Elfen High 2: Welcome and Welcome Back

[Hardened Pyrokinetics]

James was the last to leave the History classroom, and proceeded to stumble around the halls for several minutes before finally finding the Math room. Opening the door and shuffling in, barely comprehending the fact he was late, he started scanning the room for an empty desk, only to stare right at Lewis. Then a lightbulb dimly clicked on. "Oh, you have got to be shitting me!" He yelled out, without thinking. "This jackass is my Math teacher? Fuck this nonesense."

With that, he turned to leave the room.

[Vareiln]

Fel walked out of the rather interesting history class when it was finished.
He walked into the math class to see the homeless teacher assaulting an innocent computer.
This guy's got some serious problems...
He went to sit down and listened to the beginning of the teacher's lesson.
It was something about that PEMDAS tactic, but Fel was sure that the teacher didn't know anything about it.
After hearing the teacher's question, Fel decided to answer with a guess to entertain the teacher.
He raised his hand, like how he hasn't done in ages.
Gods, this is nostalgic. And not in a good way...

"Mr. Smellslikeshit," Lewis said to Fel, "since you insist upon raising your hand like a mentally handicapped penguin in a starched tuxedo, thereby disturbing my class and spreading your pit stench, I expect you to answer the question and then report to Headmaster Crowley's office for breaking the rules. And then take a shower. Seriously. You smell like dog."

Beneath Fel's cloak, his face was twisted with confusion.
"Okay then... 18 apples and 7 bananas?"
Fel then got up and left the room like the the teacher told him to.
Goddamn... Guy's got every damned screw loose.
"Now to find Mr. Crowley's office..." he mumbled to himself.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

"Mr. Smellslikeshit," Lewis said to Fel, "since you insist upon raising your hand like a mentally handicapped penguin in a starched tuxedo, thereby disturbing my class and spreading your pit stench, I expect you to answer the question and then report to Headmaster Crowley's office for breaking the rules. And then take a shower. Seriously. You smell like dog."

Beneath Fel's cloak, his face was twisted with confusion.
"Okay then... 18 apples and 7 bananas?"
Fel then got up and left the room like the the teacher told him to.
Goddamn... Guy's got every damned screw loose.
"Now to find Mr. Crowley's office..." he mumbled to himself.

Crowley, as usual, was in his office. Right now he was playing a tape recording.
The terrible defender will fall. The harbinger of the sun will appear again. A time of war will begin.

"And Oracles are fucking useless." Crowley noted, turning that off and turning on some gay porn. Someone knocked on his door and he got up, clearly annoyed at the interruption. "The fuck do you want?" he growled at the student stupid enough to knock on his door. The gay porn's audio continued playing. Fortunately, the laptop was away from the student's eyes.

[Vareiln]

Beneath Fel's cloak, his face was twisted with confusion.
"Okay then... 18 apples and 7 bananas?"
Fel then got up and left the room like the the teacher told him to.
Goddamn... Guy's got every damned screw loose.
"Now to find Mr. Crowley's office..." he mumbled to himself.

Crowley, as usual, was in his office. Right now he was playing a tape recording.
The terrible defender will fall. The harbinger of the sun will appear again. A time of war will begin.

"And Oracles are fucking useless." Crowley noted, turning that off and turning on some gay porn. Someone knocked on his door and he got up, clearly annoyed at the interruption. "The fuck do you want?" he growled at the student stupid enough to knock on his door. The gay porn's audio continued playing. Fortunately, the laptop was away from the student's eyes.

"Uh... The math teacher, Mr. Lewis, sent me here."
Fel could hear some moaning sounds through the door.
Great. Out of the frying pan, into the fire.
"He said that me raising my hand to answer a question was breaking the rules, or something like that."

[Nationstatelandsville]

"Mr. Smellslikeshit," Lewis said to Fel, "since you insist upon raising your hand like a mentally handicapped penguin in a starched tuxedo, thereby disturbing my class and spreading your pit stench, I expect you to answer the question and then report to Headmaster Crowley's office for breaking the rules. And then take a shower. Seriously. You smell like dog."

