surge of depression would attack him.

This time, as he stared at the ballpoint pen in his grasp, he did not feel depression nor fear. Instead, he felt the faint stirrings of hope pulling at his heart; at that moment, he could have been a little green shoot poking its head through the soil, or perhaps a kitten, tentatively venturing into the world for the first time.

He was cognisant of the fact that his life was about to change - perhaps irreversibly. Whether it was for the good or for the bad, he could not say.

Lord Almighty Gregory? Psh; he hadn't known any of the people crushed beneath the iron fist of the self-proclaimed deity to be truly loyal to the tyrant. The many horrific practices of Lord Almighty Gregory terrified him and his family, whether it be the bloody executions or the terrible punishments handed out seemingly on his whims.

If one took as much as a step out of line, one would die. Without exception. And if one wanted to survive in that hellhole of a country, one had to live by the tyrant's rules. Thanks to Lord Almighty Gregory, he had never enjoyed a good night's sleep in his life - crawling out of bed at odd hours in the night for compulsory worship had become a daily ritual. Thanks to Lord Almighty Gregory, his nerves were frayed, 24/7 - he never knew when a shrine inspection agent would drop in for a surprise visit. He had had to keep hot water on the boil and instant coffee at the ready for the last 20 years of his miserable existence thanks to the frankly farcical law that mandated Gregorysigodistanis to serve coffee to a shrine inspection agent within 5 seconds of his arrival on the premises.

Not that he had been courageous enough to stand up against Lord Almighty Gregory's tyranny. He had kept his head down, tried to make himself less visible, so as to avoid being accused of committing the myriad offences found in Gregoryisgodistani law. In the end, he had ended up a shell of the real him - vacant eyes, preprogrammed mind, rigidly fixed daily routines, going about his business without fuss or bother - in order to survive.

Human instinct. An instinct triggered under harsh conditions to avert danger and maximise the chances of survival. Deep within his mind, he was able to mentally dissect the living hell he found himself trapped within, he was able to analyse the situation, and he arrived at a logical, rational conclusion - keeping out of sight was the best way to ensure his own survival.

He found himself unconsciously crushing the ballpoint pen - although he had never been of great strength, the pen was even now yielding under his grip, threatening to break and splinter into a thousand pieces.

A split second later, the pen disintegrated under the tremendous force. The blue-black ink contained within splattered his purple, prune-juice stained attire; his hands were immediately covered in the sticky substance. Coming out of his reverie, he furiously wiped his hands on his clothes; they weren't going to be of use to him. Not anymore.

The burly immigration official whipped around from his cabinet of files at the cracking sound. A few seconds passed in pregnant silence before the situation registered with the man; he cursed silently under his breath and made an obscene gesture. Walking over to a cabinet in the corner of the room, he rummaged around for a while before retrieving a roll of toilet paper, which he hurled at the clueless Gregoryisgodistani immigrant.

Instinctively, he reached out a hand; he caught the roll of toilet paper mid-flight and proceeded to tear off a generous piece, feverishly scrubbing his palms, trying to remove the ink stains from his calloused hands.

Oh, he had been a Lord Gregory loyalist in the past. Like most Gregoryisgodistanis were raised to be. A generous helping of indoctrination and propaganda - not to mention questionable substances slipped into one's gruel and prune juice rations - generally has a salutary brainwashing effect on most human beings.

Reflecting on it now, he realised that he had been deaf; he had been mute; he had been blind.

He, like so many others, had fallen into the false deity's clutches from the very second of his birth. Singing the national anthem - which was effectively a song of worship - every hour on the hour; spending the sixteenth of June together with his family wrapping gifts in preparation for Lord Almighty Gregory's birthday; happily wolfing down the double gruel and prune juice rations with his siblings on New Year's Day. He had attended the public executions with unbridled glee, wishing for Lord Almighty Gregory to strike the unbelievers down with his divine powers.

That never happened; all he got was the military tying the screaming 'criminals' down and cutting into them with razor-sharp blades. After several strokes of the blade, they would be decapitated - and their heads made into the deadly bomb that would end their families' lives. He gradually became disillusioned; eventually, as he matured, he felt deceived.

If Lord Almighty Gregory was really, truly a deity, why was there no evidence of his divine powers?

It was insignificant, but it was undeniably the catalyst of his doubts.

The seed had been sown; its life force only grew stronger with each passing day.

As the days and years flew by in a flash, he became conscious of the deception being perpetrated by the government, and by extension - the false deity himself. Despite himself, he had tried to suppress his suspicions and doubts - valiantly trying to conform, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible in the mill of Gregoryisgodistanis - and all the while doubting, doubting incessantly; wondering, wondering about the other nations out there in the multiverse.

Was Costa Luna really filled with numskulls and idiots? Were all Sanctii blasphemers and treasonous backstabbers?

His first exposure to the outside world came when he was appointed the assistant coach to the Foot Slaves. He had gotten a glimpse of the real word outside the borders of Gregoryisgodistan for the first time when the team had stopped in Kazamatsuri for a layoff en route to another Esportivan nation.

He saw, he observed; he heard, he listened. The mass of Kazamatsurians moving around the Gregoryisgodistani delegation; pointing and whispering. The language they spoke was all Greek to him; he did not understand a single word of the queer lingo being bandied about. He did catch a few English words sprinkled in their incessant jabbering - 'hen', 'creamy' and even that forbidden word, 'coconut', were among them.

He had tried to observe his travelling companions; tried to ascertain if they held the same guilty secrets as he. But his hopes were dashed. None of them showed any hint of interest in their cosmopolitan surroundings; all they did was huddle around waiting for their boarding announcement.

It was then that he steeled himself and made his decision.

I will escape from this false deity; I will escape from this godforsaken country. And I will take a new name and live my life the way I want it.

He got a grip of himself, refocused his sight on the papers lying on the table.

He reached for another pen and slowly, almost hesitantly, uncapped it, tracing the point on his palm.

The line of blue ink burned brightly in his vision as he brought the pen down on the papers, slowly tracing out the name he hated with a passion upon piece after piece of paper - 'Mailman 912JZNSUDU'.

And then he reached the column which he had deliberately left blank. He let his hand hover in uncertainty while his mind buzzed furiously.

The immigration official leaned over his desk and peered at the column.

"What name would you like to take?"

He flinched.

My very own name.

I'm going to have my very own name.

With a voice filled with emotion, he said - 'Anything will be fine.'

The official considered him with a beady eye for a moment.

"Very well, I'll run the RNG for you, see what you end up with."

He could only nod numbly as the official swung his laptop towards himself and began tapping on the keys.

As the man finished his typing with a flourish reminiscent of a conductor, the high-speed printer beside him beeped and spat out a piece of paper. On it were four Mikazukian characters; four characters that would be his name, his identity.

'Welcome to Kazamatsuri, Mitsumine Akira-san.'

by **The Archregimancy** » Thu Apr 24, 2014 7:07 am

To: The World Cup Committee

From: The Monastic Football Association

RE: A Formal Complaint Regarding the Current Cup of Harmony

Dear Sirs, Madams, and other genders and species,

On behalf of the entire Monastic Football Association, I would like to lodge a formal complaint against the decision to allow Kazamatsuri to co-host the Cup of Harmony, and would like to ask that hosting rights be immediately withdrawn.

Yes, I know - you're used to receiving formal complaints from various residents of the Archregimancy complaining of "anti-Orthodox conspiracies", heresies, plots, and all typically accompanied by a hefty side order of "is outrage!" and several quotations from Holy Scripture.

But despite the risk of being the monks who cried wolf, I would like to personally assure you that this complaint is different; indeed, substantive - and doesn't feature a single scriptural quotation anywhere.

We are now forced to conclude that the integrity of the entire competition is in serious danger, as well as the safety of the athletes. This isn't just a matter of the bribery scandals that are plaguing the hosts, nor of our deep theological differences with the hosts regarding the status of local nature demoness Kirigiri-no-Mikoto, but rather involves 1) the impact of the ongoing natural disasters on the actual football matches and 2) the increasingly belligerent tone of the co-hosts towards other tournament participants.

On point 1, we would note that the Archregimancy would have lost 2-0 to Albaie overnight but for two inopportune and poorly timed serious earth tremors that caused our opponents to score two own goals, injured their goalkeeper and at least 15 individuals in the crowd (fortunately all injuries were minor, and the opposing goalkeeper was able to continue, albeit with a bandaged head), and caused a 20 minute delay in the match as the cracked Albaie crossbar was replaced.

These continuing problems - which have impacted the entire tournament, not just the latter match - place the health and safety of all tournament participants in grave danger.

On point 2, I enclose a copy of a letter from "divine scribe" Sumizome-no-Inari-no-Kami. Quite apart from attempting to claim that there is no real risk to tournament participants from the ongoing natural disasters, it contains a series of threatening statements directed towards our governing association and football team, culminating in the statement that "decisive action will be taken to halt these blatantly outrageous and abominable accusations levelled against the Celestial Empire" should we not 'cease and desist' in our comments about the nature of Kirigiri-no-Mikoto's divinity.

