Top Hat Lawn Tennis Championships - Everything Thread

[Absurdly Polite Gentlemen]

The Commonwealth of Absurdly Polite Gentlemen consists of a 100 acre plot of land within the country of Mollary, it is the last refuge of the polite, there is no internet, everyone wears formal attire and etiquette and politeness are highly valued. About 120 people reside in the land, and either take the title of Lord, Lady or Sir.

Therefore, as we now feel that the polite side of tennis has been neglected, left behind for 'Professionalism', we have decided to hold a small tournament in order to rekindle some of the spirit, in advance of the world cup. Each country/tennis association may enter two males and two females, on the condition that they much be amateurs, because money just ruins sport. They must also wear suitably pompous and warm fancy attire for the event. The entirety of the competition will be held on the two grass courts in the two of Wobblington, within our small principality.

OOC Stuff

Right, so sign-ups will be open for a week, everyone may enter two males and two females, they will compete in their respective singles tournaments. You can then enter them both as doubles sides, if you wish, and also one mixed double team from your existing pool of players entered. I'm looking to keep this a small intimate event, with some roleplaying opportunities around the weird etiquette you'll find displayed in this tiny commonwealth. I will scorinate at a rate of 1 round a day, using Schiavonia's excel sheet, which I found in someone's sig, to reflect the nature of xkorinate being too 'new fangled' ;p. Anyway, let the sign-ups begin.

EDIT: Sign-ups are now limited to 8 nations in total, I will try and work any number below that also. If an odd number occurs, or there is a number that is unworkable for a straight knock-out tournament, I will have teams draw lots (basically, using this) and then I'll have the teams that appear at the end of the list in a preliminary play-off (which my competitors will be automatically drawn into beforehand to make it fair).

Sign-Ups 7/7

Gentlemen's Singles 12/12

• Sir Waddlesmith (APG)
• Lord Clobble (APG)
• Alan Van Wiltmeer (CUP)
• Richard Salisbury (CUP)
• Cyborg James Hunt (FSS)
• Jonah Nizzy (FSS)
• Paul Isringhausen (NMW)
• Zachary Navarre (DRV)
• Lewis Diver (DRV)
• Jonathan Murphy (GLO)
• Charles Muller (GLO)
• Paul Quiront (NEG)
• Thierry Garzala (NEG)

Ladies' Singles 12/12

• Lady Totting (APG)
• Lady Waddlesmith (APG)
• Anne Kovanova (CUP)
• Victoria Leedsfield (CUP)
• Clarisse Wembley-Courthoupe (FSS)
• Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS)
• Tyler Kovacsic (NMW)
• Abigail Reagan (DRV)
• Chloe Delano (DRV)
• Maria Dalton (GLO)
• Kelly Garcia (GLO)
• Alma Semmes (NEG)
• Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG)

Gentlemen's Doubles 6/6

• Sir Waddlesmith, Lord Clobble (APG)
• Alan Van Wiltmeer, Richard Salisbury (CUP)
• Cyborg James Hunt, Jonah Nizzy (FSS)
• Zachary Navarre, Lewis Diver (DRV)
• Jonathan Murphy, Charles Muller (GLO)
• Paul Quiront, Thierry Garzala (NEG)

Ladies's Doubles 6/6

• Lady Totting, Lady Waddlesmith (APG)
• Anne Kovanova, Victoria Leedsfield (CUP)
• Clarisse Wembley-Courthoupe, Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS)
• Abigail Reagan, Chloe Delano (DRV)
• Maria Dalton, Kelly Garcia (GLO)
• Alma Semmes, Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG)

Mixed Doubles 6/6

• Sir Waddlesmith, Lady Waddlesmith (APG)
• Arthur Richardson, Marie Arroyo (CUP)
• Jonah Nizzy, Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS)
• Paul Isringhausen and Tyler Kovacsic (NMW)
• Lewis Diver/Abigail Reagan (DRV)
• Jonathan Murphy, Maria Dalton (GLO)
• Paul Quiront, Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG)

Example sign up:

Country Name: Absurdly Polite Gentlemen
Trigram: APG
Male Entrants: Sir Waddlesmith, Lord Clobble
Female Entrants: Lady Totting, Lady Waddlesmith
Mixed Doubles Side: Sir Waddlesmith, Lady Waddlesmith

[Cuprum]

Country Name: The Empire of Cuprum
Trigram: CUP
Male Entrants: Alan Van Wiltmeer, Richard Salisbury
Female Entrants: Anne Kovanova, Victoria Leedsfield
Mixed Doubles Side: Arthur Richardson, Marie Arroyo

[Free Swiss States]

Country Name: Free Swiss States
Trigram: FSS
Male Entrants: Cyborg James Hunt, Jonah Nizzy
Female Entrants: Clarisse Wembley-Courthoupe, Beatrix von Snickersnacker
Mixed Doubles Side: Jonah Nizzy, Beatrix von Snickersnacker

[New Matawan]

Country Name: New Matawan
Trigram: NMW
Male Entrants: Paul Isringhausen
Female Entrants: Tyler Kovacsic
Mixed Doubles Side: Paul Isringhausen and Tyler Kovacsic.

