The War on Christmas...

[Khyrta]

Shh, you want him to go on a rampage?

Prophet Weird Al predicted what would happen if we stopped believing in Santa Christ.

lol. I heard that prediction. Scary........

[Hresejnen]

Santa is the only god in the Christian context worth believing in.

[Langorham]

To all you nay-sayers about Santa, just remember this:

Charles Halloran: All right, you go back and tell them that the New York State Supreme Court rules there's no Santa Claus. It's all over the papers. The kids read it and they don't hang up their stockings. Now what happens to all the toys that are supposed to be in those stockings? Nobody buys them. The toy manufacturers are going to like that; so they have to lay off a lot of their employees, union employees. Now you got the CIO and the AF of L against you and they're going to adore you for it and they're going to say it with votes. Oh, and the department stores are going to love you too and the Christmas card makers and the candy companies. Ho ho. Henry, you're going to be an awful popular fella. And what about the Salvation Army? Why, they got a Santa Claus on every corner, and they're taking a fortune. But you go ahead Henry, you do it your way. You go on back in there and tell them that you rule there is no Santy Claus. Go on. But if you do, remember this: you can count on getting just two votes, your own and that district attorney's out there.

Judge Henry X. Harper: The District Attorney's a Republican.

Fred Gailey: Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to. Don't you see? It's not just Kris that's on trial, it's everything he stands for. It's kindness and joy and love and all the other intangibles.

Kris Kringle: You see, Mrs. Walker, this is quite an opportunity for me. For the past 50 years or so I've been getting more and more worried about Christmas. Seems we're all so busy trying to beat the other fellow in making things go faster and look shinier and cost less that Christmas and I are sort of getting lost in the shuffle.

Mr. Shellhammer: But... but maybe he's only a little crazy like painters or composers or... or some of those men in Washington.

Alfred: "There is a lot of bad ism's floating around this world and one of the worst is commercialism"

District Attorney: What is your name?
Kris Kringle: Kris Kringle.
District Attorney: Where do you live?
Kris Kringle: That's what this hearing will decide.
Judge Henry X. Harper: A very sound answer, Mister Kringle.
District Attorney: Do you really believe that you're Santa Claus?
Kris Kringle: Of course.
District Attorney: [long pause] The state rests, your honor.

Fred Gailey: All my life I've wondered something, and now's my chance to find out. I'm going to find the answer to a question that's puzzled the world for centuries. Does Santa Claus sleep with his whiskers outside or in?
Kris Kringle: Always sleep with them out. Cold air makes them grow.

Kris Kringle: Oh, Christmas isn't just a day, it's a frame of mind... and that's what's been changing. That's why I'm glad I'm here, maybe I can do something about it.

And last but not least...

Susan: I believe... I believe... It's silly, but I believe.

[Umbagar]

If you're going to do away with santa because he's a lie, you should also do away with the tooth fairy, easter bunny, fairy tales, etc. This kind of ruins society. Plus, when kids learn santa isn't real they are taught the harsh realities of life.

[St George of England]

If you're going to do away with santa because he's a lie, you should also do away with the tooth fairy, easter bunny, fairy tales, etc. This kind of ruins society. Plus, when kids learn santa isn't real they are taught the harsh realities of life.

And cake, too.

[Aethyopea]

Ah, Christmas. A joyous time, when we can gather with the family, eat as much fat food as you like without worrying about calories (at least not until it's over) and of course: presents!

Yes, this time certainly does have a lot of traditions about it. From santa claus to multicolored lights and other age-old traditions that are a few decades old.
One tradition that has been picking up steam in the U.S. is known as the "War on Christmas". It is a veritable feast of media mud-slinging over petty differences when pundits and news channels of all stripes take their sides in a ritual conflict that historians believe is meant to be a praise to Eris, the Greek godess of strife, so that she may bless the media with many newsworthy and not-exactly-newsworthy talking points for the year to come.

So, do you partake in the War on Christmas?

[UCUMAY]

I just haven't felt like X-mas this year. Althouh not attacking anyone who is celebrating.

[Angleter]

We already have a thread on this somewhere?

[Fartsniffage]

Yes.

This year I've managed to shoot 3 elves, burn a small grove of Christmas trees and crush 83 candy canes beneath my jack-boots heels.

Next week I'm installing the auto-cannon programmed to target carol singers, nothing to do with the war on Christmas, they're just fucking annoying.

[Aethyopea]

We already have a thread on this somewhere?

We do? I just checked the last few pages and I didn't see anything.
Maybe I overlooked it or something. Could you tell me where it is?

[Sedgistan]

See here, asshole, <snip> Are you happy, asshole?

Not appropriate.

[Georgism]

No, it's not really much of a thing in the UK.

[Innsmothe]

Destruction to the false Christian tradition!

Life to Jul, Yule and Saturnalia!

[SaintB]

Yes.

This year I've managed to shoot 3 elves, burn a small grove of Christmas trees and crush 83 candy canes beneath my jack-boots heels.

Next week I'm installing the auto-cannon programmed to target carol singers, nothing to do with the war on Christmas, they're just fucking annoying.

My rifle company recently decimated a Secret Elf workshop were we believe they were working on toys! Can you imagine the devastation if those toys got into the hands of children?

[You-Gi-Owe]

Ah, Christmas. A joyous time, when we can gather with the family, eat as much fat food as you like without worrying about calories (at least not until it's over) and of course: presents!

