World Cup 69 RP Thread

[Antoletia]

Fire Ants defeat Opponents

It was a great victory at home for Antoletia to finish out the first half of the qualifying campaign for the Fire Ants. The Fire Ants defeated the Greater Vakolicci Empire by a score of 4-3 in one of the most interesting 90 minutes of all of qualifying in the first half, and one of the most fun games to watch for neutral fans across the world. That, coupled with an interesting few weeks for the team from Legalese keeps the Ants in the qualifying campaign, tied for second. As of the last games Horusland sits atop the group by five points, and seems the favorite. But many see that as a facade, with both Antoletia and Legalese gunning for them. The Ants will have to overcome losses to both of those sides in the first half of qualifying if they hope to somehow finish in the top two. Interestingly enough Legalese also tied the team Antoletia did, Moskotopia.

The Fire Ants and their opponents went back and fourth for the ninety minute game. The Ants started the scoring with Anton Gregovich's first of two goals in the 11th minute. The other team countered 10 minutes later. The Ants would take a lead into the half thanks to a nicely won header by Raphael. The second half started with a turn of events as Constantine Robideau earned a second yellow and was out of the game, leading to a 2 point swing towards the visitors, giving them a 3-2 lead. But Gregovich struck again and the Ants took the victory late as Decebal Funar scored a goal on a mishit cross and gave the outstretched and outran Antoletia side a rather glorious victory and the three points, down a man.

[Taeshan]

Purple Knights Win final First half Game

It has been an all but perfect first half for the Purple Knights of Taeshan as they attempt to return to the promised land that is the world cup finals. Only one slight blemish is on the Knights first half, that being the tie at home to start the campaign off against Osarius. The two sides have since then managed to match each other with 6 wins, but the Knights sit second thanks to a weaker goals for and Goal Differential due to the problems of winning, but only scoring one goal in every game by the Knights. That said the two face off once again to start the second half and the Knights will need to win to give themselves a chance to qualify straight out of the group. Or at least keep their opponents goalless. Honestly a tie would also work with the grueling schedule of the second half sure to give both teams knocks on the road.

The Knights left the scoring in Fnaticka to late in the 90 minutes as the home side proved somewhat hard to crack. The Knights passes also seemed rather lacking their crispness and some of the players seemed to lack their usual speed and abilities ultimately leading to a substitutes in group as three players came on 65 minutes in as Jhett Jackale, Jeremi Krieder and Karl Llana all made room for the more attacking players of Addison Lambrogini, Gabriel Gorzon and Lysander Ying Uing. It was Ying Uing who ultimately broke the deadlock in the 81st minute as he scootched a free kick past the goalie off of the wall to give the visitors the win.

[Jeruselem]

Princess Amy and Delia Daring in a country called "Westfield House"

Amy: This is Princess Amy for Naked News Jersuselem, I'm in Westfield House - that's a country not a place. I'm with Delia Daring again. Today the Princesses took on the Westfield House team, and well it wasn't much trouble really.
Delia: Hey everyone at home
Amy: Oh yes, we won 4-1. I guess we were expected to win.
Delia: Odd name, Westfield House, for a country
Amy: Makes it sound you're visiting a country cottage really
Delia: Not to be confused with Westfield Shopping Centre

Amy: This was the final game of the first half of the qualifiers, so it was a good way to end that.
Delia: Yes, it's good not to lose any games so far
Amy: Unlike Jeru FC, but we'll get to them later
Delia: Yeah, they are in the poo
Amy: We won 4-1 against Westfield House. New Montreal States had trouble and drew 2-2 with Azrea. Nexxus Drako disposed of Republic of Vietnam 4-2 and Nova Anglicana scraped past Gustavpolis 1-0.
Delia: Good news with NMS getting a draw there

Amy: Yes, but we really expect them to WIN their games.
Delia: I guess we're doing alright
Amy: Group 5 at the halfway stage, with the Princessed leading the way on 19 points. NMS hold 2nd on 14 but Nexxus Drako are close behind on 12 while Nova Anglicana hang in around 4th with 11. The others ... don't bother, they looks out of the running.
Delia: Yes, handy 5 point buffer.
Amy: That's still less than 2 wins so we can't be complacent
Delia: Yes, we need to win and beat our rivals to keep them at bay

Amy: Jeru FC are pretty much in the poo in group 14. They drew 1-1 with Cata Larga at home, when they really should win at home.
Delia: They really do need to win more
Amy: Unfornately for them Paradystopia won 1-0 against Wolfenia, New North Aqmuland won 5-2 against Gonzalez Isle and the Bear Belles won 3-2 against Beaverriver to put more distance between them and the top 3
Delia: Yes, they really should at least win at home
Amy: Group 14 has the bears on top like Jeruselem with 19 points. Paradystopia aren't far behind with 17, New North Aqmuland 3rd on 14 and Jeru FC are stuck in 4th in 9 points.
Delia: Looking bad for our boys

Amy: 10 points is like 3 wins and a draw. They have win win win now
Delia: Given they haven't win the last 3 games ...
Amy: Losses to bears and Paradystopia really hurt
Delia: Yes, I think it's near gone for Jeru FC
Amy: Come on boys, lift ya game. There's no charity in the World Cup!
Delia: Yes, it's all cut throat

Amy: Pick of the cup so far is that Saint mob with 7 from 7 wins. Audioslavia have +21 goal difference making them the kick ass team so far too.
Delia: Wow, that's impressive. One goal conceded by Audioslavia
Amy: Ayscos, The Blaatschapen, Gustavpolis and Alinghi Federal-Democratic Republic have no points, none zip.
Delia: Kinda sucks to be them
Amy: Winner of the recent Baptism of Fire, United Eastedge are 2nd in group 24 3 points behind Audioslavia! That's truly impressive
Dellia: Yes considering with Buyan and Maklohi Vai in that group

Amy: That's it from us, we have to go home
Delia: We all need a rest
Amy: Time get back to my little girl, she misses her Mum
Delia: She's very cute
Amy: Well, you can make your own too Delia
Delia: I'm working on that

[West Angola]

(OOC Note: This is semi-tied in with my RP storyline, but is taking place in real time—i.e. during the mid-qual break.)
AFTER-ACTION DEBRIEFING TRANSCRIPT, AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY
This transcript is printing in real-time from an interrogation room elsewhere in this facility. If you are not authorized to view debriefings for actions classified at Level Six or above, do not read the contents of this document. You are being watched, and your reading speed and security clearance have both been recorded by WASABI, so we will know if you read past this point without proper clearance.

Subject: Lt. Mark Andrews- 3rd Company, 8th Platoon
Debriefing Officer: Capt. Jake Fallor, Military Intelligence
Notes: The 8th Platoon was wiped out by a Bantu ambush last week. All were recorded as KIA except Andrews, who was missing from the ambush site and was declared MIA. Andrews returned to camp yesterday having escaped from a Bantu detention facility.

FALLOR: Tape is running. Lt. Andrews, 3rd Company 8th Platoon Official After-Action Debriefing. Begin when you’re ready, Lieutenant.

ANDREWS: Yes sir. On the night of October eighteenth, my unit was ordered into Sector Five to determine whether the Bantu had taken control of our outpost there. The outpost had not responded to radio transmissions and no couriers had arrived to report a radio malfunction.

FALLOR: If the outpost was unresponsive and no word had arrived to indicate otherwise, why was it not assumed the Bantu had taken control?

ANDREWS: They’ve done this to us before. Someone’s supplying them with jamming equipment, and it’s sophisticated stuff. They shut down one of our outposts back in August so cleanly that no one on either side realized they were being jammed—they couldn’t hear any interference on the receiver, so they just assumed no one was calling. A couple days later, when HQ sent a patrol through the area, they called it in like normal, but the message never got through. By the-

FALLOR: Why didn’t they catch on when the outpost didn’t acknowledge the message?

ANDREWS: Don’t ask me. I’m not the idiot who was on the radio that night. Anyway, the outpost sees a group they haven’t heard anything about on approach and calls it in, they don’t get a response, and they tag the patrol as hostile and light ‘em up. Patrol assumes the outpost is compromised and returns fire, and within three minutes seventeen men are dead. Five survivors, total, four from the outpost and one off the patrol, finally figure out that since everybody’s shouting in Portuguese, they must be on the same side and they quit shooting. Biggest fuckup I’ve ever seen, 77% casualties, we have to abandon the outpost, and it all could have been fixed if some radio operator hadn’t been thinking about which nurse he was going after when his shift ended.

FALLOR: Yes, Lieutenant. Back to your own experience, please.

ANDREWS: Right, right. So we’re moving in, keeping quiet, trying to tell whose moving around in the outpost when we hear them chanting.

FALLOR: Chanting?

ANDREWS: The terrorists we’re fighting are hardline traditionalists, like pre-colonial traditionalists, with the unfortunate exception that they have no problems with modern weapons and military equipment like the jammers. They still live in those tiny villages and dress the same way their great-great-great-grandparents did three hundred years ago. The chants are some kind of tribal ritual to prepare them for war, and they’ll ruin your pants faster than having your sideburns clipped by a sniper round, cuz you know when you hear them you’re about to get walloped, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Those bastards know the land better than anyone else, they can strike from anywhere, at any time, completely unseen, and be gone before reinforcements get there. Lieutenant Havrath, he’s—he was—in charge of the 2nd Platoon, was the senior officer, and he ordered us to form a ring in a small clearing nearby and let them come to us.

FALLOR: So you formed the ring, then what happened?

ANDREWS: We never formed the ring, we never even got to the clearing before they jumped us. We got hammered from both sides and were taking fire from the outpost, too. (He laughs) At least we determined whether it had been taken or not. It was a short firefight, I got winged in the shoulder about thirty seconds in, and they nailed me in the stomach towards the end. Havrath was one of the last to go down, but every one of us they killed just let them focus their fire more, and the last few were barely recognizable for all the lead that got put in them. I’m on the ground, moaning, when they rush the clearing and start stripping the bodies. One of them gets to me and sees I’m still alive, and I’m praying he doesn’t stab me. He takes everything he can from me, then calls out to the others in his language. They go back and forth for a few seconds, and next thing I know two of them have picked me up and I’m being carried into the jungle. I passed out at some point and woke up in a hut by myself except for two guards.

FALLOR: Did you speak to them?

ANDREWS: I tried at first, but I don’t speak any Bantu, and they either couldn’t or wouldn’t speak Portuguese, you never know with this group. Like I said, they’re hardline traditionalists, and even the ones that learn Portuguese sometimes refuse to speak it, it’s an honor thing to them. They did clean my wounds, though, although I’m not sure why.

FALLOR: I see. Did you stay in the hut the entire time?

ANDREWS: I only got out once before I escaped, when they took me to see Arel.

FALLOR: Arel? Their leader? You saw him?

ANDREWS: I spoke to him. He actually will speak Portuguese if the situation requires, and he wanted to know about what our long-term goals were, like how far I thought our people were willing to go to secure Malanje, and what level of casualties I thought the Queen would accept. I didn’t know and told him so, and that made him angry. They took me back to the hut and took the dressing off my stomach and shoulder. It was obvious that Arel had ordered my execution at some point in the near future, but they didn’t shoot me then so I assumed it had to be in the morning. They had never tied me up, but since both guards were inside the hut facing me with a lot of distance between us I guess they figured they’d be able to shoot me before I could get close enough anyway.

FALLOR: How did you escape, then?

ANDREWS: Pure dumb luck. They brought some doctor in to see me about an hour after I got back in the hut, and he shot me up with something that put me back out. I woke up in the middle of the night with awful stomach cramps, it felt like there was a metal brick in there, to see that one of my guards was gone and the other had fallen asleep. I carefully crept across the hut and took his gun, then ran out of the hut and tried to get out of the camp. It wasn’t easy, since I didn’t know the layout very well in the dark, but I managed to make it out without being seen. Since I didn’t really know where I was in relation to our outposts, I decided to hole up for the night and try to figure things out when I could use the sun to determine my position. The next morning, I was able to make my way into one of our outposts nearby, and they delivered me to HQ, and then your intelligence team flew me to Luanda for debriefing, Captain.

FALLOR: Did you record the location of the Arel’s village?

ANDREWS: I did, but once they saw I escaped they no doubt relocated. If we go in now we’ll probably find a whole mess of booby traps and no Bantus.

FALLOR: True. Have you been examined by doctors since you returned, Lieutenant?

