Uncle Happy citizens to get electricity and television

[The Uncle Happy]

For the first time, electricity has been approved by the Party for all citizens in Uncle Happy, not just Party members. The reasoning behind this decision is the fact that Uncle Happy's power plants are now generating more electricity than is used by the Party and foreigners (by the way, all electricity in Uncle Happy is generated from renewable sources). Instead of wasting the surplus energy, it will be distributed to each of the 10 districts.

By 2017, it is projected that every household in Uncle Happy will have electric outlets and lighting so they will now be able to read their compulsory copies of the "Little Brown Book" even if there is no sunlight. For now, as Uncle Happy's electrical infrastructure is still in its infancy (with the exception of Uncle Happy City), appliances that draw a large amount of current, such as stoves, hair dryers, and air conditioners may not be used, although this restriction will likely be lifted once the power grid is deemed robust enough. The alternating current supply will be identical to what foreigners already use now: 220 volts, 50 hertz.

With the introduction of electricity, another technology will also make its way to ordinary citizens: television. Like electricity, television has been in use for a long time by foreigners and tourists in Uncle Happy City, but the ban has finally been lifted for regular citizens to watch televised programs. Citizens will have access to 12 channels (channels 401-412, if you are a foreigner), each containing mindless, brainwashing propaganda telling the people how glorious it is to live in Uncle Happy, and that "work sets the people free" high-quality content that has been carefully curated by the Party to ensure maximum educational value. Television sets will be provided to each home, but citizens must pay a "connection fee" of 100 Happy to receive broadcasts. The format of the signals will be DVB-T, because that is what Uncle Happy City currently uses.

If all goes well, the Party may also consider legalizing computers, telephones, and even Internet.

[Legrian Dominion]

That's nice for them.

[Troperia]

We, of the Troperian Government would like to congratulate Uncle Happy for finally giving their ordinary citizens basic human rights.

[Caelestiam]

We, of the Troperian Government would like to congratulate Uncle Happy for finally giving their ordinary citizens basic human rights.

...Can I put that in my signature?

IC: "About time you made some progress, even if it's slight."

[Troperia]

We, of the Troperian Government would like to congratulate Uncle Happy for finally giving their ordinary citizens basic human rights.

...Can I put that in my signature?

IC: "About time you made some progress, even if it's slight."

Sure, why not? It's not like it's copyrighted or anything.

[Anollasia]

What took you so long?

[Valentine Z]

" Wait, no electricity? *Shudders* Well, at least you gave it to them now. " - General Valentine Maxwell Valkyrie Constantine Zwe

[The United Colonies of Earth]

"About time!" Julian exclaimed. "I think my customer service would be better if they lived better lives."

[Skyhooked]

About damn time... folk really need freedom. At least smaller parts of it...

[Bedetopia]

"Hmph. I had high hopes but you are becoming like them, what a shame." - Electric Dictator Bedebao

[Rosaceae]

While the Staff of Commissioners is pleased about this modernization attempt, they also feel that the dangers of the electric grid should be voiced. Specifically with the possibility of an increasing lazy population. The Staff therefore recommends that the government of Uncle Happy take away something from the Poles, and other ordinary citizens, such as functional plumbing, or purified water. A sluggish populace is not a productive populace.

[Medwedian Democratic Federation]

The Medwedian Democratic Federation urges the government of Uncle Happy to not forget that electricity and mass media, if not controlled appropriately, can be used as a tool of dissent. We recommend you to only allow your most loyal citizens to use those privileges.

[Devernia]

After extensive analysis to the programming on the twelve channels available to citizens, we have found out that they're very boring and not worth anybody's time.

[Nortainland]

His Majesty of the Kingdom of Nortend, Cardoby and Hoebrideland's Government feels it to be needed to warn the government of Uncle Happy that electricity and television can and does often lead to idleness, vagrancy and unpleasant habits. Therefore, we suggest that a high tax or excise be placed on electricity and television so that these harmful effects may be mitigated.

[Crackbone]

Congrats, Uncle Happy.

You're still, though, a child killer.

Translation: Death to Childkillers

[The Uncle Happy]

While the Staff of Commissioners is pleased about this modernization attempt, they also feel that the dangers of the electric grid should be voiced. Specifically with the possibility of an increasing lazy population. The Staff therefore recommends that the government of Uncle Happy take away something from the Poles, and other ordinary citizens, such as functional plumbing, or purified water. A sluggish populace is not a productive populace.

