World Cup 68 RP Thread

[HopNation]

The Games

The Hops fourth game was sort of a disappointment, although some things have been learned from playing the so called top team in our group but losing to them 6-2 not very good at all. Also not a fan of this home away roller coaster the team seems to be on. Playing great at home, but then laying a giant turd when on the road is not a good sign. The team really needs to focus while the are traveling or they will find them selves out of any playoff contention, sure it's still early but we are nearing the halfway mark with only three games to go before the break. Two of the three remaining in this leg are home matches, but if we can't cure this infectious road slump then we've got some worries a coming. For the match against Osarius we did manage to net two goals, both of which were scored by striker Schytaing. So we have been scoring goals and had a great plus/minus before allowing six goals to be scored. Hopefully the team can turn things around again at home against a good Super-Camelid side, er I mean Super-Llamaland side.

HopNation Match Ups

MD 1: vs The Fair Republic (5-1)	MD  8: @ The Fair Republic
MD 2: @ Theaoie (1-1)	  	        MD  9: vs Theaoie
MD 3: vs Seraphic Empire (3-0)          MD 10: @ Seraphic Empire
MD 4: @ Osarius (6-2)			MD 11: vs Osarius
MD 5: vs Super-Llamaland		MD 12: @ Super-Llamaland
MD 6: @ Sandwich Territories		MD 13: vs Sandwich Territories
MD 7: vs Kaldtland			MD 14: @ Kaldtland
Win|Draw|Loss

The Expectations

Well we didn't see that big of a loss coming but we'll deal with it as it looks like the ranks have settled into a more normal break down after match day four. Sure there are still some flip floppers mixed in there, but that's to be expected at this point in the qualification stage. We were hoping to see them line up more with our prediction at this point but perhaps it will be another two games before the order is more set and there is less position swapping going on.

Current positions after MD4:
1 Osarius
2 Sandwich Territories
3 Super-Llamaland
The Fair Republic
5 HopNation
6 Theaoie
7 Kaldtland
8 Seraphic Empire

Predicted Finish:

1. Osarius
2. Sandwich Territories
3. HopNation
4. Super-Llamaland
5. The Fair Republic
6. Seraphic Empire
7. Theaoie
8. Kaldtland

Next up for our Hops is the Super-Llamaland squad, which should be a very exciting game. Until then Brew On Brew Well Hoptonians.

[Super-Llamaland]

Chapter 1
Chapter 1.5
Chapter 1.75
Chapter 1.875
Chapter 1.9375

Completed Random: Chapter 1.96875

Somewhere in Barunia, a duck quacked into a wormhole.

The quack echoed across dimensions, converted itself into text and translating into Swahili, Mandarin, and Spanish, and appeared randomly on Llama's computer screen. His computer then auto-corrected the word "curandero", which of course means "quack" in Spanish had the duck mixed up the u and the r to make "cruandero" into the word "crayon" in a freak glitch.

"Crayon? What's that mean?" Hicana asked.

"I strongly suspect that a duck in Barunia quacked into a wormhole and the quack echoed across dimensions and was accidentally turned into the word 'crayon' by a freak glitch."

"What?"

"Well, that's what I had just typed, and then the word 'crayon' appeared on my screen."

"That's weird. You want a peanut?"

Hicana threw a peanut at Llama, who ignored it. It sailed into a wormhole, along with the words "you want a peanut?" and re-materialized next to Gerald Smith, screaming as he flailed his way through space.

Gerald ate the peanut, not knowing where it had come from.

"Okay, we have to save Gerald," Hicana said, eating a peanut.

"Wait! No, look at this! We have a Kirola card! Our life has meaning! Our qualification attempts have not gone unrewarded! Huzzah! Huzzah! Kirola!"

Hicana attempted to look as exasperated as possible, which is not the easiest thing to do when eating peanuts as it violates the Rules of Inter-Dimensional Common Sense, which don't have that much common sense when you consider that they are Rules of Inter-Dimensional Common Sense.

"Llama, please change that paragraph so I can look exasperated while eating peanuts," Hicana said, looking at what Llama was typing.

"Just stop eating peanuts," Llama pointed out.

"Only if you save Gerald."

"I have no idea if this...fine. But I want to mess with him a little first."

"Seriously?"

---

Gerald was still screaming as he tumbled through space.

"First," Llama said, "I'll ship a few wormholes his way..."

"How are you even doing this?"

"RL and NS Sports switched dimensions."

"So...we're going to fix that?"

"No, we're going to laugh at people for having lower KPB ranks than we do despite being far more accomplished."

"Ooh...sounds fun."

"Anyways, since the two dimensions switched, I can now control the world through RP-ing constantly, since we're in the NS Sports dimension."

---

Gerald fell through a wormhole and landed somewhere in Gregoryisgodistan.

"You are just too cruel," Hicana said.

"Yes!" Gerald cried. "I am safe! I am safe!" he crawled onto the shore.

"Hey! Defector!" somebody yelled. There would've been a great chasing after him had it not been time to sing the national anthem.

Gerald did not know any Gregoryisgodistani rules. Things would be fun.

"Give him some information about how you're doing in the World Cup," Hicana suggested.

While panting on the sandy beach, Gerald heard somebody yell as if from very far away: "We have nine points and are second in Group Two! Despite losing to Osarius, we defeated third-seed Sandwich Territories and are looking to cream those snooty Hops that picked us to finish fourth place next!"

(OOC: I do not actually believe HopNation is 'snooty'. What the heck does snooty even mean?)

[Kinzar]

77 Dead, 93 Injured in Explosion

This morning in Hudson, a most horrific tragedy occurred as the KSPN building in Hudson became a fiery scene of terror after a yet to be determined person or a group of people somehow gained access to the building and were able to set off bombs, making the building become a fireball, and creating widespread panic. It is not known as of yet if the perpetrators of the crime were in the building and died in the explosion, or whether they were able to escape. While the numbers are terrible, many were able to escape and were seen running for their lives. More then half of those injured were bystanders from outside the building who were hit by falling glass or trampled in the rush to escape the scene, say investigators. Police are examining the scene and looking for any kind of clues they can have about the identity of the people involved, but for now, getting people to safety were their primary scene.

This was a planned event, as all four TV networks in the area received an item in the mail this morning, which would have been just as the explosions began taking place. The networks were given the same letter, which read, “Today you will be covering a tragedy. It is too bad that this had to happen, but you only have yourselves to blame. We are sick of you idiots in the media telling us what you want to be news, and what you don’t want to be news. So many important events do not get covered, because you become fixated on one event. Today, we have made your work easy, and it is understandable for everything else to take a backseat. There will be innocent lives lost, and you should have just as much of a guilty conscience over it as we may. KSPN is just the first step. We are sick of watching sports highlights shows that take an hour and only give 30 seconds of coverage to soccer, for example. We chose the day after Kinzar played The Archregimancy to declare our message since they are an excessively religious nation. May God have mercy on your souls for the tragedy that would have never happened if you were not more responsible.”

Police are not releasing the identity of anyone who was killed or injured in this event just yet, and they have not yet begun a forensic analysis on the letters, as this stuff will take time, and right now the priority is restoring normalcy to the crime scene.

[Buyan]

“Mister Hope?”

The expression on the face of Palle Angst was a combination of disappointment and confusion. It was clear that he was a new name in the Buyanese selection, as most internationals already had commuted to the more colloquial ‘coach’ or ‘boss’ and those with the rights and caps to do so, dared to attend him as Sir’, which could serve both as a well-mannered nickname as a shortening of his name. Sirius turned around as he was just instructing Gabriel Refshauge how to deal with an for him uncommon role of attacking wingback. The gentle giant he was, Refshauge, wouldn’t complain or even considering doing so, but deep inside he knew it was nonsense. “Gabs” is a reliable defender, but when it comes to the assisting pass, the clever run down the sideline and the gentle trick, one would rather point to Ignas Smetona, the Santa Tecla man who had to spend more time on the bench than he would like. But Allersham had asked for Refshauge and Hope knew he had to do this favour. Losing against United Gordonopia, even the contentious Buyanese press couldn’t criticize him for that.

“Mister Hope?”

Desperation lay in his voice, a bit too high for a man who tried to compete for the national number one.

“What’s the issue, Palle,” Sirius spoke, trying to sound as father-like as possible.
“It’s... It’s the ankle again,” Angst responded, tears oozing between his words, “It got bad again.”

As much as he tried to avoid swearing when the lads were standing around him, Sirius couldn’t avoid a few cuss words. Jan Erhardt currently had the mental strength of a pancake. His colleague underneath the bar from Bengtsmark IF, Erbald Saldlund, wasn’t feeling much better and had failed to live up to the international level so far. Now we could scrap the name of Angst from the list as well. And those was already the second choice, as regular names Anders Bergh, the man between the posts in our victorious Baptism of Fire, and Ulle Seber were recovering from horrible injuries.

“Let’s go to the physio, Palle,” Sirius said, “maybe things won’t be that bad.”

But deep down, he knew that this was a lie, a lie against knowing better. Walking off the field with his unfortunate goalkeeper, Sirius picked up his cell phone, which he had left as usual atop of his personal bag. It had taken a while before Paruczwek had understood the meaning of ‘personal’, but it seemed to have hit the right spot.

One missed call. Klaus A.

---

There was a certain feeling of discomfort in the dressing room as the seventeen men were left alone. Neither the coach, who was on his way to find the man to complete them, or the assistant, who was probably boring another set of local officials with his ridiculous complaints genre “could you measure the size of the field once more?”.

“So, Jan,” Harald Naess, the voice of the dressing room when shit really hit proverbial vans, spoke towards the only keeper from the group, “what did Sirius say to you.”

With all eyes on him, Erhardt sounded almost apologizing.

“I really don’t know more than you do. He just said I’ll be on the bench today, but he hasn’t mentioned who’ll be on goal either...”
“But we’ve got to hit the pitch in ten minutes!” Sverre Devold worried.
“Is someone of us,” Wallenberg wondered, “going to pick up the gloves?”

None really could find a satisfying solution. The blackboard on the door from the Empire Stadium held ten names, but one spot remained empty. Their questions came to the surface when Sirius swung open the door.

“Coach, we’re up in ten!” Naess yelled.
“Who’ll be on goal?” Devold wondered.
“Gentlemen, gentlemen, ...” the national manager placated, “what we’re going to do today will be a bit... unconventional.”