[Darvale]

Country Name: Darvale
Trigram: DRV
Male Entrants: Zachary Navarre, Lewis Diver
Female Entrants: Abigail Reagan, Chloe Delano
Mixed Doubles Side: Lewis Diver/Abigail Reagan

[Absurdly Polite Gentlemen]

Sign-ups are extended. Tournament may take a little longer than expected to start, my computer crashed and burned, so I might need to use a different one, either way, I'll be looking to close sign-ups by Friday and have this sorted.

AND updated. Presently it looks like there will be two competitors who have to face off in a play-off before the tournament proper in all the singles, and the mixed doubles; these will include on of my competitors and another that draws a short straw, generated by the site I mentioned in the OP. Meanwhile, the Men's and Women's doubles look set to just have a straight knock-out format.

UPDATE 2: I will now be using Liventia's tennis scorinator, as it works in google docs, while Shiavonia's doesn't due to its size. Google docs is the only way I can do this now anyway, due to my laptop's failure, but hopefully normal service won't be disrupted.

[Globus]

Country Name: Globus
Trigram: GLO
Male Entrants:Jonathan Murphy, Charles Muller
Female Entrants: Maria Dalton, Kelly Garcia
Mixed Doubles Side: Jonathan Murphy, Maria Dalton

[Absurdly Polite Gentlemen]

With one day left, I'm leaving the offer open to any existing entrants to put in an extra entry for the men's and women's singles and the men's and women's doubles, conditional on there being no other new entries to make it up to an even number.

[Neu Engollon]

I'll throw the Tyrolean hat in there. I don't know how much RPing I can get to, but I will try.

Courtesy of the Neu Engollon Tennis Committee (NETC)
& The Confederacy's Ministry of Tourism, Culture & Sport

Country Name: Neu Engollon
Trigram: NEG
Male Entrants: Paul Quiront, Thierry Garzala
Female Entrants: Alma Semmes, Lizbet Rittenhaus
Mixed Doubles Side: Paul Quiront, Lizbet Rittenhaus

[Absurdly Polite Gentlemen]

Sign-ups are now closed, schedule and other info will be up tomorrow and I'll tg all entrants as a reminder.

[Absurdly Polite Gentlemen]

This will now become the everything thread for the event. Cut-offs and the like are in the schedule. To make numbers more workable, I've eliminated some of my entries. Information will be coming up shortly. Schedule is as follows:

Sunday Monday 29th June - Cut-off @ 1000 1600-1800 GMT - Sorry, I put the wrong times down for that

Gentlemen's Singles - Round 1

1. Paul Quiront (NEG) vs. Cyborg James Hunt (FSS)
2. Jonathan Murphy (GLO) vs. Jonah Nizzy (FSS)
3. Richard Salisbury (CUP) vs.Thierry Garzala (NEG)
4. Alan Van Wiltmeer (CUP) vs. Sir Waddlesmith (APG)
5. Zachary Navarre (DRV) - BYE
6. Lewis Diver (DRV) - BYE
7. Charles Muller (GLO) - BYE
8. Paul Isringhausen (NMW) - BYE

Ladies' Singles - Round 1

1. Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS) vs. Abigail Reagan (DRV)
2. Tyler Kovacsic (NMW) vs. Chloe Delano (DRV)
3. Victoria Leedsfield (CUP) vs. Anne Kovanova (CUP)
4. Clarisse Wembley-Courthoupe (FSS) vs. Alma Semmes (NEG)
5. Maria Dalton (GLO) - BYE
6. Lady Totting (APG) - BYE
7. Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG) - BYE
8. Kelly Garcia (GLO) - BYE

Wednesday 2nd July @ 0800-1100 GMT

Gentleman's Singles - Quarter-Finals

QF 1; Cyborg James Hunt (FSS) vs. Paul Isringhausen (NMW)
QF 2; Jonah Nizzy (FSS) vs. Charles Muller (GLO)
QF 3; Thierry Garzala (NEG) vs. Lewis Diver (DRV)
QF 4; Sir Waddlesmith (APG) vs. Zachary Navarre (DRV)

Ladies Singles' - Quarter-Finals

QF1; Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS) vs. Kelly Garcia (GLO)
QF 2; Tyler Kovacsic (NMW) vs. Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG)
QF 3; Anne Kovanova (CUP) vs. Lady Totting (APG)
QF 4; Clarisse Wembley-Courthoupe (FSS) vs. Maria Dalton (GLO)

Gentlemen's Doubles - Round 1

1. Cyborg James Hunt, Jonah Nizzy (FSS) vs. Paul Quiront, Thierry Garzala (NEG)
2. Sir Waddlesmith, Lord Clobble (APG) vs. Jonathan Murphy, Charles Muller (GLO)
3. Alan Van Wiltmeer, Richard Salisbury (CUP) - BYE
4. Zachary Navarre, Lewis Diver (DRV) - BYE

Ladies' Doubles - Round 1

1. Alma Semmes, Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG) vs. Anne Kovanova, Victoria Leedsfield (CUP)
2. Lady Totting, Lady Waddlesmith (APG) vs. Abigail Reagan, Chloe Delano (DRV)
3. Maria Dalton, Kelly Garcia (GLO)- BYE
4. Clarisse Wembley-Courthoupe, Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS)- BYE

Mixed Doubles - Round 1

1. Paul Isringhausen and Tyler Kovacsic (NMW) vs. Arthur Richardson, Marie Arroyo (CUP)
2. Paul Quiront, Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG) vs. Jonathan Murphy, Maria Dalton (GLO)
3. Lewis Diver/Abigail Reagan (DRV) - BYE
4. Jonah Nizzy, Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS) - BYE

