CAFA 8 - RP Thread

[Audioslavia]

Bid - Signups / Rosters - CAFA Nation Rankings - CAFA 7

This is the IC thread, so all posts should be In Character. For questions or comments, use the Signups thread.

CAFA Cup 8 will be run using a system called The Helvetica Scenario, a variation of the Swiss System that sees teams each play five opponents home and away, with the best performers after those ten games making it into a staggered knockout stage.

Below is a quick guide to how this will work. If you'd prefer the tl;dr version, you'll get one every match-day.

About The Helvetica Scenario

Out Of Character

• The Helvetica Scenario is a bit silly. It has no real counterpart in the real world. It’s based on The Swiss System, which on NS is often referred to as The Casaran System,
• Initially, teams are seeded from first (highest ranked) to last (lowest ranked). Unranked teams will be given random positions at the bottom of the order.
• In Round One, you play against the team of inverse seeding to you. For example, if you are ranked 8th, you will play against the eighth weakest team. If you’re ranked 1st, you’ll play the weakest team.
• Each round consists of a Home Game and an Away Game against the same opponent.
• Teams are awarded 1 point for a win, 0 points for a draw and -1 points for a defeat. These points are awarded for individual games. No extra time or penalties are played. No aggregate score is recorded or required.
• After all the games in each round are completed, the teams are reseeded according to Points Scored, Strength of Opponent and Goal Difference. “Strength of Opponent” is the combined scores of all the teams you have previously played.
• Fixtures for the next round of games will be published at the same time as the scores for the previous round. For example, Round 2 fixtures will be published at the same time as the Round 1 scores are posted.
• At the end of Round 5, teams on less than 1 point will be eliminated. Teams on 1 point will enter the first knockout round. Teams on 2 points will enter the second knockout round, and so on. If there are an odd number of teams in a round, the highest seeded team (according to their Points, Strength of Opponent and Goal Difference in the league stage) will receive a bye to the next round.
• The knockout rounds are single-game elimination. Games will go to Extra Time and Penalties if required. Defeated teams are eliminated. All Knockout games will take place in Audioslavia.
• If there is no obvious third-placed team in the knockout rounds, a Third Place Playoff between two eliminated teams will be played

In Character

• The Helvetica Scenario is a bit silly. It has no real counterpart in the NS world. Characters will recognise it as a sister to The Casaran System. Your team will learn the identity of their next opponents shortly after their second match of a round is completed, just like you.
• Although each pair of games is scorinated simultaneously, ICly these games happen three days apart. There is enough time to rest and travel. There is, ICly a four-day break between rounds as well. Consider odd numbered matchdays to be taking place on Saturdays and even-numbered on Tuesdays.
• ICly, games will kick off at more or less the same time. Expect late kick-off times for matches happening in Western Anaia (19:45 - 21:45 or so) and earlier kick-off times in Eastern Anaia (16:45 - 18:45 or so)

.

Rosters
Aleirave
Audioslavia (Hosts)
Bharadwaja
Bostopia
Cardenao
Estorvipa and Estorpiva
Evermark
Flavovespia
Huayramarca
Kimi-Suomi
Ko-oren
Koronavia
Krytenia
Legalese
Mertagne
Ochre Islands
Pyazhnaya
Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove
Semarland
Sgr A
Space Laser Dinosaur Robot Pirate Land
Strayaroos
United Hawkland
Vdara
Vilwandia
Yesopalitha

Schedule
Deadline for Signups / Opening fixtures announced: Friday January 19th (around 22:00 UTC)
Round 1 - Matchdays 1 and 2 - Sunday January 21st (cutoff: around 11:00 UTC)
Round 2 - Matchdays 3 and 4 - Tuesday January 23rd (cutoff: around 14:00 UTC)
Round 3 - Matchdays 5 and 6 - Thursday January 25th (cutoff: around 14:00 UTC)
Round 4 - Matchdays 7 and 8 - Saturday January 27th (cutoff: around 15:00 UTC)
Round 5 - Matchdays 9 and 10 - Monday January 29th (cutoff: around 23:00 UTC)

Knockout Scorination times are liable to change. With so few teams in each round, cut-offs will come as soon as possible after all teams in a round have RPd. Subsequent scorinations may happen sooner. This will all be documented here in the OP and communicated via the Anaia discord.
First Knockout Round - Wednesday January 31st (cutoff: around 14:00 UTC)
Second Knockout Round - Friday February 2nd (cutoff: around 23:00 UTC)
Third Knockout Round - Sunday February 4th (cutoff: around 14:00 UTC)
Fourth Knockout Round - Tuesday February 6th (cutoff: around 14:00 UTC)
Fourth Knockout Round - Thursday February 8th (cutoff: around 14:00 UTC)
Semi Finals - Saturday February 10th (cutoff: around 15:00 UTC)
3PPO and Final - Monday February 12th (cutoff: around 23:00 UTC)

Changes to the schedule will be advertised well in advance.

About Audioslavia

ICly, Audioslavia is one of the oldest countries in the world. The oldest historical texts you'll find occasionally tell of belligerent, sarcastic sailors and merchants stifling hangovers in front of the lah-di-dah foreigner with his stone tablet and chisel. Most Audioslavians aren't related to those ancient arseholes, and are instead descended from any of of the hundreds of thousands of immgrants to the nation over the millenias, but nevertheless the culture of 'belligerent, sarcastic arseholes' permeates even the hardiest of travellers. Stare into the abyss, and the abyss stares back at you and says 'what u lookin at?' and asks if you want to go outside and discuss it.

As you'll read below, all matches in The Helvetica Scenario league phase will take place in your nations, at your home stadiums. Only the knockouts will be taking place in Audioslavia. To be more specific: All knockout matches will take place in the city of Cathair, Audioslavia's sprawling, ancient capital.

Those stadiums are as follows:

The Beltzarga
The new home for Audioslavia's National Team as of the final matchday of World Cup 94 Qualifying (a home defeat to Qasden), The Beltzarga is a modern, rectangular 75,000 seater stadium which is surrounded by a glass structure that contains fragments of the very first Under 21 World Cup trophy, an object seen as having magical powers by some Audioslavians for a very brief and very weird period in and around World Cup 93.

The stadium lies to the east side of the city, in the Glassmarket district (imagine if Porto and Newcastle had an even hillier son). The stadium is served by a new electric tram system, a renovated Glassmarket North metro station and a depressingly large car-park. This area of the city used to be industrial, but these days is pretty much solely in service of the new stadium.

As with Audioslavia’s previous national stadium, The Beltzarga has a short, narrow pitch with the stands as close as possible to the touch-line.

The Arena Kirola
Built in time for World Cup 66, the Arena is still home to Catharan club 1830 Cathair and was the home of the national team between cycles 66 and 93. Formerly state-of-the-art and with a capacity of 85,000, a series of renovations has seen the capacity drop to 52,500. 1830 Cathair put the emphasis on 'quality' over 'quantity' when it comes to fans. Big bucket seats, screens everywhere (including, famously, a very long one running along the side of the pitch, opposite the TV cameras), lots of amenities and executive boxes, the stadium these days caters to an audience that would like to be seen at the football game rather than see the football game.

The stadium is situated in Grand Forum, to the north-west of the city. Grand Forum is a large, open space full of sky-scrapers, parks and Infrastructure (imagine if EPCOT was twice as big and had the sort of strict behavioural laws that would make a Swiss-Singaporean say 'hold on a minute'). Cars aren't allowed in this part of the city, and so the only way into the ground is via the metro. Handily, each exit to the metro station brings you up to the feet of an enormous statue of a blue lion, the symbol of 1830 Cathair. People say it's customary to spit on the lion's paws for good luck. Others say it's customary to spit on the lion's paws because everyone hates 1830 Cathair. Others say 'don't spit on the ground you'll get arrested’.

El Ruedo
A bricks-and-mortar 42,000 seater stadium with a low roof and deep set seating, El Ruedo is the home to Cazadores Cathair, far to the west side of the city. Here, the streets are old and cobbled, the bars are busy and the street lights become redder and redder as you approach the stadium. You might not see it at first. The area gets misty at night, Follow the orange glow of the floodlights. Follow the noise. By the time you see it, you're almost inside it. El Ruedo has a slight incline in the north-western corner into which long, aimless passes may surprise defenders by staying in bounds.

Glassbridge Stadium
Formerly the home of Shamrock Cathair before their move to the Beltzarga, now the home of Union Cathair, Glassbridge’s main feature is its bridge which is made of, you guessed it, mainly steel (although there is plenty of glass too). You can walk over the curved bridge and find yourself twenty metres above the east stand with an excellent view of the pitch, and so naturally you’re not allowed to do this when matches are happening. Formerly painted green, now a dull pink, Glassbridge is looking a little weathered these days, and upgrades and modifications have made it look a little identikit, but decades of exposure to the world via Champions League football have given the ground a certain I dinnae ken pal.

[Audioslavia]

Round Zero

RP Prompt

Before you know your first opponent, you have a home match coming up in your first or second game. How is that going to look for your opponents? What parts of your nation will they see between the airport, the hotel and the stadium? What will visiting fans see? Will they be getting the monorail across to your state-of-the-art stadium complex, or is it a twenty-five minute walk through the old town centre to a storied, century-old ground? What can they eat? What can they drink? Where can they drink? Will the locals welcome them with songs or distrusting glares? What’s the weather like?

If you are drawn against an opponent that you are currently embroiled in some kind of ‘incident’ with, you can play your ‘home’ game in a stadium in Audioslavia. Just let us know in your RP (and make sure nobody else is playing there that day)

RP Prompts are optional and do not directly affect your RP bonus.

[Mertagne]

The (slightly biased take on the) story so far...
For a full read, check out the timeline here!

Mertagnian intelligence discovered secret plans for an invasion of the Ochre Islands by Bostopian forces, and sailed a naval fleet into the eye of a literal and metaphorical storm in order to defend the Ochres and maintain the balance of power across the Bekk. After a year of intense fighting under a geomagnetic storm that forced both sides to go back to basics in their tactics, the storm subsided and the extent of the Bostopian attack was revealed to the region. Mertagne, now known to be in a state of war with the Bekkside nation to their south, began a bombing campaign that saw a large retaliation from the Bostopian forces in the form of a bombing campaign on Mertagne's southern coast, a naval blockade on Mertagne's northern ports, and a heinous chemical attack on Mertagnian soil designed to take out the nation's agricultural capability for several years. Mertagne, struggling to find a way to decisively retaliate and under the threat of the Bostopians coming within bombing range of the capital, received intelligence from region-mates Cardenao that a nuclear power station on Bostopia's southern border presented an important infrastructural target with which to use as a bargaining chip top negotiate a ceasefire. With the secret help of Krytenia, an offense was mounted and stationed in the mountains near Bostopia's southern border, with the order to strike the power station just given by High Command in Dannin.

This RP is set during the knockouts of World Cup 95.

Lt. Colonel de Maromme and the Mertagnian forces emerged from their hidden camp in the mountains and began the fraught journey across the borderlands of Bostopia as night fell on the Calanian mainland. The battalion of all-terrain vehicles, including a handful of tanks, were deftly handling the change in terrain from mountain foothills to marshy plains. The soldiers sat in their armoured personnel carriers, others sat in low-flying helicopters, and all waited in anticipation to finally take the fight to the Bostopians. Mertagne’s bombing campaign of the northern coast had been effective at neutralising military targets, but Mertagne were decidedly on the back foot of this war, and a successful capture of the nuclear power station out here could easily turn the tide.

The rural fields and light forests that created the landscape in this part of Calania meant that the battalion managed to roll in undetected, carefully choosing their attack location to avoid any border outposts, which were sure to be heavily guarded. To the north, the Bostopian border with Krytenia had been increasingly fortified in the wake of the diplomatic decrying of the Bostopians from the Krytenian government, but no formal conflict had taken place there. The bulk of the Bostopian forces left behind defending the heartland were either there on in Newfort, and so as the battalion crashed out of the forest and onto their first minor road, the Mertagnian forces were confident that the Bostopians would struggle to respond once they had taken command of the power station.

