World Cup 59 RP Thread

[Karditan]

A few of the Karditani players were kicking around an open field in Nuffield, a college town on the Peninsulae. Half of their home games would be held there, while the other half would be held in an as-of-yet undisclosed location in Civil Citizenry. A break in the action lets Sweet Swing trot back to the back end of the field, where Emanuel Portico was practicing blocking PKs delivered by Billy the Kid. Feeling a little mischievous, she hopped up and delivered an impressive mid-air spinning kick that sent the ball back at Billy, knocking the legs out from under the young goat. Emanuel walked up behind her and ruffled her mane.

"Seems like you're trying to impress someone."

Sweet forced the blush back down and turned to him. "Well, yeah, uh... nevermind. I'm really worried about who we were grouped with. Cassadaigua is a big name in soccer, the Kytlers and the Citiz are big names all around the sporting world, and the SSO as well as Ancharmunn are pretty solid soccer nations. Most of the groups in the World Cup are half knowns and half unknowns, but our group has six knowns- if being the runner-up in both baptisms counts us as a known- and only one team no-one has heard of."

Emanuel took a step forward and grabbed the ball that was quickly homing in on Sweet's face. "This isn't Saxet, Billy. We don't go by eye-for-an-eye here." Billy turns away and trots off, grumbling something about 'inter-species wackos'. "Now Sweet, don't worry yourself about our opponents. All we can ever do is try our best, and if they outplay us, they outplay us. The real thing that we had to worry about was where to play our home games, but Silveen's already figured that out."

"It's nice of the Kytlers and the Citiz to let us use their stadiums."

"You mean it's nice of the Kytlers. They graciously donated the stadium on Highfield Avenue for us to use. Silveen had to cough up a lot of bribe money to the Citiz to get access to one of their stadiums. I think they're still deciding how nice a stadium they should give us in proportion to how much the bribe was."

Sweet looked at him sideways. "If the Kytlers are lending us a stadium, why did Silveen pay the Citiz for one?"

Emanuel shrugged. "I think the Kytlerian offer came in a few hours after the Citiz deal was struck, and that's why we're alternating between them."

Gordan Blaire yelled over from the other side of the field, "Hey Sweet! Stop flirting with the keeper and get back to practicing!"

[Kiryu-shi]

Samantha DeCastro rewrapped the bandages on her left foot, taping thin strips of white adhesives from her ankle to her arch, and then back up on the other side. Her locker under the Sakaino University Athletic Complex was inconspicuous, just one stall in the massive complex open to all university students. Although the national football squad had access to its own private room - a privilege recently granted by the Sakaino Athletic and Performance Arts Committee - Samantha often found herself preferring the relative anonymity of the public lockers to the relentless scrutiny that she felt in the team room. There was no doubt that Samantha was the least experienced starter on the squad; as a gymnast, she had never felt the pressures of anti-football politics until she entered the University system three years ago. Recruited by her freshman year roommate into trying out for the Amanuma University squad, she shined in a reserve role for two seasons. But throughout that time, football remained a hobby for her, a fun and competitive way to stay in shape during the gymnastic off-season. Never in her life did she expect to be here, to be a part of anything like this.

Samantha had just gotten back to her dorm after only her fourth start of her university career when she got the call to invite her to the national team training camp at Sakaino in the months leading up to the Di Bradini Cup. She hadn’t expected anyone from Sakaino to even know her name - she had only played her way onto the starting 11 at Amanuma after the previous center forward went down with an ACL injury - and she only had limited success in those four starts, with two goals. And 12 offsides calls against. She was beginning to get the hang of things, and she had an ability to get a body part on the ball especially when crosses came in from the sides, but even that wasn’t always a positive, she was already in a precarious position with three yellow cards over those four games when she was called for deliberate hand balls. She was fairly sure that there was an administrative error that put her name on the short list for the national team. But no one had ever openly questioned her presence on the pitch at Sakaino, and Coach Mayberry even kept on penciling her name into the starting lineup, despite the noticeable gap in skills between her and everyone else.

Her one goal in the Di Bradini Cup didn’t do much to help. Especially since Ritsu Shinabata, the actual leading goal scorer in the University system, and a fan favorite, was stuck on the bench throughout the duration of the tournament. Not to mention the fact that Ritsu played it cool the entire time, becoming one of the pillars of a team who had never been abroad before. Samantha did try to be sociable and friendly, but she could feel the distaste, the lack of respect. Even in cordiality, the rolling eyes and scornful smirks were never quite as carefully hidden as people seemed to think.

And that left Samantha in vast locker complex alone, contemplating. She knew that this was going to be different. The Di Bradini was a simpler competition, without much riding on it, and not against the top tier talent of the elite World Cup teams. Qualifying was such an innocuous word compared to the reality that she knew she was in for. Representing Kiryu-shi to the entire world. Trying to prove herself on a team without the respect of any of her teammates. All while trying to figure out how to control the ball without looking down at her feet.

The pain in her stomach had been more or less constant the past month and a half, but now, with the groups selected and the schedule formalized, the pain’s intensity felt overwhelming.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega. Ipeland. Kernansquillec. The name themselves were terrifying - what little she knew of them came from overheard snippets of conversations among her teammates, discussing apparently legendary players on each of those squads. Samantha’s lack of interest in those still-illegal downloads of international football seemed to be a bit detrimental now… Less than a week until match-day one.

Her legs fully taped up, her laces tied, and her practice jersey hanging loosely over her workout clothes, Samantha stepped out towards the door, composing her face, hoping that her teammates wouldn’t notice the fear haunting her eyes. If she couldn’t face her team, what would happen under the scrutiny of entire nations?

[West Zirconia]

The schedule has been announced for West Zirconia's first World Cup campaign under new manager Ben Phillips.

The schedule is as follows:

Matchday 1: Chetkosk (away)
Matchday 2: No match
Matchday 3: West Guiana (at Birchfields, Markham)
Matchday 4: The Icemark (at Odin's Hall, Frostmarris)
Matchday 5: Aguazul (at Manchester Street, Moorcroft)
Matchday 6: Acapais (at Vaygr Field, Edgewood)
Matchday 7: Jedi8246 (at Wickett's Lock, Taylor's Cross)

Matchday 8: Chetkosk (at STORMGroup Stadium, Mort Park)
Matchday 9: No match
Matchday 10: West Guiana (away)
Matchday 11: The Icemark (at Marc Edwards Memorial Stadium, Redwood)
Matchday 12: Aguazul (at Estadio Aramis Peralta, Ciudad Peralta)
Matchday 13: Acapais (at KPM Stadium, Snaith)
Matchday 14: Jedi8246 (away)

When asked for his reaction to the draw, Ben Phillips said, "Well, any eleven men can beat any eleven men on the day. Whether or not we can do it twelve times is anyone's guess, but we'll certainly give it our best shot."

[Von Kopsho]

Group Ten. After a few days of expectation Polar Islandstates has finally published the qualification round configuration (check here). Von Kopsho has been set as first team in Group Ten. It's not an easy group since four of our adversaries are top-100 teams, although even if it weren't so our national team doesn't stand much of a chance. Fans will be pleased if a good performance on the field is displayed and the team will be hoping to learn from the experience.

Now a quick look to our opponents:

₄₃Taeshan: The second matchday, our team will be resting in the first, will bring to our Borderlands Taeshan's national football team. A very experienced team, with a defensive approach, that includes the 19th Di Bradini Cup, the 35th Cup of Harmony and three World Cup classifications in their showcase. Last World Cup they made it through the qualification round to be eliminated in the next play off match.

₁₃₄Unibot: The team to beat. There isn't any information about the Unibot squad yet. Von Kopsho will travel to Unibot as underdogs with an upset in mind. If the team has a chance to get extra points against a superior ranked team, it will be against Unibot. They finished fifth in last's World Cup qualifying round.

₅₀Eastfield Lodge: The good old Doctor is coming to Von Kopsho. Not a chance has our team against Eastfield Lodge's timeless multiverse interplanetary army. Our players will be happy with surviving and getting some pictures with the Doctor and Jack at the end of the game. One point prevented them to make it through the qualifying round last World Cup.

₈₅Ossidiacqua: A chance to scrap a point. We haven't received yet any details about their tactics or roster. Von Kopsho national football team will visit Ossidiacqua with nothing to lose and a lot to win. Ossidiacqua finished fifth in last's World Cup qualifying round.

