World Cup LXI (61) RP Thread

[The Archregimancy]

OOC - Cassadaigua submitted her RP while I was typing this. I'm consulting with her to see if there's anything she'd like me to change, or whether they're close enough to leave as is as different national interpretations of the same event; some minor details conflict slightly, but the basic plots don't seem to be incompatible.

After consultation, we've decided to leave the RPs as is, without making edits; they're simply different perspectives on the same event.


THE MONASTIC TIMES

IT'S A MIRACLE!
Monks Come Back from Three Down Following Halftime Public Baptisms

By Fr Nicholas the Scribe

In one of the most remarkable results in Archregimancy football history, the Holy Monastic Republic came back from a 3-0 half-time deficit last night to win 4-3 away to two time world champions and group top seeds Cassadaigua.

After a marvellous brace from Brianne Van Karsen, and an exquisite free-kick from Breanna Hawkins, the heretical and heathen opposing women seemed well in control at half-time, with Frs James, James, James and James unable to cope in defence with the opposing team's pace and power.

The tide turned, however, at half time.

Many home supporters must have been confused at the sight of the Archregimancy squad coming out for the second half carrying what appeared to be an inflatable swimming pool, while a monk later identified as Fr. John the Missionary to Male Dagans led out several white-clad members of his putative flock. The home supporters must have been even more suprised when the Fr John inflated the swimming pool, filled it with water, and then proceeded - in full public view - to baptise the leaders of local civil rights group 'Male Equality Now', or MEN, sponsored by the entire Archregimancy national football team.

Inspired by this blessed victory for Orthodoxy, and perhaps also benefiting from a much more subdued (perhaps 'stunned' would be a better word) second half home support, the Archregimancy were a team transformed in the second half, putting four past a bewildered Zoey Anderson, with Fr. James scoring two, and Frs. James and James scoring one each.

As the final whistle blew, new Orthodox converts Preston ('St Gabrinus the Presbyter') Grant and Dave ('the Holy Righteous David the King') Bradley ran on to the field with their fellow converts to embrace their spiritual fathers, and rejoice in taking the first step in overcoming oppression.

Cassadaigua officials are yet to comment on last night's extraordinary events, but reserve Dagan midfielder Jackie Van Camp was quick to criticise the visitors. "We always take such care to be respectful of the Archregimancy's very different cultural traditions" said Van Camp "and we thought they appreciated our efforts - but their actions tonight strike me as a wholly unwarranted and unprovoked attack on many of the values that make Cassadaigua the wonderful nation that I know it is; I'm disappointed."

When contacted for his comments, Archregimancy manager Fr James merely shrugged his shoulders and said "the Lord moves in mysterious ways".

[Thatius]

Thatius UPSET by Sundsborg

In a dramatic finish Thursday, the 227^th team from Sundsborg defeated the 58^th ranked team from Thatius. In little under an hour, Sundsborg managed two goals on Thatius' goalie, Prakusya, while conceding only one goal to Marko Voloski, the Thatian forward.

Where did this team not even in the top two hundred come out of to beat a team with so much experience? Looking back on the history of Sundsborg, though, it might not be too difficult to see, and they could be called a very underrated team. In fact, they tied Mytannion just a few days ago, 0-0. Their most recent international tournament, besides the World Cup Qualifying, was the Baptism of Fire 48, where Sundsborg finished first in their group. They edged out four wins and only one loss before losing to Peripanland in the knockout stage.

So it might not be too difficult to explain that this Sundsborg team has had a lot of confidence of late, and Thatius...well, they've been under the weather ever since the difficult loss at home to Mytannion the day before. It's not surprising to see that many fans were upset after the loss. Many fans traveled to Sundsborg to watch the match, but left for home with a bad taste in their mouth. Was it the food or the soccer game that left them feeling queasy? Probably both, since, for some reason, Thatians aren't fans of foreign food.

Before the whistle blew, signaling Sundsborg's victory, Thatian fans were seen leaving the stadium or pouting in their seats. Below, we found the best picture of the Thatian section, many of whom were dressed in the traditional red, white, and black colors of Thatius.

The unidentified man seems to be crying (yes, on live television) as he mourns the second loss in a row of Thatius. His girlfriend, presumably, tries to console him, saying that they have another shot at redemption in just over a week, where Sundsborg will travel to Frederikstadt to face the fierce home crowd. It is true enough, that once Sundsborg's national team comes to Thatius, they will face a tough crowd.

Even though it is the goal of many Thatians to please foreign visitors, many are not quick to forgive losses in the World Cup. Fans last year were enraged after Thatius barely missed a play-off spot by one point, getting edged out by Carpathia and Ruthenia, a team they had beaten previously. No matter, as that was a past World Cup. However, Thatian fans are awaiting the day that their team actually qualifies for something, because the past two qualifying rounds they have come up short, missing the play-offs by just one spot.

Next for Thatius, 95^th ranked Capivara Group. They also lost to Mytannion by the same score that Thatius had, 3-0. With both teams coming off losses, expectations are down. Hopefully, though, Thatius will earn a win and put itself back on track for qualifying for the World Cup. Though hope seems far off after losing so bad it makes the fans cry.

[Bongo Johnson]

BongoBeat.net - Sports for the 21st Century

World Cup outlook bleak for I.S.B.J. after 4 consecutive losses

After an opening draw to start the group stage of the World Cup, Bongo Johnson's national team has dropped the following four games. At this point, it is clear that the squad will not advance to the round of 16. However, they can still turn the end of this stage around with a few wins to save some dignity.

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

Dear Búa (or 'Mr Poopy-Stink-Face', as the chaps down at the club refer to you),

It has come to the attention of the chaps that your Ministry of Inaccurate Information is putting about that you kidnapped 23 monks and a pious cockroach during your team's frankly rather disappointing loss to the lads the other night.

Now, I realise that the whole point of a Ministry of Inaccurate Information is that the information being put about is inaccurate, and that in fact you kidnapped 23 'harmless' Dreamed Realm cockroaches and one monk.

It behooves me to let you know that the cockroaches are in fact larval forms of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.

Soon they will stop looking like this:

And will instead look like this:

Though judging by how ugly most of your team are, perhaps nasty ravenous monsters are attractive to your womenfolk? We wouldn't know.

As to the monk, that's Fr. Eusebius Who Always Burns the Lentils; you're welcome to him.

After all, I don't see you lot topping the group with a match in hand.


Yours in absolutely infuriating supercilious upper-crust superiority,

Imperial Senator Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel

[Farfadillis]

Back Again!

This victory, this victory. This victory showed that even though we conceeded 8 goals at home last match, we still can do great things. Winning at TaQud, a team better ranked than us, sure was a surprise. Another surprise was the change of tactic, introducing Johans and Bujkanovic to the starting eleven, and letting Greffe and Minduruguatzel rest for a bit, or leave them out definetely, as they were the worst players against the Cassadagans.

The match started bad for us, with TaQud hitting two consecutive times the post, thank you left post. But, then, on a counterattack, Dandalleion outran a TaQudani defender and stopped the ran, waiting for his companion Bujkanovic to join the attack, then left him the ball with a perfect pass. Bujkanovic didn't doubt, he kicked the ball with absurd power just outside the box and the TaQudani goalkeeper couldn't do anything to stop it, it was too precise and too powerful. So, we started kind of well-bad, let's say. But it didn't take much time for them to equalize, as a very precise cross from a corner by a Anonymousjansen found Anonyjohnson's head, and Lisdiren just saw how the ball crossed the line, hit the net, and TaQud equalized. But, when the first half was dying, Johans found a rebound on the area, he shot, the TaQudani goalkeeper stopped it, but the ball bounced of his hands in a clumsy way, Tuzzio kicked it in and it was 2 - 1 for us, and so we went to Half Time winning again.

