THE OFFICE: General Assembly Edition!

[Abacathea]

Following on from the ever popular TV Show "Real Life", and the highly successful TV show, "World Assembly", NS Productions has decided to cash in on the entertainment potential of the universe, the World Assembly's "The Office: General Assembly Edition". Known affectionately as the "festering snakepit" debates in General Assembly Headquarters are often public spectacles to behold and filled with laughs, sarcasm and even infighting to a degree not imagined in one's wildest dreams. "The Office: General Assembly Edition!" takes a look at what happens behind the scenes via the medium of camera's placed in the offices of the GA Delegates who reside in them.

The (Un)Official Directory to each office and building with a camera contained within are listed below, to which participating Delegates and committees alike are free to register for their "15 minutes" of fame, although we suspect many will make such an "impact" they'll be famous for a lifetime and thereafter. What we hope to bring to you is what happens when the debates are over, when the delegates have left the strangers bar, and what is really happening behind the scenes in Delegate offices. What hands are being shook, what sneaky deals are bring brokered, and who really likes who.

OOC: Ambassadors are welcome and indeed encouraged to provide a glimpse into the regular goings-on inside their offices (and they shouldn't have to wait on "approval" in order to post; "approval" should be a formality). Have fun, thats the point!

N.B - As this thread is designed to be both a replacement to the now abandoned Unofficial directory and an interactive feature joining hopefully the strangers bar (but not replacing it) with the "what's in your office thread", any nations wishing to occupy a room should telegram me with their information and I'll update the directory accordingly with the following information so as not to clog up the subsequent posts with requests.

Please note this is by no means a small project and will take time to get up properly running and so forth, so please no TG's screaming at me for the slow progress, any information that could be has taken from the NS Wiki in order to preserve official records and statements alike. (That and some of it is too funny to leave out).

Committee's will be assigned rooms on the order in which they were created, on a floor to floor basis.



Information required;
Office Name (maximum of two per nation lest Building Management have my ass):
Delegates residing within:
Floor 2- 40 (basement and ground floor and floor 1 reserved for "special occupants such as the strangers bar and the committee chambers):
Description of the office in question (keep it no longer than 6 lines please).
Noteable Fact: If any, again, please keep it to 6 lines.

SUB BASEMENT LEVEL 2

• Wrapperian Delegation's Office

Delegates residing within; Wad Ari Alaz, Ambassador to the World Assembly; Wad Ahume Orliss-Dorcke, Deputy Ambassador to the World Assembly; Wad Dawei DeGoah, Ambassador Emeritus to the World Assembly (deceased).
Description: Large but sparse room adjacent to the boiler room. One side of the room has a coatrack, a two-drawer filing cabinet, a portable air conditioner that runs almost silently on zero-point energy, and a large desk. The desk, which seats two side-by-side, contains several small computers with large screens, a micro-refrigerator which can hold about four 23-oz drink cans (usually with a substance labeled Southern Style Sweet Tea although it tastes nothing like tea), and a small, peace-sign-shaped urn, containing one-third of the remnants of the aforementioned Ambassador Emeritus. The rest of the room is empty space.
Fun Fact: It's an open secret that the office closet contains a portal; the delegation uses this portal to open a wormhole to travel to and from other planets, including their home world.

COMING SOON

• Monorail Station
  An inter-dimensional monorail line is said to transfer delegates freely from one chamber to the other, delegates can often be seen having precouncil squabbles on the station platform prior to even arriving at the Security Council HQ

• World Assembly Office of Building Management (OBM)

Established under GA#8, The office of Building Management is "responsible" for all things related to the GA and SC headquarters. One of the larger committee offices, it has space for it's respective departments including; Human Resources, Accounting, Maintence of Order Department and the "Janitorial Department" (who's role is often queried by many WA Delegates)

• WA General Accounting Office (GAO)

Established under GA#17 The WA General Fund and by proxy the Accounting Office seems to be hit with mixed reviews, Often being associated with potentially draining the WA's Coffers through the various acts that have utilised it's provisions. The "Kennyites" have long since been viewed with a raised eyebrow since the formation of this particular council, although they may not be aware of it, or may be too busy dipping their hands into the jar to care. Little on this is known.

• World Health Authority (WHA) Office

Established under GA#31, not content with solely taking up office space in the WA, it also established offices in the member-states of the WA in tandem. It is generally assumed it's work is funded by the WA General Fund given it's workload, but to this day any attempts to verify it remain unsuccessful.

• International Transport Safety Committee (ITSC) Office

Established under GA#34, the ITSC despite having it's finger in a lot of pies appears to be relatively non-invasive. Charged with the enactment of regulations pertaining to the safety, communications, markings & signals, distress signals, loading limits, emergency protocols, the provision of life saving equipment, mechanical inspection protocol, standards of accident investigation, and search & rescue procedures for international shipping, aviation, and railways, it appears to go about it's business without a tremendous amount of notice.

• World Assembly Demining Agency (WADA) Office

Established under GA#40, the World Assembly Demining Agency (WADA) are essentially the mine/bomb squad of the WA. One of the more "badass" committee's to be established under WA law. Little is known about the gnomes occupying this particular committee but the presumption is they are closer to bridge trolls in their size and form than the conventional gnome and known to be able to withstand considerable amounts of shrapnel damage. As with all theories in the GA, this is yet to be confirmed and usually accompanied by thirty opposing and equally exaggerated stories.

• International Humanitarian Aid Coordination Committee (IHACC)

Established under GA#51 the IHACC is charged with coordinating humanitarian aid to civilians affected by disasters in all member states and provision of assistance in recovery efforts as requested by affected nations, should the IHACC hold the necessary knowledge and resources. Although again one of the lesser mentioned committee's it's safe to assume this one is one of the more active ones if the threats to nations in the Strangers Bar are anything to go by.

