Cup of Harmony 55 RP/Scores thread

[Kishrael]

Memoirs from the Kishraeli School of Sporting Excellence

Day 2
Professor Aliyah Acherah, Teacher of Kishraeli Hebrew and Badmington

Dear Diary

8:00am

Ooooh! It was very fun yesterday! We had new students! They all look fun and ready to learn, I have a feeling this year, like every year, we'll do well. Today, I'm planning for one of the classes, a football class to be exact, a Kishraeli Ivrit lesson. My favourite! We'll introduce them to the world of Kishraeli football and teach them about Kishraeli Ivrit and culture! I believe the book is 'I Can: Ivrit Kishraeli'. What a fabulous book! I can't wait to read it with them! Ooohooo! I think today will be fun! (I can't wait! Teehee!).

8:30am

I had a cigarillo! Yuck! I will not have one again! Ooohoooo!! I have my badminton class today, and I bet they're all so good! I can't wait to teach them for the whole year! I bought myself a new racket over the break. It's pink with light blue and pink wires, and on the handle it has 'Mrs A x' - I think it is very fashionable, the man in the shop told me! I think my students will like it too, and I bet they'll give me a good game. Ooohooo! I can't wait! It's going to be fun today!

12:40

It's lunch-time! My badminton class was brilliant! I have found that the Mashike child, his name if I remember correctly is Ougadugou Resnopov was quite good! But his name confuses me, it is as if he was some sort of African/Polynesian crossover, and then stuck a Slavic name on the end! How fun! I wish I could do that, but I like my name so I am not going to do that! My lunch today consists of chicken salad (with no dressing, teehee, I'm on a diet), a tangerine and a healthy snack bar! I'll be glowing if I carry on like this! Anyway, my class with the children was fun, but now I have to go and teach Ivrit to these footballing children. I think they'll enjoy it, they are after-all here to learn! Ooohooo it's so exciting!

14:20

They've all arrived in the classroom! Look at them all, being all Kadur-Regelee! Ahaha, we shall have fun. What they'll do is, I'll give them football related words, and then they can make a sentence out of it! I think this is an excellent idea if I do say so myself! Teehee, I should stop writing in my diary and go and teach, but they're talking away, and the gift of language is great, so they can talk a little more! I'm nice and lenient! Teehee! Ooohooo I think they'll enjoy my lesson, yes, I'm sure they will!

14:45

I think they enjoyed it! A boy from Euskirribakondara called Hizkuntza Mutil was excellent, so was Tal, a Milchamian boy, but I think he is fluent already in Kishraeli Hebrew, after all, the only huge differences are vowels, word order and a few little words! Teehee, everybody was excited for Kishraeli's game against Sicoutimont, so I let them go early, I think they like me for doing that! Did you know Kishrael is the lowest seed in the group? Wouldn't it be great if Kishrael got a point out of the game teehee! I'll pray to YHWH, teehee, ooohooo the game will be fun I think!

21:20

Well, I heard on the radio that we drew! Haha, isn't that great! I'm sure the students and Mr Nitsach will be thrilled! Teehee, apparently everyone had written us off as well! I think Sicoutimont will be licking their wounds right now, teehee, wouldn't it be great for another good result. Ooohooo that would be fun! Teehee, a cafe afuch and then I'm off!

Laila tov diary!

[Sicoutimont]

"And that's the end of the game, Sicoutimont has drawn with Kishrael 1-1, Georges Allonts scored a 56th minute drive to even the match, and that's how it would end, as Les Royales open their Cup of Harmony 55 campaign in Hutt River."

"We now move to a top story, a missing St-Simeon man. Martin Lenouvre was last seen at a bar in downtown St-Simeon, at 10:32pm last night. Search parties have gone around the area looking, but their is no sign of the man."

In the mind of Martin Lenouvre.......
No.....No.....don't take.......no.........don't touch......
It was a cold, winter night in the St-Laurier Mountains. To the native Larintine people, Mt. Vsevorod was a mystical place, it's cone shape towering over the entire north of Sicoutimont. Mountain resorts like Tustoi were popular, and everyone loved skiing in the area. But today was different. Clouds and lightening hung over the mountain. Martin was standing on the mountain, and could picture it. It was strange, as he had never been their in his life. Horrified people screamed as they ran from the top of the mountain. Martin stayed, and his eyes glowed red. Suddenly, with the roar of 4 million screaming people, the mountain tore open. A disc-like object rose out of the mountain, and began hovering in the sky. It opened its doors, and Martin was sucked inside....

Georges Bernier walked down the street, whistling to himself. It had been a good day, and he was heading home from school. It was too bad for the football team, but they could bounce back. A student at the University of St-Simeon, he took Political Science, and dreamed of becoming Prime Minister of Sicoutimont. However, Georges had been behaving differently recently, and it was all due to Hugh Corebien, fellow classmate. Hugh wasn't a bully, he was often friendly. But when he got mad, he was crazy. The fact he was legally allowed to possess a firearm didn't help, and Hugh believed he was superior to everyone. Bernier didn't really like Corebien, but he had to go along with him. He was more worried for Corebien, that he would do something stupid in his future.

As Martin flew into the disc, he screamed. Then, a creature approached him, and immediately Martin's thoughts changed. He was happy, and in the backround was a football-how interesting, considering Martin was a huge fan of football, most importantly Lac-Drouin City. Suddenly, the creature began to talk: "Kill him, kill him....." Kill who? Martin wondered. Was it himself? It had to be someone more important. Maybe a footballer.... "The one who betrayed your club...." Wow, now the thing was reading his mind. But who had betrayed LDC? Sure, Marc Denis used to coach, but LDC wouldn't renew his contract. It had to be...... Girard Giroux. Yes. He had signed away from LDC, to cross-town rival Lac-Drouin St-Pierre! How dare he! He must die......

[Birolika]

Birolika suprise Equestrian States

Last night Birolika pulled off one of the greatest shocks in their history as they managed to hold the 47th ranked team in the world to a 1-all draw in Taeshan. This was the first time the new national team has played a game and they have proven themselves slightly better than the criminals and a stack better than that old national team. A total of 5,000 Birolik fans made the trip to the New Capetown Memorial Stadium where they were heavily outnumber by Equestrian fans and neutrals from Taeshan.

Now the reason the old team went missing was down to Hurricane Clifford, a hurricane that hit the Birolik south coast after a warm front drifted further north than usual allowing the category three hurricane to sweep through the south before being downgraded to a category 1 by Dalton and then dissipating into the Kattegat. Our old team of criminals were staying on an island near Peldon on the south coast and were in one of the worst affected areas, they were flung out to sea it would seem.

Anyway back to the game, we went one-nil down just six minutes in and the predicted result of 4-0 seemed to be on the way. This changed however when the Birolik side pulled its finger(s?) out just after half time and began to dominate the game. Eventually it came down to Ron Eep to score from the edge of the box after it was pinged back out of the box after a Tarking shot was blocked back out of the box.

With this Birolika's position is surprisingly favourable (compared to what was expected). It isn't all getting easier however as have to face 12th in the world Jeru FC, an impossible game for us as far as they go. Of course there isn't a chance of us making it into the next round, however the other aim of the group stage is to try and defeat High Heels as we have a score to settle with them (a defeat last World Cup qualifying campaign in High Heels as it happens). We have them on MD 4, so tune in for that, although I would avoid the Jeru FC game (it will be a mess).

[Kinitaria]

(OOC: This is a continuation of the storyline I started during World Cup qualification. The latest part is here.)

Kinitaria's cities were burning with the army powerless to do anything about it. After the second day of rioting, the government had to be seen to take action. This action was to station armed troops on the streets of every major city in the country, rather than just the capital Mi'ato as they had been before.

A nation waited with bated breath to see what would happen. The rioters did not seem to be dissuaded, and as night descended on Kinitaria, people took to the streets once more. The rioters, in some cases, had genuine economic and political grievances against the government. In other cases, they were just there to loot stores and cause as much trouble as they could. If the government were to be believed, all of the demonstrators, even the protesters involved in the peaceful demonstration which kicked this all off, fell into that second category.

When the trouble looked like flaring up again, the demonstrators were confronted by armed troops who were very much willing to shoot. In a couple of cases, they did. Thirteen Kinitar citizens were gunned down by the Kinitar Army on the streets of Mi'ato. This was an act which sparked further outrage amongst the rampaging mob, but the unarmed individuals could not stand up to the co-ordinated and horribly effective army that was currently firing at them. It is believed that the death toll hit fifty across the country, although of course this could never be verified, as there were no truly independent sources to draw these figures from.

The fourth night was peaceful, but an eerie silence was present around the nation. A number of underground revolutionary groups, particularly those who had been involved in the downfall of Irin Kučera's dictatorship a decade before, had declared themselves to be active again, and almost instantly became proscribed organisations, if they weren't already. Serenberg, Kinitaria's second city, found itself completely locked down after an incident in which two soldiers were ambushed and shot while patrolling the streets. The left-radical Reformation Communist League claimed responsibility for the killings, which led to the city being put under strict curfew and the military presence redoubled.

