TKaG, Chapter 3: Holy Bonding/(Semi)Naked in the Hot Spring

[Isle of Lithonia]

"I'd… rather not, liege, if possible." Marcus telepathically replied while in Miranda's body, sending it to all the people in the spring, so he might as well . Marcus had gotten into the habit of calling Karlson liege ever since the commanders white demon promotion.

"Why not?" Miranda said, speaking out loud. Her arms folded and her eyes narrowed.

"I… " He replied, "I have my reasons." One could imagine the armoured figure shifting uncomfortably.

Karlson took one last glance at Marcus (in spite of the fact that he was in Miranda's body), and sighed. It's not like it really mattered to him, he just didn't know why the demon was worried about it. Maybe Jackie was right, for once...

He leaned his head back, finding himself unwittingly looking back up the Secretary's body. Blood tastes like iron, and his mouth tasted all irony (pun). Probably from the nosebleed.

His face was a bit flushed now, and he asked the cute woman, "Umm... Selena? Maybe you could come sit next to me. It might be better for everyone involved."

Just as Dana was about to respond to Susie, Yuri appeared behind the girl and began groping her. Dana, used to such things at this point, simply smiled and watched, unfazed, as Yuri undressed Susie and dragged her off to the hot springs. She was about to follow when -- joy of joys -- she heard a high-pitched, cheery voice. Oh, no, Bader thought, as Dana's face lifted into a joyous smile. Before she could react, a small form had barrelled into her, knocking the girl onto her back.

Nolan! she thought excitedly, a little dazed from her head smashing into the floor but otherwise unharmed.

As Nolan began recounting how he cried while she was gone, however, Dana's heart practically broke. Her entire world narrowed to focus on him, such that she didn't even notice Pouton, and she lifted her hands to put one on the back of Nolan's head and one on his back. "Oh, Nolan," she whispered, voice cracking as she began to sob herself, "I'm so sorry. I'll never leave you again, I promise."

Nolan buried his head in her chest for another moment or two (mostly because Pouton's backhand pushed him into that position), his crying turning into slow sniffles. "O...*sniff* Okay. Nolan believes you."

And then it hit the little froggy dude, and his face lit up. "Dana! You need to come with Nolan to the Spring!!!! We can play together!!! Nolan would be so happy to have you with him!!!"

Lavi

Our ever over-the-top demon host looked up at Jack with big watery eyes. The absolute excrutiating fear evident in her wide eyes was akin to that of a sad puppy. Though knowing most of the demon hosts, they would just as likely sacrifice said puppy to the zombie overlords. Lavi thought about what it would be like to be sacrificed to the zombie overlords. A life eternal. No worries, and all the brains you could eat. Despite being massively appealing, Lavi knew that she had other priorities.

"Don't you see what's going on? Karlson is trying to lure us into a massive orgy to prepare for our sacrifice to the zombie overlords! If he succeeds...WE'LL BE STUCK IN AN UNDEAD ORGY FOR ALL ETERNITY"! With a fierce nod, Lavi stared at Jack to see how he would help. Surely, he didn't want to be stuck in an undead orgy. That was just nasty. Then she realized that Yuri was standing in the exact vicinity and could hear everything.

"Don't you find it odd that my gun Susan disappeared? Let me explain:"

Gun has 3 letters. Orgy has 4 letters. 4+3=7.
Karlson has 7 letters. 7+7=14. 14+1=15.
You can enter a 15 digit code at club penguin to receive special prizes.
Selena has 6 letters. 15-6=9.
God has 3 letters. so 9/3=3. The illuminati triangle has 3 angles.
This orgy is illuminati confirmed.

As though everything made perfect sense. Lavi stood triumphantly and shook her head.

