[DRAFT] Commend Kowani

[Apatosaurus]

helping to successfully integrate refugees from the former region, helping to keep the regions activity alive after a disaster; This is a word salad. Try "helping to successfully integrate refugees from the former region and keeping the region's activity alive despite the disaster".
...
OBSERVING that Kowani has made a great commitment to furthering international diplomacy, doing such things as participating in both the International Socialist Congress and the International Senate; using their World Assembly delegation to give helpful feedback to authors of numerous General Assembly proposals (can you add examples here?); and particularly, founding the Romance Language Foundation; This clause is better, but would still be improved with examples and more detail.
...
APPLAUDING Kowani’s leadership's further efforts to provide high-quality information to such discussions by providing services as a sort of aggregator "as a sort of aggregator" is very informal wording, particularly for an SC proposal. Change "by providing services as a sort of aggregator" to ", such as (insert examples here)", which enablesChange "enables" to "has significantly and outstandingly helped enable". leaders of other nations to keep well-informed;

[The North Polish Union]

This is not dead!

I've made an effort to incorporate the suggestions provided since my last draft into a new one (in OP) and to find examples of some of the actions listed in the proposal, which I've put in the second post of this thread and also spoilered at the bottom of this post.

I still am not sure that the proposal is as polished as I'd like and would appreciate continued feedback.

Resources:

Kowani in the GA

viewtopic.php?f=9&t=453979&sid=206f32941c0a29ded0e9cd9bef846976#p34924008

viewtopic.php?p=34871199#p34871199

viewtopic.php?f=9&t=452270

Praise for Kowani by other posters

viewtopic.php?p=39127335#p39127335

viewtopic.php?f=20&t=508905&p=38906781&hilit=kowani+news#p38906781

viewtopic.php?f=20&t=508905&p=38923007#p38923007

Kowani providing news sources

viewtopic.php?f=20&t=513453&p=39223440#p39223440

viewtopic.php?f=20&t=487095&p=39221007#p39221007

viewtopic.php?f=20&t=509600&p=39211915#p39211915

Effortposts by Kowani

https://www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=1537423

[Thousand Branches]

Glad to see this back!

[Chan Island]

NSG is, as a general rule, a bad place with not much to be found... which is probably why I'm hanging out there for the most part, contributing little.

But Kowani is an exception. Their posts are detailed, informative and interesting, so much so that we nickname him the Kowani News Network. He has single handedly changed my mind at least twice, and long may this continue.

If activity on NSG can be commended at all, then Kowani is that gold standard. This not going through would conclusively prove that it would be impossible to earn any recognition there.

[Outer Sparta]

NSG is, as a general rule, a bad place with not much to be found... which is probably why I'm hanging out there for the most part, contributing little.

But Kowani is an exception. Their posts are detailed, informative and interesting, so much so that we nickname him the Kowani News Network. He has single handedly changed my mind at least twice, and long may this continue.

If activity on NSG can be commended at all, then Kowani is that gold standard. This not going through would conclusively prove that it would be impossible to earn any recognition there.

Kowani would be the only NSGer to meet any commendable criteria if the SC ultimately determines they are commendable. That just speaks to how soulless the place is full of bickering and fighting and often times attracts the wrong people there that only come there to stir trouble.

[Millenhaal]

Hi. Local nobody here. I think that this is absolutely a commendable nominee. I support this mostly because NS as a game is very multifaceted, and in each community there are people who do supreme amounts of good for those communities and sometimes others. The point is, NS isn't an IC only site. Even that term is very blurry. Defending commendations = fine, even though R/D has never been IC. The very few card nominations are almost certainly OOC. So why could you blame an NSG commendation for being OOC. In that case, start repealing all of those defender and raider C/Cs, boys!

[Outer Sparta]

Hi. Local nobody here. I think that this is absolutely a commendable nominee. I support this mostly because NS as a game is very multifaceted, and in each community there are people who do supreme amounts of good for those communities and sometimes others. The point is, NS isn't an IC only site. Even that term is very blurry. Defending commendations = fine, even though R/D has never been IC. The very few card nominations are almost certainly OOC. So why could you blame an NSG commendation for being OOC. In that case, start repealing all of those defender and raider C/Cs, boys!

There are hardly any commendable people on NSG. That's just how it is there.

