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The NSG Bulwer-Lytton competition: WINNER ANNOUNCED!

For discussion and debate about anything. (Not a roleplay related forum; out-of-character commentary only.)

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Grainne Ni Malley
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 7536
Founded: Oct 17, 2005
Ex-Nation

Postby Grainne Ni Malley » Sat Mar 24, 2012 9:54 pm

Ethereal tendrils floated in a blackened sky so dark one might almost call it a midnight sort of dark, which would make sense since it was in fact midnight (at least in this particular time zone), and Mordekin was taken back in time -metaphorically speaking as, in fact, he had no actual access to a time machine- to fuzzy faded memories of a childhood spent regrettably in his mother's arms while her blonde hairs cascaded in Medusa-like whips that lashed mercilessly against his tender flesh, so much so that he was convinced his mother would eat him, and that was exactly what these violent tentacles, suspended in air like so much of his mother's hair and attached to a greenish-red blob that resembled a placenta, were about to do on a cold, inky, blackened midnight-like midnight in Prague... make that 12:01 a.m.
*insert boring personal information, political slant, witty quotes, and some fancy text color here*

Гроня Ни Маллий - In fond memory of Dyakovo. I will always remember you. Thank you for the laughs.

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Wikkiwallana
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 22500
Founded: Mar 21, 2010
Ex-Nation

Postby Wikkiwallana » Sat Mar 24, 2012 10:01 pm

The king was dead, and there was no one to mourn him but the pastry chefs.
Proud Scalawag and Statist!

Please don't confuse my country for my politics; my country is being run as a parody, my posts aren't.
Dumb Ideologies wrote:Halt!
Just because these people are stupid, wrong and highly dangerous does not mean you have the right to make them feel sad.
Xenohumanity wrote:
Nulono wrote:Snip
I'm a pro-lifer who runs a nation of dragon-men...
And even I think that's stupid.
Avenio wrote:Just so you know, the use of the term 'sheep' 'sheeple' or any other herd animal-based terminology in conjunction with an exhortation to 'think outside the box' or stop going along with groupthink generally indicates that the speaker is actually more closed-minded on the subject than the people that he/she is addressing. At least, in my experience at least.

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Sentinel XV
Senator
 
Posts: 4454
Founded: Oct 09, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Sentinel XV » Sat Mar 24, 2012 10:05 pm

Silent as a Nightingale moving through padded bedsheets of fine linen, a shadow moves through the subtly darkened alleyways of Windehelm and cares not for the sleeping populace; his pack bulges with odoriferous evil, the vile spoils of many days' work, but this roguish Orc is not here to kill a king, nay: he has business in the Palace of Kings, as some thirty-thousand cheese circles of most plentiful wickedness shall find their way to King Ulfric Stormcloak's room tonight.
Last edited by Sentinel XV on Sat Mar 24, 2012 10:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
‹ all genius is a conquering of chaos and mystery

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Farnhamia
Game Moderator
 
Posts: 105496
Founded: Jun 20, 2006
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Farnhamia » Sat Mar 24, 2012 10:14 pm

It was a bright and sunny morning, but dark clouds of rage hung over Thrungur the Unbearable’s mind like the stench from a burned out village of filthy farmers on the second or third day after he himself had burned it, which, oddly enough, is what was making him so angry, the stench, that is, which was wafting downwind to the camp where his reavers had been sleeping off two days of rapine and debauchery but were now awakening with coughing and retching, the sound of which sent Thrungur looking for a bucket into which to empty the roiling contents of his stomach, and wishing he hadn’t decided to try the fermented goat’s milk last night: someone would pay for this and right soon.
Last edited by Farnhamia on Sat Mar 24, 2012 10:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Wash Your Damned Hands!

Freedom ... or cake. ~ Ashmoria (RIP)
Make Earth Great Again: Stop Continental Drift!
And Jesus was a sailor when he walked upon the water ...
"Make yourself at home, Frank. Hit somebody." RIP Don Rickles
My country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right. ~ Carl Schurz
<Sigh> NSG...where even the atheists are Augustinians. ~ The Archregimancy
Now the foot is on the other hand ~ Kannap
RIP Dyakovo

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The Blaatschapen
Retired Moderator
 
Posts: 55241
Founded: Antiquity
Anarchy

Postby The Blaatschapen » Sat Mar 24, 2012 10:18 pm

I would like to take this time to welcome you to our hiring process and give you a brief synopsis of the position's benefits and requirements.

After a period of only two weeks, what is 'the worst case of Squamous Cell Carcinoma' one of the patients specialists had ever seen, was shown to be in dramatic remission.

