World Bowl XXVIII Everything Thread (IC)

[The Fair Republic]

(FAP)-Quebec City

The Fair Republic Toucans relied on their stellar defense today to defeat Maltaland 20-0. The Toucan defense was dominant today. They only allowed 189 yards, forced 4 turnovers, returning 1 for a touchdown. "The guys played a solid game today" said coach Buck Natters."It was classic Toucan football, control the ball and play stellar defense." It was a tough first half for the Toucans. They were moving the ball, but couldn't get into scoring range. Brandon Yarlson kicked in two field goals from 55 and 58 yards after Toucan fumble recoveries to give them a 6-0 lead heading into the half. Maltaland came out strong in the second half, driving the ball deep into Toucan territory. However Tom Smith was able to jump a slant route at the 15 yardline. He brought it back to the endzone to give the Toucans some much needed breathing room. An Darius T Michael III run late in the 4th quarter was able to seal the victory. The Toucans are currently tied with the Royal Kingdom of Quebec and HUElavia for first in Group A with a 2-0 record.The Toucans play 32nd ranked Barunia next game. The Toucans need a victory here to keep up pace with the rest of the group.

Scoring Summary:
2nd Quarter:
TFR- 55 yard field goal by Brandon Yarlson (3:42) 3-0 TFR
TFR- 58 yard field goal by Brandon Yarlson (0:04) 6-0 TFR

3rd Quarter:
TFR- 85 yard interception return by Tom Smith. PAT is good (11:34) 13-0 TFR

4th Quarter:
TFR- 4 yard touchdown run by Darius T Michael III. PAT is good (2:19) 20-0 TFR

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Lord Almighty Gregory's Speech to the People

"Good evening, ladies, gentlemen, and slaves. I speak to you today of recent events out of the wicked nation of Frenline Delpha. After the incident against Oisnistan where our brave, noble Enemy Crushers crushed heathen fans, referees, and even tried to crush opposing players, the wicked land of the letterboxed snake flag released a statement threatening to invade our country and launch a military blockade if we ever try such a thing again.

"To Frenline, I say this - not a chance. You have no clue what our military is capable of. If you take any act of war against us as a result of our Enemy Crushers' actions or for any other reason, you will face your nuclear and utter destruction. We will launch nuclear weapons at you and completely obliterate you. The land known as Frenline Delpha will be no more. All your people will be dead. This is what you get for offending the Land of the Lord. Is this really what you want, Snakeland? I think not. But you apparently don't think at all because you threaten God. Nobody can threaten God and get away with it.

"Frenline Delpha had better not follow through with what they say they will. It will be interpreted as an act of war and result in a full-scale nuclear attack on all of Frenline Delpha. No more will Frenlinians terrorize our people. If they do as they say, they will be wiped off the map. And perhaps then the world will recognize me as Lord Almighty, the God of the Multiverse, who created it all. And perhaps then once the Frenlinians are sent to the Land of Eternal Punishment to be sliced with the Brownie Cutter of Death for all eternity, they will experience some remorse. Will this annul the punishment? Of course not! But perhaps they will feel some remorse anyway in the hopes that it will. Who knows? Anything is possible.

"But alas, their threats of war have already gone too far. Therefore, effective immediately, Frenline Delpha has been added to the Enemy List. This means that the killing of Frenline Delpha citizens is legal in Gregoryisgodistan, and the killer will receive a one trillion greggygodbuck reward. Of course, their athletic teams are exempt, so perhaps we will have to avoid crushing them during the World Bowl. But if random heathens from that country ever visit ours, they will be killed on sight. And the killer will receive a just reward for following the Lord's Will, carrying out my holy orders, putting the heathens in their place.

"But now, I must talk about other matters. It seams Censorina Polus, Deputy Prime Minister of Saintland, has not heeded my warnings. Therefore, I am forwarding her a recording our intelligence agency secretly took of Dumpy O'Rumpy confessing to his master plan to bring the Free Republics under the Church of Saintland and kill off the opposition. Since these agents have already given their lives for the Lord, it will not violate national security interests to divulge how they did it. These brave men disguised themselves as door to door preachers for the Church of Saintland, knocked on the door to Dumpy O'Rumpy's office, and asked him if he accepted Iesus Christus as his Lord and Savior. Dumpy, recognizing what he thought were true believers, invited them into his office and told them his whole plan. Alas, these men were really our spies, sent to spy on him and investigate the allegations of the woman impersonating Sister Polus. And for once, she is correct. Do you honestly think I would agree with that vile woman on anything if it weren't true? Of course not. And we will execute that vile woman for her involvement in the plan just as soon as we can. But for now, I thank her for revealing it. This still does not mitigate her sins, but perhaps I can instruct the executioner to put her out of her misery a little faster. Take a couple seconds off the slicing time, which normally takes a few hours with the Brownie Cutter of Death. But only if she doesn't resist. That wicked nun will die.

"But I digress. Anyway, I encourage Censorina Polus to work with us to kill the wicked Dumpy O'Rumpy and release the Church of Saintland's grip on the Free Republics and around the world. With Legion of Lucifer all dead, I'm not sure who we would install as government, but I'm sure we can stir up some resistance. We are more than capable of executing Dumpy O'Rumpy with the Brownie Cutter of Death. Maybe Censorina and I will jointly rule the Free Republics as the two Consuls until we can rid of of the Church of Saintland scum and the smart people can install their own government. But for now, Death to Dumpy O'Rumpy! Death to the Free Republics! Death to Frenline Delpha! You shall all witness The Awesome Power of the Lord!"

[Armeia]

This is basically unfinished but I don't think I can finish it before the cutoff.
Scandal - Part One

Juro Kaito's POV

The Pacific North Conference is freaking crazy. If you aren't from Armeia or the Keystone Islands, you might not know that, but as a sophomore at Illara West University, one of the powerhouses of the conference in sports, I can assure you that I'm not exaggerating. If anything, that's an understatement. If you don't believe me, just look at what happened at the Illara West vs Indies University game ten years ago; Illara won in overtime, and the Indies students replied by burning down our training facility. They beat us the next year, and so we stranded them in our city for the night by slashing all the tires on their team bus. Then, when we played at their place the season after that, their band found the Illara team hotel and kept our players up all night by playing the most annoying songs they could think of.

You could say that there's no love lost between our two schools, or any of the rival schools in the Keystone Islands, really. Which is why me and a bunch of other Illara West journalism students and athletes have decided that we're sick of their crap and that we're going to take down the Indies Warhawks the one way we know how: using our words.

One thing about Indies is that they run a dirty program. Sure, every Pac North school does, but they're the dirtiest of the conference, which is why two of their national titles are vacated, but recently they've been keeping up the appearance of being legit. That's a lie. We just have to expose them and get solid evidence, and maybe the conference will hit them harder than they did last time, when all they lost were three conference championships.

"You think we're going to get recognized?" asks the driver of the Jeep we're driving in, my friend Sato. "Last time we were in Batavia, it didn't exactly go over well," he says, referring to how we got in a fight with Indies students at the football game between our schools.

"Nah, you look five years older since then," says Lexa, the girl who gets the best grades in our class but it also somehow more street smart than me. "Besides. Nobody in Batavia can see for more than five feet in any direction because of the smog."

We all laugh as we approach the Indies Campus. "What's our cover story? That we're independent journalists or what?"

"We'll just call ourselves journalists," shrugs Lexa, looking at directions on her tablet. "No need to give more details. The number one rule of lying is that the less details you give, the better off you are."

"And they're going to let a bunch of journalists without proper ID hang around their football team? Especially when those journalists are looking for violations?" sighs Sato.

"I brought some forged identification, I'm not stupid," chuckles Lexa. "And I'm thinking that the best approach might not be to hang around the team but to hang around the students who have seen things going on with the team. They can give us leads, and firsthand quotes. The kind of stuff that starts a story. You catch my drift?"

I nod, grinning. "Yeah. I feel like we're in a spy movie or something. We get to hunt for leads in enemy territory, and we get fake identities and everything. Have I told you that you're a genius?"

"A lot of people have said that. Now, focus on finding the right exit, this highway system is a nightmare..."

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

Matchday Three Results

Watch out. Something bad's about to happen.

---

Group A
The Fair Republic 21–26 Barunia @ Stade St.Croix, Quebec City. Kickoff @ 2:30 a.m., due to broadcasting arrangements made between TVA Sports and the hosting committee.
German Ohio 15–17 HUElavia
Levivania 18–15 The Republic of Maltaland

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 HUElavia                     3    3   0   0    63   30  +33     9
2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec      2    2   0   0    64   21  +43     6
3 The Fair Republic            3    2   0   1    61   40  +21     6
4 Barunia                      2    1   0   1    40   58  −18     3
5 Levivania                    2    1   0   1    25   46  −21     3
6 German Ohio                  3    0   0   3    36   64  −28     0
7 The Republic of Maltaland    3    0   0   3    23   53  −30     0

Group B
Schottia 30–7 Gim @ Stade Lorne-Goonja de Dosan, Chicoutimi. Kickoff time @ 14:35 (Original time: 11:30). What happened was that the referee involved in a car crash on the way to the stadium and had to be replaced, except that the replacement took a long while to come because he was under obligation by his wife, a former MMA artist, to take care of their 10-month baby until 2. Once the clock hit 2, the referee brought his wife and kid to the stadium as well.
Ethane 10–21 Sioux Lookout
San Jose Guayabal 23–15 Regalius

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Schottia                3    3   0   0   119   25  +94     9
2 Abanhfleft              2    2   0   0    59    0  +59     6
3 San Jose Guayabal       2    2   0   0    44   24  +20     6
4 Regalius                3    1   0   2    35   68  −33     3
5 Sioux Lookout           3    1   0   2    30   43  −13     3
6 Gim                     1    0   0   1     7   30  −23     0
7 Gim                     1    0   0   1     0   27  −27     0
8 Ethane                  3    0   0   3    20   97  −77     0

Group C
Nassau-Hessen 16–3 Pittastria
Renetopia 17–30 San Llera
Dunpa 31–23 Atlanta-Breyer @ Iqaluit Stadium, Iqaluit. Due to snowstorm hitting the Iqaluit metropolitan area even harder during the 4th quarter, all the roads to the stadium were shut down for full 30 minutes after the game had ended. This led to extreme congestion on Iqaluit metro system on both directions from and towards the Stadium, causing a huge mess that lasted for several hours.

