World Cup LXI (61) RP Thread

[Jeruselem]

Amy Pond and Princess Melody Song Dallas wearing shirt saying "Hey Mickey 7"

Amy: I'm Amy Pond for Naked News Jeruselem. We're in Michael VII, and played the local team Michael VII or Mickey 7 as well call them. The Princesses won 2-0. I'm with Princess Melody.
Melody: Hello all.
Amy: Not an easy game, the locals here proved hard to put down.
Melody: Yes, one of our harder games. Mickey 7 is not a pushover.
Amy: Oh and Jeru FC beat some team called Scrap Brain Zone 6-1 away.
Melody: Isn't that those robots?

Amy: Yes, I think so.
Melody: Well, they aren't very good then.
Amy: So, all good so far. We're even winning away games.
Melody: Yes, we've had a lot of those lately.
Amy: So what's changed?
Melody: Maybe Mum gets cranky at slackers.

Amy: Your Mum is always cranky.
Melody: She's got high standards.
Amy: Your mother was a bit of slacker at training when she was a player.
Melody: Nah, she just made things look easy.
Amy: There's news one of the team is pregnant.
Melody: It's not me, otherwise I'll be announcing it in public.

Amy: Who is it then?
Melody: Sorry I can't say yet.
Amy: You know then
Melody: Of course I do, I'm the coach's daughter.
Amy: But it's not you.
Melody: Not me, or I'd be showing off right now.

Amy: I heard you went over the local team to say hello before the game.
Melody: Yes, I was just being polite.
Amy: why is that?
Melody: There's too much teams not talking to each other these days. It's only sport, not war.
Amy: That doesn't sound very Dallas like.
Melody: I guess it depends who the opponent is.

Amy: Sure does with you lot.
Melody: It does.
Amy: OK, that's it from us. See you all later.
Melody: Hello to my sis and grandmother.
Amy: Err, and to my daughter over there with Jeru FC.
Melody: Hey Pondy

[Slembana]

The Slembana Times: Other results today

By Dean Hándëll, football reporter

Alongside our 2-1 win over Megadia in World Cup 61 qualifying today, we have three other games to tell you about from our qualifying group (Group 5). Scrap Brain Zone's poor form continued as they were thrashed 6-1 at home by Jeru FC, the group favourites, Ancharmunn thrashed Deep Fried Pickles 6-1 away, and Queer Poco el Mono Ara beat The Islands of Qutar 2-0. These results mean that Jeru FC remain top, with us behind them in second! Booyah! Deep Fried Pickles are still last.

EDIT: This posr is my 250th.

[The Icemark]

Icemark Back On Track

The Icemark 2 - 0 Remad

World Cup Qualifier
Venue: Odin’s Hall, Frostmarris
Attendance: 10,000

The Icemark remain in sight of a World Cup play-off place thanks to a stirring second half display at a rain-lashed odin’s hall.
Remad began well, causing The Icemark problems with their swift, intricate passing and the visitors showed a sign of their ambition when they glanced an early header wide. The Icemark did have brief flurries of possession, but Remad were the better side and assumed control for most of the first half. They were knocking the ball around confidently and showing why they had been leading the group table for the majority of the campaign.
Icemark keeper Iphignea had to make two vital stops during the opening half. Her first save came when she had to block at her near post from a snap shot on 14 minutes. The next save she had to make was when she needed to deflect a powerful 20-yard strike away on 37 minutes.
At half-time the hosts trudged off to a chorus of jeers, just like they had done at the end of their previous match.The driving rain continued to fall after the interval, though The Icemark came out a different side. The second half began with whirlwind pace, as The Icemark surged forward. L Celeste had a superb opportunity to break the deadlock, but she squandered the chance by ballooning her shot high and wide. Then Lindenshield had two chances, first driving a shot on the edge of the penalty area wide, before his free-kick a few moments later found the side netting.
The Icemark continued to mount on the pressure, and the Remad goalkeeper showed his first sign of nerves when he let a tame W.Annis shot squirm from his grasp. Luckily for the goalkeeper, one of his defenders saved his blushes.
The Icemark were rewarded for their improved second half performance on 66 minutes when Theowin crossed in from the left, and Lindenshield's flicked header beat the keeper into the far corner to give them the lead. After the goal the game became very stretched with both nations tearing forward at every opportunity, Remad in their search of a equaliser and The Icemark in search of a more comfortable cushion to lead by.
The next action saw W Annis swerved her way through a succession of challengers and fire the ball across the face of goal, but there was no one there to get on the end of her cross, before Remad had an effort that curled narrowly wide.
L Celeste finally secured the points with a moment of pure quality, when she gathered the ball in her own half, dribbled the ball past all the opposition into the opposing penalty area, rounded the incoming goalkeeper and slotted the ball into the empty net.
The Icemark will now go into their bye day in a more positive mood than they came into this encounter. They now address the small matter of an exhibition match at the Equestrian States, before they resume qualification action. They must also hope that results go in their favour on their day off.


Player Ratings: Iphignea 8, Grimswald, 6, Athelstan 6, Athelflaeda 6, Witchmother 6, Annis 7, Stagapoulos 6 (Hereward 5), E Celeste 6, Theowin 7, Lindenshield 8, L Celeste 8 (Sigurdson, 7)

Match Facts:
Shots On Target: 9-7
Corner Kicks: 5-6
Bookings: 1-1
Sending Offs: 0-0
Possession: 53%-47%

Group News

Licentiapacisterra did The Icemark a favour with their surprise 1-0 win at Taeshan, and are beginning to look like they may have a crack at the play-off spot themselves. Elsewhere, The Kytler Peninsulae continued their superb home form with a 1-0 victory over Danaelia, and United Commonwelth of Ayrshire were victorious 2-0 over United Federation of the World.

-  Team                                 P  W D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
 1 Sargossa                             6  4 1  1  18   6  +12  13
 2 Remad                                7  4 0  3   7   8   -1  12
 3 Licentiapacisterra                   6  4 0  2   7   6   +1  12
 4 Taeshan                              6  3 1  2   4   2   +2  10
 5 The Icemark                          7  3 1  3   6   5   +1  10
 6 The Kytler Peninsulae                6  3 0  3   6   7   -1   9
 7 Danaelia                             6  3 0  3   6  12   -6   9
 8 United Commonwealth of Ayrshire      6  2 0  4   6   7   -1   6
 9 United Federation of the World       6  0 1  5   2   9   -7   1

Next Opponents:

The Icemark have arranged an exhibition contest in Canterlot against Equestrian States. It will be a new experience for The Icemark. They have faced elves, dwarfs, and even spiders in football before. But never before have they encountered a team that consists of Pegasai and unicorns.
There will probably be a number of changes for the match, as the manager looks to give some of his reserves a chance to show what they can do.
(Prediction: Equestrian States 2 – 1 The Icemark)

[Bears Armed]

Goals
Carmadin (1): Mahfrehkt (16)
Bears Armed (6): Sunwatcher (14), Imbrhra/Umbrhra (20), K. Thyrrinthra (37), o TrueHeart (45+1), Westlander (67), o Wirrenne (89)

"Hah!

"Anyhows... 'Bongo Johnson' ? Do our next opponents come from a country that's actually named after a drummer?"

"Could be named after an antelope, instead...

"Eh?"

"Well, there's a sort of antelope that's called a bongo, too..."

"Ah. Well, even so, even bearing in mind that hooved footballers aren't exactly unkown in internaitonal competition, I'm failry sure that that team is composed of Humans hrrather than antelopes."

"So, standard strategies for us, then?"

"Ayyuh. Apparently they favour offence more than defence to some extent, but less so than we do, and they haven't been verry succesful so far during this tournament, so I'll provisionally say 'Plan Ferret' -- unless something about how they look hwhen we actually meet them makes me consider that approach inadvisable instead -- to start with. Hokay?"

"Hokay."

[Sargossa]

Continued from here

The warm Soluca morning was rudely interrupted by the roar of engines as the presidential motorcade tore through the streets, on its way to the stadium ahead of what had been tipped to be ‘a big announcement’. Police outriders and blacked out 4x4s were in heavy attendance either side of three stretched limousines, a pair of small Sargossan flags fluttering from the front of each. Overhead four helicopter gunships buzzed angrily in tight formation. Incognito it was not.

Across the city a much smaller procession was also enroute to the Estadio Generalissimo Joaquín Delgado. From the plush comfort of her vehicle Adriana Delgado-Emparán gazed at the passing streets.

