The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[The Palentine]

Philo had been taking a break for awhile, smoking some fine Yeldan Cigars(tm) while eating some Ohio Valley Style Pizza. He took a drink from his Blue Marlin, and noticed Mongkha and Hiriaurtung Arororugul in the bar. It had been awhile since he had seen the two men. He smiled and sat back at his piano and said,

"Heres a song for some old friends. This one's for you Mongkha baby!"

Philo then began playing and singing...

Well I'm the sheik of Araby
Your love belongs to me
Well at night when you're asleep
Into your tent I'll creep.

The stars that shine above
Will light our way to love
You rule this world with me
I'm the sheik of Araby!

Well I'm the sheik of Araby
Your love belongs to me
Oh, at night when you're asleep
Into your tent I'll creep.

The stars that shine above
Will light our way to love
You rule this world with me
I'm the sheik of Araby!

Well I'm the sheik of Araby
Well I'm the sheik of Araby, yeah!

[Herby]

Psst. Hey, Neville. Yeah, I ehhhhhh need to settle up my bar tab. Yeah, my time is done here, gonna retire soon, might replace me with a newer model. One o’ those sleek new hybrids, or so I hear. Yeah. Just give me the total and ehhhh wait wait wait what what WHAT? What the hell are all these charges for fruity drinks and snacks and WHAT THE HELL MAN, I’m allergic to mineral water! Who the hell put all these charges on my tab for the past…. NINE YEARS????

[Hiriaurtung Arororugul]

Mongkha's perceives Arororugul's confusion and laughs "Have no fear, old friend, I am flesh and bone, I have not yet been called by my ancestor's to join them. Though it must be said my survival of the purge of the imperial bureaucracy that was ocassioned by the fall of the Khan of Samarkand and Bhukhara is as much of a surprise to me as it seems to be to you. The new order must see some usefulness in me yet."

The general reaches out and touches Mongkha's forearm, gasps and recoils slightly. An expression of wonder and amazement washes over his face.

"Either you are alive Noble Khan, or you have risen like the Nazarene in the tales of the Greeks!"

Burutuguun's secretary brings to the table a flask of glowing electric blue Dew (with an intricately carved rock crystal tumbler to drink it from) for Arororugul. It is sweet and delicious and goes down easy, which is disconcerting for such a potent drug. As the General swallows the draft Burutuguun takes the opportunity to steer the conversation in a more useful direction "That is a most interesting observation, honoured General. The Han do have a colourful turn of phrase. That particular kind of gadaad khun can be the most frustrating to deal with. So overweening. That explains the proliferation of resolutions which seek to regulate every conceivable aspect of human life this organisation seems to have become very fond of. You ask what brings his Excellency the Khan back to the WA, if I might be so bold as to speak on his behalf I would say that it is the strong belief of the current government of the FSKU that international law should be used to promote and protect the uniqueness of the myriad forms of governance which have evolved among its member states and should not be used to harmonise them into one singular amorphous and undifferentiated mass. The noble Khan, with his extensive experience here is seen as well placed to represent the FSKU's policy in this regard. We believe your Excellency's people once shared such beliefs? Perhaps when your Excellency is feeling better you might contact your government to see if they might be interested in assisting us is promoting that agenda?"

Mongkha interrupts Burutuguun "Yes! Prince Kharonn, our esteemed Imperial Grand Chancellor, is most concerned that the modern WA seems intent on remodelling its member states along much too specific lines. He suspects that the WA has become a den of arrogant sharuud (to use his own words) and thinks it is time to establish alliances with friendly nations who share our concern for plurality and diversity. And the scourge of Ponyism remains a dire threat to all and Aundotutunagir's historic work against that threat remains an inspiration to all."

The general drinks the Dew and almost instantly becomes clear headed, more clear headed than he has been in.....weeks? Months? He sits up straight, and catches a glimpse of himself in a nearby mirror. He grimaces and shudders a bit at his own appearance...