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 San Llera               3    3   0   0    92   34  +58     9
2 Nassau-Hessen           3    3   0   0    33    9  +24     9
3 Firebolt                2    2   0   0    55   13  +42     6
4 Dunpa                   2    1   0   1    34   52  −18     3
5 Renetopia               3    0   0   3    36   69  −33     0
6 Pittastria              2    0   0   2     3   39  −36     0
7 Atlanta-Breyer          3    0   0   3    37   74  −37     0

Group D
Gregoryisgodistan 10–6 Frenline Delpha @ Imperial Copper Stadium, Rouyn-Noranda. Kickoff at 13:41 (original kickoff time: 12:30) as hundreds of local fans, while the players were waiting, threw Dumpy O'Rumpy statues and dolls into a pile of marijuana located in one of the goal posts. Shortly after it was set on fire, with fans shouting 'Death to Polus' and 'Where's my Dumplings, Mr.Dumpy' while the goal post was on fire with thick fumes of marijuana.
Oisinistan 3–22 Banjia
Ruarikstan 0–19 Rennidan

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Gregoryisgodistan       3    3   0   0    57   15  +42     9
2 Banjia                  3    3   0   0    53   13  +40     9
3 Kaboomlandia            2    2   0   0    72   16  +56     6
4 Rennidan                3    1   0   2    35   34   +1     3
5 Frenline Delpha         2    0   0   2    22   44  −22     0
6 Ruarikstan              2    0   0   2     0   37  −37     0
7 Oisinistan              3    0   0   3     6   86  −80     0

Group E
Greater Vakolicci Haven 0–20 United States of Devonta
The Great Pond 0–17 The Central Shadow Nation
Kingdom of Ruckus 0–47 Allamunnic States @ Steelers Stadium, Saint John. Kickoff at 23:34 for some strange reason (OOC: go ahead and RP whatever you want with it).

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Allamunnic States            3    3   0   0   102   15  +87     9
2 United States of Devonta     2    2   0   0    25    3  +22     6
3 The Central Shadow Nation    3    2   0   1    38   32   +6     6
4 Greater Vakolicci Haven      3    1   0   2    40   48   −8     3
5 The Great Pond               3    1   0   2    36   52  −16     3
6 Nanocemia                    2    0   0   2    10   41  −31     0
7 Kingdom of Ruckus            2    0   0   2     5   65  −60     0

Group F
Taeshan 33–16 Neu Engollon
Armeia 23–8 Alphatheta
Nuevo Caracas 21–7 Kohr @ Steelers Stadium, Saint John. Kickoff at 19:27 (Original kickoff time: 19:15) due to an old man attempting to strip while riding a Maduro, the national animal of Nuevo Caracas, in middle of the game. He had to be subdued and then taken out of the stadium, but not before the man jumped to middle of the turf and started stripping down.

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Armeia                       3    3   0   0    69   35  +34     9
2 Taeshan                      3    2   0   1    88   54  +34     6
3 Alphatheta                   3    2   0   1    28   26   +2     6
4 Nuevo Caracas                2    1   0   1    21   20   +1     3
5 Neu Engollon                 2    1   0   1    36   50  −14     3
6 The Nation of Downination    2    0   0   2    24   45  −21     0
7 Kohr                         3    0   0   3    27   63  −36     0

Group G
Ko-oren 0–3 Thereisnogodistan @ Pavel Wilson Stadium, Kingston. Kickoff @ 23:11 due to broadcasting arrangements between QBC and the hosting committee, as well as the halftime performers in Krieg, the Kingston-based heavy metal band who's only agreed to perform if the game kicked off in 11:11 p.m. and them perform right in midnight. Fortunately the halftime show went well, aside from the amp and sound system going wild all over the stadium.
Drawkland 29–17 The Boatia
Shytysle 16–9 Bongo Johnson

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Thereisnogodistan               2    2   0   0    41    3  +38     6
2 Ko-oren                         3    2   0   1    52   10  +42     6
3 Drawkland                       3    2   0   1    66   38  +28     6
4 Shytysle                        2    2   0   0    34   16  +18     6
5 Bongo Johnson                   3    1   0   2    32   71  −39     3
6 The Boatia                      3    0   0   3    40   70  −30     0
7 Peuples Nordiques des Fleurs    2    0   0   2    11   68  −57     0

Group H
Equestrian States 38–7 Youhavenorightsistan
Chromatika 5–20 The Sword Bloke
Britonisea 18–18 Silvacometopia (23–18 OT)

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Equestrian States       3    3   0   0    96   14  +82     9
2 The Sword Bloke         3    3   0   0    69   14  +55     9
3 Cosumar                 2    2   0   0    65   20  +45     6
4 Britonisea              2    1   0   1    23   41  −18     3
5 Silvacometopia          3    0   0   3    34   77  −43     0
6 Youhavenorightsistan    2    0   0   2    17   67  −50     0
7 Chromatika              3    0   0   3    15   86  −71     0

[Abanhfleft]

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven

No Place For Heroes, Part Twelve

World Assembly Mission to Gharbambiyah (WAMIGHA) Headquarters and Liaison Office
Gharbambiyah City, Gharbambiyah

"ID please, sir," the Gharbambiyan soldier acting as security for the headquarters of the World Assembly to Gharbambiyah's headquarters in Gharbambiyah City said to the man approaching him on foot. The man was wearing a crisp white suit, and he was carrying a brown leather briefcase under his arm, and evidence of the heat having its effect on him was obvious in the growing sweat stains on the armpits of the suit. The man reached inside his suit and produced a laminated plastic card for the guard to see. The guard looked at the picture on the card and then at the face of the man in front of him, and he deemed them a match. "Go," he commanded the man, nodding his head towards the entrance of the headquarters. The man in the suit nodded his thanks and went inside.

There was another security checkpoint just inside the entrance. The man laid his suitcase down onto an X-ray machine, and he allowed himself to be patted down by a WA peacekeeper before passing through a metal detector arch. Once all that was done, he handed over his ID card to be scanned, and after it was confirmed that he was indeed the man on the ID, only then was he allowed to proceed past the checkpoint.

The World Assembly Mission to Gharbambiyah headquarters was located in an old building that had once been the site of some obscure government ministry before Isaiah Cabulovowino restructured the Gharbambiyan government into what he hoped would be a more streamlined bureaucracy. Today, the halls of the building had been occupied by the various member nations of the World Assembly that had agreed to deploy forces and aid to Gharbambiyah following the approval of the WAMIGHA. The man headed for the second floor of the building, where he knew the Fleftics had established their own little base of operations. "I would like to see General Balladur," he said to the duty officer manning the desk.

"He's in the office all the way down at the end of the hallway," she said. "Don't bother turning left or right. It's straight ahead of you."

"Thank you," the man said before heading down the hallway. Once he reached the door to the office, which was marked with a metal tag with the words GENERAL BALLADUR, he knocked three times before opening the door on his own accord. Inside he found a large man with his booted feet up on the table, a can of beer in his hand and watching the television in his office playing the highlights of the current World Bowl in Quebec. Once he saw that he had a visitor, he quickly muted the television, put his feet back down on the floor and hid the can of beer from sight. "I apologize for my looks," he said as he straightened out his sandy-brown and beige combat uniform. "I was not expecting visitors. General Rowan Balladur, Fleftic Army."

"I am Yves Avram," the visitor said, offering his hand for Balladur to shake. "I'm from the World Assembly Health Organization. I'm here because I have some news concerning your son, Rowan Benedict."

"Arby," Balladur corrected from force of habit. "He prefers Arby to any of his names."

"General Balladur, were you aware that your son was part of the WAHO's volunteer workforce in Gharbambiyah?" Avram asked.

"No, not really," Balladur replied. "I mean, I knew he was a volunteer with the WAHO, but not that he's here in Gharbambiyah. If he'd said something about him being here, then I would have made every effort to see him."

"Well, I apologize for being the bearer of bad news, but I do not think that you will be seeing your son sometime soon, at least physically."

"What?" This made Balladur sit up straighter in his seat. "What are you talking about?"

"Do you remember the attack on the WA peacekeepers by Eskalumbuye's militia in the villages outside Al Jawal?" Avram asked.

Balladur nodded his head in confirmation. "Yes, I remember," he said. "Five Oontaznik peacekeepers killed in the attacks, and at least two more were MIA. Wait a minute. You don't mean to tell me that my son has been..."

"The good news, sir, is that his captors had released video showing proof of life as well as a list of their demands." Avram stood up and opened his briefcase, revealing a single compact disc inside. He gave the disc to Balladur, who inserted it into his computer and allowed it to run. There was a video file on the disc, and as it began to play, the general was immediately greeted by the sight of his son beaten and bloodied and tied to a simple folding steel chair.

"My name is Rowan Benedict Balladur Junior," he said to the camera, "and this is proof for the World Assembly that I am still alive." The camera then cut to the paper in his hand, on which was printed an online news article detailing the attack in Al Jawal that Avram had just described. Then once again the video cut back to Arby, but this time he was now surrounded by militiamen dressed in a variety of clothing items; the only thing in common among them were the weapons that they were carrying. One rebel, taller than the others and carrying an ornate leather holster around his skeletal-thin hips, lifted up a piece of paper and began reading from it the group's demands.

"The Emirate of Al Jawal demands the immediate withdrawal of all military forces affiliated with the World Assembly from the territory of the Republic of Gharbambiyah," the rebel said to the camera. Edward Eskalumbuye and his group refused to recognize the government of Isaiah Cabulovowino as the new government of Gharbambiyah, instead preferring to still recognize the deposed transitional government of Abdullah Sulaiman, protege of Gharbambiyah's last dictator Abdul Fakkadi and currently believed to be imprisoned by Cabulovowino. "The Emirate also demands the immediate resignation of the so-called President of Gharbambiyah, General Isaiah Cabulovowino, and the immediate release of President Abdullah Sulaiman from political imprisonment and the restoration of his government. You have three days, or else he dies," he added as he pointed at Arby. Then the video ended.

"Have we been able to trace where the disc came from?" Balladur asked Avram.

"No, General," the man from the WA replied. "We have not been able to determine where the disc came from, or where the footage was taken."

"Well, then, if that's the case, then we'll be needing some help," Balladur said.

---

Chah Rajawhm National Airport
Chah Rajawhm, Gharbambiyah

Gerry Anthony opened the bottle of beer and paused to sniff the fumes coming out of it like a wine connoisseur. "Nothing better than drinking a cold Pisswasser while watching football highlights."

"You said it, Gerry," Gabriel de Galicia replied, toasting bottles with Gerry as they sat down in front of the television to watch the highlights of the World Bowl currently going on in the Royal Kingdom of Quebec.

"Such a strange time to be holding the World Bowl, though," Gab said as he reclined in his seat. "I mean, January's right in the middle of the season. A lot of the new players on the national team have to be excused from their clubs. At least it makes the second half of the FNLAF season more interesting, what with the star players and the good players playing for the country."

"And in the middle of, what was it they said, the worst snowstorm to hit their country in fifty years?" Gerry added. "I looked up the weather reports for RKQ on the Net, and temperatures are between negative five to negative 45 degrees, with heavy snow and strong winds. I mean, how can any of these players and teams even be playing in those conditions right now?"

"I mean, they're athletes playing a sport in which you're supposed to ram your head into someone else's gut. Granted, they're all wearing armor, but it's still a crazy sport if you ask me. Anyway, how are our boys doing over there?"

"Good, actually. Two back-to-back wins, and two back-to-back shutouts. I mean, I know not to be too optimistic after what happened to us in World Bowl XXVI. And I may go to hell for this, but maybe the crash of Flight 5116 was actually a good thing for our team in the long run. Many of our players in Electrum looked like they were completely knackered as the group stage went on, and they were also probably one of the oldest average squads in the tournament. Also, Marcus Tanner's tactics were becoming a little too predictable for the opposition. We needed a new face in management is what I thought while I was watching the game against Pasneila. And while it didn't happen the way I thought it should've happened, at least the change has been good."

