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The Hitchhiker's Guide to South Asia Minor

A place to put national factbooks, embassy exchanges, and other information regarding the nations of the world. [In character]

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Comparable to the works of Leonardo Da Vinci, Dante and Tom Clancy
79
29%
Worth Twittering about
19
7%
Could do with more cowbell
51
19%
What is this I don't even
50
18%
KILL IT WITH FIRE
76
28%
 
Total votes : 275

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South Asia Minor
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Founded: Feb 25, 2008
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The Hitchhiker's Guide to South Asia Minor

Postby South Asia Minor » Fri Aug 27, 2010 2:10 pm

Lovely lovely people's lovely lovely telegrams

"Commandante O'Donovan, may I say your national factbook is a magnificent pronunciamento, a veritable literary triumph of unmatched brilliance and a radiant font of enlightenment, joy, win and laffs. The people of Aezakmi are in awe; as Aezak Foreign Minister, I felt obliged to express my appreciation for this creation, but it would be an abomination to deface your work with my unworthy spasmodic keyboard flailing so I resolved to send a telegram instead. The Emperor himself has instructed me to 'thank you for the lulz'.
Signed,
Aezak Foreign Minister"

~ Aezakmi

"Just so you know, I did look at your factbook, and enjoyed the list of government positions and political parties. :)"
~ Zwangzug

"You have the best damn factbook I have ever seen."
~ Lyndiana

"I voted for the first option. I found it witty, painfully dry and funny! I see you are a Sex Pistols fan.... You just got to be!"
~ Sskiss

"Greatest factbook ever o:"
~ Unilisia

"Your factbook made me lol a thousand times. I had to log in for the first time in *ever to tell you that. :)"
~ Riaka

Humphrey Bogart says...
"Voting "KILL IT WITH FIRE" isn't big and it isn't clever."

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THE GOVERNMENT DISAPPROVES

Here's why:

It has come to our attention that the contents of this so-called guide are widely accepted as the one and only for real source of information on our most glorious nation. We wish to stress that this is not the case. For a more savoury instruction on the people, culture, history and brownies of South Asia Minor, please consult the government factbook, South Asia Minor: An Entire Country in Several Thousand Pages of Dry Academia.

Unfortunately, Parliament's internet connection is down and the factbook cannot be accessed on this particular series of tubes. However, it is widely available for the low, low price of $700.99 (+freight) at all good retailers and some bad ones, and unless you can't be bothered to get off your lazy ass and go buy it, we urge you not to humour this TRAVESTY of a guide with your attention, and to buy the real deal.

But never mind the bollocks, here's...


THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO SOUTH ASIA MINOR: REVISED EDITION NO. OVER 9000
By Dr. Jackie Lockheart, MD, and several others

Image
I don't know how but it seems like this flag is racist,


The Jamahiriya of South Asia Minor and her Overseas Colonies in Papua New Guinea, North Korea and Upper Michigan
La República Democrática Socialista de South Asia Minor
Velká samjská lidová socialistická džamáhíríje
Daon-Phoblacht na South Asia Minor
South Asia Minora demokraattinen sosialistinen tasavalta
DER MEISTERSTAAT SÜDASIEN MINOR AAH VATERLAND
République démocratique socialiste du South Asia Minor
Jamhuri ya Kidemokrasia ya Kijamii ya South Asia Minor
Demokratia Socialisma Respubliko South Asia Minor
Den demokratiske sosialistiske republikken South Asia Minor
Cộng hòa Dân chủ Xã hội chủ nghĩa South Asia Minor
大多是无害的


National Anthem: I Love It[/align] ... hold on how do you mean it doesn't align? This forum's formatting used to be a lot simpler.

Jump to:
History
Politics
Name
Economy
Cities
Culture
Military
What to Take
Actually Hitchhiking
Climate
Places to See
People to Meet
Things to Do
Trivia
Religions to Follow
About the Author

The Jamahiriya of South Asia Minor and her Overseas Colonies in Papua New Guinea, North Korea and Upper Michigan, or SAM to her friends, is a loose confederation of shiny happy people somewhere in southeast Asia.
Though not particularly well known, and considered a backwater by those who do know it, SAM has been around for quite some time. The unassuming, tolerant, friendly population welcome the few pilgrims, travellers, WA weapons inspectors and SS fire teams that venture through the dense surrounding jungles and highlands to visit the nation with open arms and hospitality.

The nation is extremely multicultural, with a large population that nobody has been bothered to keep count of. The national culture, a product of the ridiculous volume of immigrants, is an amalgamation of Arab, Czech, Irish, French, Spanish, Tibetan, Zulu, Bushido, Italian, Korean, Chinese, Igbo and Kris Kristoffersonesque cultures and traditions. SAM' demonym is Sami.

While SAM's lax laws are considered by outsiders to be potentially very dangerous and exploitable, the peaceful and friendly culture that has become so ingrained into the minds of the Sami people means that crime rates are extremely low (despite WA LIES to the contrary), and that most of the crimes committed are committed by novelists and tourists. However, despite the fact that many of them have never seen a microwave, and despite the fact that they're all a load of Communist sissies, every single adult citizen is, for some reason or another, heavily armed.

Throughout her history, SAM has been a colony of France, Britain, Portugal, Germany, Belgium, China, North Korea, Belgium again, Hungary, Venezuela, Iceland, the Sioux nation, Austria, Kenya, the United States, Saudi Arabia, South Asia Minor, Liverpool and Chad. She has been annexed by Hungary, China, North Korea, Vietnam, Belgium, the World Assembly, the Verve Pipe and Singapore.
Each time SAM has fallen to an empire, kingdom, minor African republic, washed up 90's rock band or post-industrial, impoverished city, her people have risen up and pushed the invaders out. This has resulted in almost every day of the year being some sort of independence day.
Last edited by South Asia Minor on Thu May 10, 2018 6:18 pm, edited 83 times in total.
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History

Postby South Asia Minor » Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:22 pm

It is important for any individual travelling through South Asia Minor to have at least a passing knowledge of the country's rich history, lest they get lynched for not knowing who the great and mighty Kyle is. Hitchhikers be advised, Sami taxi drivers are particularly prone to this line of questioning.