The government's plan seemed to be, if you use enough guns, you can solve any problems. The army were given almost dictatorial power over Kinitaria's cities. To be in the army meant you had a well-paid job and the guarantee of being able to feed yourself, despite the economic hardships which racked Kinitaria. The government was very careful to make sure they could be guaranteed of the army's support. Militant groups, meanwhile, seemed determined to take the fight to the "neo-fascist", as they put it, state now occupying their streets. Several attacks on troops in a number of different cities meant that the curfew became nationwide before long, but the number of attacks continued to rise - as did the number of citizens who were arrested or, in some cases, killed, sometimes simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But this was war, according to both the government and the insurgents, although the two groups had different reasons for labelling it as such. The government was determined to win their "war on terrorism", and as such, justified their use of the army, while the insurgents saw their prophecies of class war fulfilled in their eyes.

Gradually, the streets became more peaceful. The government declared that it would be safe for the average citizen to walk the streets at night without coming under fire from the "terrorist elements who are determined to bring their class war to our Kinitaria", although gave no hint of lifting the curfew. There were further isolated incidents of troops and insurgents clashing on the streets, although nothing as widespread as what had been reported just a few days ago. The army became akin to a peacetime police force, with Kinitaria now largely being viewed as a military-controlled state. For their part, the government had realised that the economic situation was unsustainable, and had attempted to control the turbulent economy with artificial controls on prices and wages. For many Kinitars, this was only all too reminiscent of the Stalinist dictatorship of Kučera, and there were some quiet murmurings amongst the most radical elements of society, but most people stayed quiet. After all, they could now afford to feed themselves again.

Bit by bit, people began to return to life as it had been just a few short weeks ago. The hirin was redenominated, part of the economy was brought under state control, workplaces sprung back into action and the nation began to rebuild itself. Even the army presence on the streets was slowly lowered, although it never actually went away. The government declared victory over the hostile revolutionary elements who sought to bring down Kinitaria, although they, too, never actually went away. Despite the heavy control over people's liberties, the government could not prevent posters and flyers from appearing - and in some cases, they were caught off-guard by more direct action. In the north, the Chyr region simmered. Tensions between workers and the government were still present and still felt in everyday society. The turbulent economic situation which set off the riots was truly unprecedented, but the revolutionaries now had unfinished business.

So, too, did the government.

Once more, a nation could only hold its breath.

[Vettrera]

Everything had calmed down finally. The government was finally able to track down the terrorist group that was killing all the spies, and the public hadn't found out about anything. Marshall's perfect presidency was still intact. Even so, he was done with the job. He was one of the youngest presidents ever elected in Vettrera, and had now been serving for 12 years. He was only 46, yet his soul was much older. "I've wasted enough of my youth in government" Marshall thought to himself. "All the petty politics that I never really gave half a fuck about. All the warring provinces thinking that they actually have rights. And all the right-wingers arguing for more division and more secession...I'm done." With campaigning for the next election starting up around Vettrera...It was time for Marshall to announce that he had no intent in being president once more.

---

Now that the spy threat was over, Beatrice had no reason to stay with the national soccer team...but she stayed anyway. The team's World Cup Campaign was an obvious failure, but for some reason the team was enough of a standout to be invited to the Cup of Harmony. Beatrice wondered why they had been invited for weeks. "Maybe it was the draw against the Holy Empire," she thought. "Or maybe we were just entertaining to watch..." Beatrice didn't know, and honestly she didn't care. In all her years of competing on the national soccer team, her team wasn't able to make 1/2 as much headway as those youngsters were. And yet still, Vettrera soccer sucked royally. Beatrice had been lobbying for more funding for the national soccer team, but none of the other members of the Vettrera Sporting Commision were having it. Even after the 1-1 draw against the #1 team in the nation, nothing worked. But maybe this invite would be enough to sway those old farts on the Board....just maybe.

[New Montreal States]

"Up next on The Nature Channel, the fuzzy majesty of Super-Llamaland. Get up close and personal in HD with the vast herds of llamas that populate this truly super..."

*click*

"Holy San Potato, Fatman!"

"Quick! To the Fatmobile! Wait! Not that quickly! I can't *huff* keep up..."

*click*

"..and we're joined once more by Doc Lagacé, with the Paladins in Hutt River. Still feeling down about the Paladins' chances after that 2-0 win over Kaledor?"

"Matt, on the advice of my doctor, my best friend and my licensed street pharmacologist, I've switched from whiskey to anti-depressants. Nothing can rain on my parade now!"

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Prescribed for you and everything?"

"Mostly. So how about those Paladins?"

"You tell me, Doc."

"Looking good, Matt. Gaston St. John de la Ware was reminiscent of his old man tonight, keeping the Kaledor forwards from getting any space in the back. Meanwhile, the offense came together in fits and starts. Isidore Lorimier connected with Hugo Leclercq on an early long pass to send the Paladins up 1-0 heading into the locker rooms at halftime."

"Good to see that Leclercq hasn't lost his finishing touch."

"He was one of the very few people who didn't play completely atrociously against Boring Paradise. And here he is in the second half, Fred Nguyen, can't quite time this pass to Theodore Lemieux-Banfeld on the outside, just runs up and steals it back. Gets it right the second time, Lemieux-Banfeld sends in a cross, Joe Garanfield runs in for the header and his first-ever goal as an international starter. Here's Bill Watterson preserving the clean sheet in stoppage time by laying out. And here's Amelio Quagliata, Jr. celebrating with Lorimier and the younger de la Ware after the match. I can feel these antidepressants wearing off."

"Pop another one during the commercials, then, and steady on, since we'll be talking about the Paladins' chances against Ko-oren after the break..."

*click*

[Hutt River]

Group A
Kaledor 0–0 Super-Llamaland
Ko-oren 1–2 New Montreal States

Team                       P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 New Montreal States     2 2 0 0  4  1  +3  6
 2 Silar                   1 1 0 0  2  1  +1  3
 3 Super-Llamaland         2 0 1 1  1  2  -1  1
 4 Kaledor                 2 0 1 1  0  2  -2  1
 5 Ko-oren                 1 0 0 1  1  2  -1  0

Group B
Slembana 1–2 Kinitaria
The Inevitable Syndicate 1–0 Mesoland

Team                            P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Kinitaria                    2 2 0 0  4  1  +3  6
 2 The Inevitable Syndicate     1 1 0 0  1  0  +1  3
 3 Mesoland                     2 1 0 1  1  1  +0  3
 4 Slembana                     2 0 0 2  1  3  -2  0
 5 Cambirano                    1 0 0 1  0  2  -2  0

Group C
Maklohi Vai 2–1 Sicoutmont
Leorudo 1–2 Apox

Team               P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Apox            2 2 0 0  3  1  +2  6
 2 Maklohi Vai     2 1 0 1  2  2  +0  3
 3 Kishrael        1 0 1 0  1  1  +0  1
 4 Sicoutimont     2 0 1 1  2  3  -1  1
 5 Leorudo         1 0 0 1  1  2  -1  0

Group D
Legalese 2–0 Thatius
Blouman Empire 5–2 Secundus Kasius

Team                   P W D L For Ag +/- Pts 
 1 Legalese            2 2 0 0  6  3  +3  6
 2 Blouman Empire      1 1 0 0  5  2  +3  3
 3 Thatius             2 1 0 1  1  2  -1  3
 4 Armed Bears         1 0 0 1  0  1  -1  0
 5 Secundus Kaisus     2 0 0 2  5  9  -4  0

[Darmen]

All Greens score six in victory over Vettrera, hold Vettrera to zero

In the opening match of the All Greens' Cup of Harmony 55 campaign, the All Greens' offense scored six goals, and the defense turned in an impressive performance after holding the Tempests scoreless over the ninety minutes. Five different players scored for the All Greens, and Goalkeeper Troy Osborne, in his first start since falling out with former Manager Timothy O'Donahaue, only had to make two saves, both in the first half.

Bryan Faulkner started the scoring avalanche in the sixth minute, striking a powerful shot past Vettreran Goalkeeper Granton Harrisburg from thirty yards out. Fellow forward Roberto Gregio followed up with a second goal for the All Greens in the seventeenth minute. Tor Tong Lee scored the final goal of the first half in the thirty-sixth minute, curling the ball past Vettreran Defenders Johhny Brooks and DeMarcus Hartford, and finally past Harrisburg, to put Darmen up 3-0 before halftme.

At halftime, Darmen made three changes, and gladly, none of them involved the back line. Both Faulkner and Gregio were replaced by Sergio Autitore and Adam McKay, while Danny Beasley was taken off the pitch. Javier Zakuani replaced him, and the change paid off fast. Zakuani hammered a volley past Harrisburg in the forty-sixth minute. Harrisburg was taken off and replaced by Carson Mourea. For Vettrera, that change didn't help at all. Luca Cormio set up a fifth goal for the All Greens in the fifty-seventh minute, passing to Autitore, who promptly dribbled around Mourea and scored the goal.

