The Rookies
Part Ten. In which they talk about uncomfortable subjects.
“I wish I could tell you that things will pick up for you if you give it a bit of time and hang in there, but that's a lie. That's something that people who haven't actually been at rock bottom say, because if they had ever been in that place, they would know that time can't heal every wound. Some things take more intentional effort, and some things leave a scar. I wish I could tell you how to get rid of those scars, but at this point, I still haven't dealt with my own. Being a member of the Blackmont nobility is the source of most of the good things in my life, and yet, my title has sometimes left me wishing that I was just a commoner, or that I hadn't been born at all. Either scenario would leave me without the problems that are exclusive to those at the top of society. I know that sounds… Ungrateful. And you're most likely upset with me for saying something like that, as you are someone who, and I don't mean any offense by this, comes from nothing. You would probably kill for my title, I'm sure.”
“I'm not offended. I might not understand, but perspective is important, I guess. If you've never had to see what the trenches are like in a civil war, if you've never had to fear for your life in a poor part of a beaten down city… Your struggles that the rest of us would consider petty will seem just as big as those things, to you,” says Rain Delacruz, walking along one of the innermost battlements at Blackmont Palace, where all of the nobility was gathering for the celebration of Crown Day, which marked the restoration of the Blackmontese monarchy and the withdrawal of Gallian colonialism. They were still a territory of Gallia, of course, but the one difference between then and now was that they now had a degree of independence and they now had their own rulers, not foreigners from Rushmore who were elected by a separate people.
“Yes. My own struggles may not have threatened my life in that way that yours have, although the affairs of the royals can sometimes result in blood being spilt, but who is truly better? The proud soldier with an unbroken fighting spirit and the camaraderie of his brothers in arms, or the royal who has everything but finds no happiness in it? The royal who has to put on a happy face for her people, but who is a totally different person around her innermost circle and her closest kin?”
Rain and her noble acquaintance stop walking when they reach the point where they can see Blackmont City in the distance, and they lean against the edge of the battlement and stare off into the distance, somewhat absentmindedly. “What's not to like about your title, though? It's Lady of Red Mountain, right? You have a whole city under you. And you're heir to North Blackmont, if I read all the information on the nobility correctly.”
“You did. But let me tell you this, Rain. There's only a few powerful people in this nation, and the rest of us are all just cogs in the machine. The people of North Blackmont were once proud and free, and we once flew our own banner. But the Lion is more powerful than the Rooster, and thus their sigil is now raised in North Blackmont, reminding us of who really controls these lands. You don't know how my family gained their prominence, do you? Not many seem to remember the correct story.”
“I can't say that I do remember, even though I did my research. I'm sorry,” said Rain, noticing the emotional twinge that her friend’s voice now had.
“No, don't be, because you wouldn't know unless you were from here. Some people that are from here don't know. But the real story is that the two parts of Blackmont went to war. The two major cities did, and the two houses that rule those cities. House Mundell, and House Caroline. And you know what happened? They stormed into Red Mountain within months of the war starting, they put down the northern armies, and then they looked for the one major house in the city that hadn't raised their banner against them. They found us, House Baine, and saw that we hadn't raised our banners for Red Mountain, despite controlling the finances for House Caroline. We're in power because we sold out everyone who supported us, when the time came for the bloodiest event in Blackmont history.”
“Didn't that happen a really long time ago? Way before you were born?”
“Yes, and the effects of it are still here. Let me ask you, Rain, who really has power? The nobles in Red Mountain who gained their status by bending the knee when everyone else fought to the death? It's a farce. The fact that we’re here today to celebrate the Blackmont crown shows that all of us from House Baine are just what I said we are, cogs in the fucking machine that the Mundells have forced all of us into. And don’t ever tell anyone what I’ve told you, but just between you and me, House Adair feels the exact same way. After all, they were the only house to fight the Mundells at one point and still remain one of the major ones.”
“You’re saying that you don’t like being a royal because you’re just a puppet for the King.”
“I’m saying there’s a lot of drawbacks to living the noble life, that most people don’t see, and that there’s barely a benefit for someone like me. I’m saying that life as a commoner is way more simple, and that even though you’re from a worse place than me, I can understand everything you’re going through.”
Rain raises an eyebrow, thinking back to earlier. “I never told you what I was going through.”
“But when you, your brother, and your friends Mara and Niko were at lunch with us, you said that you were tired of everything. You didn’t say that you were sad, angry, or anything like that. You specifically said that you were tired, and those aren’t the words that a happy person says. Those aren’t the words that someone says unless they’re going through something. Trust me, I know.”
“You’re sure showing a lot of interest in someone you’d never met before this week.”
“You remind me of myself, that’s why. And besides, we’re both footballers. It makes sense for us to look out for each other. I think I can make an accurate guess that football is one of the things that keeps you sane. It keeps your mind off of other things.”
