[SUBMITTED] New Satellite Blues

[Ransium]

Although I'm extremely interested in this topic matter, it was challenging for me to make into a NS issue. I've done my best to make this topic matter non-technical, broadly interesting, and funny, but it was a real struggle for me. I'd love to hear suggestions for improvement.

[title]New Satellite Blues

[desc]The @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Aeronautics and Space Administration (@@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA) is currently reviewing proposals for a new flagship satellite project. Operating under a limited budget, debate within the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA on which proposal to choose has become so intense that recent fight occurred resulting in thousands of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in damage to pocket protectors, calculators, and glasses. Agency heads have therefore deferred to you to decide which project should be chosen.

[validity]must be space active nation

[option]"This isn't rocket science!" states @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA astronomer, @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, bow-tie still ruffed and glasses askew from the recent funding fight. "@@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA needs to create wonder in @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ young and old alike, while also performing cutting edge science. My proposed space telescope, Bubble, is the ideal tool for this. Think of what pictures it could take: supernovas in the process of erupting, crystal-clear images of nebula on the shoulders of Orion, C-class stars glittering near Tannhäuser Galaxy, without Bubble, all these moments will be lost, like tears in the rain."
[effect]billions of @@CURRENCY@@ are spent to take high quality photos of the @@ANIMAL@@ Nebula

[option]"I find my colleague's position to be myopic and self-serving." declares remote sensing specialist @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, also sporting a black eye and torn suspenders. "Who cares what's happening a million light-years away? Our real problems are much more local. Right now, man is causing rapid changes to the surface of our planet, endangering major ecosystems. The best way to understand these changes is from space; my proposed LANDSPOT satellite will be equipped with cutting edge tools such as LIDAR and hyperspectral capabilities will give us a whole new perspective on this little blue marble we call home."
[effect]if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it @@NAME@@'s satellite monitoring program will pick up the signal

[option validity]nation must not have brought back dinosaurs
[option]"Space may hold a terrible secret!" warns asteroid hunter @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, while rubbing her knuckles. "Do you remember what happened to the dinosaurs? If we don't want to share the same fate, then the first step is arming ourselves with knowledge. My proposed Guardian satellite is specially designed to find and track the orbits of all potentially dangerous near earth objects. If we find something, we'll take the second step: arming ourselves against the asteroid with thermonuclear weapons."
[effect]the government spends billions to protect @@NAME@@ from a disaster that is one in a million

[option validity]nation must have brought back dinosaurs
[option]"Space may hold a terrible secret!" warns asteroid hunter @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, while rubbing her knuckles. "Do you remember what happened to the dinosaurs before we brought them back? If we don't want to share the same fate, then the first step is arming ourselves with knowledge. My proposed Guardian satellite is specially designed to find and track the orbits of all potentially dangerous near earth objects. If we find something, we'll take the second step: arming ourselves against the asteroid with thermonuclear weapons."
[effect]the government spends billions to protect @@NAME@@ from a disaster that is one in a million

[option validity]nation must be capitalist, must not have banned the internet
[option]"You think your average @@DENOYMN@@ on the street is going to care about any of those things?" asks the stylishly-dressed CEO of Horizons Communications, "Doubtful. Now, tell them they'll be able to load a Whotube video from their phone a whole second faster and I promise you they'll be interested. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA and Horizons must partner to create the most cutting-edge communications satellite the world has every seen. @@NAME@@'s cell phone reception will be the envy of @@REGION@@, @@DENONYMNPLURAL@@ will love you for it, and I will finally be able to buy the yacht I deserve."
[effect]the @@NAME@@ government's number one priority is the speed of smart phones' internet connection

[option validity]nation must be communist, must not have banned the internet
[option]"You think your average @@DENOYMN@@ on the street is going to care about any of those things?" asks your stylishly-dressed Communications Minister, "Doubtful. Now, tell them they'll be able to load a Whotube video from their phone a whole second faster and I promise you they'll be interested. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA and the Department of Communications must partner to create the most cutting-edge communications satellite the world has every seen. @@NAME@@'s cell phone reception will be the envy of @@REGION@@, @@DENONYMNPLURAL@@ will love you for it, and we'll finally show those dirty capitalists what a people united can achieve."
[effect]the @@NAME@@ government's number one priority is the speed of smart phones' internet connection