Thursday 3rd July - Cut-off @ 1600-2000 GMT

Gentlemen's Singles - Semi-Finals

SF1; Cyborg James Hunt (FSS) vs. Jonah Nizzy (FSS)
SF2; Thierry Garzala (NEG) vs. Sir Waddlesmith (APG)

Ladies' Singles - Semi-Finals

SF1; Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS) vs. Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG)
SF2; Lady Totting (APG) vs. Clarisse Wembley-Courthoupe (FSS)

Gentlemen's Doubles - Semi-Finals

SF1; Cyborg James Hunt, Jonah Nizzy (FSS) vs. Zachary Navarre, Lewis Diver (DRV)
SF2; Sir Waddlesmith, Lord Clobble (APG) vs. Alan Van Wiltmeer, Richard Salisbury (CUP)

Ladies' Doubles - Semi-Finals

SF1; Alma Semmes, Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG) vs. Clarisse Wembley-Courthoupe, Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS)
SF2; Lady Totting, Lady Waddlesmith (APG) vs. Maria Dalton, Kelly Garcia (GLO)

Mixed Doubles - Semi-Finals

SF1; Arthur Richardson, Marie Arroyo (CUP) vs. Jonah Nizzy, Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS)
SF2; Paul Quiront, Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG) vs. Lewis Diver/Abigail Reagan (DRV)

Friday 4th July - Cut-off at 0800-1100 GMT

Gentlemen's Doubles Final

Cyborg James Hunt, Jonah Nizzy (FSS) vs. Sir Waddlesmith, Lord Clobble (APG)

Ladies' Doubles Final

Clarisse Wembley-Courthoupe, Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS) vs. Lady Totting, Lady Waddlesmith (APG)

Mixed Doubles Final

Jonah Nizzy, Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS) vs. Paul Quiront, Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG)

Friday 4th July - Cut-off @ 2000-2300 GMT

Gentlemen's Singles Final

Jonah Nizzy (FSS) vs. Thierry Garzala (NEG)

Ladies' Singles Final

Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS) vs. Clarisse Wembley-Courthoupe (FSS)

[Free Swiss States]

"So do you think we dressed up enough?" asked Jonah Nizzy, who was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and was entirely serious. His enormous potbelly was clearly visible through the overworked fabric.

"You look smashing," said the cyborg James Hunt in a miserable imitation of a British accent. "Absolutely smashing, chap."

"Oh good, I was worried," Jonah said. "Oh look, there's Beatrix!" He pointed through the crowd. "Excuse me, coming through!" He bounded through the crowd like an enormous pink bowling ball, sending finely dressed gentlemen and ladies flying every which way. "Beatrix!" he exclaimed, and gave her a big hug. "Oh, wait," he knelt down and kissed her hand, then winked at her. "Got to put on a show for the locals," he said in a whisper which was really not very quiet.

"Sorry, sorry," said cyborg James Hunt, following in Jonah's wake. "He just gets very excitable, really," he explained to a disgruntled passerby. He turned to Beatrix. "Miss von Snickersnacker, may I just say you look truly excellent on this fine evening" he said in his terrible accent.

Beatrix looked at him in confusion for several seconds. "Have you had a stroke? You sound quite ill."

James sighed and dropped the accent. "No... no... I was just... experimenting." He gazed wistfully out onto a field where a group of gentlemen were playing a game of polo. "Alas," he whispered to himself, and a single man tear ran down his metallic face.

"So," Jonah said, swinging his arms back and forth like a three year old child. "You guys ready for some tennis?"

"Never played a game in my life," Beatrix said.

"I used to play back when I was human, but in my robot form I don't need to stay fit so I dropped it," James said.

"Wow, so I'm the expert here!" Jonah said. Maybe I'll actually win something for once, he thought. Haha, keep dreaming fatty said his subconscious. Screw you, he thought. "Maybe I'll win something for once," he aired cautiously to his companions. Beatrix was unable to prevent a snort. "The odds of that are near statistically impossible," cyborg James said. "I just cross-referenced height, weight, and age, and you have unfavorable characteristics in each-"

"Okay, okay, moving on, what rackets do you guys have? Mine's yellow."

"Rackets?" asked Beatrix.

"Yeah. Like the things you use to hit the balls."

"Oh yeah. You do use those things, don't you. Hmm. I should probably look into that." Beatrix fished around in her purse. "I think I have a ping pong paddle somewhere..."

Jonah and James looked at each other and shrugged. "You can worry about it later, it's not that important," Jonah said. "In the meantime, anyone want to get takeout? I'm in the mood for Chinese..."

[Absurdly Polite Gentlemen]

The Gentleman's Sporting Weekly
Welcome To The Commonwealth of Absurdly Polite Gentlemen

Hello and welcome to our country, for this, the Top Hat Lawn Tennis Championships! With events kicking off this evening with the singles first rounds, we thought we'd give you a quick guide to our nation.

Firstly, where in God's name are we? The answer to this is that we reside in a small stretch of land in Northern Mollary, in the Vatamark, Rushmore. The weather here is amicable, staying roughly between 5 and 17 degrees year round; currently, it is late spring and things are a pleasant 15 degrees with sunshine. We're located with a small coastline with a couple of beaches, where people can be seen taking a stroll, or even a swim in their highly intricate and frilly swimwear.

