The Watterson Bowl (Calvinball) - Everything Thread

by **New Wolfopolis** » Tue Oct 22, 2013 3:56 pm

Henry: "Alright, first thing I have to do is congratulate you. You guys played hard and kicked the a**es of those Nessau-Hesseners! Well done!"

*Crowd cheers*

Henry: "And, of course, we must recognize the success of our teammates, so I'd like Walker, Thompson, and Bailey to come up."

*Walker, Thompson, and Bailey come to the stage*

Henry: "Walker, that was fantastic! The second-hardest challenge and you score 113 of our points! Fantastic job! Three-clapper for Tommy!"

*Crowd claps three times in near-unison*

Henry: "Next up, we have Lena Bailey! Lena, you balanced that teapot on your head like a champ, even with the dance! Three-clapper!"

*Crowd claps three times in near-unison*

Henry: "And finally, we have John Thompson, who showed up ready to eat the small dog and stroke the sausage. You were a little hesitant and not the best one out there, but you got the job done. Three-clapper for Johnny!"

*Crowd claps three times in near-unison; Thompson, Bailey, and Walker return to their seats*

Henry: "But this competition is far from over. We have the toughest team tomorrow: Super-Llamaland."

*Crowd groans*

Thompson: "Really? We have to play Super-Llamaland?"

Henry: "That's ok! We can beat them! We've got a dang good team! The only reason we've lost a game is because we were disorganized on the first matchday!"

Walker: "Sure, but we lost to Paradystopia, who lost to Super-Llamaland! Twice! We'll never beat them!"

Henry: "That doesn't matter! We have a 3-game winning streak! We can do it! So, who's my piano player on this team?"

Lucy Parrino: "I am, Coach!"

Henry: "Fantastic! I knew you were on this team for some reason. You've got to play a piano concerto with one hand while hopping up and down on an exercise ball. If you don't have one, get one."

Parrino: "No problem, coach." *Parrino leaves*

Henry: "Now, Vazquez, you were a great whacker on day 3, so you're going to ruthlessly beat Byrdensky and his cohorts with a roasted chicken."

Vazquez: "Sure, coach." *Vazquez leaves*

Henry: "Anyone ever played an abnormally small viola?"

Henry: "Krabs! Forgot you were on our team! Here's the Shadowbournean national anthem, go practice."

Krabs: "Aye, aye, cap'n!" *Krabs leaves*

Henry: "As for the rest of you, go to your rooms or wherever. Meet in our normal spot by 10:00 to cheer on your teammates. Dismissed."

--

Clark: "Dude, I thought it might get normal today, but she's still nice."

Zhang: "I know. It's kinda spooky."

Clark: "Yeah. It's nice not having her scream at us, though. Those first two days, I nearly broke my eardrums."

Zhang: "I hear ya. Barely."

Clark: "Alrighty. Well, g'night, Don."

Zhang: "G'night, Will."

by **Super-Llamaland** » Wed Oct 23, 2013 1:08 pm

"Yes, August, yes! We are going to handily defeat that New Wolfopolis team!"
"We sure are, Allen!"

ZZT.

"[swears], the lights went out!"
"Where's the backup generator?"
"Over in that room. It's probably broken, stupid thing."
"Yep. Here it is."
"So...how is it?"
"[swears]"
"Oh...seriously?"
"Yeah, come in the generator room. I'm opening it up."
"The room?"
"No, the generator."
"Oh, okay."

In the Backup Generator Room

"Hand me the wrench?"
"Here."
squeak squeak "Okay. Lifting it up." Skworch
"Oh. Wow, that's not obvious at all."
"Sabotage. Easy."
"I'm worried."
"Yeah, wow, they just took a chainsaw to the wires."
"Wonder if they sabotaged anything else?"
"Yesssss they did."
"Very funny, August."
"What? I thought you said that."
awkward pause
"Uh...they rigged the loudspeakers too?"
"No power, remember?"
"Well...how do you explain that?"
"Youuu do notttt."
"Okay [swears] that's creepy. Who is that?"
"Uh...August?"
"Yeah?"
"Turn around."
"Okay...[swears]"
"Uh...what...is...that?"
"[swears], it's getting closer!"
"I have commmme forrr youuu..."
"August...?"
"No clue...run?"
"It's coming...from there. Trapped...in."
"[swears]! AUUGH!"

(Flashlight turns on)

"Pretty good, huh?"
"Oh, whew, it was Ronaldo."
"Oh okay. Let me get out of this fetal position."
"*gasp*...okay. Okay. Ronaldo, you sabotaged the generator!"
"The generator?"

by **Shadowbourne** » Thu Oct 24, 2013 5:35 pm

The results for MD5 are in...!

Super-Llamaland f371 - 364b New Wolfopolis

Paradystopia 340s- 282x Nassau-Hessen

San Jose Guayabal a273 - k288 Shadowbourne

Albaie a303 - e243 Hessington Island

Here are the standings after MD5:

Super-Llamaland - 5 pts.
Paradystopia - 3 pts.
New Wolfopolis - 3 pts.
Shadowbourne - 3 pts.
Nassau-Hessen - 2 pts.
San Jose Guayabal -2 pts.
Albaie - 2 pt.
Hessington Island - 0 pts.

