Friendly Cup 6 Everything Thread

[Swyftherth]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Cut-off.

My Cut-off's will be at 7PM GMT, with Old Guard's Cutoff to be announced when he does here. Please note this Cutoff only applies to competitors in Group's A, C and F.

[Gaveo]

Gaveoan Times
Gaveo's Journey: FC6
By: Roberto Garcia
Sure being a President has it troubles but apparently I am so well liked that the Gaveoan Times asked me if I can do a report on this years FC6 team. Well to be honest we look really good. We have Sebastian Cadiz, Cesar Milano, Santiago Rojas, and so much more. Again we face Slembana our rivals, sorta speak, we faced them 5 times only to lose 4 of the matches. We have to other teams but to be honest we have no clue who they are what they do. Hopefully we can win those two games. So Gaveo heads here to Old Guard. This country is beautiful and honestly with our luck can we make it? I think so. This was my first editorial, hope you citizens liked it and of course go Gaveo!

[Swyftherth]

Match Day 1:

---

Group A:
@City of Sveinhart Stadium

Hujukialand v. St. Lucoa
[1] - [0]

@Grenwich Park Stadium

Riyahda v. Boring Paradise
[1] - [3]

--Group A                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Boring Paradise                  1   1  0  0    3   1  +2    3
2 Hujukialand                      1   1  0  0    1   0  +1    3
3 St. Lucoa                        1   0  0  1    0   1  −1    0
4 Riyahda                          1   0  0  1    1   3  −2    0

---

Group C:
@Mansbrook Stadium

Royal Britannia v. Western cuba
[4] - [0]

@Bankstead Stadium

Lymantatia v. Holy Temple of Bacon Strips
[1] - [1]

--Group C                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Royal Britannia                  1   1  0  0    4   0  +4    3
2 Holy Temple of Bacon Strips      1   0  1  0    1   1   0    1
  Lymantatia                       1   0  1  0    1   1   0    1
4 Western Cuba                     1   0  0  1    0   4  −4    0

---

Group F:
@Hydra's Beach

Old Guard v. The Holy Kingdom of Quebec
[5] - [2]

@Corden College Stadium

Kintratar v. Kostabakea
[0] - [0]

--Group F                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Old Guard                        1   1  0  0    5   2  +3    3
2 Kintratar                        1   0  1  0    0   0   0    1
  Kostabakea                       1   0  1  0    0   0   0    1
4 The Royal Kingdom of Quebec      1   0  0  1    2   5  −3    0

[Hujukialand]

The Jakkilla Times
(1st Newspaper not officially related to smugglers!)

National Hero scores once again


Magnficence at just 200J$, if you're lucky enough

Take a look at it, our national hero. You might be thinking, "Hey! It looks like what I just used to prepare launch!" or, "Hey, it looks like what I just used to get some money from that poor guy who wasn't armed because of the idiot he was!" or maybe even, "Cut to the fucking point already." but none of those thoughts matter. Specially not the last one, as I may even end up teaching you about the formula for the area of a triangle before telling you about what I should.

Anyways, about that formula, it's 3.14*r², or at least that's what we want you to believe. Oh, and according to recent surveys, we've lowered the world's life expectancy by 2 years because of our sheer amount of murder. It's surprising how big the world is, considering how little we lowered life expectancy.

To the point, or maybe to the sharp point, or mabye even Mr. Sharpoint, oh, and let's add a y, yeah, Mr. Sharpointy. National hero. He scored today what was described as "the most epic goal scored by an inanimate object ever". He took the ball at the box's edge, dribbled two defenders and chipped it over the goalkeeper. This time, Muka didn't help him. However, there were problems with connections. Later on, it was discovered one of our fans had taken the copper to get some money. Well, thanks to that asshole, we couldn't watch the goal, but the 70 people who were present say that it was too epic and that anyone who hasn't seen it won't be able to die in peace. The goal was in the 107^th of stoppage time after our national hero threatened the referee.

Until next time, if you're lucky.

[Kostabakea]

Du Herrialde

Bakean team wins "Most boring match of the year" award

First international match and we already get an award, it's all meant to be. The match was a boring tie where no team had any shots on goal, hell, not even shots. The best chance was for Kintratar when they almost got into our box, they were just two meters away. Both goalkeepers took a half an hour nap during the game. However, it looked as if the strikers had been the ones who were taking the nap.

The award was given straight after the match, which registered a record-breaking (in Kostabakea) audience of no less than 23,000,000,000. Rumours have it that everyone was surprised by how boing the game was. Now that's bakean pride. Anyways, the award was give to Estebe Zuñiga, the one who was responsible for all this. Also, some people say that we got a tie against a really strong team, but I've never heard of them. Maybe it's because this is just a cup which is nothing when compared to the world cup we'll never reach? Noone will ever know....