Now, where exactly are you playing tennis? The answer is, you will be playing in the Capital village of Wobblington, a village of 35 people, with hotels that can just about hold all our visitors, but are seriously understaffed, so please be patient. The other settlements are Chapsbury, which has 40 people and a lovely pub, and there is also the village of Tottering, which is a place in the hills where chaps who have committed acts of ungentlemanly conduct go into voluntary exile to learn how to be a proper chap, and to try and learn proper behaviour again. The two courts you will be playing on are located adjacent to the village green, and are capable of having 150 people gather around either court.

Finally, I'm guessing you will want to know how not to offend the locals. Locals will always greet you warmly here, they will shake your hand, ask your name and wish you a good day, you are advised to do the same. It is also mandatory to wear a hat of some sort, preferably a bowler hat, or a top hat, so that you may tip it at anyone you already know in greeting. The food here is simply, mostly roasted meats and potato, along with the finest French cuisine. There two pubs, one in Wobblington, one in Chapsbury, and there is also a French restaurant within the Wobblington hotel. There are also small markets where you may acquire produce. If you do happen to go to one of the pubs, make sure to buy a round for everyone, as there will be few people to buy for and you will receive more than your fair share in return.

This is all the information you need, other than to play in the spirit of fairness, and also to avoid paying your players as this is a strictly amateur contest.

***

Sir Waddlesmith looks to his first round match-up, and APG's tennis players are challenged in the realm of silly names

Tonight, Sir Waddlesmith will match-up in his first fixture, and the first for an APG player in the tournament, against Alan Van Wiltmeer. He says, that while victory would be nice, he is contented with playing out a fair game again his opponent. Wiltmeer is a member of the entourage from the Empire of Cuprum, who will also be cheering on Richard Salisbury, who will also be in action.

The home fans have stated that they wish Waddlesmith a 'topping' performance in this tennis championships, and believe he has the necessary amount of spiffing to carry it off. One man interview stated 'Yes, he really is quite the topping fellow, I wish him all the best. Not to be impolite to his opponent at all, hopefully he has a good game too, wouldn't want anybody disappointed. I'm terribly sorry if it is one, however, that would be a travesty. Sorry for wasting your time with the interview, I do blabber on. Sorry." Enlightening *nods*.

Meanwhile, the streets of APG have been filling up with visting fans, seeing the population swell from the original 120 gentlemen/ladies to a total of about 580 people, with foreign fans piling in along with their tennis stars and staff. The two pubs have, of course, been doing a roaring trade, and the one bus service has had to increase the number of trips it makes. Currently the grass courts are having one last mow before they are pressed into use.

Finally, a much more serious threat than the tennis has come up for the APG competitors, their silly names have been topped by one entry from the Free Swiss States. Beatrix von Snickersnacker has taken the locals by storm with her bizarre last name, and she could well cause conflict with those in APG who were always considered those most silly of name, for example, the good Lord Wobblebottom. Moreover, a show down between the silly names of Waddlesmith and Snickersnacker could occur in the Ladies' Doubles Final, show both make their way past their challengers.

***

FSS Players terrorise the Locals

The FSS's delegacy of players have already made an impression on the locals, and it so far has not been favourable. Jonah Nizzy was seen pushing his way through a surprisingly dense crowd in the village of Wobblington, causing much outrage and offence to the local populace.

Village council leader, Lord Fredrick Wobbler, has release a statement that "We apologise to the locals in the wake of what can only be described as a national travesty. We have not seen such a rude disregard for manners since the breaking of wind incident of '87. We dearly hope that the FSS would be willing to keep its players more in line, so as not to cause more distress to our population." The speech was met with highly agreeable polite applause at the Village hall consultation on the event, it was quite possibly the most well received speech within the history of village politics.

RP CUTOFF IS ONLY 20 MINUTES AWAY.

[Absurdly Polite Gentlemen]

And that chaps, is your first cut-off.
Gentlemen's Singles - Round 1

Paul Quiront (NEG)	2	2	4
Cyborg James Hunt (FSS)	6	6	6

Jonathan Murphy (GLO)	4	5	0
Jonah Nizzy (FSS)	6	7	6

Richard Salisbury (CUP)	6	0	6	0	1
Thierry Garzala (NEG)	1	6	2	6	6

Alan Van Wiltmeer (CUP)	4	4	3
Sir Waddlesmith (APG)	6	6	6

Ladies' Singles - Round 1

Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS)	6	6	6
Abigail Reagan (DRV)			2	3	0

Tyler Kovacsic (NMW)	6	2	6	7
Chloe Delano (DRV)	2	6	1	6

Victoria Leedsfield (CUP)	2	6	1
Anne Kovanova (CUP)		6	7	6

Clarisse Wembley-Courthoupe (FSS)	6	6	6
Alma Semmes (NEG)			4	1	4

[Free Swiss States]

Astonishing Victories for Swiss, Foul Play Suspected
Basil Times

In a bizarre turn of events, each of the four Swiss entrants to the Top Hat Lawn Tennis Championships won their game in the singles matches. Now, we know that we Statesiders are pretty good at tennis all things considered, after all, Mario Angrisano did just win gold in the King Paulus Memorial Games. But seriously, Jonah Nizzy? The biggest disgrace to Swiss athletics of all time? Just think of how many different teams he has run into the ground as manager. Not to mention how he is enormously ignorant of and offensive to other cultures. The fact that this "ambassador" of Swiss sports is winning events is a disgrace to us all.