Yes, this time certainly does have a lot of traditions about it. From santa claus to multicolored lights and other age-old traditions that are a few decades old.
One tradition that has been picking up steam in the U.S. is known as the "War on Christmas". It is a veritable feast of media mud-slinging over petty differences when pundits and news channels of all stripes take their sides in a ritual conflict that historians believe is meant to be a praise to Eris, the Greek godess of strife, so that she may bless the media with many newsworthy and not-exactly-newsworthy talking points for the year to come.

So, do you partake in the War on Christmas?

Not much.

I mean I regularly denegrate the ACLU for their part in the War on Christmas and other religious freedom intolerances, but I generally have more important things to worry about than how other folks are or are not praying.

[Herminia]

I don't see any harm in believing in Santa Claus, it's a natural part of childhood.

[Sebytania]

Yep, I'll be staying on by balcony between 21st and 31st, shooting at anything related to Christianity.

And giving out free ammo to those who seem pagan enough to me.

[Fr33domland]

I'm an atheist. But I love Christmas! It's a lot of fun. If you don't like it, fine. If you want it stamped out, you can go fuck yourself.

Merry Christmas.

[You-Gi-Owe]

One of my favorite literary works on the subject:

The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus
by Ogden Nash


In Baltimore there lived a boy.
He wasn't anybody's joy.
Although his name was Jabez Dawes,
His character was full of flaws.

In school he never led his classes,
He hid old ladies' reading glasses,
His mouth was open when he chewed,
And elbows to the table glued.
He stole the milk of hungry kittens,
And walked through doors marked

NO ADMITTANCE.
He said he acted thus because
There wasn't any Santa Claus.

Another trick that tickled Jabez
Was crying 'Boo' at little babies.
He brushed his teeth, they said in town,
Sideways instead of up and down.
Yet people pardoned every sin,
And viewed his antics with a grin,
Till they were told by Jabez Dawes,
'There isn't any Santa Claus!'

Deploring how he did behave,
His parents swiftly sought their grave.
They hurried through the portals pearly,
And Jabez left the funeral early.

Like whooping cough, from child to child,
He sped to spread the rumor wild:
'Sure as my name is Jabez Dawes
There isn't any Santa Claus!'
Slunk like a weasel of a marten
Through nursery and kindergarten,
Whispering low to every tot,
'There isn't any, no there's not!'

The children wept all Christmas eve
And Jabez chortled up his sleeve.
No infant dared hang up his stocking
For fear of Jabez' ribald mocking.

He sprawled on his untidy bed,
Fresh malice dancing in his head,
When presently with scalp-a-tingling,
Jabez heard a distant jingling;
He heard the crunch of sleigh and hoof
Crisply alighting on the roof.
What good to rise and bar the door?
A shower of soot was on the floor.

What was beheld by Jabez Dawes?
The fireplace full of Santa Claus!
Then Jabez fell upon his knees
With cries of 'Don't,' and 'Pretty Please.'
He howled, 'I don't know where you read it,
But anyhow, I never said it!'
'Jabez' replied the angry saint,
'It isn't I, it's you that ain't.
Although there is a Santa Claus,
There isn't any Jabez Dawes!'

Said Jabez then with impudent vim,
'Oh, yes there is, and I am him!
Your magic don't scare me, it doesn't'
And suddenly he found he wasn't!
From grimy feet to grimy locks,
Jabez became a Jack-in-the-box,
And ugly toy with springs unsprung,
Forever sticking out his tongue.

The neighbors heard his mournful squeal;
They searched for him, but not with zeal.
No trace was found of Jabez Dawes,
Which led to thunderous applause,
And people drank a loving cup
And went and hung their stockings up.

All you who sneer at Santa Claus,
Beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,
The saucy boy who mocked the saint.
Donner and Blitzen licked off his paint.

[SaintB]

I'm an atheist. But I love Christmas! It's a lot of fun. If you don't like it, fine. If you want it stamped out, you can go fuck yourself.

Merry Christmas.

And a happy nondenominational and personal traditionally specific holiday to you too!

[German Dragons]

Well, if there were any members far too young to be on here, the OP just broke their fragile little hearts.

Then they shouldn't have opened the thread, nonetheless even be on this site

[Aethyopea]

I'm an atheist. But I love Christmas! It's a lot of fun. If you don't like it, fine. If you want it stamped out, you can go fuck yourself.

Merry Christmas.

One interesting tidbit I leaned recently was that for a long time, Christmas was actually under attack mainly BY the religious. The Puritans, for instance, thought Christmas had too many pagan influences, that it was too catholic, and that it encouraged frivolous feasts rather than prayer and devotion.

[Bendira]

Yes.

This year I've managed to shoot 3 elves, burn a small grove of Christmas trees and crush 83 candy canes beneath my jack-boots heels.

Next week I'm installing the auto-cannon programmed to target carol singers, nothing to do with the war on Christmas, they're just fucking annoying.

My rifle company recently decimated a Secret Elf workshop were we believe they were working on toys! Can you imagine the devastation if those toys got into the hands of children?

Especially if they were made in china, with the lead paint and such. Way to go.

[Free Soviets]

is anyone selling small atheist books as stocking stuffers yet?

[Panzerjaeger]

Yes.

This year I've managed to shoot 3 elves, burn a small grove of Christmas trees and crush 83 candy canes beneath my jack-boots heels.

Next week I'm installing the auto-cannon programmed to target carol singers, nothing to do with the war on Christmas, they're just fucking annoying.

My rifle company recently decimated a Secret Elf workshop were we believe they were working on toys! Can you imagine the devastation if those toys got into the hands of children?

Weapons of Mass Enjoyment must be destroyed to preserve freedomz. We will hang every elf from the rafters and make this Santa Claus pay for his crimes against Humanity. We will not stop until we have erected a, "Mission Accomplished!" banner that or we all die trying.