The tanks took charge and chuntered down the road, taking shortcuts across fields where necessary. The towers of the power station rose up in the distance, their top lights gently pulsing in the clear night sky, like low hanging stars. Between them and the battalion was a small river, used for the acquisition of cooling water. No bridge had been built to cross it from the side of the Mertagnians, and so it was slowly deep forded by the tanks and personnel carriers. The helicopters, keen to maintain whatever element of surprise they could, hung back a ways and prepared for an assault directly towards the cooling towers.

As the tanks successfully managed their deep ford and charged towards the chain link fence that demarcated the boundary of the power station, searchlights from the tops of industrial buildings began to swing around and planted themselves firmly on the battalion.

Bursting through the fence, the armoured personnel carriers fanned out, and troops began to pour out of the back of them, taking point in a defensive formation. The barks of security dogs mixed with the rev of the engines and the sound of boots hitting the ground, as the guards at the nuclear plant, backed up by Bostopian military support, began to respond to the threat of the intruders.

The tanks held back from shelling buildings in the initial volley of fire that rocked the battalion as their attack was underway. The mission here from the Mertagnian viewpoint was to capture the asset, not to destroy it - The effects of a nuclear meltdown on mainland Calania would be disastrous if they were to actually occur. The main objective was to ensure that the threat of a meltdown could be used as a bargaining chip against the Bostopian forces, and convince them to back down their continued naval assault against Mertagnian ports.

The Mertagnian soldiers gained a foothold in a chemical storage shed, unloading some of the heavier munitions out of the personnel carriers and defending the location from Bostopian troops. The helicopters roared overhead as Lt. Colonel de Maromme gave the order to infiltrate the cooling tower, and thin strings erupted from the helicopter as soldiers rappelled out of it and down the interior of the cooling tower. Alarms erupted across the complex, causing staff to flee the complex from all angles. A skeleton crew had been tasked with manning this station at night, but a significant number of Bostopian civilians spilled out into the carpark, hitting the floor upon hearing the gunfire. A squad of Mertagnian soldiers was dispatched from the main fighting force to escort the civilians away from the conflict zone.

The Bostopians, more aware of the layout of the complex than the Mertagnians, burst through a cellar that connected the main complex to the chemical store, hindering the advance as the Mertagnians fought their way against an enemy on two emerging fronts. Tank fire began as spotters sighted a Bostopian Army truck pulling up outside the store, and a volley quickly stopped the advance, creating a smoke-screen for the Mertagnians to focus on the fight inside. Gun-fire dotted the buildings, with the Mertagnians managing to dispatch the Bostopian forces inside the building, albeit through taking casualties.
The whirr of helicopters above the complex was dampened slightly as Bostopian military fire overpowered one of the airborne vehicles, causing it to spin out of control and crash down hard into an auxiliary building.

A section was sent below, back the way the Bostopians arrived, to scout the complex and check for staff manning the reactor. Their intention was to meet with the soldiers that had rappelled down the cooling tower, and they quickly swept the hallways, wary of ambush from Bostopian soldiers deep within the complex.

After an intense patch of fighting, units broke through the fortified reactor control room and apprehended the scientists and engineers that were initiating a planned shutdown.

One plucky engineer spoke up. “You won’t get what you want today, you limey arseholes.”

A soldier let his gun hang from its harness and he placed his hands on the console, which shone with a variety of flashing lights and dials. “And what exactly do you think we’re here for?” she smiled as her compatriots locked cable ties around an enemy soldier’s hands behind her, which she saw faintly in the reflection of the glass screen in the control room.

“You’re here to blow us up, aren’t you? Well, we won’t let you. You can shoot me now, I’ll never let you at these controls." The engineer flicked switches and pushed buttons alongside his fellow employees, each of them scared but keeping their mettle under the threat of the situation.

The Mertagnian solider smiled. “I don’t want to be at those controls, I’ve no idea what I’m doing. This isn’t a suicide mission - we’re simply here to babysit you until your military makes some better decisions. Go ahead and shut the plant down if you wish - that’ll prove how valuable you are to Bostopian High Command.”

Meanwhile, outside, Lt. Colonel de Maromme had managed to entrench her battalion in the car park, preparing for an attack to come later when the word got out that the Mertagnians had taken over the plant. The remaining Bostopian soldiers had either been captured, had fled, or had otherwise been neutralised, although the report was that there were pockets of resistance deep in the plant.

Overseeing several cameras in the security room near the exit of the plant, Lt. Colonel de Maromme took a moment to look out of the window towards the opened electronic gate. A series of civilian vehicles were evacuating the plant on Mertagnian orders. Her attention quickly turned to the camera feed of the control room, in which a squad captain appeared to be protruding a commanding presence behind several scientists diligently working away.

The Lieutenant Colonel grabbed the attention of a junior officer. “I want you to put me in contact with Command back in Dannin. Tell them we have secured the plant for now. I also need them to put me in contact with someone from the Mertagnian Executive Authority for Nuclear Induced Energy."

“MEANIE.” replied the officer.

“I thought I was being rather nice about it, actually.”

---

An emergency broadcast on all Mertagnian radio channels...

"

Mertagnians, Bostopians, Anaians, and all those beyond,

As a nation, Mertagne has recently seen dark days of the like not seen in a century. The fight for the defence of our homeland has been the fight of our lives, and every Mertagnian has shown extreme courage in our fight against the tyranny of the Bostopians.

I am pleased to report that this evening, a lot of that courage has paid off. Mertagnian forces have broken through the Bostopian border, and are now known to be in control of the Moley River Nuclear Power Station, an infrastructural asset guarded by the Bostopian Military. The power station provides power to hundreds of thousands of Bostopians, including military targets.

In consideration of the humanitarian toll that this conflict has created, and mindful of the importance of alleviating the suffering of affected civilians in Mertagne and Bostopia, the Mertagnian government proposes a ceasefire to the Bostopian forces, with the intention of exploring avenues for a diplomatic solution to this conflict in due course, at a time and a neutral place that is convenient to both parties.

Nations of Anaia, we call on those that have remained neutral in this conflict to step up and aid in the establishment of a neutral mediation body, with representatives that will aid in the negotiations to ensure an equitable outcome for all parties.

Bostopia - Emperor Boston* - consider this request earnestly. We offer it to you now to avoid continued undue suffering on the part of your people. The eyes of the international community watch upon us, and are calling on all of us to rise to the occasion.

Mertagne stands ready to engage in the ceasefire and negotiation process as soon as possible. We await your response through the designated channels, and remain hopeful that after so long, we can have a swift and agreeable resolution to this crisis.

"

*At the time of this RP, the Mertagnians do not know of the goings on within the Bostopian leadership, and still assume President Mihaly of Cardenao is missing.

[Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove]

The United States of Nova Calania?

Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer - Leaders from the sub continent of Nova Calania are discussing the possibility of forming a new political, economic, military and sporting alliance. A new nation would be created, which would be named United States of Nova Calania. It would be a decentralized federation made of five states all located in the western part of Nova Calania. The five states would be: Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer, Burnham-on-Stove, Odlegla Ziemia (which means " Distant Land" in Polish language), Shanzhou and New Calanian Aztec Confederacy.

Political alliance

The capital city would be Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer, which would also be the largest city in the United States of Nova Calania. The leader would be a chancellor but it's still unsure if he/she will be appointed by the leaders of the five states or if he/she would be elected. There would be a parliament located in Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer but it's still not sure how many deputies we would have.

Economic alliance

The creation of the United States of Nova Calania would facilitate economic exchanges between its states and even with other nations in Anaia. There would be no borders between the five states and shipments would be faster and easier.

Military alliance

One big nation is stronger than five small nations. The five states comprising the nation does not have a big history when it comes to war with other nations, so it would be mostly a defensive alliance to counter big powers such as Mertagne or Bostopia, if they decides to bring their war to Nova Calania.

Sporting alliance

A bigger and better national team with players from all the five nations instead of players from only Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer and Burnham-on-Stove. Players like Wlodzimierz Wolkowicz, from Odlegla Ziemia, or Mei Qi Xiong, from Shanzhou, would certainly make the team. The United States of Nova Calania would certainly be ranked in the top 50 with the addition of players from Odlegla Ziemia, Shanzhou and the Aztec Confederacy. Our domestic leagues will also expand to these 3 nations.

Here is how the football league structure will be in the United States of Nova Calania. There will be 14 teams who will play a 2 round robin for 26 games. Then after the 2 round robin, the top 8 teams and bottom 6 teams in the standings will be separated. The top 8 will play a double round robin for 14 more games and the bottom 6 will also play a double round robin for 10 more games.

- 5 teams from Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer
- 3 teams from Burnham-on-Stove
- 4 teams from Odlegla Ziemia
- 1 team from Shanzhou
- 1 team from the New Calanian Aztec Confederacy.

Actually, we have 7 professional teams from Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer. U.S. Chamouille is relegated to the Beer League while Olympique Breteuillois sold it's premiership's license and all of their players to Przybyszowianka Chwojnowszczyzna, from Odlegla Ziemia. There will be a new Olympique Breteuillois team who will join the Beer League.

In Burnham-on-Stove, we actually have 5 teams but FSV German Village sold it's license and players to MZKS Arka Wloszakowice, also from Odlegla Ziemia, while Kilbride F.C. sold iit's license and players to Xicohtzinco Locomotive F.C., located in the Aztec Confederacy.

We will have 3 expansion teams: Club Anaia, located in Ostrow Krolewski, RTS Wrzeszcz Krzyszczynka and Shanzhou Mighty Lions F.C.

Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer Teams          Burnham-on-Stove Teams                    Odlegla Ziemia Teams                         Shanzhou and Aztec Teams
Celtiques de Baie-Sainte-Marguerite       Burnham & Hockley Albion F.C.             Przybyszowianka Chwojnowszczyzna             Shanzhou Mighty Lions F.C.
Club National                             Flushing Wanderers F.C.                   Club Anaia                                   Xicohtzinco Locomotive F.C.
Dynamo de Gouin                           West Burnham United                       RTS Wrzeszcz Krzyszczynka
C.S. Lavigueur                                                                      MZKS Arka Wloszakowice
C.D. Sagrado Corazon

Additionally, here is a map of Nova Calania, with the United States of Nova Calania with green borders. Please note that the map is approximative, and for a better map, please refer to the University of the Plough Islands, which provides more accurate maps :



CAFA 8

CAFA 8 is about to start and we're in as Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove while we're waiting for the United States of Nova Calania to be officially formed. For the 8th edition, we have a weird Helvetica scenario. We're not sure what Helvetica means, it's probably the name of this scenario's inventor. So, we are waiting for our first opponent's to be revealed and we're still not sure if the first game will be at home or away. This scenario also means home games and there will be five of them. But where? The obvious choice is at Terrain de Football 1 au Complexe sportif national (Soccer Field 1 at National Sports Complex). The Tapirs provided us a last minute information. Matchdays 1-2, 5-6 and 9-10 will be at the National Sports Complex in Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer. Matchday 3-4 will be at Burnham Grounds and matchday 7-8, at Stadion Azteca, located in Ostrow Krolewski, the capital city of Odlegla Ziemia.

Stadia

Matchdays 1-2; 5-6 and 9-10

Stadium: Terrain de Football 1 au Complexe sportif national (Soccer Field 1 at National Sports Complex)
Capacity: 67, 830
Location: Sacré-Coeur District, Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer
PLF tenant: C.D. Sagrado Corazon
Matchday 1-2 conditions: Cloudy
Mathday 5-6 conditions: Light rain
Matchday 9-10 conditions: Heavy rain on matchday, will be delayed for 1 day. Will be played under light rain.

Stadium: Burnham Ground
Capacity: 35, 016
Location: West Burnham District, Burnham-on-Stove
PLF tenant: West Burnham United F.C.
Matchday 3-4 conditions: Light rain

Matchday 7-8

For matchday 7-8, we play outside of Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove, in a nation that would be part of the United States of Nova Calania.

