VII Olympic Winter Games — RP thread

[Zwangzug]

"You haven't heard of anything...weird...going on. Have you?"

"Weird? Going on? Like where?"

"Like, you know, here. In the Olympic village."

"Oh there's so much weird stuff going on, you don't even know."

"I don't mean foreigners being foreign, I mean people from Zwangzug being...weird."

"No more so than normal. Haven't a bunch of the skiiers left already?"

"Yeah. Just...I don't know, you hear things around."

A sudden blush. "If this...this isn't about the moose, is it?"

"The moose? What moose?"

"Because I definitely got an inflatable moose the other day. And Rian was saying that could be a problem but I told her, look, it was just one of those normal kinds. Look, I've got it here..."

And after a few minutes' worth of rummaging, during which time an mp3 player, several pairs of unwashed underwear, a piece of foreign currency that "just looked cool," and ticket stubs from the Neverend Curling Centre (sport not specified) were flung outwards, the suffocated remnants of a balloon animal a clown might have whipped up the previous week were unceremoniously produced.

"Like, this? It's just small enough to hold, like, kids' balloon animals. It's not, like, smuggled property or anything from Kelssek. Right?"

"Wait a minute. Back up. How do you know that's even a moose?"

"Well it's kind of a moose...carcass...now, right. But it was definitely a moose before."

"No, if you want to be sure it's a moose, you would need, like, antlers or something. That? Is not even a thing, it's just like a...I don't even know. It's just some quadruped."

"It's totally a moose!"

"No it isn't, it's way too general, and it's way too small to be part of the Olympic ceremony or whatever. Stop worrying."

"Okay. Good. And you stop worrying about whatever you were worried about."

"Oh, I mostly forgot what I was worried about."

"Good."

"No, it's actually really bad."

"How come? You want to clear your mind, for the race."

"I do. But now I'm really worried about when was the last time you cleaned in here? And what does your roommate think?"

"It's just...like...a temporary thing. Remember I live in a dorm most of the year, so."

"No, don't "so" me. This is ridiculous!"

"Okay, okay, I'll get rid of the moose."

""Moose.""

"Do you want it? Because I could give it to you."

"...no thanks."

[Liventia]

Day 21 results.

[Qazox]

The Games of the
7th Winter Olympiad
Neverend LIVENTIA

Day 21: Speed Skating and more Speed Skating again-

Women's 500m Short Track heats- Rae Broxton didn't advance out of her heat after a slow start.

4 Rae Broxton (QZX)               44.068 heat 8 DNA

Speed Skating Men's 1000m- Qazox men's bad luck on the track continued as the 1000m team all finished below expectations and their qualifying times.

28  Jessie Puglisi (QZX)                   1:10.16
53  Nelson Kindel (QZX)                    1:10.46
103 Tyrone Bossard (QZX)                   1:12.13
112 Erik Chretien (QZX)                    1:12.40

Speed Skating Women's 1000m- Darcy Weatherholtz once again performed better than expected, but still fell short of a medal.

6 Darcy Weatherholtz (QZX)                 1:16.73
 18 Maricela Beacham (QZX)                   1:17.22
 61 Alana Repine (QZX)                       1:18.30
 76 Earnestine Ennals (QZX)                  1:18.67

Speed Skating Women's 3000m- Once again, Qazox' team falls short of contention.

25 Jeanie Borman (QZX)                              4:12.40
44 Jami Styons (QZX)                                4:16.33
64 Avis Calcagno (QZX)                              4:18.24

[Ferkas]

Athletes Respond Surprisngly Well Amid Controversy

Large Medal Haul As Olympics Draw Nearer to a Close


Published In: Chancellery Sport Magazine

Most analysts agreed that the first portion of the Olympics, being filled with events such as the Biathlon, would be the best hope for Ferkian medal performances. It was expected that the later portions of the Olympics would be rather calm for the Ferkian team, with strong performances, but probably a smaller medal haul then in the first portion. Those fears continued to grow recently when the controversy regarding athlete abuse broke. It was believed that the athletes would be rightfully distracted, and that those distractions would prevent them from focusing their full attentions onto their contests. Those fears were proved wrong today, as several Ferkian athletes turned in medal worthy performances in different events.

