World Cup 58 RP Thread

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Mahathu's Number One English Language Daily

Cheese Puff Sales Skyrocket as Release of Highly Anticipated Stoner Movie Draws Closer

Bhašal Fessubh – Economists say that the noticeable boon seen by cheese snack manufacturers is no coincidence. With sales shooting through the roof, most experts agree that the upcoming opening weekend of The Ghost-and-Jaguar-Poltergeist-Slingshot Movie has set off a wave of excitement among a certain niche community, shall we say.

We at the Herald conducted several interviews to try and delve deeper into this complex story.

"Yeah, brah," one long-haired gentleman with bloodshot eyes told us just outside of Dyurtyuli. "Me and my buddy Alex were road-trippin' across Kagdazka on the monorail and I was just like, 'dude, I need some f#&kin' cheese puffs.' And Alex was like, 'dude, we have a huge box of cheese puffs hidden in my suitcase,' and I was like, 'no dude, we ate all those already.' So he was like 'what??!?!' And I was like, 'yeah dude, we need to get some more.'"

It was unclear whether the consumption of cheese puffs by these two vagrants was in any way related to the release of The Ghost-and-Jaguar-Poltergeist-Slingshot Movie, though when we mentioned the title in passing, they both began laughing as hard as they could, but entirely silently.

"Well, we certainly aren't targeting any specific demographic with this movie," said the Polarian executive producer of the film with a twinkle in his eye. "The Ghost-and-Jaguar-Poltergeist-Slingshot Movie is for people who are young at heart. For people whose imaginations are inspired by film. For people who dream about changing their lives.

"But yes, it's also for people who enjoy seeing bright-colored cartoon characters shot across an ocean while taking psychotropic drugs."

Critical Match Overshadowed By West Zirconian Tragedy

Tertius Shajarhayam – Though there was considerable pitch-side drama to be concerned with during the Kagdazka and Pazhujebu national football team's latest fixture against Group 9 opponents Lizland, there was still more emanating from the terrible scenes in West Zirconia following the sudden death of their manager.

Chris Irwin, 58 years old, is today dead of a heart attack. He had the attack during a football match against Michael VII and passed away at a hospital later that night in Jagoza after undergoing surgery. Without Irwin, the West Zirconian national team turns to Ben Phillips, its new caretaker boss.

The Urchins, along with the West Zirconian referee at their latest match, wore black armbands to commemorate Irwin's life in solidarity with the people of his nation. As for the match the Federation's men and women played, it was close (yet again) and deeply controversial.

Once more, the Wisteria and Black are without Zubeida Ichuvihaja after she re-aggravated a left ankle sprain that had kept her out for a spell during the first half of qualifying. She picked up the knock in the 21st minute after she was fouled hard by Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

"Well, at first I thought she had just dived," Hasselbeck, who was booked after the challenge, told the Herald in a post-match interview. "I thought it was a perfectly harmless collision. But then a half an hour later she didn't come back out of the tunnel, which makes me wonder if maybe I don't know my own strength. I mean, I have been using that Ab Glider a lot lately and I'm getting pretty ripped."

Despite the strikers adamance that the collision was accidental, many Urchins players felt that there had been intent to injure on Hasselbeck's part, given that the Lizlandic players undoubtedly knew of Ichuvihaja's sore ankle prior to kickoff. Aquillius Razava was so upset that Hasselbeck had not been fully sent off that he had a heated argument with referee Paul Wakelin immediately after the half time whistle blew. His tirade only earned him a yellow card.

The return of teenage reserve goalkeeper Ignatiy Voropaev to the Urchins starting eleven was a happy one in the end, however. Shortly after coming back out of the tunnel, Fušia Oujadda won and put away a penalty to give her side the lead, and the Federation looked defensively strong for the rest of the match. It certainly seems the case that the Bhara-Mizirov-Makureru back three combination is working well for Brutušam Erassi, and one would expect to see it continue as the crucial upcoming match against New Montreal States looms large.

1 - 0

Venue: Gelendzhik Stadion, Gelendzhik, Kagdazka
Attendance: 35,000
Referee: Paul Wakelin (West Zirconia)
Man/Woman of the Match: Fušia Oujadda (Kagdazka and Pazhujebu)

Managers

Kagdazka and Pazhujebu: Brutušam Erassi
Lizland: Queen Elizabeth II

Squads

Kagdazka and Pazhujebu: Ichuvihaja (Voropaev 45'); Bhara, Mizirov, Makureru; Razava, Ogorodov, Winogradsky (Qathif'ajuju 62'), Thašighi; Oujadda, Pudibhišu (Filipov 90'), Šeruthuvu
Lizland: Elizabeth Bennet; Liz Lemon, Beth March, Elizabeth Swann, Effy Stonem; Liz Taylor, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Miss Elizabeth, Elisabeth Beresford; Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Elizabeth by Edgar Allen Poe

Goals

Kagdazka and Pazhujebu: Oujadda 47' (penalty)
Lizland: none

Next Match

Opponent: New Montreal States
Venue: Paladin Dome, New Montreal, New Montreal States
K&P's Projected Starting XI: Voropaev; Bhara, Mizirov, Makureru; Razava, Ogorodov, Winogradsky, Thašighi; Oujadda, Pudibhišu, Šeruthuvu
Referee: Johannes Rudkilde (Polar Islandstates)

[West Angola]

Namibe Register

Freedom Party Grabs Stunning Majority as Election Results are Finalized!

New Parliamentary Breakdown:

Freedom...31%
Old Guard...20%
Reform...18%
Moderate...13%
Nationalist...12%
Other...2%
Leading Party...Freedom

West Angola Eliminated

Despite a dramatic win over Yesopalitha last night, the West Angolan National Football Team was eliminated from qualifying contention last night. The team currently stands at 3 wins, 4 draws, and 6 losses, for a total of 13 points. While not enough to catch Erathore or Bostopia, West Angola has definitely made some noise at this cup, and should perform far better in the next one.

[Taeshan]

X Island Inquirer

Knights Defeat The Holy Empire Soundly

Though marred by the fact that the Holy Empire has already seemingly notted up the victory in the group, last night the national team defeated the Holy Empire 4-2 with two goals from Gwyn Juniper and Jeremi St James.

