After the International Peacekeeping draft, I felt the need to make fun of it. Then it evolved into this.
Category: International Security
Strength: Strong
Description: The World Assembly,
NOTICING that as space programs become ever more ambitious, humanity makes itself more and more obvious to extraterrestrial sentient life,
CONCERNED that, as more and more nationstates legalise immoral practices such as gay marriage and abortion, we may anger a higher power,
DISTRESSED that these practices will undeniably lead to armageddon at the hands of the almighty,
WORRIED that the malicious intent of Big Pharma will lead to the destruction of the human personality,
UNNERVED that eventually, Big Pharma will undeniably deem death a disorder of the mind, inciting mass zombification,
SCARED that advances in physics are leading to atomic bombs becoming all the more common,
DETERMINED that nuclear fallout is icky, and the resulting nuclear winter would hurt the Hawaiian shirt industry massively,
AFRAID that a disease of any kind may ravage the world,
NERVOUS that the amount of resources on the world is finite, and rapidly decreasing,
PERTURBED that the population of the world is rapidly increasing by no less than 17,584,700,000,000 people per day,
DISGUSTED at the anthropocentric attitude of the evil capitalizt corporations, who pump dangerous chemicals into the air,
HORRIFIED that humanity continues to exist, ignoring the obvious genetic superiority of anthropomorphs,
AGHAST that so many nations allow the witchcraft practicing ponyist menace to continue,
URGING nations to please think of the children,
IGNORING the rule against creating a WA military,
CREATES the World Assembly Defense Force to fend off threats to the nations of the World Assembly,
DEFINES:
i. An apocalypse as any event leading to the extinction of the human race,
ii. Planet X as the planet that is, without question, causing the irregularities in Mercury's orbit and the 2:3 resonance of Neptune's orbit to Pluto's orbit, inhabited by the chosen lizardpeople of Spode,
iii. Spode as the almighty being at the centre of the galaxy, nestling the planets and stars in his arms,
iv. Big Pharma as the collective pharmaceutical industry,
v. Death as a sacred bond between a man and a coffin,
vi. A nuclear bomb as a bomb drawing its power from the ungodly power of nuclear reactions,
vii. A pandemic as a widespread disease covering 70% of world nationstates,
viii. Overpopulation as circumstances under which there are so many people, it is a physical impossibility to swing a cat about its tail,
ix. Global warming as the warming of the globe,
x. Recursion as a recursive definition (see DEFINES-§ix),
xi. An anthropomorph as a humanoid mammal with the characteristics of an animal, e.g. a cat,
xii. A ponyist as a sentient member of the genus Equus, or another member of a sentient species who shows great approval of sentient equids, be they earth pony, unicorn, pegasus or alicorn,
MANDATES:
i. That all nations breed giant hawks to scare away the lizardpeople of Planet X,
ii. That all nations build temples to praise the almighty Spode so as to not invoke his wrath from the alien space zealots,
iii. That all nations teach Scientology and Raëlism in their religious education classes,
iv. That all nations ritually sacrifice one deformed sheep every lunar or solar eclipse so as to please Spode,
v. That all nations halt their space programs so as to not enrage Spode,
vi. That all nations ban psychiatric drugs to prevent the inevitable creation of the zombie hoarde,
vii. That all soldiers of the WADF must, upon discovering that a nationstate is in possession of a nuclear bomb, strip naked and throw cheese at it,
viii. That all nations hand out metal chastity suits so as to prevent all methods of pandemic transmission,
ix. That all nations give generous grants to scientific institutes studying the long-lost art of alchemy,
x. That all nations impartially kill 10,000,000 of their citizens per day so as to decrease the world's population,
xi. That all nations boil their top businessmen alive,
xii. That all nations construct giant fans, powered by solar energy, in order to cool the planet,
xiii. That non-anthropomorphs be barred from positions of political, societal or economic power,
xiv. That all ponyists be burned at the stake for practicing witchcraft,
CLARIFIES that this resolution does not explicitly ban nuclear bombs, it merely serves to deter them via the use of coagulated milk slices.
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