Stadium: Stadion Azteca
Capacity: 58, 350
Location: Ostrow Krolewski, Odlegla Ziemia
PLNC tenant: Club Anaia
Matchday 7-8 conditions: Cloudy

Picture not available.

Travel in Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer, Burnham-on-Stove and Odlegla Ziemia

If your match is scheduled at the Complexe Sportif National, the stadium is close to the Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer Airport and there's many hotels in the neighborhood. If you're scheduled in Burnham-on-Stove, you need to land in Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer and take a bus to Burnham-on-Stove. It's roughly an hour drive. For the match at Stadion Azteca in Odlegla Ziemia, you will land at the Ostrow Krolewski Airport and, like in SJJ, the stadium is close to the airport so there is not much travel to do.

In Saint-Sean-Jacques-sur-Mer, tapir meat is largely consumed, while in Burnham-on-Stove, meat is banned and you will need to be on a vegetarian diet, though Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer is just an hour away. Nothing special about Odlegla Ziemia.

In Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove, we have a tropical climate, it's very hot and humid. It rains often, expecially during the rainy months of may to july. Luckily, CAFA 8 is played in november and december, which means it's still very hot but not too much rain.

Written by Anne-Charlotte McDermott and Paul-André Veilleux

[Bostopia]

The phone rang... and rang... and rang...

In his mind's eye, Field Marshal Collead could see the Emperor's office (which he had been in on a number of occasions) sat empty, whilst the grey phone sat on the left hand side of his desk, ringing away with no-one there to answer it. Normally, The Duke would have come and answered the Emperor's phone whilst setting up yet another elaborate prank, or picked up his own phone in the first place. However, Collead couldn't get hold of either of them. Sitting at his own desk, he hung the phone up, placed his hands in front of him and tapped his left index finger off the knuckles of his right hand whilst he waited for the next obligatory five minutes to pass before trying to contact Newfort again.

Bostopian Military Protocol decreed that in warfare, should a ceasefire offer be made by the opposing side, it must be passed to the civil leaders of the country. In this case, The Duke, followed by the Emperor. Even though there was some debate about who held power, it was de jure The Duke, even if it was de facto the Emperor. The important part of the protocol - and what had Collead worried - was that if the top civil leadership couldn't be reached after a certain number of tries - and he was on the last try - then the 'dead man's hand' would trigger, essentially putting pen to paper on a ceasefire deal.

Bostopia was winning this war. The Mertagnians were starving and whilst they may have seized a nuclear power plant, it was nothing that the Bostopian military couldn't take back in the short term. If worst came to the worst and it ended up going up in highly radioactive smoke, then it would be a long-term propaganda win for the Bostopians as half of Anaia developed side-effects from what would be called a Mertagnian terror attack...

Five minutes had passed. Collead picked the handset of his phone again, but still... the phone rang... and rang... and rang...

Collead sighed. Little did he know what was happening in Newfort, where the Duke lay lifeless on the floor and the Emperor too lay on the floor muttering 'I am dead' to anyone who would listen and/or believe that. A phone ringing in that chaos wasn't about to get answered, especially as Mihaly was discovering just how attracted to power the Duke's now temporarily redundant aides were. Collead picked up his radio and held the button down. 'Tell the Mertagnians we agree to a ceasefire.'

This was humiliating for him and the nation, but at least the Bostopian people wouldn't blame the military. Collead would see to that.

[Legalese]

Welcome to Hel

Another CAFA is upon us, and the format is, to put it lightly, grotesk -- at least, of the neue haas variety. The hosting committee has endeavoured to somehow have only a small proportion -- roughly half, depending on the results -- of the entrants actually set foot on their soil. Barring the occasional neutral site match or two, as apparently our neighbors just can’t get along -- a statement that I’m surprisingly not saying about the very quiet Starblaydis, who as of this writing, have not decided whether to join the fray.

For all of the jokes -- it’s Casaran for tryhards; it was proposed on Opposite Day; it’s a sign that the inventor of Txobogdanning should have stopped with their first creation; if this were a sober idea, it makes you wonder what Audioslavs come up with drunk -- the Helvetica Scenario is pretty simple: you play a team home-and-away based on your seeding, then you play another team home-and-away based on your record. Repeat the “play another team” part three more times, for a total of ten matches. If, after all this, you’ve won more than you’ve lost, you’re through to the knockouts. The knockouts are more of a ladder, where you start based on how many more wins-than-losses you have, and hope to make it up the rungs until a winner is finally crowned.

At least, it’s a good warmup for the Legalese National Team, which has taken a break from international play for a bit, missing both the last CAFA Cup and the most recent World Cup Qualifying cycle. The format sort of resembles qualifying, if a callback on to World Cup qualifying campaigns from days long ago. The biggest difference is that you don’t know your next opponent until after finishing a pair of matches with the current one.

The choice of the Federation to host matches in Okerson could also be seen to some as a reply in kind -- after all, nobody wants to come to Legalese. It’s boring, for one -- streets are busy with foot traffic and clean; nightlife is pretty well contained, bordering on sterile; the last exciting thing in the country was boat, and the locals don’t talk politics or international relations, but simple things like how their last cheesemaking class went, or how this author’s axe throwing is getting better enough to be league competitive. For another, it’s a bit of a hassle to get there. The only airport for international flights is on the small island -- Port Hound, on the Sea of Champions. From there, travelers will continue on a train to the big island, which will transfer them to another train that takes them all the way across the Karin Islands, through the bridge-tunnel spanning the Legal Pass, then then finally two-thirds of the way across the mainland to a city admidst the plains. If you happen to drive (and let’s face it, it means you either had to drive through Bostopia or Starblaydia), it’s not much better -- your internal-combustion engine car’s going to be stuck at the border (in a secure lot) while you avail yourself of a train, bus, or other clean transportation option. Considering the hassle, I wouldn’t even bother coming. You won't even make it on time for the cows parade -- Okerson hosts that in the winter.

[Ochre Islands]

The letter may have well said 'do you mind if our people come and crash at yours? Perhaps your people could come and crash at ours for a bit if they fancy it as well?' Because that was really what a freedom of movement area was all about, wasn't it? Having a chill someplace else and working there, if you wanted to, and stuff.

It was a gamble, sure, but the Ochres were in desperate need of a workforce following the devastation wrought by the Bostopians on the eastern Ochre Islands, as well as the inevitable battle scars from allied troops pushing the Bostopians back into the ocean from whence they came. And now with a new island that had come to life and one older island that was fertile and ready to be populated and looked after? After a flurry of activity in the Ochres, well, it would just not stop happening.

That said, what might help uncomplicate matters would be getting the Mertagnians on board. Sure, the base they were on at Reedbed was sovereign Mertagnian territory, and there were one or two jobs for the families of personnel based there to do, but there were also plenty of work opportunities nearby for those Mertagnians to work on should they simply be given the right to work a short walk across the 'border' between Reedbed and the continuous Ochre Islands. It wouldn't matter much to the Ochres economy on the whole, but it would be an important show of solidarity forever between the two countries and send an important message to the Bostopians (who insist they are now part of Cardenao).

The Ochres therefore were sending invitations to every Anaian nation to come to Bellflower and discuss setting up an Anaian freedom of movement area and agreement between interested parties. It was, the Ochres hoped, something that was simple enough. We'll let you live and work in our country as if you were born here (so long as you pay our taxes and so on), and you'll do the same for our citizens in your country. Diplomacy - especially multinational - was never that uncomplicated but the Prime Minister, Willow of the Finches, hoped that presenting something like this in an unfussy manner would make it more likely that other nations would sign up, but also add to her own already strong legacy in the twilight of her own career.

[Kimi-Suomi]

*several mic taps*

Hello? Can you all hear me? Yes, even you guys towards the back. Good? Good. Ok...let's see what we can do here...

Hello there! Hei siellä! Hej där! I come in peace from the Rogue Kingdom of Kimi-Suomi to introduce you all to...well..us. We arrived here from the same place you all left from, just before the last World Cup, and this will be our first CAFA so...we just wanted to greet you all in person.

You might have heard of our presence in several things over the years including ball sports, bat sports, car sports and so on...but if you don't know about us, here are a few facts that you can mull over if you draw us in the CAFA:
- We like Vodka. We may not be too friendly, but vodka can cure that in a heartbeat.
- We like Saunas. We take them very seriously.
- We have a "King", the Keisari Kimi-Matias Räikkönen. Bwoah.
- It can get pretty cold here in the winter, not that you have to worry about that.

In terms of this wacky Helvetica Scenario we've found ourselves in...it's certainly crazy, isn't it. You can understand the confusion that some of us feel heading into this new frontier only to be told that a win a now worth just 1 point and defeat takes a point away. It's madness...but that seems to be the point.

Anyway, there are 10 games we have to play against 5 opponents, home and away. So let's get this out of the way:
- MD1 or 2, 5 or 6 and 9 or 10 will be played at our national stadium - The Nest in English, but we Finns call it Pesä. It has been the home of the national team, the Huuhkajat, for as long as we have played WCC events and it commands a certain aura that you would expect from our National Stadium in all but name. It's based in Kimi Kaupunki, our Capital City, where you can splurge your Ice Cream Bars (yes, that's what we call our currency, long story) on our local wares (the exchange rate is fixed at $1=0.7 ICB) and see some our most famous sights.
- MD 3 or 4 and 7 or 8 will take place at the Galaktien Colosseum, what you might call the Colosseum of the Galaxies, in Kimi-Suomi's Inland Capital, Lumikukkulat. Lumi, as locals call it, it where the Keisari has his winter retreat while it is also seen as the capital of Kimi-Suomen Rally. This stadium only recently started hosting Huuhkajat games but it has been a big hit so far and we hope you enjoy it as much as we do.

Anyways, I think that's all I need to tell you about us...so I'm just gonna end it like this: What this region needs is more vodka and more chaos. And we hope to deliver both in spades.

(you're gonna hear this a lot, my apologies)

NOSTA KUIN HUUHKAJAT!

[Vilwandia]

Vilwandian Delegation set to touchdown in Bellflower this week

8/5/2026

This week shall see a major milestone in Vilwandian international relations, as delegates from various Anaian have been invited to meet in Bellflower, the captial of the Ochre Islands, to discuss and form a new freedom of movement area in the region. This would allow, for example, Vilwandian citizens to take up work in Audioslavia as though they were Audioslavian citizens themselves, and vice versa. Following a fierce debate in the House of Representatives last month, it was agreed that this would set the stage for both a stronger Vilwandian economy, but would better place Vilwandia towards the forefront of Anaian politics.

Prime Minister Van de Vyver is a particularly staunch supporter of this new agreement, likely to be dubbed the "Bellflower Agreement" and nicknamed "AORTA+", and his party won out in last month's week-long debate. This was aided by an incident in which Opposition Leader Lou Blake was expelled following a tirade in which she called the Prime Minister a "traitorous pig", and described how Impinga (her nation of origin) was being "dragged kicking and screaming into a community [it doesn't] want.". Her expulsion was met with cheers from the government benches, and was suspended for the duration of the debate. Once the vote was held, it was a resounding three-quarters yes, a yes that shall freely open Vilwandia for the first time in the island's history.
The decision was broadcast to hundreds of thousands at home, and Umoya City once again became the backdrop of Impingan nationalist riots, with groups such as the radical "Breaking Siphamandla's Cage" being amongst the ringleaders. Multiple non-Impingan homes and shops were raided, and riot police were seen forming a front line with the protestors, with tear gas reportedly being deployed in some areas of the city centre.

Last week, it was confirmed that the Indunankulu (Prime Chief, known in some regions as "King"), Bhekithemba would be heading the Vilwandian delegation to Bellflower. An avid suppoorter of the internationalism his father, Siphamandla, had paved the road for, it is reported that the Indunankulu, aged 77, is keen on getting negotiations sorted. It would be another crowning achievement in a ten year reign full of crowning achievements, including culturally the creation of multiple sports leagues.
Alongside Bhekithemba will be a group of ministers, and Prime Minister Willem Van de Vyver. Taking Bhekithemba's place in the House of Chiefs until his return from Bellflower will be his son and heir, the relatively young Fuzo, aged 45.