He couldn’t help but smile, thinking back to the conversation at the cosy apartment on that godforsaken square in Viztourzys.

“With me, I have the man who will be our cornerstone this evening. But, as not all the paperwork has not yet been cleared, we cannot take too many risks.”

A large man entered, wearing the white goalie jersey white the typical red line from Buyan. On the backside, ANGST was written and he even was wearing the gloves Palle would allege to. Only his mother and close relatives would note that the shade of hair was a tick darker, but the haircut was identical. The large black mask, covering most of his face apart from the eyes and mouth could trick the majority, but not Bronius Bartkus. The leader in defence, captain of Globe Cup winner Viztourzys Kolektyvinis and the man who has amassed the most caps in the selection rose, smiled towards the man who had just entered and spoke to the team. As quick as he could pierce the mind of his attacker, he had spotted the intention of his manager.

“Lads. Our goal is safe!”

---

Fritz Lahm tried to turn away from his defender, but Bronius Bartkus had read through his move and defused the pass from Blaine with a well-placed shoulder and a first touch of the ball. He gently passed it back to the goalkeeper, who had so far been impeccable. His save on the shot from Castleton, his fingers against the screamer from Wagner, his reflex on a header from Mueller... Each and every one of them would make a perfect centrefold for a young boys’ room. The gigantic stadium, filled with home fans, hadn’t affected him, or well, only in the good sense.

“Forwarts! Forwarts!” the man with the black mask yelled and his troops obeyed. During the opening minutes, that had not been so, as they hesitated whether the solution from their manager would work out well. After all, it would be do or die. Either it would result in unexpected glory or it would painfully backlash. But as the Hedgehogs struggled their way through the game, the trust rose.

With his trademark sweep, the man who was named Palle Angst by Gordonopian and Buyanese commentators booted the ball into the direction of Espen Knutsen. The debuting player, on a diurnal bases in service for a New Sideburnian employer, had so far kept his head above the stream, despite facing the talented Oliver White on his wing. The abundance of gifted right-wingers in the Buyanese selection started to take in ridiculous forms by now but Knutsen surely lived up to expectations. With a smooth header, he brought Refshauge in the action. From the sideline, his coach started to bellow, as he had done umpteen times before.

“Deep! Deep!”

But Refshauge seldom chose for a spectacular option. Seldom? Never. Out of pure habit, Quinten Zermin who usually stood ten to fifteen yards of the left of Refshauge already anticipated the pass. But just for this time, Refshauge decided to launch it into the box. A bit too deep, one would say, but it allowed Dalmshelf to accelerate, apparently the only way to surprise Metzel. The Reinheim Metro man hesitated for an instance, enough for Duco Dalmshelf to slip past him and escape into space. With a reflex, Metzel grabs hold of his shirt, only for half a second, but it hasn’t gone unnoticed. Dalmshelf goes down as if a sniper located his knee cap, landing his body in the rectangle with a majestic jump. Much to the astonishment of Jacob Metzel, the referee points to the penalty point and flips out the yellow card.

Sixty-four minutes long, Jay Neuman has received the time to read a magazine and entertain the fans. But now, Buyan receives a golden chance. Bartkus, the regular penalty taker, walks up to the other side of the field, but hesitates for an instance.

We’ll listen to the Buyanese commentator for the end of this...

”It will be Bartkus who shoots... But he waits. He’s shouting, he’s pointing, what is going on? It’s Palle Angst who is crossing the field now! Will the goalie, without any doubt already the man of the match, shoot this penalty? What an unseen situation, but Angst positions himself behind the ball, during his first international game he is eye in eye with the experienced Neuman... He doesn’t hesitate and yes! Yes! Angst scores! Angst scores! His teammates lift him in the air, Buyan astonishes the multiverse by beating United Gordonopia in their very own stadium!”

---

XI for Buyan – Jeru FC

“Palle Angst”
Gabriel Refshauge – Sigurd Tufte – Bronius Bartkus – Kazimieras Zemaitis
Harald Naess – Quinten Zermin
Eero Halmiini – Sverre Devold – Sil Moen
Elmo Havelund

No major changes to the regular team. The man with the mask remains on goal, the six behind Sverre Devold are the usual names. Halmiini wins the spot on the right with a close margin to Castell, Knutsen and Hopp. Sil Moen replaces Wallenberg on the left, instead of the more defensive Lupeikis. The only surprise might be Elmo Havelund in the point, “the Lantern Post” replaces Dalmshelf, who played well against Gordonopia and “the Tank” Mattisson.

[The Sarian]

SARIAN FOOTBALL: Where did it go so wrong?

---

LAVINGTON - Following a run of bad form which stretches ten WCC matches, football writer and broadcaster, Will Cousins examines the rise and fall of a Bustard side that went from one of Esportiva's hottest new nations to one of it's greatest jokes.

Ross Horn's Reign

It was an unheard of Sarian team that travelled to regional neighbours, the Licentian Isles, with The Sarian Super League reaching it's third season, football was becoming popular in the Islands, however it was only a small crowd that travelled to see The Sarian come from 2-1 down to defeat Ceni, with three goals in the closing ten minutes.

Cquactar, and another large win, followed. Ross Horn showed his emergence as the Sarians star, netting his first of two hat tricks in the competition, as The Bustards stomped to a five two victory.

The group stage ended with a hard fought win over a Rybarre who were scared to attack, as The Sarian topped group one to progress to the knock-out stages.

A tough encounter was expected against Alta Bellezza, but expectation was wrong as a Ross Horn deuce, combined with goals by Carson Seabrooke and Cody Roberts handed us a 4-0 victory and a quarter final tie with pre-tournament favourites Glaser.

He left it late, but a quiet Ross Horn ceased on a mistake by a Glaser defender to ignite transfer rumours, and give hope to a soccer-sceptic nation, with Yttribia lying right around the corner.

A beginning of a rivalry began on that night, both the Ravens and the Bustards went out full of a mixture of both hope and nerves, but in the end it was a Ross Horn hat trick which signed Yttribia's death warrant. A jubilant Sarian crowd boarded in numbers to the final, being held in Farfadillis.

In the end it was disappointment, Ross Horn was stretchered off after 18 minutes, rendering The Sarians strike force an embarrassment and ultimately a penalty defeat left the Bustards leaving without the Baptism of Fire trophy.

Giant Killers

The Sarian couldn't have hoped for a worse group for their premier World Cup, being drawn with Pasarga, Mizuyuki, West Angola, The Federation of Free Republics, Felix, Vettrera, Preiva and KungYo. However the first half of qualifying went better then anyone could hope for, with The Sarian's first ever match at Lavington Park resulting in a controversial 3-3 draw with The Federation of Free Republics, and nearly caused a diplomatic disaster.

A draws with Pasarga and Vettrera and a 6-2 victory over KungYo, coupled with an away victory against bottom seed Preiva saw the Royal Isles dream continue, until the Bustards suffered their first qualifying defeat against a fiery Felixian side, with Ross Horn picking up an injury which ultimately ended his campaign.

Back to Reality

It was a shock to the system, and it quickly registered in the decline of form and results, with losses against West Angola, The FFR and Vettrera only bettered by draws against Mizuyuki and KungYo.

A 6-1 victory against Preiva put the side in the best possible mind set for a clash with top seeds, under-preforming Pasarga, where Isiah Bernard scored a late goal to give The Bustards an away victory. However, it would be the last victory of the campaign.

Felix and Mizuyuki both easily dismantled the Bustards, with West Angola dealing the killing blow, destroying The Sarian 5-1 at Lavington Park. The Sarian, with new manager - Leonard Heathwait, then travelled to the Cup of Harmony, and despite a reassuring recovery of Ross Horn, lost both of their games.

The Fall

And now we are here, despite a promising CEIX qualifying campaign, an U15 World Championship forth place, and winning the inaugural Beltane Cup, WCC Football showed the Bustards up again, with the team from the Royal Isles stubbornly refusing to win, and netting only two goals. Is this the beginning of an era of mediocrity?

[The Archregimancy]

A Statement from the Backstreet Monks

We were naturally appalled to hear of the terrible act of terrorism that happened in Hudson, Kinzar, following the World Cup qualifier between the Archregimancy and Kinzar.

We have written a song in tribute to the victims, and will holding a panakhida (what the non-Orthodox often call a 'memorial service' or 'vigil') in memory of the deceased.

Our prayers are with the people of Hudson and Kinzar during this difficult time.



Tragedy

Here we are
in a lost and lonely Kinzar town
Held in time
In a world of tears we slowly drown
Hudson town...
You just can't make it all alone
God really is now holding you
Holding you
Loving you loving you

Tragedy
When the bombs go off and you can't go on
It's tragedy
When TV explodes and you don't know why
It's hard to bear
With no-one to blame then you're
goin' nowhere

Tragedy
When you lose control and you got a soul
It's tragedy
When the victims cry and you don't know why
It's hard to bear
You don't know the numbers who
Died in there
When the feeling's gone and you can't go on

Night and day
there's a burning down in KSPN
Burning bombs
And it's clear that death won't let you be
Down you go
and you just can't take it all alone
God really is now holding you
Holding you
Loving you loving

Tragedy
When the bombs go off and you can't go on
It's tragedy
When TV explodes and you don't know why
It's hard to bear
With no-one to blame then you're
goin' nowhere

Tragedy
When you lose control and you got a soul
It's tragedy
When the victims cry and you don't know why
It's hard to bear
You don't know the numbers who
Died in there
When the feeling's gone and you can't go on

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

An Announcement to All Currently Sentient / Conscious / Engaged/ Living Imperial Citizens

Are you bored by the World Cup 68 Qualifying campaign?

Are the easy wins of Mr. Bean, Mr. Bean, Mr. Bean, Mr. Bean, Mr. Bean, Mr. Bean, Mr. Bean, Mr. Bean, Mr. Bean, Mr. Bean, and Mr. Bean getting you down?

Is watching the Imperial squad thrash Kalumba 3-1, or stroll past HorusLand 4-2 leaving you feeling jaded?

Does the occasional excitement of watching the steam-powered oneirology transformers fail for a few seconds fill you with ennui?

Are you increasingly of the feeling that there's no one in Group 3 who's up to giving the Holy Empire a challenge?

Then join our grass-roots campaign to get Juan Tzimisces selected to the World Cup 68 seeding committee!

It's a simple process.

