World Cup LXV (65) RP Thread

[The Sova Empire]

We at Wolf 99 sent down a few reporters to talk about the 1-0 victory over Iturributa.

Reporter: We are live in Iturributa to chat with our players. The most valuable player of the team right now is Jade Bird. Jade, could we get a minute to interview you?
Jade Bird: Sure thing. How can I help?
R: First, congratulations on another clean slate today. For our viewers at home, she came in relief in the San Potato game, she was in the Rex Lucian, De La Fleur, The Holy Empire and now Iturributa games. So far, well over 400 minutes of play and no goals scored. How long do you estimate that this can keep up?
JB: Thank you very much. I get the Liventia game off, so it should last though the first half of qualification. I will probably get the San Potato game off too just so we can get Trevor Grey back in shape. I would like to start the Rex Lucian game as well as the De La Fleur and Piddlehinton games, so I think my streak should be clean through those games. Beyond that, the teams get more offensive, and since they have seen me before, that can be better prepared. We'll see.
R: Many have underestimated your skills at goalie, but you have proved many critics wrong. How have you been able to block so well despite your height?
JB: Well, a lot of hard work in practice helps. I do seem to have an uncanny ability to learn about the people who play against me. I watch tapes and learn where they usually are able to shoot, and because of my background in gymnastics, I can control precisely where I want to go to block. Analysts call that "goalie intelligence", and with a former GPA of over 4 in high-school, I can agree with my higher knowledge.
R: Lastly, what is your opinion of Margret?
JB: While I am not a "slum girl", I am not a believer that anyone but God controls our scores. You will find that to be a nearly unanimous opinion around here.
R: Thank you for your time.
JB: Yup, anytime.

Reporter: We are also here with Blake Leggett, who seems to be the offensive superstar on the Sovan squad. Blake, can we talk to you about the game?
Blake Leggett: Sure thing.
R: Can you tell us about your goal in this game, for those who didn't get to see the whole game?
BL: It was kinda funny, I was able to get the ball at about mid-field and dribbled it almost into the goalie's box before the goalie tripped trying to get to me. I simply tapped it in. This was in the 65th minute. I was hoping the offense would get going for the rest of the match, but that goal was the only one.
R: You are leading the team in goals right now. Can you continue, or do you expect someone else to step up going into the 2nd half?
BL: Although I've got my eyes on a couple of other players (winks), I think we all chip in evenly, and I don't think any one of the strikers is better or worse than another right now.
R: Lastly, what is your opinion of Margret?
BL: I have been a sports fan all of my life and I find the concept of sacrificing rubber chickens to be quite preposterous.
R: Thanks for your time.
BL: Uh huh.

[Zwangzug]

The Kerlagrad Courier
Concerns over Silla-Raty's health, attitude

Zwangzug and Krytenia played to a scoreless draw in a World Cup 65 qualifying match held in Krytenia. Midfielder Ted Silla-Raty left the game for medical reasons after the first half, and word is forthcoming on his condition. "We're hoping it's something straightforward that the doctors know how to deal with," explained manager Bridget Scroves after the game. "Because if he's not...well, he's probably going to be really pretentious about it."

Silla-Raty had been in a collision with John Ignatieff, one of the Emberton Reds' sparkplugs, earlier in the first half, but both players were immediately able to play on. At halftime, however, Rudolf Sternberg had been substituted on in his stead. "Of course it was a thrill to go out there and play," Sternberg explained. "Did we have some confidence, knowing we'd held Krytenia to a draw last time around? Maybe for the others who were actually there, speaking personally I'd say it was just more energy and excitement. As far as how shutting down the attack went, er, I think the defense was a little wary of Hannigan. With Martinez being more deep-lying, and Valrauncion, well he's been around the block hasn't he, there's the risk of complacency there and so Chrowder and Novak and everyone were just really on top of their game. I know I got in a few tackles but it got to be a bit of a blur at times. Hampton was pretty strong in the air so we were worried about him, but then we just tried to play our own game, keep things on the ground, and I thought that yes, eventually it paid off for us. It'll take more work to come close to scoring but let's give the Aces credit, they've been extremely strong at the back and so we shouldn't be kicking ourselves, as it were, forever. Also I'm not going on about how humble I am and how we should really be talking about Ted, see, because as soon as he gets back I'm sure he'll be doing lots of talking about himself anyway."

Across the midfield, Patricia Eliot concurred. "Yeah, if it turns out to be a more complicated underlying condition no doubt he'll be all smug about how we'd never have heard of it. Although from what I know about the situations around the world, it could be worse. That is, he could be trying to start some single-issue foundation and raise money for whatever the heck is going on."

"I mean, obviously it's a concern," said captain Brett Chrowder. "It's a concern any time one of our players is out hurt. Or sick, I guess. Although maybe not any time, right, you only really noticed it because he was a starter. So yes, there's some level of prioritizing. Otherwise, I mean, is it a concern to somebody, whenever anyone is hurt, right? But then I'm not specifically the person you would want to talk to, necessarily."

"This kind of thing, if it's handled poorly, can really sort of cast a shadow over the clubhouse," Scroves went on. "People get somber, and potentially think to themselves well is he going to expect me to visit just at the opportune time to throw off my practice schedule with my club, the entitled twit? So it's my responsibility to direct things and make sure we're really focused on the important concerns here, like what is The IOM Sports Association, is it even a country, and in either case how do we prepare to beat them?"

In Silla-Raty's absence, Shula Bachchan-Laum is expected to start the next game, as Zwangzug return home.

[Kinitaria]

A History of Kinitar Football in Eighteen Objects
Eight: The picket line

The Football Federation of Kinitaria had done a lot to establish itself as the sole governing body of football in Kinitaria. And now (according to their leadership, they said), both of the country's highest leagues were more successful and more profitable than ever. With seven divisions operating within the two national leagues, and a regional pyramid system gradually being established, profits were up, attendances were up, interest in football was up, and the game of football was reaching previously unforeseen echelons all across the nation. Clubs and fans got to benefit from these new heights, as of course did club presidents and directors, but one group of people who were very unhappy with the way the game was going were those who mattered the most - the players.

The maximum wage permitted to players had slowly crept upwards since it was first introduced in 3357. By 3380, the maximum permitted wage stood at approximately 600 hirin (15 NSD) per week during the season, and 400 hirin (10 NSD) per week in the close season. Players were not happy with this, claiming that the increased profits being generated by football clubs were not being passed on to the clubs' employees, ie, the players. And the clubs were certainly making a lot of money. For much of the early period of Kinitar football, the existence of standalone football clubs was largely unheard of. Clubs operated as part of larger, multifunctional sports societies, as people waited to see whether the game of football would catch on before committing time and money to forming a club. But, as already evidenced, it did. With the rapid expansion of the leagues, standalone football clubs became a thing. Two of the most notable early standalone clubs were Olimpia Mi'ato, who were originally the capital's second club, although they have been somewhat supplanted in recent years, and Universita Tirinthea.

As their name suggests, they were originally part of the local university's sports society, but split amiably from their parent institution when the club outgrew the university. The club exists today as one of Kinitaria's most successful, and maintains strong links with the university, but their business model in about 3384 was one that was admired by many other clubs across the country. With support from the university, the club bought up a plain field on the outskirts of the city of Tirinthea, and had a 40,000 seater stadium built on the site. Construction - by a local building company - was so quick, it was almost as though the arena sprang up overnight. The former collegiate club promptly went on to be admitted to the Northern League Division One upon the introduction of a league pyramid, and quickly supplanted the Tirinthea club as the main club from the city. The two enjoyed a brief but fierce rivalry for a few years, which was interrupted by SC Tirinthea's relegation to Division Two just three years later, a great shock, given that they had dominated the early years of the northern sector. But their loss was Universita's gain, and they would go onto be Northern League champions six years after they were first admitted to the division. They also shortly became one of Kinitaria's richest clubs, largely through selling cheap tickets to tens of thousands of people - certainly, more than 40,000 were admitted to their flash new arena every game - and then selling club paraphernalia and, to a limited extent, food to the crowds once they were inside. In an era where there were very few ways for clubs to make money, Universita Tirinthea's business plan was incredibly effective and would shortly be adopted around the country.

And where did this money go? The most cynical analyses would suggest that it went straight into the pockets of the club directors. In some cases, this was true, but it was also against Federation regulations. In 3391, Serenberg were investigated by the Federation over allegations that money had been embezzled from the club's coffers into the pockets of three key directors. These allegations were upheld, and Serenberg promptly received a fine of 20,000 hirin (500 NSD), a huge amount in that era, and a seven point deduction in that season's Alliance One, which was enough to cripple any hopes they had of making a title challenge that year. A number of smaller profile clubs were also investigated over similar allegations, but none generated the sort of publicity that was brought to Serenberg, one of the most prestigious clubs in the country. But a large part of the money that was being gathered went into transfer fees. While people decry the state of the modern game, and how it's being ruined by money, shock over increasing transfer fees is certainly nothing new. "Where will it end?" was the question on many people's lips as Talim Peršov, a very accomplished centre-forward who was the first player to score fifty goals in a league season, made the switch from north to south, going from Paleu to Isla Rosa for a fee of 50,000 hirin (1,250 NSD) in 3393. If this move led to calls for the introduction of a maximum transfer fee, the 70,000 hirin transfer of winger Marko Vental from Mi'ato to Serenberg only emphasised them. However, nothing ever came of these demands, and the record transfer fee was left to grow exponentially.

This is where many of the players' grievances would come in. The maximum wage had crept up every couple of seasons or so, and rested at around 710 hirin by 3395, but in real terms, this represented a rise at levels below inflation (effectively, a wage cut). The first union for football players, the Footballers' Association, had been founded almost immediately upon the legalisation of professionalism by the Federation, and now they were about to take matters into their own hands. Entering into negotiations with the Federation proved fruitless, and so, on the final week before the 3396 season, the Association made a threat to withdraw its members' labour if its demands were not met. The panicked Federation immediately sprung into action, allowing a rise in the maximum wage to 1000 hirin (25 NSD) during the season and 600 hirin outside of it. This was enough to persuade the players to call off the planned strike action and allow the season to proceed as normal, but the issue would rear its head again in the coming years. By 3400, only one small increase in the maximum wage had been sanctioned, and it now had reached 1050 hirin - again, the players were being given a wage cut in real terms. The union entered negotiations again, but this time, with a much more aggressive stance. Their demands now were either that the maximum wage rise yearly at 33% above the rate of inflation, or that it be scrapped altogether. The Federation and its member clubs refused to budge, and so the union once again began preparations for strike action. The Federation president at the time, Costin Pelmov, famously stated that the organisation would not allow the game of football to be ripped from its roots by "greedy opportunists and self-interest", a move which predictably failed to calm tensions in any way.

Negotiations quickly broke down. Accordingly, professional footballers in Kinitaria went on strike for the first time ahead of the 3401 season. Where there would once have been packed terraces as the league season got underway, there were now empty arenas. The opening rounds of the Federation Cup also couldn't take place. The country's league and cup competitions were in jeopardy, and the first two weeks of the season were marked by spectacularly unsuccessful negotiations between the involved bodies, none of whom seemed to be able to reach any sort of compromise. The clubs, however, were getting desperate. In this early stage of the game, lost revenue was already a key consideration, and with the players out on strike, no games would mean no revenue at all. The Federation tried to get the union to agree to terms more favourable to the clubs, but the players had suddenly realised the sheer amount of power they held. The entire structure of the Kinitar game relied on the cooperation of those players, otherwise there could be no game. It wasn't long before the clubs were left without a leg to stand on. Eventually, a deal was agreed by which the minimum wage would rise to 1500 hirin (38 NSD) for the next three seasons, and would then be scrapped altogether. It would prove to be a significant landmark in relations between the players and their clubs.

The agreement allowed the season to resume as normal, albeit three weeks late. The leagues compensated for this by means of a great deal of restructuring, and the addition of a few more midweek matches, which meant that the season proceeded more or less as it was supposed to, and still ended up finishing on the scheduled date. In order to accommodate this, however, the Federation Cup had to be scrapped for the season. This marks the only point in its lifetime (for the Federation Cup does not still exist) that the trophy was not awarded. This caused some consternation amongst the clubs, but the Federation told them, not in so many words, that given the extraordinary nature of what had just gone on, the clubs didn't have a leg to stand on. Attempts by several clubs to sue the Federation for lost revenue were also, in a victory for common sense, unsuccessful, and the season went back to normal starting in 3402.

The abolition of the maximum wage would also cause records to be smashed. The richest clubs in the country were queueing up to take advantage of the new, looser regulations, with the country's top players being enticed to new clubs even before the 3404 deadline for the end of the minimum wage by means of pre-contract agreements. Although not strictly in line with the rules, there was nothing the Federation dared do about these certain few rich clubs, who looked set to become the elite of Kinitar football for the first time. One of these clubs was Serenberg, despite the number of allegations against them, and they proved just how much they had by signing forward Paolo Erizič to a deal worth 4000 hirin (100 NSD) a week immediately after the minimum wage had been scrapped. This was a massive sum in those days, and the fee created fears that players would be enticed away from their clubs by a new set of super-rich clubs (so that's not just a modern idea). These fears proved to have some substance to them, but it is also worth noting that a significant number of players remained loyal to their hometown or original clubs, and refused to be tempted away by big-money offers.

The players, then, had won out. Player power had taken on the might of the clubs, and had won. But in doing so, the ways in which football clubs were run had been exposed for all to see. Football was now a business, and the investors were demanding returns on their investments. Football was about to move into a new era, one in which the working class roots of the game, and the original supporter bases of the biggest clubs in the country, would come under threat. And it wasn't as though the upper echelons of the game were populated by people willing to take a stand against rampant commercialisation. We see these as major issues with modern football, but a century ago, these issues were being tackled in quite a different manner by numerous clubs up and down the country. It's business versus football, and it looks for all the world as though business is going to win.

[Punum]

Punum Move Up To Third


Yesterday, Punum carried on their winning streak with a 2-0 win over The Fair Republic in the World Cup.

