"New Coltsboro Dandelions Sweep Away The Competition!"Editor: Double SpeakBoth soccer enthusiasts and critics alike continue to find themselves baffled by the New Coltsboro Dandelions, official representative of Kaldus in this year's Equestrian Cup, who have just secured a spot in the quarterfinals for the fledgling pony nation. The Dandelions have proven their mettle on the field time and time again, exemplifying the very nature of athleticism, professionalism, poise, and politesse. According to Team Captain Sunflower Seed, quote, "I was pretty worried there for a while, I won't lie! In our last game, Gum Drop said she was feeling too nervous to play, so we told her she could sit this one out. She's feeling much better now. I was so relieved to hear her say that! The most important thing is that we're all having fun and doing our very best!". The Dandelions then proceeded to treat their recovered comrade to snow cones. Once again, our elusive, radiant Empress has chosen to grace the team with high praise:"I'm really enjoying watching them all play! Sunny is such a nice Captain, and Water Lily is having the time of her life! I was really upset to hear about Gum Drop, though... the poor dear! I sure hope she's feeling better before the next game!"In a reflexive burst of activity, secret service agents dove out of some nearby bushes, shuffled Empress Silver Melody into her private limousine, and proceeded to drive her to an undisclosed location; there, she was taken to a nearby helipad and flown to Aryl's own Capital Medical Center, the most highly-advanced, state-of-the-art hospital facility in the entire Empire of Kaldus. She was greeted by a swarm of doctors, nurses, patients, and well-wishers, glancing around the halls with a baffled expression before being brought into one of the hospital's private patient rooms, where starting centerfield defender Gum Drop was being lavishly attended to. After some initial shock followed by a brief period of confusion, Empress Melody made the following comment:"Woooooow... and the room is completely paid for? Faaaaaancy... I particularly like the ice sculpture of a swan in the corner. Heh, I didn't know Kaldus' hospitals took such great pride in caring for its patients!
The only thing I don't quite follow is, why is Gum Drop still here? She told me that the doctors wouldn't let her leave, even after she said multiple times that she was okay! Gum Drop explained to me that she just felt kinda queasy before the game, was all. I went to have a chat with one of the on-call physicians, and this guy tells me "our dean of medicine was informed that Kaldus' Empress has decreed that Gum Drop must be in pristine health by the time the next game starts, or we'd all be out of a job". Can you believe this nonsense?! I have half a mind to write an angry letter to this so-called Empress!
So then I asked the doctor who Kaldus' Empress was, right? I mean, I'm kinda ashamed to say that I don't actually know who she is - to be totally fair, I only just moved here a few weeks ago - but the doctor just kinda shrugged. Makes me feel better that I'm not the only one in the dark. Poor Gum Drop, though. She told me she's gotta go get groceries, and they still won't let her go home!"Kaldus' illustrious Empress was then carted away to her extravagant estate, which was filled to the brim with ice-sculpture swans and a haggard-looking stallion, under the supervision of two burly pegasi in very professional-looking black suits, chipping away at a large block of ice in a panicked fervor. Gum Drop was released minutes after, and was escorted to the hotel the Dandelions are currently staying at; her room was packed with balloons, get-well cards, and hundreds of grocery bags stuffed with all manner of delectable consumables. This reporter has absolutely no idea how she plans to cart it all home. Hail the New Coltsboro Dandelions! Hail Empress Silver Melody! And, as always, hail the great Empire of Kaldus!Or else.