Unless Mr. Robert Percival, President of the Legalese Federation of Association Football, agrees to appoint Juan Tzimisces to the seeding committee, we will haunt his dreams until he thinks he's a fish.

To give him a foretaste of the fate that awaits him should he fail to agree, we are giving him 10 minute fishy dreams every night in the run-up to the announcement of the composition of the seeding committee.

Last night we made him think he was an anchovy for 10 minutes. Tomorrow night he will think he's a haddock. The night after that, he will think he's a mackerel. And so on.

Should Mr. Percival communicate with us that Juan Tzimisces has been selected to the seeding committee, we will immediately cease and desist with the fishy dreams.

This is a purely grass-roots campaign, and is not an initiative of the Imperial government, though we're not sure they entirely approve given the potential impact on an otherwise innocent mundy. Nor is Juan Tzimisces personally involved; we're not actually sure how he feels about it, either.

But hey, non-linear temporal immortality gets boring sometimes.

Yours,

The Holy Empire's Unofficial Committee For Getting Juan Tzimisces Onto the World Cup 68 Seeding Committee
(THEUCFGJTOTWCSESC)

[Antoletia]

Fire Ants Fall to Estope

This is not how you make it to world cups. You don't lose games at home. Especially big games against a team you are directly fighting with for a spot in the playoffs. A tie is an acceptable result at home in some occasions, but a loss is never acceptable at home. Especially when the score is so close at 3-2. Estope deserves a lot of credit for coming into Queen Kaitlyn Stadion and coming away from the game with a result, let alone a full three points. The Ants should feel shame for this result, and work forward to get better results in the future.

It was a rather epic game, even if the the result went the wrong way. It was back and forth the whole game with the Ants getting on the board first thanks to a goal from winger Hannibal pumping it into the net. After that everything went the wrong way as Estope pounced on three miscues on the defensive front for the Ants. Defense continues to be the problem for the boys in blue. The Fire Ants gave themselves hope late as substitute Constantine Robideau found his brother Remus for a second in the 88th minute, but ultimately the Ants could not get the 3rd goal.

[Taeshan]

Purple Knights tear apart Quebec

Quebec came into the game at the Atlantea Coliseum knowing that hell was about to pay them a visit, and it did. The Knights were knocked out of the last world cup by one point by Quebec, and with a second attempt for the two teams to take each other down the Knights fans came into the game ready to yell and scream their heads off. The players on the field did much the same, dominating the game while the fans dominated the atmosphere. The players scored an epic three goals. Quebec was kept scoreless once again in the biggest stadium in the world. Purple and gold reigned supreme once again in the Coliseum.

The stadium was rocking from well before kickoff and it seemed to daze Quebec from the start. 2 minutes in Ender Wiggin found himself in space and took a shot at goal that was barely pushed aside, and it would have been cleared if not for a miscue by a Quebec defender, then Mark Tlumach pounced on the ball and slotted it into the net. The fans went wild. Only 20 minutes later Brian Ibrahim won a penalty, and sent in the second goal on the following kick. The fans got even wilder as right before halftime the Knights made it 3-0 thanks to an impressively won header from Jordan Jaffacake on a Jeremi Krieder corner.

[Apox]

Forged in Fire - Part Four

Sparks of Revolution
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six

Forged in Fire
Part One
Part Two
Part Three

Jack Greybold was waiting huddled just inside the roof exit of Government House, where the helipad was situated. He had heard that King Reuben’s helicopter was inbound for Dwile, and he had ordered it to be re-routed to the centre of the nation, politically. Obviously, a team of armed guards was with him, he was prepared for all eventualities.

The sound of a helicopter could be heard shortly after he reached the roof but it came from behind and therefore he was unable to see anything new. A few seconds after hearing the sound, a sleek, black helicopter appeared, touching down on the helipad quickly.

The guards were all over it, guns raised, performing preliminary sweeps. The door opened and out stepped an unknown man. Certainly not King Reuben I. He hurried over to one of the guards, who quickly escorted him over to Jack in the roof exit. Jack also noticed a woman and child disembarking from the helicopter as the man reached him.

“John the True, Chief of Staff to King Reuben I,” the man said, hand outstretched. Jack reached out and shook him warmly.

“Jack Greybold. Welcome to Apox. I’m so sorry about all this mess. Where’s the King?” His innocent question brought a distraught look on John’s face and he sighed. Jack could only imagine how bad his day had been.

“The King declined the opportunity to flee Old Guard. I tried to persuade him to come, but he was so insistent and…” Jack reached out to touch John’s shoulder reassuringly. While shocked to discover this news, he had to remain professional.

“I’m sorry to hear that John, I really am. Come, let’s get you and your family…,” he said, motioning to the woman and child who had just joined him, “...out of this wind. We need to discuss some things if that’s ok?” John nodded, and allowed his wife and daughter to be escorted down the stairs by some of the guards, following behind with Jack Greybold. Already the helicopter was taking off again, presumably on some urgent, pre-defined mission. John turned to him as they walked, once they were just inside the building.

“You need to find Reuben’s wife and children, they were evacuated by helicopter as well. It is of vital importance. They are the King’s lineage now.” Jack nodded, understanding.

“I’ll get some teams on it right away.” John smiled, weakly.

“Thank you so much for what you’re going here. The surviving population of Old Guard and I really appreciate it. That cannot be underestimated.”

“Not a problem. Now, if you’ll follow me to the situation room, there’s things we need to discuss.

---

Apox continue on unbeaten, although in their 200th international match they stumble a little to draw 2-2 with Charruterra. That's right, 200 internationals bitches! That is a number which takes many years for national teams to accumulate, and we've managed it midway through our 8th cycle, with a win percentage of more than 50% (111 out of 200, or 55.5% to be precise). This is a good feat, and we can only hope that our record continues to improve going into our third century of matches - although it conceivably could with the national team currently ranked in the top 20 nations internationally, remaining unbeaten this qualifying cycle.

And so, Charruterra eh? Another mental country that is similar to Farfadillis? What do you know. They arrived very much the underdogs to the Royal Stadium, and succeeded in beating all expectations for by grabbing a draw out of proceedings. In fact, it was the Charruterrans who started off on the front foot, with Zílto Tabaré having a tough opening shot blocked by the experienced Joe Frost in goal, with Charruterran playing a pressing game high up the pitch.

However, our strong defenders held firm, Matthias Sindelar almost playing as a fifth defender for much of the first twenty minutes to help out defensively. It appeared that the spark was missing a bit from our game this time around, with Apox looking relatively weak offensively. It wouldn't be long before the deadlock was broken, with Paho Úguhu driving forwards as more of a wingback and performing a neat one-two with Aísahaldu Arahayán before slotting the ball below the diving Joe Frost like a regular forward in a great bit of footwork by the player. Needless to say the crowd, and by the looks of it, the team were stunned.

However, after they had gotten over the shock of conceding first, the team managed to press on with greater urgency, Martin Roskorwell, who was now leading the line, getting a good shot away in the closing minutes of the first half, and Matthias Sindelar playing well in the centre of the park, opening up many opportunities for the team. Despite this good pressure, it still wasn't enough, and the two teams trudged down the tunnel at half time in very much different states - Apox quite disconsolately, Charruterra elatedly.

Whatever Magnus Fjelden had to say to the players at half time, it certainly had an effect, as they kicked off proceeding and raced forwards, Martin Roskorwell testing Júrja Mahí in goal right from the off. Martin Roskorwell has continued his development superbly at SK Aasiaat Harbour in the Islandstates, and he real looks good now. He is definitely a good enough standard to start for Apox, however, the fantastic talent of Tolgus Tregajorran is all that's holding him back. This injury to Tregajorran is a good opportunity to prove that he has got what it takes to play well for Apox. He certainly showed it in this match, levelling the score by flicking Kaj Aurora's cross inwards with just the deftest of touches, beating Mahí to the ball.

Apox continued to look rejuvenated in the second half, and the tempo upped further when captain Matthias Sindelar was subbed off for Maxim Kolo in the 62nd minute, with Sindelar looking visibly tired after a gruelling first half where he really lifted the team. It was therefore little surprise to anyone when he set up Armando Quillisi to propel Apox into a good position in the match and ultimately the league table.

However, with both sides flagging towards the end of the match, smaller mistake began creeping in for both sides. Martin Roskorwell would have bagged a second goal had it not been for Royán Raham accidentally deflecting the ball past the net, and similarly, Charruterra could have scored an equaliser on the break due to Hans Nielssen's poor central pass were it not for some heroic defending by Solomon Etezadi, timing his tackle on Monsió Darmafá to perfection to clear the ball without conceding a foul.

However, the equaliser would come completely against the run of play. It was the 89th minute, and Apox had a corner up in the far end of the pitch. Most the team were up defending it and it was looking pretty likely that Apox would take all three points at this stage as we continued on our march to the finals. However, Marcus Redwood's corner was simply dreadful, floating right out to Ijí Rungajé, who quickly passed it to Monsió Darmafá. Darmafá timed his run to perfection, beating Isner to the ball, and with that he was away. One of the fastest players on the pitch, he was quickly into a one on one with Joe Frost in goal. Frost tried to stay big and block the ball, but Darmafá had the angle on him, and it was a relatively simple goal in the end.

By the time Apox had gotten the ball back to the centre and kicked the game back off again, the referee had blown his whistle, and we were left with a relatively disappointing result in the end, despite a very poor first half performance. However, despite a draw, we've moved into the top spot on more than goal difference, with second seeds losing to Milchama, who we have the head-to-head record over, and Yttribia winning to put themselves second, although we are yet to play them.

Team Sheet vs. Yttribia (next match) (Three major changes from the normal style. Maxim Kolo is in for Armando Quillisi as Apox swaps to a 4-1-3-2 formation, and Martin Roskorwell in for Tolgus Tregjorran. Ben Hatem in for Hans Nielssen at left back, the latter picking up a minor injury in a match with domestic team Arka Snezhnaya [MYT]).

[Cassadaigua]

Streak over Maklohi Vai continues,
by Rachel Sharper, Concord Heights Times- Senior Editor


We know what you are probably thinking. What streak over Maklohi Vai? Then you think back to World Baseball Classic 29 and know what we are getting at. This is the second consecutive sports competition where Cassadaigua and Maklohi Vai have not only been groupmates, but in a position where making the playoffs, whether a baseball series, or the playoff ties that will follow the qualifying stage of this World Cup, likely hinged on one nation beating the other. The Fillies (there, I have done it, my first reference to the new nickname!) took both meetings on the baseball diamond, and those wins were instrumental on Cassadaigua sneaking into the playoffs, and beginning a run which saw them finish 3rd in the competition. That said, Maklohi Vai is a much better baseball nation then they are at soccer, having entered World Baseball Classic 29 ranked 4th in the world. Going into the final game of the group stage, Cassadaigua was in a must win situation, and win they did.