• International Food Welfare Organization (IFWO)

Established under GA#52 the International Food Welfare Organization (IFWO) is charged with overseeing food productions and distribution throughout nations, but not the GA canteen for some reason which would benefit greatly from it's services.

• Epidemic and Pandemic Alert and Response Center (EPARC)

Established under GA#53 the EPARC offices are a landfill of paperwork after it was mandated that nations report any outbreak to the World Health Authority EPARC if the incidence rate of a disease in any localized area reaches a level of more than twice that of the same calendar month in the previous year. The great cold epidemic of '09 essentially flooded this office with paperwork to an extent which is estimated will take a thousand years before it is safe for humans to enter.

• Nuclear Disaster Response Organization (NDRO)

Established under GA#60 the Nuclear Disaster Response Organization (NDRO) is often responsible for dispatching teams to the cleanup of nuclear incidents. It's hard to tell if the strange green glow around the door is tongue and cheek of the committees members or whether one should wear a radiation suit on entering. In any event, the room tends to be given a wide berth by Ambassadors and general staff alike.

• Coordination of Space Consortium (C.O.S.C)

Established under GA#63 the Coordination of Space Consortium (C.O.S.C) is primarily visited by young boys on school trips to the GA headquarters who generally tend to be quite disappointed when they discover that one of the prime functions of this committee is to research and devise new technologies and methodologies to improve waste management systems in Outer Space as well as the longevity of satellites and other space equipment while minimalizng space travel's dependency on disposable space equipment such as rocket stages.

FLOOR 2

• Lillitanian General Assembly Office

Delegates residing within; Ambassador Jerry Greyer, Assistant Mathew Pattersson, and 'Ambassador' Jacques Moeti
Description; Pretty basic, it's not too large and not too big, but it is FILLED with 'antique weapons'. There are two desks, one of them is larger than the other and extremely glorified. There is a small door that is hard to see when you first enter the room; It's labeled 'Mambiyan WA Office in poor english.
Noteworthy fact; The hidden door is a re-purposed broom closet.

FLOOR 3

• The Palentine's office

Delegates; Staff: Various Palentine Naval Dolphins(usually a rotating schedule of 1-3 are in the tank at any time). about a dozen low level staffers and flunkies. Senator Sulla, the former burlesque star Velma Vong(Senator Sulla's secretary).
Description: The Suite has offices, a shower, shooting range, and a well stocked bar. There is also a aquarium tank large enough for a couple of Dolphins, at the entryway. Thanks to a portal located in the tank, it is staffed by a revolving staff of Palentine Naval Dolphins. These foul mouthed scourges of the southern seas act as greeters to the various guests wishing to do business with the Palentine delgation. Guests that run the gauntlet will find various staff members busy at work or downloading porn from the internet.Finally we enter the nest of depravity known as Senator Sulla's Office, which could probally be best described as something from either the very bowels of hell, or President Manuelo Fernanda's bedroom. It depends on how you look at such matters.
Fun fact: The dolphin tank shares a wall with the Kennyite delegation, so both offices have the benefit of profane dolpinic utterences.

• Office of Separatist Peoples

Delegates: Ambassador Dezzoram SaDiablo himself
Description: Immediately adjacent to the Women's Bathroom. Please ignore the sign that says "Men's Room". The office is sparsely decorated with CDSP regalia, covering up as much of the blue and white tile as possible. Two small cubicles along the wall house the Ambassador's aides, while the third and largest houses the desk and office of Ambassador Dezzoram SaDiablo himself. Interestingly enough, his cubical is also handicap accessible. The office has five urinals, three sinks, and a spare cubicle that is used as a toilet, though the degree of extortion for use of said toilet depends on the political standing of the visitor in question.

FLOOR 5

• The World Assembly Strangers Bar

The World Assembly Strangers Bar is one of the oddest and most unconventional features of WAHQ, and arguably one of the most historically significant, as it has been a permanent fixture of the UN/WA since its founding by Enodia in 2004. According to some WA historians, the bar was the first part of the new headquarters to be completed, while the rest of the building was simply built around it. These same historians might tell you that this oddity is due to the intrinsic cultural and diplomatic importance of the drinking establishment (as it is a rather popular place for informal meetings and gatherings of WA diplomats), but the more obvious explanation for the bar's precedence would be the high rate of alcoholism among WA officials (and with all the lunacy regularly transpiring in the main chamber, who can blame them?).

FLOOR 6

• Offices of The Delegation of Louisistan to the World Assembly

Delegation: Special Ambassador Max Schneider, Deputy Ambassador Roland Schulz, Mrs. Finch and others.
Description: For reasons unknown the office suite of Louisistan has been assigned the number 7853 #3B, 1-4, although being directly next to a room simply designated "office 6-5". The Louisistanians love buerocracy, so the offices holds many officals. Behind the large double door lies a lobby where Mrs. Finch, the secretary sits and works. Doors lead to all the other offices in the suite. The largest office has a bronze plaque reading "The Lord Chancellor of Louisistan". It contains a seperate bathroom, bedroom and office and is rarely used. The second largest office is the office of Special Amabassador Max Schneider. It contains a bed and a large collection of scotch and beer - nothing else. It also has a staircase leading directly to the floor below - the stranger's bar. Another large room holds the desks of countless aides assigned to the WA delegation and is next to the conference room. Deputy Ambassador Schulz has an average office. It is never used, because he is almost always on the GA floor. Lastly, there is a very small office. The sign reads "The Special Attaché for Autodefenestration". For obvious reasons this room has no windows. Unfortunately it also has no light, causing even more autodefenestrations. The post of Special Attaché for Autodefenestration is usually up for hiring every three of four days.
Fun Fact: NOW HIRING: Special Attaché for Autodefenestration

• Defwa & ______

Delegation: Ambassador Landfree (and two interns sharing a desk) & ______ ______
Room 641
Description:Placed in the third interior ring, this office has no windows. Approximately three meters on each side. There are four old aluminum desks sitting two and two opposite each other. The walls are puce and bare and the office is overall very clean but undecorated.
Noteable Fact: Defwa shares the office but doesn't know who with. The office mate has never been seen but they are very fastidious about anything crossing the taped on line in the center of the room. It is suspected they exist outside of this reality.