Rebekah Silberberg, followed closely by teammate Erin Matthews, proved Ferkian domination in womens long distance cross country skiing. Silberberg finished first, and Matthews third, in the 30km classic event. Silberberg's final time of 1:31:16.3 beat out second place by about four seconds and launched Silberberg into Olympic fame. Matthews clocked a final time of 1:31:31.7, securing her medal by just a shade more than a second. Both women were all smiles at the awards ceremony, but speaking to the press afterwards they revealed that the Olympic experience has been very stressful for them. Matthews in particular said that she had been under heavy duress, brought on by abusive coaching practices, that only abated once Dr. Ellerton broke the story in the press. Matthews is crediting these last few days, where formerly abusive coaches have been afraid of approaching their athletes, as providing her the mental break needed for her performance today.

In the 3000m Speed skating event Chelsea Paul earned another Ferkian gold. Speed skating, an event with little in the way of fanfare in the Chancellery Kingdom, has provided an impressive amount of excitement for fans. It may be due to the events nature, which allows for well versed track and field fans to understand it, but television viewership has been abnormally high for the speed skating events, with viewership almost 450% higher than it is for domestic competitions in the event. All this means one thing to Chelsea Paul...that thousands of Ferkians witnessed her amazing performance in the 3000m event, where she posted a final time of 4:02.86, winning gold by more than a second!



Minister of Sport Detained in Airport

Charges Grow in Athlete Abuse Investigation

Additional Writs Issued; Coaches and Managers in Liventia Forbidden From Leaving Olympic Village

Published In: Coventry Times Pages 1A-2A, 6A-14A, 1-4D; Chancellery Sport Magazine Page 1A-8A; Coventry Times Online Edition, Chancellery Sport Magazine Online Edition

Police detained Sir Robert Allen McMiller OCK, and the Minister of Sport at Coventry International Airport today, where he has boarding an international bound flight. A judge issued an order calling for McMiller to remain in the Kingdom, in case his testimony was required for the ongoing Ministry of Justice investigation. Since he was caught attempting to flee the country, against the judges orders, he has been placed under house arrest and charged with Contempt of the Courts.

As the investigation continues the Ministry of Justice has issued additional Writs against several Olympic team coaches and managers. At this point over twenty athletes have given testimony on the matter. Additionally some athletes have expressed a desire to seek additional redress in civil courts, although criminal law proceedings would take precedence. Most notable of todays writs was one against Zachery Hamilton, a manager working with the Womens Curling Team, who has been charged with assault with a deadly weapon. He is accused of striking an unnamed athlete several times with a curling broom. Mr. Hamilton was immediately detained by Royal Marshals, who are under orders to return him immediately to the Chancellery Kingdom to stand trial.

Most of the other parties are under limited detainment in Liventia until the close of the Olympic Games, or until the full nature of their charges can be ascertained. The coaches and managers who are facing charges have been barred from private face to face contact with the athletes. The Ministry of Justice has also indicated that any charges relating to violent behavior will call for the immediate return of the accused person so that they can be fully detained.





BREAKING NEWS

Minister of Sport Charged With Fraud, Accepting Bribes, Complacency in Olympic Scandal!


Published In: Coventry Times Online Edition

As of 10:00PM Local Time the Ministry of Justice has indicated that it is putting forth a variety of charges against Sir Robert Allen McMiller OCK, and the Minister of Sport. The charges relate to McMillers accused role in the athlete abuse scandal, indicating that not only was he aware of what was going on, but that he encouraged the behavior.

Ministry of Justice documents indicate that McMiller had accepted several sizable cash bribes from parties who had a vested interest in a strong Ferkian performance at the Games. It is then believed that McMiller set forth a policy which encouraged coaches and managers to use any means required to bring forth results. Several memos put forth as evidence indicate that McMiller supported the practices of refusing food to "poorly performing" team members, the use of vulgar, course, and or offensive language with team members who did not medal, and that he was aware of various physical abuses which were occurring at the time.

Currently McMiller has made no comment on the issue. Sources in the Ministry of Justice report that he has been taken into custody by the Royal Marshals and will be brought before the courts in the morning.

[Polar Islandstates]

FROM: h.borgesen@surtseybid.gov.pis
TO: w.deverenko@surtseybid.gov.pis
CC: s.poelski@dosac.gov.pis
BCC: j.hannila@surtseybid.gov.pis, m.ottosen@surtseybid.gov.pis, h.meloy@surtseybid.gov.pis, f.skoglund@surtseybid.gov.pis, j.bernth@fpibcsports.pis
RE: Neverend

Hi Wolfgang,

I've changed my mind.

On everything.

I met someone, and I love Neverend now.