While it is true that we have the deepest of theological differences with the co-hosts, this attempt to intimidate a visiting team's governing association and team into submissive silence is, in our experience, wholly unprecedented in World Cup history. Never have such crude threats been directed at the Archregimancy's football bodies, and it's not as if we've never disagreed with anyone over religious matters before.

We're from the Dreamed Realm, so it hardly matters to us; we can come and go as we choose, and there's nothing the local authorities, their 'gods', or the natural disasters caused by those entities can do to harm us.

But everyone else here?

They're mundies.

We would therefore ask that you take prompt action before someone gets seriously hurt here in Kazamatsuri.

Yours in Christ,

Fr. Alexander the Worldly +
MFA Diplomatic Liaison

by **The Inevitable Syndicate** » Thu Apr 24, 2014 3:57 pm

"Track two, two, six..."

The technicians had been waiting for this one. The camera feed for Keyhole Two had come back online, and many had rushed to see where abouts it was headed for next. Moreau had guessed it within a few hours, but didn't need to contact the required authorities. That's right, the satellite was headed for the lifeless radioactive wasteland of Sorthern Northland - More specifically, the desolate ruins of Beningrad. The technicians watched in awe as the expensive piece of technology fell, slowly, repositioning itself using what little fuel it had left. The institute was helpless to act, as their systems did nothing, and it wasn't long before the ground came ever closer, a thud could be felt, and the camera feed was lost.

"Oh well. We've still got four more! And they could go anywhere!" Moreau cried out, as one of the technicians sat with his head in his hands.

"What if they actually target us? What if the previous two were just test runs?"

A loud noise could be heard from one of the monitors. A lone technician scrambled to her feet, and ran over to see what it had to say.

"Keyhole Three - it's printing the thing!"

YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU CORVIDAE-LOVING SODS. THEY WERE TEST RUNS. THIS TIME, IT'S SERIOUS. I WAS THINKING - WHO DO YOU HATE THE MOST? THEN IT HIT ME. ANYONE WHO BLAMES YOUR FOR CRASHING A SATELLITE INTO A MONUMENT OF THEIRS! SO, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, FROM YOU! CHYRS!

"What does that mean? Is it headed for us?"

NO.

"Oh, thank god. Wait, does that mean they can hear us?"

The LED printer didn't respond.

Thomas wiped the sweat off his brow. "Search the area for bugs. Call security." his hands reached for his mobile phone, and he rapidly started dialling numbers as he sprinted out the room.

The rest of the technicians rifled through their desks, as the monitor feed of the satellite looming above the south of the region looped in the background. Papers were strewn across the room, chairs turned upside down, and three monitors were destroyed at random to see if they contained the bug. The results proved fruitless, but Thomas Moreau was spooked by the events too much to care. He grabbed a cup of coffee, retreated to his office, and sat with his head in his hands. He just couldn't figure out Ohm's motives. Why attack the Institute? Why commandeer the satellites? Why crash them in the locations they were planning? Something didn't add up. And it seemed the man had nobody to turn to for help. The SIA were washing their hands clean of everything nowadays, in the years they'd been gutted by Corvidae - Corvidae itself was spread too thin across the country and all the other countries they wanted to take to care, and it wasn't exactly as if Lex Crowley was ever seen in the flesh around the north. No, the man stuck to Fligsive, and Fligsive alone these days, as if all he cared about was keeping the capital city under control. It was almost as if the party had stripped this nation of it's resources in the four years they had been in command, and were now simply minding the husk of a defeated nation. Ohm wasn't helping things either, and many thought that they were just as bad as Corvidae themselves, with their anarchistic ideals.

Thomas sighed to himself. The whole situation was hurting his head. He'd never been a man of politics, and he didn't want to start now. He just wanted to go home, and for the whole thing to blow over...

by **Kinitaria** » Thu Apr 24, 2014 4:40 pm

A few muted boos ring out from the Central Stadium crowd, but the team aren't paying too much attention to that. Melody Pond and her squad were delighted with finishing top of their group and advancing to the second round of the Cup of Harmony, and so were most of the crowd, to their credit. It had been a scrappy game, and it was admittedly a little embarrassing to be turned over by Gregoryisgodistan, but that ultimately had no bearing on Kinitaria's position at the top of Group A.

It wasn't long before the news filtered through that they'd have to play Equestrian States in the second round, which came as no surprise to anyone, given that Jeru FC were all but guaranteed to top Group B before the day's matches even kicked off. It did mean that Melody Pond would continue to wait for her Kinitar side's first clash with her old team, which probably came as a relief to the manager - although, surely, if she carried on in this job long enough, she'd have to go head to head with her former employers at least once.

No doubt the criticism would come in the media. The team that had ran out to play Gregoryisgodistan was experimental, to use the word kindly, with six changes from the side that had steamrollered Ossidiacqua with little effort. One of those changes - Costica replaced by the precocious talent of Vilo Mulkanov - was enforced, Costica having been suspended for three games for striking an opponent in that match, but Telmar Brizi and Zemir Pavlov also picked up rare starts. Their lack of experience showed as Kinitaria's weakened defence was easily cut through.

A goal midway through the first half from Laredo Potato proved to be enough to settle the game, and it came in a manner exposing the frailties of the new-look home defence. It was Brizi who lost out, being caught far too casually on the edge of his own penalty area, and he was unable to recover before Potato opened the scoring. It was one of very few chances in a game which was a lot scrappier than Kinitaria are used to - but they had nothing to play for, and Gregoryisgodistan did, given that a defeat would have dumped them out of the competition.

It's very clichéd to say this, but in the end, Gregoryisgodistan wanted it more, and they came away with a deserved victory. Kinitaria were below par, and will have been hoping to get that performance out of their system before the clash with Equestrian States. The vast majority of the capacity crowd didn't seem to mind the defeat, in the circumstances - not even a mathematical miracle could have dislodged Melody Pond's side from top spot - and spent most of the game making up rude chants about Lord Almighty Gregory, the self-proclaimed ruler and God of Gregoryisgodistan. Admittedly, the visitors probably don't understand Kinitar, but it's the thought that counts.

Melody Pond, in her usual style, refused to get drawn into speculation about the forthcoming game - but indicated that she believes her side has the quality to topple the Ponies.

"We're here to win it," Pond told assembled media after the game. "We'd be top seeds by right even if we weren't hosting the competition. I don't think it's disrespectful to anyone to say that this tournament has been won by far worse teams than ourselves. What the Kinitar people need at the moment is a rallying point, and if we can provide that, well, that might well be our destiny, starting against the Equestrian States."

Most airports in the multiverse could have been designed by one architect. Presumably, he has a love of wide, open spaces, shiny surfaces, and pot plants. Yuigahama International Airport was no different. They seemed to be planning to extend it, given the huge and obvious building site at one end of it, but apparently that was not the case.

"No, Mr. Kucinič, we regret to say that it's actually a little embarrassing. We built that terminal, but then it... un-built itself."

"What do you mean, un-built itself?"

"Well, one morning there was a brand new terminal here, and over the course of the day, it disassembled itself, sorted itself out into huge pallets of building materials, and put its own scaffolding back up. So far, it has resisted all attempts at re-assembly."

"You mean to tell me that you're fighting a losing battle against an airport?"

"Yes, Mr. Kucinič. You have to understand that this sort of thing is, while not entirely unheard of, also very unusual for us."

Whose idea was it to bring me here again, Irin Kucinič found he was thinking bitterly to himself. It had all started innocently enough. The leader of Kinitaria should go on a state visit to Kazamatsuri in order to promote good relations between the two Cup of Harmony host nations. He'd been very much on board with that idea, especially after finding out that the government of Kazamatsuri wasn't one that would chastise so-called human rights abuses by his own government. Indeed, they seemed to have a lot of similar ideas to his own party, and so he'd been quite happy to agree to this trip.

His enthusiasm began waning when strange reports of natural disasters began to leak from Kazamatsuri. Kinitaria wasn't a country prone to natural disasters, but even so... nations on hazard lines had safeguards these days, didn't they? Reports of mashed potato dropping from the sky were dismissed as just plain silly, and reports of a malevolent creation deity were filed in the same category. Then came the warnings and the briefings. He had to be careful not to offend the religious sensibilities of the locals, right, that was fairly standard. But for them to demand that he stick to curfew and not go anywhere unsupervised? He was the leader of an emerging world superpower, for goodness sake, not some petulant little child!

"Yes, Mr. Kucinič, we are well aware of this," he had been told. "Our deities may not be, however, and they are vengeful at the best of times... and this is certainly not the best of times."

Deities - well, let them believe what they wanted to believe, Kucinič thought privately. The plane journey was a bit bumpier than he would have liked, especially the landing, but at least no-one was blaming it on the asphalt being sentient and openly hostile to humanity. Then came the customs checks, which he regarded as overly intrusive - they knew who he was! He'd flown in by private plane and they were expecting him!

"Can't be too careful with security," the border agent had told him, flashing him a smile. "I'm sure you will appreciate this attitude, considering the nature of security in your own country at the moment."

To that, Kucinič didn't even bother to respond. The next news to reach his ears was that the Kazamatsurian delegation that were to meet him had been delayed, because one of their cars had hit a shark on the way to the airport.

"A shark?" repeated the Premier, unable to do a lot else.

