Kagdazka and Pazhujebu Sportswire

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

This thread is for reports on domestic sports in the Federation of Kagdazka and Pazhujebu. For basic information about various sports in the Federation, see the NSwiki article on the nation.

Other nations may post here if they like, under two conditions:

1. Posts must be on-topic.

2. Posts must be in-character.

Happy reading!

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Mahathu's Number One English Language Daily

Wacky Transfers! 5244 First Division Season Looking Even More Unpredictable

Qichechumadia Zhabi - Two major transfers have been announced in the KPFA League First Division's offseason. One is sure to dismay red-and-sky-blue-clad fans across the Federation: Slava Semënov has been shipped away from Angels to the port city of Oktyabrsk where he will don the all-wisteria kit of Krevetka. An agreed price of 6.5 million rubliyals and four academy players is expected to be announced shortly. Semënov is said to have requested the move in lieu of staying at a weak Angels side that slouched its way to a dismal 12th-place finish last year. At Krevetka, he will be guaranteed Globe Cup play and will make an already-very-skilled midfield even better. With Semënov and Ilych providing service into attack, the Shrimp will consider themselves title-hopefuls next season.

Perhaps even more shockingly, an even pricier transfer occurred between defending champions FKM and Pazhujebi minnows Urnabhi. Anyone with a brain would look at the respective finishes of the two teams in last year's First Division table and expect that it was an Urnabhi player trading his white-and-dark-pink uniform for an orange FKM one. However, the transfer is just the opposite. Starting national team left back Innokentiy Vaskaryev (who was part of an FKM defense that allowed just 26 goals last year) is on his way to Emuzhezh where he will strive to turn Urnabhi from a club dangling above relegation into a mid-table side. Where the Spiders found the 7.5 million rubliyals to pay for Vaskaryev is anyone's guess, but this must surely be considered a great piece of business by the small team.

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Mahathu's Number One English Language Daily

New Stadium for Gimnasia

Qichechumadia Zhabi - At last, the Pit is to be replaced. Gimnasia's Gelendzhik's long-hated rat trap of a stadium is set to be demolished immediately, as construction of the brand-new Gelendzhik Stadion begins. The ancient concrete stadium where Gimnasia once dominated the old Kagdaz league is now only known for its eternally empty seats on matchday, and so Unitopolitan owner has fronted the cash to build a smaller and flashier stadium in eastern Gelendzhik. With Gimnasia already having solved their on-pitch problems (the days of dangling just above the drop long behind them after two straight eight-place finishes in the league), the stadium issue was Gimnasia's last great obstacle. It appears to have now been bypassed. With national team right-winger Lazar Nikolic having looked so stellar during the World Cup campaign, the turquoise and wisteria could have a chance at qualifying for the Globe Cup next season.

International Transfers Galore

Qichechumadia Zhabi - The next KPFA League First Division season looks like it will have a decidedly global feel. Three players from the World Cup 53-winning nation of Dorian and Sonya will move to Federation clubs. Left back Jacinta Elminster will travel to Shadows, where she will join a formidable-looking defense. Goalkeeper S'ser Ayleeth will join champions FKM, whose former goalkeeper has just retired. And as if Krevetka weren't already looking like favorites for the upcoming campaign, their attack will be supplemented by Narniel Amandguord, who started for the Sylvanae's World Cup champion team. Also, two players from quarterfinalists Aguazul have signed contracts to play in Kagdazka and Pazhujebu; centre half Pepe Raúl Corretja will join Elminster and company at Shadows, and Zhevassi have purchased central midfielder Claudio Albornos in the hopes of breathing some life into the midfield that looked so tired near the end of last season. With Albornos playing next to Qiva, the two-time First Division winners should able to push Vasilisa further into attack along with proven strikers Omelchenko and Shcherbina.

[Unitopolis]

Media millionaire Alakar Maxagonal has invested millions in a new stadium in his adopted home of Gelendzhik, reports Oliver Foley in Gelendzhik. Long seen as decrepit, crumbling and half-empty, the home stadium of Gimnasia Gelendzhik, known as "The Pit", is to be torn down and replaced with a brand-new, 35,000 all-seater stadium; Gelendzhik Stadion. I caught up with the man behind the project, Alakar Maxagonal, to ask him a few questions about the club and his plans for it.

Alakar, you're well known as a sports fan and you've previously provided hotels and facilities for Unitopolitan sides abroad, why did you decide to invest in a foreign club?

"Well Oliver, it wasn't a decision I took lightly, let me assure you. Unfortunately, anyone influential in the media business makes a lot of enemies, and I didn't want any Unitopolitan supporters to have to see their club's name dragged through the dirt by rival newspapers, I knew I'd have to buy a foreign club, and I looked long and hard at different clubs all over the world, before finally choosing Gimnasia."

Had you heard of the team previously?

"Well I hadn't been following their matches if thats what you mean, but I do keep a close eye on world football and that includes the KPFA First Division, but all I knew was that they were struggling to stay up, perhaps that's what drew me to them; I like a challenge."

You've invested heavily in defence, and have bought in some players from Unitopolis, any plans you can share with us?

"Well obviously I'm always on the look-out for players but it's really not up to me. The manager knows where my chequebook is if he sees a player he likes, that's what his job is. But to make Gimnasia challengers for the Globe Cup spots we'd need heavy investment, and I'm willing to provide it."

You're saying all the right things to the Gimnasia fans, but is there anything you want from them?

"Just to turn up. The lads need the support and with a bit of luck we can fill the new stadium every week and really help the lads to do well. The fans know that I'm 100% behind the team and I know it makes a difference if they are too. Bring flags, scarves, vuvuzuelas, anything you can think of to turn Gelendzhik Stadion into a fortress."

On the subject of Gelendzhik Stadion, are you happy with the new ground?

"Of course, I'm very happy with the plans. I'm not afraid to say it and I doubt many will disagree with me when I say that The Pit was a disgrace to the club. It symbolised the forgotten years where we flirted with relegation annually. Now, we have a brand-new, state-of-the-art stadium that will give the whole town a boost, except perhaps Vulkan supporters!"

Finally, what are your goals for the future?

"Success. What more can I say? I want Gimnasia to win it all; the Šenapatiam'ajat Vahavi, the Cygnus Cup, the Globe Cup. Hopefully within ten years we can become the first club from outside the Big Five to win the First Division. Dreams at the moment, but perhaps in the future they can be achieved."

(OOC): I'd like to know what kind of reaction the Gimnasia fans gave the interview, just out of interest.

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

<jarring static sound>

"...this early cross could trouble Meteoriti, and- OH NO! It's an own goal for Meteoriti's talisman Khymko! What a dreadful error! That puts Nekromanti up four one and surely sinks the Meteorites' promotion hopes for good..."

<more static sound>

"...and after falling as far back in the field as 29th in the sixth leg, Buzurbayev's dogsled team have reached the finish line first here in Gvardeysk. He will collect the enormous prize for victory in the Eastern Invitational..."

<more static sound>

"...these players fought tooth and nail to get here, and here they are, bringing the trophy home to the Pazhujebi people." "How do you feel about defeating your home nation of Starblaydia in the final?" "I'm still wearing purple..."

<generic three-toned jingle>

"This... is UIB 103."

Good evening, friends. My name is Kdrir Ucbid, and you are listening to The Pulse. On this short little program, as most listeners know, we profile the opinions of supporters groups throughout the country. Today, as by popular request, we'll be talking with fans of Gimnasia Gelendzhik. Here is tape from my interviews with several fans in Yahakadstok.

"You've read, of course, that the owner of your beloved club, Alakar Maxagonal, is investing in a new stadium for Gimnasia. What do you think of these plans?"

"Well, sonny, it's a shame that the old stadium is getting torn down... I remember when I was a boy we went to matches out there. Boy was it ever great. I miss the smell of cold concrete and luke-warm food. Sometimes you'd even get a whiff of one of the sweaty players... that was always a treat..."

"Okay, let's see if we can find a slightly more coherent fan out here. Here we go, ma'am you look a bit younger... I mean smarter... I mean... anyway. In a recent interview Maxagonal was asked what he wanted from Gimnasia supporters and he responded that he just wanted them to "turn up." Is that too much to ask from a supporters group that has traditionally been totally apathetic?"

"Oh, no! No! I've got my grandson a Gimnasia scarf for this Christmas, and I'm telling him to get his friends out to the matches! I think that the owner Maxagonal is completely right. We just need to get out there on matchday!"

"And he's talking big with regard to Gimnasia's goals for the future... setting the target of winning the First Division within ten years and saying that the Šenapatiam'ajat Vahavi is a high priority. What are your thoughts?"

"Ah... well, I think Gimnasia fans have gotten very used to failure, so it's hard to believe, but he's buying the right players and spending the right money on the stadium. In essence, he's walking the walk, so I think we fans are encouraged by that."