FLOOR 13

• The Norwegian and Icelandic Chambers

Delegation: The Private Secretary to the Queen (only when the delegation is due to speak), Her Majesty's Permanent Ambassador Plenipotentiary and Extraordinary to the World Assembly, The First Secretary, The Second Secretary, The Ambassadorial Aides (4), Staff of the Delegation (10)
Description: A large oak door greets visitors to the suite of rooms set aside for the delegation of United Kingdom of Norway and Iceland. The antechamber is pannelled in light oak with gold leaf and luxurious armchairs in which delegates hold meetings with visitors. Those lucky to receive an invitation to venture further will be rewarded with views of the majestic Grand Chamber, pannelled in dark oak with gold and silver linings on the walls and ceiling. Here, the delegation holds its plenary meetings at a specially-designed glass table, which has a live video link back to Reykjavik Palace in the capital. Side doors move out to the living quarters, kitchens and other less magnificent working rooms.
Noteable Fact: There is an emergency escape chamber which is actually a Norwegian and Icelandic shuttle built into the suite. In an emergency, the delegation could escape from the World Assembly within 13 seconds.

FLOOR 28

• The office of PPU

Delegates; Staff: Various sentient plants of the hivemind.
Description: The room was large, consisting not only of an office, but also what would normally be the living quarters for an ambassador and their aides. The walls between the original rooms have been knocked out of the way, so the ceiling was supported by pillars only. There was no feeling of space, though, because most of the airspace was crowded by strategically placed leaves, forming tiers of canopy to bask in the rays of the UV lamps colonizing the ceiling. The floor was covered with plantpots of various sizes, except for an area immediately in from the door.

• Secure Elevator #12

Delegates residing within: Zakath, President of Mallorea and Riva, Representative to the General Assembly[/u]
Description: Located on a high speed elevator found within the WAHQ, the Mallorean Representative travels from floor to floor in an unusually large elevator car. It is fully furnished with a desk and furniture stolen from the offices of former ambassadors driven insane by the ramblings of the GA. It is rumored to be riddled with trapdoors and escape hatches, but reporters can never determine which floor Zakath is on at any given time to question him. The elevator shaft itself continues to baffle the WAHQ staff since "We didn't build that fucking thing!"

• Abacathean Delegation Office

Delegates residing within: SC Ambassador "Austin X" and GA Ambassador "Jon Chombers"
Description: A rather large, yet cosy office with roaring fireplace and stone walls. Two large plush armchairs sit facing towards a large beautifully finished desk where the delegates discuss matters of importance. Behind a bookcase lies another adjoining room, considerably more lavish and beautifully decorated for when his Highest Lordship happens to visit, this room who's access can only be done by the two Abacathean delegates (any two serving at any one time) is reserved solely for his lordship and his party.
Noteable fact:
Accessing the office as a whole seem to be quite confusing, in part due intentionally to the overzealous security concerns of one particular Abacathean delegate who believes security should trump anything else, and as a rule the room can only be accessed by a sequence of taps on a particular wall (one of which conveniently has been placed on every WA floor) which will reveal a lift to the office in question (resultantly, many people who wish to speak to the Abacathean Delegates can often be seen wandering the hallways tapping random walls in a seemingly odd gesture to anyone who does not know the proceedure in question, rather than simply phoning up to the office and asking for admittance)

[Abacathea]

Mr Chombers sat back in the luxury chair behind his desk, his usual brand of smokes sitting between his lips, looking pensive

Hmmm, a reality TV show made up entirely of the GA.... behind the scenes as it were. This will either make Lord Pip very happy, or very dissatisfied. Only time will tell....

[Discoveria]

Will you be using Unibot's thread as a guide or creating this anew? I would suggest at least that you place the WA Strangers' Bar on the 5th floor, which is where Unibot placed it. Otherwise, defenestration will seem implausible. (Also, because the Discoverian Office is on the floor above the Bar, and some other offices were intentionally placed near the Bar.)

[Abacathea]

Will you be using Unibot's thread as a guide or creating this anew? I would suggest at least that you place the WA Strangers' Bar on the 5th floor, which is where Unibot placed it. Otherwise, defenestration will seem implausible. (Also, because the Discoverian Office is on the floor above the Bar, and some other offices were intentionally placed near the Bar.)

OOC: Myself and the Kennyite delegation have been discussing this via TG's and Kenny has pointed out some inaccuracies with the Unibot version. That said, I will relocate the Strangers bar post haste. I trust you'll be joining in the fun and claiming your space?

[Araraukar]

OOC: So what exactly is this thread for, other than making a floor plan of the ambassadorial offices? Does it mean we can post little blurbs of RP of what actually happens in the office, or is this for like other ambassadors visiting the offices or what?

[Abacathea]

OOC: So what exactly is this thread for, other than making a floor plan of the ambassadorial offices? Does it mean we can post little blurbs of RP of what actually happens in the office, or is this for like other ambassadors visiting the offices or what?