Luketopia: A rookie, like us. Nothing is know yet about Luketopia. They will be the only team against which, if the team works hard, we have many chances to get the three points.

₁₅Bostopia: A team well-liked in Von Kopsho after they humiliated the infamous ₁₇₀Baleyaroh 1-5 in the last World Cup. The game in Bostopia will give our team a chance to do some tourism, as nothing but to watch how football should really be played is going to happen. Winners of the 26th and 40th editions of the Cup of Harmony and ever present in the World Cup, they made it to the semifinals twice. The Emperor Boston himself will be playing.

The expectations for Von Kopsho are to reach 8 points and to avoid the last place. Good luck to all the teams.

26.03.2012 - Pearle Arnsberger

[New Montreal States]

PALADINS ANSWER TO LIFE, THE MULTIVERSE, AND EVERYTHING

89th Annual Pseudoscience Conference makes sweeping predictions about cosmic impact of Paladins WC59 side

PHILEMON - Pseudoscience fever has swept the NMS fanbase as the 89th Annual Pseudoscience Conference has spent the last week releasing a string of academic-style articles and reports on "Pseudoscience and Sport," where World Cup fever has caught on amongst conferees more accustomed to discussion of cold fusion, psychotropic mind control and little green men with a penchant for medical experimentation. Fans simultaneously excited after wins over Cafundeu, QPeMA and Bears Armed in the BCC, and irate after an AOCAF quarterfinal faceplant against those blighters in Kaghazda and Pazhebu, have been reading and circulating the conclusions of the pseudoscientists on topics like "Optimal Quartz Crystal Placement in Midfielder's Boots," "Maximizing Positive Feng Shui in the Paladin Dome," and "Better Goaltending Through Natural Human Levitation."

The highlight of the conference, however, was the Thursday-evening group presentation of "The Meaning of the Most Recent KPB Rankings" in which a panel of numerologists, futurologists and science-fiction writers announced that the NMS Paladins were, by virtue of being the 42nd-best team in the world, were the meaning of Life, the Multiverse and Everything.

The panel reached this broad conclusion on the basis of a work of speculative cosmology, dated from before the flight of NMS's founders from the mythic land of "Benighted 1990s Québec" and the founding of the New Montreal States, and usually referred to as "The Epic of Arthur Dent." In it, a man named Arthur Dent is rescued from his home planet before its destruction, and along with his companions explores a universe teeming with life, all of which is just as crass, materialistic and egotistical as humanity. The unknown author of the work posited that an Ultimate Question and an Ultimate Answer existed that would explain the final cause of the universe; however only either the Question or the Answer could be known. The inhabitants of the universe discovered the Ultimate Answer, which was the number 42.

Yvonne Lapierrine, Michel Malin-Wantland, Cory Cumberland, and Anne-Rosaline Marchant use this as the basis to advance their argument that the Paladins will be the "cosmic center" of World Cup 59. The paper lists various consequences of the thesis, among them "increased positive energy flows throughout the NMS during matches," "brighter, stronger auras originating at the Paladin Dome and spreading across the city of New Montreal" and an improvement in the local weather and the sexual potency of the inhabitants, "greater clarity and quality of sound" from certain types of popular crystal-based speaker systems and "greater vitality in all levels of football matches and players." The paper also suggests that meditating while watching or listening to broadcasts of qualification matches will result in "tremendous healing of the soul" as well as "alleviation of confusion caused by the distractions of modern life." The authors conclude by calling on both the Ministry of Morale and individual fans to "fully profit from this once-in-the-whole-history-of-the-nation opportunity" to "profit physically, psychologically and spiritually" from various techniques suggested by the authors.

Critics, alarmed at the popularity of the article online, especially among students and younger workers, have reminded Montréalais that the article is nothing more than fiction. Dr. Cornell Lajeunesse, administrator of New Antioch General Hospital, was blunt: "There is no medical evidence for any of the hypotheses advanced in [the article]. Anyone taking these claims at face value might injure themselves, and will at the very least feel foolish when it doesn't work." Aline Cassier, a chaired professor at Cormier University in Philemon, was equally blunt: "None of the authors observations correspond with any previous work in their field, and they offer no empirical studies to back up their wholly unbelievable claims." A spokesman for Cyprian XXII, Bishop of New Montreal and Patriarch of all the Montréalais Faithful, denounced several of the paper's major claims as being heretical, "fundamentally un-Christian in both theory and in ritual" and encouraging the faithful to not pursue any of the article's recommendations. Nobody associated with either the Paladins or the Ministry of Morale was willing to comment on the matter.

Criticism came from within the ranks of the pseudoscientists as well. François Lamanche, the aging lion of the NMS science-fiction scene, a guest of honor at the conference and the author of the most popular modern French translation of The Epic of Arthur Dent, was seen vigorously disputing the authors' claims both in the lobby immediately after the panel and at social gatherings well into the night. When asked for comment, Lamanche argued that one of the major leitmotifs of The Epic of Arthur Dent was that divine beings, if they exerted any control over individual outcomes of the universe's inhabitants, were irrational in doing so. Lamanche further stated that ritual-based spiritual expression of the kind he believes "The Meaning of the Most Recent KPB Rankings" advocates is ultimately futile, if not an active invitation to corruption.

None of these criticisms have fazed the authors, who stuck to their guns when asked for comment. They were less clear on the potential impact of these cosmic changes on the actual football to be played. Cory Cumberland was assertive in his prediction that the Paladins were a lock for the finals, while Anne-Rosaline Marchant was more cautious: "The Universe is not a perfect thing, and correspondingly no perfect outcomes are guaranteed. There are many losers and only one winner. Why must the cosmos always center on a winner?"

Just remember that before you rush off to the casinos this World Cup.

[Ko-oren]

Ko-orenite Sports Network

Home Venues For WC59 All Set!

One quick, last check of the Greenblues’ home venues for the upcoming qualification phase for the World Cup 59 reveals that all is now ready to go for the largest sports-related event in the world!

There are a few stadiums that the National Team will play their matches, instead of just the National Stadium in the capital city of Ko-oren, the team will also visit other venues this time. In an official press release, the KFA decided so after repeated appeals from football fans throughout the country, that otherwise found it too bothersome to visit a Greenblue match.
The National Stadium will still host the majority of the matches, but also three other venues will be used to cheer Ko-oren to the World Cup. The National Stadium itself has been made ready with an additional 15,000 seats, totaling the entire stadium to 87,000 seats. For this extra 15,000, the southwest corner of the stadium has been filled with seats. This means that the western corners are both filled up, and that the northwest and southwest corner can still fit another 30,000 seats when necessary.

The other stadiums are:
- Pillar of Light Stadium (Níngábásá, Síshínóvá state, Eastern region): max. attendance 50,000
- Branvün Stadium (Branvün, Engbróthün state, Southern region): max. attendance 67,000
- Aquadia Stadium (Tangkü, Árelóthün state, Southern region): max attendance 63,450

The matches are divided over the four venues as follows:
MD2: Ko-oren v. Mytannion (National Stadium)
MD5: Ko-oren v. The imperial canadian dutchy (Pillar of Light Stadium)
MD7: Ko-oren v. Octinstine (National Stadium)
MD8: Ko-oren v. Burchadinger (Branvün Stadium)
MD10: Ko-oren v. Saugeais (National Stadium)
MD13: Ko-oren v. Cowardly Pacifists (Aquadia Stadium)

[Jeru FC]

Princess Shay and Sasha Saints

Sasha: Hey, what's that giant beer bottle thing here.
Shay: That's to remember the Jeru FC World Cup 58 team.
Sasha: Oh, the one we replaced.
Shay: You know.
Sasha: Oh yes, the guys who went off the bridge.
Shay: I don't want that happening again.
Sasha: Neither do I because ... I don't to die either.
Shay: You lot don't drink as much as them.
Sasha: We don't need to.
Shay: Say, what's your Mum do?
Sasha: She's a retired poledancer.
Shay: So much for army people marrying respectable women.
Sasha: I'm pretty good too but the money is crap.
Shay: There's money in football.
Sasha: Yeah but it's lot of hard work ...
Shay: I'm a Princess and it's hard work.
Sasha: But you don't need work really.
Shay: True, I don't like being bored.
Sasha: I want to be like one you Dallas girls.
Shay: Well, we're ordinary people just like you too.
Sasha: But you girls are so pretty and clever.
Shay: We're just lucky.
Sasha: I want make loads of money.
Shay: Jeru FC isn't the place for that.
Sasha: Oh, really?
Shay: Better of in porn.
Sasha: Oh well, one day I'll have money.
Shay: Doesn't your dad get paid enough?
Sasha: No
Shay: What does he do then?
Sasha: Clear mines.
Shay: I thought those guys get paid well.
Sasha: Not Dad. He's the in expendable section.
Shay: Oh
Sasha: I'm surprised he hasn't blown himself up yet.