"All right, and let's see if we can't find one more person to chat with. Oh all right, here's a young lady visiting her grandparents, it looks like... miss, may I ask you a quick question? Are you a Gimnasia supporter?"

"Um, like totally!"

"What are your overall thoughts on the owner of Gimnasia, Alakar Maxagonal?"

"Um, I like, think he's like, really cool. I was totally impressed, when he like, threw that jab at Vulkan during that, like, interview or whatever. I definitely, like, think it's good that he understands where the fans are coming from... we were, like, totally happy when we beat Vulkan five nil on the first day of last season, hopefully we can like do it again!"

"Well... that's good to hear. Ladies and gentlemen, if you wanted proof that Gimnasia is resurrecting itself, here it is, a young person who is a fan of the team. We haven't seen that in a while! Now back to me in the studio."

"Those were my interviews with Gimnasia supporters at the Yahakadstok Labour Camp. The Pulse will be back next week with the latest buzz from fans of a First Division team. Maybe it'll be your favorite team."

<generic three-toned jingle>

"This... is UIB 103."

[The Mestizo Empire]

crisp

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Mahathu's Number One English Language Daily

Three More Transfers As UICA Competitions Creep Closer

Qichechumadia Zhabi - Who wants to try and break down Shadows' defense next season? No one, we suspect. It may irritate many of our readers (we know most of you are Angels fans), but the fact is that our pesky little brothers over on Šede Island just keep looking better and better. They have acquired not only international defenders Pepe Raúl Corretja and Jacinta Elminster, but now Dynamo youth product Baltabek Ignatyev as well. The 18-year-old Ignatyev was an understudy of Alek Aleksandrov until the latter's retirement a year ago, and now he will depart the yellow and wisteria for the silver and black. The young keeper will have a formidable back line in front of him.

Peregrina Thašighi is changing shirts as well (and no, we don't mean her online videos). The young beauty, who had even Angels fans drooling as she strutted her stuff for Therakham last year, is on her way to Kagdazka where A: due to the cold, she will likely be wearing more clothing (undoubtedly a disappointment for all you men out there), and B: she will be playing for Xenon Gvardeysk. It will now be seen how good a player she actually is, as without the threats of Khorkuleva and Razava, she will have to rely on her ability as a left winger as opposed to simply distracting opposing teams with her (extremely impressive) cleavage.

But the biggest news of all is the continued dismantling going on over in the CMZ: FKM are selling yet another piece of their 5243-season-winning team. Yegor Zbruyev is off to Aguazul, where he will don the Ojedo Cerro shirt. The left midfielder appears impatient with his lack of playing time with the national team, and, in an apparent effort to attract attention, he requested the transfer. We suppose it makes sense; having now won the First Division, why bother staying in the Federation? There isn't much more that Zbruyev can accomplish here. We at the Herald wish him good luck, and hope that his new club can again reach the Globe Cup spots as they did last season.

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Well, folks. We've waited four years for this. It always feels like too long.

The Eastern Invitational Dog Sled Race is about to begin. The teams are set to go in Oktyabrsk.

Wait, what's that? You need a refresher on how this works? Well, all right.

The Eastern Invitational is a quadrennial competition that occurs during late November. It is always contested by twenty teams who have been invited by the Dog Sled Racing Association of the United Federation (DSRAUF), rewarded with invitation for their achievements in other races. These are the top competitors in the sport. Though most are Kagdaz, a few are Pazhujebi, as even though the sport is new there, the passion is there to develop the sport and soon.

Dog sled racing as a sport is about as simple as it sounds... mostly. In the Eastern Invitational, teams are always require to begin with eleven dogs (though often during the race dogs will have to be removed from the team if they are overworked or injured). Wheel Dogs are those nearest the sled. Strength, steadiness, and ability to help guide the sled around tight curves are qualities valued in Wheel Dogs. There are two Wheel Dogs per team. Team Dogs are those between the Wheel Dogs and the Swing Dogs, and add power to the team. There are six Team Dogs per team. Swing Dogs are directly behind the Lead Dog. They swing the rest of the team behind them in turns or curves on the trail. There are two Swing Dogs per team. Finally, the Lead Dog steers the rest of the team and sets the pace. There is one Lead Dog per team.

The breeds of these dogs will vary from team to team; mushers are permitted to select whatever breeds (or combination of breeds) they prefer.

The starting line is in the northeastern port city of Oktyabrsk. The trail winds up the Dyurtyuli River Corridor before turning southward, down through the Gashchenkov Mountains, over the Gashchenkov River, through the small town of Chelyabinsk, and over another river, the Byevyadin. Finally, the finish line is in the beautiful but isolated southeastern city of Gvardeysk. If that description wasn't enough, here's a map of the route for you:

As you can see, there are in total eleven legs. Every team must rest for at least six hours at every stop between every leg so that the dogs can recover. Some legs are very short, and will benefit teams with powerful sprinting dogs, but others are very lengthy, and for teams to do well in these legs, they will need endurance and steadiness. Some legs are hilly and steep, and a musher who has constructed a lighter sled will fare better in these legs, but having a heavier sled can come in useful for flatter areas, when a team can pick up speed and maintain its momentum.

Who needs all this explanation, though? We all want to see some racing! So, without further ado, here are the twenty teams who will take part in this year's Eastern Invitational!

(The numbers on the right side of the following graph are rankings from zero to ten, indicating level of comfort with the condition listed at the top of the column. For instance, if a team is listed as having a zero under Hills, that team is likely to be enormously uncomfortable during very mountainous legs of the race. If a team has a ten under Hills, it will likely fair quite well in that same mountainous leg. However, during flat portions, the opposite would be the case: the team at zero would fare much better than the team at ten.)

MUSHER          LEADDOG HILLS   COLD	LENGTH
Tretyakov	Sugar   7	8	8
Batkin	        Frisbee	10	9	2
Krivelyova	Pyotr	4	4	7
Karbonenko	Taexoz	9	10	7
Grusov	        Sul	9	1	1
Oguz	        Fatso	0	10	6
Borisenko	Uhno	0	3	3
Jalaloglu	Ukav Wu	3	10	4
Dekanozov	Xxuh	2	2	3
Radimov	        Zkhijuk	5	8	6
Lebedev	        Chaijr	9	4	4
Rashchupkina	Zkldmkg	2	6	3
Tamirov	        Apjo	3	2	2
Belova	        Lucy	4	10	7
Stolypin	Tank	6	4	9
Diemchuk	Ayukno	1	5	1
Zhubiam	        Seville	3	8	5       &
Uramjat	        Oirsuo	6	7	8       &
Suhusskara	Java	0	4	7       &
Vuzhe'chussucha	Cancun	2	8	0       &

The four teams listed at the bottom are Pazhujebi. You will see them marked (as they are above) with purple ampersands to indicate their nationality in all tables in the future.

The next time you hear from us, we'll have results from the first leg! The starter's pistol has just gone off!

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Leg 1

The first leg of the Invitational is over! Teams left the city on the bay, Oktyabrsk, in the late morning on a clear day. Almost the whole of the port city came to watch the pistol go off for the beginning of the race smack dab in the middle of downtown. Mushers had known in advance exactly what they needed to prepare for going into Leg 1: flat flat flat! With almost no major hills to speak of before teams reached the rest point about a third of the way down the Dyurtyuli River Corridor, teams with heavyish sleds were always going to fare better than those with lighter construction (though when the field hits the Gashchenkov Range roles will be rapidly reversed).

But who cares? Let's see those results!

MUSHER	        LEADDOG	TIME FOR THIS LEG					
Rashchupkina	Zkldmkg	3	hours	32	minutes	20	seconds
Oguz	        Fatso	3	hours	40	minutes	48	seconds
Krivelyova	Pyotr	3	hours	50	minutes	16	seconds
Suhusskara	Java	3	hours	55	minutes	9	seconds &
Vuzhe'chussucha	Cancun	3	hours	57	minutes	7	seconds &
Dekanozov	Xxuh	4	hours	0	minutes	42	seconds
Lebedev	        Chaijr	4	hours	15	minutes	23	seconds
Belova	        Lucy	4	hours	18	minutes	19	seconds
Uramjat	        Oirsuo	4	hours	18	minutes	58	seconds &
Batkin	        Frisbee	4	hours	24	minutes	11	seconds
Zhubiam	        Seville	4	hours	25	minutes	10	seconds &
Radimov	        Zkhijuk	4	hours	26	minutes	48	seconds
Karbonenko	Taexoz	4	hours	32	minutes	20	seconds
Stolypin	Tank	4	hours	39	minutes	31	seconds
Tretyakov	Sugar	4	hours	40	minutes	30	seconds
Diemchuk	Ayukno	4	hours	42	minutes	47	seconds
Jalaloglu	Ukav Wu	4	hours	44	minutes	44	seconds
Borisenko	Uhno	4	hours	49	minutes	57	seconds
Tamirov	        Apjo	4	hours	50	minutes	36	seconds
Grusov	        Sul	5	hours	24	minutes	12	seconds

We always knew that Rashchupkina and her lead dog Zkldmkg (that's pronounced zild-mig for you out there who can't read Zozsjegzkkt) would excel in the first leg. Her team is bred perfectly for this kind of thing: very flat, medium temperature, and medium length legs. Zkldmyg should feel proud of himself; his leadership of his musher's large and heavy sled was good enough to earn an 8-minute lead over the nearest competitor.

