Whovian National League Newswire [Do not post please]

[Whovian Tardisia]

Welcome to the Whovian National Football League Newswire, proudly sponsored by the Arcadia Post!

This is where to find all updates on the Whovian National League as it determines the team that will be next to represent the nation at the upcoming World Cup, with all articles proudly provided by the Arcadia Post! Happy reading!

Please do not post in this thread for any reason. Feel free to send a TG for any compliments, concerns, or tips. Thanks for reading!

[Whovian Tardisia]

Whovian Tardisia Returning to Football Spotlight!

After two cycles of absence from the World Cup, Whovian Tardisia has once again lightened up to association football and has begun its first domestic season. This new league will determine which of nine major Whovian clubs will represent the nation in World Cup 77. The league, given the dull moniker “Whovian National League” has three divisions, each corresponding to one of the country’s districts, each division containing three teams. The Post will, as always, be keeping you up to date with the latest results, starting right now!

MATCHDAY 1
Isildur Elves 4-1 Monopolis FC
Morpork Owls 1-2 Thefton Kleptos
Mingin Maulers 0-4 Chilahoot Cubs

Watch this space for future results, and remember to pick up the Post for all your Whovian Football news!
Article provided by the Arcadia Post.

[Whovian Tardisia]

Big Cities, Big Disappointments!

Today was a massive shock to Whovian Tardisia’s three big city clubs, as the Llama City, Idris, and Arcadia teams were all walloped by teams from much smaller towns. Joss Wheeler, a defender for Arcadia FC and last year’s World Cup team captain, told the Post: “I’m just as surprised as all the fans. Those Chilahoot guys are quick on their feet! And poor Hal (Short, Arcadia FC’s goalkeeper. –Ed) didn’t have a hope in hell of stopping the ball, the speed it was going.” The story was similar from all the big city teams: the rural players were faster runners and stronger kickers. The only city club that even came close to a victory was Llama City, yet they were still beaten by double their points. We suggest the reader analyze the events themselves as we post today’s results right here!

MATCHDAY 2
Monopolis FC 2-1 Llama City Llamas
Thefton Kleptos 7-1 Idris FC
Chilahoot Cubs 5-1 Arcadia FC

For more exciting reviews and statistical results, be sure to pick up the Post again tomorrow!
Article provided by the Arcadia Post.

[Whovian Tardisia]

Idris Wallop Owls; Arcadia Mauled

In an interesting turnaround from yesterday, where Idris FC managed to pull out an astonishing victory over the Morpork Owls, beating them seven to nil. Idris’ Delroy Steed, scorer of two goals this game, told the Post: “I’ve never had to try so hard not to look smug shaking hands with those fellas. I mean, seven nil. That’s nothing to sniff at.” Morpork’s players, unfortunately, were far too embarrassed to comment. Meanwhile in the Arcadian Division, the capital’s team was once again outmatched by rural players, shocking Arcadia fans and players once again. “I don’t know how they do it.” said Arcadia forward Cuthbert Jack. “One minute you’re steaming for the goal, the next you’re trying to kick a ball that’s not there. It’s uncanny.” However, the Mingin Maulers were also struck with disbelief at their victory. “We’re not normally this good. Just a couple days ago we lost to Chilahoot.” countered Mauler midfielder Nash Graham. “Mind you, they smashed the city blokes too. It might be the northern air.” The Llama Division was rather uneventful today, with the ball only hitting the back of the net once. But feel free to ponder today’s events with the results, right down here!

MATCHDAY 3
Llama City Llamas 1-0 Isildur Elves
Idris FC 7-0 Morpork Owls
Arcadia FC 1-4 Mingin Maulers

Be sure to catch up on all the latest WNFL action tomorrow by picking up the Post once again!

Article provided by the Arcadia Post.

