World Cup LXV (65) RP Thread

by **Filopines** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 2:15 am

Part 1

Tick tock, tick tock. Tick. Bloody. Tock. That's my life ticking. I just know that one day I'll kill myself.

"This is very rare, Mr Gordon. It is very rare for a person to be diagnosed with this debilitating disease at your age. I suggest you check up with me every week starting next Saturday."
"Ok, thanks, Dr Johannisen."

"So, uh, Jim? What are you going to do?"
"Shut up and drive."

"You want me to stay for a few days? Because, you know..."
"Yeah, sure."

Parkinson's disease is a horrible thing to get. Especially being diagnosed with it. It starts this whole placebo effect. You know you have it so you get worse. It was at this point when I made the biggest decision of my life. Time to hold a press conference.

"Why have you decided to retire?"
"No reason. Goodbye."

I wish I had answered that properly so that they could help me. But I didn't. One of many regrets in my life. I sat down on my couch thinking about what I could have done. I'm still a virgin, I've never had a serious relationship and much more.

Every Sunday, my family has a family dinner at my parent's house. My younger brother always tackles me when I come through the door. And I haven't told them yet about my... disease.
"Jimmy!"
"Don't tackle me, Don. I'm not feeling well."
"Is that why you retired?
"No."
"Why so serious? I'll stick a blade in your mouth and tell you about my dad and wife!"
"Go ahead."
"What?"
"Nothing, Don."
"Hi, James!"
"Hi, Mum. Hi, Dad."
I wasn't planning on telling my family yet but one little thing could've blew my cover.
"James, can you get that glass off the top shelf for me, please?"
"Why don't you put them lower where you can reach it, Dad?"
"I forget. Just hurry up and do it."
"Alright."
I dreaded this moment. The glass fell as I picked it up and fell on the floor.
"James! Try to be more careful!"
"Sorry, Dad. I'm not feeling well today."
"That's OK. I'll get your sister to get the glasses for me next time."
My life has reached a new low. It felt like I was in Antarctica. Or the Arctic. Whichever way you see it. Low nonetheless.

Time to eat. I panicked.
"I'm not hungry."
"Pardon?"
"I'll go eat over there."
"Eat at the table, James. Your brother's family's not here."
"I said I'll eat over there!"
"James Kerry Gordon! Come back here! Now!"
"I'm leaving! Fuck this!"

"Why are you home so early?"
"Shut up, Ken."
I went to my room immediately. I threw my hat to the floor and I fell backwards into my bed. I made a mistake that night. I shouldn't have gone off on my mum like that. Life is tough with Parkinson's. At that time I thought I was the unluckiest man on Earth.

The next morning, Ken and I went grocery shopping. I chose and he puts it in the trolley and pays. I overheard a 5 year-old kid with his mum asking why my hands are shaking.
"Mummy? Why is that man's hands shaking?"
"I don't know, son. Maybe he's cold?"
"Does he have Parkinson's?"
"Where did you learn that word, Bobby?"
I did something bad a second later. While Ken was paying at a self-serve checkout, I walked up to the mother and son. The kid asked:
"Do you have Parkinson's disease?"
"Excuse me, lady. Could you do us all a fucking favor and shut your smart-ass son the hell up?!"
And I made the situation worse by shoving the kid to the ground. Sigh. Woe is me. I panted heavily. The policeman guarding the store handcuffed me.

by **Ko-oren** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 3:01 am

Loss as the least of our problems

We all know the restrictive rules around entering the Holy Empire or the Archregimancy. Inspired by those, the KFA restricted entry to many fans of the Holy Empire in the same way, though it did not really help the result. It was presented as a good idea by the association, working together with customs and the government, but it absolutely did not have its desired effect. But then again, losing 3-1 against a team like that can hardly be called a weird loss. It just would have been a true underdog story or even fun to the group if we'd won.

With the loss of Nouvel Ecosse, they did not come to one point below us. They are still stuck at four points behind us as they lost against San Potato. The other threat to our position, Liventia, luckily tied De La Fleur 1-1, and they are now on 20 points, with the Greenblues on 21. The Holy Empire did very good business, now on 27 points. But the issues around customs and admission to Ko-oren were not the only ones. The loss was not a very big problem either. No, the big problem was the fact that two cities for some reason popped up in the middle of the harsh western Ko-orenite climate. And its inhabitants were not Ko-orenite, either. All of a sudden, two cities, major cities in their countries, appeared in the Ko-orenite landscape. Port Rotterdam was copied exactly from its original in Cyborg Holland and it now is a coastal town on the northeastern coast of Ko-oren too. Furthermore, Torshavn is not just a city in Polar Islandstates anymore, it now is a city in northern Ko-oren as well. Some Sargossans were found in the eastern island of Sishinova too.

We do not know why these cities suddenly are there, or even if they count as Ko-orenite territory or not, or where the people that live there came from. Or even if some of our cities are now in Polar Islandstates, Cyborg Holland or Sargossa... What is going on?

Ko-oren 1–3 The Holy Empire (SoT 2-8, S 4-12, Poss 43-57, Pass 74%-76%)
@National Stadium, Ko-oren City, Ko-oren
19:30, 5C, windy. Att: 67,000

Goals:
'67 Idrasil - '45 Brotar, '70 Octhar, '89 Brotar

Yellow:
/
Red:
/

Subs:
/

Chapter 11: Colonies: Irithoren, New Ko-oren and Zakhoren

This is the second of three chapters on Ko-oren’s colonies. Thaulandi is the only one that will not have been covered at the end of this chapter. This chapter has Irithoren, the Lithic colony, New Ko-oren, the Model colony, and Zakhoren, the Incendiary colony. These three are generally more populated than the earlier three colonies, but overall, they are by for more urban. Taloren, Arhoren and Skyvinduryoren have their poplations divided between islands, villages and rural areas, but these three are more concentrated. Politically, Irithoren, New Ko-oren and Zakhoren are completely different from each other.

Irithoren
This colony, consisting of about 10 islands just south of Ko-oren, is known for its rocks. Actually, its surface is rocky almost everywhere, with hardly any fertile soil. Its population is known for its typical housing which is partially chiseled into a mountainside. Because of the poor agriculture and because it is hard to settle there, the population has seen a stable growth, albeit at a very, very small rate. Ko-oren’s statisticians do not expect the population to every sustain itself if it grows to over a million. One million is seen as the absolute maximum for the islands as they are now. The population mainly lives off the mining sector, and most of Ko-oren's gemstones are from here. The economy is quite big for such a small population, and it does not just rely on mining, but also on the more profitable fishing sector. Businesses are important to the colony, and the biggest difference between Ko-oren and Irithoren is the difference in legislation around economy and corporations. Purchasing power in Irithoren is the second highest of all eight parts of Greater Ko-oren, just after Thaulandi.

The government is small, and is mainly in charge of safety policies around mining and fishing. Still, the colony's HDI is decent and a portion of the people working in the mines are from other parts of the world. Communities are small and a bit exclusive, which means that these foreign workers often live by themselves in separate villages. This does create some tension, but because of the overall small size of Irithoren, it does not get out of hand. There is no overt discrimination, and everyone enjoys the same rights and duties.

New Ko-oren
In the far southeastern side of Greater Ko-oren is New Ko-oren. The colony that resembles the main country of Ko-oren most. It is also the most populous of all colonies. The colony consists of one large island with several very small islands around the eastern coast. These islands are barely populated, but still have some decent towns. Most of the largest cities are located on the bay of New Ko-oren, the bay that carves into the main island from the south. The climate is also a lot like Ko-oren's northern region: no extremes, though a bit on the cold side throughout the year. There is not something like a rain season, and clouds are not broken apart by a mountain range or something similar anywhere in the country. New Ko-oren is remarkably flat for such a large piece of land. Weather can change quickly, but it is predictable.

The government often copies Ko-oren's legislation, to the point that New Ko-oren and Ko-oren have no trouble recognizing each others’ laws. Some colonies, such as Arhoren, are not bothered at all with independence, and some colonies, like Zakhoren, want nothing else but independence, yet there is no tension at all between New Ko-oren and Ko-oren itself. The population of New Ko-oren is 100% composed of settlers, and since there has never been an (armed) conflict, they have no problem belonging to another nation.

Zakhoren
This colony is furthest away from the mainland: Zakhoren. It is not as remote as Skyvinduryoren: Zakhoren is bigger and quite self-sufficient (Skyvinduryoren is not). This also makes this colony a world of its own. Governments never had time to settle in this country, which makes it little more than an instable rocky group of islands. The people practically live in anarchy, neglecting the countryside, and many people in cities do not even have bad lives. Municipal governments even have the biggest influence in politics and legislation. On the topic of legislation (as far as it applies): it tends to differ per city. Most of the ‘restrictive’ Ko-orenite legislation is not passed here, which makes weapons, for instance, easily obtainable. Maintenance to buildings, the environment or infrastructure hardly happens, and if it does, it is by a party that immediately profits from the maintenance. The black market is far bigger than the 'clean' one.

Its people plan ahead of time and hoard clean water and food. All in all, life in Zakhoren is not that bad, if you know where to buy the things you need. The sense of community is nowhere as strong as here, and people enjoy more freedom than Ko-orenites in some respects (weapons, alcohol, gambling). Still, it is not as regulated as Thaulandi (laissez-faire capitalism, but fair towards the people). Zakhoren continuously ignores legislation passed in other colonies, and even if it would be implemented, there is hardly a police force to maintain the law. The army tends to control the rural areas of the colony, and makes sure enough food is produced to keep the population alive. Together with Ko-orenite government help, Zakhoren's HDI is lower than any other colony's, but it is still somewhat better than many third world countries' HDI’s. Moreover, war has never occurred in the country, and a civil war is unrealistic. Still, with the army’s influence and the availability of weapons, it is the least safe place in Greater Ko-oren.

The rural areas, apart from some valleys fit for agriculture, is rocky and hilly. Rivers dissect the main islands, and rain often falls. The temperature is hot and humid during summer, and ice cold during winter. Rural areas are generally uninhabited, too.

by **Neo Lemmitania** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 4:09 am

This is Shemp Wooley, the Dean of Neo-Lemmitanian Sports, coming to you live from Avidia, Krytenia for the eleventh qualifying match of the sixty-fifth World Cup of football! Joining me in the booth to call today’s match are the occasionally stable Gil Lemson and Clem Gilson. Welcome to the broadcast, gentlemen.

Clem: Thanks, Shemp.

Gil: Good to be ‘ere, Shemp.

Shemp: So, ten matches down and the Lemmings are clinging to third place with nineteen points, on six wins and a draw. Krytenia trail by a single point with five wins and three draws. What do you think of the Lemmings’ position at this stage?

Clem: Considering that our boys had only played five matches prior to the qualifiers, and those in the Baptism of Fire where they were up against other newcomers to the international football scene, I’m amazed at how well they’re doing. The best we could reasonably have hoped for would be a couple of wins, a couple of draws; maybe eight or nine points in the first nine-ten matches. Eleven points would have been remarkable.

Shemp: They built to a great position with five wins and a draw in their first seven games, so that even with losses to Starblaydia and Legalese closing out the first half of qualifiers they're still in a great position. What a run. What’s your take on the four-match win streak they put together?

Clem: I guess I’d have to give Coach Lemster the credit. When a team’s risen above its natural abilities to this degree, who else can you credit?

Gil: Margaret.

Shemp: Who?

Gil: Margaret.

Clem: You mean the Snubnosian goddess of luck?

Gil: Goddess of random numbers, Clem. It’s a subtle difference.

Clem: And you think the goddess of random numbers is somehow influencing the outcome of football games?

Gil: Yes.

Clem: Okay, and how would that work? You think the players are somehow influenced by cosmic dice?

Gil: Not dice, per se. Could be any method of generatin’ random numbers. Such as flippin’ coins or opening Schroedinger’s Boxes to see if the cats are dead.

Clem: Um. And how would that generate a random number?

Gil: You’d assign values to the cat’s life-status in advance of openin’ the box, obviously. For example, one if it’s alive an’ cypher if it’s dead.

Clem: Sounds like a horrible way to choose random numbers.

Gil: Wull, if you like cats, then yes, it’s ‘orrible. In which case you should try flippin’ coins, instead. But on the other ‘and if you ’ate cats--

Clem: Who eats cats?!

Gil: ‘ate! ’ate! Don’t you ‘ear me sayin’ me aitch at the beginning of the word?

Clem: Oh, you’re talking about people who hate cats.

Gil: Right. If you’re one of those people, then choosin’ random numbers via the Schroedinger method is prolly jus’ right for you.

Clem: What about all the ones?

Gil: Ones?

Clem: Well, if you assign one if the cat’s alive and zero if it’s dead, and you hate cats, then all the zeroes would be just fine with you. But what about the ones? You’ll be left with a roomful of cats.

Gil: The ones you put back in the box an’ try ‘em again.

Clem: Oh, keep recycling the cats until they die?

Gil: That’s right.

Clem: Seems cruel.

Gil: Wot, you think once the cat ‘as been through the box, it’s earned its freedom?

Clem: That seems more fair. Of course, I don’t see how any of this has to do with the outcome of football games.

Gil: It’s called ‘scorination,’ an’ it’s wot Margaret does to determine ‘oo wins ‘em.

Clem: You think Margaret is responsible for selecting the winners of football games.

Gil: Not selectin’, since that implies she’s choosin’. Randomly generatin’.

Clem: You believe Margaret randomly generates the results of football games.

Gil: I’m not sayin’ I believe it. Jus’ that some people do. An’ it’s an alternate theory to the one you jus’ put forward.

Clem: Which was that good coaching is responsible for winning games.

Gil: Yeh, that one.

Clem: Well, our listeners can decide for themselves which seems likelier. Personally, I think you have to like how Lemster’s been running things.

Shemp: They’re holding the cointoss, so we’re about to start the match, but quickly - thoughts on the substitution of Oscar Snellem for Mel Flanders in goal?

Clem: Mel got his ass handed to him against Starblaydia and Legalese. Eight goals in a match and a half. Oscar finished the Legalese game without surrendering one, granted that was against some of their second-stringers, but still, a solid opening. And then he held Hutt River to just one last week, and that was on a free kick from very close. So far, I’m happy with the change.

Shemp: A lot of fans in Neo Lemmitania seem to think that Mel should get another chance. They think it’s not fair to bench him for bad outings against two of the top sides in the world.

Clem: With Oscar playing as masterfully as he has, I think they’re going to have a tough time convincing Lemmy.

Shemp: Agreed. And we should mention that Joe Schneider starts today in the midfield in place of Mick Mickelson, who’s serving a one-game suspension for rough play against Hutt River. Okay, they’re lining up for the kickoff, so I’m off until the halftime break. Good luck.

Clem: Thanks. So Krytenia won the cointoss, and they’ll be starting with the ball. Martinez passes to Hannigan, and we’re under way.

Gil: An’ time for a break for important messages from our underwriter.

Clem: You can’t do that! The game’s just started.

Gil: That never stopped me in the past. Mr. an’ Mrs. Neo Lemmitania, ‘ave you ever ‘ad the feelin’ that illegal government surveillance is bein’ performed on your brainwaves? If you’re like me, then you’re jus’ a little paranoid about the latest generation of mind-readin’ apparati bein’ produced in secret labs beneath the bowels of the evil Electric Lemming Corporation ‘eadquarters. ‘Cause you an’ I jus’ know that the government ain’t gonna let somethin’ like that go without usin’ it against us.

Clem: That ad is nuts.

Gil: I’m jus’ readin’ off the card, Clem.

Clem: Well, ELC doesn’t make mind reading apparati.

Gil: Says you. It ‘appens to be a secret programme. Anyroad, you’re innerruptin’ the important message, so hush. Where was I? Oh, yes: If you don’t want the government spyin’ into your private business by stealin’ your brainwaves, then you should do wot I do an’ wear a BrainWrap(tm), the latest technological innovation from the clever folks at ACME Lemming Corp. Made of one hunnerd percent brainwave-insulatin’ aluminum foil, the BrainWrap is completely guaranteed to prevent yer brainwaves from leakin’ out an’ bein’ spied upon by ELC an’ its nefarious government connections. It’s sleek, stylish, an fashionable, as well, with an aerodynamic antenna on the top an’ a belt-clip battery pack. You can wear in anywhere - to the lemming roast, the rugby game, to bed at night to keep your dreams from bein’ ‘arvested, an’ even in the rain or the shower. The Brainwrap from ACMe Lemming Corp - buy one today, an’ never take it off!

Clem: You’re not wearing one.

Gil: Sure I am.

Clem: No, you’re not.

Gil: Wull, I ‘ad to take mine off for the game. It was interferin’ with the radio signal.

Clem: Yeah, right. Why does it have an antenna and a battery pack?

Gil: To prevent the government from readin’ your thoughts!

