The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[Araraukar]

John Milkus sniffed at his pineapple juice suspiciously. Just because alcohol was allowed and practically impermeated everything within the bar, he wasn't sure he wanted to start boozing here. Someone of their delegation had to retain a clear head, even if he was just the secretary to the ambassador. The ambassador herself had practically crawled into a bottle as soon as she got off the debate arena.

Deeming the juice to be harmless enough, he took a sip.

[Retired WerePenguins]

The penguins clap in excitement, "We didn't miss it! Yes we will love to have your sake."

One of the penguins (for they came in after the dour preachers make their dour statement) whispers to the bartender and gets the low down on the non drinkers. "The End of Days? Not if we have any say in the matter! We Adelie Penguins have been postponing the end of the world for the past fifty years, through complex mathematical calculations that I won't bore you with. We learned them from some nice chaps on the planet Logopolis, a planet that sadly is no more."

One of the other penguins turns around, "We aren't supposed to mention the program."

"Don't worry," the first penguin says, "This is the stranger's bar. They are either too stupid, too drunk or just still puzzled that they can understand talking penguins to take me seriously."

[East Sardakhar]

"I HEREBY INVITE YOU TO COME PRAY WITH ME TO THE ALMIGHTY GOD, LONGINUS THE FIRST, EMPEROR OF SARDAKHAR, KING OF EAST SARDAKHAR!" The preached yelled, his sound heard all over the bar. "MY GOD, MY GOD! HOW CAN I GET MYSELF TRAPPED IN THIS SINFUL BAR?! MY GOD, MY GOD! WHERE ARE YOU?!!!"

[Alqania]

Lord Raekevik needn't be told twice to have a drink. With respective nods to the Kawaiians, the preacher in the cowboy hat and the penguins, the Ambassador downed the sake. Clearing his throat, he added: "Ah, good stuff."

He looked at the preacher, as the latter once again started shouting about his god. Finding it rather tiresome, the Marquess made his way over to the bar instead. "Stevens, my man", he addressed the East Klentian in an uncharacteristically informal manner, "don't you sometimesh wish there was a spamfilter in real life?"

[East Klent]

Stevens smiled at his Lordship, for it was evident that the sake was taking effect, "Almost everyday, but I find earplugs are a great alternative."

He pulled his briefcase onto the bar-top, opened it and picked up a small packet with two orange rubber earplugs. He placed them squarely into his ears, and then handed another packet to Lord Raekevik, "Hopefully they'll work..."

[Bojikami]

Premier Emile leaned against a wall sipping from his mug, Bojikami was a powerful country, renowned for its economy, he sat on a nearby stool and looked around the room.

[Retired WerePenguins]

James Blonde turns to the shouting preacher, "My good man," he began, "you don't need to shout; anyone who isn't listening to you will continue to do so no matter how loud you say it. You will only get your throat sore and that will require special medicine to heal; see the bartender for the medicine. I personally recommend the gin martini, shaken, not stirred. As for your 'god' I suspect that no decent god would ever set foot in this place, although their agents have been know to set foot in here from time to time. In fact you just missed one, I think.

"On second thought," he adds. "I suspect that a good glass of absinthe might be the cure for what ales you."

[Louisistan]

Max Schneider entered the bar. Two men in dark suits followed him. He approached Malcolm Fass

"Mr. Fass?"
"Ambassador Fass, actually."
"No Sir, I don't think so. My name is Max Schneider. I am Special Ambassador to the World Assembly on behalf of The Confederacy of Louisistan."
"Last time I checked, that was my job."
"Not anymore. The General Chancellor and the CND have been removed from power. President Friar has ordered you to be recalled to Louisistan."
Fass was obviously shocked. The two gentlemen escorted him out and Schneider leaned over the bar and ordered a 29 year old Scotch.

"Now... Who are all you people?"

[Bojikami]

"I am Emile. Premier of the United Communist Republics of Bojikami." Emile said and he pointed to the tall Russian man next to him. "This is Dimitri. The ambassador."

[East Klent]

"I'm Jarred Stevens, Delegate to the World Assembly for Klent; I'll take care of that scotch for you," Stevens greeted the newcomer, then told Neville to put the drink on his tab.

"I would introduce my deputies, Benjamin Mason and Chandler Willows to you, but I haven't seen them lately. Hopefully they'll show soon," he then raised his scotch glass, "Welcome Ambassador Fass, may your tenure here not be too chaotic!"

[Soviet Canuckistan]

Sergei and Simone both walked, having another incomprehensible discussion in Canuckistani. They took a booth and sat down. Sergei yelled, "Neville, give me your strongest, the Assembly is getting boring these days." He yawned and began to nod off while Simone was busy flipping through some paperwork.

[Retired WerePenguins]

"Blonde," the tall blonde man replied. "James Blonde. I represent the Nifty Fraternity of Retired WerePenguins." Pointing to a number of small penguins on the bar-stools he adds, "and these are my wonderful secretarial staff."

