Cherry Cup Resurrection: Vingt-et-un

[Kalaallit Nunaat]

Welcome to Cherry Cup 21: the Resurrection (call it CCR if you like...)

The Cherry Cup measures excellence in hockey: the fastest game on ice. There are other ways to measure ice hockey excellence: for those, we also recommend the World Cup of Hockey. The Cup will be played in Kalaallit Nunaat, pictured in all her beauty here:



Thirty countries have elected to take part.

Division draw. Carried out randomly but personally by Tiffany Aglukark: of Kalaallit Nunaat, Iansisle and her other dependencies beyond the sea, Queen and Sovereign

Duke of Clarence division
(plays in Aglukark Gardens, City of Cherrialuit)
Mohawk Clans
Kalaallit Nunaat
Krytenia
Ardathium
Belin and Nord Islands
Qazox

Hayley Wickenheiser Division
(plays in The Bunker, Susan Town)
Sarzonia
Chrinthanium
Tanah Burung
Lithatrius
Shofercia
Meguroko

Don Cherry Fashion Disaster Division
(plays in Arena Seven, City of Ultima Thule)
Iansisle
Southwest 2Fort
Virabia
Kazzoria
Passionate Redheads
The Fanboyists

Price of Whales Division
(plays in Donrink, City of Cape Maclean)
Darmen
Civil Citizenry
North Chicanan
Cotdelapoms
Teinohikira
Undead soldier land

Zut Alors Division
(plays in Susan’s Jewelbox, City of Aglukavik)
Delaclava
Mangolana
Starblaydia
Swartaz
Belgeland
Septentriona

Scoring: Two points for a win. One point for a tie. No points for a loss. No overtime in division matches. Scores are determined using DICE. Ooh, scary!

Schedule:
Day one
1 v 6
2 v 5
3 v 4

Day two
1 v 5
2 v 4
3 v 6

Day three
1 v 2
3 v 5
4 v 6

Day four
1 v 3
2 v 6
4 v 5

Day five
1 v 4
2 v 3
5 v 6

Playoffs: The top three teams in each division, plus the best-placed of the remaining teams, will advance to the playoff round. The extra qualifier will be seeded 16 and play the top point-winner. Number 2 will play number 15, and so on. For the purpose of seeding, ties on points are broken by goal difference; then if still tied by number of goals scored; then if still tied by coin toss.

Rosters: Post one if you like. Not required however. Everything can go in this thread.

[Shofercia]

"Err, why'd you sign us up for Cherry Cup Volunteers?"
"Well, you know how to hold a hockey stick, and how to shoot, right?"
"Isn't hockey a bit more than that?"
"Just a bit. Let's go!"

For the Cherry Cup - Team Shofercia will have employees of the following organizations make up the lines:

Line One - Shofercian Special Forces!
Motto: "Even if we don't win, we'll kick your butt!" (OOC Note: If you RP these guys as getting into fights, they must always win, unless fighting a black belt or something, and even then they're very likely to win.)

Line Two - Shofercian Academy of Foreign Affairs!
Motto: "We might be intellectuals, but we still pick up chicks!"

Line Three - Shofercian Royal Pilots!
Motto: "If you think our planes are fast, just wait until you see the slapshots!"

Line Four - Shofercian Assemblymen!
Motto: "Who the heck signed us up?!"

Lines to come later, once I design the characters.

Team Motto: "We'll do better than Shofercia's Hockey Team did at the Olympics!"
Team Name: WGA Keepers!

[Qazox]

Somewhere in the bowels of the Qazoxian Hockey Federation...

G. Zuss Christ was sitting in his office, well if you could call a folding chair and a ricketty card table next to the recycling bins in the basement of the Qazox Sports Federation an office. Greg Zuss Christ, yes he's aware of the pun/blasphemy his name is, but that's what happens when your two moms are militant lesbian atheist comedians. So when the Cherry Cup Ressurection paperwork came down the chute to be placed into the paper recycling bin, which was usually empty, as everything was done electronically now-a-days; he looked at the paper, like he usually did. He read about the Cherry Cup, a tournement that hadn't been held in over 50 years (qazox time-linewise), but had a great past. G. Zuss Christ decided on a whim to fill out the paperwork and send it in to Kalaallit Nunaat as a joke.

CHERRY CUP VINGT-ET-UN APPLICATION
Nation: Qazox
Nickname: Wrestlers
Coach Name: G(reg) Zuss Christ
Starting Roster
Goalie: Paul Wight (aka BIG SHOW)
Defense: Jake Hager (aka JACK SWAGGER) and Phil Brooks (aka C.M. PUNK)
Forwards: Mike Mizanin (aka the MIZ); JOHN CENA and John Hennigan (aka JOHN MORRISSON)
Reserves:
Goalie: Glenn Jacobs (aka KANE)
Defense 2: RANDY ORTON and William Reso (aka CHRISTIAN)
Forwards 2: Stu Bennett (aka WADE BARRETT), Stephen Farrelly (aka SHEAMUS) and Paul Lloyd Jr. (aka JUSTIN GABRIEL)

2 Weeks later...

Greg was sitting in his office when the Presient of the QSF Jake Folger (yes i go through QSF presidents like water through a horse) stormed into the Recyling Room.

"What the ****ing hell is this crap?" Folger yelled.

"What is what sir?" Greg replied.

"We're in the Cherry Cup? I thought I threw this away!" Folger bellowed.

"I'm sorry sir. I just sent it in as a joke." Greg replied, pissing his pants.

"Well, Get ready." Folger said.

"Ready for what?" Greg asked, with the piss beginning to trickle down his leg and pool at his feet.

"To go to Cherrialuit, Kalaallit Nunaat; Coach Christ. You have a week to get your team there. And clean up that piss pool." Folger replied.

(please use the RING NAMEs in your RP's!)

[Iansisle]

They say that the grapes in Iansisle / grow sour on the vine

Hollow screams rebounded over the barren moors around Castle Langdone, causing the miserable peasants living in the dread shadow to huddle closer in their poor hovels. They knew that the necromancer was not satisfied; his experiments in drunken dwarf blood had proved a miserable failure and the reanimated corpses of the Gulls' glorious teams of yore had proved incapable of bringing the Cherry Cup back to Iansisle. The sound of batwings flapping over the countryside was now enough to get even the bravest of men to huddle under the kitchen table with a clove of garlic and their crucifix.

Up in the castle, ringed with ominous lightning, the immortal necromancer Ashlee Langdone surveyed the miserable condition of his practice team. Zombie Brett Larson lay in several twitching pieces just past where he had been checked into the boards – it is such a tedious job to continuously resew these cadavars – and zombie B.J. MacPherson and zombie Sergei Naumov (who had left his goal wide open to join in) were fighting over the brains of the peasant who had been staked to the sacrificial goalpost. Sickly green eldritch bolts flew from his fingers as he attempted to prod his players back into the game.