There’s a long pause, before Rain speaks up again. “So, what are your scars? What makes you think we’re the same?”
“You think I trust you enough to tell you.”
“I don’t know, but you’re the one that interrupted my training to bring me out here to the palace, to talk about… Life. I was doing a good job keeping my mind off of the shit. Plus, you can’t tell me that we’re alike and then not say anything about why. Not fair.”
“Let me flip that question. What are your scars? Why aren’t you on top of the world, after gaining fame from that Independents Cup run?”
Rain shrugs, still staring into the distance. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t know, or don’t want to tell?”
“Sometimes I feel bad about the civil war.”
“And?”
“What do you mean, and?”
The other woman doesn’t respond, and Rain eventually speaks again. “I feel bad about the civil war, and sometimes I think about my life choices and wonder what the hell I’m even doing with my life. You might have seen that MMA fight in Gallia, the one where I barely made any cash but I fought anyway, because it gave me a rush. But most people don’t realize that I cried myself to sleep that night, even though I won, because it made me ask myself, what the fuck am I even doing? Why am I out here hunting for an adrenaline rush? Why the fuck am I so insecure that I had to put on a luchador mask and beat the shit out of someone to prove myself… Not to others, but to me?”
“And?”
“You still want to hear more? I’ve basically given you my life story!” Rain says, her voice raising. “If you want to know something, just ask, but don’t have me tell you everything that’s wrong and then ask for more?”
The woman shrugs. “I’m just waiting to see if you say what I think you were going to say, because I want to see if I’m right about us being the same.”
“Yeah, well, you’re never going to know the full story about me, because I’m too fucking insecure… You know what, fuck it. Fuck this, fuck talking to people about my problems, and fuck your sympathy. I was wrong. You can’t understand this. You’ll never understand me! We’ll never be the same, because you were born in an ivory tower and I was born in a fucking inner city hospital where there’s far more gunshot victims than babies! And that world is all I’ve ever known! Don’t tell me that we’re the same, when your family watched from the sidelines of your conflict, and me and my brother were in the trenches for ours!”
The woman can tell that she struck a nerve, and she shrugs and makes an apologetic gesture. “I’m sorry. I really just wanted to give you advice. I wanted to save you from some of the pain that I went through when I was younger, but if you don’t want the advice-”
They’re interrupted when someone else steps onto the battlement. “Lady Brigid, you’re wanted in the main hall for the Crown Day preparations,” says a man that Rain recognizes as being from the Blackmont football team. “Please come quickly. You know how the Mundells get when their subjects aren’t on time.”
“Thank you, Sir Hannon. I’ll be there in five minutes.”
The knight leaves, and Brigid turns back to Rain. “Know that I’m a friend and that the North of Blackmont has the same plight as the east of Bojikstan. If you want to talk further, you have my number. If not… Good luck with the rest of your life.”
Rain nods without a word, and follows Brigid as she leaves to prepare for Crown Day.
***“You’re looking very glum for someone that’s on vacation and staying in a nice mansion, Rain,” says Artem, following his sister out of the house as the group gets ready to make the walk to the palace, for the Crown Day festivities. “It’s a holiday, too. Why not lighten up? What could be better than heading to a giant party with all your friends? You normally love this kind of thing.”
“I’m not feeling like myself, lately. And I had this weird conversation with Lady Brigid.”
“Brigid Baines? The one that plays for the Blackmont football team?”
“Yeah. That Brigid. She tried to give me some advice because she thought that we were the same, and that she had been through similar things in the past. But she never told me the whole story with her. Just that she was unhappy and that I reminded her of herself. She tried to get me to open up more, and well… I can’t stop thinking about that conversation.”
“Why’s that? If her advice wasn’t good, why is it still bothering you?”
“What if it is? She was talking about healing from scars… Scars of the mental sort, but I said that she could never understand me because she’s a noble and I’m from the slums. But what if she’s right and I’m going about this wrong and-”
“Why don’t you just talk to her some more, if you’re worried about that?”
Rain sighs, grabbing her hair in frustration. “Because she gives me weird vibes and I hate talking to her! But at the same time, I know I should be listening to her! I just know that she’s not going to tell me what I want to hear, and that… Talking to her, talking about myself to her specifically, is going to bring me a lot more pain before it makes me better.”
Artem grabs his sister by the shoulder, pulling her aside. “You okay? You want to stay in tonight instead of going to the palace? I’ve been busy with my career and with dealing with Niko, I didn’t realize that you were going through things and that you were feeling pain. You want to talk about it?”
“No!” shouts Rain, getting the attention of everyone in the area, before she lowers her voice to a near whisper. “No, I mean. Why would I talk about something that I can’t change? It’s not going to make me feel better. Not now, at least. I just want to get to this party and get drunk and forget about this shit.”