Jack paused. He could see the fear in her eyes, which made her entire illumunati rant a rather jarring shift in tone. Though, it also made him determined to help... even if this whole absurd situation was making his head hurt. "Lavi..." he started, partly to try and bring her back to reality, and partly to buy himself some time to sort through the illogic for something. "Why did you add a one to the fourteen?" He asked, a little distracted by the detail as a born nitpicker. Then got back on topic.

"Look. If there is a conspiracy, the safest thing to do right now would be to not panic and to act like everything is normal. Blend in.. you know?" He transmitted to Lavi telepathically.

He noticed Yuri was nearby. "Miss... She seems stressed, perhaps evading the real source of her concern..." He said telepathically to her. Keeping the two telepathic messages separate.

Yuri sighed. Obviously this little girl wasn't going to get in on the fun. However, she couldn't just leave things the way they were, either.

So, she gently took a hold of Lavi's hand, looking with kindness directly into her eyes. "Lavi, if you are that afraid of getting into the spring with Karlson around, that's perfectly fine. No-one is going to make you do something that you do not want. Besides, I can understand that you wouldn't want men like him to see your body.

"But it wouldn't be good to leave you alone. You all came here in order to rest and to build deeper friendships with everyone here. And if you are alone, this won't happen.

"So how about this: you and I will go sit in the girls' spring. We'll be alone, away from the prying eyes of Karlson and his zombie horde. And we can talk about whatever is on your mind. Would you like that?"

[Achidyemay]

Finally becoming bored with his meditation/attempts at suicide, Conor toweled himself off and got out of the pool. I mean, he got out of the pool and then toweled himself off, then he went to the locker-room and put on a robe. He spent a moment wondering if he should try to put his hoodie on over the robe, but that seemed like a bad idea, so he just set the hoodie back in its cubby with a sigh. I mean, Conor sighed, the clothing remained its usual mute self. He shuffled slowly out of the locker-room, dragging his feet behind him as if he were the walking dead. His skin felt cold as the water evaporated and he shivered slightly, despite the internal heats brilliant work keeping Montana's natural, beautiful cold at bay.

He slowely climbed the steps, tensing his leg muscles back into their usual state, even unaugmented, he could run these stairs like... something that runs stairs really fast, a Macy's employee late to their first day? That sounds right, but he didn't, because there was no point to it. He followed the telepathic trail back to Pouton, which left him outside what he assumed was his room. Inside he could here music and the sounds of conversation, Pouton's voice above the rest. Like a loner Conor stood outside for a few moments, wondering if maybe he should leave.

But then he would have to walk back down the steps, and ugh... his life was a tragedy of first world problems. Inside the room he heard all of the voices chanting unison, 10... 9... 8... 7... Conor opened the door and suddenly everybody looked at him. On a small, ridiculously old, seventies-style TV there was live footage from Times Square and the multicolored disco ball that was making its slow descent to the top of the building. And gathered around the TV was Pouton, the angel chick from before, Raven, several teenagers Conor had never seen before and their black demon hosts, and the Divine Author, who sipped a cold one, cool as ever. Everyone was wearing party hats, a couple had noisemakers, some others had streamers and the whole room itself was festooned with flags and banners reading "2015". There was an open bottle of champagne and a box of pizza as well.

Conor rocked back on his heels, clearly shocked. Pouton gave a slightly embarrassed smile and then started to sing.
"Should Old Acquaintance be forgot..." and with that he telekinetically flicked off the light switch, plunging the room into darkness. There was a slight whooshing sound, and when Conor flicked the light back on, all of the streamers and the pizza and the wine and the ridiculous hats and glasses and, most importantly, the people were all gone. The only thing that remained was the television, which showed scenes of people kissing and streamers falling. Conor turned off the TV. Another year gone by, so what?

[Charmera]

Laura, while Clarence relaxed in the hot spring, found herself begining to become more drowsy. Seeing as she was comfortable, and this was as good a time as any, she decided to take a nap of sorts. Just close her eyes and keep her head above water. Perhaps she could finally get some uninterrupted sleep...