There was no time for this nonsense – not with another Cherry Cup in the offing!

Zombie Martin St. Amour, one of the only ones still skating, let up a shower of shaved ice as he powered to a stop.

Another Cherry Cup.

“Not you too, Martin! The goal is wide open! Shoot the puck! Fools!”

Another Cherry Cup.

The green lines of gore and ectoplasm that had corrupted the orange and white uniform of the Gulls players began to fade on St. Amour's chest.

Another Cherry Cup. Another chance.

“What is this? Stop it at once, I say!”

Cherry Cup – Resurrection.

Now St. Amour's body was starting to levitate and spin ever so gradually as it left the tainted ice behind. The other zombies were starting to follow suit.

Cherry Cup

“Noooooooooo!” The force of his anguish began to tear down Castle Langdone down. Below, even peasants started to venture forth to see the ray of bright, light white erupting from its tallest tower. This was not something of the necromancer's creation, they could instinctively sense. An intangible wind blew the fear from their mind as the light grew to its peak intensity, bathing all of the Republic in a sense of warmth and security.

Resurrection – Redemption

“I'm sorry, Ashlee,” said one peasant before the light enveloped him. “But that's a two minute penalty for cross-dressing.” The light was beautifully blinding.

CHERRY CUP

Very far away...

“Where are the Gulls? Find them!”

“They're bankrupt, don't you know? Bet the whole farm to Mau Slurp and lost it.”

“That was rather sudden, wasn't it? Leaving the country with nothing but a pathetic baseball franchise and the whiniest football team ever?”

“Perhaps it was true what they said. Hockey was never meant to be played in San D...er, Iansisle.”

“No, wait! I found them! They were just in the shower!”

“Wait, what!?”

“Wasn't there something about zombies? I very clearly remember zombies.”

“Back for one last exhabition game before voyaging to Kalaallit Nunaat to once again bring home the Cherry Cup: St. Amour – MacPherson – Reeves – Larson – Visegorodcevs – Naumov – your five-time Taylor Cup CHAMPION Iansisle GUUUUUUUUUUUUULLS!”

[Chrinthanium]

In the Imperial Federation of Chrinthanium, a warm and tropical nation--most of the year--the thoughts of glory on ice were a distant memory after several disasterous outings on the few times it actually snowed in the mountains. Drunken Chrinthani with sharp blades upon their feet, half-frozen lakes that gave way under the weight of so many unskilled sportsman. The first--and only--ever nationally sanctioned game in the empire was a compete and total disaster. Bloody Tuesday it was later dubbed by the hordes of doctors and nurses called to the scene to treat thousands of injuries sustained when the first drunken fight broke out on the ice. Perhaps arming the Chrinthani with really big razor blades on shoes isn't the best thing when you add a few pints of amber nectar to the mix.

And so, fifteen years later, the Chrinthani enter themselves in the Cherry Cup. Brave young men, picked from the brightest and best surfers in the empire--everyone knows how graceful surfers are on ice--will take to the field to represent His Imperial Majesty and the People of Chrinthanium in the manliest of sports. The Chrinthani being told that Hockey is basically Rugby with weapons played on ice. Of course they would join!

And so, as the Imperials arrived in Kalaallit Nunaat, they walked off of the commercial liner dressed in typical Chrinthani fashion. And never before did Chrinthani manhood retreat faster than when they hit that cool, crisp air. Thongs (what you lot might call flip-flops), board shorts, button up shirts with collars and trendy logos, Oakley sunglasses and wavy surfer hair seemed to be rather under dressed as the representatives of Chrinthanium made their way to the practice facility.

Of course, besides the Pride of Chrinthanium, the Dentists Without Borders team also made their way to the practice facility complete with enough dental supplies to make Great Britain smile proud once again. Never say the Chrinthani didn't care about good dental hygine. Yet, somehow, the lessons learned on Bloody Tuesday, along with the three hundred and sixty four fake teeth which were implanted in Chrinthani's that day, resonnated in the minds of the dentists who saw this as their chance to show the Queen that healthy teeth are something worth keeping and maintaining.

[Southwest 2Fort]

ISB Head Brewster ways in Chances at Cherry Cup

John Smith: We are here with the head of the ISB or International Sports Body, Scout Brewster. Scout thanks for talking with us.

Scout: Thanks you sir.

JS: Why did you decided to join this Cherry cup in the first place? SW @fort is primarily desert.

SB: Well in the Mountains we actually have a lot of people in the Mt Labb, Frostbite City area into this sport. We figured that entering a team might make the sport more nationally accepted.

JS: Interesting. SO what do you think is the likely outcome for our team?

SB: Ugh, I wish I could say that we will win it all, but that would be way to much lying on my part. I honestly think we are stuck in the toughest group in the Cup. Fanboyist and Ianisle are insanely tough to beat from what I hear, with Ianisle having a very large tradition of Hockey in there country. Kazzoria may be one of the top two but I lean more toward Ian and Fanboy. No Offense to them, but I think that Redheads may be our only shot at a total victory.

JS: Really now?

SB: Yeah.

JS: Do you have a roster I can add to this interview so the Public can follow?

SB: Yeah, tak it on at the end.

JS: Thanks, and you have been quite a sport for interviewing.

SB: Naturally


Southwest 2Fort Red-Blu's Hockey Team


WINGS

starters in bold

#99 James MacDougan
#98 Leo Connardi
#89 Doug Willis
#31 Reed Smith
#0 Rod Fielder
#21 Bobby Bowsher

CENTERS

#70 Jason Macduffie
#2 Way Longman
#54 Rick Ard-Rydell

DEFENDERS

#1 Joe Stott
#77 Joe Stonnenbreckerson
#00 Holden Ford
#50 Jack Mast
#44 Tracy Compton
#92 Prince Anderson-Millhouse

GOALKEEPERS
#3 Evan Ross
#8 Shane McLeary
#48 Jimmi Johnson Jr

[Kazzoria]

Iansisle
Southwest 2Fort
Virabia
Kazzoria
Passionate Redheads
The Fanboyists

Our team consists of 100% organic fillets of walrus meat that have been recomposed and animated into a bunch of mildly confused hockey players. They are possibly the worst team ever to turn up on a pair of skates, although they did manage 3rd in the South east Cordian alcoholics anonymous and priests league. They will all be fixed to big metal poles going across the stadium, like foosball. Starters in bold.

Men who skate at the back:

The Kazzorian Cherry scroll
These men bravely skate at the back and will be paid with twenty bags of shrimp for every period without conceding. If they fail to keep all attempts out they shall be punished by having shrimps stuck in their ears.

