World Cup 62 - The RP thread

[Thaulandi]

(Column) Hey! There’s a new kid in town
- An inside look at Thaulandi at WC 62

…And we’re not the worst ranked team in Group 7! Just returning from the draw in Carpathia, Ruthenia or Astograth (for the sake of not missing it, we sent three teams of reporters to all three places - even though Carpathia and Ruthenia are the same country – to check the draw), we should at least get some points against The Royal Kingdom of Quebec. And then we have Ossidiacqua, New Montreal States, Mytannion and Audioslavia all in the top 100. And ‘letters’ Qumadosfan and the Blouman Empire in the 100-200’s. Let’s aim for the sixth place in this group.

Full Match List
Thaulandi – Wihsirmir Taoul di wer Qumadosfan
Thaulandi – The Royal Kingdom of Quebec
Ossidiacqua – Thaulandi
Thaulandi – New Montreal States
Blouman Empire – Thaulandi
Thaulandi – Myttanion
Audioslavia – Thaulandi
… and the rest where home is away and vice versa

Basically, we have to get 4 points from the first two matches, and that’s probably the amount of points we have by the end of the first half of qualifying.
To test the team, there is also the friendly versus Ko-oren next week, just before qualifying starts. Not that this match has gotten any coverage from the Ko-orenite side of things. They’re already thinking of whether they’ll hit the playoffs or not. They won’t. They’ll choke and come in third.

[Birolika]

Visting Birolika

This is a public service announcement from the government of Birolika. We would like to inform all you foreigners who will stumble into our nation during the next couple of months about our culture and places to see here. Now where to start?

Dalton

I guess the capital city is a good place to start, for one thing it will be the centre for you tourists as the national stadium is there and a lot of monuments and stuff. Dalton is on the east side of Kelver Bay on the west side of Birolika and it has an extensive waterfront, which is also incredibly cold and smells like rotting seaweed and petrol. The stadium is on the Beiling peninsula with views over the Neiler strait between the city of Dalton and the suburbs of Yalt Island, it has a capacity of 42,500 and 15,000 seats will be allocated to foreign fans. Dalton has a population of just over 1 million, however it combines with the neighbouring city of Mulberry and suburbs on Yalt Island to make a metropolitan area of 2.5 million. The waterfront is dominated by some stylish skyscrapers and by a few stylish bars, it is the only place in Birolika where stylish can really be applied; meanwhile in the CBD of the city the whole place is full of high rising concrete buildings either in a brutalist style or a modernist style, people do a lot of shopping here but it isn't that impressive unless your from Birolika. Places to avoid in Dalton include the whole county of Chalt which is the area where Dalton and Mulberry merge and it is considered the stabbing capital of Birolika with 1 in 5 deaths in the area attributed to murder or as a result of a violent beating, there are also a lot of drug dens around that way. Meanwhile if you visit Mulberry you will find it is mostly pleasant and suburban and the centre of it has some nice bars and cafes, although it isn't anything special.

The Vastness of the North

The north of the country is incredibly cold and full of lakes caused by glaciers that melted long ago. It has a long coastline which is dominated by Fjords which have large, grim cities surrounding them. A prime example of this would be Caldrey which surrounds the 5 mile long fjord of Cord, it has a population of 600,000 grim faced, dull people who have a taste for strong beer, turnips and the cold. I wouldn't bother visiting any of these places, they're so depressing that they have a rate of 4.2 suicides to every thousand people a year.

Cities of the south

The south is dominated by moderate temperatures and people who conduct themselves with a measure of dignity. The two big cities of the south are Teelport and Peldon which have about half a million people apiece who dedicate a large portion of their lives to hating people from the other city. The rivalry between Peldon and Teelport runs back to 1813 when the country was still being settled and they were different colonies, they even had a small war in 1815. This was followed by many land disputes between the states and there were several trade blocks between the two, however the two were then united into Birolika in 1853 and the result was the two had to make nice. The hatred can be seen at football matches between Peldon and Teelport where many insults are thrown and the matches are often followed by full out riots. However it gets worse when you talk hockey, a gang of Teelport fans called the icemen go around in goalie masks at night in Peldon after the match and burgle shops, tip over and burn cars and have, once of twice, murdered Peldoners. Peldoners have in the past responded with starting riots in Teelport and once burnt down a block of flats. The height of the rivalry really happened about ten years ago when some Teelport fans ended up killing several Peldon fans in their homes and several Peldon fans were trampled to death in a riot; however the Peldon fans responded by burning down several blocks of flats in Teelport and 13 people died. After this tighter restrictions were put in and eventually it has been calmed down to just riots. So basically go to Teelport and Peldon, both have a lot of culture and the best beaches in the country; however please avoid it on match days.

Food and Drink

Now food and drink in Birolika are REALLY bland, I mean air has better taste. The staple of the nation is a very thin porridge called Quibble, most people think it is gruel; but it is thinner. However all Birolik culture has one saving grace, the beer. It has flavour, full body and is always heavily hopped. The biggest beer in the nation is PBA (Peldon Brown Ale), however people in Teelport refuse to drink it; they drink Teelport Larger which is also brilliant. There is also a massive micro-brewing industry in the country and some microbreweries like Felton brewery on Yalt Island which is now a national industry. If you want to sample some of the fine brews of the nation try any pub and they'll have a fine selection. You can also do tours of the big breweries around the nations like the PBA brewery in Peldon, Teelport brewery or Felton. The tours are rather cheap and they'll give you a sample to take home.

Well that is about it for Birolika, if you want my advice don't visit at all; but I guess if you must then make sure your skittled the whole time; most Biroliks are.

[Cambirano]

The following conversation took place during a lunch break for two insurance workers in Scherten, the capital and largest city in Cambirano, the day after the World Cup 62 draw

John Carriligido walked into Mibadi's Garden Bistro, looking around for his friend and coworker Alex Zestri. He spotted Alex at a two-seat table in the back corner, and, briefcase bouncing against his hip, strode past other workers enjoying their lunch hour.

"Hey Alex," he said, sliding into his seat, "How's the insurance business?"

Alex chuckled and dug through his own briefcase, removing an infomational brochure and handing it to John.

"Do you need auto insurance? Life insurance? Insurance agent insurance?"

The two enjoyed a good laugh about their career, before a waitress came over and took their orders. Both came to the bistro so often they knew the menu by heart.

"Yeah, I'll take the Bistro Raviolipalooza," said John.

"For me? The beef grinder," said Alex, and the waitress ran off to put the orders in.

Alex took a sip of his coffee and pointed at the TV screen on the wall behind John, which had three analysts discussing Cambirano's national soccer team.

"Did you watch the World Cup draw last night?" asked Alex.

"Of course," said John, "We have a pretty random group, don't we? All the teams have been really secretive about their rosters. I guess it's hard to know who we'll actually be playing."

Alex smiled. "Yeah, but I think it's pretty obvious we won't be advancing."

John nodded, "If the rankings hold true, sure. I would think Krytenia, Yesopalitha, Kinitaria, and West Zirconia are all two losses for us. No. 316 can't expect to beat a top-81 team, can they?"

"No, probably not. But if we can get, what 2 points from those games, and then beat The Javahe Islands and The Naughty Monks, we would have 14 points. So I think we can finish 6th."

"I disagree," said John, "The Javahe Islands are 242nd, right? We aren't going to trample them. I say we finish 7th."

"Pessimist," said Alex, "You honestly don't think we can defeat them?"

"Sure, we could, but I don't think it's likely."

"We shall see," said Alex, as the waitress brought their food.

[Qazox]

MD1: @ The Scandinavian Islands
MD2: @ East Shippensburg
MD3: v. Equestrian States @ Qazian Memorial Stadium II, Qazox City. Capacity: 100,052.
MD4: @ Weatherdon
MD5: v. United Gordonopia @ Ganja Vodka Stadium, Fromburg. Capacity: 94,500.
MD6: @ Gangnam
MD7: v. Darmen @ Qazian Memorial Stadium II, Qazox City. Capacity: 100,052.
MD8: v. The Scandinavian Islands @ Rockport Stadium, Rockport. Capacity: 90,000.
MD9: v. East Shippensburg @ SaxerDome (II), SaxerVilla. Capacity: 91,150.
MD10: @ Equestrian States
MD11: v. Weatherdon @ Estadia Pika II, Pika City. Capacity: 84,562.
MD12: @ United Gordonopia
MD13: v. Gangnam @ New Bruxen Hotel & Casino Field, New Bruxen. Capacity: 77,721.
MD14: @ Darmen

The schedule that the Qazox Eagles have to face this qualification campaign is a possibly dangerous one. The 20th ranked team in the world is the top seeded team, but not by that much over #2 seed Darmen or #3 seed Equestrian States. With only the group winner assured of a World Cup berth, it could come down to the final match day, when Qazox travels to Darmen.

