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World Cup 69 RP Thread

A battle ground for the sportsmen and women of nations worldwide. [In character]

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Osarius
Senator
 
Posts: 4032
Founded: Mar 21, 2006
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Osarius » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:12 pm

A hotel room, Cawln

Q was mixing himself a whiskey sour. "You want something?" He asked.

"No." Malachi Lubret replied. "Thank you." He added, grudgingly.

"Listen, I don't like this any more than you do, but we have our orders."

"I'm not pleased you gave that information to Lewis."

"I don't care." Q replied, pointedly. "I do my job. That's all. If you can't, you fail the assessment. Simple."

Lubret said nothing, just a grunt.

"Your analytical skill is considerable, though. You should be proud."

Still no reply.

Sensing the tension, Q changed tack. "Crunch will be here soon." He announced almost nonchalantly, throwing his comm device to one side while collapsing into a chair opposite Lubret. "You know each other?"

"No."

'Wow, so talkative.' Q thought to himself. The awkwardness was getting more and more frustrating by the second, he needed to do something. "Tell me, why did you accept this role?"

Lubret paused, clearly formulating his answer carefully. 'He thinks this is part of the assessment.' Q noticed. 'Fool.'

"I wanted to ... do something for my country." Lubret replied, struggling to say what was on his mind.

"How cliche."

"No it's..." Lubret paused. 'I know where he is going with this. Has he still not come to terms with that?' Q thought. "...I let the nation down. I want to make up for it."

'K, you old bastard. You picked him deliberately.' Q realised.

"I see." Q stood up and walked to the cabinet to make another whiskey sour. "You want one?" He asked Lubret again.

"No. I don't drink."

"Suit yourself." Q plopped back into the chair and sipped his drink.

*BRRRRING*

The doorbell.

"Ah, Crunch is here." Q practically leapt out of the chair, grateful for the diversion.

* * * * *


Ezio Grassi's lone strike put Osarius into the quarter finals of the World Cup yet again, after a one-nil win over Paradystopia. The Cloudsdale hitman has been visibly frustrated by the closer attention teams have paid to him, leading to a limited number of chances coming his way in this tournament -- as highlighted by Osarius' relatively low goal tally this time around -- so it was no surprise to see him celebrate emphatically.

"Ezio doesn't usually have outbursts like that," manager Jermain Lewis admitted, "but scoring goals is his 'thing', and it's been difficult for him." Grassi is considered to be among the best strikers in the world, and will certainly be hoping to continue scoring in the Firebirds' next match against the surprise package of the tournament: Antoletia.

The Fire Ants have earned their place in the last eight with a hard-fought penalty shootout victory over Northern Sunrise Islands in the round of sixteen, after holding the Vaporeons -- and their talented attacking duo of Alcouin and Felipe Maniche -- to one hundred and twenty goalless minutes. That they were even in the round of sixteen at all was surprising, coming off the back of an upset win over Saintland on the final day of the group stage. Firebirds captain Roque Acosta -- who is allegedly a target for Nepharim side AFC Treason -- refused to underestimate the team's next opponents, though. "If they're in the last eight, they're a good team, it's that simple." He explained. "At this level, the difference between two teams isn't huge. It's not like we're playing against amateurs, we're going to be up against eleven players who represent the best professional talent of their nation. We have to be prepared for that." Given Osarius' historic propensity for failure in similar situations -- some fans still haven't come to terms with the playoff defeat to Polar Islandstates in the playoffs for World Cup 56, for example -- the lack of complacency is understandable.

With Antoletia expected to play a balanced 4-5-1, it might be difficult for Osarius to control the midfield as they are wont to do. With that in mind, Jermain Lewis might consider an adaptation to his usual system. Playing a counter-based system is unlikely to be effective against a system which will likely look to do the same thing, but a possession game will be difficult against a five-man midfield. "We'll find a way." Lewis insists, but it's hard to see exactly how, without a dramatic alteration in tactics. Roberto Cormega suggests that a major change would be to the detriment of the Firebirds, "In a cup, like this, you can sometimes get away with a major change in system for a one-off game... but Jermain has drilled this team to play the Osarian 4-3-3 for a long time now. It's going to be tough for him, even with the flexibility of the players at his disposal."

* * * * *


A hotel room, Cawln

Q punched in the code for K Division's secure line, seething. "Four-four-seven-nine-eight, Suzaku."

"Your conclusions, Agent Q?" K answered. No greeting, no pleasantries. Nothing. Straight to business.

"You know damn well that neither of those two are suitable field agents! Why am I really here?!" The anger spewed forth unbridled. While both Lubret and Kinsella were intelligent enough, and analytical enough to be field agents, both had failed spectacularly in Q's assessment. They clearly required training.

"You are there to oversee their mission, Q." K replied calmly. "It was all in the dossier."

"K, I'm not stupid."

"I know. That's why you're an agent."

"Then why am I here?"

"Return to VBF. We'll talk."

"We're talking now."

"This is not the time, Q. Return to VBF."

"K, goddammit!"

"Debrief Crunch and Kholera, place them on sleeper status. Leave Agent M to carry out the mission."

"You're changing the subject."

"Agent Q, you have your orders."

"You expect Agent M to actually carry out this insane scheme?"

"Yes."

Q paused. "For fuck's sake, K."

"You have your orders." K repeated. "Report to VBF within 48 hours." The call terminated.

Q stood, silently for a moment. 'What the hell is going on? That old bastard must have a plan, but why didn't he tell me?' He downed his whiskey sour.

"Fuck's sake, Dad." He muttered, throwing the empty glass into the wall before snatching up his coat and storming out of his room.
Monarch: Alexander III | First Minister: Mathieu Lupin | Population: ~125 million | Capital: Burningham, Mount Crown
Civilisation Index: 13.43 • Tier 7, Level 2, Type 5
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Turori
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Posts: 815
Founded: Apr 03, 2004
Democratic Socialists

Postby Turori » Wed Aug 20, 2014 9:21 pm

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Eels Take over in Dwile
Turori Topple Valladares in Round of 16 Thriller


Dwile, Apox :: After opening their World Cup 69 Finals campaign in Exton, Ematea Saenu's Turori Eels have now made a home for themselves in Dwile, the site of their Round of 16 matchup against Valladares.

The Eels had once again advanced to the Knockout stage of the World Cup, but it was not a stage with which Turori had much luck in during previous campaigns. At the previous World Cup finals, the Eels went unbeaten during the group stage but were drawn against Mytannion in the round of 16 and were upended by a 2-1 scoreline to drop out of the competition. World Cup 67 saw much of the same, with the Eels being knocked out of the Round of 16 by Valanora, the very team that they needed to defeat to reach the Round of 16 in World Cup 68. During World Cup 66, it was Valladares. The very team the Eels were up against in Dwile.

The 4-2 defeat in the Round of 16 during World Cup 66 was the only prior meeting between the two sides. Some of the players from that match were still on the Turori National Team roster in Apox. Both of the Eels goals on that day were scored by Liinai Zakazaka.

Zakazaka had indeed traveled with the Eels to Apox, but the experienced striker found himself on the bench as the attacking duo of Matlya Eelador and Inamari Altariiz were charged with the duties at The Garganaut.

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- v. -
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While the Venue was a new one for the Eels, their opponents were more than familiar with the ground having played all three of their group stage matches at the stadium as well as having been based in the city of Dwile. In fact, it was perhaps a situation unrivaled in the history of the World Cup finals, a single team playing four consecutive matches at the same ground, especially as a neutral non-host nation. The feat was matched by the Bulls of Audioslavia who topped their group at The Barbaria in Gwievra and would face Ko-oren at the same arena in the Round of 16.

Despite giving up a campaign-high 4 goals against The Royal Kingdom of Quebec, head coach Ematea Saenu stuck with the experienced Mumau Atla-Siioai in net while G.Q. Disterfred II watched from the bench and waited for his chance to be called upon for the important matches.

Led by Euran head coach Dimitri Campbell, the Valladar Football Associate were dressed in their Kirola-designed blue kit with green striping and white shorts. The Eels, also in kits donning the Kirola Sportswear insignia, were motivated by Zakazaka's locker room speech, urging his teammates to avenge the World Cup 66 defeat and propel the Eels back into the World Cup Quarter Finals.

With Turori's colonial rivals the Tropics of Vilita having already been stunned in the Round of 16 by Pasarga, the very team that the Jungle Cats had beaten during the World Cup 68 semi-final to reach the World Cup final, Turori knew that if they could take down Valladares, not only would they have avenged the World Cup 66 squad's early elimination, but they would once again have bragging rights over the Vilitans.

If they could do it, it couldn't come at a better time for the Eels who had to suffer in portion as the Jungle Cats turned the entire campaign since the conclusion of World Cup 68 into a 'Champions Tour' - seemingly rubbing their World Cup triumph in at every possible opportunity, delaying the start of the Vilitan League season and stealing all the headlines.

Now, as the whistle blew to start the match, it was the Eels that had the chance to put their name back on the front page.

As any International knockout stage match might be expected to do, the match started out with a slow pace, with both sides still feeling each other out. The Valladars appeared at times over-anxious to challenge the Eels players, sometimes aggressively and even when the ball was no longer in the area, earning a couple of players in blue a stern talking to from the referee before 15 minutes were on the board.

The break up in play did nothing to encourage free-flowing attack, however, once the first attack came in the flood gates opened quickly.

Klaillal Tuirma curled a 25 yard free kick around the wall and beat Metropolis Alligators Luis Fuentes who appeared to get a finger tip on the ball but couldn't keep it out as the Eels opened the scoring 35 minutes into the match.

Valladares responded promptly, however, Yoan Gignac playing himself through before chipping Mumau Atla-Siioai who's defensive line had clearly let him down on this occasion, and as quickly as the Eels had taken the lead, their opponents had equalized, much to the delight of the Valladar supporters in the ground, clearly outnumbering the Turorian support primarily due to the fact that fans traveling from Valladares were already based in Dwile and many of those fans had already pre-purchased tickets to the Round of 16 matchup at the Garganaut fulling expecting their side to be participating in it.

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Turori Goalscorers::
35' Klaillal Tuirma
38' Tarek Edgeli
77' Etamara Kulkkiia


Valladares Goalscorers::
37' Yoan Gignac

Turori Match Stats
Best Player: Klaillal Tuirma
Worst Player: Rutaj Ranaso
Shots on Target: 6
Corner Kicks: 6

Valladares
Match Stats
Best Player: Carlos Alberto Sáez
Worst Player: Patrick Courtois
Shots on Target: 4
Corner Kicks: 5

Eels fans, however, might have presumed they would have a shot of playing at the Village Green in Barbury, a slot filled instead by the Northern Sunrise Islands who leapfrogged the Eels to top group A before stunningly dropping their Round of 16 match to the Ferociously unheralded Fire Ants of Antoletia.

The fans who did make the trek over to Dwile however had plenty to cheer about when the Eels went right back into the lead after earning a quick corner-kick on the restart following Gignoc's equalizer. The corner was delivered by Tuirma and found the head of Tarek Edgeli who hit the ball low to the goal line, bouncing under the outstretched arm of Fuentes, the Valladares captain who was almost certainly appearing in his last World Cup finals for his country.

The Eels would hold on to the 2-1 lead into the half when coach Saenu decided to remove the utility player Tuirma for a quality possessor of the ball in Rikko Rawaii.

Valladares' Patrick Courtois appeared to be in serious trouble at the hour mark after hashing down a streaking Inamari Altariiz. The former Mliona-Lpaka trainee had touched around Courtois and appeared to be free on goal when the AS Bezieres defender stuck out a leg and brought down the Turorian attacker.

While nothing came of the free kick for the Eels, the incident changed the tone of the match and the balance of play started shifting in favor of the Eels. Eventually, the balance of play would result in a third goal for Turori, converted by LigAnia starlet Etamara Kulkkiia.

The Kulkkiia goal would be the final punch in the bording pass for Valladares, as the Eels took over the homesteading rights in Dwile, sending Valladares home and avenging their defeat at the same stage during World Cup 66.

The Eels would indeed set up shop in Dwile and await the arrival of their Quarter-Final opponents, Audioslavia. For Turori, 52 cycles after making their debut appearance at the World Cup Finals, they were still without a single appearance at the Semi-Final stage, and the draw of Audioslavia as Quarter Final opponents for World Cup 69 would seem to be a sign that they weren't any closer to making their first ever final four appearance in Apox.

The Eels all-time record in major competition against the Bulls or their 'slave predecessors contained exactly zero (0) victories in seven meetings. Almost, if not all of those meetings coming in a knockout match where it was Audioslavia sending the Eels home early while they themselves moved one stage closer to silverware.

However, there has been some minor points of hope for the Eels in the modern era, such as the 1-1 draw achieved by the join Vilita & Turori Eel-Cat things squad during the group stage of AOCAF 35, and the AOCAF 41 Championship match, the only ever time in recorded history that a player who represents the Turorian National Team came home victorious in a match against an Audioslavian National Team, even if it required the help of the Vilitan neighbors to achieve it.

Nonetheless, Saenu's Eels are not going to roll over against the Bulls, and perhaps by the power of Nigel they'll be victorious both in a World Cup Quarter Final, and, against Audioslavia, for the first time in recorded history.

Turori Eels Lineup v. Valladares ::
[GK] Mumau Atla-Siioai, [D] Tarek Edgeli, [D] Oani Moralziia, [D] Dmitri Levada, [UT] Klaillal Tuirma, [ML] Etamara Kulkkiia, [MC] Inlite Makakio, [MC] Aiden Varess, [MR] Rutaj Ranaso, [FC] Matlya Eelador, [FC] Inamari Altariiz
BENCH::
[FC] Liinai Zakazaka, [FC] Meldi'ita Mungwaii, [M] Kigaoua Oalalka, [M] Rikko Rawaii, [UT] Geafi Laina-Sola, [D] Yoains Konoaafeo, [GK] G.Q Disterfred II

Turori Substitutions::
(45) - Klaillal Tuirma >>> Rikko Rawaii


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<Silexhera> Why does Turori make sense? :p

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Turori
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Posts: 815
Founded: Apr 03, 2004
Democratic Socialists

Postby Turori » Wed Aug 20, 2014 11:57 pm

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FAT PREPARING EAGLE'S CUP RETURN
Eagle's Club formed to handle Cup affairs & Cultural Enrichment


Eelandii, Turori :: Pending interest from participating nations, the Football Association of Turori is working with potential sponsors and venue's to establish once again the once-formal post World Cup cool down tournament better known as the Eagle's Cup. The Eagle's Cup has a long but storied history in World Football, having been established as a friendly but competitive opportunity for nations to contest silverware during the off-cycle campaigns between the culmination of one world cup, and the kick-off of the next. The Eagle's Cup dates back to a time before regional sporting powers had risen, before regional football competitions dominated the offseason and before the World Cup itself would see over 8.3 dozen entries - no less the over 16 dozen hopeful qualifiers of the modern age.

