[PASSED] Repeal Commend The NationStates Community

[Mousebumples]

APPROVE HERE

Repeal “Commend The NationStates Community”

Category: Repeal | Resolution: SC#86 | Proposed by: Venico

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The Security Council,

ACKNOWLEDGING that a number of nations worked together on April 1 2012 in order to compile a majority of shares in the company NationStates,

APPLAUDING that these nations could cooperate in such a way,

POINTING OUT that The NationStates Community was commended for a singular event,

CONCERNED that this nation has not done much of note beyond this event,

ASSERTING that The NationStates Community has not performed any world changing activities, nor have the actions of this nation affected the world or World Assembly at large,

APPALLED that the nations supporting The NationStates Community attacked regions and nations who held out from contributing their shares, most notably the attacks on Texas,

BELIEVING this nation performed no great service with their actions nor were they unique in their endeavor of consolidating and gathering stocks,

FINDING the merits of SC#86 entirely lacking and The NationStates Community not worthy of being commended by this council,

HEREBY REPEALS SC#86

I'd like to thank SkyDip for helping me edit this before posting it, and for allowing me to use a clause from one of his past resolutions as a base for one of my lines. Give me your thoughts folks.

[SkyDip]

Obviously I'm in favor, and I hope this vote turns out better than my attempt. Full support. Bad Commendation to start with.

[the Imperial Crown]

I'm happy to lend my support to this.

[Eist]

I am FOR this although I do not think you will get it passed.

>CONCERNED that this nation has not done much of note before or after this event,

Check your grammar.

>NOTING that The NationStates Community has not performed any world changing activities, nor have the actions of this nation affected the world or World Assembly at large,

Presented as a fact, although it's just your opinon. "Believing" would be more appropriate.

This is pretty light on info (not that there is much info around); you should incorporate ideas from SkyDip's previous attempt.

[Ramaeus]

The Security Council,

ACKNOWLEDGING that a number of nations worked together on April 1, 2012 in order to compile a majority of shares in the company NationStates,

BELIEVING this nation performed no great service with their actions, nor were they unique in their endeavor of consolidating and gathering stocks,

HEREBY REPEALS SC#86.

Well done, Venico. Very good first draft.

[Venico]

Thanks for the help folks. I'll be sure to made edits later when I have time. Eist, you help me make it better and I'll handle getting it passed. =P

[Vaculatestar64]

I will most certainly support this. Very good draft so far.

[Gladio]

For

[McMasterdonia]

I will support this as well. I think this is well overdue and I was disappointed to see SkyDip's attempt fail. However my vote is governed by a poll on our regional forum. So it could go either way

[Venico]

Edited the CONCERNED clause to be less jumbled. I'm working on making the NOTING into something else. Two BELIEVING clauses sounds strange so does FURTHER BELIEVING. I think I might make one a CONCLUDING but then that should probably be the last clause. I don't know, it's late. =P

If there are any heavier facts to draw from for this please let me know and I'll do my best to include them. However that's difficult when the point of this repeal is that there isn't much to commend these guys for. I tried beefing it up with the Texas part.

Seriously if anyone has any more stuff to say, say it. I'll admit I'm new to this style of writing and need as much help as possible. xD

[Improving Wordiness]

I added some suggestions in red below.

Repeal “Commend The NationStates Community”

Category: Repeal | Resolution: SC#86 | Proposed by: Venico

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The Security Council,

ACKNOWLEDGING that a number of nations worked together on April 1 2012 in order to compile a majority of shares in the company NationStates,

APPLAUDING that these nations could cooperate in such a way,

POINTING OUT that The NationStates Community was commended for a singular event,

CONCERNED that this nation has not done much of note beyond this event

NOTING that The NationStates Community has not performed any world changing activities, nor have the actions of this nation affected the world or World Assembly at large,

ASSERTING that The NationStates Community has not performed any world changing activities, nor have the actions of this nation affected the world or World Assembly at large,

OBSERVING that the nations supporting The NationStates Community attacked regions and nations who held out from contributing their shares, most notably the attacks on Texas,

APPALLED that nations supporting The NationStates Community attacked regions and nations who held out from contributing their shares, most notably the attacks on Texas,

BELIEVING this nation performed no great service with their actions nor were they unique in their endeavor of consolidating and gathering stocks,

FINDING the merits of SC#86 entirely lacking and The NationStates Community not worthy of being commended by this council,

HEREBY REPEALS SC#86

I'd like to thank SkyDip for helping me edit this before posting it, and for allowing me to use a clause from one of his past resolutions as a base for one of my lines. Give me your thoughts folks.

[Venico]

Thanks Wordy, those are actually better clauses than what I was coming up with.

[Improving Wordiness]

You are welcome. Nice work.