[option]"Don't listen to their lies!" whispers a wild-eyed stranger, while sneaking past your security. "The entire @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA is actually conducting a program to broadcast subliminal messages straight into @@NAME@@'s citizens' brains. I've been listening to their secret transmission through my teeth fillings. They're playing you for a sucker, I tell ya! You must remove all funding from @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA and divert it to things that do demonstrable good, like mental health services. I hear there's people out there that really need help."
[effect]the thought of funding space programs drives @@leader@@ crazy

[Australian rePublic]

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. Just one problem though, in the last option, wouldn't the guy think that @@LEADER@@ already knows about the plan to spy on them?

[Tinhampton]

Another quibble: @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Aeronautics and Space spells out @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@AS, not @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA. Shouldn't it be the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Aeronautics and Space Agency?

[Luna Amore]

Canon would be @@DEMONYM@@ Aeronautics and Space Administration.

[Ransium]

[title]New Satellite Blues

[desc]The @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Aeronautics and Space Administration (@@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA) is currently reviewing proposals for a new flagship satellite project. Operating under a limited budget, debate within the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA on which proposal to choose has become so intense, with a recent fight resulting in thousands of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in damage to pocket protectors, calculators, and glasses, that agency heads have deferred to you as to which project should be chosen.

[validity]must be space active nation

[option]"This isn't rocket science!" states @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA astronomer, @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, bow-tie still ruffed and glasses eschew from the recent funding fight. " @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA needs to create wonder in @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ young and old alike, while also performing cutting edge science. My proposed space telescope, Bubble, is the ideal tool for this. Think of what pictures it could take: supernovas in the process of erupting, crystal clear images of nebula on the shoulders of Orion, C-class stars glittering near Tannhäuser Galaxy, without Bubble, all these moments will be lost, like tears in the rain."
[effect]billions of @@CURRENCY@@ are spent to take high quality photos of the @@ANIMAL@@ Nebula

[option]"I find my colleagues position to be myopic and self-serving." declares remote sensing specialist @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, also sporting a black eye and torn suspenders. "Who cares what's happening a million light-years away? Our real problems are much more local. Right now, man is causing rapid changes to the surface of our planet, changes that need to measured and studied if we want to have any chance of preserving major ecosystems and, yes, surviving as a a species. The best way to understand these change is from space, my proposed LANDSPOT satellite will be equipped with cutting edge tools such as LIDAR, hyperspectal capabilities, and auto-focus will give us a whole new perspective on this little blue marble we call home."
[effect]if a tree falls in the woods and nobody is there to see it, @@NAME@@'s satellite monitoring program picks up the signal

[option]"Does any of that matter if a hurricane is bearing down on you?" asks meteorologist @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, while rubbing her knuckles. "We need a satellite that's going to give us the most practical benefit, and what could be more practical than better understanding the weather? My proposed FLOWS satellite will give @@NAME@@ critical information on short and long term meteorological patterns. Major storms could be successfully predicted days earlier, information which could greatly assist disaster relief efforts, potentially saving live and allowing measures to be taken to prevent millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in damages."
[effect]the accuracy of the weather forecast is sacrosanct

[option]"Don't listen to their lies!" whispers a tinfoil hat wearing stranger, while sneaking past your security. "The entire @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA is actually conducting a program to broadcast subliminal messages straight into @@NAME@@'s citizens brains. I know because I've been listening to their secret transmission through my teeth fillings. For the sake of all that is good in @@NAME@@, you must remove all funding from @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA and divert it to things that do demonstrable good, like mental health services. I hear there's people out there that really need help."
[effect]the thought of funding space programs drives @@leader@@ crazy

Another quibble: @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Aeronautics and Space spells out @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@AS, not @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA. Shouldn't it be the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Aeronautics and Space Agency?

Canon would be @@DEMONYM@@ Aeronautics and Space Administration.

Fixed now, sorry about that.

[Tinhampton]

The description should start with a "The".