On the second half, we started really well, O'rosso finally found some space thanks to Tuzzio, who was a headache to the TaQudani defense, and managed to send a through ball on the 56th minute to Numbá, who passed it with on touch to Tuzzio, who then proceeded to dribble the goalkeeper and chip the ball over a defender who was trying to stop the inminent Farf goal. The TaQudani crowd couldn't believe it, they were losing 3 - 1 at home, to a team who they had believed was worse than them. On the 60th minute, Tuzzio sent a through ball to Johans, who mercilessly shot to the goalkeeper's right post with so much power that when it hit the post it went to an off-ball. But, on the 65th minute, Anonymousy would score yet another header on a counterattack from a cross, once again, from Anonymousjansen, now nerves were back, we had to keep the result to keep the golden, much sought after, 3 points, mainly to recover our moral, which was at the floor after that 8 - 1 loss. Farfadillis didn't feel nervous though. At least it didn't look like it. They played a nice to the eye possesion style of play, which made TaQud inefficient in the midfield and led to countless opportunities for Farfadillis. For example on the 84th minute, when Tuzzio hit the crossbar with a spectacular volley after a cross from Bujkanovic. TaQud almost equalized after that, on the 87th minute. Anonymousjansen sent yet another cross, which found Anonymozes' head, and he sent it in an unbelieveable way just over the crossbar. An entire country felt relieved, and the other one just couldn't believe it, the draw was so near, but it wasn't achieved.

Man of the match:

Ichi Tuzzio:

He was the incarnated nightmare of the TaQudani defense, which just couldn't bare him. He scored 2 goals, the second one (third one for Farfadillis) was a marvellous goal, one I wouldn't believe if I hadn't seen it. He is simple class, and he demonstrated it once again.
He's scored 5 goals so far, in 4 matches. 2 against Transilveinia, 1 against Cassadaigua and 2 against TaQud. He's our future. But, even though he has been the best so far, Johans, O'rosso, Dandalleion and Bujkanovic have shown why they are here too.

Honourable Mention:

I7imund Bujkanovic:

Noone believed on him, even less as an LB, but he took a rematch from WC 60 and scored that fantastic first goal on the 10th minute, he was a really important member of the team today, and I must say: Poor Greffe.

[Darmen]

World Cup Hall of Fame Candidate #3: Tor Tong Lee
"The Man"

Date of Birth: May 1st, 1987 (Age: 25)
Place of Birth: Liverpool, Darmen
Position: Midfielder

Family: Single
Political Party: Second Communist Group
Religion: Holy Forden Church

One of the most prominent members of "The Big Three" and "The Three", Lee is considered to be Darmen's greatest player ever. He was also the first to leave the confines of the Darmeni Premier League and head overseas, where he played with Therakham ZL in Kagdazka and Pazhujebu. He is known to be a huge Timo Skye fan.

Eau Claire Aris FC
Lee was never a key part of the club at Aris, and was mainly just a substitute. As he neared the end of his stay with Aris however, Lee showed improvement in his play, which undoubtely came from his experiences with the National Team, Lee played more matches in the starting XI, and soon became a local legend. Lee was an instrumental part of the League Title winning squad that advanced into Champions' Cup play.

Therakham ZL
Tor Tong Lee became the first Darmeni player to leave Darmen and play elsewhere, when he transfered to Therakham ZL in the KPFA League First Division. Although Lee failed to lead Therakham into UICA play, Lee was able to keep them in the top half of the table during both of his seasons there, and two straight Quarterfinals appearences in the Šenapatiam'ajat Vahavi Cup. In his 64 matches with Therakham, Lee scored 12 goals and had 24 assists.

Rogerton Whitecaps
Lee became a international sensation while he played for the Whitecaps, leading the bottom feeder club to the top of Darmeni Football. Although he never won a title with the club owned by Oil Tycoon George Kalenda, he was able to advance the club into UICA play and make it an interesting prospect for potential transfer players.

Loan to Arsenrall
Following a Mid-Season loan to Arsenrall in Mangolana, Lee led the club to a 15-0-1 record in the second half of the season, and a Managolana Premier League Title. He was named Midfielder of the Year by the League.

Scott City FC
Lee was drawn to the penultimate club in Darmeni Football by his National Team teammates, Zach Preston and Bryan Faulkner, as well as Lee's former Manager, Georges Thomas. Nicknamed the "Dream Team", Scott City FC failed to win the League Title, but did finish second, and advanced deep into Champions' Cup play, something that Lee hadn't experienced since winning the League Title with Eau Claire Aris.

Darmeni National Team
Lee is the record holder in Caps, Goals, and Assists, and since becoming Captain, has seen the younger players on the team grow under his tutelage. Lee is a Free Kick specialist, scoring a good majority of his goals off of set peices. Lee has also been known to be a bit of a show boat, once putting moves on all four defenders from Kiryu-shi during a match in the 51st of Cup of Harmony, before scoring a goal.

What does Lee want to be remembered for?
"Everything. I'm just that great." Sorry Lee, but you're no SDB or Timo Skye. And you're not even close to an Alexio del Nieran.

[Leorudo]

It was cold. Really cold. Not mountain-top cold, where it made you breathe fresher and feel lighter, but tundra cold. The un-relenting cold. The piering waves of ice would hit wave after wave. Some people had tried digging down, only to find under the first layer of ice grass and flowers. This land was cursed, as the locals said, by an immortal war between titans. They said this ice was a prison, and their ancestors were flat-out unlucky. Leorudo had to play a game here. The land was called Dark, because at night, creating light was impossible. Leorudo arrived, play their game, and left in the same day. The game was not broadcasted over television, because the electrical chords had frozen over and the camera's had no electricity, which was a pity, because Leorudo earned a win over the impressive Dark squad. Luke Moore scored in the thritieth minite on a header, and Rashid Yussu scored on one of his bouncing kicks from midfield. There were no grandstands where the teams met, and the managers and subs had to sit under a make-shift ice barrier. The most painful moment of the day was when Scena Tartarus dived for a strike and hit his shoulder on an ice chunk. He continued to play anyway, and the game concluded without extra time. While Leorudo was glad to get a win, getting out of there without dying was much more gratifying.

Back in Leorudo, the day was coming to a close, and Matthew Freedman was biking home from school, huming a Starbladyian football song that was quickly growing in popularity. He would find himself saying "call us Starblaydi." whenever he was feeling like a badass, and right now he was just humming the tune. All of a sudden, his phone started lighting up, they said everthing from a tearful happy face to texts saying, "Proud to here..." and "I cannot believe it, but we are fifth ". Matthew went on the internet onl to discover that Leorudo had defeated Dark by two goals, and Leorudo was in fifth place. He tried to insert Leorudo into the Starbaldyi song, but it did not really work out. He just went home and put on his Luke Moore jersey and went out to catch some pick-up games.

[Vilita]

(ooc note: This document is obviously not public knowledge, 'In Character' - it would only have been seen by, probably, 5 beings at this point - all of which would have been Vilitan's who were in an isolated facility, either orbiting the NSVerse or on an isolated island in the middle of AO. I welcome you to bounce off of it, but it better be a pretty damn good explanation how anyone would know anything about it, so you may want to start it off with a TG first so we can sort it out. I do plan on spinning 'public knowledge' versions of this in future matchdays, since I've already exhausted the 'giant bird' theory to explain my poor results, and have already sacked the entire coaching staff...)

Operation Name: DRAGON SLAYER

Operation Status: Proposed, Pending Review

Overview: Operation DRAGON SLAYER will be carried out within the region on the Nothandryun landmass. Unmanned surveillance vehicles will be outfitted with large quantities of explosive in place of their surveillance and mapping payloads. Vehicles will be pre programmed to operate a flight path over specific sites in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega before losing altitude and self destructing into the target site. All vehicles should complete mission within 30 minutes of initial command.

Justification: Vilitan pride is too great to allow other nations to compete in the World Cup Finals under their own noses, while they are forced to travel to some remote corner of the NSverse to play in some secondary competition. The Vegai organizers of the 61st World Cup have clearly gone to the extreme to ensure the Jungle Cats would be excluded from the 61st World Cup. Among specific examples, including the allocation of The Icemark referee Lokri Pederson to Vilitan matches.

The World Cup must not take place in Vilita's neighboring country, without the Vilitan team participating.