Qazox begins qualifcation with back-to-back road games, the first time since the World Cup 47 qualifiers that has happened. The Opener at The Scandinavian Islands is not a walk-over by any means, but East Shippensburg should be a win for the Eagles. The Home Opener, against The Equestrian States and their unsual style, will take place at Qazian Memorial. Weatherdon is the 3rd road game, a trap between the Equestrian States and United Gordontopia home matches.

United Gordontopia will face Qazox for the 2nd straight qualifying effort,even though Qazox got two wins four years ago, UG has become a solid team that can play with anybody. A Trip to Gangnam might be a trap game as a home date with Darmen concludes the first half. The Darmen home date is the 1st of 3 straight home matches for Qazox, a qualifying group first since World Cup 49 qualifiers. After the 3 home games, Qazox finishes with 3 of the final 5 on the road, all against the top 3 teams, besides ourselves.

Seeing as this is a transitional squad, with a new coach and a new 3-5-2 scheme; Qazox might struggle at first to get the offense going. Defensively, they've historically been a decent team, so no real worries there. Darmen, Equestrian States and United Gordontopia are the most likely teams to challenge Qazox for the group title, but don't count out The Scandinavian Islands or East Shippensburg making a run after a playoff berth.

ACCU-SIM PREDICTIONS (average of 10,000 sims of the group)

QAZOX: 11-2-1
Darmen: 9-2-3
Equestrian States: 8-3-3
United Gordonopia: 5-4-5
East Shippensburg: 4-4-6
Scandinavian Islands: 4-3-7
Weatherdon: 2-3-9
Gangnam: 1-3-10

[Falcania]

"I feel bad about this. Like I should be making you some sandwiches for your first day."

King Falcon III and his daughter, Princess Jerinna, sat at the breakfast bar in the upper apartments of the Citadel. Drewson, a footman, finished ferrying the empty plates back to the kitchen.

"Dad, it's not my first day. I wish you'd stop this." She sipped her coffee. "It's embarrassing. I'm 22 now."

"22 and you've got a proper job." The King chuckled. "Good job your great-uncle isn't alive to see a Falcon doing an honest day's work. It's probably unseemly, or something."

"Dad, it's something I care about."

"Never much cared for sport, myself," Falcon said, looking out of the window. "The Falcanian Football Corporation, we've run it as a shell company, a subsidiary of the FNC, and that's worked. The actual teams sort it out. What is the Falcanian Football Corporation actually meant to do?"

"Just... to look after the sport. Alp and his Directorate do their bit, but they don't get any funding, you know that. The FFC should... manage things. Investments. Take some oversight over Joha Kruppie."

"The man is a menace," the King agreed.

"Besides, a bit of responsibility will do me good, don't you think? After all, I'm going to have to be the Queen after you're gone."

"Eeesh, don't remind me." Falcon chuckled, and wiped his mouth. "Well, have fun. I have to go now, sweetie, I have reigning to do." He kissed his daughter on the forehead. "I love you, Jerinna."

"Love you too, dad."

[Mashiki]

"Hello and welcome to 62.5 MNR1, bringing you all of the latest news and views from Mashiki. Coming up in 10 minutes, a critical analysis from K.R Mahuna on the latest World Cup Draw, as well as a preview of the matches to come..."

"Hi, my name's K.R Mahuna, bringing you up to date with all the sports news here in Mashiki. Over the next couple of weeks, I'll be bringing you the latest World Cup qualifying phenomenon to take over Mashiki, as the National Team have a second go at qualifying for the next World Cup. From what I can see up here in the MNR Tower, it looks like the whole thing is being taken in a whole load of anticipation. There's big screens, banners, flags, billboards and advertisements being put up on every street corner. But as we look to the group Mashiki have been drawn in, some may look in hope at the teams we will be facing, while a lot of others may look onwards to the next round of qualifying, expecting for the team to win. So let's get on with the draw shall we..."

"Mashiki were put in Pot E at the draw in the the Rushmori nation of Astograph and the Atlantian Oceanian nation of Carpathia & Ruthenia. After a n intense wait, we found that we were put in Group 19, along with 7 other newly formed rivals. The first team in the group will be Felix Terra, a team that is newly ranked 340th in the world. They took part in this year's Baptism of Fire and came out with just a measly 1 point from 5 games. We should be expected to beat them in our first game. Next up is (New) West Guiana, a team ranked 88th in the world, who could be tough opponents. They also bowed out of a tournament recently with just a single point in the Cup of Harmony."

"Next up is one of the big teams in our group, and one of our rivals from other events. Saugeais are ranked 25th in the world, and we have drawn them in both of our previous Copa Rushmori tournaments. The first time we met the score was 2-0, while last time out it 3-2, which put is in 3rd place for that group and gave us the bragging rights over them. However this time round it is very unlikely that we will beat them, as their team is much more strong this time out. Then there is the other big team in the group, C&R's fellow Atlantian Oceanian nation, Vilita. They are the first seed in the group, and we shouldn't be expecting to be beat them whatsoever. Ranked 17th in the world, they've reached all of their last 3 WCs and should be the favourite to top the group."

"2 of the final 3 teams should be expected to be opponents of around the same quality as us in this qualifying campaign. The first of the 3 teams however aren't really the same quality, as the 316th team in the world known as Royal East America also took part in the recent BoF, but finished with 4 points. This makes them better than Felix Terra, but not by much. We should be expecting two wins here. Then we have Bergnovinaia, who are ranked 47th in the world. I have a feeling that we could do well against this team, even though they had a good qualifying run last time out, and made it to the finals of 59. I think we could scrape a win and a draw against these. But finally we have the Northern Sunrise Islands, who are definitely a team on par with us. Ranked only 24 places below us, they are an up and coming team to be reckoned with us (just like us )."

"So I'm predicting a 6-3-5 fo this tournament for wins, draws and losses, and if you go to out webpage you can see a whole segment on upcoming fixtures. So thanks for listening to MNR1 62.5! This was K.R Mahuna and hope you'll be listening out for me soon! Later!"

Screenshot from -www.mnr1.mk/sports/wc62/fixtures

Bold denotes upcoming match
Red denotes loss
Blue denotes draw
Green denotes win

MD1: Felix Terra vs Mashiki
MD2: Mashiki vs Royal East America @ Derendi Avenue, St Bradley's
MD3: West Guiana vs Mashiki
MD4: Mashiki vs Bergnovinaia @ Oceanside, Tubushu
MD5: Saugeais vs Mashiki @ New World Stadium, Chaux
MD6: Mashiki vs NSI @ Lakelands, Baltana
MD7: Vilita vs Mashiki
MD8: Mashiki vs Felix Terra @ St Lionel's, Guadir
MD9: Royal East America vs Mashiki
MD10: Mashiki vs West Guiana @ Oceanside, Tubushu
MD11: Bergnovinaia vs Mashiki
MD12: Mashiki vs Saugeais @ Lakelands, Baltana
MD13: NSI vs Mashiki @ Lee Stadium, Mallwill
MD14: Mashiki vs Vilita @ Derendi Avenue, St Bradley's

[Equatorial Sarmen]

Equatorial Sarmen a team of good spirits, players and amazing fans. This year they are facing the likes of The Archregimancy Andossa Se Mitrin Vega and Ko Oren they have a lot of work ahead of them. At 9:00AM they are at the training ground practising everything everyday up until the World Cup begins; after that all the immense training they have done will be put into action and at the end of qualifying the table will show whether they did good or not and if it all goes well they could qualify for the finals.....





more will be revealed after matchday 1.

[Mytannion]

World Cup 62 Qualifiers - Mytanar Stadium Guide.
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2013 | FOOTBALL | by Ondřej Klepáček

Radnika, Esca; Venue for Mytannion vs. New Montreal States, a guide.