'I, um, will have to contact my government. As you know Aundotutunagir has always championed the rights of sovereign nations and I am certain that would still be the policy of....that government. As you are also no doubt aware, there is political upheaval in Aundotutunagir. My last communique from the Foreign Ministry was fairly dire. The insurgent faction, which intends to reestablish the Khanate, is in control of much of the countryside and their forces approach the outskirts of Golthaindroror. The government is making preparations to evacuate to the Antarctic colony in Tierra del Fuego. As for the Khanate faction, you would probably know their foreign policy views better than I. We've always suspected you might be funding them...through third parties."

Mongkha motions to his secretary "Will you bring a robe apparopriate to the station of this hero as a humble gift of the Sublime Khanate to his Excellency. The General must be arrayed like a Baghatur."

The general looks down in shame at his tattered and threadbare uniform. He had brought an entire wardrobe full of uniforms and formal robes when he was first assigned here. Somehow his clothes, like everything else, had gotten away from him over the past few years.

His voice cracking, and while managing to stifle tears, he says:

"Your kindness and charity have touched my heart Great Khan. My old friend, I will cherish this gift. It has been ages since I have worn traditional garments, proper clothing!"

[Hiriaurtung Arororugul]

Philo had been taking a break for awhile, smoking some fine Yeldan Cigars(tm) while eating some Ohio Valley Style Pizza. He took a drink from his Blue Marlin, and noticed Mongkha and Hiriaurtung Arororugul in the bar. It had been awhile since he had seen the two men. He smiled and sat back at his piano and said,

"Heres a song for some old friends. This one's for you Mongkha baby!"

Philo then began playing and singing...

Well I'm the sheik of Araby
...

The general begins tapping his feet and orders a large Kumis. He winks and points at Philo.

"Almost seems like old times."

[Wrapper]

Psst. Hey, Neville. Yeah, I ehhhhhh need to settle up my bar tab. Yeah, my time is done here, gonna retire soon, might replace me with a newer model. One o’ those sleek new hybrids, or so I hear. Yeah. Just give me the total and ehhhh wait wait wait what what WHAT? What the hell are all these charges for fruity drinks and snacks and WHAT THE HELL MAN, I’m allergic to mineral water! Who the hell put all these charges on my tab for the past…. NINE YEARS????

(Wad Ari and Wad Ahume look at Herby. Ari looks down at the fruity drink, a methanol cocktail, in front of him. Ahume looks down at the mineral water in front of him. They look at each other, nod to each other, and slink under the table.)

[Simone Republic]

Psst. Hey, Neville. Yeah, I ehhhhhh need to settle up my bar tab. Yeah, my time is done here, gonna retire soon, might replace me with a newer model. One o’ those sleek new hybrids, or so I hear. Yeah. Just give me the total and ehhhh wait wait wait what what WHAT? What the hell are all these charges for fruity drinks and snacks and WHAT THE HELL MAN, I’m allergic to mineral water! Who the hell put all these charges on my tab for the past…. NINE YEARS????

"Omigod. Herby's retiring? I never got to drive the car! And we wrote so many resolutions to try to avoid sapient cars..." An ursine assistant to the Milky white bear sobs.

[Tigrisia]

The newly appointed lead diplomat of Tigrisia, Ambassador Thomas Salazar, enters the bar, unsure of what to expect. He walks over to the counter and sits down, ordering a KiBa, a mixture of cherry and banana juice. The banana juice reminds him of his home country, a banana republic in the literal sense, not in the figurative sense, as Bananas are grown (nearly) everywhere.

[Hiriaurtung Arororugul]

Mongkha motions to his secretary "Will you bring a robe appropriate to the station of this hero as a humble gift of the Sublime Khanate to his Excellency. The General must be arrayed like a Baghatur."

"Noble Khan, the Dew has invigorated me. I am reminded of my duties and must now go and attend to them. I will change into this robe....and go acquire a horse. There is much work to do!

I will return and bring you news from Golthaindroror."

The general swiftly exits the bar, moving like a man half his age.

[Wallenburg]

The newly appointed lead diplomat of Tigrisia, Ambassador Thomas Salazar, enters the bar, unsure of what to expect. He walks over to the counter and sits down, ordering a KiBa, a mixture of cherry and banana juice. The banana juice reminds him of his home country, a banana republic in the literal sense, not in the figurative sense, as Bananas are grown (nearly) everywhere.