Essentially both it started with the intention of the former ie: blurbs and a directory but if it encompasses everything you just suggested we have the ideal of what the kennyites and I wanted

[Potted Plants United]

Since PPU took over what used to be Araraukar's office, and Araraukar not being WA nation wouldn't have an office on one of the nice floors, I'm putting PPU's office on floor 28. Well, I say office, but I guess it could count for "capital city" too.

The room was large, consisting not only of an office, but also what would normally be the living quarters for an ambassador and their aides. The walls between the original rooms have been knocked out of the way, so the ceiling was supported by pillars only. There was no feeling of space, though, because most of the airspace was crowded by strategically placed leaves, forming tiers of canopy to bask in the rays of the UV lamps colonizing the ceiling. The floor was covered with plantpots of various sizes, except for an area immediately in from the door.

Johan Milkus stepped in with a breathing mask on. The air inside contained too much carbon dioxide to be healthy for him. The oxygen produced by the plants in the office was used to pay for the electricity needed for the UV lamps, so the atmosphere was kept ideal for the plants, not animals like humans. The lighting was dim in visual wavelengths, because the windows of the rooms were absolutely plastered with leaves.

The largest plant in the room, the one whose leaves covered the windows, grew in a trough, and its vines and mooring roots extended well into the room. It was the plant, Johan knew, that had bootstrapped the plants' collective consciousness into sapiency. And the final catalyst for that had been when the plant ate one of his predecessors, back when he had been an aide to the Araraukarian ambassador.

The air in the room was so moist that he broke out with sweat within a minute. The companion vine that grew on him moved a little, as its rootlets collected the moisture. He had already grown so used to the slight tickling that he barely noticed it.

Within the area near the door, there was a table with chairs around it, and a commucations monitor on the table. Johan sat on a chair.

"We wish to invite others." The words appeared on the screen, glowing green. The plants tended to get to the point quickly, unless dealing with foreign delegacies.

"Which others?" he asked aloud, knowing full well that there were plants in the room that could see and hear as well as him, thus making the hivemind aware of what he had said.

"The suspicious ones. Not Leverett."

That made Johan smile a little. The Araraukarian ambassador's antipathy towards the Potted Plants United hivemind was well-known by now. And unlikely to change as long as she lived.

"Do you want me to go meet them in person?"

"Yes. Start with Abacathea. We will purge the air for their visit. Go."

As soon as he had left, his phone beeped a message from his companion plant.

Message to send to Abacathean ambassador's office:

You are cordially invited to visit the headquarters of Potted Plants United, on floor 28. We are sending our human liaison officer Johan Milkus to talk about the details of your visit with you. We wish to form an alliance - even an informal one - with The Gatekeeper Dominion of Abacathea.

Yours, the collective consciousness of Potted Plants United

Send [Yes|No]

Johan clicked 'yes' and then headed for the Strangers' Bar. It was very likely that he might find the Abacathean ambassador there.

[Abacathea]

Austin X sat behind his desk in the Abacathean Quarters, it was never easy to tell what was going through the Security Council reps mind. He was as cold and unrevealing as the halls of the Council itself. In his own way though, Mr Chombers had developed an affinity with Austin, and it seemed to be reciprocated.

The wall beside the fireplace opened revealing Mr Chombers who entered the room rubbing his hands.

"Austin" said Mr Chombers, nodding slightly as he did so. "And how are you today? That good ey? You'd never guess what happened below in the bar, it seems we've been invited to meet the PPU delegates.

Mr Chombers took a seat at his desk, tented his fingers and looked across the room at Austin.

"What exactly do you think their game is?".

Austin looked back across the rim of his glasses, saying nothing yet everything at once with his eyes.

"Indeed, it seems you share my concerns. Nevertheless I will indulge this fancy, that said, send work to Abacathea, inform his highness, and ask him to have Epsilon on standby. Yes ok you don't need to look at me like that, but still"

Mr Chombers took out his phone and text Johan

Johan,
Please thank PPU for their offer to meet, please make the essential arrangements and forward accordingly.
J.C

[Norway and Iceland]

"My Lords?"
The crisp feminine voice sounded as if it was in the room, but actually emitted from the hidden speakers placed strategically around the Grand Chamber.
"Greetings Your Majesty," answered a short, bespectacled man sitting at the head of the glass meeting table, "We bring good tidings."
"Go on," came the reply.
"It would appear that we have enlisted the support of a number of regional nations for our secret campaign. I have asked Nick to forward their details through to the Palace-"
"I have them here my Lord." The Queen's face came into view on what had appeared to be the glass table, but was actually a concealed screen, "Whilst I am pleased with your progress, I have urgent need of you back in the Kingdom."
"It shall be as you command, Ma'am," answered her Private Secretary, "I shall be there within 24 hours. I believe Your Majesty's Ambassador should be most well equipped to deal with the situation here at the World Assembly in the coming days."
The Queen turned to nod in the direction of the seated Lord Ambasssador, "I have the utmost faith in you my Lord."
"Your humble servant," replied the Ambassador, bowing his head.
"Is that all?" asked the Queen as she turned back to the Private Secretary.
"I believe so. We are quite snowed under here, if I may say so-"
"Say no more. I shall see you within the day."
The screen flashed once and then turned back to being an ordinary glass table. The audience was over.

[Libraria and Ausitoria]

OOC: Please add this on several floors to get the point across. (And again, thanks Unibot for the excellent presentation of the idea).

[Separatist Peoples]

Third floor, immediately adjacent to the Women's Bathroom. Please ignore the sign that says "Men's Room". The office is sparsely decorated with CDSP regalia, covering up as much of the blue and white tile as possible. Two small cubicles along the wall house the Ambassador's aides, while the third and largest houses the desk and office of Ambassador Dezzoram SaDiablo himself. Interestingly enough, his cubical is also handicap accessible. The office has five urinals, three sinks, and a spare cubicle that is used as a toilet, though the degree of extortion for use of said toilet depends on the political standing of the visitor in question.