And it is exactly that explosion of growth, diversity and modernization that has spurred the Football Association of Turori to consult with sponsors and fellow nations about bringing back the finest friendly competition in the land. Even more, the wildly successful 'Cup of Chaps' environment put forth by Apox and the Holy Empire during World Cup 69 has encouraged many in the footballing community to take a step back towards their roots, remember where they came from, how they got there, and most importantly, how to properly don a top hat.

With the re-incarnation of the Eagle's Cup, as proposed by the Football Association of Turori, would also come a revigoration of the entry criteria. No longer would the Eagle's Cup be open only to those who could most quickly fill out an entry form and pay the highest priority shipping rate to be the first applicants through the door. No, no that wouldn't do. Surely, any gentlemanly competition such as the Eagle's Cup must have proper criteria for entry.

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It is for this reason that the Football Association has proposed the creation of the "Eagles Club". Naturally, Eagle's Club membership would be restricted to those nations who have actually won the Eagle's Cup. While, in theory, the future size of the Eagle's Club is endless, the size of the field for the Eagle's Cup is not. The Eagle's Cup has always been, and shall always be, a friendly competition to be contested by 16 nations, divided into 4 groups of 4 teams; any given nation playing each of the other nations in their group twice, once each at a stadium chosen by alternating participants. This format distinctly differs from the more distant neutral territory group stage competitions, and does so distinctly as to allow the invited participants the opportunity to, if they choose, each of their group stage opponents on their own home soil. For many of the premier Football Associations and Clubs associated with World Cup competition, this opportunity rarely if ever presents itself otherwise.

As prior to this modern incarnation of the Eagle's Cup, this gentlemanly competition was contested just 4 times, thusly, the official Eagle's Club register contains four members. Champions of Eagles Cup I: Eauz; Champions of Eagles Cup II: Kingsford; Champions of Eagles Cup III: Turori; and, Champions of Eagles Cup IV: Bedistan. Thusly, for this inaugural re-incarnation of the Eagle's Cup competition, only four of the sixteen spaces in the competition will be set aside for Eagle's Club members. The remaining 12 invitations will be agreed upon by the Eagle's Club Council and subsequently, nations shall be informed of their inclusion. The bylaws as set for future incarnations of the Eagle's Cup restrict Eagle's Club slots to a maximum of 12 of the 16 entrants in the tournament. It is an important mission of the Eagle's Club not only to protect the interests of it's existing members, but also, to always be inclusive of the opportunities to be provided to potential new members, in true sporting fashion. Naturally, as the membership of the Eagle's Club currently sits at 4, the issue is unlikely to come up for some time.

In addition, the Eagle's Club recognizes that organized sport and representative clubs may no longer exist in some members of the Eagle's Club. Thereby, Eagle's Club alternates have been identified, in the spirit of the inaugural re-incarnation of the competition. For Eagle's Cup I, should a delegation from Eauz fail to be identified, their invitation would be passed along to the closest living relatives, or, historical record keepers of the highest finishing delegation from Eagle's Cup I. A very long, difficult, and confusing search by the Eagle's Club Council, by name of the Football Association of Turori, has identified the most likely alternate to be the Nation of Schiavonia. Likewise, for Eagle's Cup II, the most probable alternate invitation would be extended to the nation of Jeruselem, should a delegation from Kingsford be unavailable. Noting the history involved, Eagles Club membership earned by the nation of Bedistan would thereby be extended to the Unified Capitalizt States. Should the Unified Capitalizt States, or, should any of the alternate nations identified also be determined as unable to field a delegation, the Eagle's Club Council would re-convene and determine if any further suitable alternate nations could be identified.

Having proven in practice that the gentleman's game was not lost to the sands of time, the Eagle's Club is also prepared to grant the first non-member invitations for the Eagle's Cup to the hosts of World Cup 69, the Oxymoron of Apox and The Holy Empire by way of the Imperial Club.

The Eagle's Club have already acquired an excess supply of protoype Manly Balls from the Quasi-Governmental organization of Tropicorp's Sports Research & Development department, and is in the process of setting up Club spaces in the purpose-built sportropolis of Eelandii, Turori. While the Eagle's Club encourages non-members to be enthusiastic about the opportunity to participate in the first re-incarnation of the great Eagle's Cup competition, it must handsomely note that invitations shall be sent in due course, and will not be lost in the mail. While the Eagle's Cup will allow minimal level of sponsorship to fund the basics of competition and club affairs, the Eagle's Cup will be a charitable event with the goal of supporting the preservation of the beautiful game, the furtherment of good standing amongst its members, the humanitarian support of charitable causes and, most importantly, a gentlemanly good time.

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Last edited by Turori on Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:02 am, edited 1 time in total.
<Silexhera> Why does Turori make sense? :p

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Apox
Minister
 
Posts: 2273
Founded: Jun 30, 2012
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Apox » Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:07 am

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"Good heavens, it's all getting rather exciting now, old boy"

"Rather... I'm working myself into something of an over-excited stew"

"Don't get too excited though old boy, terribly un-chap-like to do that."

"Quite. I say, it's rather a pity those Apoxian chaps aren't still in it, to show the others how to behave like proper chaps, wot"

"Ah, but you see that's the point. By falling at the first hurdle and exiting early with good grace, that is the most chaply action."

"Agreed. Huzzah!"

"Rah!"

Empirical Quarter-Final cut-off
The History of Modern NSSports internationalpost.apx (Newswire) The Apoxian Compendium
Winners: Campionato Esportiva IV, V & XVI, World T20 Championships VI, Imperial Chap Olympiad
Runners-up: CoH 58, World T20 Championships V, Campionato Esportiva XII
Third: Campionato Esportiva XIII
Fourth: Campionato Esportiva VII & XV
Baptism of Fire 50, Cup of Harmony 56, World Cup 69, World Cup 73, World Cup 82
Friendly Cups 2 & 6, World T20 Championships II, Campionato Esportiva IV, VIII, XII & XXIII, GCF Season 4, 8 & 10

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Alasdair I Frosticus
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Posts: 1482
Founded: Antiquity
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Alasdair I Frosticus » Thu Aug 21, 2014 2:03 am

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Apox Quarter-Final cut-off

Scores

Apologies for lack of chap-oriented chat today.
Last edited by Alasdair I Frosticus on Thu Aug 21, 2014 2:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
Τί ἐστιν ἀλήθεια?

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Legalese
Diplomat
 
Posts: 861
Founded: Sep 12, 2004
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Legalese » Fri Aug 22, 2014 9:35 am

“Marcus here again with another thrilling episode of the Gentlemen Wearing Robes, and as I sit here with my colleague, Robert, I sit here speechless.”

“Yup, without words, my friend. What else is there to say, Marcus?”

“Nothing at all, Rob. The pundits have gone over all of the fun from the quarterfinal, where the Legalites battled back from a 1-0 deficit to the Free Republics with a solid strike from Jake Detzler in the 71st minute, followed by a converted penalty in the 88th minutes to send the Legal Eagles on to their first-even semifinal.”

“Why yes, they have. They’ve even discussed whether or not Xavier Boyle was actually fouled in the penalty area by Joseph Poole, to which the general consensus is yes, yes he was - but his trip to the pitch was certainly helped by the increased gravity one surely feels in the area, especially when you are a striker with the ball facing a defender coming in hard. It seems like something that I’d suspect Tropicorp to install on professional fields in Vilita, certainly.”

“Surely, Robbo. Not only that, but there’s really nothing left to add about the first-ever semifinal match with the hosts, the one, the only Holy Empire.”

“Our vanquished opponents may disagree about the use of ‘only’ there, but that is largely correct. I mean, everyone has talked about how The Holy Empire has not won a World Cup in a long time and has a lot of pressure on them to win it at home - in fact, so much that it is rumored that their manager, Juan Tzimisces, has mentally convinced his players to not act like they are at home - no home pitch advantage for them, more or less.”

“And they’ve also talked about how they are in for some revenge, as it is best served Frosty. After all, we sent them home when they played in our yard by a 1-0 result back in 68, so what better ending for the chaps to reverse that in the Imperial Hippodrome?”

“That reminds me of one more thing to add nothing at all about, Marko: the kits. We’ll be wearing black, but even if we weren’t, we’d be wearing some sort of dark grey in their minds. Apparently the entire match will appear on our screens in black and white. Do not adjust your televisions, people!”

“That said, I hear Network Six has been experimenting with live colorization, though I wouldn’t expect it to work. We tried it, and ended up all green - it wasn’t pleasant.”

“Aye, Marcus, not pleasant indeed. One thing is for certain, though - Frosty football is, just like Legalite football, attacking. Their style tends to overlap on the wings as well, and while they would consider it unsporting to take no prisoners, their style tends to resemble that, just like ours. But, of course, that’s all been said.”

“That’s right, Robert, nothing else to add.”

“Yup, that’s all I have.”

“How much more show do we have?”

“Not enough in dialogue, but more than enough in time.”

“That’s what I feared. Any Eagles from the great fans of our work?”

“Actually, Marcus, we do have one, from Katheryn in Stratton:

Dear Gentlemen, if it pleases the broom closet, I am a big fan of yours. You’ve spoken much about how this cup follows the Cup of all Cups, and is called the Cup for Chaps, and that gives me two questions:

1) If the Legal Eagles win the Cup for Chaps, does it then become the new Cup of all Cups?
2) What is a chap, anyway?


“A fine set of questions, Katheryn, and thank you for writing! Robbo, make sure we send her a GWR-embossed wig.”

“On it. As for your questions, Katheryn, the Cup of all Cups is, and will always be, the Cup of all Cups. But that doesn’t mean that this can’t be a Cup of greatness, or glory, and of life! Either way, it’s too soon to tell, and thus will remain the Cup for Chaps for the time being.”

“Well put, Rob. As for your other question, Katheryn, a chap can be many things. The one we referred to was a leather protective covering worn by those who ride horses, wear Stetsons, and think they are cool, but I don’t believe that’s exactly what our hosts are going for. Rather, the chaps they refer to are a form of gentlemen, which we strive to be. They may not agree with our assessment, but let us tell you what it means to be a gentleman.”

“Indeed. First off, gentlemen are men of distinction and class. If they have neither, they still act like they do.”

“Yes, but a gentleman still treats their betters like equals, and their worse like equals as well. Their equals, meanwhile, they treat poorly, but only in good fun.”

“Gentlemen also prefer blondes, but only if they don’t have brunettes or redheads to choose from as well. In which case, they treat them all respectfully, and are grateful for their presence, the enlightening conversation they have as a result, and anything else that might happen as a result.”

“Gentlemen open doors for others, hold their umbrella for those who need it, and offer a fiver to those who need it as well, especially those who are taking it from all other sides, and not in a good way.”

“And last, but not least, a gentlemen is just like all of these things on the pitch, but is perfectly forgiven for forgetting himself on the field of battle, provided he not take it too far.”

“So Katheryn, I hope that answers your question, and that you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed answering it. And what do you know, but look at time! Any final words, Robert?”

“I would, Marcus, but I think it’s all been said. Soar Eagles!”
Host/Co-Host of:
World Cup XXII and LXVIII
Cup of Harmony XI and XIII
Baptism of Fire IX, XIV, XV, XVI, XLII, LII
The Inaugural CAFA Cup
AOCAF Cup V and XXXIV

Winner of Cup of Harmony 55 and Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree II
Anaia: Like all the best ideas, this is moving from "lampoon" to
"take seriously" rather quickly

(H/T to Mertagne)

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Audioslavia
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Posts: 3498
Founded: Antiquity
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Audioslavia » Fri Aug 22, 2014 1:01 pm

If the boss wants to appease me, this isn't the way.

I strip my tracksuit off, climb out of the dugout onto the pitch and bounce a couple of times, bringing my knees up right to my chest as I do so. I reach down and unzip my tracky-bottoms and slide out of them, discarding them in the general direction of the dug-out, and walk over to the fourth-official, stretching and shaking off my calves as I do so.

His board goes up. A number twelve and a number ten. I look up at the video screen as the official television stream cuts to Arturo Hudson-Blake as he begins a slow walk off the field, clapping to the fans as he does so. A graphic appears at the bottom. Off: Arturo Hudson-Blake, 31, Forward, Goals today: 3. On: Ronda-Judith Styrn, 21, Forward.

I expect the camera to turn to me, and I figure I'll try to disperse my foul mood by finding the camera and winking at it or something, but the cut doesn't come. Instead, viewers at home are treated to quick highlights of Hudson-Blake's hat-trick.

The first: A turn-and-shot from inside the six-yard box after a slick passing move let him through.

The second; A cross from Jarvinen, cut out by Kulkkiia, but struck on the half-volley by AH-B and into the near corner.

The third: A counter-attack, a nice traditional Audioslavian one. Jovellanos gets the beating of his man down the left hand side, cuts inside, feints a shot, and instead lays off a pass to Arturo that he coolly slots home for 3-0.

The game had ended as a competitive fixture right there and then, after just forty-two minutes. Turori had pressed early in the second half, but we'd shown a great deal of defensive discipline and not allowed the islanders so much as a sniff of goal from anywhere within ten yards of our penalty area.

I knew the boss was wanting to rest me, but still, as a tough-tackling, hard-working forward player I figured I'd have been the ideal choice to help close out the game. No dice. Hudson-Blake was left on the field to do his thing - mainly looking pretty for the cameras as soon as his third-goal went in, and trying odd little hollywood flicks and passes that more often than not didn't come off, but would probably make cool slow-motion replays for the YouTube masses to cut together for one of his plethora of grainy 240p highlights videos.