View from the Askva River. Left: Zdeněk Trčka Bridge, centre: Revolution Square and Brozova Rail Terminal, behind: Međunarodni Trgovinski Centar (International Trade Centre) under construction, right: Filipek Bridge, behind: House of Representatives.

This is a guide for football fans who wish to visit Central Esca and the Radnika stadium for Mytannion's home clash against New Montreal States.

Orientation.
Esca feels like a proper metropolis, at least the area that Radnika is in. This is the posh area of the city, the centre. It is an area full of contrasts: it has beautiful gold-domed monasteries and churches, pompous communist-era monuments and very few tall, glass, capitalist buildings. It has large chaotic avenues and small cobblestone alleyways. It has posh upscale restaurants and nightclubs and traditional modest Mytanar cafés. These contrasts make it a very interesting city where you can easily spend a week or more. Book stores that sell exclusively Mytanar revolutionary propaganda, record stores that sell wide ranging varieties of music, from local 'Otskok' to Charmunnry folk music.

The Askva River divides the city into a west and east bank. You are likely to spend most of your time on the west bank as that’s where the city centre and most of the transport connections are. The main reference point for travelling fans would be Niezhaliedrich Street, which runs from the banks of the Askva River south through Esca's main square, Revolution Square, and further south until it intersects with one of Esca's other major avenues, Famoc Boulevard, which is where Gazzaev Square lies.

The Fan Zone for this game will of course be located in Revolution Square and on Niezhaliedrich Street. The city centre basically stretches out both sides of Niezhaliedrich Street, with the government buildings being located fairly close to here and Radnika only a little further away. The north of the city is where Litala '93, Mytannion's second most successful club are located, in the Litala District, their stadium, Wyan Road is located there, nestled between homes. The West End is the poorest area of the city and plays home to the Votavova District, which in turn is home to two clubs, Dinamo Esca and Zenit Esca and their stadiums, Kotrba Park and Turjaška (which will play host to one of Mytannion's home qualifying fixtures).

There is sprinklings of old Mytanar communist propaganda, from old posters to towering statues. The further away from the city centre you go the more traditional things become, with more traditional Mytanar pubs and cafés everywhere - serving traditional Mytanar food, plates piled high with steaming meats.

As in most Southern Rushmori cities, there is no lack of green, with especially the east bank of the Askva River providing for good options to escape the sometimes hectic city, with wide open spaces and parks open for all.

The Stadium.
Radnika is the national stadium for Mytannion and also plays home to one of our club sides, 1923 Esca, who were promoted up to the Top League last season. It's hosted their adventures for a couple of years and is one of the most modern stadiums in Mytannion, and one of few that are all-seater. It has recently gone under extensive renovation for this World Cup, the East Stand was rebuilt and a new exterior and roof have been installed. The government paid for this, wanting to show that football is a large part of the nation's pride.

Sitting in either end gives you a good view of the field and means you can be right next to the action when the players come close to you. Sitting along the sidelines ensures perhaps a more comfortable experience, with more amenities readily available, but it does mean you will be slightly further away from the pitch. 50,000 fans make for a good atmosphere and usually the fans who come to Radnika are fairly good tempered in comparison to some Mytanar fans who may normally be quite violent, but on the whole this doesn't occur with the fans at Radnika.

But the biggest advantage of the stadium is probably its location. No worries about a tiring public transport trip to a far-away suburb as the stadium lies right in the city centre. The stadium is just a 10-minute walk east from Gazzaev Square, and what’s more, there is plenty of entertainment in the area in the form of bars and restaurants.

Who's coming?
New Montreal States are travelling to Mytannion to play at Radnika, along with any other international football fans who wish to watch what could be a great game between team's ranked #19 and #26 in the world. The Mytanar national side will train at their training centre in the east of the city, which has undergone a lot of regeneration in recent years.

The New Montreal States team will be allowed to train at Radnika on the two days before the game, but will be given the option to train at Litala '93's top-class facility in the north of the city or Dinamo Esca's training centre in the west of Esca. Litala's training facility is probably of higher quality but Dinamo Esca's would ensure a more private environment for their players, shielding them from international press.

There is a large choice of hotels for the New Montreal States team to choose from in the centre of the city that may be suitable for them to stay at in the days preceding the game.

How to get in and around.
Esca is located fairly centrally in Mytannion, which means that the country's borders aren't particularly close by - considering we share only one border anyway, this is fairly unimportant. But if you are coming from Northern or Eastern Rushmore, or from outside the region, you will almost certainly have to fly into Esca.

Esca has two airports, the main one is named simply Esca International and then there is the smaller Slejcka Airport. Practically all major airlines fly into Esca International, though low-cost airline VazAir has made Slejcka Airport its base. Esca International lies on the Askva River's east bank, about 30 kilometres from the city centre. Buses can take you into the city centre in approximately 45 minutes, they drop you near the Brozova Rail Terminal. A taxi from the airport to the city centre is likely to set you back about £17.

Slejcka Airport is located in the south of the city, about 8 kilometres from the centre. Bus 23 will take you directly to Brozova Rail Terminal. The Brozova Rail Terminal is where all long-distance trains arrive and depart so it can be quite chaotic so you may want to arrive about 30 minutes before your train departs to make sure you're on time, but delays are not uncommon.

Esca - as the capital of Mytannion - has good rail links with all Mytanar cities, so those of you who are trying to make a holiday of this trip will be glad to know there are a variety of options in trains, with high-speed trains available. A trip from Esca to Ebor can be cut from 7 hours on the train to about 3-4 hours. There are also several overnight options with sleeper cabins which will limit the amount of wasted time and save you the cost of a hotel night in Esca, which can be quite expensive.

From the railway station you can easily walk into the centre. Walk down the somewhat desolate entrance road and then straight up the hill until you reach Famoc Boulevard. Turn right onto the boulevard and follow until you reach Gazzaev Square. Once up the hill it is a not unpleasant walk as you pass by Yuri Ondlevic Park and St Lukas Cathedral. The walk will likely take you about half an hour, but if you're tired after a long journey you can also take the metro or a taxi to the centre.

Though you can walk to most city centre locations, you are likely to use the Esca metro now and then. This is no punishment as some of the metro stations are quite the attraction, the metro is one of the deepest in the world and some of the stations are designed creatively, with artistic graffiti all over the walls and different styles of art being matched to different stations. Signage in the metro is in Cyrillic script, but is easy enough to figure out with a bit of common sense. Buy tokens at the ticket counter to get through the turnstiles.

Esca also has a good bus network but you are unlikely to have to use this.

Where to eat and drink?
Eating and drinking is very much concentrated on the city centre, and as Esca is a large city, it has pretty much anything you could wish for - from Cotdelapomais to Djocorangan, almost every type of cuisine has a place here. That being said, Esca has more of a clubbing culture than a bar culture, if you like hard partying and drinking a lot of alcohol, Esca is your place. This does mean you have to dress up a little, there is a smart casual dress code in most clubs and you may have to spend quite a bit on your drinks. Also, remember, no trainers!

Most - but not all - clubs are located in the city centre and the biggest of them all is the Club Syndicat, on Gazzaev Square. More clubs lie near Famoc Boulevard and in the west end of the city centre. There are bars also and the obligatory Charmunnry pub that sells over four hundred different spirits (we may or not be using hyperbole by this point), they all lie in the same part of town - the east of the city centre. The area around Niezhaliedrich Street will be closed throughout day of the game as it is serving as the Fan Zone for the day, so the bars, pubs and clubs in this area will likely try and attract people to come inside.

Various international franchises have settled in the area so if you would prefer some cuisine that you are perhaps more used to you will quickly recognise the signs and find what you want, it can be a little more pricey but they are comfortable and offer good quality produce. Esca offers restaurants of all international cuisines, but don't fail to try the self-service restaurants that often offer cheap and excellent Mytanar food. Zalata and Toshanaya Zemlya are two well-known chains, but there are also smaller options. They are located around the centre of the city, with more focused in the south of the city centre.

---

Esca is a city that you can spend a couple of days in and quickly get lost amongst its culture, so if you're coming a couple of days before the game, you will enjoy it. The various districts offer lots of different things, Aarlem is a district full of theatres. The musicians busking on the streets are normally quite good and the writers of the area, protesting against social inequality in Mytannion and writing whole novels on the subject. A whole variety of music was born here, the black community who arrived as refugees from Mwembamba and Djocoranga settled in Aarlem and gave birth to 'Otskok' which now has a large holding across Mytannion. The Votavova District offers an insight to life in Mytannion, with the tower blocks and cafés of the area brimming with stories about strife in Mytannion.