ANDREWS: You mean about the stomach pain? No, it’s feeling a lot better. It was probably a reaction to whatever their doctor put in me, but it’s gone from about a seven to a two on a scale of one to ten. There is a pretty nasty scar, though, guess it’s from the bullet.

FALLOR: Scar? Let me see, now! (Pause) Lieutenant, this is a surgical scar!

ANDREWS: What?? I never even looked at it. There was a scar there before from being shot, are you sure that’s not it?

FALLOR: No, I’m sure. I may not have your front line experience, Lieutenant, but I’ve been through medical training and this goes well beyond what’s required to remove a bullet. Whoever that doctor was, he put something inside you. How did you say your stomach felt?

ANDREWS: Umm… Like there was a metal brick inside it? What does that have to do with-?

FALLOR: Shit. (Sound of door opening) Clear the area, now! We have a live one in Interrogation Room 14R! Lieutenant, don’t say another word, if they’ve planted an explosive inside your body, it might be keyed to go off when you say a certain word or phrase.

ANDREWS: This is ridiculous, Captain! Are you saying the Bantus put a bomb insi-

(Explosion)
…
…
MICROPHONE SIGNAL LOST
…
END TRANSCRIPTION

[Legalese]

“Hello folks, and welcome to our show! We are the Gentlemen Wearing Robes, coming to you from the not-too-bad part of Francis City! I’m Marcus and this is Robert.”

“Hello!”

“For those of you who don’t know us, and I presume that’s most of you, we’re just two folks that like talking football and wearing robe, usually at the same time. But mostly, we just like talking association football, which is truly the emerging sport of Legalese, and has been since Legal Year 172.”

“What makes us qualified to talk sports? Not much, in fact. I write about them occasionally, but when I’m not wearing robes on set, I’m wearing them at the courthouse. Yes, I am a judge.”

“And I used to play one on TV, so there you have it. Also, Robert has some Starblaydi blood in him, but we try not to hold it against him.”

“Let’s be honest, Marcus, we all have a little Starblaydi blood in us, in some way or shape. Some were able to just piss it out, however.”

“Anyways, as fans of our immensely popular audiocasts know, what we do here is simple: we talk football, generally the association type, and usually related to Legalese or the Liganaia.

“What makes us special, however, is that we do it while wearing the snazzy robes, and hole up in a tiny broom closet in the process.”

“Indeed, Robert. But let’s get to business. As we all know, the last World Cup was here in Legalese, and it was the Cup of all Cups. A great show had by all, with goals galore, a bit of a heel doing better than expected, and an old favorite taking it home.

“It was so good, the FIFA writers decided to take a nod from the WCC writers in the online game RLStates, with the user behind Brazil playing as Legalese, the user behind Germany as Vilita, and it appears that Argentina and Uruguay must have been shared by a user, since they gave the Free Republic storyline to different parts of them.”

“Before we go any further Robert, we should remind our new viewers that we in no way think that the World Cup was pre-planned in terms of results in any way whatsoever. But if the WCC did have writers, they sure enjoyed themselves last cup.”

“Not only that, but the hosts, our own Legalese National Team, made the quarterfinals, a first for them. It truly was a magical tournament, wasn’t it Marcus?”

“Yes, Robert, it was truly the Cup of all Cups. But that was then, and now we’re on to deciding who will go on in the Cup for Chaps, because you expect a nation from another plane of existence to want a World Cup solely dedicated to the tasteful stylings of cowboys.”

“Those tuning us in here on NS Sport for the first time might have missed our weekly audiocasts on the matches, so we figured we’d take the opportunity to fill you in here, now that we’re at the halfway point of the qualifying group stage. Ben Gammal had just one job this group stage, and that was to get the National Team back to the Finals, preferably by winning the group. While their current spot in second place would be good for a playoff spot, it seems a little disappointing for this half to see them on only thirteen points. What do you think, Rob?”

“It is a little disappointing, no question. And it all started so well, with a road trip to the daunting crowds of Cobano. The start of the Copa in Cobano did work out pretty well, though, with a 3-1 result. Not quite the eight to four that some pundits were predicting, but that’s why they only let the professionals on this network.”

“Legal professionals, it seems. Regardless, the run of form continued for Gammal’s eleven, with the home opener going to us on a 4-1 scoreline over Ancharmunn. There was a bit of an issue to start the match with the kits, I had heard, but otherwise a continuation of the run of form.”

“Yes, the kit crisis. As you may remember, Marcus, the issue was that the officals ruled, at Ben Gammal’s urging, that the Charmunnary choice of colors clashed with everything - most especially, the eyesight of everyone viewing; alas, that still wasn’t enough to force a change. Just managing to survive the match with their eyesight intact was an accomplishment for the hosts.”

“At any rate, the good run of form was there. Ben Gammal had the team clicking, and all was going well, including coasting to a well-earned 2-0 victory in Gloriax. Unfortunately, that’s also when things started to look a bit pear-shaped, with the injury to Evan Swales.”

“Well, that’s sort of true, but not as much as some would say. When you look at the next four matches, the only one that you can really say was severely affected by the goaltending was the trip to HorusLand. Morrissey Beaudine is a class act in the net - if not out of it - and he’s shown that time and again, which is why the Cougars took a chance on him in the Liganaia - a chance that turned into a Champions Cup spot for them.”

“That may be so, Robert, but his work in HorusLand was, shall we say, substandard. Even if we give him the benefit of the doubt on the second strike, the first was all him. That was just a poor judgement to come out so far on a breakaway.”

“What worried me more about that match wasn’t necessarily our performance in the back, but more our performance up front. I mean, we go from nine goals in three matches to just two shots on goal in the fourth game, with one converted. For a team that presses forward like so, to the end of even pushing the outside defenders up in a wingback-like role, that should not happen - and if it does, you’ll be lucky to make it home in one piece.”

“Fortunately, it seemed to be a fluke result, as some home cooking and a side of Antoletia was the cure for the goal scoring blues. Five goals in total, enroute to a 5-1 victory over a side in sheer disarray. It doesn’t get much better than that, though some would say that should be business as usual for a top seed in qualifying.”

“Yes, some would, Marc. But we all know how cruel the WCC writers can be - invoking the power of Margaret to reward the unsuspecting and punish the best. Ask the Eurans how they felt going up against Glaser last cycle - they know the story. It means you just have to savor the victories when they come, and savor the game itself, in all of its beauty and tragedy. A microcosm of life, some would say.”

“Yes, some would. There are times when this group is looking like a Group of Death for the National Team, even though it shouldn’t. What will they need to do in order to make it out, Rob?”

“They could stand to win some games, Marc. Preferably the next seven, if possible.”

“Well, that’s all the time we have today, folks. I’m Marcus and that was Robert, the Gentlemen Wearing Robes. Just remember, as we part, that a group of death is only what you make it out to be, and what do we make death out to be, Robert?”

“Something that can wait for us for a while. Thanks for watching, folks.”

[New Montreal States]

PEON: Good morning, sir! How are you?
MANAGER: Fine, Johnstone. How are you?

PEON: Sir, if you'll pardon my question...
MANAGER: Maybe.

PEON: Well...are you really fine?
MANAGER: You have thirty seconds to explain yourself, Johnson.

PEON: Well, sir, you look a bit different. Off your feed, if I may.
MANAGER: I'm not sure that you may.

PEON: Well, sir, instead of your usual slacks, dress shirt, and tie...all impeccably pressed, if I may say so myself...
MANAGER: You can say that any day of the week, Johannes.

PEON: You seem to be wearing a black-and-yellow polka-dot shirt, orange-and-blue polka-dot pants, and bright green suspenders.
MANAGER: Congratulations, Johanssson, that acute observation will be going on your next performance evaluation.

PEON: Also, sir, your shoes seem to have quadrupled in size since yesterday.
MANAGER: Perhaps I suffer from spontaneous gigantism? You should choose your next phrase wisely.

PEON: You look good, sir. Dashing. Splendid. Truly a man about town.
MANAGER: Alright, Johannesburg, I'll tell you the truth.

PEON: You are a dynamic change agent going undercover to establish a new paradigm?
MANAGER: I wish.

PEON: Whenever you wish, sir, it becomes true.
MANAGER: Fine, I'll tell you. When I came home last night, I found out that my wife, my mistress, all four of my daughters, my cat, and my youngest daughter's hamster are all pregnant. Then I locked myself in the den to watch the Paladins, only to see them choke away any chance at winning the group against a nation that I can't even find in the phonebook. I have a confession to make...

PEON: Sir?
MANAGER: John John Binks, I'm not going to work today.

PEON: You're sick, sir?
MANAGER: I'm running off to join the circus, just like I told my mother when I was twelve.

PEON: I will immediately reinvest my retirement fund in whatever circus you join.
MANAGER: You fucking have it coming, don't you?

PEON: Yes, sir.

[Jeru FC]

Princess Katy and Jeru FC Dream Lord ...

Katy: What's going on? Don't you lot want to make the finals of the World Cup?
DL: Err, we do but it's not going to plan
Katy: 2 wins, 3 draws and 2 losses. That's just not good enough
DL: We're not losing anymore
Katy: Draws aren't much better
DL: Better than losing

Katy: You lot should be in the top 3, not 4th
DL: Well, hopefully we can do better
Katy: Maybe you should just retire and let someone else do the job
DL: We still got this job, dunno why
Katy: I suppose
DL: We didn't have much of a choice

Katy: So you lot gonna win 7 games?
DL: Err, pass
Katy: Nevermind
DL: You got a new single out?
Katy: Yes, I have to keep my fans happy
DL: Can we get free copies

Katy: Hey I have to make money too
DL: Oh well
Katy: I'm not a charity you know
DL: You're charitable with some things
Katy: That's different dreamy
DL: Anyway, what's it called

Katy: Birthday girl
DL: Like a party out of control with lots of sex
Katy: Err, yeah.
DL: No one invites us to parties
Katy: I wonder why!
DL: Well, I guess we aren't very discrete about things

Katy: So what you boys gonna do after football is over
DL: Back to our day jobs
Katy: Hard labour
DL: Boring stuff
Katy: Digging minefields?
DL: That's a bit too exciting for us that

Katy: Maybe you should be more careful
DL: You dig a hole and throw that rock into it
Katy: It's not a rock, it's landmine
DL: Explains why they sometimes explode
Katy: Don't they have machines for doing that?
DL: They say it's cheaper to get people to do it

Katy: It's saying you lot are disposable
DL: Really?
Katy: I'm not stupid, I can read between the lines
DL: Amazing we are all here still
Katy: Well God must like you I guess
DL: I guess he does

[Eura]

OOC: A wild arms shipment appeared!

It was a quiet evening in the port of Vladivostok-Alianza, the main naval port of San Jose Guayabal. Tensions were high. The military port had been locked down and put into high alert and civilian vessels limited in their activities as the country prepared for war. This port was located on the south west coast, near the border with Gloriax, and underneath its dark waves was by some distance the deepest and largest natural harbour in the country. There were other ports; on the west coast you had San Juan Opico, Rodriguez and others, and more on the east coast. However none matched the natural qualities of this one, which made it an ideal naval and commercial hub. It was home to much of the country's navy, and tonight the strength of that navy - and the other forces of Guayabal - would be greatly multiplied in extraordinary fashion. Coming into the harbour one by one under the cover of night, moving into ready made berths, was a convoy of ships like no other. It had traveled a long way, all the way from Rushmore in fact.

The government of San Jose Guayabal had been negotiating over the space of a few months with a corporate organisation called the Eastice Initiative. The organisation, based in the city of Eastice in the Euran dominion of Daera in Endemia, was a difficult one to trace for any researcher or journalist, let alone any member of the public with the internet or a phonebook. It was a front, run jointly by representatives from several major arms manufacturers - the main ones being Euran Defence Systems, a state owned helicopter and armoured vehicle manufacturer, the gun company Rabarra, the general armaments giant Mansley Systems, and the shipbuilding giant Bartley. What did they all have in common? Why, they were all Euran of course. The Euran government had requisitioned certain stock from what the companies were building in return for compensation for changed orders and the guarantee that they would get full payment for the goods in due course. San Jose Guayabal would pay the Euran government this money through Eastice in due course, though it was agreed by both sides that for now Guayabal's money must be reserved for its other resources.

