Awesome/Funny NS quotes (not your own quotes, please)

[The Republic of Lanos]

Fris may not like having to constantly edit signatures and is where he's on the side of disabling them but this gave me a chuckle.

20 lines by my count, is that a record?

Not even close ... though if somebody takes that as an inducement to set a new record, I'll probably just delete their nation(s) at the same time.

[The Republic of Lanos]

Your faith was strong, but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew ya
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne and cut your hair
and from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

That just screams "Death to Hamas" at me in my head.
I haven't the faintest clue why.

[Homosexy]

Shellby's doing a song. Kitty has a brothel. The title has Japanese in it. And it appears that Kitty is accepting newcomers.

Just another day on the Eternal Thread series.

[The Republic of Lanos]

Trust me. It's required as being Saint of Protector of the Awesome NS Quotes thread:

If it were Geometry and she were Chinese, you'd call her a 'Tiger Mom'.

And because LG's awesome.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

I thought she ran at the speed of sex.

Her incredible speed may explain her constant dissatisfaction.

[Cannot think of a name]

Sure it is. Asking people for money for any purpose is soliciting.

There's a lot of sentiment attached to charity. Maybe we should just see it as an outright sale: pay money, feel good.

Works for hookers.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Everything Arthur is saying is funnier (and makes more sense, given the stories) if you take "trust" in the usual Nightkillian way.

I reread the posts.

And I laughed out loud and woke up Arjun.

"I trusted my sister".

Jesus Christ, man, you whore.

"You can barely trust yourself."

" 'Do you bring me Excalibur?' Arthur asked Richard, who suddenly appeared with the sword.

'Uh, sure,' Richard said with a shrug.

'My sword is the one thing I can still trust,' Arthur concluded, taking the blade in his hands, 'and it trusts me. With it, I shall be invincible!' "

[Natair]

There IS no war on Christmas.

I have lights and a tree.
I wish people Merry Christmas; I have not been arrested, beaten, imprisoned, fined or otherwise punished.
I sing Christmas carols. In fact I hear them -- religious ones like that fucking Christmas Shoes song -- non stop on public airwaves. Ditto O Holy Night, The Little Drummer Boy, et al.
I go to church. No one tries to stop us singing or worshipping.

Fux News needs a big dose of STFU and Quitcha Bitchin.

You should be arrested for singing Christmas carols. Also, radio station operators who play them nonstop should be sent to GITMO for terrorist attacks against Americans.

[Anollasia]

Scorpion, Phallus, Snake, Crab was an early version of rock, paper, scissors.

[Qazox]

You know your QB is bad when they have less playoff wins then Tony Romo...

[Creative Vikings]

That just screams "Death to Hamas" at me in my head.
I haven't the faintest clue why.

Oh my.

[The Corparation]

How not to cover a story, by The Telegraph...

First, overstate the story right off the bat with the headline:

Catcher in the Rye dropped from US school curriculum
Schools in America are to drop classic books such as Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird and JD Salinger's Catcher in the Rye from their curriculum in favour of 'informational texts'.

You'd think the more widely praised and sort of classroom standard To Kill a Mockingbird would have been the headline, wouldn't you? I mean, after all, Catcher in the Rye often appears on 'banned' book lists, so this hardly seems like much of a change.

So why lead with that? Why lead with a book about angst and 'phonies', a sort of angry creed at authority being banned? Hmm?

Alright, so we've sold a story to an audience, now lets give them what they want to hear:

American literature classics are to be replaced by insulation manuals and plant inventories in US classrooms by 2014.

A new school curriculum which will affect 46 out of 50 states will make it compulsory for at least 70 per cent of books studied to be non-fiction, in an effort to ready pupils for the workplace.

Books such as JD Salinger's Catcher in the Rye and Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird will be replaced by "informational texts" approved by the Common Core State Standards.

That's horrifying, says the Salinger fans outraged that their classic is being once again banned but this is a totally new story. Hey, who is the Common Core State Standards? I don't know. Sounds official, those bastards.

The Common Core State Standards Initiative is a state-led effort coordinated by the National Governors Association Center for Best Practices (NGA Center) and the Council of Chief State School Officers (CCSSO). The standards were developed in collaboration with teachers, school administrators, and experts, to provide a clear and consistent framework to prepare our children for college and the workforce.