The Fair Republic dominated the first half. Their first chance came in the 8th minute when they got a free kick 45 metres out. The centre back took it and it hit the bar. The Fair Republic's striker out jumped Norman Ismael to head the rebound straight at Felix Briggs. Manager Zackary Brown let out a huge sigh of relief. In the 19th minute minute The Fair Republic's striker made a perfectly timed run to get on the end of a through ball tried to get it into the bottom right corner, but Briggs got a foot to it to keep the game goaless. However, The Fair Republic were desperate for a goal. Ten minutes later, The Fair Republic striker was free on goal again. Briggs rushed out to put the pressure on, and the striker went for the chip, but Briggs caught it before it went high enough. The Fair Republic were attacking again in the 40th minute when the central midfielders were playing short one twos around the box. One saw a gap though, and from the centre if the D went for the top right corner but Briggs pulled off a super save to tap it over the bar. The corner also created a chance, the ball came in from the right and the Fair Republican centre back's header straight at captain Briggs who was on top form. Punum were clinging on to threads of ropes and went into half time, somehow still 0-0. The Fair Republic wanted to score and in the 52nd minute the centre midfielder had a shot from 25 yards out, but yet again Briggs pulled off an amazing save diving to his left to keep Punum in the game. Then, in the 57th minute the right midfielder got the ball on the edge of the box, took on Earl Marquez and Norman Ismael and was left one on one with Briggs but Briggs dived down to get the the ball from his feet. The right midfielder got the ball again in the 66th minute. He crossed it in and the striker got his head on it but couldn't steer it away from Briggs. The Fair Republic were still attacking and in the 74th minute a cross came in from the left. The striker decided to be fancy and attempted a overhead kick, but it had no power so it just hit the floor and bounce up into Briggs' hands. In the 85th minute Punum finally got an attack. Earl Marquez got the ball 10 metres inside his own half. He played a 25 metre through ball over the top of the centre backs to Aaron McGuire. He brought it down, and from inside the D he smashed into the top right corner to make it 1-0 in the 87th minute, completely against the run of play. Then in the 89th minute Chris Lloyd got the ball 25 metres out. Passed it down the right to Michael Dean. He crossed it into the box and Chris Lloyd pulled of an amazing overhead kick that went straight into the bottom left corner. Punum had nicked it 2-0 in added time. That's how it ended.

unreported results: Milchama 2-3 Punum.

Punum have rocketed up to third with the past two games, the next game is against Ossidiacqua who have just bear Tyrrin 1-0. Whoever wins the game will go second. The team is.

GK: Felix Briggs
RB: Craig Hoffman
CB: Norman Ismael
CB: Rick Curtis
LB: Earl Marquez
CDM: Lenny Dotson
RM: Michael Dean
LM: Henry Dean
CAM: Chris Lloyd
CAM: Malcolm Guzman
ST: Aaron McGuire

Subs

GK: Bill Hanson
RB/LB: Albert Chandler
CB: Clinton Conley
CDM: Matthew Jewell
RM/LM: Neil Long
CAM: Rodrick Dalton
ST: Martin Hood.

Lee Mueller

[The Inevitable Syndicate]

Cities of the Syndicate: Burgess
Burgess, Crown of the East, is the Syndicate's third largest city, and is often hailed as the main tourist hotspot in the country. Due in part to it being the only city that gets over 200 days of clear skies a year, Burgess's unique climate in relation to the rest of the country is something to be admired. Burgess is home to a myriad of sports facilities, and boasts one of the best teams in the Syndicate's domestic league.

Travel:
Travel in Burgess is similar to the rest of the country. Main access into the city is done by either train, road, or sea. Wossname Port is the country's premier shipping and handling area, and it also takes in many boats of tourists and seafarers alike. Cruises that tour Atlantian Oceania often stop in Burgess for several days. If you're in the area due to being on a cruise, many tour operators will offer reduced rates for holidaymakers that are only around for a few days.
If you're coming into Burgess by train, connections are available from both Fligsive and Magnaeus. Checking local timetables and websites is advised, however, as the service isn't the most reliable thing in the world.
Of course, Burgess is also accessible by car, and the mandatory Synclair Automotive AI System that will be installed in your car can tell you the quickest route in on the day.

Places of Interest:
The Beach (It's a beach. Go East, it is beachfull there!)
Burgess's famous coastline is available to visit 24/7, and doesn't require any money to enter. After a revitalisation scheme in the 70's, after recurring erosion was pushing material in the direction of New West Guiana, Groynes were erected along the coast to block the transport of material. This wasn't as sucessful as the government had hoped, and under the rule of the Green Party, a beach replenishment scheme is still going on today. Some parts of the beach may be blocked off while the scheme is going on, as heavy machinery brings sand and deposits it on the beach. Did you know that the material is imported from the deserts of Ahlenfi?

Sunrise Park (Reachable on Bus Route 14. Opening times depend on the event, as do ticket prices. See local information kiosks or the website for more information.)
Sunrise Park is the newly constructed stadium for Burgess FC, replacing the old stadium, which has since turned into an amphitheatre for public events. The stadium has a capacity of 52,000, and is the centre stage for Burgess FC's home games. If you're lucky, you may be able to catch one while you're in the area. However, tickets often sell fast, so it may be best to look beforehand for any events going on.

Bithell's Circle (Found near Soren's Street Train Station. Performances may require advance booking, but most are simply drop-in events.)
The old football stadium of Burgess FC, Bithell's circle got taken in as a public works project and was transformed into a ringed seating area with a stage in the middle. Half of the stadium's seating was levelled out and presents the backdrop for the main stage. Many performances of Syndicatian Music and Plays are performed here, with most popular being the annual production of "Camillo: A Robot's Story", a play written by Hans Busby in the 50's. It's definitely worth a watch!

The Promenade (Right behind the beach. Bus Route 5 runs up and down it. Most shops are open 8:00-19:00.)
The Promenade is the go to tourist shopping spot in Burgess, with shops selling almost any trinket or useless piece of material you could think of. There are also several restaurants up and the down the promenade, so if you're feeling peckish, why not pop in and sample the best Syndicatian Seafood this side of the Sebald? If food isn't your thing, then the many arcades will serve to sap your money from you. Just don't spend too much!

Charlwood's Hotel and Casino Complex (Bus Routes? No, this is far too fancy for that. You'll have to walk... Or get driven.)
Charlwood's is one of the pinnacles of haute culture within the Syndicate, and many a wealthy woman, man of the gentry, or seedy spy have come here to gamble their money and lose it all. Of course, it's not just for the higher-ups, as the main casino complex is open to all to spend a few ducats here and there. If you win enough, you might be able to afford a room in the hotel for the night!

[Svengarda]

Now I was angry. I'd done nothing to anger her, and yet her she was, insulting me. Right, now it was personally, as opposed to already physically, mentally, competitively and professionally.

We started to play a proper game, and I was unfortunately was put on the other side to Loreen. she gave me a sly smile and a wink as the coach blew his whistle, and I was filled with determination to out-do her.

This proved to be hard.

We had several corners early on thanks to the striking ability of a 19-year Theology student at the ability of a 20-year office assistant/semi-pro footballer in goal. I would make a run in from the left hand side and try and either get a foot or head on, but every time the corner taker made the signal, Loreen seemed to read it and darted across from her marking position, much to the disdain of her fellow defenders, and block off my path perfectly, twice flattening me onto the wet astro. One time I told the corner taker, a rather cute Maths student from the east coast called Jakob, to put the ball straight in but to signal that the normal move was happening. For the first time ever, she'd been beaten, she came racing over, and he sent the ball into the centre. I smiled to myself, but in a flash she'd turned and sprinted off towards the ball. She jumped higher than any of our strikers and powered it clear for another corner.

I crouched down in disbelief, panting heavily. The temperature had dropped to freezing, and my questionable fitness levels were being tested. By once again, Loreen looked like she'd only been for a light stroll through the park. The came continued and Loreen thundered a header against the cross-bar before I'd had a curling shot tipped wide by the keeper.

60 minutes passed and the score remained at a solitary 0-0. We were playing a straight 70-minute game, but our defence was weakening against the superior opposition team. There were just a minute left and the opposition team had won a corner. We all trotted back to defend, and I saw that the person who have the unenviable task of marking Loreen was virtually exhausted. I told him to take a breather on the edge of the area and I'll take her on. She stared blankly at me as I took my place next to her.

"Shouldn't be here, darling" she whispered, arrogantly

I looked up at her and pulled a sarcastic face. She sniggered to herself and stuck her hand in the air. The corner taker replied by doing the same. He stepped back and swung in the cross, low and hard towards me. Loreen exploded forward instantly and I was shocked by her speed. I was a millisecond behind, and she was in front of me, taking the ball and controlling it downwards.

Everything seemed to happen slowly after that. She turned, and I turned my body to block the shot. She dummied and I stuck my leg out, but she was a good few inches away from it. But suddenly she tumbled to the floor, allowing the ball to trickle out. She hadn't, surely. The referee blew his whistle and pointed straight to the spot. The keeper and I both exploded in shouts at the referee's calamitous decision. I was livid, but Loreen just rolled her socks up and smiled to me. I was fuming.

The penalty was scored and we lost, and no matter how much I told everyone, the belief was still that I'd hacked her down. I left the ground in despair. No left winger should be conceding a penalty in the six-yard box. We'd be informed of whether we'd made the next stage in three days. Until then, more waiting.

[Mytannion]

“She can't stand still cause of 16 pills that's she's taken in the minibus,
Her conscience followed her into the night,
Gave her mam a fright,
I said fuck that it is her own fault for letting her out of your sight.”

So I did lie a little bit to Alina. I hadn’t drank very much really. Silvana had only gotten me alcohol a couple of times since I had turned sixteen and that was only for little gatherings with my mates. My male mates most importantly. She had never gotten me anything for a gig – even though this was my first big one – Alina had been going to gigs ever since I had met her, two years ago. When she had been thirteen and I was fourteen.

Over the past week she had confided in me, worrying about getting in to see The Switch. They were one of my favourite bands really – not on the same level as The Pink Skies obviously – but they were from the same part of Thessia as us and my sister was good friends with their bass player so I actually knew them pretty well. Even if I hadn’t actually started listening them until very recently, because of Alina.

Still. At least I could say that I’d be able to get her her vodka and so her and Lena would be able to get drunk for the gig.

Looking back, I think I’d been attracted to Alina for a lot longer than I’d wanted to admit to myself. I mean I had thought she was just a mate, someone I could have a bit of fun with and just leave it at that. Nothing more, nothing less. I remembered to around a year ago when I had been drinking for one of the very first times, I was fifteen and my mates had got hold of some alcohol somehow and we’d all got pretty wasted really. Apparently I’d said I found her attractive and Stefan had stormed off in a mood.

Can’t think why, I mean he’s never even spoken to her really and when I’d put forward the idea of him speaking to her because of their common interest in music he’d rejected it immediately. Maybe it was just the drink.

Either way, I could now impress Alina. Something I’d wanted to do for a while, secretly.

The strangest thing was, was that this had been a secret even to me until very recently. Looking back, there had been signs that I had liked her perhaps more than I thought I did. Why else would I have chosen to walk to school with a girl a year younger than me every single day for a few years? Yeah sure you could say it was just purely friendship and that I enjoyed her company, but not many lads around did things like that just purely out of friendship. I had always thought she was good looking too, that was something I knew for a fact.

Walking to school with her was fun, even if my mates ribbed me for it every single time, the calls came regularly – it was no longer a surprise to see one of the lads, probably Laz or occasionally more sarcastically from the wittiest of our group, Polak, making hand gestures or comments as we walked through the gate and I’d wish her goodbye for the day.

Today would be another one of those days. I walked out the door and along my street slowly, waiting for her to come through her door. She was never late. There it was, the click of the door handle as she jumped out, a little bit faster than she usually would. She shouted something back through the door, screeching and slammed the door shut. She turned and noticed me standing there, completely shocked.

“Hi Svet.” She said brusquely.

“Uh, are you okay, Alina?” I said, as I noticed a tear roll down her cheek.

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine, come on let’s go.” She replied, appearing not to want to get involved in any conversation with me. I repeatedly tried to engage her in conversation, telling her about I’d managed to sort her out with alcohol, how my sister had been insistent on me looking after her and all sorts of other stuff – but each time it was met with a fairly deadpan response, ‘Yeah’, ‘Oh, Good’, ‘Ah I see’, seemed to be her particular favourites.

Eventually I had had enough, she was no fun when she was being boring and it wasn’t often that she was. Something had happened at home, that was clear to see, her screaming back through her front door just as she had exited it this morning was enough to give evidence of that – but what had gone on? Alina’s family had always seemed fairly nice outwardly, her mother and father were separated, her mum was a liberal, slightly strange... eccentric, woman and her father had always seemed pretty cool too – he was musical and had been the one who had inspired Alina to be so into music.

She had an older brother who was in a band who had supported some of the biggest bands around the country but had yet to have any real success of their own. Alina had always told me about her mum’s new boyfriend and how he was a bit of a twat – but I’d always dismissed this as her just being a little protective of her mum and longing for her parents to be together again, I’d imagined I’d be the same if I were in her situation. I could never have pictured it being anything serious, like there didn’t seem to be any real, obvious reason why she disliked her mum’s new fella. Every time I had seen him in the morning, rushing out to his job he’d always let on to me and seemed nice enough – but every time Alina had commented on him, usually something pretty bad about his character.

“Svet, how’s your Dad?” Came Alina out of the blue. I realised straight away that we had been walking with an awkward silence for about a minute, I had been deep in thought, trying to work out what the issue was and she had seemingly just carried on walking, thinking about whatever her own problem was. Why was she asking this question? She didn’t really ask me all that often.

“Ermmm. He’s okay as far as I know. He hasn’t really changed much though, but he’s alright, yeah.” I said.

“Polak was telling me about how he was ill, is it lung cancer or something?”

“Yeah, it’s something like that.”

“Doesn’t sound good at all. I hope he gets better soon you know.”

“Yeah, thanks.” I said, before teasingly adding, “So, you speak to Polak?!”

She giggled. “Not in that way you idiot! He’s cool. He’s like you, just a bit darker with his humour and a lot more sarcastic.”

“I know. I have to deal with his comments about you every single day.” I replied, then, trying to put on his voice: “Jelly mate you don’t have to jizz yourself every time you say goodbye to her you know!”

“That’s what he says? Really?!” She said, laughing.

“Yeah, every single day. Him and Laz always do it, got some idea that I’m crazily in love with you or something. Haven’t a clue why though...” I said, teasing her again.

“Oi!” She exclaimed, punching my arm.

“Anyway, when do you speak to Polak?” I asked.

“When I’m walking from art to French on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We bump into each other, he does photography or something like that and we just speak on the way.”

“He does photography?!” I spluttered.

“Yeah! How didn’t you know, he’s meant to be one of your best mates!”

“I dunno, we don’t really talk about that. We discuss more important stuff.”

“Oh yeah, like what?”

“Football, music, girls, parties...”

“Oh yeah all them parties you guys go to. Get you, I walk with a premier socialite every day.” She said, laughing.

“Ha, fuck off. More than you do anyway!”

“True, I just go to gigs instead, a whole lot more fun trust me.” She said as we turned the last corner before school, the small road leading in was lined with two long sets of wrought-iron gates and hanging off one section of them were Laz and Polak. I laughed, pointing. Alina let out a giggle as she came closer to me.

“Woah, what you doing Alina?” I asked, she had never been this close before and whilst I put on the front of shock and surprise, it was brilliant, I could smell her perfume, it wasn’t overpowering like many are but soft and gentle and her skin was perfect, blemish free.

“Let’s give them something to actually take the piss out of shall we?” She asked mischievously before pulling the front of my shirt and making me stumble close to her as she stood on her tiptoes and moved in closer still before locking her lips onto mine and kissing me.

I stood awkwardly, hands by my sides, eyes closed, not really knowing what to do. For her, this was all one big joke, for me, this was fucking incredible.

She pulled away with a big smile on her face and then she flounced off away from me, through the school gates, as she went past Laz and Polak she turned and waved, winking. I stood still, still hugely surprised by the events of the early morning walk and how everything had changed so quickly. She had started off upset and had ended the walk to school laughing. She was strange.