[Whovian Tardisia]

Llama and Tardis Divisions Tied Up; Cubs Clobbered

Yesterday was a rather suspenseful day in Monopolis on the Llama Islands, as the local Monopolis FC faced Isildur’s Elves. Unfortunately, that suspense was never relieved. In the first half, both teams managed to score, but both had one heck of a time attempting to maneuver through the other. After a hard fought first half, fans were at the edges of their seats, waiting for the tie-breaking goal that never came. Both teams came incredibly close, but the clock was run down to the final second without a ball hitting net again. Bizarrely, this was mirrored on the opposite side of the country, as the Kleptos and the Owls also tied with a goal each. “A complete coincidence, I’m sure.” said Owls midfielder Layne Eaton. “But intriguing nonetheless.” However, this was not the case in Chilahoot, as the Cubs were completely outwitted by Mingin’s Maulers. Nash Graham was again available to comment on his team’s victory, however, his ‘comments’ mostly consisted of screaming “YES!” and making some rude gestures towards the Cubs. Just for some clarity on yesterday’s events, here are the results!

MATCHDAY 4
Monopolis FC 1-1 Isildur Elves
Thefton Kleptos 1-1 Morpork Owls
Chilahoot Cubs 0-3 Mingin Maulers

The Post thanks you for your patience and apologizes for the delay. We’ll be all caught up with a double feature tomorrow, so be sure to pick up the Post so you don’t miss it!

Article provided by the Arcadia Post.

[Whovian Tardisia]

Cities Battered Again, Arcadia On Emotional Roller Coaster
Once again, Whovian Tardisia’s three big city clubs have succumbed to their rural counterparts. Arcadia FC is the most bitter though, as they put up the biggest fight. Cuthbert Jack said to the Post that: “I just about lost it in the final minute. They’d just broken the tie, and there was no way we were going to get another one through. I still can’t believe their skill. Congrats and curses to them.” Llama City was equally frustrated, as we caught midfielder Nathan Parent banging his head against a wall, and Idris’ coach didn’t even let us speak to his players, in fear we would get verbally and physically abused. That was yesterday, but today didn’t get much better for Idris and Llama City. The Llamas wound up tying their match, and Idris was beaten once more. But Arcadia managed to pull through, getting revenge on Mingin for the mauling they got a few days back. “I was so happy.” said Arcadia’s goalie, Hal Short. “They kept trying, but I stopped ‘em every time. I’m right chuffed with myself.” With that, here are the results, to analyze for yourselves!

MATCHDAY 5
Llama City Llamas 0-1 Monopolis FC
Idris FC 0-4 Thefton Kleptos
Arcadia FC 4-5 Chilahoot Cubs

MATCHDAY 6
Isildur Elves 1-1 Llama City Llamas
Morpork Owls 6-4 Idris FC
Mingin Maulers 0-5 Arcadia FC

As always, remember to pick up the Post for more football coverage!

Article provided by the Arcadia Post.

[Whovian Tardisia]

First Inter-Division Matches Leave Tardisian District on High

For the first time in the season, teams from the Llama and Tardis divisons of the league faced each other, and the results were spectacular for the latter. Although Morpork and Isildur couldn't get past each other, Idris and Thefton won dazzling victories against Llama City and Monopolis respectively. The Kleptos' Keir Duffy was all smiles as he shook hands with his opponents, and he said to the Post: "I've got a lot of good feelings about this, and what's to come. I can't wait for the next game." Idris FC's equally pleased Jerrold Winchester commented: "I hope those guys aren't too hurt. That ball just wouldn't let that goalie stop it." Said goalie, Peter Treloar, was not available for comment. Well, that's our take. Feel free to browse the results for yourself!

MATCHDAY 7

Llama City Llamas 1-8 Idris FC

Isildur Elves 0-0 Morpork Owls

Monopolis FC 1-3 Thefton Kleptos

Thanks for reading, and be sure to pick up the post again tomorrow for more football news!

[Whovian Tardisia]

Llamas Spit On Owls; Elves Glory Stolen

Two very different sentiments were felt throughout the Tardisian District today as, on one hand, Llama City’s Llamas managed an impressive second half victory over Morpork’s Owls, breaking a 2-2 tie and adding an extra goal just for show. Nathan Parent was rather smug after popping in the final goal, telling the Post: “I was as gobsmacked as the goalie. I managed to fake a pass, and he was looking the other way. When the horn went off, he almost fell over with the shock.” All we could get out of said goalie was a mumble that sounded somewhat like the words “cheeky b**tard”. Over in Thefton, however, the home crowd was thrilled to see their Kleptos pummel the visiting Elves. Isildur’s team didn’t manage to put a ball in Thefton’s net once, much to their utter disappointment. Read English, one of the Elves’ forwards, had attempted to shoot multiple times on the Kleptos’ goalie, but an opponent swooped in to stop it every time. “It was the goalie a few times, yeah, but every now and then a defender would do his job spectacularly well. Sometimes I’d blink and the ball would be going the other way.” English explained. At any rate, here are today’s results!