#42.1 Frugsy
Weight: 22 st 7lbs
Height: 3ft 2in
#42.9483 Genbbey
Weight: 18st
Height: 2ft 11in

Men who skate in a vaguely sideways direction:

The Kazzorian Cherry scroll
These men who skate vaguely in a sideways direction will try and pass to the men who skate ahead of those who skate in a vaguely sideways direction. They shall be paid in 3 bags of jellyfish for every goal assisted or scored. If they don't they will be covered in live jelly fish and have a bucket strapped to their head to contain the jellies.

#106,789.34 Hyre
Weight: 16st 2lbs
Height: 2ft 11in
#106,789.923 Junyun
Weight: 35st 7lbs
Height: 3ft 1in
#106,791.01 Bfurd
Weight: 25st 9lbs
Height: 1ft 11in

Men who skate in front of those who skate in a vaguely sideways direction:

These men who skate in front of those who skate in a vaguely sideways direction must try and put the puck in the net. They shall be paid with 5 bags of fox hair for every goal they score. If they shan't score a goal in a game they shall be covered in honey and fox hair until they do.

#0.987 Jykre
Weight: 23st 8lbs
Height: 2ft 9in
#0.9843 Punwar*
Weight: 19st 13lbs
Height: 0ft 3in
#0.985327 Fwaer^
Weight: 0st 3lbs
Height: 12ft 7in
*Punwar will play until he gains 4 pound, then he will probably turn into a miniature black hole and be thrown into space due to his density.
^Fwaer is actually a very heavy gas. Scientists are currently trying to turn him into liquid and then eventually a solid.

[Tanah Burung]

Ladies and gentlemen and genderqueers and assorted sentient animal species (but not elves, there's no such thing): welcome to Mau Slurp's House of Gambling!

Presenting your host, Mr Mau Slurp....

Welcome to da show. I'm offering 5-1 odds that I will make it trough da night widdout passing out drunk. Place yer bets!

So, it's been a while since da House of Gambling offered much in da way of spots action. I want to dank my friend Queen Tiffany Aglukark of Kalakimwa- ... Kaladingdong- of Greenland for decidin to host anudder Cherry Cup. I know she can take a joke, so I'm laying [seven[/i] to one odds against her emerging from da tourmanent widdout losing any more teeth.

I'm just sayin, she's not a poster child for dental hygiene.

Now, as to certain recent events. I can assure da good people of Iansisle day my goons are not gonna be boddering dem one bit dis year. Yes, dey lost a bet, but da proceeds – da entire GDP of Iansisle – go direct to da winner, my friend Queen Toothless. And if she wants to pay be a small commission, den who am I to complain? A few buddies might go pay her a visit if da commission is not enough, but it will just be to pay our respects. We always pays da respects to da kneecaps first, of course. Dat’s Burungi tradition!

Now, as to Tanah Burung. Since dis is a tropical country and we don’t really have any skating rinks, da odds on Tanah Burung winning da Cherry Cup are now at 25-1 against. It’s my pleasure to announce da team, all drawn from our fine army. After all, who needs em? It’s not like we’re fightin a war or anyding like dat. I’m just sayin.

Now, place your bets on what nickname da national hockey team will get! Of course, since Tanah Burung means da Land of Birds, it has to be after some birds. Like da Crocodiles, our old football team. Whadday mean crocodiles can’t fly? OK, like da Gulls. Except dat’s taken. Something else, den.

Parrots: 3-1
Parokeets: 4-1
Toucans: 5-1
Macaws: 6-1
Pelicans: 8-1
Ostriches: 8-1
Emus: 10-1
Cockatoos: 25-1
Flamingos: 25-1
Lovebirds: 30-1
Puffbirds: 30-1
Rollers: 35-1
Screamers: 35-1
Thrashers: 35-1
Woodcreepers: 40-1
Oystercatchers: 40-1
Flying Crocodiles: 50-1
Stealing someone else’s name and calling demselves Gulls anyway: 50-1
Roughriders: 50-1

Now, da Puffbirds (er, make dat even odds on Puffburds, den)…. Da Puffbirds have managed to find two forward lines and two defence lines and two goalies. I keep telling dem dat only half of dem can be on da ice at once. Odds on penalties being called for too many men on da ice: 7-1 in favour.

Forwards:

Da first line, da French Fry Connection:
Taur Matan Ruak
Lere Annan Timor
Rate Laek Falur

Da second line, da Flying French Fries
Mau Buti
Mauk Moruk
L7

Defence:
Ai Tahan Matak
Falur Rate Laek

Da other defencemen:
Mau Lequi
Tiar Lelo

Da goalies:
Kay Rala Sha Na Na
Lu Olo

(ooc: any similarities between these names and the top ranks of the East Timorese armed forces are purely intentional. And a bit lazy.)

[Starblaydia]

Starblaydia's national ice hockey team, the Rayzors, have a record haul of five Cherry Cup trophies (four, if you listen to anyone from Iansisle) and are the most successful team in Cherry Cup history. The team is made up entirely of Dwarves, who each play for their guild in the 8-team Starblaydi Dwarven League.

Dwarves, once they finally learn how to skate, are quite good on the ice thanks to their relatively high strength and low centre of gravity. They're also generally a mob of aggressive little drunks who will give you Multiple Axe Wounds as soon as look at you, if you're from Iansisle. Or Kalalalit Nunaat. Or Tanah Burung. And Krytenia. Plus some other places.

A 7-0 victory over Kalaallit Nunaat in the Semi-Finals of Cherry Cup 8 resulted in the banning of Dwarven races (and any male or female under 5' and 4'6" respectively) from the Inuit nation, though this has recently been lifted in order for the Rayzors to compete. Starblaydia also trashed Kalaallit Nunaat 8-2 in the Final of Cherry Cup 16 to take a fourth Championship and confirm their place as the greatest team of all time. Just to rub it in, they won Cherry Cup 18 as well. Safe to say that many veteran Ice Hockey nations from before the time of the World Cup of Hockey generally have a mixture of hate, fear, loathing, irritation and annoyance - with perhaps even a tinge of unmentioned jealousy - for the Rayzors or 'thosee lucky stunty bastards', as they're fondly referred to.

Coach:
• Coach Haztarr
A barely understandable, amusingly bi-polar, Hockey coach, who is somewhat of a celebrity in Dwarven circles.

1st Line:
• Thyria Honnhirrim, Centre - Electrickery Guild
Thyria is the only female on the team, being a male-to-female transexual. Gets into a lot of fights, possibly as a result.
• Thorin Nibin (C), Wing - Brewer's Team
Thorin is a way cool snowboarder, radical dude!
• Thrain Naugrim, Wing - Brewer's Team
• Thingol Zaram, Defence - Electrickery Guild
• Dimrill Barazinbar, Defence - Brewer's Team
Dimrill's alcohol stream occasionally has a high blood content.
• Dagnir Tumunzahar, Goal - Mining Co-Operative Guild
Has a series of incredible, multi-coloured funky hairstyles, but is profoundly deaf.