[Guess and Check]

While I think it's plausible for NSGers to be commended, I'm not sure this draft conveys that well enough. Not sure how to fix that in a more general manner, but here's some more specific feedback.

GRATEFUL for Kowani’s services to League of Constructed Languages (LoCL) and its successor, Council of Constructed Languages (CoCL) and particularly for aiding alongside several other figures in the relocation from LoCL to CoCL after the former region’s security was compromised in 2019, helping to successfully integrate refugees from the former region and keeping the region's activity alive despite the disaster;

You should elaborate on what these "services" are. How did they "keep" the region's activity alive as well? How did they integrate refugees? There's a lot of questions here that can be talked on a lot more.

NOTING that Kowani continues to serve CoCL as a Liberation Minister, and as such is responsible, with the other Liberation Ministers, for much of the administration and protection of the region as well as being the first point of greeting for new nations joining the region;

Instead of stating the job description for what Kowani is doing, you should state what they have actually done in the position. What initiatives have they undertaken? What were the impacts of those initiatives?

ASTOUNDED at the beauty and high degree of lexical development found in the Kowani language, a linguistically sophisticated Romance language unique to the nation;

In concept I think creating an RP constructed language is commendable, but you can add more to this. has Kowani made a guide to the language? Have they made any written works with it? If so, working those in could be helpful.

OBSERVING that Kowani has made a great commitment to furthering international diplomacy, doing such things as participating in both the International Socialist Congress and the International Senate; using their World Assembly delegation to give helpful feedback to authors of numerous General Assembly proposals; and particularly, founding the Romance Language Foundation, which provides a cooperative venue for nations in which unique Romance languages are spoken;

First, this can be re-structured into a list.

Second, participation in the Congress/Senate isn't enough - Kowani needs to have made some feasible impact in those areas. Additionally, I have no personal idea what the Congress/Senate actually is, and considering one should write an SC resolution as if the voter has no background information, that should be explained as well.

Thirdly, for Kowani's GA resolution feedback, maybe read into his feedback and see if he repeatedly emphasizes some concept? I find people who give feedback to multiple drafts repeatedly tend to encourage people to focus on improving one or two general concepts, and I wouldn't be surprised if Kowani follows that pattern. For example, does Kowani give feedback on grammar? On research behind the draft? On loopholes and legal clarity? Etc. Mentioning what Kowani's feedback centers around, if possible, can characterize their GA feedback a bit better.

Fourthly, I would delve a little more into what Kowani did for the Foundation beyond founding it - one can found something then let others do all the work, so you need to show that isn't the case here. I would also specify on how nations use the Foundation to cooperate, so that people like me who don't know what this Foundation does can learn more about it.

ACKNOWLEDGING that Kowani is a significant contributor to those meeting-places where world leaders come together to discuss and debate hypothetical events outside the multiverse, and has been cited as notable for its research- and data-driven contributions in those areas;

You should go a bit further with this- so why does it matter that it's had well researched contributions to NSG? What's the impact there?

APPLAUDING Kowani’s leadership's further efforts to provide high-quality information to such discussions by providing services as a sort of aggregator, which has significantly and outstandingly helped enable leaders of other nations to keep well-informed;

Specify on what "services as a sort of aggregator" means. Also remove "sort of", it's a tad too informal for the SC.

[The North Polish Union]

While I think it's plausible for NSGers to be commended, I'm not sure this draft conveys that well enough. Not sure how to fix that in a more general manner, but here's some more specific feedback.

GRATEFUL for Kowani’s services to League of Constructed Languages (LoCL) and its successor, Council of Constructed Languages (CoCL) and particularly for aiding alongside several other figures in the relocation from LoCL to CoCL after the former region’s security was compromised in 2019, helping to successfully integrate refugees from the former region and keeping the new region's activity alive despite the disaster;

You should elaborate on what these "services" are. How did they "keep" the region's activity alive as well? How did they integrate refugees? There's a lot of questions here that can be talked on a lot more.

I would argue that the “services” referred to are those described in the next couple clauses. I’ve hopefully fleshed-out some

As for “integrat[ing]” refugees, what happened in the region was the fairly-standard scenario of: Founder CTEs, community gets raided and decides to make a new region with an active founder, has to go through the work of moving the community between regions. After some thought, I’ve decided that “integrate” isn’t necessarily the best word choice here since it has implications in English that would imply the bringing in of nations from outside the original community, which isn’t necessarily my focus on what happened here. I’ve changed “integrate” to “assist”.