"Good morning, boys," Ellie Quest said as she and Elizabeth Glenn, the youngest member of the unit, passed by Gerry and Gab. "Whatcha watching?"

"Oh, just the highlights of Abanhfleft's campaign in the World Bowl," Gerry replied. "If watching grown men crash into each other for a brown egg-shaped 'ball' in negative ten degrees weather is your thing, then I think you ladies will like watching this."

"Gerry, Gerry, look at this!" Gab said. "Ethane's defense is so pathetic, it's not even funny anymore."

"Can anyone tell us what's going on?" Lizzie asked.

"We already have a substantial lead over Ethane," Gerry explained, "but since it's so cold over in Quebec, we're not exactly in the mood to run up the score and exert ourselves too much. Still, we're 30-0 up, and... watch this, this is good. We've pushed the Ethane offense deep into their half, and their quarterback's still in the end zone, and..."

"Sack!" Gerry and Gab shouted at the same time as Minh Duong, one of the Fleftic national team's new recruits, tackled the Ethane QB in his own end zone.

"Men," Ellie scoffed as she shook her head and walked away, with Lizzie following her. Right at that moment, Gerry's cellphone rang. "Anthony," he said. "Yes, this is Gerry Anthony. No, we are not doing anything at the moment. Yes, we can come down there immediately. Chah Rajawhm is just a few minutes away from the capital. Yes, sir; we'll be there."

"Who was that?" Gab asked.

"General Balladur from WAMIGHA," Gerry replied. "He says that he needs our help."

"Did he ask for us or for you specifically?"

"Does it matter? Let's just get to the capital ASAP, okay? Ellie!" Gerry called out. "We've got a meeting with the Fleftic general of WAMIGHA. Let's go!"

[Barunia]

The Barunian Sea Cows got their first win of World Bowl 28, with a narrow 5 point victory over the Fair Republic, the final score line reading "The Fair Republic 21–26 Barunia".

The Barunians got off to a flyer, scoring two touchdowns inside the first fifteen minutes. The first came from tight end Simon Nobel, before a typically Barunian running play saw running back Daniel Caruso run past a placid Republican defence. Indeed, the Fair Republic appeared to be asleep on their feet, perhaps because of the lateness, or more accurately the earliness, of the hour.

However, the Republicans did score after a mistake from safety Brett James allowed their receiver acres of space to catch the ball and run unopposed into the end zone for a twenty-yard touchdown. That seemed to wake them up a little, and they scored again at the end of the first half to leave the score 14-14 at the break.

On the third play of the second half, Ryan Dunne through a bad pass that was intercepted and run into the end zone to give the Fair Republic the lead. As they've done so many times in the past, the Barunians fell back to their kickers. Samuel Arkwright missed one on the edge of the range, but the Sea Cows soon had the ball again off a Republican team that seemed to be getting slower as the game progressed. This time Bill Holman did not miss, and the score was Fair Republic 21 - 17 Barunia.

With the Fair Republic seemingly dead on their feet, it wasn't long beefier they made a mistake, and a lazy pass was easily picked by Marc DeLeon and run deep into their territory, before quarterback John Garamond ran it home himself to give the Barunians the lead. Holman sliced the kick though, burying his foot in the snow and sending up lots of white powder, including some through the uprights, but no ball.

The Barunians were then able to shut down a lacklustre Republican attack for the remainder of the match, and when they had the ball in field goal range, they called on little used kicker Joshua Bell to have a crack. He did, and nailed it dead centre to give the Barunians a 5 point lead.

When asked how they had adapted to the conditions, David McCall said, "We're getting a little better, but we're still struggling with the snow. I think what helped us tonight was the time. I think our opponents were falling asleep out there."
When asked why the Barunians seemed better able to cope with the 2.30am start, McCall responded, "Most of us are students. I mean, it's not bedtime for us yet."

[Bongo Johnson]

CHAPTER 3 - Working Out The Kinks

Ted thumbed over last night's reports as he sipped from a mug of chamomile tea. The winter was starting to get to him and more specifically, his nose. He hated stuffy noses more than he hated the numbers printed in bold red ink scattered across the four pages he was holding in his hand. That made his tolerance for negative results wear particularly thin. Groaning quietly as he scanned through the last page of the report, he picked up the phone. He hated picking up the phone with a stuffy nose and wondered why God had aligned the stars like this for him.

Coach Murbag was likewise reading reports halfway across the globe, though his beverage of choice was a stiff rum and Coke. It might have been early morning back in the States, but it was going to be a late night in TRK Quebec and Zack could feel it. The statistics from the last two matchday losses ran through his mind as he tried to plan his best defensive arrangement for the next. His team was back together, but they couldn't seem to hold it together long enough to win the game. As always, they started strong and fizzled out as the game went on. They were low scoring, he rationalized, but they should have been won. Maybe he'll trust his team to run a 3-4 man coverage. His phone rang from across the room, drawing Coach out of his gameplan and into reality. He set down his glass and stumbled over to the wall.

"Murbag. Who the hell is this?" He was mildly peeved that someone had interrupted his drinking time.

"Damnit, Zack, don't you have caller I.D. out there? It's me, Ted."

"I got a landline out here, pal, there's no such thing as caller I.D. when your handset is thirty years old. To what do I owe the pleasure of what must be an early morning phone call? I been drinking." The drink always brought out the best in Zack's camaraderie. It toed the fine line of being facetious and being sincere, but he was a football coach and never really concerned himself with proper small talk etiquette. His candor suited him just fine.

"Well, you got a big fuckin' problem, pal, and unless we discuss what we're gonna do about it, your quarterback is going to collapse into a giant puddle of jelly by Friday." Ted followed Zack's suit and cut straight to the point. No point in niceties when you've got a stuffy nose.

Coach Murbag stood up straighter against the wall. What did he mean, his quarterback was going to fall apart? His drunken friendliness nosedived into seriousness.

"Huh? Jangles? What's the deal?"

"Well, coach, when we first started Lazarus we didn't account for temperatures south of negative twenty all the time. The surgical implants we used are degrading at a much faster rate in the cold than we anticipated. Are you getting me, chief? Let me put it to you this way: your quarterback is fucked if we don't do something, and fast. You won't make it one day past the end of the group stage, if you can get through it, that is." Ted smiled to himself at his little jab. He hated his stuffy nose, that was for certain. But he loved getting under the coach's skin.

Murbag threw his head back and heaved a great big sigh from somewhere deep within his lungs. This was not what he wanted to hear from Ted. He wanted to hear that anything Jimbo-related was coming up roses and that he had just gotten a raise. Wait, no, that was the rum that wanted the raise. Raised to his mouth and poured down his gullet. What he wanted was to win, goddamnit!

"Well Ted, you're the damned scientist, you tell me what needs to happen and I'll do it. I need Jangles on the field for the next game, no questions asked. If we drop another game, we're going to be in some serious trouble for making it through the group stage." Zack's tone fell from excited to depressed. He was letting himself down.

"I'm sending you a package. These are some custom Cortisol injections Dr. Al synthesized for him. Really heavy duty stuff I guess. We're sending it via private carrier because we ain't risking this stuff getting lost in customs. You bring Jimbo into the trainer's room a couple hours before the next game, stick 'em with a dose right to his chest, and fingers crossed you'll be good. Need me to repeat any of that, booze brain?" Ted was laughing now. He had forgotten about his stuffy nose and not even the donkey sounds coming out of his mouth could remind him. Messing with Coach Murbag was therapeutic in many ways.

"You got it, Ted. Thanks. Now I'm hanging up and pouring another stiff one. Get back to your paperwork, desktop dick." The insult was weak, but he was drunk, so he laughed anyway and hung up the receiver before Ted could zing him back.

"Heh, yeah I got him good" he whispered, downing the last of his old beverage and preparing to pour another one. Things were going to be alright, he hoped.

[Drawkland]

The Grid Corps was spending their time in the Royal Kingdom of Quebec at a hotel in downtown Kingston. Manager Sam Willis had made sure that the hotel they were staying at didn't have any other teams spending their time there as well. Willis desired this so that they could permanently "rent out" the space in a conference room on the second floor of the high-rise. And so, this was where the athletes spent most of their time, when they weren't practicing, playing, studying, sleeping, or taking care of hygiene, though some preferred to converse privately in their rooms with their roommates.

The players had transformed the conference room into more of a lounge, moving tables and chairs to make a more communal and chatty atmosphere. Presently, QB Dak Waterman, WR Daniel Madison, FS Wil Comso, and RB Robert Lim were in a group of comfortable chairs arranged in a circle. It was a few hours after they took a 29-17 win over The Boatia.

"... we still gave up 2 TD's and a field goal," Lim pointed out.
"But compared to our 4 TD's and field goal, we blew them out," Madison replied.
Waterman shook his head, "Our special teams needs to get used to this ridiculous wind. Missing 2 PATs in one game is awful, and it may come around to bite us."
The group sat in silence. Another group of teammates left the room to go upstairs to their rooms to sleep.
"GodDAMN it's cold here!" Comso called out after a few moments of silence. Of course, that complaint had made its circuits around the Drawkland team's mouths repeatedly, and they'd not even been there a week.
"Shut your trap, Wil," Lim groaned immediately after, "Try playing half your games up on the North Hook up here in Cove Port. You'll get used to it, quit being a puss," he scolded.
"I mean, he's right though. The temp dropped down to 10 below during the Shytysle-Bongo game. Thank God we got out of there when it was only -7," Madison pointed out.
"Hey, come on now," Waterman spoke up, "Us and Group E are the only ones above -10, plus it isn't even snowing. Jeez, I bet the Greggles or the Kaboomers or the Snaketies would bomb a school to get only 10 below with clear skies."
"It doesn't even get over -30 in Iqaluit ... " Madison said while checking his phone for data.
"Shit, isn't that where the final is?" Comso remembers.
"Well ... all the more incentive to losing in the group stage," Lim shrugs.
"Hey man, quit that talk," Waterman reprimanded, "I don't care if we have to go up against Bongo or we lost to Ko-oren. We still have a decent shot at making the tourney."
"Yeah, that's what the Net Corps said after Matchday 3 at the IBC," Lim retorted.
"Look, those basket-bitches are trash and you know it. They didn't even have a winning record and WE'RE a foot taller than anyone that stepped on the courts in Valladares," Madison chimed in.
Waterman regretfully nods at Madison, "I hate to say it, but they didn't give us the hottest debut into international sports. But that's not our problem, that's our job. We gotta show the world what we can do, and there's no better way to do it than wrecking Bongo Johnson or getting back at Ko-oren by beating them out into the tourney. Hell, I don't care if we lose out in the round of 16. We gotta at least prove something. And even if we miss out, a 3rd place finish would not only leave a decent legacy for the future of the Grid Corps, but it would still be damn impressive. And also, way better than the Net Corps."
Lim and Comso quieted down after that. Madison gave a small goodbye and headed up to his room. Waterman did the same a moment later. No other players remained in the conference room. Lim checked the time and nods at Comso, "Yeah Wil, it's half past 2. We oughta head up to bed as well."
Lim stood and walked out. Comso stayed for a minute longer, looking out the window.
"It's still damn cold," he muttered to himself before turning off the lights and heading to the elevator.