Founding
The nation of South Asia Minor was founded 42 years ago or thereabouts by a motley crew of brigands, scoundrels, knaves and cads on a gap year from Edinburgh University. Once they had found themselves lost in the jungles of southeast Asia, they realised they were unable to find civilisation and, since they were all vegetarian and therefore could not resort to cannibalism, decided to make some of their own, having seen it done on an episode of Blue Peter.
And lo, the scallywags began creating civilisation this way and that with gay abandon, terraforming the once uninhabitable jungles of Asia into an environment fit for overpriveleged white young adults. Using a combination of timber, rock and the sweat of their brow, the rogues began constructing their Shangri-La: coffee shops, poetry dens and Chinese takeaways began springing up, and soon the jungles had been turned into a thriving student metropolis completely lacking in academic institutions and with a population of seven.

Image
Kyle

According to various native legends, the following occurred soon after SAM's founding:
"Kyle, the leader of the motley crew, stood over the city that he and his brothers and sisters had created. He stood with his right-hand man, Russell.
'Yes,' Mused Kyle, surveying the city, 'yes... This is a fertile land and we will thrive! We will rule over all this land and we will call it... "This Land"!'
At that point, Russell turned to him and exclaimed, 'I think we should call it "Your Grave"!'
Kyle was about to argue that 'This Land' had a better, less hostile-sounding ring to it, when he realised what Russell was insinuating. 'Ah!' He cried, 'Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!'
Russell roared with maniacal laughter. 'Mwahaha! Mine is an evil laugh! Now die!'
With that, and before Kyle could draw his grandmother's old service revolver, Russell leapt on top of Kyle and proceeded to bite his neck. Kyle died from tetanus two weeks later."

Neither of them had heard of Joss Whedon's Firefly.

The Great Revolutionary War of We're Not Sure When

Image
Russell (artist's impression)

Russell ruled with a merciless, unrelenting iron fist for four and a half hours, oppressing the other residents of South Asia Minor to such an extent that some of them got a bit annoyed.
Soon, the other five residents of South Asia Minor rose up and punched Russell in the face. Russell let out a wail and ran off into the jungle, never to be seen again. At least not until he was found in Phnom Penh and deported to Madagascar.
Katie was then elected president of South Asia Minor and quickly revoked all of Russell's oppressive laws, which no one had really been following anyway. New legislation was passed by the First Sami Congress creating a democratic and steadfast governmental structure, safeguarded by prudent checks and balances and divisions of power. The judiciary, the legislature and the executive were all swiftly composed and the cogs of democracy began to turn.

Then they got bored and had another dictatorship for a couple of weeks. After that, the screaming deathtrap of unchecked direct democracy that exists to this day as the modern government of South Asia Minor was born.

Development

After several failed invasions from the Vietnamese and Cambodian militaries, which were thwarted by extra-hot sugar-free double mocha lattes to the face, SAM began to thrive, selling education and dope in equal measure to the surrounding farms, villages and US airbases.
Soon, mostly due to the promiscuous nature of student life and the fact that they'd long since run out of condoms, SAM's population began to rapidly multiply into the hundreds.
The population grew further as Buddhist pilgrims, Japanese soldiers unaware of the end of the Second World War, lumberjacks and New Age science fiction authors stumbled upon the nation. Soon enough, SAM's population had entered its thousands, and Karl, the one in charge of keeping count of the population, lost count.

Needless to say, Kylepolis (as it had been named for its founder) could no longer facilitate such a rapidly growing population, thriving student metropolis though it was. And so several other cities were founded, each named after their respective founders. Soon, Katieville, Tuckertown, Patriciapolis and Simon had grown to match, if not better, the size of Kylepolis.

War with North Korea

Once Katie realised that SAM now somehow had a military to speak of, she immediately geared it up and declared war on her least favourite country, Brazil.
Unfortunately, Brazil was on another continent and SAM did not possess any means to wage war overseas, save for Karl's overly hostile homing pigeon, so Katie decided to declare war on her second least favourite country, North Korea.
Unbeknownst to the North Koreans, South Asia Minor waged four years of gruelling, brutal war on them. Several North Korean residents of SAM were heckled in the streets, harassed by SAM's police department (Leslie), and assaulted in broad daylight by Karl's pigeon. Soon, North Korea had no choice but to surrender, lest Leslie and Karl's pigeon finally reached their borders.

The war served to boost SAM's morale and economy, and a national celebration was held, though Leslie soon broke it up after the parade's dragon set fire to one of the poetry dens.

Two weeks later the United Nations ordered a US-led invasion of North Korea. That was a lot more exciting.

The Housing Boom

One of the worst, most horrific disasters in South Asia Minor's history, the Housing Boom happened one day around twelve o'clock when several hundred houses spontaneously and inexplicably exploded. On the plus side, housing prices went up, and thus the tabloids were very much happy.
Last edited by South Asia Minor on Fri Mar 06, 2015 11:29 pm, edited 10 times in total.
I'm tired of living,
And scared of dying,
Max Berry has a point
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Politics

Postby South Asia Minor » Sat Aug 28, 2010 12:21 pm

South Asia Minor has a very complex political scene. Complex in that it makes absolutely no sense at all.

Image
Commandante Skye Sinclair awkwardly realises that she left the borders open.

The Executive

South Asia Minor's Head of State is the Commandante (currently Skye Sinclair, former astronaut and former member of the St. Loki's School for Girls Debating Society). The remainder of the nation's administration consists of a number of "Heads", none of whom have much real power and are really just there for decoration. The cabinet positions are as follows:

  • Commandante of the Jamahiriya and her Overseas Colonies in Papua New Guinea, North Korea and Upper Michigan (Skye Sinclair)
  • Head of Commerce (Scott Scottsman)
  • Head of the Navy (Cap'n Ahab)
  • Head of Karl's Pigeon (Karl)
  • Head of Civil Affairs (Konrad Klippersdale)
  • Head of Foreign Affairs (Isaac Oldton)
  • Head of Having Affairs (John Dark)
  • Head of Head (Katie O'Cara)
  • Head of the Republican Guard (Jonah Spears)
  • Head of the Self-Defence Corps (Rob, from Accounting)
  • Head of Answering Letters and Threats (David D. Davidson)
  • Head of Sending Letters and Threats (Melanie Gibson)
  • Head of Narcotic Distribution (One-Eyed Dan)
  • Head of Music, Vibrations and Rhythmic Noise (Pete Best)
  • King of the Fridge

The "Heads" are appointed by the Commandante who, following Parliament's Now Just Wait A Minute This Isn't Very Fair Act of 2012, is elected in free and fair elections enforced by heavily armed commandoes every two years. The King of the Fridge is a rotational position filled each week by a different member of the cabinet.