Replacements:
• Gromril Tamanubaz, Centre - BeardBraiders United
Gromril wears his hair and beards in a selection of excellently-braided styles. Plus, he has a story about absolutely everything...
• Floror Hemanguroth, Centre - Brewer's Team
A madcap inventor notable for his hawaiian shirts and braided beard.
• Nebazarr Mahamhir (A), Centre - Runic Guild
• Haradin Azanulbizarn, Wing - Electrickery Guild
• Thorion Ganuztar, Wing - Runic Guild
Fast down the ice, but faster with a cutting jibe or witty put-down.
• Gonotrill Harantzim, Wing - Mountain Mithrils
• Banghiman Fortrekhir, Wing - Electrickery Guild
• Thorin Hazbathim, Wing - Runic Guild
• Gotrek Ramanzabar, Wing - Mining Co-Operative Guild
• Fingon Nongortheb, Defence - Runic Guild
• Danwedh Turgrim, Defence - Brewer's Team
Tattooed seemingly from head to toe (as much as we can see, at least). Loves bacon sandwiches.
• Balak Fingorram, Defence - Engineering Union
A ballistics expert and trajectory specialist.
• Hagard Haztarr, Defence - BeardBraiders United
• Nurri Temekrahin (A), Defence - Mining Co-Operative Guild
Described as 'Peter Kay on Ice', whoever he is.
• Grimcrag Torinzahar, Goal - Mining Co-Operative Guild
Stops the ball by virtue of being enormously fat. Is somewhat of a ladies man, perhaps down to the large purple fedora with lime green feather he wears while not on the ice.

The Look:
Of Love.
Is iinnnnnn your eyes.

The look your heart can't disguise

[North Chicanan]

North Chicanan Daily Rabbler
Lets See When We Lose Our Minds

National Roster Out For Cherry Cup
No Idea Who We're Facing

Laci Schwein, St. John's

The North Chicanan Seawolves National Team was released today at a live press conference far from the continued NCFA protests, at Athletic Park in south St. John's.

Team coach Jason Swizzer, newly appointed from Halifax, chose to bring the same team that played rather remarkably well during the last World Cup to the grand return of the Cherry Cup, a tournament long in our nation's lore. For the whole hosting the thing twice while our Sports Minister tried to kidnap an entire hockey side due to the fact they were of the rabbit variety. And those huge prayer towers installed in old Acadia and Livingston. And the not-scandal over refs from Villita.

Ah, memories.

Well, the squad that went out in the round of 16 in Qazox will be heading to Kalaallit Nunaat for the first time, and is very excited to have a shot at another dismal Cherry Cup result!

Starting Line

RD Evan Jones (#6, Crossings Spears)
RW Finn Williams (#19, York)
C Will Pjanni (#17, York City)
LW Ashley Jones (#8, Halifax)
LD Diem Wynn (#22, Alexandria)

Second Line

RD Eric Quoll (#35, Transvaal County)
RW James Monroe (#4, Halifax)
C Wyatt Elizabeth (#40, Crossings Rangers)
LW Paul Tonas (#18, Amsterdam County)
LD Tommy Jones (#33, Highlands)

Third Line

RD Houston Biellman (#12, Halifax)
RW Benji Phoenix (#29, Castille)
C Yannik Allon (#20, Kinsington)
LW George Mittlegan (#11, Livingston)
LD Marcus Ballad (#27, Amsterdam County)

Fourth Line

RD Alex Shitou (#7, Crossings Spears)
RW Alex Daniels (#13, Amsterdam County)
C Reggie Stinnik (#15, Port Elizabeth)
LW Samuel Washington (#36, Northwest)
LD Aiden Polk (#21, Livingston)

Keepers

Starter: James Willet (#27, Castille)
Reserves: Helix Denall (#28, Amsterdam County)

Manager: Jason Swizzer (Halifax)
Assistant: Adam Powell (York City)

As for the team's chances, we haven't a clue. Due to the very nature of the Cherry Cup results are always hard to call, but we always like our odds in hockey for advancement. We'll be in Donrink for the opening matches, competing in the Prince of Whales division against Darmen, Civil Citizenry, Cotdelapoms, Teinohikira and Undead soldier land.

Well, we played Cotdelapoms in the World Cup and we think we've played Civil Citizenry somewhere in Footy. Teinohikira sounds familiar and Darmen too. So hey, it's a vaguely interesting group that we could very well win.

All the other groups looks maginficently intriguing, with the hosts getting Krytenia and Qazox in the Duke of Clarence, Sarzonia and Tanah Burung in the Hayley Wickenheiser, Iansisle headlining the always outstanding Don Cherry Fashion Disaster and Starblaydia, Delaclava and Swrtaz in the Zut Alors. It will be very interesting how the matches roll for the clubs we tend to know better about.

Choose my goalscorers: Yes
Godmod scoring events: Yep
RP injuries to my players: Yes
Godmod injuries to my players: No
Hand out penalties to my players: Yes
Godmod other events: Within reason
STYLE MODIFIER: 0

[Kalaallit Nunaat]

Day 1 scores

Duke of Clarence division
Mohawk Clans 3 Qazox 2
Kalaallit Nunaat 5 Belin and Nord Islands 6
Krytenia 1 Ardathium 0

Hayley Wickenheiser Division
Sarzonia 1 Meguroko 4
Chrinthanium 4 Shofercia 7
Tanah Burung 1 Lithatrius 0

Don Cherry Fashion Disaster Division
Iansisle 6 The Fanboyists 5
Southwest 2Fort 3 Passionate Redheads 2
Virabia 3 Kazzoria 0

Price of Whales Division
Darmen 4 Undead soldier land 0
Civil Citizenry 4 Teinohikira 1
North Chicanan 5 Cotdelapoms 1

Zut Alors Division
Delaclava 9 Septentriona 2
Mangolana 0 Belgeland 0
Starblaydia 4 Swartaz 1

Standings
-------------------------P	W	L	T	GF	GA	Pts
Duke of Clarence division
Belin and Nord Islands---1	1	0	0	6	5	2
Mohawk Clans-------------1	1	0	0	3 	2	2
Krytenia-----------------1	1	0	0	1 	0	2
Kalaallit Nunaat---------1	0	1	0	5	6	0
Qazox--------------------1	0	1	0	2	3	0
Ardathium----------------1	0	1	0	0	1	0