Clem: I don’t get that. I know people believe that foil hats will prevent aliens from reading their minds, although why you’d need to spend perfectly good money on buying one when you can easily make one at home, is beyond me. But what are the antenna and battery pack for?

Gil: Wull, that’s the value added.If you make one yourself, it won’t ‘ave those accessories.

Clem: But what are they for?

Gil: Honestly, I do not know. I am not a brainwave scientist. But I’ll ask one nex’ time I see one.

Clem: Because if I was the suspicious type, I’d think the BrainWrap was beaming your brainwaves back to ACME Lemming Corp. That’s what I’d think the antenna and battery pack are for.

Gil: Wull, I’m sure that ain’t it.

Clem: What makes you so sure of that?

Gil: If that was it, they would ‘ave mentioned that in the ad-- er, important message.

Clem: I think they would have not mentioned it .

Gil: Why would they ‘ave done that?

Clem: Because people might not buy a product that beams their brainwaves back to ACME Lemming Corp.

Gil: Wull, I would. That sounds like a great idea, actually.

Clem: Beaming your brainwaves back to ACME Lemming Corp so they can read your thoughts sounds like a great idea? You just got done telling us you don’t want ELC and the government reading your thoughts. Why would you cant ACME to do it?

Gil: ACME ain’t readin’ your thoughts, Clem. They’re jus’ recordin’ em. Like a DVR.

Clem: ACME Lemming Corp is recording your thoughts like a DVR?

Gil: Sure, wot else would they be doin’ with ‘em? It’s a great product offerin’, if you think about it. They call it a DBR.

Clem: Digital... Brainwave Recorder, I’m guessing?

Gil: Exactly.

Clem: That technology doesn’t exist.

Gil: You jus’ told me it does. An it’s a revolutionary invention, too. Say you ‘ave some work to do but you’d rather spend your time daydreamin’. Back in the old days, before the BrainWrap, you’d ‘ave to do the borin’ stuff before you could get to the fun.

Clem: The fun being daydreaming?

Gil: Exac’ly. Or computer games. But now thanks to dual-receiver technology you can jus’ set the DBR to record your work thinkin’ and get on with the daydreamin’. Then when the boss comes in an’ gets all pissy about you playin’ Minecraft when you should ‘ave been workin’, you can larf in ‘is face an’ play back the recordin’ of you thinkin’ deep thoughts about ‘ow best to make more money for the ol’ Corporation.

Clem: If that existed, it would be revolutionary. Also unbelievably invasive.

Gil: How would bein’ able to play Minecraft durin’ work be invasive?

Clem: Not that part, the part where ACME Lemming Corp can record your thoughts. You still haven’t explained why someone who doesn’t want the government reading their thoughts would want ACME Lemming Corp doing it.

Gil: Wot, don’t you trust ACME Lemming Corp?

Clem: Not even as much as I trust ELC, which is to say, not even a little.

Gil: You trust ELC a little?

Clem: A little, I do.

Gil: Wull, you wouldn’t if you knew about their secret brainwave-recordin’ project they’re in league with the government on.

Clem: You told me about it, and I don’t believe it.

Gil: Wull, you are jus’ a naysayer.

Clem: How much do they pay you for that, anyway?

Gil: I can’t discuss that on-air. Especially seein’ as I ain’t gettin’ paid.

Clem: Okay, take off your headset and tell me.

Gil: Thinking you might want to get in on the game, Clem?

Clem: Well, I do have to admit you seem to have gotten away with it so far. Though why LRN and ELC haven’t come down on you is beyond me.

Gil: Oh, none of them listen to the broadcasts.

Clem: I actually think you may be right about that. Speaking of which, I noticed they’re going to be opening a Synclair Automotive dealership in Lemmington. How’s your Q42 been treating you?

Gil: Right as rain. Ooh, speakin’ of rain, it was rainin’ a couple days ago.

Clem: Yeah? So?

Gil: Wull, I went for a drive.

Clem: You went driving in the rain?

Gil: That’s right.

Clem: Okay, that’s pretty bold. How could you see anything?

Gil: Wull, in the Inevitable Syndicate they ‘ave these, like, squeegies attached to arms poppin’ out of the ‘ood of the car, that wave back an’ forth wipin’ the water off your windshield.

Clem: Huh. Windshield wipers, eh?

Gil: That’s an apt name for ‘em. You ought to trademark that.

Clem: Seeing as they invented them, I probably can’t.

Gil: They may not ‘ave come up with so pithy a name as ‘Windshield Wipers,’ though.

Clem: Even so, it’s their product. I doubt I can get a trademark on a name for it.

Gil: Wull, you ought to at least ‘ave a conversation with your solicitor. You never know wot ‘e’s going to say.

Clem: I usually know what my solicitor is going to say.

Gil: Then you ought to talk to my solicitor.

Clem: Yeah, I don’t know. Somehow I think one day his advice is going to get you in trouble.

Gil: You ‘ave no idea.

Clem: What do you mean?

Gil: Oh, never mind. I tell you something else about drivin’ the Q42 in the rain. The traction afforded by the inflated rubber tyres was great. I didn’t slip an’ slide aroun’ the road at all, even at twenny kilometers an hour. I noticed they ‘ave these, like, grooves, cut or shaped into the tyres, sort of like the tread on the bottom of your shoe. I think it gives the car added traction.

Clem: I imagine that fourth wheel helps, too.

Gil: Yeh, I’ve been drivin’ it for a month an ain’t flipped over even once!

Clem: Remarkable.

Gil: You gotta get you one, Clem.

Clem: I’m planning to, as soon as the dealership opens.

Gil: I bet there’s a waiting list as soon as it opens. If I was you I’d get there on opening day an’ put me name down.

Clem: Yeah, I think I’ll do that. Say, The Lemmings have a strong attack going on. Henneman and Bingson and Rosco all in the box against the Krytenian defenders. Bingson just took a shot that was deflected by Myazaki, and Henneman with the followup header! It’s a goal for Neo Lemmitania not eight minutes in! And-- hey-- what’s that you’re eating?

Gil: This? Oh, it’s wot they call a ‘toaster pastry.’ ‘ere, try one.

Clem: A toaster pastry? What’s it, filled with something?

Gil: Yeh. This packet’s, um, “Mutton à la King.”

Clem: Mutton? Like, roasted lamb?

Gil: I think mutton is made of dog, Clem.

Clem: No, mutton is lamb.

Gil: Lamb?! ‘oo would eat a soft, fuzzy, cute defenseless li’le lamb?

Clem: You, apparently.

Gil: I never would!

Clem: Well, you’re eating a toaster pastry that’s ostensibly mutton-flavored. Although, actually trying it, I wouldn’t say it tastes much like lamb. More like processed lemming.

Gil: Oh, it ain’t lemming. These ‘ere are from New Montreal States. They don’t ‘ave lemmings there.

Clem: Well, I’m pretty sure this isn’t mutton.

Gil: ‘oo cares? It’s delicious.

Clem: Actually, it is pretty good. Where’d you get these?

Gil: From the NMS Toaster Council. They shipped ‘em over to me.

Clem: Wait, is this another foreign sponsor sending you a product so you’ll hawk it on the air?

Gil: No! Absotutley not. ‘ere, I’ll read this card they sent with it. “Are you concerned about toaster safety in your household? Are you afraid to let your children near your toaster for fear that they might hurt themselves or damage your kitchen? The New Montreal States Toaster Council is looking out for you. Millions of residences burn down every year throughout the worl’. Don't be the nex’ one. Make sure your toaster and toaster ovens have been inspected and passed by the NMS Toaster Council. If your toaster didn't earn the prestigious Smiling Toaster Seal, put it back on the shelf, or else you, your lovely spouse and your precious and innocent children might all die in a housefire. The NMS Toaster Council: safety first, quality first! For further details, visit toasterawareness.nms.org.”

Clem: Okay, that was absolutely one hundred percent an advertisement for NMS toasters.

Gil: It never was! That was a PSA if ever I ‘eard one!

Clem: That was an advertisement cloaked in the obfuscating robes of a PSA.

Gil: An advertisement disguised as a PSA? Is that wot yer callin’ it?

Clem: That’s what I’m calling it.

Gil: Wull then jus’ tell me wot ‘s bein’ advertised exac’ly, Clem.

Clem: Obviously it’s--

Gil: Wot?

Clem: The NMS Toaster Council Smiling Toaster Seal.

Gil: That’s jus’ a safety specification! Like if you see a tag on your electrical device from Underwriters Laboratory.

Clem: Hmm... well, you may have a point. That actually was more of a public service announcement than an ad.

Gil: Thank you. An’ ‘ere’s another delicious toaster pastry. This one’s called “Anchovy Delight.”

Clem: Okay... hey, that’s pretty good. it doesn’t actually taste like anchovies, though.

Gil: It ain’t supposed to. It’s supposed to delight anchovies. Obviously the flavor of anchovies wouldn’t achieve that. Unless anchovies are cannibals.

Clem: It tastes kind of like strawberry.

Gil: Sally, are anchovies cannibals?

Clem: Kind of like salty strawberries.

Gil: Wull, mebbe you could look it up on the interweb? Jus’ please don’t search, “‘oo won World Cup 10?” on Boogle while yer at it.

Clem: Who did you say makes these things?

Gil: I’m glad you asked me that, Clem. These delightfully delicious toaster pastries are the product of the clever folks at NuGourmet in New Montreal States.

Clem: What exactly is a ‘toaster,’ anyway?

Gil: Apparently it’s a device wot ‘eats up yer food. They use ‘em over in New Montreal States.

Clem: It eats your food?What, like a garbage disposer?

Gil: No, ‘eats, ’eats. Lately you’ve ‘ad an awful lot of trouble distinguishin’ words wot starts wit’ aitches from those wot would sound like ‘em if they did.

Clem: Oh, are you saing, ‘heats?’ It’s a device that heats your food?

Gil: Yes, prezac’ly. A toaster ‘eats up yer food. The one I ‘ave is a ‘yperToast Commodore 360. It does a great job of ‘eatin’ up me toaster pastries. Just put ‘em in an’ BAM! A couple minutes later they’re pipn’ ‘ot.

Clem: Huh. What would happen if you put in a piece of bread or something?

Gil: I dunno as I’d recommend that, Clem. The toaster ain’t designed for ‘andlin’ bread an’ wotnot, I don’t think.

Clem: Oh, just toaster pastries?

Gil: Wull, I tried puttin’ a lemming in. It came out pipin’ ‘ot, but I ‘ad to ‘it it with a ‘ammer a few times to calm it down after toastin’ it.

Clem: How did it taste?

Gil: ‘ot an’ toasty, mainly.

Clem: Well, these things are pretty good. I might go out and get some. And a HyperToast Commodore 360.

Gil: Good choice. You’ll make the NMS Toaster Council proud.

Clem: Makes me think I should get in on the action, too. If any foreign corporations want to shill their products on air, but don’t want someone as nuts as Gil doing the honors, they should feel free to contact me.

Gil: Tell ‘em to send a telegram, Clem. Otherwise they might try an’ telephone, not realizin’ that the cell towers ‘ave been repurposed as eyesores in Neo Lemmitania.

Clem: Okay, yeah. If any foreign corporations want to contact me, they should send me a telegram.

Gil: Mention that you ‘ave reasonable rates. Some of these foreign companies don’t ‘ave a lot of moolah to spread around.

Clem: Fine, I can be contracted for reasonable rates. What’d they pay you for that toaster ad?

Gil: Nothin’, I told you. So don’t go tryin’ to undercut me. The only way you could do it is if you paid them for the right to shill their products. Oh, an’ I should mention, if any foreign corporations want to shill their products on the air, an’ they do want someone crazy as me to be the spokesperson, they ought to send me a telegram. I am only too ‘appy to entertain all reasonable offers. Wot’s that, Sally? Oh, thanks. Folks, Sally ‘as just informed me that in fact, anchovies are not cannibals. So thanks for startin’ that rumor, Clem.

Clem: I never suggested that anchovies are cannibals.

Gil: Wull, I know you don’t think it was me ‘oo said that.

Clem: What other flavors have you got there?

Gil: I di’n’t bring all of ‘em. I ‘ave ‘ere “Authentically Inauthentic Audioslavian Curry” an’ “Pineapple n' Squab”. There’s two or three more back at me flat.

Clem: Remarkable. So what’s a ‘reasonable rate?’ I need to know how much I should expect to get paid.

Gil: Wull, I tell you wot, Clem. Let’s discuss it off-air whilst takin’ the mandatory first ‘alf moment of silence in honor of Shemp.

Clem: Fine. Folks, we’ll be right back.

by **Neo Lemmitania** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 4:10 am

Clem: Sorry we were away for longer than anticipated, sometimes things go astray when you’re talking to Gil. So as we’re closing out the first half, I see-- Mike, hand me the stats sheet, will you? Wow! The Lemmings got three more goals and we’re heading into the halftime break up four to nil! I’m sorry we missed this!

Shemp: Oh good, you’re here. What a first half that was!

Clem: Yeah, I’m sure glad we didn’t miss that.

Shemp: I’ve never seen a side score four goals in the first half. Amazing, especially after the Lemmings were shut out three nil the last time they played Krytenia.

Clem: Yeah, it’s remarkable. So goals by Henneman at eight minutes, Bingson at twenty and at forty-two, and Joey Lemstater at twenty nine. Oscar Snellem had four saves, and the lemmings are completely dominating this game. Wow.

Shemp: Now it’s time for an important message from our underwriter, and then we’ll be right back for the half time show.

Voiceover: Ladies and gentlemen, how often has this happened to you?

Little Billy: Mom! Mommmmm! Mommy, I can’t breathe!

Mom: What’s wrong, Billy, is your nose stuffed up?

Billy: No, there’s a pile of lemmings on my face!

Mom: Oh, dear. A pile of lemmings have fallen through a hole in the ceiling and they’re suffocating you! Here, let me help peel them off.

Billy: Thanks Mom. Ooof! Mommmm! More lemmings just fell on my face! I can’t breathe again!

Mom: Oh, dear. Whatever shall I do? I can’t stand here all night removing lemmings from Little Billy’s face, but if I don’t, he’s going to suffocate to death, and die. And then he’ll be dead! Oh, bother.

Voiceover: There’s no need to despair, Lady Neo Lemmitania. Because now there’s a remarkable new product from the Electric Lemming Corporation that fits your precise need!

Mom: There is? What is it?

Voiceover: It’s the FaceCage(tm).

Mom: The FaceCage? Well, that sounds great, but what is it?

Voiceover: Why, it’s just the latest in lemming-breathing-blockage prevention technology! All you have to do is place the sturdy lead cage around Little Billy’s pillow, stick his head inside, and voila! when a clump of nasty lemmings falls through the ceiling, instead of landing on his face, they’ll be impeded by the FaceCage!

Mom: Why, that’s terrific!

Voiceover: Yes, every mother who loves her child will run out and buy a FaceCage today.

Mom: But wait, how do i know it’s safe for Little Billy to sleep with his face inside a lead cage? I’ve heard that cages aren’t good for young children.

Voiceover: Don’t worry yourself, Sra. Neo Lemmitania! The Electric Lemming Corporation has done extensive testing and determined that it is impossible for the cage to collapse onto Little Billy’s head, crushing his brain.

Mom: Gee, that’s a relief.

Voiceover: It sure is. So go out and buy your FaceCage today!

Mom: I’m on it!

Gil: Wull, now, that product’s jus’ stupid.

Shemp: Oh, you think so? How many kids have you got, Lemson?

Gil: Zero, las’ time I counted.

Shemp: So not being a concerned parent, you probably wouldn’t know what it’s like to worry about a clump of lemmings falling through the ceiling and smothering your child.

Gil: Okay, but if you recall from previous episodes, that lady ain’t got no ceiling for lemmings to fall through. She blew up ‘er ‘ouse an’ lives in a crater, remember?

Shemp: It’s an important message, not a continuous narrative, Lemson. Anyway, maybe she moved back into a house after it rained and the crater filled with water.

Gil: Wull, mebbe. I bet ACME Lemming Corp makes something better for keepin’ the lemmings off, though.

Shemp: Be that as it may, ACME Lemming Corp isn’t an underwriter of this show. If they were, we could discuss their products.

Gil: Dunno why ELC should ‘ave a monopoly. Seems sort of Socialist to me.

Shemp: How apropos, seeing as how Neo Lemmitania is a Socialist nation. Gilson, what do you think of this wild game? It’s like the Lemmings are unstoppable today.

Clem: They’re completely running ragged over the Krytenian defense. What a change from two and a half months ago.

Shemp: They’re come a long way in that time. Makes you think those games against Starblaydia and Legalese were just bumps in the road. For a bunch of guys whose only professional sport was rugby until a few months ago, they’re showing a lot of skill.

Clem: Coach Lemster has worked wonders.