Flashback, about 12-13 years ago
“Hey Laura.”

Laura snapped out of her thoughts, looking up to see Abagail in front of her. One of the other orphans, though she was older, about sixteen. Laura was only eight, and she would have been cute if she wasn’t so unexpressive and neutral. Laura didn’t really care though. Being cute was something she didn’t see any point in, even at that age.

“Yeah…?” Laura replied, neutral as ever.

Abagail was not deterred by this lack of emotion. “The others are playing football, don’t you want to join in?”

“No. Why should I?”

Abagail was a bit taken aback by this. But she reacted well. “Heh… Not into sport I see.”

Laura paused for a second. “Not especially.”

Abagail paused too, uncertain about this girl. “Laura… are you… okay? There’s nothing bothering you right?”

Laura looked up at her fully, into her eyes. “I tried.”

“What?”

“I tried to get into their game. I thought I could see what it’d be like to have fun.” She replied, being fully honest now. “They said no. They didn’t want a depressing loner like me in their game.”

“They said that!?”

“They might as well have.” Laura said, again with no emotion. This neither surprised her not upset her. She was used to rejection. Ever since she was old enough to walk she had been rejected by most people she met. Something about Laura made people less accepting of her, her cold attitude not helping. Of course, she had a few people she could talk to, but no one she could really call friend.

Didn’t mean it didn’t still hurt. Just a bit, just in the depth of her heart, like an icicle rubbing against her vital organs, poking them, drawing blood.

“Look… Just go talk to them a bit… I’m sure they’ll want you in their game.”

“They’ll just ignore me. That’s usually what people do when I’m too persistent.” She said. “They don’t like me, but they don’t want to be rude, so they’d rather pretend I don’t exist.”

Abagail frowned fully for the first time. “Well… Im sorry.” She stopped. “Do… you want to talk to me?”

Before Laura could answer, Miss April, the social worker in charge of the orphanage, came up behind her. “Laura… Someone says they’re here to see you.”

Laura turned to face her, a look of confusion on her face.

“Its… your mother.”

Laura’s expression visibly changed. Surprise, some joy and perhaps a little fear.

“My… mother?” She said, following Miss April, Abagail leaving, knowing that this did not concern her.

She knew it. Her mother had come back for her. Laura had always dreamed that she could finally meet her. That her mother would take care of her, give her warm hugs and do all the things she had heard mothers did. That she’d finally have a family, rather than just being a broken little girl.

She followed Miss April with anticipation to the adoption interview room. The door was closed, but Laura could already see a woman’s silhouette. She turned to Miss April, who smiled ever so subtly at Laura’s seeming change in attitude. She had not seen the girl this way since… well ever.

“Well, go inside. She’s waiting for you.”

Laura took a deep breath. She walked to the door, putting her little hands on it. The threshold to her happiness giving some resistance before finally opening. She saw her, tall, slender, brown eyes and brown hair. She seemed to be a little gaunter than Laura, who had a slightly more round face, but for the little girl, even though she had not seen her mother in seven years, she knew it was her instantly.

Laura actually smiled to see the woman in front of her, smiled widely and happily. All self control out the window, she ran up and hugged the woman in front of her. “Mommy! I knew you’d come back for me!” She said, smiling. Her mother seemed to be moving to return the hug for a moment. Laura still smiled, still smiled. Smiled widely and joyfully at the chance at happiness that seemed to have landed on her doorstep.

Later on, what Laura would hate most about that moment was that she had smiled.

Her mother was not returning her hug, but grabbing her arms. Laura was almost shoved back a bit, still grabbed, almost as if “Mommy” was repulsed by her touch. The little girl looked up to see “mum’s” face again. In the woman’s eyes was no happiness, no caring, but most importantly, no love.

“I’m not here for you.”

Laura was hit by these words like a bullet. Her own mother had said that. Her own mother, who Laura just realized had been perfectly happy with the idea of her child being raised with no family, and didn’t particularly care what happened to Laura.