Hayley Wickenheiser Division
Shofercia----------------1	1	0	0	7	4	2
Meguroko-----------------1	1	0	0	4	1	2
Tanah Burung-------------1	1	0	0	1 	0	2
Lithatrius---------------1	0	1	0	0	1	0
Sarzonia-----------------1	0	1	0 	1 	4	0
Chrinthanium-------------1	0	1	0	4 	7	0

Don Cherry Fashion Disaster Division
Virabia------------------1	1	0	0	3 	0	2
Iansisle-----------------1	1	0	0	6 	5	2
Southwest 2Fort----------1	1	0	0	3 	2	2
Passionate Redheads------1	0	1	0	2	3	0
The Fanboyists-----------1	0	1	0	5	6	0
Kazzoria-----------------1	0	1	0	0	3	0

Price of Whales Division
North Chicanan-----------1	1	0	0	5 	1	2
Darmen-------------------1	1	0	0	4 	0	2
Civil Citizenry----------1	1	0	0	4 	1	2
Teinohikira--------------1	0	1	0	1	4	2
Undead soldier land------1	0	1	0	0	4	0
Cotdelapoms--------------1	0	1	0	1	5	0

Zut Alors Division
Delaclava----------------1	1	0	0	9 	2	2
Starblaydia--------------1	1	0	0	4 	1	2
Mangolana----------------1	0	0	1	0 	0	1
Belgeland----------------1	0	0	1	0	0	1
Swartaz------------------1	0	1	0	1	4	0
Septentriona-------------1 	0	1	0	2	9	0

[Darmen]

Darmen Sporting News
Issue 1-Volume 3-Thursday, May 5th, 2011
Darmen wins first game of Cherry Cup
Darmens National Inmate Ice Hockey(1-0) team, made up of 20 Inmates from around the country, actually won, and dominated Undead Solider Land(0-1). Darmen won 4-0. Of the 20 players on the team, only 6 finished the game, with the other 14 all being ejected from the game for fighting, against EACH OTHER! The coach of the team, John Bush said, "I think that if we stop fighting, we might win every game by 20 goals."

[Southwest 2Fort]

Brilliant win for Red-Blu's

The Southwest 2Fort Red-Blu's pulled one out of the hat yesterday when Rick Ard-Rydell scored a goal with 1:58 on the clock. The Goal was Cheer about in pubs all over the nation despite Half of the pub goers not even knowing the rules. Ard-Rydell Also Scored in the first half when he got an assist from defenseman Holden Ford, Ford also gave Ard-Rydell his assist on the game winner. Also Scoring in the game was Reed Smith who scored with 5:02 left in the first period with assistance from reserve Leo Connardi

[Qazox]

G(reg). Zuss Christ sat in the locker room after the 3-2 loss to Mohawk Clans, whn his cell phone rang.

"G. Zuss Christ, how can i help you today?" Greg said.

"So, why did we lose?" Jake Folger, QSF President said. "We have a guy in goal that's 7'3" 500 pounds! How the hell did he even allow one goal, let alone 3?"

"Well, Sir, or one, most of these guys naver had skated before. and secondly, we kept getting stupid penalties." Greg replied.

"Stupid penalties? Like what?" Folger asked.

"For instance, Swagger locked in an ankle-lock on one of the opposing players and broke his ankle. He got a game misconduct, and we were a man down for 10 minutes!" Greg replied, the desparation in his voice.

"So? That's what we're paying them for. For intimidation! Alright. Tell them they can't do submission moves, unless they get into a fight, and only after the other guy swings first." Folger said. "I don't want us losing another game!"

SCORING SUMMARY:
Mohawk Clans: 3:01 (1st) PPG 0-1
Mohawk Clans: 17:19 (2nd) PPG 0-2
Qazox: Sheamus (Wade Barrett and Christian) 15:03 (3rd) 1-2
Mohawk Clans: 4:11 (3rd) PPG 1-3
Qazox: The Miz (unassisted) 0:15 (3rd) 2-3

PENALTY SUMMARY:
Qazox: Jack Swagger- 5 minute Fighting- 7:01 (1st)
Mohawk Clans: Def #2- 5 minutes fighting- 7:01 (1st)
Qazox: Swagger- 10 minute misconduct- 7:01 (1st)
Qazox: Swagger- Game misconduct- 7:01 (1st)
Qazox: John Cena- 4 minute double minor (boarding)- 1:11 (1st)
Qazox: Randy Orton- 4 minute double minor (slashing)- 17:03 (2nd)
Qazox: Orton- Roughing 12:57 (2nd)
Qazox: Sheamus- 5 minute fighting- 4:11 (2nd)
Mohawk Clans: Forward #3- 5 minute fighting- 4:11 (2nd)
Qazox: John Morrison - Delay of game- 19:33 (3rd)
Qazox: Big Show- Slashing (served by Christian)- 5:03 (3rd)
Qazox: The Miz- cross checking- 0:03 (3rd)

GAME STATS:
Shots on goal:
Qazox: 17 (5-2-10)
Mohawk Clans: 45 (14-17-14)

Penalties/minutes:
Qazox: 10 for 56
Mohawk Clans: 2 for 10

Powerplay:
Qazox: 0/0
MC: 3/7

[Septentrionia]

Septentrionia sends... Under-20s??!!??!?!

Yes, you read right: Septentrionia is sending it's Under-20 team to the Cherry Cup. Why? Well... apparently, the ASH believes that it can beat everybody, so hey, let's do it.

Left wing
Zacharie Fortin -
Grégoire Brisson
Xavier Bouffard
Benjamin Major

Centre
Étienne St-Georges
Patrick Bernier
Théodore Baillargeon
Daniel Brouillette

Right wing
Éric Leduc
Eugène Bacon
Arthur Belzil
Julien Charlebois

Left Defensemen
Antoine Demers
Henri Dion
Raymond Thiboutot

Right Defensemen
Bruno Parizeau
Francis Laverdière
Thierry Dionne

Goaltenders
Paul Beaupré
Xavier Beauchesne

The team was told that they would play in Aglukavik against the likes of Delaclava, Starblaydia and Swartaz. It is being thought that beating them should be easy, therefore, sending a team of junior hockey players should do the trick. At least, we hope.

[Iansisle]

At long last.

The Gulls win! The Gulls win!

It was an ugly game but such are par for the course in Iansisle, a side which made its international reputation by beating the tar out of its opponents (and making snow-related puns, if you catch my drift). After quickly building up a 5-2 lead over the Fanboyists, Iansisle squandered its advantage by letting the Fanboys spend most of the third period on the power play through sloppy penalties. The score was tied with only minutes left to play when St. Amour found the back of the net, lifting the Gulls to their first international win in decades.