Or maybe I should not let my spam folder write my entries.
Forumer mod, now a rocker mocker. Thank you Ringo
Heaven is other people
Behind the invisible hand of the market hides the iron fist of the state.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect - Mark Twain
Silent is an anagram of listen.
Male. Please address me as 'he'.
Blaat - all fluff, all action
This is the 8th line. If your sig is longer than mine, it is too long.

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Qazox
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 21296
Founded: Jan 17, 2006
Ex-Nation

Postby Qazox » Sat Mar 24, 2012 10:48 pm

As one is often want, upon the hour of their demise; James began to ponder exactly why the insurgents of Huamik, decided to choose him, out of all of the UN peace-keeping troops; to use as cannon fodder for their newly appropriated AK-47's.
Wikipage/Qazox National Football Team
Qualified for World Cups 31, 33, 35-50, 54-59, 61, 62. Runners-up: CoH 52
Baptism of Fire 44 (w/Mangolana); World Baseball Classics 1, 4, 5, 10, 13 and 23; World Cup of Hockey 7 and 14; World Bowls IV & IX; IBC X; Baptism of Iron III and VIII; NSCAA Tourney II, III (conferences/regionals), The OXEN Cup; the TOUR de QAZOX, Qazoxian Sports Festival and NS X-Games/Winter X-Games I.
World Cups of Hockey 4 & 6; World Baseball Classics 6, 8 and 9, World Bowls 3 and XXI; Draggonnii Inviyatii V, IBC XI
xkcd 1110 (zoomable!)

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Farnhamia
Game Moderator
 
Posts: 105496
Founded: Jun 20, 2006
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Farnhamia » Sat Mar 24, 2012 10:51 pm

Qazox wrote:As one is often want, upon the hour of their demise; James began to ponder exactly why the insurgents of Huamik, decided to choose him, out of all of the UN peace-keeping troops; to use as cannon fodder for their newly appropriated AK-47's.

If I may ...

"wont" not "want"

delete the semicolon after "demise" and "troops", and the commas after "Huamik" and "him".
Wash Your Damned Hands!

Freedom ... or cake. ~ Ashmoria (RIP)
Make Earth Great Again: Stop Continental Drift!
And Jesus was a sailor when he walked upon the water ...
"Make yourself at home, Frank. Hit somebody." RIP Don Rickles
My country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right. ~ Carl Schurz
<Sigh> NSG...where even the atheists are Augustinians. ~ The Archregimancy
Now the foot is on the other hand ~ Kannap
RIP Dyakovo

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Yaltabaoth
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1477
Founded: Dec 07, 2006
Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sun Mar 25, 2012 12:34 am

"I DESPISE melodrama," he screamed as the half full, or possibly half-empty, I guess it depends on what kind of person you are, glass flew from his hand towards the great mirror-ball piñata that hung ominously over the dance floor, "and absolutely abhor alliteration, but," he added, almost as an aside, "I've never metaphor I didn't like."
Last edited by Yaltabaoth on Sun Mar 25, 2012 12:38 am, edited 2 times in total.

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The Realm of God
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 7562
Founded: Jan 26, 2012
Ex-Nation

Postby The Realm of God » Sun Mar 25, 2012 12:43 am

The King was yelling at his servent,who unfortuanatly for him forgotten to get the Kings lunch; the King roared "How dare you deny me of my lunch my nobal birthright of a lunch,how dare you defy me I am a Monarchy of an Absolute Monarchy lowly peasent," the servant legged it down the hallway whimpering; then the King said "Monarch did I say I was a Monarch yesterday I said I was an Enlightend Despot of my own Enlightend Despotism, oh well,"
British, Orthodox Christian, humanist and stoic.

Pro. Disraelian Progressive Conservatism, One Nation Toryism, Distributionism, Civil Liberties, Pro UK, Pro US Constitution. Pro USA.

Progressive Conservative Economic Right: 0.38 Social Libertarian -2.00.

Christian Democrat NSG Senate.

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Forsher
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 17160
Founded: Jan 30, 2012
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Forsher » Sun Mar 25, 2012 12:48 am

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

And variants, of course.
That it Could be What it Is, Is What it Is

Stop making shit up, though. Links, or it's a God-damn lie and you know it.

The normie life is heteronormie

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Big Jim P
Khan of Spam
 
Posts: 53953
Founded: Antiquity
Father Knows Best State

Postby Big Jim P » Sun Mar 25, 2012 12:48 am

"In the beginning....."