“This is a rough neighbourhood. It can’t be the normal route.”

Beside her Gregorio Emparán, her husband and the soon to be heir apparent to her father, looked up from the speech he was reading through for the fifteenth time and smiled.

“It’s not quite the scenic view you get when you’re driving around with daddy. But us mere lackeys have to put up with it.”

She gave him a playful punch on the arm. “Then you better drink it all in, you won’t be seeing it again for a while.

* * * * * * * * * *

It was a three storey building full of flats, cheap housing for the city’s working class. Fairly unpleasant in all respects bar one. From its roof you had a wonderful view of the junction. Below him the road stretched from left to right, one route heading towards a warehouse and industrial district, the other led towards the centre of the Sargossan capital. Directly across from him another road joined the first, his gaze followed it until it curved away to the left. It would be anytime now. He shifted his gaze to the right, peering through the telescopic sight at his companion on the other roof and waited for the signal. And waited.

* * * * * * * * * *

“Nervous?”

“Wouldn’t you be?” He shuffled through the speech yet again. “The strange thing is I really want them to like me.”

Adriana couldn’t help but laugh. She’d rarely seen her other half so vulnerable. “Well at least one of them isn’t going to like you.”

His head darted up. “Who? Why?”

“The groundsman. He’s deeply upset at this taking place on his turf so soon after The Icemark fixture. Particular with Ciudad playing this weekend too.”

“Guess I’ve lost his vote.”

She smiled. “Good job you don’t need it.”

* * * * * * * * * *

In his sights he saw his companion raise an arm. The signal. It was time. He settled himself and rested the barrel of the assault rifle on the ledge, position the sight at the left hand curve ahead. Thirty seconds later they appeared, two police motorcyclists leading the customary black 4x4s. Two vehicles hove into view before a single limousine, two further 4x4s brought up the rear. He tracked the motorcade to the point he’d picked out as his mark. The motorcycles approached and he centred the left sided one in his sights and squeezed the trigger. The butt thudded back into his shoulder as he strafed to the right, engulfing the second motorcyclist too, sending him crashing to the ground and the bike skidding away in a shower of sparks. He didn't hang about to see the full result, instead he grabbed his weapon and sprinted for the access door. He’d done his bit, now it was his companion’s turn.

* * * * * * * * * *

The driver of the first vehicle had no choice. The security agent in the passenger seat screamed at him to plough through the detritus on the road but he couldn’t bring himself to mow down the two policemen that had suddenly been deposited on the road directly in front of him. Instead he swerved violently, the front of the car hitting the pavement and smashing into a lamppost. The second vehicle hit the side of the first with a crash, with the rest of the motorcade screeching to a halt behind.

* * * * * * * * * *

The pages of his speech drifted onto the floor of the vehicle. He leant over to his wife. “Are you alright?”

She rubbed her neck, hurt in the car’s sudden stop. “Yes, I think so. What the hell happened?”

“I’m not sure.”

He turned to the security personnel in the front, one of them had his lapel microphone to his mouth and was barking out instructions. “Back! All units, fall back. Now!”

Adriana felt the vehicle start to reverse as she caught a glint of sunlight out of the corner of her eye. She turned to stare at a nearby roof top. There she saw a single figure, some kind of metallic tube resting on his shoulder. Too late she realised what it was.

“No.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Propelled forward with explosive force, the rocket ripped into the side of the limousine before erupting in a blossoming cascade of fire that tore the car apart from the inside and engulfed the two stricken vehicles in front of it. Behind it the two remaining cars swiftly backed away from the devastation. Suited security personnel had emerged from one of them and took up cover along the street, sidearms trained at the roof tops. But the second assailant had disappeared as quickly as the first. And a growing plume of black smoke drifted into the Soluca sky.

[Boring Paradise]

Boring Paradise 1-1 ABK

Match Highlights

Commentators: Cameron Clark (CC) and Sharkinal Jones(SJ)

CC: Hey we're here Jones
SJ: We hear.
CC: Is this the stadium?
Driver: Yes this is the place, ABK's stadium is quite hard to miss. I mean have you seen the size of it.
SJ: I can yes.
CC: We need to go now. Thanks for the ride Driver.
Driver: It's all right.

(Commentators Box)
SJ: This is one huge place I have to say for this match, Cameron, Cameron, Cameron. Where are you.
CC: Sharkinal have you seen the toilets here.
SJ: No
CC: It is just purely disgusting.
SJ: Have a rest.
CC: We can't have a rest what about the match.
SJ: The stadium is full of Atmosphere here tonight in Abcde...
CC: Don't say it fully.
SJ: Ok, in ABK.
CC: If we do win this match we will be one good contender for this group.
SJ: I agree with you Cameron.
CC: Now let's talk about ABK. 82nd in the world they will be a tough opponent for Boring Paradise.
SJ: If we do draw or win this match. We will be pleased about that.
CC: ABK requested teams to kill off there players. Do you know what I'm thinking.
SJ: I think I do. If we lose we will let our fans who came after last match in Boring Paradise.
CC: The players are coming out now for this match.
SJ: This will be a great match to watch. World number 104 are against world number 82 away.

Announcement: Please sit down now as the Wc 61 MD 7 Qualifier match will begin shortly. Boring Paradise are against ABK Away. This Match is being held at ABK. The player numbers are:

Boring Paradise
1: Nathan Pili
2: Archie Elder
3: Lewis Homewood
4: Jenson Browning
5: Ben Collins
6: Samuel Wong (C)
7: Ryan Miller
8: Kevin Harris
9: Alistair Adams
10: Raiyaan Malik
11: Raiyaan Malik Jr

ABK
1: GK (C)
2: CB
3: CB
4: RB
5: LB
6: DMF
7: LMF
8: RMF
9: AMF
10: SS
11: FW

CC: ABK players that we have no idea what their names are. So we just use what were given for this match.
SJ: That's right Cameron, You just need to keep with us for this match.
CC: People who are now just joining us. Kick-off is about to start.

Kick-off
SJ: It's ABK kicking-off for this half.
CC: Well this match has now started.
SJ: It looks like ABK are having serious problems. They can't get past the defence. Boring Paradise has the ball.

20th minute
ABK 35% - Possession - 65% Boring Paradise
SJ: This match is just a match of passing between Boring Paradise players, Samuel Wong and Ryan Miller.
CC: This is just to easy.
SJ: They have made DMF so dizzy that he has fallen to the ground.
CC: I think that was Samuel Wong their with the ball and had made DMF dizzy.
SJ: I think your right. That is one good player.

SUB: DMF off for CMF

SJ: Samuel Wong did make DMF dizzy but sick as well. He's off for a players who can't play there.
CC: This is just started 20 minutes ago and there is a substitute.

45+1 minute
CC: It's nearing half-time hear tonight
SJ: This is one close game between Boring Paradise and ABK.
CC: It's goal for ABK's CF.
SJ: It's 1-0 to ABK in this match.

90+3 Mintes
CC: I can't watch this game for any longer.
SJ: We need to score.
CC: Samuel Wong is on the wing.
SJ: He crosses it in.
CC: It's Raiyaan Malik Jr in the box.
SJ: It's a goal. The goal that ends this match as a draw.
CC: That was one heck of a match I have to say Sharkinal Jones.
SJ: The fans will leave here tonight with their first draw of this qualifiers.
CC: That was one great match I have to say.
SJ: Now our next match is against Stachland and Minor Outlying Islands.
CC: We are going to Stachland and Minor Outlying Islands Stadium. Waiting for that match to be over and then we will have one more match after this for the mid-qual break, Warkus.
SJ: From me and Cameron. It's goodnight.

In Stachland and Minor Outlying Islands
CC: Where's our taxi?
SJ: We have a taxi. We just came out of the taxi.
CC: Oh yeah. So where's the Hotel?
SJ: I don't know where it... Are we lost in Stachland and Minor Outlying Islands?
CC: I think so.
SJ: Where should we sleep.
CC: Inside the Stachland and Minor Outlying Islands' stadium just behind us.
SJ: It will be very dark in there and I think it smells in there.
CC: Good point. Lets get another taxi to a proper Hotel.
SJ: It there anyone around here?
CC: It looks like a no to me.
SJ: Lets start walking North of here, there must be someone around.