Political Parties

While no Commandante belongs to a political party, as they must resign from any they may belong to before running for office, this does not stop countless political parties from making their mostly stupid opinions known. Some of the countless parties in SAM include:

  • St. Loki's School for Girls Debating Society
  • Senior Citizens for Fascism
  • The Republican Party
  • The Provisional Republican Party
  • The Continuity Republican Party
  • The Official Republican Party
  • The Real Republican Party
  • Abbott and Costello Meet the Republican Party
  • The Sami Socialist Party
  • The Sami Communist Party (membership: Karl)
  • The Let's Party Party
  • The Political Party for the Elimination of Political Parties
  • The Village Green Preservation Society
  • The Free Tuckertown Party
  • The Party for the Prohibition of Brazilians and Brazilian-Branded Things Like Brazilian Waxes
  • The Eat, Drink and Do What You Like Party
  • The Party for the imrovment ov GRammer
  • The People's Revolutionary Party
  • The Dance Dance Revolutionary Party
  • The Fingerlican Party
  • The Tastycratic Party
  • The Etcetera Party

The Legislature
Image
While having no place in the executive, party political bollocks does, sadly, find a home in South Asia Minor's parliament, often noted as being the real seat of power in the country. Currently, the majority party in the unicameral "Parliament" is the St. Loki's School for Girls Debating Society, having accidentally won the last election by being inadvertently better at politics than every other party in the country. This caused outrage among the more sectarian of the Sami populace at the fact that a bunch of Catholics were now in power. The SLSGDS issued a rebuttal asking them what they were going to do about it, huh, what. The second largest party and the nominal opposition, the Village Green Preservation Society, have yet to disagree with them on anything other than who agrees with each other more.

Historic Acts of Parliament

Over the years, the Sami Parliament has been the voice of sense -relatively speaking- to the increasingly batshit insane shenanigans of past Commandantes. Throughout history it has only been the legally binding acts of a panicked Parliament that have prevented the country from being torn asunder by rabid rock-chucking monkeys, both metaphorically and literally. Since the country's early history is sketchy to say the least, the actual years in which the acts were passed were not recorded until around the late 60's. The most fondly rued and disgustedly remembered acts of South Asia Minor's Parliament include:

  • The Shut the Hell Up Russell Act of Whenever - The application of which involved Russell being punched in the face.
  • The Commandante is the Coolest Sounding Head of State Title Act of Whenever and One - Wherein the official title of the Head of State was declared in adherance to the Rule of Cool.
  • The Tapioca Pudding is an Abomination Act of Whenever and Four - Because it really is.
  • The North Korea is Totally Gay Act of Whenever and Eighty Six - Because it really is.
  • The Sexual Freedom Act of Whenever and Eighty Seven - Consolation to South Asia Minor's LGBT population for Parliament's inappropriate comments about homosexuals in The North Korea is Totally Gay Act.
  • The Brownie Act of Whenever and Ninety - The officially sanctioned Intercity Brownie Contest is declared.
  • The Belgium Sucks Act of 1964 - Because it really does.
  • The Rabid Rock-Chucking Monkeys Act of 1965 - Wherein rabid rock-chucking monkeys were prohibited in all public places, because they wouldn't stop smoking.
  • The End of Slavery Act of 1967 - Parliament forgot to free the slaves in 1807 like they'd meant to and only just got around to doing it.
  • THE CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL ACT OF !(&% - WHAT WERE WE THINKING.
  • The Repeal of the Caps Lock is Cruise Control For Cool Act of 1975 - Enough said.
  • The Thai Food Is Most Definitely The Best and I Don't Care What You Say Karl Act of 1979 - Karl was subsequently banished from politics.
  • The Prohibition of Brazilians and Brazilian-Branded Things Like Brazilian Waxes Act of 1981 - Unenforcable due to the population's increasingly hazardous coffee addiction.
  • The Noodles and Tequila Act of 1985 - "Noodles in every bowl and tequila in every ... bowl!" ~ Commandante MC Gonzo.
  • The No More Wonderwall You God Damned Buskers Act of 1988 - Seriously.
  • The Margaret Thatcher Sucks Almost As Much As Barbra Streisand Act of 1990 - Almost, but not quite.
  • The Oh By The Way Barbra Streisand Really Sucks Act of 1990 - Just in case that wasn't clear, Parliament decided to make it official.
  • The Put Godzilla Back in His Cage Mr. Commandante Act of 1991 - Finally enforced after six long months of people being crushed by giant flying Japanese script.
  • The Zombie and Supersentient Ape Defence Act of 1994 - South Asia Minor's animal testing labs and cemetaries have since been lined with cannons.
  • The Jesus Christ It's a Lion Get in the Car Act of 1995 - Sadly, the whole nation could not fit.
  • The Tax The Rich Some More Act of 1998 - And many more Bentleys for MPs were had.
  • The Hitler and the National Socialism Was Not Awesome It Was Really Crap Act of 1999 - Just in case that wasn't clear, either.
  • The Let's Party Like It's 1999 Act of 1999 - The details on this act are hazy, having been mostly scrawled on a napkin from Jenny's Bar and Grill.
  • The Democracy Is Serious Business Act of 2000 - An attempt to give Acts of Parliament less stupid names.
  • The Repeal of the Democracy Is Serious Business Act of 2000 - Because it really isn't.
Last edited by South Asia Minor on Fri Aug 09, 2013 3:43 pm, edited 18 times in total.
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Name

Postby South Asia Minor » Sat Aug 28, 2010 12:51 pm

Despite the fact that South Asia Minor is in South-East Asia and in no way near the southern region of Asia Minor at all, it has been named as such due to a geographical mix-up on Kyle's part. Geography was never his best subject.
Last edited by South Asia Minor on Sun Nov 21, 2010 8:32 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Economy

Postby South Asia Minor » Sat Aug 28, 2010 2:09 pm

The Sami economy is mostly supported by exports of lumber, tea, chillis, experimental folk music projects, counterfeit dollars and pirate DVDs. There is virtually no industrial sector in SAM, and most manufactured products are imported or stolen by SAM's dedicated pirate ships. The majority of Sami income comes from the arts and sometimes the crafts, though few Sami citizens took Shop and Home Economics was gay.
SAM is currently in diplomatic conflict with Hungary over patent rights to the Rubik's Cube.