“Okay, we’ll do that-”
Rain is startled when someone jumps onto her back, and she has to suppress an instinctual reaction to spin and throw the person off of her. She thinks it’s Niko Komarov at first, but when she feels the person’s arms around her neck, she realizes that their skin is too soft to belong to an Odenan. She also knows it isn’t Ricardo or Lucas, because both of them are too big, and it can’t be Raquel. Raquel doesn’t do things like this. It’s either Liv or Mara Mandaric, but Liv is usually more withdrawn in social settings like this, at least from what Rain has seen about her so far.
“Jesus, Mara!” Rain screams, as the grip around her neck tightens. Mara is stuck pretty tightly to her back, and Rain almost feels like she’s trapped in a choke hold. Artem is gesturing that Mara might want to get down and not push her any further, but the short girl either doesn’t see or doesn’t listen. Well, she doesn’t listen until Rain starts bending her thumb backwards, at which point she gets the message and jumps to the ground. “The fuck were you doing?”
“I was just messing around!” Mara says, embarrassed now. “I was trying to do that MMA move that you did that time! I was there, you know. Artem told me that you fight, but I guess the secret is out now. Did I do it right?”
She’s embarrassed, but she’s still beaming, hoping for approval from Rain. But she’s not going to get it. “You wouldn’t have taken my back in a real fight,” she snaps, before looking at Artem, her eyes shooting daggers. He’s looking for words to explain why he told Mara, but they aren’t coming. And then Rain starts to storm off.
“Hey, I’m sorry! It was just a joke, why are you so angry?”
“Don’t bother,” says Artem, sympathetically. “She’ll talk to you again when she feels like it. But right now, I have the feeling that she isn’t going to talk to me tonight either. Something’s going on with her, but I can’t say I know what. Unfortunately, I’ve spent more of my time trying to figure out what’s up with Niko. If you do talk to her tonight, though, make sure she doesn’t get into trouble, okay?”
“Will do. And sorry for getting you in trouble with your sister, Artem.”
***It’s the end of a long dinner, but Rain didn’t eat with the nobles, like Artem and the other footballer guests did. James Almeda, the agent that set this trip up, is close friends with a few of the noble members of the Blackmont football team, but Rain decided not to feast with him and his friends and the others. No, she was at a table with some of the commoners who had found a way here. Some of them worked at the palace, others were knights and soldiers, and others were minor title holders who ruled smaller towns and castles. This table had less of the fancy foods of the nobles and more alcohol, which was the way that Rain wanted it.
When dinner is over, the party breaks into different groups. Some are heading to dance, and others go to the balconies outside the main hall, where they can watch the fireworks that are happening in the distance, in Blackmont City. Prince Darby Mundell, the heir to Blackmont, is giving a speech at the end of the dinner tables. “I’m very happy that all of you could attend, and I hope that you all are able to forget your differences for a day and celebrate the fact that this great country is free. It hasn’t always been this way, but now that it is, let’s not take it for granted. I’m also happy that we can welcome some foreign guests this time, courtesy of our friend, James. Let’s show them some real Blackmontese hospitality…”
Rain slinks away before the speech is over, stepping out one of the northern doors and entering a large and long balcony, which reminds her of the battlement that she had stood on earlier. She saw Lady Brigid enter this door earlier, and she finds her watching the fireworks, a fair distance away from the rest of the crowd that’s gathered. “This world isn’t for me. Nobles, and Princes, and Kings, and Dukes. All of it’s unfamiliar. I feel like a fish out of water, and I’m only slightly drunk right now.”
“There’s still time to correct that, isn’t there?” chuckles Brigid, and that’s when Rain pulls a small bottle from her sack.
“Everyone else is wearing beautiful dresses and perfectly tailored suits, or fancy outfits from the golden age of the nobility, or traditional military uniforms, and what do I have? A skirt that looks like I stole it from a prep school uniform? A plain white blouse? This stupid bag, that looks like something a college student would carry around?”
“This isn’t officially a formal event, you know. You should have brought your own style. It’s better to stand out, anyway. We nobles are expected to dress a certain way, but you have freedom, and you would have turned heads because of it. So yes, Rain. You look like a fish out of water. But only because you tried to imitate us, instead of owning your own look.”
Rain takes a long drink from the bottle of liquor. “I guess I came up here to apologize. I was a bitch earlier, I know. I screamed at you for trying to help me, because I couldn’t… Because I can’t, I mean, own up to myself.”
“I was never offended. But it takes a lot of bravery to say what you said, so thanks. You don’t see many apologies, in Blackmont. Too much pride for that.”
“We’re going to be here for awhile, so there will be plenty of time to talk later. Not tomorrow, though. I think I’m going to be too hammered to talk to anyone, if tonight goes according to plan.”