[Montory]

Groups Decided

A whole nation tuned in to see pingpong ball being plucked out of a velvet sack by some unknown foreign celebrity. Not that any of that mattered, as the balls in question decided who would play who in the 59th World Cup. Fans of the national side had to wait a while before Montory’s ball was selected, as the draw saw Montory placed in group 19 out of 20 groups. Group 19 looks like this:

Meshkete
Cafundéu
Montory
Northern Bettia
United Kingdom of the Southwest
Mapletish
North Chicanan

The order in which the teams were due to battle it out was also decided on the same day. This draw sees Montory play its first ever World Cup game against Mapletish, a team who is participating in it’s third WC. Although having looked through the History Book of Football (available in stores nation wide,) it appears that Mapletish have not made a huge splash on the WC scene. But before you rejoice at this news, they have gone far in regional tournaments. So without actually seeing them play, its hard to say how the first game of the campaign will go.

There is a good mood surrounding the Montory squad and their travelling army. As on the national teams official fans forum, the supporters are predicting an easy Montory win. As regular forum contributor naming themselves, OH-AH-P-McGrath, said this of Montory’s opening match:

“We are in good form and are ready to explode. Gonna score 2 or more, I’ve put money on it.”

We will only find out if this is a sense of self belief rooted in wisdom or big headed arrogance after the first game, we hope it’s the former rather than the embarrassing later. As we only want to end up with egg on our faces, if we’re tucking in a bacon and fried egg sarnie.

I use budget air lines to go to war, me

The troops of Montory’s mobile army of supporters swung into action yesterday, and flights and ferries were booked en mass. As soon as the draw was made, and fans knew where we would be playing, websites crashed all over the nation as fans scrambled to book their travel and accommodation. This surge in bookings was not predicted, in fact many expected the opposite to happen and said that not many fans would travel after the troubles in the BoF. One spokesman at Easy Air Fare had this to say, “We didn’t expect this level of demand, we actually cancelled many of our flights after the BoF as we didn’t expect many fans to travel. But it just goes to show how much the public loves its footie.”

The massive travelling army will be without some of it’s foot soldiers and generals, as over 150 fans have either been banned from travelling to the tournament or are still being detained over the troubled caused in the BoF cup. “The fans represent the man on the street in Montory, when they go away to these tournaments, and we can’t be represented by drunken idiots who just want to fight” said the police commissioner of Gwendo. We did speak to one fan, who although has been banned from travelling intends to be at the tournament. He had this to say on the matter, “I’ll be there, and so will so many other people. The governments too soft, with the laws in place at home (Montory) they can’t really stop us.”

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

Jonasei: Looks like this might be the last go-round for a few of us.

.Fekelii: You, Mace, Laia, at the least have already said that thus is it. Let’s make this one count.

Kymy: It does seem like the end of an era, doesn’t it?

Mace: Looking out on the morning rain
I used to feel uninspired

Ombar: It be way too soon to be hubbub’in over the end of this campaign. We got matches to be winnin’

Laia: I just want to have a damn good run before I retire.

Jonasei: Me too. Lets make sure people do not forget who we are when we leave

Mace: And when I knew I had to face another day
Lord, it made me feel so tired

Barequii: It will be quite an honor to play with you guys this campaign. You are truly legends.

Rainu: Damn, Girl. Now they will have the big head.

Kymy: Rainu! Haven’t seen you in a long while. Where you been hiding?
Mace: Before the day I met you, life was so unkind
But you were the key to my peace of mind

Rainu: Knocking about a bit. Figured it was time to come home. Mace sounds good.

Fekelii: Wow! Rainu Irin’Lur. It is truly an honor to finally meet you.

Rainu: The way you play, the honor is mine.

Mace: 'Cause you make me feel,
You make me feel,
You make me feel like
A natural woman

Timo & Kimo: MORE BEER!

Ombar: Holy Mother of Stone. The twins are here as well?

Timo: Shhh,,,, No one knows we’re here.

Mace: When my soul was in the lost-and-found
You came along to claim it

Kymy: Everybody knows you two are here. I wonder who else will make it.

Kimo: So Mace is really done after this one, huh? That doesn’t seem real

Kylek: That’s what he says. Cant see him leaving all this though,

Mace: I didn't know just what was wrong with me
Till your kiss helped me name it

Timo: That’s why we had to come. Rainu too. Set this run off with a bang! MORE BEER!

Laia: So how many other of you Living Legends are gonna show up?

Rainu: Living Legends? Bah. More like Who-the-Hell Has-Beens,

Mace: Now I'm no longer doubtful of what I'm living for
'Cause if I make you happy I don't need no more

Jahirii: Speak for yourselves. I kind of like the Legendary status.

Jonasei: Now its my time to meet my idol. This is awesome.

Jahirii: Me? Idol? And this from the best goal scorer the Sea Dragons have ever fielded.

Mace: 'Cause you make me feel,
You make me feel,
You make me feel like
A natural woman

Fekelii: Mace will be shocked to see all of you. How long has it been?

Timo: Too long. The bastard owes me 5 paios for a beer.

Kimo: You wont let that go will ya? He already bought you that damn beer.

Mace: Oh, baby, what you've done to me
You make me feel so good inside

Timo: He never expressly mentioned that a a repayment of that debt.

Jahirii: You two never change. Rainu on the other hand looks quite good. Not as strung out as you used to be

Rainu: Yeah. Finally got my shit together, for the most part, at least.

Mace: And I just want to be close to you
You make me fell so alive

Berequii: My first night out with you guys and all of this happens. This is gonna be one hell of a ride.

Kymy: Never a dull moment around here

Kimo: Never. MORE BEER! Where is that slow assed waiter?

Mace: 'Cause you make me feel,
You make me feel,
You make me feel like
A natural woman

Jahirii: No waiter in the NS-verse can keep up with you two

Fekelii: Mace is done. So what happens now?

Timo: Now we party!

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

A WEB TV SHOW!

A jaunty but exceptionally annoying theme song plays, wherein the phrase 'Grilled Brie for 3' is simply sung over and over again, ad infinitum. Following a series of terrible CGI special effects, which display a drawing of the globe slamming into the flag of Kagdazka and Pazhujebu, causing a massive explosion, the camera jerkily pans to the two hosts of the show, Natasha Klossovskaya and Fušia Oujadda. Today they are hiding out in the booth of a shady little coffee shop. The walls in the background are haphazardly painted with springtime green, and a window in the background is either broken or has been left open, as the hospitalish green-beige curtains are flapping in a harsh wind. It seems to be getting a bit late in the day, as twilight is all that illuminates whatever is outside the window. Both Natasha and Fušia are wearing turtlenecks and jacket vests.

YOUR HOSTS:

<-- Natasha Klossovskaya
Fušia Oujadda -->

TODAY'S GUEST:

A Sketchy Old Friend of Fušia's

Fušia: ...and anyway, then I talked to my little brother right before we left. Guess the fuck what? A really good college friend of his managed to sneak into that moronic pseudoscience convention in New Montreal States! Did you hear about that? Yeah, apparently because everybody's too busy reading crappy novels written by unsuccessful physicists to read, I don't know, actual physics textbooks. 42, my butt. Typical NMS, really. I suppose it's no surprise that they hosted that conference. I mean, could you see the Starblaydis hosting it? Not a chance. They're far too dignified. It's all a big circle-jerk, really, if you ask me. They just want some dumb divine affirmation that they are good at football, which they aren't. And did you hear that they can't even spell the name of our nation properly? "Kaghazda and Pazhebu." I could just die. Honestly, I wish the WA would release studies on the country with the most widespread Down's Syndrome; I guarantee you NMS would be right there near the top.

Natasha: Yeah... remind me why we hate them?