There is a market economy in SAM, despite WA lies that the economy is a "basket case", a term which most Sami citizens know only as a song by Green Day.
Last edited by South Asia Minor on Sun Nov 21, 2010 8:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Cities

Postby South Asia Minor » Sun Nov 21, 2010 8:58 am

South Asia Minor has several cities, most of which are named after their respective founders. In descending order from largest to smallest populations:
  • Katieville
  • Sam City
  • Kylepolis
  • Tuckertown
  • Patriciapolis
  • Simon
  • Saint Andrew's
  • Untitled
  • Karl City
Katieville

Katieville is the largest city in South Asia Minor, with a large population of we're not quite sure. However, Kylepolis remains the capital, seat of government, and winner of The Sami Intercity Brownie Baking Contest for 42 years running. Katieville is, however, the most prestigious city in academic terms, being home to both of SAM's universities. But her brownies have a really weird aftertaste that tastes like baby koala.

Katieville was founded by Commandante Katie after she jumped on the city-founding bandwagon during SAM's population boom. Currently, it houses both of SAM's universities, most foreign embassies and the only "Last of the Summer Wine" fan club in Asia. Every notable Sami academic came from Katieville, and both of them studied at Katieville University.
Katieville is famed throughout the region for her thriving marketplaces, street raves, cunning but lovable pickpockets, and Rolling Stones tribute bands.

Image
Katieville School of Medicine & Psychiatric College - Many a mad but good natured scientist studied here

Kylepolis

"Hell is empty and all the devils are here... and customs really sucks, godammit."
~William Shakespeare, The Tempest 1. 2, in reference to Kylepolis

Kylepolis was founded even before South Asia Minor, originally being part of Belgium. However, once the seven founders realised that Belgium sucked, they promptly broke away and declared independence. This greatly angered Vietnam and Cambodia for some reason, and the two countries joined forces and staged a combined assault on Kylepolis, only to be stopped short after the Sami forces put a lock on the gate.
"Oh no! They've put a lock on it!" shouted the Vietnamese army captain, Trần Văn Trà, who was in a particularly bad mood after skipping his coffee that morning.
"We'll have to go round the other way!" despaired his Cambodian counterpart, Commander FUNCINPEC Mk. II, who was at that time going through a particularly messy custody battle with Hungary over patent rights the the Rubick's Cube.
And so, the joint strike force turned to go around the walls and marched off into the jungle. For months, the men and women of the Vietnamese and Cambodian armies dilligently forged onwards towards their goal, battling through rain, mud, raging rivers, landslides, and Barbara Streisand before finally being rendered down to one Lieutenant Duong of the Vietnamese Army. After much contemplation and consulting of Gautama Buddha, who lived nearby, Lieutenant Duong deduced that there wasn't really much point in attacking Kylepolis all on his lonesome and went off to live a life of solitude in rural Kentucky.
Thailand wasn't all that bothered.

Kylepolis exists today as a thriving student metropolis, despite the complete lack of academic institutions. It is famed for its poetry dens, silent discos, strip clubs and New Age science fiction authors. Travellers are advised to avoid the Sami parliament building at all costs, lest they get injured in the crossfire.

Image
The Sami Parliamentary car park

Other famous Kylepolis landmarks include the Museum of [MODeRN ArT], the birthplace of Jebidiah Springfield, Kyle's mausoleum, a replica of Solomon's Temple with a gritty realistic edge, the grave of Barbara Streisand/Dancehall, and the Heart of Midlothian.
The famed Sami Catholic folk duo, Sodom & Gomorrah, hail from Kylepolis.
Last edited by South Asia Minor on Thu May 24, 2012 1:06 pm, edited 3 times in total.
I'm tired of living,
And scared of dying,
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Culture

Postby South Asia Minor » Sun Nov 21, 2010 9:44 am

South Asia Minor is a rich tapestry of many different cultures, none of which are particularly interesting, and we've yet to find any Germans willing to go near the place. The official languages of SAM include, but are in no way limited to, French, Czech, Gaeilge, Italian, Vietnamese, Québécois, Spanish, Latin, Tagalog, Korean, Arabic, Ancient Aztec and something else, I don't know. The amalgamation of these cultures results in rich and frequent celebration, bizzarely unique cuisine, lots of noise complaints and increasingly confusing street signs.

Image
Little Italy, Katieville

It is common assumption throughout the world that South Asia Minor are a bunch of apathetic, lazy ass hippies. It is also a correct assumption, for the most part.

However, Sami citizens are also profoundly good at rioting. Professional rioters hold weekly meetings in the middle of the Sami parliament armed with picket signs and stupid opinions. Rioting was once immensely popular in student circles, but popularity has dwindled since riot police began threatening them with essays.

Almost every Sami citizen can play a musical instrument. Learning guitar is a compulsory subject in Sami national schools, as the Sami government believes that it will increase the chances of at least one of these little brats growing up to be the next Bob Dylan. Unfortunately, the policy has only brought about more crappy metal bands that can only play two notes and one guy who sort of looks like Bob Dylan but refuses to play anything but Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple.

SAM is also famous for the odd celebrations people hold almost daily (due to almost every day on the Sami calendar being some sort of independence day), that include the Fistival of Knights, Pin the Tail on the Civil Servant Day and Everybody Kill Barbara Streisand Hour.
Nobody is quite sure how these methods of celebration stemmed from celebrating national independence.

Image
Jubilant Samis celebrate Christmas
Last edited by South Asia Minor on Tue Jul 30, 2013 2:12 pm, edited 5 times in total.
I'm tired of living,
And scared of dying,
Max Berry has a point
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South Asia Minor
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Military

Postby South Asia Minor » Sun Nov 21, 2010 9:56 am

The Sami military is divided into two parts, much like Simon and Garfunkel.
Also like Simon and Garfunkel, the two parts hate each other.

The Sami Republican Guard is an elite, efficient force equipped with the best technology and wit. Its track record includes the defence of Marijuana Activists, the Liberation of the Sami Parliament from Fathers 4 Justice, the assassination of Barbara Streisand, and the Boer War. Interestingly enough, a majority of the Guard are not Republican, having voted Tastycrat.

Image
The Sami Republican Guard
An equal opportunities employer. Except for men. Apparently.


The Sami Self-Defence Corps is absolutely every other adult citizen in South Asia Minor, and has never seen combat. The chain of command amounts to little more than several hundred thousand unqualified committees and training programmes are rarely attended by anyone other than pyromaniacs, right-wing militants and senior citizens that got lost on the way to the drugstore. The SSDC's equipment is either brought from home or hand-me-downs from the Republican Guard. That said, each and every soldier in the SSDC knows both the national anthem and Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves in at least three of the official languages.

