“My name is Miranda Helmsen and this is the seven o’clock news. We start with a remarkable shock in the scientific community with what might be one of the most groundbreaking discoveries of the last century. In the brand-new book Cap Nord through Time. A brief history of Esportiva’s northernmost nation, geologist Patrice-Armand Ngea posed the existence of a former supercontinent, which held the current regions of Esportiva, Anaia, Rushmore and Atlantian Oceania. Said supercontinent, named Sportaea by its discoverer, would have been a massive landmass of which the underlying tectonic plates have drifted apart ages ago: Ngea explained that further research and funding would be required to have an exact dating. But his research, based on studying the maps of the regions and the Blood Sea, as well as a highly intricate scientific methodology called extrapolation, does seem to confirm that Cap Nord has, is and always will be the northernmost point of the continent. According to Ngea, this might show that our nation’s name could predate all others and as such a claim can be made that Cap Nord is not just the grandest, but also the oldest of nations.”
“And there is more to note about the book which contains this stunning discovery. Cap Nord through Time. A brief history of Esportiva’s northernmost nation will be shared to all school-going children of the nation and this beautiful gift to the scientific wisdom of our youth will be supported by a tour by our very own King Harold, who just returned from the Banijan state funeral. At the funeral, King Harold and his spouse showed their condolences to the Banijan princes. In the coming weeks, the royal will be visiting a variety of schools across all departments, sharing the learnings of the book and helping our teachers in the methodology to instruct their pupils. At times, he will be joined in this effort by Queen Sophie and Princess Anne, but the launch of this tour, in a middle school in Opsvik, will be in the company of Chief Minister Dalving.”
“On to the foreign shorts. The CORNCOB convention in Graintfjall is continuing, but receives domestic criticism over the proposed ‘cap and trade’ system. Foreign Minister Sarah Pale protested against the suggested measure, explaining to a bewildered section of the international press that the nation of Cap Nord, as a proud and independent country, will under no circumstances be traded around by foreign powers. If such talks would intensify, ‘necessary measures will be taken’ explained the Minister. According to some inside sources, such measures have already begun their negotiation phase with Pale being spotted in talks with representatives of the Plump Camp: eagle-eyed paparazzi noticed the words ‘weaponizing the honkers’ in her notebook, but Pale explained she was doodling about 'mechanizing the walkers', her surprising take on the international transport issues.”
“And Minister Pale is going through some busy days, being quizzed on the official government view on the evolving situation in Farfadillis. The Atlantian Oceanian nation is believed to have been in a consistent state of civil war for decades, but the conflict between the region of Farolera and its neighbors gained international traction as various governments declared their support for or against Faroleran President for Life Alex Terán. When asked about the Capnordic involvement, the Minister struggled to pronounce the name of the opposition for Terán, which sees political analysts claim that weapon exports to the troops of Téran have already started.”
“In sports, we see a crisis of a different sort surrounding the Whalers after their surprising loss at Lionsroar. After a stunning but not completely undeserved home draw against group leaders Banija, the hope for a play-off spot grew around the selection. Said ambition was squashed with the sole goal of the fourteenth match of these qualifiers. A lot of the initial criticism befell goalkeeper Siel Leuwert, who mistimed his save on a free kick to push the ball against his own net. But the larger impact seems to be in the rift drawn between those who see the lack of attacking prowess on the road as the fault of Jorgen Bjerkness and those who blame Simon Carstensen. The latter fueled the discussion by insinuating to the press that ‘the circumstances require an alternative with alternative personnel’, a clear jab against his fellow midfielder. As such, the build-up for the game against Poafmersia, considered the last chance for the Whalers to remain in the play-off battle, is not going forward in the best of circumstances. The pressure on McEather to find a lasting solution for the enigma is only mounting.”
“And lastly, the Council of Capnordic Olympic Sports (or COCOS) has announced that athletes will be sent to the upcoming winter olympics in Joongyeong and the Eiran Mountains. Our nation has long had a tradition in biathlon and cross-country skiing but this will be the first time that leading athletes such as Suzanne Ek, Edvard Madsen and Dorian Moreau will be tested against international opposition. However, the COCOS proclaimed that the Olympic line-up will be extended beyond these traditional sports in order to ensure that the other sports will gain further traction domestically. Especially the ice sports will get additional support with investments in the existing infrastructure.”
“I was Miranda Helmsen and this was some news. We lead you out with images from the concerts at Lydholm Listens, where a variety of bands play in the Southern Square. Yesterday evening, it was folk metal collective Tiwaztru who entertained the crowd with their deep lyrics, captivating sound and mesmerizing instrumental choices. Enjoy.”