[Ransium]

The description should start with a "The".

Fixed that too, thanks

[North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands]

Could there be another option, where you fund all of them?

[option]"Can't we reach a compromise and just fund all of them?" suggests @RANDOMNAME@, a scientist, emerging from under a table. "Just think: High-quality photos of the @@ANIMAL@@ Nebula, accurate studies of the land, excellent weather prediction systems and complete transparancy to prevent abuse. Yes, this might cost a fair bit, but we could just get the cash from the bloated military budget..."
[effect]military vehicles are falling apart while elaborate science experiments receive lavish funding

[Ransium]

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. Just one problem though, in the last option, wouldn't the guy think that @@LEADER@@ already knows about the plan to spy on them?

I thought a bit about this too. This issue desperately needed a comedic relief/off the wall character which is why I made 4 the I did, but why would a paranoid schizophrenic suspicious of the government talk to the leader of said government? I'll consider a re-write where he says 'the voices told me only you can be trusted' or something.

Could there be another option, where you fund all of them?

[option]"Can't we reach a compromise and just fund all of them?" suggests @RANDOMNAME@, a scientist, emerging from under a table. "Just think: High-quality photos of the @@ANIMAL@@ Nebula, accurate studies of the land, excellent weather prediction systems and complete transparancy to prevent abuse. Yes, this might cost a fair bit, but we could just get the cash from the bloated military budget..."
[effect]military vehicles are falling apart while elaborate science experiments receive lavish funding

I'm not against something along these lines, but it seems like a bit too much of a win-win as written, particularly for nations already not very favorable to the military. I think this option would need broad cuts across several departments with different ideological support (military, welfare, health care) and perhaps a tax increase to boot.

[North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands]

Could there be another option, where you fund all of them?

[option]"Can't we reach a compromise and just fund all of them?" suggests @RANDOMNAME@, a scientist, emerging from under a table. "Just think: High-quality photos of the @@ANIMAL@@ Nebula, accurate studies of the land, excellent weather prediction systems and complete transparancy to prevent abuse. Yes, this might cost a fair bit, but we could just get the cash from the bloated military budget..."
[effect]military vehicles are falling apart while elaborate science experiments receive lavish funding

I'm not against something along these lines, but it seems like a bit too much of a win-win as written, particularly for nations already not very favorable to the military. I think this option would need broad cuts across several departments with different ideological support (military, welfare, health care) and perhaps a tax increase to boot.

Why not just a large tax increase and no cuts, since that's the other way to fund expensive government projects?

[Ransium]

Why not just a large tax increase and no cuts, since that's the other way to fund expensive government projects?

I think to answer this, we need to go into my personnel philosophical and stylistic weeds of issue writing. Right now we have three options each of them noble and without an obvious ideological bend. Most governments across the ideological spectrum are going to have a tough time choosing between them and will probably feel like they missed out a bit when they do, I really like it when my issues give players that feeling. Now I know your saying this dichotomy I've put up is a bit false, that a government could do all three (after all the US does), and that's fair. But to make an option that does all three work, I want to keep the feeling of 'this is really a tough choice' for governments of all stripes, even if it means making the sacrifices a bit contrite. A tax increase alone IMO would be too much of a cop out for most liberal governments, taking away that 'tough choice' feeling.

Anyway I will think about this for a bit and decide how to proceed.

[Trotterdam]

I kinda miss the "communications satellite" option from your original proposal, since it's interesting as a utilitarian/practical/economic alternative to advancing various fields of ivory-tower science. I sort of understand its omission since such a satellite would often be paid by the telecom company rather than the government, making it not fit with the "budget allocation" narrative, but then it's easy to imagine the government wanting to help connect people (there already being issues about providing free internet and such).

The weather satellite is the closest right now, providing relatively immediate practical benefits in safety (contrasting the purely-theoretical interest of the telescope and the very-long-term concerns of the ecology satellite), but it's not consumerist the same way a communications satellite is.

" @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA needs to create wonder

There's a spurious space at the beginning.

crystal clear

"Crystal-clear".

"colleagues"

"Colleague's".

hyperspectal capabilities

"Hyperspectral".