Stats

Kostabakea
0 (0)  Shots (on goal)
0      Stops
0      Penalties
0      Free Kicks
0      Fouls
1%    Possesion

Kintratar
Shots (on goal) 0 (0)
Stops           0
Penalties       0
Free Kicks      0
Fouls           0
Possesion       99%

[Old Guard]

Cut-off for Matchday 1 for groups B,D,E and G

(While I cannot be as precise as Swyft in my cut off times, they will be between 6-10pm GMT/UTC, normally later on in that time frame.)

Group B

@ Seafront Paradise, Oldem: Kingdom of Phoenixia 1–0 The gypsies

@ Waterbay Ground, Hudd: The Equestrian Revolution 0–1 Paradystopia

Group B
Nation                    Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
Kingdom of Phoenixia        1 1 0 0  1  0 +1  3
Paradystopia                1 1 0 0  1  0 +1  3
The Equestrian Revolution   1 0 0 1  0  1 -1  0
The gypsies                 1 0 0 1  0  1 -1  0

Group D

@ Western Central, Oldem: Swyftherth 0–2 Maklohi Vai

@ O gone stadium, Kettle: Lunar Republic Islands 0–4 Castigonia

Group D
Nation                 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
Castigonia               1 1 0 0  4  0 +4  3
Maklohi Vai              1 1 0 0  2  0 +2  3
Swyftherth               1 0 0 1  0  2 -2  0
Lunar Republic Islands   1 0 0 1  0  4 -4  0

Group E

@ Las Ancien, Tellabocari: Free Swiss States 4–1 Soviet Canuckistan

@ Copp Place, Michucari: Western Borderlands 4–3 United Republic of Indiana

Group E
Nation                     Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
Free Swiss States            1 1 0 0  4  1 +3  3
Western Borderlands          1 1 0 0  4  3 +1  3
United Republic of Indiana   1 0 0 1  3  4 -1  0
Soviet Canuckistan           1 0 0 1  1  4 -3  0

Group G

@ Bartonovia, Guardia: Slembana 2–2 Gaveo

@ A Field, Once Lost: Valqox 1–0 Savski Venac

Group G
Nation        Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
Valqox          1 1 0 0  1  0 +1  3
Gaveo           1 0 1 0  2  2  0  1
Slembana        1 0 1 0  2  2  0  1
Savski Venac    1 0 0 1  0  1 -1  0

[Castigonia]

just tagging so i can find this thread more easily.

[Paradystopia]

"Come on! Get the damn thing on!"

Gathered in Rhoddri Friend's hotel room, most of the Paradystopi team were celebrating their first international win. It had been a long tense match and The Equestrian Revolution had certainly made the Paradystopi lads work.

"For fuck's sake man! How slow is your internet connection?"

Yani gave a menacing look at Jay-Jay ...

"Isn't it past your bed-time anyway, kiddo?"

Ever the peacemaker, Rhoddri tried to remind Yani and Jay-Jay that they'd had ample chance to see the highlights on the Old Guardian TV channels. This fell on deaf ears. Everyone wanted to hear what the Paradystopi reaction to their win was. Ranjeev and Wiliam had barely left the dressing room after the match before they'd had relatives phoning them to scream praises at them.

"Got it!"

The room fell silent as a video with James and Lee Wong, the Paradystopi Sportscasters began to speak ...

Lee: WHAT A MATCH! WHAT A MATCH INDEED! We've started the 6th Friendly Cup with a win which is all we could've asked for. Another good result and we're potentially into the knockout stages. Amazing! It started slow. Neither team really took the initiative from the start. Some sloppy passing and missed chances. Something for Coach Hayduff to work on in the next match. Do you agree James?

James: Yes, I also ...

Lee: ... Indeed. Anyway, 30 minutes in and we thought it was going to be a draw here but then it happened, Good gracious, it happened! Talk us through the goal James.

James: Well, it was the 34th minute and ...

Lee: ... The 34th minute and out of nowhere a counterattack! Madnago clears with the head, it falls to Right. Right plays a beautiful ball up to Pitinuus. They're 4 against 3 at the back. Pitinuus has Ghodsjn to his right, Tarcka and Right thundering forward to his left. The defence don't know what to do. Pitinuus flicks it onto Tarcka. Tarcka to Right. Right's run half the field and now has just the keeper to beat. Then GOOOooooooAAALL! Along the floor into the far corner of the net. No keeper could've reached that. It was a sublime finish. Paradystopia 1, The Equestrian Revolution 0.