"Yes, a shark. Just materialised in front of them, by all accounts, they couldn't do a lot about it, but no-one's seriously hurt, and a replacement vehicle is on its way..." someone, probably a low-ranking Kazamatsurian official, had begun explaining to him. He was tuning out most of the explanation. Sharks materialising out of nowhere? What kind of country was this, where that information would be relayed to you so calmly? Obviously he showed it in his expression, because someone was trying to steer him over to a seat and offer him a glass of water. He refused, as politely as he could. He was now somewhat dubious about what might be living in the water around here.

Not too long afterwards, he'd met the Kazamatsurian delegation that he was supposed to be meeting, and had the auto-disassembling terminal explained to him. This wasn't the start he'd imagined to his first foreign visit since the whole crisis in his own country had started off. But, when he got out of the airport, things were pretty normal. Okay, pretty much every single building in the country had some sort of structural damage, but there were no sea creatures popping into existence, no vengeful deities to be seen. It did a lot to restore the Premier's confidence in the state of the nation, which had been shaken so early. Maybe he could easily work with the Kazamatsurian government after all. He was sure to be very complimentary of the fantastic work they'd done, such a fine nation, brilliant infrastructure - the things diplomats were supposed to say, in short.

As Kucinič's first day in Kazamatsuri drew to an end, there were two main thoughts floating around his mind. One was, I seriously hope the situation in Kinitaria has improved by the time I get back. To some extent, it had - the departure of the figurehead of the government seemed to create a little more confusion in the opposition ranks. Totally unintentional, but it provided him with something. The second was, why shouldn't I have a look around, and see what this country's really like? I'm a major leader, after all, and I've got a local guard - there'll be no problems getting out.

by **Equestrian States** » Thu Apr 24, 2014 5:11 pm

Cup of Harmony 60: Round of 16 Match Preview

Kinitaria vs. Equestrian States
at Central Stadium in Mi'ato, Kinitaria
Capacity: 76,000

Match Day 3 Results:

Equestrian States 1,

Chiata 0

Gregoryisgodistan 1,

Kinitaria 0

MI'ATO, Kinitaria - For just the third time ever, the Ponies have advanced to the final sixteen of the Cup of Harmony, and for the second time will face one of the host nations in this round of the competition.

The Equestrian States has never advanced past the second round in any World Cup Committee-sanctioned tournament, losing at this stage in both of their past appearances. In the Ponies' first ever Cup of Harmony, the Equestrians won their group for the first (and so far only) time, moving on to face a nation that later would earn much fame throughout the multiverse: Wight. The Equestrian States battled hard, seeking to overcome their highly-favored opposition, but ultimately were defeated by a narrow 4-3 margin.

Two years later, at the 53rd Cup of Harmony, the Ponies fought their way out of a challenging group that featured two historically-successful nations and one that would soon became successful to reach the second round. However, the draw did not go in the Equestrians' favor, and the Ponies were pitted against hosts Turori. In one of the most memorable matches in Equestrian hoofballing history, the equines forced the game into a penalty shootout despite intense pressure from the local supporters. Unfortunately, the Equestrian States once again fell short, losing by a lone penalty kick.

Now, here in Kinitaria, the Ponies will prepare meet the hosts on the battlefield at Central Stadium in front of a rowdy and hostile Mi'ato crowd, which is expected from these particular locals. Looking to match the Kinitar crazies from the stands will be the usual mixed-species band of Equestrian supporters that have thus far avoided any major incidents with local fans, though with the two teams going head-to-head in a high stakes game that seems unlikely to continue much longer.

The Teams:

#15 - Equestrian States
Cup of Harmony Appearance: 6th (Cup of Harmony 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 60)
Head Coach:

Twilight Striker
Group Stage: 2-0-1 (2nd in Group B)
Starting Players (3-5-2): Gentle Breeze (GK, #1); Flitter (DF, #3); Andrea Molovi (DF, #8); Brix Hamilton (DF, #24); Rainbow Blitz (MF, #9); Cloudchaser (MF, #2); Apple Jack (MF, #4); Krystal (MF, #32); Stardust (MF, #34); Fire Dash (FW, #10); Thunderlane (FW, #7); Full Roster

Overview
The Equestrian States is back in the second round of the Cup of Harmony for the first time in seven years, an absence prolonged by the Ponies' qualifying for four consecutive World Cups. However, not only have the Ponies returned, but they have returned among the favorites to win the tournament. Although the defeat to Jeru FC was immensely disappointing for both players and supporters, the Equestrian national team's performance in their opening match against reigning Baptism of Fire winners Zenic was arguably among their finest in recent years. Still, it's clear that the Ponies are still recovering from the blow of having their qualifying streak come to a sudden and unexpected end, and nobody really knows what to expect from them these days. One thing is for certain though: if Twilight Striker's squad plays at top form, there will be little the hosts will be able to do to stop them.

What to Watch For
So far we've seen pretty mixed performances from the Ponies, with the Equestrians sometimes looking like the world class team they are, and at other times seeming not much more than another mid-level squad. Some analysts have attributed this to the absence of key players with leadership positions within the team, such as retired goalkeeper High Soarin' and injured midfielder and long time vice-captain Starlight Sparkle. Thus supporters should expect to see some of the Ponies' other high-profile talents such as Cloudchaser, Rainbow Blitz, Flitter, and Thunderlane step up and cement themselves as the team's future leaders with most of the oldest current players for the Equestrians expected to retire from international competition in the next year or two. Elsewhere, if the situation allows for it, fans may see Twilight Striker give some of her teenage stars like Rumble, Krysia Bailey, or Apple Cobbler playing time.

Keys to Victory
As it stands, this should be an extremely tight match. Yes, the Equestrian States probably has the better team in terms of talent and experience, but with the Ponies' form struggling lately and the massive numerical advantage for the hosts' supporters in the stands, things look a lot more even than they might at a truly neutral venue. For the Equestrians, the key to winning the game will be to prevent their Kinitar opposition from taking control of the match early. Do that, and with the Ponies' typical dominance of the last 30-45 minutes of the game, earning a victory in regulation or forcing extra time should be considerably easier.

#21 - Kinitaria
Cup of Harmony Appearance: 6th (Cup of Harmony 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 60)
Head Coach:

Melody Pond
Group Stage: 2-0-1 (1st in Group A)
Starting Players (4-4-2): Semil Alčer (GK, #1); Birka Sulemcev (DF, #2); Ciprian Marin (DF, #3); David Topol (DF, #4); Tondro Shildir (DF, #5); Sergiu Vacarestič (MF, #6); Vilo Mulkanov (MF, #18); Malen Elkinič (MF, #8); Zenel Hailil (RW, #11); Virne Limcič (FW, #9); Navra Kulisev (FW, #10); Full Roster

Overview
Like their counterparts in the Equestrian States, Kinitaria's national team wasn't hoping to be competing here in the Cup of Harmony. Ranked just outside the top 20, the Kinitars were targeting a place in the finals that didn't end up materializing. However, Kinitaria looks to be playing more on form than the Ponies at the moment, with two wins in their first couple matches locking up a place in the second round, meaning a defeat at the hands of that one nation of extremists had no impact on the hosts' final position in the group table. Led by former Jeru FC skipper Melody Pony, Kinitaria has recently emerged as a team capable of challenging other top sides.

What to Watch For
One notable absentee from the usual Kinitar starting XI will be experienced midfielder Samuel Costica, who is serving a suspension. His replacement, Vilo Mulkanov, has struggled mightily this cycle after a breakout performance last year during Kinitaria's successful qualifying campaign. Though Mulkanov poses a significant threat in the midfield when playing at his best, the Kinitar wonderboy has not demonstrated that form recently. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your POV), this match against the Equestrian States will likely pose a significant challenge to Kinitaria's aspiring world class midfielder. The Ponies' midfield is widely considered among the best in international hoofball, and rarely do all five starters fail to perform. How Vilo Mulkanov matches up against proven stars like Rainbow Blitz and Cloudchaser may end up deciding the course of the game as a chink in the Kinitar armor will likely find itself tested by a merciless Equestrian assault.