Trevanyika, still resplendent—well, at least in her mind she is—in Secretary-General costume, turns her head at the scent of fresh blood in the bar. After a brief consideration, she walks the length of the bar counter to the stool beside the unfamiliar ambassador. With a rather precarious hop—the costume does not fit well in some places—she seats herself alongside him.

"That is a curious drink. Most folks here go for the cheap liquor. How strong is that?"

[Tigrisia]

"That is a curious drink. Most folks here go for the cheap liquor. How strong is that?"

Thomas Salazar answers: "Actually, not at all. It's actually just juice. Cherry and banana. Some prefer using cherry liquor instead of cherry juice, I drink both versions. Normally, this drink doesn't come in this weird colour, it's normally marbled. But this barkeeper has no idea of making cocktails, especially not this one. The juice has to be cooled before creating the cocktail and shouldn't be served with ice. Also, one should be extra careful when pouring in the juice, so the juices don't mix."

[Wallenburg]

"That is a curious drink. Most folks here go for the cheap liquor. How strong is that?"

Thomas Salazar answers: "Actually, not at all. It's actually just juice. Cherry and banana. Some prefer using cherry liquor instead of cherry juice, I drink both versions. Normally, this drink doesn't come in this weird colour, it's normally marbled. But this barkeeper has no idea of making cocktails, especially not this one. The juice has to be cooled before creating the cocktail and shouldn't be served with ice. Also, one should be extra careful when pouring in the juice, so the juices don't mix."

"Oh, so there's no alcohol in it? Neville? Could I get another one of these, I'd like to try it out. Try to do it the way this gentleman says. Thank you much." She returns her attention to her fellow patron. "We have those fruits back home but I don't think I've ever heard of them being turned into a juice mixture. Seems fun. Oh, where are my manners? I'm Helen Trevanyika, acting Chief Representative on behalf of Comrade Ogenbond during his, um, preoccupation in the western provinces."

Trevanyika extends a hand heavy with metal bracelets and tacky glass rings.

[Urgench]

Mongkha motions to his secretary "Will you bring a robe appropriate to the station of this hero as a humble gift of the Sublime Khanate to his Excellency. The General must be arrayed like a Baghatur."

"Noble Khan, the Dew has invigorated me. I am reminded of my duties and must now go and attend to them. I will change into this robe....and go acquire a horse. There is much work to do!

I will return and bring you news from Golthaindroror."

The general swiftly exits the bar, moving like a man half his age.

Mongkha claps his hands and laughs in thoroughly uncharacteristically demonstrative manner for an Urgenchi. "May the Founder speed you noble General and may the spirit of the borte tchino fortify you for the work to be done! We will await your return. Give the warmest feliciations of the Sublime Khanate to our friends in Golthaindroror"


After Arororugul had left the Khan of Kashgar turned to his co-ambassador with a quizzical look on his face "Is it true what the General said, noble Khatun? About the Sublime Khanate's sponsorship of the restoration faction in Aundotutunagir?"

Burutuguun's own expression was difficult to read but she sipped her tokaji and said"Well it is well known that Prince Kharonn's Divan is more radical in its approach to external affairs than that of the Khan of Samarkand and Bhukhara. It would never admit to direct interference in Aundotutunagir of course. But if a Khanate were established there in place of the current shambolic dictatorship there is no question Prince Kharonn would be the first to recognise it and lend it as much support as possible. So one would imagine the imperial secret service has done much to prepare the way for such developments. What we should perhaps be most concerned about is the Divan's new approach to WA affairs though and a revitalised General Arororugul is an excellent first step on that path."

"We must make sure his Excellency the General receives a life time supply of Dew, then Noble Khatun. His good health and energy must be maintained."

Burutuguun nodded in agreement "Perhaps your Excellency would like to send some Dew to Philo the Master in thanks for his kind serenade too?"

"Yes! That is an excellent idea, that voice must be preserved, it is a rare balm in this alien and unwholesome place. Such a talent, perhaps we should recommend Philo receive the imeprial medal for achievement in art? I hear it comes with a two million darang prize and a lilac imperial Jade carved in the imperial workshops"

"That is an Excellent idea Noble Khan" Burutuguun waved towards her secretary who took note to make the appropriate request on Philo's behalf in Tabriz

[The Palentine]

Philo finished up his song and paused to relight his cigar and take a couple of puffs. Then turning his head to the bar patrons he said,
" Here's another from the great American Songbook made famous by the great Leon Redbone."