The room cheers as they watch the footage. Everyone giving Nigel a pat on the back.

Lee: 1-0 was the halftime score. The Equestrian Revolution looked dejected coming back onto the pitch. probably a stern halftime talking to methinks. But then The Penalty! Oh yes, the penalty. Talk us through it James.

James: It's the 49th minute and The Equestrian Revolution ...

Lee: ... They got a penalty! A poor challenge from Madnago and he'll regret picking up a yellow card so early in the competition. Anyway, Volgjsrhaad stand on the line. The taker runs up. He places it left. Volgjsrhaad dives right. Is this the equaliser?! No! Off the post and cleared by Juliett. The relief was profound. We're still 1-0 up and now The Equestrian Revolution are really going to have to fight to get any points from this one! With each kick of the ball we were now gaining momentum. Tell us about the final 20 minutes James.

James: Well ...

click

The computer screen goes blank and everyone looks up to see Sirius Hope holding the plug.

"It was a good game lads. We did well but it's only gonna get harder from this point on. Get to bed and I want to see you all up and ready for training in the morning."

With a few groans the room slowly clears and soon all are sleeping, awaiting the next big match against the gypsies and dreaming of holding aloft the Friendly cup. All except Yani, who drifts off to sleep pondering why his laptop doesn't have a working battery ...

[Gaveo]

Gaveoan Times
Gaveo ties with rivals
By: Roberto Garcia
Wow, I was so popular I was called back and now I am doing my follow up on the Gaveo-Slembana game. Before I even begin check this out.

Group G

@ Bartonovia, Guardia: Slembana 2–2 Gaveo

@ A Field, Once Lost: Valqox 1–0 Savski Venac

Group G
Nation        Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
Valqox          1 1 0 0  1  0 +1  3
Gaveo           1 0 1 0  2  2  0  1
Slembana        1 0 1 0  2  2  0  1
Savski Venac    1 0 0 1  0  1 -1  0

So we tied, 2-2. Might as well tell you guys who scored right? We started off with a goal in the 11th minute, by you guess it. Sebastian Cadiz. Beautiful goal may I add. Kicked and it curved out of the reach of the goalkeeper's hands. But even before we Gaveoans stop celebrating the Slembanans responded, with there star player. Val Kylx maneuvering the ball past Joaquin Cadiz. 1-1. Halftime passes and Slembana takes the lead with a goal from Yuppë Tárnix after a fatal Gaveoan mistake. 2-1, many minutes pass by and Gaveo finally responds with a goal from Cesar Milano our up-incoming player currently playing in the Free Swiss States. The corner was kicked by Bru Yo Chan and was head by Cesar. 2-2. 15 minutes roll by and the last whistle blew. 2-2 and Gaveo ends up with 1 point. And our journey through Friendly Cup 6 begins can we make it pass the Group Round we will find out soon when we play our next opponent, Savski Venac. Remember as always go Gaveo!

[Free Swiss States]

Is Fonti Gay?
Shock waves rolled around the nation yesterday as a startling rumor hit the webs. Is Antonio Fonti, top goalscorer for the Swiss national team, and who was sold by the Shaolins to a Slembanan club team just last month, sold because he was gay? Fonti, along with most of the members of the Shaolin organization, has always been incredibly private regarding his personal life. Though homosexuality is perfectly acceptable in the States, the Shaolin Monastery is a notoriously traditional organization which does not tolerate any flight from its core tenets, one of which is no sexual behavior in the slightest.

So then, as Board Member James Hunt explains, it may not have been his homosexual preferences (which are yet unproven), but his possible inability to put aside his sexual impulses which led to the Shaolins disenfranchising him- wait, wait. Hold everything, I have a call from Fonti himself!

Yes... yes... I see... Alright folks, I just received a call from none other than Antonio himself. He wants to tell everyone the truth about what happened! One second... hmmm.... mmmhmmm....

Yes, folks. He says that.... he's not gay.... and.... he was sold by the Shaolins because.... he wanted to see.... the world. Oh. Well, folks, you heard it from the mouth of Fonti himself. He says he has no idea where this whole thing came from, he just cracking jokes with a couple of his teammates and the media blew it all out of proportion. Well... that's a bit disappointing I guess. Oh, well. All's well that ends well, I suppose.

Wait, this just in! It is possible that Mont Blanc Club player "Cesar Milano" has battled with obesity problems due to a psychological addiction to Milano cookies! How could this be? We turn to obesity experts across the country to speak about Cesar's possible illness...


