Halcyon Peace Conference [CLOSED, IC] (Apply via TG)

[Starvation Is Fun]

In other words, we passed along part of your plans to invade Zizagoonia to Zigzagoonia.

Catus sighed. How long until his enemies understood, in this game of international chess, not to play pieces they didn't have? "It's no matter. He already knew we were coming. It's rather hard to overlook an entire army marching through your country."

It's easy to win at international chess when you control the entire board.

[Zigzagoonia]

It's easy to win at international chess when you control the entire board.

Zeke chuckled. First, because Catus believed he controlled all the pieces; Second, because the invasion files were sitting in his computer's recycle bin.
The two cat countries can't seem to understand that war is not about who wins or loses, who has what information or not, but is in fact only there for the morbid entertainment of those who watch.
"Besides," he said, "His entire armies are pussies."

[Starvation Is Fun]

"Besides," he said, "His entire armies are pussies."

The feline spy's eyes widened with surprise at the audacity of his foe to say that about the Glorious State. He turned off the tape recorder and slunk away under cover of night to a waiting car that sped off for the border.

The next morning, Catus was in a fit of fuzzy, adorable rage. "How dare he insult the People's Army like this! This will not be tolerated! I'd invade Zigzagoonia and make him pay, but I'm already invading Zigzagoonia! And that's why he's rubbing it in my face like this!"

"Well sir, there is one nation you could invade, and they're rather a close ally of Zigzagoonia..."

"Yes, Mittens?"

"Kunitachi, sir. They were the ones who sent the information to Zigzagoonia to begin with, even if it didn't help Zigzagoonia at all."

"Right then. It's settled. We attack by sea, as soon as possible."

"We don't have an Admiral of the Fleet at the moment, sir, he died during the attack at the peace-"

"General Mittens. You are now Admiral of the Fleet Mittens. Now go attack Zigzagoonia."

"But sir, I haven't even set paw on a boat before in my life!"

"You're a quick study, I'm sure you'll figure out how to be an admiral in no time. Now off with you. Glory to the State."

[Zigzagoonia]

"Besides," he said, "His entire armies are pussies."

..."Yes, Mittens?"...

Glory to the State."

Mittens? Mittens was a spy? That cuddly JERK.
Our own spy returned, bearing this news. Now the problem is if we should warn Kunitachi, who previously offered to ally with SiF. Stupid cats can't do anything right.

"Sir, the cat army---"
"I believe I told you to refer to them as the furballs"
"The furballs, sir, they are advancing on the capitol!"
"Well, took them long enough! what were they doing, salting fields we don't have?"
"They appear to have stopped because we have a better nation than they come from. some of them seem to have defected."
"Well good for them. Now, prepare the cruisers, we get to teleport some commie kitties into the depths of space!"
"... Sir?"
*facepalm*"We're going to suck them into a black hole. You know, with the lazers on the cruisers. That you helped install. It will be GLORIOUS."
"If you say so sir."
*ties ribbon around his head like an old timey street fighter*"How much you wanna bet i can get one from here?" *lines up a shot and fires*

[Kunitachi]

"Right then. It's settled. We attack by sea, as soon as possible."

"Well this is an interesting development, I suppose," says the Secretary of the Navy. "Prepare the headquarter transition to Naval Rock."
He then gets on the phone, and sends this message: "All Kunitachi ships in the border islands are requested to return to mainland."

[Starvation Is Fun]

As the main force of eight 42,300 metric ton Catusgrad-class battlecruisers and two Admiral Catnetsov-class aircraft carriers (and the many smaller accompanying ships) departed for Kunitachi, Catus turned his attention back to the invasion of Zigzagoonia, and gave a carefully-considered, sadistic order:
"Prepare a firebombing campaign to destroy their farms, and blockade to all major cities; we'll starve them out."
--------------LATER THAT EVENING------------------
"Sir, may I be frank with you?"
"Go ahead, Cuddles."
"Starve them out, sir?"
"I believe I made that quite clear, General."
"Sir, how do you sleep at night?"
"Like a baby, General."