Fušia: I don't know. They knocked us out of the Cup of Harmony. And before that they made qualifying for World Cup 58 a living hell. Plus they're all just really ugly, I mean have you seen that Christian Ponder bloke? And not the terrible tabloid photos where they've photoshopped his face to make it look attractive.

Natasha: I... don't think I have.

Fušia: Look it up online. It's hilarious and horrifying at the same time.

Pause.

Fušia: "Kaghazda and Pazhebu." Honestly.

Natasha: To be fair, it is a bit hard to spell.

Fušia: Just copy and paste it! They're misspelling it on purpose, I guarantee you.

Natasha: Yeah, sure.

Fušia: So hey, is the camera rolling?

Natasha: How should I know?

Fušia: You're the rook, you're supposed to be in charge of that!

Natasha: What?! I am?!

Fušia: Nah, I'm just messing with you. Jeez, you're on edge today! Nervous about co-hosting Grilled Brie for 3 for the first time?

Natasha: No.

Fušia: Yeah, you are. Come on, you big baby, admit it.

Natasha: No, I'm not!

Fušia: Are too!

Natasha snaps and looks like she would like to shout the following, but instead hoarsely whispers it.

Natasha: I'm nervous because you've brought me to a fucking crackhouse in a foreign country!

Fušia: Oh, you can't get crack here.

Natasha: Oh?

Fušia: Plenty of meth tho-

Natasha: Oh, my god.

Fušia: I'm kidding! I think.

Natasha: Why in the hell are we here?

Fušia: I told you, we're meeting an old friend of mine.

Natasha: At a shady little coffee shop with a broken window? In the middle of Novikov, a country that neither of us have ever been to?

Fušia: Psh, I've read, like, factbooks and stuff.

Natasha: Oh, good.

Fušia: Well, once you tone down that sarcasm, we can start the show.

Natasha: Why, is the camera rolling?

Fušia: No.

Natasha: Oh. Okay. Yeah, just... give me a second to collect myse-

Fušia: Wait, just kidding, it is rolling.

Natasha: Dear god.

Fušia: What did I tell you? Doesn't matter who's hosting it; this show always blows big time.

Natasha: Um... welcome to Grilled Brie for 3, everyone! I'm your brand-new host, Natasha Klossovskaya...

Fušia: And I'm your much-more-familiar host, Fušia Oujadda. Today on the program we are going to buy some weed from an old friend of mine here in the nation of Novikov.

Pause.

Natasha: You're joking.

Fušia: Nope.

Natasha: You've been pulling my leg all day, I know you're joking.

Fušia: No, I am not joking. We are actually here to purchase marijuana from a former acquaintance.

Natasha: No. We're not doing that.

Fušia: He's already on his way.

Natasha: Is weed even legal here in Novikov?

Fušia: Pretty sure it isn't.

Natasha: Oh my god. You are so irresponsible!

Fušia: It's just weed, will you just calm down for one second? Christ. Look, I guarantee you'll feel much better after we smoke you out.

Natasha: NO. Out of the question.

Fušia: You're doing it, rook.

Natasha: No! God, what is this, a scene from Training Day?

Fušia: First of all, it's Training Night, idiot. Jeez, are you from New Montreal States or something? Or maybe like a weird non-NS multiverse or something? Second of all, that's a great movie, isn't it? Third of all, yes you are going to smoke weed, rook. Tonight.

Natasha: I'm leaving.

Fušia: No, you're not.

Natasha: Yes, I am!

Fušia: No, you're not, you are hosting Grilled Brie for 3 with me, and that is a big responsibility! What would Peregrina say? Also, I have your monorail ticket, so good luck just taking off.

Pause. Natasha sits back down, but won't make eye contact with Fušia.

Fušia: Aw, are you mad?

Pause.

Fušia: Baby Natasha is mad at me, aww.

Pause.

Fušia: Are you gonna pout all night, Natty Ice?

Pause.

Fušia: I made up that nickname for you the other night.

Pause.

Fušia: You know what Natty Ice is, right? Just Google it if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Pause.

Fušia: Oh, come off it, Natasha. We have to do this show at some point, and we have nothing to do for an hour, so just... deal with it. Start talking.

Natasha: What?

Fušia: You're way brattier than I thought you would be. That's kind of adorable.

Natasha: Okay, whatever. If you really want to do the show, then let's do the show. Let's talk about something actually football-related.

Fušia: Okay, like what?

Natasha: Like, let's predict who's going to win each of the groups in qualifying like everybody else is doing!

Fušia: Ish, no.

Natasha: What? Why not?

Fušia: Because, the only people who do group predictions are total retards. Like, NMS-style retards.

Natasha: Wow, you're coming down hard on them today.

Fušia: I know, I am. You think I should see someone about it?

Natasha: No, it's probably nothing. I mean, even I hate NMS a little tiny bit, and I'm like the nicest girl of all time.

Fušia: Yeah, you are.

Natasha: Which is why I will not be participating in any marij-

Fušia: You still have to do that. Peregrina told me specifically that she wants to see you baked off your ass, on videotape.

Pause.

Natasha: I'll bargain with you. You can smoke me out tonight, but no videotape.

Fušia: Deal. I knew that would work. You're so gullible; Peregrina didn't say anything about wanting to see you baked.

Natasha: Oh god, what have I agreed to?

Fušia: Drink some more coffee. Did you forget we're in a coffee shop?

Natasha: Really? I thought we were in a meth lab.

Fušia: Yeah, I did imply that you could buy meth here...

Natasha: But you-

Fušia: ...and you probably can.

Natasha: Okay. Is the show over yet?

Fušia: Heck no! We can't end this festering turd of a web TV show without talking about boys' penises! This, by the way, is something that Peregrina actually did tell me we had to do.

Natasha: Well, that sure sounds like her.

Fušia: I know, right? For being a lesbian she sure talks about the peen a lot.

Natasha: The peen?

Fušia: So, Baby Natasha... who is actually twenty-two years old, so don't any of you pervs out there get too excited... which boy's penis would you like to talk about on today's program?

Natasha: Isn't this, like, a family show or something?

Fušia: Are you kidding me? I once took out Timo Skye with a folding chair on this show. If any parents saw their kids watching that, they'd knit a quilt and hang it over their computer screens.

Natasha: Huh?

Fušia: Which boy's penis would you li-

Natasha: I don't want to talk about penises on the show.

Fušia: Too bad! Peregrina told me we had to. How about Eduard Winogradsky's? Everybody thinks you two are totally going at it. I mean, why would that come as a surprise? You came up through the FKM youth academy together, meaning you've known each other for forever, and plus you two are like, the exact same age. Perfect match! And now you're both in the starting eleven of the K&P national football team!

Natasha: It's precisely because we've known each other for forever that there is NOTHING going on between me and Eduard. He's like my brother.

Fušia: Really? Why are there pictures of you two walking around Chadan together?

Natasha: Because we are really good friends! But it's TOTALLY platonic! I can't stress enough that I have never seen Eduard Winogradsky's penis, nor will I ever.

Fušia: You have made out with him, though, right?

Natasha: NO!

Fušia: Okay, okay, I'll lay off. Sorry, that was kind of beneath me, but somebody has to fill Peregrina's shoes!

Natasha: I guess.

Fušia: We do still have to get you hooked up with somebody, though.

Natasha: What?

Fušia: Seriously, like every boy in the world is completely in love with you! You have to pick one of them! Here, I have an idea. For this World Cup cycle, let's try to bring cute boys on the program and see if you want to go out with any of them. We'll call it the "Win a Date with Natasha Klossovskaya" portion of the show. Come on, it'll be really simple, and if you don't like any of them, you can just turn all of them down and be single until you're 68 and old and wrinkly.

Pause.

Natasha: This was all Peregrina's idea, wasn't it?

Fušia: To the letter. Including the "old and wrinkly" part.

Pause. Natasha sighs.

Natasha: All right, fine.

Fušia: Hooray! See, I told you this show blows. It's just the worst. Especially for the hosts. It's a burden, not a privilege. It just takes a while to find out.

Natasha: Great.

Fušia: Oh, hey, now for the good part of the show!

Natasha: Why, what are we going to do now?

Fušia: Buy weed from that guy who just walked in!

Natasha: Oh, fuck me.