Now, as the teams meet in soccer, as the 2nd and 3rd seeds of the group, behind another groupmate with strong baseball ties in New Montreal States, it was easy to remember the big baseball game that had only recently taken place. Especially when Erica Lambert was invited into the locker room to address the team before the game. Now, I don’t have to tell any of my Cassadagan readers this, but since there might be some foreign readers looking over this article who are not readily familiar with the World Baseball Classic: Erica Lambert is a World Cup 50 and 51 champion defender, who’s #15 is retired in Concord Heights. After a gambling scandal disgraced the baseball history of the nation during World Baseball Classic 27, a rather unprecedented move was made, as Lambert crossed the line from soccer to baseball to lead the Cassadagan Association for Baseball. Her work in redefining the team saw Cassadaigua return to glory in WBC 29, finishing 3rd overall despite being ranked only 24th at the start. Needless to say, Lambert would be a highly respected figure in the locker room for both what she did on the soccer field, and with the baseball team. Over the last few years, I have had the privilege of interviewing Lambert to talk about her transition from soccer to baseball. She made it look pretty easy, and would reference many times that although the sports are very difference, the fundamental rules of overseeing the operations of the national team would be pretty similar. After all, it’s not as if she was actually playing baseball now, or even coaching it; baseball people were hired to do that. Still, she had a close role, but also is someone that soccer players would appreciate in Cassadaigua. “I think there are a lot of similarities between this current World Cup team and some of our better teams of the 50's (World Cups). The comeback is over, this is the 5th cycle since the return, and in the meantime we have hosted one, and got the playing experience in that. This is a nice veteran roster, and no one is on their own selfish agendas. I just talked to them, I didn’t need to give them some “Win One for the Old Lady” speech.”

Cassadaigua played well, but so did Maklohi Vai. They have not informed the world who is representing them yet, but wouldn’t be surprised if they too used a baseball figure, perhaps even superstar slugger Mae’ao, to provide inspiration on their end. This led to a first half with no goals, and some exhausted soccer players. At halftime, defender Jessica Runyon appeared to be favoring her right leg, and she did not return for the second half. Danielle McNulty assumed her spot in the back end, but we have learned now that Runyon may have just been cramping up, and she is expected to play in the next game in Nouvel Ecosse. In the 54th, Maklohi Vai’s Mae’ao-soccer-equivalent, (even wearing Mae’ao’s #9, whoever it was), was able to exploit McNulty, and gave his nation the 1-0 lead. It looked like that was going to hold up, but in the 81st minute, Cassadaigua got the equalizer, thanks to a Hannah Cromer goal, and it appeared as though the Fillies were going to salvage an all-important point from that match. However, Maddie Kirwin had other ideas. Again in a “super sub” position, this amazing 20-year continues to wow us, and scored a huge goal in the 88th minute, following a pretty passing play that involved her and another late substitution, Lauren Dillon. Instead of stealing a point, Cassadaigua had come away with all three for the match, giving Cassadaigua yet another clutch win over a team representing Maklohi Vai.

With this result, you can’t help but wonder about Maddie Kirwin. How is someone, so young, just carrying the team on her shoulders like this? Cassadaigua has had great goal scorers in the past, but Maddie has now scored three goals in four games, and all of this is while only getting 20-30 minutes per game. Certainly, her fresh legs coming in late has been very advantageous to the Fillies, but these results are far better then expected. This leads some to wonder if Kirwin should be starting, or if she is being used in the perfect role now. It appears that coach Barrett is going to leave things as they are right now, which is the wise thing. Up next for your Dagans is a match that can’t be overlooked: away at 4th-seeded Nouvel Ecosse. The Rampant Walrus (yes, that is their team nickname, so if you didn’t like Fillies, consider what a possible alternative could have been), had one great game in which they destroyed poor Wesleyia by the score of 10-2. The good news for Wesleyia is that they have not revealed their player names to the world, so no one outside their country and laugh at them; though they should probably be glad they are not from Gregoryisgodistan, because if they were, heads would be rolling! (ok, bad joke especially on a day where there was a pretty sad tragedy in Kinzar). Other then that 10-2 result, Nouvel Ecosse has failed to win, drawing twice (to Yveltal and Annar, obviously games you need to win when you are a 4-seed), and then losing to New Montreal States, but only by a goal. Perhaps they are starting to find their form, and we expect them to play with nothing to lose against us in this match.

[Schiavonia]

"Ten minutes to go, and the Sloths still lead by three goals to one. Clearly Darvale were rattled by recent events surrounding their team in the first half, but they've come out with a new sense of inspiration in the second. It has still only been enough to break a resolute Schiavone defence once, though."

"So are we going to have a history lesson, then?"

"Excuse me?"

"You said that if a result is looking comfortable, we would do some history in the commentary."

"Yes, but is that not a bit disrespectful to our visitors from Darvale, considering what has happened to them of late?"

"But we're a peaceful nation. Surely that can't be of too much relevance in respect to Schiavone history?"

"You might be surprised, but Schiavonia hasn't always been this way."

"Really?"

"Really. We were once a nation of warriors."

"Warriors? Really?"

"Yeah. This is true. In the last thirty years BS, Schiavonia's islands were fragmented. They often fought battles against one another."

"Really? Wow!"

"You have to remember, there were forty-six islands. That was a lot of different peoples in a lot of different homelands, all battling over all kinds of petty squabbles and nonsensical things."

"How nonsensical?"

"Well, some of their belief systems. For example, the people of Douje believed that a small boy in the lake passed judgement on them all, and that because their island was special, they were a divine people."

"Seems a bit much, doesn't it?"

"Well, that land is now Kjeligsted, so..."

"Must be something to do with that place."

"And, that's a good effort from Tanner. That didn't miss the goal by much and had O'Connor stretched. Anyway, these battles took place for many years until a man named Winston Schiavone managed to convince the leaders of the fragmented islands to come to Kingbury to talk to each other."

"It's good to talk."

"Maybe not always in your case, but in most cases it is, yes. And this being one, because they found out many things about each other. They found out that there were so many unions between each other when they had got together against mutual opponents that, if you linked them altogether, they could all technically be on the same side. They found that they were largely united in wanting a fair society, and that they all believed in something or other. Winston worked on all of this, brought the islands together, and so Schiavonia was born."

"We have a nation!"

"And we have a goal! He went close a moment ago, and now Tanner has scored. Three-two, and still a few minutes to play."

"So what happened next?"

"Winston was rewarded for his heroic work by being made king of the Forty-Six Islands of Schiavonia. A federal system operated, in which each of the islands had their own system of government, covering areas that were not covered at a national level. Oh, and Schiavonia's original flag was created. The flag was just like the current flag, but with forty-six plusses in the top left instead of a yellow star. They represent the islands in the sun, the gold stripes represent the natural shiny outlook of Schiavonia, while the dark red stripe represent the blood that was spilled in the name of creating the nation."

"But why is it dark red instead of blood red?"

"To show that it had become a scab that was healing."

"But don't scabs come off after a while?"

"I think they liked the look of the flag."

"Fair enough. It was nice!"

"So that's part one of Schiavonia's history. It also started the Schiavone calendar, which is now in the year 270. Oddly enough, it was just about the time of the first ever World Cup. But that was mere coincidence. There was a long time still to go before the rest of the world learned about Schiavonia. So next time, we will look at how Schiavone society developed before the outsiders came."

"OK. Fantastic! I'm learning already."

"It looks as though the Schiavone defence are learning pretty quickly, too. Good collective blocking out of that Darvale attack there. They're pushing on for the equaliser."

"I'm glad we did open up to outsiders, though, because I've seen something."

"What?"

"A job offer."

"But you have a job."

"Yes. Well. I'm hoping that we can keep this one and do this new one in my spare time."

"So what is it?"

"It's for PDABBHSTRD(AD)."

"Is that not a profanity in Kjelisted?"

"Well, as we've said, it was always an odd place. Anyway, they're looking for people who are crazy."

"Let me have a look... the Paradystopi Department for the Advancement of Bonkers Behaviour and Horseradish Surveillance Technique Research Department (Audioslavian Division). They're looking for... But you're not that crazy."

"Really?"

"No, you're not. You're "dressing up as a tap-dancing crab" crazy, not "dressing as a steak and running around a lion enclosure" crazy. There's a level or two between them."

"Well, it's all in the same direction."

"People don't think you're crazy, though. A bit dumb, yes. But not crazy."

"Well, I'm going for it, anyway. It says that you can apply telepathically, so hopefully they know I've put in for it already."

"Well, if they don't, I'm sure someone somewhere will be tuned in and will know about it now."

"One question - what is horseradish?"

"Do you know, I'm not entirely sure. They make a quite hot, deeply unpleasant sauce out of it in some countries."

"Probably radishes that are specially grown for horses, then."

"Possibly. Meanwhile, the Sloths have managed to break away from the Darvale pressure, and are calmly knocking the ball around the Darvale half. It looks like we're going to have another three-two home win for the Sloths!"

"So that'll be two two-nil away defeats and two three-two home wins. What's our next game?"

"Brenecia away."

"Right! I'm not a gambling man, but I'm going to put a considerable number of wields on a two-nil Brenecia victory."

"That's very unpatriotic of you."

"It is, but... well, let me put it this way, if we do lose 2-0 again, it will soften the blow of the defeat somewhat. But you know that, in reality, I would rather just see a fantastic Schiavone performance."

"Of course you would."

"And it's not like I play for the team or anything."

"Of course not. You're utterly garbage. And as the saying goes, 'Those who can, do. Those who can't, talk about it.' Not that you're much good at talking about it, either."

[Hicana]

Chapter 1
Chapter 1.5
Chapter 1.75
Chapter 1.875
Chapter 1.9375
Chapter 1.96875

Completed Randomosity: Chapter 1.984375

"Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhhh!" somebody shouted.

Llama looked up. "Did you hear that?"

"No."

"It sounded suspiciously like the mating call of the Greater Red-Haired Jeckland Worker."