MATCHDAY 8
Morpork Owls 2-4 Llama City Llamas
Thefton Kleptos 4-0 Isildur Elves
Idris FC 1-0 Monopolis FC

Remember to pick up the Post for all your football reporting needs! See you again tomorrow!

Article provided by the Arcadia Post.

[Whovian Tardisia]

Elves Pummeled Once Again; Llamas and Kleptos At Stalemate

The Llama Division had a fair upset today, as not one of their home teams pulled out a win. There was a fair struggle out on the Llama Islands, as the local Monopolis team was defeated by one goal from the opposing Owls. Both teams were struggling to break through each other’s lines, and the Owl’s point was a bit of a shock. Monopolis’ Collin Nicholson told the Post: “It was punted from the halfway line at one hell of a speed. It went right between my legs, and the goalie barely missed it. It was a bit embarrassing, but I saw the replay, and it look bloody cool.” We also managed to talk to the Morpork Midfielder who scored this ludicrous goal, Layne Eaton. “I was frustrated. It was the last two minutes and I thought: ‘Bugger it, let’s just try this. I don’t care if it doesn’t work.’ But lo and behold, it did. I almost went to my knees.” Isildur’s stadium saw a lot more action, however, as the visiting team from Idris was scoring left, right, and center. After yesterday’s loss, this hit the Elves hard. They declined any interviews, with their coach hoping to give them a nice pep talk. The Llama District’s capital saw many unsatisfied fans and players alike today, with the home team and the visiting Kleptos both scoring two goals. Groans erupted from all corners of the stadium when the clock ran out with the score unresolved. Even WTSN’s camera crews expressed their dissatisfaction, booing loudly enough that their cameras picked up the audio from the integrated mics. This has led to customer complaints about bias in the network, which WTSN has refused to address. We’ll let you ponder these events yourself with today’s results.

MATCHDAY 9
Llama City Llamas 2-2 Thefton Kleptos
Isildur Elves 1-8 Idris FC
Monopolis FC 0-1 Morpork Owls

For more on the WTSN controversy, go to page 16. For more on the WNL lead up to WC77, be sure to pick up the Post again tomorrow!

Article provided by the Arcadia Post.

[Whovian Tardisia]

Llamas Crush Capital, Cubs Fans Enraged


The Arcadian Division saw a massive upset today, as not one of its teams won a match. Those in the nation’s capital, however, were least impressed, as the Llama City Llamas clobbered Arcadia FC with a merciless ten goals to nil. It was one of the most spectacular losses the country has ever seen, and drove Arcadia to refuse the customary end of game handshake. “It was terrible.” Joss Wheeler, an Arcadia defender, said to the Post. “Nothing could stop them. We’d put the ball at half, play would start, and it would be gone and halfway down our side after about ten seconds, no matter how hard we belted it the other way.” The crowd was rather heated, with many accusing the Llamas of cheating, although no evidence of this could be found. Fans of the Chilahoot Cubs who had gone down to the Llama Islands to see their team play were also outraged, due to neither team managing to score, as well as the intense heat that day. “It was blistering out there.” Cubs’ midfielder Harve McCaig commented. “It was bad enough for us, being from the colder climes, but the opposition was just as battered by it. Nobody had a hope of playing decent football like that.” The fans were hit hard by the heat too, and combining that with the lack of action, many demanded refunds on their tickets. All requests were refused however, leaving many fans sour.
If you are one of these fans, feel free to take out your rage with a marker on the results section below.