[effect]if a tree falls in the woods and nobody is there to see it, @@NAME@@'s satellite monitoring program picks up the signal

The usual phrase is "nobody is there to hear it".

Which actually fits better - the satellite's camera will pick up sight, but there's still no sound in space...

Oh, but remember that commas are discouraged in effect lines.

[Drayxaso]

I'm glad to see the "Bubble Space Telescope" pun be finally used, for some reason.

The whole issue is quite enjoyable, but in the interest of adding more player choice, perhaps you could add an option based on Sentinel. You could call it "Guardian" or "Sentry" or something along those lines.

[North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands]

I'm glad to see the "Bubble Space Telescope" pun be finally used, for some reason.

The whole issue is quite enjoyable, but in the interest of adding more player choice, perhaps you could add an option based on [url]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sentinel_Space_Telescope]Sentinel[/url]. You could call it "Guardian" or "Sentry" or something along those lines.

Just so you know, URLs with text should be should be (url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sentinel_Space_Telescope)Sentinel(/url), but with square brackets. []

Anyway, so that this post is more than formatting help, I've edited my option suggestion to:

[option]"Can't we reach a compromise and just fund all of them?" suggests @RANDOMNAME@, the head of the @@DEMONYM@@ Aeronautics and Space Administration, emerging from under a table. "Just think: High-quality photos of the @@ANIMAL@@ Nebula, accurate studies of the land, excellent weather prediction systems and complete transparency to prevent abuse. Yes, this might cost a fair bit, but we could lessen the blow to the taxpayer by getting the cash from the bloated military budget and a few other government departments."
[effect]government services are being cut to fund elaborate science experiments

[Ransium]

Wow, I've never gotten so many cool suggestions for additional options. It's definitely reassuring that this issue wasn't nearly as boring as I first worried when I was writing it. I would appreciate an editor helping me out on what they think is the best way to proceed forward as far as number of options before I write up anything.

To me the easiest fit is the sentinel suggestions. I would only not write it up if an editor thought I should stay at 4 choices.

The communications satellite is a bit harder, there's some sticky public versus private implications that would have to be handled delicately, but I could see writing it with care.

The 'but I want it all option' seems to negate the premise a bit especially if I add even more potential satellites. I would definitely want an editor explicitly telling me this would be a good way to move forward before adding it.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Isn't it a bit weird that the paranoid guy in Option 5 suggests that the money to be spent on satellites be diverted to improving mental health services? It seems like he needs mental treatment himself I know that you probably intended it to be an ironic statement, but I think the guy is crazy enough not to be able to make that kind of a suggestion. It really sounds odd to me.

Maybe it is better if the guy comes up with a conspiracy theory in which the main culprit controlling people's minds is not the government of his own country, but a foreign government or a secret society (Illuminati, etc.) If the guy suspects a foreign government, he could suggest that the money be used to boost the military budget (or if the country does not have a military, to build an army from scratch), so they can be prepared for attacks that may come from that foreign government. Alternatively, if he suspects a secret society he could say that the leader should crack down on such secret societies and that the money be used to boost the police budget, so the police can arrest people who are members of secret societies, etc.

[Caracasus]

I... don't really have anything to add to this at present. The only reason I'm commenting is to congratulate you on the Blade RUnner reference!

[Trotterdam]

Isn't it a bit weird that the paranoid guy in Option 5 suggests that the money to be spent on satellites be diverted to improving mental health services? It seems like he needs mental treatment himself

That's the joke

I know that you probably intended it to be an ironic statement, but I think the guy is crazy enough not to be able to make that kind of a suggestion. It really sounds odd to me.

The irony is that he's saying "I hear there's people out there that really need help." while being oblivious to the fact that he fits that accusation himself.

I liked this line, please keep it.

[North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands]

Isn't it a bit weird that the paranoid guy in Option 5 suggests that the money to be spent on satellites be diverted to improving mental health services? It seems like he needs mental treatment himself

That's the joke

I know that you probably intended it to be an ironic statement, but I think the guy is crazy enough not to be able to make that kind of a suggestion. It really sounds odd to me.