That competitor was Oguz, led by the heavy-coated Fatso, who finished in second, just under ten minutes ahead of the third place team. It was no surprise that Oguz did well, as he managed to construct one of the heaviest sleds ever recorded in the history of this race (good for this leg at least, as mentioned above), but it was a bit of a surprise to see him finish second, considering that his dogs are bred for frigid cold and the thermometer was in a mild place on the day.

Pazhujebi competitors seemed to do fine, but they always do at this stage... when it gets really hilly and cold, we'll see if they keep hanging in there or if they slump to the back of the pack. Speaking of which...

Grusov publicly announced before the race began that he expected to finish last in the first leg. After all, his team is good on very steep terrain, in very warm temperatures, and in very short sprint-style legs, none of which fit the description of Leg 1. But we aren't sure that he (or his lead dog Sul) quite thought they finish that far behind everyone else. In the end Grusov finished 33 minutes behind Tamirov, which could prove disastrous.

Leg 2 is tomorrow. The terrain stays flat, but watch out, racers! We're moving inland! And that means if you forgot your wool sweaters or your paw boots, you're in trouble. The coldest legs of the race await.

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Leg 2

Several days ago, powdery snow flurries dumped five or six inches on the western part of the Dyurtyuli River Corridor, and ever since temperatures in the area have sunk way below zero. Now, surely our twenty brave teams knew that they would have to face down the brittle cold at some point during the Invitational. But they likely didn't think it would be quite this early. You can only play the hand you are dealt, however, and the team that copes with it the best during Leg 2 will do themselves a world of good.

Let those temperatures drop! The results will heat you up!

Leg 2 Standings

MUSHER	        LEADDOG	TIME FOR THIS LEG		
		        HOURS	MINUTES	SECONDS
Belova	        Lucy	3	1	26
Radimov	        Zkhijuk	3	3	18
Oguz	        Fatso	3	4	38
Batkin	        Frisbee	3	10	31
Vuzhe'chussucha	Cancun	3	12	55 &
Zhubiam	        Seville	3	13	27 &
Lebedev	        Chaijr	3	18	47
Tamirov	        Apjo	3	21	11
Krivelyova	Pyotr	3	24	7
Tretyakov	Sugar	3	28	55
Diemchuk	Ayukno	3	29	59
Jalaloglu	Ukav Wu	3	32	55
Suhusskara	Java	3	35	52 &
Rashchupkina	Zkldmkg	3	39	36
Borisenko	Uhno	3	40	24
Dekanozov	Xxuh	3	43	52
Karbonenko	Taexoz	3	46	32
Uramjat	        Oirsuo	3	47	36 &
Stolypin	Tank	3	47	52
Grusov	        Sul	4	1	45

Overall Standings

MUSHER	        LEADDOG	TOTAL TIME SO FAR		
		        HOURS	MINUTES	SECONDS
Oguz	        Fatso	6	45	26
Vuzhe'chussucha	Cancun	7	10	2 &
Rashchupkina	Zkldmkg	7	11	56
Krivelyova	Pyotr	7	14	23
Belova	        Lucy	7	19	45
Radimov	        Zkhijuk	7	30	6
Suhusskara	Java	7	31	1 &
Lebedev	        Chaijr	7	34	10
Batkin	        Frisbee	7	34	42
Zhubiam	        Seville	7	38	37 &
Dekanozov	Xxuh	7	44	34
Uramjat	        Oirsuo	8	6	34 &
Tretyakov	Sugar	8	9	25
Tamirov	        Apjo	8	11	47
Diemchuk	Ayukno	8	12	46
Jalaloglu	Ukav Wu	8	17	39
Karbonenko	Taexoz	8	18	52
Stolypin	Tank	8	27	23
Borisenko	Uhno	8	30	21
Grusov	        Sul	9	25	57

Another very nice showing vaults Oguz and his lead dog Fatso into first place in the overall standings. Two solid legs out of Pazhujebi debutant Vuzhe'chussucha have earned him and his first mate Cancun second place. Can they keep it up? The team should do fine in the cold (and there's plenty more of that coming). Rashchupkina's Leg 2 was a disappointment, and she slips to third overall, but worse things have happened; she's still in it.

Grusov isn't though. It'll be a miracle if at any point he pulls himself out of last before the finish line in Gvardeysk. I mean, we're two legs in and he's already an hour behind his next competition. Stick a fork in it.

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Leg 3

Thousands of fans from the large city of Polpogansk were bussed over to the east to see the finish line of Leg 3, deep in the midst of the Kagdaz tundra. Leg 3 is historically the coldest leg of the entire race, so the teams prepared for that are the teams who will shine!

In a strange way, however, teams always seem to enjoy Leg 3 as a man on death row enjoys his last meal; for coming next is the deadly Leg 4, where mountainous terrain, strong winds, and occasional whiteout conditions have taken lives in the Invitational before. Oh, did we mention Leg 4 is the longest leg, too? Leg 3 was a cakewalk compared to how tough Leg 4 is going to be.

But it was more of a cakewalk for some than it was for others. Here's how it went down:

Leg 3 Standings

MUSHER	        LEADDOG	TIME FOR THIS LEG		
		        HOURS	MINUTES	SECONDS
Uramjat	        Oirsuo	4	54	46 &
Jalaloglu	Ukav Wu	5	1	25
Krivelyova	Pyotr	5	1	30
Zhubiam	        Seville	5	10	28 &
Karbonenko	Taexoz	5	13	37
Stolypin	Tank	5	18	33
Tamirov	        Apjo	5	44	7
Radimov	        Zkhijuk	5	51	18
Belova	        Lucy	5	53	6
Batkin	        Frisbee	6	5	12
Grusov	        Sul	6	13	44
Tretyakov	Sugar	6	15	5
Dekanozov	Xxuh	6	16	25
Vuzhe'chussucha	Cancun	6	19	34 &
Oguz	        Fatso	6	20	55
Rashchupkina	Zkldmkg	6	37	58
Diemchuk	Ayukno	6	51	25
Suhusskara	Java	6	54	34 &
Lebedev	        Chaijr	7	3	5
Borisenko	Uhno	7	23	16

Overall Standings

MUSHER	        LEADDOG	TOTAL TIME SO FAR		
		        HOURS	MINUTES	SECONDS
Krivelyova	Pyotr	12	15	53
Zhubiam	        Seville	12	49	5 &
Uramjat	        Oirsuo	13	1	20 &
Oguz	        Fatso	13	6	21
Belova	        Lucy	13	12	51
Jalaloglu	Ukav Wu	13	19	4
Radimov	        Zkhijuk	13	21	24
Vuzhe'chussucha	Cancun	13	29	36 &
Karbonenko	Taexoz	13	32	29
Batkin	        Frisbee	13	39	54
Stolypin	Tank	13	45	56
Rashchupkina	Zkldmkg	13	49	54
Tamirov	        Apjo	13	55	54
Dekanozov	Xxuh	14	0	59
Tretyakov	Sugar	14	24	30
Suhusskara	Java	14	25	35 &
Lebedev	        Chaijr	14	37	15
Diemchuk	Ayukno	15	4	11
Grusov	        Sul	15	39	41
Borisenko	Uhno	15	53	37

Krivelyova, Uramjat, and Zhubiam all seem to be in the drivers seat heading into the fourth leg, but who knows? Anything can happen as the teams cross the river and head south into the Gashchenkov Range. Belova and Jalaloglu both seem to be lurking within striking distance, having made no major slip-ups, and though Oguz had to retire two dogs to injury today and slipped in the table, he's hardly out of it. Not with wizened veteran dog Fatso leading the way.

Rest assured that by the end of Leg 4, we'll know a lot more about who is going to bring home the nearly 20 million rubliyal reward!

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Leg 4

Anyone who participates in the Invitational spends many a late night in the build-up staring at the ceiling pondering one notorious question: how on earth will I make it through Leg 4? A vicious combination of length, brittle cold, and mountainous terrain, only the teams with the best endurance and power can place well at the finish line in the middle of the Gashchenkov Range.

When we look back at the race at the end of Leg 11, invariably we will see that the overall champion held his or her own during Leg 4; all winners of the final purse must do so.