"Pleased to meet you," one of the penguins replied.
"Twenty nine year old scotch," another penguin added. "Why that is a mark of great distinction and great patience. One of our previous representatives used to like scotch, but I don't think he had the patience to wait even twelve years, much less twenty-nine before he opened the bottle."
"Oh yes," a third penguin replied. "Flash Blonde. He saved the universe, once."
"I thought it was Robert Brown who liked scotch," the first penguin replied, "and cigars, and women ... especially women."

"The ladies sure do love to chat," James added.

"James loves the women also," the second penguin added. "And he's single, as opposed to Robert who was married."

"Ladies," James added and the penguins started to giggle.

[The Eternal Kawaii]

The Kawaiian wedding party continued full steam, even with the departure of its guests of honor. With much shouting and rejoicing and general ballyhoo, the Kalif and his bride, the Nuncia, were bundled off to their honeymoon by the celebrants. The Kalif insisted on dragging along the large steamer trunk full of manuscripts that was his dowry from the Prophet, much to the Nuncia's annoyance. ("You don't expect to be spending our honeymoon reading all of that, do you?" "But dear, the Prophet gave me a job to do here." "Oh, you have a job to do, darling husband, but it won't be found between book-covers!")

The Prophet himself left the party as mysteriously as he had arrived. No one remembered just who he talked to last, although every party-goer present seemed to recall his parting words: "I'm returning to our homeland now--the Kittens need me. Don't fret, this isn't good-bye. When the curse of Lord Gojira is lifted, our people will return, and there you'll find me, waiting for you."

[Louisistan]

Schneider smiled and raised the glass.
Well, Mr. Steven thank you very much. I would also introduce my Deputy, but he is a boring uptight ass who sits on the GA-chamber all day. So I think you'll be better off not knowing him.
He then turned to Emile.
Communist, eh? Well, everybody makes mistakes, right? Cheers!
He then looked at Mr. Blonde
Yes, they sure seem to love to chat. Tell me, is it difficult to work with penguins?

[Eireann Fae]

"Neville!" an all-too-familiar voice cries out as the door to the Bar slams open. Most people looking to the source of the outburst will have to lower their gaze, as the source of the commotion is none other than the petite twelve-year-old translator from Eireann Fae. "A Green Vesper, please, and no skimping on the absinthe. Matter of fact, kindly give me a pint - I daresay a mere tumbler of the stuff would not be quite enough to drown my sorrows." Just before the door swings closed, the diminutive Emissary of Eireann Fae, a golden Faerie, darts into the room and takes her place on the bar just as Rowan takes her seat. "And a thimble of mead for Epiſkœ," the girl adds.

"ʂi|'mönʃin veʃ'|inü,¹" sighs the Faerie, momentarily surprising Rowan with her use of the Human word 'shit'. Most Faeries did not use words from Human tongues. The girl figures it appropriate, though, from the Faerie's point of view - a vulgar language for a vulgar word.

"It really has," the girl agrees, smiling weakly at Neville as he delivers the drinks. "How many shit pieces of legislation have passed in a row now? Four?"

"Züaſe, |i'nümö-kökalü,²" corrects Epiſkœ. Both delegates drain half their beverages in a sad attempt to numb the pain.

"I wish Lady Kelly were here," mutters Rowan, apparently missing her Mesogirian friend. "Or Lady Alexandria. Or Lady Ilera." It had been too long since the girl had seen her friends from Quelesh and Intellect and the Arts, as well. "Do you think Alex would come if I called her?"

"Œfœ'höœʃʒü." answers the Emissary, lifting her thimble. "Jœaveʃ fen'œʃʒü...³" The girls drain their drinks together and immediately ask for refills.

¹ Translation: This place has gone to shit.
² Translation: Five, when this one passes.
³ Translation: I hope so. Someone needs to make this place brighter (the Faerie take on "liven things up")...

Note: She refers to calling Alex[andra], my character, not the Queleshian pregnant woman :p

[Abacathea]

The smell of Acathean tobacco fills the air as Mr Chombers enters the room, followed closely by the ambassador only known as fox, her face obscured as usual, this time by her hair mostly but the lighting in the bar assisting.

Two jagers Neville, and a whiskey for Mr Chombers screamed Fox over the noise of the crowd.

The two take a seat beside the delegates from Eireann Fae while fox produces a smoke from her pocket and proceeds to light it.

You know Rowan, his highest lordship is due to visit soon...
He's quite keen to meet you, and Alex said Mr Chombers winking as he knocked back his shot.
Also Fox, did you know this is our first documented entry into the strangers bar?

The two looked over the masses of assembled delegates letting their smoke mingle with that already janging in the air,

I think we're gonna like it here. said Mr Chombers as the two stared whimsically out into the bar while Fox gestured to young Rowan a seat beside her.