The NGA Center and CCSSO received initial feedback on the draft standards from national organizations representing, but not limited to, teachers, postsecondary educators (including community colleges), civil rights groups, English language learners, and students with disabilities. Following the initial round of feedback, the draft standards were opened for public comment, receiving nearly 10,000 responses.

The standards are informed by the highest, most effective models from states across the country and countries around the world, and provide teachers and parents with a common understanding of what students are expected to learn. Consistent standards will provide appropriate benchmarks for all students, regardless of where they live.

These standards define the knowledge and skills students should have within their K-12 education careers so that they will graduate high school able to succeed in entry-level, credit-bearing academic college courses and in workforce training programs. The standards:

Are aligned with college and work expectations;

• Are clear, understandable and consistent;
  
• Include rigorous content and application of knowledge through high-order skills;
  
• Build upon strengths and lessons of current state standards;
  
• Are informed by other top performing countries, so that all students are prepared to succeed in our global economy and society; and
  
• Are evidence-based.

Well, certainly was expecting a lot more smoke filled room there, but now I know. And knowing, well that's just not part of writing a horrible article.

Next step:

Suggested non-fiction texts include Recommended Levels of Insulation by the the US Environmental Protection Agency, and the Invasive Plant Inventory, by California's Invasive Plant Council.

Scan the list and give the two most out of context silly sounding suggestions as if these two books were chosen to specifically replace Catcher in the Rye and To Kill a Mockingbird. Now I'm well and truly outraged at this thing I barely understand. Hey, lets find out what some random junior high school teacher thinks:

Jamie Highfill, a teacher at Woodland Junior High School in Arkansas, told the Times that the directive was bad for a well-rounded education.

"I'm afraid we are taking out all imaginative reading and creativity in our English classes.

"In the end, education has to be about more than simply ensuring that kids can get a job. Isn't it supposed to be about making well-rounded citizens?"

Well, what the Telegraph tells us of what the teacher told the Times seems nice and vague enough for us all to agree on, good things are good and bad things are bad. About the specific standards and their effect or how they are applied? Um...

Well, now we heard from Arkansas' Junior High Teacher quoted and all, lets hear from the Standards supporters:

Supporters of the directive argue that it will help pupils to develop the ability to write concisely and factually, which will be more useful in the workplace than a knowledge of Shakespeare.

Well, not directly, let's sum up what we think they're trying to say. No need to use quotes, we heard from a Woodland Jr. High teacher. Through the Times.

Is there a link to the Times? God no. They might have written an actual article on the subject.

Googling these organizations to find out 'what the fuck' you know what I did find? The ratio they talked about. It's in a pdf on literary standards from the organizations website.

By 12th grade, in fact, the ratio is correct, 70% informational, 30% literary. It starts off 50/50 in 6th grade, 55/45 by 8th.

But you know what it says under that graph?

Source: National Assessment Governing Board. (2008). Reading framework for the 2009 National Assess- ment of Educational Progress. Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office.

So...what they reported on, that's not a change. That's been like that since at least 2009. They, like me because this is a forum post so, you know, I have a stumble button that needs hitting, scanned the reading requirements, saw that chart, and printed the most "horrifying" part. But unlike me, they did not look to see what that chart's source was or what it actually referred to.

Oh, and here's an interesting tidbit:

The Standards aim to align instruction with this framework so that many more students than at present can meet the requirements of college and career readiness. In K–5, the Standards follow NAEP’s lead in balancing the reading of literature with the reading of informational texts, including texts in history/ social studies, science, and technical subjects. In accord with NAEP’s growing emphasis on informational texts in the higher grades, the Standards demand that a significant amount of reading of informational texts take place in and outside the ELA classroom. Fulfilling the Standards for 6–12 ELA requires much greater attention to a specific category of informational text—literary nonfiction—than has been traditional. Because the ELA classroom must focus on literature (stories, drama, and poetry) as well as literary nonfiction, a great deal of informational reading in grades 6–12 must take place in other classes if the NAEP assessment framework is to be matched instructionally.1 To measure students’ growth toward college and career readiness, assessments aligned with the Standards should adhere to the distribution of texts across grades cited in the NAEP framework.

Isn't that saying that the instructional material must be in classes where that is relevant? That's hardly what the headline suggests. No wonder they left that out.