Here are the pairings for MD6:

Super-Llamaland vs. Paradystopia
New Wolfopolis vs. Shadowbourne
Nassau-Hessen vs. San Jose Guayabal
Albaie vs. Hessington Island

Tomorrow's match will be scorinated in the following fashion:

35% American Football; this score will represent the number of points scored while wrestling a rabid kangaroo and hopping on one leg.

35% Kronum; this score will represent the number of points scored by awkwardly embracing members of the other team while singing the "Barney" theme song.

30% Softball; this score will represent the number of points scored while riding a small elephant and playing a kazoo.

Try to be as creative as possible with your RPs. Remember, you will be graded on quality, not quanity. You will lose points if your RP is more than 450 words. You can use this link to help you keep track of your word count.

Good luck!

ALSO: I have updated the schedule in the OP to refelct the delay in scorination. My apologies for the inconvienience.

by **Super-Llamaland** » Thu Oct 24, 2013 8:14 pm

"Holy..."
"Wow."
"Uh..."
"Gosh, who was that?"
"I don't know! Okay? They weren't on the roster!"
"Who the heck was it? They're the only reason we beat New Wolfopolis!"
"Technically, that's an improper use of "they", but I'll live with it."
"Shut up with the grammar! WHO...SAVED...OUR...BUTTS?"
"Hey, hey, shut up, I'll get to it and we'll look at the vids and see who it was, neh?"
"Eh. Just hurry and do it now."
"Okay, here's the vid on llamalandcalvinball.org. It's all over the news!"
"Hmm, 'Unknown Saves Super-Llamaland in Calvinball Match' sounds intriguing. Click on that link."
"No. The vid is on this one."
"Okay, pause! Right before they start dancing on top of the piano while playing viola, hopping on the exercise ball, and riding a large dog."
"Wow, I still can't believe he put the exercise ball and the piano on top of that dog, started riding it, and playing the viola and the piano with one hand each."
"There we go. Zoom on his face."
"Holy...that's...no...that can't be...no...*gasp*...*clunk*"
"Allen? Allen...Ronaldo, over here! Allen fainted."
"Why?"
"Something on this vid."
"Ohmygodit'sJacobHarris...*clunk*"
"Jacoby Harris...wow."

A Complete Biography of Jacob Michael Harris, for your Enjoyment
(from llamaneancalvinballassociation.spr)

Jacob Michael Harris was born on January 13, 1965, in Northeast Gully, a suburb of Vargas. He was an experienced pogo-sticker and volleyball-hitter, but generally did not excel in any sport, although he was quick and strong. When he discovered Calvinball at the age of thirteen (OOC: I know technically Calvinball hadn't been invented yet, but please go with it), he was shocked.

Harris entered the Oceanside Calvinball League at the tender age of twenty. In 1988, after working his way through the bush-league-like minors, he entered the league with his hometown Vargas Fishermen. He quickly accumulated twenty-three Golden Z's for Best Player of a Match in his first two seasons. But in 1995, he realized the ugly truth of the OCL: it was little better than a backyard league. In 1996, he retired with one hundred twenty-two Golden Z's, second-place all time behind Brett Bersten (130).

In 2001, Harris founded the "Super-Llamaland Calvinball Council" to help develop "Llamanean Calvinball Impact." A national team was quickly founded in 2003, but Harris's age of thirty-eight did not help him and he was sent to the injury reserve. In 2006, Harris retired from the injury reserve and became a coach on the team. However, he was a pretty bad coach and was fired in 2010. Harris became Council President afterwards, which he continues to hold.
"Jacob Harris, huh?"
"Yeah. Do you think he'll come back?"
"I don't know. Maybe."

by **New Wolfopolis** » Thu Oct 24, 2013 9:05 pm

"They can't do that!"

"Really? Why not?"

"They can't just have a person not on their roster win the game! We would've totally kicked their butts!"

"Well, we had a non-roster person play for us, and he was the reason we almost won."

"Yeah, but... That's beyond the point!"

"What is the point?"

"The point is, they did it, they beat us, and that's not fair!"

"Why not?"

"Why would it be?"

"It's Calvinball."

"You've got a point there. I still feel like I need to take this up with the international Watterson Bowl Committee."

"Doesn't exist."

"The Fairness In Calvinball Association?"

"Doesn't exist."

"The International Governing Body of all things Calvinball?"

"Doesn't exist."

"Well, there's gotta be something in the rules about it."

"Rules? In Calvinball? Over something as petty as a roster technicality?"

"Well, I mean, *sigh* you're right."

"So, can we just move on? We've got Shadowbourne again tomorrow."

"Oh, good! We beat them handily on MD2."

"Yup. But really odd challenges today."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Someone has to wrestle a rabid kangaroo and hop on one leg."

"Oh, that's Don Zhang, definitely."

"Someone has to play a kazoo on top of a small elephant."