[Aguazul]

La Verdad

Round numbers quota reached

The national football team "finally got around to" meeting or exceeding possibly nonexistent "like, standards or whatever" for scoring goals at round number times.

"So like, you always say something happened like around half an hour in, right?" said random fan Estevan Montolio. "And once in a while they just happen, like, actually half an hour in. Because numbers...are...things or whatever. But like, not usually, because, then you wouldn't say, "like half an hour in," because it would really be actually half an hour in. Every time."

"So like, us. Aguazul. Score goals, and, you know!" Montolio elaborated while chugging beer. "We do them at times that are, like, actual numbers and whatever. So that...happens, usually. But then it would be like "oh, did we score," and it would be like, "when," and then it would be, just, whatever time it was kind of. Only today, because some of those numbers actually are like, real numbers? It was like, we should probably spread them out. But they never are, like, spread out or anything. Which means like that's still weird. If it's too much. Of the other thing. And then this happened with all the goals being in like the round number times."

Asked to comment on this fluke, Fernán Mejia shrugged. "I mean it just kind of happens. I don't really care when we score as long as we do. And as long as people don't get on my back about it. Or my players' back, I guess."

Montolio continued to opine, "it's kind of like who scores, you know, it's different people." Mejia, however, maintained that this was an unfair comparison. "We've got 23 guys on our team, right? But only eleven of them play at a time. And that...I get to pick whoever that is. So, sort of, it's under my control." Upon being asked how, exactly, he goes about choosing lineups or whether he bothers seeing the rather consistent results that various combinations of players have produced, Mejia ended the press conference.

In other news, Aguazul still appear to have the best defensive record in the World Cup qualifiers despite conceding a goal in, of all things, stoppage time of the first half.

(Pulido 10 and 80, Lanos 20 and 40, Cortez 60, Lissón 70)

[New Montreal States]

BEST OF TIMES, WORST OF TIMES IN NEW MONTREAL

TBI dispatches Paladins as nation gears up to host CoH

NEW MONTREAL - It was certainly a mixed day for the Ministry of Morale.

While they (deservedly) popped open the sparkling wine at Union Square as word came in from NSWC Signups - the mythical land of international bureaucracy and muffins - that the 'States and their new regional neighbors Vilita would be co-hosting the 50th Cup of Harmony, the Paladins turned in a performance on the pitch that made it much more likely they would be participating in the event they will host. Any progress that had been made on the road against Lizland was apparently confiscated at Customs on the way back, as the Paladins looked like the hapless, uncoordinated misfits they had been against Armed Bears and West Guinea. Unfortunately for the 'States, TBI is a much, much, much, much, much, much better side than either of those two nations, and they coasted to a 2-0 victory that really felt like it should have been worse.

Although Ministry spokespeople were willing to go on enthusiastically and at length about the upcoming competition over which cities are to be awarded matches for the CoH, and the tremendous boost to tourism and hospitality that will come about because of the tournament, and the improved ties with our new regional home's founder that will occur through cooperation with Vilita, they were much, much less keen on talking about the 5 points in 4 games the Paladins have put up since they bye. The spokespeople referred all questions to the panel of faceless bureaucrats; the bureaucrats themselves were parrying questions for most of their postgame press conference.

With Kagdazka and Pazhebu coming to town for what will be a de facto elimination match for the Paladins, the hora de verdad for the WC58 campaign seems to be at hand. The Paladins couldn't be less ready for it. The Paladin Dome will be the most nervous place in the multiverse next match, with Paladins fans' newfound dislike of the Urchins balanced by the knowledge that their side could implode at any point in time. Either the 'States will have new life as they fight for a playoff spot, or it will be one of those matches that leaves fans asking why they care about sports so damn much, anyway.

[West Angola]

Luke Parrish stared incredulously at Isaac Warren, "What do you mean I'm dead?"

"Just that. As far as the world is concerned, you're dead. You and I both are listed as officially dead, and the resistance will assume you are for real when you don't come back. Together, you and I can take August down while he's gone. The return of two dead men with the news of August's crimes will ignite a revolution. The Freedom Party is running things now, and the fact that the people voted them a majority shows that the nation is ready to turn August out."

"Agreed, but how?"

"Follow me, Luke, and all shall be made clear to you..."

______________________________________________________________

Phillip Garren stalked the sidelines just after the game against Yesopalitha. The team was eliminated. They had won, yes, but August would be ready to dispense with him just as he had Peter now that the team's fate was sealed. Garren knew what he had to do, it would save his life, but doom him eventually. The resistance was counting on him to come through here, and his mission was clear. He checked the handgun and confirmed that it was fully loaded. Then walked towards the locker room where he knew August and the team were waiting...

[Polar Islandstates]

"...and so yeah I think it's between these three in the 8 to 13 year old category. How are you getting along with the 5 to 7 year old?"

"Oh, not bad, yeah, here's the one I think should win; listen -

'I wandered down to fetch my post
Those envelopes containing bills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A basket of six breakfast muffins;
Beside the door, beneath my porch,
Still warm and steaming in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
and twinkle on the Milky Way,
They danced in never-ending line
around my vision tempting me:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

I knelt beside them; gathered them
I rubbed them to my face in glee:
A man could just put them down,
and leave them lonely on the ground:
I paused - I paused - then could no more,
what wealth the mystery gift had brought:

For then, straight to my couch I went
In greedy and in fevered mood,
They flashed to my mouth with flavours spent
Oh muffins are the greatest food;
And then my stomach with heartburn filled,
For I had eaten all six muffins much too quickly and not spilled...(any.)'

So? What do you think?"

"Erm, yeah, could I just have a look at the words?"

"Isn't it magnificent?!"

"Who is it by?"

"By little Magnus Ragnorak, aged seven."

"Ah-hah? You sure?"

"Oh no, wait, fifty-seven. Oh."

"I thought as much."

"Oh, that's actually quite tragic, really..."

"Well, this is what you get for having an entire poetry competition on muffins. It was your stupid idea. You knew our offices were across from the FPIFA's. He couldn't have failed to see the posters advertising it."

"He's misspelled his name, here..."

(OOC: Obviously, props to William Wordsworth, whose work I have not too subtly manipulated for this RP.)