[Schottia]

'This is absolutely ridiculous!' Lewis Patterson paced around in a thunderous mood, as his players sat suited and booted ready to take to the field. 'What is the bloody hold up this time?' He ranted at his assistant Sarah Leighton, even though he knew it wasn't her fault. 'I mean, the guys have been ready to go for half an hour!'

'I'm really not sure Lewis, I guess they'll send someone along to inform us as soon as they know anything.' Sarah was a rather meek and diffident individual meaning that her reply was, well, rather meek and diffident. 'I suppose there must be a good reason, maybe the snow?' She offered with a half-hearted shrug of the shoulders.

'I'll give them snow!' Lewis snapped. His preparations were totally out of the window, his team talk in tatters and the momentum he had built up was gone. It wasn't great when thirty minutes after whipping your players up to go out there and "Give'em Hell!" they were sitting twiddling their thumbs in the dressing room.

At that the door opened, and in trod Steven Gregg, Lewis' other assistant who had been sent out to gather what information he could. From his gait, and the way his head was bowed low, Lewis knew it wouldn't be news he wanted to hear.

'Just tell me Steve.' Lewis placed his head in his hands in preparation for the no doubt ridiculous turn of events, which were sure to follow. 'Honestly, there is nothing you could say that could surprise me any more.'

'Well.' Steve began with much trepidation. 'There is a problem with the referee...'

'Oh my God!' Lewis couldn't keep his temper in check. 'What is the problem with the referees in this tournament. They are either late, collapsing in the middle of the pitch, or too busy stuffing their faces to be here on time.' He sighed. 'What is it this time?'

'Well there is good news and bad news, and, eh, well a bit more bad news...' He waited for a second studying Lewis' reaction to see if he should continue. Eventually he received the nod he was looking for. 'The bad news is: the referee was involved in a car accident. The bit of good news is: that there is one man who can replace him!'

'Okay well that is good news.' Lewis looked up a little reassured. 'I assume now you're going to tell me why he can't be here?'

Steve smiled nervously. 'Well yes. The other bad new is: the referee in question has a ten month old baby and needs to look after him or her until his wife gets back, so it may be some time yet before he can leave.'

'Well are they doing anything to hurry the situation along?' Lewis asked finally. 'The team can't sit here all day.'

'Yes, well, eh, not sure. You see.' Steve laughed nervously. 'The gentleman's wife is... well... rather tough, and it seems no one wants to mess with her.'

'How do you mean tough? There is a stadium full of Gridiron players here!'

'Errrm... considerably tougher than that by all accounts.'

'What is she, the incredible hulk of something?'

'No! Well... No-no-no. Not quite. She is a MMA fighter.'

'What the hell is that?'

'Like mixed martial arts, sort of like cage fighting.'

Lewis turned to the team, admitting defeat. 'Right lets take ten minutes, there is no point in sitting perched here like a bunch of crows.' He shook his head. There was a chance that the delay could play into the Gimish hands. The Schottians wanted a good straight fight, so that they could push home their advantage in terms of quality. These sorts of disruptions were a terrible leveller.

'I'm going to guess there is no use in paying for a babysitter?' He asked finally, turning back to Steve, who was still standing in the doorway.

'No, apparently his wife will have to be brought along too, I'm, eh, not sure if he is allowed to leave the house without her...'

Well it could have been worse, it could have been a lot worse in fact. At least there were no bazookas or marijuana bonfires. All the same, Lewis was already longing to be back in good old boring (with a side order of quirky) Schottia.

[Banija]

The All-Banija Sports Magazine
The only nationwide publication that is all sports, all the time!

Banija defeats Oisinistan 22-3 in 3rd straight victory in the group stage of the 28th World Bowl


Banijan players celebrate 4th quarter score

ROUYN-NORANDA - For the 3rd straight game in the 28th edition of the World Bowl, Banija once again pulled off a victory, defeating Oisinistan 22-3 on Matchday 3. The third, and final, unranked opponent of the group that Banija will play, Banija simply dominated in all aspects of the game. Even though Oisinistan put the game's first points up on the board after a defensive slugfest in the first half, Banija dominated the rest of the second half, scoring on 3 straight touchdown drives in the second half to put away their opponents and maintain their position in the race for a top two spot in Group D, to advance to the knockout stages of this great tournament.

The first half, as previously mentioned, was a defensive slugfest. As for the rest of the tournament, the game was held in cold weather, though the snow itself was light enough not to really stick to the ground. Both defenses however were able to hold their own against the other offense throughout the first half. Slawomir Kovach really struggled in the first half, as Banija was able to move the ball in the first quarter on two separate drives, but both drives ended with Kovach interceptions inside the opposing team's 30 yard line.

The offensive struggles were apparent for both sides, but especially for Banija, where there was an inability to finish drives. Many people, after the first two games of this tournament, were expecting Banija to just quickly put Oisinistan away in the first half, and race out to a big lead. That, however, would not happen. Oisinistan were fighting for their lives in this tournament, and they could not simply go away quietly. They needed to show that they had fight, and they dug deep down and stuck with Banija, even though Banija was clearly the more talented team. Making key plays in passing situations, deep inside their own territory, showed that they had a bend but don't break defense, and they were able to go to the half, tied at 0.

To start the second half, Banija kicked the ball off to Oisinistan. After making a few men miss, and after what many Banijan supporters, including Head Coach Horace Browning, deemed to be a missed holding call, they brought the opening kickoff all the way down to the Banijan 15 yard line. While the Banijan defense stood strong and stout as they held Oisnistan to a 30 yard field goal, they were actually down 3-0 to the cellar-dwellar of Group D. Banijan fans, and Banijan players, were shocked and frustrated at their team's effort.

Luckily for them, Horace Browning lit into his players, and they seemed to respond after that kickoff return. Kovach engineered a 15 play, 77 yard, 6:44 scoring drive, that ended in a 2 yard touchdown carry for Zivorad Dvorak to give Banija a 7-3 lead in the 3rd quarter. On the next possession of the ball game, Oisinistan attempted to respond by starting out their drive with a 55 yard pass play, to give them a first down and 10 at the Banijan 17 yard line. However, on the next play, the Banijan defense stepped up.

Oisinistan attempted a play-action pass to attempt to score almost immediately. Their quarterback, Gorbley Kittens, was pressured from the blind side by star Banijan defensive end Momir Litvinov, and he was brought down from the blind side, and was stripped of the football. After uncovering the pile of bodies, it turned out that defensive tackle Slawoj Shuksin had recovered the football at the Banijan 26 yard line, and had stopped the Oisinistan drive cold in its tracks. On Banija's first play from scrimmage, Kovach threw a wide receiver screen pass to Vena Resnick, who made a man miss and took the football 74 yards to the house and give Banija a 14-3 lead.

The game was over at that point. Banija had all the momentum, and Oisinistan had reacted like they had been shot in the gut by the strip sack, and then the ensuing screen pass that went the distance. A scary moment happened for Banija when, on the ensuing kickoff, kicker Nard Holling pulled a hamstring attempting to make a tackle. That is what made the scoreline 22-3, as on Banija's next touchdown, a 15 yard pass to receiver Zawisza Jablonski, Banija was forced to go for 2 as it did not have a kicker to attempt the PAT, which was converted by a pass to Vena Resnick.

With Banija's 22-3 victory, they start the tournament 3-0, which is exactly where they needed to be to have an outside chance of moving on in these group stages. However, as everybody knows, they have played the three weakest teams in the group so far. Their first real test is against a very hungry Frenline Delpha. Frenline Delpha, who are ranked 66th in the world, and are 0-2 after losing to the two top teams in the group, Kaboomlandia and Gregoryisgodistan, respectively. They are not only hungry, but they are also angry.

There has been a war of words that is quickly escalating, both politically and diplomatically, between Gregoryisgodistan and Frenline Delpha. Frenline Delpha has openly threatened war if more of their citizens are injured by citizens of Gregoryisgodistan, and Gregoryisgodistan has responded by essentially threatening nuclear attack. The football team may have plenty of distractions as they might be the reason their nation is dragged into war, but at the same time, they could serve as the rallying point of a nation, especially since this game is essentially a must-win if they want any hope of obtaining a top two spot in the group. If Banija can pull off a victory here, it will show that they are true contenders to escape Group D and hit the knockout stages, but if they lose, it will show that they are pretenders, who can beat teams weaker than them but simply cannot compete with the best of the best.

[spoiler=Statistics]Banijan Statistical Leaders:
Offense
Passing:
QB #8 Slawomir Kovach- 17-24, 266 yards, 2 TD, 2 INTs. (also threw a 2 point conversion)
Rushing:
HB #21 Zivorad Dvorak- 18 carries, 87 yards, 1 TD .
HB #25 Nayden Zacharov- 9 carries, 40 yards
FB #33 Rayko Jankovic- 2 carries, 9 yards
Receiving:
WR #1 Vena Resnick- 10 REC, 167 yards, 1 TD. (also caught a 2 point conversion)
WR #81 Zawisza Jablonski- 5 REC, 67 yards, 1 TD.
HB #21 Zivorad Dvorak- 1 REC, 16 yards.
TE #87 Wlodzimierz Cerny- 1 REC, 16 yards.

Defense
Tackles
MLB #54 Przemyslaw Gurov- 9.5 tackles, 2 TFL.
LOLB #43 Techomir Sendula- 9 tackles, 2 TFL.
FS #36 Branislav Burian- 8 tackles.
Sacks: Team total of 4.
DE #93 Momir Litvinov- 2 sacks.
LOLB #43 Techomir Sendula- 2 sacks.
Turnovers: Team total of 1(1 fumble recovery).
DE #93 Momir Litvinov- 1 FF(recovered by DT #90 Slawoj Shuksin)
CB #27 Dragutin Tomikj- 1 INT.

Special Teams
Kicking
K #3 Nard Holling: 2/2 PAT
Punting
P #2 Mathijs Norel: 6 punts(35, 51, 44, 43, 48, 46. 2 touchbacks).

[The Nation of Downination]

Jags Prepare for an Onslaught Versus the Taeshan Fitin' Falcons

---

With just a few hours to prepare, the Jags are making some adjustments to their defense as they know this will be a hard fought game. On the other side, Quarterback Delaney Hoffman is listed as Probable to play, as he recently had some therapy yesterday with that injured pulled hamstring. Before practice, Hoffman said he would be happily be 100% ready to play on Matchday #4.

"I feel fit enough to go, and I hope this'll be our fortunate breakthrough we need."

During practice, people noticed that the team have started on working on the deep passes and spreading the field. All in all, it looks like bread and butter, but everyone is anxious for a win.

"WE NEED A WIN," a local fan says with enthusiasm. "THERE MUST BE A WAY, RIGHT?!"

Local Fans are Brewing Up a "Surprise" for the Fitin' Falcons

---

There seems to be a commotion going on near Marcus A. Chang Memorial Stadium where several hundred of fans are gathered for something. Sources say they are gathering to "devise a plan" after tonight's game against the Taeshan Fitin' Falcons. One fan, who was wearing a donkey head, spoke about this plan they were conjuring.

"We're going to do something tonight, and it'll be something like from a movie or something, yet it's a secret, alright?"

Another man, who has a blue suit and a red tie, said something a bit differently than what the other fan said.

"Let's hope they're not being serious. Hopefully this won't become an earthquake or something. Or maybe something that will affect our reputation."