Leg 4 Standings

MUSHER	        LEADDOG	TIME FOR THIS LEG		
		        HOURS	MINUTES	SECONDS
Tretyakov	Sugar	6	0	26
Uramjat	        Oirsuo	6	20	51 &
Batkin	        Frisbee	6	32	40
Karbonenko	Taexoz	6	45	33
Grusov	        Sul	6	52	32
Suhusskara	Java	6	59	31 &
Krivelyova	Pyotr	7	1	40
Rashchupkina	Zkldmkg	7	3	49
Oguz	        Fatso	7	7	35
Borisenko	Uhno	7	15	6
Radimov	        Zkhijuk	7	18	51
Belova	        Lucy	7	46	47
Diemchuk	Ayukno	7	53	14
Stolypin	Tank	7	54	19
Vuzhe'chussucha	Cancun	7	54	21 &
Lebedev	        Chaijr	8	7	44
Zhubiam	        Seville	8	13	39 &
Jalaloglu	Ukav Wu	8	16	20
Dekanozov	Xxuh	8	29	14
Tamirov	        Apjo	8	32	59

Overall Standings

MUSHER	        LEADDOG	TOTAL TIME SO FAR		
		        HOURS	MINUTES	SECONDS
Krivelyova	Pyotr	19	17	33
Uramjat	        Oirsuo	19	22	11 &
Batkin	        Frisbee	20	12	34
Oguz	        Fatso	20	13	56
Karbonenko	Taexoz	20	18	2
Tretyakov	Sugar	20	24	56
Radimov	        Zkhijuk	20	40	15
Rashchupkina	Zkldmkg	20	53	43
Belova	        Lucy	20	59	38
Zhubiam	        Seville	21	2	44 &
Vuzhe'chussucha	Cancun	21	23	57 &
Suhusskara	Java	21	25	6 &
Jalaloglu	Ukav Wu	21	35	24
Stolypin	Tank	21	40	15
Tamirov	        Apjo	22	28	53
Dekanozov	Xxuh	22	30	13
Grusov	        Sul	22	32	13
Lebedev	        Chaijr	22	44	59
Diemchuk	Ayukno	22	57	25
Borisenko	Uhno	23	8	43

Like their lead dog Pyotr, the dogs of Krivelyova's team are bred for distance legs, and they used that strength on the day to retain pole position for the start of Leg 5, despite not being particularly skillful in mountain terrain. As is typically the case, Leg 4 shoved most of the Pazhujebi teams back in the pack, but there was an exception: Uramjat's hard-fought second place finish in the fourth portion of the Invitational helps him to climb from third into second overall. Meanwhile, the rear of the field is looking a bit interesting, with the last 6 all within an hour of one another.

Leg 5 offers stunning scenery as the teams descend from the mountains. Be sure to stay tuned.

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

<jarring static sound>

"...FKM really have the bit between their teeth now, searching for the equalizer that will surely deny Yastrabi the title, Vuhumkara on the ball, he's shut down... oh, a nice dribble and through ball and... OH! Radic is one on one with the keeper! GOAL!!! The Hawks are held to a draw and FKM will pass the champion's torch to Juvapanam..."

<generic three-toned jingle>

"This... is UIB 103."

A: All right, sports fans, I hope your coffee's strong enough, it's early but it's time to talk football! I'm Anton Tupolev, this is Pazhuj Yivashaktim, and this is A and P's Footy Hour. How're you feeling, Pazhuj?

P: Hanging in there, it's been a rough night.

A: Didn't sleep well?

P: Nope.

A: Might it have anything to do with the recent crowning of Juvapanam as First Division champions?

P: I think I need a dustbin, Anton.

A: What, what's the matter?

P: I think I might be sick.

A: You're gonna puke? Oh, no, he's gonna puke, folks! He's gonna do it! Oh! OH! Gross!

P: No, just kidding, folks.

A: We were just fibbing, listeners. You are really distraught about this, though, aren't you?

P: Well, Anton, as you and most listeners will know, I played for Urajbina for many years, I grew up in the Urajbina youth system, and though I now support Vulkan (that's the team I was with for the last three seasons of my career until I retired), I still hold no special love for Juvapanam, who, as you say, Anton, are now officially champions.

A: Shall we talk about the match they played yesterday in Tashtagol?

P: Well, there's nothing to talk about, that's the thing. Juvapanam were just the better side. It's been pretty evident since matchday one that Šudhan Chahachim always had an idea in his mind of how he could get the most out of his team, and obviously he was right.

A: Yeah. Really a tactical tour de force.

P: And a tactical tour de force that was fun to watch, I mean their strategy was just to attack, attack, attack, and they never stopped attacking. It was just too much for defenses to deal with.

A: Absolutely. Uh... Pazhuj and I are just glancing at a TV feed here, provided by our friends over at the Unitopolitan Television Network, and they are just preparing for the parade in downtown Juvapanam, it'll begin in an hour. As I understand it the sky and silver's players have already disembarked from the flight back from Kagdazka, they just have to take the boat from Pkethat Šede, so they'll be here soon to display the trophy for the whole city. Pazhuj, talk about how big an accomplishment this is for Juvapanam in light of how small a team they are.

P: Well, you know, as I said, I've never cared for Juvapanam, but what I can tell you is that they've always been on the outside looking in when it comes to silverware... this is the first trophy, of any kind, that the club as ever won. So it's going to be a defining moment in the history not only of the team, but the city and its fans, when they bring that trophy home.

A: Right. And how do you think they'll fare in the TQCC?

P: Oh, they'll be rubbish.

A: Really?

P: Yeah, that all-out attack strategy is much too naive to work on bigger teams on the international stage.

A: Well, Pazhuj, to be fair, that's what we were saying midway through the season about Juvapanam's chances of winning the league.

P: What? No, that was totally different!

A: No it wasn't! Exactly the same things were said... that when Juvapanam came up against the really tough opposition, the Zhevassis and Krevetkas and Vulkans, they'd fold. And they didn't!

P: They did when they played Urajbina.

A: What?

P: They lost twice to Urajbina.

A: Yes, but they beat teams Urajbina didn't, and that's how league tables are calculated, need I remind you. Look, all I'm saying is don't move the goalposts simply because you're personally biased against the league's latest champion. We all in the media reveled in our own predictive abilities mid-season when we said that Juvapanam would collapse, but now they're holding the trophy and I for one am willing to tip my hat to them and admit I was wrong.

P: You don't think other teams had the title in their hands and blew it?

A: Like what?

P: Like Urajbina getting trampled by lowly Urnabhi and Yastrabi tossing two points down the drain versus FKM late in the season?

A: No, because Juvapanam beat Urnabhi. Juvapanam defeated the team that your Urajbina, as you say, "got trampled by." Whatever, we're splitting hairs and have to move on. We agree that Juvapanam's strategy was delightful to watch?

P: Absolutely, it was great fun.

A: All right, let's refocus here, the results are about to come in for the year-end player and manager awards.

P: Yup.

A: You were a winner of the Goalkeeper of the Year Award at one point in time, weren't you?

P: Yes, Anton, I was.

A: Mention for our listeners who bestows these awards.

P: It is a select panel of football journalists. They seem to change their name every year, but I believe at the moment they are called the Assembly of Football Writers and Commentators of Kagdazka and Pazhujebu, or AFWCKP. There are, at my last count, 147 members of this group.

A: And the results are coming in. Young Player of the Year is up first. The nominees are: Sergei Aznabaev of Yastrabi, Pepe Raúl Corretja of Shadows, Baltabek Ignatyev of Shadows, Fušia Oujadda of Juvapanam, and Vsevolod Ogorodov of Urajbina. Do you have a personal favorite, Pazhuj?

P: Well, my heart says Ogorodov, but you'd probably accuse me of being slanted toward Urajbina, so I can't go with him. My head says Oujadda, just because she has been so fantastic when no one expected her to be, but I'm biased against Juvapanam, so she's out. Just because I'm a former goalkeeper I'll have to throw my name in the hat with Ignatyev, because he really, truly was brilliant this season. By far and away the best keeper in the league.

A: I agree, he would be a deserving winner, and to think that Shadows found him at Dynamo, of all teams to find a great young goalkeeper... but here come the results. In the first round of voting, Ignatyev is eliminated with 17.69 percent of the vote. In the second round, Corretja is eliminated with 21.77 percent of the vote. In the third round, Aznabaev is eliminated with 28.58 percent of the vote. So it goes down to the final round, where 51.71 percent of the vote goes to... Oujadda! Fušia Oujadda is named the 5244 Young Player of the Year.

P: Yeah, I kind of expected that.

A: No one ever saw this girl being as good as she was until she starting scalping people down the right wing for the now-champions Juvapanam, but football runs in her family, so there you go.

P: I hate to see a Juvapanam player get an award, but I guess I'd better get used to it, they're the champions, and at least in Oujadda's case, she deserves it.