Group 11 Standings

   Team                                      P  W  D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
 1 Carpathia and Ruthenia                    6  4  1  1  13   7  +6  13
 2 ABK                                       6  4  1  1  12   4  +8  13
 3 Valladares                                6  4  0  2  12   3  +9  12
 4 Stachland and Minor Outlying Islands      6  4  0  2   9  11  -2  12
 5 Boring Paradise                           6  3  1  2   8  10  -2  10
 6 Malt                                      7  2  1  4  11  14  -3   7
 7 Zandistan                                 6  2  1  3  12  11  +1   7
 8 Boyznichov                                7  1  1  5   8  16  -8   4
 9 Warkus                                    6  0  2  4   6  15  -9   2

MD1: 0-3 Valladares (H)
MD2: 1-0 Boyznichov (A)
MD3: 3-1 Malt (A)
MD4: BYE
MD5: 2-5 Carpathia and Ruthenia (A)
MD6: 1-0 Zandistan (H)
MD7: 1-1 ABK (A)
MD8: Stachland and Minor Outlying Islands (A) (Lose)
MD9: Warkus (H) (Win)
MD10: Valladares (A) (Lose)
MD11: Boyznichov (H) (Win)
MD12: Malt (H) (Win)
MD13: BYE
MD14: Carpathia and Ruthenia (H) (Draw)
MD15: Zandistan (A) (Win)
MD16: ABK (H) (Win)
MD17: Stachland and Minor Outlying Islands (H) (Draw)
MD18: Warkus (A) (Win)

[North Banrodesia]

The Astergi Journal
The past few days in the world cup quaulifying stage

If you haven't been watching the CBC news over the past few days, This article is got those who missed any of North Banrodesia's qualifying matches over the passed few days. We will be covering the scores of the matches along with any highlights along the way.

MD2: Redaya 3-0 North Banrodesia
MD3: North Banrodesia 2-1 Armed Bears
MD4: North Banrodesia 0-0 Cosmic Censorship
MD5: United Falcon 0-0 North Banrodesia
MD6: North Banrodesia 2-0 Balma
MD7: Aquazul 1-1 North Banrodesia

MD2

The second match day for north Banrodesia was not a pleasant one on our behalf. Thrashed 3-0 by a 200+ ranked team when we nearly beat a top one hundred the day before really did sap the teams morale, But they still valiantly continued playing even after being 2-0 down at half time. The team tried their best but the Powerhouse attack on Redaya's behalf stormed through the defence several times, Although The renown Freddie Kellock unfortunately missed two shots after being through on goal. He says that the stakes of defeat really put pressure on him so he had a tough time directing his shots. After this match, North Banrodesia were placed 7/8 on Group 14's leaderboard.

MD3

North Banrodesia tasted their first victory on the international football front after a 2-1 success over Armed Bears on matchday three. By half time, Urra Sunblessed and Nathaniel Barraus had both scores goals, With an expertly placed header from Nathaniel, Bringing the score up to an equal 1-1. The second half saw increased tension as many opportunities were formed but shortly failed, And the crowds of fans from either nation could see this to be a fair-playe draw. However, In the space of 2 minutes added time, Star striker Kellock managed to score a well placed goal and secure a victory.

MD4

The fourth match of the qualifying round was a dull yet tense match at the same time. With a score of 0-0, Many people in the stadium were eagerly anticipating goals that never made their Mark. Whilst some people were bored by this, There was an incredibly tense atmosphere as both teams played well but did not manage to score anything. Roars went up as a cosmic censorship player scored a goal that was shortly discovered to be offside, Sending the player into a frustrated storm off the pitch before resuming two minutes later.

Check out tommorows article to find out about the other 3 matchdays.

[Kingdom of Phoenixia]

0-2 against Mangolana, Phoenixia back to the ground of reality:
After the first successful games many fans hoped of a wonder, this hope was smashed in the last three games, The play against Mangolana was no exception. Trough the best efforts Phoenixia is only a third-world football nation not more.
The only times our fans could cheer were three parried penalties by Jens Holgerson who is also nominated for the games against Soviet Cannuckistan and Aklarabad.
Mangolana got 60 % ball possession, 3 penalties, 14 free kicks, 12 corners and in the end 2 goals. If not for the defense and especially Mr. Holgerson we would loose with 0-4 or higher so no one could say that Mangolanas win was not merited.
It seems that with Akklarabad, Soviet Cannuckistan and Mangolana the three contestant for the direct ticket and the playoff matches are founded but their will be other occasions on other world cups to qualify and with that I give back to the studio.

[The Archregimancy]

OOC - parts of the below edited from http://journeytoorthodoxy.com/2012/07/0 ... -part-one/

Dear Leaders of MEN,

We still rejoice in memory of the glorious evening where not only did you enter the Church, but where our footballing monks did come from behind against your matriarchal oppressors to win 4-3. We would take this opportunity, while we're in Ordinary Reality for this evening's fairly routine 3-0 victory over an outmatched TaQud, to send you some further words of support and advice.

We realise that you may now face questions from potential converts to both Orthodoxy and the cause of male equality (and how we pray for further converts to both) now that your profile has been raised so spectacularly in your home nation.

We will help you out on this delicate matter. You will see many potential converts who are grasping at something, trying to find the ironic Church of their dreams, where men can grow beards of foolish proportions, and occupy places of inspiring leadership, a place where scarves are worn in every unfashionable fashion imaginable, a place where people do shots and eat hummus at community gatherings, enjoy rooms filled with a fog of incense and prefer to read books that pre-date industrialisation.

So what to say to draw them towards the Orthodox Church?

Stress that we Orthodox were Christians before it was cool. We started following the Apostles’ teachings hardcore before the Bible was even written. Actually, we read the books of the Bible before they were officially published. Stuff like that.

In addition to enjoying long beards and drinking, we are super mellow. This is called being “dispassionate” but you will simply recognize it as being extremely cool…without trying too hard.

We do enjoy the ringing of Church bells, but we prefer the more organic tone that is produced from hammering a piece of wood.

We Orthodox don’t need to explore “vintage faith;” we invented vintage faith, but it wasn’t called vintage back then, it was just called “faith.”

Oh, and we don’t just drink coffee after liturgy, we drink Turkish coffee. It’s pretty good.

Yes, that’s right, we say call our gatherings “liturgy” instead of “church” and sometimes we use other more obscure terms such as vespers, akathist and orthros.

Really, you clearly should be Orthodox - because who else other than the Orthodox Church has so successfully increased the visibility of Dagan male equality in recent years?

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

[Apox]

Camera's pan around a the Total Football Takeover Studio, with a funky theme tune. The presenters Merlin Kadozan (MK) and Jon Quillisi (JQ) sit at the the desk in the centre.

MK:Hello and welcome to Total Football Takeover, here on APX Sports, I'm Merlin Kadozan...

JQ:And I'm Jon Quillisi. Today we welcome Camerania to the Royal Stadium on Matchday 7 of the Qualifiers for World Cup 61. Camerania, ranked 106th in the world, are ranked 5th in Group 6, however, they have performed poorly so far in the Qualifiers.

MK: So Jon, what is your predictions as to the scoreline of this match? Taking all factors into account?

JQ: Well Merlin, considering their poor form and Apox being home in this match, I would say that we might be able to pull off a 1 or 2-nil victory.

MK: Thank you Jon, well, let's join the teams on the pitch with high hope of Apox securing another win.

*5 minutes later*

O mins, JQ:Ok, those were the national anthems, this is the match. Apox will kick-off in front of a very noisy home crowd.

6 mins, JQ:Nearly a goal by Camerania, Drell Marist with the shot, however, saved by Sam Frew on his starting debut.

1O mins, JQ:A shot by Apox, rebounds of the post, and GOAL!!!!. Ken Rickwright with the original shot, however in evaded the Cameranian goalie, and the ball came to the feet of Chris Maarsden who put it away!

17 mins, JQ:Nearly an equaliser for Camerania there. Nem Forssik with a sneaky header, however it didn't carry and was booted away by Chris Neguwa in defense.

24 mins, JQ:Camerania have sustained an injury, Elrond Goulding suffering after a heavy tackle. He has been replaced by Vince Dasinlander and Jack Forster has been shown a yellow card for that tackle!

30 mins, JQ:A shot for Camerania, Karl Golding with the blocked attempt.

39 mins, JQ:GOAL FOR APOX, OH DRAVID SCOTT YOU BEAUTY! That was fantastic, the ball supplied from the wing, and BAM, in the net. 2-0 to Apox. Camerania will be worried by now.