Traceability: All vehicles shall be marked as mapping vehicles, surveilling the landmasses of Atlantian Oceania 'Post - Wight' charting any differences in Geography, vegetation and water levels. An explosion on a dummy support ship supposedly operating the vehicles off the coast of Andossa se Mitrin Vega will be used to explain the sudden loss in altitude of the explosive carrying vehicles. Vehicles will have been said to be on 'special mapping' over each prospective World Cup stadiums in support of the upcoming World Cup

Primary Target Site(s):
Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea, Errion Vega

Additional Target Site(s):

Yumbo Jumbo Sports Complex, Carrington
Viastormin Vega Memorial Stadii, Errion Vega
Undermountain Stadium Cavern, Undermountain
The Dockyards, Millsport
The Ancient Stadium, Parthenon
Stadii Luraii, Tapia Reis
Fuborii Gardens, Stonengarten
Stadii Se Triarii Rivii
Stadii Se Sa’una Vega
Meldinburg Stadium
Combined Stadium, Malachi
Gahiji Urdinhertal, Radience
Stadii Falcione
Stadii Dwarvenhamme
Coastal Arena, Kelsey


Budget: N/A*

*Per statute, The Budget Line Item is irrelevant when Vilitan Pride is at stake

Timeframe: The proposed operation DRAGON SLAYER would commence once the Vilita National Team is mathematically eliminated from World Cup Qualification. At their current rate of 0.75 points per match played, this is estimated to occur on World Cup 61 Qualifying Matchday 10, 5 Matchdays from the current time, and 7 matchdays prior to the start of World Cup 61.

Target site destruction may occur at any time from confirmed elimination to the conclusion of the World Cup Qualifying, but must not occur any later, in order to minimize collateral losses from the operation

[United Gordonopia]

Previous Entries in "Norm Bates: Tolten's Fire"

Chapter 1 - James
Part One
Part Two
Part Three

Chapter 2 - A Spark
Part Four

"My god... Bates passes another one... he's headed up the field... dodges Michaels... one on one... GOOAAALLL!!! This is incredible!!! I don't remember ever seeing a first year player with this kind of talent!!! And the ref blows the whistle!!! This is incredible, fourteen year old Norm Bates has just led Riverwork Municipal Secondary to its first provincial championship, with a 3-2 victory over the defending champs!!!"

Although he couldn't hear the television announcer, Norm Bates could feel the meaning of what he had just accomplished. At the beginning of the season, RMS was just another slumrat secondary school in Tolten's industrial district. Sure, it's players were decent, but they could never compete with the schools, especially the private ones, throughout the province that were bigger, better funded, more able to invest in athletics. Suddenly, as a first-year secondary student, one who previously had stayed as far from football as possible, Norm exploded onto the scene. Not only did he lead the province in both scoring and assists, but he had done it with little past experience. Maybe it was beginners luck, but maybe it was something more...

As the packed crowd at West Tolten Park, many more of them fans of the losers, Haverford Prep, who could better afford the trip and tickets, was a mix of celebration and silence, Norm was surrounded by his teammates. Although he had been the core of their team, they deserved the victory just as much as he. Early in the season, he had attempted to go it alone, rarely passing and mostly relying on his own movement. As teams began to double, and even triple team him, though, he slowly discovered that it was far better to win with an assist than to lose. As Norm began to refine his passing and crossing, the whole team seemed to perform all the better.

Amidst the celebration, Norm saw his coach, Mr. O'Connor, making his way over to where the team was celebrating. Immediately, Norm felt something that he simply couldn't describe. Completely impulsively, he gave the big man a hug, with tears streaming out of his eyes.

"Hey, it's okay. You did this. You won Norm. Your father would be proud."

Unable to reply, Norm simply nodded. He knew O'Connor was right. In the past few months, his entire life had been turned around. Since O'Connor had offered him a second chance to pass history if he tried out for the team, Norm had not only excelled on the field, but he had found something that had been missing since his father's death. It was as if all of the motivation he had lost in the past eight years had come flooding back. His mediocre marks were now among the top in the class, teachers and students seemed to respect him, rather than simply show him pity, and for the first time in recent memory, he felt as if he was truly happy. Hopefully, this was just the beginning.

[Qazox]

World Cup 61
ASMV-Valanora

Qazox remains atop the group after Malpetish drew with United Gordonopia 1-all. That results sets up tommorrow night's clash between Qazox and Mapletish for the outright group lead, as the two teams will play at Ganja Vodka Stadium in Fromburg. Since during this set of matchdays Qazox had a bye; but that doesn't mean the poetry will. With an Alphabetical Lyric, here's Roy G. Biv.

A big clash down east
Fromburg gets hosting
in jaded krumbly land
More new opulent park
Quite rightly sees the
Unwanted vermin wipe-out
Xylophagous yellowed Zyzzyva.

(ooc: Basically, Roy is complaining that GVS is too old and needs to be replaced with a newer stadium, as the current one is overrun with bugs)

[Sargossa]

The Island Chronicle


The Bears Roar


Here in Sargossa we like to think that we’re a knowledgeable bunch when it comes to sport. We give credit where it’s due and we dish out grief when it’s required. Naturally our very own Corsairs receive adulation that shakes the very foundations of stadia around the nation but, in truth, they tend to bear the brunt of the worse stick too. The opposition of course aren’t spared. Some earn chilly scorn. Some earn loud ridicule. And some earn deep respect. The Icemark fall very much in to that final category.

Two years ago they were something of an unknown quality as Corsairs and Bears of the North clashed twice in qualification battle ahead of the last World Cup. Sargossa won both fixtures in that campaign but that by no means told the full story as The Icemark enjoyed a great run, missing out on a playoff place by the very narrowest of margins. There was no mystery this time as the Icemark fixture was picked out as one of the group’s key contests and consequently was scheduled for the hallowed turf of the Sargossan capital’s Estadio Generalissimo Joaquín Delgado.

To the match itself and the visitors came out of the blocks very fast in what was a real blood and thunder opening, with challenges flying in from both sides. Chances were few and far between as play got bogged down into a midfield battle but the aggression on show meant the crowd were loving it. When it came the opening goal was surprisingly straight forward as big striker Alejandro Martinuccio got his forehead onto Guerrón’s cross to ease it passed the keeper. Honours were almost even six minutes later but a nervous Sigurdson screwed an effort wide when well placed. At the other end Echeverría stung the palms of Iphignea in The Icemark goal.

The second half so nearly opened with an equaliser but that man Sigurdson again wasted an excellent chance as the Bears pushed ever forward. But Sargossa were looking increasingly threatening and it seemed a second goal was inevitable. And then the visitors struck. A snoozing defence reacted far too late to a freekick powered into their box and coach Brutušam Erassi had already turned away in disgust as his opposite number steered a smart finish into the corner. From then on the Corsairs threw everything at their opponents but The Icemark clung on for a battling point. And, judging by the standing ovation their efforts received from a capacity crowd in Soluca, the feeling was that they fully deserved it.

The Bears of the North now head for a tricky encounter with Taeshan while Sargossa face an intriguing trip to Remad. Initially predicted to be battling out for the wooden spoon, Remad have had a dream start to the campaign and currently lead Group 4 on twelve points from a possibly fifteen, two clear of Sargossa. So the Corsairs know that a win in Remad will see them take their rightful place at the top of the group in the first of a run of three away games to end the first half of the campaign. The national side may be on their travels but the nation’s attention will remain glued to this arena as it is now set to host another major event. President Delgado, whose name adorns the stadium, will be using it as a dramatic stage from which to address the Sargossan people. About what we can only speculate.

[Khytenna]

Island 6 news

two back to back victories for the 6 islands!!

After the past years of rebuilding the reputation of Khytennan football, it seems that the old winnings ways are back, khytenna see's of two teams both only needing two goals to win. the first game against the The Nordic Land of Skyrim the second against Wight.

game 1:


Khytenna: 2

Xin 4th, Firestone 67th

The nordic land of Skyrim: 0

Khytenna started the game with intensity and with the home crowd behind them, they wanted to make a impact early on to set their intent, and that they did, with an unlikely scorer. it was Tao Xin with the goal, a corner was given in the 4th minute of the game, both bohannan and Xin made a dash into the box, Xin made a jump to make a header, he headed low, and the bounce was awkward for the keeper, who saw it bounce into the net, Xin first though the keeper had it, but when he saw the keeper miss it he was of celebrating his first goal for Khytenna.