A: Next on the docket is Comeback Player of the Year. The nominees are Jahat Chahachim of Juvapanam, Šušan'ikara Ghur of Juvapanam, Bolov Narozhylenko of Yastrabi, Zaqazha Uharhi of Shadows, and Aleksei Vazavorski of Urajbina. Pazhuj, your thoughts.

P: Couple players I don't even know why they're on there. Like, Chahachim? Seriously, this has nothing to do with my aforementioned bias against the sky and silver, I just have no idea why he's there.

A: Well, presumably because of that injury he was dealing with during the 5243 season.

P: But that was just a few weeks! Nothing compared to Uharhi, who by the way is a shoe-in for the award, in my opinion.

A: You think it's Uharhi? Yeah, me too. And he's deserving as well.

P: Agreed, very deserving.

A: All right, here come the results. In the first round of voting, Narozhylenko is eliminated with 16.33 percent of the vote. In the second round, Chahachim is eliminated with 22.45 percent of the vote. In the third round, Uharhi is eliminated with 23.81 percent of the vote. So again we require a fourth round, where 61.90 percent of the vote goes to... Ghur! Šušan'ikara Ghur takes home the Comeback Player of the Year Award.

P: Wow. Bit of an upset there.

A: A little, yes. But Ghur does fit all the descriptions of what the Comeback Award tries to recognize... he's been around since long before the days of the Pazhujebi civil war, and yet somehow he's managed to conjure up the best season of his career long after everyone thought he was too washed up and too old.

P: Yeah, I guess. I've never particularly cared for him personally, but he's definitely played way beyond expectations this year.

A: This has been a popular article of debate in all the papers for the last three weeks since it became basically assured that Juvapanam would snatch the title: should Ghur be starting for the national team once World Cup qualifying begins?

P: NO. No bias involved here. He's nearly thirty-nine years old. The standard of play in the First Division may be low enough that a very gifted old man can light up the league and win titles, but he's physically incapable of enduring the rigors of internationals for ninety minutes. I absolutely think he should make repeated appearances from the bench, but he's too old to start.

A: Fair enough. Moving on to the category number three: Purchase of the Year. This award is given to a club for a specific player bought prior to the 5244 season who was instrumental in his or her team’s success. The nominees are: Krevetka for the purchase of Narniel Amandguord, Shadows for the purchase of Pepe Raúl Corretja, Shadows for the purchase of Baltabek Ignatyev, Urajbina for the purchase of Juliet Burke, and Urnabhi for the purchase of Innokentiy Vaskaryev. Who do you think should win this, Pazhuj?

P: To be honest with you, Anton, I think all five would be really deserving winners in their own ways. Vaskaryev effectively kept Urnabhi up single-handedly, Ignatyev and Corretja were instrumental in Shadows’ defensive juggernaut, Burke didn’t score as many goals as her counterpart Chadi, but she was extraordinarily effective at peeling defenders away when Urajbina attacked, and Amandguord was is brilliant form for the first third of the year before Krevetka began to struggle. I’ll be happy with whoever picks it up.

A: I think Vaskaryev is assumed to be the favorite here, but as we were discussing earlier, for me Ignatyev has earned this award easily, simply because he was such an obscure talent, and Shadows found him. Anyway, who cares what I think?

P: Not me.

A: Very funny, Pazhuj. Here come the results. In the first round of voting, Urajbina for Burke is eliminated with 17.01 percent of the vote. In the second round, Shadows for Ignatyev is eliminated with 19.73 percent of the vote. In the third round, Shadows for Corretja is eliminated with 24.49 percent of the vote. So in the fourth and decisive round, the winner is anointed with 53.06 percent of the vote, and that winner is… Urnabhi! Urnabhi wins the Purchase of the Year Award for their offseason deal to sign Innokentiy Vaskaryev from then-champions FKM. It really was a coup to get him, wasn’t it?

P: Yeah. I’m genuinely happy to see Urnabhi get this; it really was an astounding transfer and now that they’ve survived their sophomore year in the First Division and they know they’re coming back for year three, they can start to build a team, and they’ll be able to have Vaskaryev as a centerpiece.

A: We still don’t exactly know how the tiny Emuzhezh side managed to scrounge up the cash to pay Vaskaryev’s 7.5 million rubliyal fee, but surely the Spiders must feel he is going to pay for himself in the end. A great player and a great piece of business. The right result for this category?

P: Yeah.

A: Yeah, I agree. All right, now we’re getting up into the big ones. Goalkeeper of the Year first. Nominees are as follows: S’ser Ayleeth of FKM, Anton Denisov of Xenon, Qazhupvafadam Hazhathaniam of Therakham, Baltabek Ignatyev of Shadows, and Larisa Rogachova of Yastrabi. Pazhuj, do either of us feel that anyone either than Ignatyev has any chance of winning this?

P: Ayleeth and Denisov would be okay choices, I guess, but Ignatyev deserves to win.

A: I don’t even know if they’d be okay choices, it’ll be robbery if Ignatyev get passed up for this.

P: He’s already been for two other categories.

A: I know, I’m worried. Well, let’s examine the results. In the first round of voting, Rogachova is eliminated with 15.65 percent of the vote. In the second round, Ayleeth is eliminated with 21.09 percent of the vote. In the third round, Hazhathaniam is eliminated with 21.77 percent of the vote. And, at last, in the fourth round, 51.71 percent goes to… Ignatyev! Woof, what a close one! I’m relieved, I have to say! Baltabek Ignatyev; a highly deserving Goalkeeper of the Year.

P: Square one for any club that allows the fewest goals in the league? Goalkeeper. It’s always, always, always a quality goalkeeper. Ignatyev turned out to be quality and a half. He’s a future national team selection without a doubt.

A: A not-very-distant future.

P: Let’s hope so. Defender of the Year is up next, right, Anton?

A: Correct. Any particular selections you think ought to be on the shortlist, Pazhuj?

P: Mizirov and Hu.

A: He said with a smile, listeners. You want to see them get nominations because they’re your former teammates at Vulkan, don’t you?

P: Totally unrelated to that.

A: Riiiiight. Anyway, here are the nominations: Jahat Chahachim of Juvapanam, Pepe Raúl Corretja of Shadows, Jacinta Elminster of Shadows, Ryurik Mizirov of Vulkan, and Zaqazha Uharhi of Shadows.

P: Hey, one of them made it on there!

A: If it makes you feel better, but just to warn you, that's the first nomination for any Vulkan player so far.

P: And likely the last, Anton.

A: Fair enough. Results! In the first round of voting, Corretja is eliminated with 17.01 percent of the vote. In the second round of voting, Elminster is eliminated with 17.69 percent of the vote. In the third round, Chahachim is eliminated with 21.09 percent of the vote. That means your buddy Mizirov is still in the running, Pazhuj!

P: I didn't see this coming! Come on, Ricky!

A: Again going down to the wire, the final round of voting comes back with the following results: with 51.7 percent of the vote, it's Uharhi! Zaqazha Uharhi: 5244 Defender of the Year.

P: That's okay. That's okay.

A: You didn't even seriously think Mizirov would get a nomination, and he finished second overall in the voting!

P: Yeah! Glad the voters were willing to recognize his season... he was pretty good, after all.

A: Was he?

P: Sure. Everyone remembers his first season at Vulkan, most of all me. I had to spend most of that year shouting myself hoarse at him because he was constantly out of position. Frankly, his first year with Vulkan was rubbish. So everyone remembers that. But since then he's improved by leaps and bounds. Look at his performance for the national team over in Rejistania at the Cup of Harmony for instance. He filled in for the guy he just finished second to, Uharhi, and started every game! You didn't hear about him, but you should have, because he was great.

A: So what of Uharhi?

P: I mean, yeah. Understandable that he's won it... it's a remarkable story, coming back from the very serious ligament injury he had. And his first season back he captained the team that allowed the fewest goals... how does he not win Defender of the Year?

A: I don't even know why we're going to bother with Midfielder of the Year nominations, Ghur has had this wrapped up for months, but... agh, fine. The nominations for the Midfielder of the Year Award are as follows: Šušan'ikara Ghur of Juvapanam, Vsevolod Ogorodov of Urajbina, Fušia Oujadda of Juvapanam, Slava Semënov of Krevetka, and Aleksei Vazavorski of Urajbina. Is this going to be at all close, Pazhuj?

P: No. Ghur. Don't remind me.

A: Who do you think should win?

P: Ogorodov.

A: An Urajbina player, no surprise there. Well, here are the results. In the first round of voting, Oujadda is eliminated with 15.65 percent of the vote. In the second round, Semënov is eliminated with 22.45 percent of the vote. And in the third round, we have a majority: with 53.74 percent of the vote, the Midfielder of the Year is... Ghur! No surprises here, Šušan'ikara Ghur is the winner of Midfielder of the Year in 5244.