Image
The Sami Self-Defence Corps
"Jesus, this is one funny lookin' sandwich."


Mercenaries

The only other competent military body in South Asia Minor is the wide array of highly-trained, over-equipped private military companies, which operate all over the world, and are famous for hiring sociopaths and being terrible at reading, especially when it comes to the Geneva Convention.

"It's alright lads! Those mercenaries over there are from South Asia Minor! They'll probably throw spliffs and insults at u- WHERE THE HELL ARE MY ARMS!? STEVE? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE? OH THE HORROR!"
Last edited by South Asia Minor on Fri Aug 09, 2013 11:35 am, edited 9 times in total.
I'm tired of living,
And scared of dying,
Max Berry has a point
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South Asia Minor
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What to Take

Postby South Asia Minor » Mon Nov 22, 2010 11:20 am

And now for the hitchiking aspect of this fine piece of literature. Every hitchhiker must be well prepared before hitchiking anywhere. A history of membership of the Boy Scouts is recommended, but not mandatory.
What follows is a comprehensive list of items that no individual travelling in South Asia Minor should be without, and some that they probably would be better off without, but would make the whole thing significantly more interesting.

Clothes

Gotta have clothes. Actually, according to Sami law, that isn't necessarily true.

Passport
Pretty self explanatory. If one does not bring their passport to South Asia Minor, one is not getting into South Asia Minor.
HOWEVER. It is entirely possible to get into South Asia Minor, your person being completely free of passports and common sense. All you have to do is...
  • Find your way on board a freighter. If your country of origin is landlocked, has no trade relations with South Asia Minor, or is full of dipshits that can't build freighters, this could prove difficult. You can gain passage on a freighter by working a passage, buying a passage, stowing away, or sleeping with the captain.
  • Make sure this freighter is headed in the direction of South Asia Minor. If its going to Grittonia or the Hathardic States, God help you, because this guide won't.
  • Arrive in Port Simon, the only coastal city that isn't walled and defended by cannons
  • Sneak past customs dressed as an Arab oil shiek
  • Be abducted by Fathers 4 Justice who believe you to be Abdullah MacSeabiscuit Al-Jafari, the infamous Sami-Arab crack cocaine dealer and consultant radiologist
  • Live for six months in a cellar on nothing but rusty nails and fine wine
  • Formulate a plan to subdue your dedicated and eventually sympathetic character of a guard, evade his comrades, procure an automatic weapon, and escape the F4J compound completely unscathed and with a sack full of fine Sami wine
  • Hijack a motorcycle
  • Fight off several grizzly bears that you will encounter in the Sami jungle
  • Forge on through the wild Sami jungle until eventually reaching the outskirts of Katieville
  • Collapse from exhaustion
  • Be picked up by a beautiful, young, redheaded concert cellist on her way to perform for the Commandante at Katieville Concert Hall and Snack Bar
  • Be introduced to the Commandante, whom the cellist happens to be a close personal friend of
  • Tell Commandante the whole story
  • Recieve an autograph, a bottle of scotch, a Sami passport and a pension out of pity
  • Live out your days with your newfound concert cellist wife in the Sami wilderness trapping bears and combatting Fathers 4 Justice
ALTERNATIVELY:
  • Bring a passport.

A penknife

Seriously, those things are really convenient! I was all like, "Damn, I wish I had a bottle opener to open this bottle of fine Sami wine I just procured from Fathers 4 Justice," and my friend was like, "FRET NOT! For I am in possession of a penknife!"
And there was much rejoicing.

A camera

Surely, you think to yourself, I will not, in fact, encounter the famed Sami actress Hayley O'Fiddlestixon during my travels in her native country at all, let alone spend an entire night partying with her and her A-list friends with much noodles and tequila to be had.
Think again.

And when it happens, you'll be all, "Darn! I wish I had listened to the Hitchhiker's Guide to South Asia Minor and brought my camera to chronicle this momentous occasion."
That's right.

Food

If one is not used to Sami delicacies such as deep fried Cajun whale, microwaved Mars Bar and straight up bourbon, it is advisable to bring many, many cans of non-perishable comestibles.

A musical instrument

This is a recession, dammit. If you expect to coast along on money from an easy part time job, think again. Musical instruments are ideal for busking, which is incredibly useful for securing enough currency to purchase a place on board the next hovercraft over the Suzanne Swamps to Simon. A harmonica is the best choice, as these are lightweight and totally awesome. Sami girls are a sucker for a strapping young Fatatatutian with a mouth organ.
WARNING: Never, ever attempt to busk with bagpipes. You. Will. Be. Lynched.

Gratuitous amounts of alcohol

One of the main reasons the scum and villiany of the Earth love Sami customs so much is that you don't have to declare anything. Hell, security just glances at the interior of one's bag. The standard security check in a Sami airport largely consists of...
"Are you a terrorist?"
"No."
"Carry on then."
While this guide does not condone terrorism or illegal narcotics trafficking, we have nothing against excessive consumption of alcohol. Makes y'feel good. Besides, it may come in handy when you're in downtown Untitled and the very sight of the city destroys your will to extend your lifespan any further than the amount of time it would take you to throw yourself into the nearest bear-ridden swamp.
Alcohol is a lifesaver, in that respect.
Last edited by South Asia Minor on Mon Aug 20, 2012 3:55 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Actually Hitchhiking

Postby South Asia Minor » Fri Nov 26, 2010 1:31 pm

The majority of South Asia Minor is dense, bear-ridden jungle. Samis generally travel from city to city via hovercraft or, if they're feeling particularly like Bruce Willis due to the five cans of Red Bull and the jar of Nescafe they have had in the morning, they will travel by car through said bear-ridden jungle.
Said bears, contrary to popular belief, and much to the chagrin of their more savage cousins, are lovely, docile creatures, that will be happy to give you a lift to wherever you are going. Except when they aren't.
When they aren't, run downhill. Bears can't run downhill probably.

Sami bears are a pillar of Sami society. To insult a bear is to insult every iota of every Sami's being. That said, most of them aren't all that bothered and bears can't speak English, so insult them all you like. However, you probably would not want to insult a Sami bear, as he/she will probably have already given you a hug and introduced you to his/her entire bear family by the time you've considered doing such a terrible, terrible thing. Many Samis have bears as roommates (said to be because bears are cleaner and better mannered than regular human roommates), refusing to have them labelled as "pets". It is a common sight to see a bear dining at a table with a family.