[Queer Poco el Mono Ara]

Its that time again.

http://forum.nationstates.net/viewtopic.php?p=8389104#p8389104

[Wight]

Wight 2-1 Chetkosk

A most unfortunate injury was acquired by the stalwart member of the defensive Skeleton Crew, poor Thomas Shipp, and it will be no surprise that said injury occurred upon the turn of that precipitous minute, the Twenty Third. For the Chetkoskis had started strongly and were about the Sondry Folk almost from the first minute, so that the defence were being hard-pressed and most of the ball was in or near about the Wight eighteen-yard line, and the team were straight away defending as if their already lost lives depended upon it. Now a shot came in and was parried by Arthur Conan-Doyle in the Wight goal, and cleared by a lunging Moloch who should be more concerned with attack; now a neat one-two between Simiertino and Hiempfel broke through the last line, only for Kurzhakov to scoop it over when it would've been easier to score; now an attacking throw causing havoc in the box, now a corner, now a free kick. And then, as the Sondry Folk defended another looping corner, Shipp and Methodist Bill Sketoe went up for the same ball, Shipp came off worse, hit the ground in a spin so that his shoulder hit earth first, and his collar bone snapped in two so that his neck might be saved.

Being as the Skeleton Crew had no skin to cover themselves up with, it was a horrible sight. Immediately Shipp was stretchered to the dugout where he was attended by Doctor Josef Mengele's Thousand Year Penance, while the youngest of the Three Versions of Thatcher, the scrawny 1975 Maggie Thatcher Milk Snatcher came on in his place. On the touch line the Thousand Year Penance made a holy mess of things, trying to immediately fuse the bone and putting all his weight, through his knee, on Shipp's ribs, three of which gave way without a quarrel. Shipp howled and thrashed about, while the Penance tried to hold him still. An arm snapped clean off. Thomas Shipp was disassembling himself in shear panic, until hunter and watchman Hemingway, all the way up on The Watch, shot him with a sedative dart from his telescopic long range rifle, and he went quiet. They took him away to be repaired, while the rest of the team did him proud by causing a great upset against the under performing Chetkoskis.

---

---

"What word from Mitrin Vega?" asked Búa King of Uncertain Dimensions of his court summoner, Brian Blessed Cloned, one might imagine a little hopelessly. Brian, not one for diplomacy or the gentle art of breaking bad news in a sensitive way, was surprisingly diplomatic and sensitive. He merely frowned, and shook his head slowly in a dismissive gesture. "Well then, she must be terribly busy. I heard the Pocoans have been on a national bender, and the extra formatting, or whatever needs be done for the smooth running of World Cup Qualifying, has of late fallen on the Vegai, and they must therefore be praying extra hard for good fortune. That is what it shall be. She is a very busy Supreme Being. Did you leave a message, Brian?" - to which the summoner nodded a grim accord, and muttered "Several!" so loud they heard it all the way to Tamarindia.

Búa was looking at a potential investment opportunity then with Nanabos, of Aguazul, whose familiars were dressed as a rabbit and a turtle - definitely NOT a hare and a tortoise - and who was advising investing in a portfolio of Greek national assets going cheap ("Greek is the new gold-rush!"). At this time there came a petition from a resident of Wight, whose name was Liddle Towers, who had fallen down some steps and injured himself, and required of the court compensation for his injury, together with the undertaking that Búa would meet all legal costs. And it was on headed paper of Loki Associates - No Win No Fee Accident Lawyers Incorporated. "Hmm," hummed Búa thoughtfully, "do I have to pay this?" and he was answered by The Anticipation of Nelson Mandela, a pre-death representation of the great man and expert on the constitution of Wight, who confirmed that yes, indeed, Búa was liable, for the steps were within his domain and, according to Liddle Towers, in a state of disrepair. Thus the King of Uncertain Dimensions agreed a compensation package and immediately dispatched some workmen to fix the steps in question.

Finally matters got on to whom should be summoned next for the tricky game with highly-rated Chetkosk, for indeed Loki had been as much use in gaining favour as an igloo crematorium, and a hopeless defeat to Branta Island had all but dashed their faint hopes of qualifying for the World Cup Proper. With Hassan i Sabbah away on important business in The Holy Empire, it fell to Herbert West the Reanimator, second lieutenant of Búa, to trawl the Synaxarion, or book of names.

"I do rather like old ladies..." mused Herbert. "Gilf lover!" cried one of the twenty-three Vergenski, still not altogether au fait with the proper proceedings of court.

Hazard

An old English game using two dice mentioned in Geoffrey Chaucer's Canterbury Tales and very popular in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, notably at Crockford's Club in London.

Any number may play but turns are taken with the dice, the caster being the player with the dice at any time. In each round the caster specifies a number between 5 and 9, this is called the main. The caster then throws the two dice.

If he rolls the main, he wins ('throws-in' or 'nicks').
If he rolls a 2 or 3 he loses ('throws out').
If he rolls 11 or 12, the sult depends on the main:
- if the main is 5 or 9, he throws out on 11 or 12
- if the main is 6 or 8, he throws out with 11 but nicks with 12
- if the main is 7, he nicks with 11 or throws out with 12

If he neither nicks nor throws out, the number thrown is called the chance, and he throws again.
If he rolls the chance, he wins
If he rolls the main, he loses (unlike in the first throw)
If he rolls neither, he keeps throwing until he rolls one or the other, winning with the chance and losing with the main.

As long as he keeps winning, the caster may keep playing, but if he looses three times in succession, he must pass the dice to the player on his left.

Baba Yaga

Now there was a general agreement that the forthcoming home fixture against the under performing Chetkoskis was the first of a series of do-or-die-(again) must-win games, and there could be no better case for summoning a genuine World Cup historian to look back into the depths of subjective time and deliver lessons for this kind of moment from the past. Who could be a more obvious character than wizened Kagdazkan hag and football fanatic Baba Yaga, who had entertained millions during the Baptism of Fire in her home country with an extraordinary look back on the great winners and losers of world cup history? Seven over-privileged children from various royal families, who would only grow up to be a financial burden on their respective states, were hand selected, kidnapped and brought to Wight as plump meals for the old witch, and then, with that impressively juicy carrot to dangle, off went Brian Blessed Cloned, the court summoner, to find the accursed mother and bring her back to Wight Spit as well.

Remarkably that perilous woman, who fixed Búa King of Uncertain Dimensions with a steely and suspicious glare when she arrived in court, was charmed into docility by the dangerous sociopath Herbert West. The two of them hit it off immediately, despite neither having much of a reputation for cordiality, and one might even say there was a certain amount of flirtatious chemistry between them. Búa looked on bemused.

