Kylaris Regional News [KYLARIS ONLY]

[The NAR]

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BAGGED AND TAGGED
Muhammad Issa, a prime suspect in the New Haven Subway Bombing, is arrested by the NHPD

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Richard Mullocin (@RichardMullocin_CNN)
^{April 30, 2016 | Columbia}

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Muhammad Issa, the terrorist behind the New Haven chemical attack

NEW HAVEN -

This morning, 27 year-old Sauibyan Muhammad Issa was captured by New Haven Police while hiding out in a vacant apartment on 26th Street, just two blocks from the Subway Station where the explosive device was detonated. First identified by security cameras inside the Subway Station, he was seen setting a dufflebag down on the platform, and exiting the station. When the 9am train arrive, the explosive was detonated, causing both severe damage to the surrounding areas and leaking highly deadly chemical agents through the station. However, this information did not turn up until two days after the attack took place, and many members of the New Haven Police Department believed that the culprit would have escaped by then. However, during routine sweeps through the quarantined blocks, the Sauibyan immigrant was discovered hiding in a vacant apartment, and taken into custody.

After being handed over to the ISA for interrogation, it has been discovered that Muhammad Assa may have been working under the jurisdiction of the Sauibyan Government. Leading these accusations is the question on how exactly an independent terrorist may have gotten his hands on such sophisticated explosive equipment, let alone the chemical agents used. According to ISA director Joseph Holtman, "we may be facing much more than a domestic act of terror, but a deliberate act by another sovereign nation". During a Press Conference on the 29th, President Altman said: "Those responsible for the attack on New Haven will be held accountable - whether an individual or a nation. We, as free people, will not stand idle by while our people die at the hands of cowards". Despite the President's willingness to lash out against the Sauibyan Government, should they have been involved, he has called for a meeting with their Wazis to ensure that peace and cooperation is kept through this process.

In New Haven, the Police and Sanitation Department has announced that all traces of the chemical contaminants have been removed, and starting tomorrow morning, the Subway System will be operation and available to the public for use. The NHPD has placed new laws and restrictions within Subway and Bus Terminals in order to crack down on unattended baggage, and has implemented baggage checks to ensure that such an act of terror will not occur again.

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© Columbia News Network Inc. 2016

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12,224 comments

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_AlbertFINEstein · 1 hour ago
Ah, well we best get ready to invade.

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LeafyIsHere · 2 hours ago
Should I enlist or keep being a Cyber bully? #NiceShirt

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Andy_Bean · 4 hours ago
Countries like Sauibya shouldn't be allowed to exist. They're fully brainwashed by their Wazir, are bred to hate Asterians, and totally cross the line between being religious and being extremist. We have Muslim terrorists bombing us, attacking us, and causing wars everywhere, yet somehow we stick by the excuse that "only a fraction of Muslims are extreme". When will you people learn that Islam isn't peaceful!? #EvilIslam

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[Commonwealth of Hank the Cat]

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WAZIR RESPONDS TO ASTERIAN CLAIMS, TRAITOROUS RIOTS CONTINUE
Women's Rights Groups (WHO ARE TRAITORS) continue the riots as the parade in celebration of formation of the CIS.

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Nijad Omar Ali (@NijadOmarAli_STNN)
^{April 30, 2016 | Mumpoldi}

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A large group of TRAITORS try to block off a road so they can do evil witchcraft.

MUMPADOLI -

The Great Wazir, after sending a letter to Sauibya True News Network demanding a interview, has sought to calm fears of patriotic Sauibyans (WHO EXIST) to ignore this treasonous bunch of pathetic lies that the Hedonistic President of the Great Pimp, Asteria, has spread about the divine Caliphate of Sauibya. The Wazir, sitting in front of a video camera in the Krak de Templari, had this to say.

"The Asterian Whore-Pigs in there disgusting satanic women-empowering cesspool has finally overdone it. First, they spread their disgusting rhetoric to make the happy (THIS IS A FACT) women of Sauibya revolt to gain "rights" which is a lie, as only red-blooded males have rights, women are baby-making machines who have no reason to exist other then that, they are just made by Allah to make more men for the National Army. I have a personal message to President Altman, the great pig. Altman, as you watch over your pig-pen of a nation, I hope you realize that Sauibya has eyes on all of you, as Allah watch's down and shakes his head in disgust at how hedonistic you are. I'm not sure if you have any children, but if you do, when you tuck little Billy or little Sally into bed every night, keep telling them your lies that Sauibya is a evil place of barbarbians and how you are morally right. They will believe it until the White House is bombed by our righteous suicide bombers. Ha ha ha ha."

"But, ignoring the stupid and hedon state of Asteria, I would like to address the continued riots by these pathetic Asterian puppets who call themselves women of Sauibya. I bet that disgusting women-empowering state of Gytter, which is led by a woman, therefore meaning that Gytter is evil and a hedon state, is helping in these riots to destabilize great countries like Sauibya and Kaxakh. I hate all the Asterian Puppets, Sveltana, Roselle, Kisigner, Teutonia, Gaulica, and all the other countries I forget what their name is. You are all sick women-empowering cesspools of evil that will be crushed by the might of the CIS. There is no hope but to give yourselves to Allah and ally with the CIS. You and the rest of your disgusting "DITO" bunch of whores has no hope Asteria, just like these riots. If these riots do not disperse and quietly return hope, I would like to remind them that the righteous warriors of Sauibya have been given free reign to fire on anyone disrupting the celebration parade. This parade is glorious and anyone who does not attend will be visited by the religious police. You have all been warned."