Although Khytenna was in the driving seat through the first half, Khytenna would have to wait till the second half to get the second goal, this time more predictable as Firestone was the scorer, he passed a ball, and with perfect timing beat the offside trap and was left one on one with the keeper he smashed it past him to Khytenna's second.

To be over critical, Khytenna should of had 4, but a win is a win.

Game 2:

Khytenna: 2

Firestone 33rd Pellett 56th

Wight: 1

Muamba 86th

After the last game, Khytenna where up beat going into the next against wight, another sell out crowd was their to great and spur them on, and the home team delivered. it was Firestone that got the first goal, he saw a ball being passed into the box, and he slipped past the defence to get it, with a defender hanging of him he managed to put it the right side of the keeper to get the goal, Firestone has shown that he is fantastic player under pressure, and adds to his impressive over all total for his country.

Khytenna played on the back foot for the rest of the half, with Wight getting back into the attack but failed to get passed the much improved defence. when the second half got under way, Khytenna made good use of a counter attack in the 56th minute, Testerman ran down the the flank of the pitch but passed quick to Falcon, who crossed quick to a racing Pellet, with Firestone their for support and only 3 defenders, Pellett to his chance with an early shot, it paid of as it sailed to the back of the net, for a fantastic goal.

Wight pulled a goal back in late stages of the game, Muamba got the goal, after he side stepped Xin and moved into the box, he took a low shot and managed to bet the keeper but, time ticked away and Khytenna took the points!

line-up for next game:

GK 1. Roary Troy (31 Blue Bay)

RB 15 Oliver Testerman ( 27 Dunboor FC , Cafundeu) (capt)
DC 23. Brian Bowman (25 Blue bay)
DC 18.Tao Xin ( 22, Persepi Sharks)
DC 17. Nelson Bohannan(30 Alterdamm Merchants, Gray harbour)
LB 2. Jonah Brockberg( 24, Drakes City )

RM 21. Noel Falcon (23, Keltyme Foresters)
CM 4. John Carmichael (22 Central FC)
LM 7. Trever Evelyn (22 Blue Bay)

FW 9. Fergal Firestone (25 blue bay)
FW 10. Lini Pellett (21 Atlético Jutense, Cafundeu)

[Camwood]

((OOC: Astograth has given me permission to piggy-back on the RLStates scheme, but not using his forum format, instead I am creating internet relay chat logs, consisting of the 'nations' used in RLStates

04:01	*** 		Logging on to ribbit irc client
	*** 		Checking IP
	*** 		Found IP
	*** 		All systems go; invasive security check - over.
	*** 		IP set to 826.19.100.17.1
	***		Now connected to fatchat.esper.irc - Compolis, Camwood
04:02 	***		If you flood this server, we can't do anything about it, so please don't
	*** 		There are four (4) system operators online, and two hundred thirty six (236) channel operators
	***		Have a nice day - don't spam
4:03	***		<Canada> joined #rlsport
	Topic		WC9: BRA-ITA-WGR | Olympic Hockey: SSR-CZH-CAN | <@USSR> Fuck you Bra <+Brazil> Please do not refer to me as a 			woman's undergarmet <@USA> Fine, your new nickname is boxers, a man's undergarment :P
4:04	Chanserv	Chanserv has given voice to Canada
4:04	<+Canada>	I just realized, we don't have a reputable world cup of hockey
4:04	<@USA>		No one gives a flying fuck about hockey
4:05	<@USSR>		We only won because those inner city Moscow kids love their porogis, that, and the Moscow kids don't fit the 			dimensions for athletics.
4:06	<+Canada>	Dimensions?
4:06	<@USSR>		You know, for the athlete harvesting we do...
4:06	<@USA>		You Communist Bastard.
4:07	<@USSR>		Well, who was second on the medal table?
4:07	<@USA>		Dude, Norway beat you.
4:07	<@USSR>		Like you didn't?
4:07	<@England>	4:07	<@USSR>		Like you didn't? <---- True dat
4:08	<+Canada>	Heh
4:08	<@USA>		Canada, take my side in the cold war.
4:08	<+Canada>	But we are socialist too
4:09	Chanserv	<@USA> has taken voice away from <Canada>
4:09	<@USSR>		Ha. Capitalizt Oppress
4:10	<Germany>	You're one to talk SSR.
4:10	Chanserv	<@USSR> has banned and kicked <Germany>
4:11	<Canada>	Ha
4:11	<@USSR>		It is funny indeed, comrade.
4:11	<@USA>		@<Canada>: I'll give you beer.
4:12	<Canada>	@<@USA>: You win!
4:12	***		<@USSR> points nuclear warheads at <Canada>
4:13	<@England>	What's wrong with being centrist?
4:13	<+China>	Everything Eng, Everything
4:14	<@USA>		You have to point your missiles at USSR Can
4:15	<Canada>	...
4:15	<Canada>	I don't have any
4:16	<@USSR>		>_> You can't play then
4:16	<Canada>	Awww :( I can point hockey sticks at you guys
4:17	Chanserv	<@France> kicked and banned Canada (You know your fucked, when your little brother joins RLStates. Hopefully 			kicking and banning him will get him out.)

[Antoletia]

"Well at least they got their second win. Over some team called Yorobia. They are fourth behind the three on 9."

"Yeah but they all have had their bye, and we haven't....And we still have to play the ladies of Cassadaigua."

"Yeah, besides that victory over the Archregimancy we really have failed to do anything of relevance to help us forward into qualifying."

"Well we still have to play two bottom feeders, the 3rd and first bottom feeder to be exact. Then we can rest a bit for the second half."

"Do you think we can qualify?"

"If we play like we did against the Archregimancy we can beat anyone. Hell we can beat anyone sometimes we couldnt even beat the worst team in the world."

"It's like there hot and their cold."

"Their yes and their no."

"Their in and their out."

"Their up and their down."

"Did we just have a Katy Perry moment."

"Why yes...I think we did."

"We need help."

"Why yes...I think we do."

[Taeshan]

"And that is just a beautiful goal from Ender Wiggin to get the game started. Here in the 12th minute it is Taeshan 1-0 The Kytler Peninsulae. Wiggin just screamed that ball in from 28 yards to make it 1-0. Gwyn Juniper will get the assist."

over an hour later

"Theres the ball to Jordan Jaffacake. Jaffacake turns and and finds Juniper in the center who lays it back on the right to Theodore Vanswoi. Vanswoi swings it in to their heads. And its off Icicle and out. The Knights got so close."

"And Camelot steals it back. He finds Jaffacake. Jaffacake charges forward and whacks it towards the net. Catamount is onside and flicks it on net, and the goalie pushes it wide. Knights corner."

"Knickerbocker sets the ball up. Lydie the smallest player on the field right now is for some reason in the box. The small center back has been on today."

"And its swung in, and Lydie finds the ball with her head. GOOOOOOOAL. The smallest player on the field heads it in. 2-0. Thats brilliant work by the Knights."

"Girl power all the way."

"Thats right....Girl power."

[Ipeland]

#                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Pendleton                 30   17   9   4    65   34  +31    60  C
 2 Vant Isles                30   19   2   9    55   38  +17    59
 3 Winwick                   30   16   5   9    45   31  +14    53
 4 Leighton                  30   15   8   7    52   40  +12    53
 5 Burnden Park              30   14   9   7    42   34   +8    51
 6 University College        30   13   9   8    65   50  +15    48
 7 Caelon                    30   13   8   9    46   41   +5    47
 8 Vant City                 30   12   8  10    45   42   +3    44
 9 Loi                       30   12   5  13    43   47   −4    41
10 North Walkden Whites      30    9  10  11    43   41   +2    37
11 Oddteg                    30    8  11  11    38   46   −8    35
12 Salfordon                 30    6  13  11    49   55   −6    31
13 Eccles                    30    8   7  15    41   55  −14    31
14 Walkden                   30    7   5  18    28   53  −25    26  Pl.
15 Darain                    30    4  10  16    31   53  −22    22  R
16 Kirrymoon                 30    3   9  18    29   57  −28    18  R

Relegation playoff
Semi-final
Eavchester 2–5 Walkden
Carwood Springs 2–0 Roe Green

Final
Walkden 0-0 Carwood Springs (1-1 AET) (3-2 pen.)

