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[SUBMITTED]Commend The Black Hawks

A chamber dedicated to the dissemination of inter-regional peace and goodwill, via force if necessary.
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Rai-Nyx
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[SUBMITTED]Commend The Black Hawks

Postby Rai-Nyx » Tue Jun 07, 2016 11:14 pm

Nominee: The Black Hawks

Recognizing The Black Hawks have promoted regional security around the world.

Noting The Black Hawks promote cultural exchange, by encouraging their members to visit other regions.

Noting The Black Hawks have helped several small regions gain numbers, sometimes doubling the size of regions.

Believing the visits from The Black Hawks typically increase activity within the regions visited, such as within Laissez Faireholm.

Supporting The Black Hawks' role in ending an infestation of fleas within District 12.

Acknowledging that The Black Hawks is a welcoming community bringing in new members with open arms, and developing friendships in and out of the region.

Acknowledging The Black Hawks' role as a prominent invader region.

However noting that while raiding, their members conduct themselves in a manner that can be a positive example for not only other raiders, but for the international community as a whole.

Believing that The Black Hawks is a pillar of Raider/Defender gameplay.

Applauding that The Black Hawks has remained an active community for eleven years.

Supporting The Black Hawks' endeavors to send ambassadors to many of their allies.

Believing The Black Hawks have led to the formation of multiple defender coalitions as a response to their raids, including the Anti-Raider Coalition(ARC).

Hereby COMMENDS The Black Hawks.

Co-Authors:
Siniarus XVII
Sygian TBH


submitted by Thalerland
Last edited by Rai-Nyx on Thu Jun 09, 2016 12:53 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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Sygian
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Postby Sygian » Tue Jun 07, 2016 11:17 pm

YASS o7
Sygian Vasentius
Carpe Diem
Regent of Auralia
Prince Sovereign of House Vasentius
The Stronghold of Sygian

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The Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper
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Postby The Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper » Wed Jun 08, 2016 4:05 am

Never gonna happen.

That, and you have a few glaring grammatical/spelling errors there.
The General Assembly Delegation of the Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper:
-- Wad Ari Alaz, Wrapperian Ambassador to the WA; Author, SCR#200, GAR #300, GAR#361.
-- Wad Ahume Orliss-Dorcke, Deputy Ambassador; two-time Intergalactic Karaoke League champion.
-- Wad Dawei DeGoah, Ambassador Emeritus; deceased.
THE GA POSTS FROM THIS NATION ARE IN-CHARACTER AND SHOULD NEVER BE TAKEN AS MODERATOR RULINGS.

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Rai-Nyx
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Postby Rai-Nyx » Wed Jun 08, 2016 6:13 am

Where are these grammatical and spelling errors? I don't see any.

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The Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper
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Postby The Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper » Wed Jun 08, 2016 6:21 am

All right, in the spirit of fair play, you're missing at least two possessive apostrophes, and you spelled the past tense of "lead" wrong.
The General Assembly Delegation of the Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper:
-- Wad Ari Alaz, Wrapperian Ambassador to the WA; Author, SCR#200, GAR #300, GAR#361.
-- Wad Ahume Orliss-Dorcke, Deputy Ambassador; two-time Intergalactic Karaoke League champion.
-- Wad Dawei DeGoah, Ambassador Emeritus; deceased.
THE GA POSTS FROM THIS NATION ARE IN-CHARACTER AND SHOULD NEVER BE TAKEN AS MODERATOR RULINGS.

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Rai-Nyx
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Postby Rai-Nyx » Wed Jun 08, 2016 7:05 am

Thank you. I fixed lead to led, but am and have always been terrible with apostrophes. I will try to fix it but no guarantees.