"That sounds like Lucy Parrino to me."

"And someone has to awkwardly embrace members of the other team while singing the "Barney" theme song."

"Hmm... let's see... who's the most naturally awkward person on the team?"

"Hmm... not sure."

"Oh wait! It's definitely Charlie Vazquez."

"Oh yeah. Duh. How did I not think of that?"

"Well, it looks like we're set for tomorrow."

"I agree."

"Come on you Compradors!"

"No. Absolutely not. Under no conditions will I end this conversation like that. You can not pay me enough money."

"Let's go New Wolfopolis!"

"Oh, come on. You are not allowed to end the conversation on your own. That is not okay. I will turn you in to the international Watterson Bowl Committee."

"Doesn't exist, remember?"

"Oh, god damn it!"

by **Shadowbourne** » Fri Oct 25, 2013 5:28 pm

The results for MD6 are in...!

Super-Llamaland g206 - m181 Paradystopia

New Wolfopolis 234s- y197 Shadowbourne

Nassau-Hessen 203x - 163q San Jose Guayabal

Albaie a240 - j175 Hessington Island

Here are the standings after MD6:

Super-Llamaland - 6 pts.
New Wolfopolis - 4 pts.
Paradystopia - 3 pts.
Nassau-Hessen - 3 pts.
Shadowbourne - 3 pts.
Albaie - 3 pt.
San Jose Guayabal -2 pts.
Hessington Island - 0 pts.

Here are the pairings for MD7:

Super-Llamaland vs. New Wolfopolis
Paradystopia vs. Nassau-Hessen
Shadowbourne vs. Albaie
San Jose Guayabal vs. Hessington Island

Tomorrow's match will be scorinated in the following fashion:

25% Korfball; this score will represent the number of points scored while scuba-diving in a pool of grape soda and carrying a large pig.

35% Basketball; this score will represent the number of points scored while being towed in a wagon by a rare breed of purple ligers.

40% Rugby; this score will represent the number of points scored while playing a fiddle with one hand tied behind your back.

Try to be as creative as possible with your RPs. Remember, you will be graded on quality, not quanity. You will lose points if your RP is more than 450 words. You can use this link to help you keep track of your word count.

Good luck!

by **Super-Llamaland** » Fri Oct 25, 2013 7:32 pm

[OOC: I'm assuming that I have six points instead of five, because I had five after my last win and won again.]

Jacob Harris sat in his hotel room. Room four-oh-six. He had recently discovered that the Llamanean Calvinball Team was on the third floor, and had decided to cheer them on. Seeing the team [that annoying Garreth Dustbin hadn't let him on the A-team] in distress, he had snuck by a security guard, jumped onto the field, and saved the day.

Now, Harris was debating whether or not to keep playing. What the heck, they didn't need it, they were undefeated. But he did send an email to Allen Byrdensky.

***

"Wow."
"A third win against Paradystopia?"
"Six wins in a row?"
"A clinch of the top seed? New Wolfopolis can't catch us even if they win 2000a to zero."
"One sec. I got an email...from Jacob freaking Harris."
"Seriously? What does it say?"
"It says...'hey allen. congrats on the sixth win. undefeated huh? tell your team that they're doing this to spread calvinball across the globe so that the ocl is more than a bush league. you guys have a mission now. you got the talent and don't need me. -jacob'...that's it."
"Wow. Jacob Harris thinks we're the top seed."
"Anyway, who do you think will make the playoffs?"
"Well, New Wolfopolis-we're playing 'em tomorrow-has a decent chance at the second-seed even if we beat them."
"Uh-huh. Then we have a four-way tie. Paradystopia, Nassau-Hessen, Shadowbourne, and Albaie."
"Nassau-Hessen's in a slump. I think they've had three straight losses?"
"They won today, but they don't have much momentum. I think Paradystopia will beat them for the third seed."
"Huh."
"Shadowbourne against Albaie should be huge too. Whoever wins advances."
"Yeah. I think Shadowbourne has a slight edge."
"Losing to New Wolfopolis today didn't do them any favors. They could have clinched today. Now it must wait until tomorrow when they beat Albaie."
"Don't you want to face Albaie?"
"Albaie's new. We've played Shadowbourne; we know how they play."
"Dirty?"
"No, we played dirty. Justin Bryant rigged the scoreboard."
"Oh yeah. Don't tell the International Watterson Bowl Committee."
"What International Watterson Bowl Committee?"
"Oh yeah."
"So...San Jose Guayabal and Hessington Island are both eliminated."
"They've not played to expectations. Their countries are disappointed."
"So...New Wolfopolis could be eliminated, right?"
"I guess. If they lose, we get a three-way tie for third."
"No, second. They're fine. We might play them."
"Oh. Well, tomorrow's a big day for those four teams."
"And us."
"Five teams."
"And New Wolfopolis."
"Six teams."
"Okay...right. Let's go talk to the press."

by **New Wolfopolis** » Fri Oct 25, 2013 9:23 pm

Henry: "Alright, gang, this one is big. Us against those darn Llamalandians again. They haven't lost yet. What do you say?"