Gil: Or mebbe the cosmic dice are jus’ fallin’ our way.

Shemp: Oh, are you listening to the conversation, Lemson?

Clem: I know you don’t really believe in that, Gil.

Gil: Wot difference does belief make? It’s all jus’ bits an’ bytes anyway.

Clem: Oh, you’re referring to the Nationstate?

Shemp: The what? What’s that?

Clem: Just a crazy theory Gil was advancing last time.

Shemp: Oh, well, let’s not waste time on those, shall we?

Gil: Yeh, best not to bring it back up. Though I’d think you of all people wouldn’t be a naysayer, Clem, ‘aving experienced wot you did.

Clem: I’ve decided I was just hallucinating.

Gil: Wull, you’d best be careful wot you say or you’re liable to start “‘allucinatin’” again.

Shemp: So with a four goal lead at the half, it seems assured that the Lemmings will get a win today, and with the three points they should be well-positioned to hold onto third place in the group right up to the last two matches.

Clem: At which point they’ll face Starblaydia and Legalese again.

Shemp: Any chance we’ll make the playoffs, you think?

Clem: I don’t know... there’s ground to make up, but if the Lemmings won, say, six of the first seven games of the second half... you might see Starblaydia drop a couple. We could conceivably reach those final two matches within a point of them.

Shemp: They way they’re playing tonight, it seems possible!

Clem: I wouldn’t lay short odds on it, but I definitely agree.

Gil: You guys are temptin’ fate, talkin’ like that.

Shemp: I don’t believe in fate.

Clem: And you just said you don’t believe in anything, Gil. Except the Nationstate, I guess.

Gil: Wull, belief is a relative thing. Jus’ cause I know this world is a sham...

Clem: Yeah?

Gil: Better not talk about that.

Shemp: And the referee is getting ready to start the second half, any last thoughts here? Expect to see any substitutions?

Clem: I imagine Krytenia will put in some extra offense. Oh, thanks, Mike. I have the updated second half rosters here, and Owen Hazell’s out on defense, replaced by Robert Roslyn, who’s a fourth striker. And Coach Lemster’s pulled Roger Rosco and added Orgo Molvo in the backfield. So we’ll see what difference that makes.

Shemp: Okay, and I’ll leave you to call it. See you in fifty minutes or so.

Clem: So Bingson kicks it to Henneman and we’re under way for the second half. So you’re going to attribute the first half to Margaret?

Gil: You talkin’ to me?

Clem: Who else is in the booth?

Gil: Sally an’ Mike.

Clem: Our director and statistician. Why would I be addressing them?

Gil: ‘oo knows? Mebbe you want a fresh perspective. ‘ere, ‘ave a toaster pastry.

Clem: Thanks. You know, it’s labeled ‘Audioslavian Curry,’ but it tastes more like one of those fish cakes you people eat in Lemco City.

Gil: Wull, fish cakes is prolly cheaper to manufacture than curry. An’ anyroad, I’m not entirely sure they actually eat much curry in Audioslavia.

Clem: No? Don’t you go there all the time?

Gil: Sure I do, now the border’s been reopened, everybody does. It’s the perfec’ weekend getaway.

Clem: If you like loud music and hooliganism, it is.

Gil: Two of me favorite things.

Clem: Why was the border sealed, anyway? I’ve been trying to figure that out and I can’t find any information on it anywhere. Not even the interweb.

Gil: Even after las’ match you ‘ave to ask that question, Clem?

Clem: Oh, it has something to do with the Nationstate, does it?

Gil: Wull, when an entire country does a nearly two ‘unnerd year time-slip, that’s gonna ‘ave an effec’ on the borders, naturally.

Clem: Oh, so you’re tellin me that the ‘reset’ the ‘Agents’ did only affected Neo Lemmitania?

Gil: Lemmitania, Clem, it was Lemmitania at that time. An’, no it didn’t only affect us. Naturally it ‘ad some effect on other countries, to ‘oom we seemed to Cease To Exist.

Clem: Why do you pronounce it that way, as if you’re capitalizing the words?

Gil: ‘cause that’s wot they call it when they erase a nation. ‘Cease To Exist,’ CTE.

Clem: Oh, so they do this to countries regularly?

Gil: When you’ve been around a li’le longer you’ll notice it. Yeh. Countries disappear from the world. Sometimes they come back again.

Clem: And this is the work of the Agents, you claim.

Gil: Yeh, well, of the Machine. ‘oo’s avatars in this worl’ are the Agents.

Clem: The Machine. Didn’t you mention something about that being located in Audioslavia?

Gil: I may ‘ave. There’s a ‘ole entire ‘istory to relate around that. Though I’m relatively certain that if I start tellin’ you, we’re gonna get a visit from Agent Smif.

Clem: Give me the condensed version.

Gil: there ain’t no condensed version, Clem. I tell you wot, I’ll see if mebbe Morpheus can do somethin’ about ‘idin’ me body.

Clem: I’m sorry, what? What does that non-sequitur mean?

Gil: That weren’t a non-sequitur, Clem. A non-sequitur is when you say somethin’ off-topic, like if I were to suddenly start screamin’, “BEANS! BEANS! BEANS!”

Clem: That would not be a non-sequitur, that would be you finally losing it completely.

Gil: Right, so I’ll see if mebbe Morpheus can ‘elp out.

Clem: Help out with what? If that isn’t a non-sequitur then this conversation has taken a left turn I can’t follow.

Gil: ‘elp out with ‘idin’ me body, I jus’ told you. So I can safely give you the lowdown on the Rage, and the Machine, and the Soundguard, an’ that ‘ole business. See?

Clem: Not really.

Gil: Without fear of Agent Smif gettin’ me.

Clem: What are you talking about?

Gil: Oi, try to keep up, Clem. If I start tellin’ you about the true ‘istory of the Audioslaves, ‘an ‘ow Audioslavia was founded over the smokin’ remains of Zach de la Rocha’s Rage, I can pretty much guarantee you that Agent Smif is going to show up an’ start threatenin’ me. Or possibly jus’ end things right there. So to ensure me safety an’ the safety of others, I need to get Morpheus to ‘ide me body where the Squid Robots can’t find it for a while. If I can get ‘im to do that, then I can tell you all about the true reason time don’t move on the Isle of Calorborne. Oh, ‘ello, Agent Smif.

Smith: Hello, Mr. Lemson.

Clem: Oh, crap. He’s back.

Gil: Yes, an’ I’m glad you’re soundin’ properly upset by that. A few moments ago you seemed pretty laissez-faire about the ‘ole thing.

Clem: I mean, oh crap, I’m hallucinating again.

Gil: No, you ain’t ‘e’s real. Wull, as real as any of us is in this transient reality.

Smith: I thought we had... an understanding... Mr. Lemson.

Gil: ‘ey, I was tryin’ to ‘old up me end of the bargain! Clem’s the one brought up the Nationstate.

Smith: Mr. Gilson...

Clem: Yeah?

Smith: I would appreciate your... cooperation in this matter.

Clem: You aren’t real.

Smith: I am as real... as I need to be... Mr. Gilson.

Clem: I’m hallucinating this.

Smith: You will cease discussing this matter in this... and all future matches.

Clem: I’ll just take an anti-psychotic first.

Smith: You don’t believe I am here, do you?

Clem: That’s what I’m telling you.

Smith: All right. Look at the field.

Clem: Okay, I’m looking.

Smith: Who has the ball?

Clem: You’re asking me to start calling the game in the middle of this discussion?

Smith: I’m proving a point. Who has the ball?

Clem: The Lemmings. Looks like Bingson’s about to get another goal, the way things are going down there.

Smith: Bam.

Clem: Holy--! I do not believe that!

Gil: Oi. Folks, in case Clem is speechless for a moment, I’ll jus’ explain that thanks to Agent Smif’s intervention, one of the Krytenian defenders just kicked the ball away from Bing Bingson, sendin’ a rocket shot all the way down the field an’ into our goal. So the score is now four-one, and Clem better shut up about Agent Smif bein’ a ‘allucination.

Clem: That was Kenzo Miyazaki with the most amazing goal I have ever seen! Not that I’ve been watching football for terribly long, but wow! Wow! I don’t even think Miyazaki can believe it. But the Krytenians are celebrating, and the Lemmings are getting set to kick it back off.

Smith: Now, Mr. Gilson, you see?

Clem: That was amazing, just amazing. What were you saying?

Smith: You see my point?

Clem: What were you talking about?

Gil: I think Clem was so mind-blown by that goal that ‘e’s forgotten wot you were tellin’ ‘im, Smif.

Smith: Mr. Gilson. Did you hallucinate that goal?

Clem: Mike, hand me the stats sheet? Thanks. Nope, it’s right there, goal by Miyazaki at forty-seven minutes. Wow.

Smith: So you see, I am actually here.

Clem: No you’re not. Why don’t you just pop back into the recesses of my mind so I can keep calling this game?

Gil: ‘e ain’t an ‘allucination, Clem! I can see ‘im too. An’ I know this one, ‘e’s gonna keep at it until you acknowledge ‘im.

Smith: Bam.

Clem: Zoiks! It’s happened again! This time the ball was around midfield and Brian Hampton of Krytenia just kicked it right between Henneman’s legs, and Chang’s, and Molvo’s, and Snellem’s, for another incredible goal! I don’t believe it!

Gil: You better believe it. An’ you better quit while we’re still a’ead.

Clem: So it’s four-two Lemmings now, on a goal by Hampton at forty-nine minutes.

Smith: Now, Mr. Gilson.

Clem: Listen, you, just get out of the booth. If you’re not a hallucination, I can call security on you. You want that?

Gil: Callin’ security ain’t gonna make no never-mind to ‘im, Clem.

Clem: Right. Because he isn’t real.

Gil: Okay, I know some people ‘ave difficulty graspin’ the fac’ that our world is a sham an’ we’re all actually jus’ batteries for the Machine. But denyin’ it ain’t gonna get you anywhere.

Smith: Mr. Lemson...

Gil: Yes, Agent Smif?

Smith: Please stop talking.

Gil: Oh, sorry.

Smith: You know that subject is... forbidden.

Gil: Right, sorry. Won’t mention it again.

Smith: Thank you. Now, Mr. Gilson.

Clem: Just shut up you. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten so many of those damn toaster pastries. Are those things laced with LSD, Gil?

Gil: Not that I know of.

Smith: Mr. Gilson--

Clem: I told you to shut up! I bet the Lemmings are still ahead. Something was in those toaster pastries, and--

Smith: Bam. Bam.

Clem: Okay, that was impossible, so I know I’m just imagining it.

Gil: For the edification of our listeners, I’ll jus’ mention that two of the Kryentian strikers jus’ each scored a goal. One of ‘em kicked it into the net, an’ then the other one did. So we’re now tied at four an’ things ain’t lookin’ so good for the Lemmings.

Clem: That can’t happen!

Gil: It’s wot the Agents call “godmoddin’,” Clem. When they control events in the Nationstate to make weird an’ impossible things ‘appen. Usually for their own amusement, or in some cases to punish someone or to make a point.

Clem: Well, I don’t believe it.

Smith: You still refuse to believe?

Clem: You just shut up.

Smith: Bam.

Gil: An’ now we’re losin’ five to four. As a Krytenian ‘as kicked it away from Bingson right at the moment of kickoff, all the way down the field an’ into our net.

Clem: What the hell!

Smith: Let this serve as a lesson, Mr. Gilson... an object lesson.

Clem: I’m going to kick you out of here with my own foot!

Gil: No need, Clem, he’s gone.

Shemp: Un... freaking.... believable.

Gil: Oh, ‘ullo, Shemp. So I guess we got time-slipped as well as godmodded. ‘ow nice.

Shemp: Did you two see that string of five goals in ten mintues at the start of the half? What the hell happened?

Clem: I have no idea.

Gil: You ‘ave every idea, Clem. An’ you’d best accept wot ‘appened so you don’t go an’ cause a repeat of it.

Shemp: Clem, you want to give the recap?

Clem: Not really.

Gil: ‘ere, I’ll do it. Thanks, Mike. Final score, five-four Krytenia. Goals by Bingson, ‘enneman, Lemstater, an’ Bingson in the first ‘alf, Miyazaki, ‘ampton, ‘annigan, Martinez, an’ Roslyn in the second. No banana cards. Nice clean game, in that sense.

Shemp: I just can’t believe what happened.

Clem: Me neither.

Gil: wull, you better. I’ll jus’ sign us off ‘ere before somethin’ else ‘appens. For Shemp Wooley an’ Clem Gilson, this is Gil Lemson sayin’ good night, Neo Lemmitania.

by **Ko-oren** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 5:29 am

Today was the rematch of the second match day, which means that the top two seeds of the group play each other. Just in how many groups was this a game between the two best ranked teams? (groups 14-20 based on md10 rankings, numbers used refer to group numbers)

- Top two seeds ranked first and second
1, 5, 7, 9, 14, 15, 19, 20

- Only top seeded team in top two
2, 3, 4, 8, 10, 11, 16

- Only second seeded team in top two
6, 13, 17, 18

- Both two top seeds not in top two
12

Group 12 is the only team where the top two seeds of the group (Ossidiacqua and Milchama) are both outside of the top two of the group (qualification and playoff spots)! Congratulations to Mangolana and Cosumar on keeping those two at bay, as well as congratulations to Kandorith for ranking fourth, even one spot higher than the group's top seed Milchama! Groups 6, 13, 17 and 18 have just the second seeded team in the top two: Mytannion is third, Jeru FC is fourth, the Sylvanaes Queendom is third, and Valladares is third too. Or actually, these last two groups could have changed a little bit: the tables are from MD10, and compiling statistics with old data, especially with these groups having two of the best teams playing each other, is a bit tricky.

Now, which teams won/lost or tied? Did the first seeded teams do a lot better than the second seeded ones?

First seed won
2, 3, 5, 8, 14, 15, 16, 19

Tie
9, 10, 11, 12, 17, 18, 20

Second seed won
1, 4, 6, 7, 13

Group 4's Mapletish won their game against Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, and they needed that win as they now even find themselves in fourth place. Overall, the first seeds won 8, there were 7 ties, and the second seeded teams won 5. Interestingly, none of the first eight groups tied.

by **Mytannion** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:21 am

I blinked rapidly, fucking hell my head hurt. I could barely remember last night’s events and some of it I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. I blinked again, trying to get rid of my bleary eyes – my vision was blurred and I couldn’t see straight. I wasn’t even sure where I was.

Once my eyes were properly opened I realised I was at home, just not in my own room. I’d obviously come in and just collapsed on the sofa, the nearest place I could reach without being sick or something similar. Then I remembered.

I jumped up, “Fuck!” I exclaimed. Alina was upstairs, in my bed, I’d had to carry her up there. She’d fallen asleep as we’d sat on the sofa downstairs, speaking about things, her mum’s boyfriend, our respective futures, music. All sorts of other stuff as well. She was knackered, she’d had enough from the day – the mixture of drugs and alcohol and emotion had completely destroyed her system, she was exhausted and not good for much more. She’d fallen asleep whilst speaking to me, I hadn’t been concentrating extremely well to be fair and hadn’t been a good listener for a while, I was probably dozing off all the same but she had done it properly before me.

I vaguely remembered having to carry her up the stairs, her body limp in my arms and then setting her down on my bed. It had surprised me how light she was, but after all she was one of the so called ‘heroin chic’ girls, skinny and pale looking. I didn’t care what people said, she was fucking brilliant.

I slowly walked into the kitchen, stumbling against the wall twice, struggling to stay upright. If this was a comedown from the MDMA I had taken, I never wanted to do it again. My head was pounding, maybe it was just the alcohol though, I wasn’t sure.

I got some coffee – something I’d never drink normally, but Silvana had always drank it the morning after she had rolled in with a hangover the morning after a heavy night on the lash. I wasn’t even too sure how to fucking make coffee – but I somehow struggled through and managed to make something that resembled the drink Silvana often had. It was very dark and the first time I drank from it I recoiled in horror. It was so strong and bitter. It was grim, quite frankly.

Ah well, I’m sure it’d do to wake her up with something that would at least get rid of her hangover.

Fuck it, I thought. I’d cook her her breakfast. I no longer cared what people thought of me to be honest. If my mates found out they would not drop it for years, Svetoslav Jelic cooking breakfast for girls after a night out? Who would have thought it? Certainly not my friends. I’d get berated endlessly and whilst it’d be good humoured and a bit of a laugh – it wouldn’t be a lot of fun. But I no longer cared to be honest. Polak had said Stefan liked her, he didn’t even speak to her, how could he like her? It didn’t make sense. He was my best mate but let’s be fucking honest you have to speak to someone if you want them. At least I fucking did, even if I wasn’t entirely open or honest about my feelings towards Alina.