Philo began to play and sing...


"The night was mighty dark so you could hardly see,
For the moon refused to shine.
Couple sitting underneath a willow tree,
For love they did pine.
Little maid was kinda 'fraid of darkness
So she said, "I guess I'll go".
Boy began to sigh, looked up at the sky
Told the moon his little tale of woe:

"Oh, shine on, shine on harvest moon up in the sky.
I ain't had no lovin' since January, February, June or July.
Snowtime ain't no time to stay outdoors and spoon.
So shine on, shine on harvest moon - for me and my gal!"

I can't see why a boy should sigh,
When by his side is the girl he loves so true.
All he has to say is:
"Won't you be my bride
For I love you.
Why should I be telling you this secret,
When I know that you can guess?"
Harvest moon will smile,
Shine on all the while,
If the little girl should answer "yes"

"Oh, shine on, shine on harvest moon up in the sky.
I ain't had no lovin' since January, February, June or July.
Snowtime ain't no time to stay outdoors and spoon.
So shine on, shine on harvest moon - for me and my gal"

[Retired WerePenguins]

A distinguished gentleman walks into the bar, tall middle aged, blond, but with some pure white at the end of his large beard, wearing a brilliantly bright blue jacket. He confidentially walks up to the bar.

"Blonde," he tells the Bartender, "Herman Blonde, from Retired WerePenguins. I've heard stories from the previous ambassadors. They seem to think you make good cocktails. I'm quite an expert on cocktails. But I'll start with a simple Old Fashioned. My wife should be coming in shortly, she wanted me to approve the Old Fashioned before she would step into the place."

Turning strangely in a direction that doesn't make any sense he turns to the "fourth wall." "Hey," he says to no one, "Isn't it time we update the forum sig?"
"I don't see any particular reason to do so at this time," a mysterious voice replies.
"We'll discuss this later," Herman added and turned back to the bartender.

[Iron Felix]

They seem to think you make good cocktails. I'm quite an expert on cocktails. But I'll start with a simple Old Fashioned.

Felix overhears the conversation and walks over

"They make a good Old Fashioned here, but have you tried an Old Bolshevik? It is the same cocktail, but it utilizes vodka instead of bourbon and omits the syrup and bitters.

I am Felix Edmundovich Dzerzhinsky, WA ambassador of the Yeldan People's Democratic Republic. A pleasure to make your acquaintance."

[The Palentine]

At the piano, Philo begins to play and sing a Cole Porter classic...

"My story is much too sad to be told,
But practically everything
Leaves me totally cold.
The only exception i know is the case,
When i'm out on a quiet spree,
Fighting vainly the old enui
And i suddenly turn and see,
Your fabulous face.

I get no kick from Champagne
Mere alchohol doesn't thrill me at all
So tell me why should it be true
That i get a kick
Out of you!

Some get a kick from cocaine
I'm sure that if i took even one sniff
That would bore me terrificly too
Yet i get a kick out of you.

I get a kick every time i see you standing there before me
I get a kick though its clear to me you obviously don't
Adore me!

I get no kick in a plane
Flying too high
With some guy in the sky is my idea of nothing to do
Yet i get a kick
Out of you!"

Meanwhile at his normal table the good but unwholesome Senator Sulla wakes up from a drunken slumber and lets out an impressive belch.
"Pardon me." the repobate slurs.
He then shakes his head and reaches to pick up a glass of water and attempts to take a sip before wincing and hurriedly putting the glass down. He looks over to the bar and waves to the bartender,

"Jimmy, my boy, two Boilermakers with Wild Turkey 101 shots please."

[Barfleur]

The Barfleurian delegate, recognizing Mr. Dzerzhinsky from a debate in the General Assembly, and interested to meet the new face, steps towards the crowd. "Edmure Norfield, from Barfleur," he says, reaching out his arm. "Pleasure to make your aquaintace, Mr. Blonde, is it? I'm very bad with names, Freddy here could tell you that..."

As soon as he steps back, a telegram materializes in his hand, bearing the official seal of the International Postal Service. Must be serious, he thinks, and frowns as he reads the one word. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't..."