*Crowd is silent*

Bailey: "With all due respect, Coach, we're going to lose."

Henry: "Hey! HEY! That is not true! Come on, guys, are you seriously going to let her talk like that?"

Thompson: "Yeah. She's right."

Henry: "Oh, c'mon! We're going to win! If we don't, we aren't guaranteed second seed. Wouldn't you guys like a guaranteed two seed?"

Clark: "Yeah, but how are we going to pull it off?"

Henry: "Well, I've sent my scouting team to each of Super-Llamaland's matches since MD4, and we've got some data. First off, they don't have anyone skilled in scuba and pig carrying at the same time, let alone in a pool of grape soda. We have one of the best grape soda scuba pig carriers in the world on our side: Jack Gunn."

Gunn: "That's right. I'm up for the challenge, Coach." *Gunn leaves*

Henry: "They relied on Jacob Harris to do their fiddling, but he's back at home. He's not coming back. Krabs also mysteriously left after that match, but we have multi-musical talent Lucy Parrino on our team."

Parrino: "I'm honored. I'm ready."

Henry: "Even with one hand behind your back?"

Parrino: "Oh, please. I could do that with one hand tied behind my back!"

Henry: "That's what I was asking. Anyway, go practice!"

*Parrino leaves*

Henry: "This next one is not really very controllable by us. Who's the lightest one here?"

*Sonya Jones timidly raises her hand.*

Henry: "Perfect! You are going to ride in a wagon while being pulled by purple ligers. Now, CLARK! ZHANG! I need you guys too!"

Clark: "What for? Isn't that all of the challenges?"

Henry: "No. You two are my Bryant-watchers. You are going to watch Justin Bryant the entire time and make sure he doesn't rig the scoreboard."

Clark: "Ma'am, yes, ma'am."

Henry: "I also need PICKETT!"

Pickett: "What's up?"

Henry: "You are going to watch the scoreboard the entire time to make sure no one messes with it."

Pickett: "You got it."

Henry: "And WALKER! BAILEY! VAZQUEZ! THOMPSON!"

Vazquez: "Yes?"

Henry: "I bought you all plane tickets to Super-Llamaland. You are going to find Jacob Harris and make sure he doesn't make it back to Shadowbourne. Got it?"

Thompson: "Got it."

Henry: "Now, everybody, MOVE OUT!"

by **Shadowbourne** » Sat Oct 26, 2013 5:44 pm

The results for MD7 are in...!

Super-Llamaland 341q - 301s New Wolfopolis

Paradystopia z326- m310 Nassau-Hessen

Shadowbourne 286m - 249d Albaie

San Jose Guayabal k297 - a290 Hessington Island

Here are the standings after MD7:

(The teams in bold have qualified for the playoffs)

Super-Llamaland - 7 pts.
New Wolfopolis - 4 pts.
Paradystopia - 4 pts.
Shadowbourne - 4 pts.
Nassau-Hessen - 3 pts.
Albaie - 3 pt.
San Jose Guayabal - 3 pts.
Hessington Island - 0 pts.

Here are the pairings for the semifinals:

Super-Llamaland vs. Paradystopia
Shadowbourne vs. New Wolfopolis

Monday's match will be scorinated in the following fashion:

33% Kabaddi; this score will represent the number of points scored while eating an apple and playing the tuba with one hand.

33% Netball; this score will represent the number of points scored by whacking your opponent with a stick.

34% Handball; this score will represent the number of points scored by making it all the way to 27th base while hopping on one foot.

Try to be as creative as possible with your RPs. Remember, you will be graded on quality, not quanity. You will lose points if your RP is more than 450 words. You can use this link to help you keep track of your word count.

Good luck!

by **Super-Llamaland** » Sun Oct 27, 2013 9:33 am

Troy: "WOO! SEVEN STRAIGHT!"
Byrdensky: "Justin Bryant snuck into the scoreboard beforehand, but they discovered him didn't they?"
Fitzgerald: "Yup. Bryant pulled out a Nerf gun but he was kicked out of the scoreboard, like literally kicked out, by Amanda Henry's goons."
Byrdensky: "Jacob Harris tried to take a flight from Vargas, Super-Llamaland, to Shadowbourne to watch a game but his airplane randomly turned around and flew to Timbuktu."
Fitzgerald: "Who was the pilot?"
"An avid Calvinball fan from New Wolfopolis."
"Well then..."
"I got a postcard from Jacob Harris in the mail. He's enjoying Timbuktu and has decided to take a month-long vacation."
"So, no relying on him?"
"Nope. He rented a cabin with wireless in Timbuktu for the month. His post card says 'Wish you were here, Timbuktu is great, good luck in the Watterson Bowl! -Jacob'"
"Okay..."
"Yeah, I know, right?"
Fitzgerald: "So...what did you think of that game, Ronaldo?"
Finch: "We got crushed in the grape soda pig scuba diving."
Byrdensky:"Yeah. Three divers from our side and Jack Gunn out-dove them all."
Finch: "No Gunn, and its not even close."
Fitzgerald: "Fiddling was okay. We drew that one."
Byrdensky:"Parrino's a great musician, but fiddling isn't her specialty."
Fitzgerald:"And on our side, Tim Troy began playing the fiddle with a golf club. Great acoustics."
Byrdensky: "Yup, fiddling was even."
"We didn't have any purple ligers, but we had plenty of purple lligers."
"Yeah, llama-tigers. The judges fixed the 'typo' in our pre-game report but they let it slide."
"We really beat New Wolfopolis on that."
"It was great. We hooked up five wagons to our lliger pack and had Dustbin, Finch, me, you, and Bryant after he got kicked out ride in the wagons. New Wolfopolis only had two wagons."
"Yeah, that was fun."
"So.. Paradystopia in the semifinal."
"We beat them three times, we can beat them again."
"Go Tigers!"
"Lets change our name to the Purple Lligers."
"No!"
"It rhymes..."
"Fine, only for the playoffs."
Team: "GO LLIGERS!"