“I wanted to check on you. See if you were finally gone. If someone had finally taken you.” She said, moving for the door. Not wanting to look at Laura anymore, avoiding the childs gaze.

“You… Don’t want me?” Laura said, begging this all to be some sick joke and for her mother to wrap her arms around her again.

Miss Smith paused, and dashed Laura’s hopes, joy and dreams with a sentence. “You were a mistake.” She said simply, coldly and callously. Then walked to the door. “Why would I want a mistake like you around?”

Laura stood there for a moment. Mouth open in both shock and disappear at how her life had made such a three hundred and sixty degree turn from miserable back to miserable. Even her own mother didn't want her, didn't like her... But why?

“You’re only here so I don’t even have to look at you anymore.” Miss Smith continued. “I seemed to have forgotten that before I came here. Rest assured, I will not make that mistake again.”

Miss Smith opened the room door, walked out and left the orphanage a moment later. Laura could hear the main door shut. Miss April came through the door a moment later, holding too cups of coffee.

“Well Miss Smith, we should talk about you resuming your duties as a pare-“ She paused, noticing that only Laura was in the room, a little Laura, with tears streaming down her face.

“She… She didn’t want me…” She said. It was rare to see Laura emote at all, and here she was, devastated by the fact that she had been so cast aside by her mother, at age eight... “She… She… She said I was a mistake…”

Miss April sighed sadly. She came up to Laura. She paused for a second, thinking of what she could possibly say. “She… can’t have meant it…” She said. No one is that cruel…

Laura was silent, sniffling.

Miss April bit her lip and sighed. “Just… sit down. I’ll get you some hot chocolate… you always like that. Then… I... I'l think of something...”

Laura nodded and April left, but the little girl knew hot chocolate wouldn't help.

Present
Laura came back to reality with a start, not a noticeable one, and she had not even been asleep for long at all. it was strange, and entirely unwelcome. She was in such a good mood after all...

[The Floating Island of the Sleeping God]

The room had been silent for far too long. It seemed that everyone was content to just lay down in the hot water, some cuddling, some alone. Well, it was getting boring as hell. Krouse felt like he had been laying in the water for weeks, which couldn't be good for his skin. So he stood, Jack following suit. "Hey Karlson, this is great, but there are, like, activities here too, right? Not just the hot spring? Because as nice and relaxing as this is, I get the feeling that it'd be pretty uninteresting to spend our entire visit to this lovely place trying to become soup." He sat at the edge of the pool, awaiting a response.

[Mnar Secundus]

Laura came back to reality with a start, not a noticeable one, and she had not even been asleep for long at all. it was strange, and entirely unwelcome. She was in such a good mood after all...

When Clarence emerged from his own relaxation (he had been doing some Qi Gong meditation, which he had learned years ago as part of his psychological treatment), he saw that Laura was sleeping. Hardly surprising. We're all tired, he thought as he sidled over to her to sit down closer at her side, making sure not to wake her up. Except for Jackie, but I've never seen him act tired and I doubt I ever will, he added to himself as he saw the manchild do his usual ... thing. He did note, however, that Jackie had made Boali a crutch. He would have to sincerely thank him later - this was something he should have thought of a while ago. As precious as it was to him, he couldn't let his relationship with Laura jeopardize Boali's happiness. Well, for the time being all three of us are comfortable and safe. I should focus on Laura for a while.

He observed the young woman next to him with a complicated expression, somewhere between longing, awe, fear and love. Can I afford to go further down this path? Clarence knew that if he hurt Laura, he would never forgive himself. However, if there was anyone he had any chance of maintaining a romantic relationship with, it was probably her - there weren't many people who could neutralize him quickly and efficiently without lasting damage, and even fewer would be willing to cope with him in the first place. As ironic as the wording was, he could only count himself as blessed that it was someone as exceptional as Laura he had fallen for. Clarence smiled slightly and entwined his fingers with Laura's under the water, closing his eyes in turn.