Not to mention he was accompanied in victory by former president James Hunt. Has anyone forgotten why he is a cyborg now? It was after he was killed by Mr. Sharpointy, while participating in a dastardly plot to take over the world! The real question is how these two managed to secure spots as entrants in the first place! That they are representing our country on an international level is nothing less than a travesty.

In other news, the elegant and refined Lady von Snickersnacker won her match handily, shortly after finalizing a deal with Snickers in which they agreed to release a new product, the "von Snickers snack."

[Neu Engollon]

"Buon Nachi, Neu Engollon!
I'm Magda Wertauer and you are watching the NETV Sports 7 Update. Tonight we go to the Top Hat Lawn Tennis Championships in APG. The Neu Engollian tennis pros have had mixed results today, with a home favorite, Paul Quiront, losing to James Hunt of the Free Swiss States quickly in three decisive matches. Meanwhile, newcomer Thierry Garzala, from Southeastern Rhone, was victorious against Salisbury of Cuprum in a grueling set of 5, with Salisbury trading knocks with Thierry, but finally being ground down in the last two matches.

In the women's matches, veteran Rittenhaus had a bye, while Alma Semmes faced her opponent with aplomb and little other preparation evident. Once again, a challenger from the Swiss, Clarisse Wembley-Courthoupe, was able to do away with Semmes in the minimum amount of matches required...3.

So, we are left to speculate with uneven results going into the next stage. Quiront and Garzala will team together to face off against the FSS' Hunt and Nizzy, and odds aren't good based on today's results against the Swiss. However, the ladies doubles match is hoped to go much better for Neu Engollon as they face the Cuprom team. Finally, the mixed doubles team of Quiront and Rittenhaus will face the Globian team of Murphy and Dalton. A lot of hope, anxiety and emotion is mixed up in this next day of matches. We wish our athletes the best and will be rooting for them across the Confederacy. You can catch the matches here on Sports 7, on delay."

[Absurdly Polite Gentlemen]

The Gentleman's Sporting Weekly
Much Ado About The FSS

After only a few days here, the FSS are already causing havoc. We saw them take to action two nights ago in a tennis spectacle that we hope never repeats itself again, it simply wasn't cricket. It was tennis. But that is besides the point as it was one of the least sporting games I have ever witnessed.

The games in which the FSS played saw them playing aggressively, which goes contrary to the expectations set of defensive politeness. They also challenged the umpire's decision making, along with the linesmen's. This sort of behaviour is amongst the likes of what we have never seen before. With this, the locals who had turned out to watch them play, took to politely clapping for their opponents. However, it was no use, the filthy game of the FSS players saw them complete the total obliteration of their opponents. The one exception to this travesty of tennis was Beatrice Von Snickersnacker, who very politely dispatched her opponent to go through to her second round match-up.

Sir Waddlesmith was the only tennis player in action for APG, and he managed a straight sets victory over Alan Van Wiltmeer. All three sets saw him hold the single break point that he took early on, with him serving out the game. When asked about his victory, he apologised sincerely: "I'm terribly sorry to Mr. Van Wiltmeer, it was terribly impolite for me to beat you in such a manner and to disappoint you, and your home nation of Cuprum. I wish you all the best in your future endeavours, I'm terribly sorry about how it went, it won't happen again, I promise. Terribly sorry, I will be more polite in the next round."

Today, we will see Sir Waddlesmith in action again, this time against Zachary Navarre, who had a bye. Lady Totting, meanwhile, will be facing off with Anne Kovanova, who managed a convincing straight-sets victory in her last match against Victoria Leedsfield. Sir Waddlesmith and Lord Clobble will face off with Jonathan Murphy and Charles Muller in the Gentleman's Doubles first round, meanwhile Lady Totting and Lady Waddlesmith face Abigail Reagan and Chloe Delano, both of whom were eliminated in the first round of the singles.

RP CUT-OFF IN 15 MINUTES.

[Absurdly Polite Gentlemen]

Gentlemen's Singles - Quarter-Finals

Cyborg James Hunt (FSS)	7	6	6
Paul Isringhausen (NMW)	5	4	2

Jonah Nizzy (FSS)	6	6	6
Charles Muller (GLO)	3	3	3

Thierry Garzala (NEG)	6	6	6
Lewis Diver (DRV)	2	4	3

Sir Waddlesmith (APG)	6	6	6
Zachary Navarre (DRV)	2	1	3

Ladies' Singles - Quarter-Finals

Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS)	6	6	6
Kelly Garcia (GLO)			4	0	2

Tyler Kovacsic (NMW)	1	2	3
Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG)	6	6	6

Anne Kovanova (CUP)	2	3	3
Lady Totting (APG)	6	6	6

Clarisse Wembley-Courthoupe (FSS)	6	6	6
Maria Dalton (GLO)			1	2	4

Gentlemen's Doubles - Round 1

Cyborg James Hunt, Jonah Nizzy (FSS)	3	6	7	2	6
Paul Quiront, Thierry Garzala (NEG)	6	4	5	6	3

Sir Waddlesmith, Lord Clobble (APG)	6	6	6
Jonathan Murphy, Charles Muller (GLO)	3	3	2