This was the culmination of these efforts. A one off "investment" by the Euran government, one that was barely deniable, into one of the anti-Corvidae powers. An unashamed bid to even up the odds a bit. The fleet was led by a number of warships that were part of the package. The front six ships were by far the most expensive part of the deal. They were Blackhall class guided missile cruisers, large warships brimming with anti-ship and cruise missiles that would become a key weapon for their new owners, and expensive weapons at that. They were a virtually brand new class of warship (these six had originally been destined for Euran Navy service) and as a result were untested in combat. With them came eight small Warrior class frigates, designed to fight submarines and provide anti-aircraft cover for a fleet. Two other kinds of vital warships were being delivered as well. Three Camel class support vessels, able to carry supplies, fuel and heavy military equipment for a fleet or an amphibious landing. The fourth type was perhaps the second most important; five diesel electric General Sherwood class submarines, a now aging but nevertheless efficient class of subs that could be used to interdict and harass enemy shipping, or to protect a fleet.

That was not all though. Six non-registered merchant vessels (formerly mothballed Euran cargo ships) followed, ships which had been reactivated on the cheap last year for another cause that had now been abandoned, leaving them at the end of their usefulness. This would be their final journey away from Eura, as once they had unloaded their precious cargo, they would be handed over to the Guayabalense for free. One was there purely to refuel the other vessels, but the other five were carrying another massive load which was also being shared with the three naval support vessels. They carried a wide range of army equipment, most importantly among them were medium and heavy artillery pieces, including a small number of MRLS batteries, something the Guayabalense army lacked severely. Coming with them were a fairly large number of smaller vehicles like MRAP's, flatbed trucks and armoured personnel carriers. The pedigree of the land based equipment being transferred was twenty MBT-8H main battle tanks, fully fitted out to fight as a single elite tank unit, and arriving with a team of Euran trainers to help their new crews learn the ropes. The final and perhaps second most important product being shifted apart from the cruisers was aircraft. The cargo ships carried about four dozen ground attack jets, mostly cheap subsonic aircraft but in with them were some Mansley Systems built CF-10 Thunderbolt air superiority fighters and EDS built AH-82 attack helicopters.

The bill that would need to be footed for all of this was ginormous, but that could wait. The main concern of the Euran government was quickly and somewhat discreetly moving the equipment to San Jose Guayabal to prop up its questionable military strength. What had been provided was not massive in number; it was quality that would count. The cruisers, the jets, the tanks, the subs were all things that could be deployed selectively to change the course of battles in a war that seemed pretty inevitable already. Coming with them too were over a thousand Euran personnel, officially private sector employed but secretly still part of the Euran Armed Forces. They would train Guayabalense troops and sailors to use all of their new toys as quickly as possible, and some would most likely hang around on the cruisers to monitor their performance. Waiting on the dock was a senior Guayabalense officer, an admiral in fact, with an entourage of other senior officers. There they waited for the lead ship, a Euran anti-air destroyer that was not for sale like the other ships, to dock. When it had done so, select members of its crew disembarked to refresh the ships supplies to prepare for a speedy departure at dawn. The Guayabalense admiral found it incredibly rude that they were keep him waiting, but just as he was about to express his frustration by radioing the destroyer, he saw a man in a uniform coming off the ship on the gangway.

'Admiral! How good to see you!' The Euran's uniform appeared to be more like a suit close up. 'Do you mind if we speak English?'
'If we must. You're...Mr Black, correct?'
'Yes.'
'Okay. The arrangements have already been made by our superiors but, just to clarify...what is coming in here?'
'Six brand new guided missile cruisers complete with a complementary full load of missiles already with enough firepower to hit certain countries like, oh I don't know, Yttribia, from some distance as well as their warships. Not that you'd ever want to do that of course.' Black winked without a hint of subtlety. 'Then there is the rest. Ten valuable and reliable medium-age frigates, five older but nevertheless commendably capable diesels subs and three large support vessels. You've then got quite a lot of armoured vehicles, including some main battle tanks that will outperform anything certain fascist countries can field, though there's only twenty of them. A valuable supply of artillery pieces too. Oh, and jets. You needed jets, didn't you? How does that sound?' The admiral stared at Mr Black oddly for a little while, before eventually he couldn't resist cracking a smile. 'Welcome to the mother country, my Euran friend. What do you need?'
'A seven course meal would be nice. This ship will return home in the morning along with those four ships you promised carrying all of our crews, bar the training advisors who are staying. What ships are you giving us again?'
'Four troop transports rated for a two way trip. SS El Roblar, SS Granada, GU Barbosa, SS Almirante Cobos.'
'Excellent. Thank you.'
'Oh no, Mr Black.' The admiral patted him on the shoulder and began to lead him back to his staff car. 'Thank you.'

[Kinitaria]

"Here - on the outskirts of Tiplesti - rebel forces were able to secure key roads leading into the city. They were able to blockade key routes in, stopped any of our supplies getting through-"

"Heavens, man, why didn't you stop them? You're in charge of all the forces in the Tirinthea area! Are you saying that entire divisions of the Kinitar armed forces couldn't beat a band of upstarts with a few ancient pistols?"

"Well, that's the thing, comrade Premier, they're not exactly a band of upstarts. It appears that our intelligence on them has been-" he searched his mind for a better term to use than slacking off for the past twenty years, "under severe mistaken impressions. Their forces have to be taken seriously, which regrettably, we haven't been doing. The fact of the matter is, in some respects, they surpass even our capabilities as an effective combat-trained force."

Rosa Lisineva could have punched a wall in frustration. She was not a woman with a penchant for patience. One did not get to serve high-profile positions in successive governments by tolerating failure. Now, she had inherited the highest position, and it was all threatening to fall apart in her hands. "What are you planning to do about it? We surely have more men than they do?"

"Yes, comrade Premier, we do. But they have their own issues to deal with in other parts of the country," responded General Bojan Molir, as he launched into a lengthy explanation of where exactly things had gone wrong and who was to blame (ie, not him). Molir came complete with an impressively long official title and a fine shiny medal collection to match. While Lisineva, as Premier, was technically the chief of command of the entire Kinitar army, General Molir was one of the highest-ranking actual soldiers in their country. That's why he'd been summoned to the Premier's office to give a summary of their military situation. In truth, he could have summarised it very easily with one particularly rude word.

The Premier's usual office would have been in the Palace of Workers' Solidarity, the grand symbol of Kinitar sovereignty, seat of the ancient kings and of the Kinitar nation. There, the office of the Premier looked out past the palace gardens and onto the thriving metropolis of Mi'ato. But these were not usual times, and the highest-ranking government officials had been forced to seek out alternate lodgings. Their choice lay directly beneath their capital, which was no longer a shining beacon of the Kucinič era, but a city besieged by internal forces.

Protect Mi'ato at all costs. Such were the orders given to the oxymoronically-named Kinitar People's Army. The capital was the base of operations, the cradle of Kinitar civilisation, and the nation's financial hub, and so it had to be protected. Coincidentally, it's also where the members of the Politburo lived, but they couldn't feel safe even with their crack troops patrolling the streets. That's how it came to be that meetings would be held here, in dimly lit rooms protected by reinforced concrete, and little more than a telephone connection to the Palace for information that Lisineva allowed to be released to the outside world.

"...so, as you can see, comrade Premier, we are stretched to breaking point. Serenberg, of all places - Serenberg, the old capital, is under direct threat. Tirinthea might follow. I fear Damaciu may already have done so. And it's all different, petty groups. But you know what? If they bring the fight to Mi'ato, it'll be a bloodbath. They'll run into each other, and they'll start shooting at each other, and the men who are stationed here-"

"But surely that's why we have troops stationed in Mi'ato in the first place?" interjected Lisineva. "They're there for protection, aren't they?"

General Molir gritted his teeth. This job requires a lot less of his military training, and a lot more diplomatic skills, than he'd ever thought would be necessary. "Comrade Premier, if you've got half a dozen groups of fanatics marching on our capital, by that point, it will already be too late. I have every confidence that they can be stopped before the situation reaches that point, but I must ask that you give your authorisation to reassign some of the men who are deployed in Mi'ato-"

"No." Lisineva interrupted her general for the second time in succession. "I refuse to leave our capital undefended, general. Something is stirring up the people. If we aren't protected here, then some opportunist vandal is just a few seconds away from causing untold havoc. But, tell me - we do have some sort of force other than sheer manpower available in our army, don't we? Machines and missiles and that sort of thing?"

Molir's eyes widened momentarily. He'd hoped it wouldn't come to this, but he couldn't restrain himself at the critical moment. "We have our tanks, of course we have our tanks! It's not anyone's fault that the damn things haven't seen any sort of combat in the past twenty to fifty years. They're falling apart! Half of those that work are in Chyr, and that's if they don't spring mechanical faults..."

Chyr. Lisineva hadn't forgotten about the renegade province. It's the sort of thing that was hard to forget about. She just didn't like thinking about it too much. She'd just put the army on the job and hoped that she wouldn't have to personally deal with too much of the fallout. "And... and our navy, general?" she interjected, cutting him off in the middle of his tirade about tanks. "Is there any particular reason why they're not doing their part to help prop up this country?"

"You'd have to ask an admiral about that," Molir replied tersely. He'd hoped that the country's leader, at least, wouldn't make that mistake. "None of that is anything to do with me."

"Then I shall make a point of doing so," Lisineva shot back, in just as icy a tone. "But to return to what I was asking, the missiles, general? We do have them, don't we? I'm aware that we've been paying for a missile command, so it would seem to follow logically."

"We do have them," the general confirmed. A fraction of a second later, a hint of alarm flickered over his expression, why did she-?

"And they aren't going to explode when they're fired? They're not falling apart? They wouldn't land a hundred miles north of where they're supposed to and get us involved in another war?"

"No, comrade Premier, I am sure they would not," he replied through gritted teeth. "The missile system is very modern and constantly maintained by some of the finest missile experts in the region." Part of his aggravation at the military's tank problem derived from the time when money was routed away from that area in order to fund what he saw as a bright shiny exploding toy to make the ailing government look as though it had at least some proficiency with technology - a problem that, in his mind, had never been fixed.

"Then I'm confident I can trust you to do the right thing, should the sovereignty of the nation be directly threatened, whether by forces without or those within?"

For the first time in quite a while, the general suffered from a momentary loss of constitution. He'd been asked, and sometimes coerced, to do things he didn't agree with in his time in the army, and he'd always thought that if nothing else, it had given him a steely resolve, but this... "Are you asking me to fire missiles at our own cities?"

"I am not a tactician, general. I prefer to leave that to your men. Of course, I would not dream of ordering the massacre of our own people." It sounded wrong. It almost sounded rehearsed, Molir thought with a lurch. "I am merely asking you to take whatever measures might become necessary to ensure the defence of Kinitaria, and our State institutions."

"There are some measures I would not take, comrade Lisineva." Molir used the Premier's name for the first time, but she didn't seem to notice.

"Then you are a braver man than I." Lisineva did not shout. Her voice was dangerous enough as it was. Soft, but with an edge like the finest steel. "Or perhaps you don't know what they would do to you if they overran our country and captured you. And it would be so much worse if you'd had the chance to stop them, and then failed to act."

Molir could almost feel himself being pale. There were a half-dozen lines of thought running around inside his head and tripping over each other. His training got mixed up with his loyalty and his national pride. His ambition and determination collided with each other, and this woman has gone insane, who let her run a country anyway?

"Are you quite alright, general?"

Just like that, he felt himself snapped back into reality. "Quite alright, thank you, comrade. I do believe I'll require some time to think about this matter, however."

"Of course. Please do think quickly, because, if we are under a direct threat, then you won't have much time to think."

Every damn soldier had learned that during basic training, what does she take him for. He saluted, turned around and made for the door. As he was about to leave, he span back around to make his parting shot. "But remember, I'm a soldier, not a politician."

[Queer Poco el Mono Ara]

The passing of Queen Sahzia had been international news for some days and as a mark of respect, the people of Monolithia had chosen to mark the day of her funeral as a national holiday. The most-western region of Queer Poco el Mono Ara was now home to many people who had fled the conflict of the civil war. As the two princes fought over the lush, forested north and the prosperous ports of the south, the dusty desert to the west and home to some of Queer Poco el Mono Ara’s ancient heritage was left.