Beneath Fel's cloak, his face was twisted with confusion.
"Okay then... 18 apples and 7 bananas?"
Fel then got up and left the room like the the teacher told him to.
Goddamn... Guy's got every damned screw loose.
"Now to find Mr. Crowley's office..." he mumbled to himself.

"Correct!" Lewis said cheerily, though it was quite obvious that he wasn't actually happy at all, "Now, fuck off."

Lewis erased "PEMDASS" from his bored and raised the chalk, obviously prepared to write something more.

"Now, obviously Pem-dahs does not work both ways," he continued, "No. Instead, we must do an inverse of Pem-das called 'Trigonometry', because acronyms are hard. Before we continue, I shall tell you that, in the Pemdasic and Trigonometric processes, an American numerical is called an 'exponent' and an European numerical is called a 'crumpet'. In algebraic terms, the exponent is represented as this..."

Lewis proceeded to draw a Mars symbol.

"...and a crumpet is represented as this..." he resumed, drawing a Venus symbol, "and can alternatively be called a 'copper'. In my class, we say crumpet. So, in Trigonometry, you divide the crumpet by 2.3, not 2, 2.3, in order to find the exponent. Now, you only do that if it is even. If it is odd, the problem is unsolveable, and your teacher is an asshole. If you receive a problem like that on a worksheet, tell him this by drawing an ass."

He erased the Mars and Venus symbols, replacing them with an infinity symbol.

"That symbol is called a 'black guy', 'cause it's not racist if it's true," Lewis finished, "Now, tomorrow, we'll be learning how to do Pem-dahs and Trigonometry with decimals, but for now, I want you to do the problems on pages 10-12 of your math book, excluding word problems and problems 17, 20, 22, and any of them after 34. Should you finish before class is up, you can get an early start on your homework, which is to write a five-page summation of the 'Ptolemic law'. You know, the one with the triangles. I'm free for questions and beatings. Just walk up to my desk in a neat, orderly line starting on my left. My name, by the way, is Baron Sensei Saint Lewis Jameson, but you can just call me Baron Sensei Saint Jameson."

Lewis sat back down in his chair and picked up his favorite book (the novel form of the movie, Night at the Museum), making it perfectly obvious that he didn't understand any of the titles he just said.

"Remind me to fail that kid who just left," Lewis said, acting as though he wasn't going to do it anyways, no matter what James did, "What's his name?"

[Ameriganastan]

Laz had been zoned out during the whole class, and was seriously questioning why he came here.

And humans say demons are sadistic. This...class, is one of the most evil forms of torture I've ever seen. How one doesn't lose their mind sitting here is a mystery. Oh well, at least they provide free snacks. Should make it all worthwhile.

The "Snack" was his biology textbook, which he took a nice, big bite out of.

"Kinda bland. Could use a little barbeque sauce."

Noticing class was apparently over, he marched out of the room, making sure to kick the door off when he left.

Pierre trudged behind him, dodging the falling door.

"So, what did you think about the biology class? I thought it was interesting. Took a page or two of notes. Quite fascinating, really. In fact, perhaps that's why I'm invincible. That coul-"

He noticed that Laz was chewing up his biology book. He sighed.

"I take it that they don't teach biology in Hell, and that you're going to fail this class. So, Laz, could you tell me a bit more about Hell? It sounds interesting."

Laz polished off his hardback snack, and scratched his head. What else was there to tell?

"Well...oh, there are the torture pits. I loved getting stationed there. Pitiful human souls, rife for the most diabolical torture that would give that guy who made Hostel wet dreams. You might even meet someone famous. I got to meet your earths former president once. Nixon, I think that was it. Strangled him with own optic nerves, and ripped his heart out with his own arm. Man, that was fun."

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Crowley, as usual, was in his office. Right now he was playing a tape recording.
The terrible defender will fall. The harbinger of the sun will appear again. A time of war will begin.

