The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[Serdequre]

"Silly juice after a college education."

Jang laughs. It’s a surprisingly soft sound.

“Sounds a bit immature! Like that repeal ya mentioned earlier. I’ll pass.”

[The Palentine]

Meanwhile in the back at the bar on the Stage, there was quite a bit of activities. The gorilla piano player, Philo Simeon was assisting some Destructor Bunnies wearing cowboy hats and rhinestone encrusted Nudie Suits. They were setting up mics and bringing up music instruments. Finally after about a half hour they were all set up and doing sound checks. Philo left the bar and ten minutes later came back wearing a black suit, with matching Stetson hat. He first sat down at his piano, and ordered a Sunset Saspirella from a passing waitress. When his drink arrived he took a couple of drinks and set it down on the small table next to his piano. On the stage the band consisted of Destructor Bunnies playing a fiddle, steel guitar, guitar, double bass and drums. Philo looked off stage to the Bunny running the sound board who gave him a thumbs up. Philo and the band began playing a familiar Bob Wills tune, with Philo singing in a baritone voice...

"Deep within my heart
Lies a melody
A song of old San Antone.
Where in dreams I live
With a memory
Beneath the stars all alone.

Well, it was there I found
Beside the Alamo,
Enchantment strange as the
Blue up above.
For that moonlit pass
That only she would know
Still hears my broken song of love!

Moon in all your splendor
Known only to my heart
Call back my rose
Rose of San Antone!
Lips so sweet and tender
Like petals fallin apart
Speak once again of my love, my own!

Broken song
Empty words I know
Still live in my heart all alone
For that moonlit pass by the Alamo
And rose my rose of San Antone!

Broken song
Empty words I know
Still live in my heart all alone
For that moonlit pass by the Alamo
And rose my rose of San Antone!"

[Rubenfieldd]

5 and a half year old, Blubell walks into the bar shyly and looking around. She was very nervous, she was small compared to the other leaders of the other countries, ever since becoming queen of her country because of her mother's early grave. She sat upon a stool and asked for apple juice. in which case no one listened because she was quiet and the bar was loud, VERY loud. So she decided to take matters into her own hands, she jumped over the table separating the bar from the dining area, and got her own DAMN wine glass, and went to the DAMN apple cider all by her DAMN self then she sat down at a table all by herself, because she was a big girl!

[Juansonia]

Maria-Fernanda Novo walks into the bar while quickly etching notes into her beeswax tablet. "Neville, I'll have a popcorn bag and a pint of lager. Two ambassadors are arguing over which state-backed religion is the 'One True Religion', and the floor is guaranteed to get heated tonight. Keep the rest as a tip." she hands Neville a sum of pesos which exchanges to $35 NSD.

edit: continuation

After neville gave her the lager and popcorn, she starts with the lager. Meanwhile, the television currently shows debate over the repeal of GA#430. After finishing the lager and eating a quarter of the popcorn, she notices that she is on the debate floor.

"A toothless and ineffective remedy. I quote: 'Prohibits member states from hindering the right of individuals to free expression, excepting the restrictions established in section 2, and restrictions required to fulfill the mandates of WA legislation, or restrictions permitted in future, unrepealed WA legislation.' As the new replacement would in fact be 'future, unreleased WA legislation,' GA#436 creates an automatic backdoor through which repression can pass without difficulty. A criticism, I should note, that Aelyria levied at that legislation when it was up for vote as well."

"The replacement did not, in fact, permit such restrictions wholesale - it simply failed to prohibit them. For the purposes of GA#436, it would still be prohibited to hinder the rights of individuals to free expression, as new legislation does not expressly allow such hindrance. I would also like to inform you that the draft replacement also protects religious practice as of the most recent revision, and is written in such a way that mere expression is not a restrictable practice."
- Maria-Fernanda Novo, WA Ambassador for the Armed Republic of Juansonia

With a sour look, she adds, "Furthermore, despite its vital importance, GA#436 also uses the 'least restrictive means' standard, which means this repeal establishes a precedent under which we will be forced, yet again, to repeal some of the most important and vital protections humanity can receive for foolish and shortsighted reasons. The Federation of Aelyria is only more committed to opposing this repeal in light of this previous legislation, which perfectly validly used this standard without problems!"

"Juansonia is also opposed to this repeal of 'Freedom of Religon', the reply was simply a response to a false statement about the replacement."
- Maria-Fernanda Novo, Ambassador

she says to herself, "I'm still in the bar, but I'm also on the debate floor? This lager is stronger than I remember, but it couldn't have been spiked. I really should go." She then grabs her tablet and popcorn, and then staggers to the main door. As she crosses the doorway, her walk suddenly stabilises.

[The Palentine]

After Philo and the Destructor Bunnies finished the Bob Wills song there was a slight pause as Philo took another drink from his Sunset Sarsparilla, and a quick puff of his cigar. Then with a countdown Philo and the band began playing a boogie woogie beat and Philo stsrted singing...

"One... two... one, two, three, go...

Don't the girls all get prettier at closing time
Don't they all begin to look like movie stars
Don't the girls all get prettier at closing time
When the change starts takin' place
It puts a glow on every face
Of the fallen angels of the backstreet bars!

If I could rate 'em on a scale from one to ten
I'm lookin' for a nine, but eight could work right in
A few more drinks and I might slip to five or even four
But when tomorrow mornin' comes
And I wake up with a number one
I swear I'll never do it anymore!