Following the fifth goal, the Vettrerans were clearly demoralised, and the All Greens were able to keep constant possession of the ball. Over the last thirty minutes of the match, including stoppage time, the All Greens could claim to have 75% possession, and it truly paid off. Gene Turko scored the sixth and final goal, striking from the left corner of the eighteen yard box.

"It was a truly impressive match," said Interim Co-Manager William von Kriesler. "Our back line played exceptionally well, and our attack was superb. The last time we scored this many goals, and kept our opponents scoreless was during the final two matches of our World Cup 57 Qualification campaign, when we beat Swartaz 7-0 and Arsenolia 6-0. And that was under, excuse me for saying his name, Gibbons."

Next, Darmen will face 19th Century Beards. Apparently the organizers had given the team the the wrong schedule, and instead of the expected match against Cyborg Holland, their fellow Esportivan nation in Group E awaits their turn at trying to defeat Darmen. It doesn't look likely though, as 19th Century Beards lost their opening match against Falconwhereveryouare, 1-7.

[Apox]

Part One
Part Two

Miriam sat at her desk in her office in Dwile, tapping away on the keyboard. The assassin sat staring vacantly out of the window, who she had found out was called Graib the bad assassin. Fitting. Graib looked over,

"When will John be here," he asked, for the 6th time that day. Miriam looked up, sighed, returned to her work, but looked up again.

"I told you, we won't be here today, he'll be at the match when we travel to Hutt River. Be patient." she said. she returned to her work, and Graib returned to his staring. She had it all planned out. Obviously Graib wouldn't make it to the stadium when they played next game, she wouldn't let him get close to John. She'd alerted the Apoxian special forces, who would arrange to have him stopped at the airport. Then that would be the end, and this tiresome little man would be gone. Thank God.

She flicked on the Leorudo highlight to check that they were suitable. Graib, who clearly liked football, sidled over to watch.

"And there goes Jim Fenlon with a shot... oh, so close, parried away by Joleon Small, out for a corner..."
"GOAL!! Goal to Apox, after Jack Forster puts it away!!! Headed in from a corner, 1-0 to Apox!!..."
"Good shot there by Dravid Scott, however, good save by Scena Tartarus to deny Apox a second!.."
"Olim Benzari has gone down, after a very rough challenge by Donald Freedman, he's had to be subbed off, his ankle doesn't look in good shape, although there is only a yellow for Freedman,"
"Good shot there, Will Fich's shot flying over the crossbar."
"EXCELLENT STRIKE!!! Apox make it two as Will Fich catches the ball on the rebound from Chris Maarsden's shot and boom, Goal! Great effort..."
"Half-time here, as Leorudo look quite shell-shocked, they haven't performed that well,"
"A statement of intent from Leorudo in the second half, as Carlos Azulis takes a long range shot after an excellent through ball, but he skies it. Should've been a goal."
"Chris Maarsden with the shot there, but it's poor, off to the right,"
"Yellow card for Will Fich, and Leorudo will have a free-kick in a good position."
"GOAL, they've got one back, Jim Fenlon sends it in from the free-kick, Leorudo look dangerous this half..."
"Jack Moses is brought on for John Carpenter who has been poor this game to try and add some pace..."
"Great save by Tartarus, that effort from Chris Maarsden looked bound to score there."
"That's it, Leorudo had a good second half, but Apox are winners, and they start to cement their place at the top of Group C."

Team Sheet from the Match (scorers in bold
GK - Joleon Small
RD - Jack Forster
CD - Dan Weekes
CD - Fronden Abel
LD - Hans Nielsson
RM - Olim Benzari sub Tom Mills 31'
CM - Will Fich
CM - John Carpenter sub Jack Moses 70'
LM - Fran Gracie
CF - Chris Maarsden
ST - Dravid Scott (c)

[Mesoland]

OOC: This was meant to be for the previous matchday but I seem to have missed the cutoff. I guess this can go towards my next one then...

MBC Sports News
Coverage of the LV Cup of Harmony in Hutt River and Taeshan

BLUEBIRDS SNEAK PAST SLEMBANA

Mesoland 1
Nukaba 54

Slembana 0

Mesoland were third time lucky last night after triumphing 1-0 over the plucky Slembanans, whose luck against the blues seemingly ran out following a poor display at the feet of the world number 56th ranked side. With Val Kylx subdued and smothered by a newly revitalised Meso defence, the rest of the Slembanan team were left to their own devices yet had difficulty finding space and were unable to create any decent chances on goal.

For the first half hour, Mesoland dominated, Beritata Nukaba looking extremely dangerous, the striker from Farfadillis' Tympú AC punching holes in the lacklustre Slembanan defence and forcing some decent saves from veteran Toby Gapman. Kylx, Valfox and Young of Slembana were particularly quiet during the first half hour, Valfox and Young unable to float across many meaningful crosses as they often aim to do. Play opened out a little bit during the next quarter of an hour, Kylx using his explosive pace to run at gaps in a much more threatening way, however the infamous frontman failed to trouble Akazambaa in any shape or form, and the Slembanan team trudged off the pitch at half time thoroughly outplayed and outmuscled.

The deadlock was broken nine minutes into the second half, Nukaba driving home a twenty-five yard shot with his weaker left foot, the shot curling past Gapman and into the bottom left corner. As the half progressed, the blues were forced to defend more and more vigorously as an evidently frustrated Slembanan strikeforce continued pounding at the back four. Giazanba made some switches to replace some of the tiring defenders, bringing Tufa on for Natasu, Noël for François and LaFonte on for Majukalile, on the stroke of eighty minutes. Nukaba and Bulu were reinjected with life following the triple substitution, and managed to turn the tables on the Slembanans and use their pace to counter-attack the high-lined defence. Although the late assaults did nothing to strengthen the result, the possession and shot statistics may have looked a little better for the blues in the wake of the game. Man of the match was Beritata Nukaba, the match's lone goalscorer.

A decent result to a decent side, the blues took home all three points and secured second place in group B ahead of next week's clash to lowly The Inevitable Syndicate.

All World Cup and CoH news and results can be found on the MBC website, http://www.mesolandbc.mz, under the sports section. Article by Serge Ntambwe.

[West Angola]

Luke Parrish scanned up and down the mirror, glanced at the lovely woman seated across from him, then looked up at the waiter. “I’ll have the salmon, please.” The waiter smiled obsequiously, doing everything he could to increase his tip, and nodded, “Very good, sir. And for the lady?”

Sarah grinned self-consciously, “I’ll have the cod, please.” Oozing formality, the waiter wrote it down, “Of course, madam, I will relay those orders to the kitchen. In the meantime, please enjoy some wine.” With overstated elegance, the waiter set a bottle of red wine on the table. Parrish was confused, I didn’t ordered any wine… Aha! Across the restaurant, Parrish caught sight of Isaac, who raised his glass to Parrish before returning to his meal. Following his gaze, Sarah turned around and saw their benefactor, then turned back to Parrish, laughing, “Does he always follow you around on dates?”

Parrish shook his head, “I don’t go on many dates, I live a pretty busy life.”

“I’ll bet, with the football schedule, and being King, you probably don’t have much time.”

“No, my time is very limited, but I’m glad to spend it with you.”

Sarah blushed, “You’re so sweet. You know, I never properly thanked you…”

“For what?”

“For saving my life back in Namibe.”

“Oh! It was nothing, I’d been expecting Usiak to come after me ever since he got back. Some of the things he said on the air were quite angry.”

Sarah nodded sadly, “I heard some of them, it’s one of the reasons I no longer watch WASN.”

The waiter brought their food, and after a quick prayer, the two dug in. As the dinner wound on, Parrish found himself more at ease than he’d been in almost thirty years. The constant pressure of football, not to mention a deposed monarch out to kill him, had led to a very high-stress life. But here, now, with this wonderful woman, he was finally relaxing.

After finishing dinner, Parrish drove Sarah home. On her front porch, she unexpectedly turned to him and said, “Luke, you are the most wonderful man I’ve ever met, thank you for tonight.”

Parrish’s heart leapt, “Thank you, you’re the best date I’ve ever had.”

Sarah laughed again, “I thought I was the only date you’d ever had.”

Parrish grinned self-consciously, “Well, first one in a long time, at least. Thank you very much for a wonderful evening.”

“Thank me? Oh no, thank you, handsome.” With that, she stood on tiptoe and kissed him, then quickly said goodnight and hurried inside, leaving a slightly dazed, yet happy, Luke Parrish behind.

[Saugeais]

Knights skirt by Khytenna in CoH opener
Unimpressive victory raises questions about performance

The Knights came in to the Cup of Harmony looking shaky, having been through one of the biggest collapses in team history, going from first place in World Cup group qualifying to eliminated in the span of 5 games. Looking to make a statement in this tournament, they've come out spinning their tires, regaining traction just in time to snatch a 2-1 victory over their opponents, Khytenna. François Rousseau netted the match winner in the 86th minute after poor attempt after poor attempt hindered the Saugeain offense all day; the Knights' two goal came off 21 shots, of which only 3 were on target. "To say we didn't have the sights calibrated is certainly an understatement," said manager Powell Pieran. "We need to be patient and take our time when shooting. These guys are shooting wildly as soon as they see an opening, which has been up to 30 yards out in some cases."