Enjoy your trip to Esca, we hope this guide helps all New Montreal States' fans travelling for the game and any other international football fans who are making the trip.

[The Archregimancy]

OBSCURE INTERNATIONAL FOOTBALL GROUNDS

The Holy Monastery of the All-Holy Mother of God Angeloktiste ("Built By Angels")
The Archregimancy

The Holy Monastery of the All-Holy Mother of God Angeloktiste was surely one of the unlikeliest - though most spectacular - venues ever to host World Cup qualification matches. Technically, the football matches did not take place in the monastery grounds, but rather in a small clearing in the forest at the bottom of the spectacular cliff upon which the monastery is located. A warm-up match - combined with a blessing ceremony - against Holy Empire club side Philadelphia City was the only attempt to arrange some sort of practice match on the hastily prepared ground prior to the qualification tournament.

Holy Empire Club Side Philadelphia City Warm Up At The Holy Monastery of the All-Holy Mother of God Angeloktiste
Before the Pre-Tournament Friendly and Blessing Ceremony

The venue was chosen to respect the privacy of the Archregimancy's squad of ascetic otherworldly hermits, one of whom (Fr. Abramios the Recluse) never showed his face in public; there was also the small matter of the habitual nudity of Fr. Hilarion and team coach Fr. Basil, which many MFA officials thought would potentially embarrass many visiting teams. The total visiting capacity was about 50, all of whom had to sit on the cliff-face overlooking the ground; home capacity was never really tested due to the total disinterest of the monks of the home monastery - one of the Holy Monastic Republic's non-sporting monasteries - and the difficulty of travelling to the ground for those home supporters who might have been interested.

The first international match ever played at the ground was against rank outsiders Maklohi Vai, who likely had no idea what they were letting themselves in for. Certainly Maklohi Vai could not have anticipated arriving at the ground in the middle of a terrible winter freeze.

The Holy Monastery of the All-Holy Mother of God Angeloktiste During the Match against Maklohi Vai

The total official recorded attendance at this match was 52, 47 of whom were fans of the visiting team; the other 5 were believed to be layman from the Holy Empire who were helping to repaint the monastery's famous frescos. The monks of the monastery were too busy either praying, or keeping warm, to occupy themselves with the distractions of a football match.

[Mesoland]

MBC Sports News
Coverage of the LXII World Cup in Carpathia-Ruthenia and Astograth

In this short article, we give fans an inside preview into Mesoland's qualifying chances for the 62nd World Cup. After narrowly missing out on qualification last year, reaching the last 16 of the CoH is Mesoland's greatest achievement to date. Head coach, Bert Giazanba, is said to be confident in his team's ability after holding a press conference at the Meso training camp near the Swartaz capital, Göteborg, who face Mesoland in a few nights time, however will Mesoland be able to pull of a string of shock results like they did last year, or will they fall flat on their face as they are yet to do so in an international competition? (The BoF wasn't that bad, right?)

Group 8
Mesoland have been drawn in a tough group, although as it was proved last year, miracles can happen. Even if the bluebirds overcome Soviet Canuckistan in the fight for the playoff and qualification places, however, they will still have to fend off tough competition from Swartaz and Bears Armed to even get close to the elusive top two spots. The team picked this time around is largely unchanged, and the teams in group 8 are part of uncharted territory; Mesoland have not played a single team in their group before, and will have to learn the ways of their opponents quickly if they are to succeed. We would expect Swartaz and Bears Armed to blag the first two spots, but neither Soviet Canuckistan nor Mesoland should be written off at this pre-tournament stage. Below are our predictions for how Mesoland will fare against their seven opponents. (Each side has a corresponding colour-code according to their KPB ranking, growing in intensity from green up to the most difficult of sides in red.)

Timfen¹³⁶ - 1 win, 1 draw
Bears Armed¹⁰ - 2 losses
Super-Llamaland²⁷² - 2 wins
Swartaz²⁷ - 2 losses
Mesoland⁸³
Soviet Canuckistan⁶⁷ - 1 win, 1 loss
Fanchnopolis²³¹ - 2 wins
The Jahistic Unified Republic³⁴⁰ - 2 wins

All World Cup and BoF news and results can be found on the MBC website, http://www.mesolandbc.mz, under the sports section. Article by Thomas Elokobi, ex-Meso left-back and assistant coach.

[West Angola]

NAMIBE REGISTER

GROUP FIVE PREVIEW

1. The FSSO (#5): The clear favorite to win the group, The FSSO is ranked fifth in the world and should win the group easily. It would not surprise anyone if they failed to even lose a game, as the team has a long history of footballing excellence. West Angola should lose both matches to them, but if the Blue-and-Yellow can sneak a draw at home during a junk match, it would go a long way towards claiming West Angola's first qualifying berth in the team's history.

2. Phoenigetuzstha (#38): Phoenigetuzstha should come in second, having a comfortable ranking cushion over West Angola in third. If West Angola can sneak in a victory over them in at least one of their encounters, then they could potentially take control of a tiebreaker and slip the noose into the second qualifying spot in the group.

3. West Angola (#66): This is us, projected to finish third, which is higher than ever before. West Angola has never qualified for a World Cup, although they came within a tiebreaker of stealing one from Stachland in World Cup 60. At 66th, West Angola is sitting atop their highest ranking ever, and is hoping to parlay that into a qualifying berth.

4. Free South Califas (#95): Ranked fourth in the group, West Angola needs to win both matches against this team in order to protect their third-place spot. If all goes as expected, West Angola should defeat this team twice and move on to their pursuit of Phoenigetuzstha, but as we all know, West Angola has a nasty habit of not winning when they're supposed to...

5. Union Isle (#144): A strong team, Union Isle is a potential dark horse to qualify. They have played fairly well recently, and an upset or two by this team is not out of the question. Once again, West Angola needs to take two wins from this team in order to bolster their qualification chances.

6. High Heels (#226): A relatively new team, High Heels came in third in the 49th Baptism of Fire. The team nearly reached the finals, being relegated to the third place match by a disputed goal that was only ruled so after a lengthy discussion by the officials. They should perform well, and could take down a few favorites in the process.

7. Charruterra (#265): Charruterra is another new team, and shouldn’t be a problem for West Angola. We need to take two wins from them, but of course a loss would surprise no one given this team’s history of stupid losses.

8. Birolika (#324): The lowest-ranked team in the group, they shouldn’t be a problem for us.

[Leorudo]

Now picture this:
You are John Vorcavi.


And you are a typical government agent.

You have encountered an intresting scene.

Olyimpic Tower, the third-largest structure in Leorudo, was a spirialing hive of human activity. The cause was due to something not done in Leorudo for a long time, for new government had just taken place, and all of the fun tasks that involved running a society needed new people to do them. In fact, there were so many tasks that the Agency was taking volunteers, now "The Agency" is pretty much just the central government that controlled all of the smaller departments, but that is not important right now. Anyway, these "tasks" involved anything from monitoring the amount of security presence of "x" on the West border, to making sure that the power grid was not going to collaspe within the next few minutes. Out of all of these, Agent John Vorcavi chose monitoring the Leorudian national football club and it's effects on the government. He thought this would be an easy way to get his son tickets to a few matches, but ten minutes after sitting in the corner of the fourteenth floor, he was already wondering what the hell he had gotten himself into.

----

"In retrospect, this was all a mistake."
Luke Moore had been in the Doctor's office for three hours.
Luke had studied the room multiple times, stark white walls, flourescent lights, a few potted plants here and there, and the red sofa.
Oh how he hated the red sofa.
The best striker on the Leorudian club had been in rehablitation for almost two months, and for him, it was pure hell. Life had been going great for Mr. Moore, he had scored nine goals in World Cup play, come home to Leorudo find himself a semi-celebrity. Instant millionare, nice penthouse near downtown, the whole nine yards.
Then his brother died.
He had spent the last few weeks playing in a small tournement in the resort nation of Gaveo when he recieved news that his brother's unit had parished in the Wicksteed Campaign way out in the middle of the ocean. Luke instantly went rampant, throwing random rants inside his hotel room to his best friend Jim Fenlon and passing out during practices. It was not long before he ended up here. The typical, boring, therapist's office.
He had been shown the ropes on all of the exercises required to give him a full examination, from the word game to checkers, he had gotten the full treatment.
And now he was done, or so he was told.
He had been sitting there for hours letting the doctor's intern quiz him on what he was feeling. Same questions. Same answers.
Every few seconds, Luke would look up at the clock, waiting for whenever this would be over.

