Ok here goes. (Joke and painful sounding, don't try this at home.)
A guy was walking around in China and had gotten lost in the middle of the monsoon. He was at his wits end, but then he found a random house in the woods. Smoke was coming out of the chimney so he went to the front door knocked and was greeted by an old guy.
"Sir, I haven't eaten in two days and I've been lost for three, could you possibly give me some food and let me stay out of the rain?"
The old man nodded and stroked his beard.
"I'm more than willing to let you stay the night but you must not sleep my grand daughter, or I will be forced to perform the three worst Chinese tortures upon you."
The man readily agreed, wondering what kind of girl would live out in the boonies.
Dinner time came and the daughter was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, and later that night he snuck into her room and slept with the daughter. Afterwards he returned to his room happily and went to sleep.
When he woke up he felt an uncomfortable weight upon his chest and saw a rock with a note on it.
Third worst Chinese torture: 50 pound rock on chest.
That's nothing, the man thought and he went to the window and threw it out. On the back of the rock he saw another note.
Second worst Chinese torture: Right testicle tied to rock. Thinking quickly the man jumped out of the window following the rock. Outside of the window taped to the house was another note.
Worst Chinese torture: Left testicle tied to bedpost.