In other news
Vilwandia's football team is set to host five opponents in Eteksiville in the upcoming CAFA Cup. A record of more wins than defeats would see the White Stars head to Audioslavia for the knockout phase. Striker Jerome Sibanda is said to be "confident" of his team's ability to perform now they have "some experience under [their] belts".

The Skaakspan (chess team) bow out of the eighth Elephant Chess Cup in Zube, Kylter Peninsulae, after a quarter-final tiebreaker defeat to South Newlandia. The four players on the team: Arnoux Bernstein, Jeanique Moolman, Danie Haarhoff, and Kai Coatzee, are set to meet the Indunankulu upon his return to Eteksiville in recognition of their progression in their international debut. The Vilwandian Chess Championship is set to begin in Dreport next month.

New street to be built in Eteksiville lined with flags and representations of every Anaian country in "display of our budding international community".

[Audioslavia]

The Helvetica Scenario begins on Sunday with the following fixtures. First listed team plays at home. Unranked teams were put in a random order in positions 24, 25 and 26.

Round 1 Fixtures (Matchday 1, Matchday 2)
(1) Huayramarca vs Bharadwaja (26)
(2) Ko-oren vs Sgr A (25)
(3) Mertagne vs Space Laser Dinosaur Robot Pirate Land (24)
(4) Ochre Islands vs Kimi-Suomi (23)
(5) Flavovespia vs Strayaroos (22)
(6) Audioslavia vs Vdara (21)
(7) Cardenao vs Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove (20)
(8) Koronavia vs Semarland (19)
(9) Estorvipa and Estorpiva vs United Hawkland (18)
(10) Krytenia vs Vilwandia (17)
(11) Yesopalitha vs Legalese (16)
(12) Pyazhnaya vs Evermark (15)
(13) Bostopia vs Aleirave (14)
(14) Aleirave vs Bostopia (13)
(15) Evermark vs Pyazhnaya (12)
(16) Legalese vs Yesopalitha (11)
(17) Vilwandia vs Krytenia (10)
(18) United Hawkland vs Estorvipa and Estorpiva (9)
(19) Semarland vs Koronavia (8)
(20) Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove vs Cardenao (7)
(21) Vdara vs Audioslavia (6)
(22) Strayaroos vs Flavovespia (5)
(23) Kimi-Suomi vs Ochre Islands (4)
(24) Space Laser Dinosaur Robot Pirate Land vs Mertagne (3)
(25) Sgr A vs Ko-oren (2)
(26) Bharadwaja vs Huayramarca (1)

[Ochre Islands]

Welcome to Bellflower, the capital of the Ochre Islands! 'Almost recovered' isn't the official post-war slogan, but you'll hear it that often that it may well as be.

Spared the worst of the ravages of Bostopian bombardment (ahead of a planned victory parade) in what the Ochre Islanders call the 'Independence War', Bellflower is the capital of the Ochre Islands and has a population of 276,982 people, though the Bellflower Metropolitan Area as a whole takes in 711,948 people.

Bellflower is a thriving city which is home to a liberal-minded, democratic people, who take their responsibilities to the land on which they inhabit and their Gods seriously. As a carefree - to some eyes hippie - city, Bellflowerites will more often than not be seen going about their day barefoot (unless it's too hot) and dressed in linens, made using flax imported from Cardenao. Though becoming rarer in the more 'downtown' area of the city around the main office and shopping district, nude bodies of all ages will be seen just off the beaches which make up some of the city's shoreline.

The city has a host of communities, not least to mention Crazy Craig's Krytenian Takeaway and High Consulate, which is a popular stop across from the Breakerview Athletics Arena, home to the Ochre national football side. Following the war, the Ochres are currently looking for more Anaian citizens to move to the islands on a permanent or semi-permanent basis to help fill gaps in the labour market. Perhaps visiting for the football will inspire some fans to come back and stay or simply never leave. Local Government offices will be more than happy to help with the required paperwork, or simply look the other way if a foreign national was to do cash-in-hand agricultural-type work.

The Breakerview National Athletics Arena is circular and seats 55,751 in its football configuration. The seats themselves are ochre coloured, and when being used for football, additional seating slides out from underneath the stands and covers the running track, making sure that fans are as close to the action as possible. The Arena sits in the middle of a multi-sport park on the coast of Bellflower (hence 'breakerview' - fans on the upper decks would easily be able to see the sea and the breakers if they had the correct seats), which also hosts Breakerview-Bellflower Football Ground, home of the Ochres top football team Bellflower Athletics Union XI (known as 'Bellflower AU'), which is a 48,354 seater stadium specifically built for football, as well as a baseball field with minimal seating, where the Bellflower Athletics Union IX (known as the 'Bellflower A.U. Nines', or more simply 'The Nines') play.

Breakerview is served by Metro Tram Route 1 (usually signposted MTR1), which runs along the entire length of the Metropolitan Area's coasline, from tourist-oriented Palmsville in the far west, all the way to areas east of the National Athletics Arena such as the international airport. This therefore makes it possible to come off a plane straight to a sporting fixture, should the jetlag not be too bad, but this isn't something we recommend in case of delays. The 1 also shares routes every now and then with other MT Routes which run on a north-south axis going deeper into the city (though obviously they all run north away from the 1), allowing passengers easy access to other parts of Bellflower such as the previously mentioned shopping/office district, as well as residential areas or wherever their accommodation might be.

This good public transport system means that while still popular, cars aren't king in the city and the only combustion engines you'll hear are powered by entirely green hydrogen, which was a system heavily backed by the Ochre Government when the islands were first settled 38 years ago and still heavily favoured now, along with other methods of power production in more rural areas, such as pump-storage hydropower plants, where water is pumped to an upper reservoir when demand is low, then when demand rises, the water is allowed down a channel and actuates turbines, creating electricity, before reaching a lower reservoir, where it sits until a low-demand time before being pumped back up to the upper reservoir to start the process again.

Bellflower of course has a mix of accommodation types, from hostels to five-star hotels and everything in-between, though due to local planning laws, no building is allowed to be more than three stories high within 1,500 feet of the shoreline, so many parking garages are underground, and the only hotels offering 'spectacular views of Bellflower' tend to be on the outskirts of the capital, though the safety of the city and her easy transport links negates for being away from where most of the bars and nightlife are in the centre. The quality of accommodation choices coupled with favourable year-round temperatures, even in the cooler months, makes the city a favoured destination for all Anaians, from those looking for a city break around a sporting fixture, to those wishing to visit another of the great Anaian capital cities on a more cultural tour, or even those looking for a new home.

[Flavovespia]

Flavovespia returned from World Cup 95 out in the Round of 16, to hosts Sylestone. The previous tournament, it was a brutal penalty loss, this one was a tactical battle which Flavovespia fell short in. The end of the campaign few wanted after a Group Stage win, and it leaves Flavovespia with work to do going forward. Augusto Rinaldi has been such a heroic figure, but with his age and a second World Cup Round of 16, some think his storied tenure coukd soon finish.

If he’s had any thoughts about retirement, he showed none in the opening press conference. He stated a real enthusiasm to get Flavovespia back to the top in the region, and to show what a new crop of players can do. In his words “when one door is closed, a new door is opened”. Garry Bowles, Richard Storrie and Roger Burden get their first call ups, and plenty more could progress up the depth chart.

Looking at the tournament, CAFA Cups are no stranger to unconventional formats, and a new one, the Helvetica is introduced. Teams are seeded like a Casaran, but get 1 point for a win, 0 for a draw, and -1 for a loss. Only teams with a positive points total enter the knockout stages, at the Round number of their points. Whilst purists may not like the departure from the classic group and knockout stage format, there’s a sense of cautious optimism with this format. The fact a good group performance puts teams so much closer to the final adds an extra incentive in the group stages.

As the Helvetica involved 5 sets of home and away games, Flavovespia will begin CAFA Cup 8 in the capital Waldster, taking on Strayaroos. Visiting fans will likely arrive at Waldster Airport, in the North West of the city. From there, its a short journey on the underground or the M11 circular motorway to get to Hornet’s Nest. For fans, both the underground and mainline trains provide easy public transport, with car journeys more prone to traffic issues. As well as Parliament, the Flavovespia National Museum is the premier tourist attraction of the capital. The weather is set to be good for the game, 20 degrees centigrade (68 degrees Fahrenheit), and some mild cloud cover.

[Audioslavia]

POV: Someone is telling you how long it's been since Audioslavia last hosted a tournament (in Audioslavia/Starblaydi Roleplay Time)

The world was a very different place back in cycle 75. Why, if you told an Audioslavian, back in Cycle 75, that his nation's next hosting job would be in a tournament called the 'CAFA Cup' they'd have said 'I assume that's what the regional competition will be called when Anaia formally becomes a sports region' and 'have the indies finally gotten their act together and formed a competition too?' and 'I assume the KPBs have been overhauled, it's been centuries' and 'aren't you a little fat for a time-traveller?' because Audioslavians are rude and smugly progressive in all the worst ways. Tell them instead that the Bulls' first match will be a Helvetica Scenario Double-Header against a team called Vdara who like beans and have a centre half old enough to be a grandpa (albeit of a very reckless family), and they might feign a lack of surprise so as to not lose face in front of the weird fat time travelling man with the tiresome questions.

Back in Cycle 75, Audioslavia managed to host a World Cup using only four stadiums across four cities, thanks to a format that spread group stage matches across Anaia, from Semarland to Osarius. This time, the nation will be using just one city. The Arena Kirola is a veteran of that World Cup, having been built for the one prior, while Glass Bridge was used for World Cup 66. El Ruedo, the oldest of the three, will be making its tournament bow, as will the new national stadium and host of the CAFA Cup Final, The Antzerkia, new home of Shamrock Cathair.

Back in Cycle 75, the idea of Jeremy Jaffacake, WA Commended Journalist for Services to Journalistic Integrity didn't exist, and if it did it was very much by accident and the precursor to an entire room falling silent in a mixture of bewilderment and dismay. The Idiot Project didn't exist either, nor did its now-full database of every single World Cup match ever played, so swings and roundabouts. Back then, Audioslavian bean-counters were maintaining the World Rankings and an Audioslavian had an undeserved position of power in the form of WCC President Jeremy Jaffacake. People at the time might have imagined that those two situations would 'totally be temporary' and 'couldn't possibly get any worse'.

One major difference is the standing of Audioslavian football in the world. With a thriving club game and a national team that would view a World Cup Quarter-Final appearance as something of a disappointment, the stock of claret-and-green brand football has fallen a great deal, and most sharply in the last few years. One World Cup finals appearance in five cycles is all the current crop have to show for their efforts. And there's the real difference between Cycles 96 and 75: The competition. Whereas even the most pedestrian of Bulls sides would saunter to a World Cup finals in the 70s, the sheer abundance of strong, powerful football teams in the game today makes that feat unlikely for anything short of an Audioslavia side that lives up to its potential.

The Bulls enter matchday one with the weight of expectation at their shoulders, what with rank and home advantage and the general shoogliness of Vdaran football at the moment, and will do well to shrug it to the side for 180 minutes over the course of the first double-header. And these days, that 'weight' is even heaver, not least due to the recent 'colonization' of Saggitarius A*, the black hole at the centre of the galaxy, a piece of unlikely annexmanship that sees the average atmospheric pressure of Audioslavian weather skyrocket from 1012 millibars to 'ten to the power of your stupid face' according to a recently thoroughly overworked catharan university's astronomy department.

Will Audioslavia's superstars be sucked into a supermassive black hole this CAFA Cup? No. This will happen in about 10-to-the-thirty-two years, according to the same university department.

[Cardenao]

Ideas. I need ideas.

Alright, how to send the boys out this game? Could do the usual, send out the starting 11, the best 11, let them do their thing.