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New Dukaine
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Postby New Dukaine » Wed Jun 08, 2016 9:04 am

This is a textbook example of regional advertisement, or know as a commendation of a region you live in. Against for those reasons, and the Black hawks don't need 2 badges of contrast. What's next, a liberation?
The Liberal Socialist leaning Democracy of New Dukaine

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For RP, New Dukaine is a Modern-Tech nation.
PLEASE, CALL ME NuDu
Participated: Baptism of fire 62, World Cup 75, Australian Football Cup 1
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Sygian
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Postby Sygian » Wed Jun 08, 2016 9:12 am

New Dukaine wrote:What's next, a liberation?

Good idea! :clap:
Sygian Vasentius
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Regent of Auralia
Prince Sovereign of House Vasentius
The Stronghold of Sygian

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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Democratic Socialists

Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Wed Jun 08, 2016 10:15 am

As an R/D neutral I've always considered the Hawks one of the classier raiding outfits. As such they would deserve a classy commendation. Unfortunately this ain't it. :)
Former Delegate of The West Pacific. Guardian (under many Delegates) of The West Pacific. TWP's Former Minister for World Assembly Affairs and former Security Council Advisor.

The West Pacific's Official Welshman, Astronomer and Old Fart
Pierconium wrote:I see Funk as an opportunistic manipulator that utilises the means available to him to reach his goals. In other words, a nation after my own heart.

RiderSyl wrote:If an enchantress made it so one raid could bring about world peace, Unibot would ask raiders to just sign a petition instead.

Sedgistan wrote:The SC has just has a spate of really shitty ones recently from Northumbria, his Watermelon fanboy…..

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Siniarus XVII
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Postby Siniarus XVII » Wed Jun 08, 2016 10:49 am

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:As an R/D neutral I've always considered the Hawks one of the classier raiding outfits. As such they would deserve a classy commendation. Unfortunately this ain't it. :)

Shrugs

In all fairness, it was the product of us screwing around after last night's raid and carrying it farther than usual. Still, we're going to see how far we can get this to go.
Sini, that one otter raider
Formerly of The Black Hawks, retired 2018
Eco-Socialist
He/Him or They/Them, Age 22, American, Furry
⚧ Gender and sex aren't the same thing. ⚧

might do one of those pro/anti things eventually
♫ In the squares of the city, in the shadow of the steeple, / Near the relief office, I see my people.
And some are grumblin', and all are wonderin' / If this land's still made for you and me. ♫


"Behold, I have given you authority to tread on snakes" - Luke 10:19

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We Are Not the NSA
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Postby We Are Not the NSA » Wed Jun 08, 2016 11:37 am

I actually find the concept of commending TBH to be a really interesting idea, but not as a selfie.
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Sedgistan
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Anarchy

Postby Sedgistan » Fri Jun 10, 2016 1:23 am

Rai-Nyx wrote:Believing that The Black Hawks is a pillar of Raider/Defender gameplay.

This proposal has been removed for violating Rule 4 - I've underlined the violation above.

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Sygian
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Postby Sygian » Fri Jun 10, 2016 8:51 am

Sedgistan wrote:
Rai-Nyx wrote:Believing that The Black Hawks is a pillar of Raider/Defender gameplay.

This proposal has been removed for violating Rule 4 - I've underlined the violation above.

Well that was quick! :clap:

I see that one line has caused this proposal to go south. For all I know about proposals (and that's not a lot), this isn't common. I am not an active member in the World Assembly and this was only my second proposal submitted. My first proposal being something quite idiotic in my first months of playing the game. It definitely would have helped if someone that was fairly familiar with the rules commented and warned us about this line. I, of course, read the rules and didn't see how this proposal violated in any way before I posted but now I do see. I find it humorous how most people (including mods :bow:) familiar with the rules, quite in depth may I add, would refrain from posting to inform us of this small infringement before we submitted. Then again, they may not have had enough time. I guess nobody wanted The Black Hawks commended after all. Too bad, they sure deserved it! :p

Thank you, Sedge, for informing us of this infringement.