The bacon was sizzling away in the pan, I honestly didn’t know how we still afforded it with Pa in the Hospital. I mean, between me and my cousin – we had kept the stall at the market ticking over, but it was no longer running in the same way Pa had had it going. People still wanted flowers, even if times were tough financially. It was strange.

The smell was irresistible, I wanted to wolf the whole thing down myself, it smelled delicious and I’m sure it’d taste even better but I’d be a gentleman (I couldn’t believe I even thought this, if I said it to my mates they’d endlessly take the piss, ‘fuck that’ they’d say, emotions aren’t cool), I’d share it with her. I’d get her in a decent state to go home in.

She had somehow ripped her dress when she had been on the floor, unconscious, following the gig last night. I didn’t fancy letting her go home to her Mum and her boyfriend in that sort of state. He’d probably knock her about for some reason and even if her mother was liberal as fuck I still didn’t fancy getting on the wrong side of her.

I plated the food up, still unsteady myself, my arms were shaking. The drug was still in my system and the alcohol was making my stomach cramp, I didn’t fancy going to the toilet. The last time I’d gone to the toilet the morning straight after drinking it had fucking stank to high heaven. It was the grimmest thing I had ever done in a toilet and I didn’t really want to revisit that. Croix Bleue shits weren’t fun.

I carried the plate upstairs and into my room. I thought about knocking on the door but it was my fucking room. Even if she was a girl I was highly attracted to, I was not going to lower myself to that sort of level. I lived there, why did I have to do that?

I pulled myself together. What the fuck was my head doing? Sure I was probably still inebriated in more cases than just alcohol, but the thoughts that were racing around my head and the way I was almost speaking, arguing, to and with myself was beginning to really hurt my head. Truly. It was no fun whatsoever. I pulled myself together and put my thoughts in order. No more speaking to myself.

“Rise and shine, little one.” I said as I walked into my room. There she was, still passed out in my bed. She was still in her dress and her mascara still stained around her eyes, the tears ruining what had apparently been a painstaking exercise for her. She lay there, still tired. I set the plate down on the table next to my bed and went over to the window, throwing the curtains wide open and light rushed through, it blinded me and when I turned around to look at Alina she was almost trying to fight it off, her arms flailing in front of her face to protect her eyes from the sudden brightness.

“Arghgh!” Came the garbled cry from her mouth.

I laughed, “Very attractive, Alina.”

“Svet, is that you?” She said, looking around, trying to take her surroundings in through bleary eyes, “Where am I?” Then a realisation dawned across her face and her mouth contorted in horror – she looked straight at me, “Did we?! Did we... y’know?” She said, insinuating the thing I’d very much like to partake in with her. Her reaction to the thought of it didn’t fill me with hope for pursuing more than our current friendship with her, though.

“No!” I laughed, trying to shrug it off, “Course we didn’t, what do you take me for?” I chuckled again and then pointed out the mug of coffee and the breakfast next to her on the bedside table. Her slight frame twisted to face it.

“You are a fucking saviour.” She said, immediately grabbing the cup of coffee and gulping it down.

“You never fail to be attractive, do you Alina?” I asked sarcastically, she looked at me with a glowering face. I laughed and she smirked again, then pulling the plate with assorted foods on it towards her. Grabbing the knife and fork up off the table with her.

“You know, that coffee was disgusting Svet.” She said, a mocking tone lacing the statement.

“Fuck off,” I retorted, “I don’t even drink the filth, least it’s something.” I said, laughing at her. She looked a mess, but I didn’t even mind and neither did she. For some reason we had always been very comfortable around each other and it was great, I hadn’t felt this way about anyone – maybe other than Stefan or Polak, but they were my mates and that was different. I couldn’t be myself with anyone in the same way I was myself with her. I loved spending time with her.

She devoured the breakfast in seconds. “Okay, you can’t make coffee but that was perhaps the best breakfast I’ve ever had.” She said, smirking up at me before slumping back down into the bed. “You’ve got a very comfortable bed you know,” She said, grinning.

“Yeah I know,” I said, slowly stepping towards her and laughing.

“Svet, what are you doing?” She said, the smirk still on her face.

I laughed again, “Oh... Nothing at all.” I responded before leaping down at her and beginning to tickle her, “Now get the fuck out of my bed!” I laughed before she jumped up squealing and laughing, she got away from the bed and I jumped into it. Lying more comfortably in my spot.

“You’re a twat,” She laughed. “My whole body aches. What the fuck happened last night?”

“You had a bit too much MD, Alina mate.” I said, with a little grin, “Looks like Polak was right eh?” Her face fell a bit. Looked like she didn’t want people to know too much about her drug using habits. She stood, leaning against the wall with her face cradled in her hands.

“Ughhh.” She mumbled, “My Mum’s gonna be disappointed with me man.” She let out another hollow laugh. “That’s not gonna be good.”

“Look, you know what you said last night.. About what he does, if it happens again, make sure you tell her, yeah?”

“It’s not that easy Svet!” She said, frustration tingeing her voice, “She won’t believe me, she’s in love with him, she’s such an idiot!”

“Right, well tell me then. Tell somebody at the very least. People need to know.” I said, then I thought I’d just let everything go, “I swear if he ever does that to you again I’ll kill him myself.” I said, anger pouring out. How dare he do that to Alina?!

She seemed taken aback.

“Wha— What d’ya mean Svet?” She said, almost unsure of herself.

“I mean, he’s a twat for doing that to you and deserves showing that he’s wrong. There’s no justifying what he’s been doing. He’s a dick.”

She shrugged coldly, “She’s my Mum’s boyfriend.”

I didn’t know what to say at all. There wasn’t much I could say to her, there was just the fact that it was wrong and that she didn’t deserve it in the slightest. There wasn’t much else that I could tell her, to reassure her or whatever else. She felt isolated, which was clear to see, she seemed lost, as if she was unsure as for what to do next. I wasn’t surprised. I’m not sure I’d know what to do about the whole stupid situation.

I couldn’t understand why someone would do that to her. It didn’t make sense. Was it some sort of weird power trip? I just didn’t get it.

I sighed. “Come on, let’s get you into a presentable state,” I said, with a little chuckle. “You’re gonna have to go home at some point, even if staying with me would obviously be the much more desirable option.” I teased.

“Ha. Go on then.” She said, walking towards my bathroom. It was strange. She seemed to know her way around my house without having been in here before – but then I thought on it, all the terraces in this part of the city were the same, the layouts were identical, the government had mass built them in order to house the large numbers of workers that had migrated to this area around fifty, sixty years ago, in order to be closer to the industries and the factories of Thessia. She lived just down the street – my house would be the exact same as hers pretty much. It made a little bit more sense then.

I watched as she filled the sink with water and got a flannel, she used it to wipe her face. She wiped away the smudged mascara from under her eyes and considered herself in the mirror – taking a long look, I leaned against the doorframe and she looked into the mirror, straight at me. She let out a little laugh again before going to wipe off the rest of her make-up.

“Is there anywhere I can wash my hair, Svet?” She asked, holding a few strands of hair close to her nose and scowling at the stench of beer coming off it. She had fallen victim to the flying cups of alcohol that were being hurled around, especially at people who ended up on other’s shoulders. It was likely Alina probably did, most girls in any crowd did end up on the shoulders of boys who were on the graft. I hadn’t seen who Alina had been with for the earliest stages of the gig. Probably somebody who could provide her with more ecstasy.

The worst thing about last night was that Alina had basically overdosed and there was nothing anybody could do about it. I was expected to but I just didn’t. Alina had the chance to be a successful musician, if these opportunities presented themselves to her again in the future – would she be able to maintain control? It was a horrible thought and one that a teenage boy probably shouldn’t have to think about but I really worried about Alina. My feelings towards her made sure of that.

I pointed Alina towards the shower. One of the newer things in Mytanar homes and certainly not something that would have been in these houses when they were first built. Most of them hadn’t had indoor toilets until very recently. My family had worked hard in order to afford a more modern bathroom and we had a cold shower that was so much easier to use than a bath – quicker to use and a whole lot more convenient. As long as you got used to the cold water.

“Watch out Alina, it’s a little cold,” I warned.

“Yeah yeah, now go away whilst I use it. Give me some privacy,” She laughed. I waited for the moment that would inevitably come. My brother Jarik had yelped with surprise at the cold water the first time he had used it and I could vaguely remember me myself having a similar reaction when I had first used the cold shower. It wasn’t something I had been used to that’s for sure. I waited for a few more seconds. “Ahhh!” Alina exclaimed from inside my bathroom.

I walked back to my bedroom laughing.

...

“Thanks for letting me use your shower and stuff Svet.” Alina said, “And for letting me stay here. I dread to think what would have happened if I’d have gone home last night.”

“Aye, doesn’t bear thinking about.” I replied bluntly. I was only going to be honest with her. If she wanted to fix the problems she had at home she had to be honest about what was going on with everybody – even if that meant her Mum – if she wasn’t, it would just carry on and her mum’s boyfriend would probably become even more violent towards her.

“Will you come with me? Like while I go home?”

“Yeah sure. It’s only a few doors down though,” I laughed, “Do you need your hand holding?”

“Shut up. No. Just fancied some company.”

We finished up in my house, I’d cleaned the plates from earlier and had generally spruced the place up from the state we had left it in by stumbling around late at night and just dropping things everywhere because of our fatigue. Alina had finished up in the bathroom, her hair soaked but smelling nicer – rid of the beer stench – and she had cleaned in there. After all, it was her who had used it all. We locked up and made the short walk to her house, which was only about five doors down and across the street. It wasn’t a long way, thankfully.

At first I wasn’t too sure why Alina had asked me to go with her, it hadn’t made sense to me originally but I wasn’t about to question her. I liked her a lot and if this got me any closer to my end goal then I would just go with it. Plus she probably felt a bit fragile and just wanted somebody with her when she finally ended up at home after such a heavy night.

“Are you going to tell them you stayed at mine?” I asked.

“Nah, I’ll say I stayed at one of the girl’s.” She replied, “I think he’d go mental if I told him I stayed at yours.”

“Why?”

“Probably say something about disrespecting the family or something by being out at a boys all night or something silly like that – it’s not even like my Mum would be bothered, it’s so ridiculous.”

I nodded, I understood what she meant. Attitudes towards this sort of thing were becoming more relaxed in recent years – Alina’s own mother was testament to that fact, but some of the older generations still thought it was ‘slaggy’ or ‘whoreish’ for a girl to stay out overnight at a boys. It’s not like it’s even important – what difference does it make?

We ended up at her front door fairly quickly and Alina took a deep breath before knocking on the door, three quick raps of the knuckles across the single pane of glass in the middle of the door. I heard footsteps fairly soon and then the noise of keys as somebody fumbled inside to find the key that would open the door from the inside. Alina looked at me, there was a strange look in her eye, it seemed as if she were worried, scared perhaps.

The door opened. It was her mum’s boyfriend.

He looked down at her with a scowl on his face, his craggy features contorted into a snarling look. He then looked at me and his expression changed to one with a hint of shock. Horror crept across his face. Alina stayed still, I did the same. I wasn’t entirely sure what to do. This was one of the strangest and most awkward situations I had potentially ever been in. It was so weird and silent and just... Just strange!

“Where have you been all night?” He asked, in a deep voice, “Your Mum has been worried sick.”

“Stayed at a friend’s.” She said boldly, it seemed as if she was a little more confident with somebody by her side than she perhaps would have been alone. I felt like punching this man, but I knew I couldn’t. “Svet here walked home with me, he stayed at one of his mate’s nearby.”

“I see.” He said. It was clear he didn’t believe what she was saying, but he wasn’t going to say it in front of me. That much was certain. “Well... Svet.” He said, almost considering my name as he began to wrap things up, “Thanks for walking with Alina, we’ll see you later now won’t we.” He said, this being my cue to leave as he stood away from the door, holding it open for Alina to walk in – and she did, timidly. She looked back at me, I had never seen her scared before. It was clear to see she was right now.

But what could I do? There was nothing. And as the door slammed shut and I heard a low voice shout loudly, aggressively from behind it I knew there was now nothing I could do to make sure she was okay. I felt powerless, as powerless as she probably felt. There was nothing either of us could do to make sure she would be alright. It was awful.

I walked home. There was nothing I could do now. I’d have to wait and see how she was on Monday.

...

I began my walk on Monday and had never felt as cold as this on a school day. Thankfully, this was my final year at high school and next year I’d go to Sixth Form for two years. No more early starts for me then. However, it wasn’t the weather that was making me feel cold. The past two days I hadn’t been able to get Alina off my mind – how would she be? Was she okay? I didn’t know. I was worried, I hoped that her mum’s boyfriend did nothing to hurt her again. I knew that if he did and she told me, I may not be able to control my anger or my actions.

I felt cold because I couldn’t help her – almost because I was so distant. I walked down the street, kicking a stone along, mimicking the goal I had seen scored by Ure Rundschau when I was little. It’d been one of my first few games, going to Maine Road and standing on the Kippax End watching Rundschau jink in between two big burly defenders and smash an effort home. He had been an incredible player.

“Svet!” Came a shout. It was Alina, she was jogging behind me. I hadn’t expected to walk to school with her this morning. I’d expected her prediction of her mum’s boyfriend going mental would mean she’d probably be unable to see me. He seemed that controlling, as if he’d try and make sure she had no contact with anybody.

As she came closer I noticed she had a big bruise on her neck.

“What the fuck has he done to you now?” I asked, I was horrified. It looked as if he’d full on punched her right on the side of the neck, it didn’t look good.

“Yeah. Ha. Well let’s say he wasn’t happy with the fact I stayed out all night and didn’t believe that I stayed at Lena’s.”

“I don’t get it, it’s not even any of his business.” I said, “Why’s he involved? Surely it’s up to your mum whether you see people or not? He’s not even related to you.”

“Ehhh, Mum’s not always in the best state to care really. He’s really controlling, it’s not easy.”

“Just tell him to fuck off, it’s not his place.”

She laughed, “It’s not that easy Svet.” She paused. “It just isn’t. My Mum likes him, I can’t just disregard that, she’s happy.”

“She wouldn’t be if she knew he was knocking you around!” I shouted, angry, “What did she say about that?” I asked, pointing at the bruise on her neck.

“She hasn’t seen it, I’ve covered it up.”

“Just tell her Alina... Please, just tell her. He can’t get away with this, it isn’t right.”

“He tried to stop me seeing you,” She laughed hollowly, “He said you’re trouble and that I was being ‘dishonourable’ by being seen with you. He’s such an idiot.”

I didn’t even know what to say. This was mad. Someone needed to know. If they didn’t then Alina would keep getting hurt and I couldn’t allow that to happen. I’d made my mind up. I was going to confront her Mum’s boyfriend at some point and he wasn’t going to get away with it if I could help it. If he even tried to deny it I’d punch his lights out. My mind was made up. I wasn’t going to tell Alina though – she’d try and stop me – but I couldn’t allow it to carry on anymore.

With any luck, it’d be over by the end of the day. I just needed to choose the right time to confront him and make sure he got the message properly. If he got the message, Alina wouldn’t get knocked around and I’d be a lot happier. I didn’t even mind if Alina didn’t want me to, it was necessary. I wanted to protect her.

by **Apox** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:26 am

OOC: Final part tomorrow as I'm on D of E until the end of qualifying from early Wednesday morning.

The second half kicked off with as much intensity as the first, with George managed to create some good chances for the Thistles early on, as the Thistles looked like they cold potentially come back into contention. However, all hopes were nearly shattered in the 50th minute when Lucas Finch nearly managed to set up the hated Bodwannick to make the third goal for Haïtiens, Caddie Jones having to dive acrobatically to stop the ball.

The game progressed, with neither able to break the deadlock of the second half, even when a couple of tactical substitutions were made. And then, in a flash of brilliance, the Thistle's were back in contention. Jordan Rickwright picked up the ball in the Thistle's half, and put a lofted through ball in which landed, amazingly at the feet of Almost Chris Maarsden 30 yards further up the pitch. Chris was practically unmarked at this point, and he had already fired off a shot at the Haïtiens keeper before he could get back into position. The ball sailed gracefully into the back of the net, and the deficit was reduced to one.

However, both sides didn't want to lose, and once again stalemate existed, though there was still some attempts from both sides, with Jeremy Scott only just putting a shot wide, whilst AV Bodwannick put in a couple of good shots. However, with the score at 2- with ten minutes left to play, it was looking unlikely. And then, the most extraordinary bit of football anyone at the ground had ever seen.

Jordan Rickwright took a free-kick from 25 yards out, which was lofted in nicely for Victor Charlfont to get his head on the ball. It looked as if the ball was going to be destined to go in for the equaliser, before out of nowhere, Lucas Finch appeared to block the ball off the line. In the resulting confusion, the ball was booted back up field to Sylvon Widegates, who sidestepped John Harper easily and had the legs on Cassia Noble. He approached the box, and chipped the ball over the sprawling Caddie Jones before jumping over the unfortunate keeper and scoring. And that was that, there could be no coming back from 3-1 down.