Lee had signalled that Hufdis Uulver, the striker, was to come off on seventy-five minutes, so naturally I warmed up, figuring I'd be put on and asked to play deep, quelling the Turorian attacks before they started. No dice. Jaurtiketa got the nod instead, leaving me to trounce back to the dug-out after my warm up and try not to show how annoyed I was.

I exchange a high-five with Arturo as he strides off the pitch to the acclaim of the masses. I reach down, grab a few strands of grass and roll them into the cuff of my sleeve - they don't stay there with these new Kirola kits, but habits and superstitions die hard - and jog onto the field. A glance at the clock reveals I have precisely ninety seconds of play before the end of the game. Well what a waste of my time.

It's not like i'm not happy to be gaining another cap, or that the Bulls are just a few seconds away from yet another World Cup semi-final - a semi-final that I may... should... be playing in, and oh god was the thought of that terrifying and exhilarating at the same time, but I can't shake the feeling that, after all the work I've put in over the past few weeks, past few years even, in earning that spot in the starting eleven of the national team, to have it taken away by a millionaire superstar like Hudson-Blake on the back of one goal in a sub appearance in one game, it just didn't seem fair. That he'd scored the hat-trick didn't make things easier. Could i have scored those three goals? Probably, but all the more likely I'd have been part of the build-up, and I'd be the one making the final pass to someone like Aitor or Huffy to score. Hell, even Gaizka scored in game two, and that shit should just not happen. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't have been there to control the ball in an offensive position, weight up my options, decide someone else had a better shot than me and laying off the simple pass.

Turori's goalkeeper - Mumau Atla-Siioai (yes, 'the' Atia-Siioai) who has appeared to be just going through the motions throughout what has probably been an exasperating forty-five minutes for him - thumps the ball long. I watch on as Makakio wins the header, nodding the ball down to Eelador who can only take one touch before Intxausti slides in, clipping the ball into the stands for a throw-in.

It's as I jog to the centre circle, to get on the right side of some very tired looking Turori defenders, that I hear it. The unmistakeable sound of twenty-thousand Audioslavians in full voice. An old song requisitioned by the national team's travelling army a long time ago.

"When the night is red / And the land is green / And the moon is the only light we see.."

I recognise it as 'Stand by Me', a song by some guy - I forget the name - but one I'd sung at the top of my voice in front of the television so many times in my life. I'd gotten the lyrics horribly wrong for that World Cup 65 game against Eura. I was just five. I couldn't understand why mum was so upset, especially as the team in those pretty blue kits were winning over the side in dull-ish claret and green stripes.

I recall, four years later, being a nine-year old with the day off school during the national holiday of Audioslavia's opening World Cup fixture, and belting out that song during the national anthem. Yes. During. I knew we had a national anthem. I knew that anthem wasn't 'Stand By Me'. I also knew I didn't know the words to the national anthem. I did know the words to 'Stand By Me'. It all made sense. That my mum was nudging me and telling me I was embarrassing myself in front of the pub only made me sing it louder.

I remember being thirteen years old for World Cup 67. I'd had a rubbish day at school. I'd been bullied. I was upset. The only thing that had gotten me through the day had been the prospect of a World Cup final between Audioslavia and Polar Islandstates, and what had to be the first time I got to witness the Bulls lift the world title without wearing nappies at the time. I remember singing that song, Stand By Me, defiantly along with the Bulls fans as Kohev Kungas-Vaga blasted home the shot that shattered our hopes for another four years at least.

I don't remember singing it four years ago, aged seventeen, for World Cup 68. I was far too drunk. I do remember getting into a fight with an Osarian guy at a bar after they scunnered us 3-1 in the second round. I remember winning it, but then being held to an entertaining draw in the second round in my apartment later that night.

"No I won't be afraid / No I won't be afraid / With Ronda Judit Styrn by me"

I watch as Turori make a hash of the throw-in and Andreij cannons a clearance off of Altariiz's legs. The ball bounces out for a goal kick.

Wait, what?

"Wi' Ronda Judit Styrn... by me... / Oh Styrn.... by me... / Styrn by me... / Styrn by me.... / Styrn by me"

There's a self-congratulatory cheer from a few thousand fans as a look up to where the claret shirts are standing in the crowd.

Oh, jesus am I... am I... crying?

No. No of course not... shit there's the ball...

---

The post-match celebrations back at the hotel are low-key. A bottle of weak-arse beer each, a few glugs worth of something fizzy that is supposed to be like champagne but without the associations of a final victory, or the taste, and that's it. Maybe a slice of cake. Or two if you're quick enough and can hide the tell-tale second napkin in your bra.

We watch the highlights of the game, for fun rather than analysis, watching the footage tens of millions of Audioslavians would have watched. The commentators are praising Hudson-Blake as a missing piece of the puzzle - one who gives the Audioslavian team a healthy dose of panache after the three fairly pragmatic performances since the destruction of Bears Armed. I try not to take offense, but then they do have a point - I play a role in the team, and that role certainly isn't 'eye candy' no matter what YouTube commenters may have you believe.

It's near the end of the game, and the screen shows R.J. Styrn with an uncharacteristically large grin, receiving a long clearance from Serge Rollins on or around the centre-circle.

I watch closely. I can't remember a thing about what happened next. My brain was concentrating far too much on the ball in front of me to waste precious run-time on, you know, 'forming short-term memories'.

The on-screen RJ controls the ball first-time as it drops, killing it dead on the inside of her left foot, and feints a sweeping pass out wide, instead flicking the ball behind her standing leg and racing past an off-balance defender. She skips forward, notices two other Turorian defenders in front of her, looks around to see no support forthcoming - Buruz is away to the left and in no hurry to get forward in these dying moments of the game despite having only been on for fifteen minutes, the lazy bastard. She obviously considers doing something sane like stopping, turning and laying off a short pass backwards, but she discards all ideas of pragmatism in favour of an audacious burst forward. The change of pace surprises the two defenders as screen-RJ bursts between the two of them. She's on the edge of the penalty box with no-one but the goalkeeper ahead of her, but a nimble teenage full-back with 'Levada' on the back of his shirt cuts in front of screen-RJ and tries to force her wide. Buruz and Kjeld-Dahl are now aware that a goal is on the cards and are sprinting into the box. Screen-RJ looks up, sees Buruz with space around him, sees Levada close the gap, feints a pass, and instead nutmegs the defender and races onto the ball as it trickles through his legs. The goalie comes out to meet her, and looks like he's about to get to the ball first, but with a flurry of braids and boots screen-Styrn gets to the ball first and flicks it square to Jaurtiketa Buruz, who has an open goal at his mercy.

Jaurtiketa is sat at the bar. He's been unsuccessfully trying to acquire more alcohol for the last hour. He groans and squirms in his seat.

On the screen, the ball skids awkwardly from an Audioslavian boot and rolls harmlessly out of play for a goal-kick.

Myself and the boss, Lee, who is sat beside me, are the only two people in the room not laughing in the general direction of the young Tzierran. He leans towards me, and whispers conspiratorially.

"He makes team selections much easier sometimes, that Buruz".

I chuckle

"You, on the other hand, don't"

I nod.

"Am I back in for the semi-final?" I say, without looking at Lee. The room seems to go quiet, despite visual evidence of the boys still lambasting Buruz for his dumb mistake.

"I'm having a look at Uulver" he said. His only response. Uulver, the striker, who has featured in all but two of his games as the most prominent forward-man, but perhaps with less goals to show for it than one would expect.

I nod.

Osarius and I might be going for round three after all.
Last edited by Audioslavia on Fri Aug 22, 2014 1:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Osarius
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Osarius » Fri Aug 22, 2014 8:46 pm

Vermilion Bird Fortress, Upper Floor :: Undisclosed Location

K, the wizened old man who headed the research and technological development division -- colloquially known as K Division -- at the Osarian Service for Clandestine, leafed through some papers rapidly. He was searching.

His comm buzzed. "Agent P to see you, sir."

The disruption caught him off guard "Oh! Yes, yes, thank you Janice. Send him through."

"You wanted to see me, sir?" P strode into K's office, an image of confidence. Shoulders back, chest forward, chin raised. He was K Division's 'second best' operative, according to periodic evaluations.

"Yes, please, sit." K gestured to the empty seat opposite him, which P took. He even sat confidently, though never seeming to lose this sense of rigidity that made him seem permanently on-edge. Probably a good thing in many ways, considering his line of work. But it was that rigidity that seemed to set him apart from his rival... K's thoughts wandered.

"Did you have a..." P paused, "special mission for me again, sir?"

K snapped back to reality. His eyes grew suddenly cold. "Yes." He handed P the file he had in front of him. The file he'd been searching for moments ago. P looked at the name on the dossier and arched an eyebrow. "Sir?"

"He went rogue." K stated matter-of-factly.

"Sooo... termination?" P asked, uncertainty clear in his tone.

"Yes."

"Is there a time limit?"

"I imagine you have less than one week."

"Shit..."

"Quite."

"I never thought it would come to this, you know?" P half sighed.

"Neither did I." K replied, looking visibly pained.

"You can keep the file, sir. I know him well enough." P muttered, throwing the file back on to the desk as he got up.

"Are you sure you can do it?"

"Yeah." P looked him in the eye, just long enough to suggest sincerity. "Q is as good as dead already, sir."

* * * * *


Antoletia were tough. Despite their defence being relatively inexperienced -- or perhaps because of this fact -- they showed a remarkable degree of organisation, frustrating the Osarian front three. Much like in previous games, the Firebirds found themselves up against a foe determined to smother their considerable offensive threat.

Ezio Grassi's frustrations continued, with teams seemingly having figured out how to effectively limit one of the world's best strikers. Percival Devine chose a different tactic to most, marking the Osarian forward loosely, allowing him to receive the ball with his back to goal before robbing him. When Toby Drummond identified the problem and tried to play Grassi in behind, Devine was able to beat him to the ball.

The Fire Ants' normally attack-minded fullbacks were also causing a problem. With neither pushing forward, both Wesley Kane and Darell Marshall -- starting ahead of Nathaniel Doherty -- were slowly drifting more central. Closer to Grassi. Too close.

Some will argue that Lewis took too long to make his change -- almost seventy minutes had passed -- but they will be hard pressed to claim it didn't decide the match. Noticing that Antoletia were seemingly reluctant to commit men forward, Lewis did that typically Osarian thing of sacrificing a defender for an attacker. Kane and Marshall switched flanks, and Darell Marshall was shifted into a deeper starting position, with added defensive responsibility -- effectively playing as a wingback starting higher up the pitch -- while Arturo Monte was sacrificed for Andrea Poynter.

"Their man marking strategy on Ezio was working because they had a spare man at the back. To unbalance this, you need to force the spare defender to step forward. Toby Drummond would normally make that happen, but they had a man watching him too, in Raphael." Roberto Cormega explained after the match. "But when Andrea came in, her movement confused things. Toby dropped off, so Raphael tried to cover her at first, but that left Toby free. If Raphael left Andrea alone, she effectively became a second striker, meaning there was no cover if Ezio lost his marker." Cormega went on to explain that this change was likely designed to take advantage of Raphael's weaknesses. Despite playing as a defensive midfielder, Raphael's strengths seem to lie in his passing ability, as he is typically the creator for the Fire Ants. This meant that Lewis' decision was twofold. It occupied a dangerous playmaker, while also meaning that Osarius had a better chance of getting a dangerous player free in a dangerous area.

And get one free they did.

Andrea Poynter's surging run in the seventy-eighth minute created a lane for Capiello's through ball to Grassi. With Poynter pulling Hopkins across to deal with her run, Grassi touched the ball off to Drummond before spinning around Devine's left and behind him, creating an opening. Drummond was already ahead of Raphael, and made no mistake, striding forward five yards before releasing a strike into the top left corner.

With the stalemate broken, Antoletia were forced to try and be more proactive in possession, which played straight into Osarius' hands, letting them see out the game safely, keeping Ruby Fletcher's (and Adam McBride's) enviable record of no goals conceded in the tournament so far, intact.

* * * * *


It had to be Audioslavia, didn't it? It just had to be. There was something odd about going into a World Cup semi final as one of the top four sides in the world, yet to concede a goal in the finals stage, yet still being the underdog. It was something almost comforting, though. Something familiar.

"Listen up!" Jermain Lewis barked at his team, about to wrap up the final training session before the match. "This is not the end."

He had the full attention of the entire squad.

"I don't have a big, inspirational speech for you. Just a reminder." Some of the younger players looked confused. "We should just be happy to be here, remember."

* * * * *


Q programmed the portable explosive to detonate in fifteen seconds, that would be plenty of time to get to a safe distance. Gathering up the files and hard drive he had stolen from K's office in Vermilion Bird Fortress, he activated it and got out of the car, heading toward the nearby warehouse at a brisk walking pace. He had all the evidence he needed to prove that Operation Chalkboard was a front, everything he needed to condemn K as a traitor.

'That bastard. I knew there was something wrong with this whole mission.' Q's frustrated thoughts echoed internally. 'It was illogical. It made no sense from the start.'

Crouching against the wall, he took a deep breath and let his head sag. 'I have to go back there. I need to expose him.'

"Q!" A familiar voice. Footsteps. Coming towards him. He looks up to see who it is. "Fancy seeing you here."

P is striding toward Q with purpose, a handgun aimed directly at his head. 'Shit. I waited too long.'

P stops about ten feet from Q and lowers the gun. "You know, this doesn't seem right."

'What?!' Q's eyes widen in disbelief.

"You know I'm supposed to take you down, right?"

"I figured."

"Didn't expect to catch you so quickly... so easily." P's voice sounded wary. "I know you too well to believe I can shoot you now and walk away."

'Haha, P and his cautiousness. My reputation terrifies even him.' Q thinks silently, allowing a smile to play across his lips. "Smarter than you look, P."

"Consider this a professional courtesy, then. I know what you're planning to do, and I have to stop you."

"How nice of you." Q mutters, rising to his feet. "Well, I guess this is goodbye, then."

"Because next time we see each other, you'll be dying?"

"Something like that." Q smiles. "How long are you going to wait, P?"

"As long as it takes me to make sure it's safe to leave."