Sincerest regards,

Syg
Last edited by Sygian on Fri Jun 10, 2016 8:54 am, edited 1 time in total.
Sygian Vasentius
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Regent of Auralia
Prince Sovereign of House Vasentius
The Stronghold of Sygian

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Agent Ugly
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Founded: Jun 09, 2016
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Postby Agent Ugly » Fri Jun 10, 2016 9:35 am

I liked The Black Hawks, for raiders they are kind of fun. They added a tailor made WFE for the regions and talked to us in a more respectful way than most of these lower quality raiders.

I'd commend them for being top quality, the standard all raiders.orgs should reach.

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Sedgistan
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Postby Sedgistan » Fri Jun 10, 2016 9:44 am

I only glanced through the forum thread initially - I don't generally do a thorough read-through until a proposal is submitted, which is where I spotted the illegality here. You're more than welcome to re-draft and re-submit.

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Tano
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Postby Tano » Fri Jun 10, 2016 10:55 am

I'd love a commendation of The Black Hawks. Just about every person I've met from there (with a few exceptions of course) are groovy individuals.

That being said, I echo Bhang Bhang Duc's sentiment that they deserve a better commendation than this. Especially not one that was "...the product of us screwing around after last night's raid...

As such, I won't be offering any real advice on this draft, mostly because I feel it requires more of a complete rewrite than anything. But that's just my opinion. Best of luck to you just the same if you resubmit.
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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Fri Jun 10, 2016 11:04 am

Sorry Sygian, I missed it and I'm usually fairly good at picking up on illegalities.
Former Delegate of The West Pacific. Guardian (under many Delegates) of The West Pacific. TWP's Former Minister for World Assembly Affairs and former Security Council Advisor.

The West Pacific's Official Welshman, Astronomer and Old Fart
Pierconium wrote:I see Funk as an opportunistic manipulator that utilises the means available to him to reach his goals. In other words, a nation after my own heart.

RiderSyl wrote:If an enchantress made it so one raid could bring about world peace, Unibot would ask raiders to just sign a petition instead.

Sedgistan wrote:The SC has just has a spate of really shitty ones recently from Northumbria, his Watermelon fanboy…..

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Rai-Nyx
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Postby Rai-Nyx » Fri Jun 10, 2016 11:35 am

While a proper commendation would be nice, the only way one will ever be written is things like screwing around after a raid.
I doubt many people go "hmm, who would be good for a commendation. Oh I know, the raiders!".

This was more for the fun of it than trying for a serious commendation, so if someone else wants to write a similar, more serious one, feel free to paraphrase this draft, but I doubt I will try another one like this again.

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Sygian
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Postby Sygian » Fri Jun 10, 2016 12:26 pm

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:Sorry Sygian, I missed it and I'm usually fairly good at picking up on illegalities.

No worries. Thank you anyways :p
Sygian Vasentius
Carpe Diem
Regent of Auralia
Prince Sovereign of House Vasentius
The Stronghold of Sygian

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Siniarus XVII
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Founded: May 05, 2016
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Postby Siniarus XVII » Fri Jun 10, 2016 1:33 pm

I would be kind of interested to work on a serious draft, but as NSA said it wouldn't be so good as a self-commendation. Still, if somebody decides to work on this, I'll be happy to help on the (very) off chance that I can.
Sini, that one otter raider
Formerly of The Black Hawks, retired 2018
Eco-Socialist
He/Him or They/Them, Age 22, American, Furry
⚧ Gender and sex aren't the same thing. ⚧

might do one of those pro/anti things eventually
♫ In the squares of the city, in the shadow of the steeple, / Near the relief office, I see my people.
And some are grumblin', and all are wonderin' / If this land's still made for you and me. ♫


"Behold, I have given you authority to tread on snakes" - Luke 10:19

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The Unkindness of Ravens
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Founded: Apr 04, 2016
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Postby The Unkindness of Ravens » Fri Jun 10, 2016 5:06 pm

Would be happy to work on this as well, having been with a few different orgs it'd be nice to hold up a standard of civility and sustainable raiding that TBH espouses.
~wetwork

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King Nephmir II
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Benevolent Dictatorship

Postby King Nephmir II » Sat Jun 11, 2016 7:04 am

Rai-Nyx wrote:Nominee: The Black Hawks

Recognizing The Black Hawks have promoted regional security around the world.