While the new additions to the back line were still trying to gel, Khytenna got off to a quick 1-0 lead when striker Fergal Firestone blasted a shot past keeper Vincent James in the 8th minute. Communication errors from Chad Ash and Daley Hart led to an uncontested cross in from Khytennan midfielder James Wittstock to Firestone, sneaking in from a very close onside position to smash the volley past the keeper. Ash and Hart exchanged some words with each other as the striker wheeled away in celebration, leading to the intervention of Laz Daniel to calm both players down.

After a long period of back and forth action, the first of Saugeais's goals came in the 64th minute courtesy of the head of Casimir Archambault. The 28 year old striker set up his own play to net the goal. After dribbling inside the penalty box, he swung a pass out to midfielder Jonathan Miles on the wing, who in turn lobbed the ball back in the area. Kuzman Ruslan and Archambault were among the players in the area awaiting the cross, and after a several mistimed jumps on both sides' parts, Archambault's cranium connected with the ball, angling it just inside the near post and out of the reach of the diving Khytennan keeper for the score.

Rousseau's finish to give the Knights the eventual win was everything akin to a poaching player. The Knights were pressuring for the past 7 minutes and looked for sure to score numerous times, but the shots were still not any closer to their mark. Then in came a well placed through ball to Ruslan, who thought he had the keeper fooled after juking him out. His strike was deflected after a dive by the keeper, but right to the awaiting feet of Rousseau. Allowing the keeper no time to get back on his feet, Rousseau struck the ball clean from 9 yards out into the wide open net for the score. "Sheer brilliance was that finish," said Rousseau after the match. "I saw the opportunity, and I took it. No wasting anything here. Good win for us."

Not choosing to dwell on the past performance, Powell Pieran had the players back on the practice field early the next morning in preparation for their next match against Paradystopia. The practice was closed to the media, so we couldn't ask if Pieran had any new tactics to try out or any personnel changes to make after that performance from the first match. We can hope, though, that he knows what he is doing, and ED. West Angola shouldn't be taken too lightly, since they defeated us when last the teams met.

[Equestrian States]

Low Expectations
The Realistic Fan Site for Equestrian States Sports

Fifth Seed Fights Off Ponies in Amusing Role-Reversal
By Downtrodden Crankyface

Birolika - 1
Ron Eep '62

Equestrian States - 1
Fire Dash '6

NEW CAPETOWN, TAESHAN - I told you it would happen! I told you the Equestrians weren't going to win! What now, ESPN? Your analysts are about as bright as my old horseshoe! What a bunch of idiots!

Anyways, I-told-you-so'ing aside, I have to admit I was a bit worried about being wrong for a good sized chunk of the first half. But, boy was that an absolutely horrendous performance put together by the Ponies! I mean - damn! - that was just terrible! But I'm sure you aren't reading this because you want to hear me describe the miserable play put on by the Equestrian national team in colorful language; on to the match summary!

If I've learned one thing over my years of watching Equestrian international hoofball, it's that they are almost always terrible in the first half. So many Equestrian losses have been attributed to falling too far behind early that I've lost count of them. However, the way that the Ponies usually make up for their first half incompetence is by using their superior stamina to outlast teams in the second half of play and hammer their exhausted opponents for everything they're worth. Last night saw the tables turn dramatically on the Ponies, as they pulled ahead to an early 1-0 lead only to lose it in the second half due to abysmal play.

The first ten minutes were particularly one-sided in favor of the Ponies, as the Equestrians trotted along with a crushing 93% possession time. However, the Birolikan keeper certainly earned his pay (if he gets any), by blocking multiple shots on goal from Fire Dash, Rainbow Blitz, and Starlight Sparkle. Unfortunately for the lower-ranked side, the save percentage wasn't perfect. Fire Dash lanced a fireball past Alec Eiffel for the first (and only) Equestrian goal of the night.

After conceding the goal, the Birolikans seemed to really buckle down and halt the Ponies' attempts to score. Either that, or the Equestrians simply didn't care enough to put away their opponent with another score. Regardless of the side responsible for the Ponies' failure to score despite dominating the early game, it would prove to be vital in the second half.

I'll admit, I was certain the Equestrians would come away with a win after seeing them dominate the first half. When you're used to seeing a team that comes into the second half trailing on a regular basis yet win anyways, it's only natural to assume that such a team would be able to defend (if not expand upon) an early lead. However, the Birolikans had other plans. The low-ranked, hockey-loving puckheads managed to actually put up a reasonable fight against an Equestrian team that clearly felt its victory was inevitable. Thus, I'm sure it came as a surprise to the arrogant Ponies when their opponent equalized in the 62nd minute on a shot High Soarin' didn't make any noticeable attempt to block.

Having allowed the statistical underdogs to pull even, the Ponies seemed to collapse even more quickly, conceding more shots to the other team than a properly-47th-ranked squad should. Of course, the Equestrian States is not a properly-ranked team, but going into the match I knew the Ponies were the better team of the two. However, I also knew that no matter what, they would surely find a way to avoid winning.

So, was I surprised with the final result? Not really. The means by which that result was brought about? Hell, yeah.

Now, after yet another collapse against a fifth seed in the Cup of Harmony, the Ponies will have a nice short break to let their worries and fears simmer. Following their off day, the Equestrians will face the girls from High Heels before their certain defeat to Jeru FC. It'll be fun to watch the team that has acted so arrogantly finally get what it deserves at the hands of a bunch of young female humans. I'm sure I'll enjoy it immensely.

Yeah, back to Downtrodden Crankyface's eternally negative views on everything. I know it's my bye day, but I want to get this out of the way for another RP I'll try to write tomorrow.

Notes
Hoofball is what most ponies in the Equestrian States call football/soccer. After all, it wouldn't make sense to call it football if the players don't have feet.

[Taeshan]

Cutoff numero dos.

And your scores and first tables...

Group E
Vettrera 3-2 Cyborg Holland
19th Century Beards 1-2 Darmen

Group E Standings

   Team                      P  W D  L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Darmen                    2  2 0  0  8  1  +7  6
 2 Falconwhereveryouare      1  1 0  0  7  1  +6  3
 3 Vettrera                  2  1 0  1  3  8  -5  3
 4 Cyborg Holland            1  0 0  1  2  3  -1  0
 5 19th Century Beards       2  0 0  2  2  9  -7  0

Group F
Khytenna 0-1 Paradystopia
West Angola 0-1 Saugeais

Group F Standings

   Team              P  W D  L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Saugeais          2  2 0  0  3  1  +2  6
 2 Paradystopia      1  1 0  0  1  0  +1  3
 3 West Angola       2  1 0  1  1  1  +0  3
 4 San Potato        1  0 0  1  0  1  -1  0
 5 Khytenna          2  0 0  2  1  3  -2  0

Group G
Sandwich Territories 1-3 Ossidiacqua
Mapletish 3-1 Eastfield Lodge

Group G Standings

   Team                       P  W D L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Mapletish                  2  2 0 0  5  1  +4  6
 2 Ossidiacqua                1  1 0 0  3  1  +2  3
 3 Eastfield Lodge            2  0 1 1  3  5  -2  1
 4 Sandwich Territories       2  0 1 1  3  5  -2  1
 5 Cataduanes                 1  0 0 1  0  2  -2  0

Group H
Svengarda 0-2 High Heels
Birolika 1-8 Jeru FC

Group H Standings

   Team                   P  W D  L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Jeru FC                2  2 0  0 10  1  +9  6
 2 High Heels             1  1 0  0  2  0  +2  3
 3 Birolika               2  0 1  1  2  9  -7  1
 4 Equestrian States      1  0 1  0  1  1  +0  1
 5 Svengarda              2  0 0  2  0  4  -4  0

[Silar]

The Protector laid back a little in the chair at his large oak desk housed within the wood-paneled enclosure of his office. As a senior member of the the government, the man was afforded many luxuries and as a personal friend of many statesmen, those luxuries were all the more luxurious. Various and sundry documents were strewn about the desk's surface including a copy of the Silaran Evening Telegraph which declared the headlines of the invasion to the south.

All things considered, the Protector ought to have seen this coming when he had begun his effort to pit Silar on a falsely motivated annexation. He had chosen a nation he thought suitably weak as well as fascist, thus fulfilling the traditional Silaran distrust for fascist government, and fabricated evidence that showed Silar had no choice but to invade and annex the Dakini. Sure, he knew it was possible for other nations to get involved, but he had dismissed that possibility without much thought. It was no matter, in many ways it was better this way. A had been mentioned at the meeting, there was nothing more unpopular than a war, especially a bloody one. The loss of life was necessary for the true liberation of Silar from the fetters of its ancient past. Yes, people would die, but they would die martyrs and would have their reward in heaven.