The irony is that he's saying "I hear there's people out there that really need help." while being oblivious to the fact that he fits that accusation himself.

I liked this line, please keep it.

I agree!

[Ransium]

Don't worry guys, with all due respect to FuF I thought it was the best joke in the draft myself (except maybe the blade runner reference). I might re-write it slightly with some dillusion as to why he feels it's okay to talk to leader but the overall gist is staying. Sorry I'm tied up with RL stuff, it might be a almost a week till I get another draft of either of my space issues out. I think I'm going to write all the options up and let everyone and/or the editor decide which should be the keepers. Any others you think are worth trying out? Spy satellite? Solar focusing platform?

[Trotterdam]

Any others you think are worth trying out? Spy satellite? Solar focusing platform?

While the spy satellite makes sense, I rather prefer leaving off miltiary applications, as conflict between peaceful and military use of space is already overdone in issues.

As for the rest, there's more than enough good suggestions at this point, the question is which ones are worth keeping.

There are some of these that I personally have less faith in than others, but that's not the point, is it. (Unless I get this issue on my nation.)

What I suggest is thinking about what kinds of political blocs would support each option, and what kinds of stat effects they might cause. Eliminate/merge options that seem too similar, in that almost every player who supports one will also support the other, or that they would cause almost the same stat benefits.

[Ransium]

Okay, I've finally gotten around to a re-draft of this. There were a lot of good ideas here so tough choices had to be made. I decided both the weather satellite and asteroid prevention were disaster prevention style choices and asteroid prevention was a lot more fun so I cut the weather satellite. I added communication satellite but I'm worried the issue is a bit long now and it's definitely the first option to be cut. Apologies to NII but their option would have just made the whole thing too long in addition to my already voiced concerns.

Okay, further ideas for humor or what to cut? Everything working okay humor and grammar wise with this new draft?

[Drayxaso]

Okay, I've finally gotten around to a re-draft of this. There were a lot of good ideas here so tough choices had to be made. I decided both the weather satellite and asteroid prevention were disaster prevention style choices and asteroid prevention was a lot more fun so I cut the weather satellite. I added communication satellite but I'm worried the issue is a bit long now and it's definitely the first option to be cut. Apologies to NII but their option would have just made the whole thing too long in addition to my already voiced concerns.

Okay, further ideas for humor or what to cut? Everything working okay humor and grammar wise with this new draft?

I have a small comment: I don't think the Sentinel option should be named "Guardian of the @@DEONYMNPLURAL@@," because it makes it harder to get the reference and makes the option longer. If I were you, I would just call it "Guardian."

[Ransium]

Fair enough, I was going for a guardian of the galaxy reference but I wasn't sure it was working myself.

[Trotterdam]

[option]"This isn't rocket science!" states @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA astronomer, @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, bow-tie still ruffed and glasses eschew from the recent funding fight." @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA needs to [...]

1. Why male? Are you assuming women wouldn't wear bow-ties? (And I guess the same applies in the next option with suspenders. I admit to not knowing a lot about fashion.)

2. You mean "askew". I admit they sound similar, but they're very different words

3. Your spacing is still wrong at the end there.

hyperspectal capabilities

You still need to correct this to "hyperspectral".

Do you remember what happened to the dinosaurs?

This doesn't mean you need to change anything, but this option would be really amusing to get on a nation that has resurrected the dinosaurs

[option validity]nation must be capitalist

Hmm, don't you think you could make a version of this for communist (but still materialistic) nations with state-run communications infrastructure?

the stylish dressed CEO of Horizons Communications

Should be "stylishly-dressed".

Now, tell them they'll be able to load a whotube video from their phone a whole second faster and I promise you they'll be interested.

Should be capitalized as "WhoTube".

the most cutting edge communications satellite the world has every seen

Let's make that "cutting-edge".

@@DONOMNPLURAL@@

That's a new one. How do people come up with these?

[effect]the @@NAME@@ government's number one priority is the speed of smart phone's internet connection

"Smart phones'".

"The entire @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@ASA

There's two spaces here.

is actually conducting a program to broadcast subliminal messages straight into @@NAME@@'s citizens brains.

Should be "citizens'".