"And Oracles are fucking useless." Crowley noted, turning that off and turning on some gay porn. Someone knocked on his door and he got up, clearly annoyed at the interruption. "The fuck do you want?" he growled at the student stupid enough to knock on his door. The gay porn's audio continued playing. Fortunately, the laptop was away from the student's eyes.

"Uh... The math teacher, Mr. Lewis, sent me here."
Fel could hear some moaning sounds through the door.
Great. Out of the frying pan, into the fire.
"He said that me raising my hand to answer a question was breaking the rules, or something like that."

"So why the hell are you asking me?" Crowley snapped.
"Oh yeah, you cheating Jew, put it in."
"Fuck me, you Amish bastard."
The audio was very interesting.

Crowley sighed. "Lewis isn't really a teacher. He's just here because I have nobody else for a job, but I need a math teacher and Lewis is useful in other ways. I'm sure I'll find some soon. Just don't actually pay attention to him, don't talk to him, don't acknowledge him except in self-defense and you should be alright."

"Oh, I love the way you take care of my dollar bill."

[Vareiln]

"Uh... The math teacher, Mr. Lewis, sent me here."
Fel could hear some moaning sounds through the door.
Great. Out of the frying pan, into the fire.
"He said that me raising my hand to answer a question was breaking the rules, or something like that."

"So why the hell are you asking me?" Crowley snapped.
"Oh yeah, you cheating Jew, put it in."
"Fuck me, you Amish bastard."
The audio was very interesting.

Crowley sighed. "Lewis isn't really a teacher. He's just here because I have nobody else for a job, but I need a math teacher and Lewis is useful in other ways. I'm sure I'll find some soon. Just don't actually pay attention to him, don't talk to him, don't acknowledge him except in self-defense and you should be alright."

"Oh, I love the way you take care of my dollar bill."

Fel nodded, silently laughing at what he could hear through the door.
Porn? No... Gay porn? Hah!
"So, should I just go back to his class and ignore him?"
Well, hopefully Edward will be in there...

[Metanih]

Rayne did her best to not gag when Sarina ate more of the "food" she had prepared that morning. She had lots of practice with the not gagging part, mostly from that morning. It had been a wonder when Rayne kept down the majority of what was devoured, and she thanked the gods that she had convinced her she was dieting.

Rayne moved over, her eyes looking at anything but the food she was eating. Her eyes wandered for a bit before settling on... Sarina's breasts. It actually took Rayne a moment to realize that she should probably avert her gaze, and it took her a few more moments before she did so. She had decided that ignoring the teachers was probably the best idea, especially the hobo. And for once, she was actually smarter for ignoring the teacher. When she finally looked at the board, she saw symbols for male and female, wondered for a second if he thought he was teaching sex ed, shuddered at that thought, and looked away.

Yes, it was definitely better that she was not paying attention.

[Olthar]

After swallowing another bite of her "delicious" "waffles," she looked over and saw Rayne staring at her shirt.

"Oh! Do you like my outfit? I made it myself just a week before coming here. I decided that if I was starting a new school, I should have some new clothes for it, too! I think they're really cute. Do you want me to make you something? I brought along a bunch of fabric from home in case I got bored of the clothes I have now. Though, I do like what you're wearing now. I think it looks really good on you! Where did you get it? Or do you make your own clothes, too?"

[Hardened Pyrokinetics]

After leaving the Math room, James realized he was really, really hungry. Probably something to do with missing breakfast. To rectify this, he trudged off in search of a vending machine.

He finally found one ten minutes later. Out of order. "SON OF A BITCH!" He yelled, kicking the machine. "PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!" He kicked it again, this time breaking the glass. "Uh... Whoops." He withdrew his foot and looked around frantically, hoping nobody saw that. He sighed, the adrenaline already wearing off and sleepiness flooding his mind. "Fuck this school..."

Reaching in and grabbing two Twix and a Kit-Kat, James headed off in search of a quiet, comfortable place to sleep. What he got instead was Crowley's office, which he walked into without realizing.