But the Yeldan man has since turned his back and appears more interested in making small talk with the others. Oh, well, Edmure shrugs, as he orders himself a rum and Coke.

[Iron Felix]

But the Yeldan man has since turned his back and appears more interested in making small talk with the others. Oh, well, Edmure shrugs, as he orders himself a rum and Coke.

Felix notices the Barfleurian ambassador and greets him

"Ah, ambassador Norfield! A pleasure to meet you in a more casual setting. Please, join us."



OOC: Felix isn't Yeldan, he's Polish, though he now works for the Yeldans. He is literally the reanimated corpse of Felix Dzerzhinsky. The Yeldans traveled back in time (because they can), dug him up, pumped him full of god only knows what chemicals, and then used super advanced spacedy technology to bring him back to life. I'd link to the thread where this is all explained but it was on the old Jolt forums.

Though technically a zombie he doesn't bite, but he might throw you out a window.

[Tigrisia]

Thomas Salazar answers: "Actually, not at all. It's actually just juice. Cherry and banana. Some prefer using cherry liquor instead of cherry juice, I drink both versions. Normally, this drink doesn't come in this weird colour, it's normally marbled. But this barkeeper has no idea of making cocktails, especially not this one. The juice has to be cooled before creating the cocktail and shouldn't be served with ice. Also, one should be extra careful when pouring in the juice, so the juices don't mix."

"Oh, so there's no alcohol in it? Neville? Could I get another one of these, I'd like to try it out. Try to do it the way this gentleman says. Thank you much." She returns her attention to her fellow patron. "We have those fruits back home but I don't think I've ever heard of them being turned into a juice mixture. Seems fun. Oh, where are my manners? I'm Helen Trevanyika, acting Chief Representative on behalf of Comrade Ogenbond during his, um, preoccupation in the western provinces."

Trevanyika extends a hand heavy with metal bracelets and tacky glass rings.

Salazar takes her hand and shakes it. "Nice to meet you, Representative Trevanyika. I am Thomas Salazar, the lead of the Tigrisian delegation. Tigrisia just recently became a member of the WA, so we were all pretty busy to see how things go and getting done all the necessary paperwork and meet and greets and whatever. Plus, our government back home has "big plans", so we have even more to do. Finally, I have some time to relax and get to know people and not their respective governments' opinion."

Neville finishes making the KiBa. It now looks much better, more marbled and less greyish. Neville hands the drink to Trevanyika. Salazar smiles. "That looks promising! It nearly looks like at home!"

[Retired WerePenguins]

They seem to think you make good cocktails. I'm quite an expert on cocktails. But I'll start with a simple Old Fashioned.

Felix overhears the conversation and walks over

"They make a good Old Fashioned here, but have you tried an Old Bolshevik? It is the same cocktail, but it utilizes vodka instead of bourbon and omits the syrup and bitters.

I am Felix Edmundovich Dzerzhinsky, WA ambassador of the Yeldan People's Democratic Republic. A pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"That definitely sounds interesting. But the reason I wanted to see the Old Fashioned was the level of the drink. You mentioned syrup, but a real original old fashioned used demerara sugar which never quite dissolves. Those minute details give one the feel for the types of drinks that are available at the bar.

My name is Herman Blonde, from the Totally Naked Fraternity of Retired WerePenguins."

[Herby]

Oy. Unbelievable the accounting practices they do here. I swear if I ever………

(Wad Ari and Wad Ahume look at Herby. Ari looks down at the fruity drink, a methanol cocktail, in front of him. Ahume looks down at the mineral water in front of him. They look at each other, nod to each other, and slink under the table.)

Ehhhhh hi guys. What happen, one of you tightwads drop a quarter? HAHAHA get it, tight-WADS? Heh heh heh. Ohhhhh I crack myself up.

[Wallenburg]

"Oh, so there's no alcohol in it? Neville? Could I get another one of these, I'd like to try it out. Try to do it the way this gentleman says. Thank you much." She returns her attention to her fellow patron. "We have those fruits back home but I don't think I've ever heard of them being turned into a juice mixture. Seems fun. Oh, where are my manners? I'm Helen Trevanyika, acting Chief Representative on behalf of Comrade Ogenbond during his, um, preoccupation in the western provinces."