Initially home to refugees, the great sandy planes were a hive of ramshackle homes made of recycled materials, wigwams and Bedouin tents, erected alongside the community that lived by the football stadium and all the amenities. As time went on, more and more people fled the civil war and more and more of those were affluent, powerful Pocoans, who could afford to have homes built, out in the West whilst they stayed in nearby hotels. Eventually the city around Monolithia began to sprawl, an amalgamation of newly built, ultra modern houses, downtrodden slums and the ancient wonders.

45 years after the outbreak of the civil war, Monolithia had evolved into its own micro-state, presided over by an elected council, the chief of the council Bayram Baden had been Lord Mayor of Ridgemont before the civil war, and was nearing the end of not only his term in office, but his own life. At 96, he had long surpassed the average life expectancy of a Pocoan male, which, if we didn't take into account the horrific number of young casualties from the war, was around the 78 year old mark. He still had all his own faculties and was as sharp as he had been at 60. It wasn't the mind of the elderly statesman that had set the wheels of retirement in motion but life. A life that had taken its toll on his body, smoking for 8 decades and pickling his liver with alcohol for nearly as long.

“Perhaps, now, with the passing of the Queen, we should be looking to formally solidify our relationship with the Islanders and strengthen our position within the four realms.” He whispered conspiratorially into the ear of Omer Kundacki, the 73 year old Treasury Principal.

The two were at lunch with the other members of the Council, but had sequestered themselves off to the side of the room to discreetly discuss certain matters.

“Well, as you know, the soon to be Queen is as yet unmarried.”

“And?” Bayram knew exactly what Omer had meant, he just wanted to hear him say it, which didn't help when Omer simply replied “you know.”

“But who?”

“But who indeed.”

“He must be someone of standing.”

“Charming”

“Handsome”

“Erudite”

“Synonym, Omer.”

“Sorry.” Omer paused, contemplating. “We’re all old men Bayram, even our sons are old.”

“Seth.”

“Seth?” Omer frowned, under bushy, grey eyebrows.

“Almog’s boy’s boy. The college boy. Plays polo. He’s the heir to the Greenberg fortune.”

“Oh...”

“Oh?”

“He’s a spoilt little prig.”

“Who’s a spoilt little prig?” came a voice from the other side of the room.

“Never you mind.” Bayram waved away the question and turned back to Omer. “Perhaps we should consult the council?”
----------------------------------------------------------------------
We came, we scored, we conquered. It doesn’t matter where you are ranked in the world these days, upsets routinely happen. Goliaths get smacked down by Davids, strong, sassy women can take large corporations to court and win $333million in the name of justice and the nerds take revenge on the jocks who tormented them.

Valladares have become one of the big boys on the international scene since we disappeared into obscurity and the possibility of taking even a solitary point seemed highly unlikely. Until a plucky defensive unit parked the bus like stalwart... bus drivers... and held on until they saw an opportunity to counter attack.

Vijay Kandakram, in for Saladin Bakhiri, took no prisoners when the ball reached him and lashed it into the Valladares goal. The young striker, brought forward in time, marked his arrival in the future with a goal in his first start for a team he played in the World Cup for. From there on, it was much of the same, sit deep, hold tight and pray for the final whistle. The win was The B*stard Squad’s first in their opening 5 fixtures and their first in international football for about 40 years (give or take).

After the game the few travelling fans who had made the cross Rushmore passage celebrated like it was 1999 all over again, rushing on to the pitch to congratulate the players who so gallantly took a massive three points. Their journeys home went quite the same way, with a steady flow of booze and high fiving. The only thing that could have made the win any sweeter were if we’d travelled to Sargossa and beaten them on their home turf, but que sera sera. It is assumed the players celebrated similarly...

Jump forward to the next fixture and that euphoria that came after the win in Valladares soon dissipated with a defeat to Fullerum.... which, you know, just goes to prove you can’t upset the apple cart every time you play. Having partied hard following the away win, a lacklustre and possibly hungover QPeMA team succumbed to only their second defeat in qualifying.

(apparently I'm a day behind, fortunately I can catch up over the break)

[Paradystopia]

Denouement

---

Parte, th'Fyvthe
Parte, th'Foorth
Parte, th'Thirdde, Parte, th'Thirdde-nd-abyt, Parte, th'Thirdde-nd-abytmoor, Parte, th'Not-quyt-th'foorth-yet
Parte, th'Seckond
Parte, th'Fyrst

---

"In the name of fuckin' chaos! Supposed to be one ot' best team int' whole bloody multiverse yet we're still lettin' those bloody Apoxians runt' game!"
"Mind your language Roland. It's only a friendly match."
"Aye. A damn friendly 'gainst a team certain t'be int' World Cup. If we can't match upt'Apox, 'ow we goin' t'fair 'gainst someone bigger? Warrabout t'likes o'Vilita? Valanora? Polarian Islandstates? Ain't got a bloody chance playin' 'ow they are. Think 'bout t'Championato Esportiva too. 'tain't gonna be any easier. Northern Sunshine Islands, t'Royal Barrangy, Nefara, San Josie Gooey-somethin'. Fact is love, I'm embarrassed. Embarrassed at 'ow poorly we're playin'. Embarrassed t'call miself Paradystopi."
"You're being very melodramatic Roland. One-nil down at half-time is hardly a huge deficit to overcome."
"Look May, I think I know warram talkin' 'bout wi' football. Don't you worry your pretty head over it. 'kay?"

Mayvis Mylls tried to ignore her husband's jibes. He always got like this when the football was on. Suddenly he became not the bumbling fool who cannot press the correct button on a coffee machine every morning but the utmost authority on anything involving kicking a leathery sphere. He'd certainly not been the big man when three Communadi agents turned up unannounced asking to look out of their kitchen window on the apparent grounds of top secret military security. Roland wasted no time in declaring he was late for some prior engagement and left Mayvis to deal with the grey-suited interlopers.
They had been surprisingly congenial given how the country was displayed in the Paradystopi press and the sight of the Felixian shoreline lightened their moods even further as they announced to each other that it was a success. What 'it' was was never clearly explained but based on some of the things she overheard she firmly believed that somehow the Commune had managed to artificially manufacture a wormhole through space and potentially time itself. The theory was fairly simple on paper. A hypercharged signatured neutrino net-field emitted at regular intervals into the heart of a dying star could fairly easily tear it's core into two places at once. The energy created by the subsequent collapse of the celestial giant and the temporal paradox of a star being in two places at once would likely rupture a hole in the universe. All you had to do then was monitor the skies for the same signatured neutrino emissions to discover the exit point or failing that, send a probe through the hole. Or a clone ... this was the Commune after all. She vaguely remembered that it was Gunther Kangrabaks who proposed this theory to much derision from the academic community of the time many solar cycles ago but it had also been a long time since she'd taken that online course in advanced astro-physics. The fact that the wormhole had been localised to two points within Esportiva showed that not only had the Commune manufacturered such a portal but managed to stabilise it and had some degree of control over it's entry and exit point. You had to admit it was pretty impressive.

"Bloody adverts! I soddin' 'ate them damn things. Always the bloody same on this digital sports channel. Any excuse t'tryan make you buy shit."

You could always rely upon Roland to fracture a hole in a chain of thought whilst noisily the TV chirped away with it's banal ditties. Mayvis couldn't be sure if adverts were getting more brutally in-your-face or all she heard was a cynical underlying subtext.

---

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[Hicana]

RACE TO THE BOTTOM

We profile who will finish last in every group.

In Group 1, Tryienne has two points and Jecatria three. Evarim has seven and Jeckland has eight, while the rest are clear contenders. Jeckland does not have what it takes to finish at the bottom, while Evarim may not be able to catch up. Tryienne will cement their position, we predict, and finish last, with Jecatria seventh.

In Group 2, United commonwealth of Ayrshire has merely one point, while Yids has three and the rest eight or more. This could go down to the wire, but Ayrshire's storied history and great strategy will see them through to the bottom. Yids will place second.

In Group 3, Melthing has one point, GGSAZ four, and Novach seven. Novach should be doing worse at this and will not be last, while the other two will contest it out. Melthing, a team whose offensive skills are known well, having scored a prodigious three goals in seven games, will place eighth, with GGSAZ seventh.

In Group 4, Lolloh has merely a point and Fnaticka five, with Greater Watford and Zackatlantis with seven and eight. Greater Watford is definitely not going to stay in that position, and Zackatlantis shouldn't catch up to Fnaticka. However, Fnaticka does not have what it takes to place at the bottom, and Lolloh will lose this group for sure.

In Group 5, Gustavpolis has managed a clean sheet so far - no points! With only one goal, they're the definite favorite, but Azrea (6), Republic of Vietnam (7), and Westfield House (8) will closely contest seventh place. I think Republic of Vietnam has the best shot at it.

On to Group 6, Lledia (3), Vanersholm (3) and Semarland (6) are all near the bottom, but Lledia will lose the group with Vanersholm seventh.

Have you noticed that these all look the same? I think we'll just leave the rest to your imagination because you can pretty much fill out a template by now for these.

But before we leave, there are other teams with no points besides Gustavpolis - Alinghi Federal-Democratic Republic, The Blaatschapen, Alundas , Subspace Embassy, Francilie, and Ayscos. Of these teams, though, Gustavpolis is still the worst, with only one goal scored and eleven allowed.

[The United Kingdoms of Zackalantis]

CRITICS ON THE ZACH TEAM

Critics and sports analysts from around the world examined the teams after the first half of the qualifiers were over. Here's what they had to say about the zach team.

I sincerely thought that the UKZ's position would fluctuate from 2nd and 3rd. And after the first match it looked like that could be a possibility, but then all of a sudden the team just was struggling to not drop to last place. Maybe this one day of rest and recuperation might help them to narrowly qualify.

When captain Keith Pereira was asked to comment on the comments made by analysts. He said he agreed with them and he too like them had high expectations from the zach team, and that this second half of qualifiers will be the best the UKZ has ever performed. We promised our fellow citizens that we would qualify and we will!
It's not like we have not shown potential at all. We are a very capable team and have shown it even in the matches where we have faced defeat. I will have to admit that we were very sloppy with our footwork and sometimes even lazy and lathargic.
But all i can say now is that we have put in extra efforts and pains, so don't count us out just yet.

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Gregoryisgodistan Burns Hicanan capital

Gregoryisgodistani soldiers have burned 97 percent of the Hicanan capital of Ansillia to the ground, including all government buildings. This follows a series of bobmings by Hicana attacking Gregoryisgodistan.

In a coordinated attack launched at precisely 3:00 PM local time this afterboon, Gregoryisgodistani soldiers set fire to numerous buildings across Hicana, including all government buildings and many in the city center, using flamethrowers, fire bombs, blowtorches, and other weapons. Reortedly, the airforce also dropped flaming balls of fire on various buildings in the city at the appropriate time, causing the fire to grow even more. The ground troops from Gregoryisgodistan then proceeded to flee the city so they would not be burned. The Ansillia fire department was one of the buildings torched, so it was unable to control the spread of the fire. Due to the strong wind, the fire quickly spread throughout the whole city. Approximately 97 percent of it has burned to the ground and the fire is still raging in parts of the city. All government buildings have been destroyed and it is suspected (though not confirmed) that most or all government officials have been killed. Since the fire is still spreading, all of Ansillia could be gone by the end of today, and it is possible the fire will spread to the suburbs as well. It is turning to a very dark day for Hicana, but a glorious day for Gregoryisgodistan. Hicana's government could soon fall, and likely already has if they are all dead. Gregoryisgodistani soldiers are preparing for a hostile takeover of the country and possible enslavement and/or execution of the Hicanan people. It appears to be on the verge of happening. However, with virtually the entire capital destroyed and the fire still spreading, there might not be much left for the soldiers to capture. In the meantime, Gregoryisgodistan's military has stationed several aircraft carriers and other large ships off the cost of Hicana to evacuate soldiers in case the fire destroys the entire country. It is also possible Gregoryisgodistan will launch fire attacks against other cities in Hicana, burning them to the ground. In any case, the casualties in the capital were enormous and it is believed to be the deadliest day of the war so far. Most people in the capital were presumably killed, and those who weren't have no access to food or shelter in the capital and could starve soon.

To prevent food and water from getting in to the survivors, the soldiers who fled the city have set up barricades on every access road or other path into the capital and will shoot anyone who tries to pass unless they clearly have authorization from the Gregoryisgodistani military. Only other members of the military will be given authorization to pass if they need it. For now, most of Ansillia is dead, and the survivors are cut off from the rest of the country by the blockade.