Indeed, in Heaven. The Protector, though he had posed as a Monarchist and Catholic both to work his way through government, he was neither. It had been hard at times to take part in such blasphemous ceremonies, to say things so wholly contrary to the truth, but he knew there was no other way. The people knowing who he truly was, what he truly believed, he would never have been able to reach the heights he did. What gave him consolation was that it would not be long now. All would be revealed and all would come to completion with but a little patience.

[Jeru FC]

After Jeru FC hammered Birolika 8-1 ... Felicia Day and Princess Melody

Felicia: HIGH FIVES !!!
Melody: HIGH FIVES !!!
Felicia: How come you need to jump to high five?
Melody: I'm not exactly the tallest person around here
Felicia: Yes, I noticed that
Melody: Well, that was good. That will scare the competition

Felicia: Birolika were pretty awful though
Melody: So what they gave up winning when we ran out on the field
Felicia: Maybe they are scared of girls
Melody: You lot aren't scary
Felicia: Maybe they got a bit distracted
Melody: I guess you would if the team is full of skanks

Felicia: Well, your skirt isn't exactly very long either
Melody: It's of legal length around here
Felicia: No need for a low cut top either
Melody: I got the best melons around here. No need to hide them.
Felicia: You just like showing off
Melody: You're a genius Felicia

Felicia: I think you'd better not jump too much
Melody: Why is that
Felicia: People might look up your skirt
Melody: Like I care, you're not my Mum
Felicia: Well I suppose
Melody: Hey what's up with you

Felicia: I don't know
Melody: We can't have apathy now. We have to win this cup, right here right now
Felicia: Too many aches and pains
Melody: Hey, you're not an old woman.
Felicia: After I had the kids, well ... not so good
Melody: I have kids too. This isn't some holiday. We're here to win a cup because we didn't make finals of the other cup.

Felicia: I suppose we put ourselves here
Melody: Exactly
Felicia: I need a real holiday
Melody: If you go home, all you'll be doing is cleaning sinks.
Felicia: Oh yes, don't remind me.
Melody: See, the longer we stay here the better. At least you get treated like a guest not slave

Felicia: Hey, I heard you have a nickname Melons Me
Melody: Oh that
Felicia: Your melons are too big for you
Melody: That good or bad?
Felicia: Mine are more like pancakes ...
Melody: They sure are like ... pancakes

[Ko-oren]

Part 2

"Put on your blindfold, we're coming in." It was the first thing Pet Rilasthaunden heard after waking up. It was usually to bring him some food that he didn't have in the fridge. He made sure to put his blindfold on, showed that in front of one of the security cameras in the corner of the room, and not a second later, he heard the door swing open. "I came to bring you two things. One is a Ko-orenite sports newspaper, so that you can check on the results of the other teams in the Cup of Harmony. The second thing is a dvd of the match against New Montreal States." He heard a small sound as the items were put on the table. "I'll go now, you know the drill. Once the door is shut, you can take your blindfold off again."

He looked at the table, now that his blindfold was off. Even though his room wasn't well lit at all, it always took him a while to get used to the light. He first took the dvd and put it in the dvd player. He also tried to watch a few matches yesterday evening, but found out he could only recieve two channels, one of them was an international news channel, and the other one was an international sports channel. Both did not give him any clue as to which country he was in. The news channel wasn't too interesting as it was in a language he did not understand, and the footage (as far as he saw) came from many different countries. He saw a few maps that he recognized as a few of the smaller countries he visited with the national team, and he saw some footage of cities that was so generic that it could have been anywhere. He was sure that it was not a city in Ko-oren, though. He had been to Ko-oren City, Sraltlur and Tangku enough to know what their centers looked like.

The dvd started playing. It began with some pre-match commentary, and while that played in the background, he took out the newspaper to see what was happening. The front page was completely dedicated to the 1-8 Jeru FC win over Birolika. Page two had a table with the scores, and here's where he learned that Ko-oren lost 1-2. The rest of page two was about the teams that had otherwise won big. On page three was the coverage of group A. He saw that Super-Llamaland tied against Kaledor, and because Silar had their bye day... this meant Ko-oren was last. This also meant that the Dragonflies had to get points in all other matches (with at least two victories) to have some chance at getting to the next round. By this time, the match began on tv.

90 minutes later (he skipped the half-time break), it was time again for the Skype call to his assistants. Before this, the intercom intervened: "Sorry, no Skype call today. All next opponents should be easy prey for the team, right? If we believe your post-match commentary all the time? And besides, you lost the NMS match. No calling the team now." He wanted to protest, but before he even opened his mouth, he knew there was no way of changing their decision. He had faith in his assistants, alright, but he still felt some responsibility. "Nothing else to do today then" he thought, and went to bed.

[Paradystopia]

Paradystopia were victorious over Khytenna (Not Saugeais, that Rob in his infinite stupidity had declared previously). They won 1 - 0. Viaddin Tarcka, the ruggedly handsome and exceptionally skilled midfielder scored the winning goal with an inch perfect shot from over 40 yards out. At the end of the match, Rob streaked onto the pitch. He danced naked on the centre circle performing his own personal rendition of this before being escorted away by the officials screaming 'I like bananas!' ...

Rob entered the room to see Viaddin Tarcka at his computer.

"Err ... what are you doing?"
"Nothing ... "

Rob glanced over the screen.

"Oh, you bloody prick ... "
"Hahaha ... do you like it?"
"No! Before I even get started on the content, you missed the title. I was trying to do a series and keep each chapter labelled."
"Oh, okay ... like this"

4.Viaddin Tarcka is generally amazing

"No ... Roman numerals please, centrally aligned and change the title to something less egotistical please."

iv. Rob's naked dancing

A raised eyebrow from Rob provoked Viaddin to edit the title once more.

iv. Pre-Match Day 3

"Your titles are boring. You need a little razzmatazz! Something to draw people in."
"Why? I'm sure plenty of people are reading what I've written."
"Have you read everything else here?"
"I ... well, you know ... I've read bits ... I keep an eye on the other teams in the group and some of the higher ranked squads."
"Name the Jeru FC pundits then ..."
"Melody something and ... err ... "
"Melody Pond, Felicia Day and Princess Melody?"
"Yeah ... them ... "
"And Melody Pond's nickname is?"
"How should I know? Fine, you got me ... "
"It's Melons."
" ... Now I see why you've taken an interest ... "
"What can I say man? I'm fine with ladies in low-cut tops and short skirts."
"So I see ... "
"I suppose you want me to change the opening now?"
"Meh ... What's done is done."
"My goal was a beaut."
"You could've elaborated a little more. I know a guy who writes like that and it doesn't do them any favours ..."
"Who?"
"I'm not venturing into needless bitchiness ... I'm sure others will understand. Plus, I don't want to incur the wrath of the Red-lettered ones."
"Oh, the monk dude?"
"Yes ... 'the monk dude'."

"Behold your impending doom!"

"For fuck's sake Viaddin, stop messing about. I'm the one whose gonna get it in the neck if you start pissing people off!"
"Blame it on me."
"Yeah, like that's gonna work. 'Sorry Mr. Arch, it wasn't me, it was my idiotic vice-captain of the Paradystopi football team.'"
"Maybe schizophrenia will warrant leniency?"
"You're just deliberately messing with my head now."
"That's what I'm here for."

At this point, Rob strips naked once again and bounces up and down screaming 'Spank me and call me Sally'

"And get off my computer, Viaddin ... "

(ooc: I see where I screwed up. Paradystopia are playing in Taeshan, not Hutt River, hence the schedule mistake ... d'oh)

[Sandwich Territories]

"Damn......"

"I think it was a lack of RP, sorry Director."

"Even then, it is doubtful that it was the lack of RP 100%."

"We should've won that game..."

"This is not the time to panic. Keep on doing what we do, and get an RP in there!"

"Will do, sir."

"Excellent. And it better be good! Not one of those lame ones with the lines of dialogue, but like one of those that looks like an internet sports page! It will be fabulous, yes, indeed, jolly good show I always say...."

"Uhhhhhhhh......errrr....YES. Yes, of course."

"It's what I pay you for...."

"Yep...."

"I hope Jon decides to push the guys harder next game, they looked sloppy. We can't really afford 2 losses...."

[The Inevitable Syndicate]

31 January 12013

---

Syndicatian Sports Fans Kidnapped In Hutt River

Faust Park, HUTT RIVER---- Shock and sadness overwhelmed the feelings of victory in Hutt River today, as approximately 20 Syndicatian sports fans were kidnapped by an unknown terrorist group. Among them was ILN's very own Sports Correspondent, Joel McCardy, who was in Hutt River to document The Inevitable Syndicate's journey through the 55^th Cup of Harmony. McCardy was staging a conference for a few fans, in order to find out their thoughts on the Syndicate's victory over Mesoland in Matchday 2. The meeting was interrupted, as brief security footage shows, by people with weapons. The Syndciatians appeared to be in a state of shock, but the terrorist group spray painted over the cameras, so no more footage could be seen. By the time the police had arrived, the room was empty.