Trevanyika extends a hand heavy with metal bracelets and tacky glass rings.

Salazar takes her hand and shakes it. "Nice to meet you, Representative Trevanyika. I am Thomas Salazar, the lead of the Tigrisian delegation. Tigrisia just recently became a member of the WA, so we were all pretty busy to see how things go and getting done all the necessary paperwork and meet and greets and whatever. Plus, our government back home has "big plans", so we have even more to do. Finally, I have some time to relax and get to know people and not their respective governments' opinion."

Neville finishes making the KiBa. It now looks much better, more marbled and less greyish. Neville hands the drink to Trevanyika. Salazar smiles. "That looks promising! It nearly looks like at home!"

"Oh, would you look at that! I see what you mean, that is a clever idea." Trevanyika's eyes light up as she takes a sip. She takes a few more, then nods approvingly. "Morning me, I see the appeal! Frankly, I'm surprised that this establishment can make something like this. I must thank you for introducing me to this. It certainly should be more conducive to completing paperwork than cranberry juice or the beer selection. Even now that our delegation got our office space back, I have not quite reacquainted myself with completing my work anywhere else but here. I don't encourage the habit, paperwork has a habit of getting lost in here. Wouldn't want your delegation's plans to fall through just because there's a temptation to mix work and pleasure."

[Barfleur]

But the Yeldan man has since turned his back and appears more interested in making small talk with the others. Oh, well, Edmure shrugs, as he orders himself a rum and Coke.

Felix notices the Barfleurian ambassador and greets him

"Ah, ambassador Norfield! A pleasure to meet you in a more casual setting. Please, join us."



OOC: Felix isn't Yeldan, he's Polish, though he now works for the Yeldans. He is literally the reanimated corpse of Felix Dzerzhinsky. The Yeldans traveled back in time (because they can), dug him up, pumped him full of god only knows what chemicals, and then used super advanced spacedy technology to bring him back to life. I'd link to the thread where this is all explained but it was on the old Jolt forums.

Though technically a zombie he doesn't bite, but he might throw you out a window.

OOC: Well that is why the nickname "Iron Felix" sounds familiar! I actually study the Cold War, so it was quite fun seeing this guy make his way into NS, even though he's before the time I focus on.

[Retired WerePenguins]

A woman in her thirties, stunningly attractive, with brunette hair enters the bar. She scans the bar and then approaches Herman Blonde.
Spotting her, Herman smiles and says, "Trivia my darling, how was the conference call."
"It's not easy running a transportation company," she replied. "Not to mention the time differences."
"I forgot about that," Herman replied.
"As did I. Good thing I run the company. I will try not to disturb their sleep too often, I suppose. I'm really in the mood for a tiki drink."
"But it's the middle of winter."
"It is? I forgot about the season differences as well."

[Tigrisia]

"Oh, would you look at that! I see what you mean, that is a clever idea." Trevanyika's eyes light up as she takes a sip. She takes a few more, then nods approvingly. "Morning me, I see the appeal! Frankly, I'm surprised that this establishment can make something like this. I must thank you for introducing me to this. It certainly should be more conducive to completing paperwork than cranberry juice or the beer selection. Even now that our delegation got our office space back, I have not quite reacquainted myself with completing my work anywhere else but here. I don't encourage the habit, paperwork has a habit of getting lost in here. Wouldn't want your delegation's plans to fall through just because there's a temptation to mix work and pleasure."

A young lady storms in, towards Salazar, holding a bunch of documents. Breathlessly, she exclamates: "Ah, ambassador, here you are. I have prepared something regarding our soon-to-be-proposed convention...". The diplomat seems to be caught of guard. "Well, I don't think that this is the right place and time to discuss that, we are here to enjoy." Then, to Trevanyika: "Well, let me introduce you to our youngest member, Thandi Enfantia, an absolute genius in international law and a true Paper Tiger, finishing secondary education at age 14, having their Masters Degree in International Relations with summa cum laude at 18 and now, with barely 21 years old being a member of the Tigrisian delegation at the WA, representing her country." Thandis face lightens up: "Sorry for the interruption. I just wanted, well, it can wait." And as quick as she had come, she disappeared again.