The one hope for Hicana's capital is that the fire will continue to spread, destroying most of the surrounding area but forcing the blockade to retreat. If they retreat far enough, they may not have enough resources to block all roads a certain radius away. However, by that time the damage to Ansillia and surrounding cities and towns would be so great that there would not be nearly enough resources to save all the survivors, and deaths by the fire itself would likely increase almost tenfold by that point. So it would by a Pyrrhic victory for Hicana. They might finally break the blockade, but by that time, millions of people would be dead and there wouldn't be enough resources to save all the survivors, if there were any by that point. (They could very well starve or die of thirst or exposure or something else.) And of course, all this assumes Hicanan aid could get through what by that point would be a massive rampaging fire, which seems highly unlikely. So frankly, even the survivors are as good as dead unless Hicana can attack and overcome the blockade. Even then, they'd need special equipment capable of dealing with massive rampaging fires, which military vehicles usually do not have. Conversely, highly protective fire trucks generally do not have the weapons necessary to defeat the blockade.

Lord Almighty Gregory has offered to lift the blockade and withdraw all troops if Hicana will pay reparations both for the initial deaths of the Enemy Crushers in Quebec several weeks ago and the soldiers and civilians killed in this war. Lord Almighty Gregory has set the current demands at 100 trillion greggygodbucks, which is just under NS$ 16 billion. The exact figure is NS$ 15,762,925,599 according to Currency Trading House. However, for each day Hicana does not surrender and pay reparations, they will increase by 1 trillion greggygodbucks or about 160 million NS$. In fact, it is exactly 157,629,255.99 NS$. Starting at noon Gregoryisgodistani Daylight Time (OOC: EDT) tomorrow, the amount will start increasing. According to Lord Almighty Gregory, "Hicana will pay for all their misdeeds as they continue to do now. Gregoryisgodistan will not rest until we either exterminate that whole country or they surrender and pay us massive reparations as we demand. The amount started smaller, but thanks to their sins it must increase. Death to Hicana!"

[Hicana]

Flight of the Hicañans: Ansillia Burns
Capital evacuated following deadly blaze, Refugees outpouring, Government relocates to South

Two days ago, the order was given for Gregoryisgodistan to set fire to Hicaña's capital building, Ansillia. The fire burned down nearly the entirety of Hicaña. As the fire raged, President Adam Watson gave the order for the entire city to evacuate to nearby South Ansillia, although many stayed behind to retrieve cultural relics. The city's five hundred years of history were lost in a single night as the population of 800,000 fled. Once in South Ansillia, the government managed to regroup, with five of eight members of the cabinet as well as the president still remaining.

From South Ansillia, five minutes away from the sea, a wave of refugees poured out, hiding on supply ships, attacking military ships for their lifeboats. Desperation became a force stronger than patriotism. Some went east to Sola, using life rafts and sticks for paddles. Others found boats and went south to Miklandia, known for its refugee-friendly policies. Those who could went to Tree Death. Some made the trek north and fled to Coconutstan, who would take them in and send them to the Royal Kingdom of Quebec. Adam Watson made plans for the Fleeing of Hicaña and then radioed the military.

Gregoryisgodistan was met with a strange sight. At once, all of Hicaña's airplanes turned around and retreated with their explosive cargo still there. They landed off the coast of Hicaña. All of Hicaña's defense ships Watson filled to the brim with refugees and supplies, supply ships gave up some of their cargo and themselves were similarly filled. Watson spoke with the leaders of Coconutstan, Miklandia, Super-Llamaland, The Arendellenske Union, and Sola, and when every ship had left, he took the government of Hicaña and his family and boarded a ship to Miklandia.

The ships quickly left, every citizen of Hicaña (by now there were 2.3 million on the mainland) ferryed off on Hicaña's entire naval force.

Gregoryisgodistan's soldiers were left on the island.

And over them hovered what was left of the proud nation's entire air force, bombs ready.

---

At 3:45 PM, Hicañan hackers managed to take down prominent websites across the former commonwealth: On the screens of Port Bartholomew in Miklandia, the gadgets of New Llama City, in the websites of Sola, Eyrelia, Eirelia, Hakifao, Arendellenske, and Vjaalsbürg. Everywhere, websites were taken down and replaced with a message asking to help join the campaign to Free Hicaña. Most were reclaimed quickly, but the servers of EyreliaSquare (OOC: Polandball) remained Free Hicaña.



At 1:10 PM the next day, it was briefly taken down, but remained up for the next day. At 3:15 PM the day after, it was finally taken down. But the message stayed, broadcast by anyone who could post to anyone who could listen.

Free Hicaña, they said, please.

And early in the morning the next day, President Watson sent a message.

OFFICIAL MESSAGE FROM THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF HICAÑA

FROM: Adam Watson, President of Hicaña
TO: National leaders of the Multiverse

Dear leaders,

Gregoryisgodistan continues their land invasion after asking for unpayable debts after killing our citizens with their vile enemy crushers. With no hope of fighting back, we are about to resort to one last desperate defense and counterattack. Please send aid.

-Adam Watson
-President
-Federal Republic of Hicaña

[Vaugania]

Part 1: Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions
Part 2: What Can You Do?
Part 3: L33T H4XX0R SK1LLZ
Part 4: Things Fall Apart
Part 5: News at 9
Part 6: We Want Ignatius

Part 7

Your Guide to the New Vauganian Government

Following a series of meetings between government and Church officials, our entire system of government has changed. I know change can be a little scary, but we made this handy guide just for you so that we can all make the transition smoothly. A smooth transition means less chaos and fewer riots and riots are bad, so let’s not have any, m’kay?

What type of government are we know?

It isn’t exactly straightforward, but we could now be considered a theocratic republic bicameral monarchy semi-democratic theocracy. Despite that, we will still be the “Holy Catholic Republic” of Vaugania.

So how does the government work now? Who’s in charge now?

Our current leader is Archbishop Ignatius XI. Isn’t that great?! It’s what all of you political activists out there wanted. But of course he isn’t the supreme ruler of all in the government. That can be bad sometimes. Directly below the Archbishop in the hierarchy of government is the Council of Bishops. This is a council of 9 bishops elected by the other bishops every 6 years. They are the main legislative body in Vaugania. They make all of the laws and policy decisions you know and love.

Just like a president, the Archbishop has the power to veto any decisions made by the legislative body. But unlike a president, the Archbishop may pass sumptuary laws and laws regarding the Catholic faith without any sort of vote from a legislative body.

But what about our elected officials?

They get to keep their jobs. Kind of. It has been decided that they will be responsible for making all laws regarding the economy and set the federal budget, all must again be approved by Archbishop XI. This legislative body, now known as the Common House, will also be the ones to pass any declarations of war as well as make treaties with other nations. Kris Strong will be the head of the Common House.

Wait… is that a new flag?

Yeah. That’s a new flag. You like?

Well, I guess. But now I have to go buy a new flag for my house

A small price to pay to show your patriotism.

I guess so. Who designed this anyway?

Top Secret.

It just seems a little busy, y’know?

Are you denying your patriotism?

Nononono. Just saying.

Report to the nearest confessional to be absolved of your sins.

Is that really necessary?

Yes. Go.

Fine.

This concludes “Your Guide to the New Vauganian Government”.

[Greater Watford]

Draw rounds off opening qualifiers

Joey McMahon
A draw was the best result that Greater Watford could produce The United Kingdom of Zackalantis, but at least they finally clocked some points on the board away from home. Currently 6th, it’s not been a good tournament, and the national team seems consigned to preparing for AOCAF 45 and Beltame Cup 3.

The team for this match saw some key changes, with Sproull and Salvatore starting in defence, and Oldfen and Capp having a run out in midfield. Creativity was lacking for both sides, in the opening 20 minutes, only 3 shots were on target, and the majority of the possession was in the centre of the pitch.

It was on 23 minutes, when the first goal was scored. Harris’s corner was headed towards goal by Peréz. The keeper reached the original shot, but Sproull managed to reach the rebound, scoring his first goal for the Hornets. The delight was clear on his face, as he celebrated in from of the away fans.

Greater Watford needed to hold on to the lead, but failed to do so, with a well-worked attacking play by The United Kingdom of Zackalantis leading to a strong 10 yard shot into the net. The half would finish 1-1, a common theme of Greater Watford’s games, where they failed to lead at half-time.

In the 48th minute, Greater Watford re-took the lead. This time Peréz found space near the edge of the box, and made a quick dash towards goal, before shooting from a narrow angle. The ball deflected off the post, but rolled over the line, and it gave the Hornets the lead again.

The Hornets defended valiantly, but unsuccessfully, as The United Kingdom of Zackalantis equalised with 10 minutes to go. A good cross fell towards a striker, and he rose highest above the defence to put the ball past Hemsworth, and into the net. Ultimately the Hornets were unsuccessful, but they need to recuperate over the break to try and turn things around.

Thomas Lasenzby

Jan Regan is considered one of the best midfielders in Greater Watford. Having played in the original WC67 squad, he missed out at WC68, but has returned to the starting XI of this squad. As a central or attacking midfielder, he posseses good technical skills with the ball, such as passing and through balls. He isn’t a profilic goalscorer at international level, with 2 goals in 28 games. However, he has shown a determined, yet professional attitude to football and the international squad.

Regan has been at Leavesden Rovers for most of his career. He originally graduated from their youth academy, but joined Rickmansworth Rovers for a season. From there, he then played for Nascot Wood United, before a return to Leavesden. At club level, he is vice-captain, and has finished as runners-up twice in the Super League. Jan says that he wants to win the Super League with Leavesden Rovers, and feels that it wouldn’t be as fulfilling to win with another side. He still lives in Leavesden, with his current girlfriend. At the moment, he isn’t married and has no children, although he jokes that he’ll have all the time in the world for that when he retires.

[Star United States]

Star United States

---

The World Cup 69 Qualifiers

---

☆★ One Step Closer ★☆

---

Previous Editions: Roster of Star United States; Here We Come; First Glimpse; One Day Closer;Match Day One Preview;Day One Out and Over; World Cup Qualifiers - Day Two; Diasters Throughout;Fourth Time's A Charm; A Draw & A Problem; Two Ties & A Crisis;

One Victory Closer

World Cup Qualifier
Star United States 2 : 0 Dawnhaven
Five-Point Stadium, Lake Star, Star United States

Star United States hosted Dawnhaven at the Five-Point Stadium in Lake Star. Despite all the weather conditions, the national team of Dawnhaven, who remain unnamed, was able to reach the location without any issues. The visitors have previously won three games, and lost 4 - having a total of 9 points. Star United States, however, has two victories, before this match.

Star United States, however, managed a victory today at home against Dawnhaven, who didn't score a goal. Both goals of Star United States came quickly during the first half on minutes 3, and 12. Even though Star United States is going through a lot all the seats in the Five-Point Stadium were full. Sadly, no food was sold due to the fact that the food is needed more elsewhere.

Minute 3: "GOOOOOOOOOLLLLL" yelled the Spanish host as the ball was forcefully kicked into the net. The roar in the stadium was deafening! Stafford started with the ball in the middle of field, and the midfielders did an expressive job getting the ball to the strikers. Gasteiz received a perfect pass from Horas. He then, passed the ball to Garrison, who took the chance and scored the ball.

Minute 12: Gonzalez scored the second goal, and once again the sound in the stadium was amazing! The striker received the ball from the midfielder Horas. It was an easily scored goal due to the fact the the goalkeeper of Dawnhaven didn't attempt to make a save.

Star United States held possession of the ball for majority of the match, about 80%. Many believe that Star United States team had mercy on the visitors and didn't score other goals against them.

The Storm Carries On
When hope was all lost for the bunkers of SeaShore, Woodbed, Golden, and Riverside - everything got worst. The storm increased, and the winds greatly picked up. This means food will not be able to be transport above ground, meaning the tunnel is the only hope.
As reports indicated, the obstacle of the tunnel is larger than thought to be, and the light at the end of the tunnel is yet to be found, sadly.

Reports from the Bunkers
SeaShore Bunker - Mayor of SeaShore City - "We are sad to report in that we only have three to two more meals left for each person. In order to make it last longer, we will be portioning it from 70% to 80% less food. This will at least give us food for more days until the limited supplies may arrive"

Woodbed Bunker - Mayor of Woodbed City - "Everything is fine. Haha, who am I kidding? We're starving here! But, nobody has died yet! Yay! We have reduced our food portions by 70% starting with the upcoming breakfast to save food and make it last longer. We have great hope for what is to come - we hope for the best. But seriously, hurry up! We. Are. Starving."