Suddenly, after a few minutes of tranquility, he felt his partner tense up. He immediately looked down at her face, worried: she didn't look hurt, and surely there couldn't be an enemy here of all places ... Hold on, everything should be fine. She's still asleep. But clearly everything was not fine. Laura's expression was ...
At first Clarence struggled to find the words to describe it, because he had never seen Laura like this. Laura was always brave, strong, confident in her abilities. Even at the worst of their training, when Nolan and Memoir were running free and trainees were dropping like resurrecting flies, Laura had stayed stalwart and cool-headed. She never missed a beat, she never let her emotions interfere, she never showed weakness. That was what had gotten Clarence interested in her in the first place - he had always thought that she had to be forcing it, surely nobody could be that strong without trying. It had been unfathomable to him, a man who constantly had to fight to his limits just to keep functioning normally.
He had eventually realized that he was, in fact, right: Laura had a reason to be like this, as much as he had one to put on a nice façade. She needed help too. But by then, Clarence realized as he saw the young woman's frown accentuate, I had already completely fallen for her. I just didn't know it yet. So I let my admiration swallow my worries and I focused on my own issues ... He gritted his teeth. Understandable, I suppose, but not commendable. Right now, in her sleep, Laura looked incredibly sad.

Well, now that I have isolated the problem ... What do I do? Sadness had never really been a thing for Clarence. He had never felt loved until the McAllisters had adopted him, because he had never, in fact, been loved up to that point: in return, he had never loved anything before them, and had never felt enough drive or attachment towards anything to feel sad. He had always known fear, disgust, rage, and the cold, sharp detachment that came when rage had been left behind and the only possibility left was to kill; but sadness? Who had the time to be sad when death was just a second of hesitation away? Emotions were like muscles - when you didn't use them, they shriveled up.
Thus, Clarence had lost his emotions. Fear had been the first to go, beaten down by experience and hopelessness; disgust had been diluted by habit, rage muffled by lack of purpose, and soon enough only the icy blade of killing intent had remained, sharpened over and over by every bullet fired and every enemy slain. But that wasn't a big issue here. Lost things could be recovered. Clarence had hardly ever had the ability to feel and understand sadness in the first place.

Yet now, he realized as he saw Laura waking up, he needed that ability.

The young woman opened her eyes with a slight start, obviously bothered by whatever it was she had seen in her dreams. Well, obviously was quite a stretch: Clarence, who had essentially spent the past year with her under constant suspension bridge effect, was possibly the only person in the world who would know her mannerisms well enough to detect her worry, but it was obvious to him - it was amazing what near-death did to your powers of perception, and how well you remembered the details of such situations afterwards -, so he went with the term anyway.

After a short hesitation, he took Laura's hand under the water and gave it a soft squeeze before whispering: "Are you alright? It looked like you were having an unpleasant sleep." He thought about it for a second and a half, then added: "We can get out and find a room if you want to talk about it. The steam might be getting to you as well, as a matter of fact." Hold on, that last bit was inappropriate, wasn't it? I might benefit from reading a couple of Boali's manga, somehow I feel like the medium would be fitting.

[Charmera]

Laura came back to reality with a start, not a noticeable one, and she had not even been asleep for long at all. it was strange, and entirely unwelcome. She was in such a good mood after all...

When Clarence emerged from his own relaxation (he had been doing some Qi Gong meditation, which he had learned years ago as part of his psychological treatment), he saw that Laura was sleeping. Hardly surprising. We're all tired, he thought as he sidled over to her to sit down closer at her side, making sure not to wake her up. Except for Jackie, but I've never seen him act tired and I doubt I ever will, he added to himself as he saw the manchild do his usual ... thing. He did note, however, that Jackie had made Boali a crutch. He would have to sincerely thank him later - this was something he should have thought of a while ago. As precious as it was to him, he couldn't let his relationship with Laura jeopardize Boali's happiness. Well, for the time being all three of us are comfortable and safe. I should focus on Laura for a while.