The Limahinan independence group the "Red Shark" has taken responsibility for this attack, ordering the full autonomy of Lalo Limahina, which is currently a colony of Maklohi Vai. The Red Shark also mandated they would execute one prisoner every day until their demands were met. In a private letter directly to the forum, the group urges the Syndicate to not get involved, as the problem lies solely on Maklohi Vai. Regardless, IneviPol have been dispatched to the area around Faust Park and Maklohi Vai, and are hoping to work with Huttese and Vaian forces in order to ensure safe recovery of the Syndicatians, who are believed to be in Maklohi Vai at present.

Criminology experts believe that the Red Sharks decided to go for Syndicatians because of their relationship with the nation of Maklohi Vai. "In recent years, ties with the country have been very strong", Detective Damien DuPont claims, "we maintain a healthy competition in sports such as football and poker, and many Syndicatians and Vaians alike travel between the countries for commerce and leisure. By kidnapping Syndicatians, this strains the relationship that the two countries have, and Maklohi Vai may be more inclined to give the Limahinans independence. I urge any authorities in Maklohi Vai to refrain from giving in, as that is what they want."

The families of the victims have been informed, and we hope that the authorities can ensure a safe return of every last one of them. While it may not mean much, the hearts and minds of everyone at ILN are focused on fixing this disaster.

Sarah Jensen
ILN International

[West Angola]

The name Bignose is a literary reference to the novel Cyrano.

What follows are selected scenes from the new West Angolan TV Show ‘Sky Journey’

Sky Journey: Episode Three: The Trouble With Puppets

(Fade in on conference room, Captain Asto, Mr. Arch, and Qakov are seated around the table.)

Mr. Arch: Station K-7 is in sight, sir.

Captain Asto: Very good, Mr. Qakov, this flight is supposed to provide experience and knowledge. How close will we come to the nearest Gridion outpost if we continue on our present course?

Qakov: One parsec, sir. Close enough to smell them.

Mr. Arch: That is unorthodox, Ensign, odors cannot travel through the vacuum of space.

Qakov: I was making a small joke, Mr. Arch.

Mr. Arch: Extremely little, Ensign.

Captain Asto: Mr. Arch, local history of the quadrant?

Mr. Arch: Since the initial dispute between the two parties following contact, the Match of Nantu V was played here twenty-three World Cup cycles ago, ending in a draw. The result: Sherman’s Stadium is claimed by both sides: the World Cup Committee and Emperor Goodell. However, we do have the better claim.

Qakov: Under the terms of the peace treaty, in order to take the planet, one side must prove that it can develop the planet more efficiently.

Captain Asto: And unfortunately, while the Gridions are a savage and cruel race, they are most efficient.

Lt. Urrrha: (On intercom) Captain, I’m picking up a priority one distress call from Station K-7.

Captain Asto: Go to red alert, all crew to battle stations!

(The three leave the conference room as the alarm sounds)

(Theme continues, opening credits roll:)

Starring: William Shattered
as Captain Asto

Also Starring: Leonid Nimrod
as Mr. Arch

Also Starring: DeForrest Whitey
as Dr. Wite

James Doofus

George Takeaway

Walter Conehead

With Special Guest Appearance by:

Peter Simmons

---

(Fade in on bridge)

[b]Captain Asto: Captain’s log, Stardate 4141.3. Deep Space Station K-7 has issued a priority one distress call. More than just an emergency, it signals near or total disaster. I can only assume the Gridions have attacked the station. We’re going in armed for battle.

Qakov: Main phasers armed and ready sir…but there’s…nothing there.

Captain Asto: (Confused) Hail them. Station K-7, what is the purpose of the distress call?

Commander Parrish: Captain, this is Commander Parrish, in charge of K-7. I must apologize for the distress call.

Captain Asto: Commander Parrish, you issued a priority one distress call, state the nature of the emergency.

Commander Parrish: Umm…well, perhaps you’d better beam over, I’ll try to explain.

Captain Asto: You’d better be prepared to do more than that, Asto out. Mr. Arch, I’ll need your help, we’re beaming over.

(Mr. Arch and Captain Asto materialize on K-7.)

Captain Asto: Commander Parrish, explain yourself!

Mr. Gordon: I’m afraid the distress call was my doing, Captain.

Captain Asto: Yours? Who are you? What was the purpose of the distress call?

Mr. Gordon: I’m Commissioner Gordon, from the WCC Department of Video Gaming, and this is my assistant, Tarnerrel Darvowens. I’m transporting a large shipment of the new Electronic Farts video game “World Cup 63” to Sherman’s Planet, and I need it protected.

Captain Asto: That’s not a valid reason for a priority one distress call!

Mr. Gordon: Actually, Captain, it is. The proximity of the Gridions and the important nature of the game I’m transporting makes it a matter of Committee Security. I want guards posted around the storage bins at all times to ensure there’s no sabotage.

Captain Asto: (Unhappy) Very well, you’ll have two guards at all times.

Mr. Gordon: Two!? How DARE you assign just two guards to a project of this importance!?

Captain Asto: There’s only one door, Mr. Gordon, and two is all I can spare. (Activates communicator) Lexington, two to beam over, and beam over two security men. They’ll be guarding some…important cargo, swap them out on four-hour shifts.

(Asto and Arch beam out)

---

(Fade in on bar. Several Lexington crewmembers are taking shore leave in the bar. A man is talking with the bartender, attempting to sell him a small, furry creature that is crawling around on the table.)

Cyrano Bignose: Come now, sir, surely you want this?

Bartender: Not at your price.

Lt. Urrrha: Ohh…that’s adorable, hhwhat is it?

Cyrano Bignose: This, my dear lady, is a Puppet, the most wonderful pet in the galaxy.

Lt. Urrrha: It’s amazing, so soft…

Bartender: Alright, I’ll double my offer, two credits apiece.

Cyrano Bignose: Twice nothing is still nothing.

Lt. Urrrha: Well, if you’re not going to take him, then I will. I think he’s cute.

Bartender: Four credits.

Cyrano Bignose: Is that an offer or a joke?

(The two continue haggling, the Puppet on the counter crawls towards a copy of ‘World Cup 63 that Qakov had brought to the bar.)

Cyrano Bignose: Alright you thief, six credits. You’ll have them by the end of the day.

Lt. Urrrha: How much are you selling them forrr?

Bartender: Well, let’s see, at a reasonable markup…ten credits!

Cyrano Bignose: Oh no, that Puppet is my sample, and I am free to do with it as I please. And I please to give it to this wonderful lady here.

Lt. Urrrha: Well thank you!

Qakov: (Looking at puppet) Hey, it’s playing my game! It logged on and used up all my RP time! There’s none left!

---

(Things grow rather tense when a Gridion Battleship arrives near the station, but the Gridion commander, Captain Manning, explains that they are only interested in shore leave. Several Gridions, dressed in pads and helmets, are enjoying themselves in the bar. Also in the bar are Qakov, Frosty, and several other Lexington crewman.)

Cyrano Bignose: (To Gridion) Excuse me, sir, wouldn’t you like-?

(Puppet Squeals)

Gridion #1: Take that thing away! Now!

Cyrano Bignose: My apologies, I don’t know why it’s reacting this way…

(One of the other Gridions looks over at the Lexington crewmen, then gets up from the table and walks over to them.)

Gridion #2: I have to tell you, those things remind me of the Associationers they like so much! Soft, stupid, and shapeless!

(Qakov begins to stand, but Frosty stops him)

Frosty: Easy lad, we’re grown men, we can take a few insults.

Gridion #2: I have to say though, there is one Associationer who isn’t shapeless: Captain Asto. He’s a pumped-up fool with delusions of godhood, but he’s not soft!

(Qakov again attempts to stand, but Frosty again stops him)

Frosty: Everyone’s entitled to an opinion!

Gridion #2: That’s right, and if I say that Asto is a Denebrian Slime Toad, that’s my opinion too! But, then again, I think Captain Asto deserves his ship. The Lexington is designed like a garbage scow! Half the quadrant knows it, that’s why they’re all learning to play Gridiron Football!

Qakov: Mr. Frost!

Frosty: (To Gridion) Laddie, don’t ya think ya should…re-phrase that?

Gridion #2: You’re right, I didn’t mean that the Lexington should be hauling garbage, I meant it should be hauled away as garbage!

(Gridion begins to laugh, Frosty stands and turns to him. As the Gridion laughs, Frosty knocks him across the table with a right hook. Crewmen on both sides join the fight, which quickly devolves into an all-out brawl.)

---

(Captain Asto is walking along a line of crewmen who were involved in the fight.)

Captain Asto: I want to know who started the fight, and I want to know now! I want to know who threw the first punch! (He stops in front of Qakov) Qakov, I know you, you started it, didn’t you?

Qakov: No sir, I didn’t.

Captain Asto: Then who did?

Qakov: I-I don’t know, sir.