Or……

Or he could switch things up. Juanma was a little older, a little slower, maybe switch him out for some pace up top? No that would be crazy, the veteran was currently leading his club to the Tikariot Premier League championship, he had to stay in. So then what? He was the manager of the national team, he had to do something. Or was the best thing to do here just trust the Blue and Golds? Let them do their thing, let them play the Cardenaoan way. Shoot, what was the Cardenaoan way? Was it his way, the Ramon Lamberti way? Or just the way he had inherited from Scooter McNash?

The pressure was on. While his tenure had started well, things were definitely not well. An embarrassing loss in the World Cup playoffs, then a poor Cup of Harmony, then another embarrassing loss in the World Cup playoffs, then another poor Cup of Harmony. How much more goodwill did he have before the Federation brought in someone else?

He'd heard the rumors. They might hire a legend to replace him, the man who won the UICA, who won the Copa Rushmori, who scored goals goals goals everywhere he went and earned himself an unofficial nickname during his time in the Cafundéu league. Then he changed nations and represented another nation, perhaps Krytenia, in the AOCAF when his country arbitrarily changed their regional affiliation. The aimbot himself.

Ramon didn't think that would happen, shit the guy was from Eshan, that made him an enemy on sight to any Cardenaoan. So why where rumors flying about? Surely the Federation would stand by him, back him up.

Shit. He needed to win

[Audioslavia]

CAFA 8 - Helvetica Scenario Round One

Matchdays 1 and 2

[Audioslavia]

Round One

Matchday 1

Huayramarca 5–3 Bharadwaja
Ko-oren 2–0 Sgr A (Scorinated by Tumbra)
Mertagne 4–2 Space Laser Dinosaur Robot Pirate Land
Ochre Islands 2–1 Kimi-Suomi
Flavovespia 3–0 Strayaroos
Audioslavia 5–0 Vdara (Scorinated by Tumbra)
Cardenao 3–4 Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove
Koronavia 1–1 Semarland
Estorvipa and Estorpiva 2–0 United Hawkland
Krytenia 0–0 Vilwandia
Yesopalitha 3–1 Legalese
Pyazhnaya 3–1 Evermark
Bostopia 4–4 Aleirave

Matchday 2

Bharadwaja 1–1 Huayramarca
Sgr A 0–1 Ko-oren (Scorinated by Tumbra)
Space Laser Dinosaur Robot Pirate Land 1–1 Mertagne
Kimi-Suomi 0–0 Ochre Islands
Strayaroos 0–3 Flavovespia
Vdara 1–2 Audioslavia (Scorinated by Tumbra)
Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove 1–2 Cardenao
Semarland 0–1 Koronavia
United Hawkland 1–3 Estorvipa and Estorpiva
Vilwandia 6–2 Krytenia
Legalese 2–1 Yesopalitha
Evermark 1–3 Pyazhnaya
Aleirave 0–4 Bostopia

Pld Team                                    Pts  SoO   P   W   D   L   F   A  GD
 1 Flavovespia                                2   -4   2   2   0   0   6   0   6
 2 Audioslavia                                2   -4   2   2   0   0   7   1   6
 3 Estorvipa and Estorpiva                    2   -4   2   2   0   0   5   1   4
 4 Pyazhnaya                                  2   -4   2   2   0   0   6   2   4
 5 Ko-oren                                    2   -4   2   2   0   0   3   0   3
 6 Huayramarca                                1   -1   2   1   1   0   6   4   2
 7 Vilwandia                                  1   -2   2   1   1   0   6   2   4
 8 Bostopia                                   1   -2   2   1   1   0   8   4   4
 9 Mertagne                                   1   -2   2   1   1   0   5   3   2
10 Ochre Islands                              1   -2   2   1   1   0   2   1   1
11 Koronavia                                  1   -2   2   1   1   0   2   1   1
12 Yesopalitha                                0    0   2   1   0   1   4   3   1
13 Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove     0    0   2   1   0   1   5   5   0
14 Cardenao                                   0    0   2   1   0   1   5   5   0
15 Legalese                                   0    0   2   1   0   1   3   4  -1
16 Kimi-Suomi                                -1    2   2   0   1   1   1   2  -1
17 Semarland                                 -1    2   2   0   1   1   1   2  -1
18 Space Laser Dinosaur Robot Pirate Land    -1    2   2   0   1   1   3   5  -2
19 Aleirave                                  -1    2   2   0   1   1   4   8  -4
20 Krytenia                                  -1    2   2   0   1   1   2   6  -4
21 Bharadwaja                                -1    1   2   0   1   1   4   6  -2
22 Sgr A                                     -2    4   2   0   0   2   0   3  -3
23 United Hawkland                           -2    4   2   0   0   2   1   5  -4
24 Evermark                                  -2    4   2   0   0   2   2   6  -4
25 Strayaroos                                -2    4   2   0   0   2   0   6  -6
26 Vdara                                     -2    4   2   0   0   2   1   7  -6

Round 2 Fixtures (Matchday 3, Matchday 4)
(5) Ko-oren vs Audioslavia (2)
(4) Estorvipa and Estorpiva vs Pyazhnaya (3)
(3) Pyazhnaya vs Estorvipa and Estorpiva (4)
(2) Audioslavia vs Ko-oren (5)

(1) Flavovespia vs Vilwandia (7)
(11) Ochre Islands vs Bostopia (8)
(10) Koronavia vs Mertagne (9)
(9) Mertagne vs Koronavia (10)
(8) Bostopia vs Ochre Islands (11)
(7) Vilwandia vs Flavovespia (1)

(6) Huayramarca vs Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove (13)
(15) Legalese vs Cardenao (14)
(14) Cardenao vs Legalese (15)
(13) Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove vs Huayramarca (6)

(12) Yesopalitha vs Semarland (17)
(21) Bharadwaja vs Space Laser Dinosaur Robot Pirate Land (18)
(20) Krytenia vs Aleirave (19)
(19) Aleirave vs Krytenia (20)
(18) Space Laser Dinosaur Robot Pirate Land vs Bharadwaja (21)
(17) Semarland vs Yesopalitha (12)

(16) Kimi-Suomi vs Sgr A (22)
(26) Vdara vs United Hawkland (23)
(25) Strayaroos vs Evermark (24)
(24) Evermark vs Strayaroos (25)
(23) United Hawkland vs Vdara (26)
(22) Sgr A vs Kimi-Suomi (16)

EDIT: An error in the sheet ranked teams differently in the table to how it ordered teams to figure out the next round's fixtures. This has been corrected, with Flavovespia and Audioslavia's fixtures being swapped.

[Audioslavia]

About that Anaia Banner

You may recently have seen a pixel-art banner adorning various billboards throughout the region. The banner shows various aspects of the region of Anaia, represented in not enough pixels. Here, after careful research, is The Aesthetic's guide to Who's Who in this advert.

1 - Aut-Ves-Nat*
Champions of the inaugural CAFA Cup, Aut-Ves-Nat immediately entered the Anaian canon. They are seen here on the periphery, watching, waiting, biding their time. Patient. Observant. Boat.
2 - Flavovespia
Anaian heavyweight Flavovespia is seen here with their two CAFA Cups, a regional record for wins in our marquee tournament.
3 - Pyazhnaya taunts an injured Cosumar
Not everything here has a story behind it.
4 - Cardenao
This Cardenao footballer is pointing into the middle distance. At what is he pointing? Who knows. Perhaps he's just saying hello to everyone and it's difficult to see that he's waving because he's comprised of entirely too few pixels.
5 - Saint Jean Jaques and Burnham on Stove
Seen here with an amalgamation of various nation names in and around the republic, which may be on the verge of a name change to The United States of Nova Calania
6 - Huayramarca (with vulture)
CAFA 7 champions Huayramarca have the vulture as their national animal. These bald, agile predators are capable of spraying caustic vomit from their stomachs when threatened, and so its little wonder they adopted the vulture as a symbol.
7 - Skorji Oslograd (sprite originally made in 2022)
A Euran, Oslograd is possibly the greatest manager in the history of Euran Oceanic Territories.
8 - Audio Versus Ko-oren (with guitar, pedal-board and drums)
Post-rock, post-football, post-taste band Audio Versus Ko-oren release albums whenever the two eponymous nations play one another. Their next album is thus awaited with baited breath by both fans.
9 - Krytenia
Krytenia are one of only three of teams to have won two separate regional tournaments. Nephara (CE, CR) and Audioslavia (AOCAF, CAFA, FIFA**) are the other two. As such, Krytenia is the least successful double-regional champion in NS history.
10 - Semarland
Here holding the ‘Yes!’ Banner used for accepting transfers. Semarland are known for their prolificacy in the transfer market. Of the top ten most active teams in transfer window history, nine are Semarlandic. This, despite the fact that Semarlandic clubs have participated in only 14 of 42 transfer windows.
11 - Starblaydia
Seen here performing an overhead kick in the manner of this image from 2010.
12 - Legalese
Forlornly trying to stop Star, Legalese hosted the very first CAFA Cup.
13 - Chester the Fox
Chester is Anaia’s mascot. He’s too small to be an effective goalkeeper.
14 - Vilwandia
Standing poised at the six yard box, wondering whether to score or thump the ball hard at Koronavia. The eternal question.
15 - Koronavia
Do they suspect? I imagine not.
16 - Kimi-Suomi
Seen here in the guise of a red WGPC car with ‘7’ on the front.
17 - Aleirave
Aleirave are in shadow, here, to symbolise the fact that nobody is entirely sure what their kit looks like.
18 - An agave bush and a swan
Symbolizing Tequila and Savigliane, former members of Anaia and dearly missed.
19 - Nigel Thornberry and Bad Ania Man
Both memes in and around Anaia. The latter has shat himself at the concept of change (see: poop to left of his buttock)
20 - Yesopalitha and Chromatika
Tthe land of horrifying monsters in the north east of Anaia are here shown standing next to Yesopalitha. Both are in fetching black and white Kirola kits.
21 - Saw a Fox Klaxon
When you see a fox, you must shout ‘SAW A FOX” and then a klaxon sounds. That is the law.
22 - Vdara
Vdara has been distracted by beans.
23 - A Mrii pilot***
Knowing the Mrii, that biplane probably belongs to someone else. Here, the goat is saluting a Space Laser Dinosaur Robot Pirate on his way out of the region, where they’re about to do a distinctly un-piratey activity of going to foreign lands and giving them some gold.
24 - Space Laser Dinosaur Robot Pirate Land
Seen here waving at the plane.
25 - United Hawkland
Hawkland sporting colours of deep blue and bright green are Very Anaian.
26 - Bostopia chases Mertagne and Ochre Islands in a Tank****
In sport as in war, Bostopia is confident but about to be smacked hard in the head.
27 - Osarius (sprite originally made in 2015)
Co-founders of Anaia and brains behind the CAFA LigAnaia, Osarius is shown here raising his arms. Why? Perhaps it’s for the Six just scored by Plough? Perhaps they’re shocked at the tank? Perhaps they’re celebrating the violence? Either way, if you were to zoom in on the face it would be :lolmad:
28 - Ko-orenite cricketer (drawn by Plough)
“I could have caught it” says the Ko-orenite, “but the idea of a Krytenian bowler being smashed for six was too beautiful to ruin”
29 - a cricketer from The Plough Islands (drawn by Plough)
We’re getting to the part of the image with representatives of nations that have never entered a CAFA Cup. Plough Islands are, instead, one of the world’s best cricketing nations. And a very cricketty nation it is too.
30 - Strayaroos
Strayaroos is pictured here with a kangaroo. Smelly, bouncy and likely to punch you in the face, Strayaroos is a valued member of the ‘Nayan region.
31 - St. Eleanor
Here shown standing next to a piece of art known as :boyd:
32 - Krytenian bowler
Watching in horror as his bouncer is smashed for a would-be boundary.
33 - An Ice Hockey player from The Plough Islands (drawn by Plough)
If this was, say, a sprinter, from, say, Vdara, I could just call this bit of the image ‘A Vdaran sprinter’. As it turns out, ’An Ice Hockey player from The Plough Islands’ is the quickest way to address this character without having to use the word ‘Ploughlander’, which I’m told is Not Beans.
34 - Hulk Hogan
A meme. Seen here contemplating giving Kharakia a leg-drop.
35 - United Hawklands hockey player fighting a Kharakian hockey player
Kharakia is a former member of the Anaian region. They were known for their rivalry with United Hawkland.
36 - The 189
Given the rough guide of ‘colourful mantis octopus’, this is an attempt at representing that idea in forty pixels.
37 - Evermark
Evermark has fallen over and will not be getting up.