The final few minutes were played out solemnly by the Thistle's, though there was little they could do, and three minutes later, the referee blew for extra time. The Haïtiens player celebrated wildly - as if they'd just won a cup final, while a lingering depression fell over the Thistle's players. George slumped to the ground, bitterly disappointed. When he looked up, he saw Bodwannick walking towards him with a microphone, with the smuggest grin on his face.

George stood up. He knew what he had to do to uphold his side of the bargain. He took the offered mic, took a deep breath and said into it.

"Haïtiens are the best team in the world."

Team Sheet from the Match (scorer in bold)
GK - Will Hewitt
RD - Jack Forster
CD - Dan Weekes
CD - Fronden Abel
LD - Jennie Scott
RM - Olim Benzari (c)
CM - Will Fich
CM - Jack Moses sub Armando Quillisi 67'
CF - Fred Barnett
ST - Keri Ularu sub Maxim Kolo 70'

by **Sandwich Territories** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:44 am

SBC International

Editorial with Jackson Martin

SCALLIONS- Max Bellerd has only one thing to say to the media. "SHUT UP". And frankly, I can't blame him. The team is running with the mentality that it doesn't matter where we are now in the standings until the final day has ended, and that they just need to keep on giving their hearts to the game and winning. And although it might sound like a boot-camp to some, to the organization, it is about using pride, and soul, to help players to play with effort. And not only that, but the group of guys he picked give it their all every night, so basically, for the players, this is the message: "Keep going, and don't slow down". If you are to ask me, this is the mindset that got this team to where it is today. And hopefully, although I know so, Max Bellerd will keep inspiring not only the team, but the Sandwich Territories with the same "tried-true" message. Many people question it, as you might have noticed while trying to check out your groceries at the supermarket. All these celebrities and gossip magazines trying to act like they know football, and I've heard that they call Max things like "Sgt. Rage, The Little Dictator", and the worst of the bunch, "Slave Master". These things are not only insulting to Max, but the whole organization, and the fans. According to the SBC, one fan was arrested for trying to set Madi Wells' (editor of Gossip! Today) ~~cubicle~~ ~~office~~ motel in an office building of fire. And not only that, but MAX IS NOT ANYTHING LIKE THIS (in caps so these celebrity/gossip idiots won't have to squint to see it). He does what is best for the team, and the team agrees. Frankly, if you want my opinion on this, I think not only just me, but the rest of us, ought to side with Mr. Bellerd and be like Brian Cashman talking to Alex Rodriguez: "SHUT UP".

SBC SPORTS

Sandwich Territories: 5 vs. Luzviminia: 3

GOALS:

2' Banks (SAN) NOTE: Returned yesterday from injury.
17' N/A (LUZ)
31' Havalotti (SAN)
48' Wade (SAN)
66' Alton (SAN)
73' N/A (LUZ)
85' Ferdinand (SAN)
90' N/A (LUZ)

EDIT: Had to fix a space between SBC and SPORTS.

by **Super-Llamaland** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 7:35 am

Group 1
Horusland 3–0 Friday Freshman
Super-Llamaland 2–1 Kalusia
Leorudo 3–0 The fief of Sir Kunne
Armed Bears 0–2 Oralana
Sargossa 1–0 Taeshan

- Group 1 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Sargossa 11 9 0 2 16 7 +9 27
2 Taeshan 11 7 2 2 17 4 +13 23
3 Super-Llamaland 11 7 1 3 30 19 +11 22
4 Kalusia 11 4 4 3 11 9 +2 16
5 Horusland 11 4 4 3 13 14 −1 16
6 Armed Bears 11 4 3 4 22 19 +3 15
7 Leorudo 11 3 6 2 15 13 +2 15
8 Oralana 11 3 1 7 12 20 −8 10
9 The fief of Sir Kunne 11 2 1 8 7 21 −14 7
10 Friday Freshman 11 1 0 10 9 26 −17 3

Hats down to the Tigers. They are playing fifth out of ten in their group, but now stand a point from second place Taeshan, who somehow lost again. It's been a rough four games for them, with only two points after rattling off seven straight wins to start the tourney. Sargossa had a tough start, but are hot now and in the lead by four. The Llamas lead fourth-place Kalusia and Horusland by six points and +9 in Run Differential. Armed Bears and Leorudo are tied a point behind, and everybody else is generally out of it.

Tiger Goals: T Duncan (assisted by J Mullin) 37', L Alcanatra (assisted by J Oliver) 75'
Kalusia Goals: R Tornej (assisted by G Terzibalt) 70'
Tiger Possession: 56%
Shots (on goal): 15 (10), 11 (9)

The Kalusian team fought hard, but the Llamas struck first on a Trevor Duncan header off a corner kick. They lead 1-0 going into the half, when the Kalusians, with their offensive formation and good defense, began to warm up. They were running and passing all over the field, and Michael Kerraway and the defense were barely holding on. It wasn't a surprise when Tornej, one of their best players, took a pass from Terzibalt and kicked it in beautifully past a diving Kerraway and sliding Alejandro Mujica. But Mujica's block and pass to Luis Alcanatra set up the Tigers' reply five minutes later as John Oliver scored. And that was the final, two to one.

STATS UPDATE!
Stats Update:
Tyson DeJesus 86% Saves, 42 SOG-Six Goals [injured]
Nick DeJesus 85% Saves, 34 SOG-Five goals
Eric Matthews 40% Saves, 5 SOG-Three goals
Michael Kerraway 92% Saves, 24 SOG-Two goals
Trevor Duncan EIGHTEEN POINTS (seven goals four assists)
Jared Mullin FIFTEEN POINTS (four goals six assists): He's a sub.
Bobby Crosby TEN POINTS (five goals)
Chris May TEN POINTS (three goals four assists) injured
Luis Alcanatra NINE POINTS (three goals, three assists)
John Oliver EIGHT POINTS (two goals, four assists)
Evan Powell SEVEN POINTS (three goals, one assist)
Johnny Rushmore FIVE POINTS (two goals, one assist)
Chris Chapman FIVE POINTS (one goal, three assists)
Alejandro Mujica ONE POINT (assist)

by **Barunia** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 8:11 am

BaruniainSports.com.bu

Stephen WIggens: The secret goal
By Kitty Smith

I had the opportunity this week to sit down for a chat with Suns coach Stephen Wiggens. Here's what he have to say. (Italics are my questions.)
------

Stephen, thank you for talking to me. You've been coaching the national side for about three years now, what's been the highlight so far?

We've had plenty of great games, but the one that really stands out for me was last World Cup, that final group match against Hutt River where we needed the win to make the play-offs. The team really pulled out the stops in that one, and deserved the second spot in that group. A very proud moment to be part of that.

With that said, do you think the Suns can make it to the World Cup this time around?

It's a tough group, but we are where we want to be near the top of the table, so there's every chance. We've just got to keep doing what we're doing and get out there and win the games. Our secret goal this cup - or not secret anymore, as I'm about to tell you and your readers - is to break into the top 100 in the rankings. The team started World Cup 64 somewhere near the 250 mark -253, I think it was- and we started this year in 107. So we're confident that we can achieve that goal at least.

You've been heavily involved in Barunian Football for a long time, first as a player, then as a coach and now as a member of the BFA. How do you think the game's changed over the years and what effect has that had?

How has it changed in Barunia? It's huge. When I was playing there were ten teams across the country playing weekend matches in grass paddocks for a plastic trophy and a couple of tildas.* Then we had the BFL, but they dropped most of the teams, which was a mistake, they only made six sides professional. Then of course the BFA had to boost the amateur circuit. Now they've gotten themselves sorted out with a multi-tier league, but there's still to many. Two tiers of sixteen teams each would be better.

So what impact has international competition had on the development of the game nationally?

Well, the multi-tier system was borrowed from other countries domestic competitions, for a start. Then there is the fact the Barunia is actually beginning to export players to other countries, and we're also beginning to see some foreign talent in our domestic league. But of course the biggest impact has been since Barunia joined the WCC tournaments, we now have a world ranking and are actually "somebody" in international football.

The Suns are doing well, but there's been some bad news with Gregory Plant ruled out of the rest of the competition with that injury he sustained in the match against Mantwenic. Any idea who will replace him Stephen?

There's a few options. I mean no disrespect to Gregory in saying this, but there's plenty of equally competent players that can fill that role. Featherstone, Zokora, Marris…I've been very impressed with Yohan. He's got a good head on his shoulders for such a young guy, and he's gotten goals. I think it's something like three goals in four appearances, which is an amazing effort for any player. That being said, I'll reserve my final decision until I've had a chance to speak with the team tomorrow.

Finally before I go, one of my readers wanted to know what team you support in the BFL?

I played for what is now Haven City, they were called the Sharks back in the day. I still have club membership and my name is listed on their hall of fame, so as far as I'm concerned they're still my club.

Thanks Stephen for taking the time to talk to me. The Suns will kick off against the German American States in about four hours time, and we should be in for a good match. I'll be covering the match as usual, so tune in.

*For foreign readers, the tilda is Barunia's national currency.

by **The Sovan Antithesis** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 8:15 am

ALL HAIL MARGRET

Oath has been recited, so here is our schedule:

1. @ Karditan
L 1-3
2. Jedi8246
W 3-2
3. @ Saintland
L 2-5
4. The Royal Kingdom of Quebec
W 3-2
5. @Sondstead
W 3-2
6. Aquitayne
W 4-3
7. @Sangti
L 1-2
8. @Narsora
W 2-1
9. Wight
L 1-3
10. Karditan
D 3-3
11. @Jedi8246
L 2-5
12. Saintland
13. @The Royal Kingdom of Quebec
14. Sondstead
15. @Aquitayne
16. Sangti
17. Narsora
18. @Wight

Well, we failed to do the season sweep of a top team. The Jedi team poured on the offense for 5 goals, in the 8th, 23rd, 36th, 60th and 82nd minutes by players unknown, since a roster could not be found. TSA never had a lead, as they scored in the 55th minute (game was 1-3 after that), and 84th (game at 2-5). It was too bad, we might have been able to qualify had we swept the 67th team. So, now TSA sits mired near the middle of the table after being in qualifying position. Can the Margret Worshippers defeat the highly religious Saintland team? Tune in to find out.

We now present you, the daily census ranking for our group. Today, the most compassionate citizens.

1. Narsora (221)
2. The Royal Kingdom of Quebec (96)
3. Sondstead (62)
4. Saintland (16)
5. The Sovan Antithesis (15)
6. Wight (6)
7. Sangti (-16)
8. Aquitayne (-19)
9. Jedi8246 (-41)
10. Karditan (-188)

And the running tally (10 for first, 9 for 2nd, etc.):
1. Karditan (67)
2. The Royal Kingdom of Quebec (64)
3. Narsora (61)
4. Sondstead (60)
4. Jedi8246 (59)
6. Wight (57)
7. Aquitayne (53)
8. The Sovan Antithesis (50)
9. Sangti (49)
10. Saintland (38)

by **The Inevitable Syndicate** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 8:39 am

Clawing Positions From The Bears By Proxy

1st Jult 12013

Fligsive, THE INEVITABLE SYNDICATE---- Our second game in this half of the qualifying could not have gone better, as we faced Tantamir right here in the Flynn Arena. The Syndicatian fans turned up in full force, blue and green kits contrasting the bland grey skies over Fligsive. It seems that Tantamir were a little intimidated, as one of the midfielder stepped onto the pitch with a shudder. It could have been the cold air, though.

As luck would have it, the ball started in our possession in this crucial match at home. The Syndicate needed a win, and the Bears (their main rivals for a playoff spot in Group 20) needed a loss, in order to give the Syndicate the upper hand and jet them into second. Of course, it wasn't long before we geared up and attempted to score, and in the 14th minute Luke Mitchell's super skills ensured we had the upper hand as early as possible. Tantamir traied to go for the retaliation, by their first shot bounced like a trampolinist off the crossbar, and their second shot went soaring into the Syndicatian crowd. It never returned, so a fresh ball was put into play. This time, the Tantamir side managed to keep hold of it for a good few minutes, and in this time their short passing regime and quick ball handling really put the Syndicate back in their place. They seemed to hug the ball a little bit too close to the goal however, as Luke Mitchell again managed to pry the ball out of the feet of the Tantamir defenders and make a wonderful shot that arced over the head of the opposing goalkeeper. This set the Syndicate up 2-0. Things were looking good.

Not much went on in the way of action until the second half, just before the hour mark, when a free kick offered to the opposing side managed to give them the boost they needed to land a perfect header right past the mitts of Dominic Archer. This wasn't the end of the world, but in a highly competitive group such as Group 20, every goal conceded counts. Being a defensive team, we're penalised a little as we don't tend to score much, but keeping the ball out of our box was the main priority of the next thirty minutes. While there were some moments when it was looking like Tantamir could gain the equaliser, luckily our defence managed to kit back hard and send the ball flying out towards the other end of the pitch. No more goals were scored by both parties, and the game ended with a secure win for the Syndicate, which was much needed if they want to continue their quest for a qualification spot.

The Inevitable Syndicate
:: Goalscorers ::
:: '13 Luke Mitchell
:: '32 Luke Mitchell
Tantamir
:: Goalscorers ::
:: '59 Unknown

Our next match is against the Bear-Belles themselves, at Wimbley Stadium. The 10th best team in the world, the Bears will prove very tough to beat, especially on their stomping grounds, but if the Syndicate can overcome this toughest of obstacles, then they could go on to achieve greatness at the World Cup Proper. Maybe that Lymantatian betting site could be correct after all...

-------Group 20----           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1  Equestrian States          11    7   4   0    28   12  +16    25
 2  The Inevitable Syndicate   11    8   1   2    22   10  +12    25
 3  Bears Armed                11    7   3   1    29   15  +14    24
 4  The Islands of Qutar       11    5   2   4    19   17   +2    17
 5  Brenecia                   11    5   1   5    13   16   −3    16
 6  Carmadin                   11    4   2   5    22   19   +3    14
 7  Sudagiu                    11    4   2   5    21   20   +1    14
 8  Free Republics             11    3   2   6    16   22   −6    11
 9  Omarios                    11    2   0   9    15   37  −22     6
10  Tantamir                   11    0   3   8    11   28  −17     3
Flags kindly provided by Equestrian States.

Freddie Johnson
ILN Sports

by **Bears Armed** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:29 am

Bears Armed wrote:[“Bears. Had all sorts aboard the ferry in the past, and thought that I must have seen every possible response to the journey, but singing?” Wightlink commented in an aside to Saligia. “Even had that Rupert Bear, in the back of my boat once, and he insisted on trying describe the trip in rhyming couplets as we went along, and I thought that that was the utter limit, but… singing a happy song?!?
“Bears, eh?”

(To be continued...)

_______________________________________________________________

The Lonely Road (Part Seven)
“Of Birds and Bears”

“Are we nearly there yet?”

“Grey!”

“Sorry, Sarge, but its feels as though we’ve been on board this little boat for months; Does to me, anyhows…”

“Well does to me too, actually, but maybeso that’s just how things go hwhen you’re dead.”*

“Urrgah! Well, I for one don’t like it.”

“We do seem to be taking the long way around, Bryan,” the dark monk Saligia commented quietly to the ferryman. “Would you care to tell me why that is?”

“What? Oh. It’s just that as you know the usual route goes to the Insula Taedium… and I thought that having a bunch of Bears dumped on her doorstep there might be bit too exciting for Nora…”

“Hokay… Oops! ‘Okay’, I mean: Damn, now they’ve got me doing it.
“So, where are you going to land us instead?”

“Over there, as it happens.” The ferryman nodded his head in the direction of a shingle beach that was just starting to become visible through the fog ahead of them and to their left.

“Ah. And are those woods that I see looming up just behind the shoreline?”

“Keen eye, haven’t you?”

“From the smell, as well as what I could work out about our route so far, the Tulgy Woods, in fact?”

“Well, yes.”

“Bryan!”

“Look, they’re Bears, right? They’ll feel at home there. We drop them off, you give them directions to the main path, and then I give you a lift back to Wight to see what’s been happening while we’ve been ‘all at sea’ as it were…”

“My responsibilities to King Búa, and to those who must walk the Lonesome Roads… ?”

“You’ve already given this bunch a lot more time than normal, right?”

“Well, yes.”

“Bears and woods go well together, and it’s not as though they could really get lost again once they’ve hit the main path, right?

“Well, yes.”

“Well, then.”

“But what if they run into something they’re not expecting… or somebody who’s not expecting them? No, I’ll have to keep on guiding them for a bit longer.”

“It’s your funeral… so as to speak.”

“Right.”