NOTING that Kowani continues to serve CoCL as a Liberation Minister, and as such is responsible, with the other Liberation Ministers, for much of the administration and protection of the region as well as being the first point of greeting for new nations joining the region;

Instead of stating the job description for what Kowani is doing, you should state what they have actually done in the position. What initiatives have they undertaken? What were the impacts of those initiatives?

As long as the job description is being fulfilled (and it is), wouldn’t the job description more or less match the actual actions undertaken? Maybe I’m not understanding something here, but I don’t quite see the difference between what I have written and what you’re suggesting.

ASTOUNDED at the beauty and high degree of lexical development found in the Kowani language, a linguistically sophisticated Romance language unique to the nation;

In concept I think creating an RP constructed language is commendable, but you can add more to this. has Kowani made a guide to the language? Have they made any written works with it? If so, working those in could be helpful.

Yes there is a brief guide to the language. In Kowani’s factbooks alone, there’s also a guide to government agencies that contains many examples of the language with translations, and also many examples of transliterations of foreign nation names into Kowani. I’m not sure how to work these into the actual text of the proposal though.

OBSERVING that Kowani has made a great commitment to furthering international diplomacy, doing such things as participating in both the International Socialist Congress and the International Senate; using their World Assembly delegation to give helpful feedback to authors of numerous General Assembly proposals; and particularly, founding the Romance Language Foundation, which provides a cooperative venue for nations in which unique Romance languages are spoken;

First, this can be re-structured into a list.

It’s a silly preference of mine, but I don’t like lists in WA resolutions, and so I would prefer not to

Second, participation in the Congress/Senate isn't enough - Kowani needs to have made some feasible impact in those areas. Additionally, I have no personal idea what the Congress/Senate actually is, and considering one should write an SC resolution as if the voter has no background information, that should be explained as well.

I’ve expanded that section quite a bit. Hopefully its better now.

Thirdly, for Kowani's GA resolution feedback, maybe read into his feedback and see if he repeatedly emphasizes some concept? I find people who give feedback to multiple drafts repeatedly tend to encourage people to focus on improving one or two general concepts, and I wouldn't be surprised if Kowani follows that pattern. For example, does Kowani give feedback on grammar? On research behind the draft? On loopholes and legal clarity? Etc. Mentioning what Kowani's feedback centers around, if possible, can characterize their GA feedback a bit better.

The GA feedback section is arguably the weakest part of the commendation in my opinion. For now I’ve completely removed that section for now because after some thought I’m not sure that there’s as much material there as there is for the other sections.

Fourthly, I would delve a little more into what Kowani did for the Foundation beyond founding it - one can found something then let others do all the work, so you need to show that isn't the case here. I would also specify on how nations use the Foundation to cooperate, so that people like me who don't know what this Foundation does can learn more about it.

This has been expanded on as well.

ACKNOWLEDGING that Kowani is a significant contributor to those meeting-places where world leaders come together to discuss and debate hypothetical events outside the multiverse, and has been cited as notable for its research- and data-driven contributions in those areas;

You should go a bit further with this- so why does it matter that it's had well researched contributions to NSG? What's the impact there?

APPLAUDING Kowani’s leadership's further efforts to provide high-quality information to such discussions by providing services as a sort of aggregator, which has significantly and outstandingly helped enable leaders of other nations to keep well-informed;

Specify on what "services as a sort of aggregator" means. Also remove "sort of", it's a tad too informal for the SC.

These were fairly minor fix, but hopefully ones that solved the issue.

--

The Security Council;

RECOGNIZING Kowani as a nation whose leadership has contributed at a high level to many areas, including both regional and broader international affairs;

GRATEFUL for Kowani’s services to League of Constructed Languages (LoCL) and its successor, Council of Constructed Languages (CoCL) and particularly for aiding alongside several other figures in the relocation from LoCL to CoCL after the former region’s security was compromised in 2019, helping to successfully assist refugees from the former region and keeping the regions’ community alive despite the disaster through raising awareness of their own linguistic heritage and encouraging other nations to do the same;

NOTING that Kowani continues to serve CoCL as a Liberation Minister, and as such is responsible, with the other Liberation Ministers, for much of the administration and protection of the region as well as being the first point of greeting for new nations joining the region;