“Another little prince, Baba?” teased Herbert.

“Ooh, Mister West, you know what they say, a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips!” and she slapped her generous thigh.

“Come now, Baba,” rejoined the Reanimator, “you don't look a day over three hundred and twenty-one!” to which she cackled discordantly whilst affecting an air of embarrassment.

By and by, when the old witch had eaten her fill of royal fledglings and was heavy-lidded from the Wightbeer, Búa, Herbert and she got to talking about the football, and she gave an example of how one might conjure a win against a mighty team like the Chetkoskis – and the example was Chetkosk, just as recently as two world cups previous. The Scout of Cafundéu quite agreed. Beat them at their own game.

“Now then, Mister West, where might a lady find good lodgings in these strange parts?” asked Baba Yaga, with a coy false modesty. Búa rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Why, pray, Baba, won't you come lodge in my apartments? There is plenty of room, and John the Baptist is quiet as a church mouse on Sundays!”

“Oh really,” cried Búa, perhaps in jest, perhaps in envy, “why don't you two get a room?”

Famous Games of Dice #12
Scott of the Antarctic

Not widely commented upon is the fact that Roald Amundsen and Robert Falcon Scott met at The Norwegian Club in St. James Square around 1909 and debated the South Pole Expeditions. Although it is fashionable now to say that Scott and Amundsen were not racing to the pole, this meeting suggests otherwise, for it was here that they set upon a course for the pole, and discussed the use of animals in the expedition. Since neither could agree on what the best animal for the job was, they played dice, which Amundsen won and as a result picked dogs for his adventure. Scott, as the loser, had to settle for ponies – a setback that probably cost him and his team the race to the pole and their lives on their attempt to return.

Meanwhile the dice had a much more positive effect on the so-called Northern Party of Scott's Terra Nova expedition. Dropped at Evans Coves on 4 January 1912, they were due to be collected again four weeks later, but the Terra Nova could not break through the pack-ice, and they were trapped in a snow cave they excavated on Inexpressible Island for an incredible near nine months. In this time they suffered extreme hardship and privations, including frostbite, hunger and dysentry. One of the party, suffering with the Shigella, spent so much time out of the cave toileting that he got frostbite of the penis. An attempt to rescue them in the April failed, and in late September they broke camp and despite their weakness managed to reach Cape Evans and the base hut on 7 November. Victor Campbell who led this party later wrote that only the dice had kept them going.

[West Angola]

King August II was standing with the team in the locker room waiting when Phillip Garren walked in. "Men," he said, "I would like to congratulate you on your victory tonight, but there is one item of business to attend to first." In one fluid motion, he drew his gun, stuck it in August's face, and pulled the trigger. The gun clicked, and misfired, the gun was fully loaded, recently cleaned, and in factory condition, yet it misfired. August laughed evilly, "You fool! I anticipated your betrayal and came prepared accordingly, no weapons will work inside this room. Guards!" Two men burst in and dragged Garren away. The door slammed behind them and a muffled bang, followed by a thud, issued from the hallway.

August turned to the team, "Your coach is a traitor, and he has been dealt with accordingly. This is my team, and no dissent will be tolerated. A new coach will arrive by the end of the day, and you all will have success again." The team sat, shocked at the death of their coach and their friend, but events were transpiring in Namibe that would turn the tide of the nation, events not even August, the master planner, was prepared for...

[Erathore]

Oh God, Why?

---

That was a poor display. Granted the majority of reserve team was fielded but still. 4-1 to a bunch of nobodies? Actually they weren't really nobodies but that isn't the point. Only del Naran, Rolodel, Lanziano, and Ricardo Villa. After playing twelve games in a row, Marcello Dizarino must have thought that one day of rest wasn't going to cut it. Chances of injury were getting high. Too high. Since Marcello Dizarino didn't want to risk tiring out his players, he had decided to give the majority of the team some rest. And it backfired beautifully.

It's only thanks to the fact that will still most likely qualify that I'm not calling for Dizarino's head. Why, when we have an opportunity to put ourselves ahead by even more so we will certainly auto-qualify, would we play backups? It just doesn't make sense no matter how you look at it. I can understand wanting to avoid injuries due to over working, but getting a matchday off pretty much ensures that the team is ready to keep going.

Now we're only one point ahead of Bostopia and only twelve ahead of Mangolana. Great. Real Great. Dizarino has confirmed that he will be using the starters for the next game. Thank god.

[Mangolana]

Mangolana Gazzette

Mangolana crushes Erathore in HUGE upset

The Mangolana national soccer team scored a huge upset today, even if it was against mostly back-ups, as they crushed a highly ranked and Erathore side, who is currently in 1st place in the group, 1 point ahead of group favorite Bostopia. Mangolana who now sits third in the group, 12 points out if first and 11 points out of second. Mangolana who has no chance at qualifing and is pretty much now hoping for an invite to the Cup of Harmony once again this year, with this addition being held in the AO nations of Vilitia and New Montreal States. But still, this is a great moral booster for a team that has drawn 6 of its 13 matches and lost only two of them after starting off the campaign with promising results.

After the game Mikael Svensson, the manager of Mangolana, had this to say. "We really played well today. We played as a team and we played to our true potential. If we could have played like this all qualifying, we would have yet to lose a game. But all we can do now is beat the top teams, and show that we deserve an invite to the Cup of Harmony."

The game which began 30 minutes late due to excess traffic in the area, thanks to the games 6pm start time being in the middle of Rush Hour. It seemed at the begining that Mangolana would be in for a long night when 7 minutes into the game, when -Espen Úpaddol Rolodel played a through ball to the unmarked Ricardo Villa in the box, which he was able to hammer past the outstreched hands of Tim Hedjuk JR for a goal and a 1-0 lead for Erathore.

Erathore seemed ready to strike again at the 12 minute mark when Cesc Celestino hammered home a shot from within the box. the goal was called back however as Ricardo Villa was offside by a mile. It seemed that he expected Celestino to make a deeper run and then pass the ball to him. This mistake led to a long free-kick by THJ, which was recieved by Allen Fuller. Allen was able to dribble to the center of the field, just outside the box, before he was taken down by Vanni Del Naran for a free-kick. The free-kick was shot off the crossbar and into the net by JD Fuller to tie the score up a 1-1. A great shot by JD as he was able to beat the keeper, and hit the cross -bar low enough so that it would go into the net.