There's no proof suggesting Cesar Milano isn't addicted to these

[Castigonia]

CENN Sports

Johnson: Hi, I'm Walter Johnson for CENN Sports, here at O Gone Stadium. The Howling Wolves have played hard here today, and they have been rewarded with their efforts. A wonderful 4-0 win over the Lunar Republic Islands has placed Castigonia into the top spot in its group. And now, we'll go to Rachel Sanders down on the field. Rachel?

Sanders: Hello, I'm Rachel Sanders. Just a few hours ago, the Howling Wolves were in their locker room, nervous to be participating in the Friendly Cup. But now they are celebrating their victory over the Lunar Republic Islands. It all started 9 minutes into the first half, when Dustin Greene scored the first goal of the game. Greene would go on to score another goal 2 minutes before halftime. 10 minutes after halftime, David Dukes slipped one past the opposing goaltender, and then Garrit Hewes scored with 20 minutes left on the clock. The Lunar Republic Islands could never get in the game, and Goaltender Jake Salton blocked 16 attempts to score by the LRI team. Back to you, Walter. \

Johnson: And there we have it. Castigonia has come out on top today. We'll be back next time with all the latest news from the Friendly Cup. This is Walter Johnson, for CENN Sports.

[Maklohi Vai]

The Wakita Inquirer
by Lomao Ulanopanakai

Group D

@ Western Central, Oldem: Swyftherth 0–2 Maklohi Vai

@ O gone stadium, Kettle: Lunar Republic Islands 0–4 Castigonia

Group D
Nation                 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
Castigonia               1 1 0 0  4  0 +4  3
Maklohi Vai              1 1 0 0  2  0 +2  3
Swyftherth               1 0 0 1  0  2 -2  0
Lunar Republic Islands   1 0 0 1  0  4 -4  0

Tumo Makanopalani scored twice, and Maklohi Vai rolled to an easy opening victory over co host Swyftherth. Makanopalani's first goal was a PK in the 12th minute, after he was fouled in the box by Swyftherthian defender Éibhear Masterman, who was awarded a yellow card for his action. From that point, tensions decreased, as little progress was made by either team. From the 13th to 78th minutes, there were only 2 shots on goal, one by each team. In the 79th minute, however, Maklohi Vai broke through again. Midfielder Tilao Palarutani controlled around midfield, then promptly launched a deep cross to Makanopalani, who controlled just inside the upper right corner of the box. He then took a few steps, and unleashed a shot directed precisely at the upper left corner of the net. Swyftherthian keeper Gwenneg Loïc had no chance. After the game, Makanopalani had just this to say, "We played our style tonight. We stayed defensive and didn't waste our opportunities when we had them. If we can do that every time, we can win every game."

With that, the Inquirer presents its predictions for the group.

vs. Swyftherth (8)
Beating Swyftherth is the toughest challenge that Maklohi Vai faces in group play. They're very similar in rank to the Vaians, and have experience as well. However, the first game against Swyftherth shows that Maklohi Vai can win again with execution and a solid, never breaking defense.

vs. Castigonia (UR)
Castigonia might be the harder team of the two unranked in the group, but is still relatively inexperienced. Maklohi Vai can garner two wins with a solid gameplan and focus.

vs. Lunar Republic Islands (UR)
The LRI appear to not be a strong team, as would be expected for their debut. Maklohi Vai, with solid execution, will garner two wins.

Overall, Maklohi Vai will be ideally undefeated heading out of group play if all goes according to plan. However, the Inquirer recognizes this doesn't always work, and so institutes a two draw margin of error into the equation. Therefore, the Inquirer officially predicts Maklohi Vai will be 4-2-0 at the end of group play, with 14 points. This will be enough to qualify for elimination rounds, hopefully in first position.

[Slembana]

DBK Sports - Football - Slembana 2-2 Gaveo

Written by Pierre Darezi

Our first game in the sixth Friendly Cup has ended in a slightly unconvincing 2-2 draw with rivals Gaveo.

We almost got off to the perfect start, only for Val Kylx, our star striker, to see a great low shot palmed away by the Gaveoan goalkeeper, Joaquin Cádiz. This was in the 2nd minute. Three minutes later, Bru Yo Chan of Gaveo hit the post with a volley, before Jyvx Dagens, our attacking midfielder, saw one of his trademark free-kicks palmed over by Cádiz. This was in the 9th minute. Two minutes later, in the 11th minute, Gaveo took the lead, when Sebastian Cádiz, their star striker, blasted past our goalkeeper, Toby Gapman, putting Gaveo 1-0 up. However, seconds later, we equalized. Who scored? Kylx, of course! Our star striker received a great through ball from Zorro Pullman, before smashing past Cádiz from 15 yards.