I turned, looking at Laz and Polak and the pair of them stood, open mouthed staring at me. They were as shocked as I was. Polak composed himself the quickest though, but only because he was looking over my shoulder at something else.

“Oi here y’are Frame, y’alright lad?” He asked as Stefan came walking in.

“Yeah mate, what the fuck’s up with Laz?” He asked.

“Fucking Svet here only went an—” Polak broke Laz off before he could finish his sentence.

“Laz is just feeling more fucking stupid than usual. You never seen him with that look on his face before? Looks like a gorilla doesn’t he?” He said, skirting over the subject. Why had he done that? I was unsure. We walked into school together and the same boring routine commenced once again.

...

Me and Polak were sat at the back of our Literature class. We were fairly bright the pair of us, but we just didn’t put any effort in at all. Most of the time we just talked under our breath – to avoid the wrath of our teacher, Mr. Vodinov – and doodled on the table. Our desk was littered with band names, the one that took pride of place was our big joint-work, we were actually very proud of it really. It had taken two lessons to finish, ‘The Pink Skies’ written in big, stencilled letters and then all four band members drawn with their respective instrument – or in the vocalist’s case, his microphone and his ubiquitous fishing hat.

Today we had mainly discussed our respective football team’s chances in the Top League, Atletik Thessia were my boys, most successful team in the land – as long as you didn’t count fucking Liria Prizren and I certainly didn’t they were only successful on the international scene and hadn’t won anything near as much within Mytannion. Polak supported the lowly Traktar Thessia – the factory club, producing tractors. He was quite excited about their chances for promotion and I kind of half hoped they did. I quite liked Traktar Thessia. Mainly because they weren’t the wankers from Olympic, Metalist or Slavia – the three biggest clubs from our city other than my own team.

I did still wonder though, why he hadn’t said to Stefan what he and Laz had seen that morning. I also wondered what had happened to Alina that morning to make her so upset. There were always so many questions, why did we teenagers make life so hard for ourselves?!

“Polak, why didn’t you let Laz tell Frame about me and Alina this morning?” I asked.

“Didn’t you know?” He asked, my face remained blank, “Fuck me, you didn’t! Frame fancies her so much, remember when we were hammered that time and you said you found her attractive? He stormed off didn’t he, that’s why.”

“Fucking hell man. I did not know this. Shit.”

“Yeah, not good. It wouldn’t be fun for you if he found out.”

“Definitely not, he’s my best fucking mate.” This was worse than I thought, I kicked myself for allowing it to carry on for as long as it did. “Shit!” I exclaimed.

“Was it serious anyway?” Polak asked, perceptive as ever. He’d read it straight off, Polak was fairly clever, but as I mentioned earlier, similarly to myself he was lazy and couldn’t be bothered. He simply used it to make fun of his mates and anyone else that crossed him, he had a sharp tongue and rapier like insults.

“Nah, I’d told her how you and Laz made fun of me every time I walked with her to school and she thought it’d be funny to do something you could actually take the piss out of.”

“Wow... She’s mad that girl, I tell you now.” He said, “Not someone I’d get involved with anyway. You heard about the last gig she went to? Apparently did plenty of MDMA and nearly died man.”

“She told me it was bull,” I laughed, “I believe her really.”

“Fair enough man, but she seems a bit too mental for my liking.”

“When did you become such a bore Polak mate?! Nothing wrong with a bit of E at a gig is there really, everyone does it.” I said, “You know, I read in a magazine that Kev Metzger and the rest of the Skies took enough speed to get them through writing the whole of their second album in two days!”

“Fucking hell, that’s mad—” Polak started, but was broken off by our teacher, Mr. Vodinov had evidently had enough of us speaking at the back of the class, we’d steadily gotten louder and louder until we eventually disrupted the flow of his monologue that was our whole Literature lesson every time we had it. It was fucking boring and irrelevant, speaking of times long ago which seemed pointless in this day and age.

“So! Svetoslav Jelic and Eugen Polak eh? The two great geniuses at the back of the class. What are we talking about today I wonder?” Mr. Vodinov asked.

“Something that’s probably a whole lot more relevant than whatever you’re teaching us Sir.” I retorted.

“Oh but this lesson is relevant Mr. Jelic, how can it not be? We’re discussing the great writers that wrote the commentary on the old days of our great city, its formation and what made it the place it is today. If it weren’t for these men, we wouldn’t know anything about our city and how it was in the past. It is of utmost important. We’re in Thessia after all.”

“You know Sir, a more relevant writer gave us a famous quote that would say you’re incorrect – ‘It’s not where you’re from, it’s where you’re at.’” I responded, Polak chuckling alongside me and a few others who got the reference joining in as well, little laughs that frustrated the teacher even more.

“And who would that be?”

“The greatest writer of our generation Sir, Kev Metzger of The Pink Skies. What he has written is a lot more relevant to our great city at the moment.” I said, Vodinov scowling down at me, “Our life right now is more important than those in the past. However much they shaped the moment we’re in. The here and now matters more.” A few members of the class actually let out a little cheer at my words, which was nice, if a little surprising.

“Well, considering you’ve got a lot to say for yourself on the subject Mr. Jelic, you can write a 2,000 word essay on the subject. Title it as you wish, for next lesson. The rest of you, I expect you to write a critique on what you’ve learnt today – and Mr. Jelic, you’ve got to do that too.” He paused, smirking at me, “Annnnd there’s the bell folks, that’s for next lesson.” He said as he turned back to his desk and began to pack his books into his bag.

“Fucking twat.” I said under my breath to Polak as he chuckled.

“You should keep yourself to yourself mate.”

“Fuck that, everyone’s allowed an opinion.”

“Yeah, some teachers don’t like that though mate – why do you think Frame’s never had a detention throughout school despite never having done a piece of homework ever? He doesn’t speak to anyone other than us! He keeps quiet..” He laughed as we walked out of the class, I had no intention of doing Vodinov’s work for him, I had bigger things to get on with this weekend.

...

Friday had arrived fairly quickly. Silvana had been great really while Mum had spent the last couple of days in hospital with Pa. She’d looked after me and my little brother and she probably deserved the night out more than I did. It was tough on all of us though, as Mum always said.

Silvana had come back from the offie down the road with one of the blue bags that instantly meant alcohol, she pulled out one bottle of vodka and put it down on the table and then a crate of Croix Bleue cider. The Cotdelapomais drink which was probably one of the most popular drinks in Mytannion. The Pomhommes had brought it over with them and it was the dogs bollocks, quite simply, even to a sixteen year old. She then pulled out another bottle of vodka.

“Right, Svet, that one’s for you – along with the crate – and this is for me and my friends.” She said, “Me and my friends. Don’t let Alina drink that vodka all by herself, trust me, she’ll be in big trouble if she does, in more ways than one.”

“Alright Silvana, I’ll look after her, how many times have I said that now?” It was becoming exasperating, I’d reiterated the fact that I would keep an eye on Alina so many times – I’d even opened up about how I actually felt about her to Silvana – how much more assurance did she really need?

“Because you’re my brother and I know you’re a lazy little shite at times, make sure she’s alright all the times and don’t get too hammered yeah, try and share that crate out with your mates – have all that to yourself and there’s no chance you’ll be able to look after her.”

“Alright, I promise Silvana, please, just leave it.” I said, trying to edge away from the matter. “Who’s Jarik staying with then?” I asked. Our little brother Jarik was eleven, there was no way he could come with us or something like that. He was just too little. Usually when we went to a gig or a party, one of us (me and Silvana), would stay at home and sit with him for the night. But this was such a big gig that both of us were off, he’d have to stay elsewhere.

“He’s staying down the street, at Mrs. Talpec’s.”

“Is she the old woman yeah?”

“Yeah, she’s quite sweet really. Mum said that if Jarik needed to stay anywhere she’d offered to look after him.”

“Ah. Nice one.” I responded.

“Oh and last thing Svet. Try and keep your mates away from me, I don’t want that Stefan Zimmer staring at me all night – or even worse, that Laz or whatever he’s called, his leer is even worse.”

“Don’t think you’ve got to worry about Frame anymore sis, but yeah alright, I’ll try and keep Laz out the way.”

“Better had, I’m wearing revealing stuff tonight, gigs are good places to pull eligible lads.”

“Fuck off, don’t want to hear about you and lads sis, that’s grim.” I responded as she laughed at me being uncomfortable, she pulled our food out of the oven and set it on the table.

“Get some of this down you, don’t want to be drinking on an empty stomach Svet.”

“Alright! Fucking hell you think of everything!”

...

I’d arranged with Alina to meet her at Polak’s, his house was nearest the gig, the place we were headed to was known for hosting gigs for bands that were popular in the North of the country. The Seahorse it was called and it was a place I’d been a couple of times, Alina never hesitated to remind me that she had been there when The Pink Skies were having their first headlining tour, it had been the first and last show – their opening and homecoming gig – and she had been to both, she’d said it’d been the best gig she’d gone to ever and she’d been to a lot of gigs.

Last time I’d been there I’d gotten into a fight, luckily I’d had the lads with me to help me though and the fuckers from Ibon went off with smashed faces. They’d come in chanting stuff about Tekstilshchik Ibon – the big club around there that had never won anything big and had been irrelevant for years and was currently in the Second Division – and then when we’d just done an innocuous ‘Thessia la la la’ chant they’d decided to get in our faces, one of them threw a punch at me and in the end ended up on his arse. Stuff like this was common at gigs.

Me and the lads were playing a few drinking games, Ring of Fire, one was called. It was painful, especially when you were the one that landed the fucking last King. I had to drink from the dreaded mixture that had a bit of everything in it by this point. Polak’s family were out, it was fun and games. We had tried to get him to get some girls around but he didn’t want it getting too big, but I’d told Alina to bring her mates that were going to the gig – she said she would.

A few minutes later came a knock at the door.

“Who’ll that be Jelly la’?” Polak asked.

“Ah it’s Alina, she asked me to sort her booze,” I deliberately looked at Stefan to see his reaction. He looked at the ground, almost disappointed, “Y’know, because I’m her mate and all.” I said, Polak nodding, understanding what I was doing.

Laz sat, mouth open, gormless as always. He kept quiet though. Polak had obviously had a word with him, I noticed that just as I said this, Stefan looked up and seemed a little happier – sharing a joke with Polak as I walked out of the room to the front door. I opened the door, peeking around it and there was Alina and a few of her mates, Lena was there as we’d known – but a couple of others too, a coloured girl, obviously of Djocorangan or Mwembamba descent. There had been an influx of people from them countries twenty, thirty years ago and whilst the generation that had seen the influx had been bigoted people these days were more welcoming. Nobody would have a problem with her now, happily enough. The other girl was somebody I’d never seen before, she was small and had blonde hair.

I looked Alina up and down, she looked stunning man, the way her dress accentuated her slim figure perfectly... It was mad. She was just so perfect and I’d never realised before very recently. The girls giggled, Alina looked at me strangely.

“You gonna let us in or what?” She smirked.

“Oh, uh, yeah, come in,” I laughed, trying to cover my mistake of taking a little too long to admire the way Alina looked. I opened the door wider and the four of them trotted inside, their heels obviously already causing problems as all four threw their shoes off all over the floor. Eight shoes lined Polak’s hallway as they waited to be directed towards where everyone was. “Just head right along there, they’re sat in the kitchen.” I said as I closed the door.

All four walked on through and then there was a cacophony of welcomes as everybody found out who each was and said ‘Hello’. I laughed at the way they were fired off all of a sudden, just after everything had been fairly quiet and awkward. I walked on after them, Laz was already getting to know the small blonde girl and the other six were speaking animatedly. Even Stefan – who never spoke to anyone he didn’t know was speaking openly under the influence of alcohol.

“Alina, your stuff’s there, on the table.” I said, walking inside. She looked down at the blue bag on the table, rummaged inside and pulled out the bottle of vodka and then beamed at me. She skipped over to me and flung her arms around my neck, pulling me into an impromptu hug as I once again looked shocked. Luckily, Stefan once again missed out on what happened as he was deep in conversation with the coloured girl, who we’d discovered was called Blessings Kolarikova and was actually in our year at school, just apparently not in any of our classes.

“Soz,” she said, “About us being a bit late, I ended up getting ready last minute, got too immersed in trying to learn the chords to some of The Pink Skies’ songs.” She said.

“You look decent enough.” I laughed.

“I don’t want to look just decent!”

“Right you look great, shut up, this gig’s gonna be mega, don’t put a downer on it for me.” I laughed, downing another bottle of cider.

“Slow down big man, don’t want you being too hammered on us do we?” She replied.

“Why not?” I asked, she smiled mischievously before sliding something out from her dress. A little packet, with two white things in them. Pills.

“’Cause, Svet. You might not be able to handle these.” She flicked the packet.

“What is that?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve never seen a little bit of MD before?” She smirked.

“MDMA? Course I have!” I replied, trying to save face.

“Good.” She replied, grabbing my arm. “Now are you going to show me to the bathroom or what? Got a couple of bombs to drop.” She giggled.

“Ah, you’re a mug, that’s a grim pun that Alina.” I laughed as she pulled me out into the hallway and upstairs. We went into the bathroom and she went over to the sink, looking in the mirror and sighing at herself.

“Never have been good at mascara me.” She said.

“You look fine you idiot.”

“Don’t compliment me you fool, you’ll make me cry.” She said sarcastically, “I’ll look like a panda.”

“A very pretty panda.” I said, laughing. She punched me again. She pulled the packet back out and dropped the two pills onto the sink.

“Tonight’s going to be mad,” she said, giving me another strange look. Her head tilted to one side, as if she was considering me. She took a swig of the vodka again. “Right, get one of them down you.” She continued and as she said this she tilted her head back and dropped the pill down.

Should I really do this?

Silvana had told me to look after her – getting off my head on ecstasy wouldn’t be the best way to do that – but then, I also wanted to impress her, I liked her after all. I wanted to do what she did and get closer to her. As I thought this, I became aware of her coming closer to me.

“Are you gonna have it or what?” She asked as she picked the pill up and held it in front of my face. I smiled, opening my mouth and she put it on my tongue. I swallowed. It was down. She put her finger on my lips and hummed a tune. Then she moved in closer and kissed me, it was incredible, just like the first time. “Thanks for coming up with me tonight,” she said, turning to pick up the packet and flushing it down the toilet.

I waited at the bathroom door and as she walked past me, smirking as usual.

“Let’s go bananas.” I said.

[Astograth]

An errant pass went over the byline, narrowly missing a late Uzkudun, and the ninety thousands in attendance lamented their misfortune, while on the bench players and assistants clutched their heads. Astograth held a 1-0 lead over Kericia, but in the final minutes now found themselves suffering as the upstart Kericians refused to give up - had Uzkudun's foot met Mendazona's looping cross, they could've sealed the result and put a damper on the electrified atmosphere inside Grand Duke's. Olibondeka and their crowd were nervous; the opponent could smell it, and were acting upon it with zeal.