In fact, I'm staying here.

You can give my job to someone else.

Harriet

[Yesopalitha]

A Severely Disjointed Message from a Crashed Computer in a Newspaper Office:

wh at di dw el ea rn in th is wi nt er ol ym pi cs ?
af ew th in gs co me to mi nd. fo ro ne, ye so pa li th ac an tr ea ll yh an dl ep re ss ur e.
th ef la me sh av en th ad th at mu ch su cc es sa ta ll, an di ti ss ho wi ng be ca us em os to ft he ne ws is ab ou td if fe rr en tg ov er nm en ts ca nd al s.

After Reboot

~~~Sincemostofthepostsareaboutdifferentgovernmentscandalsitcanbeprovedthatyesopalithaisnotcapableofdealingwithothernationsduringsuchabigcompetitionliketheworldcupaverysadfact.

After Another Reboot

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After fourth reboot

rettebneebevdlouctietaswatonhguohtlA.

Frustrated, the man through the computer against the wall, and sent in one line to the press:

NEVEREND, LIVENTIA, MADE HISTORY.

[Liventia]

Day 22 results.

Thanks for sticking with me through the ride; tomorrow's the final day.

[Zwangzug]

The Kerlagrad Courier
Penultimate perfection

NEVEREND, Liventia--Apparently the Olympics are just about over and we can all go home. Jérôme Taric has achieved a gold medal and broken an Olympic record. "He'd had, what, three medals so far?" said one pundit. "But none of them gold. So, it was a little suspenseful. But that's wrapped up now. Just in time, too, I don't think he's into the cross-country."

The men's fifty-kilometer (31 miles) ski race remains, as well as a ten-kilometer (do your own division) skating race. Taric's medal came in the 1500 meter skating race, breaking that set by Jean-Michel Chang in the second Winter Games. Another Chang record, set in the short track 500 meters, was broken by an abler guy, Guy Abler, earlier in these Olympics.

As far as we can make out, the last record from the (first Winter) games in Aeropag was broken in these games, with Michaela Brooks-Johnson and later Rachel de Fontainé outdoing Phillipa Kennedy's 1km short track race. The remaining Keto record, in the 3km women's short track relay, was broken by Lucia Dimende, Janie Quinell, Nina Berner, and Josie Frei, and the less said about Revena the better, one suspects. The Alavaria records in women's 500 meter speed skating (two records, independent of the "short track" version of the same event), women's 3km speed skating, and men's 1km speed skating remain intact, as do three from Ashton; Karimo Seviiö and Matvei Shustrov's shared single-run mark in men's 500m speed skating, and women's 1000 and 1500 meter speed skating.

There's a Kelssekian snowboarder named Sarah Ashton at these games, too, but I'm struggling to see the relevance.

Back in Zwangzug, government officials willing to go on record (and there have been few, even when we pledged not to discuss the vagancies of international sports) have been worryingly noncommittal about how new antidiscrimination law is slated to go into effect. "People...will...need...to...be...fair?" shrugged a civil servant. "Which, I mean, they already do. So it shouldn't be a problem. I hope."

"The kids'll be fine," said another. "They're young, they can get back into it next time around. Assuming they don't go and have it all come crashing down on them."

"But they're really out of time to mess up," mulled a third. "I mean, Taric already has his record, yes? What more of the Olympics do we really need?"

[Yesopalitha]

Why Does One Compete in the Olympics?

An essay by Mark Juron, Editor for the Yesopalithan Sports Network

*Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this column does not bear any association with the Yesopalithan Sports Network. Please do not hold the network responsible.

Dear esteemed readers,

For the first time in our nation's history, we sent a contingent to the Winter Olympic Games, held this year in the lovely city of Neverend, Liventia. About two hundred or so athletes went to a foreign land to deal with foreign culture, foreign athletes, and a foreign environment in order to represent our nation and to try their best in sports - an opportunity that does not come easily to any person. I'd like to personally congratulate every one of our athletes for making it there in the first place - that, in itself, is a feat, and I salute you.

One might look at the medal table and shake one's head, for the nations of Kelssek and Polar Islandstates lead the table, with Civil Citizenry not that far behind. Yesopalitha has only obtained four medals, and many athletes have underperformed according to the expectations of the home crowd. Yes, it is true that it would've been nice for our nation to have performed better and perhaps obtain more hardware; however, I beg to differ that this is the true Olympic spirit; Although competition is what makes the Games happen, it is not what it is truly about.