[Zigzagoonia]

Meeting of Zigzagoonia's defense and party forces
"Gentlemen! we have gathered here to discuss some very important matters!" Exclaimed Emmanuel, the Defense leader of the country.
"Oh, get over yourself. this is nothing but fun to be had. we've already heard reports of cats getting killed by stray bullets!" The minister of misplaced injuries holds up the now dead body of First class private Cuddleface.
*cough*"nailed it"*cough*
Zeke stood and said, "Get this carcass out of here, and maybe put it on a boat. Now, this invasion is nothing but a little party with some casualties to be had. I, for one, will be manning the ground defense with General Stoutland, while our friend Pidgeoto will command the space fleet. With Bibarrel platoons on the outsides of the major cities, these cats can't advance too far. Who knows, if we get this over with before winter, we can take the fight back to them. and to the spies in this room, you can [expletives deleted] my fluffy [expletives deleted] and you can take that back to your leaders. Scoundrels. Also, there is a rave next weekend at the usual spot. they'll know where it is."
He tightened his headband
"Now, where do i go to kill some kittens?"

[Kunitachi]

As the main force of eight 42,300 metric ton Catusgrad-class battlecruisers and two Admiral Catnetsov-class aircraft carriers (and the many smaller accompanying ships) departed for Kunitachi, blah, blah, blah..........

"Sir, I think we're picking up some ships on our long distance RADAR..." said one of the many officers to the Head of the Department of Defense.
"Catus!" is all the General said.
"What should we do?"
"I think it's time to deploy Operation Stellar Tortoise."
"OST?! But we haven't even tested that technology on this large of scale yet?!"
"But that is where you're wrong, officer."
"Can we be sure that it will work?"
"No, but we need to start it now."
The Head of Defense calls one of the engineers in the lower levels, "This is Emergency Stage A. We need to proceed with Operation Stellar Tortoise."
"Please provide the necessary material for certification," was all the engineer said.
The General promptly tore off his necklace and stabbed his own hand with it.
"Genetic material accepted. Commencing Operation Stellar Tortoise."

[Stormin Mormons]

Unfortunately, Stormin Mormons cannot be participating in any form of Tom foolery at this time. As he is a trumpet player in the band that is playing with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and they happen to be practicing this weekend extensively.

[The Minecraft Griefers]

Citizens of the BBPMG are presently stockpiling TNT. It is clear to outsiders that some sort of operation is being planned, but fortunately, only those within our borders know what's going on.

[Kunitachi]

blah, blah, blah...........Commencing Operation Stellar Tortoise."

Suddenly, with a blinding flash of light, the entire island of Kunitachi disappeared. The only trace of its existence being a perfect hemisphere in the ground where it was located (a crater).

"Sir, I can't believe this actually worked," spoke the radar guy in an exasperated tone.
"I told you we had tested it," the general said. "Now get me a bandage before I bleed out."

/update: Kunitachi is now orbiting Pluto./end update

[Starvation Is Fun]

Fleet Admiral Mittens lay down on the arm of his chair and sighed as he stared out at where Kunitachi had just been.

Catus would not be pleased.

[Zigzagoonia]

" Sir, Kunitachi's space turtle just exploded!" a message flashed on Zeke's command deck.
"So that's what it does. Did you get it on film?"
"n... no sir, i did not."
"Kitchen duty for you then. Get me your higher-up."
"Yes, sir."
...
"Yes?"
"keep an eye on Kunitachi. try to 'convince' them to return to earth."
"Right away sir."
Zeke smiled. SiF might like to have his opponents back.

[Kunitachi]

" Sir, Kunitachi's space turtle just exploded!"...blah, blah, blah.........

In the meantime, we mourn the death of our beloved Space Turtle. Through his bravery and sacrifice, we managed to evade an invasion and joined our brethren on our Pluto colony. You shall be missed.