He observed the young woman next to him with a complicated expression, somewhere between longing, awe, fear and love. Can I afford to go further down this path? Clarence knew that if he hurt Laura, he would never forgive himself. However, if there was anyone he had any chance of maintaining a romantic relationship with, it was probably her - there weren't many people who could neutralize him quickly and efficiently without lasting damage, and even fewer would be willing to cope with him in the first place. As ironic as the wording was, he could only count himself as blessed that it was someone as exceptional as Laura he had fallen for. Clarence smiled slightly and entwined his fingers with Laura's under the water, closing his eyes in turn.

Suddenly, after a few minutes of tranquility, he felt his partner tense up. He immediately looked down at her face, worried: she didn't look hurt, and surely there couldn't be an enemy here of all places ... Hold on, everything should be fine. She's still asleep. But clearly everything was not fine. Laura's expression was ...
At first Clarence struggled to find the words to describe it, because he had never seen Laura like this. Laura was always brave, strong, confident in her abilities. Even at the worst of their training, when Nolan and Memoir were running free and trainees were dropping like resurrecting flies, Laura had stayed stalwart and cool-headed. She never missed a beat, she never let her emotions interfere, she never showed weakness. That was what had gotten Clarence interested in her in the first place - he had always thought that she had to be forcing it, surely nobody could be that strong without trying. It had been unfathomable to him, a man who constantly had to fight to his limits just to keep functioning normally.
He had eventually realized that he was, in fact, right: Laura had a reason to be like this, as much as he had one to put on a nice façade. She needed help too. But by then, Clarence realized as he saw the young woman's frown accentuate, I had already completely fallen for her. I just didn't know it yet. So I let my admiration swallow my worries and I focused on my own issues ... He gritted his teeth. Understandable, I suppose, but not commendable. Right now, in her sleep, Laura looked incredibly sad.

Well, now that I have isolated the problem ... What do I do? Sadness had never really been a thing for Clarence. He had never felt loved until the McAllisters had adopted him, because he had never, in fact, been loved up to that point: in return, he had never loved anything before them, and had never felt enough drive or attachment towards anything to feel sad. He had always known fear, disgust, rage, and the cold, sharp detachment that came when rage had been left behind and the only possibility left was to kill; but sadness? Who had the time to be sad when death was just a second of hesitation away? Emotions were like muscles - when you didn't use them, they shriveled up.
Thus, Clarence had lost his emotions. Fear had been the first to go, beaten down by experience and hopelessness; disgust had been diluted by habit, rage muffled by lack of purpose, and soon enough only the icy blade of killing intent had remained, sharpened over and over by every bullet fired and every enemy slain. But that wasn't a big issue here. Lost things could be recovered. Clarence had hardly ever had the ability to feel and understand sadness in the first place.

Yet now, he realized as he saw Laura waking up, he needed that ability.

The young woman opened her eyes with a slight start, obviously bothered by whatever it was she had seen in her dreams. Well, obviously was quite a stretch: Clarence, who had essentially spent the past year with her under constant suspension bridge effect, was possibly the only person in the world who would know her mannerisms well enough to detect her worry, but it was obvious to him - it was amazing what near-death did to your powers of perception, and how well you remembered the details of such situations afterwards -, so he went with the term anyway.

After a short hesitation, he took Laura's hand under the water and gave it a soft squeeze before whispering: "Are you alright? It looked like you were having an unpleasant sleep." He thought about it for a second and a half, then added: "We can get out and find a room if you want to talk about it. The steam might be getting to you as well, as a matter of fact." Hold on, that last bit was inappropriate, wasn't it? I might benefit from reading a couple of Boali's manga, somehow I feel like the medium would be fitting.

