NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Info for spoiler-seekers:

Some bad timing of edit discussion on my part had me make a load of suggestions for changes just AFTER this issue was added. However, with kind permission of NoQ and the team, it was agreed I could implement these changes as post-release edits, and they have now been added in. There was a slight delay, as we needed to get a team okay before doing so.

The version spoiled on this thread is now out of date, so you may want to up new text when you see it.

Trott->
Have added a hyphen to "heavily-armed"
Have changed from "child-size" to "size-of-a-child", which is clearer, as you say.
The effect line that you're not keen on, however, isn't within my prerogative to rewrite. We'll see what NoQ thinks.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

As the issue has changed, let me assign it to myself and give you a copypasta to work from. I'll leave the macros unexplained, I think you got 'em all anyway.

Blundering Battle Bureaucrats

The Issue

After stepping off the path in Monaster Park to take a picture of a Three-Toed Indecent Dolphin Mutant Thing, a Bigtopian tourist was subject to Candlewhisper Archive Defense Regulations Volume 4, Bylaw 8-A, Chapter 23, Section G-17-5, Paragraph 4b and was subsequently obliterated by a full battalion of Candlewhisper Archive’s finest.

The Debate

“That’s just how our glorious nation operates!” says Imogen Flanders, the Sub-Minister of Internal Affairs of the Defense of the Internal Affairs of the National Sub-Committee of Sovereign Urban Parks. “We didn’t get where we are today by letting those dirty, out-of-line foreigners trample our carefully manicured petunia bushes!” She tries to wave a copy of the Candlewhisper Archive Defense Regulations Volume 4 at you for emphasis, the sheer bulk of the tome forces her to resort to instead slamming the book onto your desk. The legs creak under the weight. “We need more safeguards against external aggression: no entry signs in multiple languages, tracking anklets issued at the border, oodles of barbed wire, and high-yield minefields! Summer tourists and all other miscreants like them are a threat to society, and if we need to have a show of force to keep them in line, by the Pantransparency we should do so!”

Accept

You can hear yelling and a rising deep rumbling crescendo of noise, then a main battle tank bursts through the doors... and part of the wall. The top hatch opens, and Colonel Aziz Blair (the officer in charge of the “apprehension” of the unfortunate tourist) pops out. “Now you listen to me, Chancellor Elect Amy Ortega, the last thing we need is more handsy-pansy suits getting in the way of our work! We should have no more requests to obliterate, signed in triplicate, sent in between 0800 and 1500 hours, sent back, queried, lost, found, subject to public inquiry, lost again, and finally discovered in the basement of Monaster Library underneath a treatise about gummy worms!” The Colonel pulls a handgun the size of a small dog from his waistband and drops in onto the regulation almanac. The legs of your desk groan. “Give the military control over how to dispose of all these pesky law-breakers. We’ve been dying to test out these new Candlewhisper Archive-made Super Obliterator 3000s, anyway!”

Accept

Your butler pours you a cup of tea, having materialized from the mysterious dimension butlers go to when they don’t want to be noticed. “It appears to me, Chancellor Elect Amy Ortega, that the problem lies within Candlewhisper Archive rather than without it. You can hardly blame people who visit our glorious cities for being in awe and thus forgetting their place and indeed, what place they are in.” He places the delicate teacup on top of the obscenely large gun and size-of-a-child rulebook. “Having too many government committees, unnecessary departments, and too many soldiers can only lead to more debacles like this. Cut the administrative overgrowth, downsize the defense forces, and possibly funnel that money into something more productive, like education, or butler salaries.” His thin mustache quivers expectantly.

Accept

The family of the dead tourist manages to climb over the armored vehicle in your doorway and into your office. The deceased’s mother, who is especially distraught, approaches you with tears in her eyes. “Why does no one ever think of the people affected by all this! We’re here to sight-see, not to get our family killed by your thugs! How does stepping off a park path even warrant deployment of a surface-to-air missile truck or a ninja team? We can’t keep on going not knowing when the next of us will step out of line and be run over by a tank! We demand an apology, a change to the law and reparations!” The distraught woman gently places a photo of her dead son on your desk, which promptly collapses.