The Wazir went to bed shortly after that. We thank the wise Wazir for giving righteous and non-biased and polite talks to other leaders warning them of Sauibya's free society of heros.

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© Sauibya True News Network Inc. 2016

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12,224 comments

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asteriancitizenwhoisrealnotapuppet177 · 1 hour ago
fuck my stupid government as I AM a asterian citizen not a fake account and I am also not panicking because the best country in the world may be invaded by my idiot corrupt government seriously dont question it I am astertian ALL COMMENTS SAYING OTHERWISE WILL BE TRACED k thx

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Kaxakh_Patriot · 2 hours ago
Just some advice, don't claim that our IP addresses are being sent to my government in some vague little threat if we continue posting here, if you actually don't know how to do it. Friendly advice.

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FEMME_FATALE2DELETETHISAGAINIDAREU · 4 hours ago
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT PUSSY THE WAZIR IS SUCH A IDIOT, SAUIBYA WILL BE LIBERATED!!! One day, there is no women's rights in Sauibya, the next, there WILL be equal rights in Sauibya! Down with the Wazir, and I dare all of you to delete this account! From the deletion of this one, a thousand more will come! #Equalrights.

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[The Kingdom of Glitter]

FOREIGN MINISTER DENIES INVOLVEMENT IN DESTBLIZATION OF SAUIBYA
Allegations made by the Wizar of Sauibya are ‘unfounded, untrue, unprecedented’ – Casarnach.

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James Kelley (@jkelleygbf)
^{2 May 2016 | Spálgleann, Glytter}

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Frank Casarnach at a press conference held earlier today. He spoke about the recent attack in New Haven and the Wizar’s allegations.

SPALGLEANN – While hosting a press conference earlier today, the Minister of Foreign Affairs, Frank Casarnach, offered commentary on the terrorist attack in New Haven as well as commentary on the Wizar of Sauibya’s allegations made against Glytter.
“As always, Glytter stands with the innocent victims of terrorism. On behalf of our government and our people, we have sent our deepest condolences to President Altman and have offered our unwavering support in helping the United States bring any suspected terrorists to justice through legal channels” Casarnach said when asked about the attack on New Haven.

He was quickly asked about the deteriorating situation in Sauibya and the Wizar’s allegations against the Glytteronian government. “As much as I hate to give this clown any credibility by addressing him, I would not be doing by job if I did not disavow his claims. These claims are unfounded, untrue, and unprecedented.”

“It is no secret the Glytteronian government has maintained a strict policy of neutrality and is opposed to meddling directly in the affairs of other states. Let me be clear: this government has done nothing to destabilize Saubiya” he continued.

“However, if the women and people of Saubiya wish to look to Glytter as a beacon of hope in an otherwise dark and cloudy world, we welcome them. Unlike most nations in our world, Glytter has always maintained equal rights between males and females, and our nation’s history is also one of powerful women. It is hypocritical for states like Saubiya to ask us to respect their cultures, cultures often rooted in inherent inequality, while the leaders of these very states attack our own culture.”

“Likewise, let it be known Glytter has also had no involvement in any destabilization in Kaxakh. The government in Kaxakh is viewed as a partner in the international community, not an enemy. While we may disagree with violence or tactics pursued by the Kaxakh government, no attempts to create discontent have ever been pursued by this government.”

Taoiseach Pingins has summoned the Saubiyan ambassador to her office over the matter, but no news of their meeting has yet to be released by the Taoiseach's office or the Saubiyan embassy.

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© Glytteronian Broadcasting Federation Inc. 2016

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[The NAR]

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THE ULTIMATUM
President Altman delivers an ultimatum to the Wazir

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Richard Mullocin (@RichardMullocin_CNN)
^{May 6th, 2016 | Columbia}

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Altman during his Speech

COLUMBIA -

After more than a week of interrogation, the terrorist behind the April 25th attack in New Haven has revealed to Federal Agents to true nature of his attack, and it has driven the United States to take very real, very serious action. 27 year-old Muhammad Issa, who carried out the chemical attacks in the New Haven Subway Station, admitted to working under the executive order of the Wazir and the Sauibyan Government, who paid to transport him to Asteria, provide him with the chemical weapon, and have him all means to make the attack take place. The next day, May 5th, U.S. Naval, Ground, and Air Forces in and around Bahia began mobilizing as the U.S. 4th Fleet, ready to strike at Sauibya whenever the order was given. While many Government Officials are eager to launch a reactionary strike against the Wazir and his Government, President Altman has been delaying any sort of military action against Sauibya, an this evening, delivered a speech to address the various military threats that face the world today - from Kaxakhi expansionism, to the plague of terror, to the constant looming threat of complete nuclear annihilation driven by the division of this planet. In his speech, he orders the Wazir to surrender and end the war before it starts, but makes a direct verbal attack on Kaxakh as it's eyes turn to the East, and it wishes to suck up more territory. Thus, his speech does not only attack Kaxakh, nor the Wazir, but the entire CIS and CSS as he demands that they turn back and stand down.