P: Ugh.

A: Again, you might poo-poo this selection, but this guy embodied the perfect midfielder this year.

P: Fine. Sooner we move on, the better, though.

A: Captain of the champions of the First Division.

P: Shut up.

A: Greatest player in the history of the Federation.

P: Where's that dustbin?

A: All right, all right, no puking, Pazhuj. We have to move on anyway, Striker of the Year is up. This ought to be a tricky category, no matter how they announce the nominations, I can't see any single frontrunner.

P: No, in the nominations we should see Chadi, Aznabaev, and Khorkuleva, but who knows who'll win?

A: Okay. Here are those nominations for Striker of the Year: Narniel Amandguord of Krevetka, Juliet Burke of Urajbina, Charhaghezh Chadi of Urajbina, Anastasia Khorkuleva of Therakham, and Chaya Vuhumkara of FKM. There you go. Wait, no Aznabaev? No one from Yastrabi at all? They finished second! And Vuhumkara? What is he doing there?

P: Good question. Why is he there?

A: I don't know, because of last year?

P: Well, but these are awards for this year. Vuhumkara's been crap this year.

A: I mean, yeah, I wouldn't say he's been crap, but his form has been very poor. Well he won't win anyway, so let us just move on. Here's the voting. In the first round of voting, Amandguord is eliminated with 16.33 percent of the vote. In the second round, Khorkuleva is eliminated with 22.45 percent of the vote. In the third round, Burke is eliminated with 31.30 percent of the vote. That leaves Chadi and Vuhumkara for the fourth round. Results: with exactly two-thirds of the vote, the winner is... Chadi! The Striker of the Year is Charha Chadi! Hey, Pazhuj, an Urajbina player finally won an award! That must make you a happy guy!

P: Well, I don't know Chadi personally, as when I was at Urajbina he was still in the Angels youth system.

A: Ah, yes, that's right.

P: But I can still attest to the year he had on the pitch. Chadi had a fantastic year, and were it not for that heartbreaking sequence of losses late in the year, he would have led his team to the title and been the odds-on favorite to win Player of the Year, not just Striker of the Year.

A: Two categories left. Next up: Manager of the Year. You might want to look away for this, Pazhuj. Your joy at a win for an Urajbina player may be about to fade into irritation at a win for a Juvapanam manager.

P: I know, I know.

A: Well as long as you're ready, here we go. Nominations for Manager of the Year: Wladyslaw Bashirskaya of Yastrabi, Šudhan Chahachim of Juvapanam, Cheslav Isyanov of FKM, Miron Stefanyshyn of Shadows, Prosha Tsilevich of Urajbina.

P: Another easy prediction, Anton.

A: Yup. Chahachim. His 2-1-2-1-4 formation and all-out attack tactics were so experimental that no one, and I mean no one, thought they would work. Now Juvapanam are champions. Let's get going then with the results: in the first round of voting, Isyanov is eliminated with 14.97 percent of the vote. In the second round, Bashirskaya is eliminated with 21.09 percent of the vote. In the third round, Stefanyshyn is eliminated with 21.77 percent of the vote. So it took a final and fourth round to decide the Manager of the Year Award. In that round, 53.75 percent of the vote was enough to anoint Šudhan Chahachim the winner. Šudhan Chahachim, Manager of the Year.

P: Yup. We've talked about it.

A: Yes we have. Congratulations to Mr. Chahachim and his side.

P: Well, this brings us to the big prize, doesn't it, Anton? Player of the Year. You ready?

A: I'm ready.

P: Who do you think will win?

A: Ah... well obviously Ghur, Uharhi, and Chadi are all going to be up there on the list. I can't help but wonder if voters won't try and avoid the Urajbina/Juvapanam conflict and go neutral, which would mean Uharhi.

P: Plus there is a sentimental value to voting for Uharhi, he's come back from that horrible injury... everything's lining up for him.

A: Right.

P: Now that I've said that, though, Ghur will probably win.

A: Let's see. Nominees for Player of the Year: Charhaghezh Chadi of Urajbina, Šušan'ikara Ghur of Juvapanam, Vsevolod Ogorodov of Urajbina, Fušia Oujadda of Juvapanam, and Zaqazha Uharhi of Shadows.

P: There's the three guys I mentioned, plus Ogorodov and Oujadda.

A: Do either of those two have a chance?

P: Ehhh... maybe. If the Ghur and Oujadda voters split, the really passionate Ogorodov camp could pull something off.

A: All right. Results. In the first round of voting, Oujadda is eliminated with 14.29 percent of the vote. In the second round, Chadi is eliminated with 21.77 percent of the vote. In the third round, Ogorodov is eliminated with 32.66 percent of the vote. So it all comes down to this. Will the Player of the Year be announced as Ghur or Uharhi? The result is here... with 52.39 percent of the vote... the Player of the Year is... Ghur! The 5244 Player of the Year is Šušan'ikara Ghur!

P: Oh, to hell with this, I'm off.

A: Pazhuj! Pazhuj, come back, man! You knew this was coming, come on, man! What the hell?! Okay, listeners, I'll be right back, I have to go back to get Pazhuj, he's clearly distraught.

<generic three-toned jingle>

"This... is UIB 103."

Young Player of the Year: Fušia Oujadda (Juvapanam)
Comeback Player of the Year: Šušan'ikara Ghur (Juvapanam)
Purchase of the Year: Innokentiy Vaskaryev (Urnabhi)
Goalkeeper of the Year: Baltabek Ignatyev (Shadows)
Defender of the Year: Zaqazha Uharhi (Shadows)
Midfielder of the Year: Šušan'ikara Ghur (Juvapanam)
Striker of the Year: Charha Chadi (Urajbina)
Manager of the Year: Šudhan Chahachim (Juvapanam)
Player of the Year: Šušan'ikara Ghur (Juvapanam)

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Score

The Federation 2
Meguroko 1

Summary

SNOWHILL FIELD, MEGUROKO - The national team of the Federation is off to a good start in the Publisher's Cup after a strong performance in Meguroko that saw Baba Yaga's flexible two-half strategy work a treat. Chaya Vuhumkara continues to excel for Kagdazka and Pazhujebu as he scored in first-half stoppage time and Fušia Oujadda netted her first goal for the Urchins. Swartaz are up next in round two of the Cup.

Match Report

KAGDAZKA AND PAZHUJEBU STARTING XI
1 GK Ichuvihaja
2 DF Chahachim
3 DF Vaskaryev
4 MF Oujadda
5 DF Timriz
6 DF Mizirov
7 MF Nikolic
8 MF Spiridonov
9 ST Vuhumkara
10 MF Ghur
11 DF Radic

SUBSTITUTIONS
65’ MF #19 Thašighi enters for MF #7 Nikolic
73’ ST #22 Narozhylenko enters for DF #5 Timriz
88’ MF #17 Semënov enters for DF #11 Radic

GOALS
Vuhumkara (KPZ) 45’
Vovich (MGR) 49’ (penalty)
Oujadda (KPZ) 54’

CAUTIONS
Vovich (MGR) 7’
C. Drabo (MGR) 22’
Oujadda (KPZ) 24’
Nikolic (KPZ) 64’
Noxovich (MGR) 67’
Thasighi (KPZ) 76’

EXPULSIONS

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Score

The Federation 1
Silver Beach 1

Summary

ZHEVASSI, PAZHUJEB ISLANDS - The first half of the Federation's first World Cup qualifier against Silver Beach was an almost-total disaster, as the visitors snatched a goal from a corner kick and Jahat Chahachim was forced to leave with a gruesome injury, but the home side roared back from the 60th minute onwards and at last the bow broke in minute 81 as Lazar Nikolic unleashed an absolute firecracker to equalize.

Match Report

KAGDAZKA AND PAZHUJEBU STARTING XI
1 GK Ichuvihaja
2 DF Chahachim
3 DF Vaskaryev
4 MF Oujadda
5 DF Timriz
6 DF Mizirov
7 MF Nikolic
8 MF Spiridonov
9 ST Vuhumkara
10 MF Ghur
11 DF Radic

SUBSTITUTIONS
43’ ST #18 Khorkuleva enters for DF #2 Chahachim
88’ MF #17 Semënov enters for DF #6 Mizirov
90’ MF #19 Thašighi enters for MF #8 Spiridonov

GOALS
Jenkins (SVB) 32’
Nikolic (KPZ) 81’

CAUTIONS
Lushinski (SVB) 5’
Vuhumkara (KPZ) 6’
Wilson (SVB) 11’
Edwards (SVB) 45’

EXPULSIONS

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Score

The Federation 1
Grupo Capivara Seu Creysson 1

Summary

OKTYABRSK, KAGDAZKA - "They could be the kingmakers in Zone 10," warned manager Baba Yaga seriously before the match. Though most in the media didn't value the opposition's chances nearly as highly, they ought to have. The visiting team from the Capivara Group used bizarre tactics and hit on the Federation's female players throughout the game, but they still looked the better side on the day, which surely the Banditi Zaliv Stadion occupants had not expected. Only a truly fluky own goal by the Çelessãu saved a point for the wisteria-and-green-clad side. A minor injury forced Fušia Oujadda to leave the game within the first ten minutes, but she should return for the Federation's next game without any trouble.