Don't the girls all get prettier at closing time
Don't they all begin to look like movie stars
Don't the girls all get prettier at closing time
When the change starts takin' place
It puts a glow on every face
Of the fallen angels of the backstreet bars!

I don't mean to criticize the girls at all,
'Cause I know Robert Redford even overhauled.
But we all picture in our minds a girl that looks just right.
Now ain't it funny, ain't it strange
The way a man's opinions change
When he starts to face that mornin' light!

Don't the girls all get prettier at closing time!
Don't they all begin to look like movie stars
Don't the girls all get prettier at closing time
When the change starts takin' place
It puts a glow on every face
Of the fallen angels of the backstreet bars
The fallen angels of those backstreet bars!"

[Simone Republic]

"Oh, it's been 20 years?" The Bear muses. "Oh I forgot, for the first six years we were supposedly at another more expensive pub. I think we are not supposed to speak about that pub because in the end that fireball that wiped out that-thing-we-must-not-speak-about also meant no one picked up the bar tab in the end".

"Anyway, cheers!" The Bear howls.

[Kenmoria]

James Lewitt walked into the bar. It hadn’t been easy, now that he was no longer Ambassador James Lewitt, official representative of Kenmoria. Ever since the World Assembly Mission had ceased to exist, in what could only be describe as a interdimensional, hyperspatial, ultratemporal... something, he had been removed from his official post. It was, after all, difficult to be a WA ambassador when Kenmoria had ceased to be a member of the World Assembly. It was rather annoying, but he had been given a generous severance allowance: something to be expected when his role did not officially exist, and he had been happy enough.

Then, of course, the entirety of Kenmoria had ceased to exist in the same fashion, a few days later. That had been more irritating though, surprisingly, James Lewis hadn’t minded too much. It was pleasant to be removed from the weight of responsibility. He did have other dealings aside from the debates and futilities of nation-states. It was strange, that state of not existing. There was still some measure of him, but he wasn’t quite there, unable to interact with other nations. A many strange things he had seen in his time at the World Assembly, but this was one of the strangest.

Of course, eventually, James Lewitt grew bored with non-existence. It had taken a while, but there wasn’t much to do aside from touching grass every now and then. The party was what had startled him into action: “Twenty-Year Anniversary”. It was emanating from his earpiece, more commonly used to receive directions from the central government. The audio feed was rooted through a series of secret, puppet nations, darted all across the world: from CCD to TNP. That was strange; he hadn’t thought that it still worked, not when the Kenmoria WA Mission had so suddenly vanished. Nonetheless, it was intriguing. The twenty-year anniversary of what? Kenmoria was not nearly that old, in the sense that mattered. Okay, the official position in all the history textbooks was that it had existed for centuries, but, for a long portion of that, it hadn’t really existed, able to interacted with other nation-states.

Naturally, he had picked up the receiver, and he had followed the trail, towards the abandoned land of the Kenmoria WA Mission. It has always been in a strange state of semi-existence anyway, officially denied by the government, for the purposes of ‘continuity’ and ‘maintaining an MT canon’, whatever that meant. Perhaps he had been the one to decide that, many years ago. He had seen a small doorway, and, behind it, the sound of singing was emanating. Hmm, that was strange. He could never remember any singing. Arguing, shouting, and weapon-nullifying pffs, but there was never any singing. With an abundance of hesitation, and a single pistol, just in case, he had stepped through the doorway.

James Lewitt walked into the bar. It hadn’t been easy, coming back from a prolonged period of non-existence, but it had been worth it. A single shot from the pistol, disappearing instantly into pink confetti, confirmed where he was. It was strange; in a few years in the World Assembly, passing more than a few resolutions, he had never been to the Strangers’ Bar. Now, however, it seemed appropriate. What was stranger than a former ambassador, returning from the dead? He had work to do. There were probably grammatical errors and ambiguous clauses afoot. Nonetheless, some time of reflection was warranted. He needed a stiff drink and, ordering one from the bar, took a seat at a low table. His phone was already bursting with messages from the Kenmorian government. He guessed that Kenmoria must have begun to exist as well: shame. Well, perhaps it wasn’t. Maybe now that he could relax here, spending slightly less time in the chambers, he might enjoy his ambassadorship more. “Cheers!” He announced, to nobody in particular. “Here’s to twenty more years!”

[Ainocra]

The one eyed man slumbers in his chair, half empty scotch bottle on the table in front of him.

[TheStonedSurfers]

Noa Ohana knew not what to expect upon his entry to the bar. Ideas of delegates and members standing around in suits and ties or various native apparel had danced in his head while discussions of the important matters of the World Assembly were debated casually over drinks and appetizers. He cleared his throat and cross the threshold of the fine establishment. Upon entering, he saw was could only have been a dive. A place where people slumbered with bottles on their table, where delegates and members alike seemed to stand around in quiet solitude perhaps contemplating the proposals and votes of the day. Whatever the case, Noa entered the bar, strode to its tender, and ordered a rum a coke. Then he sat down at a table sipping away while watching the various beings as they meandered about in their aimless existence.