Captain Asto: Hm. ‘I don’t know sir.’ You’re all confined to quarters until I find out who started it, dismissed! (The men begin to file out, Asto stops Frosty) Frosty, who started the fight? Who threw the first punch?

Frosty: Well, I did, sir.

Captain Asto: You did? Why?

Frosty: He insulted us, sir.

Captain Asto: Must’ve been some insult.

Frosty: Aye, sir. He called you a Denebrian Slime Toad!

Captain Asto: So you hit him?

Frosty: Well…no, sir. I figured you were an adult, and could take a few insults.

Captain Asto: I see. So what did it?

Frosty: He called the Lexington a garbage scow!

Captain Asto: That’s why you hit him, not because of me, but for the ship.

Frosty: Well, it was a matter of pride, sir.

Captain Asto: I see. Frosty, you’re confined to quarters until further notice.

---

(Hours later. The Puppets, playing every game in their path and breeding like hyperactive bunnies, have spread throughout the ship. Asto is horrified to find that his monopoly board has been occupied by the Puppets, and runs into Frosty, carrying three of them in his arms.)

Frosty: Aye, they’re into the football gear.

Captain Asto: How?

Frosty: Probably through the air vents, the same way they got into the monopoly supplies.

Captain Asto: The same air vents they have on the station in the storage compartments!

(Asto, Frosty, and Arch rush to turbolift and transport to station. They are met by Commander Parrish and Commissioner Gordon.)

Commander Parrish: Captain, what’s wrong?

Captain Asto: Plenty, if what I think happened has happened!

(The five rush to the storage bins, where the guard is waiting.)

Captain Asto: Guard, is that bin secure?

Guard: Yes sir, no one’s touched it.

Captain Asto: Open it.

(Guard attempts to open storage bin, but door refuses to move.)

Guard: Sorry sir, it seems to be stuck.

(Captain Asto attempts to open door, but is unsuccessful. Looking to the overhead bin, he pulls it open, and immediately hundreds of puppets, all of whom are grey, pour out onto his head.)

Captain Asto: Oh!

(Asto is literally buried under pile of puppets, and a few copies of “World Cup 63.” Gordon picks up one.)

Gordon: They used up all the RP time! These games are worthless! I hold you personally responsible, Asto!

Mr. Arch: (Arches eyebrow) Captain, these puppets have CTE’d.

Captain Asto: (Holds one up, inspects the grey coloring.) You’re right, something must be wrong with these games…

---

(Later, on the Bridge of Station K-7, Asto, Arch, Parrish, Wight, Gordon, Manning, and Darvowens are standing around the table, Asto has a pair of puppets in his hands.)

Captain Manning: Captain Asto! I demand an apology! You’ve harassed my men, you’ve treated them like animals! You’ll apologize if you wish to avoid a diplomatic incident!

Commissioner Gordon: No, Asto! You can’t let him! It will give them the wedge block they need to claim Sherman’s Stadium!

Mr. Arch: It would take much more than the word of an aggrieved Gridion Commander to do that, Commissioner.

Captain Manning: Mr. Arch, as far as Sherman’s Stadium is concerned, Captain Asto has already given it to us.

Captain Asto: Before we settle that, I’d like to take care of a few things. First, what in the game caused the puppets to CTE? They were clearly using up RP time. Second, who altered the games in the first place?
(Asto takes his two puppets over to Manning. They shriek.)

Captain Asto: Hmm, they don't like Gridions. (Takes them over to Arch.) But they do like Monks. I didn't know you had it in you.

Mr. Arch: Obviously puppets are very perceptive creatures, Captain.

Captain Asto: Obviously. (Takes them over to Gordon.) Commissioner Gordon, they like you. Well, there's no accounting for taste. (Takes them over to Darvowens) They don't like you, Mister Darowens. I wonder why. Wite?

Dr. Wite: (Scanning him) Heartbeat is all wrong. His body temperature is... Asto, this man is a Gridion.

Commissioner Gordon: A Gridion?

Captain Asto: I wonder what World Cup Command will say about that? What about the games, Wite?

Dr. Wite: Oh, yes. It was copypasta.

Commissioner Gordon: Copypasta?

Dr. Wite: Yes. It's been Control-Cee/Control-Vee’d from another source. The copypasta receives no RP bonus. The more the puppet eats, the more they harm their reputation. So after two or three days, they reached a point where they couldn't RP well enough to repair their reputation and survive.

Captain Asto: They CTE’d. In a storage compartment full of RP material, they CTE’d.

Dr. Wite: That is essentially it.

Captain Asto: Mister Darvowens, are you going to talk?

Darvowens: I have nothing to say. (Asto thrusts the puppets into his face) All right, I copypasted the games! Take them away.

Captain Asto: And the puppets had nothing to do with it?

Darvowens: I don't know. I never saw one before in my life, and I hope I never see one of those fuzzy miserable things again.

Commissioner Gordon: I'm certain that can be arranged, Darvowens. Guards? If you'll excuse me, Captain.

(Gordon leaves with the security guards and Darvowens.)

Captain Asto: Captain Manning, about that apology.

Captain Manning: Yes?

Captain Asto: You have six hours to get your ship out of Association Footballing territory.

(The puppets shriek, Manning makes a hasty bow and practically runs out of the room.)

Captain Asto: You know, I think I could learn to like puppets.

[Kinitaria]

All across Kinitaria, people returned to their daily lives. Although the country was shaken up by the events of the past few weeks, life resumed pretty much as normal, and no-one commented on what had just happened. You never knew who might be listening. The same was true of football clubs, and so when Lupan Mihalcič and the rest of the Mi'ato City squad returned for training, it was straight to work.

"Right then," manager Konstantin Latifi addressed his team as though their country hadn't just been looted and pillaged, "nice to see you all back. As you know, we've got a game in a few days so we'd better get to work. We'll start with some fitness drills, here's what I want you to do..."

Back to business, then. And while, yes, they did have a game against Universita Tirinthea on the horizon, football had just been put into perspective over the past month. Not that anyone was going to say anything. And so they all got on with it, as people were doing up and down the country, with no-one daring to mention the elephant in the room - or, indeed, in the country.

The Kinitar government had refused to back down, and so this game against Tirinthea was played out in front of a sizable military contingent. Lupan started, and scored one, helping City to a 3-1 victory. But those were just figures. Did football really matter at a time like this? Crowds were slowly dwindling, deprived of their favourite pastime of violence against opponents. And slowly, a shift in thinking began to occur in Kinitar football. Was the state of the game really like that, so people would only flock to stadiums if there was the promise of a riot at the end of it all? Disillusionment, a very powerful force, was beginning to set in all around Kinitar football.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Training sessions passed by, one blending into another, and so did the matches, and however dramatic things might be on the pitch, it would always be played out in front of the same sort of crowd, one which was grey, dull and lifeless, complete with the ominous backdrop of the army, a now ever-present force casting a dark shadow over the game. This began to have an effect on the players, with some growing to actively resent the switching off of the atmosphere at grounds across the country. But they were powerless to stop it.

Strategies had been discussed. The players' union, which was still allowed to exist, albeit in limited form, briefly considered the possibility of a strike, but this was soon dismissed. The government would be unwilling to negotiate, and the last thing they wanted to do was spark more unrest amongst fans, as this could lead to them becoming scapegoats for whatever scheme the government chose to get rid of said unrest. In short, they were stuck.

The weeks continued to march on. No matter what the City players produced out on the field, they were forbidden from producing an atmosphere. It's not as though the troops pointed their weapons into the fans and ordered them not to sing and jump around, but the effect of the riots, combined with the tension which had never left the country, had an equivalent effect. The armed presence was just making it worse, and there was no sign that they were about to leave.

Although the atmosphere at one game was as suppressed as the next, it hadn't escaped notice that City had fought their way to the final of the Kinitar Cup. Here, they would meet Litora United, who had provided the backdrop for a vile-tempered quarter-final game a few years ago, the first game that Lupan had ever been in the squad for. Although he hadn't played, he'd seen City perform poorly and crash out of the cup to scenes of open fury from the massed home support. Now there was an atmosphere. You wouldn't be allowed to do that now.

Cup final day at the Central Stadium, Kinitaria's national arena, and Latifi was making an effort to rally his players. "This is what our season comes down to," he told them. "It doesn't matter what's happening on or off the field, you can show everyone the soul running through this football club by going out there and beating this lot. Maybe some people out there haven't lost all hope, but we can still rescue our season, so go out there and do it!" He hadn't referred to anything other than football, to maintain plausible deniability, but everyone knew what he meant.

The players - Litora in their brown and white stripes, City in their change kit of all yellow with white trim, made their way out onto the field where they were greeted by a wall of noise and colour. To their right, City had provided every fan attending the final with a red-and-white striped flag. A small gesture, but it made all the difference. To their left, Litora had provided for a Tifo display in their traditional brown and white amongst their own fans. This, too, made a huge difference. Maybe it was the occasion of a Cup Final, or the historical tension between these two clubs, or just the fact that the clubs had worked together ahead of time to force an atmosphere onto the game, but this was more like how football was supposed to look.