Ladies' Doubles - Round 1

Alma Semmes, Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG)		6	7	6
Anne Kovanova, Victoria Leedsfield (CUP)	1	6	1

Lady Totting, Lady Waddlesmith (APG)	6	6	3	6	6
Abigail Reagan, Chloe Delano (DRV)	1	7	6	1	3

Mixed Doubles - Round 1

Paul Isringhausen and Tyler Kovacsic (NMW)	1	6	6	6
Arthur Richardson, Marie Arroyo (CUP)		6	7	0	7

Paul Quiront, Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG)	6	6	6
Jonathan Murphy, Maria Dalton (GLO)	1	0	2

[Free Swiss States]

Jonah was taking a quick water break on the bench. He and James had been practicing tennis for their singles matches tomorrow. James had needed a bathroom run and Jonah was always quick to capitalize on an opportunity to sit down.

Jonah's phone buzzed and he answered it without looking. "Yes?" he asked.

"The bombs are planted, boss," said a voice on the other end. "Give us the order when you want to detonate the payload."

"WHAT THE-" Jonah cried as he threw the phone down. He had never ordered any bombs planted! What was going on? Who was... wait. Jonah examined the phone more closely. He had been mistaken. That wasn't his phone. It was James' phone.

Just as comprehension dawned a shadow fell over Jonah. "You shouldn't have heard that," James Hunt said.

"My God," Jonah said. "James. You've... you've turned evil! But how? Didn't they program you so that you could never murder again?"

"Oh, that they did," James said. He walked over to the bench and picked up his racket. He gazed at it for a second. "But there was a glitch in the system. In fact, all they did was make me even more evil. Before, in my human form, I merely wanted to rule the world." Suddenly, James smashed the racket down, utterly destroying the bench, his hand a blur. He turned to Jonah, one of his metallic eyes twitching. "But now," he said, giggling, "I WANT TO DESTROY IT!"

"You'll have to get through me first!" Jonah cried. "I won't let you do it!"

"You fool," James said. "When they reconstructed the eviscerated remains of my body they gave me the strength of ten thousand men! They put razor blades inside my arms and a missile launcher pad in my chest. I can literally shoot lasers from my eyes! Now, you're an old friend, Jonah, and for that I'll let you stand aside unharmed. But if you stay in my way, I will not be merciful!"

"I can't!" cried Jonah, quavering. "You know I can't, James!"

James sighed. "Then you are dead to me." he said.

James twisted his left hand and he was suddenly holding a tennis ball. He looked at Jonah. "It's been real, buddy," he said. He tossed the ball above his head and brought the racket low. That was the last thing Jonah saw. He could only make out a blur next, a flash of red, and then everything turned dark.

---

James had served the ball at approximately six trillion miles per hour. It had hit the ground, leaving a smoking crater and creating a shockwave which sent the umpire's seat crashing down and lawn chairs flying. The ball had bounced up from the ground and connected with the very tip of Jonah Nizzy's enormous potbelly, with enough force to kill any normal man. But Jonah Nizzy was not a normal man. His blubber had absorbed enough of the blow that Jonah, instead of being vaporized by the ball, was instead instantly carried with it up into the atmosphere as it bounced towards the heavens.

If Jonah had not blacked out, he would have been very confused by what he saw. He and the tennis ball were travelling so fast that they not only surpassed the speed of light but also surpassed the speed of the universe, tearing through the very fabric of space-time and breaking through the dimensions. If Jonah had been conscious, he would have seen himself travelling through a tunnel of spinning light, simultaneously growing and closing in. He might have even heard voices, the echoes of something softly whispering his name.

---

Jonah awoke hazily. He could make out a tall figure standing over him. "J-Jesus?" he asked.

"I go by many names," Jonah heard a voice say, as his vision slowly cleared. "But in your time I was known by the name Dennis Rodman."

The figure was indeed Dennis Rodman. Jonah looked up at him blearily. "I'm, uh, a big fan," he said. Dennis Rodman nodded his appreciation. Jonah looked around. "Where the hell are we?"

They were standing on a platform of shimmering rainbow, suspended over an eternity of blackness which stretched as far as the eye could see. Jonah could make out occasional flashes of light which seemed to be far, far, in the distance.

"We are in the time before time, before the Universe was even conceived. When you were hit by the tennis ball you were sent back through the annals of history. To us."

"To us?" Jonah asked. But even as he said it, he became aware of hundreds of hooded figures surrounding them. He looked around, making out faces. To his surprise, he recognized some of the faces. "That's Luis Suarez!" he said. "And there, that's Shia LeBeouf! And... is that Dumbledore?"

"Yes, and many more," Dennis Rodman said. "We are the League of Gentlemen, Jonah. We watch over the strands of time, making sure that ungentlemanly conduct goes punished and that order is maintained. We have manipulated time to bring you here. Every unexplained action, every sacrifice made, every bizarre twitter message that Shia sent, every time Luis bit someone... they were all to ensure that you would be at the right place at the right time. Here."

Jonah felt a lump in his throat. "But I'm no gentleman," he said. "I don't even know how to do my own laundry."

Dennis Rodman looked down at him sagely. "You are no gentleman, Jonah," he said. "But you will be," and he reached out and placed his hand on Jonah's head. His massive hand encircled Jonah's skull as if it was a basketball. "We are the gentlemen in the darkness," he said.