In the time between her awakening and Clarence squeezing her hand Laura felt the loneliness and sadness return to her. She had been rejected by her own mother, which was a wound which cut deep within her. As a result, she had spent years armoring her emotions against rejection and attempting to make herself better than her mother. It was part of why she was here, an enduring goal to make her mother eat her words. Still, persual of those goals left her feeling hollow, empty and lonely... Eventually she began to realize that no one cared about her, no one would care about her and no one probably should.

However, when she felt Clarences hand, she was reminded of how wrong the "would" part was. She almost smiled as he held her hand, squeezing it back. "Nothing you need to worry about Clarence." She whispered back, kissing him on the cheek quickly to assure him she was okay and then resting her head against his shoulder. "We can go if you want. I do like the idea of being alone together." She had definitely fallen for the right boy. She had already said how much he meant to her. How much she respected his loyalty and self control. Despite having deep mental scars and the horrors he had no doubt witnessed, he still managed to persevere despite these issues with what Laura could only guess was a considerable willpower. She had seen something in him the very day they had met, though she had no idea how close she would get to him.

She suddenly felt a pang of guilt. She was lying to him. Though she didn't want to burden him with her problems, Laura knew lying was not the path to a healthy relationship, especially about something like this. She sighed. "It was... a memory." She started. "One of mine. It was the last time I had seen my mother,.." She said the word Mother with a mixture of bitterness and venom. "Though, calling her "mother" might be giving her too much credit..."

[Nekronia]

Jackie sighed and took note of the situation. Various people were chatting, the S.S. Claurence was sailing in the water, Laura clearly doesn't have a good relationship with her mother, and everything was still relaxing and nonconflictive despite Jackie's remarks. Jackie got out of the water, inappropriate bits still Ken doll'd, and mumbled something about needing to grab a drink as he left. He puffed into smoke and let the water on his skin fall to the tile floor before resuming corporeality and getting dressed and retrieving his items from his locker. Walter remained quiet as there was nothing left to say, and the two quietly began to walk away.

Okay, for the love of Christ... What? Quiet, I'm trying to focus. Okay, so if I'm facing this direction and just left there, and I'm thinking intently to myself, that would mean that I'm being viewed from that direction, which would mean...

After a short time on contemplating this topic, Jackie suddenly moved to the side and- Wait, you're not supposed to be in here! Get out, I need to narrate. Sod off. No, look, just g- THIS WRITING IS AN INSULT TO THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. No YYYYYYYOOOOUUU get out! Look, I can't. You need to get back out there and- I proceed to hurl the narrator through the screen, and dent a locker with the force of the impact. I- Wait, what is... uh. I... don't think I should have broken the fourth wall quite so literally. OH GOD FUCKING- Jackie was spat out of the hole he made in the fourth wall, and proceeded to use the previous narrator as a landing cushion. The original narrator looked oddly like a genderbent Tomoko Kuroki, but with brown hair, lankier fingers, around two-inches shorter hair, and standing at 5'10". Well, lying on the floor underneath Jackie at 5'10, anyways. The highschool senior of a writer slithered out from under Jackie, and quickly retreated back into his own dimension with only a "Not again..." as a parting word. As though on cue, the tear in the fabric of reality began spitting people out after accepting the original occupant. Only this time, instead of a sleep-deprived nerd, it was spitting out several dorks. Read: Alternate universe versions of Jackie. There was a Jackie in an Israeli uniform, a Jackie with a cyborg arm, a middle-age and (somehow) more mature Jackie with a wasteland outfit and a perched eagle, a Jackie radiating with non-divine/non-demonic magic, a dying Jackie with a violin bow in his throat (who promptly was sucked back to his home dimension), and a Jackie with a holy aura and a bandolier of Coca-Cola bottles. And a loaf of bread with a face vaguely resembling Jackie's.

Now that the original narrator is back in his post and the substitute can leave...