"That's not a thing."

There was a loud thump and a louder crash. A bulge appeared in the ceiling and began to bleed plaster.

"I'll go get it, Hicana."

"Sure." As Llama left, Hicana began to fiddle with his computer. At that moment, a terrible, stupid catastrophe occurred.

---

Mark Rogers woke up, extremely disoriented, to find some kid in a Super-Llamaland kit staring at him. He tried to remember something...but he couldn't. Nothing. Just a whooshing noise. Being thrown out of a plane. He had no idea how he was still alive, nor did he know anything else.

"Who am I? Where am I?"

"You are Mark Rogers, and you're in the wrong dimension, apparently. Have you fallen through any wormholes?"

"I...I don't know. All I know is that I was thrown out of a plane...and that I know where my car keys are."

"Oh. You have definitely been in the Elpfo Dimension."

"I...I have?"

"Apparently. Could you do me a favor?"

He had just been thrown out of a plane and the kid was asking for a favor? The heck?

"Sure."

"Okay. Go through the secret wormhole in the garden, find a guy named Gerald Smith in Gregoryisgodistan, and then bring him back to me. Okay?"

"Uh...yeah." Rogers agreed, sounding almost hypnotized.

Things would not end up well, and not just because of the terrible, stupid catastrophe Hicana had just committed.

---

Super-Llamaland walked back in. "Hicana! Got the guy to travel through a wormhole."

"H-how? *snif*"

"Hicana? You all right?"

"No! I just committed a terrible, stupid catastrophe! *sob*"

"Hicana?"

"I just wanted to fiddle with your computer, type something to your NS Sports friends...but *snif* something happened."

"What happened?" Llama seemed extremely nervous.

"I-I brought New Koln back to life through an inter-dimensional loop. *snif* Llama, it's awful! You have to fix this!"

There was a long pause.

"Llama?"

"Would this be a bad time to mention that I stole some of your magic and hypnotized the Rogers guy?"

---

Gerald Smith, the formerly universe-renowned physicist, suddenly remembered who he was. He was not Slave #9282SJO. He was Gerald Smith, the formerly universe-renowned physicist. He was also a minor Greek god in disguise and exile, but that could wait until later. He cast his mind out to discover one of his descendants nearby.

He may have been a minor deity, but he had no idea that Mark Rogers was about to accidentally bring him back instead of Gerald Smith the quasi-protagonist, which would mess up plenty of lives indeed...although they'd probably already be messed up by Hicana's accidental necromancy upon New Koln.

"He was going to be alive anyway," said a quiet voice behind Llama and Hicana.

"Wha-" Llama spun around in his spinning chair to face the newcomer. "Jeck!" the two smiled broadly at each other for slightly too long before Hicana coughed.

"Oh! Right! I don't believe you've met! Jeck, this is Hicana. Hicana, this is Jeckland."

The two nodded at each other politely.

"Anyways, what's that you were saying about New Koln still being alive?"

"Well, you know Arab County, right?"

Llama thought back a little. He did recall a nation called Arab County living with him in Oceanside for a short period of time. But Arab County had randomly disappeared a while back. He was certain the nation, or rather in this dimension, the person, had died.

"Yeah..."

"Well, Arab County is New Koln."

"What! Jeck, you know that's just a rumor!"

Hicana looked up, confused, and tried to look exasperated for whatever reason, but he couldn't because he was eating peanuts.

"Hicana! Swallow the peanuts," Llama commanded, then looked back at Jeckland.

"You can't be serious. It's a rumor, right?"

"Nope. Para told me."

"Wow. Who told Para?"

"The mod-gods."

"Do you mean god-mods? Everybody knows god-mods are-oh, those mod-gods. I see."

Jeckland looked around nervously. "Wow, Llama. That was infidellishy."

"Infidelic?"

"Same difference. But seriously, the mod-gods spoke to Para that Arab County and New Koln are the same people."

"A form-shifting demon!"

"That's the religious spirit. Seriously though, we better get rid of New Koln. It's not good for undead spirits to be wandering the multiverse."

[Patistan]

PNT(PATISTAN NATIONAL TELEVISION NEWS)

Hello i am Khalid Malik with PNT SPORTS,lets look at the sporting headlines. Patistan wins olympics,Patistan race horse wins International derby,Patistan leading group 23 in 68 world cup qualifiers oh my god shit shit shit did that just happen lol oh my god well that is very good news for football fans in Patistan. Patistan beat Gandham Islands yesterday with a score of 5-1,the match was fairly easy for Patistan with Rashid scoring a hat trick in the first half and Yousah scoring two goals in the second half.The thing that is now to worry about is that tomorrow we are against Equestrian states the highest ranked team in the group.Equestrian states are currently ranked third in the group and have 9 points. Patistan if winning it will hopefully remain top of the group if Zawngzug lose against Levivania if Patistan loses the worst that can happen is that they fall down to 3 or 4th spot,whatever the result be tomorrow the Patistan team have signaled that they have a very good chance of qualifying this year.Lets see what the people are saying on Pwitter about the team

Not james bond jamesbold: @PATFOOTTEAMGreat match guys hope you do the same against Equestrian states]

LOL MAN:We beat @Gandham islandsso easily lol,lol man out

Hope:We will beat the @Ponies of Equestrian states

Religious disco: If we win against Equestrian states i will say thanks to god then go and disco

Not a murderrer:Yo @Equestrian states we lose i kill you all lol

What you guys have written is very interesting especially the last one.


Also one our reporters was outside a room at the hotel the Patistanis were staying at he heard this conversation.

Shaheer: Hopefully we will win tomorrow]
Zia: Yeah right in our dreams,enjoy the first position its about to go away tommorow
Yousah: WE need new tactics Shaheer against them.
Shaheer: Guys shut up i hear someone.

This is all the reporter could hear before he got beat up he ran away

Thats all for today we will meet tomorrow hopefully with good news.This is Khalid Malik signing of with PNT sports

[Greater Watford]

Joe Davis-Dorado Grande Executive Boxes
God, first the SLF, and now this? The media really lapped up the reports of an internal feud between Gianpedro and Mario, adding fuel to the fire. I wish we could do the talking on the pitch, but we were falling into our inconsistent ways. Daniel Ryan sat with me, along with a few executives of the GWFA, or minders as we nicknamed them, for always minding their own business, and only speaking when necessary.
“What’s up then with the squad?” asked Daniel
“Wish I knew” I said. “Mario was annoyed with Gianpedro, Gianpedro was annoyed in general, and it all got a bit heated. I’m hoping it’s blown over.”
“He’s benched Mario you know”, Daniel spoke.
“He did what? He’s our star player! Feuding or not, he better not have messed this up for us, or I’m having words”. I threw my hands up in frustration. Why oh why would he do that?
“Well, he’s made a few other changes. Watson’s starting, along with Watts and Harrison”. Daniel said, glancing on the virtual teamsheet.
“This had better work”. I said through gritted teeth.

Gianpedro Dominico-Kickoff
“Go out there, and take it to them!” I shouted at the 11 on the pitch. I glanced across, and saw my opposite number, Dorado Grande’s manager, giving me an odd look. I guess I’m extravagant, flamboyant maybe a little tetchy, but hey, who cares? I looked across at the subs bench, with some unfamiliar faces on it, including a very sulky striker sitting at the other end. Mario was sitting there, sullen looking. Well, if he’s going act like a drama queen, he can do it off the pitch, and not usurp my management.
I sat back down on the bench, watching the game unfold. Dorado Grande, I was informed, were weak at the back, losing 10-0 in the BoF. I wouldn’t mind 10 goals for us. Anyway, it’s hard to tell how a game pans out in the early minutes, unless you score 3 in 7 minutes. I chuckled, remembering a past game of mine, back in the good ol…
*THUD* “WHAT?” I saw a flash of white above my head, it appeared a pass had gone spectacturly off target, nearly wiping out the dugout. I found the culprit, Louis Revson, lying sheepishly on the floor. Looking like he’d slipped. “The goal’s that way” I said sarcastically, pointing towards the home fans. I’ll insert passing drills into training tomorrow.


Mario Mannetti-85th minute Dorado Grande 1–1 Greater Watford
I stood on the touchline, waiting to come on. Ignacio was coming off, and I had 5 minutes to help give us victory. I rushed on to the pitch, shaking Ignacio’s hand as he came off. “Come on, we can win it! Don’t give up!” I called out to my teammates. They looked weary, but with my energy, there was still time.
I saw the ball come over my head, from a clearance. The defender had a few yards on me, but was slow to react. I took my chance and beat the defender to the ball. I had one chance now, this could be the last time we’d get the ball. The goalkeeper rushed me down, narrowing my options. I judged the distance behind him, and flicked my foot up. The ball climbed, climbed over his hands, and then it dropped. It hit the right line, before it crashed into the net. I’d scored the winner!!! I stood, arms raised’ hearing the applause to the away fans, and feeling the bundling of my teammates into me. I ran back to the centre circle, and on the touchline, I could see Gianpedro give a slight smile of appreciation.

[Northern Sunrise Islands]

RADIO ESPORTIVA
Chapter 5: Gender Bender Skate 2 Player

Sunrise: Oh, come on... I thought you have grown to it.
Apox: I did not! I have been like this since the last World Cup and it bloody sucks!
Sunrise: Come on, baby... haven't you had your cup of tea today?
Apox: Don't call me that!
Sunrise: Heheh.
Apox: Humpf... Jerk.
Sunrise: So, you want me to turn you back to normal?
Apox: Do you even need to ask?
Sunrise: And what do I get?
Apox: You should be thankful I'm not reporting you!
Sunrise: If you report me, I can't help you.
Apox: ...Fine. I'll pay you a couple of pounds for your radio. Just do it!

Sunrise goes to his yard, finally finding his Arceus reading a book.

Sunrise: Arceus, are you busy?
Arceus: A deity should always be busy, young trainer. But as I am part of your highly-esteemed team, I'm here to your assistance.
Sunrise: Well, I see you're reading a book.
Arceus: Quite. It's a book about beings named as Draconites.
Sunrise: I think I heard that name before.
Arceus: You probably did, yes. I suppose you wanted me to do something.
Sunrise: Well, yes... Remember Apox?
Arceus: The one who thought my Pokebáll was a Snubull toy? I remember it.
Sunrise: Eh... well, yes. I think it would be nice if you could turn him back to normal.
Arceus: I suppose he has learned with that mistake. But... you see, trainer. I'm hungry. If you want me to perform such bending, I'm going to need to be one-hundred percent if I am to help you.
Sunrise: Well, let's just- Ah, blast it... I forgot to get you Berries...
Arceus: You could always feed me with common human food. But it needs to be good.