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Spoopy Archipelago of Free Syllvin

Edited by Nation of Quebec

[Bears Armed Mission]

What's the eligibility for that issue? It looks to me as though this might a follow-up to an issue I've already seen about espionage, where one of the options was to monitor all foreigners who enter the country...

[Trotterdam]

I would guess extremely high Defense Forces and/or Authoritarianism.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I would guess extremely high Defense Forces and/or Authoritarianism.

You'd guess wrong.

I can't reveal the stats here, but I can state with a little pride that backstage we have spent a LOT of time recently doing clever things to the game engine, as much as we're able to from the editorial side. One of the clever things relates to new stats that tie into the validity of this issue.

All this is going to be hard to see to those without the eagle-eye overview that mods and editors get, but the simulation has gained a few new tricks in the last few weeks.

[Drasnia]

I'd imagine one validity is that there has to be at least some defense forces in @@NAME@@, as I can't imagine this nation getting it. (Who would be Drasnia's finest considering there are no police or soldiers?)

Also, why you gotta tease us CWA with saying how awesome it is backstage

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I'd imagine one validity is that there has to be at least some defense forces in @@NAME@@, as I can't imagine this nation getting it. (Who would be Drasnia's finest considering there are no police or soldiers?)

Also, why you gotta tease us CWA with saying how awesome it is backstage

Ohmigod, there's like a pool, and a hot tub, and free beer and...

[Drasnia]

I'd imagine one validity is that there has to be at least some defense forces in @@NAME@@, as I can't imagine this nation getting it. (Who would be Drasnia's finest considering there are no police or soldiers?)

Also, why you gotta tease us CWA with saying how awesome it is backstage

Ohmigod, there's like a pool, and a hot tub, and free beer and...

You had me at the ellipsis.

[Drawkland]

I'd imagine one validity is that there has to be at least some defense forces in @@NAME@@, as I can't imagine this nation getting it. (Who would be Drasnia's finest considering there are no police or soldiers?)

Also, why you gotta tease us CWA with saying how awesome it is backstage

Ohmigod, there's like a pool, and a hot tub, and free beer and...

I bet you need a sauna to relax after a long and hard day of editing issues.

[Xynlandia]

The Issue

Your cousin’s adored pet Xylophone has died.

The Debate

1. “It would mean the world to me to have my loss properly recognised,” sobs your cousin, dabbing tears away with a gold-embroidered handkerchief. “My poor little baby deserves a state funeral. Imagine... people crying in the streets, a band playing funeral dirges on golden tubas, and my dearest little Hillary McFluff immortalised in a memorial forever... you’d do it for your own pets, wouldn’t you?”

2. “Y’know how many people this could feed?” asks roadkill-chef Khethiwe Mulder, sniffing at the carcass, and licking her lips. “And y’know how many people you’re takin’ cash away from with a big state funeral? Burying a Xylophone is a waste of good meat, and a waste of money. Y’should buy up all the dead pets, butcher them for meat, and donate the food to the poor and homeless.”

3. “No need to bury the wee beastie!” yells eccentric special effects expert Sheldon Jekyll. “I’ve been playing around a lot with taxidermy and animatronics, and I reckon if we fix up damage to the bodywork, apply some preservatives to stop the rot, install some motors and simple AI subroutines, and the little critter will be good as new! Also, why stop with pets? You miss your grandma, right? Let my company work its magic, and look who’s back!”

Issue by The Red Plain of Sammuramat

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Christian Democrats]

I've updated the issues.

[Australian rePublic]

According to Sedge, a new list of Randomnames have been added. Keep your eyes out for them!