Handel gestured for Luar Dardan, who hopped off the bench and stood by the manager, who spoke his peculiar Astograthian punctuated with English terms and barely looked away from the action.

“Right, lad, ready for your début? Thought so. You're coming on for Balentin, we need to win some time here. I want to see drive from you, you know, drive. Determination, strength of will. Show me you want to win this match, do what you need to do. No risks. Got to keep them from scoring, more than we need a goal ourselves. Watch for the right-back. Got that, yes? Excellent. Now go on, this is Grand Duke's you're at!”

Dardan handed his slip of paper to the fourth referee and waited for the ball to go out. His first cap for the senior team. The first of many, hopefully, what with his career on the rise back in Eura. This probably wasn't the most glamorous way to show himself to the world, and in his opinion far too late into the campaign, but he was eighteen after all; Eriz Bakaikoa was more than ten years ahead of him and had the silverware to show for it, it was understandable that Handel wouldn't need him replaced much. He waited. Play dragged on, Olibondeka much too happy to wait for the opposition to try something.

Until Kericia did. A ball lost in the midfield turned into a run down the middle, then a pass split the flat-flooted defense and Logegaray, one-on-one, couldn't keep it out after his first save resulted in a rebound.

1-1 against Kericia, in Rumiatzi, 90th minute, and it was all of Astograth's fears made real again. The fourth referee began to adjust the numbers on his electronic board when Handel got there to call off the substitution - that Dardan would come on for Maistegi instead of Uzkudun, in a last-ditch effort. The confusion forced the main referee to get involved, severely warning Handel and his assistants before restarting play a full minute and a half later, of the three he had already indicated would be added on. Dardan still didn't come on, made to wait for the next stoppage.

Astograth kicked off and pressed forth, Kericia were having none of it. Dardan waited. Alberro to Bakaikoa to Mendazona to Balinaga, up for Alberro again... whether they were being too cautious or whether they were simply physically and emotionally spent was hard to tell.

A sorry state of affairs that had them at a loss, losing the ball, getting it back and failing to do anything at all for a minute and a half. The whistle blew and Luar Dardan walked away from the ground still uncapped.

[New Montreal States]

NICE THINGS WITH JACQUELINE LAVIOLETTE

Special to the New Montreal Presse-Journal Devoir

I was first introduced to hontaýpýar about twelve years ago, taking a weekend trip through the countryside after two my friends had backed out at the last minute. I was rambling through a particularly bucolic part of the Eastern Wapintakes about 30 minutes outside Chateauguay, not too far from the Bettian border, when I came across the "town" of Cuthberht-on-Rye. The town consisted of the intersection of two provincial roads, one of which ran parallel to a railroad track, a combination grocery store and gas station, a grain elevator and a bright red building with no identifying marks aside from an old, hand-painted sign that advertised "Poutinerie - Hotdog - Hambourgeois - Bière Froide - Baseball - Ici On Sert La Vraie Bouffe." Pickup trucks and a SUV or two dotted the parking lot. My purple Jeep stood out - well, like a dilettante travel writer in a parking lot full of people who worked with their hands for ten hours at a time.

I suddenly realized that I hadn't eaten since breakfast, and abruptly pulled in. Tired-looking men in denim, wearing Chateauguay and Sherbrooke ballcaps in equal part, and splitting their attention between les Nounours and les Cardinales playing slow baseball in 95-degree heat. I ordered the blue plate special and was rewarded with a generous portion of meatloaf - salt, pepper, breadcrumbs, parsley, and ketchup; anything more is creeping Communism - and giant ladlefuls of baked beans and slightly overcooked peas and carrots to match. Just what the doctor had ordered after a long day of rambling.

Along with my homestyle feast, however, there was a side plate and a small bowl. On the plate was a chunk of hard rye bread, almost black, and the bowl contained a thick, chunky, and repulsively scented stew. This, I was told, was hontaýpýar; a dish that originated with the original Bigtopians that roamed these lands before the first Montréalais ever settled here. It was served with every meal, along with an equally traditional hunk of rye bread, as a symbol of fellowship and community. A quick glance about the restaurant revealed that everyone, even people who were doing nothing but drinking and watching baseball, had been served a bowl and a plate exactly like the ones in front of me.

The goodwill of the publican's sales pitch overwhelmed my disgust with the acrid, earthy mystery odor spewing up from the bowl and assailing my nose, and I fished up a lump of some kind of vegetable matter surrounded by a thick tan sauce with a texture like cheap takeout curry or wet flour that has been allowed to sit out overnight. What came next was the most traumatic thing to happen to my head since my high school's cheerleading corps gave me a swirlie in the locker room toilets back in 9th grade.

It tasted like some kind of root vegetable boiled to oblivion in a cheap hot sauce that's more vinegar than pepper. There are no adjectives to describe the texture. Fortunately, the vegetables were soft enough to quick mash up against the top of my mouth. I summoned up the willpower to swallow my morsel and was rewarded with a scalding sensation sliding down my esophagus.

I ordered a double gin, tonic and lemon juice while heroically stifling my gag reflex. Between the booze and the perfectly executed plate of comfort food in front of me, I managed to cleanse my palate between heartburn-inducing hunks of five different vegetables, none of which grew above ground, interspersed with thin slices of mutton that melted away in my mouth without moderating the overwhelming taste of acid. After four minutes or so, I began to notice a lingering aftertaste of stale alcohol and pickles in the back of my mouth, and also in my breath.

While I was eating, the bartender, who made a point of saying that he didn't want his name in "all the big-city papers" for fear of "hipsters," gave me a long, rambling lecture on the history of hontaýpýar, some of which was actually worth remembering, unlike the dish itself:

In the summertime, primitive Bigtopian shepards ate hot hontaýpýar to warm their bodies and their souls after a long day of hard work. During the winter, primitive Bigtopian shepards ate cold hontaýpýar to refresh themselves after hours of brutal toiling. (The barkeep assured me that primitive Bigtopia shepards did not have much control over their environment.) I can't imagine it would make any difference either way.

It was traditional for new brides to prepare a pot of hontaýpýar while their new mother-in-law followed them around, relentlessly critiquing their every move. This tradition ended shortly after the arrival of the original Montréalais refugees. Outside of certain parts of the NMS back country, hontaýpýar is now only served ironically, or at dinners where the host genuinely hates the majority of the people at table.

The tureen with the leftover hontaýpýar is traditionally poured over an unsuspecting host by two guests at the conclusion of particularly successful or particularly awful dinner parties. Quantities of stale or spoiled hontaýpýar were used for sympathetic magic by ancient Bigtopian clerics, usually to curse an enemy's crops or flocks.

On my way out of the restaurant, the bartender was very insistent that I take a copy of the recipe with me, telling me "you're the first person not from here to make it through an entire bowl in, what, a decade? Most people take a bite, spew it out, then laugh and call us crazy. That tradition really only calls for you to take one bite, and most people here stop at that, they can't stand it either."

1 mutton leg, thinly sliced
1 cup turnips, cubed
1 cup parsnips, cubed
1 cup potatoes, cubed
1 cup strong yellow onion, cubed
1 cup radishes, cubed
1 cup pickle brine
1 cup moonshine
1 cup olive brine
1/2 stick butter or as needed
10 cups well water
10 cayenne peppers
rock salt
rennet
3 bay leaves

1) Mince the cayenne peppers and add them to the moonshine. Add three or four pebble-sized bits of rock salt to the mix. Let it soak for at least 24 hours. It is customary to let the peppers soak for a week in the Eastern Wapintakes, and you should consider doing this if you know you'll be making hontaýpýar well ahead of time.

2) Combine the olive brine, pickle brine, pepper-infused moonshine, water, rock salt, rennet, and bay leaves. Simmer over low heat until the rock salt has dissolved completely, stirring often.

3) Add the mutton. Let simmer for one hour.

4) Sauté the root vegetables in butter, using as much butter and as many saucepans as you need to get the job done right.

5) Remove the bay leaves from the broth, then bring it to a boil.

6) Once the broth is boiling, add the cubed and sautéed vegetables, then bring the whole mix back down to a simmer.

The proper amount of time to cook hontaýpýar after completing the prep work is a matter of spirited debate. The mutton itself is usually cooked through and safe to eat two hours after you first put it in the pot. However, hontaýpýar is not considered truly cooked until four or more hours of simmering. Some people in the deep woods and in isolated mining towns along the Bettian cook hontaýpýar for a full day in a clay pot or dutch oven.

[Brenecia]

SCOOP OF THE DAY with MEREDITH FINCHE
Hey hey hey, it's the Scoop of the Day! With Meredith! Last match was... well, we didn't get utterly butchered. That was nice. It was the only nice thing you could really say about the game. We never actually stood a chance all game. People who want consolation could, however, look to the repeated crippling defeats inflicted on New Sideburn. 4-0 against Yesopalitha, 5-2 and 7-0 against Sicoutamont... the fun never stops! It's a shame they're a lot better at football than us.

But they wouldn't be if Aidan Stringer played on the left wing! Stringer is the oldest player on the list, retiring in 302, but he was a stunning player. Platinum blond, too. But apart from his dashing good looks and taste for fast cars and loose women, Stringer was just as adept dropping crosses into the box as he was unleashing the might of his long shots. His long and chequered history lead him all the way across the country, and he was in fact the Brenecian league's first superstar in an era where we were minnows relative to New Sideburn. If we didn't have Stringer, where would we be now?

Probably bottom of the group, that's where. Tomorrow, we try to scrape a point against some giant, allegedly sentient horses. Which is not much better than giant, allegedly sentient bears, in all honesty, but you take what you can get in the business. See you then~!

[Sangti]

OOC: I don't have much time today, will post the match report vs Wight at the next matchday.

Part 1

After Roman published his article on his blog, many Sangtians e-mailed him and he answered their questions dilligently. One of the questions were "Do you want to join another news company?". He answered, "No, I would want to be a freelance journalist for now. Let's see what happens in the future." Then he shed some tears as he revisit the bonding and the bromance among them. (All journalists in the Diario are male.)

When he woke up the next day, he received an e-mail from his boss. It says,

Why didn't you sent a match report at the DIario? And more importantly why would you tell anyone that you are no longer in the Diario? The e-mail I sent you is a prank, dickhead. We launched that advert for journalists for the LFS Primera and the league system in Sangti. You are still a reporter for the Diario and I expect you to send match reports, OR ELSE...

The BOSS
El Diario Deportivo del Sangti

It was true. Roman's name is still in the staff of the Diario website. And he saw his article he posted in his blog on the Diario website, albeit only as a link.

CRUCIAL
Roman Barlaan, El Diario Deportivo del Sangti

The match report is written in Roman Barlaan's blogspot, romanbarlaanfooty.blogspot.com.sgt

Roman Barlaan is a football journalist for El Diario Deportvo del Sangti. He covered the Di Bradini Cup 27, Swamp Soccer World Cup IV, Market Cup VI, Baptism of Fire 52 and the ongoing World Cup 65 qualifiers.

He only said this: "These dorks at Diario are really lazy in typing. But at least I am still employed."

[Kalumba]

On The Lash With The Lads

So ends the unbeaten streak, we went to Mashiki and we went home humbled. The 46th best side in the world looked like number one with the performance they gave. And the gap between the two sides was far more than the hundred or so places which exist on the rankings table but thankfully there is always Big Terry to rely on and he kept the score to a respectable two nil defeat.

This defeat also sees us slip from second to third in the group, but let's be honest with ourselves for once. OTLWTL is about as biased as you can get, but unlike the newspapers we know Kalumba cannot qualify and the fact we sit in third in the group is a sign of how well we have done. We have already surpassed all expectations for the tournament and we still have a number of easy games to go.

As long as we remain defensively strong and don't collapse we will definatley finish in the top half of the group, and that is more than any of us could have asked for. Apologies for the short post today but apparently 'work' exists and must be done, but one final point; I read earlier on the interwebs that people from the southern area of one glorious nation allegedley have carnal relations with ponies and would like to point out that that is categorically untrue. However you head a tad furthur south and you will find a forsaken land filled with inbred creatures who fornicate with fish.

Mr Spleen
O, the views of Mr Spleen are his alone, although his last statement is clearly factual. Damn skates.

[Starblaydia]

These days, Simeone Di Bradini liked to find out the results from around the around the World Cup via the thoroughly modern medium of newspapers. Like with most things in The Holy Empire, Simeone had long glossed over in his mind how it actually worked. He was quite comfortable with the fact that a copy of the ever-reliable Jhanna Chronicle appeared on his doorstep five mornings out of seven, neatly folded, with a Chronicle on Sunday and its plethora of supplements arriving on the appropriate day. Whether it was an actual copy of the Chron sent through some portal to the Dreamed Realm every day but Saturday, or a dreamed-up copy, he wasn't sure. It had been so long that he didn't care. It happened and he accepted it.

He'd also accepted that, in real terms, he wasn't really a Starblaydi any more. He'd been a part of The Holy Empire set-up that had won three World Cups, and been Runners-Up three times, since the time that Starblaydia had won their fifth and latest title. As each Cup went by he paid less and less attention to the men and women in white and purple, simply enjoying his life in the strange, wonderful, mystical world of the Dreamed Realm.

He read the Chron like an interested economic reader might seek out the financial broadsheets of Capitalizt SLANI, with their endless figures and tables, or pigeon fanciers making sure to have the latest magazine subscription from certain Audioslavian special-interest publishers. He respected the Chron for its sports reporting, chiefly, as it tended to be largely in line with his own thoughts on how the game should be played.

This time, however, this go around, this edition, this had caught his eye. Everywhere he looked was a name he recognised. In the lst few editions, he'd only really recognised his former nation's name in their Qualifying Group and nothing else.

Legalese, a neighbouring nation Starblaydia had once ruled over for more than a decade and had several clashes with in the past. The Pazhujeb Islands, who had beaten Starblaydia in the Final of the Baptism of Fire upon their return to the international scene in World Cup 38. Neo Lemmitania, a nation Starblaydia had orginally layed exactly 200 years ago in their first outing in World Cup 15, when Simeone hadn't been part of the team as an inexperienced 19 year old. Europa Britannia, who Simeone had scored his first ever goal against in a Starblaydi shirt, playing for the Under-21s in the Third Under-21 World Cup. Aels were the current Baptism of Fire Champions. Zwangzug were another famous World Cup name, particularly in administration.

But there was another name, the name writ largest in Starblaydi history: Krytenia. They were another country that Starblaydia had tenchnically ruled, if only for the length of a World Cup campaign, as 'West Starblaydia', thanks to an international romance between the leaders of their respective countries that had ended in marriage and unification, before death, civil war and destruction had come between them.

This group had more history between the teams than any other in World Cup history. In over a quarter of a millennia of football, there had never been a collection of nations quite like this drawn together at random. It was this history that was now bothering Simeone.

Was he really remembering the Lemmitania that he'd watched lose 3-0 to Starblaydia in only their second ever win on the international stage? Nikola "Laser" Lazerevski, David Bentley and Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu had all scored that day. Starblaydia had lost the reverse fixture 2-0 away from home, but was that actually Lemmitania? Was it not Lethislavania or Lexmarak or Landau Institute or Liechtenistan or Lamoni or Lovisa or East Lithuania or Funny Looking Islands or Lykaia or Lycrabon or Fimble Loving Peoples or Liverpool England or The Lowland Clans or Lurikastan or...