MATCHDAY 10
Llama City Llamas 10-0 Arcadia FC
Isildur Elves 4-1 Mingin Maulers
Monopolis FC 0-0 Chilahoot Cubs

Remember to pick up the Post tomorrow for more football news!

Article provided by the Arcadia Post.

[Whovian Tardisia]

Scarce Scoring Sends Spectators Silly

In a bizarre turn of events, only one match today saw a ball end up inside a net, and that was in the only goal of that match. Stadiums across the Arcadian District were packed with angry fans as their players seemingly failed completely to do their jobs. “I came here to watch football, not watch a bunch of sweaty men running about like idiots!” complained a Mr. Ronaldson, long time Post subscriber and one of the Mingin Mauler’s supporters. “It was as if they had forgotten where the goalposts were!” One of Mingin’s midfielders, Nash Graham, begged to differ. “The Llamas were playing really well today. Still on a high from yesterday, I reckon. But we were doing just as well, and managed to hold them back, as they did to us. I hear the same thing happened up in Chilahoot, so it was either that or they were freezing their ***** off.” Arcadia, scoring the only goal of the day, was grateful that they had managed it after the massive let-down yesterday. The capital’s team was observed celebrating a fair bit, and the Post reporter present did not want to interrupt the festivities. Here are today’s results:

MATCHDAY 11
Mingin Maulers 0-0 Llama City Llamas
Chilahoot Cubs 0-0 Isildur Elves
Arcadia FC 1-0 Monopolis FC

Be sure to pick up the Post tomorrow. You wouldn’t want to miss a match, would you?


Article provided by the Arcadia Post.

[Whovian Tardisia]

Arcadia Annihilated, Mingin Mauled, Cubs Clobbered


The Arcadian Division performed poorly today, leaving many fans disappointed. The Llama Division, however, was much more pleased with their results on this, their final day of the tournament. The Llamas and the Cubs played a rather intense match today, with the game sitting at a tie for most of the second half, only to be broken by the Llamas in the last two minutes with a sneaky punt that Cubs defender Calum Samuel missed only by a few centimetres. “I went for it, but it was quicker than me. It was one heck of a kick.” He admitted to the Post. Isildur and Monopolis also saw victory today, neither letting their opponents score once on them. Arcadia were rather sore about their defeat at the hands of the Elves, thanks to the hope yesterday’s victory created. Joss Wheeler appears to have lost all of them, telling us: “In my opinion, I don’t think we’re going to get to the cup. Yeah, we’ve got three day, but I don’t think it’s enough. It’s a shame, really. I had a lot of fun las time round. The universe is bonkers and I love that. I had a lot of fun.” Do you agree with Joss? Let’s help you decide that with today’s results!

MATCHDAY 12
Llama City Llamas 3-2 Chilahoot Cubs
Isildur Elves 2-0 Arcadia FC
Monopolis FC 1-0 Mingin Maulers

Remember to keep picking up the Post to find out which team will represent Whovian Tardisia at WC77! Watch this space!

Article provided by the Arcadia Post.

[Whovian Tardisia]

Idris Conquer Capital, Kleptos Capsize Cubs


Today was an exciting day, as goals ran high and spirits ran higher on Whovian pitches. Idris and Arcadia faced off, and the capital’s team came out of it worse, with Idris winning by double the points. There were some Outstanding plays by Idris, notably from Delroy Steed, who charged up the middle like a juggernaut in the first half, his teammates flanking him to avoid interception. Arcadia’s Cuthbert Jack observed: “I’ve never seen anything like it. He just went ham and his mates decided to roll with it. I swear he was calling out a battle cry as he came past.” The real stars of the day, though, were Thefton Kelptos, tripling their opponent’s score. Chilahoot’s Harve McCaig commented: “They were on fire today. Absolutely brilliant plays from the lot. It was annoying and astonishing at the same time, trying to combat it.” So how do you think the teams are shaping up? Have a ponder at the results to help!

MATCHDAY 13
Idris FC 4-2 Arcadia FC
Morpork Owls 0-1 Mingin Maulers
Thefton Kleptos 6-2 Chilahoot Cubs

Remember to keep picking up the Post to find out which team will represent Whovian Tardisia at WC77! Watch this space!

Article provided by the Arcadia Post.