Ambassador SaDiablo poured himself another slug of bourbon as he listened to the echoey sounds of his aides hard at work. Productivity was always high in an office where everybody could hear every move echo about. Slacking made no echos. Being the head honcho had its privileges, however, and checking his email over and over seemed like a better use of his time then reviewing the countless pages of drivel that passed for proposals in the Snakepit. Though his vision was blurred slightly, SaDiablo did notice that some of the emails, though having nothing to do with him, was referencing visitations and guests. The fact that the C.D.S.P. had, in all likelihood, only been cc'd by accident didn't phase the good Ambassador.

"Guests!? We may have guests! We never get guests!" SaDiablo cried out, startling his aides. "Quickly, this place needs a good scrubbing and a total redecoration! Move, Move Move!!!"

Amidst the echoing shuffle of aides confusedly cleaning the office, SaDiablo composed a group message of his own:

My Fellow Ambassadors,
You are all cordially invited to drop by the Ambassadorial Suites of the Confederate Dominion of Separatist Peoples, on the Third floor, immediately adjacent to the Women's restroom at your convenience! Complementary tissue paper and airplane bottles of booze will be available!
Yours,
Ambassador Dezzoram SaDiablo

[Discoveria]

Discoverian WA Office
Floor: 6
Delegates: Matthew Turing, Discoverian Ambassador to the World Assembly
Description: A large well-lit room finished in chrome, glass and white marble tiles. The entrance is dominated by a tall bank of screens with scrolling updates on WA debates and delegates. Junior staff sit at several desks with computers. Huge bookshelves hold volumes on previous WA law. The Ambassador has a large desk at the back of the room. The wall behind the desk holds a large world map, and there are flags on either side: a Union Flag, a WA flag, Esteria's flag, and the Discoverian Sol Invictus flag.
Notable fact: There is a large ice-cream freezer in one corner of the office, for those situations when the diplomatic staff lose all hope in WA delegates voting sensibly. It's been there ever since the previous ambassador defenestrated herself.

[Araraukar]

OOC: Someone mentioned in a thread about setting their office in the Strangers' Bar, so I thought I'd nudge this up to let newer peeps know that you can have a roleplayable office in WAHQ.

[Defwa]

Office Name: Defwa & ______
Delegates residing within: Ambassador Landfree (and two interns sharing a desk) & ______ ______
Floor 6, Room 641
Description: Placed in the third interior ring, this office has no windows. Approximately three meters on each side. There are four old aluminum desks sitting two and two opposite each other. The walls are puce and bare and the office is overall very clean but undecorated.
Noteable Fact: Defwa shares the office but doesn't know who with. The office mate has never been seen but they are very fastidious about anything crossing the taped on line in the center of the room. It is suspected they exist outside of this reality.

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

OOC: General Assembly chamber? In old versions of the HQ, the main chamber was extremely large (or at least very tall) and occupied the first two or three floors (but there were still offices occupying those floors alongside the chamber). It's your party, so to speak, so I guess it's ultimately up to you.

(Link is the old article nabbed from NSwiki.net; it should be considered informational, not "official." I don't think any concept of the HQ can be termed "official," really.)

[Araraukar]

OOC: General Assembly chamber? In old versions of the HQ, the main chamber was extremely large (or at least very tall) and occupied the first two or three floors (but there were still offices occupying those floors alongside the chamber). It's your party, so to speak, so I guess it's ultimately up to you.

OOC: I've always thought there must be some sort of dimensional field that makes it bigger from the inside than the outside.

[Wrapper]

OOC:

basement and ground floor and floor 1 reserved

It's already been established that the Wrapperian delegation's office is next to the boiler room -- which, I believe, would be in the basement, yes?

[Araraukar]

It's already been established that the Wrapperian delegation's office is next to the boiler room -- which, I believe, would be in the basement, yes?

It could be in the sub-basement, 2 levels below ground? I half suspect that the first underground level is the Secretariat Lair, where they consume their victims in peace so it's best not to disturb that nest.

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

For a few moments, all that can be seen is a foggy darkness, eerie and unsettling, enough to put any observer on edge, as ethereal chords play lowly, quickly crescendoing into up-tempo electronic music as strobe-lighting suddenly cuts into the dark, illuminating the fog. Then, appearing as little more than silhouettes against the stagelights, a trio of shapely female figures emerges through the fog, each of them staring out over the "audience" dramatically before breaking into seductive dance. Even over the loud music, a shrill voice belonging to an obviously demanding and domineering young woman can be heard barking over the din, as she claps her hands rhythmically to the beat: "Alright girls, hips...hips...hips..good. Now raise your arms and sway...sway...turn around...shake your asses like Beyonce! Nice. Now, make your way to the poles...to the poles! NO, NO!! Goddammit! CUT!!"

The house lights go up on the Stripper Commandos' rehearsal room, revealing a very disappointed Captain Chiang, clad in her usual leathergear and clutching her iconic coiled whip, looking up at her performers on the stage with disdain. "Come on, girls, get your heads in the game!" she chides them. "Do you know how many strings I had to pull to make you tonight's entertainment at the Strangers' Bar? This is a rare intelligence-gathering opportunity for us! I want those horny ambassadors in the audience panting so hard that they'll practically give us everything we ask for, including their security codes and secret files!" She turns to an aid standing beside her: "By the way, find out if Eduard Heir is an ass-man or a boob-man before tonight's performance; I don't want to endanger the mission should one of the girls shove the wrong end in his face!" She turns back to the stage and claps her hands: "Alright girls, let's take it from the top, and this time, remember: the poles are your friends! You want to dry-hump them! They'll thank you afterward. Now--"

Her instructions are rudely interrupted by a familiar, adolescent-sounding male voice ringing out suddenly from the back of the chamber. "Aw hells yeah!" the muscular, dark-skinned "gentleman" hails as he barges through the rear doors. "Now this is my kind of performance!"