"Good to know. I'll be going, then."
Monarch: Alexander III | First Minister: Mathieu Lupin | Population: ~125 million | Capital: Burningham, Mount Crown
Civilisation Index: 13.43 • Tier 7, Level 2, Type 5
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Alasdair I Frosticus
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Alasdair I Frosticus » Fri Aug 22, 2014 10:57 pm

MINUTES OF THE IMPERIAL CLUB


1) Ten of the eleven club members convened following the Quarterfinal victory over Pasarga. Celebratory toasts were proposed, though Octavian Augustus Tiberius Claudius Browne raised a note of caution by stating that conceding two late goals after taking a 3-0 perhaps showed a lack of concentration on the part of the chaps; Mr Tzimisces and Mr Di Bradini had seemed concerned on this point. Indeed, Mr Tzimisces had launced a stream of invective that had turned the dressing room walls blue; literally - the walls had previously been a couple of shy female virgin Imperial citizens who had taken on wall-like form for the last few subjective years in order to discreetly observe nude and athletically fit gentlemen in the shower.

Sir Ambrose "Knicker-Twister" FitzThomas agreed that it was right to have some concerns over the two late Pasargan goals, but this should not detract from the fact that the Holy Empire were back in the semi-finals where, without meaning to seem arrogant, we rightfully belong. Horatio Hercules Trevelyan-Tyrwhitt stated that if our dressing room walls ever wanted to return to human form, and needed help with their entirely curable condition, he would be glad to volunteer his services. Both chaps were commended for their comments, though there being no action points requiring a vote, club members returned to the toasts and then moved on to additional business.

2) Senator Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel read out an apology from the Prince Imperial, who was unable to attend due to being called away to a meeting in the Imperial Palace. His Royal Highness apologised that he would therefore be unable to read out any of his poetry at the present meeting. The club members unanimously voted to express their regret.

3) The chaps discussed the recent invitation from Turori to enter the newly revived "Eagle's Cup". Sir Hubert His Magnificencenessnessness expressed his approval of the gentlemanly ethos of this competition, and offered his support for the club's participation; the Football Association of Turori seemed to be fine chaps, as mundies go. Sir Nigel Sensibly Smythington-Foxe did note minor concerns over having to leave the comfort of the Dreamed Realm; the only reason the Imperial Club were participating in the present tournament was that they had not had to sully themselves by playing qualifiers away from home. What facilities could Turori offer? Invited to share their opinions, Mr Tzimisces and Mr Di Bradini had no objection to participation in the Eagle's Cup. Upon further discussion, the members voted to accept the invitation from the Football Association of Turori to enter the competition (9 in favour, one opposed, one absence).

4) A discussion was held over the forthcoming semi-final against Legalese. The chaps sat down to watch the most recent episode of popular Legalese televisual programme Gentlemen Wearing Robes. Though not broadcast in interactive three-dimensional oneirovision, it proved instructive on several levels. B.W.Q. Montgomery Xavier, Lord Dundonald-D'eath, spoke for many club members when he said how impressed he was at how well the robe-wearing gentlemen had captured the essence of being a chap, though he felt they had perhaps underestimated the potential for occasional roguish behaviour involving consensual wenching.

Cuthbert Cuthbert Cuthbert, Lord Waldegrave, stated that he felt the forthcoming match would be a manly competition played in a spirit of mutual respect, and enquired if the Legalese team would perhaps agree to the re-institution of hacking, always his favourite part of a match between chaps. You never felt you had played football unless your shins were properly black and blue, he opined; he even offered to lift Dreamed Realm provisions on the immediate healing of injuries for the occasion.

Mr. Tzimisces expressed his regret that this would be impossible. Under World Cup provisions, the team had to play all matches under association rules banning hacking. However, Mr. Tzimisces noted that this was not necessarily the case in the forthcoming Eagle's Cup, and that the Club members were free to petition the Turori association to permit hacking in the latter competition; since they were using manly balls, perhaps they would look favourably upon other sporting manly virtues?

The club members unanimously and enthusiastically voted to ask the Football Association of Turori to permit manly hacking in the forthcoming Eagle's Cup.

5) Isaac, Prince Imperial suddenly arrived, slightly breathless. He explained that no one at the Imperial Palace had been aware of the meeting he had been called away to attend. It was almost, he said, as if he had been deliberately distracted so that he could not provide the club members with the great joy of hearing his poetry during the present meeting.

Crickets chirped.

Isaac, Prince Imperial was updated on the business transacted thus far. He approved of both the participation in the Eagle's Cup, and the request to permit hacking in the latter. He expressed disappointment that hacking would not be permitted in the match against Legalese.

His Royal Highness offered to read his poetry despite the lateness of the hour; he had just completed a 657-stanza epic on his unrequited love for Zoe Carbonopsina, and was hoping to get an opinion or two from the chaps. Archibald Darcy de Knayth, Dux of Lower Uppington - acting honorary president under the constitution - expressed regret that all old business on the agenda had been completed, and there was no express provision under the Club's constitution for the consideration of new business in a post-quarterfinal match against Pasarga, the meeting would have to adjourn without the reading of poetry.

His Royal Highness was impressed that the Club's constitution was so specific, and withdrew his suggestion.

6) The meeting having adjourned, the chaps proceeded to ring random doorbells while wearing yogurt pots on their heads.
Last edited by Alasdair I Frosticus on Fri Aug 22, 2014 10:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Apox
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Apox » Sat Aug 23, 2014 12:17 am

Image


"Almost there!"

"Rah!"

Semi-Final cut-off
The History of Modern NSSports internationalpost.apx (Newswire) The Apoxian Compendium
Winners: Campionato Esportiva IV, V & XVI, World T20 Championships VI, Imperial Chap Olympiad
Runners-up: CoH 58, World T20 Championships V, Campionato Esportiva XII
Third: Campionato Esportiva XIII
Fourth: Campionato Esportiva VII & XV
Baptism of Fire 50, Cup of Harmony 56, World Cup 69, World Cup 73, World Cup 82
Friendly Cups 2 & 6, World T20 Championships II, Campionato Esportiva IV, VIII, XII & XXIII, GCF Season 4, 8 & 10

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Alasdair I Frosticus
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Alasdair I Frosticus » Sun Aug 24, 2014 1:26 am

Image


"I say chaps... let's watch the third-place match!"

"Not convinced, old chap."

"Why?"

"Well, they say it's the match that no team wants to play."

"But surely when a chap's honour is at stake...."

"Well, since you put it that way...."

Third-place match cut-off

Score

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just a reminder that scorination of the final will be delayed for 24 hours due to the temporary unavailability of my co-host (I can't scorinate it for obvious reasons).
Last edited by Alasdair I Frosticus on Sun Aug 24, 2014 1:33 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Audioslavia
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Left-Leaning College State

Postby Audioslavia » Sun Aug 24, 2014 5:14 pm

I've gotten exponentially more drunk the more I've written this. I had a number of storylines in my mind about where to take the character of Ronda-Judith Styrn, and decided to exorcise all of them in one overlong RP. I've not checked or re-drafted anything. This may be a little weird.



Wednesday


Ball. Linesman. Goal. Linesman. Crowd. The other linesman. Gaizka's lanky frame lunging towards me. All of them appear to be behaving as if I've just scored a goal. I probably have just scored a goal, I think. I'm bounding towards the general direction of the corner flag, I think I might be waving my arms at the wind.

I feel a big set of arms grab me by the waist and hoist me up into the air. A rush of wind and a blur of black and red breezes past me. I feel myself being turned round, still in mid-air, and can see over Gaizka Omaexevarria's shoulders the vision of a goalkeeper punching the ground in disgust, three Osarians pointing at various things - the far post, a defender's torn shirt, each other - and a fourth Osarian wrenching his red shirt over his head in despair.

I hear a bellowed sentence from the crowd above the white background noise.

"RJ! You beautiful f****** t***!"

By the time the full-time whistle blows, five minutes later, I think I might have recovered. That left leg, the one that swung so awkwardly at a bouncing, bobbling ball five minutes earlier, is still buggered from cramp. The mind, however, has become lucid once again. I realise now what I've done.

"World Cup final" says a voice from behind me. As soon as Huffy puts me down again I can turn and see who spoke. It's Lee, the boss. He looks like he wants to hug me. He awkwardly pats me on the shoulder instead. I grin and jump on him.
"Thanks" he says. I can hear his voice crack a little.
"Y'alright?" I say, or probably shout, right into his ear. I climb down from him and see him smile to himself as he watches the crowd do the Bulls' Bounce*.
"Thanks" he repeats. "You've given me another shot at the Empire".
"Hah. Oh, aye, World Cup 60"
"I told you about that match didn't I?"
"Not me specifically, no, boss, but a few of the other lads have heard it enough times for everyone..."
He grins.
"No-one will hear it again after Sunday"
"Damn right"

I'm full of confidence as I head back down the tunnel. I'm a little earlier than the rest of the team, who are either giving interviews or throwing their shirts into the crowd, but I felt I'd done all the celebrating I needed to. There were no trophies available in the semi-final. The knowledge that we had the biggest game of our lives coming up in only a few days time was enough to just dampen the spirits a little. By the time I got to the dressing room and threw my shirt in the corner I was back in the real world again. Sore ribs, a left shoulder that wouldn't rotate properly, a left calf still complaining about the amount of lactic acid it was swimming in, and a right knee that was covered in dried blood, though to be fair most of it wasn't mine.

There was a dichotomy between the aching human that struggled to remove her own bra and the braided superstar that flickered on the television screen. I watched as the local Apoxian television station replayed the highlights of the game. Grassi's opener for the red-clad Osarians, Hudson-Blake's first-half penalty-miss. His retribution by means of a thunderous close-range volley. Sergio Mora's catastrophic failure to find the target when through on goal, Riviello's bullet header tipped wide by a sprawling Rollins, my arrival off the substitues bench (apparently a highlight. I wasn't complaining), my through-pass to Jarvinen to scuff across the face of goal, and finally the winning goal, five minutes from time. A corner-kick that Roque Acosta should have cleared, but instead could only help on to the far post where wee RJ Styrn was arriving, apparently not offside as I'd initially thought, to somehow bundle the ball in from six yards with a swipe of my left foot. Well, okay, shin. They all count.

A close-up replay of the goal from the same angle shows that Acosta mis-timed his header largely because Aitor had a hand full of his shirt. I'd missed that. So had everyone else. Part of me, and I'd like to say here that it's a very small part of me, felt a little better for Roque Acosta. The guy had been impossible to play against for the whole game. It'd have been a shame if he'd have been the guy to give up the winning goal. That he was fouled in the process... yeah, it probably wouldn't console him very much.

"TIMO SKYE IS A CATHAIR GIRL", a familiar phrase from a familiar voice. I look up to see Gaizka bound into the room. He has an Osarius shirt hung around his neck. He's holding a red and white clip-on tie which he is holding aloft like a trophy. More prominently, though, his shorts appear to be on his head.
"Timo Skye isn't fit to lace my corset"
"Attaboy"

The door opens wide as Huffy and Keta bounce in. Through the crack in the door I can see a young Apoxian journalist. He's wearing a black suit with red trim, a white shirt, but he isn't wearing a tie. I stand up.
"Give the poor man his tie back, Gaizka"
"He gave it to me"
"No he didn't"
"Well, he asked if I'd earned my stripes with my performance. I said yes, but no-one has given me any stripes, so I took his stripey tie"
"Give it back"
"Aw"
Gaizka turns around and hands the young Apoxian his tie back. He turns to me and tries to say 'thank you', but gets as far as 'tha'.
I frown, and then realise I'm dressed in a pair of dirty football shorts and nothing else. I shrug.
"Gotta reward the boys somehow"
The door closes. It opens again to reveal Lee Sharp. Most managers would do their post-match interview straight after the game. Lee had to change his shirt first. It was a matter of constant mirth for the rest of us. We ribbed him that he more time worrying about looking creased or sweaty in front of a television camera than he did finding clothes that actually fit. It wasn't a vanity thing, or anything weird at all. Lee knew, from twenty-five-odd years as a pro footballer, that confidence in one's skills, be it running or talking, was the main factor in whether you could execute said skill when it mattered. For him, it meant scrubbing his face and changing his shirt. It gave him time to think, if anything. I think the boys would understand if it wasn't for the fact that he also moisteurized too. A forty-something man with enough self-confidence to admit to using moisteurizer in front of a group of Audioslavian footballers. He probably wasn't the one who looked stupid to the casual observer, but hey.

"Jesus, RJ, will you put a shirt on?" said Lee, looking away as he made his way to the dressing room's toilet.

My first instinct is to run up to him, jump on him, wrestle him to the floor and rub my tits in his face. Yeah. There's a reason why, when the subject of 'hey, one of our team-mates has a vagina and isn't that weird?' finally came up in conversation, most of the lads agreed that, while I was attractive, I was possibly the least sexy person they ever met. My thigh-slapping, bum-scratching persona in the dressing room was, in its inception, a bit of a defence mechanism at first, and I could have knocked off the act a long time ago, probably, but the 'if you sexualise RJ in any way then she will **** you until you cry for your mother' shtick was far too fun to drop.

"Oh, so Gaizka can wear his shorts on his head in the tunnel but I can't whap my tits out in our own dressing room? That's totally sexist. You're totally sexist."
I heard the sound of a tap being shut off. There was a brief moment of silence wherein Cristobal looked over at me with a bemused look on his face and mouthed 'whap?'. Lee appears round the corner. He looks at Gaizka. I expect a hilariously contrite apology. Lee's never quite known how to take me.
"Gaizka isn't wearing his shorts on his head" says Lee. He gives me a wry smile, as if to say you aren't making me blush this time, sonny jim. I look over and see that, indeed, Gaizka has his own shorts where you'd expect to find them, and the extra pair is on his head.

The door opens. Andreij Tal appears silhouetted in its frame. All five feet six of him. The diminutive full-back points a finger at Gaizka.
I'm too busy being relieved at the fact that thats the only thing pointing at Gaizka to hear Andreij's expletive-strewn tirade.