*click*

The door opened. For the first time in hours, the young woman who served as Luke's doctor stepped into the room.
"Luke, how are you feeling?" She was a 6' 2'' 27 year old from Starbladyia, and she was somewhat attractive.
"Fine." Luke said. Simple. To the point.
"Okay, well I just wanted to let you know you are being cleared tommorrow. I hope you have expierienced a full recovery."
The melodic voice swept across the room like the refrain of a Beethoven, well, not really, but hey, he was going to get to leave this place.
"Thanks Doctor, I really appreciate the help." Luke said, he didn't mean it of course, but he really wanted to leave.
That night, he packed up his things and picked up the keys to his model sportscar.
The next morning, at 12:01 AM, he sped off towards the great mountain of Leorudo.
He was back.

[Branta Island]

"Signore, the World Cup qualifying draw has concluded. Do you wish for me to give an analysis on where we lay?"

Edoardo Gaspari, director of football operations and appointed manager of the Branta Island football team, looks up and nods.

"Very well. Being ranked 262nd, the team was placed into the penultimate pot; we were then drawn into the third group during the course of the evening. The tournament organizers then decided to position us at the first spot on the group list for reasons unbeknownst to me, and all I was able to pry from their minds was "Business reasons..."

"Crafty wording," replied Gaspari, "it's no more than a scheduling setup. Don't worry."

"Forgive me, signore, I'll continue. Drawn before us was a newly formed nation that has taken to the sport of football quite well: Free Swiss States. Their name suggested they were once part of the larger, less trusted "Repressed Swiss States", so caution should be taken into account when playing against them, as they could release any potential pent-up rage from the former era.

Following us in the group was Azox, a team that had a decent showing in their debut last cycle, finishing 4th in a group of 9. Their subsequent Cup of Harmony showing saw them undefeated, yet non-victorius as well, finishing with three drawn matches and eliminated from play. Azox certainly will be aiming to reach the same finish as last cycle, so it is up to us to play spoiler in their quest. These two teams are the only ones in which I can see at least a win gathered from either match played.

Bongo Johnson and Sicoutimont are both closely ranked (139 and 108, respectively) yet their styles of plays are completely different. Sicoutimont chooses to have a more direct attacking pattern, leading to more chances on goal, but also allows them to be vulnerable in the middle part of the pitch; we should send Nervi and Acone up forward as psuedo-AMs if the opportunity presents itself. Bongo Johnson, on the other hand, are very peculiar. They aren't that good, and as of my analysis write-up, they haven't even posted a roster for this tournament. I had to dig up last cycle's listing, which shows them playing a 3-4-3 attack heavy formation. Look what good that did for them. Sicoutimont will most certainly be a mountain to climb, and a draw will be a nice reward, but Bongo Johnson has all the opportunity in the world to steal a victory or two.

And now, the three top 50 teams we will be throw up against: Michael VII, Milchama, and Valladares. All of whom have tremendous physical and mental attributes, fantastic striking and defending abilities....."

"Please spare me the hollow praise of them," interrupted Gaspari. "Just tell me: can we get three points out of any of these matches?"

"All at once, or over the course of the matches?"

Gaspari looked displeased at the response. "Then I guess that's a no. So in total, where should we be finishing up in the group?"

"Well I certainly don't see us in last place. After all the calculations, the best case scenario is that we'd end up with 16 points, 4 wins and 4 draws, over the course of the 14 matches. That should places us around 5th-6th place."

"Well I wasn't expecting immediate fireworks taking over this job, though I guess every new manager aspires to be like Yevgeni Byshovetsiy of Chetkosk. His first two World Cup cycles at the helm, and two straight Finals appearances. He has set the bar pretty high. Thank you, that will be all. I'll forward my training plans to the players ASAP."

"You're welcome, sir. Buona fortuna."

[Blouman Empire]

THE DAILY REVIEW

Final Roster announced as groups drawn

A forward who can score regularly is worth their weight in gold, and the Golden Eagles fans will be placing their hopes on William Goodfellow this World Cup qualifying campaign as the Blouman Empire make another bid to qualify for the 62nd World Cup that some pundits consider a possibility. Depth is a requirement for any success and goals alone will not take the Empire to the World Cup proper a feat all supporters are craving for. Midfielder Christopher Kovarch will play an important role in ensuring the team operates at its full potential, while defender Paul James can help keep the goals conceded to a minimum and turn defence into attack at every opportunity. Leading the charge as Captain is Johnathon Brigss-Way who will keep his team together and guide them to play at their maximum.

The draw has been announced with the Empire coming up against some formidable opponents that will test the Golden Eagles and prove a challenge to qualify for the World Cup

New Montreal States: The Eagles came up against New Montreal in the last qualifying campaign and the 37th AOCAF Championship losing decisively to the team in all three encounters. The Eagles have gained experienced since their last clash but up against the likes of Leclercq and Lacavalier the team will struggle and may be able to hold New Montreal out for a draw.

Wihsirmir Taoul di Wer Qumadosfan: The country with the unpronounceable name will no doubt see commentators and fans alike struggling to untie their tounges, the Golden Eagles on the other hand should not find the game as difficult as those trying to talk about it. While Qumadosfan are ranked higher then the Empire, they failed to perform well during the last campaign and will be a good oppurunity for the Eagles to gain some much needed points.

Mytannion: The strongest team in the field and one that will be batteling with New Montreal for top spot will be the toughest opponent the Eagles will face. With strong footballing pedigree within their ranks and countless years of international experience the Eagles will find it difficult to keep their scoreline to a minimum and will be unable to win either game.

Audioslavia: Audioslavia are fast becoming the team the Eagles will always face like New Montreal States the team faced Audioslavia in the 61st World Cup qualfying campaigns and the 37th AOCAF Championship, the Eagles also faced them in the last Cup of Harmony as well. The Empire has failed to beat them in all four matches at best managing a draw. While the game will be difficult the team will be keen to get at least one win.

Thaulandi: A new entrant to the World Cup coming in fresh off their Baptism of Fire campaign where they made it past the group stage. While this team has been able to beat inexperienced teams, the Eagles should be able to pick up the points required

Quebec: The Kingdom of Quebec is another first timer into the World Cup, however, they are not a team with no international experience. Despite not participating in the recent Baptism of Fire they have competed in the Selmbana Invitational which will no doubt help the team in their first World Cup campaign, despite this the Eagles should have no trouble with securing the win.

Ossidiacqua: Ossidiacqua will be another team that will be an even match against the Eagles and should prove to show exciting match, the team patcipated in the 53rd Cup of Harmony and failed to impress despite this the team with the international experience will not mean the game will be a walk in the park for the Eagles and if they are to win will have to fight for it.

Coaching the team will be Harry Malsomp who will guide and lead the team, while himself and the fans will be hoping to qualify this pundit believes their most likely finish will be 5th

[Azox]

Azox football HQ:

Abby Dearborne: Sir, this just came in via the WC62app.

John Holsten: What is it, Abby?

Abby Dearborne: The complete schedule for our team for these qualifiers.

Game 1: @ Sicoutimont
Game 2: vs. Free Swiss States
Game 3: @ Bongo Johnson
Game 4: @ Valladares
Game 5: vs. Milchama
Game 6: @ Branta Island
Game 7: vs. Michael VII
Game 8: vs. Sicoutimont
Game 9: @ Free Swiss States
Game 10: vs. Bongo Johnson
Game 11: vs. Valladares
Game 12: @ Milchama
Game 13: vs. Branta Island
Game 14: @ Michael VII

John Holsten: Oh damn. It's a brutal one.

Abby Dearborne: Thankfully we start on the road. The stadium won't be done until the 24th.

John Holsten: Typical Terri. Finishing everything at the last minute. Have we found someone to sign the national anthem yet?

Abby Dearborne: Yes. My niece Denise Dearborne-Santiago.

John Holsten: More Nepotism? That's exactly what I need. Find someone else.