I read a letter written by one of the Yesopalithan athletes who just happens to be a personal friend of mine. When describing what it was like in Neverend, he wrote, (and I'm quoting here), "The atmosphere is electric, and the crowd is frantic. Everybody here is crazy about this, their mind, heart and soul are into it. One by one, we go up to perform, to do what we have been training to do for a long, long time - and although some of us succeed and others fail, at the moment when the act begins, all that exists in our minds is hope and of great pride in representing our nations. To hear the national anthem play at any moment, to have the letters, "YSP" imprinted next to your name in every standings, to wear the colors of our flag and to be called "Yesopalithan", there is no other honor that is quite like that... And that is what drives me on."

That, my readers, is why one competes in the Olympics. True, eternal glory awaits those who win medals, for history will remember their names forever; however, it is the relationships we forge between athletes and nations, the underdogs who win, providing hope, the epic battles that take place that leave one gasping for breath at the end - that is the Olympic spirit. The dedication, hard work, tears, sweat, and blood given up by our athletes and of those in the world - that is the Olympic Spirit.

So, whether one finished in first place, or one disqualified - the fact that one made it at all is something to be proud of; Making friends with other athletes from around the globe who share the same interest as you is encouraged; And knowing that one left all of one's efforts out there, to the point where one is satisfied with the results, no matter what that might be - THAT is the Olympic Spirit.

Win or lose, finish or not finish, whether one wins gold or not... They are all athletes, they are all competitors, and truly, in the spirit of all things... They are all winners, remembered in history for representing their countries, their people, their pride, and themselves.

Olympic athletes from around the globe, I salute you.

Sincerely,

Mark Juron
Editor of The Yesopalithan Sports Network

[Vulshain]

Vulshainian Olympic News Coverage: Winter Olympic Games VII

Vulshain's Hopes for One Last Medal

Hello everyone, this is Yermolai Vadimaron for Vulshainian Confederate News and Media Network (VCNMN)'s Winter Olympic Games VII Coverage, live from Neverend, Liventia.

Today is the last day of the Seventh Winter Olympic Games, and so far, Vulshain has earned three golds, four silvers, and one bronze. This puts Vulshain in the top ten nations. However, while the athletes prepare for the last events, there is a great deal of worry about the status of the relationship between Erik Rainard and Coline Konstancja. According to several rumors, there is a possibility that the two might be breaking up, although VCNMN has stated that it will not pry into the situation. It is believed that several other athletes are trying to help the two get through the tension. In fact, it is not just Vulshain's athletes who are helping, but also the athletes of other nations such as Ericka Merrow of Bergnovinaia, who won the gold medal in the Women’s 5000m Speed Skating event.

However, the Vulshainian athletes are fiercely determined to earn a few more medals before the games end.

Vikyia Phyllis Alfreda, Minister for Sports, Tourism, and Youth, held a press conference, saying, "Vulshain's athletes have surely shown their skills and talents in these Games. While many members of Vulshain's Communist Party have loudly protested against Vulshain attending anymore international sporting events, the international community can rest assure that Vulshain will continue to participate in future sporting events, especially the Olympics. Vulshain also hopes to host an international beach volleyball tournment, although we are still ironing out of the details. We are also discussing hosting an international jousting event. More details will be avalialbe in the future."

Tune in to VCNMN to see the last day of the Winter Olympic Games VII!

This has been Yermolai Vadimaron for Vulshainian Confederate News and Media Network (VCNMN)'s Winter Olympic Games VII Coverage, reporting live from Neverend, Liventia.

[Liventia]

And for the very last time at the Seventh Winter Olympics...

Results have been posted.

[Ferkas]

The mood was somber as the Ferkian National Anthem rang out for one final time over the snowy fields of Liventia. For fifteen minutes the spectators would listen to the sounds of monks chanting an anthem which was oddly religious for a rather secular nation. Lyman Fedd would stand, back straight and a tear in his eye, and barely move for its whole playing. He would then descend from the medal stand and walk over to the press area, where with some prodding he would admit that yes, he would be joining in the athletes lawsuit against the Olympic Federation and the Ministry of Sport.