Shortly after, a great header from Chan sailed just wide. Then, in the 16th minute, Yuppë Tárnix, our left-winger, saw a chipped shot hit the crossbar. In the 20th minute, Cesar Milano, another Gaveoan striker, saw a great dink palmed round the post by Gapman. Then, in the 24th minute, Dagens hit the bar with another free-kick.

We had a great chance to take the lead in the dying seconds of the first half, only for Kylx to see a low 10-yard shot pushed away by Cádiz. However, we did take the lead in the 48th minute, when Chan gave the ball away to Pullman. Pullman passed it through to Tárnix, who jinked inside some defenders, before curling high past Cádiz to put us 2-1 up. After that, we tried to score a third goal, which would seal us the game. Kylx came closest, seeing a great header cleared off the line by Sebastian Riveros of Gaveo. This was in the 64th minute. However, in the 75th minute, Milano headed home a great Chan cross to level. We continued to try and score another goal, but we just couldn't, and the game ended 2-2.

[Kintratar]

Mabren Sports - Draw with Kostabakea, 0-0
"Sports, at your service"
Written By Hujio Bujer

Well, we played Kostabakea, and it was basically dribbling practice.
Not even funny. Our best chance was minute 17 when Jurrna Oul,
our star striker, got just two meters away from the box. We had no goals, fouls,
possesions, throw-ins, but we basically passed it one to another after minute 17.
We had 99% possesion.

The only time Kostabkea had possesion is when they goalkicked it to
their defender, who passed it to our midfielders. Around that, their
goalkeeper started daydreaming. We, with Kostabakea, won the
Most Boring Match of the Year Award.

Atleast we got something out of that we game. We also communicated
well, to. We face Quebec (UR) tomorrow.

[Valqox]

Presenting the...

Valqox moles!

How they're doing at the 6th Friendly Cup!

Key: TB is Toby Brown, JP is Joe Padleon

TB: Hi guys, and welcome to VCB Radio 2, the best sports radio station in Valqox! I'm Toby Brown, and with me is the manager of our national football team, Joe Padleon!

JP: Hi!

TB: Joe, what do you think of our first game in the sixth Friendly Cup?

JP: I'm very pleased. A 1-0 win is the perfect start for our moles. Dennis Whelan, our main striker, got the only goal. It was a great volley.

TB: It sure was, Joe. That game was against Savski Venac. As they had no roster, you wouldn't have known their players, and how they played. How difficult was it to try and work out some winning tactics?

JP: It was quite difficult, yes. But luckily, we won. We're all happy.

TB: We're facing Slembana in our next game.

JP: They rule over us, don't they?

TB: They sure do. How do you think we'll cope?

JP: We'll have to try and not concede in the early minutes of the match, as Slembana have that Val Kylx kid, who loves to score early goals. However, if we manage to get through the first few minutes of the game without having Kylx score, we'll stand a chance, as Kylx hits the post after that. A lot.

TB: How do you think we'll fare?

JP: Sadly, I think we'll lose 2-1 or something.

TB: That's probably right. Bye Joe.

JP: Bye Toby, thanks for the interview.

[Old Guard]

Old Guard shock everyone, and then themselves with a large win
From The Guardian...

Old Guard have turned around their formidable reputation of being perennial losers in this competition, by pulling out an emphatic 5-2 win over The Royal Kingdom of Quebec in our first group stage match of the tournament, the team being based in Swyftherth for the group stage.

Xav the Fast grabbed two goals for Old Guard in classic cheeky style, and Richard of France scored as well on his debut, to put us at 3-0 at the half way stage.

The Quebecois came back though, with Conn the retard who plays naked in middle of a Winter night while snowing scoring just 2 minutes after time had restarted. We had started to worry when Marcel the 1+1=0 somehow managed to find the net ten minutes later, despite having trouble with working out where he was.

Just as things were looking bleak, we rallied, with John the Awesome proving his awesomeness and grabbing a crucial goal in the 78th minute. Jooles the Sophisticated showed his taste in waiting to score until the last minute which warranted, as asked for earlier, a round of polite applause with a smattering of "Jolly Good" being heard around the crowd. This win will buoy the team up for their next match no end.

Before finishing, we at the Old Guard must thank the teams from The Royal Kingdom of Quebec and Free Swiss States for adopting their names in the style of incorporation for this tournament, very thoughtful! We hope everyone who visits our pleasant little island enjoys their stay and has a wonderful time! Peace out, don't let the Hujukian's kill you.