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Tahar Joblis
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 9267
Founded: Antiquity
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Tahar Joblis » Sun Mar 25, 2012 3:24 am

The first mistake he made in life - notwithstanding conception, childbirth, circumcision, and baptism, which lamentable affairs had clearly been his parents' mistakes to make - was not crawling into a dumpster to die the first time his parents left him home alone for more than an hour, an event which managed not to pass until seven months later, and nineteen years, eleven months, and twenty eight days before he made the worst mistake of his life.

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Tmutarakhan
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 8334
Founded: Dec 06, 2007
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Tmutarakhan » Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:49 am

One morning, as Gregor Samsa awoke from restless nightmares, he found himself transformed into a monstrous bunny.
Life is a tragedy to those who feel, a comedy to those who think, and a musical to those who sing.

I am the very model of a Nation States General,
I am a holy terror to apologists Confederal,
When called upon to source a line, I give citations textual,
And argue about Palestine, and marriage homosexual!


A KNIGHT ON KARINZISTAN'S SPECIAL LIST OF POOPHEADS!

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I V Stalin
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1529
Founded: Jul 13, 2004
Ex-Nation

Postby I V Stalin » Mon Mar 26, 2012 12:10 pm

With no option but to plunge his blistered hand into the peristalsing, ichorous gut of the malevolently unhinged demigod, its head coruscating with a ghostly crown of electrical thorns, Simon vainly attempted to conceal from his onlooking father the deep revulsion he felt at effecting this sacrilegious act.
One million deaths is a statistic. One death is a smaller statistic.
"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it's difficult to tell if they're legitimate" - Abraham Lincoln

Farnhamia - "The concept of zero means nothing."

Like football? Like The Blizzard

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Cannot think of a name
Post Czar
 
Posts: 30525
Founded: Antiquity
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Cannot think of a name » Mon Mar 26, 2012 12:35 pm

Tacos everywhere, while usually a thing of beauty, today was going to lead to no good.
Everything for the cat.

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Johz
Negotiator
 
Posts: 5471
Founded: Jan 26, 2010
Ex-Nation

Postby Johz » Mon Mar 26, 2012 1:04 pm

There was no-one around, except for the crowd that had gathered to watch the grand and chaotic performance, the janitor, and a family of starving eastern-African orphans, and as such, silence reigned.

Or maybe, this:

Consider, if you will, the utmost sincerity of the primary school teacher, her arms a-flailing, her voice a-rising, her children a-learning, for it is upon her breast that we are forced to rest for this tale, albeit in an entirely metaphorical way, as, such as in the greatest majority of primary schools, we must remain in a method of thought that is appropriate to the ages between five (5) and eleven (11), excepting of course the times when discourse is forced to attend higher realms of philosophy and metaphysical ponderance.

Which could be taken directly out of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea...

Tmutarakhan wrote:One morning, as Gregor Samsa awoke from restless nightmares, he found himself transformed into a monstrous bunny.

Now that I enjoyed...
Always Ready (With a Cuppa): UDL
Praise [violet] for safe switching!

The Village of Johz - (Factbook)
Head of Foreign Affairs:
Mr Newman
Head of the Flower Rota: Mrs Figgis
Population: 269 (Johzians)
Sometime between when the "evolution is just a theory" nonesense dies out, and when Ashmoria starts using captitalization. - EnragedMaldivians
It's called a tangent. It tends to happen on NSG. - Olthar
[E]very Brit I've met on the internet has been violently apathetic. - Conserative Morality
This is Johz. I'd like to give him a hug someday. - Celly
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Mindhar
Diplomat
 
Posts: 648
Founded: Jan 22, 2010
Ex-Nation

Postby Mindhar » Mon Mar 26, 2012 1:59 pm

Tmutarakhan wrote:One morning, as Gregor Samsa awoke from restless nightmares, he found himself transformed into a monstrous bunny.

A++ would definitely read.

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Jari Head
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1297
Founded: Nov 24, 2010
Ex-Nation

Postby Jari Head » Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:18 pm

It was a dark night in half the world, which is usual when the sun goes down, and in some parts of the dark half of the world it was also stormy, so it could be called a dark and stormy night.
We have two companies of Marines running rampant all over the northern half of this island, and three Army regiments pinned down in the southwestern corner, doing nothing. What the hell is going on?
Gen. John W. Vessey Jr., USA, Chairman of the the Joint Chiefs of Staff during the assault on Grenada, 1983
A bullet may have your name on it, but a grenade is addressed: "To whom it may concern."

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Forsher
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 17160
Founded: Jan 30, 2012
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Forsher » Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:10 pm

Today I saw a triple rainbow which was only forty rainbows less than the blades on my razor, equality is wonderful.
That it Could be What it Is, Is What it Is

Stop making shit up, though. Links, or it's a God-damn lie and you know it.