The mind boggled. Simeone's mind, in particular. And that was just the 'L's. There were still twenty-five other letters to go.

When would it all stop? What number would be the 'last' World Cup? Would he still be around for it? Technically he was around forever and always, and at every point in time. That, too, was something he tried not to think about except when really necessary. What he was thinking about, however, was that both of his nations were in second place in their groups, and needed a kick up the backside. That was much easier to wrap your brain around than the fact you were two hundred and nineteen years old, with distinct memories for each and every one of those years.

Just kick the ball in the net.

For eternity.

[Alexanderburn]

94 Estope 2-1 Alexanderburn 134
van der Pol (89')
Late goal allows Alexanderburn to avoid complete shut-out

Boy oh boy, this is something. Can the team make a come-back after this? Let's hope for the best tomorrow night..

"How did we lose to Estope?"
"Well, they are ranked a good 40 places ahead of us."
"Ranking didn't stop us from defeating Valladares."
"Good point... but Valladares is also below us in the tables."
"Not anymore, they're not."
*utter silence*
"Coach will not be happy.."

This was one of many similar locker-room discussions after the disappointing match last night, when the Alexanderburnese national football team was defeated 2-1 by Estope, a team ranked #94 in comparison to the ANFT's #134. Neither Coach Kingsley nor assistant coach Mathiassen had any comments on the matter, and rumours started floating around that Kingsley may have been asked to retire.

"You know, this team is all about bringing in the players that the fans want," noted one Juan Carlos de Puyana, a fan who was presented at the match last night against Estope. "I get that. I acknowledge it too. We are all guilty of it. But that also means that we want to see the coaching and staff that we want, and unfortunately, it hasn't been looking to good for Kingsley recently."

Though the head coach was able to move Alexanderburn into third for a matchday, the team had a goal of achieving "at least fifth, if not third" that it is not accomplishing in the current seventh-place.

"This is just embarrassing. We have been both on-and-off paper one of the fastest and strongest growing teams in the entire tournament, in the entire world," remarked a dedicated fan. "Why we're struggling all of a sudden, I have no idea. You know, it would really be something if we don't qualify for the Cup of Harmony this year, and I really don't expect to, even though this may be the strongest and most developed team that the nation has probably ever had."

Others cite Kingsley's age in the team's "winning drought". The 35-year-old coach may just be one of the youngest in the tournament, if not the youngest, and Mathiassen's 46 years of age is not that much better. Most fans whom we talked with expressed that they wished to see a coach of "at least 50 years of age, maybe even 60" in the arena, not someone who "just came out of club soccer himself". Kingsley is only two years older than Beller and Massie, two players expected to retire in the next season or two. In fact, Kingsley played in lower division soccer in Alexanderburn up until 2010, and was not selected to be in the national team that hoisted that AOC trophy that very year due to an injury.

Meanwhile, the team is bringing on fresh legs in order to prepare for what should be the easiest game of the entire qualification round. Though this line-up has not been directly released from either coach, newspapers and networks are all in agreement that this is the starting eleven per an inside report.

STARTING LINE-UP (Alexanderburn vs Schalafania)

Cremonesi / Kidane
Sirois / Holierhoek (c) / Austerlitz
Fiedler / Collett
Hooper / Rittenhouse / Ebersberger
Nordaglio

Modification: +3

Good luck Alexanderburn!

*Note to all the fans: The Alexanderburnese national football team (ANFT) was founded only in 2007 in preparation for the Football Cup 2008.

[Apox]

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven

On the training field the next day, George and Sir Richard met with the three new players who had accepted the team invitation, right defender Cassia Noble (511-530, 402 apps, 23 goals) and defensive midfielder Jordan Rickwright (503-514, 58 apps, 10 goals) who was the captain of FC Endeavour in the first ever "official" match played in Apox. He was joined by his team compatriot Jeremy Scott (503-512, 26 apps, 30 goals), who was one of the greatest Apoxian footballers of all time, and he could fill the second striker problem.

The rest of the team filtered onto the ground, and some began passing a ball around, or chatting with the three new recruits. George was satisfied, they now had 12 players, so enough for a team, and they could always rely on Sir Charles barton to help them out. In addition to this Sir Richard has also mentioned to him that a couple more players might arrive to help out, including another goalie, in case something happened to Caddie Jones.

Sir Richard quickly brought the training session to its focus, setting up a training match style situation, with the attacking players taking on the defensive ones. Now, considering most of these players came from the early years of Apoxian football, it was clear from the start that the attackers would fare much better; in the early the main aim had been to out-score your opponent, where as in recent times, the style of football had been more defensive. After a further half an hours play, with the attacking players harrying the defensive ones relentlessly, Sir Richard Marshall called the team back into a huddle.

“Ok people, we’re definitely beginning to get somewhere now, you’re all playing more cohesively as a unit. Jeremy and Chris, I liked your attacking runs in the box, continue to link up well. Jennifer and John, make sure you stay in constant contact with Caddie Jones, you are the heart of the defense, and we want to make sure that those Haïtiens players don’t work their way around the defense. I’m expecting great things from you.” The team looked around, as Sir Richard paused for breath. Suddenly though, Jordan Rickwright noticed a face at the edge of the playing field.

“It’s AV Bodwannick, the bastard! He’s come to spy on us and work out our tactics!” The tea were enraged, they would need their tactics to be a surprise to stand much of a chance of winning. They turned and charged, screaming, as a unit towards the now rapidly fleeing figure of AV Bodwannick, who was running off into the desolate expanse of wasteland that was between population centres in Wight. Only once they were sure that he wasn’t returning, did the Apoxians return to the field to continue training.

Team Sheet from the Match (scorer in bold)
GK - Will Hewitt
RD - Jack Forster
CD - Matthias Sindelar
CD - Fronden Abel
LD - Jennie Scott
RM - Olim Benzari (c)
CM - Jack Moses
CM - Will Fich
LM - Fran Gracie
CF - Fred Barnett
ST - Keri Ularu sub Tolgus Tregajorran 78'

[Northern Sunrise Islands]

DE PLACA
Sweet seduction in a magazine / endless pleasure in a limousine
in the back shakes a tambourine / Nicotine from a silver screen

WORLD CUP 65
NSI rolls over Timfen, 5-2

Back in the track, NSI made another victim at the Union Stadium as Timfen couldn't upset the Sunrisians in their home. The result gave Timfen their fourth loss in a row, aside from putting them under Kriegiersien, who won against Lymantatia at this same day. It was also a good match for the Sunrisians, who got a little farther in the striker sheet with McCloud having one of his best matches ever.

The first goal came from Timfen, who scored after a foul commited by Andressa de Souza. Timfen would then score again, now after a corner kick. Then, McCloud got in the game. He snapped, like a plane flying through rows of enemies, not backing down once or twice, doing a barrel roll or a sommersault whenever asked. An Arwing, if you may name the plane.

McCloud would intercept a cross in the defense and run with the ball, fierce, unstoppable, leaving even the goalie to eat his dust as he brought the ball into the goal, grabbing the net and shaking it like an Ultimate Warrior. It wouldn't take long for him to steal the ball from a helpless midfielder sometime later, leaving the poor player on the ground as he could only watch Starfox shoot the ball with enough strength to make the ball go through the net.

After the end of the first half, McCloud calmed down and the team lost their main offensive powerhouse, but ended up getting a hand from the lack of care that the Timfen squad had with the ball. Hanekawa would steal the ball in the tenth minute of the second half from the feet of the goalie only to shoot and score. Sometime later, Patiy would steal the ball from the feet of a defender and then lob the ball over the keeper's head to score the fourth.

Only to complete it, Louise Montblanc, at the fortieth minute of the second half would steal the ball from a midfielder, pass it to Harley Smith. Smith would fake a pass back to Montblanc, moving left with the ball so that she could finally pass it thru the defenders only to meet the right foot of a rushing Duda, who would shoot it under the keeper's legs to finish off the score, 5-2.

NORTHERN SUNRISE ISLANDS - 5
M. Sioux ; A. de Souza, P. Mangalonga, N. Hanekawa (55'), A. Hawk; T. McCloud (27', 43'), I. Mangalonga, Duda (91'), H. Smith; M. Patiy (77'), L. Montblanc
TIMFEN - 2
We don't have a clue of their names, aside from two goals: One in the 11' and one in the 20' marker.

OTHER NEWS
> NUSSCF still thinking on how their football pyramid will work.
> PKMNA-NSI National Tournament Profile: Guilherme Dias, representing Saint Pauli.
> Saint Anne and Jacob: Next country to have football reformulation?
> After strong and persevering criticism, NSIFC points out possible solution to lack of incentive to Junior Football...

[Saintland]

Wight 4, Saintland 3

(SP) The Sanctii visited the Broken Isles of Wight today to face the Wightlings. Wight's National Soccer Team, commonly known as the "Sundry Folk," are heavily favored to win Group 16 and today they moved closer toward accomplishing just that. However, the Sanctii did not go easily, keeping this match close from start to finish. "Today, we put up a fight against Wight, but they won the match at the last possible moment. This is the 3rd consecutive time that we have been defeated by a top seed in World Cup qualification, but we played well once again. Sooner or later, we're going to pick up a victory over one of those top seeds and I wouldn't be surprised if we beat Wight when they pay a visit to Royal Stadium in the second half of qualifying. Fortunately, every other team that was involved in that 5-way tie for first lost, with the exception of Wight, so we are still in a 4-way tie for second place. Tomorrow's match against Karditan, a nation that has actually banned the sport of soccer, will be critical. We must achieve a result tomorrow. Last World Cup, we were 6 points out of 2nd place and 9 points out of the lead at mid-qualifying. This time around, we stand a great chance of finishing in the top 2, if we can only be within 1 or 2 points of 2nd place at mid-qualifying. Remember that we finished just 2 points behind second place Kinitaria last time, so we stand a strong chance if we are relatively even with the other top teams in Group 16 at the halfway point. Either way, we just need to put our trust in God. God will watch over us and lead us to Saugeais or Pasarga for the 65th World Cup Finals, if we only turn to Him." - Prince Andreas

The match began as Stephanus Vagionius forced Chavaqquq Yaval to concede a corner in the opening seconds of the match. The Prince Andreas corner was in the vicinity of the back post. It was perfectly placed as Georgius Catiotus moved forward and headed the ball into the net. The Sanctii had struck first. They now led 1 goal to nil and the match was still in the first minute. A few minutes later, Lucas Aufidius would intercept a pass and boot it downfield to Prince Andreas, but the shot from the Prince of Saintland hit the post. A later shot from Stephanus Vagionius would be saved by Wight keeper Antrim Quintine.

Wight's team proved unable to handle the physical approach of the Sanctii. The Sanctii would repeatedly take possession from the Sondry Folk with physical tackles. Every time, the crowd at the South Lawn in the city of Spit loudly booed their own team's performance. They must have been disappointed by their inability to handle physical play. In the 33rd minute, Yestin Kennard finally made something happen for Wight as a number of Sanctii players missed their tackle attempts. Kennard was soon one-on-one against Alessandro Seius and he equalized for the home side by placing the ball high. Alessandro Seius thought it was going to go over the bar, so he did not bother moving to defend the shot and it went in uncontested. Suddenly, the match was tied.

Toward the end of the first half, the Sanctii came charging back on the other side of the pitch. Prince Andreas split the Wight defense in the 42nd minute and placed a shot on goal. Antrim Quentine had no choice but to concede a corner. The Prince Andreas corner was in the direction of Ioannes Poenius, but Poenius mistimed his jump and the ball missed his head, bouncing off the head of M.V. Cabel for another corner. Prince Andreas sent this one toward the feet of Petrus Mamilius, but Mamilius hit it too hard and it went out for a goal kick. Wight would get a scoring chance toward the end of the half, but Cleve Scrievenor's shot would be saved by Alessandro Seius. The match went into the half tied at 1 goal apiece.

Wight would break the deadlock early in the second half, after a Prince Andreas shot would miss the net by just mere inches. The Sanctii would soon regain possession and once again attack in Wight's end of the field, but a cross from Paulus Flaccus intended for Prince Andreas found its way to Bram Carlo Boyle instead. Wight came back on a counter-attack. Wight set up a cross to Big John Corfe-Sheviock and the big man, who apparently plays his club soccer for a club that plays in something called the "Miner's Rules" league, put the shot low and down the middle. Alessandro Seius was not expecting that. Diving to the side, he could not find the ball anywhere. He soon realized that it had gone into the back of the net. Wight had taken a 2 goals to 1 lead.

The lead lasted for a few minutes as both keepers saved a number of shots. Finally, Silvester Flaccus intercepted a pass from Yestin Kennard that had been intended for Cleve Schrivenor. Flaccus gambled and decided to shoot from right where he was standing. He hit the ball into the box and it bounced in the direction of the goal. Soon, it bounced right to Antim Quentine and Quentine attempted to catch it. However, Quentine mistimed the movement of the ball and it ended up bouncing off of his hands and into the back of the net. Silvester Flaccus had somehow equalized on a long shot's long shot. The score was now tied at 2 goals apiece.

Now, Prince Andreas decided to bring on Josephus Flaccus for Petrus Mamilius, who was looking somewhat tired. In the 77th minute, Wight made their way downfield. Zachary Fosse-Gordon was heading down the right side of the field. He passed to Cleve Schrivenor, seemingly setting up a goal-scoring opportunity. However, Lucas Aufidius's momentum caused him to run into the Wightling striker, knocking the smaller man out cold. The referee, a talking bear from Bears Armed, awarded a red card to Aufidius. "It is unfortunate that Schrivenor was injured, but it was incidental contact. My momentum simply carried me into him and he was too stupid to move out of my way. If I had been playing for any other nation, I probably would have been protesting and the entire national team probably would have been protesting, but arguing with officials is simply unbecoming of a Sanctii. Even when an authority figure makes a bad decision, according to Church teaching, we are expected to obey without complaint. I did so, although I feel that the talking bear made the wrong decision. I guess I'll have to sit out the match against Karditan, but I'll put the time to get use to prepare for our upcoming matches." - Lucas Aufidius

The match was delayed for 10 minutes as Wightling medical personnel stretchered Schrivenor off of the field. When the match resumed, Big John Corfe-Sheviock took Wight's free kick, sending a rocket into the back of the net for an 87th minute goal. However, Corfe-Sheviock would be red-carded during his celebration as he made an offensive gesture to the referee and apparently disrespected its authority. You just don't disrespect an official's authority and Corfe-Sheviock found that out today, as he was awarded 2 yellow cards in quick succession, effectively being red carded. Now, both teams were down to 10 men.