Promoted: Stockton and Trumpton

Ipeland Premier League 2025 Premier League season preview
Part 1 (Burnden Park-Eccles)

Welcome to the officially unofficial preview for the 2024-25 season of the Ipeland Premier League. This was made mainly to take people's mind off the bad performances in the World Cup so far and things that are happening in general.

Map of the football grounds in Ipeland

Burnden Park
Last season: Last season was seen by most Burnden Park fans as failure. But I disagree. After some of their key players leaving the club after feeling that they have achieved all that they can, the most notable being midfielder Ethan Gray who had been at Burnden Park for 8 seasons since joining at the age of 18, the team never looked the same in pre-season despite some good signings. For the first half of the season the team didn't do well at all, remaining near the relegation places as attendances fell quite hard.

They seemed to pick up after the three week mid-season break, appearing to have new life in them, and slowly climbed up the table, and slowly drew people back into the seats to watch the game, rising to fall just outside what would have been the Globe Cup places. The top goalscorer for the season was young striker Matthew Millson, who scored 19 goals in the 26 games he played.

Best moment: James Hughton firing a spectacular shot that won them the first game after the mid-season break, and probably started the the turnaround of their fortunes.

Worst moment: Losing 1-6 to local rivals University College FC at home

Realistic expectations: No miracles should happen this time around, and a Globe Cup spot should satisfy the fans.

Caelon
Last season: Caelon have remained where they always have been and probably always will be in the future, upper mid-table. There were nowhere near a UICA competition, and fans want to return to the glory days of early Ipelandic football, the lone championship won since then not enough to satisfy their hunger for glory.

But turning away from the league table and onto the pitch, Caelon have probably been one of the most, if not the most, exciting clubs to watch at times. The excitement came in two or three game bursts of goals, goals and more goals, followed a longer period of boring 1-0s and 0-0s. Top scorer honours was shared between midfielder Carson Owen and striker Aidan Bell, who had twelve goals apeice.

Best moment: Winning 5-0 over the Vant Isles on the first day of the season.

Worst moment: Long serving defender John Clarks retiring mid-season, leaving quite a big gap to be filled in defence, possibly causing the next game against North Walkden Whites to be lost 3-6.

Realistic expectations: 7th or 8th. Again.

Eccles
Last season: The last season was another one to forget for the Cakes, who spent most of their time in the relegation playoff places, only escaping them by the absolutely dramatic implosion of Walkden, considered one of the big five teams in the division, and eventually surving rather comfortably by five points. Still, this season saw Eccles add to their list of manager casualties, which currently stands at 4 over the past 3 seasons

Eccles were, like two seasons ago, generally poor. True, they had a few shock wins against Pendleton and the Vant Isles, but they were ruled out by going all four games against the newly promoted teams without a win, and giving away easy points by virtue of bad defending and silly mistakes. What is left to be seen is whether new manager John Thatson, will be the clubs saviour, or just another failed manager like so many that came before him.

Best moment: A narrow 1-0 win over Pendleton was probably a high point in a rather low season

Worst moment: Being beaten by the bottom team. Twice. In two weeks.

Realistic expectations: An untested manager makes it impossible for me to predict, but a mid table finish should be on most fans agendas.

[Turori]

EELS FALTER AGAIN, CUP OF HARMONY LOOMING?

TURORI SUBMITS CUP OF HARMONY HOST BID

Sitting 6th in their group after 4 games, the Football Association of Turori has decided to submit a host bid for the Cup of Harmony, in accordance with self-proposed guidance to identify such hosting opportunities by the 4th Matchday of World Cup Qualifying Competition.

The Football Association of Turori, having freshly renovated their stadium infrastructure in co-hosting the 36th AOCAF Championships, is now looking to reach out and host its first WCC sanctioned event since the 26th Cup of Harmony following World Cup 34 qualifying.

The Eels only loss so far in the campaign has been to group joint-leaders Mapletish, a respectable record but including only one victory, against newcomers Dark. Turori has struggled against sides like the Star United States who are having an impressive run.

The Turori National Team will now travel to United Gordonopia, a nation on the rise in the International Football scene, having one of the most widely publicized, though not exactly world class (yet), competitions. The Eels will move ahead of United Gordonopia with a victory, one that they quite frankly need to maintain their chances at the playoff zone.

The Eels will also be looking for the victory to give them momentum ahead of the important home clash against group favorites Qazox at the Cednia Beach Center in Cednia on Matchday 7.

Eels head coach Mikael Gibbons was not available for comment following the 1-1 draw with the Star United States, but reportedly had a one hour training session with the team immediately upon returning to the National Academy in Almintora following the match, where he went over fundamentals like how to take a throw in, how to run with the ball and how to make simple passes.

[Kinitaria]

AN UNBEATEN start to the World Cup Qualification campaign was maintained by Kinitaria following a controversial away win against group third seeds Eastfield Lodge.

The victory, through an early Yulian Kovačev goal, leaves Kinitaria second in the group, unbeaten and three points behind clear favourites Polar Islandstates with one game in hand.

The controversy, though, would begin before the game even got underway. Kick-off was delayed for just under half an hour as Kinitaria boss Tofiq Yurovič lodged a furious protest with match officials about the legality of "huge bug-eyed lizard things and giant fire monsters and who knows what else" appearing in the opposition's starting line-up. Eventually, though, the referee ruled that there was no rule preventing this, and the game got underway.

If Kinitaria were unnerved by their otherworldly opponents, they didn't show it, maintaining the attacking approach that has favoured them so far in this qualifying group. It brought them rewards early on, captain Yulian Kovačev's close-range shot being swiped away by the powerful claws of the towering Eastfield Lodge goalkeeper ("Blon"), but the Kinitar midfielder was able to stick out a foot and deflect the ball into the net to give Kinitaria an early lead.

After that, though, the "total football" style employed by the hosts, allowing players to take up just about any position on the field, gradually forced Kinitaria onto the defensive. Eastfield Lodge had their first significant chance when the human (we think) Rory Williams combined with the scaly, reptilian form of Madame Vastra, but her snap-shot wasn't enough to test Costin Petran in goal.

The Eastfield Lodge defence became very adept at keeping the Kinitar attacks out, with Pyrovile in particular - a fifteen-foot magma being - stopping most balls over the top just by its presence. This was the result of numerous stoppages in play as the balls had a tendency to burst upon doing this.

For the hosts, just about the closest they came was through their goalkeeper, Blon. A ranged effort from Mihalcič was beaten away by the keeper's strong forearm, flying over a hundred yards down the field, past a completely unsuspecting Costin Petran and just past the right-hand post.

The home team ended the half on the up, the tricky centre-forward styling himself only "Doctor" forcing a smart save out of Petran at his near post. Eastfield Lodge's Raston Warrior Robot flung itself at the loose ball with astonishing speed, but overshot and ended up inside of the goal net, allowing Spirlea to hack the ball clear in what was essentially the final act of the first half.

There were changes to both sides at the interval, the ineffective Reaper replaced by a swarm of Vashta Nerada, while Kinitaria chose to replace Lupei with Andonov in a move clearly designed to bolster their defence.

Kinitaria began the second half as they had begun the first, attempting to breach the Eastfield Lodge defence early on. Pročazka did manage to beat Blon with a curling effort, but the speed of the Raston Warrior Robot was enough to get behind the ball and force it clear off the line, despite Kinitar protests that it had gone in.

And as in the first half, Kinitaria were quickly forced onto the defensive. An Eastfield Lodge corner was forced into the net by Creet, but the match official saw fit to disallow the goal, pointing out that the metal sphere had knocked over four Kinitar defenders like bowling balls before the ball had crossed the line.