Keys to Victory
As alluded to in the previous section, the midfield may end up being where the match is won or lost for either side, and the Kinitars are sure to be challenged by the talented and experienced Ponies' midfielders. Furthermore, as was mentioned in the Equestrian States "Keys to Victory", if the Ponies have the upper hand heading into the second half, the match may end very poorly for the hosts. If Melody Pond cannot exploit a slow start by the Equestrians, or if one does not happen, the Ponies will almost assuredly walk away victorious.

by **Kinitaria** » Thu Apr 24, 2014 5:26 pm

Round of 16: Kazamatsuri section

Taeshan 0–2 The Archregimancy
@ Sekine Memorial Stadium, Kizuna

Ko-oren 3–0 Astograth
@ Hexagon Park, Yuigahama

Kandorith 1–2 Kazamatsuri
@ Shiranao, Yuigahama

Farfadillis 1–0 HopNation
@ Tenshi Dome, Kizuna

Congratulations to the teams that have made it this far, but in 48 hours' time, their numbers will be halved once again. Here's the matchups for the quarter-finals:

The Archregimancy v. Ko-oren
@ Shiranao, Yuigahama

Kazamatsuri v. Farfadillis
@ Sylph Cube, Kizuna

by **Kazamatsuri** » Thu Apr 24, 2014 5:28 pm

Round of 16, Kinitar Section Results

Kinitaria 3-3 Equestrian States
3-3 after extra time; Kinitaria win 3-1 on penalties
@ Central Stadium, Mi'ato

The Inevitable Syndicate 1-0 Brenecia
@ Parc Četatii, Inovita

Jeru FC 0-0 Gregoryisgodistan
1-2 after extra time
@ Stadion Republikana, Serenberg

Apox 0-0 Kalumba
1-1 after extra time; Kalumba win 4-3 on penalties
@ Stadion "Irin Kucinič", Lorceag

Quarterfinal Matchups

Kinitaria versus The Inevitable Syndicate
@ Central Stadium, Mi'ato

Gregoryisgodistan versus Kalumba
@ Stadion Republikana, Serenberg

by **Schiavonia** » Thu Apr 24, 2014 5:58 pm

"So here we are then. Just ten minutes to go, and it looks as though Schiavonia are heading out of the Cup of Harmony. They are two-nil down to Ossidiacqua, in a game where Schiavonia have already used all three substitutions due to injury caused by crazy tackles from their opponents. How they still have a full complement of players is beyond me."

"..."

"Outrageous, I know. The standard of officials at this tournament has been pretty poor, with players making dangerous challenges and bizarre decisions aplenty. At least they aren't in Kazamatsuri, with all of the crazy natural disasters going on there. It's almost as though the nation is folding in on itself. Now that's crazy!"

"..."

"Probably crazier than when Schiavonia sank and we had to get a new island, yes."

"..."

"It has been an odd one. But at least the Sloths will go home with their heads held high after their victory against the Greg Army in their last game."

"..."

"Well, yes, they have been going home after every match to avoid the civil unrest here in Kinitaria. OK, maybe it would be better if I said they will leave their tournament with their heads held high and a sense of pride."

"..."

"Well, pride is considered a sin in many parts of the multiverse. But then there are parts of the multiverse where not bowing down to some guy called Greg is a sin, so I won't be worrying about that too much."

"How is that game going, anyway?"

"Kevin, for the last time, get back to writing down all that we say! That's what you're here for, remember?"

"But you can't hear the transcriber! You can't even call him that any more!"

"Why not?"

"Well, he's not transcribing any more! I am!"

"So what should we be calling him?"

"By his name!"

"Which is?"

"..."

"What!?!"

"..."

"Randy Dalton!?!"

"..."

"What do you mean, don't sound so surprised? It's an internationally renowned mixed drink."

"..."

"Yes, really! It's unsure whether it originated in Super-Llamaland or New Sideburn, but it is definitely a tequila and diet cola."

"..."

"Well, I know I wouldn't have one."

"Same here."

"Kev!"

"What?"

"Eighty-three percent of the audience surveyed preferred the trans... Randy to you. The least you can do is let him get on with his job."

"He's a mute commentator! How can he get on with his job?"

"Well, he might be a mute, but people still think that he's better than you are!"

"How?"

"Because he is."

"This hurts, you know, Jenny. It really hurts me."

"Kevin. You can do better. I heard your interview with Benny Sanderson."

"You did?"

"Yes. You did very well in that."

"But I... I didn't stick to the script."

"No you didn't. You did what all good reporters do. You asked the questions that needed to be asked."

"I did?"

"You did! Now, keep it up. Think positive."

"Positive..."

"And one day, you'll be a better commentator than someone who can't say anything."

"Really?"

"Maybe."

"That'll do me."

"Now, get back to your writing!"

"Will do!"

"So, where were we. Oh, Sloths are on the attack. A ball over the top for Blige, who runs onto this, squares it for Chester, GOOOOOAL!!! Charlotte Chester has a goal for the Sloths, and this one might not be over! We could be coming back to Kinitaria for more!"

"..."

"It was a great ball from Benny Sanderson, justifying the fact that he tried to put himself forward for a place in the Cup of Harmony All-Star team. Blige's run was great, and it made Chester's job easy! So the Sloths have a chance!"

"Actually, Gregoryisgodistan are still winning."

"Against Kinitaria? Oh no! So the Sloths still need two more goals to go through. Thanks Kev."

"You're welcome."

"So if the Sloths want to continue making the short journey over to Kinitaria for more of the Cup of Harmony, they will have to keep on scoring."

"Actually, there's some more breaking news!"

"More breaking news?"

"Indeed. It is a joint message from Schiavone leader Kenny Snaderson V, Garundi leader Mokri Kalimbaa and the leader of the Cafundélese-Schiavones Bob."

"Bob what?"

"It just says "Bob" here."

"Just "Bob"?"

"..."

"That's his full name? Roberto dos Santos Guillimares de Moises Costa Marques?"

"..."

"That'll be why he just goes by the name "Bob", then."

"..."

"So, Kevin, what have these three got to say?"

"They have released the following statement.

We, the leaders of Schiavonia's three groups, have been entrenched in talks with AORDO and AOCI in a bid to find a new home for the Schiavone people. With the population of our homeland multiplying by tenfold over the past year, our incredibly small island has become overpopulated. During this time, it has also come to our attention that the flood defences in place for our island are insufficient, and that any temporary rise in local sea levels of more than three metres would see the island submerged by the Secocia Sea.

As a result, we have been looking for a new home for the Schiavone people. We have looked at a number of locations across both Atlanian Oceania and across the multiverse. However, what we are about to tell you might astound you.

"..."

"Don't interrupt..."

As our search continued, the amazing flexible nature of the multiverse allowed one of the original Schiavone islands to re-emerge from the oceanic depths. The island was originally known as Shyltin when it formed part of the original forty-six islands of Schiavonia, and its emergence has made it the ideal location in which to continue the re-establishment of the Schiavone community. We shall therefore be setting sail for Shyltin at once, where we will be located in the straights between Audioslavia and Thatius, taking our rightful place on one of the remaining parts of what was once our homeland.

"Wow! So that's it! We're going home!"

"Didn't your history lesson say that home was in the now defunct region of FIFA?"

"Well... kind of... but the islands moved. And this is one of them! And this is astounding!"

"..."

"What!?!"

"No! You can't say that! Not on air! I got threw off for less than that!"

"Randy, you have just crossed the line!"

"..."

"You did. And there's only one thing we can do now."

"..."

"Kev... fancy your old job back?"

"But I thought..."

"Do you or don't you?"

"I'd love it!"

"Great! Well, do you fancy commentating on this part of the match. It is almost over."

"OK, I'll give it my best, as Jones knocks it to Cueto... but there's the final whistle! Schiavonia are out! But I'm sure that once they hear the news that we broke not moments ago, they will not care one jot. Schiavonia might be going home, but Schiavonia are going home!!!"

"You know what, Kev? I couldn't have put it better myself."

"Thanks, Jenny. You don't know how much that means to me."

"Great to have you back, Kev."

"And it's great to be back!"

"..."

"Shut up, you!"

by **Ko-oren** » Fri Apr 25, 2014 2:25 am

The Greenblues can stay where they are: not only did they win the Round of 16 game against Astograth - they also play in Yuigahama again. In the Shiranao, not in the Hexagon Park. Because that might not be possible for a while. An earthquake hit just before kickoff. The fans - most of them - could be evacuated, most of the stands collapsed, but miraculously nothing dropped on the pitch. As said, there is a perfect venue available in Yuigahama as a replacement, but that was used for the second round game between Kandorith and Kazamatsuri.

Amidst the apocalyptic scenery of a caved in Hexagon Park, the national teams of Astograth and Ko-oren still played their game. An attendance of zero: just the subs, coaches and referees.

No fans? Nobody to feel guilty for when parking the bus. Indeed the Dragonflies played an initial 10-0-0 before realizing that Astograth were not even trying. After that, Terathu made an end to any illusions. Ko-oren was going to win this, nobody could stop us. Eregrent missed this match because of some knee problems sustained during the Armakistan game, but it was not a big deal, simply because Astograth was letting us walk over them. The first goal came from a Talmis cross, which found Terathu's head and after that, the net. The second goal was also scored in the first 45 minutes: an offside trap backfired hilariously and Terathu, Talmis and Tokachi were in possession in front of the goalkeeper. The third goal, scored deep into injury time in the second half, was a quick and vicious counterattack. Terathu scored his first ever hattrick for the national team: first of all, he wasn't in contention for starting striker until World Cup 67, secondly our team almost never scores three in one game anyway. The fact that it happened twice during this Cup of Harmony doesn't change that (New Montreal States, another 3-0).

Our next opponent is the Archregimancy. They have had some struggles with Kazamatsuri itself, in the religious sense. Other than that, they have had a solid run with no losses so far. They finished second behind Kandorith, who were sadly eliminated by hosts Kazamatsuri in the Round of 16 (2-1). Farfadillis is the fourth quarterfinalist in Kazamatsuri, who beat 'our' runner-up HopNation.