Chiang instantly turns on the intruder and thrusts the butt of her whip into his chest, making him flinch. "Who the fuck let you out of the love dungeon--I mean torture chamber!--I mean interrogation room!!" she harshly demands of him as she presses the whip even harder into his torso. "You're supposed to be there waiting for me when I get off tonight! I want you to pound me so hard" --at this point, she seemingly remembers herself and turns back toward the curious onlookers watching them-- "full of information!" she amends her thoughts obviously to them.

Susa raises his hands as though the whip being thrust into his shirt were a gun. "Just relax, woman," he tries to soothe her. "I only wanted to show my girls a little appreciation..."

"Your girls?!" Chiang's voice rises dangerously as she gets even closer into Susa's face. "You imagine they're 'your' girls because they're always having to take you down every time you try to blow up the General Assembly? Do you enjoy it when they tackle you to the floor and grope around to remove your suicide vest? Are they the ones you're going to be screwing the brains out of tonight?! Answer me!!" In her rage, Chiang raises the butt of her whip and strikes him on the side of the neck, prompting him to reach up to clutch it painfully and groan in almost-ecstatic fury.

"You know what?" the captain asks no one in particular as she turns to address the performers still waiting idly on stage for further instruction. "Girls? The ambassador has come down here this afternoon to show you his appreciation! Why don't you all return the favor by giving him a little lapdance?"

"A lapdance?! Fuck yeah!" Susa lauds approvingly as Chiang grabs him by the shoulder and shoves him toward the stage, from which the girls have descended and are already in position to seat the ambassador gently down into a chair and prance theatrically about him like a merry-go-round. One of the ladies jumps into his lap, seemingly enjoying the ride, but only stays there long enough to place a ballgag in his mouth, while the others pull out ropes they just happen to have been carrying and resume their maypole dance, tying the ambassador securely to his chair.

Arms crossed, the captain watches the scene unfold with a satisfied look on her face. "Make sure he's back in my chambers and handcuffed to the bed by dinnertime tonight; I think I might have to retire early," she directs the aid hovering over her shoulder.

Just then, a distant scream can be heard and another commando, wearing naught but a towel, runs out from backstage. "Captain, there's a creepy old man in our bathtub!" she announces.

"Damn, just as we were starting to get organized!" despairs Chiang as she charges up onto the stage and beckons the startled officer to lead her to the defiled bathroom. She approaches the shower curtain and throws it back suddenly to reveal a balding middle-aged man, sprawled out face-down in the tub, clad in a rumpled suit, laying on a pile of crushed beer cans and snoring loudly. Chiang raises her foot to stir him.

"What in holy--?" the man slurs drunkenly as he raises his head to see who it is. "Get the hell out of my office!" He hurls a half-empty beer can at the captain, who instantly swerves to miss it and leaves it to splatter its contents all over the wall behind her.

"Ambassador Brown!" she exclaims in genuine surprise. "What are you still doing here?! I had you transferred to our embassy in Rubina six years ago!"

"Oh, is that where I'm supposed to be? Hang on, let me just grab my box of wine and--"

"Forget it, Ambassador. Apparently you've been delinquent on your assignment for so long you completely missed it: Rubina has already ceased to exist."

"Well, that's a crying shame," Brown intoned sarcastically as he rolled back over onto his pile of cans. "Now if you'll excuse me, I was having the most erotic dream before you so rudely interrupted me--"

Chiang was about to raise her whip to the sometime deputy ambassador when her aid came into the bathroom and intervened. "Sorry, Captain," she pleaded, "but you best make your way to the nearest television. There's a situation at Frowning Street."

Hurriedly Chiang and a few top aids made their way out of the rehearsal space into the main hallway, making a right turn into the reception area--

"HEY, HEY! HO, HO! NATIONAL SOVEREIGNTY'S GOT TO GO!! HEY, HEY! HO, HO! NATIONAL SOVEREIGNTY'S GOT TO GO!!"

The permanently entrenched occupiers from the IntFed movement greeted them angrily, emerging from their tents and rabbling intensely, accompanied by the constant trance-like beat from the never-ending drum circles on the peripheries. Meanwhile, the dolphins in the giant tank separating the Palentine and Kennyite offices squarked with (naturally profane) rage, threatening to break through the glass and attack the *bleep!* *bleep!* pinko commies blocking their view of Capt. Chiang's abundant cleavage.

"Er, on second thought, maybe it would be a better idea to use the TV in the Green Room?" Chiang thought aloud, and about-faced back into the hallway, her aids in tow, with the ever-present chants of the opposition clamoring after them: "SHOW THEM WHAT INTERNATIONALISM LOOKS LIKE--THIS IS WHAT INTERNATIONALISM LOOKS L--" The last person into the Green Room slammed the door shut. Already Chiang and several of her entourage had taken their seats in the easy-chairs facing the big-screen TV on the wall, tuned to K-SPAN, where coverage of a Frowning Street news conference was underway: There behind the podium stood the president of the Federal Republic, with a most grave expression on his face.

"My fellow Kennyites, good evening. It is not under normal circumstances that I would request airtime from the networks to address you tonight, I assure you. Indeed, the disaster we all presently face potentially affects the lives of every citizen of this great country. Over the past few months we have worked tirelessly to avoid catastrophe -- using every available resource at our disposal -- but now I fear that the situation with Artichokeville has reached critical mass."