After that goal, Mangolana got hot. After several near goals from Akeem Howard and Eric Donald, Mangolana was able to break through again at the 31st minute when Alex Wesley blasted a shot into the net from just over 23 yards out after a perfect Pass from Eric Donald arrived at his feet, giving him an open look at the goal and he took the shot and score to put Mangolana up 2-1 and giving Mangolana the lead for good.

The other two goals for Mangolana were score by Eric Donald at the 45+2 and 69th minute.

[Jedi8246]

Theme
Fenris Sports Corner

"Good evening, I'm Logan Dale with the Fenris Sports Corner. A somber mood echos across Jedi8246 as the third World Cup qualification attempt once again seems to have imploded. After an easy win against them earlier in the season, Jedi8246 has lost against Puerto Candelaria 2-1. While technically Jedi8246 still has a shot at the spot, it's looking less and less likely. Chetkosk's loss and ABK's tie are the only reason why sports analysts think that Jedi8246 has a chance. Coach Hemlock promises to end the season with all wins, but we will only have to hold our breathe as the last few games of the season come out.

Our qualification hangs on a thread, bringing sad feelings in Jedi8246. The first qualification attempt ended in a lackluster mid pack finish as Jedi8246 struggled to find a place among world sports. The second attempt met with more success as the Wyverns engaged in a fierce fight to win. While ultimately not qualifying, Jedi8246's fight to get third proved them as a world class team. This try represents the most success Jedi8246 has had, holding first in the group for a game. Which makes this implosion all the more painful. The country waits in suspense, hoping to push through for qualification.

After the break, more in Jedi8246 sports news.

[Darmen]

Afternoon & Evening, January 13th, 2012
Darmen City, Darmen

When the team finaly finished their run, they were exhausted. While the team had been doing an "Indian Run", Kenneth Nolan had taken a wrong turn. Instead of the 30 minute run Tim had planned for, the players returned to the practice facility two hours later. Luca Cormio had almost been hit by a passing auto mobile when the team had found itself crossing a busy highway. Tim gasped for his breath, as did about half of the team. Only Tor Tong Lee, Zach Preston, and Bryan Faulkner looked fresh, just as if they had ran around the pitch once.

The team quickly got busy running drills, stopping only for a lunch break, and the occasional water break. The practise ended late that afternoon, after the players had endured a total of 8 hours of hard phyisical labor. It was clearly taking it's toll. Charm Vue had pulled his left calf muscle, and would have to sit out of practice for the next two weeks. Everyone on the team was sore, and most of the team were completly exhausted.

Later that evening as Tim sat in the film room, watching film from Darmen's two loses to Nicole Scherzinger in World Cup 57 Qualification, William von Kriesler sat down next to him.

"Tim," he said, "I understand that you want to push the team hard, but I think that it's best if you slowly work them into it."

Tim responded, "I want to put their bodies into shock, I want them to feel the pain. How do you explain two blow out losses to a lowly ranked team?"

"Um, well...."

"DANG IT, William! You can't. Gibbons was taking it too easy on our boys. They had lost their sense of pride in their nation, their teammates. They play like a bunch of school girls. No, not the Dagans, but Darmeni school girls. Sure, they have their moments of brilliance, but for the most part all they do is fail. The game against Cassadaigua for instance. We're up one teh nothing, and suddenly the bloody Dagans are rushing past us and scoring a Gol' dang equaliser."

"You know as well as I do that Abdul fell over," said William, trying to defend on of his best defenders.

"And how many world class defenders do you know, that just tip over at important times? Huh? ZERO! Our job William, is to mold, nd shape this team into the best it's ever been. Sure we might loose a game or two, but let's try to do it with some dignity."

William was astonished. He had always worked under Gibbons, who was loose with the team, playing practical jokes on the players(and recieving a few in return), and leading easy training sessions. Now he was working for a man who wanted to take the team to Hell and back.

[Antoletia]

The jokes on you, im not really funny. I just get laughed at cause im fat.

[Qazox]

Eagles Rebound, Move closer to World Cup Berth

Doreen Dobbs missed tonight game, after her injury in the Chenkorya match was found to be a high ankle sprain. She will be back for the Virabia match, but will only play the first half. As for tonight's game, witht eh win, Qazox kept their 4 point lead over Virabia and lead Chenkorya by 6 with 3 games left. As mentioned last time, Virabia has to play both Qazox and Chenkorya in the next 11 days so Thursday night's game between the top two team in the group is important for both. Switzida is 8 points behind Qazox, but only have 2 games left, so Qazox has at worst, clinched a playoff berth.

Sean Barr started for Dobbs tonight and was key on both of Qazox' goals. In the 33rd minute, Barr was taken down in the penalty area, allowing Greg Shaw to convert the PK to give Qazox a 1-0 lead. Kulumba tied at at 1-all in the 58th minute, but Barr's shot in the 74th minute bounced right to Dwight Lynn who slammed it home for the 2-1 win.

Next, as been mentioned before, if the Showdown against Virabia. If Qazox wins and Chenkorya loses or draws, Qazox will clinch a World Cup berth. If Qazox loses, then the top three must be separated by a a total of 3 points, setting up a very interesting final weekend of play. Qazox did win the first meeting at home 3-0, but the Eagles are substantial underdogs for the return match (-170 according to New Bruxen Hotel and Casino).

[Saugeais]

Knights fans, I'm going to keep this short. I really have nothing to say regarding our performance as of late. We are pretty damn lucky to still be in second place (the playoff spot, mind you) after our recent string of bad luck. Losing matches to Landereien and Nethertopia this late in the qualifying stages just conjures up bad memories of the past two Cup cycles, when the national team blew it late to push themselves out of contention against the likes of Dorian and Sonya and Kazzoria. Now, the same situation is happening again, this time with Vilita riding our backs, with Mytannion all but group winners at this point. We just need to fend the Jungle Cats off, who have been having just as bad of luck as we had as of late. With both teams tied for points (Saugeais has the overwhelming goal difference), the Knights need to regain their composure going into the last three matches, the capstone against those same Jungle Cats, which at this point will most certainly decide who is making the playoffs.