The two sides of the Cup of Harmony Quarterfinals
On the one hand, the top teams who failed to qualify for the World Cup have reached the final eight. On the other hand, Kazamatsuri, Gregoryisgodistan and Kalumba are in here as well. Kalumba eliminated Apox after extra time, Jeru FC fell to the Foot Slaves and we already mentioned Kazamatsuri. Two quarterfinals are The Archregimancy - Ko-oren, the 7th and 19th placed team of the world. This could have been a quarterfinal at the actual World Cup. We also have Kinitaria - the Inevitable Syndicate. 21st and 13th. And then there is the Kazamatsuri - Farfadillis game, a one-sided game on paper, between the 10th and 75th team of the multiverse. And then - remember the '7th vs. 19th' quarterfinal - there is Gregoryisgodistan versus Kalumba: the 74th and 84th team of the world.

The World Cup also suffers from this to some extent: many top nations have been eliminated. From the top 8 teams of the multiverse, only two managed to get to the quarterfinals.

To: The Monastic Football Association

From: The Ko-orenite Football Association

Subject: An alternative to Kazamatsuri

Dear Monks,

Your problems with the Kazamatsurijin have not gone unnoticed. It started with the open letter from the Celestial Empire, and judging from that, the contents could not possibly have pleased you. We recently played in a collapsed stadium, from all the 'mana' that is floating around somewhere, and we do not really feel safe in this country anymore.

We do not have to tell you about the importance of the next game: our teams play each other for a spot in the semifinals, with both of our teams having a good chance to reach the final if I may believe the predictions that have come in from several media.

Our suggestion then is to leave Kazamatsuri to play our game elsewhere. We have played in the Dreamed Realm before, and we would not mind to hop into a portal to play the important game in a safe environment. It could also serve as part of coping with the Backstreet Monks incident if you so please.

We look forward to hearing from you,

KFA's NT commission

by **Gregoryisgodistan** » Fri Apr 25, 2014 10:46 am

Comedian L012ZPABA's comedy routine:

"Howdy, Ladies, Germs, and Slaves, and welcome to the Lord Almighty Gregory Comedy Club. I'm Comedian L012ZPABA and I will be entertaining you tonight. So, you hear what's going on in the Cup of Harmony? Speaking of which - what kind of a name is Cup of Harmony? Is it supposed to promote peace on Earth or something? Of course not, it's a soccer competition.

"Anyway, the Foot Slaves just beat Jeru FC. They're a club, not a country! What are they doing in the Cup of Harmony? They should be banned for life. Anyway, we won so we're going to the quarterfinals. We will be facing Kalumba. But they should be called Kalumbad, because they are awful. Really - I should suggest that to their Prime Minister or something.

"In the other quarterfinal in our half, it's Kinitaria and The Inevitable Syndicate. You know what's really inevitable? TIS losing by the semifinals. Even if they beat the hosts, the Foot Slaves will beat them. It's inevitable. But there's a reason Kinitaria isn't called Winitaria and it's because they can't win anything!

"Meanwhile, in the Kazamatsuri half, we have the hosts, Farfadillis, Ko-oren, and The Archregimancy. Kazamatsuri - that's an interesting country. Apparently there have been a lot of natural disasters there recently. Maybe they should change their name to Hazamatsuri, because it's like HazMat situation there right now. As for those crazy monks from the dreamed realm, they could call themselves the Arghremigmancy, because they've been saying Argh this whole cycle. Really? How does the number 7 team not qualify for the World Cup? Glaser qualified. San Jose Guayabal qualified. The Archregimancy should have qualified. Argh! And Farfadillis - how about Farfadelicious? I hear they have good food there. Their soccer team, not so much. Besides, we all know the only truly good food is gruel and prune juice.

"And Ko-oren, they should be called No-oren, because they're nobodies. Foot Slaves shall win it all! Have a good night everyone."

by **The Inevitable Syndicate** » Sat Apr 26, 2014 5:40 am

>search news in the last two days
Returned with 2972 results. DataLink Barebones compatible: 14

Moreau hated using his terrible new computer. It wasn't even connected to the DataLink properly, and the machine was so old it ran from a command line. Sighing for the fourth time in a minute, he continued typing:

>display results 1-14
Displaying Results 1 - 14 (compiled by Syndicate News, based on your location):
- Rushmore Marred By Widescale Flooding
- Corvax Party Gain Seats in Yttribia
- Letterbox Project Sees Success
- World Cup 68
- Cup of Harmony 60
- New Rules On Maternity Leave Introduced In Syndicate#
- Protest March In Mertagne Leaves Seven Dead
- Arsonist Jailed - Links To Corvidae Unknown
- Debris Strikes Ahlenfi Temple
- Corvidae Announce Defensive Pact With Astograth
- Troops Sent To Unolia Border As King Maxwell Issues Threats
- LigAnaia Season Coming To Close - Iskara Daii In Contention For Title
- New Details In Sutler Bus Crash Enquiry
- Wisher Tea Company Set To Go Bankrupt
"Any one of these could be to do with the riddle, or none of them at all..." Moreau's fingers darted across the keyboard, reading each of the article in turn. He then looked back towards the logs from the LED Printer. What stood out?

>search Chyrs
did you mean "Chyr"? Y/N
>Y
Returned With 146241 results. DataLink Barebones compatible: 6
>display results 1
Chyr - NSWiki - The Free Encyclopedia
>open
Chyr is a province located in Kinitaria, sitauted on a peninsula north of the main contry on the continent of Virçais, in Atlantian Oceania. The province is known for it's independence movements, which have stemmed from it's location in proximity to the rest of Kinitaria, and these movements have become more prominent in recent times due to the rule of the communist Kinitar government...

Moreau took his glasses off in surprise. "Oh no..." he thought, before cleaning them and hurriedly placing them back on his head. "Aren't the Syndicate's football team in Kinitaria?"

>search Syndicate Cup of Harmony 60
Returned with 61093 results. DataLink Barebones compatible: 4
>display results 1-4
- Cup of Harmony 60: The Syndicate's Chances
- Syndicate Breeze Past Group Stage Opponents in Chyr
- Syndicate Blitz Brenecia In 1-0 Win
- Syndicate Set To Play Hosts Kinitaria in Mi'ato

"Oh. I guess they're not harming us, then. Whoever's been doing this is a little late..." the man reached for the phone on his desk, and dialled the secure number he was given on his first day as CEO.

"Hello? Is this the Line of Extreme Emergency International Affairs? Yes, it's Thomas Moreau from the Atlantian Oceania Cartographical Institute. Yes, the 'dumb satellite guys'. May I speak to whoever's in charge? I have some news concerning the location of the next satellite crash. ...No, it's not in the Syndicate. Hello?"

"Hello?"

by **The Archregimancy** » Sat Apr 26, 2014 8:49 am

To: The Ko-orenite Football Association

From: The Monastic Football Association

Subject: An alternative to Kazamatsuri

Dear KFA,

Thank you for your recent letter, which we read with interest.

Following last night's match against Taeshan in the Sekine Memorial Stadium, we can no longer play our matches in Kazamatsuri in good conscience unless the World Cup Committee requires us to do so.

The Purple Knights understandably forfeited the match following the freak lightning strikes that simultaneously hit all eleven members of their team fifteen minutes into the match (fortunately, none of the players suffered any more than mild burns and shock). Despite our best efforts to offer to forfeit the match ourselves in their favour, the co-hosts have ruled that Taeshan forfeited first, and that their forfeit should therefore stand. This has required us to continue in the tournament under WCC rules with a 2-0 result recorded in our favour, but I would like to stress that this has been very much under strong protest.

Our theological objections to the current events in Kazamatsuri are well-known. But this has gone far beyond any theological considerations; the safety of all teams, officials and - most importantly - fans from Ordinary Reality nations is now in danger.

We would therefore like to accept your offer to hold our quarterfinal match in a neutral venue in the Dreamed Realm.

We would propose the following environment so as to minimise any potential home field advantage on the part of the Archregimancy.

1) The match would not be played in the Archregimancy, but would rather be played in the Imperial Hippodrome in the Holy Empire.

2) Ko-orenite fans will be given free access to at least half the seats in the Hippodrome.

3) Ko-orenite fans will not be charged 'money' (as we believe you call it) for attending the match.

4) Sufficient portals will be constructed so as to allow Ko-oren fans easy access from Kazamatsuri to the Imperial Hippodrome.

5) All portals will be patrolled by security officials from the State Bureau of Imperial Security so as to guarantee safe passage for Ko-orenite fans without interference from any of the entities currently wreaking such destruction in Kazamatsuri.

6) The Archregimancy will not insist on a full divine liturgy prior to the match, despite the match being played in the Dreamed Realm.

7) We will use the same match officials already appointed to referee the match.

If the above is acceptable to you, please signal your acceptance by venerating a fragment of the True Cross or similar Holy Relic while praying to leave Kazamatsuri as soon as feasibly possible. It doesn't matter if you're not Orthodox; in this matter it's the thought that counts.

Yours in Christ,

Fr. Alexander the Worldly +
MFA Diplomatic Liaison

by **Farfadillis** » Sat Apr 26, 2014 4:39 pm

Another win and one round closer to winning the Cup of Harmony. Sure, winning it was slightly tempting, but why were they even bothering? It's not like the cup meant much. It just meant they were the best of the rest. It was kind of depressing for him to watch World Cup matches, so he told himself to stay off them until the final. He really felt they should've been there.