"Now let’s set the record straight. There’s no argument over the choice between peace and war, but there’s only one guaranteed way you can have peace—and you can have it in the next second—surrender. Admittedly, there’s a risk in any course we follow other than this, but every lesson of history tells us that the greater risk lies in appeasement, and this is the specter our well-meaning liberal friends refuse to face—that their policy of accommodation is appeasement, and it gives no choice between peace and war, only between fight or surrender. If we continue to accommodate, continue to back and retreat, eventually we have to face the final demand—the ultimatum. And what then—when the General-Secretary has told his people he knows what our answer will be? He has told them that we’re retreating under the pressure of the Phony War, and someday when the time comes to deliver the final ultimatum, our surrender will be voluntary, because by that time we will have been weakened from within spiritually, morally, and economically. He believes this because from our side he’s heard voices pleading for “peace at any price” or “better Red than dead,” or as one commentator put it, he’d rather “live on his knees than die on his feet.” And therein lies the road to war, because those voices don’t speak for the rest of us.

You and I know and do not believe that life is so dear and peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery. If nothing in life is worth dying for, when did this begin—just in the face of this enemy? Or should Moses have told the children of Judaism to live in slavery under the pharaohs? Should Christ have refused the cross? Should the patriots at Concord Bridge have thrown down their guns and refused to fire the shot heard ’round the world? The martyrs of history were not fools, and our honored dead who gave their lives to stop the advance of the Gaullicans didn’t die in vain. Where, then, is the road to peace? Well it’s a simple answer after all.

You and I have the courage to say to our enemies, “There is a price we will not pay.” “There is a point beyond which they must not advance.” President Richard Parker said, “The destiny of man is not measured by material computations. When great forces are on the move in the world, we learn we’re spirits—not animals.” And he said, “There’s something going on in time and space, and beyond time and space, which, whether we like it or not, spells duty.”

You and I have a rendezvous with destiny.

We’ll preserve for our children this, the last best hope of man on earth, or we’ll sentence them to take the last step into a thousand years of darkness".

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© Columbia News Network Inc. 2016

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22,184 comments

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ASTERIANPATRIOTBLOOD · 1 hour ago
No more will Asteria stand back and watch the world burn! #deadthanred

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Socialist_ANS · 2 hours ago
I mean... is communism all that bad?

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Star_Choresmomgetmyfood · 4 hours ago
I hope those damn towel heads burn for what they did to my city. No more appeasement! Fight the Red Menace!

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[Lunas Legion]

Bringing truth to the people of Kaxakh since 1910 | May 8th 2016



General-Secretary Syndrei shortly before delivering his speech

The General-Secretary issues official statement on the Sauibyan situation

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Izvestia's news reporters were summoned to a 1 AM Petrovsk Local Time (PLT) press conference. Although tired and bleary-eyed, the NKVD was happy enough to prove enough coffee to ensure our reporters remained aware through the entirety of his speech alongside the military members assembled there.

'Firstly," the General-Secretary began, 'let me address a little piece of rhetoric given by my Asterian counterpart. I like to think that I have a good grasp on the Caltari language, but upon reading that, I had to send it to the NKVD so I could make entirely sure I had gotten the full meaning of the President's words.'

'They could not entirely believe the wording either, so they in turn forwarded it to the GRU's translation bureau. In turn, I received a copy that was the exact same as I had originally presumed. I would call it empty rhetoric, which it is, except for the fact that he had issued a call for the Wazir to surrender earlier, and called on Kaxakh to, and I quote exactly, 'turn back and stand down'.'

'To that I say but one word; no. Kaxakh will not back down. The CSS will not back down. The CIS will not back down. Asteria would not back down if Kaxakh were threatening to invade one of it's allies; and Kaxakh will not fall back when one of hers is threatened. The President said there is a price he will not pay in exchange for peace.'

'Then I say, let us talk. Let us see if there really is a price you are not willing to pay for the sake of peace. Where, it matters not. I do not want war. I have seen enough of it to last a lifetime.  But if you are not willing to compromise as I am, Mr President, then let it be war. Let it be war, and the 'first step into a thousand years of darkness'. Bring your flag of the Stars and Stripes to the negotiating table before bringing it to the battlefield, Mr President. Kaxakh does not want to fight a war, but we will stand with our allies, should it come to that.'

This speech marked a departure from the blatant confrontationism and brinkmanship of past leaders of Kaxakh, where often only externally-held summits and last-minute backroom deals in neutral countries enabled an uneasy and unwanted compromise for the sake of avoiding nuclear armageddon.

A Marshal, who wishes to remain anonymous but has obtained NKVD permission for his statement, issued a statement in the morning saying that he 'did not hold out much hope for the General-Secretary's call for talks to be heard.' 'After all,' he said, 'since when has Asteria ever listened to what anyone said about them, especally us?'

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