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

For only about a minute, the bar patrons' regular business was interrupted as a "special presentation" was announced, prompting Jimmy and Violet to ascend to the top of the bar counter (Vi with a little support from an ever-chivalrous Spence) to present this holiday season's ceremonial cracker. No sooner had the package -- roughly resembling a short log wrapped in shiny, colorful foils -- been handed up to the ubiquitous barhands, than both immediately grasped the opposite ends and (with some helpful cajoling from the audience) yanked with all their might to pull it open. With a tremendous *POP!*, the package pliantly broke and unleashed its payload. Instantly, the customers were blanketed with hundreds of sparkling golden confetti streamers, while dozens of candies in brightly colored wrappings rained down on them, along with about a dozen gold commemorative coins, each emblazoned with the number "20" to mark twenty years of drunken shenanigans. (Actually, the bar itself was only about 18 years old, but who's counting?) Loud cheers came up from the establishment's still-drunken clientele; Philo dutifully began to play "HarK! The Herald Angels Sing," as beautiful golden wreaths in the bar windows suddenly lit up in either red or white twinkle lights, along with numerous evergreen-frond garlands (also sprayed gold), decorated with red ball ornaments. The fireplace suddenly roared to life, and rainbow lights illuminated the bar's seasonal "Solstice Bush" (which looked suspiciously like a Christmas tree).

All the while, Senator Sulla and the One-Eyed Man continued their slumber in their chairs, with no one but their half-spent liquor bottles to watch over them.

Everyone seemed to be enjoying the explosion of holiday revelry, but not one Neville "Not THAT One!" Chamberlain, as he looked out upon the throng, for he had noticed the many shady dealings that had been going under his very nose of late: patrons unapologetically passing out under the tables, as though this were some cheap motel; a sketchy-looking teddy bear making wagers; people taking their business to that other bar; the scandalous presence of children in their midst, pilfering cider; and -- sacrilege to end all sacrileges -- people changing money in the Temple...er, Bar. Instinctively Neville cried out:

"MY FATHER'S HOUSE IS TO BE A HOUSE OF PRAYER, NOT A DEN OF THIEVES!!!"

For a moment, everyone's attention was fixed on their increasingly erratic Barlord and yet another of his somewhat-loopy ramblings.

"...UNLESS YOU'RE WILLING TO CUT ME IN FOR 5%, THEN EVERYTHING'S FINE!"

The clientele then returned to their drinks and conversation as though nothing had happened.

"You can turn over the changing tables later," Vi observed wryly, whilst placing a few brimming pint glasses on a tray; "right now, we have drinks to serve."

"Well, you go and serve them then," Neville groused as he looked back out over the happy, festive diplomats. "I'd rather stay here and daydream about all those long, outstanding bar tabs I'd like to be collecting right now." He sighed, almost nostalgically, as his thoughts turned to various historic customers and their massive balances. "...Bob Flibble," he began, "the Thessadorian Ambassador, that pervert from Kivisto, that 'Accelerus' dude from HotRodia, Felix -- oh, him and his vodka! -- and especially Dicey Reilly, whose expenses practically put my nieces and nephews through college!

"...Then of course, there's the motherload, the Big Kahuna, the queen mother of all bar tabs..." the Barlord started to salivate, as Vi sighed and rolled her eyes: "Susa Batko-Yovino!!

"...It's, it's almost like I can see him now, strutting through our finely crafted wooden double doors!"

"You are seeing him," Violet observed from over Neville's left shoulder. "He's here with his wife, the President, for Thanksgiving."

Whilst the genuine flesh-and-blood Susa approached the counter to order two Candy Cane Pies -- not the pastries, mind you, but peppermint vodka, blended with chocolate milk and topped with a dollop of peppermint cream, red and green jimmies and a miniature candy cane -- Capt. Chiang quietly grabbed a table, convenient to the piano man, and held out a Kennyite bill for Philo, asking him for "some appropriate mood music."

The holidays were beginning to look mightily brighter for our cash-poor Neville.

[The Palentine]

Philo accepted the money from the Kennyite President and put it in his tip jar. Then he turned to the Destructor Bunnies on stage and said, "Jenny, Bunnies. Key of G!"

Philo and the bunnies begain playing at a bluegrass tempo, while Philo began to sing...

"Sometimes I have a nickle, sometimes I have a dime,
But when I have a quarter, my Jenny treats me fine

Bang away Jenny, bang away good and strong
What in the world will the Navy do now that Jenny's gone.

I wish I were a diamond ring, on my Jenny's hand,,
Every times she'd take a bath I'd feel the promised land.

Bang away Jenny, bang away good and strong
What in the world will the Navy do now that Jenny's gone.

My Jenny took me hiking and banged me on a hill
Because every time I said "I won't!" my echo said "I will!"

Bang away Jenny, bang away good and strong
What in the world will the Navy do now that Jenny's gone.

I asked my Jenny to marry me, she said that I'm rather nice,
But she'd could give me a better deal, and let me ride half price!

Bang away Jenny, bang away good and strong
What in the world will the Navy do now that Jenny's gone.

I wish I were a milk cow, on my Jenny's Farm
I'd never kick when Jenny came to polish up my horn.

Bang away Jenny, bang away good and strong
What in the world will the Navy do now that Jenny's gone.

I wish I were a little fish frozen in the ice
Every time Jenny skated by, wouldn't that look nice!

Bang away Jenny, bang away good and strong
What in the world will the Navy do now that Jenny's gone.

I wish I were a doodlebug, in the ground there I would sleep,
Whenever Jenny would walk on by, I'd look up and take a peek!

Bang away Jenny, bang away good and strong
What in the world will the Navy do now that Jenny's gone."