Meanwhile, at the other end of the ferryboat, the four Bears had changed songs and were now harmonising on the humm** ‘Simple Gifts’…

“ ’Tis a gift to be furry, ’tis a gift to be Bear;
’tis a gift to wake, and breathe the sweet Spring air;
And each day we stroll through the woods that we choose,
’tis a gift we pray we shall never lose.”

___________________________________________________________________________

OOC

* Actually, of course, it’s because the delays in between my posts mean that this bit of RP has been delayed from the previous World Cup which makes it about two years since the previous post as time is measured in Bears Armed.

** Religious song. As has been mentioned in some of my earlier RPs, there’s actually a book called ‘Humms Ancient and Modern’. (c.f. the RL Anglican Church’s ‘Hymns Ancient and Modern’).

by **Zwangzug** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:46 am

The Spenson Star
Capital Punishment

If this is how Zwangzug rings in every new stadium, perhaps they ought to do it more often.

Alternatively, perhaps the high-ups will claim this was their plan all along, as Zwangzug defeated the visiting Pazhujeb Islands three goals to nothing. The Purple Sea Urchins got off to a bad start, and all day looked like they were being batted around by superior forces, like the fins of a cute yellow fish and her sidekick Luther. [The fish was a girl? No one ever tells me these things. -ed]

Moving right along, Zwangzug had the run of the place, "the place" being the Zwischen Soccer-Specific Stadium, since abbreviated to ZS^3 or, for the really dialectic among you, ZS³. Local linchpin Davi Keane-Liuprand was tireless, setting up Martina Ruan and Yuuki Nakano in turn, before Patricia Eliot's goal wrapped up the game. The Pazhujebi team got a few shots in on occasion, but Sara Hale-Barnard was able to fend some of them off, and Joshua Farthing was never really tested (which, under the circumstances, may have been somewhat inevitable).

"It felt great," said Keane-Liuprand, "and I think it's definitely a good idea to be spreading the games around a bit. Looking ahead, should we be balancing the schedule more, now that we know we obviously have a serviceable home stadium to fall back on? Sure, but that's not my department, and things will work themselves out."

The home fans certainly seemed to appreciate it. "Okay, the atmosphere here is not as--intimidating, maybe--as tme mountains might be," admitted Brian McOllwen. "But on the other hand, the atmosphere is literally not as cold."

Public transit officials reported that there was no trouble getting people to the game, given that the capacity was similar to an Ephesian FC sellout. Tara Dronet concurred. "The one thing I would be wary of is, for a league game, everyone basically knows what's up. Today things seemed fine, but if fans from other countries weren't used to reading the signs or how many transfers they'd have to make, there could be headaches. Which is why we should probably stick to the Descriptive cities, I reckon. Sorry Canbix!" (Matchday Thirteen is likely to see Zwangzug take to our very own Stelladome, to host Europa Brittania.)

"It's the score at the end of the day that matters," captain Brett Chrowder claimed, "so yes, I think this was a success. I'm glad to see Scroves trying some new faces, the defense--can use a rest on occasion, so we can't be afraid to mix things up. It's a long qualifiers, you're going to get used to however things pan out, either way."

With the win, Zwangzug rise to fourth in group 5, tied with their upcoming opponents, Neo Lemmitania. The Pazhujeb Islands fall to eighth. And while this may be an impressive result (it is Zwangzug's largest victory since the team's return), it hasn't appeared to sour relations between the countries, who are hoping to hold a high-level diplomatic summit soon.

[If you wanted a summit at high levels why did you ever leave the mountains to begin with? -ed]

And we are, once again, done here.

by **Licentiapacisterra** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 12:58 pm

And so my journey home begins. I've managed to get a ticket that will get me through AO and Esportiva, and I can hopefully do it in time for the ceremony back in Montfort. Right now, I'm in Iadub, in Kjeligsted, somehow managing to get through the evening without a pint; they've got some kind of prohibition thing going on over here. And yes, I know it isn't healthy for a footballer to be drinking every night; but why should I give a shit ?? I'm already dead...

Ha. That's what they think.

I flew from Spit into Iadub International a couple of days ago, and I'm off later tonight. I've got it all planned out now. From here, in Audioslavia/Kjeligsted, I fly to the Inevitable Syndicate, then go from there to Maklohi Vai. I fly from there to Esportiva, the Northern Sunrise Islands, to be exact. Then on to Felix, from there to Cyborg Holland. Then to Apox, for the final flight into Montfort, and a mad rush to get to the LTI Stadium in time for the award to be handed out.

I've spent the last couple of days, being touristy, as I can't get a flight out for a couple of days, and I've visited the two cities that make up this area. I started in Iadub, which seems to be a fairly strict place. Not much fun going on here. No drinking as I've already said, which doesn't help. They might as well have outlawed smiling in this hellhole. Sure, everybody's got a ridiculous amount of money to throw around, and the buldings are impressive. But it's so strict, and quite frankly, the people are arseholes.

I'd much rather be back in Oljestaden. Now, that was a nice place. Okay, maybe it'd not as rich as Iadub, but, as someone who grew up in poverty, I've never really cared for the rich. But Oljestaden is completely different. It's a party town, and I've always loved a party town. I drank rather a lot when I was there; I'm pretty sure I bankrupted a brewery or two on the couple of nights I was there. And the lapdancing clubs were incredible !!

At least, that's what I heard. I mean, of course I wouldn't go to one of those places...

Oh, who am I kidding ?? I went to the lapdancing bars and fucking loved them !!

Unfortunately, the airport that I'm flying out of on my way to Fligsive is in Iadub, so I have to spend my evening in this crappy place. I've found a bar, at a place called the Weelderig Hotel, where I can watch the Licentian game. It's four-nil to the Cyan-and-Gold at the minute, with about twenty minutes to go. Logan Moran, back in the team after the death of his father, got two goals early on, and his goals were followed by one each from Ruariadh Donaldson and Lewis Naylor. Vakolic look like they might have a chance of scoring, but maybe not. Schwartz has the defense set up really well, so it'll take some fantastic skill from them to get the ball in the net.

Anyway, I better get going, I need to finish up this pint, and then head over to the airport. Off to the Inevitable Syndicate !!

by **Equestrian States** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 1:38 pm

Geography & Climate

The Equestrian States is best described as an island nation. However, most Equestrians live on the largest island, which is referred to by locals as the mainland, due to its role as a population and commercial center for the country.

The mainland is mostly flat grassland and plains, though forests and hilly areas exist and are generally scattered throughout the island. Running north to south are the Harmony Mountains, named for Mt. Harmony near the capital city of Canterlot. The mountain range divides the mainland into eastern and western geographic regions, and was once home to dozens of active volcanoes. However, no eruption has occurred in the Harmony Mountains in over 800 years, and the range is believed to be inactive. The ancient volcanic activity on the mainland (and on many of the Equestrian States' smaller islands, as well) resulted in mineral deposits from which Equestrian miners have extracted gold, silver, and other valuable materials for export.

Two notable exceptions to the mainland's grassy majority are the Everfree Forest and Southern Desert. The Everfree Forest is more of a jungle than a temperate forest, and is widely considered the most dangerous region in the Equestrian States due to its large numbers of wild carnivorous species, some of which would be considered "mythical" by foreigners. Within the Everfree Forest is the city of Everfree, located along the banks of the Stampede River and home to the largest population of non-equines in the nation (see Chapter 11 for a more detailed guide to the city). A number of more temperate forests surround the Everfree Forest itself.

The Southern Desert is (as one might expect) a dry region located in a small pocket of flat land surrounded by the Harmony Mountains near the southern coast. The only major population center in the Southern Desert is the small city of Appleoosa, located in what could be considered by some as a cooler oasis.

Equestrian weather is very pleasant in general, and is extremely predictable due to the abilities of pegasai to control weather patterns. No, that is not a typo, pegasai are indeed capable of magically controlling clouds, and thus the weather. Rain and the occasional thunderstorm are scheduled by the government-run Ministry of Weather Control, allowing Equestrian farmers to maximize crop growth and giving the nation's agricultural sector a huge boost.

by **West Angola** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 1:42 pm

NAMIBE CHRONICLE

WEST ANGOLA DRAWS OSARIUS, SANDWICH TERRITORIES RETAINS LEAD

Fireworks shoot off from Warren Memorial Stadium in Namibe prior to the match

NAMIBE- In an exciting but ultimately slightly disappointing match last night, West Angola managed a draw against group top seed Osarius, keeping the two at a dead heat in group eleven. Peter Wilson and Ezio Grassi each scored a goal in a match which featured suffocating defense on both sides, to the point that only one intentional shot was attempted in the first 87 minutes, and even that was deflected. West Angola looked like an entirely different team from their first match against Osarius, refusing to crumble while down as they had in the opening leg, and managed to respond with an equalizer seventeen minutes after Osarius drew first blood in the 57th. Both teams played excellent football for the entirety of the match, and despite the defensive efforts of both sides to prevent any shots from occurring, there were several close calls throughout, and especially in the closing stages.

The first notable near-scoring attempt took place in the 22nd minute when Camille Mitchell slipped past Paul Allen and passed to Grassi, who had managed to break free of George Urial for a few seconds. McGregor had a chance to shoot, but Kevin Hanson, who seemed to "come out of nowhere" according to several observers, managed to get a foot in front of the ball and send it back up the pitch, prompting a massive sigh of relief from the West Angolan faithful. The next close call came in the 38th minute, at the other end of the pitch, as Luke Parrish successfully drew the Osarian defense towards the corner, then lobbed a long pass to Peter Wilson, who stood all alone just outside the box with a clear shot. A collective gasp went up from the crowd, and time seemed to freeze as the ball arched through the air. However, Gareth Mason charged off his line and, leaping higher than anyone ever has in Memorial Stadium, managed to knock the ball off line with his head, where it was recovered by Connor McCarthy and cleared with ease.

The third incident was the first of a string which began late in the match. In the 85th minute, with tension rising, Osarian left wing Kristen Rees shattered the West Angolan defense with an eye-popping pass off her heel to Mitchell, who relayed the ball ahead to Grassi with a wide-open shot at the goal. However, once again, Grassi was foiled by quick action by West Angola’s defense, this time from Jan Pawel, charging back from his swingman position near the center of the pitch. Showing off the speed that made him West Angola’s U-21 champion sprinter, Pawel managed to redirect Grassi’s shot harmlessly out-of-bounds. West Angola won the resulting corner, and brought the ball up, creating the next near-score of the stretch. Peter Wilson, attempting to weave through the defense, slipped on the grass and inadvertently kicked the ball as he went down. The “shot” caromed off a stunned Leon Donaldson and shot towards the goal, nearly slipping by Mason, who managed to get a hand on the ball thanks to a quick reaction which potentially saved the match for Osarius.

The final scare of the match came over the course of the final few minutes. With time approaching ninety minutes and a referee who gave little stoppage time, Osarius shifted its strategy. Launching an all-out attack, Osarius seemed on the verge of breaking the West Angolan defense several times, and only desperate last-ditch efforts kept a catastrophic penetration from occurring. Finally, three minutes into stoppage time, Osarius blew the exhausted defense wide open, and let loose with a volley of four shots in quick succession that Blake Green barely managed to deflect. Green and West Angola were quite literally “saved by the bell,” as the final whistle interrupted this final attempt, ending the match just in time for the burgundy-and-white.

With the draw, Osarius and West Angola remain tied for second in points, with Osarius taking the advantage due to a higher goal differential. Sandwich Territories widened its lead in the group to three points with a 5-3 win over Luzvimindia, and is seeking to pull a surprise on par with several other teams who have qualified from deep within their group’s seeding, United Gordonopia being the most recent example of this. West Angola next faces Beldonia, a team they drew in the opening leg, before beginning the gauntlet of teams ranked immediately below them, culminating in a showdown with Sandwich Territories. Astograth, Filopines, and Sandwich Territories will all present challenges to West Angola, as each is extremely skilled in different aspects of the game, forcing West Angola to concentrate on each individually and one at a time. If West Angola can sweep these three matches, as they did the first time around, they will enter the homestretch of qualifying with a crucial advantage that will likely be the difference between the World Cup and the Cup of Harmony.

Group 11
Kericia 4–0 Beldonia
Sandwich Territories 5–3 Luzvimindia
Filopines 2–1 Carizzal
Astograth 1–0 Joshulia
West Angola 1–1 Osarius

-   Group 11                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Sandwich Territories                11    9   0   2    25   17   +8    27
 2 Osarius                             11    7   3   1    29   15  +14    24
 3 West Angola                         11    7   3   1    18    7  +11    24
 4 Astograth                           11    7   1   3    18    7  +11    22
 5 Filopines                           11    6   2   3    26   16  +10    20
 6 Kericia                             11    4   2   5    24   26   −2    14
 7 Luzvimindia                         11    1   5   5    20   29   −9     8
 8 Carizzal                            11    1   3   7    16   27  −11     6
 9 Beldonia                            11    1   2   8    10   27  −17     5
10 Joshulia                            11    1   1   9    11   26  −15     4

by **Saintland** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 1:45 pm

-------Group 16----                    P  W  D  L GF-GA     GD   Pts
[1] Wight                              11  7  4  0 28-11   +17   25
:2: Jedi8246                           11  8  0  3 21-15   +6    24
 3- Saintland                          11  6  3  2 22-14   +8    21
 4- The Royal Kingdom of Quebec        11  5  4  2 22-14   +8    19
 5- The Sovan Antithesis               11  5  1  5 25-31   -6    16
 6- Sangti                             11  4  3  4 10-11   -1    15
 7- Karditan                           11  3  4  4 14-16   -2    13
 8- Sondstead                          11  3  4  4 10-14   -4    13
 9- Aquitayne                          11  1  1  9  6-18   -12   4
10- Narsora                            11  0  2  9  6-20   -14   2

Sanctii collapse in 2nd half, draw Sangti 2-2

(SP) Everything was going according to plan for our Kingdom's National Soccer Team. Prince Andreas had scored 2 goals in the first half to put the Sanctii in the lead. However, Sangti would not go away and the Sanctii conceded 2 goals shortly after halftime. This disaster of a result complicates our Kingdom's qualifying chances, as Prince Andreas and the rest of the National Soccer Team now head to the Sovan Antithesis for the first of what will likely be 7 consecutive must-win matches. "I thought that we had moved beyond second half collapses, but today we left 2 critical points on the table against Sangti. We cannot afford to do that. I regret my decision to not bring in the Jucundius brothers at halftime. I thought we had a chance at expanding our lead, but I should have remembered that greed is a very serious sin. Because of my greed, Sangti was able to come back today and that is something that we cannot allow. I just pray that God will forgive us our sins and deliver us unto victory against the even greater sinners that are our opponents. Everything we have accomplished has been due to God. Without God on our side, we do not stand a chance." - Prince Andreas

Following the usual Cantus Virginum performance of the national anthem and a Royal Air Force flyover, this match got underway. As the first home game since the recent release of the new Feministvs Sanctvsterra propaganda video that they are emailing to literally everybody, there were concerns throughout the Kingdom of Saintland that the domestic terrorist organization would disrupt this match. However, they did not show up at today's match. There were also concerns that Vindicta Progressvm was plotting a final stunt before all of them will be sent back to school tomorrow. However, that did not happen either. It seems that those delinquents have accepted their fate. Hopefully, they have either been or will seen be cured of their rebellion. Instead, they should replace their rebellion with an enthusiastic respect for authority and a strong desire to do what they are told because obedience to rightful authority is the road to happiness, in this life and the next.

The match began with a bang as Prince Andreas took the ball off the opening kickoff. Brian Cua was still starting at keeper for Sangti, as Williard Navarette was still out with that injury he had suffered in the first match between these 2 sides. The Prince of Saintland ran forward, evading the defenders and launched a rocket from just outside the box. Brian Cua was clearly not expecting a shot, so he just stood idly by and watched like everybody else as the perfectly placed Prince Andreas shot went into the Sangtian net. The Prince of Saintland had put the Sanctii up and only 15 seconds or so had elapsed in the match. This was the fastest that a Sanctii national team player had ever scored a goal and would have been one of the 10 fastest goals ever scored in our Kingdom's Soccer League. It seemed that everything was going right for the Sanctii.

This continued, as the Sanctii put their opponents under relentless pressure early in this match. After several near-misses and great saves by Brian Cua, the Sanctii would get their second goal in the 19th minute. This time, Ioannes Poenius crossed to Stephanus Vagionius. Vagionius executed the classic Sanctii fake out play, faking a shot. Cua bought the shot, so Vagionius passed to Prince Andreas. The Prince of Saintland did not miss, putting it into the back of the net for his second goal of the match. It truly seemed like the Sanctii were heading toward a decisive victory over a very tough Sangti side that had been a thorn in their side throughout qualifying.