Golden Bunker - Mayor of Golden City - "Well, hello! We are doing all we can to make sure everyone gets enough food, but this increasingly becomes harder as there is less and less food. We trying to make it last as much as possible, as we know the obstacles that the help teams have faced. We are hoping for the best. May Golden City live on forever."

Riverside Bunker - Mayor of Riverside City - "What am I supposed to report in? You already know what's happening. The whole country knows! We are critically low on food, and people are starting to complain. Our officials have faced two riots in the bunker already, when groups of people attacked the food storage room. We need help to arrive fast."

A Message From The National Food Bank
As we are aware - food is an extreme issue now, and will continue to do so.

As we were seeing our reports from today, we have less food than we thought we expected. We are down to about six meals per person, meaning food for two more days.

Yes, we understand this will be chaotic. Please understand that the food that is in the market is not counted, so we advise for people to store up food, and to share nicely.

Thank You,
National Food Bank

Comments
"What. Is. Happening. Here. We need food, without food what are we supposed to do? Do you want us to die? We are running out of food, and there is no work. How are we supposed to buy food? Didn't think of that did you?" Random Stranger Down Ber Road

"Maybe this is what this country needed to fully rely on God again..." Pastor of the Church

"Sucks for the poor doesn't it? Because food is expensive now! What are us the poor supposed to do? Starve to death!" - A Homeless Man

"Thank God I bought that supermarket the other day. I have enough food for weeks for my family and I!" A Rich Man

Weather Report in a Sentence
If you city is in Code Red - it'll get worst.

A Message From the President, President Chris Cross
"Hello my fellow people,

I understand what is happening and we asked all to remain calm. Yes, I understand that we are facing a major issue. I understand food is something we all need because we are humans. I'll like to say that if you think you have it worst, someone else has it worser.

We are all going through this problem, as a country, as a nation, as a family. The food levels in the country is extremely low, and food needs to arrive to places most needed such as the bunkers. Food has been sent but is unable to arrive because of the weather conditions and the clogged tunnel. The obstacle in the tunnel is longer than we expected, but a path is being created and the project will not stop until it arrives. We will continue until we reach the end of the tunnel.

Food is loved by everyone, and people don't like to share, but we asked for people to remain calm and nice. I would like to state that if you don't share food, or eat less, if will cause a major problem later on. We are looking for international help for food, and we already have a reply. I am attempting to reach an agreement.

We ask everyone to have patience as we go through this as a family. Thank you"

Open Presidential Letters

The Republic of
Star United States
Presidential Letter

---

To: Countries Around The World
From:President Chris Cross, Star United States
Subject: We Are In Need of Help

---

World Leaders:

As you may be aware, or not, we are in a huge crisis. We currently have the residents of four of our major cities in underground bunkers due to a never-ending storm. The storm does not allow us to reach the bunker entrances in any way, and the other way to get to them is through the tunnel. The tunnel, however, is blocked with stone. We are currently creating a path through it.

On the other hand, this isn't our major issue. This is: we are out of food. According to the our National Food Bank, we only have enough food for two more days, and that is smaller proportions of food. Many food factories are closed due to damage of the storm or because they are under the storm.

We are asking for other nations to help us in our time in need because today us, and tomorrow them. We ask for food in order to feed our population with the healthy amounts, instead of greatly decreasing the portions. We ask for money, in order to fund the project that is creating the path in the stone in the tunnel, and in order to reconstruct all the damages done by the storm that still hasn't finished.

Many thanks, and may God bless,

President Chris Cross
Presidential House, City of Star, Starix
The Republic of Star United States

The Republic of
Star United States
Presidential Letter

---

To: President Cohen, of United Eastedge
From:President Chris Cross, of Star United States
Subject:Food Crisis

---

President Cohen:

I, personally, am very grateful for the support, and I'm sure that every Starian is also.

We gladly accept anything thag you honorable country is willing to send. If you will be sending anything through flight, I recommend landing at the Star International Airport, in City of Star. If you're planning to ship anything over seas, well don't do that due to the crisis.

Also, yes, some of wonderful stadiums have been affected, but I am not authorized to change the venues without consent of the National Sports Department. They will get in touch with you, if needed.

We hope to increase the relations between our two states.

Many Thanks, and God bless,
President Chris
Presidential House, City of Star, Starix
The Republic of Star United States

[Brenecia]

Jayce Pence, capable of such game-changing saves between the posts.
Samantha 'Sam' Allbeck, the stalwart captain who'd been with the Patriots every step of the way.
Miriam Portadown, a vicious, cutting fullback who'd been one of the stars of the team.
Clint Gallagher, a bulwark who hadn't even let a niggling ankle stop him from starting matches.
Emma Kelly, adventurous and daring, more than capable stand-in for the suspended Greig.
Augustine Breton, a quietly understated holding player who could keep the flow of attack running from deep.
Morgan Underwood, quick, athletic and bruising, sheer willpower turning him into a decent player.
Erin Camden, the capable playmaker with a beautiful touch who had already come up with so many assists.
Daniel Snowden, strong, fast, determined and incisive.
Miriam Spitfire, a Patriots veteran with a peach of a left boot.
Cheney Scherzer, whose pace and finishing had given him more than a goal a match.
And on the sidelines, Catherine Bardsley, formerly of Kingsgrove, who had single-handedly revitalised and regenerated a team in decline.
This was the best that Brenecia had.

They gave as good as they got.
The Patriots held firm, and every blow they took, they gave one back. It was an even, close contest, a battle to the death between equals, no holds barred, and both sides standing strong.
Meisenhal's layoff to Hans Wippenbeck carved a path for the opener, Wippenbeck's strike low and hard past Pence, squeaking in at the far post. The answer came eight minutes later, Portadown's cross going over Strauber, Scherzer and Weinberger, but Snowden managing to get into the end of it just before it went out of play; he cut the ball back for Erin Camden to shoot high and past a stunned Rommelwald. Camden's throughball saw Scherzer steal a march on the Ruentenbacher defenders, and as Rommelwald came to confront Scherzer the centreforward just passed to the side to give Snowden the easiest goal in the world. That was answered by a corner - desperate defending keeping it out of the net, before the ball made its way to the veteran Lukas Krohn, who made no mistake with an inch-perfect strike. The Patriots retook the lead from a corner of their own, firmly headed home by Clint Gallagher - but the incessant running and passing of the Adlerschaft paid dividends, holes opening in the porous Brenecian defence as they pressed and harried for a period of three minutes, before finally it was Rogalski who found the hole, cut inside and smashed the ball past Pence.
Two teams deadlocked, fighting it out to the end, both determined to match the other blow-for-blow. Nothing could seperate the teams.
For forty-five minutes.

There was the catch.

The second half wasn't pretty. Four goals in forty-five minutes to bring the score to 7-3. Which was, to be fair, a record. Brenecia had never taken part in a ten-goal match before. Nor had they conceded seven. Or even five.
Now they had. New experiences weren't always positive.
The Syndicate, predictably, won their match. Brenecia still had a lead on them... but it was down to two.

Still. There were a lot of positives to take stock from. Brenecia, after all, had five wins. They'd won every game they'd had the edge for, drawn one they definitely hadn't, and, well, right now they were second. And things were still in their own hands.
And it was a team that the Brenecian people had fallen in love with.
They'd liked seeing, for the first time in the side's history, a young, aggressive team taking many players from the domestic league. A team that would develop, grow bigger and better with time. They liked seeing a team with a future. Slatesaver's dour, defensive, aging team hadn't had that. They had a nice, clear expiry date, and had hit it during CE10, without actually achieving anything beyond 'solidity'.
This team was different.
It was sustainable. It was efficient. And it was ambitious.

[Hutt River]

It was the Monday following the election, and Upton was being driven towards the President's office. He had made sure to sit on the right hand side of the car, so the TV and press would have an unimpeded view of his exit from the car. He arrived at about 3:10pm, earlier than expected, and when he climbed out he stretched himself to his full height in front of the 50 or so journalists who were now shouting questions at him.

Randall was one of the journalists in the crowd, the sole representative from The Chronicle. She felt a bit small and insignificant compared to the rest of the journalists around her. Most of whom she recognised from the TV or that they were just well known people. It was the first time that she had been asked to do one of these and she looked incredibly out of place. Randall had been given a good spot right on the front, but had been unable to ask any questions that weren't drowned out by the more experienced people around her. She thought that this was more than likely due to her being a face that people didn't recognise, and as such couldn't be trusted to ask the softer questions.

After stepping out of his car Upton surveyed the gaggle of journalists before him. A woman near the front of the group caught his eye, and he pointed at her. Randall was a little surprised to be singled out but tried to hide it as she asked:

"Are you here to advise the President on the resuffle, Mr. Upton, or is he giving you a new job?"
"The reshuffle might come up, along with a number of things we will be discussing." Upton responded coyly.
"Any comment on the job rumours?" she pressed.
"Now, you should really know that I don't publicly comment on rumours, Miss... sorry what's your name again?"
"Jane Randall, The Chronicle. Just here to talk about the reshuffle then?"
"As far as I know, yes. Things may change though." Randall retreated as the crowd pushed forwards and continued shouting their questions at Upton. He waved them away, saying, "Sorry, no more questions. Got to get in now. Can't keep them waiting."

Upton went through the open door and up the stairs into the room that Presidents normally use as their study. To Upton's surprise there was two people there Collingridge and Party Chairman John Shuttlewörth, who Upton had a less than friendly history with. The two exchanged a cold glanced before Upton took a seat. Without ceremony, Collingridge got down to business,

"So, Fletcher, you told me you had some ideas on a reshuffle." He looked down at the piece of paper that Upton was holding. "I see you've brought them with you. Can I see them?" Upton handed over the paper and Collingridge read it for about 5 minutes.
"You've suggested... a rather radical reshuffle I see? Six new ministers, and a heavy switching of positions. What would that achieve?" Upton did not care for this, he had been asked to justify the strategy without figuring the President's feelings about it first. He wished that he talked through his appointments instead of commiting his thoughts to paper. Too late for regrets now.
"Of course, they are only suggestions. I thought in general that it might be better to indicate that you are firmly in charge of the government by and that you are expecting a lot of new ideas from your ministers, and a chance to bring some fresh blood and to promote some of your junior ministers to replace some of the older ones." Probably a mistake with that old bastard sitting next to Collingridge, but whatever, press on. "We've been in power for a long time which presents the challenge of boredom. We need to ensure we have a fresh image and guard against going stale."
"Very interesting Fletcher, and I agree with you to some extent. Many of your suggestions at the lower levels are very persuasive."
"Not the ones that matter though", Upton muttered under his breath.
"The trouble is too much change at the top can be disruptive. Even though our majority has been cut we have as you said been in power for a long time and I think we can do this without being too complacent. If we change too much, we might look like we're panicking. I think that my decision is right." Collingridge slid a piece of paper across the desk. On it was printed the names and cabinet positions of the ministers. "As you can see there is no changes to the cabinet at all. We should show that we want to get on with the job."
"If that is what you want, President." Upton's own voice sounded strangely distant. He had no choice: it was either support or suicide by resignation. The words of acceptance came out automatically, but without conviction. "I have to say I was rather looking for a change myself." He felt the whips office around him like a prison cell.
"Fletcher", Collingridge said in a reassuring voice, "if I move you, I have to move others, and the proverbial dominoes start to fall. And I need you where you are. You are so good behind the scenes. Leave it to others to do the job up front."
"You appear to have made up your mind, Mr. President." Upton stated, hoping it didn't sound like the accusation he thought it would.
"I have, and I hope I have your full support."

---

For some reason, after work Randall decided to drive past Upton's house, just 15 minutes away from the Prime Minister's office. She expected it to find it dark and empty, but instead she discovered the lights on and signs of movement present. The telephone rang unanswered. In the editorial office there had been fervent discussions over the reshuffle, or lack of it, had been brilliant or whether the President had lost his nerve.

It was not the done thing for journalists to follow politicians back to their homes, a practice darkly frowned upon by politicians and correspondents alike. Randall wasn't the one for bending rules, but she did wonder why the man was not answering the phone? What could he possibly be up to. She remembered what the editor at her old paper had said to her, 'never let rules get in the way of a good story'. She didn't feel good about breaking rules, even if they weren't official, but she would feel worse about letting an opportunity like this go amiss.

