MORE TRUSTWORTHY THAN FOX NEWS!
Z-DAY HAS ARRIVED!
DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YA!
DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YA!
By Nikica Robert on April 1st LET 48
XERCONIA, FCT ---- President Keldon Silviu, in hosptial recovering from a failed assassination attempt, is now confirmed to be among the large number of zombified Radiatians! The President, who only yesterday was paralysed with a bullet lodged in his spine had reportedly made a 'miraculous' recovery and is due to make an address to the nation.
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It's hard to tell zombies apart from typical Radiatians. This man is believed not to be affected.
Millions of people across the world are reportedly affected by the outbreak of a contagious infection which causes them to engage in aggressive behaviour such as flesh eating, despite having a lethargic appearance overall.
While initially it was believed to be a simple case of drunk university students who were "a bit hungry", scientists have since confirmed that the disease is something altogether new, given that it is spread via the exchange of bodily fluids, as opposed to simple peer pressure.
Reports are also coming in that the dead are coming back to life and also engaging in such activity. The nation's founding father, Traiyan Silviu, reportedly broke open from his tomb in Federation Square and marched past a group of startled tourists, moaning "Must destroy communism!"
Victims of purges carried out by the former communist regime also returned to life, prompting government officials to question whether or not the RPSU "was as bad as we thought".
With the nation still under martial law after yesterday's assassination attempt on the President, the military were called in to exterminate as many zombies as possible.
However with the widespread failure of Radiatia's education system, many military officials have stated that it is "too difficult to tell the zombies apart from average Radiatians."
Military intelligence officials have concluded that the easiest way to tell zombies apart from normal Radiatians is to judge them based on their intelligence - zombies tend to considerably smarter and more active than non-zombified citizens, "and in many cases they smell better." Said Commander-General Karl Sarka of the RFA.
President Silviu is also now believed to have contracted the disease while being treated in hospital. The President has reportedly returned to his residence and has signed off the much anticipated Education Reform Act.
"More education mean more delicious brains..." Said the Zombie President in an official statement.
The President has since ordered Radiatian scientists to search for a cure.
"I have put great scientific minds onto task," Said the President. "Scientists have good brains. Mmmm, brains...."
The EXE500 has also reportedly made gains as a result of Z-day, with commodity prices for 'brains' going through the roof.
The zombie apocalypse is unlikely to affect the daily lives of most citizens, although Radiatians are advised to expect possible traffic delays.
© LET 48 The Daily Tabloid
COMMENTS (1743)
Sort by: Date Rating Last Activity
Minimum Barry - 2 hours ago
+29 
Eh, this isn't really news. I already knew the President was a zombie, I could tell when I read his policies.
BRAINS - 1 hours ago
+10
BRAINS!
RecentlyZombifiedCitizen92 - 1 hour ago
+12
@BRAINS
That is exactly what I was thinking!
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