And then...

Apox: I don't understand how cooking helps, Sunrise.

Sunrise was cooking a hot, nice dish for his Arceus, while Apox kept playing Fists of Fury at the house's TV with Sunrise's Titan video game console.

Sunrise: Arceus said it was hungry. I need to feed it so you can be turned back to normal.
Apox: Well, but wouldn't that be a waste of food. I mean, if you wanted to cook and earn money, you could work on a restaurant.
Sunrise: Oh, then-
Apox: DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE THE KITCHEN WITHOUT ITS' DISH, SUNRISE!
Sunrise: Shhh... that's all good. Plus, it's not a waste if you're feeding your own pet. Arceus barely eats, but still.
Apox: I thought there was a place named Pokémon Center where they could feed your pet and all.
Sunrise: Well, we had that...

A quick flashback is shown. The Pokémon Center's main nurse Joy retired, allowing for another "nurse", Gregory, who quickly turned the center into a church of the Great Lord Greg.

Sunrise: You can only go there on Sundays without having to pay homage to his religion.
Apox: Oh... but it can't be that bad.
Sunrise: Guayabal doesn't stand it.
Apox: Oh.
Video-Game In-Voice: And the winner... Project W.O.L.F.!
Apox: I don't know who comes up with these characters.
Sunrise: What's so bad about it? It's a human with a houndoom's arm.
Apox: A wolf's arm, don't you mean?
Sunrise: Yeah, that's what you people call it.
Apox: Eheh.
Video-Game In-Voice: And our next match of the night is... Project W.O.L.F.... versus... Helena Grainhart!
Helena's Game-Voice: Mach dir keine Sorgen. Es wird nicht schaden ... viel. (Don't worry. It's not going to hurt... a lot.)
Apox: Look at this one! It's just silly...
Sunrise: Oh, that's the typical pro wrestler like person. They supposedly designed her after Nova Hellstrom.
Apox: Uh... who?
Sunrise: Hodori's getting quite popular in this neck of the wood, it seems.
Apox: What?
Sunrise: Oh, nothing.

A wild amount of noise comes from the backyard. Apox goes check it before coming back to the room.

Apox: Sunrise, come here! Your pets are fighting!
Sunrise: What?

Sunrise arrives there, only to witness an explosion. After that, he only finds Arceus and some strange, green skinned small fox lying around.

Sunrise: Uh... what's this... Wait... Kitsunia's pet?
Kitsunia: Clare!

Kitsunia pushes Sunrise away, making him fall to the ground near his fallen Arceus, picking up the little fox and hugging it tight.

Kitsunia: My sweet little pet... what did that nasty Arceus did to you? Awn... I'll go take you to the bathroom to clean you up...

Hours later... At the Pokémon Center.

Apox: So, Greg. Is it okay?
Gregory: Well, it's not really under my... well, ethic, to work with other people's deities. It's sleeping now, seems the attack took him enough energy.
Sunrise: So... when will my Arceus be okay?
Gregory: I believe it will be all fine on Sunday. We'll give it some medications and rest, make sure to visit it any time possible.
Sunrise: We?
Gregory: Oh, yes... After some problems with my... uh... old administration, I decided to hire some people in.

Meanwhile, another patient with an injured Zoroark speaks his case to other two doctors on another room.

Mange: So... do you think you can heal him?
Dainer: Yeah, it's possible.
Mange: Oh, really? When?
Dainer: As soon as we figure out this thing's anatomy. Any luck there, Hue?
Hue: Hue hue. (Not at all.)

As Sunrise and Apox left the hospital, the two started to talk.

Apox: I can't believe it. Must be karma.
Sunrise: Well, you look way better as a girl.
Apox: Shut up.
Sunrise: Just trying to lighten your mood a bit!
Apox: The only thing that will lighten my mood is killing that damn fox that your cousin has. That thing is the one to blame and...

As the two walked their way to Sunrise's home, Kitsunia passes on the other side of the street with Clare, her pet fox.

Apox: I gotta go. See you later, Sunrise.
Sunrise: Wait! What about my payment?
Apox: I'll pay you later!
Kitsunia: AAAAAH!
Apox: Come here, fluffy Clare! I'll finish what Arceus tried!

Hours later...

G.A.S.: So... she's still trying to catch Clare?
Sunrise: Yeah. At this point of the night, you'd think they would give up.

GAS and Sunrise were looking through the window to a tree on the backyard of their house. Kitsunia with Clare on her arms was hiding on top of a tree, while Apox kept jumping, trying to catch Clare like a dog trying to catch a cat and probably beat it down.

Apox: YOU'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SCREW MY WAY OF TURNING BACK TO NORMAL!
Clare: AAAAAH! NYU! T_T
Kitsunia: APOX, FOR CLARE'S SAKE, STOP! WE WANT TO GO BACK TO THE FLOOR!

[Jeckland]

CAN ANYONE STOP JECKLAND?

Not UzBenistan, that's for sure!

Jeckland came into this game brimming with confidence, and this quickly translated into their play, with attacks coming from left right and centre. However, they were nearly caught on the break by UzBenistan on the quarter hour, but their striker scuffed his shot. "WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!!!" he cried, before collapsing to the floor rocking back and forth. However when the physio came to try and help him the striker got up, gave him a gigantic kick in the testicles, then continued with his rolling. Fortunately the Jeckish physio was able to get both off the field and play continued.

The game died down a bit, but a goal from The Spuds livened it up. A tee off from King saw Grefschip fire into the top corner, and Jeckland continued to put pressure on the UzBenistani defence and keeper. However they were both up to the challenge, so Jeckland - a bit unfairly perhaps - went in at the break only one goal to the good.

The Spuds were sluggish at the beginning of the second half, and were made to pay by a swift counter attack resulting in a goal. They were instantly on the front foot again, although couldn't convert chances into goals. King and Hoonas both missed the target when they really shouldn't have and you began to wonder if it was going to be one of those days. But on 74 minutes, Hoonas' corner resulted in a goalmouth scramble. Eventually Al Fatyah managed to poke the ball over the line to make it 2-1. 3 minutes later another corner resulted in a thunderous drive from Hermanez going in via the post, and Jeckland saw the game out from there. The result was 3-1, which left the table looking like this:

Group 24                         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Falcus                             4    4   0   0    14    3  +11    12
2 Jeckland                           4    3   0   1    13    5   +8     9
3 Blouman Empire                     4    3   0   1    12    5   +7     9
4 Estope                             4    3   0   1    11    7   +4     9
5 Antoletia                          4    2   0   2    11    8   +3     6
6 Scorpio                            4    1   0   3    10   14   −4     3
7 UzBenistan                         4    0   0   4     4   17  −13     0
8 Total n Utter Inanity              4    0   0   4     3   19  −16     0

Falcus lead with a perfect record, and then little old Jeckland are all the way up in second! The big seeds follow up to 5th, then the smaller nations bring up the rear. Jeckland's record is somewhat distorted by the fact that they haven't played any of the top three seeds, who they play in their next three matches, starting with the top seed Blouman Empire. Will Jeckland keep up their winning streak? Or will they sink to mid-table obscurity? The whole nation is anxious to find out

COME ON JECKLAND!!!

[Itanpavia]

i.Tanpavia News

Mixed Fortunes in First Football Forays
Itanpavia's international team debuted this week, and have already battled against Apox, Yttribia, Felix and Rarungan. Of course, with new things come teething troubles, but we're not doing too bad. TOM ACKERMANN explains.

First off, Apox. Apox were our first opponents, and we were pretty unlucky, weren't we? Group 5 was made up of a fair few football powerhouses, so Apox was always going to be difficult to debut against. Predictably, we lost - a sound 3-0 in Apox's favour. First off, at the 37' mark, Tolgus Tregajorran booted in a stunning goal. Unfortunately, he has been injured in a later match, and will not take further part in qualifiers. Next, Dan Ellis of Itanpavia let in an embarrassing own goal at 67'. To add insult to injury, just 2 minutes later Jack Lerryn put in an absolute belter to take a third goal.

Second, Yttribia, and a... surprising result, to say the least. We defeated the Yttribians 3-2, in our favour - quite a result against the team who finished 4th in the Baptism of Fire. First of all, Younes Al-Straka was reprimanded for... 'inappropriate actions' towards the referee, let's say. After being awarded a yellow card, he was replaced by Kyle California, to ensure we remained competitive. Unfortunately, this substitution couldn't help but let a great goal, in the most sporting of terms, through from Terry Hyme. However, things began to pick up. Casey Kirsch put together a belter to get the ball right in the back of the net, and soon after Ricky LaBronte scored a great goal. Excitement hit fever pitch as the Yttribian captain, no less, scored an own goal and brought the score to 3-1. A late reconciliation from Terry Hyme - again - brought it to 3-2, but it was still quite a win.

Next, Felix, and no fairytales this time, unfortunately. Leo Castello scored the only goal in a Felixian-dominated match, after Francis suffered his worst match since the Pavian Islands days. The entire first half was dominated by the Felixians, and we only got one in after a corner shot. One good thing did come out of this match, though - Al-Straka was back and healthy again.

Finally, we lost our final match, in front of a crowd who were really the best Itanpavian thing in this match. Tom Albrunte had suffered a fall at the hotel, and despite Albrunte's determination, he had to take the match off. Paul Robertson took his place. The home crowd of 75,000 had something to cheer about as Tomasz Francis finally starred in the Itanpavian national team, scoring our only goal at 25'. However, it went downhill from there. Adrian Permana put in one hell of a kick at 38', Paul Robertson's age starting to show. In a largely uneventful second half, many Itanpavians began to leave the Stadtpavia Staium - and this reporter is sure they were glad, after Ben Dakota 'muddled up' in his own words, and scored an embarrassing own goal.

However, we've proved that we're not just 'The Pushovers of Group 5' and that we can score a goal or two. Watch this space - this reporter certainly will!

[Glaser]

Really important OOC for all Group 22!!