45+2 mins, JQ:That's half time here, after a very exciting first half, the result of which being Apox 2-0 up.

45 mins, JQ:And now their back on the field of play, Camerania with the kick-off.

51 mins, JQ:GOAL, Camerania. Mel Beauford with the goal as she dribbles around the keeper and puts one in the back of the net.

55 mins, JQ:Yellow for Camerania, this time for defender Geoff Hansen who did an atrocious dive about 4 seconds after he was tackled. Can't even act well...

62 mins, JQ:It's another goal for Apox. Olim Benzari this time, who comes in from the wing, and slips around a defender before slotting the ball in. Exquisite play.

63 mins, JQ:Substitute for Camerania, Nem Forssik making way for Harold Hillard to give Camerania some more attacking clout in front.

67 mins, JQ:Another shot for Camerania, coming from Mel Beauford who has had an excellent game.

75 mins, JQ:A fourth goal for Apox, this is turning into a drubbing against Camerania. Chris Maarsden with his second goal after receiving the ball from Cas Newan on the wing.

81 mins, JQ:A substitution for both side here, Camerania making their final one, replacing Karl Karlsson for Norman Robinsson and Apox with their first, Fran Gracie off for Will Fich

9O+1 mins, JQ:Well what an extraordinary game! 4-1 to Apox, it don't think anyone expected that! Over to you Merlin.

MK:Thank you Jon! Well Apox seem to be gaining good ground here after a slow start with our second win on the trott against a harder side. This will be helping our position in the group no end, as the table shows.

-  Team               P  W  D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
 1 Western Cuba       7  4  2  1  10   4  +6  14
 2 Pasarga            6  4  0  2  10   4  +6  12
 3 Altito Asmoro      7  2  4  1   9   8  +1  10
 4 Ipeland            6  2  2  2  12  10  +2   8
 5 Apox               6  2  2  2   6   5  +1   8
 6 Passo Tonale       6  2  2  2   3   4  -1   8
 7 Sarrbia            6  2  2  2   6   9  -3   8
 8 Romili             6  1  1  4   5  12  -7   4
 9 Camerania          6  0  3  3   6  11  -5   3

Very encouraging! Join us next time as we are hosted by Sarrbia. Thank you, and good night! (scorers in bold

Team Sheet from the Game
GK - Sam Frew
RD - Jack Forster
CD - Chris Neguwa
LD - Donnie Rathburn
RM - Olim Benzari
CM - Ken Rickwright
CM - Fran Gracie sub Will Fich 81'
LM - Cas Newan
ST - Chris Maarsden x2
ST - Dravid Scott
ST - Oli Weekes

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

OOC - adapted from here: http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/02/hu ... ial-nadir/

The Holy Empire Herald

Letters to the Editor

Dear Sir,

In recent years, the abominable sartorial descent of Ordinary Reality has reached something of a nadir, in the form of an item of clothing commonly known as the “sweat pant”, which seems to be particularly favoured by teams 'training' or 'warming up' prior to a World Cup qualification match. Far from being words associated with proper dress, for Chaps, these are simply two verbs which bring painful memories of physical exertion during schooldays.

Furthermore, many of these 'sweat pants' come in colour schemes that no true chap would be caught dead in. Why, last night - when we were facing the lesser mortals from Oswaldia - our eyes were assailed by a ghastly blue and orange combination which no true chap would be caught dead in. Why can't Ordinary Reality nations restrict themselves to manly colour combinations, such as gold and red; mauve, orange, and black hoops; or pink and grey halves.

Worse news comes from our investigation into the Ordinary Reality custom of 'casual workdays', where it seems some mundy men wear work trousers that are actually “sweat pants” in disguise! These terrible items of clothing offer “boardroom style and bedroom comfort" in "the colours of your national football team" and promise to “make any day feel like Casual Friday”. “It’s the lazy man’s dream come true,” runs one slogan for these appalling items.

Surely the “lazy man’s dream come true” is not having to go to work at all, but to spend the day loafing about Imperial City, or the more verdant Themes*, dressed in trousers made from sumptuous fabrics - and in manly colours a chap would be proud to wear - that one wouldn’t dream of confining beneath an office desk?

We demand that the Imperial Secretariat of the Purple Inkwell immediately draft a letter of protest to the World Cup Committee insisting - nay, demanding - that henceforth we be permitted to choose the national colours of all opposing teams, and that the 'sweat pant' be henceforth banned.

Yours,

The Chaps of the Imperial Club
(also currently the Holy Empire WC61 squad)

[Mesoland]

MBC Sports News
Coverage of the LXI World Cup in Valanora and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

MESOLAND RECORD AWAY WIN OVER 52nd RANKED ANCHARMUNN

Ancharmunn 0

Mesoland 1
Nukaba, 2

Mesoland continue a surprising run of results for this World Cup 61 qualifying campaign, scoring in the 2nd minute to hold onto a 1-0 win at the Stade de Torgos in Ancharmunn. The Ancharmunni crowd of over 40,000 greeted their players with rapturous applause as they walked out onto the pitch in their famous green and white strip, while the outnumbered 5,000 Meso fans did their very best to cheer their boys (who have been nicknamed 'the bluebirds' in reference to their blue kits) on.

The game started slowly, with Mesoland in possession for the first two minutes. A sublime cross from Vava, who found himself on the wing at the right time, set Nukaba up for a header which he righteously tapped in with his temple, much to the dismay of the Ancharmunni fans. The Meso fans were up on their feet, however, chanting traditional songs and waving the traditional blue flag of our nation.

The game stayed uneventful, with only one more shot produced during the game, an overhead kick from Leon Cole of Ancharmunn, which agonisingly flew a few centimetres over the bar on the hour mark.

Mesoland's John Francois received a yellow card for a foul on Michal Hotovec in the 69th minute that sent him tumbling into the advertising boards. Aamos Raila of Ancharmunn received a yellow card for a deliberate handball in the centre circle.

Mesoland have used the same starting lineup for the whole competition, and for this game, no substitutes were used. Ancharmunn substituted left winger Peter Hoffmann for Lantos Nándor in the 47th minute.

All World Cup and BoF news and results can be found on the MBC website, http://www.mesolandbc.mz, under the sports section. Article by Hugh Biakalwe.

[New Montreal States]

It had been a miserable night for Sol Kirkkegaard. The Paladins had fought hard for 50 minutes or so, keeping a 1-1 tie going into the few few minutes of the second half, and then capitulated harder for the last 40 minutes. The dense had crumbled, Fabrice Sévérin had left the pitch with a torn hamstring, and the game had turned into a rout. One of the stat boys on the sideline had been keeping track of time of possession, and the FSSO had enjoyed just under three quarters of the last forty minutes of ball control. The Paladins were now seven points in the hole against the FSSO, and at this rate would be lucky to pip the Starblaydis for a spot in the coin flip playoff.

The sight of Peikko Uistella waiting in the tunnel along with other members of the press made what had already been a horrendous day into something unspeakable. Kirkkegaard hoped someone from the Montréalais press corps would cut off his amanuensis, but most of them were quietly contemplating defeat and a trip to the Cup of Hamony. A couple of them were asking questions, but their hearts clearly weren't in in, while Uistella was really projecting in a way that would make any voice coach swell with pride. Uistella was also calling out in Polarian, both to intimidate the non-Polarian-speaking Montréalais reporters and to ensure that Kirkkegaard wouldn't be able to ignore him.

"Good to see you again, coach! Any comments on the match?"

"Speaks for itself, doesn't it?"

"It doesn't speak well."

"It really doesn't."

"You seem a bit surprised at seeing me here," Uistella abruptly changed tack. "D'you have time for a few questions for the folks back home?"

"I have to go pick up the pieces from tonight's game. Maybe later?"

"And when will that be? I've been trying to get into New Montreal for every one of your home games. My visa applications keep getting accepted two or three hours before kickoff."

"Do I look like an immigration pencil-pusher?"

"Nobody else has these kinds of problems, as far as I can tell."

"I really don't know what to tell you."

"When will you be able to sit for an interview?"

"I don't know. I'm going to go do my job now."

"And someday," finished Peiko, "you'll have no choice but to let me do mine."

As he finished his walk down the tunnel, Kirkkegaard tried to find a silver lining in all this. If nothing else, things would be hard pressed to get much worse from here on out.

[Legalese]

Well, at least they tried to make it look nice, he reflected.