Indeed, an extremely shady-looking character has just slouched into view in the background, leering at other occupants of the coffee shop and just generally making them very uncomfortable. Wearing a beat up, 1990s-era winter jacket, he looks to be either searching for a place to sleep for the night or for Fušia. It turns out to be the latter, as he sees them hiding in the booth and stumbles over to them. Natasha curls as far back against the wall as possible during the whole altercation.

Fušia: Hello, Timotej! How are you, old pal?

Timotej: Egheigheahghegh...

Fušia: Sweet, me too.

Timotej: Egheigheehgiegh... eeyoo weaghigh 'ant to bueighe... buy some egheihgiheghiegh... Hog?

Fušia: Hog would be lovely! Thank you so much for offering, Timotej! What varieties do you have on tap today?

Natasha: Oh my god. I don't want to be here right now. I REALLY don't want to be here right now.

Timotej: I got some eieghiagihgiagh... Emperor Hog, you eieghaghagh... interested?

Fušia: Totally! Hook me up with some of that dank Emperor Hog!

Timotej casually pulls out a beaten-up plastic baggy full of a lime-green powder which appears to consist of crushed prescription tablets. He waves it tantalizingly in the air in front of Natasha's face. She cringes.

Natasha: Oh dear god, please get me through this...

Fušia: Nice! How much do you want for that?

Timotej: Seventy eaeighiegh... seventy Oceanian Pounds, please.

Fušia: Damn, dude, that's a bargain! I'll take it.

Fušia forks over some of Novikov's local currency and receives the shitty little baggy in exchange.

Fušia: Thanks, old buddy!

Timotej proceeds to stumble back out of the coffee shop, drooling on himself as he does so.

Natasha: That shit is NOT weed.

Fušia: Come on, be flexible.

Natasha: The deal is off. I will not touch that shit with a ten foot pole.

Fušia: Yes, you will.

Natasha: We have a match tomorrow night!

Fušia: Yeah, against a team that couldn't make it out of its Baptism of Fire group! Relax, this is going to be a blast!

Natasha: Give me my fucking monorail ticket. I am out of here.

Natasha stands up and heads for the door, nervously looking around to see if Timotej is lurking anywhere.

Fušia: Oh, come on, Natasha! Natasha! Ugh. All right, everyone. This is Fušia Oujadda signing off on this edition of Grilled Brie for 3! On next week's show, we'll tell you how good this Emperor Hog stuff is!

[Carmadin]

I glumly turn away from the TV. There's no way. Just no damn way. No way we can try to win this group, even make the playoffs. The, I ask myself "well, why not?". Myself answers. I hate it when the voices in my head are right, but these ones are. The groups have just been drawn, and, well, "Carmadin- Group Three" sounded great. Awesome. Group 3, we're ranked 65th in the world, we can win this! We can do it! We can qualify! When names such as "Kogvuron" (never even heard of the place, did a bit of research cuz ima nerd that way. It's a small nation in Kyzikos, which I've never heard of either...), "Phoenigetuzstha" (how the hell do you say that?! Phone-ni-get-uz-tha?? No idea what Uztha is, or why phones would even want to get it. Hmmmm.....) and Sativaville (all they do is smoke weeeeeed) were drawn, my hopes of Carmadin qualification increased dramitically. Every one of those nations is perfectly beatable, Kogvuron is unheard of, Phoenigetuzstha came last in their group last time around. Only Sativaville seems to pose the smallest threat, and I only say that because they won their BoF.

Yes, I was a very happy man indeed, and as the draw show went to commercial, my buddies and I got to talking. This looked like a good, winnable group. We could pull it off.

Then, there came the second half. Oh, the dreaded second half. Yesopalitha was put with us. I began to feel myself grow cold. Yesopalitha was relatively new to the World Cup and qualification, but they were rather a good nation, as far as sports are concerened. The most recent Baptism of Fire was held there. My only great hope for our matches against them is that they continue their recent trend of seemingly uncaring about their own nations, and the results of thier matches. They appear to be just immensly interested in a nation called "Falconfar", and I only hope that fascination continued.

The real jolt came when we were put with Jeru FC. Not a team, as you would expect from the name, "FC", but a nation. A nation of partying, drinking men who have an abnormal liking for girls from Jerusalem, but a nation nonetheless. And a nation who can, in fact, play football. Well. They have qualified for many a World Cup, including number 58. I do hope we can stop them from qualification this time around, but this team gives me that cold feeling in my stomach.

I was hoping for one of those beatable Pot 1 teams, and I almost got my wish. We have The Archregimency, the nation of Monks from The Dreamed Realm. This means a lot of traveling through portals and listening to 2-hour liturgy before games. It means a great to-do for fans, and worse for players. it means bald robed men playing football against our elite.
It also means that, unless we can find a miracle strategy, our asses are gonna be kicked. The Archregimency is among the top teams in the world, and let me tell you, it will be a challenge to try to contest with them.

Much as I hate to say it, our hopes don't look to bright right now. Third in the group looks like perhaps all we will be able to do, and it seems like all the world thinks we're able to do too. Defeating Yesopalitha, Jeru FC, and The Archregimency will be the big challenges in this group, and this qualification campaign.
I do hope we can do it though, because, well, I don't know about you, but I don't want to be stuck in another Cup of Harmony.

[Antoletia]

Albastru City Gazette

Fire Ants Return to Qualifying

There is now a new flock of Fire Ants headed to the world cup. 7 new faces on the team, and the team is soon to be attempting to qualify for a second World Cup in a row in World Cup 59's qualifying stage. With just a few returning starters back on the team it seems that the team is sure to have troubles early on in the tournament working to get some cohesiveness and rather good stuff between each player. Their is sure to be much excitement in the coming weeks as the team attempts to qualify once again.

In the qualifying stage the Ants will once again have a tough top seed in the Holy Empire. Two tough groupmates are Thatius, and the Kiaser Colonies. The next three opponents on the list are Ang Grung, Mefurian and Legalese. The weeks ahead hold the key to who will advance beyond this round, and who is the posers.

[West Angola]

Namibe Register

Bringing you all the World Cup Action!

West Angola Prepares for Cup!

Fielding a nearly identical team to their Cup of Harmony run, the West Angolan National Football Team is ready to perform at World Cup 59. After finishing 7th in their Qualifying Group in WC 58, and coming within inches of reaching the Cup of Harmony Elimination Round, losing on goals scored to Jedi8246, hopes are high for the West Angolan Football Team as they prepare for World Cup 59.


Top Right to Left: Jacob Kerys, Michael Remonav, Pardor Jaxton, Garret Yokum, Rory Unist
Bottom Left to Right: Levi Darnel, Christopher Thorpe, Thomas Young, Stanley Woticwe, Isaac Warren, Luke Parrish


Forwards Luke Parrish and Isaac Warren will need to lead the team, as they are the only two to have played through an entire cycle (the Baptism of Fire, the World Cup, and the Cup of Harmony), and will need to mentor the relatively inexperienced players in the backfield and on the bench. Said Parrish: "I know we can do it, we've got the talent to do well, we just need to play our best and make our team proud. I have confidence in this team, they've got a lot of heart."

Maybe so, but heart isn't always enough on the big stage...

[Polar Islandstates]

As a marker for you all, first cutoff is 24hrs from this point. Happy RPing!

[Yesopalitha]

YesopalithaFlames.net Poll Results

We asked one million Yesopalithans these questions, and here were their results (some of them are quite interesting...)