"I don't like the way my team is playing," said manager Mag Aonghusa after a training session at the national team headquarters in Montbenoit. "The entire team is losing stamina late in matches. And don't get me started on the Landereien game, that was a fiasco from the start. Amaechi Olsen has been having leg cramps throughout the week and we don't know if he'll be 100% going up against Mytannion. A win over the group leaders, hell, a win over anyone right now is what I'm asking. With just three matches left, we can't squander chances anymore, not with Vilita breathing down our necks." The two big matches, Mytannion and Vilita, will be played on the road. Whether the boys can muster the strength and the will to push themselves into the Finals remains to be seen. The weight of the country will be on them to succeed, and hopefully they won't suffer a third straight qualifying collapse late.

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

And now the cutofffor Groups 11-20. Good luck to all.

MD15 Scores

[New Montreal States]

The Paladin Dome was the loudest it had been all tournament. Some fans had poured in the moment the doors had opened, wanting to give the Kaghazda and Pazhebu players a piece of their mind. Others spent the pre-match hours tailgating, pouring booze down their throats and bong hits down their lungs to get themselves into the right state of mind before filing in. Men had taped plastic flasks to their legs beneath their pants, bringing in strong whiskey or, for the most dedicated, grain alcohol. Girls with long hair leveraged it to bring in joints or blunts, depending on whether their hair color made it easier to camouflage white or brown paper.

The noise levels in the Dome were deafening fifteen minutes before tap-off - at that point, it really didn't matter how much louder it got, as the human ear really wouldn't be able to differentiate at that point. Meanwhile, the Paladins' campaign to get their fans in attendance to wear sky blue had been successful, and the Urchins were confronted by light blue everywhere they turned.

Directly behind the K&P bench, a song broke out:

We welcome you to NMS
For the Cup of Harmony
Don't f*ck the place up too bad
While we're in ASMV

Behind one of the nets, the Stoned Roses, a club of drunken co-eds with their faces painted blue in patterns from Braveheart, unfurled a giant banner reading:

Send the Urchins to the workhouse

Both sides came out strong after the tap-off, with William St. John de la Ware sending Winogradsky onto the turf early, earning himself a talking-to but no card from the ref and a standing ovation from the crowd, delighted to see the Paladins make any kind of statement in what had been a milquetoast second half of qualifiers so far. de la Ware and Cory Taylor were enthusiastically laying down the law in the back third, and for the first fifteen minutes the Paladins had the momentum.

After Voropaev made a spectacular leaping catch on a corner kick, the Urchins were able to quiet the crowd ever so slightly and get their feet back under them. Thibault, Brisebois, de la Ware and Taylor weren't yielding their ground, but neither were Bhara, Mizirov or Makureru, and the game began swinging back and forth from one end to another, as each side's offense cut through the midfield only to run into one of the defenders, who promptly sent everyone running from whence they came.

The match might have continued along those lines for the rest of the night, resulting in that rarest of things, an entertaining 0-0 draw. In the 43rd minute, however, Brisebois leveled the boom on Pudibhišu as he fielded a pass in the box. Unlike the eighteen or so similar exchanges before this one, Polar Islandstates referee Johannes Rudkilde pulled out a card in Brisebois's face, then pointed at the line. Pudibhišu was given a shot to get even with Brisebois, and made the most of it, putting the Urchins up 1-0 going into the half. The Stoned Roses were not pleased, and attempted to start a chant of "Snow Blindness! Snow Blindness!" before being shouted down by other drunken fans who were concerned about pissing off the ref in a must-win match. This led to the odd spectacle of several thousand drunk people chanting "We-are-sor-ry! We-didn't-mean-it!"

Despite spending most of the half down additional liquid courage, the NMS faithful were distinctly quieter as the second half began, fearing a collapse from a side that had been uneven at best over the course of the second half. That changed when de la Ware, undaunted by Brisebois's earlier yellow, send Winogradsky flying again. When Rudkilde declined to stop play, allowing Taylor to send the ball upfield, Winogradski stayed back, pursing Rudkilde and berating him for not awarding another penalty. In response to Winogradski's petulance, the stadium began chanting:

"But mo-o-o-om, I want Cheesy Poofs!"

Every time Winogradsky came even close to touching the ball, the fans starting doing their best Eric Cartman impression. A rattled Winogradski eventually coughed up the ball to Thibault, who found young Pwim Charbonneau in the midfield. Charbonneau in turn found André Vaillancourt-Bosquet cutting into the box, who one-timed it into the upper-right-hand corner of the net. Tie game; and the Paladin Dome reached a decibel level that was literally deafening. This level of noise affected both sides, and the game reverted to the defensive smackdown it had been earlier; the only difference was the presence of Alain Leroux, brought on to keep Jocelyn Brisebois from costing the side three points by drawing a second yellow card.

After about fifteen minutes of back-and-forth drives foiled by the defense, Rudkilde blew time and both sides trotted off the field having done precisely nothing to resolve the question of which nation was going to finish second to The Babbage Islands. Although the Paladins were still in third place behind K&P, the fans still serenaded the Urchins as they made their way off the pitch:

We hope you loved your visit!
We hope you liked our song!
We're off to Errion Vega,
And you won't come along!

[Jeruselem]

Princess Sofia Michelle Dallas handing out muffins to the team after their draw ...

Amy: No thanks, I'm a diet.
Sofia: For god's sake, it's just a few muffins not a bucket of lard.
Amy: Well, I suppose. Thanks.
Sofia: I made them myself.
Amy: I guess your mum is a chef.
Russell: You've got the best muffins Princess.
Amy: What muffins you talking about.
Sofia: Russell isn't interested in food.
Allison: He likes his muffins in pairs.
Russell: I was refering to food girls.
Sofia: Well, eat something!
Russell: She hasn't changed much.
Allison: At least she can do something useful.
Sofia: Well?
Amy: I wish I could cook.
Allison: I'd put on weight if I could do stuff like this.
Russell: They are bit soft.
Sofia: Russell, muffins are supposed to be soft you idiot. They aren't rock cakes.
Russell: Oh yes, I do suppose.
Sofia: That's why he needs a wife.
Allison: Which he doesn't have.
Kissy: I want some more!
Sofia: Well, go eat Russell's share. He's on a diet.
Kissy: It's like Mum's home cooking.
Sofia: Well, nice to be appreciated there. Hey Russell?
Russell: Food is just food.
Allison: No wonder you can't keep a girlfriend.
Sofia: It's a good thing, so he can't breed copies of himself.
Kissy: Can have more?
Sofia: Sure, you appreciate good cooking.
Allison: Don't eat too much, you might get a muffin top.
Amy: Don't worry, Kissy eats a lot all the time.
Sofia: To keep a girl happy, say her cooking is good ... even if it's dreadful.
Amy: Plenty of bad cooks in your family too!
Sofia: I know!