The normie life is heteronormie

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Astrolinium
Post Czar
 
Posts: 36603
Founded: Mar 05, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Astrolinium » Wed Mar 28, 2012 2:56 am

Dear Diary,
This morning I woke up and drove around to local high schools so I could yell, "George shoots Lennie at the end of John Steinbeck's
Of Mice and Men" at random students; life is good.
The Sublime Island Kingdom of Astrolinium
Ilia Franchisco Attore, King Attorio Maldive III
North Carolina | NSIndex Page | Embassies
Pop: 3,082 | Tech: MT | DEFCON: 5-4-3-2-1
SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...
About Me: Ravenclaw, Gay, Cis Male, 5’4”.
"Don't you forget about me."

Ex-Delegate of Ankh Mauta | NSG Sodomy Club
Minor Acolyte of the Vast Jewlluminati Conspiracy™

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The Blaatschapen
Retired Moderator
 
Posts: 55241
Founded: Antiquity
Anarchy

Postby The Blaatschapen » Wed Mar 28, 2012 5:17 am

Astrolinium wrote:Dear Diary,
This morning I woke up and drove around to local high schools so I could yell, "George shoots Lennie at the end of John Steinbeck's
Of Mice and Men" at random students; life is good.


You know, I actually have that novel lying here, waiting for me to be read and now you spoiled the ending.
Forumer mod, now a rocker mocker. Thank you Ringo
Heaven is other people
Behind the invisible hand of the market hides the iron fist of the state.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect - Mark Twain
Silent is an anagram of listen.
Male. Please address me as 'he'.
Blaat - all fluff, all action
This is the 8th line. If your sig is longer than mine, it is too long.

User avatar
Yaltabaoth
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1477
Founded: Dec 07, 2006
Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Thu Mar 29, 2012 6:48 pm

"Expelliassus" Harry shouted, and as his bowel forcibly relaxed Draco doubled over in agony and humiliation, dropping his wand in the process.

User avatar
Wikkiwallana
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 22500
Founded: Mar 21, 2010
Ex-Nation

Postby Wikkiwallana » Thu Mar 29, 2012 6:51 pm

Well darn, I was hoping to do more than one entry. But this week was just too busy.
Proud Scalawag and Statist!

Please don't confuse my country for my politics; my country is being run as a parody, my posts aren't.
Dumb Ideologies wrote:Halt!
Just because these people are stupid, wrong and highly dangerous does not mean you have the right to make them feel sad.
Xenohumanity wrote:
Nulono wrote:Snip
I'm a pro-lifer who runs a nation of dragon-men...
And even I think that's stupid.
Avenio wrote:Just so you know, the use of the term 'sheep' 'sheeple' or any other herd animal-based terminology in conjunction with an exhortation to 'think outside the box' or stop going along with groupthink generally indicates that the speaker is actually more closed-minded on the subject than the people that he/she is addressing. At least, in my experience at least.

User avatar
Nightkill the Emperor
Post Kaiser
 
Posts: 88776
Founded: Dec 28, 2009
Ex-Nation

Postby Nightkill the Emperor » Thu Mar 29, 2012 6:59 pm

He knew it would be a bizarre day when he woke up in bed hugging a Fluttershy pillow his cat had pissed on.
Hi! I'm Khan, your local misanthropic Indian.
I wear teal, blue & pink for Swith.
P2TM RP Discussion Thread
If you want a good rp, read this shit.
Tiami is cool.
Nat: Night's always in some bizarre state somewhere between "intoxicated enough to kill a hair metal lead singer" and "annoying Mormon missionary sober".

Swith: It's because you're so awesome. God himself refreshes the screen before he types just to see if Nightkill has written anything while he was off somewhere else.

Monfrox wrote:
The balkens wrote:
# went there....

It's Nightkill. He's been there so long he rents out rooms to other people at a flat rate, but demands cash up front.

User avatar
New Rogernomics
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 9144
Founded: Aug 22, 2006
Left-wing Utopia

Postby New Rogernomics » Thu Mar 29, 2012 6:59 pm

Santa came home early, a red blob, he collapsed onto the couch, depriving everyone of beer and potato chips. His over-sized form squashing the malnourished elves, forced to make toys for the evil children of Ayn Randistan, for 10 cents a day. The slave master, burped.

Join the Lazarus Reform Club for healthy discussion on Lazarus.

Holds silly opinions on some things, and likes animals of all kinds, including the scary ones.
Pro: Individualism, Humanism, Human Rights, Internationalism & Free Markets, Democracy, Decentralization, Treaty of Sèvres, Free Hong Kong.
Against: Social Conservatism, Religious Extremism, Extreme Nationalism, Racism, Homo/Trans phobia, Authoritarianism.

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