Whatever it is, let's hope that will cause something positive for the Jags as they pray to see an upset against the Fitin' Falcons.

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Lord Almighty Gregory's Speech to the People

"Good evening, ladies, gentlemen, and slaves. I speak to you of recent events in The Royal Kingdom of Quebec, during the World Bowl tournament. Shortly before our World Bowl game against Frenline Delpha, a most wicked nation, thousands of fans, both Gregoryisgodistani and Quebecois, threw statues and dolls of Dumpy O'Rumpy, the wicked Republican Consul who is secretly loyal to the Church of Saintland, onto the field. Then our brave, noble Enemy Crushers doused the pile with gasoline and set it on fire with a blowtorch. This earned a standing ovation from the Gregoryisgodistanis and Quebecois alike, who chanted insulting chants about Consul O'Rumpy.

"But we weren't done. Our Enemy Crushers threw 25 flags of Frenline Delpha onto the inferno. Then they threw 50 live, sedated snakes onto the fire, depicting Frenline Delpha's national animal which is pictured on the flag. All these animals, flags, and statues burned for 20 minutes before something bizarre happened. A Quebecois fan threw a bag of marijuana onto the fire. The marijuana burned and released marijuana smell into the air. This enraged the Enemy Crushers, and they ran into the stands and crushed the Quebecois stoner who ruined such a glorious and holy moment with a stoner joke. He was dead. But then the marijuana scent gave the Enemy Crushers munchies and they proceeded to eat 500 pounds of macaroni and cheese between them.

"But they weren't done. The macaroni and cheese upset their stomachs. They ran to the bathroom, but didn't get there in time, and made diarrhea all over the Frenline Delpha players, coaches, benches, and fans. They then wiped their butts with Frenline flags and threw them into the Frenline section. It was a most glorious and awesome moment for the Enemy Crushers. For this, they will receive medals of honor, as will the fans who collaborated with them to burn Dumpy O'Rumpy in effigy numerous times.

"To Frenline Delpha - do not retaliate for our Enemy Crushers' potty accident. It was completely an accident, this most certainly was not some elaborate plan to make diarrhea all over your players. No, sirree, it was not. Anyone who says it is will be executed along with their family. This is not a Suspiciously Specific Denial. Why would you think that? Because you're a heathen, that's why. So you will perish, just like Frenline Delpha will if they retaliate. As I stated earlier, any retaliation will result in Frenline Delpha's nuclear and utter destruction. They will be nuked into oblivion like we did to Hicana. And someday, if Dumpy O'Rumpy is not removed and executed by Brownie Cutter of Death, we will do the same to the Free Republics. Dumpy O'Rumpy is a rump. That's why we give him that name. He is also what comes out of the rump, aka a dump. So he is both and it is a very creative name for that reason. So Dumpy O'Rumpy, get ready to be executed. We will do so very soon, indeed. And Frenline Delpha, we would love to nuke you into oblivion and destruction if you give us an excuse. Don't, unless you want to totally and utterly perish. Our Enemy Crushers will be rewarded with greggygodbucks and medals and there is nothing you can do about it. Maybe if you weren't such heathens, this wouldn't happen to you. But maybe it would, since it was an accident, after all. Don't say it wasn't or you will be executed along with your family. I am the Lord, so my word is the Word of the Lord. Believe it or you will perish forever.

"There are just a few more things to say. Frenline Delpha, you will be wiped off the map. Dumpy O'Rumpy, you will die. Death to Frenline Delpha! Death to Free Republics! All hail the Enemy Crushers for carrying out the Will of the Lord!"

[Kaboomlandia]

Game Primer: Kaboomlandia v. Gregoryisgodistan

It's the clash of the Group D titans. The undefeated #12-ranked Phoenix are facing off against the undefeated #3 Grid Slaves. It has all the makings of a classic game. The Phoenix have the better offense, but Gregoryisgodistan has the Enemy Crushers. This crack squad of linemen weighing over 600 lbs - twice the weight of the Phoenix linemen - will make it ridiculously difficult for the Phoenix to get their run game going. Gregoryisgodistan is 3-0, but the Phoenix, while only 2-0, are coming off a shutout 38-0 win over Oisinistan - who had the misfortune of facing the Grid Slaves first. After the Phoenix-Oisinistan game, King Wulfric II even went so far as to mail a handwritten letter to head coach Assistant Sports Minister Jorgen Roth, saying:

"Thanks for softening them up for us. It's not like we had to really try or anything." - Wulfric

It's worth noting that the Oisinistanis were so battered that they only recorded six passing yards and 13 running yards all game, and only a single first down. The only reason it wasn't worse than 38-0 is that Frederic Allemande yanked all of his starters at halftime.

[Frenline Delpha]

Frenlinian Factation

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Article A

1/9/15

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Frenline Delpha Nabs Six Points, Falls by Four

Ron Porter earns three points for the Anacondas

It was a biting cold day at Imperial Copper Stadium, as was to be expected. The weather was still biting cold, and the snow just didn't stop coming. However, that was not going to stop the football games that needed to be played yesterday. Th first of which was a grudge match between Gregoryisgodistan and Frenline Delpha. Recent comments form both nations' leaders showed that their relationship was on thin ice. However, the Grid Slaves had promised not to crush any Frenlinian players to death, as their enemy crushers are known to do. The game didn't start out well as moments before kickoff, protesters started burning marijuana near one of the goalposts. The game was delayed an hour, but it eventually got underway. The Anacondas won the coin toss as the visitors on the scoreboard, and they deferred to the second half. Gregoryisgodistan chose to take the side of the field that would give them the kicking advantage, so Porter had to kick the opening kickoff into 25 MPH winds. This caused the kick to be much shorter than Porter's normal kickoff, and Air Force SuperPilot Z-Bert Gorgonzola started his return from the twenty-one. Air Force SuperPilot Z-Bert Gorgonzola managed to get all the way to the 36 before he was brought down.

Gregoryisgodistan started their drive by trying to launch a long ball at TE Tank Driver SUIERUA95. Unfortunately for the Grid Slaves, Frenlinian CB Dallas Alvarado was playing his trademark excellent coverage, and he was able to swat down the ball harmlessly before it ever reached Tank Driver SUIERUA95. Gregoryisgodistan wised up to the Anacondas strategy on second down, and they had HB Slavecatcher ZN39000ASD power up the middle. He shagged one tackler as he ran it for six yards. On third down, Gregoryisgodistan took to the air again, and the QB threw a short pass to HB Slavecatcher ZN39000ASD. The pass managed to get past the first down marker, and Gregoryisgodistan had a fresh four down to work with from the 47.

The next play took everyone on the Frenline bench by surprise. QB Grammar Enforcement Officer SLS399SSH launched a long pass towards a wide receiver doing a route close to the out of bounds line. CB Oliver Lockwood got a good jump on the ball, and it looked like he was going to come away with an interception. However, the ball bounced off Lockwood's hands and into the outstretched arms of the wide receiver. As he was falling towards the sideline, he managed to get both feet on the ground, and the 25-yard catch was secured, giving the Grid Slaves a shocking first down from the 28. However, Gregoryisgodistan only managed to get three yards with their next three downs, and they were forced to settle for a 46-yard field goal attempt. K Mathematics Teacher 2737ASH set up for the kick. The wind proved to be ineffective, as the kick sailed through the uprights with no problems, and the Grid Slaves had a three point lead.

Neither team managed a score for the rest of the first quarter, as Frenline Delpha's two drive both resulted in punts, and Gregoryisgodistan's next drive saw them failing to get the three yards required for a fourth down conversion. As Gregoryisgodistan was driving towards Frenline Delpha territory on their third possession, the quarter ran out. As the second quarter commenced, the Grid Slaves found themselves with a third down and six from their 31. QB Grammar Enforcement Officer SLS399SSH called a play-action pass. Unfortunately for the Grid Slaves, the Frenlinian defense read the play like a book, and forced the quarterback to throw the ball away, making it fourth and six. Gregoryisgodistan then decided to punt the ball, and a high, short kick set the Anacondas up with position on the 38. This time, the Anacondas were working with the wind to their backs, and they took full advantage of it. The Anacondas started with a quick pass play, to prevent the enemy crushers from getting to the quarterback, and picked up eight on it. On the next play, the ball was handed off to HB Toby Sexton, and he ran it all the way to midfield for the first down. On the very next play, the enemy crusher broke through the offensive line, and Steve Moors was forced to throw the ball away before he got hit with the force of a speeding fat man. Thankfully, Moors was able to continue playing, and he lined up for second down. With the enemy crushers bearing down on him, Moors spotted HB Toby Sexton running a route open about ten yards out. He threw a quick rocket, and managed to hit him for the first down at the 39. Unfortunately, the drive stalled there, and it was soon a fourth down and nine from the 38. With the wind blowing at the Anacondas backs, the coach decided that Porter could make the 56 yarder. The distance was no problem, but it appeared that the ball was going to sail wide right. Thankfully, the ball sailed through the uprights just before the ball veered too far, and the Anacondas had tied up the game.

Gregoryisgodistan was driving closer to the goal line late in the second quarter, and they had managed to reach the 13. However, as fate would have it, FB Chef L0091 was tripped of the ball as he was trying to get a first down, and Levi Cunningham, who had been sent in on a blitz pounced on the ball, giving possession to the Anacondas with 1:51 left in the half. This break was quickly pounced on by the Anacondas, as they started driving the ball with quick pass after quick pass. In fact, with :34 left, the Anacondas found themselves facing a fourth and one. With one timeout left, they decided to go with a pass play. One quick pass later and a few broken tackles later, the Anacondas found themselves at Gregoryisgodistan's 39 with :20. The clock had been stopped by a QB spike, and it was second and ten. The coaches knew that Porter could hit the field goal, but they decided to run a couple more plays. This led to a first down for the Anacondas with five seconds left. That's when the Anacondas took their final timeout and sent out the kicking team. Porter started up his kick, but the Grid Slaves' coach called a timeout to try to ice the kicker. Thankfully, Porter managed to shake off the ice, and he put a ball through the uprights and gave the Anacondas a three point lead.

In the second half, it didn't take long for the Grid Slaves to get seven points. On third and twelve, Frenline Delpha's QB was feeling the pressure of the enemy crushers, and he threw off a desperation pass. The pass went right into the arms of a waiting linebacker, and he managed to drive through three tackles on his way to the endzone. Then, Gregoryisgodistan did something unprecedented for their team. They kicked a PAT. It split the uprights, and the Grid Slaves had a four point lead. The rest of the game saw the Anacondas trying to regain the lead, but none of them resulted in any points. In the end, the Anaocndas fell to 0-2 in the World Bowl.

Frenline Delpha     0 6 0 0  6
Gregoryisgodistan   3 0 7 0  10

[Allamunnic States]

Allamunnic States Daily
Sports - World Bowl XXVIII

Regulars shut down Kingdom of Ruckus
Bizarrely-delayed game is rout in Allamunnae's favor

In one of the stranger turns of events in a tournament that has quickly turned bizarre, the kickoff of the Regulars' match against the Kingdom of Ruckus was delayed to 23:34 by the release of several pigs onto the field as part of an ill-conceived publicity stunt. The pigs quickly proved to have a mind of their own, and it took officials several minutes to corral them and guide them off the field, and even more to clean up the mess they left behind.