[Vilita]

WHO WANTS IT? PLAYOFF SPOT ASKS!

2-0 Win Helps Jungle Cats in Race to Avoid home field CoH

Going into Matchday 15, the Jungle Cats chances of World Cup Qualifications were slim to none, needing opponents Saugeais to lose to a pair of clubs in the bottom half of the table just to ensure entering the final matchday showdown with a chance to qualify for a playoff match. Unlikely as it seemed, step one is now complete as the Jungle Cats have moved back level on points with Saugeais after the Saugeais National Team dropped a surprise result to Nethertopia. Coupled with the Jungle Cats victory over Landereien, Vilita and Saugeais returned to a position equal on points tied for second place and the group 10 World Cup Playoff position. Saugeais holds the tiebreaker and that won't change between now and the end of qualifying, but with the two sides meeting on the final matchday, the possibility now exists for the Jungle Cats to go into the match with a chance of coming out of it in second place.

Of course, with two matchdays still to go between now and then, anything can happen, and the stars must still align for the Jungle Cats to have even an outside chance at a playoff spot. Despite being level on points, the Jungle Cats have just two matches remaining while Saugeais has three, an improbable situation for Vilita who must also overcome inferior goal differential. Luckily, perhaps, Saugeais still has to play top seed Mytannion - though the Mytannion Saugeais will face is surely to be a less inspired Mytannion than the one that the Jungle Cats have dropped a pair of 0-1 results to. Mytannion have already clinched their position in the World Cup 58 Finals, are likely to field a mixed squad that may not really care about the result in the match against Saugeais. If Saugeais do not lose at least one or both of their next two matches, then the matchup between Vilita and Saugeais on the final matchday will effectively be irrelevant to the final standings.

Vilita and Saugeais have also been competing outside the realms of Group 10 match play, in the bidding to become the hosts of the 50th Cup of Harmony competition. Feeding off their new-found rivalry in Group 10, the Saugeais and Vilita Cup of Harmony 50 bids were made public within minutes of each other, with both sides realizing that they would be competing against each other for the last chance at qualification in Group 10, and one of the two was guaranteed to be participating in the Cup of Harmony. For better, or for worse, the Jungle Cats have won that battle by a 7 to 5 vote, to become the hosts of the 50th Cup of Harmony. Saugeais had proposed co-hosting with the Nation of Erathore, while the Football Association of Vilita will be co-hosting the Cup of Harmony for World Cup 58 with fellow Atlantian Oceania nation New Montreal States. It is the second battle that Vilita have won against Saugeais so far this campaign, having won against Saugeais 3-2 on Matchday 10. Time will tell whether Saugeais or Vilita is more motivated to avoid the CoH in Vilita - or - if both end up there anyway.

As for the match itself, the Jungle Cats squared off against Landereien in a more confident performance than they had against the same side earlier in the qualification campaign. The Jungle Cats critically dropped two points to Landereien on Matchday 6 and were determined not to drop any more as it would have officially ended the last outside hopes of a playoff place.

Kristofer Kilpter returned to the starting lineup despite the strong performance by Sirkii Moliaudo on Matchday 14 against Elmonia. Additionally, Tujamu Treola got the start in front of the defensive 3 while Ritopa Simafela and Steffyn Siazzu also started from the bench giving the captains armband to Nycflala Kater.

The Jungle Cats opened the scoring in the 14th minute with a goal by Viji-mara Lawaai. It was Lawaai's third goal of the campaign, a campaign which has seen goalscoring from all across the Vilitan roster, emphasized by the fact that Lawaai's 3rd goal makes the Striker level top goalscorer of the campaign for the Jungle Cats. The goal was set up by Miiara Makose from the defense.

As half time approached the Jungle Cats doubled their led through Viliaka Morasita, taking a 2-0 lead into half time, a rare occasion for the Vilita National Team during the campaign that has been a rare occasion for any team to score more than one goal in a Vilitan match. With the Jungle Cats up 2-0, Makose was replaced at half time by Niubo Deneli, allowing Deneli to get more match experience. Likewise, Jomur Hulyer was replaced by Resaie Kentiak.

In the 72nd minute, exciting young forward prospect Yves Gadois was introduced, and while the prospect didn't find the scoresheet, he did create a couple of good chances while continuing to knock on the door of that first international goal tally, which is sure to open the flood gates behind it once it happens.

The Jungle Cats will prepare with just two matches remaining in the campaign, depending on the results of rival Saugeais, to see if there is anything left to play for come Matchday 18.


Vilita Goalscorers::
14' Viji-mara Lawaai
40' Viliaka Morasita

Landereien Goalscorers::
-None-

Vilita

Best Player: Miiara Makose
Worst Player: Tujamu Treola
Shots on Target: 6
Corner Kicks: 4

Landereien

Best Player: Krishthian Manreien
Worst Player: A.V.P Heitellr
Shots on Target: 3
Corner Kicks: 4


Vilita Jungle Cats (3-(1-4)-2) ::
[GK] Nycflala Kater, [D] Kadi Molali, [D] Uajiala Pulkki, [D] Miiara Makose, [DMC] Tujamu Treola, [ML] Rexii Tzikas, [MR] Jomur Hulyer, [MC] Jian Lejsrma, [MC] Viliaka Morasita, [FC] Kristofer Kilpter, [FC] Viji-mara Lawaai
BENCH::
[FC] Sirkii Moliaudo, [FC] Yves Gadois, [M] Resaie Kentiak, [M] Steffyn Siazzu, [UT] Niubo Deneli, [D] Ritopa Simafela, [GK] Jawz Tiiaupila

Vilita Substitutions::
(45) - Miiara Makose >>> Niubo Deneli
(45) - Jomur Hulyer >>> Resaie Kentiak
(72) - Uajiala Pulkki >>> Yves Gadois

(For Future Statistical Reference)
GK :: Nycflala Kater 5

D :: Kadi Molali 8
D :: Uajiala Pulkki 10
D :: Miiara Makose 8

DMC :: Tujamu Treola 8

ML :: Rexii Tzikas 6
MC :: Jomur Hulyer 8
MC :: Jian Lejsrma 8
MR :: Viliaka Morasita 5

FC :: Kristofer Kilpter 6
FC :: Viji-mara Lawaai 6

Vilitan Subs Bench:
FC :: Sirkii Moliaudo DNP
FC :: Yves Gadois 6
M :: Resaie Kentiak 7
M :: Steffyn Siazzu DNP
U :: Niubo Deneli 6
D :: Ritopa Simafela DNP
GK :: Jawz Tiiaupila DNP

[Wight]

.