Upton was alone, and not expecting visitors. His wife had gone to the country, and the maid didn't work weekends. He was rather impatient when he opened the door.

"Mr. Upton. I've been trying to contact you since noon but you haven't answered the phone. I'd appreciate your thoughts on the reshuffle announcement."
When will journalists learn that he wanted to be left alone once in a while, Upton thought to himself. How the hell do they know where I live anyway? "Sorry Miss, but no comment."he responded and began to close the door.
The journalist threw herself forwards and spoke calmly to him, "Mr. Upton, I think that's a great story and all, but I don't think you mean it."
Curious, Upton paused for a second. Randall saw the hesitation and capitalised on it, "'There were signs last night of a deep cabinet divisions over the lack of reshuffle, with Chief Whip Fletcher Upton refusing to comment or defend the President's decision.' Good story there?"
It was only now that Upton recognised the Chronicle journalist who had asked him questions earlier that day. "Surely you cannot be serious?"
"Don't worry, sir, I'm not. Even I wouldn't go that far to get a story. But it does pose some interesting questions and I would rather get the truth than make up some bullshit out of thin air. But that's all you're giving me at the moment."

Upton was disarmed by the journalist's candidness. He ought to be furious and on the phone to her editor demanding an apology for such blatant harassment. But Randall had already sensed that there was a deeper meaning behind the formal announcement. What had he got to lose?

"Come in Miss... Randall, isn't it?"
"Yes, but please call me Jane."

He led her upstairs into a old fashioned sitting room. There he poured himself a large scotch and, without asking, a glass of white win for Randall. When he saw that she had her notebook out, he waved it away.

"Miss Randall, I'm tired and I'm not sure I would express myself particularly well at this time. No quotations please."
"Right", she responded.
"So what if I tell you that the President sees this as the best way of getting on with his job. Not letting ministers be burdened with new responsibilities and staff to deal with. Allowing us to continue full steam ahead."
"Might as well tack your name to the end of the quote." Randall took a deep drink from the glass of wine. "So that's the official statement then?"
Upton chuckled at the bluntness of Randall. He would have to be very careful around her. She continued, "I would say that the election showed the need for some new blood. After all you did lose a lot of seats. Not really much of an endorsement is it? Even some of your supporters are saying that it's more of the same. Let me ask you bluntly. Do you think this is the best that the President can do?"
Upton raised his glass of scotch to his lips without taking his eyes off her. He deliberated for a moment before coming up with an answer. "Jane how on Earth do you expect me to reply to a question like that? You should know as Chief Whip I have total loyalty to the President and his shuffle - or non-shuffle." There was an edge of sarcasm to his voice.
"Yes, but what about the man who is ambitious for the party and desperate for it's success, what does he say?" When no reply came, she continued, "When I write my piece tomorrow, I shall faithfully record your public loyalty to the reshuffle and the President. All other things you say shall be completely anonymous."
Upton wondered which shoe he should throw first. "Very well. The real story is quite simple. The President has to keep the lid firmly closed in order to contain the ambition of some of his colleagues. Since the election the ambitions have grown and the government doesn't want to be torn apart by it. Some elements of the party are deeply distressed. They don't believe the President can win another election, or to last another four years> So they are thinking what life might be like if there is a leadership election within a year or so, and what position they want to be in when the time comes. Collingridge no longer has a full team behind him and things could get very interesting."
"Why doesn't he get rid of the troublesome ones?" Randall asked, still scribbling down the answers in her notebook.
"He has to keep everything as quiet and low key as possible. With a majority of only 32 that could disappear at any cock-up, one has to play it safe. Even getting a new minister at a new department causes a rush of enthusiasm and people wanting to leave their mark, while the press gives them a honeymoon period, and all of a sudden they aren't doing their minister job and just promoting themselves for a leadership race."
"Do you think that's a sound strategy?"
"Let's just say that if I was driving and I saw a lorry heading straight towards me, I wouldn't keep going."
"What do you think about John Shuttlewörth? What do you think they were talking about all afternoon if they decided they weren't going to do anything?"
"He's going to go for it. Well not him, but one of his acolytes."
"Who?"
"I'll leave that for you to figure. I think I've said enough now. We must stop this conversation."

[Saintland]

Patriarch Nicolaus V Calls for Ecumenical Council of Bishops

(SP) On the eve of the Royal Wedding, Patriarch Nicolaus V of St. Petrus, the highest ranking Bishop in the Kingdom of Saintland, called for a new Council of Bishops. The invitation has been extended to all Christian Bishops around the multiverse, regardless of which Church they are affiliated with, to meet in St. Petrus to heal the schisms within Christendom and re-unite the Church of Iesus Christus. "On behalf of the True Church of Iesus Christus, I invite the Bishops of Iesus Christus to St. Petrus for a new Council of the Church. For over a thousand years, Christendom has been divided by the scourge of schism. As we prepare to celebrate the entering into Holy Matrimony of King Petrus XX of Saintland and Veronica Artemieva, a foreign resident young lady from the Free Republics, let us take this occasion to heal the divides that have afflicted our Church. Only then may we stand United for our Savior in a multiverse where unbelievers outnumber believers and combat the Godless amoral secularism that is currently running rampant throughout our multiverse, a secularism that is personified by the "Cup for Chaps" theme used by a certain, allegedly Christian, nation that will be co-hosting the upcoming World Cup. Only then will we be able to carry out the Will of God." - Patriarch Nicolaus V

The splits in the Church date back over a millennium, indeed the founding of our Kingdom was the result of a schism within the Church of Iesus Christus. A later schism, primarily over the filioque, was the origin of the Orthodox and Catholic branches of the Church. While the Catholic and Orthodox Churches have made some efforts at reconciliation in the past, this is the first time that a Patriarch of the True Church has ever proposed reconciliation. This makes this event a historic occasion, whether the efforts to re-unify the Church prove successful or not.

Already, the Patriarch of Acedonia, Patriarch Samouel IX, has agreed to attend the Council. Other Bishops from the True Church, including all Bishops from the Free Republics, are also expected to attend. As of this writing, no Catholic or Orthodox Bishops have agreed to attend the Council. If we are to see the End of Schism and the Reconciliation of Christendom, that will have to change.

---

Burning of Regicide to Take Place in St. Petrus Square, Will Be Broadcast Prior to Royal Wedding

(SP) Prior to tomorrow's Royal Wedding, the Regicide of King Paulus XV will be burned at the stake in the St. Petrus Square. In an unprecedented move, King Petrus XX has authorized the proceedings to be broadcast on Royal One and simulcast on any international television outlet that wishes to carry it. "Due to the circumstances, I have chosen to break with tradition and broadcast the execution of Abigail Hentze on television. I will also permit international television outlets to broadcast this event, should they desire to do so. Abigail Hentze has been convicted of the murder of my father, King Paulus the Fifteenth, of the murder of Venicio Piazza, Consul of the Free Republics and of the attempted murder of Samuel Izmailov, Senator from the Free Republics. The punishment for Regicide is death by hanging, drawing and quartering. However, as this punishment is indecent for a woman, even a woman as unladylike as her, she will be executed using the alternative method for female Regicides, which is burning at the stake. However, before we burn her at the stake, she will receive 40 lashes, for each count of murder. This part of the proceedings will also be broadcast on television. I hope this proceeding will bring closure to the families of those whom this Hiezabel has murdered. May God have mercy on her soul, because I won't." - King Petrus XX

Abigail Hentze is a woman from the Free Republics. She was recently caught in the act of stabbing Senator Samuel Izmailov, a prominent Republican politician at a recent soccer match in Republica, shortly after Consul Venicio Piazza had been shot. While the nation of Gregoryisgodistan claims responsibility for the attacks, Abigail Hentze has confessed to them and to the Regicide of King Paulus XV. As she was expedited to the Kingdom of Saintland on the Republican National Soccer Team's plane, the overwhelming evidence of her guilt was sent to the King's Government by Republican authorities. Her confession was broadcast on Royal One News earlier today and is available on demand on the Royal Networks channel on Sanctustube. There can be no doubt that she is, indeed, guilty of these heinous crimes.

Miss Hentze has also confessed to being a feminist activist and has admitted her ties to Feministvs Sanctvsterra. Following this revelation several days ago, riots broke out in the Free Republics as angry Republican mobs targeted every feminist and feminist organization they could find. It is already being dubbed the "Night of Fiery Rage" by the Republican press. While the riots have stopped, Republicans remain extremely angry at feminists and the Republican military, which is effectively the interim government of the Free Republics, has already made it clear that they will no longer permit Feministvs Sanctvsterra to operate on Republican territory and that they will actively seek to find Feministvs Sanctvsterra terrorists and deport them to our Kingdom to face their just desserts. King Petrus XX's offer to Feministvs Sanctvsterra members of a greatly reduced punishment, in exchange for information leading to the capture of other Feministvs Sanctvsterra members, is still on the table and the number of Feministvs Sanctvsterra members taking the King up on this office has increased dramatically in the past few days, since these events.

2014 has been a rather eventful year so far for the Kingdom of Saintland. From the horrific events that took place in Republica nearly 6 months ago to the triumph at the International Basketball Championships to the first ever televised execution in the history of our Kingdom. One can only hope that we will soon be able to put tragedy behind us and move on. The first step toward that takes place tomorrow. The Royal Wedding will take place in the St. Petrus Square, immediately following the execution of the Regicide. We hope that such an important day in the lives of King Petrus XX and the future Queen Veronica will not be overshadowed by the events that will precede their wedding.

---

The Saintland National Soccer Team came into the mid-qual break absolutely on fire. Tactical changes implemented by Petrus Fadius had, counter intuitively, resulted in 15 goals in 3 and a half matches out of a team that had scored just 4 times until that point, 2 of those goals scored by Feministvs Sanctvsterra in their visit to Gregoryisgodistan. They had, suddenly, become a totally different team, a much more dominant team.

Petrus Fadius had never been much of a striker, but he played for many years in the Sanctii domestic leagues, even rising to the rank of Captain, which was usually reserved for star players. This was due to his exceptional mind for the tactical side of the game. Fadius was legendary for leading rather mediocre teams to rather strong performances year after year. In any other nation, he would have been a "manager" at a major club and probably snatched up by a National Team by now. However, in Saintland, he toiled in obscurity for years. Now, he was finally in the public eye and Saintland's 7-0-0 start to Qualifying, their first ever perfect half of Qualifying, had increased his profile. While he wanted the opportunity to manage abroad, he was also looking forward to spending some time with his wife and kids, including that mysterious girl whom his eldest son had brought into the Kingdom.

Fadius was still unsure whether he approved of the interest his son had taken in that girl, but he trusted Andreas enough that he knew his son wasn't going to do anything immoral with her. He told himself that his son had done his duty by converting her to the True Church, but if he was honest with himself, he was certain that they probably had some impure motivations of some kind. There was just no way that his son had not been corrupted, at least somewhat, by that horrible place where his wife had allowed him to go. Then again, he couldn't fault the boy for developing romantic interest in a foreign-born girl. He had done the same, at a similar age, and was now married to her. But, that was different. Her family had moved to the Kingdom for work and she had been unhappy here, until she met him. This girl only moved here because of his son.

Petrus was conflicted about that situation, but he decided that it was best to leave things be. If anything immoral happened between them, he could always blame the girl for seducing his son and get him off with just a, rather minor, public punishment in the village square. She, however, would end up in reform school. If they would be good and neither of them would give in to temptation, well, maybe it would work out in the long term. That was what he told himself, anyways.

Elsewhere, Prince Andreas was busy at the RCES offices, working on their next release for the Saint. This one would be known as the Real Wrestling Simulator and would simulate the SPORT of wrestling, not the sham version that aired on television in the Free Republics, the Northern Sunrise Islands and numerous other countries. The only problem was that RCES programmers were not familiar with the development of games of such complexity, so the game was turning out especially poorly.

While he would normally have called in help from RepublicSoft, in this case it was a matter of pride for Prince Andreas. He wanted his wrestling game, which would be the first one for the Saint based on the sport rather than the fake variant, to be entirely developed by RCES, with no assistance whatsoever from RepublicSoft or any foreign developers. This was proving to be an impossible task for them.