The delay, mercifully, had no ill effect on the Regulars, who proceeded to blow out their opponents quite thoroughly. It was never even close, with the defense stuffing the opening drive before the run game took over, with Ella Kaarbrynn ripping off a 64-yard touchdown run on the second Allamunnic play from scrimmage.

This set the tone, and the Regulars scored again and again, going into the locker rooms at halftime with a 35-0 lead. The Regulars would rest their starters midway into the third quarter nursing a 37-0 lead, and the back-ups would add another ten points to give the final margin of victory.

The win puts the Regulars at 3-0 and firmly in the group lead, although they still need to play against the United States of Devonta, the group's second-highest-ranked team (who sit at 2-0 at present).

[Thereisnogodistan]

Pavel Wilson Stadium
Kingston, Royal Kingdom of Quebec

"All right, ladies!" Norberto Tanguay, Thereisnogodistani offensive tackle and one of the veteran members of the team, shouted as he entered the hotel room where the rest of the team was staying in for the duration of the World Bowl. "Rise and shine, boys and girl! We've got a brand new shiny game ahead of us tonight!"

"What the fuck, man?" Kelly Profit said from her bed as she tried to turn away from the direction of Tanguay's shouting. "I just fell asleep."

Norbert walked over to Kelly's bed and ripped off the blanket and comforter. "What the hell, bro!?" Kelly shouted as she tried to grab the blanket back. "I just fell asleep! And what are you talking about? We've got a game tonight? I thought it was for tomorrow!"

"No time to explain! Let's all just get into the team bus and get to the stadium ASAP!"

"What is even going on, man?" Matt Boughton asked as he got up from his sleeping bag on the floor on the hotel room. "Why are you waking us up at..." He glanced at his watch. "Ten in the evening? I mean, what the hell is going on?"

"Apparently, our game is scheduled to be televised at 11:11 this evening," Francois-Michel Nkong'o said as he entered the room. "Something about a deal with the tournament officials, the official broadcaster and the half-time show performers."

"Jesus H. Christ," Jefferey Rencher muttered. "And I thought this only happened in soccer football. They moved our game to 11:11 PM, coach?"

"Apparently, the band who's going to perform at our half-time show, some heavy metal outfit named Krieg or something like that, wants to perform at exactly midnight. And therefore our game against Ko-oren has been moved to the appropriate time, which is the aforementioned 11:11 PM kick-off."

"What a bunch of prima donnas," Rencher muttered. "All right, boys, let's do everything to make sure they don't get to do their half-time show at exactly midnight, yeah?"

"I don't think it's possible to do that," Kelly said. "But you never know. I could be wrong, and you could be right."

---

In fact, it turned out that it was Kelly who was right and Jeff Rencher who was wrong. Despite their best efforts, the second quarter ended two minutes before midnight, and the band was able to do their show exactly as they had scheduled. And perhaps it was a good thing that they were the half-time performers because the first two quarters of the game between Ko-oren and Thereisnogodistan--widely advertised as one of the must-see match-ups of the group stage--failed to live up to expectations, with the crazy kickoff time and the biting cold from the strong winds affecting both teams' gameplay.

Both teams had had chances to score in those two quarters, but none of them ever got close to their end zones, so all they had to rely on were field goals. And even those were not going in because the winds were simply not letting up, and whether it was the Ko-orenites or the Thereisnogodistanis trying to get the pigskin between the uprights, the wind was simply not cooperating. Even Yusuf Khumaira, who had a reputation as a "wind-beater," a kicker able to score even when the wind was blowing parallel to his kick, was stymied by the weird Quebecois weather. Both teams needed a touchdown, and they needed it bad.

At the start of the third quarter, Thereisnogodistan was stuck just twenty yards away from goal, and they were already on fourth down. In any other game, any team would be more than happy to take the field goal. But with a fierce wind blowing in Kingston, and with Yusuf Khumaira having already failed to score from similar positions in six attempts, Francois-Michel Nkong'o did not fancy his chances of scoring.

"We need to get something out of his game, and quick," he said to Harry Aumann, the team's former quarterback and now team advisor. "If this was any other game, I'd be happy with the field goal, but this wind..."

"I know, coach," Harry said as he rubbed his hands before putting them in the pockets of his down-filled Wenger jacket. "We have to go for it. Who knows when we'll have another opportunity like this in the game? Ko-oren looks like they're finally warming up to the game, and once their momentum gets going... well, there's no knowing what's going to happen to us in the aftermath."

"All right, Harry," Nkong'o said, nodding his head. Then he cupped his hands over his mouth and shouted at the line, "Kelly! Over here!"

Kelly Profit walked over to the coach. "Yeah, coach?" she asked as she took off her helmet.

"We're taking the kick," Nkong'o told her. "We're bringing Yusuf in. Get the team ready, okay?"

"Got that, coach," Kelly said before going back to the huddle. "We're going for the three points, boys," she said. "You all know what to do."

"Through and through!" Kelly shouted just before the snap. "Through and through! Hut, hut!" The ball flew towards Kelly's hands, and as soon as she caught it she put the pointy end on the ground and waited as Yusuf Khumaira ran towards the ball and kicked it soccer-style, with the inside of his foot. The ball flew high, and the almost immediately it went on a downward trajectory, appearing to drop tantalizingly close to the goal but not really falling there, and then to everyone's great surprise, the net behind the goal bulged, and the umpire raised both his arms in the air. It was a successful field goal. Thereisnogodistan now had three points on the board.

"Yeah!" Nkong'o and Aumann shouted at the same time. "Now let's defend this lead, and see if we can score more!"

As it turned out, Thereisnogodistan wasn't able to score any more, but so did Ko-oren, and the Atheists won the game 3-0.

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

Matchday Four Results

Beware the frost, before you get bitten by it.

---

Group A
Levivania 7–31 German Ohio
Barunia 27–19 HUElavia @ Stade St.Croix, Quebec City. Kickoff at 13:47 (original kickoff time: 13:06) because a baby, using his mega-creative referee dad's machines, projectile vomited/shitted all over the field for a minute and half.
The Fair Republic 13–28 Royal Kingdom of Quebec

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Royal Kingdom of Quebec      3    3   0   0    92   34  +58     9
2 HUElavia                     4    3   0   1    78   42  +36     9
3 Barunia                      3    2   0   1    67   77  −10     6
4 The Fair Republic            4    2   0   2    74   68   +6     6
5 German Ohio                  4    1   0   3    52   67  −15     3
6 Levivania                    3    1   0   2    32   77  −45     3
7 The Republic of Maltaland    3    0   0   3    23   53  −30     0

Group B
San Jose Guayabal 33–0 Ethane
Gim 9–23 Sioux Lookout
Schottia 29–28 Abanhfleft @ Stade Lorne-Goonja de Dosan, Chicoutimi. Kickoff at 19:30. While the kickoff was not delayed, the match had an unusual event for halftime show: an execution. A couple of Jason Azavedos, 56, and Ariana Azavedos, 58, was brought to the centre-field and, after 5 years of waiting, executed for 23 charges with the kidnapping of Diane Casey. The execution ceremony, with heightened and excited reaction from most of the Quebecois contingent present, took 12 minutes in middle of the field with the convicted set on firing squad while burning. There was no delay to the game.

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Schottia                4    4   0   0   148   53  +95    12
2 San Jose Guayabal       3    3   0   0    77   24  +53     9
3 Abanhfleft              3    2   0   1    87   29  +58     6
4 Sioux Lookout           4    2   0   2    53   52   +1     6
5 Regalius                3    1   0   2    35   68  −33     3
6 Gim                     3    0   0   3    16   80  −64     0
7 Ethane                  4    0   0   4    20  130 −110     0

Group C
Dunpa 9–0 Renetopia @ Iqaluit Stadium, Iqaluit. Kickoff @ 4:15 a.m. due to broadcasting arrangements between TVA and the hosting committee.
Pittastria 0–33 San Llera
Nassau-Hessen 33–17 Firebolt

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 San Llera               4    4   0   0   125   34  +91    12
2 Nassau-Hessen           4    4   0   0    66   26  +40    12
3 Firebolt                3    2   0   1    72   46  +26     6
4 Dunpa                   3    2   0   1    43   52   −9     6
5 Atlanta-Breyer          3    0   0   3    37   74  −37     0
6 Renetopia               4    0   0   4    36   78  −42     0
7 Pittastria              3    0   0   3     3   72  −69     0

Group D
Ruarikstan 10–21 Oisinistan
Frenline Delpha 28–26 Banjia
Gregoryisgodistan 17–0 Kaboomlandia @ Imperial Copper Stadium, Rouyn-Noranda. Kickoff at 19:30 p.m. While there was a no delay to kickoff, a quasi Westboro Baptist group stormed the field and protested with signs that say everyone is going to hell for solid 5 minutes in halftime. They were immediately arrested by local police and officers and were handed off to Gregoryisgodistani authorities to decide their fate on.

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Gregoryisgodistan       4    4   0   0    74   15  +59    12
2 Banjia                  4    3   0   1    79   41  +38     9
3 Kaboomlandia            3    2   0   1    72   33  +39     6
4 Rennidan                3    1   0   2    35   34   +1     3
5 Frenline Delpha         3    1   0   2    50   70  −20     3
6 Oisinistan              4    1   0   3    27   96  −69     3
7 Ruarikstan              3    0   0   3    10   58  −48     0

Group E
Kingdom of Ruckus 6–33 The Great Pond
United States of Devonta 11–0 The Central Shadow Nation
Greater Vakolicci Haven 21–17 Nanocemia @ Kickoff at 4:47 a.m., due to broadcasting arrangement between QBC and the hosting committee.

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Allamunnic States            3    3   0   0   102   15  +87     9
2 United States of Devonta     3    3   0   0    36    3  +33     9
3 Greater Vakolicci Haven      4    2   0   2    61   65   −4     6
4 The Central Shadow Nation    4    2   0   2    38   43   −5     6
5 The Great Pond               4    2   0   2    69   58  +11     6
6 Nanocemia                    3    0   0   3    27   62  −35     0
7 Kingdom of Ruckus            3    0   0   3    11   98  −87     0

Group F
Nuevo Caracas 9–23 Armeia
Neu Engollon 10–9 Alphatheta @ Marcus A. Chang Stadium, Sept-Iles. Kickoff @ 14:32 (kickoff: 12:30) because of a very weird sculpture on presence. In the morning of the game, local children and university football players (Universite de Sept-Iles and Universite Etoile-Nord) built a giant, heavy snowman on the field. And, so as not to ruin the work of art, the officials had to spend many hours painstakingly removing it from the field without damage.
Taeshan 7–0 The Nation of Downination

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Armeia                       4    4   0   0    92   44  +48    12
2 Taeshan                      4    3   0   1    95   54  +41     9
3 Neu Engollon                 3    2   0   1    46   59  −13     6
4 Alphatheta                   4    2   0   2    37   36   +1     6
5 Nuevo Caracas                3    1   0   2    30   43  −13     3
6 The Nation of Downination    3    0   0   3    24   52  −28     0
7 Kohr                         3    0   0   3    27   63  −36     0

Group G
Shytysle 13–27 Drawkland @ Pavel Wilson Stadium, Kingston. Kickoff at 1:11 a.m. because of broadcasting agreement made between QBC and organising committee.
Thereisnogodistan 32–13 The Boatia @ Pavel Wilson Stadium, Kingston. Kickoff at 14:30 (original kickoff time: 14:17) because lightning struck the field in both end zones multiple times, for few minutes in what was an once-in-a-lifetime moment.
Ko-oren 18–0 Peuples Nordiques des Fleurs @ Pavel Wilson Stadium, Kingston. Kickoff at 11:11 p.m. because the schedule said so (OOC: go ahead and make up the reason).