[DJ Get A Job]

Even though I have no influence whatsoever in the WA Community I still approve.

[Sanctaria]

I would definitely support this repeal.

[Venico]

So am I ok to submit this then? Unless someone can see a way to improve this.

[North East Somerset]

I fully back this Repeal. Definitely a strong case.

[Abacathea]

Repeal “Commend The NationStates Community”

Category: Repeal | Resolution: SC#86 | Proposed by: Venico

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Ah, see these sort of repeals sadden me, the singular moment were we collectively stop being collective douchebags and the world acknowledges it, and then we argue to repeal it because we feel that the latter isn't actually that spectacular.

That said, I'll give feedback below none the less, although I'm not sure I can support the bill, I support the author, so I'll help where I can.

ACKNOWLEDGING that a number of nations worked together on April 1 2012 in order to compile a majority of shares in the company NationStates,

I'm not sure on the structure here, it reads fine, but I wonder if it could be done better. For example:

"Acknowledging that on April 1 2012, several nations joined to form the NationStates Community, with the goal of compiling a majority share holding in the company "NationStates".

APPLAUDING that these nations could cooperate in such a way,

Again, just feels it's lacking. Perhaps;

"Applauding the co-operation and effort this collective put towards achieving their end goal".

POINTING OUT that The NationStates Community was commended for a singular event,

We know...

CONCERNED that this nation has not done much of note beyond this event

Grammatical consistency here, punctuate this sentence too. Also that's a given considering the rarity of the singular event referenced in your point before.

ASSERTING that The NationStates Community has not performed any world changing activities, nor have the actions of this nation affected the world or World Assembly at large,

This might be a fair point, and in truth possibly your strongest, although the significant coming together of a community normally not so close not is parable to an achievement IMO, and I suspect come voting time, that'll be the major swing.

APPALLED that the nations supporting The NationStates Community attacked regions and nations who held out from contributing their shares, most notably the attacks on Texas,

Careful on your wording here. If it was the nations comprising the community, then thats bad, if it's nations supporting the community, that's not really a reflection on the community is it?

BELIEVING this nation performed no great service with their actions nor were they unique in their endeavor of consolidating and gathering stocks,

Continuity here, you've used nations/community up until now, and then you've culled it down to "this nation" it just doesn't flow right. I'd suggest "Believing, the nationstates community...."


Hope this helps mate,

Aba.

[Venico]

This repeal is treating The NationStates Community as it is, a nation. So for the attacks on Texas, while they may not have been people directly controlling the government of this nation, they had contributed their shares to the TNSC.

On that last clause I used this nation because well saying The NationStates Community every time sounds horrible to me but that might just be the writer/lawyer in my head talking.

The missing comma was my bad, edited the clause and forgot to put it back. Good catch. It may seem obvious to you but I want to point out to nations who may not have read the original resolution that it was all about a single event, not a pattern, not a series of good acts. A single outlier.

The Applauding clause is what I'd say is kind of the ice breaker? The apologetic clause? It's me saying "Look, they banded together for twenty four hours. Buuuuut..." I'm ok with that clause feeling weak because it's talking about something that IS weak.

I'll take a look at the Acknowledging edit. It might fit.

Thanks Aba, I appreciate comments like that.

[Ramaeus]

This repeal is treating The NationStates Community as it is, a nation. So for the attacks on Texas, while they may not have been people directly controlling the government of this nation, they had contributed their shares to the TNSC.

Alternatively, you could state that the nation who received the commendation is a place-holder for the actions of the community, and that the actions of said nation are, in reality, the actions of the community. It should be legal, too.

[Venico]

I see this as a nation that people chose to back rather than being a placeholder. Also if we treat it as a community that is called "The NationStates Community" I think people will get a bit confused.

[Ramaeus]

I see this as a nation that people chose to back rather than being a placeholder. Also if we treat it as a community that is called "The NationStates Community" I think people will get a bit confused.

Fair enough.

[Venico]

I'll probably be submitting this later today unless someone can think of a way this can be improved. I want to give myself time to campaign this to vote since I'll be doing it manually.

So give me all your advice *opens arms to the public*

[Unibot III]

Against this - April Fools 2012 was one of the more touching moments in NS's history and this stands as a commendation of that spirit of cooperation. Optimism over brute force and cynicism!

APPALLED that the nations supporting The NationStates Community attacked regions and nations who held out from contributing their shares, most notably the attacks on Texas,

Nations that supported The NationStates Community is a lot different than nations involved in its leadership. If we're going to hold regions to the standard of all their members, I will be the first to condemn Osiris and Europeia for manipulation and forum destruction.

[Venico]

I'm not condemning the TNSC Uni, I'm saying it's a gimmicky commendation and undeserved.