Dramatically President Faisano held up a copy of the bestseller tell-all, I Married a Dud (or at Least I Would Have, If the Bastard Ever Agreed on a Date), by Avaya Thibaudet.

"Now, we have made every possible attempt to locate the sources behind the scandalous and libelous claims made against me by the First Lady, and even with the top lawyers and investigators in the country pursuing every conceivable lead, I'm afraid we have failed. We simply cannot authenticate Ms. Thibaudet's charges that I hired an escort service from her home country that uses witches who can magically transform themselves into anyone -- or anything -- to cater to any male erotic fantasy. Of course, these stories are false. But it is imperative that we find out exactly what would compel the First Lady to write such a thing. So we are crowdsourcing this thing. Upon negotiating with our diplomatic partners in Murrayland, we have received authorization to offer season passes for life to the EVILEST theme park in NationStates -- with the option of bringing along your own personal detail of Stripper-Commando escorts -- to anyone who can uncover any information leading to the source behind these ridiculous assert--"

Suddenly the president began to gag, as though he were about to throw up. He opened his mouth and out hopped a large croaking frog, which instantly leaped from the podium out into the Frowning Street press corps, the members of which were already jumping from their chairs and backing away in disgust, as the president began to gag again...

Within the safe confines of the Green Room Capt. Chiang frowned and shook her head. "Last week it's locusts, this week it's frogs," she observed. "Avaya's spellbook must be the fucking Book of Exodus!"

[Araraukar]

OOC: You may get in trouble with the over-PG13 stuff there, Kenny, but damn that was hilarious!

"Oh, be a dear and take that cactus with you, will you? I don't know how it got in here anyway."

OOC: Oi, that's not mine. Or PPU's, rather. They don't sneak non-moving plants into other embassies' offices. They have perfectly capable moving plants, if they should have a need for that. Not that they would spy, actually, being so damn ethical...

[Louisistan]

The doors of office suite 7853 #3B, 1-4 (somehow located next to an office labeled office 6-5) on the 6th floor fly open. A tall blonde man comes through, wearing a dark suit emblazed with a shield bearing the colors black silver and blue. The lady behind the desk - she seems to be in her late 60s - doesn't even look up. The doors slam shut behind the young man, still no recognition from the lady. The man clears his throat. The lady looks up at him. "Do you need a cough drop dear?" The man looks a little puzzeled.

"Errr no, thank you. I am here to see Ambassador Schneider."
"Well, you can't"
"Excuse me?"
"You can't see him."
"I am here on the authority of the Confederate Senate and I can see the Ambassador whenever I goddamn please. These are important matters of state, lady!"
"Feel free to use the lavatory. First door to your right."
"I am not here to use the restroom!!"
"Yes, I am well aware of that. Still, there's no swearing in this office and this discussion will not continue unless you have used the soap and water in the lavatory to wash your mouth."
"I am here" "... on the authority of the Senate. Yes, young man, I am fully capabale of seeing that for myself." The lady points at the emblazonment on the young man's breast pocket, then - for the first time during this discussion - she raises her voice slightly. "This is an office of the confederate foreign office and you will submit to the authority granted to its employees by the Foreign Minister! Lavatory, now!" Starteled by the sudden commanding tone of the lady, the man enters the lavatory. He comes back two minutes later. The lady smiles at him.

"Now then, my boy. Let's start over. I am Mrs. Finch, Secretary to the WA delegation. What can I do for you?"
"My name is Johnathan Schmidt. I am here at the request of the Confederate Senate, or rather its Judiciary Committee, to present the result of the committees latest vote to Ambassador Schneider. May I see him, please?"
"As I have already explained, you simply can't. The Amabssador is not in."
"Well, when is he expected back?"
"I would imagine he will return once his intoxication is complete. However it might be prudent for you to speak to him before that. As such, I would recommend you visit the Stranger's bar to go look for him."
"Thank you, Mrs. Finch."
"Oh, be a dear and take that cactus with you, will you? I don't know how it got in here anyway."

[Abacathea]

OOC: OP Updated.

Kenny and Ara, you seem to be watching rather eagle eyed, bang me off a TG if there's anything missing/needing added etc... When this failed to take off back in the day I sorta forgot about it. Good to see you guys having fun with it!

[Wrapper]

Office Name: Wrapperian Delegation's Office
Delegates residing within: Wad Ari Alaz, Ambassador to the World Assembly; Wad Ahume Orliss-Dorcke, Deputy Ambassador to the World Assembly; Wad Dawei DeGoah, Ambassador Emeritus to the World Assembly (deceased)
Floor: Sub-basement Level 2
Description: Large but sparse room adjacent to the boiler room. One side of the room has a coatrack, a two-drawer filing cabinet, a portable air conditioner that runs almost silently on zero-point energy, and a large desk. The desk, which seats two side-by-side, contains several small computers with large screens, a micro-refrigerator which can hold about four 23-oz drink cans (usually with a substance labeled Southern Style Sweet Tea although it tastes nothing like tea), and a small, peace-sign-shaped urn, containing one-third of the remnants of the aforementioned Ambassador Emeritus. The rest of the room is empty space.
Notable Fact: It's an open secret that the office closet contains a portal; the delegation uses this portal to open a wormhole to travel to and from other planets, including their home world. It's a closely guarded secret that there is a hidden wallsafe in a panel behind the liquor cabinet, but no one seems to know the combination.

Ari shuffles into his office, disappointed that his stellar karaoke performance was largely ignored by the Strangers' Bar regulars. However, he notes as he walks in, his deputy ambassador has not yet arrived from their homeworld. He crosses the room, almost sneakily, and sits in front of one of the computers -- the one marked STATE SECRETS, DO NOT REBOOT -- and taps a few times on the screen. Within moments, mellifluous tones of a song by his favorite homeworld band, Umculi Esibi, can be heard throughout the room. Ari sways in his chair for a few moments, waiting for the lyrics to start. He then jumps up, holds his hand near his chin as if he were holding a microphone, and just as he's about to belt out the opening line....