Elsewhere in their division, Southwest 2Ford beat the Passionate Redheads and Virabia topped Kazzoria. Most Iansislean fans were unable to find references to these countries in Our Collective and Selective Memories and had little interest. Confused by the lack of odds on "Cassowaries" in Mau Slurp's gambling lineup, most in that lovely combination of arrogance and ignorance which characterized the Gulls fan were looking past the division to the real competition: with Tanah Burung (1-0 winners over Lithartrius), the host Iceberg (following their history, of course losing to Belin and Nord Islands), and Starblaydia (also losers despite their 4-1 conquest of Swartaz).

[Kazzoria]

TV Kazzoria with a presenter and the teams manager.

"Hello manager, how are you?"

"I've been better."

"Well yes you did lose, how come?"

"Well we just didn't have it in us, especially those who skate at the back. They were awful. I mean it's like they were inanimate objects!"

"Well they are."

"True."

"How are you stopping the meat going off?"

"Well we've pickled them with salty and sugary water for the past six months."

"That sounds pretty fall proof."

"Parts of them keep falling off though."

"That nice and it's all we have time for. Good night!"

[Shofercia]

Team Shofercia crushes Surfers, Hangs Ten - The Shofercian Breeze

Team Shofercia headed into the Cherry Cup, not knowing what to expect. The sent a mixed team of special forces, academics, air force pilots and politicians. But they forgot something. The Goalie. Realizing that the goalie plays a vital role in hockey, and that they were already at the airport, they frantically began yelling: "Anyone wants to be our goalie?" Not having heard much replies, they grabbed the first cute girl they saw, and made her the goalie. Since the team was mixed, why not have mixed goalies as well? The team made the coach the second goalie. Having thus secured the pipes, Team Shofercia was ready to go to Kalaallit Nunaat, and to have a blast!

The game opened up with the Special Forces winning the faceoffs, and "gently" skating it in. As a result of said "gentle" skating, several surfers ended up flying, producing roaring laughter in Shofercia's pubs. Realizing that they might as well take a few shots on goal, the Special Forces stared shooting, and much to everyone's shock and astonishment, a desperate shot from the blue line, which also prevent a counter-surfer rush, actually went it. Shofercia 1-0.

"Change the lines!"
"But we're not tired!"
"Does it say coach anywhere on my suit? Change the damn lines!"

And with that encouraging line change, the pilots changed the special forces. As was promised, the pilots entered the Surfer zone, and began with a flurry of slapshots. One of which passed by the goalie. Shofercia 2-0.

Then came the academics. After being pushed over by the surfers, they opted to start doing knucklepuck attacks. Surprisingly, one of them actually went off the top pipe - Shofercia 3-0. The knucklepuck jokes resulting from this goal could become a meme of their own. "All your knucklepucks are belong to us!"

After the academics, came the politicians, and the Surfers finally scored. Shofercia 3-1. "Damn politicians messing everything up" commented the leader of the special forces line. "Let's show 'em how it's done!" Shofercia 3-2.

"Way to show them how to skip a goal," jeered the Pilots. And with that, the period was over.

The second period began with the Special Forces getting one back, placing Shofercia up by 2, 4-2. Then came the Pilots, and again paid for their overconfidence, as it became a one goal game. A lot of flurries and fights on the ice followed, with even the politicians managing a shift or two without skipping a goal. In one of the fights, the Surfer tried to kick a Special Forces girl in the stomach, with his skate, but she caught it, and spun him around, sending him crashing in the Surfer goal. "Aren't you supposed to place the puck in the net and not the player?" a fellow linesman joked.

Shofercia's goalie was phenomenal. Turns out that she was the goalie of Shofercia's women's hockey team. The period closed out with the Special Forces beating the buzzer by a millisecond, and making the score 5-3 in favor of Shofercia.

The Academic line started out in the third period, and started by missing a goal. "We just wanted to be diplomatic, and ensure that all of Shofercia's lines missed a goal" they said. A minute later, the Pilots were flying on the ice, and scoring, making it 6-4 in favor of Shofercia. And surprising everyone, at the last minute, Shofercia's Politicians actually scored a goal, making it 7-4 in favor of Shofercia. It was a rough game, but it was extraordinarily fun to watch, especially with our boys and girls knowing how to Hang Ten, better than the Surfers!

[Kalaallit Nunaat]

Day 2 scores

Duke of Clarence division
Mohawk Clans 3 Belin and Nord Islands 3
Kalaallit Nunaat 4 Ardathium 0
Krytenia 3 Qazox 3

Hayley Wickenheiser Division
Sarzonia 4 Shofercia 5
Chrinthanium 4 Lithatrius 1
Tanah Burung 4 Meguroko 0

Don Cherry Fashion Disaster Division
Iansisle 0 Passionate Redheads 2
Southwest 2Fort 4 Kazzoria 1
Virabia 5 The Fanboyists 0

Price of Whales Division
Darmen 2 Teinohikira 5
Civil Citizenry 0 Cotdelapoms 2
North Chicanan 5 Undead soldier land 3

Zut Alors Division
Delaclava 5 Belgeland 6
Mangolana 0 Swartaz 1
Starblaydia 4 Septentriona 2

Standings
-------------------------P	W	L	T	GF	GA	Pts
Duke of Clarence division
Belin and Nord Islands---2	1	0	1	9	8	3
Mohawk Clans-------------2	1	0	1	6 	5	3
Krytenia-----------------2	1	0	1	4 	3	3
Kalaallit Nunaat---------2	1	1	0	9	6	2
Qazox--------------------2	0	1	1	5	6	1
Ardathium----------------1	0	2	0	0	5	0

Hayley Wickenheiser Division
Tanah Burung-------------2	2	0	0	5 	0	4
Shofercia----------------2	2	0	0	12	8	4
Chrinthanium-------------2	1	1	0	8 	8	2
Meguroko-----------------2	1	1	0	4	5	2
Lithatrius---------------2	0	2	0	1	5	0
Sarzonia-----------------2	0	2	0 	1 	8	0

Don Cherry Fashion Disaster Division
Virabia------------------2	2	0	0	8 	0	4
Southwest 2Fort----------2	2	0	0	7 	3	4
Passionate Redheads------2	1	1	0	4	3	2
Iansisle-----------------2	1	1	0	6 	7	2
The Fanboyists-----------2	0	2	0	5	11	0
Kazzoria-----------------2	0	2	0	1	7	0

Price of Whales Division
North Chicanan-----------2	2	0	0	10 	4	4
Teinohikira--------------2	1	1	0	6	6	4
Darmen-------------------2	1	1	0	6 	5	2
Civil Citizenry----------2	1	1	0	4 	3	2
Cotdelapoms--------------2	1	1	0	3	5	2
Undead soldier land------2	0	2	0	3	9	0

Zut Alors Division
Starblaydia--------------2	2	0	0	8 	3	4
Belgeland----------------2	1	0	1	6	5	3
Delaclava----------------2	1	1	0	14 	8	2
Swartaz------------------2	1	1	0	2	4	2
Mangolana----------------2	0	1	1	0 	1	1
Septentriona-------------2 	0	2	0	9	11	0

[Kalaallit Nunaat]

Queen Tiffany Aglukark was a bit embarrassed by her ancestor, the dread Queen Susan Aglukark. Susan had sent thousands to the gallows, for daring to cheer in the wrong tone of voice at a hockey game. After the ban on short people imposed when Starblaydia defeated Her Greenlandic Majesty's hockey players, Inuit parents all gave their children extra blubber to make them grow up big and strong, especially big and tall actually. Short Inuit lined up to be stretched on the rack, Queen Susan's fourth-favourite instrument of torture.