by **New Wolfopolis** » Sun Oct 27, 2013 1:47 pm

Henry: "Gunn, Clark, Zhang, Pickett, Walker, Bailey, Vazquez, and Thompson, come up to the stage, please."

*Gunn, Clark, Zhang, and Pickett walk towards the stage*

Henry: "What? Where are the other four?"

Gunn: "Well, you bought them plane tickets TO Super-Llamaland, but none home. Plus, after boarding Jacob Harris's plane to Shadowbourne and bribing the pilot to turn the plane to go to Timbuktu, they're enjoying a nice vacation in Mali, Africa."

Henry: "Of course. It's only fitting. Well, congratulations, you four, you get to stay on the team."

*Gunn, Clark, Zhang, and Pickett rejoice and celebrate among themselves, return to their seats*

Henry: "Parrino! You're up! Come 'ere."

*Parrino comes to the stage*

Henry: "Even though you under-performed yesterday, you will remain on the Comprador team."

*Parrino, relieved, returns to her seat*

Henry: "Jones and Douglass, up to the stage."

*Jones and Douglass come up to the stage*

Henry: "You two have made little to no contributions to the squad. I'm sorry to say that you two are off the team. Here's your ticket back to New Wolfopolis."

*Jones and Douglass leave, Douglass crying, both disappointed*

Henry: "I don't think we can survive with only five players on the squad. Well, we could, but we're not going to. I've brought in five more to give us that boost we need for the playoffs. Get ready to meet the replacements!"

*Five unknown people walk in*

Henry: "First up, we have Danny Corbeil! Danny is an expert swimmer, animal identifier, and whacker. Let's welcome Danny with a three-clapper!"

*Crowd claps three times in near-unison*

Henry: "Next up, Tammy Daniels! Tammy is a wonderful runner, and she is also talented in hopping. Give Tammy a warm three-clapper!"

*Crowd claps three times in near-unison*

Henry: "Third, we have Ricky Lewis! Ri-"

Clark: "Do all of their first names end in y?"

Henry: "Not all of them. As I was saying, Ricky can skip like Nobodys Business. Remember him? Best skipper in New Wolfopolis a few years back? Yup, now it's Ricky. Give him a three-clapper."

*Crowd claps three times in near-unison*

Henry: "Finally, we have the two wild-cards: Brenda Magner and Jarvis Karis. They can do just about anything, and we'll need that for the playoffs. Six clapper!"

*Crowd claps six times in near-unison*

Henry: "Now, tomorrow: Parrino, you're playing the tuba with one hand and eating an apple. Make it better than yesterday!"

Parrino: "You got it!" *leaves*

Henry: "Danny, you're whacking the opponent with a stick. Pretty straightforward."

Corbeil: "Okeydokey." *leaves*

Henry: "And Daniels! You are hopping on one foot, all the way to 27th base."

Daniels: "Where exactly is 27th base?"

Henry: "You'll figure it out. Now scram!"

*Daniels leaves*

by **Paradystopia** » Sun Oct 27, 2013 3:32 pm

The mood in the Paradystopi was decidedly cold. If it wasn't bad enough having to once again face Super-Llamaland, Error had been singing to himself for close to two hours. The first idea to halt this barrage of insanity was Kitti's idea was to shout 'San Jose Guayabal' at him but this only provoked him into screaming 'Webpage not found!' at the top of his voice for ten minutes before recommencing the song. There was no second idea for fear of only making things worse.

by **Super-Llamaland** » Mon Oct 28, 2013 2:38 pm

"Do you know what I just noticed?"
"What?"
"Paradystopia has four points. So they are four and three."
"So? We're seven and zero."
"Uh...the only nation they've lost to is...us. Otherwise, they'd be four and zero."
"Oh. I see. So... beware Paradystopia?"
"No. We beat them three times, remember?"
"Then...what are you saying?"
"If Paradystopia beats us, they'll probably win it all."
"Uh..."
"If we beat Paradystopia, we'll probably win it all."
"I don't know if you really understand how brackets work, but there are these two teams called New Wolfopolis and Shadowbourne, very good teams, and they are on the other side of the bracket. We play the winner if we win."
"I know, but..."
"Besides, Error Message has been singing the Llama Song for two hours."
"So...low locker room morale?"
"Yeah."
"Uh huh."
"I think we got this one."
"Yeah, I'm nervous, though."
"Apple-and-tuba-playing, opponent-whacking, and twenty-seventh-base-hopping...these are some tough challenges."
"Where's twenty-seventh base?"
"I don't know. If I did, I would hide it."
"Uh."
"So...do you...want to prep for the game?"
"How?"
"Well, call a team meeting, Allen."
"Okay. Team! Team! Over here!"