The Sanctii responded quickly as the Sanctii took the kick-off and immediately made their way to their own end. Prince Andreas set up a perfect cross to Stephanus Vagionius and the Sanctii striker put the ball on the right side of the goal at a medium height. Antrim Quentine leaped to the left and Vagionius put his shot into the back of the net to tie the match at 3 goals apiece. During added time, the Sondry Folk subjected the Sanctii defense to constant pressure. It finally cracked toward the end of extra time when Yestin Kennard's shot from around a yard outside of the goal somehow found its way past Alessandro Seius and into the back of the net. Wight had taken this match by a score of 4 goals to 3. There was no time remaining for the Sanctii to equalize.

With the defeat, the Sanctii fall to a record of 2 wins, a draw and a loss in the current WBC. Wight now leads the group outright with a record of 3 wins and a draw, good for 10 points. Due to the losses by Karditan, Sondstead and Quebec, the Sanctii are now in a 4-way tie for second place in Group 16. Tomorrow, the Sanctii will host Karditan at Royal Stadium. Meanwhile, Wight will visit Quebec and Sondstead will host The Sovan Antithesis, who are surprisingly tied with Jedi8246 with 6 points for 6th and 7th places, just 1 point back of the 4-way tie for second place. Group 16 has been a very competitive group so far, which works to the favor of our Kingdom's National Team. So long as the Sanctii can stay competitive early and not build up a deficit prior to the mid-qualifying break, they should be in strong position going into the stretch run. The next 2 days against Karditan and Jedi8246 will prove critical for the Kingdom of Saintland, as victories against those nations could put the Sanctii on the fast track toward qualification, while defeats could hand one of those nations a lead over the Sanctii at the midway point. Tomorrow's match will be broadcast live on Royal One once again, so be sure to tune in if you can't make it out to Royal Stadium, and watch as the Sanctii take on a team from a nation that is rumored to have actually banned soccer. If those rumors are true, the SP is unsure how they could be fielding a team in this World Cup. Regardless, Karditan will be a tough opponent for the Kingdom of Saintland in a match that is truly an important one for the Sanctii. Lucas Aufidius will be suspended due to his red card from today's match and Prince Andreas has announced that Josephus Flaccus will be starting instead tomorrow. Apparently, the Sanctii are going with a 4-4-1-1 formation against Karditan. Although only God currently knows what the outcome will be, soon we will all know the outcome.

---

Saintland draws Karditan 2-2

A late equalizer by Prince Andreas secured a critical draw for the Kingdom of Saintland against 2nd-seeded Karditan today. Once again, the Sanctii played an even match against a higher-ranked opponent, but this team they were able to escape with a critical point. The late heroics by Prince Andreas were not that unusual, but they were exactly what we have come to expect from the Prince of Saintland, who is widely acknowledged as the best player in the multiverse today. This goal, his 25th of his career, came in added time and the capacity crowd at Royal Stadium erupted in jubilation. "Today, we once again played well against a strong opponent. At the end of the match, I decided that I would never be satisfied unless I got to take one last shot and I was certain that I would make it. I used Ioannes [Gratus] as a decoy, crossing the ball to him and then he pulled off a perfect fake. Their keeper bought it and Ioannes just passed back to me and I put it right on target for one of the easiest goals I've scored in my international soccer career so far. Even when it looked like we were heading toward another defeat, I continued to trust in God because I knew that we are God's Kingdom. As our opponents will soon begin to discover, when God is with you, there is nobody that can beat you and I believe that God will be with us down the stretch in this qualifying campaign. We are going to qualify for the World Cup, for the greater glory of God and, in doing so, we will advance His Kingdom." - Prince Andreas

Prior to today's match, several members of Cantus Virginum sang the national anthem. After the young ladies were finished, King Paulus XV addressed the crowd, announcing an announcement to be made at halftime of the rematch against Wight in the second half of qualifying. King Paulus XV did not respond to queries from the SP regarding his announcement. Instead, the match soon commenced.

Karditan started out on the attack. Yong Hu-Cho passed to a talking horse named Sweet Swing in the 4th minute and Sweet Swing attempted a shot at Alessandro Seius's goal. Seius easily saved the shot. Karditan came right back a few minutes later as Sweet Swing crossed to a talking buffalo named Lightning Heart. Lightning Heart took a shot of his own, but Seius knocked it out for a corner. The corner went to Richard Bunson and the gigantic former basketball player headed the ball out of play for a goal kick. Seius kicked it away and the cycle continued.

This pattern continued until Georgius Catiotus blocked a Richard Bunson shot with 18 minutes elapsed in the match. Catiotus passed to Ioannes Poenius and Poenius made his way downfield. Around midfield, Poenius passed inside to Silvester Flaccus and Flaccus passed ahead to his brother Josephus. Josephus Flaccus passed to Prince Andreas. The Prince of Saintland looked for a chance and eventually saw Josephus Flaccus running into the box, getting himself open. He delivered a perfect cross to Josephus Flaccus and the Sanctii midfielder put it into the back of the net. Josephus Flaccus had scored in the 20th minute to put the Kingdom of Saintland up 1 goal to nil.

Suddenly, momentum shifted and the Sanctii had the Karditani defense on their backs. Emanuel Portico had to make a number of spectacular saves to deny Stephanus Vagionius and Petrus Mamilius what had seemed like certain goals. Nicolaus Poenius would receive a Prince Andreas cross just after the half-hour mark and Poenius would put it into the post. Prince Andreas would hit a shot just inches wide to the right of goal in the 39th minute. Everything was going the Kingdom of Saintland's way.

That all changed when Josephus Flaccus made a critical mistake, passing the ball directly to Dust Pan the unicorn. Dust Pan, who is named after a kitchen cleaning utensil for some reason, passed to Havr Milosivek and Milosivek passed ahead to Yong-Hu Cho. Cho crossed to Mario Cansetta and Cansetta took a shot. It look for most of the way like it would go in, but Alessandro Seius barely got to it and sent it out for a corner. The Karditani corner went to Richard Bunson and the 7 foot 1 inch striker headed it into the back of the net this time around. Karditan had equalized in the 44th minute. That would hold up into halftime.

During halftime, Cantus Virginum came out to perform. After a few songs about the importance of respecting authority, a handful of Cantus Virginum singers sang about God's Grace and how it is available to anybody who chooses to join God's True Church. The crowd applauded for Cantus Virginum and the young ladies in the crowd wore out their voice boxes screaming at the top of their lungs for their role models. As they finished, both sides made their way out of the locker room for the second half.

Early in the 2nd half, the Sanctii had the Karditani defense on their heels. Prince Andreas ran around a number of Karditani defenders just after the halftime interval and took a shot at Emanuel Portico's goal. Portico knocked it out for a corner. The corner went to Xavier Helm, barely missing Stephanus Vagionius, and Helm headed it out for another corner. Prince Andreas sent his second corner in the vicinity of Paulus Flaccus and Flaccus got his head on it. However, it hit the bar and bounced back to Porfirio Mendoza. Mendoza booted it away to safety and Karditan had survived an early scare in the second half.

Mendoza's clearance made its way to Richard Bunson, who headed it to Lightning Heart. Karditan's talking buffalo quickly got up to speed and ran away from the Sanctii defense. There were no defenders nearby when he took a shot. It hit the post and rebounded right back to him. Lightning Heart had an open goal and he put it into the net for a 48th minute go-ahead goal. Suddenly, Karditan had a 2 goals to 1 lead. The crowd at Royal Stadium had been stunned by the sudden change in fortunes for the Sanctii. Prince Andreas decided that it was time to remove all 3 Flaccus brothers. In their place, he brought in Ioannes Gratus and Paulus Gabinius. Suddenly, the Sanctii had 3 strikers. To shore up his defense and avoid conceding a 3rd goal, the Sanctii captain decided to bring in defensive-minded Andreas Inventius to play opposite Mamilius in the midfield. Suddenly, the Sanctii were playing a 4-2-1-3 formation.

Suddenly, the Sanctii had new life, as Prince Andreas crossed to Paulus Gabinius a few minutes later. Gabinius's shot would be slightly off target, narrowly going out on the left side for a goal kick. At the hour mark, Petrus Mamilius found Ioannes Gratus and Gratus attempted a shot. However, Gratus's shot was deflected off the leg of Red Trotski, a talking horse, and out for a corner. Prince Andreas's corner would go toward Andreas Inventius, but Yong-Hu Cho got to it first. Stephanus Vagionius would take his own shot at goal in the 69th minute, but Vagionius would hit the bar and his shot would be rebounded by Xavier Helm, who cleared it away to safety.

The match would turn in a Karditani direction as the visitors played a possession-oriented style, trying more to hold onto the lead than score additional goals. This would prove to be difficult to overcome, but finally the Sanctii were able to force a bad pass from Havr Milosivek in added time and maintain extended possession. Andreas Inventius intercepted the pass for the Sanctii and found Prince Andreas. Prince Andreas crossed to Ioannes Gratus inside the Karditani box. Gratus faked a shot, Emanuel Portico bought the fake, and Gratus passed to Prince Andreas. The Prince of Saintland placed the ball perfectly, where Portico had no chance of getting to it. It sailed into the back of the net and the Sanctii had equalized the match at 2 to 2. One last Karditani attack failed when Alessandro Seius charged forward and successfully dove for the ball at the feet of Richard Bunson. Seius booted it away deep and the referee blew his whistle for the end of the match.

With the draw, the Sanctii have now won twice, drawn twice and lost just once in the current World Cup. The Royal Kingdom of Quebec played Wight to a 1-1 draw today, so the Wightlings now lead Group 16 with 11 points. The Sanctii are currently tied with Karditan and Quebec for 4th place with 8 points. The Sovan Antithesis and Jedi8246 are both sitting on 9 points following victories. Sondstead's defeat relegates them to sole possession of 7th place with 7 points. This group remains extremely tight after 5 matches are in the books. Tomorrow, our Kingdom's National Soccer Team will visit Jedi8246. Meanwhile, Karditan will face The Royal Kingdom of Quebec and Wight will face Sondstead. Knocking off Jedi8246 will be important for the Sanctii as they attempt to remain close in the Group. The match will be broadcast live on Royal One, so be sure to tune in and cheer on the National Soccer Team as they seek 3 critical points against Jedi8246. Although the identity of the Jedi8246 players is unknown, they are ranked 67th in the world and are known for always falling just short of qualifying in competitive groups. The Sanctii will be seeking to pick up some critical points against a higher-ranked team and move closer toward qualifying for the World Cup. Tomorrow, we will find out if they can do just that.

---

Sister Polus's Thoughts

Good morning, I am Sister Maria Polus. I am the High Inquisitor at Progress High School. I am also the newly-appointed Headmistress of said school. I am making this video today to discuss a number of things that are on my mind.

Firstly, I want to address the re-opening of Progress High School as a boarding school. As you probably already know, the infamous foreign resident school that I am in the process of reforming will be reopening 4 days from now, due to the actions of those domestic terrorists Vindicta Progressvm. Any student at Progress High School that does not arrive on schedule for the start of the summer term will be considered a member of Vindicta Progressvm and will be treated accordingly by the legal system.

Some Godless foreigners will undoubtedly claim that I am "oppressing" the students at the school by requiring them to return to school and board there for the next 2 months until the next term starts. However, I am actually being compassionate. If the members of that vile organization repent of their sins and behave themselves, I will intercede on their behalf and I can confident that the authorities will not send them to a Church of Saintland reform school. Contrary to what some may claim, I am a compassionate woman because I am a Godly woman. I want the members of Vindicta Progressvm to come forward and confess. Although they will have to do penance and they will be disciplined for their actions, I promise to forgive them, so long as they shut down their organization. After all, this organization is really just a bunch of spoiled schoolboys and schoolgirls who were given far too many privileges by the former headmaster. I promise everybody in the Kingdom that I will not make the same mistake.

However, there is something that I will not forgive. Recently, one of my religious education lectures was posted on Sanctustube by accident. It was taken down after being up for only 58 minutes after a King's Government employee realized his mistake. However, the video was downloaded, in violation of the terms of service of Sanctustube, by some unknown individual from the New Montreal States. This individual apparently translated my lecture about the righteous and correct filioque and posted it on VousTube, with the English translation. A few disturbed individuals posted their own versions of the video, with inaccurate translations that put words into my mouth. Apparently, they thought it was hilarious to ridicule myself and our Kingdom for our righteousness. This is a disgrace and I call upon the authorities in New Montreal States to order VousTube to take down all of those defamatory videos.

Lastly, I want to discuss the performance of the National Soccer Team. So far, their performance has been fine, but rather disappointing. With 1 match to go in the first half of qualifying, the Sanctii are tied with The Royal Kingdom of Quebec for 4th place and are just a point behind the 2 nations that are tied for 2nd place and just 4 points behind group leaders Wight, who co-hosted the last World Cup with the aforementioned New Montreal States. I think the National Soccer Team has played pretty well so far, but they do not seem to be in their second half form from World Cup 64 yet. If they seek to qualify for the World Cup, they will have to rediscover that form. To do that, they will need to embrace God more openly than they have to this point. Whether they will qualify for the World Cup will be dependent upon the Will of God. Like the rest of the Kingdom I will be watching.

I also want to discuss Feministvs Sanctvsterra, who have seemingly stayed underground for the most part since the Sanctii were eliminated from the last Cup of Harmony. Recently, they apparently participated in the 3rd edition of that "World Korfball Classic" thing, which was held in the Free Republics. Personally, I suspect that they are up to something and that bothers me. I hope the authorities are on alert because I'm sure that it won't be long before they re-emerge in some form. Given their tendency to enter sporting events, I wouldn't be surprised if they pulled a stunt where they tried to enter their membership as the delegation for our Kingdom in the upcoming Olympics. It would be just like them to enter a "Saintland" delegation before the Royal Olympic Committee of Saintland (ROCS) can get around to entering our delegation in the games that will likely be held in Orean, Liventia.

Most of the Kingdom has probably not noticed the decision to enter the National Ice and Field Hockey team in something called the World Lacrosse Championships as a tune-up for the Olympics. Lacrosse is apparently a sport that is very similar to field hockey, but I admittedly know very little about field hockey and absolutely nothing about lacrosse. I'm sure that is the case throughout our Kingdom. I hope Prince Josephus and Thomas Clovius are healthy and I hope that the team can bounce back after their poor showing in that World Cup of (Ice) Hockey. They certainly didn't look like the Olympic Silver medalists in that sport and I don't know if they will perform like the team that finished 3rd at the World Championship in Field Hockey. My advice to them is to ask God to be with them and repent of any sins they may be committing. God will be with us if we seek Him and if we are worthy. I am hopeful that Sanctii athletes can sweep all the gold medals in team sports at the upcoming Olympic games and finish atop the medal count when everything is said and done. If our athletes stay true to the True Faith, they will accomplish this goal. I am Sister Maria Polus and I thank you for watching.