Match Report

KAGDAZKA AND PAZHUJEBU STARTING XI
1 GK Ichuvihaja
3 DF Vaskaryev
4 MF Oujadda
5 DF Timriz
6 DF Mizirov
7 MF Nikolic
8 MF Spiridonov
9 ST Vuhumkara
10 MF Ghur
11 DF Radic
21 DF Bhara

SUBSTITUTIONS
6’ MF #15 Razava enters for MF #4 Oujadda
76’ MF #17 Semënov enters for DF #6 Mizirov
76’ MF #13 Vasilisa enters for MF #10 Ghur

GOALS
Zaroio (GCV) 9’
Kyterio (GCV) 48’ (own goal)

CAUTIONS
Kyterio (GCV) 27’
Vuhumkara (KPZ) 53’

EXPULSIONS

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Score

The Federation 4
Redhistames 0

Summary

REDHISTAMES - Lighting problems made this night game a bit dicey; it was difficult for the Federation's fans, staff, and players to see the opposition or the country which they represented. But whatever Redhistames looks like and whatever they do there, evidently football is not high on the pecking order, as their team was easily put to sword by a far superior Kagdazka and Pazhujebu side. Oujadda made a late appearance as a substitute and seemed to be fine, so she ought to return to the starting lineup shortly. Ghur earned man of the match honors for his brace.

Match Report

KAGDAZKA AND PAZHUJEBU STARTING XI
1 GK Ichuvihaja
3 DF Vaskaryev
5 DF Timriz
6 DF Mizirov
7 MF Nikolic
8 MF Spiridonov
9 ST Vuhumkara
10 MF Ghur
11 DF Radic
15 MF Razava
21 DF Bhara

SUBSTITUTIONS
65’ ST #14 Chadi enters for DF #21 Bhara
74’ MF #4 Oujadda enters for DF #5 Timriz
81’ ST #12 Zedafski enters for ST #9 Vuhumkara

GOALS
Mizirov (KPZ) 19’
Ghur (KPZ) 31’
Ghur (KPZ) 47’ (penalty)
Spiridonov (KPZ) 70’

CAUTIONS
<opposing player> (RDH) 46’
<opposing player> (RDH) 62’
Radic (KPZ) 64’
<opposing player> (RDH) 70’

EXPULSIONS

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Score

The Federation 4
Tarrentum 5

Summary

URAJBINA, PAZHUJEB ISLANDS - It was a controversial night in Urajbina, but in the end the referee's decisions were overshadowed by the nine-goal two-team total. Twelve minutes into the game the score was two all, but it should have been one all, as both sides had netted a goal apiece that should have been ruled offside. But that wasn't half of it. The final twenty minutes saw a deluge of goals and a spectacular brace of howlers by Boris Timriz, as he conceded the penalty that broke the two-deadlock and scored the own goal that counted as the Falcons' fifth. Two late goals from Zedafski and Oujadda made it a close finish, but it wasn't enough. The game saw a minor injury to Vaskaryev, which he should recover from very soon.

Match Report

KAGDAZKA AND PAZHUJEBU STARTING XI
1 GK Ichuvihaja
3 DF Vaskaryev
4 MF Oujadda
5 DF Timriz
6 DF Mizirov
7 MF Nikolic
8 MF Spiridonov
9 ST Vuhumkara
10 MF Ghur
11 DF Radic
21 DF Bhara

SUBSTITUTIONS
38’ ST #22 Narozhylenko enters for DF #3 Vaskaryev
65’ ST #12 Zedafski enters for MF #7 Nikolic
78’ MF #17 Semënov enters for DF #11 Radic

GOALS
Gennesse (TAR) 2’
Sadroni (TAR) 5’
Nikolic (KPZ) 6’
Oujadda (KPZ) 12’
Gennesse (TAR) 69’ (penalty)
Qund (TAR) 74’
Timriz (KPZ) 75’ (own goal)
Zedafski (KPZ) 77’
Oujadda (KPZ) 86’

CAUTIONS
Vuhumkara (KPZ) 53’
Zedafski (KPZ) 67’
Baccanelli (TAR) 68’
Spiridonov (KPZ) 92’

EXPULSIONS

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Score

The Federation 3
Swartaz 2

Summary

MIKAEL DASRA MEMORIAL STADIUM, SWARTAZ - It was a lucky thing that the Federation did not finish the match with nine men after their Publishers' Cup tie with Swartaz. As things turned out, they finished with ten. Boris Timriz, already on a 6th-minute yellow, probably should have been given his marching orders after committing the foul in the box that gave Swartaz a 38th minute penalty. But after a courageous fightback led by the superbly in-form Fušia Oujadda that put Kagdazka and Pazhujebu up three two, Ryurik Mizirov did manage to achieve the task of seeing red, and will miss the Federation's next Publishers' Cup match against Bears Armed (a tie which could very well anoint the competition's champion). One bad element: a serious injury took out Chaya Vuhumkara in the 57th minute and he will be out until after the zonal stage ends.

Match Report

KAGDAZKA AND PAZHUJEBU STARTING XI
1 GK Ichuvihaja
3 DF Vaskaryev
4 MF Oujadda
5 DF Timriz
6 DF Mizirov
7 MF Nikolic
8 MF Spiridonov
9 ST Vuhumkara
10 MF Ghur
11 DF Radic
21 DF Bhara

SUBSTITUTIONS
55’ ST #14 Chadi enters for DF #3 Vaskaryev
57’ ST #18 Khorkuleva enters for ST #9 Vuhumkara
90’ MF #15 Razava enters for MF #4 Oujadda

GOALS
Jasin (SWZ) 38’ (penalty)
Spiridonov (KPZ) 44’
Björn (SWZ) 65’
Oujadda (KPZ) 72’
Chadi (KPZ) 82’

CAUTIONS
Vaskaryev (KPZ) 2’
Timriz (KPZ) 6’
Hasse (SWZ) 16’
Jasin (SWZ) 19’
Gaisban (SWZ) 56’
Mizirov (KPZ) 62’
Oujadda (KPZ) 74’
Ghur (KPZ) 80’
Mizirov (KPZ) 88’

EXPULSIONS
Mizirov (KPZ) 88’

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Score

The Federation 2
Silver Beach 0

Summary

NORTHERN LULIKA CITY, SILVER BEACH - Nobody saw this coming, but there you have it. A two-nil road win for the Federation has put them back in control of their own destiny as far as interzonal qualification goes. What was so startling about this upset was that at no point during the match did it ever appear it was going to happen, apart from the last ten minutes when Zlatko Zedafski ruthlessly finished two very different opportunities (one very difficult, one very easy) to award his ten-man Kagdazka and Pazhujebu side three precious, precious points.

Match Report

KAGDAZKA AND PAZHUJEBU STARTING XI
1 GK Ichuvihaja
3 DF Vaskaryev
4 MF Oujadda
5 DF Timriz
6 DF Mizirov
7 MF Nikolic
8 MF Spiridonov
10 MF Ghur
11 DF Radic
14 ST Chadi
21 DF Bhara

SUBSTITUTIONS
64’ ST #22 Narozhylenko enters for DF #21 Bhara
72’ ST #12 Zedafski enters for ST #14 Chadi
94’ MF #13 Vasilisa enters for DF #6 Mizirov

GOALS
Zedafski (KPZ) 81’
Zedafski (KPZ) 87’

CAUTIONS
Mizirov (KPZ) 1’
Lushinski (SVB) 2’
Oujadda (KPZ) 8’
Radic (KPZ) 13’
Radic (KPZ) 58’
Miller (SVB) 66’

EXPULSIONS
Radic (KPZ) 58’

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Score

The Federation 3
Grupo Capivara Seu Creysson 0

Summary

ESTADIO CAPIVARA SEU CREYSSON, CAPIVARA GROUP - Though the team dressed in their home red and white put up a valiant fight on Matchday Seven of Zone 10, in the second half a flurry of effective substitutions and tactical shuffling put the game far out of reach. The very players who fans would have wanted to see on the scoresheet were all there, as Oujadda, Chadi, and Ghur all hit paydirt. The game was a lovely and impressive specimen of sportsmanlike football, with no bookings shown and only a handful of fouls.