I realized I forgot to write a RP about my stadium. For shorts- 46,000 capacity (always nearly full) and it's called the Df'kroll arena/ fans call it The Dragon's Den. Will do a RP on it in the break.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Joy to our eyes - Wedisel Travot

Glaser yesterday showed it's abilities to the whole group; even to the whole tournament. It's first win was a huge eighter on poor Perlasilangani coach Paolo Natural, who expected something entirely different from the Dragon's Den. The overwhelming fans, and of course the fantastic eleven of the Glaser squad crumbled mentally Perlasilangan's players.

Match Review:

The Glaserians started the match off with a bang. After three minutes of passing around in the half line area, Puliito noticed a hole in the unfocused and startled (by the stadium) Perlasilangani back-line. He elevated a ball to the ready Redmeill over the head of Paterno; Redmeill brilliantly gained control over the fast flying ball and bombarded the ball to the left of the helpless Rowello keeper. Perlasilangan didn't even start the game (in their terms) and already received the first goal in a soon to be goalfest.

5 minutes later, as soon as the Dragons had steady possession, Redmeill demanded for another pass to him. He got a short pass, and to the delight of the crowd before anyone of the rest of the team got to attacking positions he nutmegged Delgado and dribbled with the ball straight towards the net. At the 40 meter away from the goal mark, he surprisingly shot the ball hoping maybe for a miracle; the ball went out for a goal kick.

Paolo Natural looked very frustrated in the following minutes, maybe because he suddenly realized the effects of the very early goal. He ushered his players forward more and more even though Perlasilangan already has a very offensive formation. In the half hour mark, the first shot on goal for the away side came. Norman ran right into the Glaser defense, and when all the players looked at him coming like a bull they quickly came to stop him. Just a second before any of the defenders would have snatched the ball from him, he heel passed to the unmarked Jericho who a few meters away from the box took a shot that stopped only in Erhof's hands. A glimmer of hope for the Perlasilangans.

Just a glimmer. G'kroll from the same point proceeded to kick the ball to the Perlasilangani half, there only both of the away side's center backs and Vhert Dret were. Bercasio succeeded to nudge the ball with a header over Dret's head, but right into the path of J'geron. J'geron took his time to run with the ball a little, until he saw Vhert signal with a hand a forward motion. He passed forward of both Bercasio and Dret, and the player who reached it first was unluckily for the black-reds was Dret; who proceeded to run up to the goal and a few meters away have no mercy on poor Rowello. 2-0.

The first half still had more goals to come. The Perlasilangani players were pressuring Glaser's usual tiki-taka, so under the command of Meliss the Dragons found another way to score: Puliito asked for the ball and from the first pass he got he crossed inside the box right to the waiting three attackers. The first one to reach the cross was the goalkeeper which already had a bad day. Anyways, he fisted the ball away from the danger zone- into another danger zone called Fraz'm'nar Gor; he easily (with the goalie away from the goal-line) chipped over Rowello and easily scored.

Two minutes before half-time, Perlasilangan actually had a good attack. After a brief pass interchange between Delgado and Mordeno in Glaser's half, Mordeno released a swift ball that Mario accomplished controlling before Hordro could reach it, and he shot a ground ball just under the right leg of G'kroll; after the ball went in the net he quickly ran to it and took it to start the game again hoping to score another one before the break, and had a quick confrontation with Harss'l who wanted to delay the renewal of the match. They both got the yellow booking for that.

Half time started with a Perlasilangan blitz on Glaser's ball movement; W'deyir under pressure stressed and fired the ball away to the away team's half- the sparse defense there let Redmeiil jump over Paterno's head and Dret took over the ricocheted ball from Struk's head. He seeked out the unmarked J'geron which passed Rowello who finally decided to come towards the player with the ball. J'geron took a left turn and directed the ball into the clear net.

Paolo Natural looked very frustrated in this 4-1 situation, he ordered his players to not stop attacking (maybe somehow they could draw this). The match was centered a few minutes in the middle without any serious attacks until Adolfo swerved around W'deyir and charged head on into the Glaserian defense. When Hordro approached him he directed the ball sideways to the available Mario who swerved around Hordro and completed the double-pass with Adolfo. Adolfo got to an one on one situation and putted the ball mid-height to the net. The Perlasilangani coach looked like he thought this was a accomplish-able task to draw.

After another messy match in the midfield part of the pitch, Adolfo again received a pass from a teammate and wanted to repeat his previous goal. This time Ilvzern quickly intercepted his run and stole the ball from him, and passed to Wrund.After a quick succession of passes between the Red Dragon's midfielders, Puliito passed a through ball between the red-black's sole defenders. Dret reached the ball and landed it from the box line to the left post and inside. After this goal Frund subbed off Wrund, Harss'l and J'geron to get some rest, and subbed on youngsters Hildlo and Driscord to get some experience, and also Mur got play time to hopefully give him more goals. And so happened. In the away's side Isis came on for poor Paterno, also Jureidini and Severino came on for the tired Norman and Delgado.

In the 74th minute, fresh Isis slide tackled Redmeill in his box. He saw the red card and saw Bronde'e Mur convert the penalty given into a goal. Using the one man advantage, Gvet passed Alain on the flank and elevated the ball to the center. Mur reached it first above Bercasio who slipped a bit and headed in two minutes his second. His third came in the 87th minute; after a couple of average playing Driscord found Mur unmarked in the side of the box. When Mur got the pass, he rouletted around Isiah, feinted a pass to Redmeill and so got around Bercasio, and then landed his hattrick in a very small time frame. Surely the best goal of Glaser yet in this tournament.

The next game will be a away game against the weak Neuereland, which Glaser expect to pick 3 easy points there and continue their good form.

[Farfadillis]

Kâí looked up. He saw a Sameban approaching him. He feinted going to the left, then cut in, surprising the Sameban, who imagined he'd go for a run down the flank for the thousandth time. But no, he cut in. Another Sameban approached him, but he just passed the ball to Terán, who gave it back instantly as he went on to run, leaving the other Sameban behind. He stopped the ball with the outer part of his right foot and feinted going to the right against the Sameban centre back going for him, then feinted going to the left and then went for the right. He had Roga available for a through pass and so he feinted one in that direction, which left the other centre back in a terrible position to tackle him. He then dribbled the centre back and went on to face the goalkeeper.

He chipped the ball to the upper-right post just in time. The lead for Farfadillis with twenty minutes to go.

"Fantastic." Rossizzo thought out loud, returning to his stoic self after celebrating the goal.
"Indeed," replied Mordáz "I sometimes wonder how he pulls that off from time to time."
"Let's not let him get cocky though. Let's remember this is Sameba." The manager recommended.
"Well, this is the Sameba that complicated our qualifying run last time around, after all."
"Uh... well, indeed. If anything, that day was terrible, Sameba's not that good." Rossizzo said, not really appreciating the reminder.

As they were having the conversation, Kâí soon scored another goal, this time from long-range.

"Ok," said Rossizzo, somewhat stunned "I didn't know he could that."
Interrupting his celebration, Mordáz promptly replied, "Heh, the wonders of having a few talented players in your squad, right? Even if things aren't going your way, you have Dandalleions, Teráns and Kâís that save your ass."
"Are you trying to imply I've done anything wrong approaching this match?" responded Rossizzo in a tongue-in-cheek tone.
"If you did, the media won't notice." Acknowledged Mordáz with a wink. Rossizzo smiled.

A few minutes later, a long pass from Terán ended up in Dandalleion's feet, who then went on to dribble two Samebans and leave the Sameban goalkeeper with no hope of stopping the goal thanks to a tremendously powerful shot that hit the crossbar violently.

"Oh, there he is, the original Kâí."
"Pfft, you're already starting to compare them like the media does?" replied Mordáz.
"Naturally, they're alike in many ways, after all. For one, neither has ever truly let me down."
"Well, yes, I guess." Paused Mordáz, reflecting on the comparison for a moment. "But don't you reckon the comparison could hurt Kâí a bit? Carrying the "new Dandalleion" label might be a big burden."
"The kid can carry any burden, I think we've properly proven it already."
"Heh, you mean like captaining a Di Bradini Cup squad to a final and winning it?"
"Yes, or getting a starter position for the national team right after joining it at the age of seventeen... or so, I'm not sure." He paused. "If he's a legend in the making, he won't mind the burden at all." He concluded with a slightly-noticeable smile in his face.

[Lymantatia]

Predictions
First Place: United Gordonopia, Osarius, The Holy Empire, Ko-oren, Apox, Pasarga, Barunia, Farfadillis, New Montreal States, Mytannion, Audioslavia, Vilita, Saugeais, Polar Islandstates, Valanora, Turori, The Licentian Isles, The Inevitable Syndicate, Northern Sunrise Islands, The Archregimancy, Valladares, Starblaydia, Equestrian States, Estope
Second Place: Jeru FC, Super-Llamaland, Paradystopia, Sargossa, Charruterra, West Angola, Darmen, Boring Paradise, Maklohi Vai, Sicoutimont, Kitsunia-Deesse, Saintland, Neu Engollon, Qazox, The Royal Kingdom of Quebec, Svengarda, Eura, Astograth, Lymantatia, Chiata, New Sideburn, Ossidiacqua, Blouman Empire, Iturributa
Playoff Mid-Round: Super-Llamaland, Paradystopia, Charruterra, Boring Paradise, Sicoutimont, Saintland, Neu Engollon, The Royal Kingdom of Quebec, Astograth, Lymantatia, Ossidiacqua, Iturributa
Playoff Final: Paradystopia, Charruterra, Sicoutimont, The Royal Kingdom of Quebec, Lymantatia, Iturributa
Group Stage: United Gordonopia, Legalese, Osarius, Ko-oren, Pasarga, Barunia, Estope, Paradystopia, Iturributa, The Free Republics, Northern Sunrise Islands, The Archregimancy, Sicoutimont, Mytannion, New Montreal States, Vilita,
Round of 16: The Holy Empire, Audioslavia, Saugeais, Valanora, Turori, Starblaydia, Equestrian States, Valladares,
Quarterfinals: Farfadillis, The Licentian Isles, The Inevitable Syndicate, Apox
Fourth: Charruterra
Third: Lymantatia
Second: Polar Islandstates
First: The Royal Kingdom of Quebec
Lymantatia 4–4 Kinitaria and Northern Sunrise Islands 2–0 Lymantatia
Posted at 12:00pm 2014 March 28 by Edmund Diamond - Well, we may have lost the recent match, but at least our team is scoring more goals than it ever could. In fact,
Goalscorers
15 minutes - Jacques Bressler (Lymantatia) Matchday 3
38 minutes - Jacques Bressler (Lymantatia) Matchday 3
58 minutes - Kiril Dalmerov (Kinitaria) Matchday 3
66 minutes - Kiril Dalmerov (Kinitaria) Matchday 3
74 minutes - Jacques Bressler (Lymantatia) Matchday 3
76 minutes - Kiril Dalmerov (Kinitaria) Matchday 3
81 minutes - Sylvius Johnson (Lymantatia) Matchday 3
89 minutes - Kiril Dalmerov (Kinitaria) Matchday 3

4 minutes - Hannah Alcouin (Northern Sunrise Islands) Matchday 4
6 minutes - Hannah Alcouin (Northern Sunrise Islands) Matchday 4
Current Statistics
Average number of time of goals: 52 minutes
Average number of time of goals by other teams: 50 minutes
Most goals by person on Lymantatia's team: Jacques Bressler (8)

[Astograth]

“Your Majesty! You can't say Letzama doesn't love you!” The Countess Warden of the city was beaming, a hand cupped to her mouth so the Grand Duke could hear her two rows in front.