[Constaniana]

Since Lewis had demonstrated the fact that he was, without a shadow of a doubt, absolutely damn ass-hatting balls trippin' insane , Edward decided any attempts at speaking to him while acting sane would be utterly pointless. "I think that kid's name was P. I. Staker mistah, see?" Edward drawled with something that was a horrific abominable hybrid of a East Texican accent and someone from the Bronx who had been hitting the cactus juice again, if you know what I mean. "Here, Ill writes it out for ya's, see?" He said, again using the awful fake accent. He walked up to the blackboard, and with giant letters wrote P.I STAKER. While it would be easy for a normal person to figure out what it meant, Lewis was certainly not normal. This would likely baffle him for centuries to come.

[Nationstatelandsville]

Since Lewis had demonstrated the fact that he was, without a shadow of a doubt, absolutely damn ass-hatting balls trippin' insane , Edward decided any attempts at speaking to him while acting sane would be utterly pointless. "I think that kid's name was P. I. Staker mistah, see?" Edward drawled with something that was a horrific abominable hybrid of a East Texican accent and someone from the Bronx who had been hitting the cactus juice again, if you know what I mean. "Here, Ill writes it out for ya's, see?" He said, again using the awful fake accent. He walked up to the blackboard, and with giant letters wrote P.I STAKER. While it would be easy for a normal person to figure out what it meant, Lewis was certainly not normal. This would likely baffle him for centuries to come.

"Trick question," Lewis said, not looking up from his book, "That kid wouldn't tell anyone of you his name, he isn't the type. And it certainly wouldn't be something that ridiculous, even if he was Canadian. Also, your accent is terrible. I've been to many places and none of them have anything like that. This was just a test to find the smart-asses."

He put the book down and glared at Edward, but not too hard, because then his powers would activate. Lewis acted like an idiot, but he could be very, very smart when he wanted.

"His name is 'James Callahan'," Lewis explained, "I have a sheet of student names and pictures. Yellow kid, escort Edward to Crowley's."

Lewis could have looked up Izanagi's name, but he didn't give a shit.

[Ameriganastan]

"Let's see...I already missed history. Not like it would do me any good. I'm almost 600 years old. I could teach that class if I wanted to. So, next place I should have been already is...what's math? I've never heard of such a thing. Eh, can't hurt to see what it's about."

Laz looked around, and smashed through the nearest wall, partly because he didn't see the door, but mostly cause he thought it was funny.

"Hello! Is this math class?"

[Frigola]

After the history class, where she finally learnt something new (her knowledge of mythology and the pantheons was far from accurate) she also went to drop off her books in her dorm, though she took longer than Izanagi to get to the maths class room.

Izera was glad she had arrived a bit after the others and chosen a seat somewhere further back in the classroom, hopefully out of the line of fire. Though she stoically regarded the teacher explaining about PEMDAS, she was internally correcting him and explaining it properly. However, she remained quiet as she "knew" this guy was not to be messed with. She watched with surprise as he sent out one student for raising their hand, and another for being a smartass. She scowled when he called Izanagi "yellow", but did not want to add insult to injury or annoy the teacher any further.

[The Inritus Extraho]

Jade frowned, and finally stumbled past some massive demon-looking thing whose horns were carving a path into the ceiling into the math classroom. She looked around, eyes slightly unfocused, and looked at Lewis. He's obviously the teacher, I haven't seen a student that arrogant... and I thought this was math? Why are there male and female symbols on the board? Is this supposed to be sex ed? She walked slowly over to her chair, and sat down heavily. She had spent a sleepless night wandering the halls, searching for the dorms. Even if she had found it, she doubted she could have slept - her encounter with Malal had disturbed her, specifically because inadvertently threatening someone who was both a teacher at Elfen High and a Norse Demigod would tend to unnerve people. Plus that cow was just... creepy. As a result, she was half nodding off in this new class, the first she had attended at this new school.