[Drasnia]

RE 610: Option 1 is indeed Admiral @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ de Calamari

I also got option 4 this time around, which is a bit odd as the first time I didn't. It must have a weird validity.

[Sedgistan]

I also got option 4 this time around, which is a bit odd as the first time I didn't. It must have a weird validity.

That was a coding error that was noticed and fixed shortly after the issue went live.

[Drasnia]

I also got option 4 this time around, which is a bit odd as the first time I didn't. It must have a weird validity.

That was a coding error that was noticed and fixed shortly after the issue went live.

Thanks for the clarification.

[Naasseners]

613: A Nude Day, A Nude Awakening...

The Issue

Internet news sites and online communities are abuzz over supposed leaked nude images of you that surfaced online this morning. Amateur photo-manipulation experts have concluded that the images are fakes, but the files have already spread across the internet like wildfire. As the victim of this internet trolling campaign, it may be time for you to address the problem of faked images of this sort.

The Debate

1. “Here we have thieves and perverts, stealing your likeness and creating obscenity,” declares Lara Shiomi, a country singer of dubious talent who claims there have been more downloads of fake nudes of her than downloads of her music. “Every time I go online I see these filthy pictures. It’s humiliating, degrading, and feels like a violation of my privacy and a kind of sexual assault. I guess now you know how it feels too! I know this is hard to police, but you could at least make photo-manipulation without the consent of the subject illegal, with fines for those who break this law or who distribute these images.”

2. “Kirby Streisand agrees, but Kirby Streisand thinks that we should go further,” agrees the notorious Kirby Streisand, a staunch censorship advocate who once tried to remove all references to his name on the internet. “If it were up to Kirby Streisand, any unauthorized image, name usage, or even a likeness of a person without their permission should automatically be taken down whether it’s on the internet, the news, or any random video.”

3. “Either everything is okay, or nothing is,” refutes satirist and online columnist Melissa Castro, whilst using a clever piece of software to make a mildly angry photo of you on a bad hair day look like you are a positively psychotic murderer on the verge of going on a killing spree. “Are you going to censor the Moaning Lisa because she was painted without her knowledge? Are you going to ban a schoolboy from drawing a moustache on a newspaper photo of your face? You have no right to censor art, and photo-manipulation is art. Quite frankly, celebrities and politicians should give up their expectations of privacy. If you don’t want people drawing you nude, you shouldn’t have chosen a career that makes you famous.”

4. “Face it, you can’t stop people putting things on the internet,” suggests your tech-savvy nephew, who moonlights as notorious internet troll politichunt42. “But you can affect an image’s notability, by changing its context. Say we fake a few hundred nudes of a dozen other world leaders, and maybe some politicians and public figures you don’t like: we could make it so that your faked nudes are old news, and have everyone laughing at your rivals and opponents instead. Wouldn’t it be fun to watch them like flail around like a @@ANIMAL@@ with its head chopped off? Is it immoral? Sure, if somebody hadn’t obviously already done this to you. Can you say ‘hackers-sponsored-by-Blackacre’?”

_{Issue by The Free Secular Federation of Nation of Quebec
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive}

...this should've had some option like 'that's an obvious fake, here's some actual nude photos of the @@LEADER@@'. Most of my puppets have to dismiss this issue, since they're either too liberal or too nudist for the other options, and the third one lowers Civil Rights drastically.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

...this should've had some option like 'that's an obvious fake, here's some actual nude photos of the @@LEADER@@'. Most of my puppets have to dismiss this issue, since they're either too liberal or too nudist for the other options, and the third one lowers Civil Rights drastically.

Interesting you should say that. In editing, my initial thought this was an issue that shouldn't be valid for nations that are open and liberal about nudity, and I wanted to code it as such. However, the team decision was that any nation that doesn't have compulsory nudity should still see this as an issue, as even if you have the freedom to take of your clothes, it doesn't mean you should be forced to be shown nude.