[Lymantatia]

A Year In The Life: Weeks 9-12
The person centered around in "A Year In The Life" is a female 14-year-old named Liselotte de Archambault (November 20, 1997-) who lives in Roselle, a town with a population of 10,000 which is near Laurentia. Liselotte's paternal ancestry starts with the Archambault noble family. She has a mother (October 22, 1964-), father (June 2, 1962-), a 14-year old sister Marguerite (March 11, 1997-) and a 22-year old brother named Alfred (March 28, 1989-).
Week 9 (February 26-March 3)
She learns that Marguerite is adopted.
Week 10 (March 4-March 10)
She meets her granddad.
Week 11 (March 11-March 17)
Marguerite has a birthday at Sunday.
Week 12 (March 18-March 24)
We go to Connorstown at Saturday.
Lymantatia 0–1 Kriegiersien
Posted at 9:00pm 2013 June 26 - We have lost to someone way ranked lower than us. Isn't that weird?
Goalscorers
62 mins - Georg Böhme (Kriegiersien)
Current Statistics
Average number of time of goals: 33 minutes
Average number of time of goals by other teams: 50 minutes
Most goals by person on Lymantatia's team: Jacques Bressler (7)
IC Time is 9:00pm 2013 June 27

[Audioslavia]

Rubio Sanchez had resisted Jeremy's offer to spend a week's holiday with him in Calorborne - by virtue of the fact that about six months would pass in the real world, and the old 'wife and kids' thing rendered that a problem - and had left Jeremy still none the wiser as to what he was doing with that Jon kid. Oh, the explanation had been simple enough. They'd met at a bar, Jeremy wanted booze, couldn't get it, befriended the barman, found out he had a 'VIP' ticket to the Audioslavia match by virtue of his family connection, and went with him to the game. It sounded 'oh so feasible', but Rubio had worked with Jeremy for just about long enough to tell when the old man was lying out of his arse. Jeremy in full on lie-mode was the only time he was ever charming and seemingly generous with information.

Rubio thought he'd arrived back to Cathair in time to pick wee Guillermo up from school, but in his absence had entirely forgotten that it was the first Thursday of the month, and that meant Guillermo wouldn't be outside the front of the school, waiting to greet his dear old dad with a grunt and a whinge about preferring to get the bus with his friends. Instead, Guillermo Sanchez-Dysos was out the back of the school, on the playing fied, gallivanting around the midfield for his school team.

Guillermo had gotten his sporting prowess from his mother's side, that was definite. Rubio had always tried his hardest, developed a decent technique with the ball at his feet, but was never quite athletic enough to keep up. He'd been a skinny kid, never quite able to fill out like his friends did. He'd lacked the spacial awareness, natural balance and rapid decision-making skills to get any further than the fringes of his school team. By the time he'd gotten a little bigger, had developed a tactical nous and ability to read the game, he was already in his early twenties, working full-time as a journalist, and had developed a taste for pies and alcohol. Sue, on the other hand, Guillermo's mother, was six feet tall and had a father who appeared to have been sculpted from alabaster by a horny nymph. Guillermo, while having inherited Rubio's olive complexion, easy-going demeanor and intelligence, had gotten his physique straight from his mother's side. Guillermo was barely 13 years old, but was already perilously close to be taller than his father. He'd dived into the world of football head-first and, while becoming a professional footballer was unlikely, Rubio was proud to see his eldest son had become captain of his football team.

Rubio caught himself scanning the crowds for scouts. A silly idea. The chances of any of the parents here being scouts for big, foreign football teams was slim, but then, two young Audioslavians had been in the news recently for being signed up, aged only 12, by Wightling club AFC Portsmouth, and were currently on a six-year course to the first team by way of the club's development and youth teams. Rubio had thought about what his answer would have been if a scout had requested the family up and move from Cathair to Wight.

The subject of family reminded Rubio of the relationship between Audioslavia assistant manager Alvaro Mozo and the young scamp of a barman, Jon Mozo. Rubio couldn't remember the last time Jeremy came out of Calorborne just to catch a game of football. He hadn't even been to the AOCAF39 final, why would he have gone to a qualifier against a rather low-ranked national football side?

Rubio had to admit he was stumped.

[Felix]

World Cup LXV Qualifiers: A Tie

By: Steven Smith

In the Boring Paradise-Felix game the Phoenix failed to steal a win from the Paradisians as the game ended with a one to one tie. That sets back Felix's run in the World Cup as they are down to fourth place, behind Estope by two points and St Lucoa by one. Felix's Mr. Cardona was somewhat satisfied with the result but he admitted that his team should've won and not given up that goal. Felix will face Estope next and a win there will probably put them in second. Now here is a summary of today's match.

The first half was a Felixian dominated half as Felix had possession of the ball 58% of the time. The Felixian team attempted to take the lead from the Paradisian team in the 18th minute but it was blocked by their goalkeeper. Near the end of the half Felix shot another attempt, this time by Mikel Araboa, but that too did not result in a lead for the Felixian team. The half ended with a zero to zero draw, as neither team could've taken their advantages to make goals.

The second half had a bit of more action as Felix started to attack the Paradisians with force, with Sebastian Krister leading the charge. Eventually the first goal arrived for Felix in the 48th minute with a goal from Blau off a corner kick. Felix lead the match and shocked the already weary home crowd, 1-0. Felix continued to maintain their lead by playing flawlessly until the 54th minute where a Felixian mistake resulted in a Boring Paradise goal, tying up the match at one. The rest of the game was silent as neither team got a major opportunity to score again and the game ended in a draw, one to one.

The postgame news conference was question the last two game that Cardona's men played. They asked about Felixian play and how that wasn't as good as they gave up goals at the last second and lost matches that they played better at. Cardona shrugged and replied with a remark that suggested that the main strikers when comes to major games they couldn't finish, he said that this is just a funk in the team and we will bounce back and win against fellow Esportivians Estope.

We now move on from today's match and will face off against Estope, will Felix take the win at home in Estadio Nacional in Santa Maria? Or will another tie make our chances at qualifying harder? We will find out those things soon enough in a week. Until then, goodbye. Good luck on our team and may we win our next match!

As always here were the statistics for our sixth qualification match.

Goals
(48th): Aloysius Blau (FEL)
(54th): Haider Williams (BS)
Assists
(48th): Sebastian Krister (FEL)
Possession
BS: 49%
FEL: 51%
Fouls
BS: 9
FEL: 9
Cards
Yellow: N/A
Red: N/A
Injuries
N/A

Now here are the statistics for the qualifiers so far.

Goals
Mikel Araboa (6)
Yun Dong Lee (5)
Ziya Saqqaf (3)
Simo Roni (1)
Sebastian Krister (1)
Aloysius Blau (1)
Assists
Sebastian Krister (4)
Manolo Espina (2)
Simo Roni (1)
Mikel Araboa (1)
Clean Sheets
N/A
Yellow Cards
N/A
Red Cards
N/A
Injury List
N/A

-----

A MESSAGE FROM THE MINISTRY OF PRESS

Dear Nova Hellstorm,

Thank you for reporting your concerns about the newspaper called The National. We have reviewed your request and have decided that The National has done nothing wrong and we will not interfere him from reporting about a event that will not put in this letter. We suggest you instead not call The National a tabloid and try to talk to him personally to settle your disputes and qualms with Mr. Smith. Thank you for your cooperation and good luck to the Free Republics in the World Cup qualifying and to your reporting adventures.

Signed,
Martín Ramón Oquendo
Head of the Ministry of Press

[Aels]

THE REPORT
Huw Price in Hutt River

"Nobody plays with a sweeper nowadays"

Hutt River 0
Aels 2

A SECOND win of Aels' qualification campaign had to come at some point, although you would have been hard pressed to find many people who thought the newcomers would pull it off away from home against the group's third-seeded Hutt River.

The comprehensive two-goal win came as no surprise to captain Elwyn Richard, however. Richard had warned his teammates after last week's 2–2 home draw against Legalese that Hutt River would pose a sterner test, but said Aels performed "at their best".

"Everyone sort of stepped up to the plate to be counted. I knew we had the talent to cause a result but it was about producing the goods on the night and we're all very pleased we've managed to do that.

"Things don't get easier from here yet for a few more matches so we'll have to continue to be at the top of our game."

Head coach Sergyei Arefev — "I don't like the term 'manager', the players are all grown men and I don't have to manage them. I coach them and hand them instructions" — noted in his post-match remarks that double goalscorer Gethin Evans, who only won back his starting spot in the lineup after an impressive substitute performance against Legalese, had coped well with the pressure and the uncommon experience of playing a team with a sweeper.

"That was a new experience for many of the lads. Even experienced players like Elwyn don't regularly face teams that use sweepers. Nobody players with a sweeper nowadays. We obviously had to adjust our tactics to allow for that and I thought Gethin did really well.

"I challenged him to prove himself and he's certainly done that today. We've got Krytenia next and Marc Powell will return to the lineup for that but Gethin will probably play in the trophy match against Ancharmunn and then the coaching staff will discuss amongst ourselves team selection issues for the second half of qualifying."

Evans' star performance started early on as the busy centre midfielder made good use of space allowed to him on the right, often straying down the wing into a crossing position. But it was not until the 44th minute when, after rounding Rolf Klaus and Sebastian Marks, the youngster took a chance and aimed a potshot at goal from fully 30 yards.

"There's no way I thought it would go in, but I told myself I wouldn't find out unless I tried", he later admitted. The ball swerved in flight and crashed off the crossbar beyond a hapless and helpless Roland Zimmerman to put the hosts up and send a capacity away crowd into rapturous adulation of their new-found hero.

Many of the grizzled old hacks in the press box, far more cynical than the casual fan, were yet to be convinced. They were, perhaps too preemptively, openly dismissive about Evans' apparent sudden resurgence of form.

But even they recognised that if Evans' first goal had a touch of luck surrounding it, the second was all class, as Evans easily ran through Hutt River's makeshift two-man midfield — then past three of the back five — to calmly slot past an onrushing Zimmerman with just a quarter of an hour left to play in the game.

Even his captain was left marvelling at the 24-year-old's turn of skill. "I've been around this game a long time, but that was probably one of the best goals I've seen, under pressure.

"He's given the coaching staff a lot to think about and hopefully this competition for places spreads throughout the team, not just in his position."

Aels next host Krytenia at the New Free Stone Stadium before hosting Ancharmunn in the inaugural Trophy contest between the two sides. This match will determine the first holder of the Trophy, with subsequent meetings between the two teams determining the future holders and the trophy to stay with the reigning champions in the event of a draw.

Match ratings: J McConnell 8.1, R Jones 7.8, O Griffiths 7.7, I Maddox 7.8, S Andrews 7.9, C O'Connor 7.3, R Evans (vc) 7.6, A Jones 7.8, G Evans 9.4, B Thomas 7.9, E Richard (c) 8.0; Subs: G Owen 7.6 (for C O'Connor), R Dougal no rating (for R Evans), J Morgan no rating (for B Thomas)
Bookings: J McConnell, J Morgan
Goals: G Evans 2

[Gaveo]

The Gaveoan Times

World Cup LXV Qualifiers: We Won!

A disappointed Gaveoan fan.

By: Beni Cortez

Gaveo lost in a nailbitter against Bergnovinia one to zero. This loss sets us back in the standings. Although if Gaveo wins against our next opponent we can take back second and maybe even first if we are lucky. But lets not just depend on luck, anyways here is a recap of our last match.

Gaveo started hot in the first with many shots that went toward the net but were blocked by the gutsy Bergnovinian goalkeeper as nothing major happened for the Gaveoan side, the first half of the match ended in a draw zero to zero. The second half was a bit better for the Gaveoan team but disaster struck as Gaveo conceded a goal in the 50th minute, ever since then Gaveo couldn't recover and loss the match one to zero.

The postgame conference was filled of anger as Villaroel lashed out on some pro-Bergonovinia reporters, he has since said sorry for those remarks and has said that Gaveo will win their next match. We will be facing Telanor next week at home and a win there will help us a lot. Good luck Gaveo and until next week!

[Beaverriver]

Manager Zach Heckinson's speech to the team in the Beaverriver Locker Room before match against Bergnovinaia
"Tonight... is a very important game for us. we are in 8th place in our group, two worse than we were expected to place. Our goal is to get 5th place or higher which means we got to upset a couple of teams in this group and this game is one of those opportunities. I know we can do better then this because last World Cup team ended up in 6th place in the qualifying group and at the midpoint they were in 8th place. We had a couple of must win games that ended up as losses because we took our opponent very lightly. We need to focus on the next game and nothing else, not even your dreams about spicy, hot.... burritos. We need to play harder and treat it like the game to clinch the championship. Harder than playing for the BR Cup. Harder... than fighting an army of killer llamas. This is our moment to shine and break the losing streak in the qualifiers. We shouldn't use this just for one game. We shall us it for all of the games that we will ever play in our lives. Now... we shall go out there and kick some butt."

[Socialist States Owen]

Time for a battlefield bad company reference

Deep within Euran intelligence exists an elite force. Deployed into the field to complete complex, high risk tactical operations, they are the elite clandestine assets of not only Eura, but the whole of Rushmore. They truly are the best of the best.

Hardy Tool and Richard Rubber. Together, they are Hard Tool and Dick Rubber. These are the men...

...who are totally not the guys I was just talking about.

'...so you see Dick, as I explained to you when we were examining the Corporal Towels case, to properly choke a protester you need to dig in the thumbs. None of this pussy arse "you have the right to remain silent" and handcuffing them shit. I'm saying you go up to that greasy peacenik, grab him by the throat and tell him "Justice is here, motherfucker".'
'But Hardy sir, what about the right to free protest?'
'AND WHERE DOES IT STOP, DICK? It starts with the signs and the cordons and all that bullshit, then suddenly, they're putting tents on public property. Let me tell you kid, the moment they set down a camper van in Castle Square, it's game over. They'll be swarming all over us and before you know it we're voting Green and lynching anyone who dares eat a sausage roll.'
'Whatever man, this is why I vote Liberal - because nutters like you always manage to find a way into the Capital Part-'
'Tool, Rubber, you're up. Get in there.' The agents were sat on a leather sofa in the lobby of a government building in Brigham, waiting for an interview with a mysterious figure from the upper echelons of command. Apprehensive about what was to come, they both slowly walked in to to the office. It was a small one with old but well maintained furniture, and a gorgeous view from the parapet out onto the Brigham Greens tennis club.

Both men saluted as the man who ran the office turned to them. It was the semi-legendary (and recently promoted) Colonel John Doyley. A former Euran Marine Commando, he had won a ton of medals in the Eura-Sameba war and a rumour had spread around the lower ranks of the MoD and intelligence services that he helped lead the Communist MB to victory in Mytannion. To members of the aforementioned MB, with the exception of one young woman, he was known only as Adder - a tutor and weapons supplier who was there one minute and gone the next. He was sat at his desk now, looking rather down after a year of doing nothing but sit at a desk and twiddle his thumbs. In front of him was a file, with a name in big black letters printed across the front.

Natella Kalinina.