"What is it, dictator for life?"
"Well, August has an announcement, Tim."
"Uh...just kidding. Heh heh. Allen wants to assign roles for tomorrow's game."
"But coach...that's so...that's so New Wolfopolis!"
"Yeah, New Wolfopolis is a good team."
"No, that's not what I meant! It's--organized!"
"Anyway...tubas and apples. Who can play the tuba?"
*crickets*
"Uh...okay, forget the tuba. Tim, you have above-average lungs, so just blow into a tuba while eating an apple."
"Okay. Where do I get the tuba?"
"They'll supply one. Just practice with that apple."
"Okay."
"Garreth Dustbin! You are Attendant to the Naturalities, so...find a stick."
"Got it."
"Justin Bryant! Paradystopia doesn't have a scoreboard-rigger, so rig the scoreboard."
"Okay."
"Ronaldo Finch! When Garreth gets the stick, whack Paradystopia players with the stick."
"Uh...all right."
"Tyler Morrison! Hop on one foot to twenty seventh base."
"Umm..."
"NOW!"
"Yeah, okay, okay."
"And that's it!"
RING! RING!
"I got a Breaking News Report from my phone!"
"What's it say?"
"Llamanean Calvinball Pioneer's Timbuktu Cabin Struck By Lightning, Harris's Status Unknown".
"Holy...read the article. Please don't be dead."
"Me? I'm alive."
"No. Jacob Harris."
"Okay. Ahem--'Jacob Harris was once a star Calvinball player who founded the Llamanean Calvinball Association. He is credited as the "Founding Father of Llamanean Calvinball". Now, his Timbuktu Cabin has been set aflame by a lightning fire. Harris was not found inside but could not be located, and authorities in Timbuktu fear the worst.'"
"Uh oh. That's bad."
"What's bad?"
"Jacob Harris! What--"

by **Shadowbourne** » Mon Oct 28, 2013 5:44 pm

The results for semi-finals are in...!

Super-Llamaland 254m - a211 Paradystopia

Shadowbourne x196- q249 New Wolfopolis

Tomorrow's consolation match will be Paradystpoia vs. Shadowbourne, while Super-Llamaland will meet New Wolfopolis in the championship match on Wednesday.

Both matches will be scorinated in the following fashion:

40% Rugby; this score will represent the number of points scored while eating a small cheeseburger and riding atop a vicious beaver.

35% Raffa; this score will represent the number of points scored by gently poking your opponents with a twig while simultaneously milking a hyperactive cow.

25% Canadian football; this score will represent the number of points scored by kicking the ball into the goal while hopping up and down and singing "The Calvinball Song".

Try to be as creative as possible with your RPs. Remember, you will be graded on quality, not quanity. You will lose points if your RP is more than 450 words. You can use this link to help you keep track of your word count.

Good luck!

by **Nassau-Hessen** » Mon Oct 28, 2013 6:25 pm

Nassau Hessen Takes Advantage Of Espionage

Shadowbourne wrote:The results for semi-finals are in...!

Super-Llamaland 254m - a211 Paradystopia

Shadowbourne x196- q249 Nassau-Hessen

Tomorrow's consolation match will be Paradystpoia vs. Shadowbourne, while Super-Llamaland will meet New Wolfopolis in the championship match on Wednesday.

Both matches will be scorinated in the following fashion:

40% Rugby; this score will represent the number of points scored while eating a small cheeseburger and riding atop a vicious beaver.

35% Raffa; this score will represent the number of points scored by gently poking your opponents with a twig while simultaneously milking a hyperactive cow.

25% Canadian football; this score will represent the number of points scored by kicking the ball into the goal while hopping up and down and singing "The Calvinball Song".

Try to be as creative as possible with your RPs. Remember, you will be graded on quality, not quanity. You will lose points if your RP is more than 450 words. You can use this link to help you keep track of your word count.

Good luck!

The fishes have done it again. Dressed up as sticks once more, they ousted Shadowbourne....WAIT, hold the banana....*mumbling*....it appears that New Wolfopolis and Nassau Hessen made a secret deal, in order that they could play another game, New Wolfopolis could get pristine cinnamon sticks from NH's abundant lumber supply, surprisingly this was all legal. Since the national team of Calvinball didn't qualify for the playoffs but still won a playoff game. THEY GET SPOT NUMBER 4.5, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..............*end of message)

by **New Wolfopolis** » Mon Oct 28, 2013 7:20 pm

Good evening, and welcome to the 6:00 news. My name is Patsy Straightwoman; here are tonight's top stories.