Inside the pitch, he played as always. He was obviously not going to let his team down because of not qualifying. Not qualifying had been a disappointment big enough to stop all disappointments. Or, at least, to try to stop all future disappointments.

But the weird thing was, that he was once used to not qualifying. He had been around when Farfadillis had never qualified. He had failed to qualify twice, and he remembered how lucky he felt when he first qualified. But now? Now he had gotten used to qualifying. Now, having that taken away from him, that was a punishment. It was no longer "Oh well, we were not going to qualify anyway." It was now "Fuck, we should have qualified."

But that was in the past, kind of. No, not really, not in his head. But it was in the past indeed, he told himself. Now they had to focus on facing the hosts and try to win to make it to the semifinals. The hosts would be in their natural element, but Farfadillis was undoubtedly the better team (then again, Farfadillis was undoubtedbly going to qualify to the World Cup!). All he knew was that the here and the now was Kazamatsuri.

He had scored against HopNation. He had broken a small drought. That was good. Now he had to follow that with a big performance against Kazamatsuri. He was defending the colours of his nation with pride. The colours of the nation that won the AOCAF Cup in Kinitaria. Funnily enough, that was one of the co-hosts. Would the final be in Kinitaria? Cause maybe that was a good omen! But hey, it's not like the Cup of Harmony was that important, was it?

Ugh, the wonders of international football, as confusing as always. Back at Vilita with Jungle Strike he didn't go through all his weird pondering. He just played to win and that was it. But hey, that waws what he was doing now, wasn't it?

Would making a big effort be worth it now? Winning the Cup of Harmony could mean drawing attention to the fact that they didn't qualify, after all. Getting to the final, too. And worse, it could mean losing a final. He didn't want to lose a final. He had had enough with that dreary Champions' Cup final.

If anything, he knew what lied ahead - and he knew he had to make the best out of it.

by **Kinitaria** » Sat Apr 26, 2014 5:06 pm

Chaos was the order of the day in Mi'ato. The word "chaos" may bring up cartoonish images of people desperately scurrying from place to place, possibly screaming about how "we're all doomed", but this was about as far away as you could get from that particular idea. A dozen grim-faced individuals sat around a round, polished, circular antique table. They dared to speak only occasionally, and with great trepidation. These were the members of the Kinitar Politburo, the organisation which held the highest constitutional power in the nation.

These dozen people belonged to one of the most dangerous categories around. They were powerful individuals rendered utterly powerless. The de facto leader of Kinitaria, Irin Kucinič, had gone off to Kazamatsuri on a state visit, and it was almost impossible to get information to or from him. Apparently, something in the air in Kazamatsuri was affecting their ability to communicate with anyone there. "Mana" was the explanation offered by the Kazamatsurians, but that was merely absurd superstition. It was probably solar flares or something.

Regardless, there was no way of being sure if Premier Kucinič knew about the satellite, as they were unable to receive messages from him - and the most they could do to try and communicate in the other direction was to fire out their signals and hoped they got through to the other end. Thankfully, they could send the message in plaintext, with no need for any ciphers or encryption. It wasn't as if they were trying to inform him of some great secret - the satellite wasn't particularly difficult to hide.

The satellite in question had crashed into Chyr's Stadion Nasiyonala. Football stadiums are sparsely populated 99% of the time, but the satellite strike happened during a fairly important game - the Cup of Harmony second-round clash between Brenecia and the Inevitable Syndicate. With the Syndicate leading by a single goal, a rapidly-expanding metallic object was spotted in the sky above the arena. Within a few seconds, it had scored a glancing hit on the single-tier south end of the stadium. Miraculously, only minor structural damage was caused to the stadium, and although a small number of spectators were hurt, none of the injuries were serious. The stand in question was evacuated, but play was able to continue, the Syndicate holding onto their narrow lead until full-time.

Fans were ushered out of the remainder of the stadium in record time to allow the relevant authorities to take a look at the object. The conspiracy theorists and other assorted loons would make their ideas known, but were quickly shunted away from the event and took up residence in the dark corners of the internet, where they could spout their thoughts about aliens to their heart's content. A cursory examination revealed the debris to be of an origin that was much more concerning to the Kinitar government - it was linked to the Syndicate itself, and to the fascist Corvidae group that had recently seized power in that country. A direct result of the event was that the Politburo was now locked in talks regarding two key questions - what should they do about it, and what could they do about it? More specifically, no-one on the Politburo seemed to know exactly what authority they had in this case.

Kucinič's style of ruling might be described by his opponents - counter-revolutionary troublemakers, of course - as heavy-handed and authoritarian. In any case, he tended to treat the Kinitar constitution as more of a set of guidelines than founding principles. Most of the structures of government he'd set up didn't bother themselves with minor caveats like "adhering to constitutional principles". There was not, for instance, any idea or guideline as to who would be the next leader, nor was there a provision for ensuring the government continued to function when Kucinič was not in the country. This was the main reason the Politburo was currently in such a bind. Hardly anyone wanted to speak up and suggest anything because they weren't even sure if they had the authority to do so. The last thing anyone wanted was for Kucinič to return to Kinitaria and declare some of the Politburo to be counter-revolutionary traitors (which was not something he was above doing).

Rosa Lisineva, the minister for foreign affairs, and probably one of the closest people in the government to Kucinič, had argued for immediate military intervention. "This is an act of war," she had fumed at the earliest opportunity. "This is not the first time these fascists have been caught using satellite technology against us - if you will remember, comrades, a Syndicatian spy satellite was detected in Kinitar airspace less than a week ago. Action must be taken, and we must show them that we will not stand for this."

Defence minister Marič Palmeri was keen to dissuade her from following this course. "We can't do that. Our armed forces are stretched far enough as it is. Their remit is to maintain order in the host cities for the Cup of Harmony, especially with the sheer influx of foreign tourists who have come for the football-"

It was at that moment that realisation dawned over Palmeri's face. "There are thousands of Syndicatians in- does anyone know where they're playing next?"

"Mmm, they're playing in Mi'ato," murmured Dovan Irmič, the balding and slightly chubby sports minister, who didn't look physically fit enough to take part in any kind of sport at all. "Quarter-final. Against our boys, for what it's worth."

"We can't let them stay!" Palmeri blustered. "We'll have to start deporting them. Every one of them. Their team will be there as well, won't they? There's no telling what kind of filth they'll be spreading around if they're allowed to. We all knew these fascists should never have been allowed in the country in the first place. Kick them out, every one of them, and that goes for the team as well."

"Like I said, the Kinitar team are due to play the Syndicate next," responded Irmič calmly, before elaborating, "and if we suddenly kick them out of the country, it'll be assumed that it's being done to gain an advantage in the match. We'll be stripped of the right to host the final rounds, no doubt, and the World Cup Committee-"

"-can go f*cking hang," snapped Palmeri. "This is a matter of national security, you think we should be bothered about what effect it's going to have on this tournament? If anything, it's made things ten times worse!"

"What do you think the purpose of this massive security operation was, anyway?" yelled a voice from the opposite end of the table. It belonged to Pavro Termelev, who was one of the youngest people at the table at the sprightly young age of 40, and who was a rising force in the ranks of the Party and the government. "So we could host this damn tournament successfully, raise our international prestige, and show the world that we're not some sort of backwards, psychotic, banana republic!"

"It's not as though we can declare war anyway." The new voice belonged to Maria Volirena, who along with Lisineva made up the entire female contingent of the Politburo. "We lack the appropriate authority." She didn't have to state that she was talking about Kucinič. Everyone knew that already, and the comment was met with a fresh round of assertive muttering. "We do have the power to enact certain measures, we could impose trade sanctions on them. How much do we trade with them?"

"We don't," answered Andrei Simurov, whose latest post - as he'd been shifted around a fair bit - involved dealing with foreign trade. "We don't make anything they need, and they don't make anything we want. Any sanctions we could put on them would be pointless, unless we want to do something like blockading their major ports, which would be an act of war in itself."

The unspoken question on everyone's minds - what can we do? - was answered by Lisineva. "If we can't declare war on them, we've still got to make sure they can't cause trouble in Mi'ato. We might not be able to deport the team, for diplomatic reasons, but we can certainly stop the Syndicatians from tearing up our capital. Might I suggest that they not be allowed anywhere near the stadium, and we begin shipping them out of the country immediately?"

They might not have been sure how far their powers extended at that moment. They might not be aware of what was happening to their leader at that point, but they were acutely aware of the need to do something. This act had Corvidae's fingerprints all over it. They had previous, for a start. And it's not as though anyone else could have crashed the satellite of the Syndicate, so technologically advanced as they were. So, the decision was made to symbolically cut diplomatic ties with the Syndicate, which affected precisely nothing, as there were essentially no real ties between the two nations anyway.

Much more significant was the decision to start returning any Syndicatians in Kinitaria to their home country. Orders went out across the nation - visas were to be cancelled en masse, anyone with tickets for the away end was to be detained upon attempting to enter the stadium, and the team, while they might be staying for now, were to be placed under heavy surveillance - and, once Kucinič returned from Kazamatsuri, they would meet once more to discuss escalating the situation.

by **Kinitaria** » Sat Apr 26, 2014 5:55 pm

Quarter-finals: Kazamatsuri section

The Archregimancy 1-0 Ko-oren
@ ~~Shiranao, Yuigahama~~ er, who knows?