Image
"Sylvester, would you care to say grace?"
"ROOOAAARRGHHHWGRWH"
"Amen."


Hailing a ride

Actually getting a car/hovercraft/bear to stop and offer you a ride is no easy feat in South Asia Minor. Many Samis are driving for a reason, eg to get to work, to go see the mistress, to beat the land driving distance record etc, and so will need a good reason to stop.
If you stand there sticking your thumb out, most drivers will assume that you are merely giving them the thumbs up and will enthusiastically return the gesture, but they will not stop. If you're moderately attractive and stand there with your thumbs up, they may stop, if only to ask for your number.
A good course of action is to hold a sign with the name of your desired destination and the word "KTHXBI" written beneath it. Drivers will understand this and probably ignore you anyway. But it is more likely that one may stop.

The best course of action is to hold a sign saying "FREE BEER" written in large, honest letters and preferably with a smiley face underneath it. Almost all Sami drivers that see this message will stop. That is a guarantee. By the time they realise they have been tricked, it is far too difficult to negotiate their way out of giving you a ride without sounding like an asshole only interested in free beer, even though they are assholes only interested in free beer.

Negotiating a ride

"Are you a terrorist?"
"No."
"Hop in."

Ridin' Dirty

Once you're in a Sami vehicle, be sure to dust off the seat before sitting.
Additionally, depending on the driver, you may soon want to exit the Sami vehicle. A good way of doing this is shouting, "Hey! Look! Free beer!", distracting the driver while you swing open the door and throw yourself into the wild green yonder.
Many Sami drivers, especially those that drive along those lonely jungle trails in the middle of the night, will enjoy the company of hitchhikers. Just be sure that you will enjoy their company. Many have a tendency to express the entirety of their own personal political manifesto and or complain colourfully and at length about their bitch of a wife before the ride is over. Before accepting a ride, you should probably either brush up on your debating skills, "your mother" rebuttals, the works of Oscar Wilde and the names and practices of porn stars, or bring a music player and pretend not to hear them.
Other Sami drivers enjoy playing death metal at full volume. These can easily be avoided.

If you do not enjoy the driver's selection concerning radio stations, you have little choice but to destroy the device by any means possible. Mostly, this can be achieved by a sharp, precise and forceful blow with the fist, either to the radio or to the driver. The latter has significantly more legal ramifications than simply shelling out for a new radio once you reach your destination. That is, if you ever do reach your destination once you knock out your driver.
Last edited by South Asia Minor on Tue May 29, 2012 7:26 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Climate

Postby South Asia Minor » Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:40 am

It should be stressed, as it has been stressed before, that South Asia Minor, save for her cities, is almost completely covered in dense jungle and swamp. While this oxidises the country and gives off a pleasant, leafy aroma, it can be a bitch to navigate.
This is why hitchiking is such a brilliant way to travel, as it saves you trekking through this morass of leaves, grass, more leaves, and several million gallons of rain, and actually having to buy a car.
The leafy groves, tranquil lagoons, spectacular views and amusing stoned monkeys attract millions of tourists to SAM each year, who are promptly eaten by said monkeys for using flash photography.

Image
Downtown Untitled
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Places to See

Postby South Asia Minor » Tue Sep 13, 2011 3:56 pm

South Asia Minor isn't all foliage and rioting, however. Tourists (or "travellers", you pretentious knob) such as yourself come from all over the world to see the many sights that South Asia Minor has to offer, and I'm not just talking about lots of pretty trees and adorable tiger cubs, though the tiger cubs are adorable.

The Cities

Image
New York is not in South Asia Minor

Already covered in none other than the "Cities" section of this ... thing, the cities of South Asia Minor will, here, be described as a collective, as aside from the brownies there is little distinction between them.

Lights! People! Nightclubs! Angry foreigners! Strippers! Hookers! Pickpockets! Subway groping! Taxis! Pavements! Drunkards! Buskers! Overpriced coffee! Underpriced cocaine! Helicopters that sort of look like stars! More drunkards! Mexican food! Thai food! Chinese food! Failed novelists scraping a living as guidebook authors and drowning their sorrows in hard liquor as they try and forget their broken dreams and asshole ex-husbands! Kebabs!

The cities are the most interesting part of South Asia Minor in that there are actually people there and things to do other than look at stuff, though looking at stuff is also an option. Food is also free is you're a fast runner.

Buddhist Temples

Image
This temple was built in the image of a 99 cone

Zen Buddhism is one of the largest religions in South Asia Minor, second only to Juche, and there are therefore probably far too many Buddhist temple complexes dotted around the country, nestled in the depths of the jungles, perched atop the peaks of the mountains, and growing steadily under kitchen counters. Most temples will welcome travellers (or "tourists", you uncultured pig) within their walls, unless they're Barbra Streisand or part of a hen night gone horribly wrong (because nobody likes hen nights). Be mindful, though, not to step out of line or act like a tool since these are Buddhist monks and will kick your ass in the blink of an eye should they deem it adherent to the eight fold path.

Food is also free in Buddhist temples, but you normally have to balance it on your head for several hours and then eat it only when you have transcended your superficial mental state to a higher state of culinary enlightenment.

Pretty Trees

Image
Damn those are some fine trees

When asked to describe South Asia Minor in a word, your average savvy tourist will say "Thai food". When told that that's two words, they'll think about it for a couple more seconds, then say "green". That's what South Asia Minor is; green, thanks to all those pretty trees that make up the jungles for which the country is infamous. Most of the trees are of the green variety, while some species are only sort of greenish.

The trees hold many weird and wonderful lifeforms, such as dozing tigers, lost grizzly bears, sloths with ADHD, new age science fiction authors, long lost ironclad battleships and sometimes birds. Amongst the trees, there's said to be many undiscovered/lost/misplaced civilisations that are home to endless halls of gold and seas of buxom teenage concubines. However, the gold is probably a lie and equal amounts of concubines are available in any of the major cities.
Last edited by South Asia Minor on Fri Sep 06, 2013 10:42 am, edited 3 times in total.
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People to Meet

Postby South Asia Minor » Wed Sep 14, 2011 1:49 pm

As a modern, englightened, progressive individual, you probably loathe every human being you've ever met. Nevertheless, you may be in the mood to act all ironic and actually feign an interest in interaction. Should that be the case, then read on, as the people of South Asia Minor are among the least uninteresting on the whole planet; be they rich, poor, gay, straight, dickheads, assholes, morons, tools, or anarcho-capitalists, they'll be worth at least some of your free time, if only for idle entertainment.