The New Wolfopolis Calvinball team was absent from the field today. They had planned on participating in their semifinal match today, however, they were tied to chairs by members of Nassau-Hessen's Calvinball team and given cinnamon sticks. The Nassau-Hessen Fish proceeded to take the field and win the game, which will go towards the New Wolfopolis team. Nassau-Hessen claims there was a mutual "secret deal," however, New Wolfopolis claims otherwise. "It was horrifying!" recalls team member Lucy Parrino. "I was practicing my tuba when three men dressed as sticks showed up! They tied me to a chair, stole my apple, and shoved a cinnamon stick in my mouth!" Amanda Henry, head coach of the Wolfopian team, reported the incident to the International Watterson Bowl Committee, however, that organization does not exist.

In a related story, the New Wolfopolis Compradors take on the Super-Llamaland Lligers in the Watterson Bowl Final tomorrow. Brenda Magner, making her Comprador debut, will eat a cheeseburger whilst riding a beaver. Will Clark will be poking opponents with a stick whilst milking a hyperactive cow, and Lucy Parrino will kick the ball into the goal whilst hopping up and down and singing "The Calvinball Song." It will be broadcast on NWSN. You don't want to miss it, it'll be a great game!

When we come back, we'll take a look at the International Wolfball Championships coming to New Wolfopolis next month. Stay tuned!

by **Super-Llamaland** » Tue Oct 29, 2013 2:14 pm

Fitzgerald: "Yes!"
Byrdensky: "Eight in a row! Eight in a row!"
Both: "Eight in a row! Eight in a row!"
Team: "EIGHT IN A ROW! EIGHT IN A ROW!" (much applause, cheering, and stomping of feet)
Byrdensky: "One announcement before we break out the champagne..."
Troy: "What?"
Byrdensky: "Just kidding! BREAK OUT THE CHAMPAGNE!"
Team: "HOORAY!" (spraying of champagne commences)
Fitzgerald: "We're in the finals!"
Team: "THE FINALS!" (Hysterical spraying of champagne)
Byrdensky: "Woo hoo! New Wolfopolis is next, and we have beaten them TWICE already!"
Team: "WE'LL BEAT NEW WOLFOPOLIS!" (More champagne spraying)
Fitzgerald: "If we spray champagne now, what do we spray for the finals?"
Byrdensky: "Golden champagne. YAY!"
(Champagne spurts all over the locker room, which for some reason doesn't have any drains. The room begins to fill with champagne)
Troy: "We're out of champagne."
Team: "NO!"
Byrdensky: "But here's some more!"
Everybody besides Fitzgerald: "YIPPEE!" (champagne spurts all over the walls and drips steadily growing pools of champagne on the ground.)
Byrdensky: "MORE CHAMPAGNE!"
Team: "HOORAY!"
(Champagne fills locker room and begins rising to the players' ankles)
Byrdensky: "MORE CHAMPAGNE!"
Team: "HUZZAH!" (Corks pop off)
Fitzgerald: "Uh, guys?"

NEWS REPORT
from sportingnewsllamaland.com

The Super-Llamaland locker room was evacuated today after a semifinal win over Paradystopia. The team's execution of their brilliant plan was flawless, and they sprayed champagne all over the walls. The champagne began to build up until it was at knee height. An unidentified player began swimming in the champagne, but the room was evacuated when he disappeared in a large pool of champagne.

"That was great! All the champagne, but then it was terrible, because Garreth Morrison disappeared and we haven't found him," said a sobbing Tim Troy, chief golfer.

Dictator-for-Life Allen Byrdensky reported simply: "It was great, until it wasn't."

In wake of Morrison's disappearance, the team must band together to win the finals against New Wolfopolis.

"Garreth was a great, great man," said ex-director of the Llamanean Calvinball Committee Jacob Harris, who was discovered after disappearing from Timbuktu, "we must honor him with a victory!"

Morrison, current president of the Llamanean Calvinball Association, will be temporarily replaced by a triumvirate of Harris, Allen Brydensky, and August Fitzgerald.

by **Shadowbourne** » Tue Oct 29, 2013 5:30 pm

And the winner is...

Paradystopia, by a score of 273x to c194!

Congratulations to Paradystopia on securing third place!

Good luck to Super-Llamaland and New Wolfopolis in tomorrow's championship match. It all come down to this...

by **New Wolfopolis** » Tue Oct 29, 2013 7:37 pm

Good evening, I'm Patsy Straightwoman, the time is just coming up to 6:15 now, here are your top stories.

The Super-Llamaland Calvinball team has lost a Lliger. Garreth Morrison, president of the Llamalean Calvinball Association, was not found after swimming in champagne in a locker room celebration of his team making the finals. The players, coaches, and fans of the New Wolfopolis Compradors offered their apologies. Minutes after doing so, they lost one of their own. Jarvis Karis, new member of the Compradors, was turned into a zombie by the zombie apocalypse. After the rest of the team fled for safety, Karis was shot by a random Shadowbourne citizen shouting "KILL THE ZAAMBIES! ALL THE ZAAMBIES!" An unfortunate loss for the Compradors, New Wolfopolis, and Karis's family, however, on the bright side, the Comprador team had not planned to use Karis in tomorrow's semifinal match against the Super-Llamaland Lligers. Remember, you can catch the game on NWSN.