The gentlemen in the darkness, chanted the hooded figures around them.

"We are the watchers with fancy spectacles!" Dennis Rodman shouted.

We are the watchers with fancy spectales! they cried.

"WE ARE THE TOP HAT THAT GUARDS THE HELMS OF MEN!"

THE TOP HAT THAT GUARDS THE HELMS OF MEN!

Jonah saw a flash of blinding light.

---

James Hunt looked at the smoking crater where Jonah had once stood. He felt a feeling of sadness, almost like... regret... for what he had done. What was this feeling? Was that... guilt? He reached up and flicked his guilt switch, and the feeling disappeared. Yep, guilt.

He was about to turn around when there was a choir of angels and Jonah Nizzy descended from the sky.

"What the hell are you wearing?" asked James. Jonah was outfitted with a spectacle, a finely pressed tuxedo, a ridiculous top hat, a pair of suave trousers, and a cane.

"We have unfinished business, monsieur." Jonah said.

James leapt for the machine gun he kept hidden in his duffel bag, but before he could take it out, his hands suddenly clamped to his sides and he found himself suspended in the air.

"What the," he said. "How is this possible?"

"Normally, I would destroy you on the spot," Jonah said. "But we are at an event, and it would be rude of you to leave without finishing your tennis matches. You will participate in the remainder of your events gracefully and cause no further trouble, or I will make you wish you had died back in Hujukland. Now, excuse me. I have a ball to attend." He sniffed once and strode away with long, confident steps.

"What.. what are you?" cried out James.

Jonah did not look backwards. "I am a gentleman," he said. And with that, he was gone.

James was still hanging paralyzed in the air. Jonah had forgotten to take him down. "Well, dammit." he said.

[Neu Engollon]

FSS...What the Wharggle?!

"Neu Engollon, good evening to you!
Magda Wertauer here on the NETV Sports 7 Update. Tonight, once again, we go to the Top Hat Lawn Tennis Championships in APG. The Neu Engollian players have done extremely well today and it looks like we can look forward to the Confederacy staying a dominating force throughout, with little heard from some of the other competitors...except the Dystopian, Bizzaro World Confederacy of Neu Engollon, aka the Confederacy of Free Swiss States, of course. We'll talk about them more in a moment.

Thierry Garzala has quickly become a rising star on the International tennis circuit, and making us all proud. This time, he won all his sets decisively shutting out Lewis Diver of Darvale. The last game of the set won by some reaching lobs and serves to the corner which Diver was unable to get behind. Later, he teamed up with fellow citizen, Paul Quiront, in order to take on the warring, volatile team from the Free Swiss States. They lost, only able to take 2 of the sets with Herculean effort. It is difficult to really explain how wrong things went, but there is a combination of factors. Quiront may be past his prime, as some suspect, but there is also a concern that the FSS are using some sort of cyborg, superhuman in the form of Hunt. Despite Garzala trying to recover from Quiront's errors and the shocking power of Hunt, they were unable to bring us a victory here, and it was the only loss of the day for Neu Engollon at the tournament. A protest is being filed with the organizers by the Neu Engollon Team Coach, in regards to whether James Hunt is using enhancers, is mechanically enhanced, or some other nefarious power is at work here.

Needless to say, We will be keeping a firm eye on Garzala in the future. Word has it that Burgunden Breueries has offered him a promotional contract and sponsorship, so we'll keep you updated on that as we get more concrete info...

In women's doubles, Lizbet Rittenhaus and Alma Semmes faced the Cuprom team and beat them, with the middle set of the match being the most intense and going into deuce several times. Both teams were well ground down going into what would be the final game, but the Alpen ladies were able to stay on top and let only a single point through.

Lastly, towards the end of the day, Rittenhaus was able to still rally some energy and be the buoyant force in her mixed team with Quiront, who was adequate, but again lacking the fire of male teammate Garzala. Rittenhaus still carried the day, being the solid anchor of the team and making the saves and aces to finish the day. They beat the Globians handily with very lopsided point games in their set. One wonders if we had the dream team of Garzala and Rittenhaus, what they could do together on the court. I'm sure the NETC is also planning for just such a pairing going into the next International tournament.

As to the Free Swiss States, the Confederacy had not had any previous exposure to their anarchic chaos, but has quickly come to some policy decisions based on events in APG. The raging, out of control behavior of Hunt and the apparent lack of concern by the rest of the team, or their nation in response to the fearful displays has prompted a response from our government towards securing the safety of our athletes and citizens.

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs and the Ministry of Tourism, Culture and Sport have issued a joint statement condemning the Confederacy of Free Swiss States and their athletic ambassadors. Travel restrictions and advisories for Confederate citizens, officials and businesspersons has been put in place in regards to the Free Swiss States. A call for more security from Government agencies was sent to their counterparts in the APG, calling for the expulsion of all FSS citizenry, and even hinting that not doing so would be tantamount to harboring terrorists.
A Battalion of the NEDM-DGC (Neu Engollon Defense Militia - Diplomatic Guard Corps) has been put on alert for possible deployment for protection and recovery of Confederate citizens and neutralization of hostile FSS elements.

You can catch all the first airing of matches here on NETV Sports 7, on delay, and replays of the matches and more coverage on NETV Sports 19."