The Capital Medical Service Center, Radiology Department, was a fairly new building, having been re-constructed three years ago. The walls appeared freshly painted, and attention was paid to every detail - if there were candy stripers in the wing, they’d have the sharpest-contrasting stripes known to man (or woman).

Kelvin really wished they had candy stripers in Radiology. Instead, he was led down the hall by a middle-aged nurse, complete in Medical Service-issued white scrubs, with black trim and a scarlet cross, imposed armband-like, on the sleeves.

“Right here, sugar,” said the nurse, whose nametag identified her as Edna. She motioned to the cushioned vinyl benches that comprised the waiting area. A coffee table, styled as if it came out decades ago, held the radiology magazine collection, including such titles as Dragon Beat, The Jurist, and Cat Fancy.

Edna saw the look on his face. “Well, we also have the TV on. Looks like the soccer game’s underway!”

Kelvin smiled, somewhat painfully, and nodded his thanks, as he reclined on the bench.

“A slightly different lineup on display for Legalese today,” the play-by-play announcer spoke on-screen, as the lineup graphic displayed what he meant. “Jay is set as the lone striker, with Maharry in the usual withdrawn forward slot. the four in the midfield are Kelshimer and Wayne on the left and right, Sanroman in the middle with Lane Wilson making his qualifying debut behind him. Washington slides back from a defensive mid to a stopper role, with Ellsworth and Todd in the left and right back positions, and Phil Livingston as the sweeper. Stan Thate, who has only allowed four goals in the first five matches, in the net. He’s been solid so far.”

“He has,” replied his colleague. “However, his luck’s bound to run out soon, especially with this Budzuela attacking front of...”

“Kelvin Bassford?”

Kelvin’s attention shifted to the man in the lab coat.

“Doctor Radley Severn,” the two shook hands. “Machine’s ready to go - the radiologist is making the final adjustments-wow, that was quick!”

Kelvin looked back at the screen, to see Lane Wilson mobbed by a sea of white jerseys.

“Oh, my, a beautiful goal for Wilson, and in the first minute!” The announcer crowed. “What a welcome to the World Cup!”

Kelvin forced a smile, as Dr. Severn turned back to him.

“Oh, right. Let’s go get your ankle checked up.”

-----

Kelvin hobbled out, refusing assistance, or a crutch. He looked up at the TV - 20 minutes in, and the score was already 2-0.

“All right, Kelvin,” Dr. Severn said, as he escorted him out. “I’ll have results for you next week, and we’ll go from here. Don’t worry, you’ll get back out there!”

[Kiryu-shi]

from a scrap of paper found stuffed into an empty box of chocolates found buried under a rock on a beach of Kiryu-shi

the keeper
a position so vital so unlike any other
stays still while chaos ensues for me a relief from the constant agony of cleats and heads instead the rapturous comfort of gloved hands that hold me ever so carefully there is nothing in the world that compares to the cradle that the keeper makes for me when he succeeds the
keeper keeps me me
reminding me of my sanity in this world defined by the everpresent staccato brutality of runs back and forth the keeper keeps so much that
even
when he clears the ball dropping and launching me off his foot it is never quite the same pain as anyone else more like a betrayal of trust while for others it is simply physical with the keeper every boot
rips shreds of dignity and respect for humanity
away from my core how could they do that those keepers
how


but this match offers salvation this match offers the opportunity i find partway through the first half
this
match

i have been in his hands six times already they call him didier
jacques
didier

he rightfully wears the band around his arm marking him for he deserves to be marked my savior my hero he is so soft with his hands so delicate with his fingers but so firm and safe too can
you recall
the feeling being held

by the one you love your first love that excitement but also security for you have never been betrayed by trust given over and broken
instead being held and holding is safe completely for the uncertainty of broken hearts and shattered trust is absent

oh didier

oh jacques


his team the unified falcons i know coming from a turbulent past far and near united but that is not too important now as i turn and twist and and bounce and move just so that i can get to his hands again even when difficulty strikes
and strike they do
he still manages to hold me diving for me jumping for me crashing his body to the ground flying his body through the air for me oh rapture is mine how can there be anything so great as to come from a life of pain to be embraced by him oh

my

oh my



he is not comfortable i know he is here sakuragi far from his home and i feel his pain and i know his sorrow for every moment he is not holding me i too am away from home his hands his arms every time he releases me i know he is giving me up and i know his sacrifice too for
those refs
loveless swine
keep us from being together they warn that he cannot hold me but for mere seconds so i make those seconds count
every time
and i keep returning to him
him his natty kit so trim




he misses me for the first time later on those kiri those tricky kiri i was making my way back towards him waving my way through hordes of defenders who should be so grateful to have him as theres when he should be mine
those defenders not able to keep me from him
but the kiri they keep me from him too as i was soaring towards his outreached arms spinning frantically sideways the wind would be no match for my passion one of their heads
decastro the bitch
kept me from him she cut in front he was helpless
as
was
i


twice more it happened moments when all seemed to be going so right but then i was stolen from his arms from his grasp once because of an overzealous boyle who managed to kick and claw his way shooting me wildly off a bar then at my love too strongly for him to hold on though he tried so valiantly before boyle stole me away
bringing about the misery he brought forth

and then at the end the last chance i had to touch his treasured hands falcons were swarming by that point desperate to keep me as far away from their keeper as possible but i resisted bouncing just the right ways and just the right times and all of a sudden i was soaring through the air on their side of the pitch
his side
his

and i could see him racing out to meet me but d’arányi with her quick devil feet danced and pulled me away from him no matter how i tried i could not find him before she put me beyond his reach and one of the ugly calloused hands of a falcon defender took me back out of the net and i was brutally tortured kicked dragged
screaming
across the pitch till the whistle blew it’s cold dispassionate sound and it was over

i
will
count
every
day
till
i can see them again see him again the kiri by then hopefully proud still battling in second now they might have a chance to finish strong and if they do they will press and press and press and he will have to catch me save me

and for what?

for he has the others temptresses all my rivals that will play him first
especially the bear belles ball in two weeks so aggressive and forceful he will have no choice
he will hold every one of them in his hands with tenderness and grace
i know

innocence has long been shattered

meanwhile i to the clumsy hands and fingers of balma keeper baguer
clumsy name befitting
with eighteen goals allowed

before aguazul
where i may never grace the hands of an opposing keeper

miserable
life


[ooc notes: I am incorporating dictionary.com’s Word of the Day into my RPs, today’s word is ‘natty’. Also, as should hopefully be evident, this is written from the ball utilized in the matches of Kiryu-shi, and hopefully accurately represents the writing ability (and emotional depth) of inanimate objects.

Also, goalscorers for record keeping and RPing purposes: DeCastro 40’, Boyle 66’, d'Arányi 86’

[Free South Califas]

¹⁴²Free South Califas 0-3 The Kingdom of Okwe¹⁴⁵
At the Carson Soccer Center in Carson, LA
Temperature: 76.8 deg F (24.9 deg C). Humidity: 13%.
Referee: Arsenio Samuel Güeybaná (El Gran Tropico)

## Ps Player Name, Domestic Club (WC61/all WCs/all int)
35 GK Zlato Cokan, Chula Vista (0/0/1)
02 LWB Nadezhda Prokhorova, Long Beach (4/18/43)
03 LB Falerina Jomphe, Bakersfield (4/18/42)
68 CB Frida Rubaiyat, Huntington Beach (4/11/28)
04 SW Onofre Reynoso Lovato, Santa Maria (4/18/40)
65 RB Isabella Ferreira Cardoso, Chula Vista (4/5/20)
05 RWB Ernsta Heimdal, Fontana (4/18/31)
06 LM Godvin Nes, San Diego (4/18/43)
23 DM Hamrah Anzalichi, Channel Islands (4/10/26)
07 RM Haidou Zhongyuan, Thousand Oaks (4/18/42)
10 CF Bela Ceh, Long Beach (4/18/41)

13 CB Artis Pariseau, Bakersfield (1/1/2)
11 RS Chidiebele Guttman, Dwile Central of Apox (1/15/30)
17 WF Cao Dong, San Diego (0/5/12)

FSC     OKW
0  Goals  3
5  S.O.G. 9
0/0 Pen 1/1
0  Cards  0
1 Corners 10
8  Fouls 5