Kazamatsuri 3-5 Farfadillis
@ Sylph Cube, Kizuna

Which means that the semi-final matchup is as follows:

The Archregimancy v. Farfadillis

The "mundies" say it's going to be held at Midori-no-kaze, Kizuna, but stadium assignments appear to be flexible these days. In two days time, these two will battle for a place in the final - the loser will be staying in Kazamatsuri just a bit longer.

by **Kazamatsuri** » Sat Apr 26, 2014 7:58 pm

Quarter-finals: Kinitaria section

Kinitaria 0-1 The Inevitable Syndicate
@ Central Stadium, Mi'ato

Gregoryisgodistan 0-0 Kalumba
0-0 after extra time, Gregoryisgodistan win 4-3 on penalties
@ Stadion Republikana, Serenberg

Semifinal matchup

The Inevitable Syndicate versus Gregoryisgodistan
@ Central Stadium, Mi'ato

by **Gregoryisgodistan** » Sat Apr 26, 2014 8:42 pm

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Sportscaster WUSIA812, here to bring you the quarterfinals of the Cup of Harmony, between Gregoryisgodistan and Kalumba. It's a glorious day here in Serenberg as we get set to play. The winner will face The Inevitable Syndicate in the semifinal on Monday. The loser goes home. It's already been a great tournament for the Foot Slaves. It's miraculous that they've come this far after having just a single point through two matchdays. But this team always finishes strong. We've seen it in qualifying the last three cycles. We're seeing it here this year. You can just never count them out.

"The ball is kicked off by Kalumba and we're underway here. Roberts, up to Stutei, into the box but it's smothered by Prune Farmer 3818F before a Kalumba player can touch it. Good job by the young keeper. He kicks it up as the Foot Slaves look to counter. Here's Soccer Jester CLOWNPIREPIE, who just had his birthday a few days ago. He's 21 now, happy birthday. He'll pass it to Guy Who Cleans Up Behind The Elephant at the Circus P0120AZNNAU but it's tapped away by Kalumba.

...

"21st minute, and it's a free kick in a dangerous position for the Foot Slaves. Soccer Captain Laredo Potato takes it and it hits the crossbar and bounces away into a dangerous area in the box. Loyal Friend of Lord Almighty Gregory Robert Possibe shoots it but it deflects off Ward and out for a corner. It will be taken by Guy Who Cleans Up Behind The Elephant at the Circus P0120AZNNAU, into the box, but headed away by the defender. Still scoreless.

...

"32nd minute, Watusi runs into the box and he'll pass it off to Von Kruger who fires. He has the keeper one on one. Oh, but it's just wide to the left. He had a golden opportunity there and couldn't cash in. We're still scoreless here.

...

"And now it's halftime here in the Cup of Harmony semifinal. We're still scoreless and neither team has had many opportunities. Just two shots, one on goal for Kalumba, and the same for the Foot Slaves. Defensive struggle here with nobody getting many chances.

...

"54th minute, here comes Soccer Captain Laredo Potato, he has his teammate in the box but the flag is up for offside. That's unfortunate, it could have been 1-0. Instead, it will come back. Very few opportunities for either team today.

...

"69th minute, now Kalumba has a free kick in a good position, it will be taken by Von Kruger, into the box, he has Watusi, clear header, oh DIVING SAVE! What a diving save by Prune Farmer 3818F to his right on a good header. Keeps Kalumba off the board. That could be key.

...

"80th minute, and we're going to see subs for both teams. Government Advisor Lordborn Godsam is out, replaced by Grammar Enforcement Officer ZZNNKUMBYA, while Laurence Kabila comes out to be replaced by Godwin Kuli. We still have yet to see any goals. We could be headed for extra time.

...

"90th minute, and the ref signals for three minutes of stoppage. Guy Who Cleans Up Behind The Elephant at the Circus P0120AZNNAU kicks it out as Kalumba was heading down, and we're going to see our second substitution of the game for the Foot Slaves. Secret Ingelligence Agent [Redacted], Badge Number 98455 is out, and in comes Chef 82718138, only 18 years of age. We're about a minute and a half into stoppage, but they might extend it slightly because of the time for the sub.

...

"And there's the whistle for the end of regulation, and for the second straight game, the Foot Slaves head to extra time with the score level at 0-0. We'll have a brief break and then we'll be back underway.

...

"94th minute, and Kalumba will make their second sub. Watusi is out and in comes Roland Grezlak. The Kalumba team doesn't want to take its chances in penalties. They want to win it here and now. And now it will be a throw in for Kalumba, it goes in to Danukwe, up ahead to Von Kruger, into the box for Grezlak who shoots. It's in. Oh, but they're signaling offside. Grezlak is devastated, Kalumba is devastated, but it's a second chance for Gregoryisgodistan.

...

"104th minute, probably the last chance of this first half of extra time, and Soccer Captain Laredo Potato finds Loyal Friend of Lord Almighty Gregory Robert Possibe in the box, but at the last minute, it's taken away by Kaneu Daima. Cleared up ahead, and the whistle blows. 15 more minutes coming up after the teams switch sides.

...

"111th minute and Kalumba is going to make their last sub. Mkure out, Downs in. Gregoryisgodistan making a sub as well, Pervert Chaser 867530PNC out and Hacker Fred'); DROP TABLE Rosters;-- in. He's making his international debut. Fortunately, we sanitized our data input because we knew this guy was on our team, so our computer systems will be fine. But it looks like he broke the scoreboard, because it was showing who was on the pitch and now it's not. But anyway, on with the game. And now Kalumba is going to make a substitution, their last. It will be Kuli for Roberts it looks like, but the fourth official isn't sure because the last substitution broke his computer system. Anyway, now we're set to go but that killed three minutes.

...

"That's it for extra time, to penalties we go. And first, a coin toss. The Foot Slaves called heads, it was tails, they will kick first. First up is Soccer Captain Laredo Potato, he aims top left and it's IN. 1-0 Gregoryisgodistan in the shootout. Here comes Grezlak, looks like he will kick first for Kalumba. He aims right side, the keeper guessed wrong and it's even at 1. Next up is Loyal Friend of Lord Almighty Gregory Robert Possibe. Every eye on him. All of Gregoryisgodistan depends on him. He aims top right and it's in. 2-1 Gregoryisgodistan. No misses so far. Von Kruger up now, and he aims left side, and SAVED by Prune Farmer 3818F. He kept them off the board. He did what he had to do. Now can the rest of the kickers convert?

"It will be Guy Who Cleans Up Behind The Elephant at the Circus P0120AZNNAU up next. He aims top left and hits easily. Mtanda was not expecting that. 3-1. It will be Jameson Slutei, he needs to make it to keep his team alive, realistically speaking, he aims top right and it's in. 3-2. Good shot. Here comes Prune Farmer 913881. He aims top middle, keeper dove left. Risky shot but it's in. 4-2. And if Kalumba doesn't make this, it's over. It will be Gabriel Danukwe. He aims left side, and again the keeper guesses wrong. It's in. 4-3. But Gregoryisgodistan can still win it if they make this next kick. Who will it be? It will be Hacker Fred'); DROP TABLE Rosters;--. He takes it, oh, and it hits the crossbar. Heartbreak for Hacker Fred'); DROP TABLE Rosters;-- but the Foot Slaves still have a chance. If Prune Farmer 3818F saves this, it's all over. If he doesn't, it's 4-4 and we keep going.

"Stepping up is Peter Kurtz. He takes a deep breath, aims, and SAVED BY PRUNE FARMER 3818F! AY KALUMBA! GREGORYISGODISTAN IS GOING TO THE SEMIFINALS! WHAT A GAME! Prune Farmer 3818F with the save in the shootout to end it! What a win. Prune Farmer 3818F is a hero for the Foot Slaves, and he's only 19. This guy is already one of the best goalkeepers in the game, and he's only going to get better. Wow. Just wow. He keeps Kalumba off the board for 120 minutes then makes two key saves in the shootout. Gregoryisgodistan has just pulled off a fantastic win and this run just keeps getting better. I'm in shock. This is just so incredibly impressive."

by **The Inevitable Syndicate** » Sun Apr 27, 2014 3:04 am

Atlantian Oceania Cartographic Institute - Before the Syndicate - Kinitaria Game

"I can't believe you lied to me!"

Moreau had lined up all of his technicians in the Letterbox room, and was furious with the fact that they hadn't told him that Keyhole Three had actually crashed into Chyr a day prior to when he attempted to look it up. It wasn't until he accessed a direct feed that he saw the satellite heading straight into the south end of the Stadion Nasiyonala.

"You're lucky nobody was injured. I'm your CEO, I have a right to know what's going on! Next you'll be telling me - or won't be telling me - that Keyhole Four is headed straight for my office!"

The technicians mumbled to themselves, and averted their gaze from Thomas. Suddenly, a familiar face burst through the door. It was Jeff.