Thursday


Last night's festivities were short and sweet. A glass of beer each (though barely a pint per man) and a movie (some Syndicatian rom-com dreck about a geologist and his favourite rock. Boy meets rock. Boy loses rock. Boy throws rock into ocean in fit of anger. Boy misses rock. Boy excavates large canyon in search of similar type of rock. Boy fails to find rock but does discover alien beacon that reports on human activity on earth in preparation for an alien invasion. Boy recalibrates beacon to find rock. Boy finds rock. NSSA deposit beacon in space. Aliens accidentally try to colonise Venus and end up crushed to death by its atmosphere. Everyone lives happily ever after. The usual fare), before an early night in time for light training. It's a training session I'm allowed to sit out of, due to various parts of my anatomy feeling like they've marinaded in nettles overnight. As a consequence I'm a little restless come the evening. I ask Lee if he's okay with me taking a walk outside of the grounds of the hotel - the impressively sized, if not named, 'Spencer Jean-Thomas' Other Abode' on the outskirts of Gwinevra. Lee agrees, but insists he comes with me.

We walk along a country road of the sort I used to watch Postman Pat drive down on TV as a kid. It occurs to me that I wasn't even born by the time Sharp retired from international football. He's hardly an old man - time is a different beast in Audioslavia than it is in Eura - and walks with the gait of a man who's used to walking everywhere, a product of growing up in a city and also, generally, being fit and active even into his advancing years. Most managers I'd met had grown a bit of a paunch after they'd stopped playing. They'd replaced the high of athletic contest with cigarettes, booze and/or junk food - understandable considering that the stress hadn't disappeared along with the excersise. Lee, on the other hand, had had enough self discipline to stay off the sauce and away from the vices that would have the aging process catch up with him. In truth, he looked like he could still do a job at a second-tier LigAnaia club, and probably for all ninety minutes too.

I realise neither of us are talking.

"Nervous?" I asked.
"About walking down a dark country road with your at night? Terrified"
I rolled my eyes at his wry smile. "Terrified pretty much covers it, though"
"You've nothing to lose though, surely?" I ask. "You've been a manager for, what, five minutes? And already you're in a World Cup final. You've overfulfilled expectations, that's for sure"
"So have you" Lee replied, "and I'm pretty sure you won't sleep tonight for worry"
"Fair point" I concede. "Don't have sleepless nights anymore though. Got myself one of those white-noise machines."
"Oh?" said Lee, "Those little machines that you sit on your nightstand? Make rhythmic noise for your brain to fixate on while you sleep?"
"The latter part, yeah. Mine goes in a bed three rooms away, though. I call it 'Alec Koskinen'. Lee snorts.
"Oh, that's Alec? I always figured Apoxians had a weird habit of mowing their lawns at 3am"
We come to a fork in the road. One path seems to lead to nothing but a sunset, the other leads down to Gwinevra town. Lee stands at the crossroads with his hands in his pockets, looking each route up and down. I carry on and hop the gate into a field.
"I'm not sure you're allowed to do that"
"You see any cops nearby?"
"Well.."
"You see anyone nearby?"
"..fine. I'll ruin my shoes though.."
"You'll improve them"
"Hey now, these are Yves Modraines. Two hundred quid a pair. They're rare, these are"
"You wouldn't know Yves Modraine if he shat in your mouth. And they're only rare because he tends not to make children's sizes"
"I'm a size eight!"
"Your face is a size eight"
"That doesn't even make sense"
"Your face doesn't even make sense"
"That doesn't..."
"Okay" I say, stopping this particular circular conversation. "I'll do you a deal. We walk this way, away from the roads, but.." I nod over to a shoulder-high wall. It looks wide enough to fit a person on top of it, and the top looks flat enough to walk on without breaking any ankles - useful when you're three days away from the biggest football match in the world. "..we'll walk along the wall. You get to keep your feet dry and I get to see that scarecrow"
Lee shrugs.
"Deal."

We must look a little silly to any casual observer. Two slightly unstead figures walking single-file along a tall-ish wall through a rural field, silhouetted in the warm Esportivan sunset. That's before you whap your binoculars out and find that the two figures are two of the most recogniseable faces in modern football. Now that was a status that took some getting used to. I should ask Lee how he copes.
"Why do you want to see a scarecrow?" he asks. He's behind me. I'd turn but I'm not sure I can walk the wall safely if I do.
"Never seen one before"
"How have you never seen a scarecrow before?"
"Seen them in books. I know what Wurzel Gummage is. I'm a Cathairan. The countryside was what whizzed by on the way to Ceilerden or Ribher. Had no call to stop and look at it. Plus, it smells"
"It does not smell"
"Lee, it stinks"
"Grass. Fertilizer. Faint essence of pig. It's what the countryside is supposed to smell like. It's what it's always smelled like"
"It's horrible. Give me the smell of spilt petrol and kebab houses any day of the week"
"You're starting on Saturday" says Lee. He must realise the stupidity of what he's just said because he apologises immediately, grabbing my arm as I almost lose my footing. I wrench it away and give him a 'look', or at least try. I'm too busy grinning.
"Serious?"
"Hufdis came down with cramp five minutes earlier than you. He's started every game. Poor sod's knackered and his form has trailed off since the Ko-oren game. He'll be upset, sure, but you'll be in. Arturo will be in the advanced position. You'll be in the usual role, but with the added chore of shouting at Arturo if he drops too deep, looking for the ball. We need him as the target man no matter what."
"Any other changes?"
"Question-mark over Cristobal. Callum and Kirk are more than capable of taking over if they try hard enough in training tomorrow. Polsson should be fit in time. He ****** his ankle. Looks like just a knock, though. Fabio or Fima will slot in if the swelling doesn't go down"
We stop, parallel with the scarecrow. I process what I've just been told.
"Bloody hell"
"Yeah"
"How did you deal with it?" I ask. Lee shrugs.
"I don't think I did, in the build-up. I was glad we had less of a rest than the Empire for the final. I'd have driven myself mad given an extra day."
"Doesn't seem fair that they've got an extra day's rest before the final" I said. The Holy Empire's win over Legalese had been the day before our semi-final. The team had presumably had the opportunity to retire to the drawing room with a cigar and a brandy while their servants tuned their TV into the Audioslavia game.
"Makes sense" says Lee. "The final is in Apox. The trade-off was that the Imperial half of the draw got the extra day's rest"
"Anything that gives me a disadvantage isn't fair" I retort.
"Figured you'd say that" he replied.
I looked around in the direction of the sun, which had disappeared behind the trees by now, leaving a dull purple glow to the west.
"While we've stopped walking, there's aother bit of news I have for you"
"Good or bad?"
"Could be either, depending on your perspective"
"Hit me"
"Jeremy Jaffacake. He wants to interview you. Saturday. Day before the game."
I let out a loud, amused 'HAH', and share a grin with the scarecrow in the distance. It had suddenly become the second most haggard thing I'd see all week.

Assuming Gaizka could keep his ballsack in his pants in public places for another 72 hours.

Okay, so the scarecrow would probably be relegated to third.

Friday


Piggies-in-the-middle isn't the most flattering of names for it, but I admit I can't think of a better one. Myself, Gaizka and the old hand Alec Kirk are in the middle of the ring. Most of the first-team surround us in a ring about forty yards in diameter, trying to pass a ball quickly and accurately to one another without the three of us intercepting it. It's a training excersise that occasionally infuriates me while on national team duty, what with the plethora of players capable of passing to one another without panicking as I scampered up to them, looking for a fight, but today was different. If anything I was just glad that my ankles were holding up and my legs had made a full recovery since Wednesday. I knew I was physically ready for the final.

Arturo tries to play a clever flick with the outside of his left foot but a see it a mile off, and lunge in the direction I figure the ball is going. It hits my outstretched leg, and I drag it away from Arturo as he tries to regain possession, tugging him to the floor as he loses his balance. I give him a playful poke in the ribs with my foot and complete the humiliation with a sly wink and a click of my tongue.
"Nice pass, twinkle-balls"
"That's Mr. Twinkle-Balls to you" he says, as I extend a hand.

"RJ, Alec, here" comes a voice, Lee's, from the other side of the field. I answer with a quick 'yes boss' and trot over. Alec meanders over, chatting with Arturo all the way.
I see Huffy and Cristobal appear behind the gaffer, neither of them looking particularly happy. Cristobal Bustos, the DM who's place in the squad has apparently been usurped by Alec Kirk for the Final, looks disappointed. Hufdis Uulver, the striker who looks to have been dropped for the first time in months, just looks pissed off. Lee must have just told them they wouldn't be playing.
"You know what this is about, guys" says Lee. "I want to make sure there's no hard feelings here. The four of you will need to talk."
Lee escapes the situation to lead the boys back to the hotel, training having finished for the afternoon. Cristobal breaks the silence.
"It makes sense. I've been struggling. Heavy legs. You'll kick their asses for me"
"Damn right I will" replies Alec, giving his fellow midfielder a hearty slap on the shoulder. "You'll be there for me when my legs give out. Might be after the half-hour, mind"
"Heh. You'll last longer than that"
"Aye, hope so"
Cris, bless him, was a team-player, and had little of the self-interest you'd associate with a young international player. Alec was in his thirties, and had more caps for Audioslavia than I'd had hot dinners, and knew the score with these situations by now. The team over all. There was an understanding there, and a sense of humour too. I figured I'd join in.
"I'll be playing all the ninety, myself" I say, with an attempt at a jovial grin towards Hufdis.
I realised quickly that I'd miscalculated. Huffy looked away in disgust. His attitude seemed to match his nickname.
"I've played every fucking game" he said, appearing to address the grass beneath his feet. My mouth opens and closes, not sure what to say.
"Exactly" said Alec, cutting in for me. "You've ran your heart out every game. You're the reason we're here in the first place."
"I'm fine. I'm fit" came Huffy's instant reply, shaking his head, appearing to stare at a point fifty yards behind my head. I don't know what to say. It's not even as if I've taken his spot. He's the striker, I'm the support-striker. It's Arturo that's replaced him, not me. The way I saw it, including me was Lee's way of coming to his senses.
"Hey, hey.." comes a voice from beside me. I awaken from a moment of introspection to see Alec furtively extend a hand towards Huffy, but the tall striker has already left, mooching towards the rest of the lads as they made their way inside.
"I.." I start, but Cristobal interrupts me.
"It's cool, it's not you, it's him. I'll sort it". He jogs to catch up with Huffy, putting an arm across the big man's shoulders. I still can't get a word out. I'm watching them depart with my mouth open, my hand raised as if trying to pluck the words from the sky.
Alec takes my hand and lowers it for me.
"Not your problem. You've not done anything wrong", but I'm not listening. I've overheard something from Huffy and Cris's conversation that has left me speechless.
"She got in his ear. Bet he got in his fucking pants as well"

---

I'm ten minutes late for dinner - the usual meal of pasta, chicken and fish that footballers diet on when they're away on duty. I just can't fucking face them.

I'm the first female footballer in Audioslavian history. Hell, outwith a couple of chess players I'm the only sportswoman who's managed to hang with the boys at anything. When God made women he made the Apoxians quick, the Equestrians tall, the Jeruselemites from pretty much the one mould, he made the Dagans from a small hill's worth of muscle and oestrogen and, I've always thought, made the Audioslavians from the scraggly bits left over from all the above. Audioslavian women were... well... feminine. I mean, yes, we had our sporty types, but so few and far between was all-female international sporting competition that there just wasn't anywhere to go for sports if you owned a vagina and/or boobs. For a girl to make it as a sportsman - and note the lack of the more politically correct sportsperson from the local vernacular - she had to be able to hang with the boys, and we just weren't cut out for it. Much was made of the general tendency to shortarsedness for Audioslavian males - other teams could pick from legions of six-footers for their sports teams. I could count the amount of six-foot Audioslavian outfielders on one hand. We weren't an especially slight race, we looked like humans, I mean, we are humans, but the boys just tend to top out at 5'10. And that's just the boys. At 5'5, I'm above average height for an Audioslavian female, if only just. I wasn't built to be here, I wasn't meant to be a pro footballer, I got here through sheer bloody hard work and the gifts of balance, coordination and tenacity from my mother. Mammy Styrn, the ex professional boxer in what passed for women's boxing in the nation, for years the solitary standard bearer in the sport, male or female, that could hang with the big foreigners.

I'd sacrificed everything. While other girls had boyfriends and were learning how to use make-up properly, without making oneself look like a particularly desperate panda bear, I was learning where to put my forehead when one of the guys in the school football team tried to pat my arse. That the main perpetrator was the P.E. teacher only made my reactions stronger. I'd been ejected from two teams as a teenager. It wasn't until I'd joined the academy at C.F. Cazadores that I'd learned how to keep my head. I'd only later learned that the distance and respect I'd gotten from my coach and team-mates back in the academy had been because my reputation had preceeded me.

The most humiliated I'd ever been in my entire career had been there in the office of the youth-team manager at Cazadores. I was eighteen. I'd already learned, six months previous, that it indeed had been my reputation as an occasionally violent hot-head that had garnered me that extra respect and distance I needed to build my confidence in the dressing room. The ability to get changed in front of the guys without feeling self-conscious regardless of their attitude, interest or lack thereof. It'd taken me two years to trust another coach.

Stood there in his office that afternoon, he'd given me the full story; my reputation, and its appearance at the club long before I physically stepped foot onto a Cazadores pitch.

It was a goal I'd scored. A jink in and out of a defender's lunging tackle and a low finish into the corner during a routine win for the school side. It was the hard work I'd put in in that match. It was a scout raving about the young, shaven-haired (as I was, then), slightly-built player up front at the school. One that would fit into the Cazadores youth system perfectly. The scout had known I was a girl, but hadn't said anything. The coach had learned the same only after having sent an agent to track me down at my mum's house. The reputation that had gained me the spot at the club was earned with my feet, not anything above them.

I'd cried like a... girl... upon being told as such by that academy coach. All that machismo, all that pent-up aggression, those walls I'd built up, gone in an instant of profound and borderline hysterical womanliness.

I'd learned, there and then, that deep down, the people that truly mattered didn't give a sodden toss about what gender I was, so long as I could play, and I had the ability to play as part of a team.