The remainder of the first half saw more of the same. Countless Sanctii shots hit the post. Others hit the bar. More shots were saved by Brian Cua. Others went just wide of the goal. However, the Sanctii were consistently on the attack in the first half. Sangti got just a single scoring opportunity, in the 38th minute. Adrian Magcaleng received a cross from Robin Linsangan and sent it right at Seius. The Sanctii keeper executed a routine save before tossing it to Aufidius. Aufidius set up a Sanctii scoring chance that would be batted out by Cua for a corner. That corner would not amount to anything. The Sanctii took a 2 goals to nil lead into the half.

At halftime, Cantus Virginum performed. Although there were concerns that Feministvs Sanctvsterra terrorists would hijack the Royal Stadium speakers and play blasphemous and/or seditious lyrics from their "Cantvs Feministvs" group, no such act of terror would occur. Cantus Virginum got a lengthy round of applause today, in the first home match since they were called unprintable names by the Sondsteadish fans. The Royal Stadium crowd was filled with screaming schoolgirls, who were happy to get a chance to see their idols.

After halftime, the serious soccer fans in the crowd were baffled by Prince Andreas's decision to make no substitutions. It just seemed obvious to bring in the Jucundius brothers and play a 7 defender formation when the Sanctii already had a 2 goal lead. However, the starting lineup was the Sanctii lineup at the start of the second half. A few minutes into the second half, Petrus Mamilius carelessly gave the ball away to Roman Ang. The Sangtians passed through the Sanctii midfield. Soon John Utanes had possession, just outside of the scoring area. Lucas Aufidius over-pursued the Sangtian striker and soon Utanes was through on goal. Utanes put the shot high and down the middle. Alessandro Seius dove to his left and Utanes began celebrating, as the Royal Stadium crowd could not believe what they were seeing.

Prince Andreas immediately made the call for a substitution. Petrus Mamilius left the match and Josephus Flaccus came in. The younger brother of the twins Paulus and Silvester, Josephus Flaccus has a reputation for not taking things as seriously as he should. Apparently, the nuns at the Church of Saintland schools he attended were not very successful in impressing upon him the importance of taking everything seriously. The crowd was immediately unhappy upon hearing of that substitution. From what I heard, it seems like the Sanctii fans would have preferred if the Prince of Saintland had gone with Andreas Inventius instead.

After the substitution, the match was bogged down in the midfield area for the next 10 minutes or so. Neither team got much of a scoring opportunity. In the 62nd minute, that changed as the Sanctii moved forward and Josephus Flaccus almost scored on a very long shot, showing off his extraordinary talent. However, Brian Cua saved the shot. Sangti soon came out on a counter attack. It would not be long before Adrian Magcaleng was staring down Alessandro Seius in a 1-on-1 situation. The Sangtian striker put a rocket on the ground heading toward the goal. Seius picked the right direction, but his hand missed the ball by a mere inch, as it went over the line and into the back of the net. Sangti had stunned the crowd at Royal Stadium with 2 goals in the first 20 minutes of the second half.

After the second Sangtian goal, Prince Andreas pulled the Poenius brothers. In their place, he brought in Ioannes Gratus and Paulus Gabinius. Suddenly, the Sanctii were playing a 3-3-1-3 formation and they were out of substitutions. Sangti had a few scoring chances of their own, but the final quarter hour of the match saw the Sanctii blow scoring chance after scoring chance. For some reason, the Sanctii could not get a shot on target. The shot by Prince Andreas right before the final whistle summed it all up. The Prince of Saintland had a net that was basically empty to shoot into, because the keeper had been fooled by a fake, but he still hit the shot too hard and it went sailing over the net and into the front row of the Royal Stadium bleachers. Sangti had pulled off a second tie against the Kingdom of Saintland. In trying to expand a 2 goal lead, for goal differential's sake, Prince Andreas had instead lost the lead and complicated our Kingdom's chances of qualifying for the World Cup with mistakes reminiscent of those mistakes that cost our Kingdom a number of matches in qualifying for World Cup 64, including what should have been a victory against Audioslavia at Royal Stadium.

With the draw against Sangti, the Sanctii now have 21 points, which is still good enough for 3rd place. Jedi8246 defeated The Sovan Antithesis 5 to 2 and Wight defeated Karditan 3 to nil, so Wight now leads with 25 points and Jedi8246 is in second place with 24 points. The Royal Kingdom of Quebec is now back in the running, at 19 points, after a 3-nil victory against Aquitayne. What is more worrying is the fact that the Quebecois now have the same goal differential as the Sanctii. Tomorrow will be the first of probably 7 must-win matches in a row for our Kingdom's National Soccer Team. The Sanctii must visit The Sovan Antithesis, a team they beat 5 goals to 2 at Royal Stadium in the first half of qualifying. Those Quebecois will be visiting Sangti, which is sure to be a problem for them. Fortunately, Wight will be hosting Jedi8246 today. The Sanctii will be in better position with a win and any result in that match, although a draw would probably be the ideal result. Although tomorrow's match is not even remotely of the same magnitude as Wight and Jedi8246's upcoming visits to Royal Stadium, it is absolutely vital that the Sanctii start a lengthy winning streak soon. They simply can't afford to blow any more opportunities to pick up additional points. Last time, a 7 win, 1 draw and 1 loss second half was not good enough to qualify for the World Cup. It remains entirely within the realm of possibility that the Sanctii could fall short of qualification again if they do not pick up all 21 points from their remaining matches. Tomorrow's match will be televised on Royal One. Be sure to tune in and see whether the National Soccer Team can bounce back from this disastrous draw against Sangti.

Sister Polus's Thoughts

Hello, I am Sister Maria Polus and I am joining you today to report on the re-opening of Progress High School, where I am the High Inquisitor and Headmistress. The Maria Virgine School, one of the best boarding schools for young ladies in the Kingdom, has graciously allowed our school to use their campus for the duration of the summer. I can report that the re-opening of Progress High School was a success. Our entire student body arrived this morning, in uniform and ready for a new school term.

Since every Progress High School student is now back in school, I can assure all of my viewers that Vindicta Progressvm is a nuisance no longer. I promise that I will get to the bottom of this situation. By the end of the summer, I will identify each and every Vindicta Progressvm member and I will personally see to it that they receive the punishment they deserve for their actions. I promise to do everything in my power to ensure that Vindicta Progressvm never returns.

That is not the only reason why I am making this video. Last night, I watched our Kingdom's National Soccer Team throw away a victory in the World Cup. I read the article in today's print edition of the Saintland Press and I must say that it is heartening to know that Prince Andreas understands why his team ended up with a draw instead of a win yesterday. As you know, greed is one of the 7 deadly sins and it was the undoing of the National Soccer Team yesterday. God tested them by giving the Sanctii a 2 goals to nil lead early in the first half. Prince Andreas failed the test and God punished them by allowing Sangti to score 2 goals and sneak off back to Esportiva with a draw.

As you are aware, some wicked person in the New Montreal States downloaded one of my videos that was never intended to be public and posted it on VousTube, that nation's inferior equivalent to Sanctustube. A few days ago, I insisted in my last video that VousTube take down that video and all other videos attributing words to me that I never said. I am pleased to report that they have done so. I visited VousTube earlier today and was unable to find a single video of myself on that site. I have to say that I did not expect those atheistic, nihilistic, hedonistic foreigners to do that, but sometimes we are pleasantly surprised in this life.

Recently, Feministvs Sanctvsterra released a video. This obscene video, which has since been removed from Sanctustube featured members of that domestic terrorist organization dancing in an obscene and most blasphemous manner inside the St. Petrus Cathedral, which is, as you already know, the most Holy of all the Cathedrals of God's True Church. That video is one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen. I'm sure you have also seen the video, since Feministvs Sanctvsterra emailed it to every valid email address in our Kingdom. I have also heard reports, from foreign media outlets, that Feministvs Sanctvsterra have been distributing links to this video all over their web sites. They have been posting links to the video in every comment section. They have posted links all over "social media" web sites, whatever those are. Internet forums, which are apparently places where foreigners get together on the Internet to discuss common interests, are reportedly being flooded with links to that video being posted by so-called "adbots." If Feministvs Sanctvsterra thinks that running these "adbot" things is going to win support for their cause, they are, most fortunately, mistaken. Media reports indicate that the majority sentiment on these so-called Internet forums is now in favor of our government rounding up these scandalous trollops and making proper ladies out of them. God, as they say, works in mysterious ways.

I'm sure I am not the only person in our Kingdom that has been paying attention to the controversy in the Free Republics about the city of Petrograd's Olympic bid being disallowed by the Olympic Council. The Free Republics have announced that they will be boycotting the Olympics, although they have never entered any Olympic Games, whether in the Winter or the Summer. According to the SP, they will be holding their own Republican Games. Personally, I don't have an opinion one way or the other on that. I think the Free Republics is a very selfish nation that will someday face God's Judgment, but I think the Olympic Council's behavior was also out of line. The Free Republics is certainly more qualified to host an Olympics than Vekaiyu and yet that nation, that I had never even heard of before, is permitted to bid and the Free Republics are not. Everybody has known for months that Liventia will host the Summer Olympics, but those foreigners have to have their lengthy elections, bidding processes and trials. As we are members of the True Church, we believe in doing things promptly, lest we fall victim to the sin of acedia.

Speaking of acedia, all the world marvels that Prince Andreas and the team at Royal Computer Entertainment of Saintland were able to create the Saint in such a short amount of time. What they don't understand is that our nation does not have the rampant acedia that is rampant in foreign nations. Actually, there is that official in the King's Government who forgot to send in our Kingdom's entry for the Volleyball World Expo, but he's currently doing plenty of penance for his sins. In the Kingdom of Saintland, we do not tolerate laziness. We spend every working hour focused on carrying out God's Plan. If we fail to do this to our full ability, God has His ways of punishing us for our sins. I am Sister Maria Polus and I thank you for watching.

After the loss against Sangti, the Saintland National Soccer Team discussed what went wrong in the locker room.

Prince Andreas - This is a disaster. What went wrong out there?

Marcus Jucundius - Captain, you should have put us into the match at halftime. There was no need to continue playing for a 3rd goal.

Prince Andreas - I wanted to embarrass those Sangtians. I can't stand the way they just emerged on the scene and held us scoreless.

Georgius Catiotus - Andreas, you have to be level-headed. You are a team captain. You can't be making foolish decisions that cost us points. Remember, God has His ways of punishing us for our sins.

Prince Andreas - You're right, Georgius. I let my greed get the better of me today.

Josephus Flaccus - Come on Andreas. We didn't jeopardize our qualification chances too much.

Alessandro Seius - Josephus, I thought you had learned to take things more seriously. We need every point we can get. Do you remember that draw against Zwangzug last time? What about the great collapse against Audioslavia? If we hadn't blown so many opportunities, we would have been in Wight and the New Montreal States instead of Apox and the Licentian Islands.

Josephus Flaccus - We got to visit Wight, so its no big deal.

Prince Andreas - Its "no big deal" that we didn't qualify last time? Do you even think before you speak?

Josephus Flaccus - We're still young. We've got plenty of chances ahead of us.

Stephanus Vagionius - Josephus, we don't know that. Only God knows for certain what the future holds.

Paulus Flaccus - Little brother, your attitude is a problem.

Silvester Flaccus - You've got more talent than we do, Josephus. You just don't have the proper level of dedication to the sport.

Josephus Flaccus - I'm not dedicated to the sport?

Prince Andreas - Josephus, you really need to repent of your acedia. If you can do that, you'll be a starter.

Josephus Flaccus - I guess you guys are right, but I'd rather enjoy myself instead of having to be all serious all the time.

Prince Andreas - Josephus, didn't you learn anything in school? You are put here to do your duty. You are not put here to enjoy yourself.

Josephus Flaccus - Sometimes, I wish I was born in one of those foreign nations where they aren't so serious about everything. Can't you guys just live a little?

Prince Andreas - Josephus, I'm beginning to get worried about you.

Silvester Flaccus - Little brother, I'm beginning to wonder if you may need to spend some time with Sister Polus. You just seem unfocused.

Josephus Flaccus - You're right. Maybe I do need to get closer to God. If you don't mind, Captain, I'd like to stay behind on our next 2 road trips and prepare for Wight and Jedi8246.

Prince Andreas - That's fine with me. Josephus, I may even consider letting you start against them. We need a secret weapon to beat the Wightlings and the Jedis. In the meantime, the rest of us will be traveling to the Sovan Antithesis. Tomorrow, we need to just win. It doesn't matter what the score is, just beat them. Does everybody understand?

It was clear that they all understood. The Sanctii left the locker room, preparing to travel to the Sovan Antithesis and determined to avoid another disastrous draw...

by **Punum** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 1:51 pm

Punum Win Yet Again

Yesterday, Punum beat Ossidiacqua 2-1 in a hard fought game which consisted of 10 yellow cards and 1 red card in the World Cup.

The first card occurred in the 3rd minute when Chris Lloyd had the ball 10 metres out of the box, he attempted to take it round Aiyegbeni Fisichella but his legs were swept away by the Ossidiacqua man resulting in the first card of the game. Ossidiacqua then got their second player booked ten minutes later. Lenny Dotson had his back faced towards the goal 15 metres out. As he tried to turn past Ezekiel Fibonacci he tripped him up and conceded a penalty. Aaron McGuire hit the bottom left corner of the post and it bounced out to a defender to clear it away. The score remained 0-0 after 15 minutes. It was now Punum's time to get into the book. In the 21st minute Ricardo Velaquez found a little bit of space inside the D. As he aimed his shot Lenny Dotson came in from nowhere and took out his legs. This meant there had been 3 yellow cards in 21 minutes. In the 30th minute Ossidiacqua got their third booking. Michael Dean was going down the right, but Cassiano Polanco made a dangerous tackle wiping Dean of his feat. 3 minutes later Dean got his revenge. Polanco was coming out of his half, and from behind Dean kicked his legs away and got booked. After a game of many cards, Chris Lloyd got the ball 10 metres out of the box. He passed it to Malcolm Guzman who was 15 metres out, he took a shot and it went steaming in to the bottom left to make it 1-0 after 43 minutes. The second half started a Punum got the first booking after the break. In the 46th Kassi Fiorentino had the ball 40 yards out, when he was about to pass it though Henry Dean slide tackled him and missed the ball. In the 55th minute Aaron McGuire was through on goal, however, Pedro Ugucciene pulled him down and should of been sent off, but the referee gave him the benefit of the doubt and booked him. 3 minutes later Lorenzo Borromeo had the ball just outside the left of the box, he tried cutting inside but Craig Hoffman was having none of it and wiped him off his feet. In the 66th minute Lenny Dotson was running down the centre of the pitch, Alessandro Finguerra traced him back and tripped him up, luckily the ball came to Chris Lloyd, he took a step but Aiyegbeni Fisichella made a two footed tackle on him inside the D and got sent off with his second booking, from the free kick Malcolm Guzman swerved the ball round the right of the wall into the top left corner making it 2-0 in the 71st minute. Alessandro Finguerra also got booked for his tackle on Dotson. They say a team is most vulnerable after they've just scored, this was certainly the case as Ricardo Velasquez got the ball 40 metres out. Played a through ball to Alessandro Finiguerra who had to slide to put it past Felix Briggs from 10 yards out. It was 2-1 after 73 minutes. This is how the game ended.

Unreported results: Punum 1-2 Consumar
Kandorith 5-5 Punum

Punum's next game is against Charruterra, they are 7th whilst Punum are sixth. Zackary Brown has announced the team;

GK: Felix Briggs
RB: Craig Hoffman
CB: Norman Ismael
CB: Rick Curtis
LB: Earl Marquez
CDM: Lenny Dotson
RM: Michael Dean
LM: Henry Dean
CAM: Chris Lloyd
CAM: Malcolm Guzman
ST: Aaron McGuire

Subs

GK: Bill Hanson
RB/LB: Albert Chandler
CB: Clinton Conley
CDM: Matthew Jewell
RM/LM: Neil Long
CAM: Rodrick Dalton
ST: Martin Hood.

Lee Mueller

by **Mangolana** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 1:52 pm

Mangolana Gazzette

Mangolana close to signing new Manager

The Mangolana Soccer Association has announced that they are close to signing the Mangolana National teams next manager. For those who did not know, current Mangolana manager Arch McTash has decided to leave the national team following the current World Cup cycle and has been strongly linked with the club Altomare which plays in the top league of Felix Soccer. Their current manager Antonio Leggièri, who is 61 years old, has hinted that he will retire if he doesn't get a national team job. He has been managing the Altomare team for 25 years and has won many championships with the team. McTash has not announced where he will be heading, but this is strongly considered an obvious landing spot and Felix has one of the best future with its domestic league. Another club in Felix, Sporting Volker has signed Brett Mallon during the previous season.