I could not find the examples given in the text with a word search, maybe I suck at that, it's possible, but I did find this:

• “Letter on Thomas Jefferson” by John Adams (1776)
• Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave by
  Frederick Douglass (1845)
  
• “Blood, Toil, Tears and Sweat: Address to Parliament on May 13th, 1940” by Winston Churchill (1940)
  
• Harriet Tubman: Conductor on the Underground Railroad by Ann Petry (1955)
  
• Travels with Charley: In Search of America by John Steinbeck (1962)
  
• “Speech to the Second Virginia Convention” by Patrick Henry (1775)  “Farewell Address” by George Washington (1796)
• “Gettysburg Address” by Abraham Lincoln (1863) 
• “State of the Union Address” by Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1941)
  
• “Letter from Birmingham Jail” by Martin Luther King, Jr. (1964)  “Hope, Despair and Memory” by Elie Wiesel (1997)
  
• Common Sense by Thomas Paine (1776)
• Walden by Henry David Thoreau (1854)  “Society and Solitude” by Ralph Waldo Emerson (1857)
• “The Fallacy of Success” by G. K. Chesterton (1909)
• Black Boy by Richard Wright (1945)
• “Politics and the English Language” by George Orwell (1946)
• “Take the Tortillas Out of Your Poetry” by Rudolfo Anaya (1995)

Those are the informative texts. Shocking. What literary value can be gleaned from Henry David Thoreau and John Steinbeck.
Oh, and this:

Given space limitations, the illustrative texts listed above are meant only to show individual titles that are representative of a range of topics and genres. (See Appendix B for excerpts of these and other texts illustrative of grades 6–12 text complexity, quality, and range.) At a curricular or instructional level, within and across grade levels, texts need to be selected around topics or themes that generate knowledge and allow students to study those topics or themes in depth.

Couldn't find anything on taking out To Kill a Mockingbird anywhere.

So, the report contains information that is mislabeled and misrepresented, I'm shocked and scared and clearly don't know what's actually going on.

And that is how not to write an article, by The Telegraph.

[Anollasia]

I've only been to Vancouver and Alberta before, so I'll just say Vancouver.

Alberta is a city now, eh? Much has changed in Canada in the past five months.

[Risottia]

I love being hippocritical

[Cromarty]

I love being hippocritical

Superb.

[The Republic of Lanos]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEX1dYyvmig

(Image)

We give the announce of the death of
THE (insignificant) ITALIAN CREDIBILITY
1 year old

After a long time of poisonous sacrifices made by the Monti Government that have let her to survive a little more, the Italians all together give the sad announce.

Rome, 9th December 2012

The funerals will happen after the approvation of the stability law, presumably the 21st of the current month in Rome, Quirinale Palace

The funeral is offered by the Berlusconi and Company Funeral Services Ltd.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

viewtopic.php?p=11379507#p11379507

I can't believe I just found this old thread.

[Genivaria]

I have to say again, when you build a religion with the idea of martyrdom, you leave your followers with no model for how to behave in the face of success.

[Cannot think of a name]

This thread has now created two uncomfortable moments with my ego...

[Of the Free Socialist Territories]

It needs to be viewed in its context, but is great when it is.

Finals getting to you?

[Cannot think of a name]

It needs to be viewed in its context, but is great when it is.

Finals getting to you?

LG closes it with style.

[Farnhamia]

"December 10, 2012.

Its been exactly 46 days since my deployment, and that I arrived in this hell.
Everyday another horror, everyday a new nightmare.
Yesterday we lost Perkins to a Candy Cane shell, poor bastard was dead before he knew what happened, the only the only thing left is an strange pile that carries the distinct odor of mint.
Damn them, damn them all, and damn their beloved Christmas to.
Gods I've never been so cold..."

[The Republic of Lanos]

Another reason why the government shouldn't listen to the ignorant masses.Ignored

I agree.

[Risottia]

...
Do check the kind of leaf you're smoking, pal, I suspect it's not pure Old Tom. ...

Tolkien Taliban.

[StellarGate]

From 'Why do atheists want to go to Hell?' thread.

Hell is real. Read a book for once; the Bible, actually. You only leaving it as there is no Hell and then giving me no proof that it doesn't only shows that you are an empty minded fool who doesn't want to know the truth.

In response:

Wait? So I should believe everything I read? Hmm... Awesome. The Infinite Improbability Drive is real...

God doesn't exist.

Now beleive it