For three years, as my star rose in the Audioslavian media, the comments I got seemed to be positive, progressive. It was a good thing that an Audioslavian woman was finally making the grade in the game (as if our prior lack of participation had been through laziness or procrastination), and the little black girl with the big personality and vocabulary of a recently-divorced oilworker was an inspiration, first to women, but soon enough to everyone in the nation regardless of gender. I wasn't a side-show, I wasn't 'that woman player' to those with a voice. I was Ronda-Judith Fucking Styrn and I could run rings around any footballer you could name.

And then, Huffy said what he said. It occurred to me that it was all a lie. 'Progressive' Audioslavia, with its diversity of race and language, of cultures and traditions, could not tear itself away from the notion that women, as equal as they were, were at their core more than simply transport for baby-making equipment and soft, squishy bits that boys like.

I hadn't used anything like the ridiculous idea of 'feminine wiles' at any point in my career, and here was my supposed comrade complaining that, in order to regain something temporarily lost, I'd had to stoop to using my sexuality in any way.

I felt like taking that fucking glass ceiling of his, melting it down, rolling it into a tight cylinder and shoving them up his fu...

A knock at the door. I blinked. I went to wipe the tears off my face before discovering they weren't even there. I wasn't crying. I sure felt like it. I asked myself whether I should be crying but had simply forced myself to learn to hide it.

Another knock.

"RJ?"

It was Lee's voice.

I opened the door.

"Alec told me"

"Sorry"

"Not your fault. Can I come in?"

I thought for a second.

"No. Later. Lets go down and get some food first."

--

Dinner had been fine. I'd sat with Serge and Gaizka and spent half an hour listening to them argue about Mass Effect, and whether or not Quaarians were hotter than Asari. Gaizka's point that no-one knew what Quaarians looked like was countered by a rather convoluted point that mentioned Schroedinger's Cat ("while the mask is on the crumpet is both hot and munter") that Gaizka, with his being, as Serge put it, 'unburdened with an overabudance of schooling', just plain didn't understand. It was a conversation I could lose myself in, and one in which I could cause a cascade of laughter with just one solitary word (when asked which race I myself rather fancied, I answered, simply, 'Krogan', to the surprise of no-one), but I left the table with a nagging feeling in my gut. Gaizka had been surprised that I'd even played computer games, let along was familiar with a character from a game he'd played. It brought me back to what had gotten me so upset.

I meet Lee on a bench outside the hotel. He asks if I fancy another long walk, but I explain that I don't. Close to the hotel was fine. I figured, in my head, that that was a way I could ensure that no-one thought I was taking the boss away to bargain my way into the team by flashing him, or something. Not that anyone here was a stranger to the sight a nude-ish RJ. I knew it was a bit of a bullshit reason, but wanted to stay anyway.

"Alec explained" said Lee.
"Yeah. I'm glad he did"
"I'd have been surprised if he hadn't, RJ. It was the right thing to do, the only thing to do, after your apparent tirade"

He was right. That afternoon, after watching Hufdis disappear into the distance, I'd exploded into a fit of pure red rage. I hadn't made sense. Every other word had been a swear-word. Alec had initially tried to talk me down, but had ended up just standing there, letting me rant and rave about vague injustices, previous struggles, my mother, everything in between. He'd kept me away from the rest of the team as I'd vented some things I'd obviously needed off my chest. He'd let me finish, told me simply that he understood, and walked me back to the hotel. I think I'd said 'thankyou' before I bounded up the stairs. I hope I did.

"I want Hufdis gone from the squad". A sentence I'd thought to myself every five minutes since his comment. I was surprised to hear the same sentence come from my boss. "He's out of order. I'll speak to him. I think I might have to eject him. Send him home."
It doesn't seem like a Lee Sharp thing to say. I can't pur my finger on why. Something didn't feel right.
"You don't have to kick him out" I say, frowning at myself for even thinking it, especially given my feelings on the matter.
"I do" sais Lee. "I can't have that kind of attitude being spread around the team"
I frowned again. Something still didn't feel right.
"Are you embarassed?" I ask. "Because, well, part of what he sad involved you?"
"No, no. Not at all. I'd like to think I'd feel the same way if you'd have gone for a walk with anyone else, too, and someone had... cast aspersions"
"What did Alec say to you?" I ask. Lee smiles.
"Seriously, though, I need a walk"

--

We don't even get as far as the cross-roads where we'd previously gone for our apparent fling.
"Alec said a few words to me" says Lee, without quite being able to look at me as we stroll along the road. There's no cars for miles. We're happily walking in the middle of the tarmac. It was oddly exhilerating. "He's been around a while. Played under various mangers, Audioslavian, Apoxian, Euran and otherwise. He knows what he's talking about"
"What did he say?"
"I'm... I'm not actually a manager, you know? I mean, yes, it's my job description. It's like.. I don't know. It's like I'm a seargent who's CO has been killed, or something, and I'm taking... like... 'extra' charge of my squad... do you know what I mean?"
"No"
"Right.. RJ, I'm a footballer. I don't think I ever became a manager. There are..." he gestures to the stars, which are blinking through a misty Apoxian night, "...a bunch of different coaching badges that I probably should have gotten before I started managing. I haven't... done anything... as a manager"
"Issington?" I reply. Issington are a big club, one Lee had taken charge of. "You had that stint as the Eura under-twenty-one boss too, didn't you?"
"A season at Issington. Barely any more. I was sacked."
"Not what I heard" I said, with a frown. "'Resigned in principle' I heard"
"Same thing" he replied. I made to disagree with his bullshit equivocation but didn't have time. He continued. "I failed, at any rate. And the under twenty-ones... that was barely a managerial job. I was a face and a team of coaches, that was it. 'Of course we're concentrating on the future' the Euran suits could say, 'we've got our best man on the case', but in reality I was there because I was good at interviews and the fans could get behind me. There was a team of coaches who took the boys training. They did all the work."
"Fans could get behind you, aye, but the players... they got behind you too"
"Yeah" he replied, "yeah, they liked me. Still... I wasn't.. I wasn't a manager"
"I.." I'm interrupted again.
"Alec put it in terms I could understand. I'd gotten you guys this far, and that was a credit to me, but it was as... as... like a senior player, more than a manager. I was everyone's friend. Still am. I don't tell people off. I don't assert myself, not properly. The decisions I've had to make have been easy. I've picked a strong team, we've won, I've picked the same team, we've won, I've picked a sub-strength line-up for dead-rubbers and we've won them too. I picked a godawful team for that first match against Buyan and I still had Aitor to score that wonder-goal and pull my arse from the fire"
"I was in that team"
"Yeah, I know, I put you on the wing, remember?"
"Oh, yeah, hah.. but.."
"Alec said it best. I've just been here as... I don't know, an ambassador. The team has picked itself, the coaching staff have kept you fit, so I've stayed in the background and tried to be popular. I shouldn't be trying to be popular. I should be managing you belligerent fucks"
I laugh. It isn't a chuckle, either, it's a full on gut-laugh.
"That's the first time I think you've swore at one of us" I manage to wrench out of my throat, in between giggles.
"Sorry"
"Don't spoil it"
"Hah"

We make our way back to the hotel. Lee appears to have made up his mind. Huffy is as good as gone. I did argue. I did, but once someone has made up their mind about needing to make up their mind or often, it's difficult to change it.

We round the corner of the building towards the entrance of the hotel, and the two of us stop in our tracks.

The scene is thus. There are about twenty-five people in a ring surrounding three silhouettes in the middle. Two of them are Alexander Kirk and Gaizka Omaexevarria, stood in black robes that they got from god knows where, either side of a guy in an FFA blazer, smart black trousers, and a familiar striped red and white tie. He is kneeling on the ground with his arms in the air.

They're just standing there, for a moment, before one of the crowd coughs, purposefully, three times. It appears that is their cue.

"OH MIGHTY GODDESS OF FOOTBALL" shouts the kneeling figure.

Oh god. It's Hufdis

"OH MIGHTY QUEEN OF SOCCER. OH MIGHTY DUCHESS OF KICKING FOREIGNERS IN THEIR ******* GONADS. OH GREAT AND WONDEROUS DAME OF SCORING WONDERFUL GOALS. I BESEECH THEE..."

The figure is prodded by Gaizka. Both Gaizka and Alec are holding... are they toy lightsabres?

"OH.. SORRY... dameofscoringwonderfulgoals oh wait, yeah, ..OF WONDEROUS GOALS THE LIKES OF WHICH I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITY OF MAYBE SCORING
IN MY WILDEST DIRTY HYLANDER DREAMS. I BESEECH THEE.. FORGIVE THIS IDIOT. THIS LANKY, BLONDE, NORTHERN IDIOT, FOR HE IS, IN THE WORDS OF HIS PEERS, A 'COMPLETE SODDING PRIMA-DONNA WHEN HE WANTS TO BE'

"Mistress Styrn" says Gaizka, probably blissfully unaware of the meaning or modern connotations of the word 'mistress', "we have caught the heathen for you. He is yours to dispose of at your leisure."

He hands me a lightsaber.

"Will you decapitate this arrogant bastard, whom must pay for his crimes against the team?" says Alec. I wonder what, exactly, Alec has said to the team and Hufdis to engineer this situation in the half-hour I've been away.
"Decapitate him? With this?" I say, taking the lightsaber offered to me by Gaizka.
"I'm gonna **** him with it"

I pounce upon Hufdis, rolling him over in the dirt like an alligator with a lost scuba-diver. The crowd cheer.

"I'm sorry" says Hufdis, when I finally stop rolling him.
"I accept" I said.

We exchange a very muddy high-five.

---

Saturday


In comparison, Jeremy Jaffacake, the supposed god of a man, the supposed most difficult hack on the planet, is an absolute pussycat.

He tried to play the 'I'm a woman and isn't that interesting' card.

HAH.

"It isn't a problem in other countries, it is a problem here. Audioslavian women aren't pushed into sports like some men are. Audioslavian schoolgirls aren't given the opportunity. To succeed here, you have to play with the boys, and it's something that's difficult for girls to achieve. Playing football with the guys helped me, forced me to develop along a certain path, to build and maintain an identity that wasn't neccessarily my own, but was required as a defence mechanism in opposition to the general attitudes towards women in and out of sport. It's a road that few women have been able to take, until now, and my goal is not to show off and say, to the girls at home, I did it the hard way so you should too, it's to create a proper, realistic path for people of all sexes and backgrounds to travel. It's not as if it's just women who are under-represented in Audioslavian sport, vast areas of the country are totally absent from the nation's football system. Our main football clubs are in Cathair, Oljestaden, Tzierra and nowhere else. If anything I was lucky to be born a Cathair Girl because of the former part of the phrase, regardless of the latter. The fact that we've reached another World Cup final, an eighth in our history, despite only using, what, a third of our population as a catchment area for our football clubs, seems to be a miracle to me, and the idea that we could form not just a strong team every two generations but a damned dynasty of Audioslavian excellence, year upon year, generation upon generation, is exciting to me. Women should be welcome into the sport just as Herradurans and Gardenians should be welcomed. As far as the apparently more pressing issue of the status of what thing, or lack thereof, hangs between my legs, it has taken me half of a lifetime just to gain the respect of my peers, let alone the wider public which, as I can tell from various social networking sites, has yet to fully accept a woman as part of their own. That the team has accepted me is one thing, that the fans have come around is another. The next step is to persuade the media, people like yourself, to not only stop bringing up the subject of my gender as a point of interest but simply to realise that there is absolutly nothing interesting about my gender whatsoever, just like how no-one but the saddest gossip rags give the lithest of three fucks about the sex and sexuality of male footballers. One way I plan to force that issue is by taking out the frustrations that have built up over a ******* lifetime and unleash them against the combined forces of The Holy Empire. As far as I'm concerned we are taking this phony class war the Audioslavians have waged against this 'cup for chaps" and replacing it with my own agenda, and a far more worthwhile one. That the Apoxians and Imperials are comfortable with using the term 'chap' to define the upper classes of both genders, and we haven't, is a sad indictment of this supposed pride in our blue-collar lefty progressiveness as a culture. In utterly destroying the imperials and, as a collective unit of eleven claret-clad footballers, thirty-thousand screaming fans and millions upon millions of Audioslavians, forcing ourself to the absolute summit of world football for a third time, I plan - we plan - to kickstart an actual, proper change in this country. I will not be the last female footballer, and when I lift that World Cup trophy it will not be a part of this childish parade of bolshevism but as, simply, an Audioslavian."

"Oh, and Mr. Jaffacake? Balls to you. Balls to you and your face."

As I leave, feeling like I may well have said something worthwhile, but also might have embarked upon an overlong and profoundly silly diatribe about nothing in particular, I hear Jeremy Jaffacake use his phone.

"Sue? I've found someone you might like".

Regardless of what he or anyone thought, at least now I was confident of what had to be done.

It's a World Cup Final. It's tomorrow. I am playing in it. I am playing in a World Cup Final.

I am going to **** everyone, and it's going to be beautiful.


*The Bulls' Bounce is a jaunty dance that involves little more than bouncing up and down on the spot and waggling a finger of each hand just above the forehead, like a particularly misproportioned bull, all the while singing "borom bom bom, borom bom bom followed by, depending on your chosen language, "el que no salta es una joder Krytenian", "if you don't to the bouncy you're a f*** Krytenian" or "ez baduzu errebote zaude Krytenian". Audioslavians were diverse, but they could agree on some things. Some fans like to use just one hand to form the horns of the bull, and like to dangle the other one between their legs. Parents in the audience tend to inform their children that they are mimicking the bull's tail, and that yes, bulls do cccasionally thrust their tails at cows that they like.
Last edited by Audioslavia on Sun Aug 24, 2014 5:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Legalese
Diplomat
 
Posts: 861
Founded: Sep 12, 2004
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Legalese » Sun Aug 24, 2014 6:29 pm

“Welcome back to the Court Street Studios, deep in the not-too-bad part of downtown Francis City. We are the Gentlemen Wearing Robes, and I’m, as you probably know, Marcus Demara; as you’re probably also aware, I’m sitting here with Roberto Betran, my compatriot and colleague, as well as occasional drinking buddy.”

“Hello, Marcus. After the result today, I do think we need a drink, sadly. It’s never fun to go out on two losses, even with the circumstance in mind. Granted, the third place match is, in the end, a consolation match, but there’s still a medal on the line.”