Abby Dearborne: She was the one who won the national vote that you suggested sir. To cancel her, just because she's my niece, would bring too much negative publicity.

John Holsten: God, I just want this term as AFA president to end. How much longer do I have before the term is up?

Abby Dearborne: 2 years, 2 months and 16 days.

John Holsten: I hope there's enough Coko-Bismol in the country, I'm going to need it.

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

It was night as the plane began its approach to the Viastormin Vega Memorial Mulitport. The lights of the sprawling cities of Andossa se Mitrin Vega seemed overly bright and even from this height it was easy enough to see that the cities never slept. There was always something going on in Errion Vega and her sister cities.

By comparison it had been a quiet few months in the high mountains surrounding Kunei. No big city lights. No real lights at all save the oil lanterns used for a few hours before bed every night. And no big city noises either. That was another benefit to their seclusion.

A seclusion that was now over. For more than two months the Sea Dragons had been in isolationist-like training near the small town of Rae. Kymy had thought it a grand opportunity for the squad to bond following up their Brevity Challenge Cup Championship in Wight. That tournament had been won by sheer force of will rather than any cohesiveness on the squad’s part. Older players such as Akaok and Neljibii had not made any real connection to the newer players such as Bereqii and Karinzui. Such a visible lack of cohesiveness would only serve to see them fail in the qualifiers.

And failure was not an option. So she had pasked up the squad and moved them into the middle of nowhere. No electricity. No prepared meals. And no wifi or cell service. At first she had thought they would revolt and that would be the end of it. Several of the younger players had indeed announced their plans to return to their homes. But snide remarks about “candy-ass” players and useless “pups” (mostly from Akaok) had served to make them prove their worth to the squad’s elder statesmen. And that dogged attitude ahd turned into friendship and understanding - and ultimately the family-style bond that had been missing.

Now, as the plane neared its destination, 16 men and women were ready to face anything this World Cup experience had to throw at them. And that would begin tomorrow against Bacon Strips... shouldnt we be eating bacon instead... This would begin a campaign where anything less than a WC Finals appearance would be considered a step backward.

[Slembana]

DBK Sports - Football - Match preview - Nopspri (UR) vs. Slembana (129)

Written by Andy Williams

Here, we will give you match preview of our first match in World Cup 62 qualifying, which will be away to the unranked Nopspri.

Basic facts about the country
Population: Unknown
WA category: Capitalist Paradise
Capital city: Unknown
Classification: Kingdom
Leader: Unknown
Currency: Nop
National animal: Gorponan
National cat: The Red New Zealandish Lion-Tiger-Puma (as said in a Nopsprian factbook)

As you can see, we do not now much about Nopspri. It is located in the region of "the new order of nopspri and sentinel", and has participated in some sporting competitions in the past - like the 3rd edition of our Friendly Cup, which took place way back in March 2013 (18 months ago!). The country failed to advance to the knockout stage, picking up 3 points (thanks to a shock 2-0 win over Max empire, who were, at the time, the tournament's defending champions). Nopspri's FA has not announced the country's roster for qualifying yet, which means we do not know their players, in turn meaning we will have to refer to their players in a generic manner.

Prediction: Nopspri 0-5 Slembana
Even though unranked teams can cause upsets, and even though we aren't the best team, I'm predicting us to thrash Nopspri in our game against them. I just can't see us lose. Val Kylx will probably score another hat-trick in this match. However, we shouldn't get too cocky - anything can happen. A win for us looks likely on paper, but football matches aren't played on paper, meaning we'll just have to play our best against Nopspri (and every other team).

[Yelvoldia]

YBC Sports - Football - Match preview - Yelvoldia (252) vs. Sameba (205)

Written by Ian Stelling

This article will preview our first match in World Cup 62 qualifying, which will be at home to Sameba. Sameba are 47 places better than us in the KPB Rankings - we're joint-252nd, they're 205th.

Basic facts about the country
Population: Unknown
WA Category: Democratic Socialists
Capital city: Sameba City (according to the WA), Samebus (according to map of Rushmore, Sameba's region)
Classification: Republic
Motto: "Samebus Samus Glorius"
Leader: President Coley
Currency: Samus
National animal: Kitten of Stinging
National religion: Sameban nationalism

We know quite a bit about Sameba, which, as already mentioned, resides in Rushmore (which is also our region). The nation, which is a puppet of the FSSO, lies next to its master nation. Sameba entered World Cup 55, and returned to international action in World Cup 61, the most recent World Cup to have been finished, as an unranked nation (you lose your rank after missing three consecutive World Cups). The country finished joint-7th (out of 9) in its qualifying group for the World Cup (Group 2), with 9 points. In addition, Sameba have not announced their roster for this World Cup, meaning we don't know their players, which in turn means we will have to refer to their players in a generic manner.

Prediction: Yelvoldia 3-1 Sameba
Sameba might be higher than us rankings-wise, but that isn't to say that we can't beat them! We were pretty good at the Baptism of Fire back in March (where we got to the round of 16), and those signs are quite promising. That's the main reason why I think we'll beat them - but I don't think we'll beat them when they're the home team. However, we shouldn't be getting too cocky, as cockiness can cost you. After all, Sameba are higher than us in the rankings, so don't be surprised if they manage to beat us.

[Warkus]

Infinite Glory
Part II

Alright, so that last part was just a joke. This, as are many other of our World Cup journeys, are going to be really difficult. I suppose I'd better write a slightly more factual prediction for the qualifiers, or Vos will maul me.

So here's my actual predictions for us in the coming World Cup Qualifiers:

Taeshan

Their team is much stronger than ours and they're favourites for the group. I'm afraid we're looking a 2 straight losses. A 3-0 loss away and a 2-0 loss at home.

Licentiapacisterra

I still stand by my comment about their name. Good gravy, how're you meant to say THAT?! Oh well, much stronger than us. 2-0 away and 3-1 at home, both losses.

Armed Bears

Once again, we're losing. What can I say? Bears are apparently pretty decent at football. Two losses, 2-0 away, 2-1 at home.

Farfadillis

Finally, a team we might draw against. I'm predicting a 2-0 loss away and a 1-1 draw at home.

Khytenna

This one confuses me...To be honenst, I'm hoping for 2 draws or a draw and a win. Most likely though, it's gonna be 2-2 at home and 1-0 away.

Baz Mat

Oh, hey! Someone we're likely to beat! 2 victories, 2-0 at home and 2-0 away.

Austernersey

These guys are unranked, while that sometimes means they can be really good, they're often not. 2 victories, 3-0 at home and 2-1 away.

[Bears Armed]

It is just after mid-day in the surprisingly quiet street, just around a corner from the bustling ‘Old Market’ — and not far from the docks, either — in the city of Marroq, which is the capital city of Barbary Sale, where there stands an establishment by the name of Hrrick’s Café Ursien. This place of recreation thrives despite the local authorities’ suspicion of free enterprise, and although cynics might claim [quietly] that this unhampered survival is mainly because its management makes pay-offs to those same authorities — or maybeso because it acts as a magnet for foreign tourists and expatriates, and other “suspicious” characters, thus making it easier for the police to keep an eye on those people — others suggest that the true secret for its success is simply that it’s such a lovely place to spend an evening that even one or more fairly powerful figures from within the government itself actually enjoy visiting the café incognito [but well-guarded, presumably] when they want a night off from their responsibilities.
Anyhows, within that café, this afternoon _


“What’s that, Serm?”

“Why, Mister Hrrick, that’s a wide-screen television set: Haven’t you never seen one of those before now?”

“I have, but what’s it doing fixed to the wall in here? I didn’t ask for one, and it doesn’t exactly fit the general ambience that we've been trying for… Hrright?”

“Well, Mister Hrrick, that’s why it has a cover in the form of an old mirror just like the ones that we’ve already got several of around the place. We thought that it could just be uncovered when the BABC World Service is showing World Cup matches, which might pull some more customers into here, leastways if those games aren't being broadcast in the evenings by local time when the place is generally buzzing anyhows..."

"Hr'rmm...
And who's this 'We', then? You, and...?"

"That would be me and Mister Erroll." (Serm waved a hand in the general direction of the main Bar, behind which the establishment's [human] head bartender Erroll "Not that one" Flynn was currently checking the levels of stock.) "You did say that we could use our own discretion about extra furnishings, within hrreason, hrright?"