---

NEDM-DGC (Neu Engollon Defense Militia - Diplomatic Guard Corps) (24,600)
* Posted to Embassies and Consulates throughout the world, the NEDM-DGC acts as security for personnel from Neu Engollon's Ministry of Foreign Affairs, as well as protecting overseas trade delegations and NE interests. As, well, a unit is on alert in the capital of Neu Engollon at all times, ready to protect both Federal government and foreign diplomatic personnel . The most grueling process in the NEDF, even members of the elite SO Battalions and Alpen Regiments flush out of the selection. They are trained and armed with all manner of light to heavy arms depending on the mission and use armored civilian vehicles, usually Diamond Star autos, SUVs and trucks.

[Absurdly Polite Gentlemen]

Terribly sorry that it's late, had a bit of a disaster in real life, and have only just go in. Cut-off will come in twenty minutes.

Official Press Release From The Government of Absurdly Polite Gentlemen Concerning The Rather Odd, And Not At All Befitting, Events of The Last Couple of Days

We have picked up that some rather queer events have been going on concerning Jonah Nizzy and Cyborg James Hunt of the Free Swiss States delegation. While we recognise the concerns of Neu Engollon in terms of the not at all gentlemanly behaviour displayed by this side, we have taken the decision not to expel anyone before the tournaments ends, as that would be unsporting.

We have, however, decidedly to take the greatest amount of action our justice system allows us, by mandating firm finger waggling at Cyborg James Hunt for his outrageous and ungentlemanly behaviour. With one act of such behaviour, we would usually just issue a warning, however, this case is very serious, as it is highly unsporting to hit someone with a tennis ball; and, if I may be so bold, I will go as far to say that it is entirely rude to rip the fabric of time and space open with said tennis ball and your teammate. As a result, we have made a new space open at the Tottering institute for an education in gentlemanly conduct. However, if he refuses this offer, we will leave it to the FSS's authorities to discipline him for said actions.

Meanwhile, considering Jonah Nizzy's re-birth as a true gentleman, we have awarded him honorary citizenship of our rather nice country, allowing him the right to live here, run for political office, and to acquire a top hat from any of our top hatters (a proper one, not the ones we sell to tourists.) We also wish him all the best of luck in his future tennising endeavours.

Cheero,

Lord Jiggly-Jiggle-Jiggle; Current Head of The Council of Absurdly Polite Gentlemen

OOC: Sorry that was short, and now the Rp cutoff.

[Absurdly Polite Gentlemen]

Gentlemen's Singles - Semi-Finals

Cyborg James Hunt (FSS)	3	5	7	4
Jonah Nizzy (FSS)	6	7	5	6

Thierry Garzala (NEG)	6	6	6	6
Sir Waddlesmith (APG)	7	2	2	4

Ladies' Singles - Semi-Finals

Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS)	7	7	6
Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG)			5	5	4

Lady Totting (APG)			6	5	7	2	4
Clarisse Wembley-Courthoupe (FSS)	1	7	5	6	6

Gentlemen's Doubles - Semi-Finals

Cyborg James Hunt, Jonah Nizzy (FSS)	6	6	6
Zachary Navarre, Lewis Diver (DRV)	2	3	4

Sir Waddlesmith, Lord Clobble (APG)		6	6	6
Alan Van Wiltmeer, Richard Salisbury (CUP)	1	1	1

Ladies' Doubles - Semi-Finals

Alma Semmes, Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG)				6	3	6	5	4
Clarisse Wembley-Courthoupe, Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS)	2	6	4	7	6

Lady Totting, Lady Waddlesmith (APG)	6	6	3	6
Maria Dalton, Kelly Garcia (GLO)	2	1	6	2

Mixed Doubles - Semi-Finals

Arthur Richardson, Marie Arroyo (CUP)		2	2	4
Jonah Nizzy, Beatrix von Snickersnacker (FSS)	6	6	6

Paul Quiront, Lizbet Rittenhaus (NEG)	6	6	6	6
Lewis Diver/Abigail Reagan (DRV)	2	7	2	2

[Absurdly Polite Gentlemen]

With the lack of roleplay, both scorinations are delayed twelve hours.

[Neu Engollon]

"Neu Engollon, Magda Wertauer with you here on the NETV Sports 7 Update. Once more to the Top Hat Lawn Tennis Championships in APG. The Neu Engollian players have taken some losses today, mainly to those who are becoming our arch rivals, the FSS players.

Thierry Garzala won his match versus Waddlesmith of APG, as well as the duo of Quiront and Rittenhaus against their Darvalian opponents.
The ladies did not fare so well, and this was entirely due to the FSS.

Speaking of, the Confederacy, while wholly unsatisfied at the way things have been handled, the Neu Engollian government, mainly the Ministries of Defense and Foreign Affairs, have backed down from deploying the NEDM-DGC troops. It was cited that this could quite possibly stir up more trouble than it's worth, aggravating both the APG and FSS governments. Despite their frustration with the weak measures taken by the host nation, they have decided to wait it out for now. A government leak has stated that NESA agents may be covertly inbound, though, as a counter measure and possible protection/rescue force. We will keep you updated on that situation.

You can continue to follow the matches on Sports 7 and on repeat on Sports 19. Go Neu Engollon! Go Garzala!
Good night, Neu Engollon."

[Absurdly Polite Gentlemen]

I'm going to extend cut-off until 11 am GMT tomorrow so the FSS has a chance to rp.