On the other hand, Queen Tiffany hoped to win the world over with her charm, and her toothy grin. She had mercy for her people. Those who qualified to play on the national hockey team, the Iceberg, were only whipped on weekends, or if their play fell below average.

But, the Iceberg opened with a devesting loss in Aglukark Gardens, shrine of the nation, by a score of 6 to 5 against the Belin and Nord Islands. Curly 'the Mangler' Tungluvik managed to get three goals and 36 penalty minutes on some very fast ice. The Queen has announced that no one in the country may use bells, on pain of being fed to the seals.

Day two was much more satisfying, a 4-0 Icebergging of Ardethium. The Queen has authorized water in the post-game showers to be raised to a temperature of ten degrees centigrade. Rejoice!

The Queen also requests visiting teams not to kidnap the cute girls on arrival in Cherrialuit if they have forgotten to bring enough players. The ugly girls are usually better at hickey anyway.

[Qazox]

G(reg). Zuss Christ awaited the inevitable phone call he was going to get after the 3-3 tie with Krytenia.

"Greg! Why did you put Kane in net for the final minute with a 3-2 lead?" Jake Folger asked over the phone.

"Uhmm, Big Show got hurt trying to do a diving elbow off the top of the net. So I had to put Kane in!" Greg replied.

"Yeah, and thanks to his pyrotechnics, he melted the ice for 10 feet around him, and everyone on the team had to swim near our net. I still say that it isn't a goal if a player's waves carry the puck under the ice and into the goal!" Folger demanded.

"It's not in the rulbook that it couldn't happen that way, but they are proabably not going to allow it in the future." Greg said,

"Whatever... at least you didn't lose... Win the next one or else start looking for a new job!" Folger said before hangng up.

Greg decide now would be a good time to get drunk...

SCORING SUMMARY:
Krytenia: 13:45 (1st) PPG 0-1
Qazox: Sheamus (Wade Barrett) 5:03 (2nd) 1-1
Krytenia: 19:02 (3rd) PPG 1-2
Qazox: John Morrison (John Cena and Jack Swagger) 7:45 (3rd) 2-2
Qazox: John Cena (unassisted) 5:03 SH (3rd) 3-2
Krytenia: 0:04 (3rd) 3-3 Extra attacker on ice.

PENALTY SUMMARY:
Qazox: CM Punk- Tripping- 14:58 (1st)
Krytenia: Def #5- roughing 5:09 (1st)
Qazox: Justin Gabriel- roughing- 15:19 (2nd)
Qazox: John Cena- spearing- 0:05 (2nd)
Krytenia: Def #5- 5 minute Fighting- 11:11 (3rd)
Qazox: Sheamus- 5 minute Fighting- 11:11 (3rd)
Qazox: Wade Barrett- Cross checking- 6:19 (3rd)

GAME STATS:
Shots on goal:
Qazox: 24 (7-9-8)
Krytenia: 29 (11-9-9)

Penalties/minutes:
Qazox: 5 for 13
Krytenia: 2 for 7

Powerplay:
Qazox: 0/1
Krytenia: 2/4

[North Chicanan]

North Chicanan Daily Rabbler
Lets See When We Lose Our Minds

Promising
Two Smashing Victories for the Seawolves

Laci Schwein, Cape Maclean, Hockey Cananda

Fears about the bad press of the national football side affecting the hockey chances have certainly fallen by the wayside as the Seawolves have scored two very impressive victories in the Cherry Cup to take the lead in the Prince of Whales Division.

The Seawolves rode a 5-1 victory over rivals Cotdelapoms, a far more impressive upset than the knockoff of their opponents during World Cup qualifiers. The win was marked by the club having some special patches on the unis representing past logos from the Cherry Cup, for the team is nothing if not bound and determined to pretend we're still relevant on the international stage, and we must remind everyone we were here once upon a time.

That good karma followed in a 5-3 victory over Undead soldier land, putting the 'Wolves up a game on future opponents Teinohikira, Darmen and Civil Citizenry. The win over Undead also inflates the goal scored and goal differential rating, helping the side in case of a tie.

Team coach Jason Swizzer said after the match he was most pleased with the wins, but that the team should not get too comfortable since there were still three games left and anyone could win in this most unpredictable of cups. He chose not to play down the unfamiliarity with their future opponents, saying a lack of knowledge made them more dangerous while saying Civil Citizenry's narrow goal ledger makes them far more dangerous than they let on.

The national side are up next against Teinohikira, and hoping to keep their win streak alive!

[Tanah Burung]

Welcome to Mau Slurp's House of Gambling

Ladies and gentlemen and everyone else, Mr Mau Slurp!

It has come to my attention that not all countries have sent their best teams to da Cherry Cup. I'm just sayin: under-20s? Beings who exist in a gaseous state? Puns, fer chrissakes? Dis is not da best field ever assembled.

Da Blue Boobies from Tanah Buring, den, are lookin pretty good. I'm not talking only about Taur Matan Ruak, winner of the Tiga Burung Most Handomest Man and Male-Identified Intersex Being Competition five years running. I'm talkin about deir chances on da ice. Sure, dis is a tropical country and dere's very few Burungis who can skate. But da Cockatoos is doin pretty good. I like deir chances. Especially since da brilliant goaltending of Kay Rala Sha Na Na means da Hornbills are da only team dat has not allowed a goal in two games. Well, exepct for Virabia. It's like da team's made up solely of guerrillas fighters who only know how to play defence. Oh wait, it is made only entirely of guerrilla fighters. Death to Knootoss, as dey say. I'm layin 10-1 odds against da Ostriches going da whole tournament widdout letting in any goals, dough.

Who else can you bet on?