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Thereisnogodistan               3    3   0   0    73   16  +57     9
2 Ko-oren                         4    3   0   1    70   10  +60     9
3 Drawkland                       4    3   0   1    93   51  +42     9
4 Shytysle                        3    2   0   1    47   43   +4     6
5 Bongo Johnson                   3    1   0   2    32   71  −39     3
6 The Boatia                      4    0   0   4    53  102  −49     0
7 Peuples Nordiques des Fleurs    3    0   0   3    11   86  −75     0

Group H
Britonisea 10–20 Chromatika
Youhavenorightsistan 13–25 The Sword Bloke @ Sobaeksanmaek Field, Winnipeg. Kickoff @ 13:48 due to a high school marching band using the field for the practice ahead of Provincial Hockey Championship Game and refusing to leave until they were guaranteed of a halftime show.
Equestrian States 20–16 Cosumar

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Equestrian States       4    4   0   0   116   30  +86    12
2 The Sword Bloke         4    4   0   0    94   27  +67    12
3 Cosumar                 3    2   0   1    81   40  +41     6
4 Chromatika              4    1   0   3    35   96  −61     3
5 Britonisea              3    1   0   2    33   61  −28     3
6 Silvacometopia          3    0   0   3    34   77  −43     0
7 Youhavenorightsistan    3    0   0   3    30   92  −62     0

[Alphatheta]

NOVOSTI ATLETICO Live dall'Estero

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Back to International News Home || Back to Sports Home || Domestic Sports || International Sports || Hockey Central || Curling Central || Olympics Central || Search

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DABLKHEDER: Two Tough Losses In A Row

World Bowl XXVIII

Game 3:
Armeia 23–8 Alphatheta

---

Game 4:
Neu Engollon 10–9 Alphatheta

---

Game 6:
The Nation of Downination v Alphatheta

Sept-Iles, QUE MSK+7 10:15pm - Wytréno has slid into its bye day with two painful losses in a row against two of the toughest competitors in Group F. A pass on day 5 may be exactly what the team needs to pull themselves out of the slump the past two days have seen them sliding into since their last victory on day 2.

The Alphathetians faced Armeia, currently ranked 20th in World Bowl Rankings After-XXVII and 1st in Group F, in a game which began very well with quarterback Cătălin Jelen and his favourite running back Nico Navrátil connecting early in the first quarter. The two-point conversion was successful, with newbie Yevgeniy Gutermuth struggling his way through Armeia's defense in a fascinating display of sheer willpower.

The end of the first quarter, unfortunately, saw a particularly rough collision between safety Robert Rybář and Armeia's Storm Staford. Rybář had to be helped off the field to the held breath of all Wytréno fans, present and watching from at home. We spoke to fans at the end of the quarter, all of whom expressed deep concerns for Rybář's condition.

Group F Standings Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Armeia                       4    4   0   0    92   44  +48    12
2 Taeshan                      4    3   0   1    95   54  +41     9
3 Neu Engollon                 3    2   0   1    46   59  −13     6
4 Alphatheta                   4    2   0   2    37   36   +1     6
5 Nuevo Caracas                3    1   0   2    30   43  −13     3
6 The Nation of Downination    3    0   0   3    24   52  −28     0
7 Kohr                         3    0   0   3    27   63  −36     0

"Looked like his whole spine twisted up," a fan watching from Sborgorod remarked. "Not the kind of thing he'll be able to walk off, maybe not even before the end of the World Bowl. I just hope they let him stay in Quebec--even if he's just sitting there, I'm pretty sure he's what's been holding the defensive line together at all."

The dire prediction seems to have been fulfilled; from the second quarter forward, Wytréno failed to score another point and, worryingly, lost all signs of the strong defense we had seen in the first two games of the Bowl.

Game 4 had Alphatheta pitched against Neu Engollon, currently ranked 58th in World Bowl Rankings After-XXVII and 3rd in Group F. The game was delayed by two hours and two minutes to begin at 14:32 after a morning of student from Universite de Sept-Iles and Universite Etoile-Nord assisting local children in building a giant snowman in the middle of the Marcus A. Chang Stadium. Unconfirmed reports are that Maximilián Messner, Wolf Pontecorvo and Ezio Beitel of the interior line may have snuck off from drills to participate.

After the painstaking removal process--which received a spike in viewership of the Bowl and a bump in approval ratings of the foreign nation among informal polls--the game against Neu Engollon came off to a rocky start under the supervision of alternate quarterback Axel Glöckner. Neu Engollon was up 10 points by the half, when the defensive line kicked in and began stopping advancement in the third quarter. Glöckner seemed to find his stride at the end of the third quarter, connecting with running back Myron Caiazzo for a touchdown. Taras Auer, unfortunately, was unable to bring the score up for the point after touchdown, but redeemed himself in the fourth quarter when brought back up for the field goal. Despite the rally, Wytréno missed victory by a point.

---

NILC Returns || Spartak Vorotagrad 2–4 KL Sborgorod || Rapid Trusdvo 0–0 KL Gavan || Central'nyi Steinstadt 0–0 KL Bolotoderev || Chernomorets Vernyygorod 4–0 Górnik Kholmstad

---

[Dunpa]

Hawks win against Renetopia 9-0

After winning yesterday's game, the Hawks win game number two. Due to broadcasting agreements, the game was delayed. at the first quarter, QB Travis Alkil passed the ball to WR Alan Tarn and got a touchdown. Renetopia failed to capitalize most of the times they had the ball so, the ball was mostly used by the Hawks. After the Hawks' third quarter safety, they managed to hold on to the lead and win.

World Bowl XXVIII

Game 2: San Llera 29-3 Dunpa

---

Game 3: Dunpa 31–23 Atlanta-Breyer

---

Game 4 :
Dunpa 9-0 Renetopia

---

Game 5:
Nassau-Hessen v Dunpa

Dunpa 7 0 2 0
Renetopia 0 0 0 0

[Gregoryisgodistan]

"Hello, and welcome to the Slaves R Us Halftime Report. Let's go live to the field with Sideline Reporter LOZXC99."

"Well, if you look behind me, there are some idiots from a blasphemous church declaring that 'God Hates Gregoryisgodistan' and that all Gregoryisgodistanis are going to hell. Of course, this is remarkably untrue because God loves Gregoryisgodistan due to God being Lord Almighty Gregory, and of course, only heathens go to the Land of Eternal Punishment and true Gregoryisgodistanis are not heathens. So they are obviously blasphemous and I am sure the Lord will strike them down.

"Oh, and now the Quebecois police are running onto the field and arresting these infidels and turning them over to Gregoryisgodistani security. Surely they will be executed back in Gregoryisgodistan. Perhaps it will even be Must-See TV on the Execution Channel. Yes, that would be awesome. Let's execute these heathens with the Brownie Cutter of Death. Now, back to the studio."

"Thank you. Let's get to the first half highlights, presented by Slaves R Us. There was action even before the game got started, as 300 Kaboomlandian fans started chanting a forbidden fruity word. This enraged the Enemy Crushers so much, they ran into the stands and crushed all those heathen scum fools to death. Then they proudly sang the national anthem, waving threatening fists at the Kaboomlandian team and fans when they got to the line about killing the heathen scum. Then they played the Kaboomlandian national anthem and the Enemy Crushers booed it and the fans joined in. This enraged the remaining Kaboomlandian fans and they all began chanting a forbidden fruity word again as well as 'GREG IS NOT GOD'. The Enemy Crushers ran into the fans and crushed them all. It was most awesome. Crushing is fun.

"Meanwhile, Gregoryisgodistan leads 7-0 after the first half on an Enemy Crusher Yorgen von Streudel fumble recovery in the end zone after Enemy Crusher Carl Paladino sacked and stripped Tyler Martin. It was a glorious hit and they all celebrated by burning Kaboomlandian flags. They were penalized 15 yards for unsportsmanlike conduct but made the extra point anyway. So it's 7-0 at the half."

The Execution Channel, 9:36 PM

"Execution, 9:36 PM. Kingstonboro Baptist Church of Quebec, specifically Farley Pelt, Sharine Pelt-Rupert, Marybeth Pelt, Jack Rupert, John Rupert, James Pelt, and Fran Pelt. Crimes of blasphemy, trespass, and Crimes Against Lord Almighty Gregory. Sentence is simultaneous execution to be carried out via Brownie Cutter of Death. Crimes committed abroad, execution to take place in Capital District, Ward 9, at National Execution Hall, per policy for crimes committed abroad."

All the heathens involved in the crime have been cuffed by wrists and ankles to medal boards as the execution ceremony gets set to begin. First, Executioner L9C9ZCBBXZ makes a statement.

"You heathens dared protest the awesome power of the Lord. You dared claim Lord Almighty Gregory is not God, and you dared broadcast this message on a global stage. You dared make many blasphemous claims about Lord Almighty Gregory and the Gregoryisgodistani people. For that, you have been sentenced to execution via the Brownie Cutter of Death. Shortly, my assistant executioners will begin executing all of you simultaneously via the Brownie Cutter of Death. You will be slowly sliced into thousands of tiny pieces as you howl in pain and bleed out. Eventually, after 30 minutes or so, you will probably die in agony and pain. Let the execution begin."

All the executioners carry out their Brownie Cutters of Death and place them in position to begin the execution. To ensure the cuffs are not cut to allow the heathens to escape, the Brownie Cutter of Death will not cut their hands or feet, a small mercy for the heathens who must die. Then, a chime sounds and the execution begins. They are all slowly sliced as they howl in pain and beg to their false God to save them. But their false God is not saving them. The blood comes out, slowly but surely, they are bleeding out. Meanwhile, the Brownie Cutter of Death slices through the heathens' bones and organs as they howl in further pain as their body begins to shut down. Eventually, some of the heathens, and later the rest, are dead. At that point, the executioners move the process along faster, completing the process of slicing their bodies into thousands of pieces. The pieces are then sent back to Quebec with the intention that the team burn them at midfield before their next game against Ruairikstan. It was sure to be a fun moment as the team all burned the thousands of pieces. Lord Almighty Gregory had even given them special dispensation to roast marshmallows over the open flame and make smores if they wanted, even though some of them were commoners and ordinarily couldn't eat such a luxury. It was sure to make a lovely fun. But now, The Execution Channel needed to move on to the next execution.

"Execution, 10:13 PM, Youth KCZ9X9CZX9C, crime of owning a bike, committed in District 22, Ward 3, execution to take place in the Execution Chamber at Elementary School 22-3, which the offender attended. Sentence is execution via the normal method."

[San Llera]

No, it doesn't have anything to do with San Llera.