After the song was over, Philo chuckled, not noticing that his little joke didn't seem to go over very well with the Kennyite couple. The Destructor Bunnies, who could see the reaction, all put down their instruments and quickly skedaddled out of the bar.

[Russia18]

Philo accepted the money from the Kennyite President and put it in his tip jar. Then he turned to the Destructor Bunnies on stage and said, "Jenny, Bunnies. Key of G!"

Philo and the bunnies begain playing at a bluegrass tempo, while Philo began to sing...

"Sometimes I have a quarter, sometimes I have a dime,
But when I have a quarter, my Jenny treats me fine

Bang away Jenny, bang away good and strong
What in the world will the Navy do now that Jenny's gone.

I wish I were a diamond ring, on my Jenny's hand,,
Every times she'd take a bath I'd feel the promised land.

Bang away Jenny, bang away good and strong
What in the world will the Navy do now that Jenny's gone.

My Jenny took me hiking and banged me on a hill
Because every time I said "I won't!" my echo said "I will!"

Bang away Jenny, bang away good and strong
What in the world will the Navy do now that Jenny's gone.

I asked my Jenny to marry me, she said that I'm rather nice,
But she'd could give me a better deal, and let me ride half price!

Bang away Jenny, bang away good and strong
What in the world will the Navy do now that Jenny's gone.

I wish I were a milk cow, on my Jenny's Farm
I'd never kick when Jenny came to polish up my horn.

Bang away Jenny, bang away good and strong
What in the world will the Navy do now that Jenny's gone.

I wish I were a little fish frozen in the ice
Every time Jenny skated by, wouldn't that look nice!

Bang away Jenny, bang away good and strong
What in the world will the Navy do now that Jenny's gone.

I wish I were a doodlebug, in the ground there I would sleep,
Whenever Jenny would walk on by, I'd look up and take a peek!

Bang away Jenny, bang away good and strong
What in the world will the Navy do now that Jenny's gone."

After the song was over, Philo chuckled, not noticing that his little joke didn't seem to go over very well with the Kennyite couple. The Destructor Bunnies, who could see the reaction, all put down their instruments and quickly skedaddled out of the bar.

Count Dimitri Ivanov steps into the bar at the beginning of the song causing Dimitri to give Philo a death glare before walking up to bar, "A shot of Stoli Vodka please." The barman nodded pouring Dimitri his shot of vodka. Dimitri tossed back his shot of vodka before yelling across the room in Russian accented English, "Hey Mr. Piano Gorilla, please play Katyusha if you would please?"

[The Palentine]

Still not realizing the danger he is in, Philo begins to play the song "Katyusha" on the piano.

[Russia18]

Still not realizing the danger he is in, Philo begins to play the song "Katyusha" on the piano.

Dimitri starts singing Katyusha,

"Rastsvetali yabloni i grushi
Poplyli tumany nad rekoy
Vykhodila na bereg Katyusha
Na vysokiy bereg na krutoy
Vykhodila na bereg Katyusha
Na vysokiy bereg na krutoy


Vykhodila, pesnyu zavodila
Pro stepnogo sizogo orla
Pro togo, kotorogo lyubila
Pro togo, ch'i pis'ma beregla
Pro togo, kotorogo lyubila
Pro togo, ch'i pis'ma beregla


Oy, ty, pesnya, pesenka devich'ya
Ty leti za yasnym solntsem vsled
I boytsu na dal'nem pogranich'ye
Ot Katyushi pereday privet
I boytsu na dal'nem pogranich'ye
Ot Katyushi pereday privet



Pust' on vspomnit devushku prostuyu
Pust' uslyshit, kak ona poyet
Pust' on zemlyu berezhet rodnuyu
A lyubov' Katyusha sberezhet
Pust' on zemlyu berezhet rodnuyu
A lyubov' Katyusha sberezhet


Rastsvetali yabloni i grushi
Poplyli tumany nad rekoy
Vykhodila na bereg Katyusha
Na vysokiy bereg na krutoy
Vykhodila na bereg Katyusha
Na vysokiy bereg na krutoy"

[Simone Republic]

James Lewitt walked into the bar. It hadn’t been easy, coming back from a prolonged period of non-existence, but it had been worth it. A single shot from the pistol, disappearing instantly into pink confetti, confirmed where he was. It was strange; in a few years in the World Assembly, passing more than a few resolutions, he had never been to the Strangers’ Bar. Now, however, it seemed appropriate. What was stranger than a former ambassador, returning from the dead? He had work to do. There were probably grammatical errors and ambiguous clauses afoot. Nonetheless, some time of reflection was warranted. He needed a stiff drink and, ordering one from the bar, took a seat at a low table. His phone was already bursting with messages from the Kenmorian government. He guessed that Kenmoria must have begun to exist as well: shame. Well, perhaps it wasn’t. Maybe now that he could relax here, spending slightly less time in the chambers, he might enjoy his ambassadorship more. “Cheers!” He announced, to nobody in particular. “Here’s to twenty more years!”

The Bear picks up its whiskey (and given the Bear's size, it's not actually a particularly large shot in terms of quenching its thirst) and toasts back. "Welcome back, James. It's a delight to see you".

Still not realizing the danger he is in, Philo begins to play the song "Katyusha" on the piano.

The Bear asks Neville for some caviar, freshly delivered from a multiverse planet where the seas are filled with wild sturgeons, and for barrels of champagne from another multiverse planet where vintage champagne forms lakes the size of small planets.

The Bear starts to think that just eating and drinking here rather than getting involved in karaoke is a jolly good idea.