"Morning Sarge. Why've you lined up your privates? Subjecting them to boot camp?" Jeff laughed as he passed the line of lab coat wearing men and women and returned to his desk. He logged on to his new computer, and began monitoring the location of the remaining keyholes.

"Does anyone want to say something?" said Moreau, his eyes attempting to stare intently into the faces of every single technician that had disappointed him.

A man with no hair and a beard spoke up. "Yes. We kept this from you as we knew you'd take it badly. I don't know if you've heard the news, but Kinitaria has cut all diplomatic ties with the Syndicate, and has cancelled every travel visa taken by a Syndicatian. They've gone mad. They think we did it."

"And are we going to tell them otherwise?" said Thomas, pushing his glasses further up his nose. "They have to understand it wasn't us. It was Ohm!"

A woman with no beard but some hair chimed in. "You know what Kinitars are like. I wouldn't be surprised if they saw this as an act of war - and that's exactly what Ohm want."

"I'm aware of that," Moreau said, as he ran a hand through his hair, before tapping his fingers on the back of his head, "and they might have succeeded. Don't we play them in the football in a few days?"

The man with no hair and a beard responded. "Yes we do. Which makes me think they won't let anyone in the stadium. They'll be playing without a crowd!"

"Is that game not a target for Ohm? I assumed they would have slammed a Keyhole there, if they really wanted to stir up trouble." muttered another technician.

The computers began a rythmic beeping once again. Moreau snapped. "Is that the sodding Keyholes again? Because, at this point, I don't even care. Corvidae don't seem to care, as I haven't received any communication from them on this matter at all. You seem to be an effective little unit by yourselves - I'll let Jeff lead you from now on. I have other things to do. You're all dismissed." He walked out of the room, sighing to himself. All eyes on the room turned to Jeff, who was listening to some music at his desk. He slowly turned around, feeling the eyes on his back. "What's up?" he said, shrugging his shoulders.

Atlantian Oceania Cartographic Institute - After the Syndicate - Kinitaria Game

"It's still stuck in low planetary orbit. Can we see where abouts it actually is?" asked Jeff, sipping from yet another mug of some hot beverage.

"No." responded the man with no hair and a beard, "The hackers disabled GPS tracking. We can only tell based on what we see on the ground below. Except we can't see what's on the ground below, as the only camera they'll let us look at is the one that looks at the LED Printer."

"Oh yeah." responded Jeff. "Any word on that, by the way? Has it pumped out a riddle?"

"It hasn't." The woman with no beard but some hair walked over, clipboard in hand, and studied the screen that the other two were looking at. "We did manage to get some pictures of the ground below, however, from the few times when the land is in view when the satellite spins. We haven't quite found a match yet, but it is still within the region."

"I'm not sure how I feel about that..."

The Forum - After the Syndicate - Kinitaria Game

"... because it seems as if they're starting to realise the truth behind the operation." said Oliver Bellephoron, known to most as "The Claw", rocking in his chair as he spoke to Lex Crowley.

Lex scanned the room, with his beady eyes. His job was getting more and more difficult by the day. Dissent was prevalent around anywhere that wasn't Fligsive, and Mertagne was slowly becoming more and more independent and secluded from the outside world. It did make them the perfect cover to use when you wanted something to go wrong within the nation, but he was quickly discovering that it didn't quite work outside of it. "Okay, and what have they done? Sent some football fans back home. Oh well. We still won. I've heard we're playing some backwards hellhole next, ruled by a dictator that's even worse than the world thinks I am..."

"That's true." responded Nathan Flynn, minister of foreign affairs. "Gregoryisgodistan is, quite simply, a terrible nation. Their citizens don't even have names, and they worship their head of state like he's some sort of god. That's no way to go. His methods are rule are barbaric. I mean, sure, the people he's ruining aren't Syndicatians, and might actually deserve it, but he's hardly efficient either and-"

"Enough." said Ian Clayton, right hand man to Crowley, "I doubt the nation is within our sphere of influence, even with the Esportiva Initiative Mark Two in place, and running successfully. There's nothing we can do about them, and frankly - do we even care? The football team will play them we will win, we'll face Farfadillis in the final, win that, and finally show the world once and for all just why the Syndicate is the best nation in the world!"

The Circle gave Clayton a round of applause, before Stephen Bagavrik, Minister of Internal Affairs, spoke. "Indeed. It'd be a nice morale boost for the nation too - make them feel a bit more proud of themselves, and of us." he span a pen around in his hand before continuing. "So, back to the topic at hand - Keyholes - are we planning a hit anywhere else? The Institute is probably in ruins at the moment. I noticed they've stopped maintenance of the Meteoricon, allowing the Weather to reset to it's natural cycles. I say we lay off, and allow them to fix that before applying another offensive."

"That's a good idea," said the Supreme Administrator. "Let both of them lick their wounds, and then we'll go for somewhere important. Anything going on in... Unolia that I should know about?"

Nathan Flynn replied. "I know this one. King Maxwell's birthday parade is happening in... a few weeks?" he held his hands out, and shrugged his shoulders. "What better present than some advanced technology delivered right to his doorstep? We've fortified the border, so any conflicts they do incite will be easily dealt with... Oliver, it's your call..."

Bellephoron scratched his chin before replying. "You know how much I hate the Unolians. Especially after they denied us of the purchase of their country. Bugger it, let's do it..."

by **The Archregimancy** » Sun Apr 27, 2014 9:45 pm

To: The Farfadillis Football Association

From: The Monastic Football Association

Subject: Semi-final venue

Dear Farfadillis Football Association,

As you may be aware, the Archregimancy is now officially refusing to play Cup of Harmony matches in Kazamatsuri. There are those who have mischaracterised this refusal as relating to our deep theological differences over certain claims to divinity being made by the entities who currently seem hell-bent on destroying Kazamatsuri to summon up the energy to duplicate their reality (when, we would note, all they actually need is an Imperial University Mk VI Reality Duplicator; why they can't just ask the relevant Holy Empire officials nicely for one instead of risking destroying their home reality escapes us). This is a base canard. Our refusal to continue to play in Kazamatsuri is related to two factors, and two factors only:

Firstly, the safety of opposing teams, officials, and fans. We may have further - though perhaps not as serious - theological differences with our opponents, but no Christian can, in good conscience, intentionally place innocent sentient entities in harm's way. We believe that intentionally and willfully consenting to play matches in Kazamatsuri, with the growing potential that this will actually cause the death of opposing players, officials and (insisting that this is surely the most important factor for both sides) innocent fans risks violating the Sixth Commandment.

Secondly, the highly threatening and unpleasant tone of the open letter from representatives of the above entities - a letter which is now a matter of public record - which strongly implied that the Archregimancy could be expelled from the tournament for raising its theological objections to the causes of the destruction being caused to Kazamatsuri. This is simply unacceptable from the co-host of an officially sanctioned World Cup Committee event. Long precedent indicates that expulsion can never occur, not even when one nation launches a full-scale military invasion of a co-host; certainly not for a few carefully chosen words of theological condemnation.

We would therefore like to propose that we play our semifinal match in a neutral venue in the Dreamed Realm, as we did with our quarterfinal match against Ko-oren.

We offer you the same terms that we offered Ko-oren so as to minimise any potential home field advantage on the part of the Archregimancy.

1) The match would not be played in the Archregimancy, but would rather be played in the Imperial Hippodrome in the Holy Empire.

2) Farfadillis fans will be given free access to at least half the seats in the Hippodrome.

3) Farfadillis fans will not be charged 'money' (as we believe you call it) for attending the match.

4) Sufficient portals will be constructed so as to allow Farfadillis fans easy access from Kazamatsuri to the Imperial Hippodrome.

5) All portals will be patrolled by security officials from the State Bureau of Imperial Security so as to guarantee safe passage for Farfadillis fans without interference from any of the entities currently wreaking such destruction in Kazamatsuri.

6) The Archregimancy will not insist on a full divine liturgy prior to the match, despite the match being played in the Dreamed Realm.

7) We will use the same match officials already appointed to referee the match.

We stress again that our primary concerns are over the safety of your players, officials and fans, with the secondary consideration of the dangerous precedent it would set for all World Cup Committee events if Kazamatsuri's threats against the Archregimancy were allowed to pass unsanctioned.

Should you agree to the above terms, we promise - as a sign of respect - to actually play to the best of our abilities rather than attempt to lose; this despite our ongoing misgivings about any form of participation in this benighted farce of a tournament. We gave Ko-oren the same honour in our quarterfinal, and I am sure that those who viewed the match will agree that, despite the 1-0 scoreline, it was a pulsating encounter played in a vibrant spirit of mutual respect. Certainly it was a far better match than it would have been if held in Kazamatsuri, where both teams would more likely have spent the 90 minutes worrying about earthquakes, tsunamis, random lightning strikes, meteor storms, and assorted other natural disasters.

We would also note that the MFA will agree to play in Kinitaria should we reach the final. It's not all sweetness and light in the latter nation, either; but political instability in a nation with a government that's inimically hostile to Orthodoxy at least offers more security than self-proclaimed deities attempting to blow up their own reality while allowing their representatives to write threatening missives to their guests.

We hope that you will give the above proposal every due consideration.

Yours in Christ,

Fr. Alexander the Worldly +
MFA Diplomatic Liaison

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