[Nude East Ireland]

"Let's see...I already missed history. Not like it would do me any good. I'm almost 600 years old. I could teach that class if I wanted to. So, next place I should have been already is...what's math? I've never heard of such a thing. Eh, can't hurt to see what it's about."

Laz looked around, and smashed through the nearest wall, partly because he didn't see the door, but mostly cause he thought it was funny.

"Hello! Is this math class?"

Damien was leaning against the wall that Laz had smashed through, and he instinctively reached down, grabbed a dictionary, and smacked Laz in the face as hard as he possibly could. He pulled back, and dropped the book, still taken aback.

"Er... Sorry," he said.

[Nationstatelandsville]

"Let's see...I already missed history. Not like it would do me any good. I'm almost 600 years old. I could teach that class if I wanted to. So, next place I should have been already is...what's math? I've never heard of such a thing. Eh, can't hurt to see what it's about."

Laz looked around, and smashed through the nearest wall, partly because he didn't see the door, but mostly cause he thought it was funny.

"Hello! Is this math class?"

"It is," Lewis replied, "but you won't be learning any of it. Instead, you're going to report to Crowley's for breaking my wall. Also, just as an aside, I suggest visiting the guidance councilor. You have a dumb look in your eyes. I can't stand dumb people."

He then looked to the rest of his students.

"Work on your problems, damn it, or I'll extend your homework and fail each and every one of you who doesn't do it!" he barked, "And no sleeping in my class!"

[The Inritus Extraho]

Jade turned to the nearest student, shaking her head to clear the sleep from her head. "Um... what's the homework problems?" she asked carefully. "I have no idea what's even going on - is this math, or sex ed, or some combination?" she continued, then paused, waiting for a response.

[Ameriganastan]

"Let's see...I already missed history. Not like it would do me any good. I'm almost 600 years old. I could teach that class if I wanted to. So, next place I should have been already is...what's math? I've never heard of such a thing. Eh, can't hurt to see what it's about."

Laz looked around, and smashed through the nearest wall, partly because he didn't see the door, but mostly cause he thought it was funny.

"Hello! Is this math class?"

"It is," Lewis replied, "but you won't be learning any of it. Instead, you're going to report to Crowley's for breaking my wall. Also, just as an aside, I suggest visiting the guidance councilor. You have a dumb look in your eyes. I can't stand dumb people."

He then looked to the rest of his students.

"Work on your problems, damn it, or I'll extend your homework and fail each and every one of you who doesn't do it!" he barked, "And no sleeping in my class!"

"...Dumb!?"

Laz being dumb was common knowledge to everybody...except himself.

"You dare call The Great and Mighty Lazrian dumb? I am one of the strongest, smartest, and handsomest demon you'll ever have the honor of meet, Lute Carrying Man."

He marched right up to Lewis, and pointed at the ground.

"Now, show the proper respect. Kneel."

[Nationstatelandsville]

"It is," Lewis replied, "but you won't be learning any of it. Instead, you're going to report to Crowley's for breaking my wall. Also, just as an aside, I suggest visiting the guidance councilor. You have a dumb look in your eyes. I can't stand dumb people."

He then looked to the rest of his students.

"Work on your problems, damn it, or I'll extend your homework and fail each and every one of you who doesn't do it!" he barked, "And no sleeping in my class!"

"...Dumb!?"

Laz being dumb was common knowledge to everybody...except himself.

"You dare call The Great and Mighty Lazrian dumb? I am one of the strongest, smartest, and handsomest demon you'll ever have the honor of meet, Lute Carrying Man."

He marched right up to Lewis, and pointed at the ground.

"Now, show the proper respect. Kneel."

Lewis' response was to replace his book inside his desk, hold his hands, and rest them on his desk like some kind of business-conducting supervillain.

"Fuck you," Lewis growled, "I have tenure."

He then glared at Lewis through his sunglasses (very resilient things), aiming specifically for his hair, which quickly caught fire.

"Sit the fuck down," he demanded, not realizing that lighting someone on fire did not typically lead to sitting.