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

Philo accepted the money from the Kennyite President and put it in his tip jar. Then he turned to the Destructor Bunnies on stage and said, "'Jenny', Bunnies. Key of G!" ...

After the song was over, Philo chuckled, not noticing that his little joke didn't seem to go over very well with the Kennyite couple.

It's hard to say what exactly happened next, because it all happened just so fast.

First, the real Janny, hardly offended by Philo's song choice, professed instead to be delighted, and got up to find her husband to dance. She found him, of course, dodging tables and chairs whilst awkwardly holding the Candy Cane Pies he had ordered, occasionally sipping from them to assure they did not splatter en route. The captain happily made to approach him, unwittingly knocking her purse to the floor in the process. Then Antigone Morgan, of all people, casually sauntered into the bar with an uneasy young escort in tow.

Morgan was by no means ordinary "people," of course, as the former vice president who had a resonant sob-story about how her dear friend Sammy Faisano had died right in front of her, and was now Capt. Chiang's main rival in the next presidential election. Naturally, the two of them casually detested one another. Chiang recognized Morgan's characteristic snarl behind her before turning about to find her newfound nemesis, accompanied by Lt. Beuerman, who was only there because he was an embassy official and wanted no part in this duo's ongoing drama.

"Ah, Madame Vice President," Chiang greeted her acidly, eyeing the strapping lieutenant most unpleasantly. "Robbing another cradle, are we?"

Chiang turned to move on, but of course Morgan had to get her licks in: "Well, at least I never have to rob madrassas to find a husband!" Now the vice president was smiling, her eyes fixed on the president's infamous jihadi groom.

That's when shit got real.

The captain practically exploded. "Oh, you'll pay for that one, sister!" she sang with fury as she whirled about, her handy whip, instantly uncoiled, snapping dramatically in the vice president's direction, only to get caught on -- Chiang quickly drew in her new prey -- Neville...rifling through her wallet!

"I, uhh, was concerned when you dropped your purse!" lied the pilfering Barlord, never one (especially in his "feverish" state) to skip on a chance to collect on a mammoth bar tab.

Chiang only glared at him strangely for what seemed like the longest time, before carelessly letting him drop to the floor, snatching back her wallet and purse as he fell.

Then, for no other reason than he hasn't been mentioned in a awhile, Susa:

"Here are the drinks; I gotta take a piss," he said (most romantically) as he rushed off. Chiang rolled her eyes when she saw that her dear hubby had managed to slurp down both Candy Cane Pies during his trip back to their table. Wait a second, she thought. Susa never got the drinks; he always made a beeline for the casino in the back as soon as he arrived. A sudden twinge of alarm cut through Chiang's thoughts as she let the empty glasses fall. He was distracting her.

Indeed, he was, for during the previous tumult the Prince Consort (a known international terrorist) slipped into the bar, escaping the notice of practically everyone...except the heroic First Dude, who now determinedly stared down the Imperial brat. "So, you like to blow up innocent people?" Susa sneered. "You're stealing my act, muthafucka!!!"

Then popped open Susa's white suit jacket to reveal his trusty suicide belt. "I am a servant of Almighty God!" he shouted to everyone in the bar, still staring down a rather bemused Perfecto, "that you may all share in his Infinite Justice!"

"Oh no, you don't!" angrily declared the President as she dove across the bar to tackle her beloved, for several minutes struggling with him, as they both lay on the floor, to grab his handheld detonator -- as Prince Perfecto just stood by, seemingly more concerned with the plant-like tentacular stems wriggling out from beneath his dress shirt than the brawling, snarling, shouting, and overall just really unpleasant First Couple writhing at his feet. Apparently Little Princess Cassandra was wrong, Perfecto inferred. His suit wasn't a suitable "pouch" to carry her little science-project's babies in.

As it happened, Susa did manage to overcome his wife, and pressed the button. But, instead of a powerful explosive *bang!*, all that came out of his contraption was a large colony of shimmering gold butterflies, which sparkled grandly as they fluttered up and around the bar patrons' heads, establishing their air superiority over the establishment. And giving its previously described holiday decorations an little extra glow.

Jenny looked down to notice her husband had completely vanished, and again rolled her eyes. "Spence," she spat in the general direction of the bar, "please go to our office here and retrieve the First Dude. Neville's Deweaponizer™ is doing that thing again!"

She heard someone standing over her, clearing her throat. The captain, now kneeling on the floor, her clothes thoroughly rumpled with a tear in the right sleeve, her hair all scraggly and decorated with glittering butterflies, looked up toward her new visitor. "Your Hotness..." she muttered.

What she would have given for a really big distraction just then...

Then, as if on cue, the ghost of Sammy Faisano broke through an interdimensional portal from the underworld, his see-through figure flying helplessly through the air, right into the bowels of Philo's piano, its rickety lid slamming shut over him. From her perch behind the portal, a see-through Avaya scowled after her former fiancé: "Try and cheat on me in the Afterlife, will ya?"

That would do nicely.

[Russia18]

Philo accepted the money from the Kennyite President and put it in his tip jar. Then he turned to the Destructor Bunnies on stage and said, "'Jenny', Bunnies. Key of G!" ...

After the song was over, Philo chuckled, not noticing that his little joke didn't seem to go over very well with the Kennyite couple.

It's hard to say what exactly happened next, because it all happened just so fast.