¹⁴⁵The Kingdom of Okwe 0-1 Free South Califas¹⁴²
Referee: Riley McClaine (The Fanboyists)
Goal: WF Cao Dong 84' (2nd international goal). Assist: DM Hamrah Anzalichi (7).[pre]## Ps Player Name, Domestic Club (WC61/all WCs/all int)
35 GK Zlato Cokan, Chula Vista (0/0/2)
02 LWB Nadezhda Prokhorova, Long Beach (4/18/44)
03 LB Falerina Jomphe, Bakersfield (4/18/43)
68 CB Frida Rubaiyat, Huntington Beach (4/11/29)
04 SW Onofre Reynoso Lovato, Santa Maria (4/18/41)
65 RB Isabella Ferreira Cardoso, Chula Vista (4/5/20)
05 RWB Ernsta Heimdal, Fontana (4/18/32)
06 LM Godvin Nes, San Diego (4/18/44)
23 DM Hamrah Anzalichi, Channel Islands (4/10/27)
07 RM Haidou Zhongyuan, Thousand Oaks (4/18/43)
10 CF Bela Ceh, Long Beach (4/18/42)

11 RS Chidiebele Guttman, Dwile Central of Apox (1/15/31)
17 WF Cao Dong, San Diego (0/5/13)
45 LM Rufus Goldman, Long Beach (0/5/16)

OKW FSC
0 Goals 1
7 S.O.G. 6
0/0 Pen 0/0
1 Cards 0
4 Corners 6
5 Fouls 9Backup GK Zlato Cokan earned his first two caps in a home-and-away series against ¹⁴⁵The Kingdom of Okwe, a team very close to the Harvest Mice in the rankings, but not participating in the World Cup. He clearly seemed to have the jitters at "home" (internationally speaking) in Carson, giving up two relatively cheap goals before seeing a penalty kick sail past him into the net. Garabona tried out the former manager-elect in goal, who oversaw middling results in a few games guiding the Mice in WCQ60 as elected manager, to largely inconclusive results; Cokan also had a few heart-stopping saves and was expert in pushing Okwe high shots over the bar. Unfortunately, this led to a lot of Okwean corner kicks, one of which found the striker's domepiece and went in. Even the vaunted "Spread Eagle" defense that blanked Osarius couldn't handle the Kingdom, at least with Cokan in the net.

The away tie was a major relief by comparison. Zlato settled down and turned away all seven Okwean shots on target, demonstrating more balance and situational awareness. It was also a day of redemption for Cao Dong, whose 12 international games with only one goal and one assist were causing some tension regarding his future with the national team. Cokan and Dong, who are both from San Diego County, have had good success in the Free South Califas Soccer League but have failed to shine brightly on the international stage thus far. It remains to be seen whether Garabona will give the two more caps, but one thing that is for sure is that Channel Islands defensive mid Hamrah Anzalichi has settled into his playmaker role with his seventh international assist.

[box]^NRBeaverriver 1-0 Free South Califas¹⁴²
Referee: Sigurd Osgood (The Icemark)
Goal: ST Jeanie Clee. Assist: LDM Moises Clarke.

## Ps Player Name, Domestic Club (WC61/all WCs/all int)
34 GK Christine Gonzalez, Thousand Oaks (5/12/25)
02 LWB Nadezhda Prokhorova, Long Beach (5/[b]19/45)
03 LB Falerina Jomphe, Bakersfield (5/19/44)
68 CB Frida Rubaiyat, Huntington Beach (5/12/30)
04 SW Onofre Reynoso Lovato, Santa Maria (5/19/42)
65 RB Isabella Ferreira Cardoso, Chula Vista (5/6/22)
05 RWB Ernsta Heimdal, Fontana (5/19/33)
06 LM Godvin Nes, San Diego (5/19/45)
23 DM Hamrah Anzalichi, Channel Islands (5/11/28)
07 RM Haidou Zhongyuan, Thousand Oaks (5/19/44)
10 CF Bela Ceh, Long Beach (5/19/43)

11 RS Chidiebele Guttman, Dwile Central of Apox (2/16/32)
17 WF Cao Dong, San Diego (1/6/14)
76 RM Obioma Chukwufumnanya, Rancho Cucamonga (1/5/16)
BVR     FSC
1  Goals  0
3  S.O.G. 9
0/0 Pen 0/0
0  Cards  0
2 Corners 7
3  Fouls 7
142Free South Califas 2-1 Northern Sunrise Islands215
At Gaslamp Quarter Stadium in San Diego, SD
Referee: Matias Carvalho (Northern Sunrise islands)
Goals:
17' FSC: 10 CF Bela Ceh, Long Beach (2nd in WC61; 6th in WC career; 14th in international career; leads FSC in all categories)
38' NSI: RW Larissa Pereira (Corona - Free South Califas)
64' FSC: 11 RS Chidiebele Guttman, Dwile Central (Apox) (1st in WC61; 2nd in WC career; 8th in international career)[pre]## Ps Player Name, Domestic Club (WC61/all WCs/all int)
34 GK Christine Gonzalez, Thousand Oaks (6/13/26)
02 LWB Nadezhda Prokhorova, Long Beach (6/20/46)
03 LB Falerina Jomphe, Bakersfield (6/20/45)
68 CB Frida Rubaiyat, Huntington Beach (6/13/31)
04 SW Onofre Reynoso Lovato, Santa Maria (6/20/43)
65 RB Isabella Ferreira Cardoso, Chula Vista (6/7/23)
05 RWB Ernsta Heimdal, Fontana (6/20/34)
06 LM Godvin Nes, San Diego (6/20/46)
23 DM Hamrah Anzalichi, Channel Islands (6/12/29)
07 RM Haidou Zhongyuan, Thousand Oaks (6/20/45)
10 CF Bela Ceh, Long Beach (6/20/44)

11 RS Chidiebele Guttman, Dwile Central of Apox (3/17/33)
FSC     NSI
2  Goals  1
4  S.O.G. 6
0/0 Pen 0/0
0  Cards  0
3 Corners 5
6  Fouls 8

Next opponent: ¹³Bostopia at Carson Soccer Center
Our record vs Bostopia: 0-1-1 (0 GF - 3 GA)

.Group 16                        P  W  D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
 1 Phoenigetuzstha               7  5  1  1   9   8  +1  16
 2 Bostopia                      6  3  2  1  10   4  +6  11
 3 Chenkorya                     6  3  1  2   9   7  +2  10
 4 Free South Califas            6  3  0  3   4   5  -1   9
 & etc.

[Farfadillis]

Goal Fest at the I7'snerra

Well we won 4 - 3 and, to tell you the truth, I don't really think we should've won this game. Sure, we started playing way better, that's why we went to Half Time 3 - 0. But I don't think we really did the merits to win against a better team like West Angola. But that's the good thing, winning when you play badly.

The match started with West Angola trying a bit less, but with better opportunities. They hit the post on a free kick on the 10th minute, and Lisdiren stopped a one-on-one on the 16th minute. But luck was on our side. On the 23rd minute Remonav would commit a serious foul to Johans, getting a yellow card and giving us a really good chance with O'rosso's free kick. O'rosso sent it to the goalkeeper's post, but the goalkeeper couldn't stop it due to its power and it entered giving us the lead. Then, West Angola kept trying, but to no use as on the 40th minute Tuzzio would enter to the box unmarked and send the ball to the lower right corner of the goalkeeper scoring the second Farf goal. And, on a counterattack on the 45th minute, Dandalleion sent a cross to the penalty spot and Numbá headed it to the upper right corner of the goalkeeper, a beautiful goal and a surprising 3 - 0. Going to Half Time 3 - 0 sure was a nice surprise.

But, on the second half, things would change a lot. On the 67th minute Warren would score form outside the box and West Angola got on that way the so much needed goal. They were still losing 3 - 1 anyways, so we didn't get nervous. But then, on the 74th minute, Parrish scored a penalty after a foul commited to him by Frêndê. 3 - 2. And 6 minutes later, on the 80th minute, they would get to equalize with an incredible bicycle kick from Warren which entered after hitting the crossbar. 3 - 3, the I7'snerra seemed like a graveyard. They had equalized. But then, Tuzzio got a long pass from Bujkanovic, went on a one-on-one with the goalkeeper and Kerys commited a foult just outside the box, needless to say he got carded, but he got a yellow card, sadly. Anyways, O'rosso sent the free kick over the barrier and scored the 4 - 3 on the 82nd minute. Giving us the lead once again. This time, West Angola wouldn't equalize and we'd get that precious win. The I7'snerra was cheering more than ever. We had beaten West Angola on one of the most epic matches on Farf history.