"Ur'rmm. Hokay, I did -- and maybeso there might be a game or two that I might like to watch, myself, for that matter -- but the set only goes on outside of the evening sessions. Got that, for true?"

"Ayyuh, Mister Hrrick. I already checked how the time-zones compare, and most of Bears Armed's 'home' games (and Armed Bears's ones too, of course) should be on in what's late morning here... and if matches in the actual Cup itself are normally scheduled for afternoon or evening in the host nations involved hrrather than for mornings there, as seems likely, then those should all be on here in the mornings or early afternoons too... So it's only the Bears' 'away' qualifiers that we might have to miss..."

"Well, good enough, I suppose. Keep it to that, and that'll be fine. Just hrrmember that this isn't meant to be a 'Sports Bar', it's meant to be a classy joint."

"Hokay, Mister Hrrick."
(Serm begins tapping away at the piano, and segues into the opening bars of that well-known tune 'The Teddy Bears' Picnic'...)

"And hrremember that I told you not to play that tune, never, neither, too!"

(Serm switches to playing the song 'Ev'ry Little Bug' instead.)
"Hokay, Mister Hrrick, I got that
and sombearry sure got out of bed on the hwrrong side this morning..."

[Swyftlandre]

Avenhelm and San Swyft
Home of Swyftlandre's WCQ Matches

Swyftlandre Country Stadium

With the 62nd World Cup Qualifiers just around the corner, Swyftlandre have been busy preparing for their first qualifying campaign and with only two days to go, there's a lot to talk about. First off, the hosts of Swyftlandre's home matches was disputed between the Swyftlandre Country Stadium, largest in the nation and Avenhelm's famous piece of architectural design Avenhelm Castle, which hosted the finals Campionato Esportivano di Campeons and the Friendly Cup 2.

Secondly, yesterday the Group Draws finally happened and a nervous yet ambitious Ansgar Njord represented Swyftlandre in what turned into a (apparent) bully circle towards Val Kylx of Slembanana. Swyftlandre was drawn into Group 1, against Smernof, Akbarabad, 19th Century Beards, Camwood, Ittuributa, Lewisland and football behemoths, The Babbage Islands.

A scary team indeed, but other than a large number of expected losses against large Football Nations and although we probably won't qualify into the World Cup proper, we will gain a great amount of experience outside our comfort zone (It's time to start considering that our success in the Baptism of Fire really won't aid us in the World Cup)

But without further ado, here's the schedule for the team,
November 13th @Away - 19th Century Beards¹¹⁴ (Expected 3-1 Loss)

The Babbage Islands - 4th in the world

November 15th= @Away - Lewisland³¹³ (Expected 2-0 Win)
December 18th= @Avenhelm Castle - Camwood⁷³ (Expected 1-2 Loss)
December 15th= @Swyftlandre Country Stadium - Iturributa¹⁰⁵ (Expected 1-1 Draw)
January 8th= @Avenhelm Castle - The Babbage Islands⁴ (Expected 4-0 Loss)
January 20th= @Away - Smernof^UR (Expected 2-0 Win)
January 29th= @Swyftlandre Country Stadium - Akbarabad³¹³ (Expected 0-0 Draw)

February 27th= @Avenhelm Castle - 19th Century Beards (Expected 2-2 Draw)
March 6th= @Swyftlandre Country Stadium - Lewisland (Expected 3-0 Win)
Match 20th= @Away - Camwood (Expected 1-3 Loss)
April 1st= @Away - Iturributa (Expected 1-2 Loss)
April 25th= @Away - The Babbage Islands (Expected 0-6 Loss)
June 3rd= @Avenhelm Castle - Smernof (Expected 3-0 Win)
July 5th= @Away - Akbarabad (Expected 0-2 Loss)

Avenhelm at Night

Avenhelm - The Story of the Ancient City

While there are plenty of books on the matter here in Swyftlandre, the heritage of this nation is the great city of Avenhelm. A city which, despite the mass celebration, is fairly unknown outside Esportiva. This series of booklets will provide historical information to foreigners entering the nation (for free to anyone entering the nation during a World Cup Qualifier match) This edition covers the story of the birth of Avenhelm, up to the year 299 BC.

The story of Avenhelm goes back to the birth of humanity, many travelling tribes, eager to leave their birthplace and explore traveled across the world, these tribes would grow and colonize different lands and forge some of the greatest nations in the world, but one tribe, entitled the Swyft Tribe by Historians (to which the nation lends it's name), traveled thousands of miles and spent three generations before finally settling down. Their mark, a handprint on the wall and fish teeth stuck into the ground, have been found in several caves where the tribe would have stayed in temporarily, near the coastline's of Modern Day Nations: Taijan (which at that point was connected to the mainland), Romanicus, Apox and Southern Swyftlandre suggests they stayed close to the sea and were one of the earliest tribes to adopt Fishing as their main source of food. They stopped near the Riera River in Northern Swyftlandre, nobody knows the exact reason for this but it's suspected that their tribe grew to such a large number that they would forced to find a sustainable food source. This early tribe began to build mudhuts around the lake and around two hundred years later, the tribe broke up, but all stayed positioned along the coast.

These tribes warred with each others for another 300 hundred years, but one fatal day, the river was flooded by what was set to be a two week gentle downpour, despite the estimated three-hundred dead (mostly children), this event dragged the tribes together. First the Priests of each tribe chanted to appeal to Rume (Rue-meh), the Rain God of Ancient Swyftlandre, but to no avail. It's estimated that about a week and a half into the flood, the tribes grew desperate and sought each others help, the coalition of the twenty-odd priests believed they had halted the rain after it stopped suddenly during a night of non-stop chanting and eventually came to the conclusion that the Rain god (who also became to God of Peace after these events) was punishing them for constantly fighting and the tribes combined and eventually, as they became more developed, built a small city around where the priests chanted. (With a giant temple to Rume positioned where the Mudhut once stood)

A Picture of Rume, found within his temple in Avenhelm

The city of Avenhelm grew to be of massive value to the Swyft's, as the many tribes became integrated, the tribes came to have a common language, learnt new methods of fishing, hunting and farming, eventually adopted a hierarchy very similar to modern day Monarchies and most importantly of all, Written Language. A form of Hieroglyphics which used images to depict words. The Swyft's thrived within the country, birthing one of the first monarchies to grace the earth. However, that all changed when King Allak III the Slaughterer, the first conqueror of Swyftlandre was born. The great king found the small river to be small territory for the 'great' king stating that the whole earth should be his. The King invaded the land which would later define the borders of Swyftlandre, but this came at a cost, he massacred many developing tribes within this land, an estimated 3000 people were murdered by the onslaught and was only brought to an end by the death of King Allak III (and majority of his troops) by a disease contracted from one of the Tribes. This series of invasions means alot to Swyftlandre today as not only does or form the borders of the nation but also allowed Swyftlandre to begin developing an army 'early' in comparison to the rest of the world.

The massive land increase to Swyftlandre eventually boosted the nation even further, with Lords, Builders, Farmers, Smiths among other occupations sent to construct other 'Cities' around the nation and eventually, with the country wide population exploding, a national currency (a gold coin bearing the face of Rume) was eventually introduced to keep the King as the most important figure. The nation quickly became a superpower of the Ancient Times, by not expanding any further the nation was manageable and law was kept by a Strict city army.

But with all this commotion, they were loud and caught the attention to another, perhaps more developed Archipelago Nation to the South-West of Swyftlandre, Licentiapacisterra. An intimidating force which would be only the first of many to attack Swyftlandre in the Esportivan Age of War.

Next Issue: 299BC - Invasion by Sea, Licentiapacisterra

[Sargossa]

As he surveyed the remains of his food Enrique Santana had to admit, the Astograthians sure put on a good spread. The interior of Rumiatzi’s Kraitzaga Theatre made a suitably spectacular venue for this gathering of the footballing world’s great, good and Nethertopian as the group draw for the sixty second World Cup got underway. In reverse order. Which meant it would be about four hours until we reached Pot 2, inside which lurked Sargossa.