First, the real Janny, hardly offended by Philo's song choice, professed instead to be delighted, and got up to find her husband to dance. She found him, of course, dodging tables and chairs whilst awkwardly holding the Candy Cane Pies he had ordered, occasionally sipping from them to assure they did not splatter en route. The captain happily made to approach him, unwittingly knocking her purse to the floor in the process. Then Antigone Morgan, of all people, casually sauntered into the bar with an uneasy young escort in tow.

Morgan was by no means ordinary "people," of course, as the former vice president who had a resonant sob-story about how her dear friend Sammy Faisano had died right in front of her, and was now Capt. Chiang's main rival in the next presidential election. Naturally, the two of them casually detested one another. Chiang recognized Morgan's characteristic snarl behind her before turning about to find her newfound nemesis, accompanied by Lt. Beuerman, who was only there because he was an embassy official and wanted no part in this duo's ongoing drama.

"Ah, Madame Vice President," Chiang greeted her acidly, eyeing the strapping lieutenant most unpleasantly. "Robbing another cradle, are we?"

Chiang turned to move on, but of course Morgan had to get her licks in: "Well, at least I never have to rob madrassas to find a husband!" Now the vice president was smiling, her eyes fixed on the president's infamous jihadi groom.

That's when shit got real.

The captain practically exploded. "Oh, you'll pay for that one, sister!" she sang with fury as she whirled about, her handy whip, instantly uncoiled, snapping dramatically in the vice president's direction, only to get caught on -- Chiang quickly drew in her new prey -- Neville...rifling through her wallet!

"I, uhh, was concerned when you dropped your purse!" lied the pilfering Barlord, never one (especially in his "feverish" state) to skip on a chance to collect on a mammoth bar tab.

Chiang only glared at him strangely for what seemed like the longest time, before carelessly letting him drop to the floor, snatching back her wallet and purse as he fell.

Then, for no other reason than he hasn't been mentioned in a awhile, Susa:

"Here are the drinks; I gotta take a piss," he said (most romantically) as he rushed off. Chiang rolled her eyes when she saw that her dear hubby had managed to slurp down both Candy Cane Pies during his trip back to their table. Wait a second, she thought. Susa never got the drinks; he always made a beeline for the casino in the back as soon as he arrived. A sudden twinge of alarm cut through Chiang's thoughts as she let the empty glasses fall. He was distracting her.

Indeed, he was, for during the previous tumult the Prince Consort (a known international terrorist) slipped into the bar, escaping the notice of practically everyone...except the heroic First Dude, who now determinedly stared down the Imperial brat. "So, you like to blow up innocent people?" Susa sneered. "You're stealing my act, muthafucka!!!"

Then popped open Susa's white suit jacket to reveal his trusty suicide belt. "I am a servant of Almighty God!" he shouted to everyone in the bar, still staring down a rather bemused Perfecto, "that you may all share in his Infinite Justice!"

"Oh no, you don't!" angrily declared the President as she dove across the bar to tackle her beloved, for several minutes struggling with him, as they both lay on the floor, to grab his handheld detonator -- as Prince Perfecto just stood by, seemingly more concerned with the plant-like tentacular stems wriggling out from beneath his dress shirt than the brawling, snarling, shouting, and overall just really unpleasant First Couple writhing at his feet. Apparently Little Princess Cassandra was wrong, Perfecto inferred. His suit wasn't a suitable "pouch" to carry her little science-project's babies in.

As it happened, Susa did manage to overcome his wife, and pressed the button. But, instead of a powerful explosive *bang!*, all that came out of his contraption was a large colony of shimmering gold butterflies, which sparkled grandly as they fluttered up and around the bar patrons' heads, establishing their air superiority over the establishment. And giving its previously described holiday decorations an little extra glow.

Jenny looked down to notice her husband had completely vanished, and again rolled her eyes. "Spence," she spat in the general direction of the bar, "please go to our office here and retrieve the First Dude. Neville's Deweaponizer™ is doing that thing again!"

She heard someone standing over her, clearing her throat. The captain, now kneeling on the floor, her clothes thoroughly rumpled with a tear in the right sleeve, her hair all scraggly and decorated with glittering butterflies, looked up toward her new visitor. "Your Hotness..." she muttered.

What she would have given for a really big distraction just then...

Then, as if on cue, the ghost of Sammy Faisano broke through an interdimensional portal from the underworld, his see-through figure flying helplessly through the air, right into the bowels of Philo's piano, its rickety lid slamming shut over him. From her perch behind the portal, a see-through Avaya scowled after her former fiancé: "Try and cheat on me in the Afterlife, will ya?"

That would do nicely.

Dimitri rubbed his head because of the growing headache before giving a death glare at each of the Kennyites, " Would you ublyudki kindly shut the fuck up." He sits down at a nearby table muttering in Russian, "Pochemu Yego Imperatorskoye Velichestvo voobshche dal etu rabotu? YA mog by delat' to, chto khochu, no nyet, mne prikhoditsya imet' delo s etoy der'movoy rabotoy i moimi inogda mudakami-kollegami. YA imeyu v vidu, chto eti kenniity inogda mogut byt' nastoyashchimi pridurkami."

[The Palentine]

Philo accepted the money from the Kennyite President and put it in his tip jar. Then he turned to the Destructor Bunnies on stage and said, "'Jenny', Bunnies. Key of G!" ...

After the song was over, Philo chuckled, not noticing that his little joke didn't seem to go over very well with the Kennyite couple.