When we come back, more on the zombie apocalypse. Stay tuned!

by **Super-Llamaland** » Wed Oct 30, 2013 4:44 pm

Note from Jerry8156, the author:

After typing this up in a dark room with zombies scratching at my windows in a northern suburb of Vargas (Cherry, Ronalio, Super-Llamaland; city # 1004), I submitted it once Super-Llamaland rid itself of zombies.

So, How the Apocalypse affected our team's chances, member by member:

Allen Byrdensky: Stayed in Shadowbourne capital for six hours of apocalypse, then fled from zombie infestation by taking the first flight home to safe haven Super-Llamaland. Reportedly boarded a plane back to catch the game.

Jonah Harbinger: Status unknown. Reportedly flew to regional neighbor OrigamiMaster to evade the last of the zombies in his hometown of Nikcoro Bay.

Justin Bryant: Flew to Super-Llamaland with Allen Byrdensky to the safe town of Colville in Northeastern (safe zone) Super-Llamaland. Is flying back to Shadowbourne.

Tyler Morrison[b]: Flew to the island of Bupkus 600 miles away from the mainland with his family. Bupkus was reportedly zombie-free. Has expressed an interest in staying in Bupkus.

[b]Tim Troy: Searched for Garreth Dustbin in the locker room. Hit three zombies with the fire extinguisher.

Garreth Dustbin: Status unknown. Reports say it is "50% likely" he drowned in champagne, but no trace of Dustbin has been found.

Lewis Fletcher: Stayed with Troy to search for Dustbin.

August Fitzgerald: Flew to Super-Llamaland as soon as the apocalypse began. Escaped from infected area of Nikcoro and boarded a train to downtown New Llama. Is now flying back to Shadowbourne.

Ronaldo Finch: Boarded flight no.5540 to undisclosed city in central Tree Death, a puppet of Super-Llamaland. Plane was shot down by zombies and crashed into the ocean. Finch was found on the coast of Super-Llamaland, but unfortunately it was the side of Super-Llamaland infested with zombies. Finch has been cured and taken to a hospital for rehab.

Jacob Harris: Flew back to Timbuktu and rented another cabin.

by **Shadowbourne** » Wed Oct 30, 2013 5:30 pm

Congratulations to our winners, and commiserations to our losers. This tournament was a great time and all of the RPs were a blast to read through. Hopefully we can do this again some time in the near future!

by **Super-Llamaland** » Wed Oct 30, 2013 6:47 pm

Super-Llamaland, by a score of 306z to z268!

(OOC: Thanks a lot to all the other participants, especially that active RP'ers, and thanks to Shadowbourne for running the first tournament of this great sport on NationStates. Also, this won't count towards any RP bonus now, so I'm making this as long as I want!)

The Aftermath for Everybody I put in my RPs

One year later...

ALLEN BYRDENSKY bought a Calvinball Team Share of sixty-two point five percent, with August Fitzgerald owning ten percent in the new Frontier Calvinball League (FCL) for the New Llama Blazers. Byrdensky is player-owner and captain of the team, which is about to begin their first season.

AUGUST FITZGERALD: Fitzgerald returned to his senior year in college at Vargas State University, where he led the Calvinball team to a championship over heavily favored Shackleton U.

JUSTIN BRYANT: Suspended eight games by the newly-founded Fairness in Calvinball Committee for score-board rigging, one game too late for the Tigers. Recently returned to begin playing in the Oceanside Calvinball League.

JACOB HARRIS: Founded the Frontier Calvinball League from his cabin in Timbuktu. He tried to make a team in Timbuktu to join the FCL, but the travel was too far. Instead, the FCL opens next year with six teams, all in Super-Llamaland.

JONAH HARBINGER: Retired and became coach of the FCL's Dinschria Woodchucks.

TYLER MORRISON: Became the one-man national team of the tiny and isolated independent island of Bupkus. Lead his team to the Oceanside Cup Qualifier, where he lost in the most important game of the season. Morrison has since then decided to move back to Super-Llamaland.

TIM TROY: Quit Calvinball and began golfing: won the Llamaland Open with a course record score.

GARRETH DUSTBIN: Saved Narnia from Z-Day and then went galloping off in a purple steed to Middle Earth to "invent" Calvinball. His attempt failed when he fell into a wormhole and reappeared in a puddle of champagne, six months later.

LEWIS FLETCHER: Replaced by a tiger.

RONALDO FINCH: Married and settled down with kids.

JAYSON SKYE (announcer): Hired to broadcast for Llamaland Sports Radio for triple the pay. He's now covering domestic baseball with Larry Smith.

The Watterson Bowl (Calvinball) - Everything Thread

How the Zombie Apocalypse Affected Us All

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