[Swyftherth]

And here comes the Match Day 2 cutoff

[Swyftherth]

Match Day 2:

---

Group A:
@City of Sveinhart Stadium

St. Lucoa v. Boring Paradise
[2] - [0]

@Grenwich Park Stadium

Hjukialand v. Riyahda
[1] - [1]

--Group A                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Hujukialand                      2   1  1  0    2   1  +1    4
2 St. Lucoa                        2   1  0  1    2   1  +1    3
3 Boring Paradise                  2   1  0  1    3   3   0    3
4 Riyahda                          2   0  1  1    2   4  −2    1

---

Group C:
@Mansbrook Stadium

Western cuba v. Holy Temple of Bacon Strips
[1] - [1]

@Bankstead Stadium

Royal Britannia v. Lymantatia
[0] - [1]

--Group C                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Lymantatia                       2   1  1  0    2   1  +1    4
2 Royal Britannia                  2   1  0  1    4   1  +3    3
3 Holy Temple of Bacon Strips      2   0  2  0    2   2   0    2
4 Western Cuba                     2   0  1  1    1   5  −4    1

---

Group F:
@Hydra's Beach

The Royal Kingdom of Quebec v. Kostabakea
[1] - [1]

@Corden College Stadium

Old Guard v. Kintratar
[4] - [6]

--Group F                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Kintratar                        2   1  1  0    6   4  +2    4
2 Old Guard                        2   1  0  1    9   8  +1    3
3 Kostabakea                       2   0  2  0    1   1   0    2
4 The Royal Kingdom of Quebec      2   0  1  1    3   6  −3    1

[Old Guard]

RP Cutoff here

Group B

@ Waterbay Ground, Hudd: Kingdom of Phoenixia 1–0 The Equestrian Revolution

@ Seafront Paradise, Oldem: The gypsies 2–0 Paradystopia

Nation                    Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
Kingdom of Phoenixia        2 2 0 0  2  0 +2  6
The gypsies                 2 1 0 1  2  1 +1  3
Paradystopia                2 1 0 1  1  2 -1  3
The Equestrian Revolution   2 0 0 2  0  2 -2  0

Group D

@ Western Central, Oldem: Swyftherth 5–0 Lunar Republic Islands

@ O gone stadium, Kettle: Maklohi Vai 3–0 Castigonia

Nation                 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
Maklohi Vai              2 2 0 0  5  0 +5  6
Swyftherth               2 1 0 1  5  2 +3  3
Castigonia               2 1 0 1  4  3 +1  3
Lunar Republic Islands   2 0 0 2  0  9 -9  0

Group E

@ Las Ancien, Tellabocari: Free Swiss States 3–2 Western Borderlands

@ Copp Place, Michucari: Soviet Canuckistan 2–1 United Republic of Indiana

Nation                     Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
Free Swiss States            2 2 0 0  7  3 +4  6
Western Borderlands          2 1 0 1  6  6  0  3
Soviet Canuckistan           2 1 0 1  3  5 -2  3
United Republic of Indiana   2 0 0 2  4  6 -2  0

Group G

@ Bartonovia, Guardia: Slembana 3–3 Valqox

@ A field, Once Lost: Gaveo 4–1 Savski Venac

Nation        Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
Gaveo           2 1 1 0  6  3 +3  4
Valqox          2 1 1 0  4  3 +1  4
Slembana        2 0 2 0  5  5  0  2
Savski Venac    2 0 0 2  1  5 -4  0

[Hujukialand]

The Jakkilla Times
(1st Newspaper not officially related to smugglers!)

New Kits! And a tie....


Surefire way to get robbed or raped.

Our national team has officially got some brand-new kits. They're, as you can see, orange with some crazy yellow stripes. The shirts were made by local company Shirts N Machine Guns Я Us. They've even added their touch near the right shoulder of the player, with something that looks like a bullet just got in. Now that's what I call hujukian spirit.

Now, about the match. You know, the one with eleven hujukians using these new kits for the first time, and probably the first ones that won't get robbed for using them. The match started when on the second minute, Muka and Mr. Sharpointy stabbed THE LION repetitively until he died of internal bleeding. Poor guy. However, it wasn't the average killing which could've been much worse, but the fact that Muka was sent out that made our fans go crazy and shout obscentities. He did nothing wrong but, luckily, Mr. Sharpointy could stay. This way, after some dumb fan picked it up and stabbed the referee so that he couldn't look, took the ball towards the goal, and left it in, Mr. Sharpointy got a goal that he didn't score. He did stab the referee, although. That does deserve some credit. Afterwards, Yotam Burstein would equalize with a goal too difficult to explain. He took the ball, shot, it bounced off Ko, then bounced off Kallanderutzua, then hit our post, then hit the corpse of THE LION, then somehow hit the Riyahdan post, because fuck physics, then hit Mr. Sharpointy, then hit Burstein once again, then hit the crossbar, and finally go in, but we're still not sure of whether it crossed the line or not. Regardless, it was pretty epic.