* sprite taken from Final Fantasy. All sprites are either original or adapted from Sensible Soccer (Sensible Software, 1992) unless otherwise indicated.
** we don’t actually count the little-remembered FIFA Cup of Nations from around Cycle 28, but will throw it up there if it means making us look better than Nephara for a glorious second.
*** plane sprite taken from Mega-Lo-Mania (Sensible Software, 1991)
**** tank sprite taken from Cannon Fodder (Sensible Software, 1993)

[Mertagne]

What had started as a standard Meritocratic Council meeting had quickly devolved into the drawing of straws for some of Mertagne’s senior civil figures. Two items were on the agenda, being held concurrently during CAFA 8 - the Ochre Islands were holding a summit in Bellflower to discuss the expansion of freedoms within Anaian Open Reciprocal Travel Area, and the Audioslavians had offered to play host to Mertagne’s peace talks with Bostopia. A Meritocratic Council contingent was expected from both, with the Councillor for Foreign Affairs and her deputy, the Minister for Anaian Affairs, keen not to be stretched too thin by bringing along whoever had a tangential link to the issues being debated.

After a lengthy debate, two teams had been hastily picked from among the Meritocratic Council and senior members of government. Brandon Hope, the Grand Regent and head of the nation’s executive and legislative bodies, was decided to be attending the Bostopian Peace talks, lest his presence back in the Ochre Islands would send a message to the Bostopians that they were more important. In a sequence that looked not too dissimilar to a gym class team pick, the Councillor for Foreign Affairs stood on one side of the cabinet room and the Councillor for Defence on the other, and each assembled a team of key players that would be attending the talks.

Leah Lunt, the Councillor for Foreign Affairs, touched down at MNB Reedbed a few days before the summit was scheduled to begin. The secure flight was mandated as a peace deal between the Bostopians and the Mertagnians had not been brokered yet, and the AORTA talks would be a key opportunity for the Bostopians to cause some chaos. Luckily, in the months since the ceasefire had been accepted, the two nations of Bostopia and Mertagne were back to pompous military posturing in the Bekk and beyond. Both had toed the line, and with a bit of luck, Lunt’s counterparts in Audioslavia would provide an equitable outcome that could be buoyed by Mertagne’s membership into AORTA+.

Lunt had only seen pictures of Bellflower, often from reports in the latter stages of the war once she’d been accepted to the Meritocratic Council, but the city seemed to feel at ease even in the wake of the war, with a relaxed atmosphere and a general sense of calm in the populace. Some of that may have come from MNS Shoda, which Lunt had on good authority was overseeing a mine-clearing exercise on the horizon as she looked out of the window of her hotel, but some may have also come from the weather, which was typical of an Ochre Islander summer. A cool ocean breeze swept through the window, and Lunt settled in for some research under the thick dossier that had been prepared by her department. Mertagne was keen to enter closer ties with the AORTA nations, but didn’t want to give too much away in the aftermath of the Bostopian conflict. The shadow of the First Republic’s collapse due to an entrenched foreign investment still hovered around the nation, and so the Mertagnians had a difficult sell to the people at home. AORTA+, as the suits were calling it, would certainly bring a lot of benefit to the war-hampered nation through labour and investment, but the Mertagnian citizens were, rightly, concerned about protecting what was theirs.

Brandon Hope’s government had been buoyed in the polls, and as a result within Das Karussell, with the news that a ceasefire had been negotiated with Bostopia, but the party’s vote share was starting to take the typical slow descent out of a majority that befalls all Mertagnian governments. His arrival to the usually sunny town of Cestravolpe was marred with a uncharacteristic for the time of year rainstorm, and as such many of the town’s famous ice-cream parlours were shut to him as he was driven past the pastel- coloured buildings, daub against the grey-sky like a children’s drawing about to be washed away, and towards the looming six-storey marble mass that was the Sceriffa. The hotel’s red neon sign buzzed out into the dingy afternoon, the spectre of Audioslavian military officials that were posted to keep the peace faintly seen from the corner of the Grand Regent’s eyes as he stepped out of the car and into the hotel.

Both parties had been placed on opposing wings of the same floor, to prevent any shenanigans involving drilling into an opposing party’s room. A family suite had been stripped of its furniture (save for the mini bar) and had been converted into Mertagne’s private base of operations for the duration of the stay. Minister for Post-War Reform Louise Raoullin had already made the mistake of referring to it as a ‘war room’ to senior aides, and the internal communication channels were ablaze with grimacing emojis by the time Brandon Hope sat down to discuss things with the portion of his cabinet that had assembled haphazardly as the wind blew and the rain slowly beat down outside.

“Okay, so how are we playing this?” asked Hope, gesturing to give an open question to the room.

Malcolm Noirot, now Minister for Anaian Affairs after stepping down from leadership of rival party Aurrerra! and brokering a deal with the wartime coalition that unseated him, was leant against some inbuilt shelving and eating an apple. “Well, look at who we’re dealing with. It’s Mihaly. Neutral opponent, at the very least. I’m not very happy about him getting the jump on Boston - that was supposed to be our job - so I say we try and rinse them for all they’ve got. Strong reparations at a minimum. Perhaps a physical cut of food exports to replenish our coffers for the next few years.”

“We’ve recommended a military base on Bostopian soil, just to keep an eye on things over there to prevent anything like this happening again.” Councillor for Defence, Graham Hallé, replied. “In addition to indemnities - the folks in Finance sent some projected losses in agriculture and costs associated with rebuilding destroyed areas of Neorudo with us.”

“... Now, we can’t justify Cardenao handing over the Duchy to us, can we?” asked Hope.

“It’s certainly been floated with the negotiation team.” said the Solicitor to the Executive, Ryan Bracquaval, who had splayed out several documents on the table and looked to be in the middle of applying a highlighter to bits of all of them at once. “Legally it’s a difficult one. Mihaly hasn’t integrated Bostopia into Cardenao, he’s simply the ruler of both of them at the moment. Like when a king is the leader of two kingdoms. So we’re dealing with him with his ‘Leader of Bostopia’ hat on, which he seems to have accepted with some grace, for now. I think it would be wise to, in these peace talks, find out if he intends to unify the two nations -- if he does, then a case can be made for ceding territory to Mertagne.”

Hope sat up a bit straighter in his chair. “I ask you all in good faith - would we want it?”

“There are some good areas of industry in Bostopia. Its western half would be lucrative for the border with Krytenia, and land access to the Euran Oceania Territories.” Lousie Raoullin said. “Demilitarisation could also pave the way for further reform - my department has drawn up some possible scenarios if we were to occupy Bostopia or gain territory south of the Bekk.”

Ryan Bracquaval laughed. “Sounds great. Build up forces there for a decade, and then roll back into the Euran Oceania Territories and ask for that back, too. We’d own half of Calania then.”

“Are you suggesting some sort of Pax Mertagna, Ryan?” asked Hope, shrugging.

“My personal opinion, Grand Regent?” the solicitor pushed his chair out slightly. “Better us than the Starblaydi, the Krytenians, or the Eurans. I don’t know the details on the direction of our foreign policy, I’ll leave it to Noirot, but I wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth here. We won this war with our troops - the Krytenians didn’t even fire a shot. Let them have a slice of the pie but don’t give them the knife to cut it with.”

Noirot tossed the apple into the bin. “I’ve always been a bit of an outcast in my own party - you know I’m more of a federalist at heart, Ryan, you saw me try to get that across in government. I’m an outcast here, too, but I’m in this role for my ability to help enact the Regent’s vision of the future, not my own.”

“It didn’t work out for you, Malcolm, you had to kowtow to your own party lest you lost control, and that happened anyway.” said Graham Hallé. “There’s a lot of potential for this peace deal to change the trajectory of the country entirely. Something to think about, Regent. And you, Noirot - we could be the second nation this year to propose a United States of Calania.”

“Well, I think it’s clear that we can certainly play this a bit more aggressively than perhaps we first thought.” said Hope, as he stood up and pressed his hands into his pockets. “I just hope the Bostopian demands aren’t too off the wall.”

[Legalese]

A definitive list of the winners and losers of the Yesopalitha - Legalese series

Winners
Yesopalitha. The matchday one hosts came out firing on all cylinders, scoring three goals early, while conceding just one.
Legalese. The matchday two hosts rallied to form, after an obtuse style of play to start the series. The 1-6-3 formation started to show what’s possible with this team, with excellent ball movement setting up a pair of goals for Hasana Hirst. A late save by Kawacatoose Swamp Johnson sealed the deal.

Losers
Legalese. The visitors were outclassed in the opener, conceding three in the first hour.
Yesopalitha. The matchday two visitors saw their flame dimmed, possibly by the long trip to Okerson. Isolated in a cow town is usually a place where the horrors thrive, but it wasn’t to be.

Jokes aside, there were worse ways for the LNT’s return to competitive international soccer to go. In fact, it started horribly. A new style of play -- a 1-6-3 that threatens to confuse and keep the opposition guessing -- only seemed to confuse and confound Legalese when put into action. The midfield could not decide how to move the ball forward, and who to send back; It was as if having only Qhesserris going forward made them think that Jack Farmer had it all handled by himself (reader, he didn’t). Lily Tonawanda’s garbage-time goal may have sullied A'th'l Mik'o'si’s clean sheet, but it felt undeserved.

Not even the humor of how Ritchie Funderbunk, the normally calm forward, got heated enough to be sent off after pushing over N’t’eri, after she seemed to say something to him. Astute lip readers suggested she called him a fascist; I suspect not (and seems wholly opposite to Funderbunk’s demeanor, though so was his response), but ultimately it’s on him for letting N’t’eri get under his skin.

On the plus side, the Legalites figured it out on the return leg. Despite only one swap in the XI -- Leo Hill-Tanner replacing the suspended Funderbunk -- the hosts played like a different team. The midfield figured out the right balance of who to bring forward, and how to withdraw to contain the opposition’s counterattack. The result was close, but the scoring was the result of good team play and beautiful passing and movement. Hasana Hirst was able to weave her way through the back four to be a perfect option early for a Lindo pass on the transition, striking home in the twelfth minute. She then followed up with another goal in the seventy-second to go ahead for good.

In the end, the Legalites are back where they started -- one win to one loss, so on no points and needing to net one win in the next eight. Cardenao, in that sense, is an unfortunate draw; despite also splitting their series with the (apparently) holy combination of denim, fire, and cooking ranges, it’s fair to say that they’re better than their initial results indicated. Treading water won’t get Legalese to the knockouts, but right now, it might be enough to stay in the mix.

[Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove]

Series with neighbors Cardenao ends with one win from both side

Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer - This is the first clash between the two neighbor since Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer, and then Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove joined the international stage. And not some unsignificant match, it's a series of two games, one home and one away, and it's CAFA, the regional tournament for Anaia. So this home and away series means a lot and we have an helvetica system (named after it's inventor, Mr. Helvetica from Audioslavia) and we better not be in the negative at the end of the five rounds.