[Baleyaroh]

Matchday 15

Baleyaroh 0-2 West Angola. Long is forgotten the 16 points dream. Now, if Baleyaroh had any hope to avoid a last minute fight for the last position, after last night's game it's plain clear that the last game against Sativaville will be definitive. Baleyaroh, with just one point ahead, is currently the team with the worst score average (-12), which won't help much their expectations if the "protesters" end up having the same points as their low table rivals. Since Sativaville have to play one more game than Baleyaroh and not much is expected from the game against Mangolana, things don't look good.

Group 1
Mapletish 1-3 Bostopia
Sativaville 0-0 Cheergirls
Baleyaroh 0-2 West Angola
Mangolana 4-1 Erathore

Tactical Update: Tonight the team will rest. Coach Vernetta Lavongsar will introduce three changes only, including GK Risa Brittsan.

4-2-3-1 Formation
GK - 1- Risa Brittsan (31)
RD - 2- Florencia Nygaro (21)
LD - 5- Palmer Pav (19)
DF - 3- Digna Anoe (20) - Captain
DF - 15- Milan Mizee (25)
DM - 21- Jere Obermuller (16)
DM - 6- Alonso Heitmuller (28)
AMC - 17- Walton Deralph (35)
RW - 10- Nga Braver (32)
LW - 22- Sid Dellon (18)
FW - 19- Alejandrina Berley (18)

Subs
GK - 13- Jeromy Jubyna (18)
LD - 14- Rudolf Delgadillo (19)
DF - 4- Lurline Gals (30)
DM - 8- Hiroko Lipkovitch (30)
AMC - 7- Carletta Mihor (23)
RW - 18- Diamond Argudin (32)
FW - 9- Henriette Lighthart (25)

Reserves
GK - 23- Hilma Kellish (32) Injured (2)
RD - 20- Buck Moreci (25)
DM - 16- Hobert Mamone (24)
LW - 11- Ellsworth Kellem (25)
FW - 24- Jin Havekost (34)

MD1: Cheergirls vs. Baleyaroh (0-1) MD10: Baleyaroh vs. Cheergirls (0-0)
MD2: Baleyaroh vs. Erathore (0-1) MD11: Erathore vs. Baleyaroh (2-0)
MD3: Yesopalitha vs. Baleyaroh (1-1) MD12: Baleyaroh vs. Yesopalitha (1-1)
MD4: Baleyaroh vs. Mapletish (0-1) MD13: Mapletish vs. Baleyaroh (1-0)
MD5: Baleyaroh vs. Bostopia (1-5) MD14: Bostopia vs. Baleyaroh (2-1)
MD6: West Angola vs. Baleyaroh (1-0) MD15: Baleyaroh vs. West Angola (0-2)
MD7: bye MD16: bye
MD8: Mangolana vs. Baleyaroh (0-0) MD17: Baleyaroh vs. Mangolana ( - )
MD9: Sativaville vs. Baleyaroh (1-1) MD18: Baleyaroh vs. Sativaville ( - )

[Dorian and Sonya]

Part Two

The tunnel was small and cramped, especially for Dorian and Badger, who had to remain crouched just to move. Dorian had even chosen to forgo his usual plate mail in favor of the movement his chain mail allowed. The only advantage of the tunnel at all was that it was obviously too small for everyday use by the Orokai.

Somewhere ahead would be Mathym. The scout had his work cut out for him as he picked their route through the winding tunnels. Somehow he was to find a way to the dungeons without their having to fight their way in.

“How much longer do we have to crawl around in here?” That was Davin. The wizard had been complaining almost constantly since they had entered the tunnels. “The air in here is dank and stale.”

”The air in here is dank and stale.” Efink flipped around to face the Mage. “Whine, whine, whine, whine, whine. If you could cast spells as well as you complain we would already be halfway home by now.”

Silence ensued as they descended into the heart of the mountain.


They had continued on for over half an hour when suddenly Mathym appeared in the weak torchlight. He was covered in mud and out of breath. “The dungeon is just ahead, but we must be careful. There are 10 guards, but that is the easy part. A rock troll is preset as well,”

Badger grinned wide. He would get the fight that he wanted. “I get the troll. You guys get the guards and then free the King.”

“Davin, we will need some light. Torchlight could be deceiving.”

There was no answer,

“Davin?”

The Mage was not with them.

“Figures he would disappear when we need him” Sonya could barely contain her contempt.

“So do we look for him? Or do we continue on?”

The questions hung in the air unanswered.

To be continued…

[Pasarga]

"Do you feel bad at all that if we win our next two matches, against relatively weak opposition, that we will be keeping either Pretty Awesome Persons or Dorian and Sonya out of directly qualifying for the Finals?"

"Nope, not a bit. Do you?"

"Well, a little bit, yeah. They are good people, respectable opponents, and they make me laugh a bit."

"That is all well and nice, but why should we feel guilty for finding a measure of success? It is not like the Wanderers have not had their own share of misery over the years even though we might be all those things as well."

"Karma perhaps."

"Alright, will I be disappointed and somewhat saddened if they do not win their playoff, if indeed we win our next two matches, yes I will be. But dude, there is still three matches to play."

"Oh, I know, but I am in a bit of a reflective mood."

"Still not gone to the doctor about those sleeping issues eh?"

"No, I have not, but I am starting to think I might need to."

"Could not hurt now could it?"

"No, I suppose it could not."

"You going to eat that last waffle?"

"Yeah, I love waffles! Hey, don't look at my waffle that way! Back you!"

"WAFFLES!"