It's hard to say what exactly happened next, because it all happened just so fast.

First, the real Janny, hardly offended by Philo's song choice, professed instead to be delighted, and got up to find her husband to dance. She found him, of course, dodging tables and chairs whilst awkwardly holding the Candy Cane Pies he had ordered, occasionally sipping from them to assure they did not splatter en route. The captain happily made to approach him, unwittingly knocking her purse to the floor in the process. Then Antigone Morgan, of all people, casually sauntered into the bar with an uneasy young escort in tow.

Morgan was by no means ordinary "people," of course, as the former vice president who had a resonant sob-story about how her dear friend Sammy Faisano had died right in front of her, and was now Capt. Chiang's main rival in the next presidential election. Naturally, the two of them casually detested one another. Chiang recognized Morgan's characteristic snarl behind her before turning about to find her newfound nemesis, accompanied by Lt. Beuerman, who was only there because he was an embassy official and wanted no part in this duo's ongoing drama.

"Ah, Madame Vice President," Chiang greeted her acidly, eyeing the strapping lieutenant most unpleasantly. "Robbing another cradle, are we?"

Chiang turned to move on, but of course Morgan had to get her licks in: "Well, at least I never have to rob madrassas to find a husband!" Now the vice president was smiling, her eyes fixed on the president's infamous jihadi groom.

That's when shit got real.

The captain practically exploded. "Oh, you'll pay for that one, sister!" she sang with fury as she whirled about, her handy whip, instantly uncoiled, snapping dramatically in the vice president's direction, only to get caught on -- Chiang quickly drew in her new prey -- Neville...rifling through her wallet!

"I, uhh, was concerned when you dropped your purse!" lied the pilfering Barlord, never one (especially in his "feverish" state) to skip on a chance to collect on a mammoth bar tab.

Chiang only glared at him strangely for what seemed like the longest time, before carelessly letting him drop to the floor, snatching back her wallet and purse as he fell.

Then, for no other reason than he hasn't been mentioned in a awhile, Susa:

"Here are the drinks; I gotta take a piss," he said (most romantically) as he rushed off. Chiang rolled her eyes when she saw that her dear hubby had managed to slurp down both Candy Cane Pies during his trip back to their table. Wait a second, she thought. Susa never got the drinks; he always made a beeline for the casino in the back as soon as he arrived. A sudden twinge of alarm cut through Chiang's thoughts as she let the empty glasses fall. He was distracting her.

Indeed, he was, for during the previous tumult the Prince Consort (a known international terrorist) slipped into the bar, escaping the notice of practically everyone...except the heroic First Dude, who now determinedly stared down the Imperial brat. "So, you like to blow up innocent people?" Susa sneered. "You're stealing my act, muthafucka!!!"

Then popped open Susa's white suit jacket to reveal his trusty suicide belt. "I am a servant of Almighty God!" he shouted to everyone in the bar, still staring down a rather bemused Perfecto, "that you may all share in his Infinite Justice!"

"Oh no, you don't!" angrily declared the President as she dove across the bar to tackle her beloved, for several minutes struggling with him, as they both lay on the floor, to grab his handheld detonator -- as Prince Perfecto just stood by, seemingly more concerned with the plant-like tentacular stems wriggling out from beneath his dress shirt than the brawling, snarling, shouting, and overall just really unpleasant First Couple writhing at his feet. Apparently Little Princess Cassandra was wrong, Perfecto inferred. His suit wasn't a suitable "pouch" to carry her little science-project's babies in.

As it happened, Susa did manage to overcome his wife, and pressed the button. But, instead of a powerful explosive *bang!*, all that came out of his contraption was a large colony of shimmering gold butterflies, which sparkled grandly as they fluttered up and around the bar patrons' heads, establishing their air superiority over the establishment. And giving its previously described holiday decorations an little extra glow.

Jenny looked down to notice her husband had completely vanished, and again rolled her eyes. "Spence," she spat in the general direction of the bar, "please go to our office here and retrieve the First Dude. Neville's Deweaponizer™ is doing that thing again!"

She heard someone standing over her, clearing her throat. The captain, now kneeling on the floor, her clothes thoroughly rumpled with a tear in the right sleeve, her hair all scraggly and decorated with glittering butterflies, looked up toward her new visitor. "Your Hotness..." she muttered.

What she would have given for a really big distraction just then...

Then, as if on cue, the ghost of Sammy Faisano broke through an interdimensional portal from the underworld, his see-through figure flying helplessly through the air, right into the bowels of Philo's piano, its rickety lid slamming shut over him. From her perch behind the portal, a see-through Avaya scowled after her former fiancé: "Try and cheat on me in the Afterlife, will ya?"

That would do nicely.

Her Hotness, Empress Jhessan was making her way through the Halls of the Festering Snakepit towards the Stranger's Bar. She was wearing one of Victoria Huang's stunning holiday creations, a velvet dress in her favorite red color. Her husband, Perfecto went ahead to get the drinks ready, and to remind Philo to play some appropriate holiday music. As she opened the door to the bar, a large Raven flew past her head, murmmering

"Merry Christmas, your Hotness!"

She could hear the last strains of Katyusha playing, and she could also watch the chaos begining..."Trust Kennyites to make things interesting!", she thought. She made her way into the bar, but only made it a few steps when she saw her former rival from the AO, Antigone Morgan at the bar, staring down President Chiang. She sighed and thought to herself, "Damn girlfriend, you have guts wearing a low cut, sleeveless number like that at your age. Your plastic surgeon seems to have difficulty making them both firm and even this time!"