In front of a capacity crowd, noise and colour restored, game on.

[High Heels]

Jaykay Cone • Astasia Spool

The Cup of Harmony is already off to a better start for the tower girls the second time around. Two-nil over Svengarda, goals by Meline Stiletto early and Giulietta Slingback off the bench late, towering performances across the back line, an easy time for Kaisa Cuban in nets. So with one win in the books the Foxes have equalled their point total from four matches last go.

Now don't get hasty. The ponies of Equestrian States are perfectly capable of putting a team in its place, and after one surprise draw and a loss they'll be fired up. But though twice as many legs would seem to give an edge in a sport called football (I hear it's even called hoofball in some pony lands) it hasn't given anyone a lock on the World Cup yet. Not that there aren't some solid teams playing ponies, and this is definitely one of them.

Back to Giulietta. She picked a good match to score, as the Paradystopia club Lhaydifee Artisans just announced her signing and a contract for Embla Platform as well. Artisans run an all-woman squad in a male-dominated Diamond Premiership, so expect both Foxes to fit right into the football environment of their new home. This makes three signings since the announcement of HIPS, and Smilla Kitten is reported to be close to a deal to move to Ko-oren. Astasia couldn't find out if she's headed to join Dierdre Spike or if a different club is involved. Either way, if Caitlyn Ballantyne is on commission she's adding lots of stilettos to her accounts.

Color us excited. We'll make it to giddy if we upset the ponies and have a real shot to advance.

---

OOC: If you control clubs that are interested in any of the HH players, including those already under contract overseas, TG me. Second-division and lower-half clubs are fine in almost all cases, and I don't care how you RP either the money or the club. We can also find you U-21 talent that hasn't made it to the national teams yet but will for WC 64 if you have some specific needs. I'd like to develop a roster with 18 or so players going away from the tower for experience, and don't want to just have them all play in TBI or with my puppets.

[Birolika]

The Daily Sheep
Birolika distracted by various factors: Birolika 1-8 Jeru FC

Birolika were heavily defeated by Jeru FC due to various distractions, even though we were 1-1 after 20 minutes Birolika fell to pieces. Firstly we can put the defeat down to Birolika being distracted by the fact that they were distracted by the fact they were playing against a team of women. This wasn't just distracting because they are slightly old fashioned (by that we mean misogynistic), but also because all Birolik people have the emotional qualities of boiled potatoes and the physical build of a collapsed sandcastle. Another factor is that a lot of pressure was put on our goalkeeper, Alec Eiffel, when the Birolik fans started singing this song:

Epic goalie of Birolika
(little eiffel, little eiffel)
they thought he was real athletic alec
(little eiffel, little eiffel)
he dived wide and put his name in italics
(little eiffel, little eiffel)
robotic saves like he's metallic
little eiffel stands on the goal line
(little eiffel, little eiffel)
diving low seems to make sense

After that they ran out of ways to poorly spoof Alec Eiffel and did another Pixies song:


This is a song about a superhero named Tony
It's called Tony's Theme

He's got the oil on his chain, for a game in the rain
No baloney
Run around the pitch bicycle like a pony
He's waving hi, hi, hi, hi, hi
Gu-gu-gu-Gimme a scream
Give me, give me the theme
Of Alec

A-lec, A-lec, A-lec, A-lec, A-lec

He's Alec, super goalie Alec, He's racing
Spitfire turn and pop a scorpion save with Jeru chasing
I'm waving bye, bye, bye, bye, bye
He's got mud on his studs
He's practicing his saves, he's learning

A-lec, A-lec, A-lec, A-lec, A-lec

And that is why we lost a game. That or we could put it down to the fact that Jeru FC are the best team in the Cup of Harmony (I think). Either way we're back in our place, back down to the middle of the table. Up next we have Svengarda who are stuck at the bottom of the table after a two-nil defeat to High Heels, they're also ranked 85th in the world making them our second greatest chance (after High Heels) of a win. But don't get your hopes up, we'll be out soon enough.

[Maklohi Vai]

Part 1
Part 2
TIS take on events
The Red Shark Group Newswires

10:00 am, Executive Press Room, Kolo Lahi, Maklohi Vai
Vaian President Morukano Puwalarutanaroi dreaded this press conference. When he took power, he had expected a peaceful reign. After all, Maklohi Vai had never declared war and had only once war declared on it. But it was something he must do, no matter what. He was the leader of Maklohi Vai, so this was his duty.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great remorse that we call this press conference. On Tuesday night, men of a Limahinan ultra-nationalist group terming themselves The Red Shark Group broke into the WTAM radio headquarters and killed a total of 16 people, including two popular radio hosts. They originally demanded money for their cause, and for the government to respond. We did no such thing because we do not barter with terrorist organizations. At this point, the group was expected to be in Maklohi Vai in hiding. Immediately sent out were Tamolaki police, as well as the national guard and SWAT teams. Despite 24 hours of searching, they found nothing.

"Following this up was a tragic event. The Red Shark members in Hutt River captured 20 citizens of The Inevitable Syndicate, our great friend and dearest ally. As referenced earlier, the group has stated that they will kill one hostage each day until their demands are met. This first 24 hour deadline lies just 7 hours away.

"In regards to their demands, this government does not believe full Limahinan autonomy is warranted at this stage in our relationship. By previous plans, we are moving away from Commonwealth status, which is what the country currently has, towards full autonomy. This process is expected to be complete in 23 years. Therefore, there will be no independence for Lalo Limahina.

"In regards to Limahinan ethnic recognition, it is this terrorist group that is gravely mistaken. Limahinans are recognized in our census under a larger Vaian category. One may select Native Inner Vaian, Native Outer Vaian, or Native Limahinan, in addition to a "mixed" option. The Vaian government has had contact with the Limahinan government about this issue, and it has been agreed that the current status of affairs is best.

"With that said, let me summarize: There has been a great tragedy. 16 people have died, all hardworking Vaians, and 20 people are hostage, all citizens of our great ally. The group that has carried out these acts is no more than a terrorist group that does not represent the actual beliefs of the Limahinan people. Their demands are ridiculous, and as we have a policy of not negotiating with terrorist organizations, we will not negotiate.

"I speak now to the leaders of this group: Your acts are despicable, your actions not worthy of your cause. We will not accept any of your demands, nor negotiate with you. We will give you one opportunity to surrender, but then we will come after you. We will track you down, and find you, and avenge the deaths of 16 and save the deaths of 20 more. This is your final warning."

The President walked back down the hallway. There was no noise besides his feet on the carpet. He was required in the briefing room in 30 minutes. He must hurry...

---

10:28 am, Undisclosed Location, Kolo Lahi, Maklohi Vai
"Mr. President, welcome to this urgent meeting. We need to get a plan in place by 1 PM today."
"Yes, General, I understand the conditions."
"The floor is yours, sir."
"Thank you. Gentlemen, we are met with our country's greatest crisis in several decades. We must act decisively, completely, and immediately. What knowledge can you impart on me?"
"Sir, we know the group's core is in Maklohi Vai. The hostages were in Hutt River, but we suspect they have been moved to Lalo Limahina. We have limited knowledge of their whereabouts there, but we have a plan for detection within this country."
"And what is that?"
"Well, sir, let me just add that Syndicatian troops are stationed in Hutt River and investigating any remnants of the group that may remain there. They might find clues as to the location in Lalo Limahina. As for the plan to subdue the group in Maklohi Vai, I was thinking we cou-----"

"SIR, AN URGENT MESSAGE!" Everyone looked at the man at the end of the table. "The Red Shark Group has just announced that they will not surrender. Our option is to invade."

The President was the first to speak. "So be it. We will fight. General, your plan."
"Sir, we have VSF (Vaian Special Forces) teams 8 and 15 ready to go. They have a designated plan to find the group in Maklohi Vai."
"Are you sure in their capabilities, general?"
"Absolutely, sir. No doubt."

The President paused. A failure in this mission would cost him any chance at being reelected. If it succeeded, he could go down in history. But he was not a man to take the easy way out.

"Send them on their mission."
"Yes, sir."
"How long will it take?"
"As soon as I give the order, they can depart. It will take them 3 hours to complete the mission if everything goes according to plan."
"That is respectable. Send them, and in the meantime we will wait here, hoping to hear from the Syndicatians, and also making our own plan of attack."
"Yes sir."

---

1:22 PM, Undisclosed Location, Kolo Lahi, Maklohi Vai
"Sir, the mission has been completed."
"The results?"
"Successful. The Vaian wing of the terrorist group has been neutralized. Congratulations, sir."
"I do not accept congratulations until the entire job is complete. There are still 20 men and women being held hostage in Lalo Limahina, and one of them will be dead in three and a half hours. We need to work."

And so the president returned to work on the greatest run of his time in office. Information from any source would help, but ultimately it would be a group of soldiers who would finish the job. No matter what happened, Morukano Puwalarutanaroi was not going to give up. This fight will go on.