[Mavorpen]

Jade turned to the nearest student, shaking her head to clear the sleep from her head. "Um... what's the homework problems?" she asked carefully. "I have no idea what's even going on - is this math, or sex ed, or some combination?" she continued, then paused, waiting for a response.

Izanagi looked up from his paper and stopped writing. He sighed, realizing Lewis was talking about him, and stood up. He turned to Jade and said, "Apparently we're doing problems on pages 10-12 of your math book, excluding word problems and problems 17, 20, 22, and any of them after 34." He paused, surprised he remembered all of that shit and shrugged. He walked up to Eddie, who was standing at the board, and tapped him on the shoulder. "C'mon, looks like I'm taking you Crowley." He glanced at Izera and smiled, then proceeded to walk out of the classroom behind Edward.

[The Inritus Extraho]

Jade turned to the nearest student, shaking her head to clear the sleep from her head. "Um... what's the homework problems?" she asked carefully. "I have no idea what's even going on - is this math, or sex ed, or some combination?" she continued, then paused, waiting for a response.

Izanagi looked up from his paper and stopped writing. He sighed, realizing Lewis was talking about him, and stood up. He turned to Jade and said, "Apparently we're doing problems on pages 10-12 of your math book, excluding word problems and problems 17, 20, 22, and any of them after 34." He paused, surprised he remembered all of that shit and shrugged. He walked up to Eddie, who was standing at the board, and tapped him on the shoulder. "C'mon, looks like I'm taking you Crowley." He glanced at Izera and smiled, then proceeded to walk out of the classroom behind Edward.

Jade nodded, smiled, and looked up to thank the boy, but by the time she did, he had vanished, left to go escort Edward out. Jade frowned, and shrugged. "No book, so whatever... I'll just sleep." She laid her head down on the desk, and stared over at Lewis and Laz as she waited to fall asleep, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as she noted Laz's hair on fire. It was amusing!

[Ameriganastan]

Lewis' response was to replace his book inside his desk, hold his hands, and rest them on his desk like some kind of business-conducting supervillain.

"Fuck you," Lewis growled, "I have tenure."

He then glared at Lewis through his sunglasses (very resilient things), aiming specifically for his hair, which quickly caught fire.

"Sit the fuck down," he demanded, not realizing that lighting someone on fire did not typically lead to sitting.

"HA! You think these meager flames hurt one such as I? I'm from Hell, bitch. You wanna see fire, I'll show you fire!"

Laz turned to the nearest wall he hadn't smashed in yet, and took a deep inhale, releasing a really long lasting torrent of fire...all to carve "Laz Ruls" in the wall.

"That's fire, little man. Didn't have to go full size for that one."

[Nationstatelandsville]

Lewis' response was to replace his book inside his desk, hold his hands, and rest them on his desk like some kind of business-conducting supervillain.

"Fuck you," Lewis growled, "I have tenure."

He then glared at Lewis through his sunglasses (very resilient things), aiming specifically for his hair, which quickly caught fire.

"Sit the fuck down," he demanded, not realizing that lighting someone on fire did not typically lead to sitting.

"HA! You think these meager flames hurt one such as I? I'm from Hell, bitch. You wanna see fire, I'll show you fire!"

Laz turned to the nearest wall he hadn't smashed in yet, and took a deep inhale, releasing a really long lasting torrent of fire...all to carve "Laz Ruls" in the wall.

"That's fire, little man. Didn't have to go full size for that one."

"And this is ice," Lewis said, glaring at Laz's nether-regions and causing his pants to frost over, amongst other parts of Laz's crotch. Unfortunately, that meant discreetly staring at Laz's unsavories, which was certainly not pleasant for anyone.

"Now then, Lazrian," he began, standing up and grabbing the cane that rested on the side of his desk, "I expect you to apply yourself in my mathematics class. That means your brain, no matter how meager it is, and not your fire breath. If you would just sit down, you might avoid the unpleasant experience of having my cane shoved so far up your ass that you choke to death."