ASTOUNDED at the beauty and high degree of lexical development found in the Kowani language, a linguistically sophisticated Romance language unique to the nation;

OBSERVING that Kowani has made a great commitment to furthering international diplomacy, doing such things as participating in both the International Socialist Congress, where they have worked to assist left-wing political parties and organizations that are persecuted in their nations of residence, and the International Senate, where they focused on improving international security and the prevention of smuggling and environmentally-destructive trade practices;

PLEASED by Kowani’s founding of the Romance Language Foundation, which provides a venue for nations in which unique Romance languages are spoken to cooperate on the preservation, classification, and spread of such languages;

ACKNOWLEDGING that Kowani is a significant contributor to those meeting-places where world leaders come together to discuss and debate hypothetical events outside the multiverse, and has been cited as notable for its acclaimed research- and data-driven contributions in those areas, thereby helping other national leaders to grow and their knowledge and understanding;

APPLAUDING Kowani’s leadership's further efforts to provide high-quality information to such discussions by providing services as a news aggregator, which has significantly and outstandingly helped enable leaders of other nations to keep well-informed;

BELIEVING that the nation of Kowani has contributed greatly to international affairs;

THIS BODY does hereby commend Kowani.

[Apatosaurus]

I think "This body does hereby commend Kowani" would read better as "Hereby Commends Kowani" since you already have your subject ("The Security Council") at the start of the proposal.

[Minskiev]

I think "This body does hereby commend Kowani" would read better as "Hereby Commend Kowani" since you already have your subject ("The Security Council") at the start of the proposal.

Again, that's a signature, not a subject. All proposals come from the Security Council, and that represents that.

[Apatosaurus]

I think "This body does hereby commend Kowani" would read better as "Hereby Commend Kowani" since you already have your subject ("The Security Council") at the start of the proposal.

Again, that's a signature, not a subject. All proposals come from the Security Council, and that represents that.

My point is that "The Security Council... This body does hereby commend Kowani" has two subjects in the same sentence, which just makes it fluffy and read worse, besides being gramatically incorrect. "The Security Council... Hereby Commends Kowani" would read better and is also less fluffy.

[Thousand Branches]

Again, that's a signature, not a subject. All proposals come from the Security Council, and that represents that.

My point is that "The Security Council... This body does hereby commend Kowani" has two subjects in the same sentence, which just makes it fluffy and read worse, besides being gramatically incorrect. "The Security Council... Hereby Commends Kowani" would read better and is also less fluffy.

Actually, the grammatical consideration there is true, although you did forget to recognize the clauses in between that do affect the way the sentence is structured. Think this instead:

“The Security Council, knowing Kowani is cool, knowing Kowani is dope, knowing Kowani is xtra awesome, and knowing that Kowani is the bomb diggity, this body doth hereby commend Kowani.”

This does in fact introduce two main subjects of the sentence apart from the subclause, and the addition of “this body” does in fact make “the security council” a grammatical inaccuracy or the other way around. Of course, this is all under the consideration that any of ya’ll are interested in the “everything is technically one big long sentence” theory because if not, it’s totally fine. Hell, if anything, you might straight up be able to remove “The Security Council” and the proposal would make perfect sense (albeit, I can’t remember if that’s a rule violation).

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

......Hell, if anything, you might straight up be able to remove “The Security Council” and the proposal would make perfect sense (albeit, I can’t remember if that’s a rule violation).

It’s not - check the expanded details for R1(a). If you don’t put “The Security Council” or “The World Assembly” in at the beginning it’s assumed by default. It only becomes a rule violation if the author makes it clear in the text that it’s not written from the perspective of the SC or WA.

[The North Polish Union]

Would simply removing the words "This Body" be grammatically appropriate?

e.g. "The Security Council, [...] Does Hereby commend Kowani"

[Thousand Branches]

Would simply removing the words "This Body" be grammatically appropriate?

e.g. "The Security Council, [...] Does Hereby commend Kowani"

Yep!

[The North Polish Union]

Would simply removing the words "This Body" be grammatically appropriate?

e.g. "The Security Council, [...] Does Hereby commend Kowani"

Yep!

Tweaked the OP to that.

[The North Polish Union]

*long overdue bump*

[The North Polish Union]

I'm bumping another time. Seeing that this got no additional feedback in March it may be submitted at some point.