A miniature electronic klaxon sounds. Ari scrambles back to his chair, sits down, and aborts the program. On a second screen, the words "INCOMING WORMHOLE" flash. The closet doors open automatically. Within it a seven-foot silvery ring begins to glow. The interior of the ring fills rapidly with a shimmering pool of liquid light. An alphanumeric code displays at the bottom of the screen -- the code for his assistant, Deputy Ambassador Ahume Orliss-Dorcke.

"Goddammit, he's on time again."

Ahume -- wearing his usual drab earthside attire, khaki slacks, white dress shirt with the top button undone, and brown slip-on shoes -- steps through the wormhole. He is followed closely by an elderly lady, President Wad Emma Duen, who is dressed much more outlandishly -- a colorful floor-length skirt with short, peacock-like feathers around the waist, a key lime blouse with two columns of buttons, and an oversized hat that resembles some sort of horned animal.

"Wad President! We weren't expecting you today."

Ari approaches her and, as she removes her hat, gives her the customary greeting, kissing her on both cheeks, the forehead, and the nose.

"Wad Ari, a pleasure as always. Just wanted to stop by to...." She takes a slow look at the office surroundings as the wormhole shuts down and the closet door closes. "Er, spend a few... moments... Oh my, Wad Ahume, you weren't kidding. Whom must we diddle to get some adequate furnishings around here, hmm?"

"Wad President," Ahume says as he checks his hair in the live-feed monitor, "as we explained, when Wad Dawei passed on, the furniture was taken--"

"Was reappropriated," Ari interrupts, "by delegations with higher priority. You know how this process works, Wad President. We lost our priority when we were moved down to the sub-basement--"

"Yes, yes, Ari, we know how the process works. One would think, however, that a diplomat of your skill.... Speaking of which, have you managed to disarm any nuclear powers yet, eh?" The president slaps him lightly on the back and lets out a loud but quick giggle.

Ari smiles, but it is a weak, toothless, oh-holy-crap-my-stomach-hurts-like-hell-but-I'm-going-to-try-to-hide-it-as-best-as-I-can-anyway smile. "Not yet, sorry. You know how it was for us Wads centuries ago, well, that's the environment here. It's going to take a lot of time, and a lot of death, before this lot sees things our way."

"Ah, indeed, Ambassador, but do remember the wise words of our friends the Nox: 'Your way is not the only way.' Hmm?"

"Yes, Wad President, but we still don't see the point of being capable of blowing up a world ten times over. It's the worst sort of saber-rattling--"

"Now, now, save the rhetoric for the assembly floor. This... 'office' is not the space to carry on this debate. Anyway, Ambassador," she says, her speech becoming more fast-paced with every word, "your president's here before you today to wish you luck on your latest resolution, we look forward to the protection of children from exploitation across the galaxy, you have your head of state's official support, blah blah blah. Oh, and," she raises a finger, "your mother, she wants to know when you're going to call her."

"What? Oh, geez...."

"Ah ah ah, it's okay, Ari, we had a nice little chat, you know we've known each other for ages. I assured her--"

Ari notes the President's use of the first person singular. Persons representing the Wrapperian government never do so -- it's only "we" and "us" and not "I" and "me" -- unless the dialogue is more of a personal nature.

"--that our esteemed ambassador was working his little tail off, and that I would pass along her regards. You, umm, do know it's her birthday this week, right?"

"Oh, yes, right, of course." Ari opens the top drawer, fumbles around, and produces a brand-new, unsharpened pencil.

"Oh my... what..." She holds it gingerly. "Is this... a writing instrument?"

"Indeed. A very fine antique, in pristine condition."

"Marvelous! I'll make sure she gets it when I see her in a few days. Well, we must be going. Ambassador, Deputy,' she says, shaking hands with each of them, "please, keep up the good work." As Ahume taps a few times on one of the screens, the closet door opens, and the wormhole engages, the president raises her hands. "Oh, I almost forgot, Wad Dawei, farewell." She picks up the hand-shaped urn, its middle and index fingers extended, and comically shakes hands with it, and lets out another quick-burst giggle before putting the former ambassador back in his place.

Moments later, the president is gone. Ari stares at Ahume.

"Sorry, she insisted. I know, I know, next time, ping you first. So... ummm... karaoke? Umculi Esibi?"

Ari rolls his eyes but smiles. "Sure, why not." He takes the president's hat -- he swears that she leaves them behind on purpose every time -- and adds it to the odd collection in the filing cabinet.
__________________________________________________________________________

OOC: "Umculi Esibi" loosely translated is Zulu for "bad singers". Don't ask me how I know that.

[Bears Armed]

It's already been established that the Wrapperian delegation's office is next to the boiler room -- which, I believe, would be in the basement, yes?

It could be in the sub-basement, 2 levels below ground? I half suspect that the first underground level is the Secretariat Lair, where they consume their victims in peace so it's best not to disturb that nest.

OOC: The old (NSUN) building also an uncertain number of levels of basements even further down, inhabited by a horde of monstrous (& anthropophagous?) 'mutants' whose members sometimes needed pushing back into the depths. Whether those monsters were all destroyed when the old building fell, or whether some survived and might eventually tunnel into the lower levels of this building too sooner or later, is a question that has yet to be answered...

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

OOC: The sub-level mutants thing was FL's kick; I don't think many other players were ever part of it. Besides, he stole the idea from VL, who was fighting off DLE's leftover mutants on the 40th floor long before FL even knew what RP was.