Matchday 1 was played in Cardenao on saturday. Saint-Jean-Jacques-et-Burnham-on-Stove attacked at the 8th minute when Louis-Philippe Berlinguette made a header pass to Frédérique Goudreau-Luneau who heads it into the net and it's 1-0 Tapirs. The Jean-Jacquois and Burnhamese increased their lead at the 13th minute when Emily Schmidt made a long pass to Louis-Philippe Berlinguette who kicks it from 30 meters and it's 2-0 after only 13 minutes! Cardenao attacked at the 22nd minute when Haritz Larrainzar dribbles with the ball and made a short pass to Chímo Ventura who kicks and it's a goal. Tapirs lead is cut to 2-1. At the 25th minute, Cardenao has a corner kick. Harritz Larrainzar kicks the ball, it touches nobody and goes directly into the net and the game is tied at 2-2. Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer took the lead again at the 38th minute when Allie O'Hara had the ball and made a short pass to Scarlett McCaskill who kicks it right into the net. The score is 3-2 Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove at halftime. Cardenao tied the game again at the 61st minute when Kaison Sibonaliso made a cross to Juanma Saez who kicks it and it's a goal. The game is tied at 3-3. The Tapirs attacked at the 79th minute when Louis-Philippe Berlinguette dribbled with the ball but Emmanuel Odita trips him. The referree judged the fault wasn't big enough to give a card to Odita, but it was a free kick for the Jean-Jacquois and Burnhamese. Alyssa McCaskill kicks the ball and it's in! Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer and Burnham-on-Stove leads 4-3 and this is the final score.

Time          Goalscorer                   Assister
8th minute    Frédérique Goudreau-Luneau   Louis-Philippe Berlinguette
13th minute   Louis-Philippe Berlinguette  Emily Schmidt
22nd minute   Chímo Ventura                Haritz Larrainzar
25th minute   Harritz Larrainzar
38th minute   Scarlett McCaskill           Allie O'Hara
61st minute   Juanma Saez                  Kaison Sibonaliso
79th minute   Alyssa McCaskill

Both teams travelled to Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer for matchday 2. But before writing the match report, let me tell you that I love Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer cheese and I refuse to eat foreign cheese because our cheese is the best. So, I was in Cardenao to cover match 1 and the catastrophe! There was no Jean-Jacquois cheese in Cardenao. So I had no choice to taste Cardenaoan cheese... and I loved it! Believe me, Cardenao makes the best cheese outside of Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove and everyone knows that cheese is important to a Jean-Jacquois. There's more in common between our two nations than you would think. Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove and Cardenao are both corrupt dictatorships and big cheese producers. Both have a big passion for football too. So, teams were back in Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer for matchday 2 with many fans from Cardenao and all over Nova Calania making the trip. There was a group of protesters at the National Sports Complex, mostly from Burnham-0n-Stove, with banners saying " Welcome to Stolen Aztec Land ", " Saint-Jean-Jacques et Burnham-on-Stove was build on unceded aztec land " and " This is unceded aztec territory ". And, well, I just want to drink some wine and eat some cheese so, let's just say that the Tapirs lost 2-1.

Matchdays 3 and 4 will be against Huayramarca with the 1st game on the road and the 2nd one at home. It will be played at Burnham Ground in Burnham-on-Stove.

Paul-André Veilleux

[Kimi-Suomi]

Football. Forget the rules. I'm sorry, what? FORGET THEM.
YOU ARE ABOUT TO ENTER THE HELVETICA SCENARIO.
IN THIS PLACE, A WIN SCORES 1 POINT AND A LOSS TAKES A POINT AWAY - WITH DRAWS LEAVING EVERYONE WITH NOTHING.
YOUR MISSION IS SIMPLE: SCORE MORE THAN ZERO TO ADVANCE INTO THE KNOCKOUT STAGE.
YOU HAVE 10 GAMES, AGAINST 5 OPPONENTS, TO COMPLETE THIS MISSION. EACH 'LEG' AGAINST AN OPPONENT COUNTS INDIVIDUALLY.
GOOD LUCK.

That was the message we received once plans for this CAFA existed. Everything we knew about this sport had to be thrown away for one tournament and one tournament only, where the points system is different by design and getting anything on the board means progression. Stay above zero - that's all Esko Laaksonen needed to do and while he might not fully quite understand what is required of him and his Huuhkajat is filled with new faces across the board, that mission had to be taken seriously no matter what...as only a winning record will see us progress forward. So what can we do, huh?

Our opening series would be up against the Ochre Islands (Okkerisaaret), the #4 ranked team regionally based on CAFA's system. The Breakerview National Athletics Arena in Bellflower would host our opening game in Anaian regional football and with a packed house in this house, we knew things would be tough right from the off. That would be proved in the first half over here in Bellflower as Richard Valens wanted to sweep the leg early and Susana Russo managed to score a brace within the opening 20 minutes. The rest of the game was just a slog as the Huuhkajat tried and tried and tried to beat Marcus Natural and while Teemu Räikkönen did finally manage the feat in the 77th minute, no more joy would come our way and we had to settle for both a 2-1 defeat and -1 point to our name.

It wasn't the best of starts, but there was hope we could go back to where we started with a victory at Pesä as Kimi Kaupunki came prepared for a battle they didn't want to lose. The locals were expecting a tough battle and it was one that certainly did materialise, with both teams certainly desperate for that point and one that would help propel them up the table in this interpretation of the Swiss System used by the IAC a long while ago but this battle became so tense and so deadlocked that nothing could come from it for either side. It was a pure stalemate...one that produced 0 points for either team.

We have eight games left to try and get back into the positives and get into the knockouts...and we will go again -2 debutants Sgr A. Sgr A is a long story, one I will explain next time, but all you have to understand for now is that we host them first in Lumikukkulat before they host us at a neutral site in Cathair.
The mission has begun...and we must get back on course. NOSTA KUIN HUUHKAJAT!

---

SCHEDULE (The Helvetica Scenario)
MD1: @Okkerisaaret [Ochre Islands] (4) - Breakerview National Athletics Arena, Bellflower L 1-2 (-1 Point)
MD2: vs Okkerisaaret [Ochre Islands] (4) - The Nest (Pesä), Kimi Kaupunki D 0-0 (-1 Point)
MD3: vs Jousimies A* [Saggitarius A*/Sgr A] (UR) - Galaktien Colosseum (Colosseum of the Galaxies), Lumikukkulat
MD4: @Jousimies A* [Saggitarius A*/Sgr A] (UR) - Glassbridge Stadium, Cathair (neutral site?)

[Estorvipa and Estorpiva]

It had been fifteen years since the establishment of the Federal Republic of Estorvipa and Estorpiva, ten years since the dying embers of the Estorian Civil War were stoked once again in order to finally settle the conflict once and for all. Technically speaking, the Estorian Civil War was still going on because the Estorvipan Commune, the faction that had initiated the civil war in the first place, was still active in the northern parts of the country, but every other faction involved in the civil war had been taken care of by the Federal Republic in a military sense. For the first time in two decades, peace finally reigned over most of the lands known collectively as Estoria.

And yet many stadiums around the country were still in a state of disarray, disorganization, and disrepair.

Football had always been the most popular sport in Estoria, even during the days of the old Estorvipan People’s Republic. Even when the entire country split apart into ideologically motivated factions during the Civil War, people still tried to get their weekly dose of football, whether it was through following the leagues and teams of other countries or by watching their own teams in action. Most teams had been formed to semi-professional or even amateur status due to the war, with most of the players choosing to fight for the side that they believed in the most or conscripted into the Estorvipan People’s Army. Rebuilding the Estorian league pyramid was one of the big projects launched by the Federal government once they had secured control over southern Estorvipa, and within five years of the declaration of the establishment of the Federal Republic, the Federal Top League was born. Heavy-hitters from the south such as Spartak Rybolovlev and Traktor St. Paulsburg were joined by ten other professional, semi-pro, and amateur teams in the region to form the new top flight of the Estorian football pyramid. However, because the country was still in the middle of a war (technically speaking, that is), funds hadn’t yet been made available for the rebuilding (and in some cases reconstruction) of these teams’ home stadia. But this hadn’t really been an issue for the league and the Football Federation of the Federal Republic, at least not until now.

The way that previous CAFA Cups had gone, all participant nations would simply head over to the nation hosting the CAFA Cup and play all of their games there. But for the 8th CAFA Cup, host nation Audioslavia had proposed a new and strange format: all participating nations would be assigned a match against another nation according to the latest CAFA Cup ranks, and those two nations would play each other in a two-legged home-and-away format. Naturally, when the FFFR found out about this, questions were asked and papers were thrown into the air in despair and possibly some desperation. Which of the stadia in the Federal Republic which were still currently standing would pass muster to a CAFA inspection and be approved for use in international competition? As mentioned before, most of the available stadia in Estoria, even those used by the big and popular teams like Spartak and Traktor, were still partially damaged as a result of the Estorian Civil War, and it was also not a good look for foreign broadcasters to show images of stadia with collapsed and missing stands, broken seats, and walls pockmarked with bullet holes. But the FFFR had to submit at least two stadia to CAFA for inspection in preparation for the coming series against United Hawkland.

Two stadia were eventually selected for use in the coming CAFA Cup: the Spartak Stadium in Rybolovlev, home of the team with the same name, and the Stadionul Aurelian Bordeianu, home stadium of Foc Feuerstadt. There had been arguments on whether the FFFR should have also picked the Stadionul Wernher Cordescu in Durdenville because, out of the twelve teams currently in the Federal Top League, Feuerstadt and Durdenville’s stadia were the least damaged since those cities were among the first liberated by the Federal Defense Forces at the resumption of hostilities in the Civil War. And while there were many who argued in favor of Durdenville’s inclusion into the list of Estorian stadia available for the 8th CAFA Cup, at the end of the day, there was one thing that had eliminated it from the conversation: the Stadionul Cordescu had a capacity that was below 10,000. The 10,000 minimum capacity was not actually a CAFA requirement, but one that the FFFR had imposed upon itself. The Federation wanted to present an image of their organization and the Federal Top League operating successfully in the midst of an internal conflict (which admittedly had gone down to a low intensity once the Federal Republic had defeated the rump Estorvipan People’s Republic led by Vissarion Zhivkov), and using a tiny 8,000-seater stadium like the Wernher Cordescu for an international competition like the CAFA Cup was just not going to cut it for the FFFR.

After that, the debate now shifted on which one between the Spartak and the Aurelian Bordeianu would play host to United Hawkland for the Federal Republic’s two-legged series. Many wanted the Spartak Stadium to host Estoria’s first fixture in the 8th CAFA Cup, and most of that was down to the sheer size of Spartak compared to the other stadia in Estorian lands. With a current capacity of just over 42,000, the Spartak Stadium was the third-largest stadium in Estoria, with only the Komandorskiy Stadium in St. Paulsburg and the National Stadium in Tarkovska (currently under the “rebel occupation” of the Estorvipan Commune as per the Federal Republic’s official parlance) being larger. Now, as to why the Komandorskiy Stadium hadn’t been selected for international duty by the FFFR, it was simply because it was still too heavily damaged as a result of both Battles of St. Paulsburg that had happened during the Civil War. And, as it turned out, it was also battle damage (specifically what the stadium had sustained during the Siege of Rybolovlev) that would eventually rule out Spartak Stadium playing host to United Hawkland in their CAFA Cup meeting against the Federal Republic.

The Stadionul Aurelian Bordeianu, while small in comparison to the likes of Spartak Stadium, was still impressive for its size and for the population that it served. A capacity of 12,000 might seem small when compared to other stadia in Anaia, but considering that the stadium itself was still mostly intact despite the Civil War, it was perhaps the best that the Federal Republic could offer up for the CAFA Cup. The stadium itself was filled to capacity when the Federal Republic welcomed United Hawkland for the first leg of their CAFA Cup meeting. And while the Estorians had a warm welcome for their Hawklandian visitors, the home team didn’t let that get in the way of claiming victory over their guests. This would set them up well for the return leg at United Hawkland, and in that game the Federal Republic picked up where they had left off and claimed another victory, putting them (at the moment at least) amongst the frontrunners for the regional title. But their credentials, along with the credentials of the Spartak Stadium, were about to be tested by two-time CAFA Cup finalists Pyazhnaya.