As Cyril Novak came on to further shore up the Kinitar defence, it seemed like the visitors had adopted an unfamiliar strategy of sitting back and inviting the Eastfield Lodge attack. It was a strategy they were clearly not used to, and this almost proved fatal when Harkness (probably a human) took advantage of a defensive mix-up to go clean through on Petran, but could only fire straight at the Kinitar goalkeeper.

It was then that the game was further gripped by controversy. Novak dived into a sliding challenge with Eastfield's Vashta Nerada. The Kinitar defender's leg passed through the shadowy figure and when it emerged, there was merely a stump left at the knee. As Cyril Novak was stretchered off the field, Yurovič raged at the match officials and, although it seemed like abandonment was being discussed, the game continued with the dismissal of the shadowlike swarm for "violent conduct".

The rest of the game would be played out to a chorus of jeers from the crowd, but in a rather sombre mood on the pitch, as time expired with no further significant chances being created. Boss Yurovič would have the final say as the game concluded, the indignant manager turning an unhealthy shade of red before landing a punch squarely in the face of Rassilon, his opposite number, and promptly storming up the tunnel.

Neither the Kinitar manager nor any of the squad were available for comment after this fixture.

EFL 0 - 1 KIN
(55%) Possession (45%)
(10) Shots (12)
(7) On target (2)
(22) Fouls (14)
(3) Corners (5)
(0) Offside (0)
(0) Yellow cards (0)
(1) Red cards (0)

Kinitaria team ratings: Petran 9, Sala 8, Lupei 8, Sykora 7, Spirlea 9, Vacarestič 8, Preda 6, Kovačev 9, Pročazka 8, Mihalcič 9, Sabčot 9.
Substitutes: Andonov (for Lupei 45) 7, Novak (for Preda 74) 10, Cantacuzino (for Novak 76) 6.
Goals: Kovačev 4.

---

"Hey! Hey, 'scuse me, you're the manager, aren't you?" On receiving an answer in the affirmative, Tofiq Yurovič blustered on, his small, narrowed eyes glaring into the harsh face of his opposite number, having abandoned his team in the dressing room for the purposes of this rant. "You're going to have to clear your mascots off the pitch, the game starts in five minutes, we can't play around them--"
"That's our team," was the simple response from the taller man, his eyes remaining firmly focused on his players.
"Your team? You're telling me that giant fire things and bats and- things are your team?" A nod by way of response. "Well... well you can't do that! I've never heard of such a thing in over forty years in the game!" With this outburst, the rotund manager dashed off to bend the ear of the day's match referee.
"Hey, ref! Have you seen what their lot are playing at? You'll have to call this game off, we can't play like this!"
"I, um... is there a problem, sir?" inquired the official, a sharp eyebrow raised as he surveyed the reddening manager.
"You're damn right there's a problem, look! Surely there's no way they're allowed to field... monsters in a professional football game?"
Glancing from the Eastfield Lodge team to the furious manager in front of him, the referee bit his lip. This wasn't what he'd taken up officiating for. Still, he had to handle this diplomatically. "I'll check it out, but I really don't see--"
"You make sure you do," growled Yurovič, throwing open the dressing room door and marching back inside muttering about abominations of nature, twisted creatures and other such things.
"Hey, boss, is something wrong?" inquired talisman striker Luka Sabčot. The team had expected to be out on the pitch by now, after all.
"Just some irregularity," mumbled their manager, pacing the dressing room floor back and forth, "might not even be playing... invalid players... can't see how... not in the rules..."
At this, some of the Kinitar players exchanged nervous glances with each other, but no-one dared interrupt. Something serious was clearly going on out there, and the whispered rumours grew as the boss disappeared from the room for minutes at a time, coming back looking increasingly frustrated each time. Finally, he was back with instructions.
"Right, we're going out, we're playing this match. You're in for a bit of a shock, but make sure you damn well smash them!" implored Yurovič, to shouts of assent as the Kinitar team finally made their way out, followed by gasps and some creative cursing in Kinitar as they saw what awaited. "Smash them!" yelled Yurovič once more.

They're just another ugly opponent, Kovačev told himself, although he didn't quite know how much he believed it. There's uglier defenders in the Premier Division than anything this mob could throw at us, after all. They were just going to have to play football and see what happened. Yep, play football. Against a metal sphere, among other things. And some giant fire monster. Was he dreaming, or had he been drugged? It had to be one of the two, since the alternatives weren't worth contemplating. Glancing around, all of his compatriots looked apprehensive. Appropriately so, he told himself. Well, there was nothing they could do about it now, as he jogged to his position and examined the faces - well, the forms - of this opposing team. Well, now it just seemed even more surreal. But all they could do from now on was to have a go. No wonder this lot ranked above Kinitaria.

Receiving the ball straight from the kick-off - Kinitaria had won the toss - he took a second to look around and the ball was whipped off his feet by some androgynous, expressionless robot thing, which was already bearing down upon the penalty area. That's not something you get in the Premier Division, is it? That may well be cause for concern. Fortunately the robot thing had mistimed its shot and Petran had the ball for a goal kick. But once you get into your stride, he had discovered, it's hard for anything - even a team of aliens - to put you off it. He was quickly into his game, trapping the ball and shimmying past a defender - that one looked human - pausing to compose himself, curling his shot in - no, the goalkeeper's swiped it away but he could still get a foot to it, he was going to get there and turn it in and that's 1-0. He could stand with arms aloft, but even celebrating felt abnormal in this surreal atmosphere. A glance up at the scoreboard confirmed it, 0-1 after four minutes. Wait, just four minutes?

The rest of the first half had gone by in a blur to him, one scene transitioning abnormally into another, just like something that shouldn't be, an almost dreamlike state even. Sure, he could perform individual actions, a tackle here, a pass there, no, the fire beast has got it, a cross from the wing... but it didn't seem to fit together, an almost jagged edge to reality, a weird ball of timey-wimey stuff rather than proper time itself. Surely he was just going to walk down the tunnel at half time and then wake up? He'd fallen asleep on the plane, he would wake up and they would be landing in Eastfield Lodge, a normal country where normal humans made up the national football team. But, emerging for the start of the second half, it seemed that would not be the case. The other lot were bringing on some shadow being as a substitute. Well that's nice, he thought. Oh, and they were 1-0 up. That's important somehow, isn't it?

For Cyril Novak, he thought this was going to be an ideal opportunity. He'd been frozen out of Mi'ato City's line-up for months now in the Premier Division, but if he could just get on and put in a decent performance for his country, he might get noticed by his club again, too. What the left-back had seen, though, was not what he was expecting. From his vantage point on the substitutes bench, he'd watched his country struggle into a 1-0 lead against a set of abominations against nature, but the abominations were fighting back. Then there was the signal from his manager. They wanted to tighten up defensively, go to a 5-3-2, Kinitaria never do that, but he was on. Shaking hands with Preda - who he knew from City, of course - he was on. Okay, he had a shadow-thing and someone who looked human to deal with, in his position. This didn't happen every match. But he'd have to do what he could to guard the gate to his nation, maintain their precious lead. Shadow-thing was sprinting in his direction. He charged in, studs up, determined to make an impression. A flash. Fade to black.

[Gyatso-kai]

OFFICIAL REPORT

10 AUGUST 2012.3

----------------

NAME: LEIFONG SAIKHAN
POSITION: OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR, MEN'S NATIONAL TEAM (FOOTBALL)

Subject: Current Formation Efficency

As requested, this report is to be submitted on the first bye day of the 61st World Cup.

Returning home to face New Pebble Island --- a team which has proven to be no threat with a 1-2-1 record with a -3 GD ---- the men have shown how comfortable they are in the familiar 4-4-2, and continue to show strength in a skill set of +2.6.

However, this is simply a repeat of last tournament, and as of now, the results have been much the same....

Attached you will find the defensive analysis chart, and even though the Bisons have only taken three goals in tournament play, you will begin to already see the patterns emerge; though, if this is a result of Bai'a Kita's abilities or the lack of coverage in our defenive zone, it is still to remain to be seen.