1. Where will the Flames finish in our group?
1. 4th place 54%
2. 3rd place 21%
3. 5th place 10%
4. 2nd place 7 %
5. 6th place 5%
6. 7th place 2%
7. 1st place 1%

2. Who will win the group?
1. The Archregimancy 40%
2. Jeru FC 38%
3. Yesopalitha 11%
4. Carmadin 9%
5. The Rest 2%

3. Who will score the most goals for the Flames?
1. Hilary Vander Rox 87%
2. Jane Vander Rox 5%
3. Nadya Dostoevich 4%
4. Ivan Dostoevich 3%
5. The Rest 1%

4. Will Yesopalitha make it into Cup of Harmony 51?
1. Yes 90%
2. No 10%

5. Is Sir James Handel the man to lead Flames?
1. Yes, he will do us proud and lead us to qualification in a cycle or two. 63%
2. Yes, but this team is raw so it'll take maybe three cycles. 20%
3. No, we need Juliet Hargrove back. 15%
4. No, this team is hopeless. 2%

6. What is the most popular sport in Yesopalitha?
1. Basketball 42%
2. Football 38%
3. Gridiron Football 11%
4. Baseball 8%
5. Others 1%

7. What is the best course of action to take regarding the fact that Flames players don't have anywhere to play domestically?
1. We need to open a Yesopalithan Soccer League 53%
2. Send them overseas to Vilita, Civil Citizenry, Falconfar, or wherever else 45%
3. Others 2%

8. Who is the most famous athlete in Yesopalitha?
1. Bethany Dickinson, Basketball 38%
2. Hilary Vander Rox, Football 37%
3. Raiko Tomme, Golf 20%
4. Others 5%

Analysis
It seems that everyone expects Yesopalitha to stay put and just maintain fourth place this cycle while getting into the Cup of Harmony. However, how getting fourth in our group translates to having a better chance to win than Carmadin makes no sense. Neither does it make sense that both 1% of people and 11% of people expect the Flames to win the group. Sir James is well liked, while Bethany Dickinson still has an edge over Hilary on who is more well liked. How the Flames do this cycle may have a huge impact on how football is viewed in this country. There will be a wrap-up after this cycle and the Cup of Harmony (if the Flames make it there) to see whether the predictions came true.

[Astograth]

For the one hundred and thirty second time in his life, Dei Ormache stood in the tunnel with the Astograthian badge on his chest. For the fifth time in his life, he awaited the start of a World Cup qualifying campaign. Twice before it had all ended in disappointment. Once, a group stage exit at the finals that was nonetheless celebrated. And most recently, it ended with him lifting the Cup of Harmony high above his head on a fateful night in Seraai.

He couldn't know how it would finish this time. Of course he wished it'd be like last time, with the World Cup trophy instead, but realistically Olibondeka could find itself treading any of many paths. And such as it was, Ormache and the national team were entwined, not least because he was the one wearing the bright blue armband. This campaign's last match would also be the last of his international career, injuries allowing of course. The end of a cycle that trascended the World Cup, much like Estebe Bularte's captaincy before him.

One hundred and thirty one times he'd lined up in the tunnel before, representing Astograth. From the very first match against Eastfield Lodge, now ten years ago, when he'd scored the opener and felt on top of the world. 25 years old, still at the old Ituraitz FC, the best years of his life ahead. The first win, against Mossulia; the first match at Grand Duke's Stadium, Sarlange coming on and turning the match around, Ormache securing the win by slipping the ball past the keeper from outside the box.

That game against Polar Islandstates, on the Ides of March... ten years ago now, too. It felt odd to have once played at the old Nasjonale, half the size of the current one, to have felt the atmosphere of a nation coming to life for their first ever football match, and never have imagined that it would one day be his home. Franz Josef City was now as much his home as Ituraitz, Landstadt Stadion and the Nasjonale itself bearing witness to his lifting three league titles, three Latitude Cups and the Ides of March Cup that existed in remembrance to that same fateful night he was proud to have been part of.

From there... their adventure in Burchadinger, which ended in a fourth-place finish. The ill-fated Baptism of Fire, which still saw him score Astograth's first hat-trick. The Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy match against Starblaydia, in which a goal of his stunned the five-time world champions. The trials and tribulations of World Cup qualifying, where goals were scarce and the olive-greens stood no chance against the orange-blues of Rejistania or the legendary Holy Empire. The second half of World Cup 56 qualifying, where they went undefeated, trouncing the Archregimancy 3-0 in Rumiatzi and taking home a point from Kagdazka and Pazhujebu and Polar Islandstates.

The pride of playing on home soil at Cup of Harmony 48. The ignominous defeat. His conflicts with Pieran, and his redemption through pure goalscoring prowess. The thrills of World Cup 57, a neck-to-neck race with Pays de Horreur and none other than Starblaydia; the goal that once again stunned the entirety of Stadii Di Bradini and took them to the finals. Scoring, against Cosumar. Where? Didn't matter, he'd carved himself a tiny place in history.

The goalfests, the frustration and the shame of World Cup 58, eased by the hard work in New Montreal States that paid off in Vilita.

For ten years of his life, since the inception of the Astograthian national team, Dei Ormache had routinely stood in the tunnel. He'd been there from the start, he'd seen it all. In short, he'd started as a young striker with enough talent to catch the manager's eye; he finished a veteran who'd done all he'd set out to do except win a World Cup.

And if there is one man in Astograth who can dream of touching that elusive trophy, which has escaped legions of footballers, it is Dei Ormache.

[Mangolana]

Mangolana Gazzette

Mangolana plays for President as Bullwinkle Mourns

The Mangolana national team which, is playing in its 5th World Cup, has been drawn into group 12 of World Cup qualifying. Two notable names in the group for many world soccer fans is Jeruselum and Pretty Awesome Persons. But this time, it doesn't feel the same as the 4 previous, this time they are playing for a president in mourning. President Bullwinkle, as we all know has recently suffered the loss of his father, who we all knew as the high class senator, Bull.

As the world cup now approaches, it usually comes as a time for joy as passion of Mangolana Soccer fans, but this year, it is a time to pay respects to Bull. The team has dedicated its run in this World Cup qualifying to President Bullwinkle, and his late father Bull. A moment of silence will be held prior to all Mangolana home matches, and a special Patch will be worn on Mangolana player jerseys to show there support and sadness for the loss of Bull.

[Erathore]

Jão swallowed audibly as he walked into the Erathore National Team dressing room ahead of the match against Licentiapacisterra. He had dreamed of this moment for years, pushed himself to his limits and beyond to reach this point. To stand in the room where the giants of Erathi football assembled. The greats that were walking past him as he stood in the doorway, laughing and jostling each other. Alexio Del Nieran gave him a smile as he walked past.

"I remember my first time too. The pride and excitement. Don't take too long soaking it in though." And with that he walked on to his cubby where his jersey was hanging. Del Nieran. Number seven. 143 appearances for La Furia Azule and eighty-one goals. The best player to where the white, blue, and gold of the National Team. Jão slowly spun around, looking at the names before him. Villa, Nao, Bennedetto, Romo, Bennedetto, Lanziano. The best of the best. He almost finished turning in a complete circle before he saw something that almost brought him to his knees.

There, in the unassuming cubby, was the number twenty-one jersey. Nice and new. With three letters on it. His letters. His name. Jão. He sat down on the small bench in front of the cubby as he held the jersey in his hands. And all of a sudden, memories raced to him.

His first practice with the team in which he scored a goal during the scrimmage. That was one of the best feelings in his life as he was buried under the bodies of Del Nieran, Cesc, Villa, Lanziano, and the others as they jumped on him and congratulated him for his achievement. That same practice when he had been walking onto the training pitch and Villa had nudged him with his elbow before pointing at Nao. Villa had then jogged up and pulled his shorts down, before sprinting away with Nao yelling after him.

The feeling of uncertainty and simultaneously that feeling of joy as he walked into the changing room at the training ground. The pride and ting of fear he felt as Marcello Dizarino greeted him and placed the training kit in his hands, before telling him in a low voice, "Playing your best isn't good enough anymore. You'll see what I mean."

More memories. Him celebrated winning the Seria-A title with Royal Vosaroni Antenelli and scoring 35 times in 34 games. His first game with Royal Vosaroni when he scored a brace. His first goal for Arsar, his first match for Arsar. The joy he felt of being signed at age twenty. Being scouted by a Seria-A team.

Playing in the streets. Never willing to give up his dream of being a professional footballer despite being twenty years old. Running in the cold, running in the rain, practicing his moves. Always having a football at his feet. Weaving in and out of cones, parking meters, playing football on the street in pick-up games. Scraping up his knee countless times. Spending hours juggling as well as practicing shooting and passing whilst his friends were out at the bar.

Everything he had ever done came down to this moment. He pulled his jersey on and looked at the rest of the team. He didn't feel fear or nervousness anymore. Just pride. He heard someone shouting his name and was snapped out of the reviere. He saw Bennedetto, the team captain, motioning at him. He jumped up and walked over.

"What can I help you with captain?" He asked. Bennedetto merely held up his captains band as way of a reply and motioned towards his left bicep. Jão reverently picked up the band, which was simply the Erathi flag, and unhooked it before wrapping it around Bennedetto's arm and hooking it tightly. As he turned to leave, he felt Bennedetto grab his arm and spin him around.