  ESTORVIPA AND ESTORPIVA 2 - 0 UNITED HAWKLAND  
          RAZINSKIJ (29')
             LEMISH (50')

  UNITED HAWKLAND 1 - 3 ESTORVIPA AND ESTORPIVA  
    ROBLEDO (36')       ROBERTA (15')
                        LEMISH (54')
                        KHOKHLOV (78')

[Vilwandia]

It would be safe to say that Anaia is becoming more and more open in recent months. The conflict in Mertagne and Bostopia has come to a conclusion, Anaian heads of state are meeting in Bellflower this week to discuss a deal for greater freedom of movement, and the CAFA Cup is being held, this time with an opening stage held across the region. Vilwandia's role in the latter began on Tuesday night against Krytenia, following Saturday's 0-0 stalemate with the Dragons in Emberton.
Eteksiville came to life in a way that many of the new city's critics thought would never happen, as the 41,000 packed inside the Stadium of Nations turned it into a carnival. Even with the more than tripled capacity, there were still many Vilwandian fans stood outside the ground, watching the game on large screens erected on the side of the stadium, and it was an atmosphere that surely intimidated the experienced Krytenians. Pre-game, there was a show involving various Vilwandian chiefs taking penalty kicks against one another, and the traditional welcoming ceremony was performed by Fuzo in the absen ce of his father. All in all, the crowd were ready and raring to go in a fixture against superior opposition.

The first few minutes were marked by a very back-and forth game. Vilwandia would get forwards, only to lose it in the final third, only for Krytenia to march forwards and get the same result. It seemed, though, that one of these defences would soon crack, and it was the Swans who would first, allowing Shawna Burns to blitz past Marick Opperman and cross to an unmarked Klaasen to make it 1-0 to Krytenia within 15 minutes.

Goals often beget more goals, and Krytenia were bloodthirsty after their opener. However, Vilwandia had adapted to the Krytenian pace, and their gegenpressing would eventually reap its rewards. Three in the next twenty minutes, all from Jerome Sibanda, seemed to wrap the fixture up within the first 35. Sibanda's first came from a header following a Rautenbach cross, the second from outside the box which had even the "Black Widow" Amanda Bach rooted to the spot, and his third came from another altercation with Bach, after the ball deflected off her hand and into Sibanda's path for an easy finish. The White Stars were 3-1 up against a Krytenian side with double their CAFA points.

The seconf half saw much of the same story as the first. The Stadium of Nations was nervy after a stunning Esteban Salvador free-kick, the build up to which had seen Hansie Smuts sent off for a reckless challenge on Eddie Culverhouse, though the Krytenian was thankfully uninjured. The free-kick seemed to guide itself into the top right-hand corner, and Ade Petersen had little time to react. It was 3-2, and game on with half an hour to go.

However, once again, The Dragons let a killer opportunity to level the game slip. Zander Voorster took the incredibly bold decision to switch to a more attacking plan when down to ten men, and post-match he shared that "It was either play with fear at the back, or take the risk and play with pride. After all, they cannot attack you if you keep attacking them.". Incredibly, this tactic worked, and Vilwandia had netted their fourth within two minutes. The decision was made to switch Piet Heisen with the young Frederich Katz, and the underperforming Vermaak on the left was swapped for the debutant Zoey Jacobs. Katz struck Vilwandia's fourth, dummying left and right past a complacent Krytenian back-line and hitting it near post. Jacobs had the fifth in similar fashion, and a dominant late performance was sealed by Blake Goldberg's strike in stoppage time, and just like that, Vilwandia had scored six, their joint-most in competitive play, and a 6-2 scoreline meant the Blou et Wits had their biggest winning margin ever.

Vilwandia face Flavovespia next, another high-ranking side, and will be looking to impress against these regional giants.


In other news

- Vilwandian delegation touches down in Bellflower, Ochre Islands. The Indunankulu is said to be "looking forward" to his time in the Ochre capital.

- Four members of the Impingan nationalist group "Breaking Siphamandla's Cage" have been arrested for inciting violent riots in Umoya City. Group Leader calls it "An outrage and a farce against our rights"

- "Cup of CAFA-ee" tournament to be held in Eteksiville to find the best Anaian coffee houses

[Bostopia]

Mihaly's life had become somewhat of a whirlwind in the years since he had killed The Emperor and The Duke. He'd written a few times in his own private journal that the situation he found himself in wasn't something he could have ever dreamed of, not for Cardenao proper, which was now seeing the economic benefits of having the might of Bostopian industry and resources attached to it. While Cardenao was certainly becoming more of a player in the region as a result, the outward impression was that Bostopia and Cardenao were still separate enteties. But Mihaly knew the truth, no matter what the other nations thought.

Once Mihaly's private jet had flown over Bostopia, then the Legalese mainland and the island off its coast, it had largely been nothing but water out of the window for most of the flight, until thankfully the Audioslavian coast appeared and Mihaly again had something more interesting to look at that than the mounds of paperwork on his desk he had been reading going into the peace talks with Mertagne.

The plane landed in Cestravolpe, where Mihaly was greeted by local dignitaries and one or two representatives from the Audioslavian Government, before being shown to a waiting car and driven away from the airport and towards the hotel where both parties would be staying and the talks themselves would be held. Mihaly first saw the hotel, the Sceriffa from the back, turning almost orange as the sun set behind it. Reaching the front of the building, it was still imposing, though wasn't basking in the sun's glows from this angle. The décor in the reception lobby wasn't exactly to anyone's taste, or at least hadn't been in around fifty years, looking something like a granny bathroom that someone had decided to have extended across an entire floor rather than the usual 5.5 x 5.9 affair. Ironically enough, he couldn't even find a sign for the bathroom, despite now being rather desperate.

Formalities out of the way, Mihaly was escorted to his room and left to it, once his suitcase had been put neatly at the foot of his bed. He stood there for a moment with his hands on his hips looking around. Standard stuff. Television, remote holder on the side of it with only half a remote in it, empty desk, bed, wardrobe. Yep. Hotel room. His bladder reminded him of an impending warm trouser leg situation though, so he swiftly made his way into the bathroom. Shortly after, he walked back out of the room, wiping his hands on his trouser legs because the towels provided were a bit too new and about as good at drying hands as a dishwashing sponge would be at completely drying up the Bekk.

Mihaly's eye was caught by a piece of paper that looked like it had been covered in crayon-etched scribbles then left on his desk. He looked around the room, finding himself alone but for two suits of armour which were incredibly out of place with the tasteless décor of the rest of the suite and he was sure weren't there when he first walked in. Or perhaps the Audioslavian hosts had stored them in the wardrobe, popped in while he was in the bathroom to drop the note off and then took the armour pieces out... he hadn't much experience with Audioslavians, so perhaps this was one of their things?

On closer inspection, it was certainly crayon, but it looked like a set of instructions for the peace talks with Mertagne (spelled "Mertwang" or "Mertwonk" or "Mertoigné" throughout for reasons that Mihaly couldn't quite understand but assumed had something to do with the preference of crayons).

1) You're not allowed to give away any Bostopian land or let Mertwonk put military basis anywhere!!
2) Mertoigné will holler and scream for repairations. Offer them a solitary fish. If they don't want the fish, offer them money.
3) Answer any questions on the war as 'before my time' and direct questions to the Emperor or THE DUKE who are both dead
4) Offer the fish again to Mertwang. I'm sure they like it tell them they will like the nice fish.
5) Remind them Bostopia is now part of Cardeñao and therefore allied to the Ochres and if Mertwang wants to kick back off then they will have to fight the Ochres, LOL.
6) Insist they take the fish
7) I am dead
8 ) Cardeñao can use Bostopian technology and resources etc. etc. etc. etc. to build that bridge you keep talking about in your sleep
10) Insist they take the fish
11) THE DUKE is definitely dead and not hiding in your room please don't read this in your outside voice and say 'I must inform The Duke' please because we've asked nicely and you know what he is was like.'
12) Perhaps they would like the fish?'

Mihaly knew it was just scribbles, momentarily hoping on nothing more than the ravings of a madman, but, he realised, if this hope came true, then perhaps leading Bostopia was in fact a poisoned chalice and not a golden opportunity.

[Ko-oren]

It's a wonderful week for the seven or so fans of baseball, football, and exceedingly niche progressive/alternative/post-rock. They saw their team make a World Baseball Classic quarterfinal - beating Drawkland in another hilarious Drawkian show, pick up two wins in the CAFA, and most importantly, we're getting a double album by the celebrated Audio versus Ko-oren. After a quiet period for the band, they've funneled their creativity into ten tracks - the run time coming in at about two hours.

Accusations of becoming 'stale' and 'playing it safe' have come in after the group dropped their first track, but the band claims that the new material is much fresher and more polished compared to previous albums, even if some of their earlier records might have taken them to strange places and genres instrumentally more than the new record. Much like the actual Audioslavia and Ko-oren squads, the music is a fresh and strange take based on the comfortable usual.

Lúnquerque, Coorie, Malcolm, and goalkeeper Hélder are bringing a new energy to the Bulls, while Manguele is taking the Dragonflies to completely uncharted territory but as always, the CAFA sees Ko-oren play a young team of maybes for the next World Cup Qualifiers. Todaka, Kaji, Torre, and yOraenaig are all regulars for the World Cup squad though. Through two games against Sagittarius A*, we've been given a pretty comprehensive look at a remarkably competitive Ko-oren team, with all the result-driven realism of the old and the free-flowing optimism of the new.

Miradela's Andrade not only picked up his first international cap, he also provided his first assist, to Tanques' stalwart Walbuck. You'd almost forget the latter is just 25 after nearly eight years of Top League football, but she was as decisive as a Tanques midfielder should be with a chance at a goal (because Tanques typically doesn't have amazing strikers to go with their transcendent midfield). Walbuck controlled much of the pace of the remainder of game one, with Roodappel being a little too light and Andrade a little too unfettered to be a regular outlet for a pass. After Laza was brought on for Sterrenwolde's Roodappel, the midfield was 75% Miradela GD as they are pretty close to Manguele's idea of a 'football player'. Stereotypically you'd say Manguele's Platonic ideal of a footballer is a Branvonite, but seeing as that club hasn't produced class talent in over a decade, Miradela's very much the next best thing, consequences for the two teams' derby-rivalry be damned. It's that midfield that produced the second goal as well, with Laza going on a solo run through the defence, ignoring perfectly positioned relationist opportunities, hitting the post with force and yOraenaig getting a Straudumian goal: a tap in from six metres with the goalie supine at the far post.

Game two came down to Ko-orenite defence a little more, but Maeno eventually delivered a cross into Mamannau for the winning goal after a full 13 minutes of back-against-the-wall defending against the likes of Camillieri, Clark, Castellon, Cataldo, and Carby, and several players not starting with 'C'.

And that brings us to what comes next. Flavovespia unfortunately is as good as advertised with their first place, Huayramarca ran into a draw against Bharadwaja to keep them down at 6th for now, while Bostopia and the Ochres sandwich Mertagne in the mid-table. Cardenao, Aleirave, Krytenia, United Hawkland, Strayaroos, and returners Vdara have yet to figure out what they're here for - though Vdara were drawn against Audioslavia and hammered 5-0. Five perfect teams go to stage two of the group stage: Flavovespia, Audioslavia, Estorvipa and Estorpiva, Pyazhnaya, and us. And that gives us a 50% chance of drawing one of the two teams we'd love to avoid for a bit... but then we drew the Bulls anyway.

Some players we really liked in the first 180 minutes of CAFA 8: Andrade and Torre. The Miradela duo shone in their defensive duties but weren't tested too much yet. In attack their naiveté suits the gameplan but it was a bit too free even for Manguele's liking, though they strung together passes for stretches of the match when the conditions suited them.

Some players we'd love to see more of: Loper and Senothonnau. Defenders for Straudum and Schemerdrecht, they could provide some no-nonsense tackling when we need it, but it's up to Lele to decide whether they have enough on-the-ball skills for his gameplan. From what we've seen from the teenagers in club football, they're fantastic old-fashioned Ko-orenite defenders, and perhaps something we need to take down the Audioslavians.

Some players that need to pick up the pace: Bassin and yOraenaig. Bassin was a mismatch in the back, lacking the discipline for defensive positioning while allowing the Sagittarians a few pot shots from distance but also lacking a desire to get into the passing game. yOraenaig scored but was otherwise invisible - we're going to need a bit more visibility from such an experienced striker.