Wolfenium wrote:
Bushra tried to compose herself as she heard a voice she didn’t recognize, but failed miserably, tears continuing to roll down her face. The last five years of her life had just been exposed as being some sort of lie. Her teacher, a man who had taken the place of her father when Bushra was conscripted into the Ottoman Air Force, had been lying to her about so much. Unlike the smaller things, it was something she couldn’t put to the side. She couldn’t ignore it. She had to try and come to terms with it, to somehow deal with it. But she couldn’t understand it. She COULDN'T deal with it.
“I—I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.” Bushra choked out past her tears, shaking her head and trying to wipe the tears from her face.
She didn’t know who her teacher was. She didn’t know whether anything he’d told her was the truth. She didn’t know if the nobility were good or evil. She didn’t know why she was here, why she didn’t just return to her parents. She didn’t know what she was fighting for.
She didn’t know who in the world the good guys were anymore.
She didn’t know anything, and she couldn’t control the absolute, adrift-in-the-ocean FEAR that feeling gave her. The knowledge she had had, as incorrect and biased as it was, had given her some point of reference for the world. Some way to look at it that made sense. Now she didn’t even have that. Not only did she not have it, but it was exposed as being completely false. It was terrifying.
But worst of all, Bushra knew it shouldn’t be. She knew that she should be fully capable of coping with the knowledge her service with the 501st had given her of other countries and other beliefs. She should be able to cope with these new ideas, and other people, nobility or not. But she couldn’t.
And there was only one person to blame for why she couldn’t. One person who was responsible for the messed up state she was in now. The knowledge he was responsible for all of it just worsened the feeling. She had trusted him. She had believed in him.
She had loved him like a father, and he had lied to her.
Bushra started to say something but instead let out a long, soft wail and began to really cry. Unlike her somewhat restrained tears up until now though, this was a full-on blubbering, snot-infested, childlike cry.
“I don’t KNOW anything.” Bushra repeated in between sobs. “And I can’t control myself.” She continued, the weak laugh that accompanied the line interfering with her sobbing and sounding absolutely dreadful.