[Zigzagoonia]

Today, 2/11/whatever-the-hell-year-it-is, Halcyon experienced the biggest blizzard in the Region's history.
Heating bills went through the roof, and even Kunitachi felt the chilling effects, even though they were on Pluto. Starvation is Fun has reported the beginnings of burning the lower class for warmth, and then using the fur to make footie pajamas, both malicious and adorable. Boneshire is violently shooting at the skies, hoping to both destroy the snow clouds and overheat their weaponry. The Majority of the Minecraft Griefers have retreated to their nether colony, and the few remaining on the surface have flooded most of the nation with lava. For once in the history of Stormin' Mormons, they are not sending out embassies to every nation in the reading because, quote, "We may deliver people from sin, be we aren't the postal service." Here in Zigzagoonia, due to a recent exercise fad, the citizens are keeping warm through a series of intense workouts, including squats, lunges, and crunches. They are feeling the burn.

Stay defrosted, Halcyon.

[Stormin Mormons]

As the snow begins to recede, Monson begins prepping his troops. Slowly.
As he recently found out, the snow may be gone, but only because it compacted even tighter into ice. 4859 video cameras were reported "out and active" when the army was trying to do its drills. Apparently, the entire field was covered in ice, but when asked if they could go somewhere else to practice, they were denied. It was really more like really really bad figure skating than it was running drills, as the Stormin Mormons soldiers were "skating" on the ice, knocking into as much people as humanly possible.

[Starvation Is Fun]

Catus struggled to his feet and turned to drag Mittens' body out of the snow. Everything had been going wonderfully, and then that idiot had let Kunitachi get away, and then the whole building came down. The last time Felix could recall seeing this much snow was before the Catmunist Revolution, when he had been posted to that stupid weather station above the arctic circle. At least up there he had had time to write his manifesto while they were snowed in.

Felix looked up at the remains of the Government Palace. The roof had completely collapsed and brought the third floor down into the second floor, blowing out the upper part of the walls in the process. Tomorrow, his back would be very sore from falling three stories, but at least he had landed on his feet, even if the massive pile of snow had then fallen on him. Either way, first priority was to get away from the walls before anything else fell.

[The Minecraft Griefers]

Steve looks upon the landscape of the BBPMG. The nation is now a tundra and the excessive snow has brought all agriculture to its knees. Also, an army of snow golems is running amok and appears to be advancing in the general direction of the RCSSIF border.

[Boneshire]

Boneshire is attempting to clear out all of the snow and ice by the most effective means we possess...FLAMETHROWERS. We have only accidentally burned down a few neighborhoods, shouldn't be that big of a deal.

[Kunitachi]

Using our really, really high-powered telescope, our scientists have finally observed Earth after leaving it. It appears to be largely covered in snow and ice.
"It's a good thing we're not over there."
"Yup."
"Wanna go out for some coffee?"
"I have nothing better to do."
And then they left for coffee.

[Starvation Is Fun]

[OOC]Please try to keep posts in 3rd person past-tense for sake of being easy to read and avoiding jarring transistions between tenses

[Stormin Mormons]

In an attempt to enter space, Stormin Mormons's space program (SMSP) is making leaps and bounds
In the background of many of Monson's press conferences, one can see the launch of their space craft being launched into the air by a giant slingshot.

[Zigzagoonia]

The snow hill that exists on top of Zigzagoonia has been behaving strangely. Reports have cited loud noises, strange lights, and strange ooze seeping out from under it.

It reached a certain point yesterday, at exactly 4:23 pm that the snow hill erupted. The other officials were shocked to find what was inside:
A GIANT PARTY. Ironically, the song playing at the time of the eruption was "Stayin' Alive." The vigorous dancing of the citizens had turned the snow hill into an ice cavern, but it couldn't contain the party.
At 4:15, reports came in of our great leader airdropping into, and then having the snow hill re-closed for further partying.
Superman may have a fortress of solitude, but Zigzagoonia is a fortress of party-tude. They also have happy hour at every hour, and free government provided tacos.

OOC: get it dead thread stayin alive

[Stormin Mormons]

RIP: This Thread

[New Atamascia]

hi-ho, the thread is dead, the boring thread is dead, if there ever was a one dead thread, it is said that is this thread!
Buried like a tonne of lead, covered in red is our thread.
It was meant for fun, started by the head of our region which is dead.
So when a mod sees this blasted old thread, let 'em behead this dead thread!
'Cus don't no one use our thread!
In thread we shall not tread!
Rhyming really hurts my head!
I will now go take some med...
iiiicine....