In the past, the only RCES releases developed entirely by RCES had been low-rent titles such as Sister Polus's School Reformator, Cantus Virginum Saves the Day, Cantus Virginum Karaoke and Righteous Crusade. The Bible had been produced with substantial help from RepublicSoft and was still rather bad, as a game, mainly due to bad design decisions insisted upon by RCES. RCES simply wasn't very good at game development, which was unsurprisingly given that they only had a little over a year's worth of experience even playing them. In fact, the Real Wrestling Simulator was to be the first RCES-developed game that wasn't a work of propaganda. Prince Andreas wanted it to be good, so that other RCES games might sell better. Unfortunately, that did not seem likely...

OOC: I'm not going to be RPing the burning at the stake or the wedding, for rather obvious reasons in the first case and in the second case because it would probably take me an entire day to write it and it would still turn out terribly. Both of these events should be assumed to take place on the day before MD8.

[Nassau-Hessen]

New Saints Fall To The Eagles

Nassau 3–0 The Jasminia Islands

The Eagles returned home from their damaging stand against the Group 9 superiors in rough shape. After the emotionally wrecking game against the Blouman Empire, Co-Captain and Goaltender Falco Brambler decided to take the next couple of games off, giving backup goalie #62 Corbadoc Malloch some time to shine. He did the contrary in his initial start, but was determined to make a positive impact for Nassau against the Jasminian New Saints. The Jasminia Islands, for the most part, lie at the bottom of the table and will scavenge for any tie or win from any unsuspecting national team they come across. As Bloumany and the Royal Barangay pull away from the pack and compete for the first place spot, a three horse race for third place is raging on. Nassau, Torisakia (the Eagles' main concern), and Carialus (a highly underestimated threat) are all competing for what would be an Olympian bronze medal. The trio are fiercely trying to gain ground amidst the others. Nassau is ready to go beyond their goals and into third place, but they must pay a hefty price of constant focus and perfecting for it. The Red Blackiland Dark Lions are barely being fended off by the rest of the group. They are growing ever stronger at an alarming rate for the remaining squads of Group 9, they forced a tie against the Pentacolors and still are gunning for more. The Hessen will soon start to try out new formations and anxious reserves once the second half commences.

It was yet again another beauteous mostly sunny day at the Arima Pavilion, as many depraved fans hungered for a win after the small winless period against the other Eagles and the Agilang Dilaw, but it definitively would not be a cake walk with the comparatively more depraved New Saints.

A quick pass from Sandybanks to Chubbs commenced the action. Contrary to the established style of the Hessen, Nassau started off on the attack. A few progressively better shoots were kicked, but alas, for it was not enough to be rewarded a goal at the time. Amongst some of the shooters were Blanco Chubbs, Blaise Tworidge, and Orgulas Sandybanks. Once the New Saints gained a steady possession of the ball, the Eagles went back to their traditional style and looked for any golden opportunity to redirect the attack in their favor. Eventually, Blanco Chubbs found an opening between Marinus Jardine and Antoine Takala, so he impressively outwitted Jasminian captain Gaweł Rhodes to return the possession back to the boys at home. The odd-man rush that ensued towards the Nasauite offensive zone was chaotic. Chubbs (who held on to the ball all that time) barely found an opening and executed a slightly off-point pass ahead of Sandybanks. Sandybanks (who hasn't made much of an impact thus far) sighted Goalkeeper Euphranor Rusnak making a dash to recover the ball. Seeing that he was closer, Orgulas made a tackle motion towards the ball in order to avoid it being claimed by Rusnak. This tackle-tap completed it's intention, but also found the back of the net in addition to that. At minute twenty two, the Hessians gained the upper ground by getting the early lead. The Eagles seemingly cannot keep up an attack after a goal they scored. The Jasminia Islands regained possession immediately, and Malloch practically had to stand on his head in order to save each of the incoming Jasminian missile-like shots. Especially the long bombs from Van Daele and the attempted tip ins from Fritjof Niles. The cross filled attack from the New Saints eventually crumbled, and even play followed. The Eagles experienced an offensive spark just before the end of the half, a corner kick was made by Blaise Tworidge during this time, #58 Sancho Bolgorro connected with the corner at '43 by creating a bouncing header that strode into the net. Mungo Loamsdown was taken out of the game soon after the goal for his underperformance, and was replaced by the young and up-and-coming Isenberic Longhole. The second half was looking bright for the Hessen before it even started, as they walked back into their locker rooms with a comfortable two nil lead.

Despite a strong lead and a high morale for the Eagles, it was not them that started out strong in the second half, but it was the New Saints, rather, who hit the ground running at the forty-sixth minute. It took more time than it should have for the Hessen to put an end to the siege, but with some critical saves courtesy of Mr. Malloch, it slowly but surely decreased until the ball was evenly possessed yet again. By the sixtieth minute, #96 Polydamas Brandybuck was a mere inches away from scoring a longshot, but it barely passed over. As every minute passed, the desperation for the Islands increased. There were a few very close calls on the goal line, as the Jasminia Islands tried to fight their way back into the light and get points out of the match (and consequentially, take points away from Nassau). Niles and Metharom both had pristine opportunities from corners, close range shots, and crosses, but they wouldn't go in. Elias Devine (who subbed for Johansson) kicked a speedy shot to the lower left corner from the right side of the box that couldn't possibly be kept out of the net, or so they thought. Corbadoc Malloch, who was figuratively on fire, saved the shot with his fingertips while diving. The Hessen tried to quickly turn the tables and put the game away once and for all, but the other goaltender, Rusnak, was ready, so naturally, he denied all who dared to try to score on him. The final moments finally arrived, and the New Saints were as aggressive as they'd ever be. Blanco Chubbs found an opportunity amidst the violent net pursuit, and took the ball away from the Jasminian defenders as they were regrouping for another attack. He broke away, and capped off the game with a chip shot over Rusnak in the third minute of added time. The final score ended Nassau's pointless drought, and gave the Eagles a much needed emotional boost as they would soon be meeting the evenly matched Torisakian Ice Birds. The Hessians left victorious by a score of three to nil as they headed to Tokai.

Nassau has since faced off against both of the third place competitors. Brambler found his return quite unsatisfying as the Eagles were defeated and shut out by the Ice Birds by a score of two to nothing. The situation was looking bleak as they sunk to fifth place, they had the Carialus Comrades, a team they highly underestimated, coming to face them while Torisakia went on to face a presumably easy Green Highland. The results of the last round before the break were shocking. Nassau came together to upset the Comrades in an absolute thriller by a score of three to two. Brambler finally rediscovered his mojo, and Blanco Chubbs scored twice as the captains led their team to a very sweet victory and the third place spot (the Highlanders miraculously pulled off a tie and shut out Torisakia). The qualifiers are far from over, however. Keep in mind the Hessen must replay all of these dangerous teams, but clinching a friendly with the Anglicans will preserve their skills over the break, making them ready to delve back in. The future is shady for Nassau, but optimism is high and thus far, they are doing great.

7/22: v. Green Highland W 3-0
7/23: @ Red Blackiland W 1-0
7/24: v. Blouman Empire L 0-2
7/26: @ The Royal Barangay L 1-3
7/27: v. The Jasminia Islands W 3-0
7/28: @ Torisakia L 0-2
7/29: v. Carialus W 3-2
7/30: v. Nova Anglicana
7/31: Mid Qualification Break
8/01: @ Green Highland
8/02: v. Red Blackiland
8/03: @ Blouman Empire
8/04: v. The Royal Barangay
8/05: @ The Jasminia Islands
8/06: v. Torisakia
8/07: @ Carialus

[Nexxus Drako]

As the civil war began, the Drakonian national players had been sent to The Royal Kingdom of Quebec to take temporary refuge. Naturally, the players weren't happy about leaving their home nation, but at least they were safe from the bloodshed. At the same time, all foreigners had been given the opportunity to leave the nation and go back home without any hassle or battles, just as the war was declared. 99% of people took the chance and left hastily.

Soon, the death toll was mounting, hitting 1 million in the first week. People were killing each other with guns, missiles and various other deadly weapons, as the Drakonians and the New Jaroknese battled for supremacy, though it was more about killing as many as possible rather than tactics and such, as both sides had become so fanatically opposed that they were willing to end their own life to kill many of the opposite side.

After a month, and just after the mid-qualifying break, the death toll hit 10 million, with the deaths nearly split down the middle, with about 40,000 foreigners who stayed behind to fight being killed.

The war looked to have no end in sight, but there was a surprise yet to happen.

[Red Blackiland]

'Street of Fire in Red Blackiland'

Felipinho said he was "impressed" with love from fans

---

In this tuesday night,the Red Blackiland National Team started a new phase in the relationship with their fans,as will become traditional had warm welcome from about 20 thousand fans.
With the part entitled as 'Street of Fires',when the fans iluminate the streets and roads with red flares.To Peter Valbuena,the Red Blackiland's coach,the celebrated of the crowd is important to the confidence of the group and have a other side in all of this : grow the responsability of the team.
And in the same day,the Red Blackilandians were comemorating the anniversary of the country capital : Blackberry , in the one of main Red Blackiland avenues.One occasion joined another and procued this great event in Glorious South Avenue without missing songs to support the team.
'' It was as if the Gloirous South Avenue became a bit of Red Glorious Stadium '' , says a Red Blackilandian Team fan.
The players were excited because of this,a bit energy and mood injection after this important game for Red Blackiland.

---

The Red Glorious Stadium box offices dawned fill of fans try buying the last tickets to the game against Torisakia in the return of World Cup Qualifiers.The expectation is that 51,000 fans will attend the match in Red Glorious Stadium,because the big rows which where formed in the box offices around Red Glorious Stadium.The promotion was maked in the game against Jasminia Islands,continue in the next game to call all fans to the stadium support the team.
'' Take your perpetual fear of being a Red Blackilandian to the stadium. ''

---

New train lines will open to the National Teams matches and Patronaux League matches,to help with a better and fast away to take the fans to the stadiums,to organizate all of the peoples traffic,not cause riots in the normal lines.These lines will be operated by trains called 'Dark Lions 'Express' that reduce the time to go to the stadiums,the lines is valid for go to the stadiums and come from the stadium.

[Farfadillis]

I'm not here to discuss the tragic loss of a janitor the nation's been raving on about (I mean, it sure was tragic and very sad, but a month's enough, I think). I'm here to discuss how the national team's been doing, and the answer is, thankfully, fairly well.

Halfway through the qualifiers and we're doing, I repeat, fairly well. If you don't count that last match's mishap, of course. Perfect record up to that one, but then we missed on three points that could prove vital later on. Damn. But still, we're three-points clear and we're still fighting for direct qualification, even if we're not directly qualifying right now (but hey, I could be wrong, it's not like I actually memorize the qualification rules until we're two-three matchdays from the end of the qualifiers). The team has been playing slightly less offensive than usual, but it's been more efficient. We've managed to secure games easily, even though in the first games the team was still getting used to Pekarik and struggled until the end, but that's nothing individualities like Dandalleion, Kâí, Terán and so many more can't fix!

Still, that last loss sure hurt. It was maybe not really deserved - we probably should've tied that match considering how both teams were even in terms of opportunities. However, the slightly-less-offensive-than-usual nature of this Farf team sure cost them against Timbermunich. I'm sure many previous squads wouldn't have struggled to score a few, but we have to admit Pekarik's done wonders to our defense so far. It's looking more cohesive - mainly because of Fakkotti picking up some nice performances and Alaminos being as incredible as ever. Bârr playing in Mata's place when the opposing team is offensively-threatening is also helping us.

We've been convincing in all games except for the last one, and this is the first time ever for us. I'm fairly sure this is our best record after seven qualifying games. This does contribute to my paranoia, though, considering it's just the perfect build-up for a truly dramatic disaster of catastrophic proportions (for our national team, that is). We're trying to recover from last cycle's let down, and failing to qualify again would hurt us a bit too much. Let's not forget how awful our first five or so games were the first time we qualified, and how we turned things around. Maybe some randomness Goddess will be looking for us to pay what we owe her, and that would totally suck.

I'm still placing my money on qualifying, though, of course. Lisdiren's been solid (as always), the defense is finally getting its shit together (as I said), the midfield is mellowing and it can be noticed, as adding experience to talent always produces wonderful results, and the forwards, specially Dandalleion, have been very effective. The substitutes haven't been bad, either. Too bad almost none of this applies for the game against Timbermunich.

Anyway, what's your opinion on Pekarik's reign so far? Make sure to leave a comment!