Man of the Match:
Matí O'rosso
This is needless to say. He scored two free kicks out of two free kicks. He was the leader on the attack as Tuzzio took a backseat today which doesn't mean he played bad. O'rosso gave us this win today. It was him, Dandalleion, Tuzzio and 8 other players today.

Flop of the Match:
Michael Remonav:
He commited the first foult for O'rosso's free kick, and couldn't mark anyone on his side. He was a 0 today, a simple 0.

[Antoletia]

Go for the kill, thats what the manager keeps saying pre game. The Fire Ants have easily been able to take advantage of the weaker sides, and thankfully they haven't been faulted by an inability to go out and strike for the kill against their opponents. The Ants have managed to score goal after goal this season to win many games, and have three times scored three more goals then their opponents.

Last night was another great day of play. The first goal of the night was scored by the regular striker Constantin with a nice volleyed goal in the 18th minute. The lead would be doubled by Constantinescu in the 27th minute. The third goal would not come til the second half after Hiarchratez had subbed in for Constantin, with a 54th minute goal.

Two matchdays remain and the Ants have one game left. That means a bye, and a date with the monster that is the Cassadaiguan national team. The ladies are the only team to left on the docket for the Ants, besides the boring bye. OH well we are sure to see at least one more interesting match before the halfway point.

[Taeshan]

"And there is another game that was as boring as hell...Well if that statement made sense in anyway...Lets just say its as boring as watching paint dry. Not to say to the many people who find paint drying as a very exciting keynote sport."

"Yes well thank you politically correct man. Anyways in the end the Purple Knights lost last night to Licen whatever the hell it is, after just beating them only months ago in the Cup of Harmony."

"I would say that its not that they didn't win it is that, they didn't win the game last night, rather than lost."

"Nope they definitely lost the game."

"No i lost the game."

"Oh shut up. Anyways they lost in a barnburner of a game. 1-0. To be fair if you can not tell that i am being sarcastic, i shall tell you that i am being quite sarcastic at this moment of time."

"Yeah but, dude i think its fair to say that you still have yet to break the fourth wall...."

"What the hell is the fourth wall."

"Oh you know when you start to talk to the reader."

"The reader?"

"The person the writer is writing for this to be read."

"What the hell."

"Oh your cute, you think we are real and not made up in the mind of writer."

"Um...."

"Yes. Anyways dear reader.....We lost and thats what we are telling you. Exactly."

"Bro......Dont acknowledge there existence as real. They'll get ideas."

"Oh right. You do not exist rp scorer, you do not exist."

[Audioslavia]

Even at 11am, the streets of Emberton were an ominous place to drive a rental car. As the saying went, in Audioslavia you parked your car where you could fit it, in Starblaydia you parked your car where you probably couldn't fit it, and in Krytenia you parked on top of the people who parked where they couldn't fit it. Sue Dysos been preparing herself for the mental shift between driving on the left and driving on the right, spending an hour or so looking up Krytenian driving regulations on the internet, but was dismayed to find that, rather than driving on one side or the other, Krytenians merely picked the route of least resistance and powered on through, oblivious to whatever traffic was coming from behind or to the sides. On two occasions she'd been beeped at, angrily, for stopping at a red light, and on one occasion had found herself sitting through two green lights at intersections, the cross-traffic refusing to stop at all.

It was a wonder she was in one piece when she finally found the address for one Nora Clarke, former accountant at the Emberton Post and one person who might well be able to answer a few requestions with regards to apparent financial 'irregularities' at the Post.

A knock on the door; it opened to reveal a tired looking person on the other side, still in a dressing gown, evidently not used to waking up before midday anymore. A few words got her foot insdie the door. A few more got some strong-smelling coffee on the go.

"It was a farce" began Nora, "a complete farce. I started asking questions about all this money, millions really, being shipped from one part of the company to the other. I was head of accounting so I had access to records for all parts of the company that weren't the owner's private, external interests. One week the distributors would need a million dollars almost apropos of nothing, like we were about to furnish the entirety of Rushmore with a paper each, every year, for a decade. Then that same money would be sent over to the sports division, plus a few hundred grand from the distribution budget. What did the sports division need that kind of money for? The only time I've ever had to do that before was for the Emberton Olympics or when we were sending a few people to the World Cup, where expenses would be much higher, and that one time when Jeremy Jaffacake almost got sued. Money stayed in that section of the company for another few days and then found itself being transferred, with interest, to the marketing division for the Sunday edition, and finally to sales and marketing for the regular old Emberton Post, where it should be in the first place. It was at least ten years ago that I pulled for our profits - all of them to be spread through the divisions with marketing receiving the majority. There's no point in money just laying in our account doing nothing, we either start paying everyone more or we drive more sales through hiring genius marketers and running campaigns. We've been going that for years and so it made sense for the individual bods in those sections for money to be appearing and disappearing in their account over the course of a week or so. Somebody was up to something?"
"So who?" asked Sue, unable to think of a better way to ask the question.
"I don't know"
"Who would have access to the accounts? Who could manipulate them without your knowledge before, well, firing you?"
"Not many people. Either it was done illegally, from the outside, or it was done by the owner, Mr. MacSwell senior, god rest him."
"What about Murdo MacSwell?"
"MacSwell junior? He's probably the most arrogant little gobshite I've ever had the misfortune to meet. Definitely the sort of person to steal millions of dollars from his own father, yeah, but he wouldn't nearly be intelligent enough, unless he had a team of people on the inside."
"Like who?" asked Sue, allowing Nora to talk as much as she liked.
"Oh, I don't know. It'd have to be someone in marketing/sales but I doubt it'd be the accounts guy, Javi, he's a good guy. Wet behind the ears. He wouldn't be capable of screwing someone over".
Sue made a mental note: Javi, 'wet behind the ears'. Wouldn't hurt a fly, she was sure, but could he be bought? Could he be convinced to do something nefarious if he thought it was for a good enough reason? If he was the shy, retiring, 'anything for a quiet life' type then yes, of course he could.
"Who else?"
"Not sure. There's so many people at the company it'd be difficult to pinpoint any one person capable of tearing the entire company apart. Oh, wait a minute..."
"What?"
"Perhaps one person would be capable of that."
"Who?"
"Who do you think?"
"Oh, right."
Sue made another mental note: Throw Jeremy Jaffacake a couple of questions. "What about security?" asked Sue
"What do you mean"
"I mean, you know, the guys in the wooly jumpers, CCTV cameras and walkie talkies, those guys."
"Oh, right. Well that's pretty much all they are. Wooly jumpers and CCTV. They don't have access to anything important.
"Keys?" asked Sue
"Keys... yeah, but all the important things are on computer, on the intranet, which is really rather secure. The IT guys would have access and the wherewithal to pull something like this off, but... I don't know. They were all pretty meek, too.
"Was anyone else sacked in the days running up to the closure?"
"Not that I'm aware of. I wouldn't know if anyone left in the last few days anyway"
"Right. Well... hmm. It's a lot to think about"
"It's interesting alright. Give me a second will you, I just need to pop to the toilet.."
"Oh, yeah, no problem" said Sue, as Nora hopped out of the kitchen. Sue took a small sip of her coffee and looked around. The washing up hadn't been done. It wasn't something that bothered Sue, who was hardly a clean freak in the kitchen. Would it be the sort of thing that would bother Nora? Probably not, based on the look of her this morning, but then she'd had a tough few days. In any case, this looked like only one evening of plates, dishes, glasses...
Sue noted there were two dirty wine glasses on the top, next to the rest of the dirty plates and dishes, and next to two empty bottles of wine. Nora had a visitor last night, then. Male or female, she wondered...
Nora was still in the toilet, a small cupboard-like room under the stairs. A second-toilet in such a small house seemed like an extravagance.
Hmm, now that would be one way of ascertaining the gender of her visitor last night.... Sue quietly ascended the stairs and quickly located the upstairs bathroom.
Sure enough, the seat was up.
Sue made her way back down just in time for Nora to emerge from the toilet. Sue swung her coat round her shoulders quickly.
"Oh, I was going to ask if you were after more coffee" said Nora,
"I'd love to, but I've a busy day ahead and you've been very, very helpful, thank you very much." said Sue, smiling genuinely as she popped her shoes on.
"Will you keep me posted?" asked Nora, "I'd like to find out what happened. If something untoward happened and I got sacked as a result of that then, well, it'll do me favours when I'm looking for a new job."
"Yeah, yeah, of course. I should have your phone number in our files"
"Brilliant. Thanks Sue. Good luck"
Sue smiled and turned towards the door. She put her hand on the handle and turned, and stopped.
"Oh, just one thing" said Sue, turning, "Do you have a boyfriend? A husband?"
"Oh, er, no... why?"
"Just wondering if you were seeing anyone from work, anyone that you'd still have a home contact for, I'd like to do a few more interviews"
"Oh,... er... no. No. Sorry"
"OK then" said Sue, turning the handle, opening the door, smiling a genuine "goodbye" over her shoulder and closing it behind her.