After that, the match was suspended because the referee got a call from the hospital: one of his familiar had been attacked by some weird guy shouting weird words with many "k"s and wearing red. What a surprise....

Until next time, if you're lucky.

[Gaveo]

Gaveoan Times
We are number one? And Slembana is endanger?
By: Victoria Sanchez
Group G

@ Bartonovia, Guardia: Slembana 3–3 Valqox

@ A field, Once Lost: Gaveo 4–1 Savski Venac

Nation        Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
Gaveo           2 1 1 0  6  3 +3  4
Valqox          2 1 1 0  4  3 +1  4
Slembana        2 0 2 0  5  5  0  2
Savski Venac    2 0 0 2  1  5 -4  0

Woah baby this group looks good. We have Slembana tying with surprise team Valqox and Gaveo winning against a hapless Savski Venac. So lets go to our game, oh the festivities. *sighs* Well looky here? Gaveo scores first, with a rather fatter Cesar Milano scoring in the 9th minute. Then in the 11th minute Savski Venac scores 1-1. But Gaveo doesn't want to tie! Two quick scores from Bru Yo Chan (13th) and Sebastian Cadiz (15th). But Gaveo wasn't done, no sir, substitute Santiago Rojas scores in the 41st minute and the score is 4-1. While Gaveo was celebrating, they were also worried. Sebastian Cadiz was injured. Sure we got the score from Rojas but at what cost? He is going to be out for the Valqox game. Halftime rolls by and the scores stop but its not like we didn't try! We had excellent chances like Cesar in the 51st, Rojas in the 55th, Cesar again in the 60th, and Bru in the 69th. So close to a even bigger blowout, but we won but what does that mean for our rival Slembana? Basically they could be out. After having a shock tie with a newbie team in this tournament, they have only a dismal 2 points. Now if Gaveo and Valqox tie, Slembana would have to beat Savski Venac 2-0 for second and 4-0 for first place. If Gaveo wins we, Slembana just needs to win. So this begs the question, is Slembana out? I sure hope so. Remember a first place Gaveo is the best Gaveo. Go Gaveo!

[Free Swiss States]

Antonio Fonti Does Amazing Bicycle Kick to Win Game

The Swiss are usually very genial people
They wake up
Eat breakfast
usually waffles
and go to work
probably at a bank
There they sit and sort through papers and occasionally perform tax evasion
and sometimes they ride bicycles
but there are those few Swiss
who take another step
who decide that life is for living
these Swiss do not just wake up
and eat breakfast
and go to the bank
and ride bicycles
no
these Swiss
they will ride their bicycles, sure
but they'll also
play soccer
at the same time



Antonio Fonti
is one of these men

[Maklohi Vai]

The Wakita Inquirer
by Lomao Ulanopanakai

Group D

@ Western Central, Oldem: Swyftherth 5–0 Lunar Republic Islands

@ O gone stadium, Kettle: Maklohi Vai 3–0 Castigonia

Nation                 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
Maklohi Vai              2 2 0 0  5  0 +5  6
Swyftherth               2 1 0 1  5  2 +3  3
Castigonia               2 1 0 1  4  3 +1  3
Lunar Republic Islands   2 0 0 2  0  9 -9  0

Tumo Makanopalani scored twice again, and Maklohi Vai rolled to an easy second victory over new competitor Castigonia. Makanopalani first scored at 8 minutes on a breakaway where the ball was misplayed by Castigonia around midfield. The second goal was at 21 minutes on a penalty kick, after Makanopalani was severely fouled in the box for the second game in a row. The
Castigonian defender was awarded a red card and summarily ejected. Maklohi Vai could not put the ball in the net for the next 63 minutes despite the one man advantage and 9 shots on goal. Finally, in the 84th minute, forward Rumoto Noramanai took a pass from Makanopalani and volleyed it in on a two touch.

Goal update: Tumo Makanopalani 4, Rumoto Noramanai

Note: All games so far in the group have been shutouts

With that, the Inquirer presents its updated predictions for the group.

vs. Swyftherth (8)
Beating Swyftherth is the toughest challenge that Maklohi Vai faces in group play. They're very similar in rank to the Vaians, and have experience as well. However, the first game against Swyftherth shows that Maklohi Vai can win again with execution and a solid, never breaking defense.

vs. Castigonia (UR)
The recent win over Castigonia shows that Maklohi Vai had, and will have, little issue with the team. Like the first match, Maklohi Vai should plan to get a multitude of shots on goal.

vs. Lunar Republic Islands (UR)
The LRI appear to not be a strong team, as would be expected for their debut. Maklohi Vai, with solid execution, will garner two wins.