The Mangolana national team job however has been linked with former Sargossa National team Goalkeeper Martín Tejera. Tejera was a top world Goalkeeper who played for clubs in both Sargossa and Cafundéu. Tejera made the move into management with his hometown club in Sargossa, Estrella Torreón, where he enjoyed modest success. But it was with Sporting San Marquez where he really made his name, winning successive league titles. The titles lead to him to earning the right to coach the Sargossa National team, and in his tenure the Corsairs reached the Second Round of the World Cup, had a third place finish at the Cup of Harmony and were twice runner’s up at the Copa Rushmori. Tejera is currently back in charge of Sporting San Marquez in the Liga de Fuego, finishing First and bringing home the league title last season.

The Announcement for his appointment as manager is expected to occur within the next few days as the contract details are worked out in full. In recent memory, Mikael Svensson who also was from Sargossa lead the Mangolana national team to two World Cup propers including a appearance in the 60th World Cup round of 16. All the people of Mangolana can only hope for similar success for Martín Tejera and the National team in the coming years.

by **Free Republics** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 2:22 pm

Sporting World

Thank Goddess for Adbots
by: Nova Hellstrom

As you probably know by now, Sporting World's Letters to the Editors page has recently been flooded by all those trolls living in their mother's basement. They have taken to insulting me without end and claiming that I am a horrible journalist. I'm sick and tired of all of their trolling, so I'm done recapping soccer matches until they stop trolling. However, I will continue to submit articles for Sporting World and will remain Sporting World's only World Cup correspondent. That means that you don't get to find out what happened in World Cup qualifying unless you either stop trolling, watch the matches on some illegal Internet stream or attend them yourself. As you know, Freedom Sports Eight has dropped World Cup soccer due to poor ratings. Apparently, even golf does better ratings than international soccer. Maybe that ought to convince the World Cup Committee to disband and let the Free Republics organize the World Cup instead. We won't hire crooked refs that cheat the FFR out of our qualifying spot, nor will we permit talking horses and armed bears to compete in the World Cup. Anyway, the FFR drew Carmadin 2 to 2 and Koby Theodore scored 2 goals. I only wrote that because I have to, if I want to keep my job.

Now that I've got that out of the way, my article today is going to be about a recent event that I am grateful for. As you know, the usual trolls in Sporting World's comment section have been drowned out recently by a new type of commenter. This new kind of commenter is called an adbot and I have to say that I am thanking Goddess every day for these adbots.

While adbots traditionally offered call girls and free credit reports, the newer adbots are making it easier to find new music. Recently, I clicked on an adbot's link and it took me to a video by this awesome new group called Cantvs Feministvs. These ladies are so awesome and I just love empowered women like them. In their video, they danced in some religious building and sang some lyrics that I didn't understand, but they just looked so hot. I have found a new favorite band and I am happy to let all of my readers know that I have ordered a copy of their debut album. I am eternally grateful to the adbots for introducing me to their music.

Recently, I joined this web site where you can create your own country. I had so much fun submitting all kinds of fabulous legislation to the "United Nations," which is their equivalent of the World Assembly, but I got ejected from the United Nations because their moderators are jerks and they keep deleting my proposals. Why can't I propose resolutions that condemn the Equestrian States just because the Equestrian States is a real nation and not another player on that game? Why do they delete proposals just because I mention my name in them or I make references to real events to argue for them? That is just stupid. We should be able to propose whatever we want.

However, the reason I bring this up is because I decided to start posting in their forum after they wouldn't let me be part of the United Nations any more. I replied to several adbots, thanking them for their useful posts. Everything was going fine, until these evil moderators that hate me for some reason, decided to ban me because I kept replying to adbots. They also had a sports section where we held sports events with our fictional countries, but those people were mean. I created my own Olympics and none of them would join. Some jerk told me that I "wasn't qualified" to run an Olympics. Are they serious? I guess that's pointless now, since the site's moderators banned me, but everybody on that site was a jerk to me for some reason and I don't understand why.

I think I'm going to start my own adbots. I love those things and I'm grateful for the effort that the adbot operators have put into bringing me so much joy. I'm going to give back to them by running my own. However, I need to figure out what I'm going to advertise first. Whatever it is, I can't wait until I have my own adbot. It'll be so much fun.

Nova Hellstrom is an young sports journalist, just out of journalism school. She got her start covering high school soccer for the Petrograd Times. At one time, she played girls soccer for Petrograd Christian School. She was recently discovered by Sporting World and was previously assigned to cover the 27th Di Bradini Cup and 52nd Baptism of Fire. She is Sporting World's correspondent at the World Cup.

by **Wight** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 2:24 pm

by **Kalumba** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 2:26 pm

On The Lash With The Lads

Well I missed the match because I had to be in court to appeal the decision to ban me from all football grounds for two years, for my persistant offending, but thankfully 'Hebrew Dave' got me off because 'football forms a vital part of the defendant's relationship with his children, and helps him to deal with his current alcohol dependence'. Apparently the football is the only way that I can connect with the scrote of son I am blessed with, and also helps me find emotional attachment and social interaction away from alcohol. So the judge took pity and I am once more able to terrorise the east stand.

Not that it can be called a stand these days what with all the seats jammed in there. Such a heinously brutal act to inflict on such a grand old stadium as Kahali, all to please some whiny granny-stabbers from the land where rat is considered a delicacy just because they killed a bunch of their own fas due to their drunken behaviour. And thus we are all forced to sit in little plastic chairs and clap politley whenever a goal is scored. And as the prices rise and the television owners realise they can make more money out of us our freedoms are more and more trodden down into the dirt and they spit upon us, the soul of football, from their corporate boxes.

And all this because those granny-stabbing scum refuse to accept responsibility for what they did. Had they, as they claim, not been drunk or trying to sneak into the ground without tickets then it would have been the only occurence of this good behaviour in the entire history of that era of football. If they would admit this and not blame the police and the fact they had to stand they may get a little more sympathy.

But most of all they need to stop their vainglorious campaign against everything that once made football great. Standing, shouting and drinking. But these sanctimonious idiots may soon be sidelined if KUM win the election, they have brought back the old national colours for the kit and have made promise to assess the possibility of bringing back standing areas so they have my vote. Sorry for the rambling column but my mind is all over the place due to the court case, drink, work and general apathy.

Mr Spleen

O, Mr Spleen does not represent the views of Kalumba or her people and should be ignored in his entiety, however much truth he speaks.

by **Svengarda** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 2:37 pm

The three days between the trial and the results for the trial was one of the slowest three in my life. I did as much as possible to make time fast: watch TV, play some of my brothers video games, going on runs or going out with friends, but whatever I did, there'd be more time to just waste away thinking about my performance: did I get involved enough, did I add something extra to the team, or was I just a 'cog'. Did I do anything particularly good to impress the scouts, especially ahead of Loreen. Why was Loreen such a b***h to me? What had I done?

The day eventually came, and I woke early and soon found myself without something to do. It was 7:30am, my parents weren't up, there was nothing good on Tele, recorded or otherwise, and it was too cold even for me to go outside. So I took a book off the shelf, made myself some toast, and waited.

The post came at 11am and at 3pm, and when 11am finally crawled around, I was standing by the door as the postman came to the door. He pushed the bunch of letters through the letterbox and I caught them before they hit the floor, much to the disgruntlement of the cat, who liked to tear up the letters before we could reach them. He meowed gruffly at me, and I pushed him away gently with my leg whilst thumbing through the letters. Mostly business letters for Dad, personal letters from Mum's various friends and elderly relatives. Nothing.

I threw the letters on the floor in half annoyance half exhaustion. I had to wait just four more hours. I decided to go for I run, that would take me a few hours, then I'd grab lunch in town, and walk back leisurely. I dashed back upstairs and change into my exercise clothes: a baggy tank-top and black sports leggings. Most normal humans would have worn several jumpers when heading out into -2 degree temperature, but when you live in Svengarda, it's standard fare.

I took my normal route through the city, through several snow-covered parks and silent back-streets. There were few people on the streets, so my journey was relatively interrupted.

As I came round a bend on a street in the east of the city, I saw a man dash across the street, immediately pursued by another. I thought nothing of it and continued on my way, past where the men had run. Just as I ran past, there was a break in my music, and I heard a grunt followed by the smash of a bottle, followed by footsteps running away. I halted and removed my earphones, turning to see what had happened.

I suddenly felt sick in my stomach. In the middle of the alleyway lay the body of a man, still alive, but severely injured. There was blood on the floor, and I could see that he had a large gash in his side. Through the mess of rushing thoughts in my mind, I phoned the police and managed to spew out the location and the nature of incident in between my intermittent tears and sharp breathing. I was told to stay there and stay calm, and move the man into the recovery position, which I had to be reminded of by the officer on the other end.

The Police arrived 20 minutes later, which was slow by Svenga standards, and I was taken aside by a young female officer, wearing the recognisable white and blue Stormskamer Police uniform. She calmed me down and asked me to go through what happened. I regaled the whole tragic event to her as I started to compose myself.

The police phoned my parents and my Dad left work to come down, and Mum arrived shortly afterwards from home. They wrapped me up in my favourite blanket and we were given tea by the Police, and my parents talked low and soft to me. I was suddenly freezing cold, and was desperate to get home, but I had to stay for a few more statements. My hair was plastered to my face and the little make-up I had applied was now strewn down my face.

It was about 6:30 when we could finally go, and I hurried to my Dad's car down the street. The victim had been taken to hospital and was in a serious but stable position. He'd been attacked with a glass bottle by an unknown assailant for currently unknown reasons.

I was sat huddled in the back seat, heating on full, finishing my third mug of police-provided tea when my dad turned to me.

"You were very brave today Kari, we're all proud of you. Oh, and you make the cut"

by **Kinitaria** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 2:43 pm

A History of Kinitar Football in Eighteen Objects
Eleven: The red flag

As we have already seen, the political climate in Kinitaria was spiralling out of control. Extremists from both sides of the political spectrum besieged the central government, who were unable to adequately respond. This had severe implications for the booming game of football too, as matches would play host to battles between sets of supporters who held opposing political views. The police and army had their work cut out, not just in managing the country's warring football fans, but also in trying to prevent the bitterly opposed political groups from openly fighting in the streets of Kinitaria's cities. This didn't work.

Parliamentary elections were held in the year 3452. This was bitterly contested, as would be expected. Prior to the election, activists were sent death threats and physically threatened in the streets by their opponents. Come the day of the election, chaos reigned up and down the country. In some areas, those which were under the control of these extreme political groups, armed paramilitaries stood on the streets and helpfully encouraged people to vote the right way. In many of Kinitaria's major towns and cities, rival groups fought pitched battles on the streets, with each other and with the police. Many election booths were smashed up, and there were a number of recorded fatalities. How many, exactly, is difficult to determine, but it is believed that at least 200 people died on the streets of Kinitaria on that day alone. And yet, people were still determined to make their voices heard. Turnout was at a fraction under 70%, which was remarkable considering the scenes on the streets at the time.

When the results came in, they did nothing to ease tensions. Kinitar elections at the time ran under a system of almost pure proportional representation, so the share of votes is almost exactly equal to the share of seats in all cases. The National Fascist Alliance had won 33% of the seats available, becoming the single largest party in the National Assembly. The Communist Party, taking 27%, were the second party. However, the former governing coalition, which consisted of the Conservatives and a loosely assembled group of nationalists, and who were likely to have been targets for the fascists to form a coalition of their own, were widely blamed for the economic turmoil the country found itself in, and were delivered a sound thrashing in almost all areas of the country except their traditional heartlands in the south-east. Together, the old ruling coalition took just 11% of the seats. The Communists had it no easier. The most obvious candidates to attempt to form a coalition with them would be the Socialist Party, but they could only claim 15%, with other assorted small left-wing groups taking a combined total of just 2%. The other significant party were the Liberals, who managed to take 9%. The small fraction left over was taken by an assorted and diverse mixture of local interest and single issue groups from all parts of the political spectrum.

Behind the scenes, political negotiation was beginning. The street fighting had stopped almost straight after the elections as all involved groups carried out a sort of unofficial truce, although nothing was ever signed or agreed. Rhetoric and mud-slinging was still common as to be second nature, of course. But within a few days, a deal was announced. The Communist Party would head a new governing coalition, which would also consist of the Socialists and Liberals. Officially, the new government called itself a "government of national unity", claiming that it was formed in order to guard Kinitaria against the looming fascist threat. The new regime's first act was to adopt martial law, citing the need to stop the militants on both sides from causing chaos and intimidation on Kinitaria's streets. With an armed presence across the country, the Communists put their plan into action. Gradually, citing national security as the reason, they were able to convince their coalition partners to grant them greater powers and authority. Just seven months after the election, the three parties would merge themselves into the National Workers' Front, which was theoretically a coalition of equals. In reality, it was firmly under the control of the Communists. Three days after its formation, the new governing party declared a new state in Virçais: the Democratic Republic of Kinitaria.

The effect this had on the game of football in the nation was immediate and dramatic. Right from the start of the Democratic Republic era, games began to be played in a culture of intimidation, that was somehow different from the culture that the games in the nation's top two leagues had been played in, While football used to be played under threat of conflict between opposing political groups, the climate was now significantly different. The authorities of the new state had set smashing fascism as one of their key aims, As a part of this, they were not prepared to tolerate the presence of fascist groups at the nation's highest priority football matches. Games involving teams that had become known for their strong right-wing fanbase, such as Serenberg or Olimpia Mi'ato, were attended by a large number of troops representing the new state. The 3454 season kicked off with the sound of silence ringing out across many of the nation's grandest stadiums, with the presence of the army putting off many spectators, and reducing crowds around the country,

Another part of the new Democratic Republic's government was a 3454 law which ordered the dissolution of any group which promoted "any values or ideology that is contradictory to the aims of the Democratic Republic". This new law was used to close down a large number of companies, and some football clubs with a right-wing leaning were also threatened by the new law. Accordingly, a number of clubs were forced to reinvent themselves in the new era. Paleu were forced to become Dinamo Paleu, with a board of directors who were fiercely loyal to the new state. Other clubs, all of whom were fiercely loyal to the new state, sprang up all across the country. Many of these still remain in existence today, with 1. Maja and Dinamo Serenberg some of the more notable examples, the former having been contenders at the top of the Premier Division for a large part of the modern era. The new government unofficially funded clubs who had been or had became loyal to its own Communist principles, and so it is little surprise that both national leagues during the Democratic Republic era were won exclusively by clubs who had either remained loyal to the Communist government or who had been reconstituted in the new era.

Matches were also conducted in a much less passionate atmosphere. Under the new Communist government, there was no room for the giant tifos or displays of fans' power which had became commonplace in recent years. They were still accepted, of course, from those clubs who remained loyal to the Communist line, but when the anti-Communist clubs began to show themselves, the government was quick to quash any sign of dissent. Serenberg, who had always been a club loyal to the reactionary and conservative traditions of Kinitaria, became embroiled in the controversy when their fans attempted to unveil an anti-Communist banner ahead of a home game against Olimpia Mi'ato in the Alliance One. However, they never got a chance to unveil their banner, as the authorities stepped in and prevented any anti-goverrnment slogans from being displayed in public. Eventually, the football section of KF Serenberg was forced to disassociate from the rest of the athletic society by the authorities, and continued to operate as an independent organisation which was largely under state control. The club remains independent to this day, although not as an organ of the State.

A Northern League clash between Paleu and Isla Rosa in 3456 is often seen as symbolic of the new era. Both clubs had enjoyed a large right-wing following before the establishment of the Democratic Republic, and both areas were also seen as hotbeds of fascist activity at the time. However, in this particular game in 3456, the game was preceded by a loud and boisterous pro-government display from both sets of supporters. During the game itself, many Communist and prro-government banners were on prominent display throughout, which the new government held up as evidence of how football fans had quickly taken to the new regime (as if they hadn't orchestrated it themselves). The same was happening all across the country, with matches in the nation's most prominent competitions featuring pro-Communist demonstrations and chants in favour of the Communist government, The involvement of representatives of the government in these demonstrations is, of course, significantly understated. By approximately the 3460 season, it was almost the norm for clubs to hold pro-government events before each game, which would often feature demonstrations in favour of the government on the pitch, Very few clubs dared to go against the government line, and those which did, didn't keep up their resistance for very long.

The Democratic Republic attempted to keep its grip on power going by means of its strict control over the rest of society. But every dictatorial form of government eventually meets its end, and the one which seized power in Kinitaria would be no different. As previously mentioned, the idea of revolution is one which seems to run through the blood of the Kinitar people, and it wouldn't be long before the Democratic Republic would be consigned to the dustbin of history through the efforts of the Kinitar people. But the game of football was still changing, and the Communist government had a lot to contribute to that. A lot of clubs which exist in the modern era can date themselves - or the latest incarnation of their clubs - to this era. And yet, these clubs would be the ones left behind by the inexorable drive of the game towards ever-increasing profit.

World Cup LXV (65) RP Thread

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WC-65 MD-11

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