Match Report

KAGDAZKA AND PAZHUJEBU STARTING XI
1 GK Ichuvihaja
3 DF Vaskaryev
4 MF Oujadda
5 DF Timriz
6 DF Mizirov
7 MF Nikolic
8 MF Spiridonov
10 MF Ghur
14 ST Chadi
19 MF Thašighi
21 DF Bhara

SUBSTITUTIONS
73’ ST #12 Zedafski enters for MF #8 Spiridonov
84’ ST #18 Khorkuleva enters for DF #3 Vaskaryev
86’ MF #17 Semënov enters for DF #6 Mizirov

GOALS
Oujadda (KPZ) 74’
Chadi (KPZ) 81’
Ghur (KPZ) 91’

CAUTIONS

EXPULSIONS

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Score

The Federation 4
Redhistames 0

Summary

PKETHAT ŠEDE, PAZHUJEB ISLANDS - Redhistames evidently could have done with a bit of heat conditioning as their players looked pathetically out of their depth on a sweltering evening in Pkethat Šede. Despite the Federation's usual negative first-half approach, they found themselves in front anyway as Oujadda had a brace by the 13th minute. The teenage Juvapanam right winger/striker is in unreal form and showed it with her electric pace and dynamism, a perfect contrast to Ghur's measured calmness and technique in midfield. Ghur, for his part, scored a brace himself in the second half, the first of the two being a beautiful curling free kick that seemed to defy physics. A superlative result for the Federation and one that secures promotion to the Interzonal Phase of World Cup 54 qualifying.

Match Report

KAGDAZKA AND PAZHUJEBU STARTING XI
1 GK Ichuvihaja
3 DF Vaskaryev
4 MF Oujadda
5 DF Timriz
6 DF Mizirov
7 MF Nikolic
8 MF Spiridonov
10 MF Ghur
11 DF Radic
14 ST Chadi
21 DF Bhara

SUBSTITUTIONS
57’ MF #19 Thašighi enters for MF #8 Spiridonov
67’ ST #22 Narozhylenko enters for DF #6 Mizirov
75’ MF #15 Razava enters for MF #7 Nikolic

GOALS
Oujadda (KPZ) 2’
Oujadda (KPZ) 13’
Ghur (KPZ) 67’
Ghur (KPZ) 84’

CAUTIONS
Nikolic (KPZ) 75’

EXPULSIONS

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Score

The Federation 1
Redhistames 1

Summary

TARRENTUM - Kagdazka and Pazhujebu's last match in Zone 10 play was a bit of an odd one, but in the end a draw was a fair result for two well-managed sides. Baba Yaga's tactical change-up was the major talking point for the commentators as she inverted her usual first half = defense, second half = offense tactic to just the opposite for this game; the first 45 minutes were characterized by highly aggressive attacking play from the Urchins and for it they looked the better side for the first half hour. The shots rained down on Raspu Tucadi and the Krozuy Academics keeper made several outstanding saves, particularly on an 11th minute screamer by Nikolic and a 21st minute placed shot by Oujadda after she had worked herself into space via a spectacular one two with Chadi. But against the run of play Nastromani hammered home a gilt-edged opportunity in the 36th minute to put the Falcons within arms length of the Zone 10 title.

But Tarrentum did something extraordinarily out of character in the second half by sitting back and trying to defend the lead... usually negativity isn't their game but evidently they wanted to shut down the onslaught that the Federation generally applies in second halves. If only Baba Yaga had planned to stick to script. Instead the old witch in the Kagdazka and Pazhujebu dugout had evidently planned to throw a curveball as well by simply shutting up shop and trying to snatch an equalizer at the death. The end result of these two tactics was a horrendously cynical and dull second half that utterly failed to live up to the drama of the first. An obvious 61st minute penalty that brought the Urchins level was the only thing that lightened the darkness of boredom... and from there on out it was fairly clear that both sides were more than happy with a point.

Match Report

KAGDAZKA AND PAZHUJEBU STARTING XI
1 GK Ichuvihaja
3 DF Vaskaryev
4 MF Oujadda
5 DF Timriz
6 DF Mizirov
7 MF Nikolic
8 MF Spiridonov
10 MF Ghur
11 DF Radic
14 ST Chadi
21 DF Bhara

SUBSTITUTIONS
54’ MF #13 Vasilisa enters for MF #7 Nikolic
74’ MF #17 Semënov enters for MF #10 Ghur
86’ MF #15 Razava enters for MF #4 Oujadda

GOALS
Nastromani (TAR) 36’
Ghur (KPZ) 61’ (penalty)

CAUTIONS
Bacanelli (TAR) 18’
Dax (TAR) 72’

EXPULSIONS

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Mahathu's Number One English Language Daily

First Division Transfer Window Open, Zhevassi Buying Big

Qichechumadia Zhabi - Two-time champions Zhevassi are looking to spend their way back to the top of the Federation's top flight after five major transfers that look to shore up their defense and sharpen their attack. The starting striker of Kagdazka and Pazhujebu's national football team, Chaya Vuhumkara, has signed a massive contract with the sky, orange, and metallic gold in the priciest transfer in the history of the First Division; another former champion, FKM, is 43 million rubliyals to the richer for having sold the player. Zhevassi have also acquired the services of defenders Stepan Petrachkov from Krevetka, Naum Udachin from Xenon, and Kiril Akhmetbekov from Yastrabi. Also, a unique loan-swap deal will send defensive midfielder Hranush Litvinov to Zhevassi for a year, while Leonid Shcherbina will spend a season back at the club where he first earned national fame, Vulkan.

Other deals include the sale of the nation's first Carib Kagdaz player, Nono Jariku, to Xenon from recently promoted Iguani, striker Oleg Rostov's move from Nekromanti to FKM, and Therakham's big-money acquisition of centre half Boris Timriz from Angels in exchange for cash and the right of first signage to Pocoan manager Ugo Stowell. The latter deal sees the exodus of top talent from Angels continue, while making Therakham's bid to turn the Federation's "Big 5" clubs into the "Big 6" look more and more plausible.

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Official Press Release

5245 End of Season Awards

Who were the most skilled players? Who were the most inspiring players? Who were the most useful players? The KPFA has released its official awards to the best players in the Federation's top flight's latest season. Check them out! Winners are listed in bold.

Young Player of the Year

Kiril Akhmetbekov (Zhevassi)
Aqhorassia Bhara (Urajbina)
Baltabek Ignatyev (Shadows)
Nono Jariku (Xenon)
Hranush Litvinov (Zhevassi)

Comeback Player of the Year

Daniel Levantis (Gimnasia)
Leo Shcherbina (Vulkan)
Edorta Urrustoy (Juvapanam)
Aleksei Vazavorski (Urajbina)
Chaya Vuhumkara (Zhevassi)

Purchase of the Year

Nono Jariku (Xenon)
Zohaib Khan (Urajbina)
Hakan Mendez (Juvapanam)
Boris Timriz (Therakham)
Edorta Urrustoy (Juvapanam)

Goalkeeper of the Year

S'ser Ayleeth (FKM)
Anton Denisov (Xenon)
Baltabek Ignatyev (Shadows)
Daniel Levantis (Gimnasia)
Gran Sultano (Zhevassi)

Defender of the Year

Aqhorassia Bhara (Urajbina)
Jahat Chahachim (Juvapanam)
Pepe Raúl Corretja (Shadows)
Armando Monalté (Gimnasia)
Zaqazha Uharhi (Shadows)

Midfielder of the Year

Claudio Albornos (Zhevassi)
Šušan'ikara Ghur (Juvapanam)
Zohaib Khan (Urajbina)
Aquillius Razava (Therakham)
Edorta Urrustoy (Juvapanam)

Striker of the Year

Anastasia Khorkuleva (Therakham)
Hakan Mendez (Juvapanam)
Igor Omelchenko (Zhevassi)
Leo Shcherbina (Vulkan)
Chaya Vuhumkara (Zhevassi)

Manager of the Year

Šudhan Chahachim (Juvapanam)
Brutušam Erassi (Urnabhi)
Miron Stefanyshyn (Shadows)
Pazhuj Yivashaktim (Vulkan)
Zivan Zagorinski (Gimnasia)

Player of the Year

Jahat Chahachim (Juvapanam)
Šušan'ikara Ghur (Juvapanam)
Hakan Mendez (Juvapanam)
Leo Shcherbina (Vulkan)
Edorta Urrustoy (Juvapanam)

Predictably, repeat champions Juvapanam have swept this years ceremony, winning five of the nine awards, with second-place Shadows taking two of the others. Xenon and Urajbina players won the remaining two.

Three awards, including Player of the Year, were won by Astograth's Edorta Urrustoy, whose tenacity and productivity in the rear of Juvapanam's midfield more than made up for the loss of Fušia Oujadda to transfer. His story is a particularly inspiring one, considering that he had been benched by his previous club, Urbizania Wanderers, before being transferred to Juvapanam. The performance could be illustrative of the individual's personal resolve and talent, or could be a sign of a treasure trove of football talent hidden in the relatively unknown nation of Astograth.