"You'll do fine. You've impressed us all. You have the skill, the passion, and the experience. This is nothing. Don't worry about it." Jão weakly nodded before returning to his seat. Marcello Dizarino gave them the pre-game talk but Jão wasn't paying attention. He was thinking about the game ahead. He did have enough presence of mind to lineup though when called.

He looked behind him. Camthalio Ringëril. Highest scoring elf with 78 goals in 88 games. He glanced in front of him. Ricardo Villa. 34 goals in 87 caps. Two consecutive Champions Cup Finals. One Champions Cup winners medal. Two golden boots in the Valladar Super League and two consecutive titles in that league.

Jão smiled to himself. It was his time to shine. He hadn't accomplished nearly as much domestically or internationally. So people didn't have too high of expectations for him. So it was time for him to set his own bar. And he always set the bar high.

[Ko-oren]

“Hey, and welcome to the preview of the Ko-oren squad, just one day before their first match in WC59. I’m Aki Murray, and with me is my co-host Peter Lena. We’ll take you through the Ko-oren squad, the coaching staff and some of the opponents. Knowing us, we’ll do some predictions, too”

PL: “Yes, welcome everyone, and if I’m correct, we’ll start with the players that will represent our country. So, the goalkeeper once again is Haki Asgard, the starting defense is Horus Buhen, Sobek Dehenat, and Lodur Nidog. This means nothing different from WC58, still three defenders, although Lodur Nidog now is a starting defender. He pushed Jusaset Ogdoat to the bench…”

AM: “He sure did. But I think Nidog is a solid choice, he is a lot more defensive than Ogdoat, who likes to make forward runs. Of course, the coach now wants a more defensive style anyway.”

PL: “So why only three defenders? Not that they’re bad, but it doesn’t seem sufficient for the tasks ahead.”

AM: “Well, that’s where the midfield comes in. Substitutes for back positions first though: we’ve mentioned Ogdoat, the slightly attacking midfielder. Otherwise we have Ajas Ilias and Ninigi Kinai, new to the squad. They’re basically the only change since WC58 to the squad. Both are 34 and 32 years old, so they add some experience to the team. Something we need, bad.”

PL: “That’s not all. There is another defender: Futushi Musashi. Very talented. 22 years old, I imagine he leads the nation’s defense in another few years. He’s done so well for his club right now, I wish he could be rewarded more for his hard work with a starting 11 spot.”

AM: “Coach Lelantos surely can’t do that. He’s too young, and we want some more experience in the team. Well, then midfield. Young players there, but agile, creative, and responsible. With only three defenders and a defensive playing style, you need to be responsible as a midfielder anyway. Ul Leire will once again be the defensive midfielder. 25 years old, but has played solidly for some years now, in one of the best teams of the National League. You can’t imagine that at that age… Leire is something. Then we have Fin Fenner and Hama Hel right in front of Leire. Still, they will probably assume some sort of defensive role.”

PL: “Yes, in WC58 they both acted as playmakers. There is only place for one playmaker in a team like this. So I think Fenner will be the playmaker, and Hel will more or less be a defensive midfielder.”

AM: “I don’t think so. Fenner will get a free role in the team, Hel will be playmaker. Don’t forget Fenner is only 23 years old. He’s got much to learn, still. I think that the midfielders on the wing will have to make dashes back to help the defense out. Just another young midfielder at the aid of the defense will not do anything.”

PL: “You’re right. But still, seeing the progress that Fenner has made, he’s something else. On the wings though, there are even younger players. Idrasil, 21, and Talmis, just only 18. They’re agile and quick, they know how to handle a ball, but do you really expect them to run back and forth because the defense needs it?”

AM: “I surely think so. They’re more mature than they look, I guess. And don’t forget that both just act as normal midfielders for their clubs. They’re used to help out the defense in times.”

PL: “That leaves us with the attack. I don’t think we even have to discuss this. Shiribeshi and Tokachi are strikers this time… again.”

AM: “And don’t forget Furu Kii as substitute for them. If things get dangerous, I suggest you take either of them out, and bring Kii in.”

PL: “Indeed. Kii is used to making lots of goals in limited time, he’s the excellent striker for when you need to force a defense open. I suspect he’ll get some playing time against the really big teams, and the really small teams.”

AM: “Speaking of that, which are the big teams, and the small?”

PL: “Mytannion by itself is more or less the big team of the group. I don’t think any other team will be close to their level.”

AM: “And Ko-oren?”

PL: “Third or fourth place. We’ve only been doing better and better over the years, so we should finish 4th. If everything goes well, we’ll finish 3rd.”

AM: “You mean Saugeais will come in second, then either we or Octinstine after that? I don’t think you should rule out Burchadinger. They’re not so far behind us on the ranking, too.”

PL: “Burchadinger… The underdogs of this group. If everything goes right for them, I see them maybe in third place, too. Sixth will be the Cowardly Pacifists, I think, and I think the unranked team of the imperial Canadian dutchy will be last. I’m not sure, I don’t know the team at all.”

AM: “No objections there. And that’s the end of the show, we’ll be back tomorrow for Burchadinger v. Ko-oren, the first match in the WC59 cycle!”

[The Kangaroo Republic]

Group draw promises tough fight for 'roos

The group draws for the World Cup 59 quals have been announced recently. The 'roos were placed in group thirteen along with a few tough players who will surely make things very difficult for the 'roos. As usual, a quick overview will be provided by us about whom we're up against. The following teams in group 13 are: Astograth (22), Sargossa (45), The Kangaroo Republic (58), Wolfmanne (97), Turori (136), Fribberdy Gimlets (310), Crosstoon (341).

This run will promise to be tough for the 'roos, who need to get at least second place to make a chance at qualifying. It's not entirely impossible though. Astograth, the team that won the 50th cup of harmony, will be favourite for the 1st place, while 2nd place will likely be a battle between the evenly-matched teams of Sargossa and the Kangaroo Republic. Furthermore, Wolfmanne and Turori are teams we have to watch out for. Debuting Fribberdy Gimlets and Crosstoon will likely not pose a threat, but the 'roos need to make sure they are getting wins from these at all cost to secure a good position.

As far as it looks now, our biggest rivals are Sargossa. This team managed to do a lot better than the 'roos, for whom the CoH was more than just dramatic. They were beaten in the quarter finals by Vilita 2 - 0. We've faced tougher fires, and beating them should be no problem as long as we keep our heads cool. They aren't much better in rankings than us, so it could go either way. The 'roos will surely gather up some serious confidence from their fans again, should they be able to keep them at bay.

It's not long before the world cup gets underway. Matchday 1 is due tomorrow, and the 'roos will be up against Crosstoon on their first map. It'll be a good warm-up for the 'roos to get some of the rust off. We wish the 'roos the best of luck in this challenging qualification round. Go give 'em hell, mates!

[The Babbage Islands]

It's time for World Cup 59, hosted in the Atlantian Oceania nation of Vilita and the Rushmore land of Polar Islandstates. The Bumblebees drew into group 4 with an interesting mix of teams. Here's my preview of what promises to be a short but eventful qualifying season; the 12-match qualification is the shortest in a dozen or more Cups.

Rounds 1 (away) and 8 (The U.F.O., Cardston): Erikkesh

We have never played Erikkesh. Our opening match with them will be the 350th senior international match for the Bumblebees. The Erikkesh eleven are ranked 140 in the world with a 5.17 KPB. TBI midfielder Sean White now plays for Magnetas.

Rounds 2 and 9 are our byes.

For comparisons, the Bumblebees are ranked 3 with a 51.00 KPB. In all-time rankings they are ranked 32 with a 35 SRS in 10 World Cups.

Rounds 3 (Capital Stadium, Charleston) and 10 (away): Kagdazka and Pazhujebu

This dual land is not unfamiliar to our football fans, as we went 1-1-0 with them in qualifying for the last Cup. It is also where Dagrún Hallvarðsdóttir and Tom Hovi play club football, and their former international Kiril Akhmetbekov plays here for Zarahemla All-Sport. Kagdazka and Pazhujebu are ranked 30 with a 20.61 KPB, and they are ranked 165 all-time with a 3 SRS in three World Cups.

Rounds 4 (away) and 11 (The Great Dome, Gernsback): Liventia

Liventia is not (yet) a name in football today, although they have hosted several prominent international sport festivals. But they are political descendants of one of the great footballing nations ever, Liverpool England. The forebears of the Liventia eleven went into the Hall of Fame after World Cup 14, ultimately winning two titles, contesting 24 Cups, and ranking 8 all-time with a 73 SRS. There's a reason the Great Dome management bid to host an unranked team!