Santana, current president of the Football Federation of Sargossa, helped himself to another vodka and pondered on the near future. This was the cusp of another charge at the World Cup Finals and for the first time in seven years the Corsairs had a new face in the dugout. Martín Tejera was that face and, although only in charge a short time, the results hadn’t been spectacular. Sargossa went into the Cup of Harmony as the highest ranked side behind Saugeais, only to suffer a tame exit to Yesopalitha in the last sixteen. And at the Copa Rushmori the Corsairs failed to even make it out of their, admittedly tough, group. Two wins in seven. Hardly spectacular at all.

But Santana had long since vowed that the trigger happy nature of the FFS was a thing of the past. Tejera had been the outstanding candidate of the post when Erassi had stepped down. He had oodles of international experience from his playing days, he’d led Sporting San Marquez to successive SuperLiga titles, hell, he’d even brought graphs and spreadsheets to the interview. Tejera had a plan, he had a vision. And Santana was determined to give him time. Not least because there was a common theory that foreigners were shown much more patience by the Federation. After all, only one of Sargossa’s five longest serving national team coaches had been a native.

The press of bodies in the auditorium was causing the room to heat up rapidly while the never ending list of countries he’d never heard of coupled with the six large glasses of Astograthian alcohol sloshing about his insides were making Santana a touch sleepy . . .

“Psst. Boss?”

“Wha . . . wassup?”

“Pot 2, we’re at Pot 2.”

Santana finally responded to the urgent prompting of his aide and sat bolt upright. He seemed to have drifted off through the last hundred or so nation’s out of the hat.

“Milchama.”

The the FFS President rubbed at his temples, trying desperately the clear the fuzz.

“Sargossa.”

He glared at the big screen in an attempt to focus on what was now a crucial Group 4. The names meant little. A voice at the back of his head told him that Zandistan were possibly a former Baptism of Fire winner while Octinstine was one of those specks in Rushmore nobody really cared about. Or it may have been the other way around. Liventia were in there though, and they could never be taken lightly. Santana splashed some water onto his face and waited patiently for the top seeds. The Babbage Islands came out of the hat, followed by Jeruselem and Valladares.

“Pasarga”

Now that was interesting. A proper derby match from the old days. Before Rushmore became awash with Polarians, Mytanars, Delaclavs and the rest of that southron rabble. Sargossa and Pasarga were neighbours. Sargossa and Pasarga had history. And, with the recent amalgamation of the two nation’s domestic leagues, Sargossans and Pasargans had been kicking lumps out of each other all year long. If ever there were a fixture to kick start the Tejera era, that was it. These were the thoughts filling his mind as he turned to his aide to pass on some words of importance at this significant moment.

“Ooh, Pasharga.”

Was all he could manage.

[Ko-oren]

“Koyane, did you read this nonsense?” “No, what are you reading?” “You know, the only newspaper they let us read while in training for the qualifiers… Ko-orenite Sports Network. They usually have things that are not based on bandwagoning and other nonsense just to attract readers… But this…” “Well, let me see then”

---

Ko-orenite Sports Network
“Koyane Shiribeshi – Ko-oren’s best ever?”

---

“A title like that doesn’t even make me want to read it.” “Well, apparently there is this opportunity for players of each national team to appear on some sort of World XI… Just for the most popular ones. So now they’re featuring you. Thank god we’re in the middle of nowhere in Thaulandi now, I don’t even want to look at kiosks littered with your face all over the place” “Well, me neither. And how am I most popular? Why not Asgard, the trusted goalkeeper for over a gazillion cycles now? Or Fenner, the biggest talent around? Why not you, Sobek? You’ve been our captain for all these years”

[OOC: Don’t know if I need to say it, but this first part is for the World XI Challenge]

---

A few minutes later, Svarlamn Norn joined the party
"Hah, have you seen this? Dunno if Pet (Head Coach) has read this yet, but it sure is great stuff... You remember we were afraid of Equatorial Sarmen for the close games we had against them?" "Don't know what you're talking about, we beat them fair and square 3-1 and 6-2 last time we met them in the qualifiers..." "Anyway, we all know you're good with the statistics around here, Svarlamn. ~" "It's not like I had anything better to do, being on the roster, but rarely on the field ~" "Anyhow, they've got training sessions EVERY DAY starting 9:00. By the time they face us, half of the squad is injured and the rest can't play due to fatigue... Classic" "You should give others the opportunity to read the KSN, Sobek. I know you should be the first to be informed about everything, but this is madness. You've been glued to the paper for a good thirty minutes now, not saying a word. I've been here the whole time, too." "Sure, Koyane." "Any news on the other opponents?" "No, but I don't know if that's for better or for worse." "Is the schedule all done now, though?" "Aye, here it is"

---

Full schedule for Ko-oren's WCQ 62

Neuseeland - Ko-oren
Geisenfried - Ko-oren
Ko-oren - Holy Temple of Bacon Strips
Maklohi Vai - Ko-oren
Ko-oren - Equatorial Sarmen
The Archregimancy - Ko-oren
Ko-oren - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

Rest is Home -> Away and Away -> Home

---

"Why do they claim that's the full schedule? That's half of it!" "Oh man, we're starting with two away games..." "We should at least get 5 games, 15 points and then we'll hopefully have some margin to choke against the last two opponents... Why do we always get the two toughest back to back?"

[High Heels]

ArcoSport
By Lubomir Spike

Welcome to the big stage! That holds in a couple of ways. After one or two upcoming exhibitions our footballing girls will begin the fourteen-match trial to attempt their first World Cup qualification. The Foxes will face Free South Califas in East Charleston, The Babbage Islands in the first round of the Zion Financial Challenge Cup. There is also a friendly planned with the Delaclava national team, although arrangements are still in flux. And then it begins.

Four of those girls are coming off recent UICA experience, a different big stage. Sporting Boulder's three whiz kids, Kaisa Cuban, Meline Stiletto, and Nicoline Wedge, got schooled in just how big the Champions' Cup stage really is. Despite being champions of a quite respectable league -- the Babbage championship is ranked 14th in the world -- Sporting got creamed in the group stage going 0-0-6. On the other hand, national team striker Melody Mule paired up with Yesopalitha striker Nadya Dostoevich to run Celtic-Southland, a lesser Babbage eleven, from the very bottom of the Globe Cup draw all the way into the group stage, going 8-4-4 in their sixteen fixtures.

So what should we expect from the Foxes? They'll play hard and probably lose more than they win. The team is the six seed of eight squads in qualifying group 5 which is headed by powerhouse FSSO and a Phoenigetuzstha eleven on the rise. In form we should be able to get a fair share of points from the other five. Going out on a limb, here, say four wins, three draws, and seven losses for 15 points. More than that would be a great job indeed for Amanda Pump's charges.

Big thanks to Amanda, by the way, for defending me from the forces of modern correctness! I keep calling our girls girls, as you know, and some self-appointed arbiters of language keep taking me to task for it. Team members have spoken up before. Melody Mule, the captain, has said, "Hey, if I can keep passing for a girl I'm good with that!" But Amanda really hit it with this gem, which she admits came from some foreign author: "There was never a girl born who ever grew older than eighteen in her heart. And I sure haven't."

Ticket update: All available tickets are sold out, as subscribers of the various domestic clubs were given first option. There is still a lottery available for the small number of tickets that may be returned by the visiting teams, some may not use their full allocation. Contact the ILH main office for information.

Upcoming matches: The Foxes open qualifying away, traveling to Birolika as slight favourites. Enjoy that while it lasts, they'll be decided underdogs most of the time. The home opener on the 13th floor will bring in the team from Union Isle. Then it's away to West Angola and home to Free South Califas, as fate would have it.

[Slembana]

(OOC: This was written on the Slembanan FA's website (http://www.slembananfa.slm).)

Ooh! A chance for a World XI player! (And manager!)

This looks nice! It looks like a World XI will be made from the best players at World Cup 62 qualifying, with the side to play against the hosts! One can also submit a manager, too! This is a great chance to show the world what we're made of!

We obviously submit our fantastic striker Val Kylx for the player position. Kylx has bagged 70 goals in 79 internationals so far, and he's only 19 years old. He's a fantastic player, who can be grossly under-rated at times. For the manager, we submit our current manager, Gavin Stockwell. He hasn't won a game yet with us, but, as he's our current manager, we'll have to submit him. We hope to see Kylx and Stockwell submitted for the World Cup XI squad, and, if they are, we hope they do well.

We hope our submissions get taken into account. For the time being, though, we here at the Slembanan FA wish our team the best of luck in qualifying.