Well, all da teams in da Duke of Clarence Division are lookin terrible. But my buddy Queen Tiffany is entirely capable of breaking da kneecaps of every odder team in da division. So I'm offerin odds of 8-1 on Kalafingding. Odds of 20-1 against Qazox, they's havin some trouble so far. I dunno about da rest of dem, let's say 15-1 on everyone else.

In da Wickenhesier Division, hey, da Emus are on top. OK, Odds of 5-1 on da Emus. Or whaddever dey's called. Shofercia looks pretty strong too. Odds on dem can be 6-1. Dey sure can score goals. Maybe dey's takin steroids. I'm jsut sayin, someone should check. Chrindandium in wid a chance too, odds of 10-1. Da rest, oh, I'm gonna say 15-1.

Da Don Cherry Fashion Disaster Division is innerstin. It looks like da strognest division, dat's for sure. I like Virabia, dey is undefeated and haven't conceded a single goal. Hey, check dem for steroids too. And Soudwestnumberfort. Check dem. In da meantime, I'm callin dese two teams strong contenders. I coulda been a contender too, if it wasn't for you damn kids. Odds of 4-1 on Virabia and Directionnumberfort. Den deere's Iansisle, dose notorious welchers. Someone shoudl palnt steriods on dem, and den check dem for steroids. Da Gulls are 1-1 and but can't be counted out. Odds: 6-1. Since Passionate Redheads beat dem, 6-1 on dem too. And on da others, oh, let's say 15-1.

Den dere's da Price of Whales division. Da price of whales today is 7.4-million loonies. Or dey can be purchased for one whale. I like North Chicanan in dis division. Dey's managed to exceed da expectations. Aldough, da expectations are pretty low for everyone. I'm just sayin. Maybe dey oughta be checked for whale steroids. Odds on dem: 5-1. Odds on da rest? Oh, let's say 15-1. I am totally not makin dis up as I go along.

Finally, zut alors! Someone's makin fun of da langue d'amour. In dis last division, someone oughta remind Starblaydia dat dis game is supposed to be played wid hockey sticks, not bloody great axes. I have a sneakin suspicion dat it's not so much da Rayzors' skill as the fact dat all da other teams are afraid of dem. So dey is 2-0, and I'm puttin dem as da favourite to win anudder Cherry Cup, wid odds of 3-1. I figgered Septentriona would do well, since speakin French always means you're better at hockey, but apparently they sent a bunch of children. Fresh-faced little darlins who keep sayin tabernouche and blushin. It's adorable. Odds: 30-1. Odds on da udders? Oh, let's say 15-1.

[Kalaallit Nunaat]

Day 3 scores

Duke of Clarence division
Mohawk Clans 2 Kalaallit Nunaat 1
Krytenia 0 Belin and Nord Islands 3
Ardathium 2 Qazox 4

Hayley Wickenheiser Division
Sarzonia 0 Chrinthanium 3
Tanah Burung 6 Shofercia 1
Lithatrius 2 Meguroko 5

Don Cherry Fashion Disaster Division
Iansisle 4 Southwest 2Fort 1
Virabia 6 Passionate Redheads 0
Kazzoria 2 The Fanboyists 6

Price of Whales Division
Darmen 4 Civil Citizenry 2
North Chicanan 7 Teinohikira 0
Cotdelapoms 3 Undead soldier land 4

Zut Alors Division
Delaclava 0 Mangolana 5
Starblaydia 0 Belgeland 5
Swartaz 2 Septentriona 4

Standings
-------------------------P	W	L	T	GF	GA	Pts
Duke of Clarence division
Belin and Nord Islands---3	2	0	1	12	8	5
Mohawk Clans-------------3	2	0	1	8 	6	5
Qazox--------------------3	1	1	1	9	8	3
Krytenia-----------------3	1	1	1	4 	6	3
Kalaallit Nunaat---------3	1	2	0	10	8	2
Ardathium----------------3	0	3	0	2	9	0

Hayley Wickenheiser Division
Tanah Burung-------------3	3	0	0	11 	1	6
Shofercia----------------3	2	1	0	18	9	4
Chrinthanium-------------3	2	1	0	11 	8	4
Meguroko-----------------3	2	1	0	9	7	4
Lithatrius---------------3	0	3	0	3	10	0
Sarzonia-----------------3	0	3	0 	1 	11	0

Don Cherry Fashion Disaster Division
Virabia------------------3	3	0	0	14 	0	6
Iansisle-----------------3	2	1	0	10 	9	4
Southwest 2Fort----------3	2	1	0	8 	7	4
The Fanboyists-----------3	1	2	0	11	11	2
Passionate Redheads------3	1	2	0	4	9	2
Kazzoria-----------------3	0	3	0	3	13	0

Price of Whales Division
North Chicanan-----------3	3	0	0	17 	4	6
Darmen-------------------3	2	1	0	10 	7	4
Civil Citizenry----------3	1	2	0	6 	7	2
Cotdelapoms--------------3	1	2	0	6	9	2
Undead soldier land------3	1	2	0	7	12	2
Teinohikira--------------3	1	2	0	6	13	2

Zut Alors Division
Belgeland----------------3	2	0	1	11	5	5
Starblaydia--------------3	2	1	0	8 	8	4
Mangolana----------------3	1	1	1	5 	1	3
Septentriona-------------3 	1	2	0	13	13	2
Delaclava----------------3	1	2	0	14 	13	2
Swartaz------------------3	1	2	0	4	8	2

[Chrinthanium]

"Dude, like, we're playing hockey? This is totally awesome dude! Brah's on blades! So, brah, like the Chrinnies are totally making a run for it. It's like surfers on ice was, like, totally laughable a few days ago, and now, we're, duh, winning! Haha! So, we totally blanked Sarzonia in the last game, man. I mean, we came out and we were like, wha! And they were like, nyah! And then we went RAH! And they went, WAH! And we totally took it 3-0. So, like, we read about hockey uniforms, and we were totally blown away by what we found. Apparently, like, we've been skating on thongs--what you might call flip-flops--with blades, wearing boardshorts and no shirts and, like, we're supposed to be wearing war, gear and shoulder pads, dude! And now, Mau Slurp gives up ten-to-one odds on making it outta the divison. Those odds are epic, dude. This is totally bodacious, brah!"

"Lets interview Matt Hardison, our Captain!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyutwC_4USA

"Whoa, he totally spoke to my soul, man! But, not sure if he was talking about the frigid surf or the game. Doesn't matter, brah, it's still works, right?"

"Oh, this just in, apparently, Billabong has sent us proper uniforms now. Didn't know the surfwear folks were totally into winter sports. Crucial coming through, dudes, but maybe one more game like we've been playing, right? Cause why ruin a perfectly good thing, man. But, we'll wear them if we lose our next game. This is so cool. We're playing hockey, dude! CHRINNIE CHRINNIE CHRINNIE OY OY OY!"