“Exactly, and to do it with a single goal, the only time in the finals that the Legal Eagles failed to score more than once. A shame, really, though in the end, the kicker was the battle with the Chaps, that is, the Imperial Club’s fine gentlemen, who replaced the jumping beans as The Holy Empire’s squad. “

“Oh, they are very fine indeed. As we’ve learned from a copy of the Imperial Club minutes that came to me in a dream, apparently they’re Great Friends of the Program, which is an honor, considering they are the first known non-Legalite GFoPs. It’s just a shame they had to send our boys home, alas.”

“Right, right. The joy of extra time is surely the opportunity for an additional half-hour of football life, but alas, it is a very tense and stressful life, as it all comes down to who can find a goal in the crucial thirty minutes; for what was an odd moment this World Cup, the side that found that goal was not us, but rather The Holy Empire, with the Prince Imperial, Isaac, recording the tally. And with such a fine beard and top hat like his, I guess it comes as no surprise to this commenter.”

“That was an impressive top hat he donned, indeed. Amazed that he chose to keep it on the pitch, as it was a challenge to his ability to control the ball in the air, though we both know that was not necessary on his strike, which caught Evan Swales going in the wrong direction.”

“Yes, it did, and sadly, that was enough to send The Holy Empire to yet another final - their eighth, the same as their opposition, Audioslavia - and us to our first third-place match, rather than our first final. Any thoughts on what to expect in that match, Robbo?”

“Well, we know someone has to win it, which is less common for both - after all, the Slavs have a history, albeit ancient, of coming up short. Prior to their recent success, which has coincided with the return of the Legal Eagles to the forefront of the footballing world, the Bulls were, well, all hat and no cattle, one could say.”

“Yes, but in the overall, The Holy Empire has barely been better, and they’ve been here from the start. I dare say, Rob, but if one were to believe in a higher power and his/her creation of the universe, it would be said that when he/she said ‘let there be light’, Juan Tzimisces was there waiting, with a look on his face that was perfect, but still said ‘well, then, about time you showed up.’ Still, hard for us to knock a team reaching the summit eight times, planting their proverbial flag at the hypothetical peak that is a World Cup final thrice, with a shot to do it a fourth time.”

“Indeed, for we’ve never been there. Maybe some day, my fellow Tramps and I will no longer be happy just to see The Legal Eagles in the semifinal, and will expect more. In fact, you could say that the pressure is on for Ben Gammal; how will he get this team to recover from the way they went out? Will they rest on their laurels of imaginary glory, or will they use this as a drive to take it a step further next time? Also, Marcus, who will still be around in two years for the next shot?”

“All good questions, and ones we won’t have to wait long on for answers. The Eagle’s Cup has made its return from the annals of history, and while little remains of our history with it, it appears that the National Team appeared in the most recent edition - Eagle’s Cup IV - over a century ago - and was invited to return to the competition. With such other competitors as Eagle’s Club members Turori, along with fellow invitees Vilita, Audioslavia, Schiavonia, Royal Quebec and The Inevitable Syndicate, the competition is looking to be very AOCAF-like, and is where Gammal is expected to send the first-team from the current World Cup. After the occasional foibles in qualifying this time around, I’d expect the AOCAF side to be where you’ll see the B-team fight to clarify and improve their role in the National Team as qualifying for the 70th World Cup is just around the corner.”

“As, always, good sir, the world revolves, and it starts all anew once again. Another chance for us to take the bull by the horns, for the early bird to catch the eel, and for revenge to be served, preferably cold, if not Frosty.”
Host/Co-Host of:
World Cup XXII and LXVIII
Cup of Harmony XI and XIII
Baptism of Fire IX, XIV, XV, XVI, XLII, LII
The Inaugural CAFA Cup
AOCAF Cup V and XXXIV

Winner of Cup of Harmony 55 and Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree II
Anaia: Like all the best ideas, this is moving from "lampoon" to
"take seriously" rather quickly

(H/T to Mertagne)

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Alasdair I Frosticus
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Founded: Antiquity
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Alasdair I Frosticus » Sun Aug 24, 2014 11:06 pm

MINUTES OF THE IMPERIAL CLUB


1) Following a unanimous vote, the chaps offered up three "Huzzahs!" to Mr Tzimisces and Mr Di Bradini for guiding them to the final. It was roundly agreed that they were both splendid chaps, and that the team had greatly benefited from their experience, especially the unparalleled experience of Mr Tzimisces.

Further "Huzzahs!" were offered to the Prince Imperial both for scoring the winning goal, and for keeping his top hat in place throughout the match - a feat which even impressed the watching Legalese media.

The chaps were undoubtedly in high spirits, and merry hi-jinks were the order of the day until the Prince Imperial could call the meeting to order. A particularly fine piece of tomfoolery involving Cuthbert Cuthbert Cuthbert, Lord Waldegrave, some elephant-themed underwear, and a singing banana was later unanimously declared to be the merriest jape of the season.

2) Isaac, Prince Imperial observed that - in honour of the final - he had been experimenting with classical Audioslavian poetic forms. He offered to read out one of his Audioslavian efforts provided it was recorded in the club minutes. This was accepted following a vote (1 in favour, none opposed, 10 abstentions).

CHAPS ON PARADE

Come along now!
Come along now!

The whisky glass explodes in the freezing evening cold
Which comes as a suprise now as a chap sits on the commode
It was a test shot, sure to make the bodies drop
While we're hunting all the peasants shopping at the Co-op
Falling rains drenching, quenching the thirst of us power chaps
Hunting underneath the thunderclap
Working class sore on the face of mother earth is an affront
And triggers our new peasant hunt.

Rally round the club house! With a pocket full of shells
We rally round the club house! With a pocket full of shells
We rally round the club house! With a pocket full of shells
We rally round the club house! With a pocket full of shells

Weapons not food, not homes, not shoes
No need in the Dreamed Realm for lower-order animals
I walk the corner to the club house that used to be a library
Line up to the mind allegory now
What we don't know keeps our contacts alive and moving
We don't need to burn the books; we can just peruse them
The bottles in our bar fill as quick as we say "do tell"
Rally round the club house, pockets full of shells

Rally round the club house! With a pocket full of shells
We rally round the club house! With a pocket full of shells
We rally round the club house! With a pocket full of shells
We rally round the club house! With a pocket full of shells

Chaps on parade

Come along now!
Come along now!
Chaps on parade!
Chaps on parade!
Chaps on parade!
Chaps on parade!
Chaps on parade!


Polite coughing ensued. Archibald Darcy de Knayth, Dux of Lower Uppington spoke for many when he said he was frankly baffled by this poetic form; was it allegorical or literal? Why did the Prince Imperial feel a need to shout into a microphone while reciting his poem? And why was he accompanied by a servant making frankly implausible rhythmic scratching noises on the six-string electric guitar?

His Royal Highness apologised, noting that he appreciated that classical Audioslavian poetry was a somewhat extreme artistic form, but that he nonetheless hoped that this provided some insight into Audioslavian culture - and that increased cultural appreciation was surely one of the primary goals of participation in the World Cup. The chaps broadly agreed with this, and gave his Royal Highness a vote of thanks (7 in favour, two opposed, two abstentions).

3) Mr Tzimisces drew the chaps' attention to a recent article in the Holy Empire Herald, written the day after the semi-final victory over Legalese by prominent Imperial reporter Anna Comneno. This article described the chaps as:

A group of over-sexed upper-class twits thriving on puerile humour, frequently dangerous practical jokes, a frankly breathtaking sense of entitlement, casual sexism, and levels of alcohol consumption that would probably prove fatal to the giant rankoro beast of Splix.

The Prince Imperial immediately moved a vote of thanks to Miss Comneno for so immaculately capturing the essence of the Imperial Club. The other chaps signalled their immediate, enthusiastic and unanimous assent, with Sir Ambrose "Knicker-Twister" FitzThomas suggesting that the Club send Miss Comneno a bouquet of flowers, and a proposition to meet the team back at the clubhouse after the final so they could get to know her much, much better (Knicker-Twister, the crafty devil, winked while saying this).

Mr Tzimisces explained that Miss Comneno's article was not intended as praise, but rather as criticism, and that she was unlikely to want to know the chaps better; at least not in the manner implied by Sir Ambrose.

The Prince Imperial immediately moved a vote of thanks to Miss Comneno for so immaculately capturing the essence of the Imperial Club. The other chaps signalled their immediate, enthusiastic and unanimous assent, with Sir Ambrose "Knicker-Twister" FitzThomas suggesting that the Club send Miss Comneno a bouquet of flowers, and that he would slip in a personal invitation for the foxy female reporter to join him for a twilight dinner overlooking the sunset over the Great Sea, after which he hoped to get to know her much better (Knicker-Twister, the crafty devil, made hip-thrusting motions while saying this).

Mr Tzimisces gently suggested that perhaps the chaps weren't quite grasping the point of Miss Comneno's comments. If they did nonetheless insist on sending her their thanks, he would take the thanks, the bouquet, and any personal messages himself, and then keep them in a locked box in a secret location until such time as he thought it was appropriate to deliver them.

The members unanimously approved Mr Tzimisces' plan.

4) Some discussion took place regarding some comments by Audioslavian international Ronda-Judith Styrn in the lead-up to the final in an interview with prominent Audioslavia media personality Jeremy Jaffacake. Senator Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel expressed surprise that the opposition would allow a woman to take the field in the final. The Senator clarified that he had always admired women, whether the pure-of-heart type who made fine wives and mothers, or the more wanton type who were always up for a bit of rumpy-pumpy.

Mr Tzimisces was heard to audibly groan at this point; expressions of concern over his well-being were met with what can only be described as an exasperated sigh. The manager is a tough old goat, make no mistake, unwilling to admit to physical pain, even while clearly in some distress.

Sir Hubert His Magnificencenessnessness said that he'd been watching some footage - not to prepare, he hastened to add, but simply to pass the time - and that Miss Styrn seemed to be a feisty filly, make no mistake. Octavian Augustus Tiberius Claudius Browne expressed surprise over Miss Styrn's comments regarding a "phony class war", "blue-collar lefty progressiveness", and a "childish parade of bolshevism"; was Miss Styrn a..... revolutionary?

Upon hearing this word, Sir Nigel Sensibly Smythington-Foxe emitted a high-pitched girlish scream, and B.W.Q. Montgomery Xavier, Lord Dundonald-D'eath, fainted.

Mr Tzimisces explained that it didn't matter whether Ronda-Judith Styrn - who, as far as he could tell, had made the Audioslavian team purely on merit - was a revolutionary, a woman, or a three-legged featherless duck that meowed like a kitten. The important point was that she was a damn fine footballer, and that the club members would underestimate her at their peril.

The club members voted unanimously to acquire a three-legged featherless duck that meows like a kitten for the clubhouse pond; prefereably one with mauve and lime-green skin, though failing that, electric pink would do as a substitute.

5) Mr Tzimisces and Mr Di Bradini left the club house. Discussion was had over the tactics for the forthcoming final. His Royal Highness noted that they had made it to the final undefeated, and that they had beaten the top-ranked team in the multiverse along the way. He saw no reason to change the basic 3-5-2 formation, or to change the usual dribbling game that kept passing to an absolute minimum (and only enough to keep the managers happy). Charging at your opponents with the ball at your feet and showing them what's what had served the team well so far. Nonetheless, His Royal Highness suggested that he wear his top hat for the match, and that the whole team wear the intimidating and manly monocles that had served them so well in the quarterfinal match against Pasarga. This was approved following a vote (9 in favour, one opposed, one vote not recorded due to member attempting to chat up the barmaid at the time).

6) The meeting being adjourned, the club members put on giant frog costumes and hopped through the centre of the Imperial City while shouting "ribbit, ribbit, ribbit".
Last edited by Alasdair I Frosticus on Mon Aug 25, 2014 12:45 am, edited 6 times in total.
Τί ἐστιν ἀλήθεια?

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Apox
Minister
 
Posts: 2273
Founded: Jun 30, 2012
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Apox » Tue Aug 26, 2014 12:36 am

Image


"By God man, I've worked myself into quite a lather of excitement over this"

"How unchaply Sir Charles"

"Well, one knows how it is,"

"Does one?"

"A month of pure chaos filled with reckless drinking and wenching, normally raises the spirits"

"Ah, yes, and the stakes raise with each round"

"Indeed old boy. I shall be sad to see it over."

Final cut-off
The History of Modern NSSports internationalpost.apx (Newswire) The Apoxian Compendium
Winners: Campionato Esportiva IV, V & XVI, World T20 Championships VI, Imperial Chap Olympiad
Runners-up: CoH 58, World T20 Championships V, Campionato Esportiva XII
Third: Campionato Esportiva XIII
Fourth: Campionato Esportiva VII & XV
Baptism of Fire 50, Cup of Harmony 56, World Cup 69, World Cup 73, World Cup 82
Friendly Cups 2 & 6, World T20 Championships II, Campionato Esportiva IV, VIII, XII & XXIII, GCF Season 4, 8 & 10

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Polar Islandstates
Senator
 
Posts: 3551
Founded: Jan 17, 2011
Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby Polar Islandstates » Thu Aug 28, 2014 8:46 am

Image


Hey, hey!

Well, I finally got my stuff sorted in time to watch go out of the tournament. On penalties. Of course. Which of course ended up being a pretty exciting end to a phenomenally underwhelming tournament on the whole. We qualified well, sure, but after that we just didn't appear to be all that interested. Which is a shame.

I'm not going to launch into a detailed analysis of every game played, or speculate too wildly on the job security of Rasmussen at this point, but safe to say that he will certainly have until at least the next World Cup before he has to start looking over his shoulder. What is clear however, is that a little restructuring of the squad might be in order. A few too many players looked a little lost at times, for my liking. Whether it was veterans not looking like the safe hands they once were, or youngsters looking over-awed, it might be time Rasmussen showed a few of them the door. Expect a much changed Copa side, that's for sure. After that, the ones who've impressed will stay on, I guess. Time will tell.

In the meantime, I am going to give each player a mark out of ten based on their performance in the entire campaign.