Overall, Maklohi Vai will be ideally undefeated heading out of group play if all goes according to plan. However, the Inquirer recognizes this doesn't always work, and so institutes a one draw margin of error into the equation. Therefore, the Inquirer officially predicts Maklohi Vai will be 5-1-0 at the end of group play, with 16 points. This will be enough to qualify for elimination rounds, hopefully in first position.

[Paradystopia]

It is with great regret that the CPVM (Centre for Paradystopi Visual Media) informs it's viewers that a recent power outage has meant we will be unable to broadcast the Football match between Paradystopia and The gypsies.

We apologise for any inconvenience caused and will instead be broadcasting 2hrs of "Kittens do Funny stuff". We also offer the following recipe for cookies.

Ingredients:

250g plain flour
1/2 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
170g unsalted butter, melted
200g dark brown soft sugar
100g caster sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 egg
1 egg yolk
325g chocolate chips

1. Preheat the oven to 170 C / Gas mark 3. Grease baking trays or line with parchment.
2. Sift together the flour, bicarb and salt; set aside.
3. In a medium bowl, cream together the melted butter, brown sugar and caster sugar until well blended. Beat in the vanilla, egg and egg yolk until light and creamy. Mix in the sifted ingredients until just blended. Stir in the chocolate chips by hand using a wooden spoon. Drop cookie dough onto the prepared baking trays, with each cookie around 4 tablespoons of dough (for smaller cookies, drop 1 rounded tablespoonful and adjust baking time as necessary). Do not flatten the dough. Cookies should be about 8cm apart.
4. Bake for 15 to 17 minutes in the preheated oven, or until the edges are lightly toasted. Cool on baking trays for a few minutes before transferring to wire racks to cool completely.

Yours Sincerely


The CPVM Director-General



[Sort-of OOC Below:]

We'll be going on the attack in an effort to secure victory in the final match. Line-up is as follows:

GK: Kjn Volgjsrhaad #1
CB: Rhoddri Friend #2
CB: Quarren Juliett #4
CB: Opi Madnago #16
LM: Sirius Hope #3
CM: Yani Flodrantezt’rirhan #7 R 6’0”
CM: Ranjeev Vhornam #5
RM: Danial Sevin #8
CAM: Viaddin Tarcka #13
STR: Sjlvis Ghodsjn #10
STR: Jay-Jay Jabez #30

Style Modifier: +3.5

[Slembana]

DBK Sports - Football - Slembana 3-3 Valqox

Written by Pierre Darezi

In one of the most anticipated games of the sixth Friendly Cup, we have drawn 3-3 with one of our many colonies, Valqox, whose team consists of moles. This is slightly disappointing, considering we were 4th going into the tournament, and Valqox were unranked. This is a blow to our hopes of advancing into the second round of the tournament, as we only have two points from two games so far in the tournament. We need a win in our last game, which is against Savski Venac, to advance to the second round.

We got off to a bright start, and almost opened the scoring in the 10th minute, only for Jyvx Dagens to hit the crossbar with one of his trademark free-kicks. Two minutes later, a great curling shot from our star striker, Val Kylx, was pushed away by Valqox's goalkeeper, Jazz O'Brien. This meant it was a surprise when Valqox opened the scoring in the 22nd minute. Their right-back, Jordan McCallum, curled home a great free-kick, sending Valqox's fans wild. We tried to equalize after that, but O'Brien was fantastic in goal, saving every shot which fell her way.

We were dominant at the start of the second half, but couldn't score until the 52nd minute, when a Dagens shot looped off Kylx, and went in, levelling the game at 1-1. However, in the 56th minute, Kylx was taken off for Toby Valfox, as he was looking tired. Valfox came close with a few good shots, but his touch was mainly sloppy, which prevented him from scoring. In the 64th minute, Valqox went back ahead, with Dennis Whelan, their star striker, slotting past Toby Gapman, our goalkeeper, to score. Then, in the 73rd minute, things went from bad to worse for us, when Whelan nodded past Gapman to make it 3-1.

We still wouldn't give up, however, and gave ourselves hope in the 81st minute, when Follin Maxet, our defensive midfielder, lobbed the ball over O'Brien to make it 3-2. This was Maxet's first-ever international goal. Three minutes later, Valqox gave the ball away in midfield. The ball found its way to Dennis Valfern, one of our centre-backs. Valfern smashed past O'Brien to score, making it 3-3, which was the final score.