I think the argument could go either way, but the current approach is better, as if you feel its an issue that doesn't apply to your nation you can dismiss it, as you have done.

However, if there's enough popular call to reintroduce the restrictive validity criteria that I initially proposed, I will happily edit it back in.

Incidentally option 3 is a bit more complex with civil rights than you make out. It has different effects on different civil rights, which could result in stats going either way. Of course, for a very liberal nation you may notice the restrictive effects more, and get a total stat decrease, but an average starting nation will probably see increased civil rights from this option.

[Naasseners]

Nah, that's fine. I hadn't tried the fourth option yet; the results form that one seem more compatible with most of my puppets. Doesn't seem like I have to dismiss it with too many puppets, after all.

[Trotterdam]

Interesting you should say that. In editing, my initial thought this was an issue that shouldn't be valid for nations that are open and liberal about nudity, and I wanted to code it as such. However, the team decision was that any nation that doesn't have compulsory nudity should still see this as an issue, as even if you have the freedom to take of your clothes, it doesn't mean you should be forced to be shown nude.

I agree with this decision. Just that nudity is legal doesn't mean everybody is on board with it. In most nations where nudity is legal, it still isn't the norm.

However, in my nation specifically, we'd definitely follow this approach:

...this should've had some option like 'that's an obvious fake, here's some actual nude photos of the @@LEADER@@'. Most of my puppets have to dismiss this issue, since they're either too liberal or too nudist for the other options, and the third one lowers Civil Rights drastically.

As I explained two and a third years ago:

Privacy is important. If you want to see our Princess naked, you can schedule a photo shoot and have her pose.

[Trotterdam]

#615 Tempted By The Fruit Of Another

The Issue

A Fruit Juicing Plant owned by farming conglomerate @@ANIMAL@@ Farms proved unprofitable and was closed down when everything went pear-shaped, with local employees laid off in their hundreds. A few weeks later, its former workers broke through the padlocked gates and brought the machines inside back to life, starting a collectivist @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Manufacturing Worker's Co-operative which soon turned a modest profit. Now the buildings' owners want their factory back. The workers' co-op has met the police in the streets, and things are about to go bananas.

The Debate

"This factory is mine! I have the deed right here!" yells @@ANIMAL@@ Farms majority shareholder @@RANDOMNAME@@ from the safety of a sea of well-armored riot police. "How do you like them apples? Really, it's precisely this sort of commie nonsense that is responsible for the economic downturn in @@NAME@@ to begin with! Everyone knows these lazy peasants don't have the plums to build a real enterprise. But, now that MY factory is turning a profit again, I'm happy to buy their labor! You know, at a small discount."

"Oh, so you have some quaint little deed? Who gives a fig?" asks @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, an award-winning documentary maker, while simultaneously signing copies of her new book The Shock Logo. "Why does the law protect the rights of failed business owners while leaving the workers out in the cold? Haven't these workers also invested their very lives into this factory? Life gave them lemons, and they made lemonade! Don't sacrifice their families and their lives to that bunch of sour grapes... Change the law to allow workers to take direct and democratic control of abandoned factories!"

"Look, this 'self-management' thing sounds all peachy keen, but it just plays into the same tired capitalist narrative," says red turtleneck-clad political theorist @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, while wrinkling his nose at a tattoo laden protester. "Characterizing the suffering of the working class as merely an 'investment' plays directly into the hands of the bourgeoisie. And what do a bunch of pea-brained individuals know about proper management anyway? Can one factory provide jobs for all? Clearly, the state should seize factories for the good of all @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@!"

Issue by: A Humanist Science
Edited by: Candlewhisper Archive

Yup, lots of italics.

[Divine Cervine]

Issue #616

You Are Feeling Very Very Sleepy And Not At All Gay

The Issue

A controversial new health center has opened in @@CAPITAL@@, offering what it terms “spiritual counseling for young people confused about sex and gender”. Critics charge that its practices amount to conversion therapy: trying to “cure” homosexuality by pressuring vulnerable teenagers.