"The Arch-Bitch of Mytannion", as she was referred to throughout the military. Tool and Rubber had no idea about the connection between Doyley and Rushmore's most wanted war criminal; but they could see the front of the file and knew Doyley had just come from a meeting. He was not best pleased. 'Sorry boys, just came back from a meeting with Harker and the MoD.' He sighed and slid the file into a folder. 'You've probably heard this on the grapevine already, but we had that Mytanar dictator on a fucking plate not all that long ago. She could've been dead and we could come home with a big banner saying "Mission Accomplished". Unfortunately, the powers that be - in their infinite wisdom - have decided after multiple appeals by myself and several commanders that her war crimes don't warrant the diplomatic effort required to try and extradite her from Sargossa. We've even been told to take her off our most wanted list. At the end of the day, they shouldn't give a shit about that and this should be all they need to make the right decision.' He slid a handful of photos across the desk. Two were taken from the ground; mass graves of dissenters outside Esca. The other was a thermal image taken presumably from an aircraft of similar dissenters being shot by armoured vehicles. 'Still, it's over now. We come home victorious, that cunt gets to hide away in Sargossa for the rest of her days, we leave a ton of guys rebuilding in Mytannion and they head towards yet another oppressive regime. It's all fun and games in this business.'

Doyley pulled back the photos and slid them into the folder. 'Case closed. Sorry for my rant chaps, I'm...a bit stressed at the moment. What about you then, eh?' Tool and Rubber looked sheepishly back at Doyley as he pulled out their files. 'Hardy Tool, formerly of Directus Department of Justice, a detective. 37. You've fucked up a lot, most recently you managed to run over a single mother.'
'I told the panel she pulled a gun!'
'You also told them that you "had a feeling" she might have one for rather dubious reasons.'
'Bollocks! What would they be!'
'Well it says here that your explanation to the inquiry was, and I quote, "well she was black". Did the last century not happen to you?'
'That's completely out of context and I-'
'Shut the fuck up, grunt. Now, you, Richard Rubber. Formerly a Corporal in the Euran Army, General Infantry. You were in Signals...no surprise that you're the tech expert of the two then. 24-years-old.'
'Sir.'
'You've been all over the place recently. Six drinking on duty charges? How you two are still in the intelligence services is beyond me.' Doyley looked rather exacerbated as he sighed and put away their files. 'Now listen to me. You both have the potential to serve some use to the state. Don't you want to serve your country?'
'Yes sir!' they answered, in perfect unision.
'Right then, in that case I'm going to put you on the most important case of your careers - and if you fuck up, you're both out. Got it?'

Hardy got to his feet, pumping out his chest. 'Yes sir! I promise we will do everything in our power to protect our country...sometimes I look at the flag, the fluttering six stars, thinking how lucky we are to live here, and not in some godforsaken peasant country like Taeshan or whatev-'
'Sit down and stop being a twat.'
'...yes Colonel.'
'Have you two ever heard of Operation Alimode?' Heads were shaken as Doyley expected. 'Didn't think so. About a decade ago, we built a small operating station in Helving, a Euran territory and protectorate on the coast of Falconwhereeveryouare. A bastion of civilisation overlooking those degenerates around it.'
'Don't say that sir!' Dick looked rather offended. 'My uncle is a Falconian!'
'I'm referring to Taeshan and Crolacia.'
'Oh, of course. Sorry for interrupting.'
'No problem. The Helving Station still operates today, and one of its main purposes was to run Operation Alimode. It was a top secret government operation authorised at the highest level...well, I say highest level, I mean that relative to you two. So "highest level" equates to the janitor or a small child for you two idiots. Anyhow, Alimode's purpose was to monitor the pharmaceuticals industry. As one of EurChem's biggest facilities is in Helving, and at the time we suspected them of having a foreign insider carrying out industrial espionage, it seemed like the right place to do it. The operation proved to be a dead end and was shut down five years ago. The perennially wise powers that be have decided to investigate it's aftermath.'
'Aftermath? What happened?'
'People started dying - all four contacts in EurChem and the station chief died in non-suspicious circumstances within 6 months of the end of the operation. But that's just it, none of the deaths were suspicious. Then the operating centre burnt down last year - a week before the files on Alimode were due to have their summaries complete and ready for inspection by higher authorities. In other words, the entire investigation not only found nothing, but all evidence of its processes and findings, if anything, were gone by this time last year. And I mean everything; all of the backup data somehow went missing, and everyone who worked at the operation centre either refuses to have anything to do with us or can't remember anything useful. Something is up and the eternally wise powers that be have finally decided to at least investigate the matter. You two are to find out if this is all just a cosmic coincidence, or if there is something we need to look into further. That's it; no fancy gimmicks, no guns. Just solid investigative work. We don't think that the people who died were killed, but we do believe that its entirely possible that someone has something to hide. You'll start in Helving by meeting the man who was station chief after the older station chief died, a Mr Scott Robins. I'll get the receptionist to give you your flight details on the way out. Now, do kindly jog on.' Hardy and Dick exchanged looks before getting up and walking away.

'Oh, gentlemen?'
Hardy turned first. 'Yes sir?'
'Remember, all you need to do is carry out a simple investigative job. Do not go beyond your remit. Your records may be abysmal, but you're in the intelligence services so you must be doing something right. No heroics though. None at all.'
'You've got it, Colonel. Let's go Dick.' Once they had left, Doyley leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. Even as he tried to deter himself, his eyes could not help but wander towards that file. Kalinina. He had no reason to regret anything about his record, but the last year had been a miserable one. He hadn't spoken to Elita for a while and was worried about what she might have planned, and Kalinina was now firmly beyond his reach. Most frustratingly of all, he hadn't been in the field. His home was the battlefield, not the meeting room.

[Equestrian States]

Ponies Fall Short of a Win Despite Total Domination
by Steve McNotapony

Equestrian States 1-1 Free Republics
at Pony Lands Park in Manechester, Equestrian States
Attendance: 55,642
Scoring:
Ironclaw '13 (Own Goal)
Rapid Dash '59 (Cloudchaser)

MANECHESTER - It wasn't the type of match many were hoping to see the Equestrian States put together against Free Republics. Once again, the Ponies failed to finish on their attacks, falling well short of fans' expectations. While establishing control of the ball with nearly flawless passing is certainly admirable, putting it in the goal or even just shooting at the goal is even better. Last night's match saw precisely that, as the Equestrians dominated possession but were far too cautious with their attempts to score, trying too hard to position the ball just right.

Yesterday morning the big story was the comments made by Republican Head Coach Rule Theriault regarding the "unfair advantages" of the Equestrian States in hoofball. But it wasn't the fact that he pointed out areas where human athletes are generally inferior to non-humans that invoked the anger of the Equestrian public and media, but that his proposed "solution" was to ban non-humans from competition in all international sports. Now, this proposition of a ban on non-human athletes is hardly new, as many nations have passed human supremacy laws in the past. But having it come from a national team's head coach visiting the Equestrian States was a shock.

In general, the Equestrians' response to Theriault's statements was mixed. It's a well-known fact that there are ways in which humans cannot usually compete with non-human athletes. However, there are many ways in which these advantages are limited, by nature and by legal regulations (though those regulations often are met with protest in the Equestrian States). For example, pegasai from the Equestrian States are banned from using their wings for extended periods of flight by the NESC. Elsewhere in the world of international sports, Bears Armed doesn't send male athletes to compete in the World Cup, limiting their size and strength advantage against competitors. But while Equestrians' reactions were mixed on the facts of Theriault's comments, their response to the proposed course of action was united and firmly opposed.

Rule Theriault seems unaware of the Ponies' self-limitations or even the history of non-humans within the sports community. While the Equestrian States and Bears Armed are perhaps the most recognizable non-humans to have competed in the World Cup in the last decade, there have been many other (more successful) teams which have sent elves, dwarves, and other species to compete in the World Cup. Easily, the most successful of these nations is Valanora, where the elves have been among the world's best teams for decades. Other prominent nations which have sent non-humans to compete in international sporting events include Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, Starblaydia, and the Holy Empire, just to name a few. Thus, the likelihood of every major sport banning non-humans is practically none. But of course, such statements are not made without repercussions in the Equestrian States, and banners and signs denouncing Theriault were a common sight in Manechester yesterday.

But the national team's head coach wasn't the only person from the Free Republics to catch the attention of the Equestrian public in the last two days. "Journalist" Nova Hellstrom of the Republican "Sporting World" has recently become a much-despised figure in the Equestrian States, not because of her deeply-offensive comments on the Equestrian public or her poorly-informed reports or even her unprofessional behavior, but because "Sporting World" continues to publish her low-quality tabloid-esque garbage. There will always be people out there who would love nothing less than those who are not the same race or species as them wiped from existence, and short of killing or imprisoning them, there is little any sane being can do to keep those unwanted voices silent. Thus, the Equestrians' response has largely been one of commiseration to the Republican fans who rely on "Sporting World" for news about their team. Hellstrom was the first "journalist" (though she really doesn't deserve that noble title) to "report" on the match last night, and thus we here at ESPN feel obliged to reassure our readers who attempted to take in Miss Hellstrom's "article" that her account is about as unimaginably inaccurate as possible, save for a couple of broad generalizations.

The match didn't begin well for the Equestrian States, as Head Coach Twilight Striker gave several of the team's usual starters a rest and the reserves a chance to prove themselves. In recent weeks, there has been some criticism of the Ponies' coach for her "over-resting of the team's top players in qualifying matches," and it's difficult to disagree with the critics. Last year, the Ponies fielded their best players against most opponents, keeping the stars' skills honed and building a team chemistry to rival that of other top teams. With the Equestrians appearing far more relaxed this time, many wonder if the team's form will degrade in the matches that really matter.

Criticisms of the coaching methods of Twilight Striker aside, it was clear that the Equestrians didn't really have their heads in the game until a shock jolted them back to reality in the 13th minute. After High Soarin' watched a shot by Leo Cremonesi fly about 10 meters wide of the goal, he restarted the match by tapping the ball over to defender Ironclaw to clear. But Republican striker Kyle Bolton charged the griffon, prompting her to send the ball back to High Soarin'. It seemed simple enough for the Equestrian keeper to clear the ball, but High Soarin' was unprepared for the speed at which Ironclaw's pass was made, missed the ball by mere centimeters, and could only watch helplessly as it rolled over the line. The crowd was stunned, Twilight Striker was furious, and Nova Hellstrom was very drunk.

In her worst 'recap' to date, Miss Hellstrom not only managed to misidentify the gender, but also the species, of Equestrian defender Ironclaw, who was given credit for the first own goal scored by an Equestrian States national team player in international competition. Needless to say, this mistake did not go over well with the particularly hot-headed griffon. Early this morning, Ironclaw was asked what she'd like to say to Hellstrom in a press conference by a rather inexperienced reporter from the Stalliongrad Daily who was visibly taken aback by the raging griffon's expletive-filled response (which has been censored for rather obvious reasons). "First off, I'm not a horse you little [expletive]!" she started. "I'm a [expletive] griffon, and if you can't see that, you're clearly a [expletive]! Second, I'm not a dude! I don't know if what you call men wherever you come from speak in [expletive]-up squeaky, high-pitched voices, but you clearly need a lesson or two about [expletive] tolerance. If I ever see your ugly, [expletive], speciesist face anywhere, I will personally rip your [expletive] throat out and shove it up your pasty, unfeathered, [expletive]-spewing [expletive]!" Ironclaw has since been reprimanded by the NESC for her over-zealous, though not inaccurate, comments and could face a short suspension if deemed necessary by Twilight Striker.

After surrendering an embarrassing opener, the Ponies seemed to come to life, playing solid hoofball and giving the visitors no opportunity to extend their unexpected and indefensible lead. While Republican goalkeeper Marius Christoffersen did make a few quality saves, what really prevented the Equestrian States from scoring numerous times in the first half was their shots' accuracy, or lack thereof. Some fans would prefer to pin the blame on the officiating team, but aside from a missed hand-ball inside the penalty box and a couple of debatable offside calls, the referees were flawless last night. It's not often I praise the refs for their performances, but the idea that officials should be fair and unbiased certainly resonated well among those who presided over the match.

The second half went infinitely better for the Equestrians, as it almost always does, with the home team continuing to run Free Republics young players ragged. If Head Coach Rule Theriault had made a couple of substitutions at the midpoint of the match, perhaps the Republican defense wouldn't have looked utterly outgunned and wasted against the refreshed and motivated Equestrians. The lack of substitutes didn't escape the notice of ESPN commentators Buck and Roo, who pointed out the coach's mistake and expressed concern that visiting team's notable potential could be wasted if the players continue to be overworked in future matches.

With the Ponies so thoroughly dominating their opponents, the equalizer was inevitable. And so, when Rapid Dash pulled away from the pack of defenders trying in vain to contain the formidable Equestrian midfield, there was no doubt in anyone's mind that the pegasus mare would score. Sure enough, a feint to the far post sent Christoffersen diving, leaving Rapid Dash with the easy task of firing the ball into a practically empty net. For all the missed opportunities and wasted attacks the Equestrian States had last night, there was no way for Rapid Dash to mess up. With practiced ease, the multi-talented Equestrian midfielder blasted a pinpoint shot which went straight into the back of the net.

The match was now tied at one and the possibility of a go-ahead goal looked good. But complacency set in once more, as the Equestrian attack lost the unstoppable momentum it had carried for much of the night. That's not to say the Ponies started to lose control. No, there was no chance at any point of a rally by the Republicans, who were clearly exhausted and tired from back-to-back matches against relentless offensive powers. The Equestrian States simply lacked the motivation to finish what they started, not capitalizing on valuable chances to the visible frustration of Twilight Striker and the team's loyal supporters. When the final whistle blew, the Ponies marched to the showers to the unenthusiastic clapping of a disappointed local crowd.

Next week the Equestrian national team will travel to Brenecia for the final match of the first leg of qualifying, looking to take home three points and regain the unbeatable form which has characterized the Ponies in the World Cup qualifiers ever since the dismal campaign two years ago. Head Coach Twilight Striker is expected to give one or two reserves a spot on the starting XI in Pavonia, but the Ponies shouldn't count on an easy week of practice given the Equestrian skipper's clear displeasure with the team's underwhelming finishes against a young Free Republics squad.

EQUESTRIAN STATES 1-1 FREE REPUBLICS
Starting XI:
GK - #1 - High Soarin' (Pegasus - Male) - 31 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
DF - #8 - Andrea Molovi (Human - Female) - 24 -  Stalliongrad HC (EQS)
DF - #22 - Ironclaw (Griffon - Female) - 28 -  Everfree Forest HC (EQS)
DF - #24 - Brix Hamilton (Human - Female) - 21 -  Nithgard GU (EAR)
MF - #5 - Starlight Sparkle (Unicorn - Female) - 28 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
MF - #2 - Cloudchaser (Pegasus - Female) - 25 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
MF - #4 - Apple Jack (Earth Pony - Male) - 26 -  Mardi Lopunnies (NSI)
MF - #11 - Rapid Dash (Pegasus - Female) - 28 -  Canterlot Royals (EQS)
MF - #15 - Elaine Everdeen (Human - Female) - 21 -  CDSA Decraa (MYT)
FW - #30 - Sonar (Bat Pony - Male) - 21 -  Matthew City Senators (NSI)
FW - #29 - Katherine Everdeen (Human - Female) - 27 -  San Jose Sharks (NSI)

Substitutions:
 Antonio Randall in for Andrea Molovi '28
 Candace Rivers in for Apple Jack '46