[Eireann Fae]

"Eyy," Rowan says, greeting the new entrants with a smile. Her speech is already slightly slurred from having recently slammed a rather potent pint of absinthe, vodka, and gin. "You two are good people," the girl continues, matter-of-factly. "Wish there were more of you to replace th' other del'gates. I hope yer Lordship is nice as you. When he an' Alex gets here, we shall have a proper party. Speakin' o' party, let me be the first to welcome you to the Stranger's Bar. May your cup always be full, an' your heart merry." Rowan had lifted her glass for the little toast, and without waiting for a response, promptly drains a third of the pint. Her diminutive companion does the same, and both smile at the Abacatheans as they set their vessels to the bar.

[Bojikami]

Emile walked over to the bar again "More vodka." This was his 7th glass, and he wasn't drunk yet. After he got another class he started shipping from it and looked over at the people talking and wondered what they were talking about, he shrugged and kept drinking.

[United Warrisons]

This better not be like last time. thought Usef, the 47 years old president of the United Warrisons, whilst fixing his blue tie. Although he was a president and hence must have good clothes, he always decided to wear what he thought was a cool and normal person outfit to bars, which consisted of a pair of red jeans, a blue button-up shirt, and his usual sunglasses and dress shoes.

Combing his flat short hair with his hand for the hopefully last time, he pushed the bar's door open and entered. No sooner than he entered, a Warrisonian drummer was seen following him in a wheelchair with two drums on his knees. Having not been to a bar for over fifteen years, he decided to just act natural like he did when giving a speech. "Greetings, people of the World Assembly Strangers' Bar!" said Usef a bit louder than normal, because the drummer started playing his drums as soon as Usef started to talk. Oh the things I wouldn't do just to get back in the office... thought Usef.

Shaking his head, he made his way over to the bar and sat on a stool, "Bartender, I would like a drink." requested Usef, before thoughtfully continuing. "Preferably something strong enough to allow me to drown out the sounds this sad excuse for a drummer makes."

[Retired WerePenguins]

James enters the room, heads to the bar and orders his gin martini shaken, not stirred.

He starts talking, although it is not clear if only to himself, the bartender (who is not noticing his conversation) or to the world at large. "You know, I believe I am a generally likable fellow; a man of quick wit, with a charming personality and many skills. But am I really a lady killer? Do I really have what it takes?"

He pauses when handed the Martini. After drinking it he adds.

"Of course! I'm a Blonde. I'll have the Empress Jhessan's heart if it kills me!"

He pauses a moment.

"Of course, it doesn't hurt to get into shape. Practice makes perfect." He looks around to see if there are any lovely ladies nearby.

[Araraukar]

Janis Leveret sat at the table, staring at the empty glasses on it. Had she just downed her fifth or fifteenth vodka seltzer? Seemed to be one too few anyway. She was trying to think back to her wilder days, back when alcohol had still been allowed in Araraukar, before the new - healthier, yes, but also more boring - regime had taken control. She was definitely, undeniably and uncontrollably drunk. There had to be some protocol for being so thoroughly drunk. Well, passing out, of course, but before that...?

After some hard thinking, she tried to stand up. It took several tries, but she eventually managed it. Stripping off her blouse was far more difficult, due to the fact that her fingers and the buttons didn't seem to want to meet up. But she eventually managed the strip the garment off, throw it in the air, shout "Woohooo!", and then gently fold down and pass out under the table. It wasn't long before not-so-faint snoring started sounding from beneath the table.

[Bojikami]

Emile looked at the girl and then laughed. "Damn!" He kept laughing and kept downing vodka. He was feeling a buzz coming on..

[Araraukar]

Emile looked at the girl and then laughed. "Damn!" He kept laughing and kept downing vodka. He was feeling a buzz coming on..

Janis Leveret is about 40 years old, so hardly a girl... well, not by her nation's standards anyway.

[Abacathea]

Emile looked at the girl and then laughed. "Damn!" He kept laughing and kept downing vodka. He was feeling a buzz coming on..

Janis Leveret is about 40 years old, so hardly a girl... well, not by her nation's standards anyway.

Mr Chombers couldn't help but let out a giggle, that said, he had giggled recently too when another Delegate had mistaken his colleague Fox for his wife. Needless to say Mrs Chombers wouldn't have been impressed, mainly because Fox was a far younger and potentially superior model, not that he would ever dare say it out loud. That said, he did have to admire Ms Leveret's ability to sleep anywhere so long as the standard requirements of "some back support" and "a solid surface" were being met.

[Araraukar]

"Personally I think she developed the ability to sleep anywhere by sneaking in naps during the WA debates, before she was required to take a more active role in the debates themselves," the ambassadorial secretary Johan Milkus says apologetically, as he and another aide to the ambassador carry the still unconscious and still snoring woman out of the bar.