The first goal scored was lost by Kotyc'e Bralor on a short pass from Maki Li, which resulted in an off-balance reshift into the defensive variant of the 4-4-2, with Li and Bralor rushing into the back field to attempt and congest the ball. However, with Miyamoto Kaoru's favouring of his right side --- the same side as Kim Dong Su --- we have a one-sided defence there on the left side of the pitch. The Carmadini player was able to push into this weakness, bring the ball back upfield, and then strech his legs through an opening brought on by Bao Yiyong shifting his position to compensate for the loss ground by Wong, and the Carmadini simply just pushed on into the goal for a low-right side sting.

The next goal, scored early in the Bongo Johnson match, would come from a mid-pitch loss by Miyamoto, who would trip and shuffle his feet to attempt to regain the ball, but the speed of the Bongoian player was surprising, and in a short move, snaking his way through a back-pitch weakness we need to address and striking from the near-middle to sink the ball high-left. Kita tried, but he is lacking height to stop the high shots...

The third goal would come from an offensive-misstep on the part of Tsukino Hachiro, who while technical and a neutral midfielder, has been struggling to remain in the middle of the pitch; and has been pushing more and more forward into formations. Likely a result of his time in the CDP, Tsukino is favouring a much-more offensive style, and I will submit to Vhett to have Tsukino attend the offensive practices over the bye periods to help him adjust to what he seems to be favouring.

After his misstep, the Bongoian midfielder would take the ball through the midfield, only to exploit the week left-handed forward defence of Bao and bring the ball straight into the net. The goal would come --- again --- high, though this time on the right side.

SUGGESTIONS

With these facts in mind, the following are my suggestions for practice and or the game against New Pebble Island:

SUBSTITUTE Bao Yiyong out for Kobayashi Ren. Kobayashi --- through his history with Miyamoto --- will better strengthen the weaker right side of the pitch, as well as contribute to a more-even backpitch style of play.

MOVE Tsukino Hachiro to the offensive corps, and begin to shift him from the neutral right to an offensive middle.

PUSH Kotyc'e Bralor mack into the defence. He has been shifting too much to the offence --- his time in Erathore, more than likely to blame --- and we need to remind him of his role on the team.

----------------

SUBMITTED 1922 hours 10 AUGUST 2012.3

[Carmadin]

"Dear kind sirs of the United Carmadin Airlines,

I must sincerely apologize for my behavior a few days prior to the date this letter is postmarked, on your flight 2056, Gyatso-Kai to Carmadin. I understand the the captain, and indeed the entire airline, must have found my behavior most irksome, and in retrospect, I must admit I acted less than professionally. I hope you understand the circumstances under which this behavior occurred, however. As you know, I am the manager and head coach of the Carmadin National Football Team. On the flight in question, I had just received an electronic message concerning one of my players. I trust you have heard of Cheh Tom Jaht Kaeh? I had received notification that Mr. Jaht Kaeh received a very exciting offer from Cotdelapomais Serie A club Cosmopolitian, regarding a prospective transfer. Naturally, I wished to deliver this wonderful news to my counterpart, Dowv Daz, as well as Cheh Tom. This is why I left my seat.

Furthermore, I have a long, and rather embarassing history of motion sickness, and as such, I was considerably alarmed after the announcement that the plane would be entering turbulence, which, while certainly not excusing, I hope provides some explaination into my use of vulgar language immediatly following the afforementioned announcement. I understand that I am held responsible for my own actions, and words as well. I would like to sincerely apologize for any disturbance I may have caused to the captain, the flight attendants, and any passengers that may have been offended by my heated choice of words, which I regretted immediately after the words left my mouth.

In addition, please accept my apologies for my behavior during the afforementioned turbulence. I can't know if you have ever been out of your seat on a plane experiencing turbulence, but allow me to assure you that it is not an enjoyable experience. It is, naturally, quite difficult to control your motion when placed into such a situation, and as such, I acknowledge both the disturbence I created and the fact the had I obeyed the captain's instructions, the situation would not have occurred. I would like to apologize for any disturbances I may have caused while the plane was in turbulence

Please accept my sincerest apologies for the excellent dinner that I ruined as well while in the cabin of the airliner during the turbulence. I was quite dismayed to see such an excellent-looking beef stew all over my head instead of in my mouth, as it smelled delicious. Please give my apologies and compliments to the chef, though the replacement banana was excellent as well. I look forward to the next time I may consume one of your excellent meals.

Please, I implore you, accept my most sincere apologies for my antics on the afforementioned flight. Please accept my apologies and the enclosed 200 Munshuun note as a small condolence and compensation for my admitted idiocy.

Sincerely,

Kihxaw Jahp"

***

[Audioslavia]

Rubio Sanchez usually enjoyed the feeling of the Krytenian summer sun on his back. Something to do with his hispanic background and natural affinity for that yellow orb in the sky. Recently, though, the heat had begun to annoy him.

The first few days out of work - seemingly just waiting for everything to 'blow over' - had been great. He and Jeremy had gained access to what looked like some very tasty information in the form of some salvaged hard-drives from the locked-down, emptied Emberton Post offices and were waiting a few days for the files to be decrypted. Two days had turned to a week, however, with no sign of any progress either with their little espionage trick or with the paper. Rubio hadn't been payed. He doubt he'd ever see another paycheque from the Post. The long siestas in the sun had been fun for a few days, but now he was restless. Being restless made him stressed, and being stressed made him sweat.

Still, there was some kind of bright light n the horizon. The Audioslavian government - or a tiny section of it - were sending a young trainee to help Jeremy at the now-defunct Post. Neither Jeremy nor Rubio knew who exactly was coming, but it'd give the two a chance to take their minds off of their careers. The newling wouldnt be able to *actually* work at the Post, but they'd make sure he got a good bit of experience anyway.

The poor sod's first task - use the information salvaged from the offices to construct a story about what exactly happened to the Post - would be an immediate make-or-break for the young chap.

Rubio rounded the corner and slipped into the cafe where he was due to meet Jeremy and this unfortunate stranger.

Rubio looked around the cafe. He saw no sign of Jeremy Jaffacake. He looked again. Still nothing.

"Hey, Rubio" came a voice, just five feet away from him. Rubio was sure he'd looked at that table. It did, indeed, seat a Jeremy at it.

"I'm right here" said Jeremy, "you looked at me twice and didn't register anything". Rubio looked puzzled, and then figured out what was wrong. Sitting opposite Jeremy was a striking young woman. Short red hair, bright green eyes, high cheekbones, a hint of lithe athleticism under the smart, businesslike trouser-suit.

"No wonder I didn't recognise you" said Rubio, finally, to Jeremy. "You're with a woman. It's practically a disguise". Jeremy gave his friend a sarcastic chuckle.

"This is no ladyfriend, amigo, this is Sue. Sue Dysos. Our *intern* of sorts. Sue smiled a lop-sided smile in Rubio's direction. Rubio beamed his own set of bright white teeth to Sue.

"Hi" he said.
"Hi" came the reply.
Jeremy groaned.
"What?" said Rubio, a little annoyedly.
"You'll see" said Jeremy. "Anyway, sit down will you? We've got a lot to discuss..

[Socialist States Owen]

Eurans cruising at the top of Group 12 after consecutive wins
Clint Covey reports

Things look rosy for qualification favourites FSSO in qualifying Group 12 after consecutive victories over Urbis Tractus and Ko=oren.

The first victory was far from routine. The FSSO's poor defensive record away from home continued when they conceded four away at Urbis Tractus, who are only ranked 222nd in the world. However the daring Euran front line continued to gain plaudits at home and abroad as they scored five of their own to win the encounter 5-4 - the first time in footballing history that FSSO have scored 5 goals in 3 games on the trot. Sam Needle had scored the first goal after a few minutes from the penalty spot before Lee Sharp added two goals with each foot, with the FSSO only conceding once in the first half, just before half time. In the second half Steve Thompson got the away side off to a good start, finding the net with a 40 yard scorcher, but Urbis Tractus appeared to turn things around with two goals in quick succession. However Thompson scored again, this time from close range, to take the score to 5-3 with only five minutes to go leaving Urbis Tractus dead in the water, although a stoppage time 4th left the FSSO wobbling before the finish.