“You can’t own up to yourself, so you get hammered. Interesting strategy.”
Rain takes another drink. “It’s the offseason. I’ll do what I have to do to get by.”
“It’ll take a toll on you, you know. And your liver. I’d look for a more productive way to get over things, if I were you.”
“Like I said, it’s the offseason. I do some things now that I don’t do normally. I appreciate the concern, though,” says Rain, but her last statement is obviously meant to be sarcastic. “In all seriousness, I’ll be fine. This is meant to be a vacation, anyway.”
There’s a long silence where the only sound is the fireworks and others talking around them. “Why aren’t you with your brother and your friends? Last time I looked in the main hall, they were having a good time on the dance floor. And yet you’re all the way out here, looking for company for your misery. Go have fun, Rain. I’ll be fine by myself.”
“I’m not talking to Artem. I’m pissed at him right now and I don’t know how to talk to him without saying something I’ll regret. There’s… Well, I’m mad at my other friend, too, but I can’t put a finger on why. And if I talk to Niko, he’s just going to try to sleep with me. Maybe another time, but I’m not up for that tonight. Lucas is awkward as shit. It would just be really awkward if we talked. And Ricardo hasn’t talked with me for real since my friends from Odena beat him up over a misunderstanding about a month ago. Those friends are the ones that chose not to come, because they hate formal events. They’re out in Blackmont City somewhere, but here I am, at the palace anyway.”
They make small talk for a few more minutes, before Brigid turns to face the door that leads back to the main hall. “Well, I’d love to stand here and watch the fireworks with you all night, but the rest of my family is going to expect me to do what royals do: engage in some social politicking. I’ll be around the dance floors, hopefully impressing the other families with my skills,” she says, using her tone to make it clear that this is something that she dreads. “Oh, and I see your friend waiting for me to leave, so she can talk to you. Just saying.”
Rain quickly looks away, but it’s less than a minute before Mara Mandaric is at her side, standing at the edge of the balcony with her. “Sorry about earlier. About annoying you with my messing around, I mean. I brought you something to make up for it,” she says quickly, extending her hand and offering a small bag of candy. “They had these at the Prince’s table. They call them dragon eggs, and they’re the hottest candy that I’ve ever tasted.”
Rain just stuffs the bag into her sack, nodding. “Thank you,” she mumbles, avoiding eye contact. “I know I reacted strongly back there. I’m just really pissed about the MMA thing. It was one of the few things I could do without being judged, and my selfish opponent ruins it by pulling my mask off in front of everyone. She could have trash talked all she wanted and I wouldn’t have cared. Hell, I would be the first one to tell her that I respect her and that the trash talk is entertaining, after we fight. But no, she just had to push it too far and pull off my mask. What a bitch…”
“Why did you hide your MMA career? Because it’s illegal in Gallia? You’re so good at it, I would be showing off my fights to everyone if I were you-”
“Well, you aren’t me.”
Awkward silence.
“Rain, I’m really sorry for whatever I did last month that made you mad. I have no idea what it is, and whatever I did, the intent wasn’t to anger you,” Mara blurts out, as she’s leaning on the railing. “And don’t deny that I did something, because I know I did! You’ve been avoiding me, ever since something happened in the Independents Cup… Something that I don’t know about, that I did without meaning to. We used to be close, and now, you won’t even return one of my calls or talk to me at a party like this. I tried breaking the ice earlier and you blew up at me for it. Oh, and don’t get upset at Artem for that. He only told me that you fight because I pushed him for answers. I… I was going to show up in Gallia and talk to you afterwards, but you were so upset about getting unmasked that I backed off and left as soon as the fight was over.”
“It’s just a lot of personal shit-”
“Personal shit that you’re fine talking to that noble about, but not your good friends?”
“The noble won’t judge me-”
“And I won’t either, if you talk to me for once!”
“Just leave me alone if this is how you’re going to act,” Rain remarks, starting to walk back to the main hall. She’s probably going to snatch another bottle of liquor before the servers clean up the dinner area, before leaving early, but she’s stopped when Mara chases after her.
“Please. I just don’t want to lose another friend. I don’t want you to hate me forever because of something stupid that I did without realizing. And if you never want to see me again, fine, but at least tell me what I did, so I can make sure to never repeat my mistake,” Mara says, her voice making it clear that she’s close to giving up. “Just tell me, and I’ll never bother you again-”
“I could never hate you, but I needed my space. It’s not something you did,” Rain admits, stopping and finally making eye contact. “But if you want to know why I haven’t been myself lately… And some of the reasons why the fighting thing pissed me off and why I’m still mad about it… Well, I think I’m feeling drunk enough tonight to talk about it. Come on. Let’s find somewhere more quiet, and I’ll explain.”