Sue walked happily to her car, congratulating herself with an excited whisper: "I Columbo'd her! I Columbo'd her!"

To be continued..

[Wight]

.

[Jeru FC]

Jeru FC's Felicia Day and assistant coach Melody Pondy

Felicia: Pondy!
Pondy: Morning Felicia.
Felicia: Isn't it a lovely day
Pondy: What you up to?
Felicia: Nothing
Pondy: I'm no dumbo.

Felicia: We found some videos.
Pondy: Great
Felicia: You and your buddy Princess in your cheerleader days
Pondy: I only got into that because of her
Felicia: You're pretty good
Pondy: Really?

Felicia: Yeah
Pondy: Thanks
Felicia: I tried once but they said I had the coordination of a zombie
Pondy: That's funny
Felicia: Seen Mel's new video?
Pondy: Oh yes

Felicia: She's still the moves eh?
Pondy: Oh yes, but those days are past for me.
Felicia: Say isn't you boyfriend called Michael?
Pondy: Yes
Felicia: Maybe Princess Melody is hitting on your boyfriend?
Pondy: Don't worry she's tried that one.

Felicia: Really?
Pondy: Just to annoy me.
Felicia: He must be a right guy
Pondy: I hope so.
Felicia: She calls him Mickey then?
Pondy: Yes. I think she's just mischevious

[Milchama]

"I can't believe we got another draw"

"Yeah, that great result against Polar Islanderstates just keeps on getting squandered"

"3 draws already"

"That's just bad and we're in third place"

"Well you have to win games in order to move up in the standings, not just draw them"

"True"

"Anyway our GD is wonderful, so that's a plus"

"Who cares how much you win by if you can't win, a 13-0 win is useless if you draw every other game"

"True but we're still doing fine"

"What are you talking about we just drew Kiritania, they're our rivals"

"Remember last cup and Cult of Ashley Greene who looked to be a big threat but faded down the stretch, the same thing is happening here"

"I doubt it, Kiritania look more prepared, more ready, more everything"

"I don't think so, it was an unlucky draw. I bet by the second half you won't be able to pronounce their name"

"I can still think of the Cult of Ashley Greene, that's how scared I was of them"

"Meh, look it took a second to remember and we won. Also, we did better against the top seed this time. Watch it's going to be great"

"I don't think so, remember World Cup 29?"

"Why is it always 29?"

"Because that's when hubris crushed Milchama so we never want to forget"

"Look, y'all are getting too nervous about a little batch of games. We're the second seed in the group, and we're crushing everybody. Soon our ranking and the results will match up. Then you'll be sorry"

"I don't think so"

"I guess we'll have to agree to disagree"

"Guess so"

"But either way"

"Yeah"

"Come on You Warriors!"

"Let's Go Milchama!"

[Yesopalitha]

Sparky's Stance

What a beautiful win over Amstaad & Bierlin, or, more commonly known, Cyborg Holland, for the Yesopalitha Flames at The Sacred Heart today! Absolute dominance, I tell you, against the third ranked side in the group! What a way to show them!

Why am I so excited when the final score was just two-nil? Um, did you look at the stats?! We had four free kicks, they had one. We had eight corners, they had two. We had one yellow card, they had three. In every important statistical category out there, we dominated the game, and the results spoke to that end.

What was the key today? I believe it was the unexpected playing of Fantasia Cecile-Marie, most times shadowed by the more brilliant Hilary Vander Rox, Jane Vander Rox, Isaac Jack-Bentley, and Nadya Dostoevich. In her own right, Fantasia is an outstanding player, a steady contributor in the Astograthian league, and a good sport, always playing second fiddle to the other stars.

Not this game, though. Isaac looked a bit off-target with his passes, Jane and Hilary were being played pretty close by the opposing defense, and Nadya looked a bit out-of-pace with the rest of the field. So, Fantasia took over.

After a scoreless first half, which made the home crowd sweat a little, the Flames started to press in the second half. Naisi played the ball up front with a long clearance, which ended up at Hilary. She turned right and then threaded the ball between two defenders to Fantasia, who struck the ball home from long range, a curving shot that was buried to the left side of the net.

The initial goal seemed to energize the defense, which harassed the opposing forwards all match long. Jonah pretty much had a field day, blocking just two shots, and both of those rollers that were easy to grab.

Just to make sure that the game was over, Fantasia scored on a direct corner kick late in the game to ice it. It was her first international brace of her career.

The Flames have all the momentum heading into their game against Ossidiacqua. They have the possibility of going into break with a new record of twenty-one points, unheard of in the first three cycles by this team. Sir James may be leading them in the greatest campaign yet, as it seems to be a two-horse race now, with the third place team already five points behind the Flames.

It is a great time to be a Flames fan! Keep watching, folks!

---

Maharamba in Wight

Not knowing that his doom was being discussed in the Court of the King of Uncertain Dimensions, the demon-child assassin was too busy walking down the road toward the city of Fall after causing a stir in the poor village that he had named "Screaming Pit". He had been walking for hours without seeing anyone or noticing anything interesting, and was starting to get bored out of his mind.

It was then that he saw something that he had truly never seen before - a baby creature of some sort. The creature was a lizard of some sort, with sharp teeth and a long tail.

That brought something up in Maharamba's memory. No way! That creature was a dinosaur! A baby dinosaur!

Fascinated, Maharamba observed the little being as it hunted for some mice around the area. It was a great hunter even at its young age, and absolutely adorable. Adorable? He had just shocked himself by admitting that something was adorable! He started to follow the little thing to wherever it was going, until...

"Rawr!" He heard a huge, tremendous roar behind him, and found himself running for his dear undead life away from a huge, female, mature Tyrannosaurus Rex.

[Unified Falcon]

Newson's Files

What is wrong with Jacques Didier?

That is the question that everyone is asking in the twin countries of Falconfar and Falconear, or, more commonly known as Unified Falcon. What has happened to the all-world goalkeeper who is usually so good in leading the Iona Spaceport Defenders to titles after being a stud for the La Pinatra Crusaders?

Well, I got some news for y'all who are worried. First, it was just one game, against a very good Kiryu-shi side, a side that is rising through the world ranks, one cycle at a time. They played a great game, dissected our defense as if it wasn't even there, and put shots on Jacques that he just didn't have a prayer of blocking. So, give them credit where it is due.

Also to note is that the defensive backfield of our squad is still not used to playing against each other. I am going to petition at the end of this cycle to the Queen and the President that starting next World Cup Qualifying Cycle, our squad will start practicing way before the season starts so that they can work all the kinks out. I am not waiting after the Falconfar-Falconear exhibition match to get the starters sorted out. I am going to have the best twenty-two players show up, eleven from Falconfar and eleven from Falconear, and have them play for the starting position. I don't even care if it isn't six from one nation and five from the other. I am going to pick the best eleven.

That is the only way that I can truly do my job, right? I mean, come on! All the other nations, they usually give time to the national team to call all the members together at least a few times a year so that they can put their domestic rivalries aside and just focus on the task at hand. That is what we need.

I know that Falconfarians and Falconearans don't really want to be put together, but our leaders have forced us to, pretty much. But, as we are together in the first place anyway, we might as well make some good out of it, and start acting like it. Unified Falcon is also entering its first squad into an Olympic-type games, into the Rushmori Games held in Aels. Along with that and this team, a unified spirit may come out from a nation where the secondary sports are different - with Falconfar having Basketball, Gridiron, Baseball, and Ice Hockey Leagues, and Falconear sticking to Gridiron, Rugby, and Babbage Football.

Perhaps, what starts with football can spread to all other areas of life, and we can actually become one nation. Am I dreaming? Maybe for this season. But in the years to come, why not?

I have begun to share my files with the rest of the Unified Republic with the hopes that many people will read them and understand what I am trying to say. Maybe I'm being crazy by thinking that this can be done. However, I sincerely do so, and I plan on doing whatever I can to make sure it happens someday.