The Debate

1. “Homosexuality is not something that needs to be ‘cured’ and nor is it a choice!” fumes gay rights activist @@RANDOMNAME@@ while burning a feather boa in protest. “We have fought so hard to be recognized as people with the same rights as everyone else, and now we have these quacks taking advantage of vulnerable young people with their religiously-inspired bigotry! Conversion therapy needs to be banned in @@NAME@@ and our rights protected!”


2. “No one is taking advantage of anyone,” counters therapist @@RANDOMNAME@@, a self-declared gay conversion success story, giving it to you straight. “We simply offer a service to families requesting our intervention. Everything is completely voluntary and above board. Don’t ban legitimate medical procedures just because you can’t accept that sexual orientation is a choice! Some of these young people come to us in such a state of misery and confusion, and we offer them solace and comfort. We’re doing the Almighty’s work, after all.”


3. “Compromise, compromise, compromise!” chants your Minister of Compromises and Trust Falls while organizing the next retreat for your cabinet. “If someone agrees to undergo so-called conversion therapy, then it’s no business of the state to interfere in that. However, it should only be available to consenting adults. We also shouldn’t be forcing children to undergo these often humiliating therapies. So let’s keep the centers operating, but only for adults who want the services.”


Issue by The Banner Hunters of Golgothastan
Edited by Nation of Quebec

[Xynlandia]

The Issue

On an expedition to one of the many lush forests in a distant colony, explorers have discovered a previously unknown furry four-legged marsupial. Apparently unsure of which other authority figure to turn to, they have brought the issue of naming the species to your attention.

The Debate

1. “We found this extraordinary specimen in a dense forest deep in the interior of Oogaboogaland,” begins to explain the head of the expedition, Cassidy Xxxx, proudly proffering the stuffed beastie in a display case. “It is new to us, but maybe the locals have seen it before and have a name for it. I say we just grab the first tribal native fella we come across, point to the thing, and see what name he gives it.”

2. A rather dashing fellow with a swagger stick and a pith helmet approaches your desk, followed by a train of manservants bent double under his luggage. “Well, as our great nation is in control of their savage land, and the fact that it was we who were the first to find and officially document the varmint, I say we name it something that would be more appealing to the greater Xynlandian culture.”

3. “Oh whatever...” says your Minister of Simplicity, pushing aside their glass of tap water. “Why all the fuss for an animal that has about twenty look-alikes? Why not simply step up and declare that whoever discovers a new species, it gets named after them? That would save us a lot of time!”

4. “NO!” shouts the very patriotic governor of the colony, Viceroy Tiberius Nguyen. “Don’t let this critter be named after any average Joe! It was you who the explorers have to thank for being able to go on that expedition in the first place, and it was you who established this colony for the betterment of our great nation! I say we name it after you, great some random guy!”

Issue by The Intergalactic Dominion of The Aran Empire

Edited by Sedgistan

[Trotterdam]

the head of the expedition, Cassidy Xxxx

Just as a note, this is from a particularly weird choice of capital city, and is probably just a @@RANDOMNAME@@.

3. “Oh whatever...” says your Minister of Simplicity, pushing aside their glass of tap water.

Sharing a single glass of water between multiple people is unhygienic.

some random guy

...And this is @@LEADER@@.

[Drawkland]

3. “Oh whatever...” says your Minister of Simplicity, pushing aside their glass of tap water.

Sharing a single glass of water between multiple people is unhygienic.

I'm 99% sure this is just the use of the possessive pronoun for an indeterminate gender.

[Drasnia]

Sharing a single glass of water between multiple people is unhygienic.

I'm 99% sure this is just the use of the possessive pronoun for an indeterminate gender.

Or everybody there is using the same glass, y'know, for simplicity's sake.

But yeah, I'm pretty sure this is a gender neutral pronoun.