Mature!Jackie attempted to kick away Holy!Jackie, but failed due to a swift dodge and the trickster shooting off Mature!Jackie's foot with a magically-infused Coca-Cola bottle. Mature!Jackie successfully countered Holy!Jackie, but unfortunately for both of them, they both reacted quite negatively upon contacting with their alternate versions of themselves. They exploded into cubes and died horrifically. As for the others, Israeli!Jackie successfully cartwheeled out of the area and escaped back into the portal, while Cyborg!Jackie had entirely different plans. Cyborg!Jackie grabbed Magic!Jackie safely with the robotic arm, gave a good, controlled electrical zap from the arm, and hurled him back into the multiverse. The remaining humanoid AU Jackie gave a siegheil with his prosthetic arm, then dived back into the existential rip with a smug grin. "I didn't ask for this."

When all was said in done, Original!Jackie rubbed his head and made sure he didn't have a concussion, then shrugged off the nonsensical happenings and ignored Walter's panicking at the situation as usual. John collected the coca-cola bottles from Holy!Jackie's meat cube pile, waltzed past Delicious!Jackie, and reentered the hot springs room as though nothing happened. He left the Coca-Cola bottles by the spring for anyone to grab, plopped down in the corner of the room with his life-proof smartphone (and the coke bottle already open from the combat), and silently began tapping away at his phone as the interdimensional tear in the fabric of reality itself closed. Before it finished, however, Jackie connected to a wifi signal from it and began dicking around while ignoring the rest of the room.

Code: Select all

Dear writers:

You are all terrible. Please give us a challenge for once, as your current plot is terrible. If I were able, I would probably stab you for being terrible. You are all nerds and your sense of fashion is terrible.

Sincerely, Jackie-Ass.

P.S.: You are all terrible.

He took a sip of his Cola, and waited for the bullshit to roll in. He completely ignored the blood spatter on himself from Impaled!Jackie and the two fighting Jackies.

[Achidyemay]

A story above, Conor heard the sound of banging and fighting going on below, but didn't get up from his reclined position on the bed, idly making bets with himself about who was making the raucous, was it Karlson again, or one of the "comedians": Jackie, Memoir, or Pouton? It hardly mattered, unless they teamed up, that would be just terrible, they'd have to pad every corner and spend every moment worried about their internal organs and just how long they could successfully stay intact in these fleshy suits that don't protect from litterally anything those three could throw at you.

But Conor didn't worry.

Pouton did, sitting up suddenly from his position on the floor.
"I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of Jackie's voices suddenly cried out in terror."
Conor was mildly surprised, since he'd no idea that Pouton was here in the room with him, or where he was at all.
"How do you know?"
"I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of Jackie's voices suddenly cried out in terror!" Pouton repeated, this time more annoyed then trans-fixed. "Must I explain everything to you!"
"No, but an explanation of some things would b- You know what?! I don't care, again!"
"Good!" Pouton whined like a five-year-old, sliding back into Conor's body. Conor felt the rush fill him like a cup of tea, the perfect vision, adrenaline, the strength, like he was unstoppable! Meh, it had lost some of its ring.

Well? What are you waiting for?
Vacation to be over, I've done nothing but vacation my entire life since I dropped out. I was a hardworking, good little kid, then a lazy bumb, then a disciplined soldier, and now I'm a lazy bumb again. Isn't life just terrific.
Have I ever told you how beautiful your mind is when you get sarcastic? Because, Damn gurl! You FINE!
Okay, I'll go! just stop hitting on my brain.

The walk to the stairs was slow despite his brisk pace. Conor recalled that he hadn't run in what felt like ages. He needed to stretch his legs, really cut loose. But for now, he'd have to get by going down some stairs.

At the bottom of the stairs, he used his memories of what the place looked like to figure out where the sound had come from. Eventually arriving at the scene of the whatever you'd call it. Following the blood back to Jackie.
"Can I have one?" He said, taking a coke and reading the label.