Far less dramatic was the FSSO's next match, a routine home win against Ko-oren. Despite an early red card for Joe Arne Pizza in controversial circumstances (he appeared to have been sent off for using foul language...without moving his mouth, according to video replays!), the FSSO recovered easily and disposed of the visitors before half time thanks to yet another goal for Sharp and a tap in for Josh Stevenson. Next up in qualifying is a long awaited fixture for the FSSO; away in Starblaydia. The FSSO defeated the five times world champions many a year ago, before Starblaydia hit its heights and the FSSO was a footballing backwater that would not enter a World Cup qualifying campaign until the 54th iteration. Since then the scorer of the winning goal that day, Lionel Carlston, has become a footballing icon of another age of Euran football. He predicts a glorious return against the greatest footballing nation of our times. "Starblaydia have suffered a real dip. They are only 142nd in the world now for a reason," he told Emplor, "but as I've always said - form is temporary and class is permanent. These boys are already near the top of the group and wherever they are ranked nowadays they will always be on the way up. It's going to be perhaps a more unnerving occasion for our guys than theirs."

So far things in Group 12 don't seem to be going to plan for the betting agencies. The FSSO have surged into an early lead as they predicted, but Mashiki have performed well above expectations to find themselves second in the group after four games, only one point behind us. Starblaydia have exceeded expectations to a lesser extent, taking the same amount of points from four games. New Montreal States have flopped though; languishing in 7th with only six points after suffering two defeats in their first four games. If this slow start for them can develop into a sustained period of bad form, it will be good news for the FSSO who will then surely be easily in pole position to cruise into another World Cup. We've come a long way in the last year - long may it continue!

Group 12 Standings

   Team                     P  W  D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
 1 The FSSO                 4  3  1  0  17   9  +8 10
 2 Mashiki                  4  3  0  1   9   6  +3  9
 3 Starblaydia              5  3  0  2  12   9  +3  9
 4 Ko=oren                  4  2  1  1   5   4  +1  7
 5 Baltskandio              5  2  1  2  14  13  +1  7
 6 Aexalla                  5  2  1  2   6   9  -3  7
 7 New Montreal States      4  2  0  2   4   4  +0  6
 8 Geisenfried              4  0  2  2   1   8  -7  2
 9 Urbis Tractus            5  0  0  5   5  11  -6  0

[Arcadian Islands]

Arcadian Islands coach Nial Moro bemoaned his side's recent poor finishing despite a respectable 1-1 draw against highly ranked Chenkorya at Roderick Vegter Stadion, Lake of Jesma yesterday.

Whilst a goal from Jean d'Entrecasteaux just after half time gave the visiting Satinbirds an unexpected lead, which the Arcadians almost carried through to full time, a late goal from Ignác Prado Romo evened the ledger. Moro will be wondering what could have been as Gareth Sully and Robert Lamanon both missed clear-cut chances for Arcadian Islands. The draw against Chenkorya followed a disappointing defeat against Free South Califas, where the Satinbirds were held scoreless despite several chances.

Moro, who was generally upbeat about his side's latest performance, knows his team must become more clinical in front of goal in their upcoming matches; a trip to Karditan and a clash against Beaverriver in Esperance. "In football it's normal - if you don't score then you don't win," Moro told FootballArcadia after the match. "We had a couple of excellent opportunities and unfortunately we couldn't convert. That is definitely what we have to look into. We cannot play well and not score - that's a problem."

The foreign-born coach was relatively pleased with the way his team responded after a slow start, and wants the players to immediately switch their focus to their match against Karditan. "It is very encouraging," Moro said. "I think after some shaky 15 minutes or so, we found our rhythm, we got into shape, we had a better adjustment to the game. We had some excellent counter [attacks] in the first half and secondly, some more good chances. I am glad we did not drop our heads [after the loss to FSC] and now the main focus is on the games ahead. That is where we now have to focus all our energy."

Arcadian Islands captain Kensi August had similar thoughts on the game and felt if they had have converted their chances, the result could have been different. August also felt the goals they conceded in the past two matches were poor and avoidable. "But, we want to look at the positives," August said. "We have had a really busy week and a tough week physically. We have had a game today where we started a bit shaky but got some good shape and then we started to play and almost upset another much higher-ranked opponent. We created some great opportunities and had we taken them it would have been a much different game. The late goal we conceded was avoidable, and a bit sloppy on our behalf. Same goes for the goal we conceded last match. But, we can hopefully correct that."

Jean d'Entrecasteaux, who was the main attacking threat for the Satinbirds, felt the match was a good lesson for the players ahead of the trip to Karditan. "I think it was a good preparation for the next match," d'Entrecasteaux said. "The main thing that we learnt today is that we have to be more clinical in front of goal. I think we created a lot of chances but our finishing wasn't up to date today."

Match Summary
@ Roderick Vegter Stadion, Lake of Jesma, Chenkorya

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Chenkorya (0) 1 - 1 (0) Arcadian Islands

Ignác Prado Romo 86'

d'Entrecasteaux 47'

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Yellow Cards

Anatolov

Jamet, August

[Warkus]

The Ultimate Training Session

Part I

"Where are we going, Voss-man?" said Trevor, speaking to the manager of the Warkus national team, Warku legend Victor Vos. "Tell the lads that we're going hiking, tell 'em to rest up too." replied Vos. The team were incredibly shocked after finding out their destination. "Mt. Meudwy?! Are you trying to get us killed?!" roared Elwyn Dafis. Everyone was horrified, Mt. Meudwy?! Even the pros got lost up there, not to mention that climbing would be impossible for anyone in this weather. However, Vos had a confident look on his face, as well as one that made it seem like he was hiding something.

Despite their horror, and their *probably* upcoming death, they began the long, impossible climb. Having an untouchable hero manage your football team is pretty awesome. It wasn't long, however, before they were attacked by a large, serpent-like creature. What happened next was incredible, Vos released a surge of energy from his hand, completely obliterating the serpent. Impossible, no man could wield such magical power. Magic was always deemed to be a rumour by the ordinary Warku, while the Suvani monks were considered to be idiotic hermits. It seems they were wrong. Vos took time to explain his abilities to the group, while levitating them to the top.

"Everyone who spends a minimum of 5 years in these mountains obtains these powers, the Suvani peak is home to the Suvani monks and their families. They live here in tranquility, while trying to discover the meaning of life and how to change destiny. We're going to train at the peak and with the monks, this place is the best place to go for training. The harsh weather, the low oxygen and magical properties are what makes this place such a great training ground. You'll all be learning some simple abilities, like how to increase your speed, stamina and use magical powers to benefit you in matches."

[Valanora]

Valanora Times
Vanorian Military Prepares Drills on Eve of Hosting the World Cup

With less than a year before millions of foreigners shall be arriving on its shores by boat or by plane, the Vanorian military today announced a series of drills for all three branches and their subsequent subbranches as well as some operations with the local police. The Military Council assured that these were just basic training measures to ensure that the domestic forces are ready to handle whatever trouble might arise during the Finals next year, but there are a few who are speculating that this is the start of a ramp up of military spending and production. For that ends that remains to be seen, as most Vanorians when asked are content with the Commonwealth's current borders, although additional force for international peacekeeping is not out of the questioning following recent events in the region. After the Sorthern Northland situation and the Wight catastrophe, it may be that the Council is looking to have a larger role in the regional peacekeeping operations or it merely serve as a deterrent to those that believe Valanora to be dormant and resting on its laurels.

Whatever is the reason behind the drills, the citizenry is advised to stay aware of when and where the drills will be happening both on land and out at sea to avoid any unfortunate casualties or mishaps. With the amount of notice that has been given by the Council it should be easy for those affected to find the locations and times of where the drills are being conducted and to avoid those areas.

In other news, Club ESF is having their kits redesigned after an invitation to participate in the Aeropag Invitational in Paripana. The new home kits will have a royal blue top with a diagonal white stripe from the right hip to left shoulder with white shorts, while the away kit will inverse the colors. The squad looks to debut their news kits in the upcoming AFI and hopes to have them for sale in the club gift shop in the upcoming weeks.