Such was the story of Ferkas in the 7th Winter Olympics. It was a story of victory mixed in with terrible cost and terrible sorrow. Dozens had been arrested, coaches and managers detained in their rooms over the final day of contests before quickly being shuffled aboard a return flight. Caroline Richards was still listed in guarded condition back in a Ferkian hospital, and several other athletes had entered into prolonged counseling sessions. Several team members had expressed their intent to stay in Liventia and accept the amnesty which had been offered to them. The rest would return home to Ferkas, to a subdued welcome.

[Zwangzug]

The Kerlagrad Courier
Throwing races "bad idea"

NEVEREND, Liventia, where the Seventh Winter Olympics have just successfully finished--Jesse Mauser, eighth place finisher in the cross-country skiing event, professed his belief that deliberately finishing worse than one was capable of was "really a bad idea."

"It's just not a good thing," he said, after doing his best to place in the top ten. "You owe it to, um, the integrity of the competition and all that. Also yourself. Yeah."

Mauser affirmed that he was "not naming names" or referring to anyone specific. "That'd be kind of a dumb thing to do, seeing as the Olympics are done now. But just in general? Like, don't do it." Mauser went on to amend his position, saying, "Hypothetically right. If you were going to consider throwing a race. You would want to make sure there was something in it for you, like lots of money, and that you got paid some of it in advance."

While emphasizing his trust in the spirit of Olympism and in his compatriots, Mauser insisted that he was "just offering some advice in general." Such advice consisted of reminders to remember that "it's all a game, you know? The, the glory that you get from winning, that's just something people agree upon. So like, if you think you were going to be symbolic by losing on purpose to spite the government or whatever? That would...I mean, it's only just as symbolic, you don't actually get anything from it.

But like, hypothetically, though," he sighed like someone who was very frustrated and/or had just skied like 31 miles.

"Like I said, this is only for the future," Mauser clarified, noting that Zwangzug's government was "all things being equal, a pretty decent one, just relatively speaking." That future, at least as far as our Olympic delegation is concerned, might or might not be run by these athletes. "I know they're young and all," said Mauser, "so am I, but the next summer games? I'm just saying, I really don't want to have anything to do with some of those football people.

Hypothetically."

Editor's note: While singing the praises of Jérôme Taric in yesterday's edition, we neglected to mention that he earned his second consecutive gold medal in the 1,500 meter skating race. The Courier regrets the omission.

[The Archregimancy]

THE MONASTIC TIMES

DISGRACED MONK APOLOGISES TO NATION
Fr. Alexander's Third Medal of Games 'Too Much to Bear'

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Fr. Alexander Who Endureth today apologised to the entire Archregimancy on the final day of the Seventh Winter Olympics after his bronze medal in the Men’s 50 km Classical cross-country race brought him his third medal of the games, and completed the set of gold, silver, and bronze. "This disgrace is too much to bear" said Fr. Alexander "yet I seek forgiveness from my brother monks; is it not written in Matthew 5:22 that:

But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever says, 'You fool!' shall be liable to the hell of fire."

The Monastic Olympic Committee were quick to produce a statement saying that Fr. Alexander had "nothing to apologise for", and had shown "great monastic humility in his events, only for the athletes from other nations to fail to try hard enough. There is no shame in doing one's best with the skills that God has provided."

Athletes from other nations failed to see what all the fuss was about. 50 km Classical cross-country silver medallist Darren Weems of Yesopalitha called Fr. Alexander "one of the greatest Winter Olympians of our times; the sheer consistency of performance and success across three Olympics - never mind his medal haul - may be unprecedented in men's cross-country skiing. If ever a monk deserved entry into a sporting hall of fame, it's Fr. Alexander. It's a privilege to even be in the same race with him."

Fr. Alexander was quick to reject the concept of a 'hall of fame', however, clarifying that he had abjured such concepts upon taking his monastic vows.

[Qazox]

The Games of the
7th Winter Olympiad
Neverend LIVENTIA

Days 22-23: Speed Skating-

Speed Skating- Men's 1500m - Blah-ble-Bleh. Same thing.

6  Tyrone Bossard (QZX)                    1:46.17
31 Nelson Kindel (QZX)                     1:47.65
42 Erik Chretien (QZX)                     1:48.69

Speed Skating Women's 5000m- No medals here. Look elsewhere.

35 Lorrie Fenimore (QZX)                         7:15.62
51 Katy Kull (QZX)                               7:24.45

Speed Skating Men's 10,000m- Once again- Nothing.

23 Ted Cadle (QZX)                         13:17.28
48 Ted Bontrager (QZX)                     13:38.24

Overall, only 4 medals for Qazox, tying the worst performance at a winter olympic with the 3rd winter games.