Empress Jhessan then saw her husband and smiled. She started over to him when Susa made his play and President Chiang dived on him to stop his "martyrdom". Jhessan gasped with delight as the golden butterflies flitted up to the ceiling. She smiled at her husband, fondly mussed his hair and gave him a fond kiss on the cheek. She then looked down at Jenny, and with a cockeyed grin, extended her hand to help the Kennyite President up with a much dignity she could reclaim and said to her,

"This is why I love Kennyites, Jenny. Y'all know how to party and make a girl from the Palentine feel welcome!"

[Wallenburg]

Trevanyika had been enjoying the public domestic dispute until one of the strange men revealed what she was quite certain was a belt of explosives strapped to his waist. She stood up to respond, but it seemed his wife almost expected this behavior and had him to the ground before Trevanyika could shout a warning to her coworkers at the back of the bar.

When a swarm of butterflies poured out from the couple's tangle, it became clear the explosives were no longer an issue. When the entire man disappeared, however, she nudged at Gerald (who had definitely been drinking alongside her all this time) and pointed to the now-husbandless woman on the floor of the bar. "Gerald, who the hell are those people? She in particular."

"I believe that to be the president of Omigodtheykilledkenny. I would not recommend unnecessary interaction with her. Her entire government is rather volatile. It's a wonder she has time to be here, of all places. Where is the husband? You should know—"

"The nullifiers swallowed him."

"They what? Swallowed?"

"He was there and then he wasn't. Was that an error?"

Gerald lingered over his drink, pondering the question. "I am no technician, nor do I intend anything unfair by it, but I think the nullifier is working perfectly fine. Why don't you go ahead and see how the campaign is going for that repeal? I imagine Nelfa is all done making her deliveries by now."

[Lord Dominator]

Dee wanders into the bar from a door that briefly appears in the wall, looking uncharacteristically distracted. She trips and falls face first onto the floor, halfway to the bar.

“Eeuugh,” is heard, as she rolls over, before an arm shoots up holding a small crown and she yells towards Neville to “get me your best vodka toot-suite if you would, and a bag of ice.”

[Jedinsto]

A Jedin with the likeness of a child walks in. He approaches the bar on his tippy toes, and puffing out his chest. He is wearing a fake mustache. He then calls out to the bartender- "One alcohol, please."

[Wallenburg]

A Jedin with the likeness of a child walks in. He approaches the bar on his tippy toes, and puffing out his chest. He is wearing a fake mustache. He then calls out to the bartender- "One alcohol, please."

A sharp crease appears in Trevanyika's eyebrow. "Neville, one raspberry soda," and under her breath, "Test me, will you? No rest for my savings at all."

[The Serendipitous]

Three beings walk into the Bar, before briefly stopping, observing the current inhabitants, and continuing to the counter. The canine among the trio speaks firmly and curtly to Jimmy. "We require refreshments. Water is ideal."

Jimmy, whisking away momentarily to prepare three glasses of water, returns with three tall glasses. The humanoid and the canine take the glasses and sip on them, but the gelatinous being grabs it with a tendril, and then absorbs the glass and water whole. While the other two walk to a table to sit down and rest, the gelatinous being ("Flooush") crawls up so that there is a tendril on the counter, and its "eyes" and "mouth" can be properly seen by Jimmy.

Flooush says, in a cracked voice: "Give me whatever you've got. It takes more for me than the other two in this collective to stay hydrated, as per my form. It doesn't have to be water, but there has to be a lot of it."

Raising an eyebrow, Jimmy inquires what kind of alcohol Flooush likes.

"The DereminUnkUnkSliteI-L'L'Opilly resided in volcanoes before infestation, so..." In what appears to be the being looking around the room for something, it finished its thought about four seconds later. "Fireball sounds like something that would complement this form."

Jimmy, getting the equivalent of about five shots of Fireball (the creature had said to get a lot, and this was about as much as could be stomached by just about anyone) handed it to the silky-white tendril of the being.

Consuming the glass and the Fireball much the same as it did the water, the gelatinous form shuddered, getting a tad bit smaller, before continuing to the table with its peers.

Once there, though, Flooush collapsed to the ground, seemingly unable to control its body. The two other Serendipitousians jolt awake, looking panicked - more emotion than either of them had expressed before.

[Russia18]

A Jedin with the likeness of a child walks in. He approaches the bar on his tippy toes, and puffing out his chest. He is wearing a fake mustache. He then calls out to the bartender- "One alcohol, please."

Dimitri looks at the little child strangely, " What is a little child like you doing in a den of chaos like this? Your fake mustache can't fool someone like me." He rips the mustache off while stroking his thick beard.

[Jedinsto]

A Jedin with the likeness of a child walks in. He approaches the bar on his tippy toes, and puffing out his chest. He is wearing a fake mustache. He then calls out to the bartender- "One alcohol, please."

Dimitri looks at the little child strangely, " What is a little child like you doing in a den of chaos like this? Your fake mustache can't fool someone like me." He rips the mustache off while stroking his thick beard.

His voice is squeaky as he responds. "With all due respect sir, I am the head ambassador of my World Assembly delegation, and I know how to navigate this den of chaos. And, I may not look it, but I'm definitely of age to drink. So, as I said, I'd like one alcohol, please, and perhaps a cocaine on the side. Thank you."