Buskers

Image
Don't make a request, he only knows "Wonderwall"

Do not listen to The View, and do not take your hat off to the busker, because he will steal it in order to boost his income. As every savvy busker knows, the number of hats in front of you is in direct proportion to the number of monies made. Most buskers are lovely people, of course, but are locked in an eternal feud with temperamental shopkeepers over where they can play three chords of "Stand by Me" on the ukulele.

When asked, a number nigh all buskers will tell you that they only learned to play an instrument to pick up chicks and/or earn the affection of their indifferent fathers that they so yearn. When struck by the revelation that such a "skill" can be used for more than that, however, they instantly took to the streets in protest against not being rich. The protest was spread too thin, however, and only stragglers remain, strumming their geetars while being drowned out by obnoxious bagpipe music from the souvenir shop.

Pickpockets

Image
The perfect excuse for sexual harrassment

Even malicious ungrateful brats have to eat, and its up to their ever suffering, scruffy, quirkily cute and soft-hearted mothers/fathers that never went to college to feed them. They only ways they can do this are either by adopting the persona of the Hamburglar and snatching Happy Meals as they are passed between window and car, or by using other people's money to buy said Happy Meals.

If you manage to catch a pickpocket in the act, put on a cheerily friendly, menacingly violent expression and bellow, "Get your unwashed hands off my wallet!" before momentarily swinging them into an involuntary routine of the tango, then letting them go. They will stagger away and bother someone else.

Should the opportunity arise, take up the profession yourself. It beats working.

Chloe O'Donovan

Image
Though she felt it too, the love between Chloe and the microphone could never be

Often seen around Kylepolis taking a leisurely stroll, riding her fixie bike, or fondly remembering running the country, the former Commandante is friendly, polite, yet passively aggressive to everyone she meets. If you do see her on your travels/tours, be sure to ask her for a ride, since you are a hitchhiker and you'll get to claim you held the Sami Commandante's toned waist as you rode her around town to your friends. If travelling with company, make sure you get photos, though you should at least try to be subtle.

If you manage to catch the former Commandante in the act, put on a cheerily friendly, menacingly violent expression and bellow, "Get your unwashed hands off my husband!" before momentarily swinging her into an involuntary routine of the tango, then letting her go. She will stagger away and bother someone else.

The author wishes to stress that she is in no way locked in a sexually charged vendetta against the Commandante.

Adorable Baby Tigers

Image
Ruthless killing machines

While bears are the national animal, they are nowhere near as adorable as the baby tigers of South Asia Minor. They are, however, significantly less lethal. The average survival rate of those who encounter Sami baby tigers is ~5%. Most die from awe on the adorableness, some die from looking into their eyes too long, and some are torn apart by the babies' mothers. Those who survived, however, say that it's totally worth it and that you should try it out.
Last edited by South Asia Minor on Sat Aug 25, 2012 4:45 pm, edited 7 times in total.
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Postby Viritica » Mon Dec 26, 2011 7:06 pm

:rofl:
Empire of Viritica (PMT) · Factbook (Incomplete)
Hamas started this after all
NSG's Resident KKKoch Rethuglican Shill
Watch Mark Levin shred Jon Stewart
The Jewish Reich is upon us

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Tim-Opolis
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Postby Tim-Opolis » Wed Jan 04, 2012 6:58 pm

I read it. Where's my cabinet position :P
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Postby Salma » Sat Jan 14, 2012 9:59 pm

Utterly fantabulous. :clap:
DEFCON
1: Nuclear activity
2: Invasion
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4: On alert
5: Peace

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South Asia Minor
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Postby South Asia Minor » Sun Jan 15, 2012 6:00 am

Tim-Opolis wrote:I read it. Where's my cabinet position :P

It's in the mail.
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Postby Free Socialist Canada » Tue Jan 17, 2012 4:22 pm

Madam, this is awesome. Please write more.
The People United Will Never Be Defeated!
Ah, yes: Crystal balls, the flight of birds, tea leaves, the patterns that ink makes when dripped into a bowl of water, the Tarot, bibliomancy, and even -- as a more high-tech approach, of course, a 'magic 8-ball'
- Bears Armed on how the mods decide that nations are ejected from the WA

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Postby Antariel » Mon Jan 23, 2012 2:45 pm

The link in your sig lured me in. Kudos :P
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Things to Do

Postby South Asia Minor » Mon Aug 20, 2012 5:17 pm

Naturally, meeting people and seeing places doesn't count as doing something. Thusly there follows a list of many of the wild and wonderful activities available for consumption in South Asia Minor. Be warned, participation in many of these activities can be upheld in a court of law, particularly if the judge is drunk. Or a woman.

Jet Skiing

Image
This woman is fleeing.

When not being used for practical purposes such as international espionage or alligator harvesting, jet skis are most popular in the rapidly growing arsefaced knobjockey community. Should you happen to be an arsefaced knobjockey, you will find countless days of joy firing spurts of salty water into the faces of bystanders with your kin in many of the Sami coastal communities. However, do not act all indignant if you are shot, as you will likely be shot again.

Expeditions

Image
Lord Bartholomew Chesterton with his rifle, Susan, and his pet stick, Artemis. Photo circa 2009.

Surprisingly enough, much of South Asia Minor has not been discovered yet. At least not by white people. Mostly this is with thanks to the dense, impenetrable jungle that seems to feature gratuitously in this guide, and also the Viet Cong. In any case, expeditions are sent erryday into the Sami interior to chart and civilise the wilderness, with varying success. Varying in that it is mostly fatal.

Things to take on an expedition:
  • True Grit
  • Extreme prejudice
  • Beans
  • Whiskey
  • Whores
  • Machetes
  • Guns
  • Grenades
  • Ammunition
  • Attack dogs
  • More whiskey
  • Artillery support
  • Interpreters, olive branches and an open mind (optional)
Expeditions take a number of forms, from charging at the trees with a flamethrower hoping to just scorch your way through, to travelling down the river on a PT boat in search of rogue special forces officers. Belgian kings need not apply.