#1 - Iulian Kirilaunen - GK - 13 appearances, 0 assists, 0 goals - 7/10
A typically comfortable performance from the unflappable keeper that has always been at the base of Rasmussen's most impressive sides. A little slower off his line than he used to be, but you have to feel that even if he's rested at the Copa he'll be back in the sticks for the next World Cup. Can hardly be blamed for defeat in a penalty shoot-out.

#2 - Moses Luc Bjerregaard - DR - 14 appearances, 6 assists, 1 goals - 6/10
One goal in fourteen appearances all cycle is a little under-par by Bjerregaard's own high standards, despite the six assists. You might have to wonder whether the sheer weight of games so early in his career has started to catch up with him. Could be time to give him a tournament off - he's been playing football round the calendar for about seven years non-stop already, after all.

#3 - Aapo Nordenberg - DC - 15 appearances, 0 assists, 2 goals - 7/10
Fifteen out of a possible nineteen nineteen caps this cycle for both of the first-choice centre-back pairing, with Rasmussen choosing to rotate plenty in the group stages. Nordenberg's move to Northbrook has seen his style move far closer to Marek's preferred system, and he was one of the more dependable players this cycle. Very little to catch the eye in the negative column, and a couple of goals to go with it.

#4 - Morten Salo - DC - 15 appearances, 0 assists, 2 goals - 7/10
Erratically switching between the sublime and the chaotic, Salo had a mixed season. Provided a menacing presence in the opposing box but far too often allowed players to escape him in our own. He will have to work hard at his turning circle if he wants to stay in the starting line-up; Nordenberg-Salo has been a great partnership in recent years, but his agility is dropping off alarmingly fast.

#5 - Kohev Küngas-Vaga - DL - 15 appearances, 4 assists, 1 goals - 8/10
Oh captain, my captain. Heroic, heart-on-sleeve stuff from KKV once again. Simply cannot be faulted for effort, leadership, or passion, but might not be able to make the attacking runs down the left to match Bjerregaard's as demanded by the formation in possession. Might have to be moved across to centre-back to accommodate this trailing off of pace unless Rasmussen adapts the midfield plan to compensate. Has notably become only the third Polarian to captain his side a hundred times.

#6 - Eikr Lillehammer - DMC - 14 appearances, 1 assists, 1 goals - 7/10
Some rusty looking performances in qualifying - as you might expect from one playing for a club as high-flying as his - meant his average score had to wait until a string of four explosively good performances in the finals themselves to come up to an acceptable level. Might be finding it harder to balance club and country in his advancing years, but is still a powerfully impressive performer on his day.

#7 - Bjorn Konigstein - MC - 17 appearances, 3 assists, 2 goals - 8/10
Joint highest caps winner this cycle with seventeen in his locker, Konigstein had a tournament that showed everyone the broad and versatile midfielder he has matured into. From a wildcard what seems like just yesterday to one of the first names on the team sheet today, Konigstein is one of the few players you can point to as having a cycle that everyone will agree was better than the average.

#8 - Svenbjorn Einarsson - MC - 14 appearances, 2 assists, 2 goals - 5/10
Hm. Not sure, Svenbjorn covered himself in any sort of glory this time around. He had good games, sure. Scored goals, made assists, made a nuisance of himself and picked up a man of the match award for his game against Yttribia, but these moments were stand-out gems in a cycle of otherwise impulsive and hot-headed decision making that didn't reflect well on him. Some time to cool off needed, perhaps.

#9 - Gustaf Kolehmainen - ST - 17 appearances, 2 assists, 11 goals - 8/10
A casual observer would have called this an average cycle at best for Kolehmainen, so it's only when you stand back and see that he scored a heroic eleven goals for the Terns this time around that you realise that behind that calm and detached exterior there lies an immensely talented and experienced striker who knows just how to be in the right place at the right time. Doesn't contribute much to team play anymore though, and may be rested for the Copa. We'll see.

#10 - Jean-Eric Villeneuve - MC - 15 appearances, 6 assists, 2 goals - 6/10
Not t his usual high standards, that's for sure. Injuries are starting to affect the chances for Jean-Eric to get a decent run of fixtures in the side, and when that happens it can be hard to build up a decent flow. Has been one of the outstanding performers in recent years and he plays in a key position for Rasmussen. Could be that his number is up, which would be a shame at a relatively young age.

#11 - Torsten Wolff - ST - 15 appearances, 3 assists, 6 goals - 7/10
A little bit of spice here and there and a lot of running to support his strike partners led to a relatively successful campaign from Wolff. He's hungry for more, certainly, and showed perhaps the most desire and passion out of anyone this past cycle. Still plays a supporting role in the system however, so until Kolehmainen is out of the squad he might have to stay slightly in the shadows. One of very few players who was restrained by the tactics and could have done more, really.

#12 - Artemiusz Korzhanenko - GK - 3 appearances, 0 assists, 0 goals - 6/10
Artemiusz remains a dependable and safe pair of hands. Seems a shame to see a keeper of this quality on the bench really, but for a player this professional there's no way this is going to cause any friction in the squad. Wouldn't be a surprise to see him rested in favour of giving some other players a try in the squad soon but he very rarely makes any sort of mistake.

#13 - Leif Ulsletten - GK - 3 appearances, 0 assists, 0 goals - 6/10
The future of goalkeeping in the Terns? Has a good eye for tactics and his anticipation is second to none. Still needs to settle down a bit and cut out a bit of the headstrong rushing into things, but he appears to have everything in his locker that he needs to have and he certainly won't have put anyone off him with his appearances in qualifying.

#14 - Luar Dardan - AMC - 11 appearances, 4 assists, 3 goals - 7/10
Ah, Dardan. Switching from one nation to another can't have been easy, I know, but a slow start in qualifying was only compounded by the way the man he replaced in the squad - Alexis Zeljeznicar - had an outstanding start to life in Divisjon One for East Franz Athletic. The comparison can't have been easy, and Dardan certainly had a storm to weather, but weather it he did and a superb end to the campaign in The Holy Empire - despite going out - showed that there's life in his newly acquired Polarian nationality yet.

#15 - Niels Kruse - DL - 8 appearances, 1 assists, 1 goals - 6/10
A set of impressive substitute performances led to a handful of starts late on in the second half of qualifying, and Kruse showed that there is plenty of life in the nation's left-back ranks. With a goal and an assist he showed that he could adjust well to international football, and repeat exposure should develop him nicely.

#16 - Alexis St Olaf - DR - 9 appearances, 1 assists, 1 goals - 6/10
Another set of expectedly neat and tidy performances from the experienced right back, with it hard to really point a finger at any pinpoint moments of weakness or dominance. It remains to be seen if Bjerregaard and St Olaf actually brings a balanced set of right-backs to the squad however, with the overall system having to adjust a little too much between the two of them if you ask me. We'll see what the future holds, but he isn't irreplaceable.

#17 - Anders Holzhauser - DMC - 7 appearances, 2 assists, 1 goals - 8/10
He is one of the players who came out with an improved reputation after this tournament, so it is a bit of a surprise to see the statistics show he only actually made seven appearances. I guess we have Lillehammer to blame for that, but Holzhauser's performances were sufficient to show that there is plenty of competition from the bench. Absolutely deserves to star for the Terns for a long time yet.

#18 - Victor Larsen - ST - 13 appearances, 1 assists, 3 goals - 7/10
Larsen certainly offered something different from the bench, which is what you want from a substitute striker I suppose, but three goals in thirteen appearances doesn't look all that impressive. When you consider the ratio of ten minute cameos to starts, that number looks a little more steady however. Worked a lot better with Wolff than Kolehmainen, which is fortunate given the ages of the strikers in question, but certainly deserves another chance despite being a little sub-par this time around.

#19 - Erik Bergen - MC - 10 appearances, 2 assists, 1 goals - 5/10
Well... it was a series of performances, I suppose. One goal and two assists weren't enough for Bergen to gloss over the cracks in his rather patchy campaign, and he might have to see Rasmussen name him in a 'last chance' kinda thing at the Copa Rushmori. It is entirely possible that the stress of moving from Astograth to Polar Islandstates has thrown off his game a little bit, but he'll definitely need to step it up a little if he wants a starting place in the next few years. Room for improvement, certainly.

#20 - Vasek Frederiksen - ST - 9 appearances, 1 assists, 1 goals - 4/10
The problem with Frederiksen is that it has become difficult to see where his niche is in the squad. He's a strong all-rounder, but we already have one of those in the squad, and he's never going to beat Kolehmainen for a starting spot as long as Kolehmainen is playing. He's a fine striker at club level, but just might be one of those who never quite makes the step up. I'd like to see some younger players get a chance now, with Larsen the more likely to retain his place in the squad.

#21 - Jorgen Kirvesniemi - MC - 10 appearances, 2 assists, 1 goals - 4/10
Time may also be up for Kirvesniemi. For years he's been a dependable and versatile squad player for tournaments, but it takes a little more energy to be a jack of all trades, and Kirvesniemi's time in the spotlight might have come and gone. He's been a substitute in the national team for most of his career, aside from a few tournaments as starter, but the time might have come to wave goodbye to an old favourite.

#22 - Torsten Navarro - DC - 9 appearances, 1 assists, 0 goals - 6/10
No goals will be a disappointment for a defender who usually prides himself on his action in the opposing box, but Navarro can still be proud of the way he stepped in when he had to during this campaign. He's learned a lot in his time with the Terns so far, and that's to his credit. If he keeps it up he'll be a starter before too long.

#23 - Willem Otkupshchikov - DC - 10 appearances, 1 assists, 1 goals - 7/10
Wow. Is it too early to say future captain? Otkupshchikov has seen his star rise and rise during this tournament, and a big money move to Apox is no less than he deserves. I've been seriously impressed with the head on this young man's shoulders, and he has to be one of the brighter sparks in the dying embers of an otherwise unsuccessful campaign.


So, that's that for another cycle, anyway. Overall score; must try harder. Congratulations to The Holy Empire, and yet more commiserations to Audioslavians. Until next time, folks. Per Tenebras ad Lucem.

Eff.

xx
The True Valhallan Federation of Polar Islandstates - Pop. 51,500,000
Capital: Franz Josef City - Demonym: Valhallan (Polarian) - Trigramme: PIS
sportnyheter.vu - Ides of March Cup
Champions: WC67, CR XIX, CR XVIII, CR XV, CR X, CR VIII, DBC56, DBC20, RLWC11, RLWC10 Runners-Up: WC66, WC65, CR VI, DBC29, DBC55, WCoH18
Third: WC70, WC68, WC57, CR XII, DBC27 Fourth: WC56, CR XXII, RLWC13, RLWC9, WCoH17
“Aut Pax Aut Bellum” - A formerly closed nation that definitely isn't fascist now. The strongest and one true constituent member of The Valhallan Union
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Alasdair I Frosticus
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Alasdair I Frosticus » Sun Sep 21, 2014 10:14 am

MINUTES OF THE IMPERIAL CLUB


1) The chaps reconvened at the club with what could only be described as the worst hangovers in the history of creation following their riotous three-week-long celebration of winning the World Cup. Many were wearing mustard poultices over tender joints, and most members had strapped an ice pack to their delicate, throbbing foreheads. Sir Ambrose "Knicker-Twister" FitzThomas, uniquely, was wearing a medicinal codpiece.

2) To unanimous approval, Octavian Augustus Tiberius Claudius Browne unfurled a scroll listing the accomplishments of the chaps during their celebrations. Prominent amongst these were:

- Drinking dry the bottomless wine lake of Chassagne-Montrachet.

- Seducing the three-breasted quadruplet virgin queens of Zig-zig-ah.

- Running fully clothed through the streets of Nudiditty, where nakedness is mandatory - on pain of death.

- Convincing the wisest man in Krytenia that all of the chaps were actually frogs.

And many more escapades too numerous to mention here in the minutes. Upon a unanimous vote, the scroll was accepted as an official record of the last three weeks.

3) Isaac, Prince Imperial was subjected to some good-natured jocularity for fainting immediately before the World Cup match upon seeing his beloved Zoe Carbonopsina in the crowd. "It's the first time in subjective centuries she's accepted my invitation to anything" noted His Royal Highness "and she actually came to Ordinary Reality for the occasion". Mr Tzimisces had been forced to move Sir Ambrose "Knicker-Twister" FitzThomas to centre forward, and reluctantly played himself at the central midfield position once it became apparent that His Royal Highness would be unable to take the field for the occasion. The club members unanimously voted to give the Prince Imperial a commemorative jar of smelling salts.

4) The club members unanimously moved a vote of thanks to Mr Tzimisces and Mr Di Bradini for guiding them to the World Cup triumph. The chaps noted that they realised that winning World Cups was old hat for Mr Tzimisces by now, but nonetheless they hoped he took some pride in his trademark 56th-minute thunderbolt that had not only won the match, but was in fact Mr Tzimisces' first ever undisputed World Cup final goal; his previous goal subject to some dispute over the scorer, and jointly attributed to Mr Tzimisces and Ug-Ug. The chaps gave their managers three huzzahs of thanks each.

Mr Tzimisces seemed visibly moved by the occasion.

5) Isaac, Prince Imperial stated that he was regrettably unable to provide a poem to celebrate the occasion, as he had dropped his current poetry notebook down a volcano somewhere during the recent celebrations, and could not recall which reality the volcano was located in, never mind the name of the volcano. The chaps unanimously expressed their regret.

6) Mr Tzimisces apologised for interjecting, but asked the members to consider offering a vote of thanks to Audioslavia for being worthy opponents during the final. While reservations were expressed over the politics of the Audioslavian team, and the suspicion that the squad had largely consisted of manual labourers from the lower orders, B.W.Q. Montgomery Xavier, Lord Dundonald-D'eath won the day by noting that chaps are nothing if not magnanimous in victory, and that they least they could do was recognise the splendid efforts put in by the working classes, even if in they end they had inevitably been put in their natural place by true chaps. The vote of thanks passed unanimously.

7) Sir Nigel Sensibly Smythington-Foxe asked "so what now". Sir Hubert His Magnificencenessnessness suggested that they accept the recent invitation to enter the Eagle's Cup, but play in the latter tournament in total silence, just because they could. Sir Hubert's suggestion was carried following a vote by 8 votes for and 3 abstentions.

The meeting was declared closed, and the chaps went home to nurse their hangovers.
Τί ἐστιν ἀλήθεια?

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