Offical Statement from Shirley Phelps-Roper, Queen of Associated Godlands

"Hello heathen media. I'd like to start off my address by telling you that God hates the media; hence you are going to Hell. But before you do that, I'd appreciate if you write all this down and give me a lot of publicity.

"Now, I am speaking in front of you today about the recent events in The Royal Kingdom Kingdom of Quebec. The Royal Kingdom of Quebec is, as most of you should know, a heathen country. However, there are still some positive aspects, hidden away. One of these is the Kingstonboro Baptist Church, our good friends and allies. They are one of the only non-governmental organizations approved of by the government of Associated Godlands, as they preach the word of God in its true form. It is organizations like the Kingstonboro Baptist Church that give me an inkling of hope in the fate of humanity.

"Yesterday, well technically this morning because of the time difference, the Kingstonboro Baptist Church heroically protested the heathen World Bowl XXVIII, spreading their noble message to millions of viewers on television. Among these heroes was Sharine Pelt-Rupert, a good friend of mine, which is really saying something considering that I don't have many friends other than God. Anyways, upon the valiant protests being carried out, the oppressive Quebecois government arrested our friends and allies. They were philanthropists, spreading the word of God, and they were arrested. What follows is incredibly disturbing.

"The Quebecois police proceeded to hand the heroes to Gregoryisgodistani authorities. Our heroes soon became martyrs. They- (voice cracks, Phelps-Roper starts to tear up), they were executed by a brownie cutter. Seven were executed on live television. My friend is now dead. John Rupert, who most certainly is not the father of any of my children, is also dead. I watched them die.

"The acts of the Gregoryisgodistani government were heinous, and Lord Almighty Gregory will burn in Hell for it. But these Gregoryisgodistanis have not won their battle against faith. Our friends, certainly watching me from Heaven, will live on as martyrs. Let us take a moment of silence to honor them.

(Moment of silence. One reporter coughs and is handcuffed by Christian police, then carried away into a nondescript building. He is never seen again.)

"Thank you."

[The Nation of Downination]

Jags Fail to Convert as the Fitin' Falcons Win

---

Many fans were disappointed. Players were disappointed. Even the leader was disappointed.

The Jags, who literally controlled the entire game, suffered a crushing defeat as Quarterback Delaney Hoffman lost the ball and gave the Taeshan Fitin' Falcons a 7-0 win late in the game. Defense only allowed a graceful 164 yards the whole game, whilst the Jags gained 367 yards on offense. Coach Greene, furious at Quarterback Delaney Hoffman, commanded him to sit out tomorrow's game due to the disappointing effort to drive down towards the endzone.

"We did everything we did during practice, and yet we could not score a single point. Why can't we win is the question I'm bothered with," Coach Greene reluctantly said.

From the Nation's Capital, Leader datdownie said a few words, and were words of passion than anything.

"Can't we not get nice things? We just want to compete, but it doesn't look like they are competing; they look like-- ah, whatever! Just do something, NOW or never," datdownie angrily yelled.

Fact of the Game: The Jags, in their last two games, have thrown it in the air 65% of the time. Only 32% end up being completed for a gain of 15+ yards.

[Schottia]

'I just can't see how anyone could rejoice an another person's death, no matter what that individual had done.' Rupert Kenny was sitting in his hotel room after Schottia's narrow, yet vital win over Abanhfleft at The Stade Lorne-Goonja de Dosan. He couldn't work out whether he was more sickened by the half time public execution or by the way the Quebecois fans had celebrated the shocking event. Rupert had skipped supper and opted to take some time in his room, phoning his partner Kim, a soccer player who plied her trade in Cosumar. 'It shakes you to the pit of your stomach, you know, how in the 21st century nations can still see that as a punishment, let alone entertainment.'

Kim, who was always a quiet and thoughtful person, was sitting at her kitchen table with a cup of camomile tea in front of her, letting her partner vent his anguish. Living alone, she was normally early to bed on a weeknight, as she preferred to be fresh for training. 'Are you going to be okay?' She asked straining the teabag against the side of the cup with her spoon. 'I'm sure, y'know, if your like shaken really bad then they'll let you fly home.' These days Kim owned a nice apartment in Crawford, she had come a long way since her days at FC Dundee. On first inspection you would assume that she was either meticulously tidy or had a cleaner who visited regularly, however, the truth was that she rarely made any mess. A small pile of books sat on her living room table, and a laptop sat charging in the far corner plugged into the sound system, this was about all she ever used.

'I don't need to go home.' Rupert answered decisively as he sat on the edge of his bed and turned over the bottle of Yakju he had bought as a souvenir. He was seriously considering opening it, but he felt funny drinking by himself in a darkened room. 'Are you drinking right now?'

'Dinking?' Kim almost spilt her tea in shock. 'Rupert, I was in bed!'

'Oh right sorry.' He placed the bottle back down and lay back on his bed. 'I hope I'm not keeping you up?'

'No it's cool.' She lied.

'Awesome, I really appreciate it. I just can't seem to get those scenes out of my head.' The exhibition had come as a shock to many of Schottia's travelling fans, as well as their players, who had only just been coaxed back out of the woodwork following the Gregoryisgodistan debacle four years ago. Hundreds upon hundreds of them had walked out of the stadium at half time, and it was now debateable whether they would remain in the country or not. 'It's just... I mean can you imagine it?'

'No. No I really can't.' She swept some of her hair out of her sleepy eyes. 'It sounds like something out of a Roman Amphitheatre.' She wasn't meaning to be insensitive, and no doubt had she been there too, she would have been equally, if not more upset. So with that in mind she was trying to be a bit more talkative. It was just late and she was struggling to stay awake. She stood up and stretched her back, changing the phone to her other ear. The kitchen tiles were cold under her feet, and she was starting to wish she had pulled a jumper on, as her pyjamas weren't really cutting the mustard. However it was maybe a good thing, as the cold was helping to keep her awake. 'Is there anything I can do, I mean, I probably can't fly out there or anything, but... I dunno, maybe I can do something. Not sure what.'

'I'm fine, the rest of the players are down stairs and, well, maybe I'll go join them in a minute.' He knew there was little she could do all the way on the other side of the region. 'You still up for me coming for a visit at the end of the season?'

'Yeah of course.' Kim perked up in the knowledge that she might be able to go back to bed again. 'And yeah, think about it this way. At least you live in the Allummunic States, at least they are in some way normal... If you can call any nation on Cornellia normal!'

'Yeah.' Rupert agreed, suddenly glad of that point. Some of the nations competing in this tournament were bizarre to say the least. 'I don't get how the death penalty is any kind of justice. For example would you feel any better knowing that if someone had murdered a person you knew, that they would be killed for it?'

Kim thought hard for a moment. 'No, probably not. What's the saying? An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.'

'I hear you.' Rupert decided it was probably time to let his partner get back to bed. 'Anyway, I'll try and get some rest, and let you do the same. I know it must be crazy o'clock in Cosumar.'

Rupert sat in the silence of the room for a few minutes trying to collect his thoughts. At least they had won what was always going to be a hard game. If they could come through this, they could come through anything. And perhaps most importantly, for once there hadn't been a problem with the referee.

[Rennidan]

My finger tips slip over the cool of the glass as I try to reach for water. I ask the frog, who I have decided is either wearing a mask or is one of a long line of anthromorphic frog folk, if they are kind enough to slide it closer, but they are not. Perhaps they do not hear me over the snoring.

I look through the burned out wall to see the rest of the team snoring on the dusty floor, heaped together with a variety of jersey wearing foreigners, each surrounded by squiggly halos of light, covered in dried blood and their own vomit.

My last fully formed memory is of standing in the player tunnel of Imperial Copper on match day three, seeing the crowd up in arms as the thick smoke drifted through myself and the stadium alike.

____________

"--have seen some bad things in my life, but right now I just feel plain bad for the players of Ruarikstan. The Bastards are known for their hard hits, but what I'm seeing on the field could be classified as a war crime!"

___________

I remember finding a tooth buried between my knuckles after our 19-0 win against the nobodies.

Blakhale taking it to add to his lucky necklace.

All of us aboard the Bastard Bus, more and more doodles and swears on the walls appearing every game.

Quebecois booze flowing free.

Generic party, not our scene but it is free. A frat house or some such guessing from the bloodied letterman jacket Foe has as a souvenir.

A girl in a beret giving me a suitcase on the stairs as we leave.

Then back on the bus and everything goes black.

____________

"--an all out bar brawl involving almost forty men of various nationalities. CCTV shows fans from all corners of the world caught up in a maelstrom of violence with team members of the Bastards in Sal's Sport Shack. Damages are thought to exceed eight thousand Quebecois dollar. Yet when the violence ended, all parties involved took to the streets to sing and drink together. More on this at ten--"

___________

I'm not sure who was to blame for the suitcase of narcotics we found in our possession. I wanted to blame Silky, but knew it was most likely myself. How I had done so without any cash would have to remain a mystery.

Running late for match day five, accepting the fact that I will still be seeing hallucinatory animal folk whilst we play the Boomers, we chuck the suitcase a mile from the stadium, and pull our bus up as close to the snowy field as is legally allowed.

This was sure to be a new hell.

[Bongo Johnson]

CHAPTER 3.5 - In The Trenches

"Are you worried about your brother, man? I mean, I don't want to pry-"

"Half-brother, and yeah, I'm worried as shit." Judd Thompson was cut short by Ralph Loins' tense reply. Though they didn't share a name, Ralph and Jimbo shared a mother between them. Ralph had moved in with Jangles and his dad when he was only six years old. Jimbo was eight, and the anxiety of moving into a new home with a new family was quickly washed away by the tight brotherhood they developed. When Jimbo started playing pop warner football on Saturdays, you bet Ralph was there, watching wide-eyed and full of glee from the sideline. As soon as he was eligible to play, he signed up as the same position as his brother: quarterback. Unfortunately, he never had the patience necessary to throw the ball and tried to sneak it nearly every play. His coach, an old, gruff man by the name of Smith, saw the potential in him and started him at fullback after two games with no completions.

Football kept them together. It held the family together after their mother passed away from cancer just after the unification of the states and again when Ralph and Jimbo were drafted to the same team, the Mighty Kittens of Murbley. Ralph wished he could go back to those carefree, sun-soaked days once more. More than anything, he wanted to see his brother healthy again, flashing his signature toothy grin before throwing a long bomb way over the trees and into his hands. He hadn't seen that in a long time.

"Of course I'm worried about him! He's been in stasis for five whole years! They just tossed him in the microwave and defrosted him a week ago. They don't even know the extent of his injuries." He burst out, facing the ceiling and giving it an empty stare. Judd was a good friend but Ralph immediately knew he had said too much. Judd's tendency to ask too many questions was about to come out in full force.

"In stasis? What are you talking about, man? He was in a coma, they don't put coma patients in the microwave, haha." Oh thank God. Judd didn't believe him for a minute. Ralph had been spared the necessity of explaining himself.

"Yeah, uh, of course. I just mean they, uh, warmed him up for the Bowl a little too fast. You know, like when you put leftovers in there and they come out a little soggy. He just needed a little more time to recuperate, I think. Christ, if Ma was alive she'd be petitioning the state right now to get him back home and in bed with a bowl of chicken soup."