Rave

Image
You don't have to be dropping acid to enjoy this, but it helps

To substitute their tremendous lack of talent, many young Samis have found fame and fortune in playing with Garage Band on their iMacs while drunk and calling the result a "drop". A consequence of the explosive popularity of dance dance revolutionary music in such hives of scum and villainy as Simon and Untitled is the packed dancehalls full of underagers OD'ing on life. And crack.

Raves, or any other kind of drug-addled fist fight, are now a standard rite of passage for many young Samis, and are a popular destination for hitchhikers hoping to steal some yuppie's car.
Last edited by South Asia Minor on Wed Aug 22, 2012 2:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby The Republic of Kentucky » Fri Sep 14, 2012 5:29 pm

:rofl: :clap: MORE PLEASE!
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Trivia

Postby South Asia Minor » Tue Dec 11, 2012 4:26 pm

    *The current Sami Commandante, Skye Sinclair, was born on the same day of the Chernobyl Disaster.

    *SAM's most famous brand of chocolate bar, Cococane, tastes mildly like cocaine.

    *In the Sami dialect, the word most commonly used in place of "right" is "left".

    *Incidentally, the most word most commonly used in place of "left" is "wrong".

    *The Sami National Anthem is "I Love It" by Icona Pop, sung in German.

    *Sami traffic wardens, per head of population, have the largest ears out of any traffic warden population in the world.

    *Barbra Streisand is a bitch.

    *There is a four hundred year old by-law that remains in force in the small town of Garethton in the southwest of South Asia Minor. It states that only women between the ages of fifteen and fourty two may wear top hats on Thursdays.

    *South Asia Minor consists of four semi-autonomous republics; Karkelkarkad, Joss, Orion and The Kylepolis Greater Metropolitan Area.

    *Oars, on average, are slightly more expensive in South Asia Minor than they are in Malaysia.

    *New York is not in South Asia Minor.

    *Sami folk tradition dictates that all boys, upon reaching the age of manhood (6 years), must slaughter four crocodiles, three tigers and a traffic warden before being accepted in their tribe.

    *Lucky Charms are magically delicious.

    *Upon his death, William Shakespeare had never heard of nor been to South Asia Minor.

    *The water in the Sami city of Untitled tastes like flat Coke.

    *The most commonly spoken language in South Asia Minor is Gaeilge, being the mother tongue of 86.7% of the population.

    *The official language of South Asia Minor is not Gaeilge.

    *The Kylepolis School of Dance, Theatre, and Assorted Cafe Arts has been awarded the Most Pretentious Bunch of Absolute Pricks in Southeast Asia Award for seventeen years running.

    *South Asia Minor's largest export is people from South Asia Minor.
Last edited by South Asia Minor on Wed Jun 19, 2013 6:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Gaveo » Thu Dec 20, 2012 6:03 pm

:lol2:
Bruh.

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Religions to Follow

Postby South Asia Minor » Mon May 20, 2013 8:56 am

Due to the 57 varieties of population in SAM, the religious makeup of the country looks like something out of the music video for "Earth Song". Religions from all over the world have found a home in South Asia Minor, although few have been able to match the prudent teachings of the great Juche Idea. Whilst navigating the country one must be wary when approached by hard-faced preachin' men using their Good Books as blunt weapons both metaphorically and literally.

Catholics and Protestants

Image
A band of rowdy Catholics terrorise Southside Katieville.

In a conflict that has become ubiquitous through the centuries, Catholics and Protestants are two contrasting youth subcultures with a history of violent rivalry. The conflict can find its roots in the fundamentally conflicting approaches that the two sects take toward spirituality. Catholicism tends to place emphasis on motorcycling, black leather jackets, suede brothel creepers, pompadour hairdos and 1950's rockabilly while the Protestant doctrine conversely seeks to find God through tailor-made suits, motor scooters and dancing in clubs to more progressive, "New Wave" bands.

Naturally purely dogmatic differences are not the only cause of the fighting. A number of theologists and sociologists concur that many so-called religious wars have in fact arisen purely over resource control such as who's turn it is to use the jukebox at the diner downtown in addition to territorial skirmishes frequently breaking out on the dancefloor. Though their differences be numerous and their bitterness be deep, Catholics and Protestants often agree on one thing; Jesus is awesome.

The Juche Idea

Image
A proud worker happily embraces the doctrines of Kim Il-Sung despite the fact he can't read.

The Juche Idea is the organic conclusion to hundreds of years of political thought. The Eternally Dead President, Kim Il-Sung, stresses the virtues of self-reliance, gratuitous national defence and incorruptibly democratic Songun politics. All the other nations are just jealous that they didn't think of it first.

To the country's great fortune the Juche Idea first graced the shores of South Asia Minor in the aftermath of the fallacious war with North Korea. Seeing their stupidity, the people of SAM dropped their indulgent capitalist ways and rejoiced to the knowledge that with the Juche Idea they'd be the coolest and most mature and approachable country in the world as well as the best dancers in the universe.
Of course, the Juche Idea is not merely a political belief. Simply reading Kim's chronicles will metaphorically if not literally launch any exuberant, well-fed worker into the sky and through the stratosphere and onto a higher plain of enlightenment. Thusly, the Juche Idea is anointed national religion, national political system, national sport and national soft drink of South Asia Minor.

Sadly, religious freedom in the constitution means that all of those titles are only upheld by the National Juche Society and have no effect on the actual socio-political framework of the nation at all. Imperialist pig dogs.

Mormonism
Not to be confused with Mermanism.

Image
Finally being revealed, Victoria's Secret was that she was a Mormon.

Probably founded six thousand years ago by Jesus or something, Mormonism has been a surprising success among the citizens of South Asia Minor. A Sami Mormon can instantly be indetified by their impeccable dress sense, their sensible hairstyle and their infuriating zest for existence.

Though battered by criticism from all sides of the great destruction derby that is religion, Mormonism has prevailed by simply going, "thanks, you too!" and handing out a limitless supply of caramel rice krispie squares. They are far less fashionable than the Catholics or the Protestants and their taste in music is woeful, but at least the Mormons haven't bombed any schools.
Last edited by South Asia Minor on Mon May 20, 2013 10:15 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Ruridova
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Postby Ruridova » Sun Jun 16, 2013 2:40 pm

Oh. My. God. :rofl:
Республіка Рюрідова - Королівство Вілкія
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink; I was a stranger and you invited me in; I needed clothes and you clothed me; I was sick and you looked after me; I was in prison and you came to visit me... Truly, whatever you did for one of the least of my brothers and sisters, you did for me."
- the Gospel of Matthew, 25:35-40

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