Laziness is not a problem. All the television channels are for propaganda, to tell the people how glorious their state is, and that "work sets the people free". And electric lighting will make sure citizens read their "Little Brown Book", even if it is dark out.

[The Worst Country in the World]

We, the Second Ndakene Federation, applaud this wise decision by the government.

[Huswyae]

We're happy that you are actually making your citizens happy for once, but because Huswyae is one of those libertarian countries dictatorships hail as evil in their propaganda, we're also suspicious.

We're still supplying your citizens with overdoses of morphine so they'll be in a better place than Uncle Happy

[Skyhooked]

Wait... you supply them with drugs? We do it too. Our agorists extensivly supply them with normal food, alcohol, tobacco and weed, and something more recreational. Maybe we can unite our efforts in making the Uncle Happy better place.

[Devernia]

(Image)

His Majesty of the Kingdom of Nortend, Cardoby and Hoebrideland's Government feels it to be needed to warn the government of Uncle Happy that electricity and television can and does often lead to idleness, vagrancy and unpleasant habits. Therefore, we suggest that a high tax or excise be placed on electricity and television so that these harmful effects may be mitigated.

"You kinda sound Luddite at all, ya crazy Nortainers."

-A politician

[Troperia]

We're sending them musical albums and movies. It doesn't sound like much, but those albums are laced with liberal propaganda about how left-wingers are better than right-wingers. And why they need to rebel against the current right-wing government.

[The Uncle Happy]

We're sending them musical albums and movies. It doesn't sound like much, but those albums are laced with liberal propaganda about how left-wingers are better than right-wingers. And why they need to rebel against the current right-wing government.

The Happyist ideology is apolitical, containing elements from both sides of the spectrum. For example, we have collective farms just like the Soviet Union. But we also have a strict morality code like Saudi Arabia, and burn books like Nazi Germany.

[Imperial States America]

Well I do not approve Uncle Happy you see now your citizens will want more and are more vulnerable to outside and disruptive influences. I only allow these things such as TV, Internet, radio to the elites but under strict government control and censorship this has helped keep the government and elites in power over the common man who cant be trusted.

[The Uncle Happy]

I see many of you are expressing concerns that television is making the people lazy, or that Uncle Happy is degenerating by becoming liberal. I will tell you why both concerns are unfounded.

Technical details

Television in Uncle Happy is not for "entertainment". It is purely a platform for the Party to address the people and convey the message that: i) Uncle Happy is the greatest nation in the world; ii) the universe was created by Uncle Happy; and iii) work is glorious, and sets the people free. And we have imposed a variety of physical and technological measures to make sure our television stays that way.

First, television sets in Uncle Happy are cable-only. They have no aerial antennas so they cannot pick up foreign over-the-air broadcasts, and no auxiliary ports so they cannot work with unauthorized input sources. Furthermore, the television stations that transmit to ordinary citizens are physically isolated and air-gapped from other transmitters, so there is no risk of content intended for foreigners "crossing over" to citizens, even if there is an equipment malfunction.

Next, all television sets used by Uncle Happy citizens are programmed to listen for a sequence of authentication pulses in the incoming signal, the exact nature of which is a classified state secret. Foreign transmissions do not contain these pulses, and if one attempts to watch them on a Party-approved receiver, the firmware will lock out and become permanently unusable.

In addition, television sets are hard-wired to the AC power supply, making it much more dangerous to attempt to open them for modification. Because if a citizen gets electrocuted trying to watch foreign programs, we would have one less "problem" citizen to deal with. This always-on nature also makes television perfect for surveillance. Each set will have a built-in camera, microphone, and motion sensor. As well as watching citizen behavior, they can also ensure citizens are attentively watching the mandatory Party announcements.

And it will of course be illegal to tamper with the television sets in any way. The Happy Patrol will make random checks to enforce compliance.

[TURTLESHROOM II]

We, of the Troperian Government would like to congratulate Uncle Happy for finally giving their ordinary citizens basic human rights.

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!

Electicity is not a human right.


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Code: Select all

!!!

TurtleShroom extends its congratulations and praise to the Uncle Happy Regime for significantly increasing the quality of life for its citizenry and giving more freedom to entertain themselves and enrich their lives. We commend this iniative and see it as a positive step in the right to direction, coming hot off the heels of the reversal of the ban on arithmatic.

May God enlighten your nation and its people, and free them from bondage.