I would suggest adding a brief explanation on how they do so here, or at least an example or two should suffice.

Rai-Nyx wrote:Noting The Black Hawks promote cultural exchange, by encouraging their members to visit other regions.

Noting The Black Hawks have helped several small regions gain numbers, sometimes doubling the size of regions.

Perhaps "Further Noting" would be appropriate for the second line here, rather than repeating "Noting" twice. Personally I'd actually just merge the two into one since they go hand in hand.

Rai-Nyx wrote:Believing the visits from The Black Hawks typically increase activity within the regions visited, such as within Laissez Faireholm.

More details on how said region has been affected might help... also another example or two if possible.

Rai-Nyx wrote:Supporting The Black Hawks' role in ending an infestation of fleas within District 12.

I'm not entirely sure what this means...

Rai-Nyx wrote:Acknowledging that The Black Hawks is a welcoming community bringing in new members with open arms, and developing friendships in and out of the region.

Acknowledging The Black Hawks' role as a prominent invader region.

However noting that while raiding, their members conduct themselves in a manner that can be a positive example for not only other raiders, but for the international community as a whole.

Believing that The Black Hawks is a pillar of Raider/Defender gameplay.

Applauding that The Black Hawks has remained an active community for eleven years.

Supporting The Black Hawks' endeavors to send ambassadors to many of their allies.

Believing The Black Hawks have led to the formation of multiple defender coalitions as a response to their raids, including the Anti-Raider Coalition(ARC).

Hereby COMMENDS The Black Hawks.

Co-Authors:
Siniarus XVII
Sygian TBH


submitted by Thalerland

Interesting proposal, I'd say TBH should have both their standing condemnation and a commendation, however the commendation itself needs, overall, more examples and details. Also bear in mind that not every sentence needs to start a new line.

Even if it passes in its current form, which is a possibility, the lack of such details could lead to it being repealed later on.

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Rai-Nyx
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Postby Rai-Nyx » Sat Jun 11, 2016 6:10 pm

Nephmir, thank you for the input, I do appreciate it.
However, it has already been submitted and declared illegal, as per Sedges' post above. Your comments will be helpful if this is ever reattempted though

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New Dukaine
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Postby New Dukaine » Sat Jun 11, 2016 6:49 pm

Rai-Nyx wrote:Nephmir, thank you for the input, I do appreciate it.
However, it has already been submitted and declared illegal, as per Sedges' post above. Your comments will be helpful if this is ever reattempted though

All you have to do is just take out the word gameplay.
The Liberal Socialist leaning Democracy of New Dukaine

Former Grey Warden
For RP, New Dukaine is a Modern-Tech nation.
PLEASE, CALL ME NuDu
Participated: Baptism of fire 62, World Cup 75, Australian Football Cup 1
Hosted: Australian Football Cup 1
Ambassador to all branches of the WA is Pama Umoja.
Proud author of GA Resolution 376, Pesticide Regulations

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Rai-Nyx
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Founded: Jan 07, 2016
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Postby Rai-Nyx » Sun Jun 12, 2016 12:24 pm

New Dukaine wrote:
Rai-Nyx wrote:Nephmir, thank you for the input, I do appreciate it.
However, it has already been submitted and declared illegal, as per Sedges' post above. Your comments will be helpful if this is ever reattempted though

All you have to do is just take out the word gameplay.

We talked about it, and, especially since this was a joke thrown together after a late night raid when none of us were really awake, we decided not to rewrite, as there are plenty of people who will tear it apart for the slightest reason to call it illegal. From the sounds of it, there are people who like the idea, and who might make one now that the idea IS out there, but it probably won't be a self written one, at least not from the original three of us.
Talking about it after Sedge hit it, we thought of at least one other way it could be shut down for possible rule violations, depending on how the mods took it.

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