“They sure do!” he replied in kind, with a grin. He couldn't deny the truth of it, and was even enjoying himself. The heat, this mess with Ugarte... it was all secondary to how much joy he felt radiating from the crowd, gathered by the thousands along the way that led from the castle to the Ducal Palace - for no reason other than to cheer him and the new Captain General of the Akialden, of which Letzama was the capital. The Captain General was resplendent in a white dress uniform and getting the hang of waving in the fashion of the nobility, gracefully rotating the wrist. He had stood and bowed several times, which to the Grand Duke seemed decidedly less graceful but excusable. The people had enjoyed it.

It wasn't all that often he got to visit these more provincial cities. It was pleasant; a public appearance in Rumiatzi would only ever suscite this much excitement on national holidays, where he himself was never the one parading anyway. But nothing would ever match his crowning...

His crowning, some eighteen years ago now, had been an event of gigantic proportions yet still humble compared to previous rulers, considering the circumstances. He'd inherited the wealthy, developed country Aitor IV had made of Astograth - but in doing so had lost Iturributa. It was only by dual pressure - his and the Free Republic's - that the High Lords relinquished control, signed a ceasefire with Iturributa and confirmed Lastur as Grand Duke.

It had been a blow. Iturributa itself had been the second largest city in Astograth, its second largest port and its top tourist destination. 9 million citizens had gone with it. He partly owed his crown to the insurgents that had held out long enough to bring the High Lords to breaking point, but the province was too big of an asset to let go - too big of a blow to the economy, to Astograthian pride and to national unity. Iturributa had been a core part of the land known as Astograth since the first King, Aitor the Magnificent, more than a thousand years previously; the country was incomplete without it.

For eighteen years, the Iturributans had been a thorn on his side. This morning Ugarte, nominally his right-hand man but who showed an insulting disdain for informing his monarch, had abandoned the ceremony to tend to something urgent to do with Iturributa. Lastur hoped to the Allmighty that it was something favourable, that the illegal republic would be brought back into the fold peacefully. He had given Ugarte - and his predecessor Maskochea - leave to organise whatever underhanded operations were necessary to secure the re-incorporation of Iturributan territory... except a war. Lastur would not allow the jewel of the Modraine to go up in flames - or worse, allow the possibiltiy for it to escalate into a region-wide conflict. Some would be all too eager to jump in defense of the underdog.

Especially the Sargossans. Slimy, briny, mangy dogs they were. Who knew how much armament the industrial behemoth that was Sargossa had sold to the Iturributans, to counteract the Eurans and Polarians supplying Astograth.

No. Whatever happened, the Iturributan problem would be solved peacefully. Lastur had already ignited a bitter inner conflict from which Astograth had spent the next eighteen years recovering. Recovering exceedingly well, one might add, what with consistently being near the top of all the regional charts that mattered: standards of development, happiness, safety, education, health...

It paid off. In spite of the heat, the day was lovely. The sky was a deep blue without a cloud in sight; the trees gleamed a rich green. The people of Letzama were enjoying themselves, toasting to his health. The Countess Warden and her consort looked delighted to be there; the Captain General was ecstatic and his wife could barely contain her pride. Grand Duchess Odara looked beautiful, with a silver tiara on top of her hair.

The white Lantzia limousine rounded a small park.

Lastur heard a loud bang, then two more. Startled, it took him a split second to realise they came from his left. He heard one more while turning that way - but not the one fired at his head from a rooftop Rabarra SN150 sniper rifle.

---

“He has just reached the hospital, my Lord.”

“You're certain it took him in the head?”

“Completely, my Lord. Reports are gruesome, and he's been declared dead on arrival.”

Silence, as he weighed the importance of this. He'd been planning it for a very long time, but now that it was time it felt unreal. There was no going back.

“The red herring is in place?”

“Absolutely, my Lord. They have already been apprehended as the presumed killers. We have our top men dealing with the physical evidence aspect. The Iturributans will be given an... abridged... trial.”

“What about the sniper?”

“It'll be said he shot at the Iturributans, if it comes up. Nobody suspects a Ducal Guardsman, but he can be removed to avoid us any inconvenience.”

“All according to plan, then?”

“All, my Lord.”

“Excellent. Keep me updated.”

“Yes, my Lord.”

“Oh, and... one more thing. Call me Lord Protector from now on. Lord Protector Gaskon Ugarte.”

[Kernansquillec]

How Kernansquillec can conquer the World

Tribune by Alexandra Ipson

Before the start of the War of Independence, Kernansquillec was one of the world’s best football teams. After years of development the squad was well within the top 50 footballing nations. A young but thriving domestic league was starting to emerge. And the youth set up was one that was envied by many a nation, the Kernansquillecans constantly proving a threat at the U21 World Cup.

Then the War came. All of the great work done for football in Kernansquillec was undone. One of the most promising crops of players to grace Kernansquillec was wiped off the face of the Earth. But not just the players. The club infrastructure, the organisation of the game at a local and national level, the skilled professionals that take care of the teams, from the groundsmen to the managers, not forgetting the coaches, the doctors, the dieticians as well as the good old WAGs and the traditional football fans that backed their players, their club and their country with everything they had.

All gone.

But new a new dawn of Kernansquillecan football is rising. A new crop of players. New coaches, new methods, new fans. Kernansquillecan football is starting afresh. While there is a very long way to go before reaching the level that the original Kernansquillecan side, or indeed the level that they could have reached had they been given the time to get there, I believe that it is possible.

This crop of players may seem a bit ruff around the edges, but they do have talent. So far at the World Cup, while they have been beaten – and well beaten – by two good sides nevertheless they have shown glimpses of the kind of football they would need to play if they are to reach the level of the Saintlands, the Cassadaiguas and the Polar Islandstates. And lets not forget that while this is our return to the big time we have still won half of our games so far. They may have been against teams of small stature, but the simple fact that Kernansquillec can still beat teams that are – in some sense – in the same situation as us (going in the qualifying written off as underdogs) and that we can do so with relative ease, just goes to show that we have the talent.

The team is young. They are getting better and better with every game they play. And let’s no forget that quite a few of these players were fighting in a war just a few years ago. Now their names are known to all Kernansquillecan and they have the chance to journey across the World doing something they love.

If after so many years of war, after so much suffering and so much pain, if after all of that the Green and Whites can turn up at a World Cup Qualifying campaign and perform admirably with a team of young amateurs, flanked with a wave of support just as big as before the War, then who’s to say how far the team could go?

If they keep this up, the sky is the limit. So to the big nations in football I say this: underestimate us at your peril!

But, whatever you do, don’t forget the name Kernansquillec – because we are coming for you.

[Gregoryisgodistan]

OOC: The following appeared in a "news" report in Gregoryisgodistan. It is up to The Greater Vakolicci Haven to decide whether it is true or government propaganda. However, everyone in Gregoryisgodistan believes it.

Five Vakolicci Citizens Killed By Brave, Noble Hero

With The Greater Vakolicci Haven having been added to the enemy list of Gregoryisgodistan, it was open season on any Vakolicci citizens still in Gregoryisgodistan following the World Cup qualifier a few days ago. Any of them could be legally killed by any Gregoryisgodistani, who would receive 1 million greggygodbucks per kill as a reward. Our brave and noble hero, Prune Farmer LSKJSD12ASB, discovered that five Vakolicci fans were still in Gregoryisgodistan, having opted to visit the Great Wall of Gregory Statues, which they discovered was closed for repairs until April 1. So they needed to stay in the country if they wanted to visit.

Prune Farmer LSKJSD12ASB discovered this and also found out where they were staying. He then took a butcher's knife from his friend, Butcher LMAM1200Z, and headed for the complex where they were staying. He broke into their hotel room and stabbed all of them to death.

Prune Farmer LSKJSD12ASB has now received 5 million greggygodbucks as a reward. Lord Almighty Gregory also says that the brave, noble hero will receive a medal for his actions. "Killing citizens from our enemy nations is a top priority of this country," the Lord Almighty said. "We must take them down. We reward citizens who do so. Before long, Prune Farmer LSKJSD12ASB may earn his own name and government VIP status."

This is a great day for all Gregoryisgodistanis. Prune Farmer LSKJSD12ASB has taken down five citizens from a villainous nation. He has been rewarded. Lord Almighty Gregory bless him.

[Annar]

Annoying Radio Announcer Named Bob Or Something: And in other news, the Annarian national side has finally produced a victory. Yes, you heard right. We won a match. Vimes got a hat trick. 3-0. Now I'm going to go legally change my name. This has been Annoying Radio Announcer Named Bob Or Something, from Annarian National Radio.

Vimes switched off the radio. He couldn't afford to be tired! Someone was trying to assassinate the leaders of Annar. He had found Rincewind after Yesterday's match. Tied up in the basement of their hotel, with five layers of ductape over his mouth. He still managed to scream loudly when the door opened. The moment he was untied, he had ran back up to his room. Shock or something. They had had to take him to the hospital, and he hadn't played in todays match.

He really needed to find some clues. Clues that actually meant something, not strands of fabric and footprints in the flowerbed. He needed a motive. Nobody seemed to have one. The council was in charge in name only, most important things actually went to a referendum. The people decided nearly everything. The council didn't even do many controversial things. Annar didn't have any obvious foes. Where was the blasted motive?