Rounds 5 (Whitecliff Stadium, Dover) and 12 (away): Michael VII

Michael VII are another nation the Bumblebees have never faced in international football. The 17th gridiron World Bowl is now underway there. Michael VII are ranked 90 with a KPB of 8.81.

Rounds 6 (away) and 13 (Ijak-Nash Stadium, Paris): Milchama

You have to go back to my days as a player to find the last time we played Milchama, another nation with a rich footballing history. We have a 2-1-0 record against them. Milchama's current squad are ranked 63 with a 12.10 KPB. The nation entered the Hall of Fame after World Cup 38 and are ranked 19 all-time with a 47 SRS across 21 World Cups. Their return leg visit to Paris will mark the grand opening of the new Ijak-Nash Stadium, replacing historic Parc de Triomphe. I'll be there, and I hope that Ganz Ijak will be able to work it in given his schedule at SC Lasft.

Rounds 7 (Memorial Park, Belgium) and 14 (away): Novikov

Although Novikov are ranked 315 (1.71 KPB) we have history with them in the Olympics and in my final qualifying campaign with the Bumblebees. Our record is 2-1-0 in three meetings.

Prediction, you ask? I expect to see us in our 11th World Cup, but not without some rough matches.

Smile!

[Wight]

.

[The Icemark]

Preview For World Cup Qualification
After a thrilling Batism Of Fire campaign that ultimately saw them fail in a shock defeat in the Quarter-Finals, The Icemark are now ready for their first attempt at qualifying for the World Cup.
Its unlikely that The Icemark will be setting foot on the soil of the World Cup Hosts – Vilita and Polar Island States this year. The team is relatively young, without a single player being older than eighteen years.
There have been some major changes from the Batism Of Fire and AO Championships. The team is now being run by Player/manager Redrought Lindenshield. They have barely managed to form a team to compete though after The Ghost Wars back home. They managed to scrap together eleven players, but have no substitutes or reserves to call upon, so its highly likely at some stage during this tournament they will be playing with 10 or even 9 men instead of their full quota.
They’ve adopted a new style of play as well. While retaining their traditional 4-4-2 formation, They will be trying a new approach of being defensively solid and trying to get the opposition on the counter attack. Its obvious that their more attacking formation had to be cast aside, after their disasterous performance in the AO championship. It might have worked well in the Batism Of Fire, but they will have to be a lot more compact against the better quality of opposition they can expect in the qualification phase.
With four sides in the Top 100, qualification is unlikely for The Icemark. The tournament will probably turn out to be a key learning experience in the development of this young team though. The Icemark will be expected to finish 6th in the group, though if they on their absolute top form 5th wouldn’t be an impossible target

Schedule & Predictions

Acapias V The Icemark(240)
The first match, ironically, will probably be The Icemark’s most important match. If they gain a point against the only unranked side in the Group, you’d back them to get the win in the home match in the battle to avoid the wooden spoon. The Icemark will go into these games with confidence against their fellow rookies
Predicition: Home (2-0) Away (1-0)

The Icemark V Jedi8246 (55)
The bizarrely named Jedi8246 a.k.a The Wyverns have the prestigious honour of being the Icemark’s first ever competitive opponents at Odin’s Hall. It will be a tough ask for The Icemark to get anything from this game.
Prediction: Home (0-2) Away (0-3)

(24)Chetkosk V The Icemark
The second highest ranked team in the group will be too big an ask for The Icemark to gain anything. If they manage to avoid an embarrasing scorelint it will be considered a good outing for the newcombers
Prediction: Home (0-2) Away (0-4)

The Icemark V West Zirconia(99)
While The Icemark expect to lose the reverse fixture, theres always the chance of a shock point being gained at the intimidating atmosphere of Odin’s Hall. Though Realistically it doesn't look likely they'll come away with anything
Prediction: Home (1-2) Away (0-2)

(166)West Guiana V The Icemark
If The Icemark were to produce one upset in the group, you’d back this to be the game it happens in. The Icemark will have to gain something from both games if they are to manage 5th place in the group
Prediction: Home (1-1) Away (1-2)

The Icemark V Aguazul (1)
The Bears Of The North have been drawn against three time and current World Champions. They are no doubtly the best footballing dyanasty seen since the days of Starblaydia and Valanora . The Icemark will probably come to these games with tactics of keeping the scorline down. The real question though remains is what type of controversy the Bears will cause when they return to Aguazul shores for the first time since the Batsim of Fire where they stirred up all types of trouble
Prediction: Home (0-3) Away (0-7)

[Turori]

EELS DITCH FOREIGN INFLUENCE, MANAGE THEMSELVES

After their abysmal showing during the 50th Cup of Harmony on home soil, it came to a surprise to no one when the Eels fired newly-hired Landereien coach Frederick Anxscht on the spot. Anxscht was the winner of the Turorian manager showdown over Civil Citizenry's Kirby Hurst and great things were expected out of the Eels now that they had finally found a permanent manager.

Indeed, perhaps that was exactly what the Eels didn't need - or at least thats how they played like in the Cup of Harmony. Instead of extending the offer to the Showdown's runner up, Kirby Hurst, the Football Association of Turori decided to do something a little different - but a little similar to how they had operated during World Cup 58 Qualifying. The continuity during World Cup 58 Qualifying was always with the players. No matter which manager came in, no matter which manager went out. The players always remained.

Unbeknownced to the Football Association of Turori, a few Strong Leaders stood up during this time and provided real leadership which the trialist coaches were happy to embrace. That is - until they (Frederick Anxscht) were named permanent coach, at which time the Leadership and input from the team's players was stifled.

So, for the Qualifying for the 59th World Cup, the Football Association of Turori has decided 'ta heck with dealing with a pile full of applications, and foreign wanna-be coaches just trying to use the Eels as a stepping stone to greater things.

This was Turori's squad. This was the players squad. Let the players run it.

Goalkeeper Mumau Atla-Siioai, Defender Yoains Konoaafeo, Midfielder Cediici Tzatzos and Forward Anuh Ciniima have been named as Turorian braintrust for the World Cup 59 qualifiers, and they will decide amongst themselves prior to Matchday 1 which player will have the final authority on the starting lineup during matchdays, but each will have their input on which player from amongst their core will be injected with a run in the squad.

The Eels will extra time to sort out the new system having been granted a bye on the opening matchday. They will open the tournament up against the Fribberdy Gimlets on Matchday 2, a team Turori is expected to beat as they did not perform terribly noteworthily in their last competition. The toughest matchup for the Eels in Group 13 will certainly be against Astograth, who recently stormed the field at the Cup of Harmony after narrowly missing out on the World Cup 58 finals.

[Acapais]

Well, it's that time again. World Cup Qualifying! Where nations battle for a chance play football with the best in the world. Acapais campaign resumes once again in the 59th edition of the tournament. The Heart's last qualifying run was back just under 72 years ago during World Cup 41 where they finished third in their group just one spot out of qualification. After the credit bubble and economic collapse of the country all those years ago, Acapais was unable to enter the tournament any longer and are now therefore a serious underdog in the world today. However, The one shining moment in Acapan football history is the Cup of Harmony 32 Championship that they will be able to hang onto. Not the richest history in the world, but don't count out the Hearts as they compete against not only very fine footballing nations in their group, but also the defending World Cup champion Aguazul. We'll get to see first hand how the lads fair against the best of the best.

Qualifying Schedule
MD1: The Icemark @ Kushan Stadium, Port Maypearl, Kempshire
MD2: Aguazul
MD3: Bye
MD4: Jedi8246 @ Manaan Park, Lancaster, Kempshire
MD5: Chetkosk
MD6: West Zirconia, Vaygr Field, Edgewood, Keenshire
MD7: West Guiana
MD8: The Icemark
MD9: Aguazul @ S'jet Stadium, Hearn, Keenshire
MD10: Bye
MD11: Jedi8246
MD12: Chetkosk @ Paktu Park, Greenville, Krumshire
MD13: West Zirconia
MD14: West Guiana @ Somtaaw Stadium, Stinnett, Keenshire


Other Information
Acapais
Acapais national football team
Acapais WC59 Roster Thread